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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,601
(Mindy) Previously
on The Mindy Project...
2
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:04,069
Mindy, I can't see you anymore.
I don't trust you.
3
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:04,990
Wait. What?
4
00:00:04,991 --> 00:00:07,159
"Dear Cliff, I'm so sorry
for what I did."
5
00:00:07,193 --> 00:00:08,560
Can I help you?
6
00:00:08,561 --> 00:00:10,829
"I'm sorry I was so stupid
and reckless with your heart."
7
00:00:10,863 --> 00:00:12,864
Oh, my God. Okay, keep it
coming, little Shakespeare.
8
00:00:12,865 --> 00:00:14,032
I need to get Mindy back.
9
00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:15,300
"You know you're right for someone
10
00:00:15,301 --> 00:00:18,837
when they force you to be
the best version of yourself."
11
00:00:33,218 --> 00:00:34,686
I'm sorry.
12
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,288
I probably shouldn't
have done that, right?
13
00:00:37,322 --> 00:00:40,658
Look, I'm gonna count to three.
14
00:00:40,693 --> 00:00:42,360
If you don't kiss me,
I'll realize this
15
00:00:42,361 --> 00:00:46,497
was a big mistake, and I'll
return to my seat in humiliation.
16
00:00:46,498 --> 00:00:52,069
One... Two...
Three...
17
00:00:54,772 --> 00:00:58,242
Four.
18
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:13,023
Get it off.
19
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:16,493
What are you doing?
20
00:01:16,527 --> 00:01:20,663
My brother's boyfriend gave
me that for Christmas.
21
00:01:20,697 --> 00:01:22,165
Mm.
I'm the boss now.
22
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,866
- No, no, no, no.
- Mm, I'm the boss.
23
00:01:23,867 --> 00:01:25,335
No, I don't like it.
I'm the boss.
24
00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,169
I'm the boss.
[Plane rumbles, smoke alarm beeping]
25
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,672
I'm the boss.
26
00:01:30,607 --> 00:01:32,341
[Restroom dings]
27
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,479
Mm.
28
00:01:38,214 --> 00:01:39,415
- Oh!
- Whoa!
29
00:01:39,449 --> 00:01:40,950
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
30
00:01:40,951 --> 00:01:42,991
- Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Shut the door.
31
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:48,489
- [Plane rumbling]
- Ah. Ah.
32
00:01:48,490 --> 00:01:50,258
This is good, Danny.
I like this.
33
00:01:50,259 --> 00:01:51,459
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
34
00:01:51,460 --> 00:01:53,962
How is this beneficial
for anyone right now?
35
00:01:53,963 --> 00:01:55,463
No, it's hot, it's hot,
it's making me hot.
36
00:01:55,464 --> 00:01:56,898
No, it's not hot.
It's making me hot.
37
00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,066
Ah, Danny!
[Toilet flushes]
38
00:01:58,067 --> 00:02:00,168
Ah! Oh, Danny, you flushed my hair!
39
00:02:00,202 --> 00:02:01,402
My arm is stuck.
40
00:02:01,437 --> 00:02:03,271
I can't get it out, Danny.
41
00:02:03,305 --> 00:02:05,073
Why did you do this to me?
Ow! Stop!
42
00:02:05,107 --> 00:02:09,710
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
43
00:02:12,714 --> 00:02:16,216
so do you want to come inside
for a drink?
44
00:02:16,217 --> 00:02:19,086
I'll come inside,
but I don't know about a drink.
45
00:02:19,087 --> 00:02:20,588
It's 6:00 A.M.
46
00:02:20,589 --> 00:02:23,090
Hey, hey, if this
is gonna work, Danny,
47
00:02:23,124 --> 00:02:25,726
you have to get used
to my rock-and-roll lifestyle.
48
00:02:25,727 --> 00:02:26,827
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
49
00:02:26,828 --> 00:02:28,527
I think I might be able
to get used to it.
50
00:02:28,528 --> 00:02:29,963
[Elevator bell dings]
51
00:02:29,964 --> 00:02:32,565
Uno, dos, tres, four.
52
00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:35,568
[Band plays mariachi version
of in your eyes]
53
00:02:35,569 --> 00:02:38,370
54
00:02:38,405 --> 00:02:39,806
Cliff?
55
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,942
Cliff, what are you doing here?
56
00:02:42,943 --> 00:02:45,578
(Morgan) They're playing in your eyes,
a romantic gesture.
57
00:02:45,579 --> 00:02:47,647
- I should have trusted you!
- What?
58
00:02:47,681 --> 00:02:48,747
I'll never make that mistake again.
59
00:02:48,748 --> 00:02:49,948
I don't know what you're saying.
60
00:02:49,949 --> 00:02:51,083
Guys, guys, guys, amigos!
61
00:02:51,084 --> 00:02:53,752
Sto... it's... you got to read
the room.
62
00:02:53,786 --> 00:02:55,187
I was wrong, Mindy.
63
00:02:55,188 --> 00:02:56,589
I-I should have trusted you.
64
00:02:56,623 --> 00:03:00,226
I still want to be with you.
65
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:01,827
Oh.
66
00:03:01,861 --> 00:03:03,129
Let me get a photo.
67
00:03:03,163 --> 00:03:06,064
Um, well, you just...
It's so... you did so much.
68
00:03:06,065 --> 00:03:08,299
It's such a nice gesture, and
it's first thing in the morning.
69
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,534
Yeah.
70
00:03:09,535 --> 00:03:11,669
It would be
incredibly mean of me not to.
71
00:03:11,703 --> 00:03:12,670
(Morgan) Look at this.
So beautiful.
72
00:03:12,704 --> 00:03:14,305
A little more...
Show some teeth.
73
00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:19,010
Don't be afraid. Maybe one day we
will have true love like this.
74
00:03:19,011 --> 00:03:20,245
Ready?
75
00:03:20,279 --> 00:03:21,479
One, two, three.
[Camera shutter clicks]
76
00:03:21,514 --> 00:03:22,913
- Took it on two.
- That's very nice.
77
00:03:22,948 --> 00:03:24,015
I'm gonna get going.
78
00:03:24,049 --> 00:03:25,150
You're gonna take off?
79
00:03:25,184 --> 00:03:27,985
Yeah.
80
00:03:27,986 --> 00:03:34,324
Danny, uh, you know, thank you so
much for seeing Mindy home safely.
81
00:03:34,359 --> 00:03:35,526
Are you tipping me?
82
00:03:35,528 --> 00:03:36,961
No, no, no, no.
No, well...
83
00:03:36,962 --> 00:03:38,495
We're gonna get out of here, guys.
84
00:03:38,496 --> 00:03:40,665
Fantastic.
85
00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:43,734
- I'll get your bags.
- Okay.
86
00:03:43,769 --> 00:03:45,435
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro.
87
00:03:45,436 --> 00:03:48,438
[Band playmamariachi version
of in your eyes]
88
00:03:48,439 --> 00:03:56,880
89
00:03:56,882 --> 00:04:02,418
Hey, Cliff, um... I think
that we need to talk.
90
00:04:02,419 --> 00:04:04,220
I don't know, Mindy.
I feel like your...
91
00:04:04,221 --> 00:04:05,521
I feel like your email said it all.
92
00:04:05,522 --> 00:04:08,191
It was surprisingly eloquent.
93
00:04:08,192 --> 00:04:10,259
"Surprisingly"?
94
00:04:10,260 --> 00:04:11,860
Well, yeah, most of your emails
95
00:04:11,861 --> 00:04:14,397
are pretty poorly spelled,
aggressively vulgar,
96
00:04:14,431 --> 00:04:16,699
full of pop-culture references
that no one understands.
97
00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,568
I don't know about that.
This was different.
98
00:04:18,569 --> 00:04:20,670
No, I mean, this was magical.
99
00:04:20,671 --> 00:04:22,071
"You know you're with the right person
100
00:04:22,105 --> 00:04:24,240
when they force you to be
the best version of yourself."
101
00:04:24,274 --> 00:04:25,308
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
102
00:04:25,309 --> 00:04:29,211
Yeah, I wrote the crap out of
that letter real romantic-like.
103
00:04:29,245 --> 00:04:30,579
- I did.
- Come here.
104
00:04:30,580 --> 00:04:31,646
No, see, um, I-I shouldn't.
105
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:32,848
I shouldn't kiss you or hug you.
106
00:04:32,849 --> 00:04:35,584
An old man coughed up blood
on me on the airplane.
107
00:04:35,585 --> 00:04:38,087
I just don't want
to get you sick, so...
108
00:04:38,088 --> 00:04:40,555
- There.
- Oh, my God. Wow.
109
00:04:40,590 --> 00:04:42,357
I still feel weird from that,
so I should probably rest.
110
00:04:42,391 --> 00:04:44,927
Well, I'll be back.
111
00:04:44,961 --> 00:04:46,461
And, Mindy...
112
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:49,531
I'm really glad we're back together.
113
00:04:49,565 --> 00:04:50,865
Cliff, I think we should break up.
114
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,967
[Laughs]
115
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,337
I'm in love with someone.
116
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:58,473
I didn't think we were gonna
do this this early.
117
00:04:58,474 --> 00:05:01,142
I'm in love with someone too.
118
00:05:01,143 --> 00:05:02,877
No.
Oh, God.
119
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,446
[Door closes]
120
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,486
Hey.
121
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,055
Hey.
122
00:05:14,089 --> 00:05:16,257
What's going on?
123
00:05:16,258 --> 00:05:17,558
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?
124
00:05:17,592 --> 00:05:18,960
- I'm horny for kisses.
- No, no, no.
125
00:05:18,994 --> 00:05:21,095
- Aren't you still with Cliff?
- Technically.
126
00:05:21,130 --> 00:05:22,429
He wouldn't accept my breakup
127
00:05:22,464 --> 00:05:24,465
because of that stupid,
beautiful letter that you wrote.
128
00:05:24,499 --> 00:05:26,901
He's basically in love with you,
so it's your fault.
129
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:29,069
Now french me, you idiot.
No, I'm not gonna french you.
130
00:05:29,070 --> 00:05:30,403
As long as you're still
with Cliff, we can't kiss.
131
00:05:30,437 --> 00:05:31,671
We can't touch.
132
00:05:31,705 --> 00:05:33,740
We shouldn't even be
in the same room together.
133
00:05:33,741 --> 00:05:35,742
I'm so catholic, I don't even
trust this new pope.
134
00:05:35,777 --> 00:05:38,745
Catholic? There's tons of things
that you're not very catholic about.
135
00:05:38,746 --> 00:05:39,948
- Like what?
- You're divorced.
136
00:05:39,949 --> 00:05:40,975
I'm annulled.
137
00:05:40,976 --> 00:05:43,150
So you did not have sex
before you were married?
138
00:05:43,151 --> 00:05:44,851
- I found a way.
- I don't care,
139
00:05:44,852 --> 00:05:46,352
'cause I'm hindu, and we can do
basically anything.
140
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:48,520
I don't care what you say
to that giant elephant up there.
141
00:05:48,554 --> 00:05:50,389
According to my guy, this is wrong.
142
00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:51,623
You have a boyfriend.
143
00:05:51,658 --> 00:05:53,993
Danny, I just... I really want
to kiss you, okay?
144
00:05:53,994 --> 00:05:55,327
Why are your lips so scrumptious?
145
00:05:55,361 --> 00:05:57,263
I don't know.
They just are.
146
00:05:57,297 --> 00:05:59,631
And those eyelashes...
I mean, they're just so long.
147
00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:01,066
- They are?
- You look like a pony.
148
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:02,301
Just one kiss, and I will go away.
149
00:06:02,335 --> 00:06:04,170
- One kiss?
- One kiss? One's fine.
150
00:06:06,972 --> 00:06:08,807
Wait. This is bad.
This is bad!
151
00:06:08,808 --> 00:06:09,941
No! No.
152
00:06:09,975 --> 00:06:13,377
It's just very hard
for me to dump guys.
153
00:06:13,378 --> 00:06:17,115
It's actually a lot easier
for me to get dumped by guys.
154
00:06:17,116 --> 00:06:19,884
Danny, I should just get him
to dump me.
155
00:06:19,919 --> 00:06:21,686
Go get dumped.
I'm gonna go get dumped.
156
00:06:21,687 --> 00:06:24,888
So why don't you lube up
those smackers?
157
00:06:27,158 --> 00:06:29,226
Everyone, everyone...
158
00:06:29,260 --> 00:06:30,794
I have great news.
159
00:06:30,795 --> 00:06:33,663
Dr. Fishbein has had a heart attack.
160
00:06:33,698 --> 00:06:36,033
How is one of our peers
having a heart attack good news?
161
00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:39,169
She was the OB-GYN to the
New York metropolitan ballet.
162
00:06:39,204 --> 00:06:41,872
Now she's gonna retire, meaning...
163
00:06:41,873 --> 00:06:44,207
Oh, I can figure out what that means.
164
00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:46,475
OB-GYN, heart attack,
165
00:06:46,509 --> 00:06:47,844
let me just finish rearranging
these letters.
166
00:06:47,878 --> 00:06:50,713
It means their business
is up for grabs.
167
00:06:50,747 --> 00:06:53,082
And I've arranged
for our practice to pitch.
168
00:06:53,116 --> 00:06:54,250
I'm obviously the cultured one,
169
00:06:54,251 --> 00:06:56,986
plus, I own a cape,
so I will be running point.
170
00:06:56,987 --> 00:07:00,323
My second will be d-d-d-Danny...
He's leaving.
171
00:07:00,357 --> 00:07:03,191
Mindy Lahiri, a female woman.
172
00:07:03,226 --> 00:07:04,525
I'm sorry that I have to admit this,
173
00:07:04,526 --> 00:07:06,694
but I'm actually banned
from Lincoln center,
174
00:07:06,695 --> 00:07:08,696
because apparently there is
a "three strikes" policy
175
00:07:08,697 --> 00:07:10,498
for falling in the fountain there.
176
00:07:10,532 --> 00:07:12,200
I guess we go straight to third place.
177
00:07:12,235 --> 00:07:14,269
Peter, you will be helping me.
Congratulations.
178
00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:15,837
Come in for the shake.
179
00:07:15,872 --> 00:07:17,272
You're gonna have to at least
meet me halfway.
180
00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:18,673
Just come down and get it.
[Groans]
181
00:07:18,707 --> 00:07:20,408
- Thank you.
- You're the worst.
182
00:07:20,409 --> 00:07:21,376
(Morgan) Dr. Reed, I got it.
183
00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:22,743
"Treadmill peacock sings,"
184
00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:25,880
and the words left over
are "h," "g," and "y."
185
00:07:25,914 --> 00:07:27,581
[Knock at door]
186
00:07:27,582 --> 00:07:28,715
(Mindy) Come on in.
187
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,117
- Mindy?
- Yep.
188
00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:31,352
The door was open.
189
00:07:31,353 --> 00:07:32,887
That's cool, babe.
Come right in.
190
00:07:32,888 --> 00:07:34,355
Okay.
191
00:07:34,356 --> 00:07:36,223
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Are you... whoa!
192
00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:40,060
- Oh!
- Hey.
193
00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:41,227
You want me to close the door?
194
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:42,561
No.
No need for that.
195
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:43,897
- [Toilet flushes]
- Hey.
196
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:46,266
- Hey.
- Just got off the phone with my psychic.
197
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,001
- You have a psychic?
- She told me
198
00:07:48,002 --> 00:07:50,603
that we were gonna have eight kids.
199
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,906
And I said, "I think after six,
200
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,408
- we'll probably go snip, snip, snip."
- [Laughs] Whoa.
201
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:56,709
Are you saying you want to break up?
202
00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,383
I'll kill you.
I'll kill all your friends.
203
00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:01,380
Uh, no, I'm not saying
I want to break up with you.
204
00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:02,548
It's just you're talking about...
205
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:04,717
- [Clatter]
- Hey, hey.
206
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:05,751
Kiss me.
207
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:06,786
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait.
208
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,487
Okay, all right, this...
209
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:09,521
You're acting all crazy.
210
00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:10,989
[Cell phone vibrates] Oh, hang on.
211
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,626
Yeah. Oh, I got to...
I got to grab this.
212
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,093
Hello? Gramps?
213
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:16,762
Hey, can I take this in the bedroom?
214
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,631
Yeah, of course.
Watch out for my rescue cats.
215
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,998
What's up?
216
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,710
Okay.
217
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:36,113
Gram's dead.
218
00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:37,782
Who?
219
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,150
- [Sobbing]
- Okay.
220
00:08:40,184 --> 00:08:43,286
So your grandmother was...
Was very, very young?
221
00:08:43,321 --> 00:08:45,355
No, she was super old.
222
00:08:45,389 --> 00:08:48,692
But she never forgot my birthday...
223
00:08:48,693 --> 00:08:49,860
Until this year.
224
00:08:49,894 --> 00:08:52,629
And I really let her have it.
225
00:08:52,664 --> 00:08:54,230
I'm gonna put you in a cab
and get you home.
226
00:08:54,231 --> 00:08:56,099
- No, no.
- They say the best thing for grieving
227
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,500
is to be by yourself.
228
00:08:57,534 --> 00:08:59,669
No, no, no, Mindy, Mindy, Mindy.
229
00:08:59,703 --> 00:09:01,771
No, I can't be trusted
to be alone tonight.
230
00:09:01,805 --> 00:09:04,774
- W...
- If I go home tonight alone,
231
00:09:04,775 --> 00:09:06,509
I will kill a homeless person.
232
00:09:06,543 --> 00:09:09,078
- What?
- I'm not literally gonna kill
233
00:09:09,079 --> 00:09:11,046
a homeless person, okay?
234
00:09:11,047 --> 00:09:13,148
- Okay.
- I'm gonna kill something.
235
00:09:13,183 --> 00:09:15,284
Can I stay here tonight, please?
236
00:09:15,318 --> 00:09:17,151
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
237
00:09:17,152 --> 00:09:19,721
You are the only person
238
00:09:19,722 --> 00:09:22,824
that can get me through this.
Okay. All right. Okay.
239
00:09:25,850 --> 00:09:27,917
Peter. Jeremy.
240
00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:31,154
Brandon.
Weird beard.
241
00:09:31,155 --> 00:09:32,722
Duncan tells me you are making a play
242
00:09:32,723 --> 00:09:34,657
for the New York
metropolitan ballet account.
243
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:36,125
And how does Duncan know that?
244
00:09:36,126 --> 00:09:37,360
Morgan tweeted it.
245
00:09:37,361 --> 00:09:39,829
Let us save you a swipe
of your metro card,
246
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,130
because we are getting that account.
247
00:09:41,131 --> 00:09:42,232
[Scoffs]
248
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:44,400
Ballet choosing midwives over doctors.
249
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:46,535
While it's true we lack
your narrow-minded approach
250
00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:49,839
to medicine, we are both ballet
enthusiasts and gold member donors.
251
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,174
That's $500.
252
00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:52,608
That's more than that.
No, it's not.
253
00:09:52,609 --> 00:09:54,176
Oh, yes, it is.
How much is it?
254
00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:56,845
I don't remember, Duncan, but it
was significantly more expensive.
255
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,113
Well, you want to redo the taxes?
256
00:09:58,114 --> 00:10:00,082
You think you're the only ones
that have been around the ballet?
257
00:10:00,116 --> 00:10:01,250
Well, I got news for you.
258
00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:03,085
I was dragged to every single one
259
00:10:03,119 --> 00:10:04,419
of my sister's ballet recitals.
260
00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:06,688
And they were the worst.
261
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,023
Wait, you don't like the ballet?
262
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,057
No, I hate it.
263
00:10:09,058 --> 00:10:12,761
I'm just trying to make a little
extra scratch for the practice.
264
00:10:14,096 --> 00:10:15,597
- Please do not be upset.
- Okay.
265
00:10:15,598 --> 00:10:17,365
But I didn't break up with Cliff
266
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,434
because someone very close
to him died,
267
00:10:19,468 --> 00:10:21,202
- and he's devastated.
- Who?
268
00:10:21,236 --> 00:10:23,204
- His grandmother.
- No.
269
00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:27,409
No. No, no grown man is devastated
when he loses a grandparent.
270
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:28,743
Come on, that is an excuse.
271
00:10:28,744 --> 00:10:30,044
You don't want to break up with him.
272
00:10:30,045 --> 00:10:32,179
I'm already broken up
with him in my heart.
273
00:10:32,180 --> 00:10:33,714
I have to wait
until after the funeral.
274
00:10:33,748 --> 00:10:35,682
You know what? Let's forget
this whole plane thing happened.
275
00:10:35,683 --> 00:10:36,750
Let's just forget about it, okay?
276
00:10:36,751 --> 00:10:39,586
Let's chalk it up to turbulence and
altitude and the blue corn chips.
277
00:10:39,621 --> 00:10:40,821
This whole thing was a big mistake.
278
00:10:40,822 --> 00:10:42,022
No, no, no.
Sit down, sit down, sit down.
279
00:10:42,023 --> 00:10:43,657
Don't be that way.
Don't be that way.
280
00:10:43,658 --> 00:10:45,058
We're not gonna pretend that
the plane thing didn't happen.
281
00:10:45,059 --> 00:10:46,560
We're gonna wait a little bit longer
282
00:10:46,594 --> 00:10:49,095
until his grandmother
is buried in the dirt.
283
00:10:49,130 --> 00:10:50,997
And if you don't believe me,
you can go talk to him
284
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:51,965
and see how devastated he is.
285
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,566
Talk to him?
286
00:10:53,567 --> 00:10:55,601
(Jeremy) Now the woman
doing the fouettes
287
00:10:55,602 --> 00:10:57,069
is the prima ballerina.
288
00:10:57,103 --> 00:10:59,238
The rest of the dancers
make up the corps du ballet.
289
00:10:59,239 --> 00:11:00,306
Now this is fantas...
290
00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:01,841
- Peter!
- I'm awake.
291
00:11:01,842 --> 00:11:03,075
I'm not asleep.
292
00:11:03,076 --> 00:11:05,645
You were talking about ballet
and you were a bear.
293
00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:07,279
Well, you're gonna have
to at least feign
294
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,315
an enthusiasm for dance
if we're to get the contract.
295
00:11:09,316 --> 00:11:10,550
Now focus.
296
00:11:10,551 --> 00:11:13,853
Look at her...
Elegant, athletic.
297
00:11:13,854 --> 00:11:16,922
- Huh.
- What?
298
00:11:16,923 --> 00:11:19,591
I think I dated her...
299
00:11:19,592 --> 00:11:21,260
And her.
300
00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:23,295
And her.
301
00:11:23,296 --> 00:11:24,930
How many ballerinas did you date?
302
00:11:24,965 --> 00:11:27,266
When I was going
through my Lothario phase,
303
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:29,801
I went through something
of a ballerina tear.
304
00:11:29,836 --> 00:11:31,437
They're not gonna let me
through the door.
305
00:11:31,438 --> 00:11:32,804
I guess I could go get it.
306
00:11:32,839 --> 00:11:34,806
You thought a pirouette
was a type of cookie.
307
00:11:34,841 --> 00:11:39,177
It is, and if you break it in half,
it's also a breakfast cereal.
308
00:11:40,412 --> 00:11:41,812
[Knock at door]
309
00:11:41,847 --> 00:11:44,115
- Hey, Cliff.
- Hey, Danny.
310
00:11:44,116 --> 00:11:45,716
Mindy said you were sad
about your grandma.
311
00:11:45,717 --> 00:11:48,286
I'm sorry to hear about that, so I...
312
00:11:48,287 --> 00:11:49,820
Brought you something to drink.
313
00:11:49,855 --> 00:11:53,458
"Dr. Dan's funky ale."
314
00:11:53,459 --> 00:11:55,326
I brew it myself in my guest bathroom.
315
00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:57,194
Oh.
316
00:11:59,330 --> 00:12:02,466
- What do you think?
- It's good.
317
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:03,967
Mindy says you're really upset?
318
00:12:03,968 --> 00:12:06,303
No, I'm not upset, Danny.
319
00:12:06,337 --> 00:12:08,105
Yeah, it's your grandma.
320
00:12:08,106 --> 00:12:09,473
I'm absolutely devastated.
321
00:12:09,474 --> 00:12:13,143
No person should ever have
to bury a grandparent.
322
00:12:13,177 --> 00:12:15,645
Thank God for Mindy, though.
323
00:12:15,646 --> 00:12:17,580
She really took care of me last night.
324
00:12:17,581 --> 00:12:19,448
[Sighs] Yeah, she's a good kid.
325
00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:23,319
She took care of you?
S-she made you soup?
326
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,654
No, she came over and spent the night.
327
00:12:25,688 --> 00:12:27,890
Like, she slept on the couch
while you slept
328
00:12:27,891 --> 00:12:29,125
in the other room on the bed?
329
00:12:29,159 --> 00:12:31,994
Yeah. No.
330
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:33,962
No, we slept in the same bed.
331
00:12:33,963 --> 00:12:37,266
So were you, like, aroused?
332
00:12:37,267 --> 00:12:40,568
I'm gonna cut this conversation
short, Danny.
333
00:12:40,569 --> 00:12:42,170
It's getting pretty uncomfortable.
334
00:12:42,171 --> 00:12:43,538
Yeah.
335
00:12:43,539 --> 00:12:45,907
So, Mindy...
336
00:12:45,908 --> 00:12:47,075
- Hey.
- Hey.
337
00:12:47,076 --> 00:12:50,611
Did you... did you cheat
on me with Cliff?
338
00:12:50,612 --> 00:12:53,348
What?
No.
339
00:12:53,349 --> 00:12:55,550
If anything, I cheated
on Cliff with you.
340
00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:57,818
He strongly implied
that you two mated.
341
00:12:57,853 --> 00:12:59,353
What?
342
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,155
Okay, you two, get out of here.
343
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:02,757
Go do something useful, all right?
344
00:13:02,758 --> 00:13:05,927
Scram.
Sit down.
345
00:13:05,961 --> 00:13:08,863
See this?
I want you to show me on this
346
00:13:08,864 --> 00:13:11,398
what you did to Cliff last night.
347
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:12,934
- What?
- Show me.
348
00:13:12,935 --> 00:13:14,401
Okay, this is dumb.
349
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,770
Sure, fine, Danny.
350
00:13:15,771 --> 00:13:19,039
His arm was...
351
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:21,775
I don't know...
Like, here.
352
00:13:21,776 --> 00:13:25,344
And his hand
was, I guess, a bit cupped.
353
00:13:25,379 --> 00:13:26,846
- Your breast?
- Yes.
354
00:13:26,881 --> 00:13:27,914
And what else?
What else?
355
00:13:27,949 --> 00:13:29,482
- My hand was here.
- His knee?
356
00:13:29,516 --> 00:13:31,451
In that region.
357
00:13:31,485 --> 00:13:32,852
That's the, uh...
That's the groin?
358
00:13:32,887 --> 00:13:34,454
I did not sleep with Cliff.
359
00:13:34,455 --> 00:13:38,123
I slept next to Cliff because
he was very, very sad.
360
00:13:38,157 --> 00:13:40,392
Nothing major happened.
Okay, wait a minute.
361
00:13:40,393 --> 00:13:42,461
What do you mean
"nothing major happened"?
362
00:13:42,462 --> 00:13:44,029
I massaged his jeans.
363
00:13:44,030 --> 00:13:45,497
Was he in the jeans?
364
00:13:45,498 --> 00:13:48,734
Danny, Cliff might have my hand,
365
00:13:48,735 --> 00:13:50,669
but you...
366
00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:52,204
You have my heart.
367
00:13:52,238 --> 00:13:54,239
And you have to write
his grandmother's eulogy for me,
368
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,708
because he thinks I'm a great writer
369
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,742
because of your letter.
No, no, no, no, no.
370
00:13:57,743 --> 00:13:59,644
You know what? You write
the eulogy by yourself, okay?
371
00:13:59,645 --> 00:14:02,280
Unless you sprained
your hand last night.
372
00:14:02,281 --> 00:14:03,781
You know what I mean?
373
00:14:05,729 --> 00:14:06,729
[Knock at door]
374
00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:07,931
Knock-maste.
375
00:14:07,932 --> 00:14:09,565
I have a proposition for you.
376
00:14:18,742 --> 00:14:21,176
No ballerina is gonna want
to jump into the stirrups
377
00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:23,245
for a party-hungry bro-dog like me.
378
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,280
Well, you're less dumb
than I thought you were.
379
00:14:25,315 --> 00:14:27,450
However, there is no way
that a ballerina
380
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,218
wants to have their pelvis examined
381
00:14:29,219 --> 00:14:32,321
by an unlicensed hippie
witch doctor like you.
382
00:14:32,356 --> 00:14:34,957
Well, what is your proposition?
I am very busy.
383
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,758
I have to plan Duncan's
60th birthday party.
384
00:14:36,759 --> 00:14:40,595
What I'm proposing
is that we team up together.
385
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:43,265
It's outside the box.
386
00:14:43,266 --> 00:14:46,668
But outside the box
is where I choose to live.
387
00:14:46,702 --> 00:14:48,436
Oh, my God, I'm gonna barf.
388
00:14:52,008 --> 00:14:53,708
Hey, what are you doing here?
389
00:14:53,743 --> 00:14:55,177
You're barely friends with Cliff.
390
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:57,044
Ask me anything about him.
Go ahead.
391
00:14:57,079 --> 00:14:58,545
Eyes...
Deep sky blue.
392
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:00,714
Favorite beer...
Dr. Dan's funky ale.
393
00:15:00,749 --> 00:15:01,983
You made him drink your beer?
394
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,150
- Yes, I did.
- It's terrible.
395
00:15:03,151 --> 00:15:04,385
- He loved it.
- Hey, guys.
396
00:15:04,386 --> 00:15:06,153
- Hey.
- Boy, thank you so much for coming.
397
00:15:06,188 --> 00:15:07,554
I can't wait to read your eulogy.
398
00:15:07,555 --> 00:15:09,323
You're just... you're so great
with words.
399
00:15:09,358 --> 00:15:11,893
And I know that gram really
would have appreciated it,
400
00:15:11,927 --> 00:15:15,529
provided she never actually saw you.
401
00:15:15,563 --> 00:15:17,264
You know, she was...
402
00:15:17,298 --> 00:15:20,267
Racist.
403
00:15:20,268 --> 00:15:21,734
Yeah, me too.
404
00:15:21,769 --> 00:15:23,904
I'm really excited for this eulogy.
405
00:15:23,905 --> 00:15:26,472
We got quite a wordsmith over here.
406
00:15:26,473 --> 00:15:28,341
Okay, you shouldn't
be excited for a eulogy.
407
00:15:28,376 --> 00:15:29,542
That's very morbid.
408
00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:30,543
I am too.
409
00:15:30,577 --> 00:15:32,112
Poor, sweet Cliff.
410
00:15:32,146 --> 00:15:33,780
We are gonna find who did this to her,
411
00:15:33,781 --> 00:15:35,048
and you know what we're gonna do?
412
00:15:35,049 --> 00:15:36,216
You know what we're gonna do?
413
00:15:36,217 --> 00:15:37,549
We're gonna forgive 'em.
414
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:39,451
[Voice breaking]
I kissed my grandmother so tight
415
00:15:39,485 --> 00:15:40,752
on the lips this morning,
416
00:15:40,753 --> 00:15:44,356
she said... she said,
"get the hell off me."
417
00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:45,791
We got in a big fight.
418
00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:48,660
And she's in heaven right now
419
00:15:48,661 --> 00:15:49,995
with her little bows and arrows,
420
00:15:49,996 --> 00:15:51,630
shooting people in the butt.
421
00:15:51,664 --> 00:15:53,132
[Sobs]
422
00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:54,466
Did you know her?
423
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,302
No.
424
00:15:56,336 --> 00:15:59,770
And together, we can serve
not just your bodies,
425
00:15:59,771 --> 00:16:03,441
but your minds, your
souls, your chakras,
426
00:16:03,475 --> 00:16:04,909
and, of course, your vaginas.
427
00:16:04,944 --> 00:16:08,913
The "pas de deux" of our two practices
428
00:16:08,914 --> 00:16:12,951
will leave your company's health
in first position.
429
00:16:12,985 --> 00:16:14,452
I didn't expect such a love of ballet
430
00:16:14,453 --> 00:16:16,587
from a man who burped
so much in the waiting room.
431
00:16:16,621 --> 00:16:18,288
Well, ballet excites me.
432
00:16:18,289 --> 00:16:21,124
And when I get excited, I belch.
433
00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:22,726
While we're making our decision,
434
00:16:22,727 --> 00:16:24,995
you should stay for rehearsal.
Oh, I don't think...
435
00:16:24,996 --> 00:16:26,997
(Brendan) Excellent. What a treat.
We'd love to.
436
00:16:27,031 --> 00:16:28,566
We'll be doing the whole run-through.
437
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:30,634
It'll be four hours
of our most subtle work.
438
00:16:30,669 --> 00:16:32,002
Ah.
439
00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:34,004
What a perfect amount of time
440
00:16:34,038 --> 00:16:37,274
for a wordless
classical dance performance.
441
00:16:38,443 --> 00:16:42,079
Well, Peter, this is how you die.
442
00:16:42,113 --> 00:16:43,646
I'd like to say a few words,
443
00:16:43,681 --> 00:16:47,384
if I may, to honor the woman
we all know as gram,
444
00:16:47,418 --> 00:16:50,720
which is short for "grandma"...
445
00:16:50,754 --> 00:16:54,124
Which in itself
is short for "grandmother."
446
00:16:54,158 --> 00:16:56,693
"But her real name wasn't gram,
447
00:16:56,727 --> 00:17:00,796
"it was 'find out real name
from Cliff.'
448
00:17:00,830 --> 00:17:04,398
okay, I forgot to text him.
[Clears throat]
449
00:17:04,401 --> 00:17:07,003
"When an old person dies,
it isn't as tragic
450
00:17:07,004 --> 00:17:08,871
"as someone taken from us too soon,
451
00:17:08,905 --> 00:17:13,376
"like Anna Nicole Smith,
452
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:15,177
but irregardless"...
Mm...
453
00:17:15,212 --> 00:17:19,181
- What?
- "We feel 'sadliness.'"
454
00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:20,649
is that a word?
455
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:22,618
"To quote Kendrick Lamar in his song,
456
00:17:22,652 --> 00:17:24,520
expletive, don't kill my vibe"...
457
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,688
You know what?
Let's... why don't we...
458
00:17:26,689 --> 00:17:29,525
Let's just, you know, jump ahead
a little bit here.
459
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:30,859
No, no, Cliff, Cliff...
460
00:17:30,894 --> 00:17:31,994
"We don't know
what tomorrow will bring.
461
00:17:32,028 --> 00:17:33,395
"I'm sure gram had no idea
462
00:17:33,429 --> 00:17:34,830
her head would explode."
463
00:17:34,864 --> 00:17:36,264
Oh, God.
464
00:17:36,265 --> 00:17:37,900
(Cliff) "There's always one reason
465
00:17:37,901 --> 00:17:39,568
"more important than any other
466
00:17:39,602 --> 00:17:42,504
"that you should just be
with that person or persons...
467
00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:45,740
Because you can't imagine life
without them."
468
00:17:47,876 --> 00:17:49,244
"At any moment,
there's plenty of reasons
469
00:17:49,278 --> 00:17:51,779
"not to spend time with someone...
470
00:17:51,813 --> 00:17:53,348
You're busy, you're fighting,
471
00:17:53,382 --> 00:17:55,517
"you're surfing the Internet,
hold for laughs"...
472
00:17:55,551 --> 00:17:57,785
- Nope.
- [Laughs]
473
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,921
The Internet can suck up
a lot of your time.
474
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:02,390
Come here.
475
00:18:02,391 --> 00:18:06,061
Danny.
476
00:18:06,095 --> 00:18:08,828
Wait, Danny. Danny, I haven't
broken up with Cliff yet.
477
00:18:08,829 --> 00:18:10,297
What about bloody Mary?
478
00:18:10,331 --> 00:18:11,831
The virgin Mary.
479
00:18:11,832 --> 00:18:17,930
God, give us a sign if you think
we're doing something wrong.
480
00:18:35,443 --> 00:18:37,477
- [Siren wailing]
- [Exhales]
481
00:18:37,478 --> 00:18:43,183
Well, the church wasn't damaged,
but I guess the service is over.
482
00:18:43,184 --> 00:18:44,484
Yeah.
483
00:18:44,485 --> 00:18:46,753
I guess we're going
with cremation after all.
484
00:18:46,788 --> 00:18:50,023
Oh, God.
Hey, Cliff, I am so, so sorry.
485
00:18:50,057 --> 00:18:51,458
How did this happen?
486
00:18:51,459 --> 00:18:53,960
I knocked over a candle
with my buttocks.
487
00:18:53,961 --> 00:18:56,162
Accidents happen...
How could I be upset with you
488
00:18:56,163 --> 00:18:59,165
when you were probably just trying
to light a vigil candle for gram?
489
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,334
So sweet.
490
00:19:01,335 --> 00:19:03,336
Oh, God.
491
00:19:03,337 --> 00:19:05,003
I'm gonna get us some soda pop.
492
00:19:05,004 --> 00:19:07,172
- You a root beer man?
- No.
493
00:19:07,207 --> 00:19:10,042
- I'll get an assortment.
- Okay.
494
00:19:10,076 --> 00:19:13,946
Cliff...
495
00:19:13,947 --> 00:19:17,350
I kissed Danny.
496
00:19:17,384 --> 00:19:21,786
And I don't think
it's a one-time thing.
497
00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:27,786
I think I have feelings for
him, and I want to pursue them.
498
00:19:28,361 --> 00:19:29,828
I am so sorry.
499
00:19:29,862 --> 00:19:33,064
Okay, so... [Exhales sharply]
When the candle fell over...
500
00:19:33,065 --> 00:19:34,298
(Danny) More bad news, Cliff.
501
00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:37,101
I'm sorry.
They're out of root beer.
502
00:19:37,102 --> 00:19:38,435
Oh, my God!
503
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,404
My only solace is in knowing
504
00:19:40,405 --> 00:19:42,406
that gram was a cruel
and unforgiving woman,
505
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:46,610
and her ghost
will haunt you for eternity.
506
00:19:48,513 --> 00:19:51,214
[Classical music playing]
507
00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:52,516
508
00:19:52,517 --> 00:19:54,385
I've seen this ballet
performed many times,
509
00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:55,952
but never quite so slowly.
510
00:19:55,953 --> 00:19:58,388
It's almost more powerful.
511
00:19:58,389 --> 00:20:00,022
Peter, are you crying?
512
00:20:00,023 --> 00:20:03,659
I'm crying because I need
to pinch a nip to stay awake.
513
00:20:03,694 --> 00:20:06,262
Look, she will cross the stage
to join her love.
514
00:20:06,296 --> 00:20:08,130
When she gets there,
there will be an intermission,
515
00:20:08,131 --> 00:20:10,099
so hang on.
Terrific.
516
00:20:10,133 --> 00:20:12,668
Here she goes.
Oh, my God, get to him.
517
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:14,637
She's going,
but, oh, no, she goes back.
518
00:20:14,638 --> 00:20:15,637
Oh, God.
519
00:20:15,639 --> 00:20:17,305
There she goes.
520
00:20:19,809 --> 00:20:22,544
Go to him!
[Coughs]
521
00:20:22,578 --> 00:20:24,913
- Peter.
- Move faster!
522
00:20:24,914 --> 00:20:26,214
Don't st...
523
00:20:26,215 --> 00:20:27,516
Go to him!
Get there fa...
524
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:28,797
How come you're not helping her?
525
00:20:28,818 --> 00:20:30,852
She clearly has some sort
of disability.
526
00:20:30,887 --> 00:20:33,288
Just walk to him.
527
00:20:33,322 --> 00:20:35,623
There!
We all did it together!
528
00:20:35,624 --> 00:20:38,959
Intermission!
Brava!
529
00:20:44,433 --> 00:20:46,600
We can find our own way out.
530
00:20:48,069 --> 00:20:50,103
(Mindy) I don't have an ice pack
for your lip.
531
00:20:50,104 --> 00:20:51,539
Just use one
of those frozen pizza bagels.
532
00:20:51,573 --> 00:20:53,474
These things have
a lot of nitrates in them.
533
00:20:53,508 --> 00:20:54,975
You shouldn't eat them.
534
00:20:55,009 --> 00:20:56,476
Okay, then I wouldn't have
something to put on your lip.
535
00:20:56,477 --> 00:20:58,545
You're right.
I'm good.
536
00:20:58,546 --> 00:21:02,149
I'm good.
537
00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:04,952
So, uh...
538
00:21:04,953 --> 00:21:06,053
Now what?
539
00:21:06,087 --> 00:21:09,476
Well, I don't want to hurt
your bruised lips.
540
00:21:09,490 --> 00:21:10,857
No, no, they're numb.
541
00:21:10,858 --> 00:21:13,760
There's a Ken Burns documentary
on the history of doo-wop.
542
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:16,162
I saw that one.
543
00:21:24,071 --> 00:21:28,007
- [Lightbulb pops]
- [Gasps]
544
00:21:28,008 --> 00:21:29,689
(Both) Gram?
545
00:21:29,690 --> 00:21:33,917
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
546
00:21:33,967 --> 00:21:38,517
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40113
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