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1
00:00:00,838 --> 00:00:02,939
(Mindy) People always ask me why
I like romantic comedies so much.
2
00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:04,857
If I hadn't been fox books,
3
00:00:04,858 --> 00:00:08,244
and you hadn't been
the shop around the corner,
4
00:00:08,245 --> 00:00:11,230
and you and I had just met...
5
00:00:11,265 --> 00:00:13,132
- I know.
- Yeah.
6
00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:15,501
(Mindy) It's because even under
extraordinary circumstances,
7
00:00:15,502 --> 00:00:18,004
the right two people
can end up together.
8
00:00:18,005 --> 00:00:21,290
Guys, today someone from my
past is taking me out to lunch.
9
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,925
- Who, your uncle?
- Yes, Danny.
10
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,778
I'm wearing this really cool outfit
for my uncle from Denver.
11
00:00:25,796 --> 00:00:27,163
Anyway, over the weekend,
12
00:00:27,214 --> 00:00:29,248
I was adding some photos
to Facebook...
13
00:00:29,282 --> 00:00:31,918
To an album called "gone snacking,"
14
00:00:31,919 --> 00:00:34,971
when a picture of a hot dog
was liked by a guy named Sam,
15
00:00:35,005 --> 00:00:37,173
as in Sam Kleinfeld.
16
00:00:37,207 --> 00:00:38,224
- Ooh!
- Ah!
17
00:00:38,225 --> 00:00:39,726
(Mindy) When I was 13,
18
00:00:39,727 --> 00:00:42,412
my one dream in life
was to go to sleepaway camp.
19
00:00:42,413 --> 00:00:44,063
My parents said no
20
00:00:44,098 --> 00:00:46,549
'cause they were worried I'd
get molested, which is crazy,
21
00:00:46,550 --> 00:00:47,633
'cause I was not that cute a kid.
22
00:00:47,668 --> 00:00:49,168
Finally, they agreed,
23
00:00:49,202 --> 00:00:52,037
but only if it was
Jewish sleepaway camp.
24
00:00:52,055 --> 00:00:53,556
Camp Takanae.
25
00:00:53,557 --> 00:00:56,542
If I was going to be away
from home for several weeks,
26
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,711
my parents only trusted me
in the gentle hands
27
00:00:58,712 --> 00:01:00,813
of the Jews
of the berkshire mountains.
28
00:01:00,848 --> 00:01:02,064
Hi.
29
00:01:02,065 --> 00:01:04,049
Everyone wants to know
why you're here.
30
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,102
Are you even Jewish?
31
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,403
For your information,
32
00:01:07,404 --> 00:01:09,739
camp Takanae has been open
to non-Jewish campers
33
00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:13,865
since the landmark 1989 case
chan versus Takanae.
34
00:01:13,894 --> 00:01:14,994
And that's when I met him.
35
00:01:14,995 --> 00:01:16,395
Sure, she's Jewish, Tony.
36
00:01:16,413 --> 00:01:18,498
She's just sephardic.
37
00:01:18,532 --> 00:01:19,782
No, I'm not.
38
00:01:19,783 --> 00:01:21,451
Wait.
What is that?
39
00:01:21,502 --> 00:01:22,952
Don't worry about it.
The joke landed.
40
00:01:22,953 --> 00:01:25,004
I'm Sam.
Hi, I'm Mindy.
41
00:01:25,038 --> 00:01:26,422
Do you want to see a piece
of the Berlin Wall?
42
00:01:26,457 --> 00:01:27,957
Check this out.
43
00:01:28,008 --> 00:01:30,009
Whoa.
[Laughs]
44
00:01:30,043 --> 00:01:31,344
That's gonna be worth
$1 million someday.
45
00:01:31,378 --> 00:01:33,245
(Mindy) I don't think
I ever laughed more
46
00:01:33,246 --> 00:01:35,047
than when I was hanging out
with Sam that summer.
47
00:01:35,081 --> 00:01:37,917
[Laughs] He sounds hilarious.
48
00:01:37,935 --> 00:01:39,185
What are you basing that on?
49
00:01:39,219 --> 00:01:40,503
Well, she said he's Jewish.
50
00:01:40,537 --> 00:01:43,022
Morgan, we're in the middle
of Manhattan, for God's sake.
51
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:45,074
But if you guys had
such a deep connection,
52
00:01:45,125 --> 00:01:46,359
why didn't you stay in touch?
53
00:01:46,393 --> 00:01:48,544
Betsy, we were 13.
We didn't know any better.
54
00:01:48,579 --> 00:01:49,796
You didn't even email?
55
00:01:49,797 --> 00:01:51,697
Email was not invented yet.
What about Facebook?
56
00:01:51,698 --> 00:01:54,684
- Facebook wasn't really a thing yet.
- How old are you?
57
00:01:54,718 --> 00:01:56,628
I'm fine. I'm young.
Don't worry about me, okay?
58
00:01:56,629 --> 00:01:59,589
Yeah, these Facebook connections,
they rarely pan out.
59
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,141
I once thought I was going
to meet a welsh supermodel.
60
00:02:02,142 --> 00:02:04,177
Next thing I know,
I'm having a romantic dinner
61
00:02:04,178 --> 00:02:06,395
with a man with no torso.
Ugh.
62
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,347
I was catfished before catfish.
63
00:02:08,381 --> 00:02:10,316
Well, I hope he's great.
Thanks, Morgan.
64
00:02:10,317 --> 00:02:11,517
And it breaks my heart,
65
00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:12,685
some of the slimeballs
you've been with.
66
00:02:12,719 --> 00:02:14,070
I'd like you to be less invested.
67
00:02:14,104 --> 00:02:15,554
But yeah, if he is anything
68
00:02:15,572 --> 00:02:17,824
like the way he was
when he was 13, sure.
69
00:02:17,825 --> 00:02:20,059
I can see us having
a real relationship.
70
00:02:20,077 --> 00:02:21,393
You want to date a 13-year-old?
71
00:02:21,411 --> 00:02:23,062
I don't want to date a 13-year-old.
72
00:02:23,096 --> 00:02:24,563
It could work.
You like the same music.
73
00:02:24,581 --> 00:02:27,233
(Sam) Hi,
I'm looking for Mindy Lahiri.
74
00:02:27,251 --> 00:02:29,202
Hi.
75
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,419
Hey, Sam.
76
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:34,090
He doesn't look Jewish.
77
00:02:34,124 --> 00:02:37,126
[Upbeat music]
78
00:02:37,127 --> 00:02:39,680
79
00:02:46,477 --> 00:02:48,855
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
80
00:02:48,856 --> 00:02:51,607
it is, um, so good to see you.
81
00:02:51,642 --> 00:02:54,243
I wish I could see you,
but... I'm blind now.
82
00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:55,594
Oh, my God.
83
00:02:55,612 --> 00:02:57,547
I'm not actually blind.
That's a weird joke to make.
84
00:02:57,548 --> 00:02:59,398
I don't know why I did that.
I'm sorry.
85
00:02:59,432 --> 00:03:01,250
I was nervous to see you,
so I thought I'd do a bit.
86
00:03:01,285 --> 00:03:02,601
Uh, okay.
87
00:03:02,619 --> 00:03:05,488
You look the same, honestly,
which is very nice.
88
00:03:05,539 --> 00:03:07,456
Hey, any friend of Dr. Lahiri's
is a boss of mine.
89
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,375
Cool. Let me grab
this coat for you.
90
00:03:09,376 --> 00:03:11,260
Oh, you're taking my coat off.
Oh, I love your t-shirt.
91
00:03:11,261 --> 00:03:12,745
Did you get that
at urban outfitters?
92
00:03:12,779 --> 00:03:15,514
Oh, no.
I got it from the army.
93
00:03:15,515 --> 00:03:17,650
They ge you them
for free when you join.
94
00:03:17,651 --> 00:03:18,734
I just got back from Afghanistan.
95
00:03:18,785 --> 00:03:21,520
I gotta tell you, I've been
a big fan of seal team 6
96
00:03:21,521 --> 00:03:22,972
way before you guys
killed Bin Laden.
97
00:03:23,006 --> 00:03:25,491
Cool.
I'm not in seal team 6.
98
00:03:25,525 --> 00:03:27,493
I got you.
You're not in seal team 6.
99
00:03:27,527 --> 00:03:28,628
I'm really not.
I hear you.
100
00:03:28,629 --> 00:03:30,296
Thank you.
You're welcome.
101
00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:32,531
Sam, I'm Danny.
Hey.
102
00:03:32,532 --> 00:03:34,133
Thank you so much for your service.
103
00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:35,835
Can someone get this guy
a sandwich?
104
00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:38,417
And not a wrap, an actual
sandwich on real bread.
105
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,506
- Awesome.
- That's what you're fighting for.
106
00:03:40,540 --> 00:03:42,425
I'll keep that in mind
while I'm taking fire.
107
00:03:42,459 --> 00:03:43,542
I know you will.
108
00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:46,012
Yeah.
109
00:03:46,046 --> 00:03:47,741
So if you don't mind me asking,
110
00:03:47,742 --> 00:03:49,482
it must be pretty
challenging for you
111
00:03:49,483 --> 00:03:51,050
to acclimate to civilian life.
112
00:03:51,068 --> 00:03:52,518
It was pretty weird.
Yeah.
113
00:03:52,552 --> 00:03:54,270
I got to be totally honest.
Yeah.
114
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,072
There's even more singing
competition shows now?
115
00:03:56,073 --> 00:03:58,390
That actually
spooked me out for a second.
116
00:03:58,408 --> 00:04:00,943
- Your hair's pretty long.
- For the military, yeah.
117
00:04:00,994 --> 00:04:02,315
This happens in, like, two weeks.
118
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:04,363
Whoa.
Very good metabolism.
119
00:04:04,397 --> 00:04:05,581
[Laughs]
120
00:04:05,582 --> 00:04:08,567
You're so different, Sam,
than how I remember you.
121
00:04:08,585 --> 00:04:10,402
Seriously,
you're not what I thought.
122
00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:13,005
I thought you'd be, like,
a boring mom with three kids.
123
00:04:13,006 --> 00:04:14,290
You'd be showing me pictures
124
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:17,047
of, like, your babies riding
your dog or something like that.
125
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,243
I didn't think that it'd be,
you know,
126
00:04:18,261 --> 00:04:19,845
you're a pretty doctor.
127
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,347
Thank you.
128
00:04:21,381 --> 00:04:23,082
You ever get your period?
129
00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:24,800
That was a big thing
last time we talked.
130
00:04:24,801 --> 00:04:25,918
[Laughs]
131
00:04:25,936 --> 00:04:29,588
We decided to take your
advice and use a sperm donor.
132
00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:30,690
Fantastic.
133
00:04:30,724 --> 00:04:31,924
Who's the guy?
134
00:04:31,942 --> 00:04:35,861
He's handsome with the class
of a young Robert Duvall.
135
00:04:35,862 --> 00:04:38,364
And the gravitas
of an old Robert Duvall.
136
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:41,233
(Danny) Amazing.
Did you talk to this guy already?
137
00:04:41,267 --> 00:04:44,170
Actually, we're doing it right now.
138
00:04:44,204 --> 00:04:50,993
Wait, you want...
My guys?
139
00:04:51,044 --> 00:04:52,828
Here you go. (Woman) Thank you.
140
00:04:52,829 --> 00:04:55,047
So, what are you gonna do now?
141
00:04:55,048 --> 00:04:57,282
Like, go meet up with your girlfriend
and make out with her?
142
00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:58,617
What?
143
00:04:58,635 --> 00:05:00,136
I was trying to find out
during lunch
144
00:05:00,137 --> 00:05:01,587
if you had a girlfriend.
145
00:05:01,621 --> 00:05:03,673
Oh. That's the best
you could come up with?
146
00:05:03,724 --> 00:05:05,725
[Laughs] That's lame.
147
00:05:05,759 --> 00:05:07,399
Your boyfriend must
always make fun of you
148
00:05:07,427 --> 00:05:09,395
for saying...
You're right.
149
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,430
It's actually really hard
to do that organically.
150
00:05:11,464 --> 00:05:12,515
(Woman) Here you go.
151
00:05:12,566 --> 00:05:13,683
Thank you.
152
00:05:13,734 --> 00:05:15,434
Yeah.
153
00:05:15,435 --> 00:05:17,603
I don't have a boyfriend.
I don't have a girlfriend.
154
00:05:17,604 --> 00:05:19,772
I have six kids though.
155
00:05:19,773 --> 00:05:21,607
[Laughs] Shut up.
156
00:05:21,641 --> 00:05:22,908
I don't know about this, guys.
157
00:05:22,909 --> 00:05:24,143
We don't want to pressure you,
158
00:05:24,144 --> 00:05:27,747
but you'd be giving us
the greatest gift.
159
00:05:27,781 --> 00:05:31,083
We'd be so lucky if our son
turned out like you.
160
00:05:31,084 --> 00:05:32,918
Okay.
161
00:05:32,953 --> 00:05:34,787
[Gasps] Okay.
162
00:05:34,821 --> 00:05:35,821
I'll do it.
163
00:05:35,822 --> 00:05:38,457
See, honey?
That was easy.
164
00:05:39,793 --> 00:05:40,993
(Mindy)
Of all the places in New York,
165
00:05:41,011 --> 00:05:42,494
you wanted to go to a drug store?
166
00:05:42,495 --> 00:05:43,929
Yeah, I do.
167
00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:45,330
This place, this is heaven.
168
00:05:45,331 --> 00:05:46,966
They don't have any
of this stuff in Afghanistan.
169
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,934
Hey, is this lady shampoo?
170
00:05:48,969 --> 00:05:50,186
Okay.
171
00:05:50,187 --> 00:05:51,336
You know what you actually
172
00:05:51,337 --> 00:05:52,688
miss the most
while you're over there?
173
00:05:52,689 --> 00:05:54,106
This is gonna sound insane.
174
00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:57,059
"Bouncy hair that he will want
to run this fingers through"?
175
00:05:57,110 --> 00:05:59,511
It's the way girls smell.
176
00:05:59,512 --> 00:06:01,814
It doesn't actually
say "he'll" on it.
177
00:06:01,848 --> 00:06:03,833
Well, this is the shampoo
that I use.
178
00:06:03,834 --> 00:06:05,617
Mmm.
179
00:06:05,635 --> 00:06:06,669
It's nice.
180
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,304
Okay.
This is nuts. Let's...
181
00:06:08,338 --> 00:06:10,622
Ooh, self-checkout.
No.
182
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,341
We've lived to see the future.
183
00:06:12,342 --> 00:06:13,426
Please don't do this.
184
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,594
Sam, self-checkout
is the biggest scam.
185
00:06:15,628 --> 00:06:17,513
Are you joking?
What's the scam about?
186
00:06:17,564 --> 00:06:18,797
You think you're saving
all this time,
187
00:06:18,798 --> 00:06:20,649
but you really aren't.
No, you are.
188
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:21,934
There's a reason
why no one was in this line,
189
00:06:21,935 --> 00:06:23,519
'cause they all are smart.
190
00:06:23,570 --> 00:06:24,938
Okay, now...
191
00:06:24,939 --> 00:06:26,388
(Self-checkout machine) Please scan
the bar code of your first item.
192
00:06:26,389 --> 00:06:27,673
It talks.
193
00:06:27,707 --> 00:06:29,391
Where on my item is the bar code?
194
00:06:29,392 --> 00:06:32,511
I don't know this item...
Okay, right there.
195
00:06:32,545 --> 00:06:33,623
You found it.
196
00:06:33,624 --> 00:06:35,514
[Beep] (Self-checkout
machine) First item scanned.
197
00:06:35,548 --> 00:06:36,766
Look at you.
You're a natural.
198
00:06:36,817 --> 00:06:38,717
You got a second career.
199
00:06:38,735 --> 00:06:39,852
(Machine)
Please place item into bag.
200
00:06:39,886 --> 00:06:41,554
I placed it in the bag.
201
00:06:41,588 --> 00:06:43,028
(Machine)
Please place item into bag.
202
00:06:43,056 --> 00:06:44,313
I already did that.
203
00:06:44,314 --> 00:06:46,492
(Machine) You have not
placed an item into bag.
204
00:06:46,526 --> 00:06:47,594
I'm sure there's, like, a button.
205
00:06:47,595 --> 00:06:49,328
(Machine)
You are attempting to place
206
00:06:49,362 --> 00:06:51,687
an item in your bag
that has not been paid for.
207
00:06:51,688 --> 00:06:52,715
We're not doing that.
I didn't... we're not...
208
00:06:52,749 --> 00:06:53,899
(Machine)
Shoplifting will be prosecuted
209
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:55,167
to the fullest extent of the law.
210
00:06:55,202 --> 00:06:56,535
That's... that's not
what's happening!
211
00:06:56,569 --> 00:06:57,736
Don't give us
those judgmental looks.
212
00:06:57,737 --> 00:06:58,954
We're trying to self-checkout.
213
00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:00,256
Go back to waiting in line!
214
00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:02,675
Okay, I...
That's insane.
215
00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:04,176
What is this robot doing?
Okay, bail. Bail.
216
00:07:04,177 --> 00:07:05,711
(Machine) Thank you, Mandy Lahiri.
217
00:07:05,712 --> 00:07:06,962
Please take your shampoo.
218
00:07:07,013 --> 00:07:09,581
- This is so much fun.
- I know, it's great.
219
00:07:09,599 --> 00:07:11,016
You know what we should
do next weekend? What?
220
00:07:11,017 --> 00:07:12,551
We should go to
the mummy exhibit at the met.
221
00:07:12,585 --> 00:07:13,752
The wall is really low,
222
00:07:13,770 --> 00:07:15,020
so you're not supposed
to touch them,
223
00:07:15,021 --> 00:07:16,472
but you can just, like,
get right in there.
224
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:18,626
- Look, nobody checks.
- We'll get cursed if that happens.
225
00:07:18,627 --> 00:07:20,359
- You know that, right?
- I hadn't thought of that.
226
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,528
I'd actually like
to do that, but I can't
227
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:26,949
because I'm getting ready to
deploy again for 18 months.
228
00:07:26,950 --> 00:07:29,735
So you're not, like, back back?
229
00:07:29,769 --> 00:07:32,671
- No, I'm gone, gone.
- When?
230
00:07:32,706 --> 00:07:34,406
Not for a while.
231
00:07:34,407 --> 00:07:35,958
Tomorrow.
232
00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:39,816
What?
233
00:07:39,817 --> 00:07:42,365
I told him good luck,
have a nice life,
234
00:07:42,366 --> 00:07:43,803
and came back to work.
(Morgan) I'm sorry.
235
00:07:43,821 --> 00:07:46,940
You cleared your schedule to
reconnect with this awesome guy
236
00:07:46,974 --> 00:07:49,642
who killed Osama Bin Laden,
who you then abandon
237
00:07:49,660 --> 00:07:50,660
in the middle of New York City?
238
00:07:50,661 --> 00:07:51,862
Are you crazy?
239
00:07:51,863 --> 00:07:53,330
No, I didn't.
I didn't abandon him.
240
00:07:53,364 --> 00:07:54,764
Hmm.
241
00:07:54,799 --> 00:07:56,116
Sam is kind of perfect.
242
00:07:56,150 --> 00:07:57,267
But I don't want to be
in the position
243
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,085
where I'm heartbroken over some guy
244
00:07:59,086 --> 00:08:00,653
who's not even gonna be here
in the morning.
245
00:08:00,671 --> 00:08:01,988
This soldier doesn't fit into
246
00:08:01,989 --> 00:08:03,707
your "sex and the city
find a husband" scheme,
247
00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:05,108
so he's worthless to you now?
248
00:08:05,143 --> 00:08:06,676
Danny, sometimes I feel like
you have never even seen
249
00:08:06,677 --> 00:08:09,463
- sex and the city.
- I've seen an episode.
250
00:08:09,464 --> 00:08:12,299
All four of them were
walking down the street.
251
00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:14,017
Remind me to never lose touch
with you
252
00:08:14,018 --> 00:08:16,186
and reconnect with you
20 years later.
253
00:08:16,187 --> 00:08:17,554
Ugh.
254
00:08:17,605 --> 00:08:20,307
Did Betsy just tell me off?
255
00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:21,892
[Tattoo gun buzzes]
256
00:08:21,943 --> 00:08:23,143
Sam.
257
00:08:23,144 --> 00:08:24,911
Hey, what are you doing here?
258
00:08:24,912 --> 00:08:26,779
You said that you might
get a tattoo,
259
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:28,915
so this is the fourth tattoo parlor
260
00:08:28,949 --> 00:08:30,500
that I have been to in the village.
261
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,536
I have seen some things pierced
262
00:08:32,537 --> 00:08:34,621
that I did not know
were pierceable.
263
00:08:34,655 --> 00:08:36,957
You know what, you don't
need to hear that right now.
264
00:08:36,991 --> 00:08:38,808
The point is, Sam,
I really like you.
265
00:08:38,843 --> 00:08:41,161
Finding a person
you like is really hard.
266
00:08:41,162 --> 00:08:43,079
Wouldn't you say?
267
00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:45,298
So we should spend all the time
you have left together.
268
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:48,134
Okay. Yeah, I'd love to.
Let's go.
269
00:08:48,169 --> 00:08:49,486
Thank you very much.
270
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,021
Wait, I'm not done
with your tattoo.
271
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,240
Oh, uh, that's okay.
272
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,324
You know, it's accurate.
273
00:08:54,358 --> 00:08:56,109
Next.
274
00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,777
(Mindy) So what else do you
miss when you're over there?
275
00:08:57,811 --> 00:09:00,614
Normal, everyday stuff,
like napping on the couch.
276
00:09:00,615 --> 00:09:02,082
I miss that a lot.
Mm-hmm.
277
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,700
I miss sex with a human.
278
00:09:03,751 --> 00:09:05,619
All right. You know... [laughs]
279
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:06,753
You know what I miss the most
280
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,755
is seeing movies
in movie theaters, honestly.
281
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,657
I saw up on a crap smart phone.
282
00:09:10,658 --> 00:09:12,375
Yeah?
It didn't... it wasn't...
283
00:09:12,376 --> 00:09:14,427
I still cried,
but it wasn't the same.
284
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,929
Yeah.
285
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,882
If you miss movies,
I kind of have a great idea.
286
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,850
"Nora Ephron.
287
00:09:20,885 --> 00:09:22,435
Double feature.
"Yeah. Yeah.
288
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:26,172
'Cause I love Nora Ephron,
and tom Hanks is your thing.
289
00:09:26,173 --> 00:09:27,607
You love tom Hanks.
290
00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:29,943
I love tom Hanks?
Everybody loves tom Hanks.
291
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,445
Don't put that on me.
He's ame's favorite actor.
292
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,897
No, it's your thing.
293
00:09:33,898 --> 00:09:35,282
Come on, let's go in.
294
00:09:35,316 --> 00:09:39,653
Dinner or a movie...
[Crying]
295
00:09:39,654 --> 00:09:41,655
For as long as we both shall live?
296
00:09:42,907 --> 00:09:45,742
I couldn't help but see
your fax on the machine,
297
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:46,793
and I couldn't help but notice
298
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,044
that that fax is
from a donor clinic,
299
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,746
so I couldn't help but deduce...
300
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,030
You can help
all those things, okay?
301
00:09:51,031 --> 00:09:53,083
Yeah, well, you're gonna
be a dad! Come here!
302
00:09:53,084 --> 00:09:54,134
[Laughs]
303
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,835
(Danny) Okay.
304
00:09:55,869 --> 00:09:57,220
(Morgan) Oh, my God,
I'm just saying,
305
00:09:57,255 --> 00:09:58,922
the name Morgan works
for boys or girls.
306
00:09:58,923 --> 00:10:00,098
Better for girls.
307
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:01,841
I'm just trying to help
a couple in need. No big deal.
308
00:10:01,842 --> 00:10:03,260
Morgan, Danny's always going on
309
00:10:03,261 --> 00:10:04,945
about how he doesn't want kids,
310
00:10:04,946 --> 00:10:06,896
which I personally think
is a shame.
311
00:10:06,931 --> 00:10:10,066
You know, the world needs more
rough-hewn strivers like you.
312
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,851
Scrummers and scrappers
313
00:10:11,852 --> 00:10:14,321
who claw and scratch their way
through life.
314
00:10:14,355 --> 00:10:15,939
(Betsy) Dr.
Castellano, can you imagine?
315
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,440
One day, out of the blue,
316
00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:19,826
your child shows up
at the door and says,
317
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,244
"hi, I'm your kid.
318
00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:22,946
I want to have a relationship
with you."
319
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,848
More, like, "hey, dad, remember me?
320
00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:25,915
Bang."
321
00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:27,050
[All groan]
322
00:10:27,051 --> 00:10:28,618
Oh, my God, Beverly, damn it.
323
00:10:28,619 --> 00:10:31,121
I don't get why tom Hanks
and Meg Ryan
324
00:10:31,122 --> 00:10:32,589
even do movies without
the other in them.
325
00:10:32,623 --> 00:10:33,757
I know. It's true.
326
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:34,958
He shouldn't be doing
the Da Vinci code.
327
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:37,460
Like, he shouldn't
do franchises altogether.
328
00:10:37,461 --> 00:10:38,628
He is the franchise.
329
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,764
Well, I mean, except for toy story.
330
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:41,914
Yes.
331
00:10:41,915 --> 00:10:43,300
They should definitely
keep making those movies.
332
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,684
Those were amazing.
Mm-hmm.
333
00:10:44,719 --> 00:10:47,103
- Hooah.
- Hooah.
334
00:10:47,138 --> 00:10:48,471
Where'd you serve?
335
00:10:48,522 --> 00:10:51,191
Three tours in Vietnam.
Evacuation of Saigon.
336
00:10:51,225 --> 00:10:53,526
Whoa, that's crazy.
337
00:10:53,561 --> 00:10:54,561
Where did you serve?
338
00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:56,730
(Sam) Oh, just one tour in Iraq,
one in Afghanistan.
339
00:10:56,731 --> 00:10:58,315
I'm actually heading back
out there tomorrow.
340
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,482
Wow.
341
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,451
Nice to meet you.
You too. Thank you.
342
00:11:01,485 --> 00:11:05,905
- Keep your head down.
- Yeah, I will.
343
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:09,959
What?
344
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,545
[Mgk's lace up]
345
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:14,331
smash that, smash that
346
00:11:14,332 --> 00:11:17,500
take this off, take this off.
So glad we ran into that guy.
347
00:11:17,501 --> 00:11:20,754
I'm an est boy
till the casket close
348
00:11:22,173 --> 00:11:24,974
Well, I got to do
everything on my list.
349
00:11:25,009 --> 00:11:27,410
I didn't get to go play
mini golf, but you know.
350
00:11:27,445 --> 00:11:30,263
- Did you think the sex was good?
- I did.
351
00:11:30,297 --> 00:11:31,848
Really?
I really did.
352
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:34,067
I meant to ask you,
who is this little pervert
353
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,935
that was watching us
the whole time?
354
00:11:35,969 --> 00:11:37,771
He's not a pervert.
That's brown bear.
355
00:11:37,805 --> 00:11:39,972
He must have seen a lot of dudes
roll through this piece.
356
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,025
Well...
A married guy.
357
00:11:42,059 --> 00:11:43,259
What?
358
00:11:43,260 --> 00:11:45,195
Surprising amount of black guys.
Brown bear!
359
00:11:45,196 --> 00:11:46,196
A whole team?
360
00:11:46,197 --> 00:11:47,831
Hey! Hey! That's enough.
361
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,666
So he likes to say, you know, like,
362
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,818
"hey, Mindy, what are
your hopes and dreams?"
363
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,303
And what do you say?
364
00:11:53,304 --> 00:11:56,272
Like, well, get married to
a nice guy who's in the army.
365
00:11:56,273 --> 00:11:58,007
[Laughs] Jeez,
I think brown bear says,
366
00:11:58,042 --> 00:12:00,844
"whoa, that is not
what a guy wants to hear
367
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:02,462
right after you have sex
with him, Mindy."
368
00:12:02,463 --> 00:12:04,015
[Laughter]
369
00:12:04,465 --> 00:12:06,383
No, come on.
370
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,885
I'm sorry.
Oh, man.
371
00:12:08,919 --> 00:12:10,520
This sucks, Sam.
372
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:11,621
Why does it suck?
373
00:12:11,622 --> 00:12:13,223
Because you're really fun,
374
00:12:13,224 --> 00:12:14,491
and then you have to
leave tomorrow.
375
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,826
I know.
I wish I was less fun.
376
00:12:16,827 --> 00:12:18,978
And I wish I didn't
have to leave tomorrow.
377
00:12:19,012 --> 00:12:22,482
We didn't even get to do any,
like, fun, date-y things.
378
00:12:22,516 --> 00:12:23,516
Like what?
379
00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:24,584
Like, go to the supermarket,
380
00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:26,586
and have a big fight
in front of people.
381
00:12:26,587 --> 00:12:28,505
That sounds fun.
382
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,290
Pretending like I don't know
how to use chopsticks,
383
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,322
so you can teach me.
384
00:12:31,323 --> 00:12:34,210
Help me fix my air conditioner
while I hand you tools.
385
00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:35,662
I could do that.
386
00:12:35,696 --> 00:12:37,380
Really?
387
00:12:37,415 --> 00:12:40,500
This might actually be
the worst DVD collection
388
00:12:40,501 --> 00:12:41,918
I've ever seen in my entire life.
389
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:44,387
Sorry that it's not all, like,
caddyshack or whatever.
390
00:12:44,422 --> 00:12:46,205
Caddyshack's an amazing film.
391
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,092
I would rather take my mcat
again than watch caddyshack.
392
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,177
I actually don't know
if I can go back there
393
00:12:51,178 --> 00:12:53,930
and fight my heart out
knowing an American thinks that.
394
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:57,383
I feel that you have not
seen caddyshack recently.
395
00:12:57,384 --> 00:12:58,935
The problem with caddyshack
is that people forget
396
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,104
that caddyshack
is about the caddies.
397
00:13:01,105 --> 00:13:02,255
[Distant thud]
398
00:13:02,289 --> 00:13:06,149
Sam? Oh, my God!
Sam! Sam!
399
00:13:11,307 --> 00:13:12,525
(Danny) Hey, what's up?
400
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:14,076
Hey.
What are you doing here?
401
00:13:14,111 --> 00:13:16,062
Sam was helping out
around my apartment
402
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:18,464
and he was defenestrated.
403
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,266
You threw a soldier out a window?
404
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,834
Wow, one day with you,
405
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:23,469
and you messed him up
worse than Al-Qaeda.
406
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,804
Ha ha ha, Danny.
407
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,405
I would not joke about Al-Qaeda.
408
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:27,920
And it could have
happened to anybody.
409
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,525
He's fine. He's just
a little, like, banged up.
410
00:13:29,526 --> 00:13:31,494
But I do think it might mean
411
00:13:31,495 --> 00:13:33,262
that he has to delay
his deployment.
412
00:13:33,296 --> 00:13:34,680
You sound thrilled.
413
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:35,798
I am.
414
00:13:35,832 --> 00:13:37,349
I would love to be able
to nurse him back
415
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,634
to health for a couple of weeks.
416
00:13:38,635 --> 00:13:40,002
You know, and the last couple days,
417
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:42,021
maybe we're, like, in Vermont
at a bed and break...
418
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,355
I'm glad you're here
419
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,775
'cause I wanted
to ask you about something.
420
00:13:45,776 --> 00:13:47,309
Is it fashion-related?
Because, Danny,
421
00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:49,945
I made the sickest lookbook
for you.
422
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:51,797
Would you wear a pocket square?
423
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:52,965
No.
424
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:56,485
I wanted to talk to you
about a couple
425
00:13:56,486 --> 00:14:01,857
who asked me to be a sperm donor.
426
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,476
And said I do it.
427
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,627
Wait, what?
428
00:14:04,628 --> 00:14:08,130
Yeah, I mean... I'm probably
never gonna have kids
429
00:14:08,131 --> 00:14:10,032
so why not do it now, right?
430
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:11,167
I'm sorry.
431
00:14:11,168 --> 00:14:12,835
If that is the reason
you're doing this,
432
00:14:12,836 --> 00:14:14,270
you definitely cannot do it.
433
00:14:14,304 --> 00:14:15,304
What do you mean?
434
00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,173
One weird woman breaks your heart,
435
00:14:17,174 --> 00:14:18,340
and then all of a sudden,
you're like,
436
00:14:18,341 --> 00:14:21,543
"no, I don't know
if I can ever be a dad.
437
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,662
"I can never be
a father figure to no one
438
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,181
with this broken heart of mine."
439
00:14:25,215 --> 00:14:26,816
Like, that's a bunch of crap.
440
00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:28,901
You already call a wallet
a billfold.
441
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,720
You're gonna be a dad, okay?
Just deal with it.
442
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,239
I already said I'd do it.
443
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:34,490
Oh.
444
00:14:34,524 --> 00:14:35,891
Well, if you already said
445
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,526
that you would do
this life-altering decision
446
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,111
of being the biological father
447
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,329
of some random kid you don't know,
448
00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:41,864
then, yeah, I guess
you have to do it.
449
00:14:41,898 --> 00:14:43,699
Really?
No. Of course not.
450
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:44,750
You're such a dummy.
451
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,535
You know what?
I think I have a little time.
452
00:14:46,536 --> 00:14:47,736
Let's go try to get out of this.
453
00:14:47,737 --> 00:14:49,171
(Mindy) Here's the deal.
454
00:14:49,206 --> 00:14:51,774
I know Danny really, really well.
455
00:14:51,775 --> 00:14:53,209
Whoa, Mindy.
What's going on here?
456
00:14:53,243 --> 00:14:54,409
It's time to come clean.
457
00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:57,129
First of all, he is crazily sweaty.
458
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,815
Like, sweat faucets coming out
of his hands.
459
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,434
That's true,
I do have some clammy hands.
460
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,637
He is stubborn, stingy,
461
00:15:04,688 --> 00:15:06,889
and he's scared of game of thrones.
462
00:15:06,890 --> 00:15:08,440
Yeah, there's parts of
games of thrones
463
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:10,493
that are, like, kind of
interesting and, like, violent,
464
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:11,861
but it's not a scary show.
465
00:15:11,862 --> 00:15:13,729
No, no, that's not...
466
00:15:13,763 --> 00:15:15,114
It's not a scary show.
Nope.
467
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,866
Also, he has tiny ears,
and he's a selfish lover.
468
00:15:16,867 --> 00:15:18,450
Wait... what?
So let me ask you.
469
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,119
I never even...
Do you really want...
470
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,155
Daniel Castellano
to be the biological father
471
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:26,792
of your angry, sweaty,
emotionally needy baby?
472
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,160
- No.
- No.
473
00:15:28,211 --> 00:15:29,545
Okay, well,
it was nice meeting you guys.
474
00:15:29,546 --> 00:15:31,213
Good luck with everything.
475
00:15:32,382 --> 00:15:34,133
Sam, I think I'm doing it
this time.
476
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,334
That's a push-up to you?
Yes.
477
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,618
That's just an "up."
478
00:15:36,619 --> 00:15:39,138
I hate this. Why can't
I just do girl push-ups?
479
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,639
Tuck your butt in.
Your butt's too high. Oh, God.
480
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,790
You got to put your butt down.
481
00:15:41,791 --> 00:15:43,792
I have a big butt.
Okay? Just deal with it.
482
00:15:43,793 --> 00:15:45,728
[Knock on door]
Hello, Mr. Kleinfeld.
483
00:15:45,729 --> 00:15:47,296
Yes.
Got your x-rays back.
484
00:15:47,297 --> 00:15:48,981
Oh, thank God.
What is the news?
485
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,316
Well, you got lucky
for such a fall.
486
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,467
See? That's just a sprain.
No breaks.
487
00:15:52,468 --> 00:15:53,903
Great.
488
00:15:53,904 --> 00:15:55,988
Let's not celebrate too early,
you guys.
489
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,306
Sam, in the medical community,
490
00:15:57,307 --> 00:15:59,491
a sprain can actually be worse
than a fracture.
491
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,826
But not in this case.
492
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,995
In this case, it is
a really, really minor sprain.
493
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,280
Um...
[Clears throat]
494
00:16:04,281 --> 00:16:05,281
Doug, can I just talk to you
for a second please?
495
00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:06,982
- Sure, Mindy.
- Cool.
496
00:16:06,983 --> 00:16:09,168
How's it going?
I'm good. I'm good.
497
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,786
March madness is coming up.
Mindy, I...
498
00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:12,621
Do you think it would be possible
499
00:16:12,622 --> 00:16:16,692
to maybe just write the word
"fracture" in Sam's folder?
500
00:16:16,693 --> 00:16:19,511
(Doug) I would be breaking
the hippocratic oath.
501
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:20,879
Doug, we've all done
stuff like this.
502
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,215
For instance, I have taken home
a z-pak on occasion.
503
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,683
You take home z-paks?
504
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:26,885
I don't do that,
but it would be easy to do.
505
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,356
- Dr. I, hey.
- Yeah.
506
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,007
I did some of that intel
you asked me for
507
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,977
about how to get a soldier
kicked out of the army.
508
00:16:35,011 --> 00:16:36,862
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Morgan, shh.
509
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:37,980
Oh, right.
510
00:16:37,981 --> 00:16:38,981
Tell everyone he's gay.
511
00:16:38,982 --> 00:16:40,282
That is not a thing anymore.
512
00:16:40,317 --> 00:16:41,483
What if he's only 16?
513
00:16:41,518 --> 00:16:42,534
Then I am going to jail.
514
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:44,353
Nice. Okay, look. All right.
515
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:45,821
Can he be recovering from polio,
516
00:16:45,822 --> 00:16:47,523
Scarlet fever, or consumption?
517
00:16:47,557 --> 00:16:50,258
Morgan, how old is this
list okay, fine. Look.
518
00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:51,694
There's one last thing
we could try.
519
00:16:51,728 --> 00:16:55,831
We can take some oxycontin, and
we can slip it in his bag.
520
00:16:55,865 --> 00:16:57,032
- What?
- Listen.
521
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,034
He needs them because
he was hit by a tank.
522
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,336
This seems a little bit farfetched.
523
00:17:00,337 --> 00:17:02,888
What are you guys
talking about right now?
524
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,473
Hey.
525
00:17:04,507 --> 00:17:06,041
Hey.
526
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,360
- Cutie.
- Hey, cutie.
527
00:17:09,693 --> 00:17:10,771
I'm so sorry.
528
00:17:10,772 --> 00:17:13,967
I just wanted to buy
a couple extra days with you.
529
00:17:13,968 --> 00:17:15,769
You yourself said
you didn't want to go back.
530
00:17:15,803 --> 00:17:17,036
Yeah, I know.
531
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,571
That's because
I was having a lot of fun,
532
00:17:18,572 --> 00:17:20,974
- and I thought you were cool.
- "Thought"?
533
00:17:20,975 --> 00:17:22,776
Look, Mindy.
534
00:17:22,777 --> 00:17:24,177
I have to go back.
535
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,612
You don't have to.
536
00:17:25,646 --> 00:17:28,081
Okay, I want to go back.
537
00:17:28,082 --> 00:17:29,549
That's what I'm trying to say.
538
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:30,683
I want to go back there.
539
00:17:30,718 --> 00:17:33,052
If you're trying to make me
cry, mission accomplished.
540
00:17:33,087 --> 00:17:34,420
How could that be possible?
541
00:17:34,455 --> 00:17:36,422
It is literally Afghanistan.
542
00:17:36,457 --> 00:17:38,925
That's kind of the whole point
of joining the military
543
00:17:38,926 --> 00:17:41,728
is to get involved
in conflicts that matter.
544
00:17:41,762 --> 00:17:43,062
Well, I don't want you
to get killed in Afghanistan.
545
00:17:43,097 --> 00:17:44,230
Okay?
I don't either.
546
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,199
I just met you.
And you're cute and fun.
547
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,500
Well, thank you very much.
548
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:48,935
And I wanted you to stay here
for, like, a month,
549
00:17:48,936 --> 00:17:50,036
and we can date.
550
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,571
And we can go
to the central Park zoo,
551
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:52,772
and, like, make fun of animals
552
00:17:52,807 --> 00:17:55,175
and a giraffe comes
and steals our ice cream.
553
00:17:55,176 --> 00:17:56,867
[Beeper vibrates]
554
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:59,746
Oh, God.
I have a procedure.
555
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:00,814
Are you sure you can't just wait
556
00:18:00,815 --> 00:18:02,148
a couple days and then do it?
557
00:18:02,183 --> 00:18:03,283
[Mockingly] Ha ha ha.
558
00:18:03,284 --> 00:18:04,884
Way to turn my words against me.
559
00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:09,289
Well, way to have words
that are very easily turnable.
560
00:18:09,290 --> 00:18:11,825
I should go to my procedure.
We can talk about this later.
561
00:18:11,859 --> 00:18:13,960
Okay, I'll be... yeah.
(Morgan) Sam, wait.
562
00:18:13,994 --> 00:18:15,762
Can I drive you to the bus station?
563
00:18:15,796 --> 00:18:18,798
And if the answer is yes,
do you have a car?
564
00:18:21,135 --> 00:18:23,236
You are all out of whack.
565
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,639
If you can, try to keep any
bazookas on your left shoulder.
566
00:18:26,674 --> 00:18:27,807
Morgan, leave him alone.
567
00:18:27,842 --> 00:18:29,175
It actually feels
really, really good.
568
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:30,593
Thank you.
569
00:18:30,594 --> 00:18:34,630
So, Mindy, she's like a really
great doctor, isn't she?
570
00:18:34,648 --> 00:18:36,983
Yeah.
She is really great.
571
00:18:37,017 --> 00:18:38,434
That means a lot coming from him
572
00:18:38,435 --> 00:18:39,736
because he's very competitive
573
00:18:39,737 --> 00:18:40,971
and doesn't give
a lot of compliments.
574
00:18:40,972 --> 00:18:42,018
No, I'm not.
575
00:18:42,019 --> 00:18:44,357
Can you do me a favor and
give this to her for me?
576
00:18:44,358 --> 00:18:45,575
I got to head out.
577
00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:46,576
Well, she'll be back in a bit.
578
00:18:46,577 --> 00:18:47,610
You can give it to her yourself.
579
00:18:47,644 --> 00:18:49,645
It's better if I go.
580
00:18:49,663 --> 00:18:51,063
It was really nice
meeting you guys.
581
00:18:51,081 --> 00:18:52,115
Yeah.
Great to meet you.
582
00:18:52,116 --> 00:18:53,316
Yep.
583
00:18:53,317 --> 00:18:55,335
Yeah, if I want to email you,
I would just...
584
00:18:55,336 --> 00:18:57,787
Just email the government,
and they'll find me.
585
00:18:57,788 --> 00:18:59,873
Email the government?
586
00:18:59,924 --> 00:19:01,841
So, like, sam@government?
587
00:19:10,434 --> 00:19:13,169
Hey.
588
00:19:13,187 --> 00:19:17,223
Sam left that for you.
589
00:19:17,274 --> 00:19:20,360
Good guy.
590
00:19:21,562 --> 00:19:22,729
(Sam) "Hey.
591
00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:26,332
"First of all, I never thanked
you properly "for the sex.
592
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,868
"It will get me through
many a Sandy, cold night.
593
00:19:28,869 --> 00:19:31,154
"Look, I'm sorry we didn't
get to say good-bye for real,
594
00:19:31,155 --> 00:19:32,488
"but actually, it's probably better
595
00:19:32,489 --> 00:19:34,173
"because I feel like you might
have started crying,
596
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,775
"and that would have made me cry,
597
00:19:35,776 --> 00:19:38,111
"and no one wants to see
a guy in the army cry,
598
00:19:38,112 --> 00:19:41,831
"because it's just bad
for our nation, honestly.
599
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:45,168
"After I searched my bag
fonarcotics,
600
00:19:45,169 --> 00:19:47,804
"I watched your surgery.
It was so cool.
601
00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:51,341
"I could tell you were doing
exactly what you always wanted.
602
00:19:51,342 --> 00:19:53,476
"It's the exact look I get
when I bring
603
00:19:53,477 --> 00:19:55,061
"clean drinking water to a village.
604
00:19:55,095 --> 00:19:59,382
"Because people, shockingly,
love clean drinking water.
605
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,235
"So I hope you can understand,
you know,
606
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:03,653
"why I have to go back.
607
00:20:03,654 --> 00:20:06,222
"I know we only spent
a day together,
608
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,941
"but as Meg Ryan said
in you've got mail,
609
00:20:07,992 --> 00:20:10,410
"'all this nothing
has meant more to me
610
00:20:10,444 --> 00:20:12,228
"than so many somethings.'
611
00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:14,530
"in closing,
I would just like to ask you
612
00:20:14,531 --> 00:20:16,115
"never to reveal to anyone
613
00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:18,084
"that I, a: Watched you've got mail
614
00:20:18,085 --> 00:20:19,502
"or B: Remember it to the point
615
00:20:19,503 --> 00:20:20,837
"that I could quote it in a letter.
616
00:20:20,838 --> 00:20:22,685
"I would really appreciate that.
617
00:20:22,686 --> 00:20:25,174
"And hey, maybe I'll see you
next summer.
618
00:20:25,175 --> 00:20:29,345
Your friend, Sam."
619
00:20:29,346 --> 00:20:31,747
You're gonna cry?
You want me to leave?
620
00:20:31,765 --> 00:20:34,550
No, but it's weird that
your first instinct
621
00:20:34,551 --> 00:20:38,438
when a woman is crying
is to abandon her.
622
00:20:38,439 --> 00:20:43,609
You know, one way of looking
at this whole thing...
623
00:20:43,644 --> 00:20:47,113
Danny, it's fine.
We had a great day together.
624
00:20:47,114 --> 00:20:49,282
It is what it is.
625
00:20:50,651 --> 00:20:53,653
All right.
626
00:20:59,576 --> 00:21:01,377
You want a snack?
627
00:21:01,412 --> 00:21:03,796
Yeah. Why don't you read me
what's in the vending machine?
628
00:21:03,831 --> 00:21:04,947
Okay.
629
00:21:04,948 --> 00:21:08,301
We've got sun chips, fritos...
630
00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:10,970
Apple, which you don't
care about, smartfood,
631
00:21:10,971 --> 00:21:12,805
Doritos, Kit Kat.
632
00:21:12,806 --> 00:21:14,057
Hmm.
633
00:21:14,091 --> 00:21:15,391
Put a pin in it.
634
00:21:15,392 --> 00:21:16,625
Okay, row two.
635
00:21:16,626 --> 00:21:18,594
Twizzlers... you like those.
I do.
636
00:21:18,595 --> 00:21:21,814
Peanut m&ms.
Swedish fish.
637
00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:23,349
Good.
But not for all night.
638
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:24,684
- Ho hos.
- No.
639
00:21:24,685 --> 00:21:26,152
Pringles.
[Murmurs]
640
00:21:26,153 --> 00:21:27,737
Cheddar popcorn.
No.
641
00:21:27,738 --> 00:21:29,672
Cheez-its.
Blow my brains out.
642
00:21:29,673 --> 00:21:30,740
What about raisinets?
643
00:21:30,741 --> 00:21:32,408
(Man) Go to bed.
644
00:21:32,712 --> 00:21:36,432
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645
00:21:36,482 --> 00:21:41,032
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