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1
00:00:00,378 --> 00:00:01,584
Autumn in New York...
2
00:00:01,715 --> 00:00:03,651
the leaves go from
green to orange...
3
00:00:03,793 --> 00:00:05,879
the lattes go from
vanilla to pumpkin...
4
00:00:06,087 --> 00:00:08,121
and girls toss their
razors out the window,
5
00:00:08,256 --> 00:00:10,846
for there'll be no
bare leg seen until April.
6
00:00:11,165 --> 00:00:13,469
And pirates and witches
put aside their differences
7
00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:14,936
to beg for candy.
8
00:00:14,954 --> 00:00:16,288
Josh, isn't this
one of the reasons
9
00:00:16,322 --> 00:00:18,106
why you decided
to move to Manhattan?
10
00:00:18,124 --> 00:00:20,108
I always wanted
to live in Tampa,
11
00:00:20,126 --> 00:00:22,210
get one of those big,
beige houses on the golf course,
12
00:00:22,245 --> 00:00:23,628
Jose Canseco on one side,
13
00:00:23,663 --> 00:00:25,830
- canal full of gators on the other.
- Okay.
14
00:00:25,882 --> 00:00:27,632
Throw a hot dog at a gator
and see if he eats it.
15
00:00:27,667 --> 00:00:28,884
Man, I am really learning a lot
16
00:00:28,918 --> 00:00:29,885
about you on this date.
17
00:00:29,919 --> 00:00:30,886
So this is a date?
18
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,170
I was wondering.
19
00:00:32,221 --> 00:00:34,422
Because meeting up for coffee
20
00:00:34,456 --> 00:00:36,007
at 8:00 AM
on a weekday is--
21
00:00:36,058 --> 00:00:38,126
you're really afraid I'm going
to attack you, aren't you?
22
00:00:38,144 --> 00:00:39,511
No, no, this is a morning date.
23
00:00:39,562 --> 00:00:41,296
It's great.
I get to know you better,
24
00:00:41,314 --> 00:00:42,931
I bought a French press,
25
00:00:42,965 --> 00:00:44,399
and these world music CDs.
26
00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:45,934
Well, I read about this thing
27
00:00:45,968 --> 00:00:47,269
called a night date.
28
00:00:47,303 --> 00:00:48,320
You into that?
29
00:00:48,354 --> 00:00:50,471
Weird.
Tell me more.
30
00:00:50,489 --> 00:00:52,473
Well, ESPN is having
their Halloween party tonight.
31
00:00:52,491 --> 00:00:54,359
- Cool.
- And these guys go all out
32
00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:55,577
in the costumes,
so you're gonna have
33
00:00:55,611 --> 00:00:56,978
to dress to impress.
34
00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:59,915
I'm sorry, who am I supposed
to be trying to impress?
35
00:00:59,949 --> 00:01:01,783
I'm just saying,
it's a hot ticket.
36
00:01:01,817 --> 00:01:02,834
I mean, last year
I took a model.
37
00:01:02,868 --> 00:01:04,202
Well, lucky for you,
I was featured
38
00:01:04,253 --> 00:01:05,287
in my college admissions
brochure
39
00:01:05,321 --> 00:01:06,421
holding a test tube.
40
00:01:06,455 --> 00:01:07,422
So I guess you have
a thing for models.
41
00:01:07,456 --> 00:01:08,873
Look, as long
as you look great tonight,
42
00:01:08,925 --> 00:01:10,041
no worries.
43
00:01:10,092 --> 00:01:11,710
You know,
I think I'm just gonna have
44
00:01:11,761 --> 00:01:13,378
to get back to you about this.
45
00:01:13,429 --> 00:01:15,496
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
46
00:01:15,514 --> 00:01:17,382
Oh. Then I should line up
some backup.
47
00:01:17,433 --> 00:01:19,167
Just in case.
48
00:01:19,185 --> 00:01:22,003
Boop, boop, boop.
Contacts.
49
00:01:22,021 --> 00:01:23,171
Brrr.
50
00:01:23,189 --> 00:01:25,056
Wow.
All these girls.
51
00:01:25,107 --> 00:01:26,341
Brrr.
52
00:01:26,359 --> 00:01:28,109
Just the Caitlins.
Still on the Caitlins.
53
00:01:28,144 --> 00:01:29,344
- Brrr.
- Relax.
54
00:01:29,362 --> 00:01:30,445
Okay, you don't know
that many Caitlins.
55
00:01:30,479 --> 00:01:31,446
You'd be surprised.
56
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,182
It was a very popular name
in 1987.
57
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,551
Brrr.
58
00:01:36,585 --> 00:01:39,554
[Upbeat dance music]
59
00:01:39,588 --> 00:01:45,526
[Vocalizing]
60
00:01:49,246 --> 00:01:51,583
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:01:53,786 --> 00:01:58,790
[Indistinct chatter]
62
00:01:58,824 --> 00:02:01,042
Hey, guys, so I'm gonna go run
this errand.
63
00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:03,962
[Shriek]
64
00:02:03,996 --> 00:02:06,114
[Cackles] I got you, man.
65
00:02:06,132 --> 00:02:07,632
Got the whole thing on video.
66
00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:10,468
Mm, I had it flipped on me.
67
00:02:10,503 --> 00:02:13,255
Why don't you go back
in your office and come out?
68
00:02:13,289 --> 00:02:15,891
You know, nothing scary
will happen.
69
00:02:15,925 --> 00:02:17,259
I got to run.
I can't.
70
00:02:17,293 --> 00:02:18,677
I got to run this errand
for the rest of the day, so...
71
00:02:18,728 --> 00:02:19,895
Hello, all.
I have to pop out
72
00:02:19,929 --> 00:02:21,263
for the rest of the day
to run an errand.
73
00:02:21,297 --> 00:02:22,814
I will see you tomorrow.
74
00:02:22,848 --> 00:02:25,150
That's a coincidence
75
00:02:25,184 --> 00:02:27,903
'cause I also have to--
I have to run an errand
76
00:02:27,937 --> 00:02:29,137
for the rest of the day.
77
00:02:29,155 --> 00:02:30,405
See, my condo's
being reassessed,
78
00:02:30,439 --> 00:02:32,908
so I got to go
to the assessor's office.
79
00:02:32,942 --> 00:02:35,076
Since we're closing early
for Halloween anyway...
80
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:36,077
You're sweating.
81
00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,279
Oh, am I?
82
00:02:37,313 --> 00:02:39,647
If I am, just using
the ab roller in there.
83
00:02:39,665 --> 00:02:43,168
Gonna have abs of steel.
But gonna-- go feel it.
84
00:02:43,202 --> 00:02:45,153
- You want to go feel it?
- I do not want to do that.
85
00:02:45,171 --> 00:02:46,154
It's still warm.
86
00:02:46,172 --> 00:02:47,539
The handles are probably
really wet,
87
00:02:47,590 --> 00:02:51,009
but anyway,
so that notary republic is--
88
00:02:51,043 --> 00:02:53,128
Danny, it's not notary republic
89
00:02:53,162 --> 00:02:54,262
'cause then it would be
a country.
90
00:02:54,297 --> 00:02:56,331
And nobody cares
91
00:02:56,349 --> 00:02:57,983
about your boring lies
and your sweaty forehead
92
00:02:58,017 --> 00:03:00,385
and the notary public that
you're clearly not going to.
93
00:03:00,436 --> 00:03:03,555
Who would lie about going
to a notary public?
94
00:03:03,606 --> 00:03:04,806
Please leave
before I have to hear
95
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,341
- the words "notary public" again.
- Okay.
96
00:03:06,359 --> 00:03:08,860
So I'm gonna--
97
00:03:08,894 --> 00:03:11,512
- Exit faster.
- Okay. If anyone calls--
98
00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:12,781
- Oh, my God, go.
- Why won't this end?
99
00:03:12,815 --> 00:03:13,848
Okay.
100
00:03:13,866 --> 00:03:16,851
I thought
you were right behind me.
101
00:03:16,869 --> 00:03:18,370
Maybe lying doesn't come
102
00:03:18,404 --> 00:03:20,021
as easy to me
as it does to you.
103
00:03:20,039 --> 00:03:21,539
Hey, I'm happy to tell them
where we're going.
104
00:03:21,574 --> 00:03:24,159
- No.
- Oh, my God. Your hand is sopping wet.
105
00:03:24,193 --> 00:03:27,329
It's from the ab roller.
106
00:03:28,864 --> 00:03:32,700
[Indistinct PA announcement]
107
00:03:33,886 --> 00:03:35,220
Oh, my God, Tom.
108
00:03:35,254 --> 00:03:37,639
[Romantic music]
109
00:03:37,673 --> 00:03:45,263
110
00:03:45,314 --> 00:03:46,731
- Oh!
- Oh!
111
00:03:46,766 --> 00:03:47,732
(Mindy) Oh, my God.
112
00:03:47,767 --> 00:03:48,984
- Come on.
- Tom.
113
00:03:49,018 --> 00:03:50,385
Oh, Tom.
I'm so sorry.
114
00:03:50,403 --> 00:03:51,886
I'm so--
oh, my God.
115
00:03:51,904 --> 00:03:53,104
Tom, Tom, let me help, please.
116
00:03:53,155 --> 00:03:54,239
- Come on.
- It's okay. I know him.
117
00:03:54,273 --> 00:03:55,407
We used to date.
It's-- we're fine.
118
00:03:55,441 --> 00:03:56,941
Don't leave me alone
with this lady.
119
00:03:56,993 --> 00:03:58,159
Well, don't be theatrical.
120
00:03:58,194 --> 00:03:59,995
- Am I bleeding?
- Um...
121
00:04:00,029 --> 00:04:01,946
- I'm bleeding.
- I'm so sorry. Please, Tom.
122
00:04:01,998 --> 00:04:03,064
Here.
Let me help you up.
123
00:04:03,082 --> 00:04:04,499
I taste pennies.
124
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:05,900
This looks good.
125
00:04:05,918 --> 00:04:07,619
You're gonna look better
than when you came in.
126
00:04:07,670 --> 00:04:08,903
Hey, you wanted, like,
127
00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:10,005
Frankenstein stitches
128
00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:11,339
'cause of Halloween, right?
129
00:04:11,374 --> 00:04:13,258
Really, it's not bad at all.
130
00:04:13,292 --> 00:04:14,426
If I'd really want to hurt you,
131
00:04:14,460 --> 00:04:16,344
I would have sent
all your contacts
132
00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:18,513
that video of you spitting out
133
00:04:18,547 --> 00:04:22,684
that bite of hot pizza.
134
00:04:22,718 --> 00:04:23,718
Hey, you know what?
135
00:04:23,752 --> 00:04:25,220
I still owe you a wedding gift.
136
00:04:25,254 --> 00:04:26,771
Is there anything on the
registry that you still need?
137
00:04:26,806 --> 00:04:28,473
Go back in time
and don't ruin my wedding?
138
00:04:28,524 --> 00:04:30,525
Tom, I'm sorry, okay?
139
00:04:30,559 --> 00:04:32,143
I'm really sorry.
140
00:04:32,194 --> 00:04:33,761
Back then, I was, like,
a little messed up,
141
00:04:33,779 --> 00:04:35,330
and I think I was kind of drunk
at the wedding too
142
00:04:35,364 --> 00:04:36,981
- a little bit.
- You were really drunk at the wedding.
143
00:04:37,033 --> 00:04:38,616
I was hurt then,
but I'm not now.
144
00:04:38,651 --> 00:04:40,035
I'm dating a blond guy.
145
00:04:40,069 --> 00:04:41,786
And I just--
I wish the best
146
00:04:41,821 --> 00:04:43,271
for both you and--
you know,
147
00:04:43,289 --> 00:04:44,622
I don't even know her name.
148
00:04:44,657 --> 00:04:46,774
Right.
149
00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:50,278
I know I hurt you too,
and I'm sorry.
150
00:04:50,296 --> 00:04:53,965
I was recording
this conversation
151
00:04:53,999 --> 00:04:55,300
in case you threatened me,
152
00:04:55,334 --> 00:04:56,501
but now I'm gonna stop.
153
00:04:56,552 --> 00:04:58,002
Aww.
154
00:04:58,054 --> 00:05:00,004
So tell me about blondie.
155
00:05:00,056 --> 00:05:01,089
Who's this guy?
156
00:05:01,123 --> 00:05:02,724
His name is Josh,
157
00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:06,311
and he is an attorney
for NBA players.
158
00:05:06,345 --> 00:05:08,012
He is definitely confident.
159
00:05:08,064 --> 00:05:10,465
Very confident.
Almost too confident.
160
00:05:10,483 --> 00:05:12,967
Like, he can be sometimes
a little obnoxious,
161
00:05:12,985 --> 00:05:14,269
I think, but he's very funny.
162
00:05:14,303 --> 00:05:16,237
Not funny in a way
that you, like, want
163
00:05:16,272 --> 00:05:17,939
to laugh all the time,
but you're kind of like, ehh,
164
00:05:17,973 --> 00:05:19,824
- "it offends me."
- So he's a jerk?
165
00:05:19,859 --> 00:05:21,276
No, he's not a jerk.
I like him.
166
00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:22,610
He's just-- I wouldn't
necessarily, like, curl up
167
00:05:22,644 --> 00:05:23,811
with him and watch
Breaking Bad.
168
00:05:23,829 --> 00:05:24,913
Don't say anything
about Breaking Bad.
169
00:05:24,947 --> 00:05:26,147
I haven't seen season five yet.
170
00:05:26,165 --> 00:05:27,499
You are so weird
about spoilers.
171
00:05:27,533 --> 00:05:29,000
No, you're doing it right now.
172
00:05:29,034 --> 00:05:30,618
If you're obsessed with TV,
173
00:05:30,652 --> 00:05:31,836
why don't you keep up with it
in a timely way?
174
00:05:31,871 --> 00:05:33,321
Stop, stop, stop,
that's what you do.
175
00:05:33,339 --> 00:05:34,372
I just said Breaking Bad.
Tom, you always freak out
176
00:05:34,423 --> 00:05:35,673
- about spoilers.
- You say one word,
177
00:05:35,708 --> 00:05:36,991
- it ruins the whole thing.
- I stopped talking about it.
178
00:05:37,009 --> 00:05:38,259
- You done? You done?
- Yeah.
179
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,511
We're not talking about it?
Okay.
180
00:05:39,545 --> 00:05:40,628
I'm supposed
to meet him tonight
181
00:05:40,662 --> 00:05:41,679
for a party, but I think
182
00:05:41,714 --> 00:05:43,998
I'm just gonna end it with him.
183
00:05:44,016 --> 00:05:45,133
Well, good for you.
184
00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:49,137
Yeah, don't settle.
185
00:05:49,171 --> 00:05:51,172
- Thanks, Tom.
- You're welcome.
186
00:05:51,190 --> 00:05:53,525
Look at us,
all mature and evolved.
187
00:05:53,559 --> 00:05:54,893
[Tap at window]
188
00:05:54,944 --> 00:05:56,861
Who's that?
189
00:05:56,896 --> 00:05:59,314
Orderly I asked to tackle you
190
00:05:59,348 --> 00:06:00,315
in case you tried
to hurt me again.
191
00:06:00,349 --> 00:06:02,784
Fair enough.
192
00:06:06,122 --> 00:06:08,022
[Exhales] You okay?
193
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,042
Yeah.
Of course I'm okay.
194
00:06:12,128 --> 00:06:14,245
Let's do this.
195
00:06:17,383 --> 00:06:19,384
Whoa. Old.
196
00:06:22,204 --> 00:06:24,088
The average New Yorker
doesn't get his driver's license
197
00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:25,206
until he's 26.
198
00:06:25,224 --> 00:06:27,258
Whoa. Nerd.
199
00:06:27,309 --> 00:06:28,376
Shut up.
200
00:06:28,394 --> 00:06:30,378
I'm trying to study.
201
00:06:30,396 --> 00:06:32,480
I'll knock you out.
202
00:06:32,515 --> 00:06:34,432
I will knock you out,
I don't care how old you are.
203
00:06:34,483 --> 00:06:36,351
- Okay, okay. Come on.
- No, I'm serious.
204
00:06:36,385 --> 00:06:40,155
Now I know if I eat this mummy,
I'm gonna regret it.
205
00:06:40,189 --> 00:06:41,189
Nightmares galore.
206
00:06:41,223 --> 00:06:42,740
It was so great
running into Tom.
207
00:06:42,775 --> 00:06:44,826
I mean, I was dreading it, but
only because I hadn't realized
208
00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:46,411
how far I had come.
209
00:06:46,445 --> 00:06:48,163
I'm happy.
He is happy.
210
00:06:48,197 --> 00:06:51,065
It is so weird
being my own role model.
211
00:06:51,083 --> 00:06:52,116
- You know, I recommend it.
- Oh, wow.
212
00:06:52,168 --> 00:06:54,402
Okay, I got to see
a picture of this Tom guy
213
00:06:54,420 --> 00:06:56,120
because I'm trying
to imagine you guys making love,
214
00:06:56,172 --> 00:06:58,373
and I'm just seeing you,
like, climbing up
215
00:06:58,407 --> 00:06:59,591
on a giant question mark.
216
00:06:59,625 --> 00:07:01,409
Betsy, why don't you pull up
his profile?
217
00:07:01,427 --> 00:07:03,461
- Thank you.(Shauna) - Good idea.
218
00:07:03,512 --> 00:07:06,214
(Betsy) Ooh, Tom changed his
profile pic for Halloween.
219
00:07:06,248 --> 00:07:07,632
It's a ghost.
220
00:07:07,683 --> 00:07:09,634
That's not a ghost.
It's a...
221
00:07:10,919 --> 00:07:12,637
It's a sonogram.
222
00:07:12,688 --> 00:07:14,639
Oh, you didn't say
Tom's having a baby.
223
00:07:14,690 --> 00:07:16,941
He didn't tell me.
224
00:07:18,194 --> 00:07:20,278
It's a rough day,
Dr. L.
225
00:07:20,312 --> 00:07:22,280
First I break your chair,
and I don't tell you,
226
00:07:22,314 --> 00:07:24,098
now this.
227
00:07:24,116 --> 00:07:25,400
I broke your chair, by the way.
228
00:07:25,434 --> 00:07:26,618
Why wouldn't he tell you?
229
00:07:26,652 --> 00:07:28,119
'Cause I was scared, Shauna.
230
00:07:28,153 --> 00:07:30,205
He didn't tell me
because he feels sorry for me
231
00:07:30,239 --> 00:07:32,440
because I am a pathetic spinster
with no prospects.
232
00:07:32,458 --> 00:07:34,943
That's not true!
233
00:07:37,112 --> 00:07:38,913
I think someone needs a hug.
234
00:07:38,947 --> 00:07:40,248
She was in a really good place,
like, two minutes ago.
235
00:07:40,282 --> 00:07:41,883
I mean me.
I mean me.
236
00:07:44,136 --> 00:07:45,970
[Cell phone rings] Yo.
237
00:07:46,005 --> 00:07:47,088
Hey, it's me.
238
00:07:47,122 --> 00:07:48,289
Well, well, well.
239
00:07:48,307 --> 00:07:49,641
I guess
miss I'll-get-back-to-you
240
00:07:49,675 --> 00:07:50,892
got back to me.
241
00:07:50,926 --> 00:07:52,010
What are you doing?
242
00:07:52,061 --> 00:07:53,628
Puffing on
my electronic quitter cig,
243
00:07:53,646 --> 00:07:55,246
drinking an energy drink.
244
00:07:55,281 --> 00:07:56,797
- That's weird.
- Hey, tell me why I shouldn't hang up
245
00:07:56,815 --> 00:07:58,650
on you right now and talk
to Carmelo Anthony?
246
00:07:58,684 --> 00:08:01,819
Because you can talk to him
tonight at the party with me?
247
00:08:01,854 --> 00:08:04,772
Oh. Yeah.
248
00:08:04,806 --> 00:08:05,990
You gonna bring it?
249
00:08:06,025 --> 00:08:08,826
Yeah, my costume is going
to blow your mind.
250
00:08:08,861 --> 00:08:11,312
- Ohh. Okay.
- See you there.
251
00:08:13,815 --> 00:08:18,052
Guys, I need a costume
that blows people's minds.
252
00:08:19,592 --> 00:08:20,575
Danny.
Danny, look.
253
00:08:20,593 --> 00:08:21,593
That DMV clerk is dressed up
254
00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:23,211
as a vampire for Halloween.
255
00:08:23,245 --> 00:08:25,580
Yeah, I bet on Halloween,
actual monsters
256
00:08:25,598 --> 00:08:27,799
dress up as DMV workers.
257
00:08:27,850 --> 00:08:29,468
Eh, Danny?
My joke, Danny.
258
00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:30,602
Would you shut up?
I'm trying to study.
259
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,020
I thought the whole point
of coming
260
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,772
to Long Island was the test
was meant to be easy.
261
00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:35,774
It's still a test.
You can't flirt
262
00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:37,025
and spray-tan
your way through it.
263
00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,643
Why are you so much angrier
than usual?
264
00:08:38,694 --> 00:08:40,362
It's just a driver's license.
265
00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:41,947
Yeah, no, it's not
a license to drive.
266
00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:43,097
It's a license to be a man.
267
00:08:43,115 --> 00:08:45,600
A man goes where he wants
when he wants.
268
00:08:45,618 --> 00:08:48,737
I have a picture in my head
of me driving through the night,
269
00:08:48,771 --> 00:08:51,656
nothing but 1,000 miles
of dark empty ahead,
270
00:08:51,707 --> 00:08:54,376
and, for the first time
in my life, I'm free.
271
00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:56,277
Wow.
272
00:08:56,295 --> 00:08:58,613
So why do you want
to get your license?
273
00:08:58,631 --> 00:09:01,967
Tired of carrying
my passport around to bars.
274
00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:05,136
It's so bulky.
275
00:09:05,171 --> 00:09:06,338
(Shauna) Hey, bad news.
276
00:09:06,389 --> 00:09:08,089
They were out
of all the sexy costumes.
277
00:09:08,123 --> 00:09:09,257
They're the first to go.
278
00:09:09,291 --> 00:09:10,809
Good news, they still had
279
00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:11,977
a ton of kids' costumes.
280
00:09:12,011 --> 00:09:13,261
How is that good news?
281
00:09:13,295 --> 00:09:15,964
Are you kidding?
It'll barely cover your torso.
282
00:09:15,982 --> 00:09:17,566
Which is hot.
283
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,851
Okay, as a nurse,
this costume offends me.
284
00:09:19,902 --> 00:09:22,521
It's not skimpy outfits
that make nurses sexy.
285
00:09:22,572 --> 00:09:24,606
It's the helping people
that make us sexy.
286
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,659
Dr. Lahiri, I bought
the perfect costume for you.
287
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:29,911
Mm-hmm.
288
00:09:29,946 --> 00:09:31,079
Is that a fat Albert costume?
289
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,948
Linus.
290
00:09:32,982 --> 00:09:34,649
You know, from It's The GreatPumpkin, Charlie Brown.
291
00:09:34,667 --> 00:09:36,484
So he's not even the star
of the thing
292
00:09:36,502 --> 00:09:37,485
that you know him from?
293
00:09:37,503 --> 00:09:38,820
You've never seen it?
294
00:09:38,838 --> 00:09:40,989
It's the best.
It's Halloween,
295
00:09:41,007 --> 00:09:42,290
and Linus is excited
for the Great Pumpkin,
296
00:09:42,324 --> 00:09:43,675
who comes every year
to bring toys
297
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:44,793
to all the good boys and girls.
298
00:09:44,827 --> 00:09:46,995
Why are you describing
this cartoon to me?
299
00:09:47,013 --> 00:09:48,162
I'm sorry.
I'm just in crisis right now.
300
00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:49,881
All right?
What I really need you to do
301
00:09:49,932 --> 00:09:51,550
is to take these scissors
and cut a cleavage hole
302
00:09:51,601 --> 00:09:53,435
in my crayon costume.
303
00:09:53,469 --> 00:09:55,837
26 out of 36.
304
00:09:55,855 --> 00:09:57,355
- You passed.
- Yes!
305
00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:58,690
Thank you.
306
00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:00,008
Happy Halloween, sir.
307
00:10:00,026 --> 00:10:01,693
Happy Halloween.
308
00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:02,811
Look, Danny.
Same score.
309
00:10:02,845 --> 00:10:04,178
How is that possible?
310
00:10:04,196 --> 00:10:05,530
Did you even read the book?
311
00:10:05,565 --> 00:10:08,450
Those practice questions
are taken from real past exams.
312
00:10:08,484 --> 00:10:10,902
Logic, a dash of luck,
and, as always,
313
00:10:10,953 --> 00:10:12,120
a little bit of charm.
314
00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:14,205
You charmed a scantron sheet?
315
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,791
Oh, Danny, should we
head to the road test?
316
00:10:16,826 --> 00:10:18,126
Okay.
317
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,127
(Guard) Attaboy, Danny.
318
00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:20,378
You finally passed the written.
319
00:10:20,413 --> 00:10:21,913
- I knew you could.
- Who's that?
320
00:10:21,964 --> 00:10:23,131
I don't know.
321
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:24,249
Wait, how many times
have you taken that test?
322
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:25,417
A few times.
Don't worry about it.
323
00:10:25,468 --> 00:10:26,418
We're all pulling
for you, Danny!
324
00:10:26,469 --> 00:10:28,219
Thanks, Trish.
325
00:10:28,254 --> 00:10:30,055
- Daniel Castellano.
- That's me.
326
00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:31,973
But can he go first?
327
00:10:32,008 --> 00:10:33,258
Of course.
Take your time.
328
00:10:33,309 --> 00:10:35,727
Dr. Jeremy Reed.
And you are?
329
00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,062
Barbara.
330
00:10:37,096 --> 00:10:39,714
Barbara.
I knew a Barbara once.
331
00:10:39,732 --> 00:10:40,982
She broke my heart.
332
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:42,601
It must be a cursed name,
333
00:10:42,652 --> 00:10:44,603
because I feel
it may happen again.
334
00:10:44,654 --> 00:10:47,022
Come on.
335
00:10:47,056 --> 00:10:48,056
[Snorts]
336
00:10:48,074 --> 00:10:49,357
[Cell phone chimes]
337
00:10:49,391 --> 00:10:52,243
(Jeremy) You know,
you know, come on.
338
00:10:54,113 --> 00:10:55,947
Stinks was not an option.
339
00:10:55,998 --> 00:10:57,415
Way to dodge
the question, Danny.
340
00:10:57,450 --> 00:10:59,200
God, why does everyone
want me to die alone?
341
00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:02,120
Okay, Dr. L,
as a hot guy with a fancy job,
342
00:11:02,154 --> 00:11:03,788
I thinkI have some insight here.
343
00:11:03,839 --> 00:11:07,125
Number two sexiest
female organ-- the butt.
344
00:11:07,176 --> 00:11:10,128
Number one sexiest
female organ-- the brain.
345
00:11:10,179 --> 00:11:12,547
The badonkadonk
and the bethinkathink.
346
00:11:12,581 --> 00:11:14,466
Don't look at me like
you're teaching me something.
347
00:11:14,517 --> 00:11:17,251
Funny costume
trumps sexy costume.
348
00:11:17,269 --> 00:11:20,305
Morgan, I think
you're right actually.
349
00:11:20,356 --> 00:11:22,057
I'm like that cool, witty girl
350
00:11:22,091 --> 00:11:24,142
who kind of, like,
kills it in bed, you know?
351
00:11:24,193 --> 00:11:26,561
- I need a funny costume.
- Say no more.
352
00:11:26,595 --> 00:11:28,096
I will go to the store
353
00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:32,183
and return with a costume
that is the pinnacle of wit.
354
00:11:32,218 --> 00:11:34,486
I am not going on
my Halloween date as a urinal.
355
00:11:34,537 --> 00:11:36,071
Come on, it's funny,
356
00:11:36,105 --> 00:11:37,806
it's edgy, it's topical.
357
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,991
No?You sure?
358
00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:41,609
Oh, okay, well,
359
00:11:41,627 --> 00:11:42,827
I anticipated this,
360
00:11:42,878 --> 00:11:44,746
so I got some other options.
361
00:11:44,780 --> 00:11:46,498
- Betsy.
- A condom.
362
00:11:46,549 --> 00:11:49,000
A butt, a tampon,
363
00:11:49,051 --> 00:11:51,252
Ace Ventura,
364
00:11:51,286 --> 00:11:52,303
sperm?
365
00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:54,055
All terrible.
You are terrible.
366
00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:55,507
All right, a woman
should not have
367
00:11:55,558 --> 00:11:58,259
to choose between being hot
and funny for Halloween.
368
00:11:58,293 --> 00:11:59,644
So thank you for your help.
369
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:01,813
I'm okay, I'm just
gonna create a costume
370
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:05,233
that is both hilarious
and sexy.
371
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:08,803
Tinker Bell Tailor soldier spy.
372
00:12:08,821 --> 00:12:10,905
Dirty Harry Potter.
373
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:17,779
Lil Wayne On The Prairie.
374
00:12:19,165 --> 00:12:21,249
You know what?
I give up.
375
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:23,918
Okay?
I give up.
376
00:12:23,953 --> 00:12:26,337
Betsy, please text Josh,
377
00:12:26,372 --> 00:12:27,655
"sorry.
Patient in labor.
378
00:12:27,673 --> 00:12:31,092
Can't come to the party.
Please take a Caitlin."
379
00:12:34,997 --> 00:12:37,799
A man goes where he wants
when he wants.
380
00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:41,102
A man goes where he wants
when he wants.
381
00:12:42,805 --> 00:12:44,606
[Giggles]
382
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,941
(Jeremy) Right?
Barbara, you are too much.
383
00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:48,943
You really are.
384
00:12:48,978 --> 00:12:50,278
Perfect score, Danny.
385
00:12:50,312 --> 00:12:51,946
You're up.
Break a leg.
386
00:12:51,981 --> 00:12:53,615
- Never wink at me again.
- Okay.
387
00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:54,649
How's it going today?
388
00:12:54,683 --> 00:12:57,152
Feeling good?
389
00:12:57,186 --> 00:13:00,521
All right, let's do this.
390
00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:08,413
Permission to wipe my brow?
391
00:13:08,464 --> 00:13:11,532
I'm not a sea captain.
392
00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:13,168
What are you writing?
393
00:13:13,202 --> 00:13:14,836
Eyes on the road.
394
00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:15,837
You okay?
395
00:13:15,871 --> 00:13:18,056
You know, you're sweating.
396
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:19,390
A lot.
397
00:13:19,425 --> 00:13:23,311
It's just
it's hard to keep your cool
398
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:26,931
when you're driving next
to such a beautiful woman...
399
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:29,383
like yourself.
400
00:13:29,401 --> 00:13:32,070
You just blew
through a stop sign.
401
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:35,240
Damn it.
Damn it.
402
00:13:35,274 --> 00:13:37,859
What are you writing now?
403
00:13:37,893 --> 00:13:39,744
What did you--
what did you write there?
404
00:13:39,779 --> 00:13:40,895
- Hey!
- What?
405
00:13:40,913 --> 00:13:42,914
Hands off the--
oh, brake, brake, brake, brake!
406
00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:44,732
Oh, boy.Oh, boy.
407
00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:46,084
Hold on.
Hold on.
408
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:49,537
Hold on. Hold on.[Shouts]
409
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:51,756
[Cackles] [Groans]
410
00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:53,458
[Exhales]
411
00:13:53,509 --> 00:13:56,978
[Cackling continues]
412
00:14:05,391 --> 00:14:08,744
I'll get the accident report
started.
413
00:14:09,996 --> 00:14:11,396
Ahh.
414
00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:13,749
Always yield to spiders.
415
00:14:13,783 --> 00:14:15,284
You know what, man?
416
00:14:15,335 --> 00:14:17,202
I'm so sick of your calm,
wry comments.
417
00:14:17,236 --> 00:14:18,203
Why are you yelling at me?
418
00:14:18,237 --> 00:14:19,455
Because everything in your life
419
00:14:19,506 --> 00:14:20,956
comes easy to you,
whereas, guys like me,
420
00:14:21,007 --> 00:14:22,257
we have to work our asses off.
421
00:14:22,292 --> 00:14:23,592
Are you jealous of me?
422
00:14:23,626 --> 00:14:25,961
What? No.
I'm not jealous of you.
423
00:14:26,012 --> 00:14:28,430
Screw you.
I'm saying there are things
424
00:14:28,465 --> 00:14:30,081
about you
that I wish I could have.
425
00:14:30,099 --> 00:14:31,433
You're describing jealousy.
426
00:14:31,468 --> 00:14:35,053
How does an Englishman
not understand English?
427
00:14:35,087 --> 00:14:38,157
That is amazing to me.
428
00:14:42,946 --> 00:14:44,196
Best slice in the city.
429
00:14:44,230 --> 00:14:45,948
All right,are you getting this?
430
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,321
Hold on.
Oh.
431
00:14:52,372 --> 00:14:53,789
I just burntthe roof of my mouth.
432
00:14:53,823 --> 00:14:55,290
Honey, honey, just turn it off.
433
00:14:55,325 --> 00:14:58,410
Why are you still filming?
Turn it off.
434
00:15:00,663 --> 00:15:03,799
Well, time to go home.
435
00:15:03,833 --> 00:15:06,051
(Male narrator)
Until that fateful night
436
00:15:06,085 --> 00:15:08,170
when Katie Summers learned
437
00:15:08,221 --> 00:15:10,722
who she had really married.
438
00:15:10,757 --> 00:15:13,642
[Dramatic music]
439
00:15:13,676 --> 00:15:18,063
Tonight on In Sickness,health... and murder!
440
00:15:18,097 --> 00:15:19,598
Ew!
What the hell?
441
00:15:19,632 --> 00:15:21,817
Who are you?
Scram! Scram!
442
00:15:21,851 --> 00:15:23,769
God.
Ugh.
443
00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:25,871
Get out of here, you gross cat.
444
00:15:25,889 --> 00:15:26,872
[Telephone rings]
445
00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:28,874
Ugh.
Hello?
446
00:15:28,892 --> 00:15:30,809
Hey, sorry,
I just got all your messages.
447
00:15:30,844 --> 00:15:32,711
I just-- I stopped listening
after number five.
448
00:15:32,729 --> 00:15:34,613
- How you feeling?
- Kind of not great.
449
00:15:34,647 --> 00:15:36,765
This random loser cat
tried to be my pet.
450
00:15:36,816 --> 00:15:38,951
You know what, I think you guys
should come out
451
00:15:38,985 --> 00:15:40,202
and trick-or-treat here.
452
00:15:40,253 --> 00:15:41,920
There's this cool Ethiopian lady
in my building.
453
00:15:41,955 --> 00:15:43,372
She's handing out doro wat.
454
00:15:43,423 --> 00:15:45,323
It's like this chicken stew
with hard-boiled eggs in it.
455
00:15:45,341 --> 00:15:46,625
Kids love it.
456
00:15:46,659 --> 00:15:48,627
No, we've been done
with our trick-or-treating
457
00:15:48,661 --> 00:15:49,628
for about an hour.
458
00:15:49,662 --> 00:15:51,096
What?
It's not even dark out.
459
00:15:51,130 --> 00:15:53,498
- How is that scary?
- Well, Riley doesn't want
460
00:15:53,516 --> 00:15:54,666
to be scared.
461
00:15:54,684 --> 00:15:55,934
Okay, whatever, just put her
462
00:15:55,969 --> 00:15:57,352
on the phone for me, please?
463
00:15:57,387 --> 00:16:00,856
Riley, telephone!
464
00:16:00,890 --> 00:16:03,191
It's your fairy godmother.
465
00:16:03,226 --> 00:16:05,143
Hewwo?
466
00:16:05,177 --> 00:16:07,312
"Hewwo"? Riley,
you're in first grade now.
467
00:16:07,346 --> 00:16:09,398
- How 'bout hello?
- Hello.
468
00:16:09,449 --> 00:16:10,616
Hey, man, happy Halloween.
469
00:16:10,650 --> 00:16:12,317
Anything scary happen?
Did you see a werewolf?
470
00:16:12,351 --> 00:16:14,536
I was a princess,
and I got candy,
471
00:16:14,571 --> 00:16:15,787
and now I'm watching TV.
472
00:16:15,822 --> 00:16:17,355
Sounds pretty good.
What are you watching?
473
00:16:17,373 --> 00:16:19,357
It's The Great Pumpkin,Charlie Brown.
474
00:16:19,375 --> 00:16:20,509
What is the deal
with the Great Pumpkin?
475
00:16:20,543 --> 00:16:21,693
Everyone's talking about it.
476
00:16:21,711 --> 00:16:23,996
Well, Linus waits
for the Great Pumpkin
477
00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:26,214
all night,
but he doesn't show up.
478
00:16:26,249 --> 00:16:28,216
Sounds like Linus is kind
of a dummy then, huh?
479
00:16:28,251 --> 00:16:29,585
No, he is not!
480
00:16:29,636 --> 00:16:31,470
Sorry, babe.
He just sounds kind of dumb.
481
00:16:31,504 --> 00:16:32,721
I've been waiting
for a Great Pumpkin,
482
00:16:32,755 --> 00:16:33,805
and he never seems to show up.
483
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,257
I think
Linus should just give up,
484
00:16:35,308 --> 00:16:36,808
go into his house,
485
00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:38,510
watch some murder shows.
486
00:16:38,544 --> 00:16:41,096
He'll never give up
'cause he has hope.
487
00:16:41,147 --> 00:16:42,931
Okay, we're just gonna have
to agree to disagree.
488
00:16:42,982 --> 00:16:44,716
- Love you.
- Wuv you.
489
00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:45,734
[Groans]
490
00:16:51,024 --> 00:16:53,191
Damn it, Riley.
491
00:16:53,225 --> 00:16:56,194
[Linus and Lucy plays]
492
00:16:56,228 --> 00:17:04,235
493
00:17:26,076 --> 00:17:27,043
Don't screw me.
494
00:17:27,077 --> 00:17:28,261
Okay,
because there's not a dent
495
00:17:28,295 --> 00:17:30,546
on your DMV car.
496
00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:32,215
Maybe some fake cobwebs
and pieces
497
00:17:32,249 --> 00:17:33,383
of styrofoam ghouls
and whatnot,
498
00:17:33,417 --> 00:17:35,184
but, look, it's nothing
a hose can't fix.
499
00:17:35,219 --> 00:17:36,602
Danny, come on.
500
00:17:36,637 --> 00:17:38,254
Danny.
501
00:17:38,272 --> 00:17:40,256
[Groans]
Can I tell you a secret?
502
00:17:40,274 --> 00:17:42,758
Oh, God,
this day is incredible.
503
00:17:42,776 --> 00:17:45,361
I'm actually jealous of you
504
00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:47,230
because, unlike me,
you actually care
505
00:17:47,264 --> 00:17:49,565
about everything.
506
00:17:49,599 --> 00:17:51,267
When the Mets lose a key match,
507
00:17:51,285 --> 00:17:53,769
how you scream
at your little radio.
508
00:17:53,787 --> 00:17:55,321
When your favorite
sub sandwich shop closed,
509
00:17:55,372 --> 00:17:57,290
I heard weeping
through your door.
510
00:17:57,324 --> 00:17:58,941
- I wasn't weeping.
- You were weeping.
511
00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:00,376
You've got such passion.
512
00:18:00,411 --> 00:18:02,945
I can only imagine the vigor
you apply between the sheets.
513
00:18:02,963 --> 00:18:05,832
[Chuckles]
That's enough of that.
514
00:18:05,883 --> 00:18:08,051
But the point is,
caring about things,
515
00:18:08,085 --> 00:18:10,002
that's something
I know nothing about.
516
00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:12,221
But it's what's given you
everything you've got.
517
00:18:12,256 --> 00:18:16,292
And it's what's gonna make you
pass this time.
518
00:18:22,983 --> 00:18:24,133
We're pulling for you, Danny.
519
00:18:24,151 --> 00:18:26,986
That's not helping, Eddie.
520
00:18:41,985 --> 00:18:44,003
70 out of 100.
You pass.
521
00:18:44,037 --> 00:18:46,339
Yes!
[Exhales]
522
00:18:46,373 --> 00:18:49,041
- Good show, old chap.
- Yes! Okay. No.
523
00:18:49,093 --> 00:18:50,259
- Okay.
- Okay.
524
00:18:50,294 --> 00:18:52,378
- Hey.
- Yes. Ow.
525
00:18:54,798 --> 00:18:55,831
Thank you.
526
00:18:55,849 --> 00:18:56,933
You're welcome.
527
00:18:56,967 --> 00:18:58,184
I still can't believe
you got her
528
00:18:58,218 --> 00:18:59,502
to give me a second chance.
529
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,020
You must have promised her
530
00:19:01,054 --> 00:19:03,973
a night of "vigor
between the sheets."
531
00:19:04,007 --> 00:19:06,675
No, actually I told her
you were molested in a car,
532
00:19:06,693 --> 00:19:08,895
which is why the test
is so difficult for you.
533
00:19:08,946 --> 00:19:10,179
What?
534
00:19:10,197 --> 00:19:11,197
No wonder she was crying
535
00:19:11,231 --> 00:19:13,182
- and patting me on the shoulder.
- Ah.
536
00:19:14,568 --> 00:19:16,035
Now, when Ramon
takes your photo,
537
00:19:16,069 --> 00:19:19,655
you hold your head up high.
538
00:19:28,549 --> 00:19:31,801
[Knock at door]
539
00:19:31,835 --> 00:19:35,204
Are you Inigo Montoya
from The Princess Bride?
540
00:19:35,222 --> 00:19:37,406
No, I'm an enlightment-era
homosexual.
541
00:19:37,441 --> 00:19:38,808
Yeah, you got it.
542
00:19:38,842 --> 00:19:40,176
Diane from Cheers.
543
00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:42,044
- Yes!
- Great costume.
544
00:19:42,062 --> 00:19:44,046
Thank you. I thought that you
would think it was lame.
545
00:19:44,064 --> 00:19:45,348
Are you kidding?
No.
546
00:19:45,382 --> 00:19:46,349
No, you nailed it.
547
00:19:46,383 --> 00:19:47,433
You know, I think
548
00:19:47,484 --> 00:19:49,152
that Inigo is actually better
than Wesley.
549
00:19:49,186 --> 00:19:51,020
- Duh.
- What do you mean, "duh," Josh?
550
00:19:51,054 --> 00:19:53,722
Is that such a pervasive opinion
that it warrants a "duh"?
551
00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:56,159
Yeah, he's passionate.
552
00:19:56,193 --> 00:19:59,228
He's persistent.
He's a badass.
553
00:19:59,246 --> 00:20:00,530
He's-- he's good-looking.
554
00:20:00,564 --> 00:20:02,415
Okay, so he's a lot
like you then?
555
00:20:02,449 --> 00:20:05,001
Maybe.
556
00:20:05,035 --> 00:20:06,402
So what happened
to your patient in labor?
557
00:20:06,420 --> 00:20:08,554
Oh, yeah, um, she died.
558
00:20:08,589 --> 00:20:10,072
- Actually...
- God.
559
00:20:10,090 --> 00:20:11,073
I take that back.
560
00:20:11,091 --> 00:20:12,341
She didn't die.
561
00:20:12,376 --> 00:20:13,342
That's a horrible thing to say.
562
00:20:13,377 --> 00:20:14,343
- It was dark.
- Yeah. I'm sorry.
563
00:20:14,378 --> 00:20:15,461
I just felt embarrassed
564
00:20:15,512 --> 00:20:16,712
because I had a lame costume,
565
00:20:16,746 --> 00:20:18,548
and I thought you would think
it was lame, and I--
566
00:20:18,582 --> 00:20:20,082
stupid.
567
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,434
No, that's not lame.
568
00:20:21,468 --> 00:20:24,887
Lame is tracking down a girl
on the internet,
569
00:20:24,921 --> 00:20:26,255
finding out
what her favorite movie is,
570
00:20:26,273 --> 00:20:29,192
and calling all over the city
for an Inigo Montoya costume.
571
00:20:29,226 --> 00:20:32,945
Josh, that's, like,
really cute.
572
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:35,464
"Cute" like we can skip
the party,
573
00:20:35,499 --> 00:20:37,233
move this conversation
to the memory foam?
574
00:20:37,267 --> 00:20:38,434
Josh, we're going to the party.
575
00:20:38,452 --> 00:20:39,952
Great.
Oh, wait, hang on.
576
00:20:41,321 --> 00:20:43,406
- Can't forget this baby.
- Wow.
577
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,874
I have never seen its equal.
578
00:20:44,908 --> 00:20:46,242
What?
579
00:20:46,276 --> 00:20:48,110
That's from the movie,
The Princess Bride.
580
00:20:48,128 --> 00:20:49,912
Oh, yeah,
I've never actually seen it.
581
00:20:49,946 --> 00:20:52,114
Come on, Josh.
Let's get out of here.
582
00:20:52,132 --> 00:20:53,282
Fine.
Um...
583
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:56,919
That's so intense.
584
00:20:56,953 --> 00:20:58,588
It's real.
585
00:20:58,622 --> 00:21:00,556
It's a really,
really amazing costume.
586
00:21:00,591 --> 00:21:02,425
It should be.
It cost me 2 grand.
587
00:21:02,459 --> 00:21:04,260
The costume.
The sword was another grand.
588
00:21:04,294 --> 00:21:06,512
Please stop telling me
how much everything costs.
589
00:21:07,346 --> 00:21:10,551
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
590
00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:15,151
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41773
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