Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,314 --> 00:00:03,626
You pays your money and you
takes your chances, Rusty.
2
00:00:03,797 --> 00:00:06,440
Bite me. You've been lucky all night.
3
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:08,594
That's Lucky over there,
with the poker face.
4
00:00:08,762 --> 00:00:10,198
- Uh-huh.
- What do you got?
5
00:00:10,364 --> 00:00:11,640
Just deal.
6
00:00:12,406 --> 00:00:13,558
[LUCKY LAUGHING]
7
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,325
Ah-ha.
8
00:00:15,770 --> 00:00:17,650
- I'll call.
- A pair of eights.
9
00:00:17,812 --> 00:00:20,854
Three of a kind. Come to Papa!
10
00:00:21,016 --> 00:00:24,377
- Oh, no, not again.
- How does he do it?
11
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:27,217
- It's like he's got radar or something.
- Yep.
12
00:00:27,383 --> 00:00:30,698
Rusty, there's a coaster right there.
Is it so hard to put your beer on it?
13
00:00:30,867 --> 00:00:33,065
- Sorry.
- God, it stinks in here.
14
00:00:33,230 --> 00:00:35,873
Don't you guys know
how bad smoking is for you?
15
00:00:38,035 --> 00:00:41,271
ALL:
Hey! Easy! Easy!
16
00:00:41,439 --> 00:00:42,874
Okay, that does it.
17
00:00:43,041 --> 00:00:45,684
From now on,
we play at Lassie's house.
18
00:01:03,103 --> 00:01:05,416
Pick me! Pick me!
19
00:01:10,031 --> 00:01:11,307
SABRINA:
Well, thanks for listening.
20
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,944
I know the results of my Sassy quiz
can't be all that interesting.
21
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,107
Sure they are.
22
00:01:15,277 --> 00:01:17,157
Now, how did you score
on sassitude?
23
00:01:17,399 --> 00:01:19,313
[CHATTERING]
24
00:01:19,522 --> 00:01:21,322
Ever get the feeling
you're missing something?
25
00:01:21,484 --> 00:01:24,241
- Hey, what's going on?
- Libby just pulled up in her new car.
26
00:01:24,407 --> 00:01:25,968
Libby has wheelage?
27
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:29,045
Well, it's nice to know that
good things happen to horrible people.
28
00:01:29,212 --> 00:01:31,935
I know everyone
is going to want a ride,
29
00:01:32,096 --> 00:01:33,326
so I should warn you,
30
00:01:33,497 --> 00:01:35,856
the selection process
will be Darwinian,
31
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:38,333
survival of the cutest.
32
00:01:38,503 --> 00:01:40,542
Can you believe the way
everyone's worshiping her?
33
00:01:40,705 --> 00:01:44,784
- Let's just ignore her.
- Okay, so, um...
34
00:01:44,950 --> 00:01:47,229
Why do you think you scored
so low on that quiz?
35
00:01:47,393 --> 00:01:51,516
I gotta tell you, I think you are
the kind of girl that other girls respect.
36
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:55,152
Thanks. You really wanna look
at the car, don't you?
37
00:01:55,322 --> 00:01:56,882
- Do you mind?
- It's your DNA talking.
38
00:01:57,044 --> 00:01:58,445
I understand.
39
00:02:04,172 --> 00:02:07,407
Hello, Roast Beef?
This is Katmandu.
40
00:02:07,575 --> 00:02:09,570
Give me ten cans of tuna
on the Seahawks,
41
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:11,971
and I'll call you before
post time at Pimlico.
42
00:02:12,141 --> 00:02:13,656
Later.
43
00:02:13,822 --> 00:02:17,217
Salem, I thought I told you
gambling is illegal in my living room.
44
00:02:17,386 --> 00:02:21,020
I'm on a roll, slim.
This is my shot at some real action.
45
00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:23,993
Not just fleecing
the neighbourhood cats in Boggle.
46
00:02:24,154 --> 00:02:26,433
What, bingo at Our Lady
of Perpetual Sorrow?
47
00:02:26,597 --> 00:02:29,115
Try the hippest poker game
in the Other Realm,
48
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,082
hosted by none other
than Diamond Dave LaRouche.
49
00:02:32,243 --> 00:02:34,282
- The Diamond Dave?
- Born to misbehave.
50
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,838
The wiliest gambler
west of the crack in time?
51
00:02:37,008 --> 00:02:38,603
- He the man.
- Absolutely not.
52
00:02:38,770 --> 00:02:39,888
Oh, yeah-- Huh?
53
00:02:40,092 --> 00:02:42,929
Salem, you know I despise gambling.
It's throwing away good money.
54
00:02:43,095 --> 00:02:45,533
Besides, no one wins
against Diamond Dave.
55
00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,900
But I'm red hot. Not even double D
can stop this streak.
56
00:02:49,062 --> 00:02:52,024
- Please.
- The subject is closed.
57
00:02:52,185 --> 00:02:54,339
Besides, you can't get
to the Other Realm on your own,
58
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:58,062
- so you might as well forget about it.
- I'll buy you something pretty.
59
00:02:58,272 --> 00:03:00,186
STUDENT:
Cool car, Libby.
60
00:03:00,355 --> 00:03:02,588
People are acting like Libby's dad
bought her a shuttle.
61
00:03:02,757 --> 00:03:04,478
- It's just a car!
- Convertible.
62
00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:06,075
With the CD player in the trunk.
63
00:03:06,241 --> 00:03:08,121
All the controls
are on the steering wheel.
64
00:03:08,283 --> 00:03:09,275
You're not helping.
65
00:03:09,445 --> 00:03:12,043
You guys hear about the class trip
to the Celtics game?
66
00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:15,010
Let me guess. Your dad
bought you the Celtics too?
67
00:03:15,171 --> 00:03:17,450
Nice try, Freaka, warrior princess.
68
00:03:18,455 --> 00:03:20,893
I was just wondering
if Harvey needed a ride.
69
00:03:21,058 --> 00:03:23,370
Don't you have to take
the bus to those things?
70
00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:25,022
Not if you have a car.
71
00:03:25,182 --> 00:03:28,736
The school bus is gonna look
like a magnet school for losers.
72
00:03:28,907 --> 00:03:31,185
Well, that's why we were gonna
take Harvey's car, right?
73
00:03:31,349 --> 00:03:33,787
Right. Except it's up on blocks.
74
00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:35,627
For how long?
75
00:03:35,794 --> 00:03:38,028
You can count on it for graduation.
76
00:03:38,197 --> 00:03:41,319
Well, I'll be saving shotgun
for you, Harvey.
77
00:03:41,481 --> 00:03:44,283
And Claude the bus driver
will be saving shotgun for you.
78
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:47,681
We have got to get a car.
79
00:03:47,848 --> 00:03:51,766
Do you realise what this stamped
and sealed envelope represents?
80
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:55,213
Yet another unrequited love letter
to Robert Downey Jr.?
81
00:03:55,376 --> 00:03:56,607
You are incorrect.
82
00:03:56,778 --> 00:04:00,856
This is the final mortgage payment
on our house.
83
00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:03,621
You're kidding! It's really ours now?
84
00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:06,223
Yep, electrical work that's not
up to code and all.
85
00:04:06,429 --> 00:04:08,423
[BOTH CHEERING]
86
00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:12,071
Let me guess. It's double coupon
day at the market?
87
00:04:12,235 --> 00:04:15,915
- Honey, we paid off the house.
- It's really ours now!
88
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,117
Woo-hoo!
89
00:04:17,721 --> 00:04:19,601
Wait a minute! That's great!
90
00:04:19,764 --> 00:04:21,519
Now that you have
some free cash lying around,
91
00:04:21,686 --> 00:04:24,078
you can take on car payments
for your favourite niece.
92
00:04:25,210 --> 00:04:26,531
Not gonna happen.
93
00:04:27,372 --> 00:04:31,165
But come on! Don't quit!
We're jumping, it's a great day.
94
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,092
Sabrina, we've been
over this a hundred times.
95
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:35,059
You're not responsible enough
for a car yet.
96
00:04:35,221 --> 00:04:37,294
Well, the least you could do
is let me borrow your car
97
00:04:37,464 --> 00:04:38,535
for the Tuesday field trip.
98
00:04:38,705 --> 00:04:40,824
Oh, we can't. A group
of scientists are gonna
99
00:04:40,987 --> 00:04:42,503
line our cars up and floor them,
100
00:04:42,669 --> 00:04:44,629
to see if we can reverse
the Earth's rotation.
101
00:04:44,792 --> 00:04:47,754
Just an excuse to meet people,
but I made a commitment.
102
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:55,243
I'd trade all my magical powers
for an '83 LeBaron with low mileage.
103
00:04:55,404 --> 00:04:57,637
Sabrina, most kids
in high school don't have cars
104
00:04:57,806 --> 00:05:01,566
- and they do just fine.
- The bus will be fun.
105
00:05:02,732 --> 00:05:06,810
Fine. But bear in mind
that a car is less expensive
106
00:05:06,977 --> 00:05:08,936
than a lifetime of psychotherapy.
107
00:05:12,463 --> 00:05:13,978
You didn't see me.
108
00:05:14,145 --> 00:05:16,822
Well, you're kind of hard to miss
in your Sunday-go-to-meeting suit.
109
00:05:16,988 --> 00:05:20,622
Don't tell the brain trust downstairs,
but I've been invited to play poker
110
00:05:20,792 --> 00:05:23,674
at Diamond Dave's high-roller suite.
111
00:05:23,836 --> 00:05:26,433
- And that's a good thing?
- Are you kidding?
112
00:05:26,599 --> 00:05:29,640
This is my chance to pocket
some serious simoleons,
113
00:05:29,802 --> 00:05:33,847
greenbacks, dinero, moola,
shekels, scratch, wampum...
114
00:05:34,007 --> 00:05:37,048
- And those are...?
- Money, baby.
115
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:38,248
Oh.
116
00:05:38,412 --> 00:05:41,533
- Oh, hey, could you buy me a car?
- Page me next week.
117
00:05:41,696 --> 00:05:44,533
Right now I need every penny
to play the legend.
118
00:05:44,739 --> 00:05:46,733
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
119
00:05:48,183 --> 00:05:49,459
Mr. Saberhagen?
120
00:05:49,624 --> 00:05:51,778
Ah. Homina, homina, homina.
121
00:05:51,987 --> 00:05:54,026
Welcome to what we
at Diamond Dave's
122
00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:57,311
- call "VIP plus."
SALEM: Finally!
123
00:05:57,473 --> 00:05:59,467
I'm gonna get comped!
124
00:05:59,636 --> 00:06:01,755
Good luck. And buy me a car
when you come back.
125
00:06:01,918 --> 00:06:02,909
SALEM:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
126
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,153
Do you gals
make your own costumes?
127
00:06:05,322 --> 00:06:06,393
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
128
00:06:06,603 --> 00:06:08,802
I bet she has a car.
129
00:06:13,091 --> 00:06:16,007
Guess I'll just have to
conjure up the car myself.
130
00:06:16,214 --> 00:06:19,928
Okay, let's see.
Essence of tyre burn.
131
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,255
Myrrh.
132
00:06:25,104 --> 00:06:27,542
And STP, "The Racer's Edge."
133
00:06:30,550 --> 00:06:32,384
Yes!
134
00:06:32,553 --> 00:06:35,115
Let's see how popular
Libby is when I'm mobile.
135
00:06:35,276 --> 00:06:37,031
[CAR KEYS BEEP]
136
00:06:37,278 --> 00:06:38,554
No!
137
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,160
I told you it was a good idea to activate
that uninsured teen driver block.
138
00:06:42,324 --> 00:06:44,443
Sabrina, it's just a bus.
139
00:06:44,606 --> 00:06:46,965
Well, can't I tap into my college fund?
140
00:06:48,891 --> 00:06:50,885
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON PIANO]
141
00:06:52,095 --> 00:06:53,975
Four of a kind.
142
00:06:54,137 --> 00:06:55,971
Well, what do you know?
143
00:06:56,139 --> 00:06:57,495
A royal flush.
144
00:06:57,661 --> 00:07:00,498
- Gee, that sounds better.
- It is.
145
00:07:00,664 --> 00:07:02,544
That's the fifth straight hand
you've won.
146
00:07:02,706 --> 00:07:04,860
That's why they call him
Diamond Dave.
147
00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:08,424
Not Amber Dave,
not Aquamarine Dave.
148
00:07:08,593 --> 00:07:10,075
"Diamond Dave."
149
00:07:10,235 --> 00:07:11,956
And that's why
I can afford to have a butler
150
00:07:12,117 --> 00:07:14,270
who sits on his butt when
my Fanta needs refreshing.
151
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,557
Right, boss.
152
00:07:15,721 --> 00:07:17,919
Are you sure
you don't want a break?
153
00:07:18,084 --> 00:07:21,319
Are you nuts? Now I've got you
right where I want you.
154
00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:32,220
The game is high-low
criss-cross Mexican stud poker,
155
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:33,735
deuces and bugs are wild.
156
00:07:33,901 --> 00:07:36,544
Did you catch any of that?
157
00:07:36,905 --> 00:07:38,056
[CRYING]
158
00:07:39,628 --> 00:07:41,906
Number three was the lightest
pencil I could find.
159
00:07:42,071 --> 00:07:44,144
Maybe if I don't press too hard,
people won't notice.
160
00:07:44,313 --> 00:07:47,947
The trip is next week, people,
so it's crunch time for those of you
161
00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:49,792
who haven't purchased gifts yet.
162
00:07:51,201 --> 00:07:52,762
Have you made up your mind, Harvey?
163
00:07:52,923 --> 00:07:54,803
Thanks, Libby, but I
164
00:07:54,965 --> 00:07:57,163
really had my heart set on the bus.
165
00:07:57,328 --> 00:08:01,531
Suit yourself. I'll try not to gun it
as I pass you on the thruway.
166
00:08:01,733 --> 00:08:02,929
[ALL CHUCKLING]
167
00:08:04,896 --> 00:08:06,730
Thanks, Harvey.
That was really nice of you.
168
00:08:06,898 --> 00:08:09,177
Hey, if we're on the bus,
then the bus is the cool way
169
00:08:09,341 --> 00:08:10,743
to go to the field trip.
170
00:08:10,903 --> 00:08:13,978
Well, you know it doesn't work
that way, but thanks.
171
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:19,631
But I thought
a face card beats an eight.
172
00:08:19,793 --> 00:08:22,356
But, Salem, eights are wild.
173
00:08:22,556 --> 00:08:23,673
[SALEM WHIMPERS]
174
00:08:28,803 --> 00:08:30,922
Five-card draw. Ante up.
175
00:08:31,086 --> 00:08:33,398
Last chip, last chance.
176
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:37,164
Huh. Oh, yeah!
177
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:39,053
You are not gonna believe this hand!
178
00:08:39,215 --> 00:08:41,254
Just bend over and kiss my furry--
179
00:08:41,417 --> 00:08:43,776
I believe it's your turn.
180
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,934
And I believe I'm gonna raise you.
181
00:08:46,102 --> 00:08:47,936
Unbelievable.
182
00:08:48,105 --> 00:08:50,099
I finally get a winner, and I can't raise.
183
00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:53,149
I've given you everything I own.
My traveller's cheques,
184
00:08:53,310 --> 00:08:55,908
my X-Men number one
in near-mint condition,
185
00:08:56,074 --> 00:08:59,149
my Beanie Babies.
I'm tapped out.
186
00:08:59,317 --> 00:09:01,596
Well, I'd really like
to work with you here.
187
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,276
Do you own any property?
188
00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:04,513
Hmm.
189
00:09:04,723 --> 00:09:06,603
SABRINA:
This brown one would be good.
190
00:09:06,766 --> 00:09:09,409
Or maybe this beige one.
191
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,722
I like the beige one.
It brings out your immaturity.
192
00:09:13,894 --> 00:09:17,208
Immature? My life is over, people!
193
00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:19,412
[SALEM CRYING]
194
00:09:22,623 --> 00:09:24,025
Where's your medallion, Salem?
195
00:09:24,185 --> 00:09:26,065
Diamond Dave said
he could melt it down
196
00:09:26,227 --> 00:09:28,142
and sell the gold to a dentist.
197
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,349
Tell me you didn't play him.
198
00:09:30,512 --> 00:09:32,791
Kind of, sort of. And I got
into a little trouble.
199
00:09:32,955 --> 00:09:35,632
See, I kind of bet something
that wasn't mine to bet.
200
00:09:35,798 --> 00:09:37,075
More like...
201
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,632
Well, actually, it was yours.
Kind of a big thing.
202
00:09:39,803 --> 00:09:42,446
Please tell me
you didn't bet the house.
203
00:09:42,606 --> 00:09:46,081
How do I say this?
Oh, boy, I'm feeling woozy.
204
00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,562
SALEM: Okay.
- Did you bet this house?
205
00:09:48,733 --> 00:09:50,613
Well, no.
206
00:09:50,775 --> 00:09:53,053
Actually, I bet
207
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:56,895
you.
208
00:09:57,062 --> 00:10:00,024
They seemed to take that pretty well.
209
00:10:05,992 --> 00:10:07,906
Did you guys paint the piano?
210
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,957
Ah, ladies, welcome
to the gaming floor.
211
00:10:11,118 --> 00:10:13,795
- Diamond Dave.
- You mean, Salem bet us?
212
00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:16,194
- And lost?
- Oh, this is absurd.
213
00:10:16,364 --> 00:10:18,517
Come on, let's get out of here.
214
00:10:20,008 --> 00:10:22,890
Your magic's no good here,
and neither is your credit.
215
00:10:23,051 --> 00:10:25,330
I won you fair and square
in a game of Texas hold'em.
216
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:28,251
A game sanctioned by the Other Realm
Bureau of Gaming and Fishing.
217
00:10:28,417 --> 00:10:31,698
For the next 20 years,
you'll be doing menial jobs for me.
218
00:10:31,861 --> 00:10:35,415
And Diamond Dave likes
things done the mortal way.
219
00:10:35,585 --> 00:10:39,550
You will be my new cook.
220
00:10:41,992 --> 00:10:43,872
That cat is going
straight to the pound.
221
00:10:45,076 --> 00:10:49,758
And you are my new maid!
222
00:10:51,123 --> 00:10:53,720
That cat is going straight
to a violin factory.
223
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:57,440
And you-- You will be my new
personal assistant.
224
00:10:57,610 --> 00:11:00,003
Wait! You can't keep us here.
225
00:11:00,173 --> 00:11:02,246
I have a life and--
And a boyfriend, and--
226
00:11:02,415 --> 00:11:05,332
Did I happen to mention the job
includes driving my Porsche?
227
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:07,134
Woo-hoo!
228
00:11:08,222 --> 00:11:10,820
No fair. She got a cute uniform.
229
00:11:10,985 --> 00:11:13,138
It's my business to be popular.
230
00:11:13,307 --> 00:11:14,948
You ladies are
now part of that formula,
231
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:17,422
and I like my ladies upbeat and zesty.
232
00:11:17,592 --> 00:11:19,746
We are cleaning, and we are smiling.
233
00:11:19,915 --> 00:11:21,556
I'd like to start with a light meal,
234
00:11:21,717 --> 00:11:25,192
burnt bacon, peanut butter,
four bananas, hand-mashed in a bowl.
235
00:11:25,361 --> 00:11:27,799
Would you like a spoon
or a straw with that?
236
00:11:27,964 --> 00:11:30,562
In the grotto, and today, cookie.
237
00:11:32,529 --> 00:11:35,001
Everybody heard that?
I get to drive a Porsche, right?
238
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:37,895
He called me "cookie."
We've got to find a way out,
239
00:11:38,055 --> 00:11:40,049
and, of course, Salem will help.
240
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:43,137
[SALEM GRUNTS]
241
00:11:43,341 --> 00:11:44,902
SALEM:
I'm okay!
242
00:11:45,904 --> 00:11:48,502
That was so much fun.
243
00:11:49,588 --> 00:11:51,422
Not bad for my first time
driving stick, huh?
244
00:11:51,590 --> 00:11:53,471
I'll be in the grotto
until the guests arrive,
245
00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:56,104
and what do we say, Hilda,
when I come home?
246
00:11:56,276 --> 00:11:59,556
- Evening, governor.
- Needs work.
247
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:02,158
Diamond Dave wasn't kidding
when he said he was popular.
248
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,917
It's like driving around with the pope.
249
00:12:04,084 --> 00:12:06,727
People fawning all over you
is very overrated.
250
00:12:06,888 --> 00:12:10,932
I don't need that kind of attention,
as I pointed out on my website.
251
00:12:11,092 --> 00:12:12,414
He's starting to remind me of Libby.
252
00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:15,297
I'm starting to think that money
is the root of all popularity.
253
00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:16,813
Don't forget fear.
254
00:12:16,979 --> 00:12:18,461
Well, Libby has that too.
255
00:12:18,621 --> 00:12:20,899
Sabrina, money is just
a shortcut to popularity,
256
00:12:21,063 --> 00:12:23,058
and shortcuts never work.
257
00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:25,185
Well, they do for Diamond Dave.
258
00:12:26,069 --> 00:12:27,824
You look awful. What's the matter?
259
00:12:27,991 --> 00:12:29,586
Oh, something to do with chitlins.
260
00:12:29,753 --> 00:12:32,555
Look, I have a plan
to get us out of here.
261
00:12:32,717 --> 00:12:35,440
I want each of you to get me two
of the ingredients on this list.
262
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,321
But we can't use magic.
263
00:12:37,482 --> 00:12:40,319
Our fingers may have crapped out,
but we can make a sleeping potion,
264
00:12:40,485 --> 00:12:43,402
and I'll mix it into Diamond
Dave's next culinary atrocity.
265
00:12:43,569 --> 00:12:46,485
If it works, we can make a break for it
while he and C.K. are zonked out.
266
00:12:46,652 --> 00:12:47,883
I am so in.
267
00:12:48,054 --> 00:12:49,649
Did I mention I'm driving a Porsche?
268
00:12:50,817 --> 00:12:52,697
Okay, I'm in too.
269
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,503
ZELDA [VOICE-OVER]:
All we need is the feather of a fowl,
270
00:12:56,663 --> 00:12:59,546
preferably ostrich or emu.
271
00:13:01,309 --> 00:13:04,510
Two ounces of chlorophyll.
272
00:13:08,156 --> 00:13:10,276
A tad of faux animal fur.
273
00:13:10,439 --> 00:13:13,276
Try not to damage the coat
when you take it.
274
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:21,721
Some body hair,
the coarser the better.
275
00:13:21,892 --> 00:13:25,367
And top it off with a little
alcohol for flavour.
276
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:28,655
Toss in a little more
of that comb cleaner.
277
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:34,825
One sip of this,
and he'll be out for a week.
278
00:13:34,986 --> 00:13:36,707
And I haven't even added
the nose hairs yet.
279
00:13:36,909 --> 00:13:38,903
[CACKLING]
280
00:13:39,111 --> 00:13:40,102
Shh. It's only natural
281
00:13:40,272 --> 00:13:42,870
to get carried away when we're
gathered over a cauldron.
282
00:13:43,035 --> 00:13:45,633
But remember, this potion
is our last resort.
283
00:13:45,798 --> 00:13:48,396
I'm still hoping Salem will save us.
284
00:13:49,202 --> 00:13:52,597
Woo, doggie! Yee-haw!
285
00:13:53,127 --> 00:13:54,528
[SALEM CRYING]
286
00:13:55,009 --> 00:13:59,805
Okay, I've had my fun.
Now I've got a family to save.
287
00:14:00,014 --> 00:14:01,006
[DOORBELL RINGS]
288
00:14:01,176 --> 00:14:03,090
Ooh, my wontons.
289
00:14:04,139 --> 00:14:06,702
I have to say, you gals
are doing a stellar job.
290
00:14:06,862 --> 00:14:09,380
C.K., if I were you, I would definitely
be hearing footsteps.
291
00:14:09,545 --> 00:14:11,220
That's a good one, double D.
292
00:14:11,387 --> 00:14:12,378
[GIGGLES]
293
00:14:12,589 --> 00:14:18,387
Okay, who's ready for some tongue,
mini-marshmallow and yam soup?
294
00:14:18,555 --> 00:14:21,836
Just like Mama used to make.
Zelda, the grub has been magnifico,
295
00:14:21,999 --> 00:14:23,913
but, you know, I've been
thinking of making Hilda
296
00:14:24,081 --> 00:14:25,836
my official food taster.
297
00:14:26,004 --> 00:14:28,123
What? And deprive you?
298
00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:30,041
Well, I've been
so hot at the tables recently,
299
00:14:30,208 --> 00:14:32,407
you never know who might be
messing with my lucky meals,
300
00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:35,966
and we might as well start
with a steaming bowl of tongue.
301
00:14:36,135 --> 00:14:37,365
But C.K. has seniority.
302
00:14:37,537 --> 00:14:38,813
Yeah, he should have the honour.
303
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,972
That bum? I give him a gift
every day I don't can him.
304
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:43,658
I think I'm starting to see
a pattern in your humour.
305
00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:47,378
Here. You've earned it, Hilda.
306
00:14:49,230 --> 00:14:51,622
Go ahead, unless there's
something wrong with it.
307
00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:53,393
[ALL LAUGHING]
308
00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:56,716
Oh, you know what? It's chunky style.
That's my favourite.
309
00:14:56,878 --> 00:14:58,280
DAVE:
Uh-huh.
310
00:15:01,924 --> 00:15:03,804
I find that highly suspicious.
311
00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:05,721
She's tired.
312
00:15:05,888 --> 00:15:08,771
- She's been working really hard.
- Yeah.
313
00:15:08,932 --> 00:15:10,447
Don't let us interrupt your dinner.
314
00:15:10,614 --> 00:15:12,733
You witches dosed my dinner.
315
00:15:13,457 --> 00:15:15,451
Does this mean I get
to cook for you again?
316
00:15:15,619 --> 00:15:16,896
Nice try, ladies.
317
00:15:17,061 --> 00:15:20,102
I hope you enjoy your new job,
manning the septic tank.
318
00:15:20,264 --> 00:15:24,024
I still get to drive the Porsche, right?
319
00:15:24,229 --> 00:15:25,220
[SNORING]
320
00:15:25,430 --> 00:15:26,467
[SCREAMS]
321
00:15:26,672 --> 00:15:29,270
What? Oh, man!
322
00:15:29,435 --> 00:15:31,110
I dreamt I was out of food.
323
00:15:31,477 --> 00:15:32,514
Woo.
324
00:15:32,678 --> 00:15:34,673
Check out all the dead soldiers.
325
00:15:34,841 --> 00:15:37,359
Wait a minute. I am out of food.
326
00:15:37,524 --> 00:15:39,996
Now I've really gotta save them!
327
00:15:41,528 --> 00:15:44,411
Whoa. Easy on the bunion, princess.
328
00:15:44,572 --> 00:15:46,132
When you're done,
use the clear polish.
329
00:15:46,294 --> 00:15:48,367
Not that frosty stuff
you used last time.
330
00:15:48,536 --> 00:15:51,293
It's called Lady Meringue.
331
00:15:51,459 --> 00:15:52,975
Can I get you anything?
332
00:15:53,141 --> 00:15:54,338
How about a friend to watch my back?
333
00:15:54,503 --> 00:15:56,622
Double D, I said I was sorry
about the food thing.
334
00:15:56,785 --> 00:15:58,540
"The food thing?" You mean
the attempt to poison me?
335
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,827
Why would I wanna hurt you?
You're my oldest friend.
336
00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:01,981
He's your oldest friend?
337
00:16:02,151 --> 00:16:04,271
We went to school together.
I gave him a kidney.
338
00:16:04,434 --> 00:16:05,471
He gave you a kidney?
339
00:16:05,635 --> 00:16:07,515
What did I say when we signed
the release forms?
340
00:16:07,678 --> 00:16:09,558
- No guilt trips.
- Come on, Dave.
341
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,075
- You're fired.
C.K.: But, Dave--
342
00:16:11,242 --> 00:16:12,472
You heard me. Now mush.
343
00:16:12,643 --> 00:16:14,398
If that's the way you want it.
344
00:16:14,565 --> 00:16:15,556
But just remember this.
345
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:17,527
The only reason you aren't alone
in this house
346
00:16:17,689 --> 00:16:19,410
is because you're good
with a deck of cards.
347
00:16:19,571 --> 00:16:22,533
As a human being,
you're strictly an amateur.
348
00:16:22,694 --> 00:16:24,449
Well, you know what?
That kidney you gave me
349
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:25,768
isn't exactly a Cadillac.
350
00:16:26,138 --> 00:16:28,178
How could you do that to C.K.?
351
00:16:28,341 --> 00:16:30,300
I mean, he may be a kiss-up
with no personality,
352
00:16:30,463 --> 00:16:31,500
but he's your friend.
353
00:16:31,665 --> 00:16:34,706
Sabrina, as long as I have money,
I'll have friends.
354
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:36,623
But they aren't real friends.
355
00:16:36,790 --> 00:16:38,272
And you're not really a butler,
356
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,505
but you'll be doing C.K.'s job
from now on.
357
00:16:40,675 --> 00:16:41,792
[DOORBELL RINGS]
358
00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:43,995
You can start
by answering the doorbell.
359
00:16:44,199 --> 00:16:45,839
[SCOFFS]
360
00:16:49,084 --> 00:16:51,556
Diamond Dave?
Allow me to introduce
361
00:16:51,727 --> 00:16:56,124
Mr. Catchow, an incredibly
irresponsible Asian gambler.
362
00:16:56,292 --> 00:16:58,764
Me crazy for Pai Gow.
363
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:03,096
[SALEM SCREAMING]
364
00:17:04,181 --> 00:17:07,417
- What was that?
- Oh, look, a putty tat.
365
00:17:07,585 --> 00:17:09,818
The potion still hasn't worn off.
366
00:17:12,270 --> 00:17:14,708
What exactly was your plan?
367
00:17:14,873 --> 00:17:17,026
Um... This is pretty much it.
368
00:17:17,196 --> 00:17:20,271
I figured once I got inside,
I'd get inspired.
369
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:21,921
Perfect.
370
00:17:22,081 --> 00:17:23,403
Now you're all mine.
371
00:17:23,563 --> 00:17:24,998
And I got myself
a new shoe buffer.
372
00:17:25,165 --> 00:17:26,441
[SALEM CRYING]
373
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,526
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
This is hugely unfair.
374
00:17:28,688 --> 00:17:30,329
We can't be held responsible
for anything
375
00:17:30,490 --> 00:17:32,962
that a professional gambler
wins from a common house pet.
376
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:35,651
A house pet who's rated
by Caesars Palace.
377
00:17:35,816 --> 00:17:37,776
How about a game, just you and me?
378
00:17:37,939 --> 00:17:39,660
If I win, we all get to go home.
379
00:17:39,821 --> 00:17:41,257
And if you lose?
380
00:17:41,423 --> 00:17:44,021
We'll stay for 100 years
and clean your garage.
381
00:17:44,186 --> 00:17:45,827
Sabrina, no, we're witches.
382
00:17:45,988 --> 00:17:48,107
Twenty years is a drop
in the bucket to us.
383
00:17:48,270 --> 00:17:50,629
It may take Hilda that long
to straighten up.
384
00:17:50,793 --> 00:17:52,867
You look so familiar to me.
385
00:17:53,036 --> 00:17:55,679
Sit like a lady, dear.
386
00:17:55,839 --> 00:17:59,473
Sabrina, I'll see your bet,
and raise you.
387
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:03,163
If I win, you all stay here
with me forever.
388
00:18:03,327 --> 00:18:05,845
- Done.
- Poker?
389
00:18:06,010 --> 00:18:08,130
No. My game.
390
00:18:08,293 --> 00:18:12,497
- Chutes and Ladders?
- My game, my rules.
391
00:18:12,698 --> 00:18:15,580
- Only if I get to be Butch.
- Done.
392
00:18:16,382 --> 00:18:18,535
--Four, five, six.
393
00:18:18,905 --> 00:18:21,867
One, two-- Shoot. A chute.
394
00:18:22,028 --> 00:18:25,628
I haven't lost this game since
kindergarten. I ain't gonna start now.
395
00:18:29,517 --> 00:18:31,272
We did say two out of three, right?
396
00:18:31,439 --> 00:18:35,039
I am so close to the winner's circle,
I can smell the champagne.
397
00:18:35,203 --> 00:18:37,482
Sabrina, that has to be
your last chute.
398
00:18:37,646 --> 00:18:40,289
It's not like I'm doing this
on purpose, Aunt Zelda.
399
00:18:40,569 --> 00:18:42,005
Yes!
400
00:18:42,171 --> 00:18:46,169
Six sweet steps to victory.
Oh, the glory of it all.
401
00:18:46,336 --> 00:18:49,013
I can't believe it. This is my game!
402
00:18:49,179 --> 00:18:51,571
- Not anymore, kid.
- It's all right, Sabrina.
403
00:18:51,742 --> 00:18:52,938
You played great.
404
00:18:53,103 --> 00:18:55,017
And it's not like forever lasts--
405
00:18:55,185 --> 00:18:57,145
Oh, dear lord, forever.
406
00:18:57,308 --> 00:19:00,749
Is the room spinning or is it me?
407
00:19:00,912 --> 00:19:02,507
She's having a reaction
to the potion.
408
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:05,715
Hey, Saint Vitus' dance,
take it outside.
409
00:19:05,877 --> 00:19:08,919
You know what, big shot?
410
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:12,043
I spit in your grotto.
411
00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:14,676
I think we need to put some
coffee on for Aunt Tipsy.
412
00:19:14,848 --> 00:19:18,528
You know what? I never liked you,
and your cleft really bugs me.
413
00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:22,451
Oh, dear. Oh, this is bad.
414
00:19:22,616 --> 00:19:25,692
This is very bad.
I'm so sorry, Diamond--
415
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:28,253
Is it me, or is Diamond Dave
slumped over the table breathing
416
00:19:28,423 --> 00:19:29,574
yet clearly unconscious?
417
00:19:29,744 --> 00:19:31,226
That's a pretty fair assessment.
418
00:19:31,386 --> 00:19:36,865
Hey! Look, he had extra dice
up his sleeve, and it's all sixes.
419
00:19:37,032 --> 00:19:39,630
- No wonder he always won.
- Let's get out of here.
420
00:19:39,796 --> 00:19:41,596
SALEM: He must have cheated
with me too.
421
00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:42,795
I was robbed!
422
00:19:42,959 --> 00:19:45,955
I should at least get the Leroy
Neiman painting as compensation.
423
00:19:48,045 --> 00:19:49,959
Ow. My head!
424
00:19:50,127 --> 00:19:52,326
I said I was super-sorry.
425
00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:55,327
If I say it again,
will you save my racing forms?
426
00:19:55,493 --> 00:19:56,610
No.
427
00:19:56,775 --> 00:19:59,816
You're not even allowed
to watch Wheel of Fortune.
428
00:19:59,978 --> 00:20:03,020
Morning. I'm late. I promise to eat
all the unbruised parts on the bus.
429
00:20:03,182 --> 00:20:05,984
Are you gonna be okay
about taking the bus to the field trip?
430
00:20:06,145 --> 00:20:07,945
Yeah, I'll be fine.
431
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:09,702
You know, after a week
at Diamond Dave's,
432
00:20:09,869 --> 00:20:12,671
I can honestly say that I do not want
to be like Libby.
433
00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:16,034
It's not money that makes you happy.
It's friends like Harvey,
434
00:20:16,196 --> 00:20:17,996
who ride the stupid loser bus
with you.
435
00:20:18,159 --> 00:20:21,553
Oh, we're so glad you see that.
Aren't we, Hilda?
436
00:20:22,043 --> 00:20:23,194
Ow.
437
00:20:23,485 --> 00:20:25,319
One more thing before you go.
438
00:20:25,487 --> 00:20:28,289
- You're killing me here.
- Oh, I think you'll make it on time.
439
00:20:28,450 --> 00:20:30,091
We decided you deserved
a little reward
440
00:20:30,252 --> 00:20:33,374
for having such a good attitude.
But just for today.
441
00:20:34,297 --> 00:20:36,291
[CAR ENGINE REVVING]
442
00:20:39,302 --> 00:20:41,376
What are you,
a secret agent or something?
443
00:20:41,545 --> 00:20:45,338
- Hop in.
- Hey, check out Sabrina's ride.
444
00:20:45,509 --> 00:20:46,786
Where did you get that?
445
00:20:46,951 --> 00:20:49,708
Oh, my aunt's waggon broke down.
This is a loaner.
446
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,788
I'd offer rides, but it's a two-seater.
447
00:20:54,199 --> 00:20:56,671
- Hey, where are you going?
- I think the bus is coming.
448
00:20:56,842 --> 00:20:59,519
If I'm not gonna ride in a Porsche,
what's the difference?
449
00:20:59,685 --> 00:21:04,207
But I have an opening.
Next to an air bag.
450
00:21:04,370 --> 00:21:05,647
Come back!
451
00:21:05,812 --> 00:21:08,330
We'll try not to gun it
when we pass you on the thruway.
452
00:21:14,862 --> 00:21:16,013
Any threes?
453
00:21:16,184 --> 00:21:17,585
Go fish.
454
00:21:17,745 --> 00:21:18,942
Any fives?
455
00:21:19,107 --> 00:21:21,830
Yes, and I had my heart set
on that new can of tennis balls.
456
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,872
Uh. Read them and weep.
Pay the lady.
457
00:21:25,034 --> 00:21:27,596
- My wife's gonna kill me.
- Hey, I won fair and square,
458
00:21:27,757 --> 00:21:29,351
and I'm taking my winnings.
459
00:21:29,599 --> 00:21:30,750
[ALL GRUMBLING]
460
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,239
And buying you all rawhide treats.
461
00:21:33,403 --> 00:21:34,885
God bless this woman.
462
00:21:35,045 --> 00:21:38,325
ALL: All right! Yeah.
- Okay, settle down.
463
00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:42,925
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35790
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.