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1
00:00:02,140 --> 00:00:03,140
You take that back!
2
00:00:03,208 --> 00:00:04,375
I will not!
Not after what you said
3
00:00:04,443 --> 00:00:06,009
about me in front
of the manager.
4
00:00:06,077 --> 00:00:07,311
Well, you deserved it!
5
00:00:07,379 --> 00:00:11,181
Especially after what you wrote
about me in my peer evaluation.
6
00:00:11,249 --> 00:00:12,249
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, ladies!
7
00:00:12,316 --> 00:00:13,383
Back off.
8
00:00:13,451 --> 00:00:15,986
She had the nerve
to tell the manager that I was
9
00:00:16,054 --> 00:00:18,856
the best damn maid who ever
worked for Knock Knock Knock.
10
00:00:18,923 --> 00:00:20,824
Well, she deserves
that promotion.
11
00:00:20,892 --> 00:00:24,361
How dare you lie
to make me look good!
12
00:00:24,428 --> 00:00:26,396
I thought we were friends.
13
00:00:26,464 --> 00:00:29,399
Besides, you've worked here longer.
You should get the promotion!
14
00:00:29,467 --> 00:00:32,636
You know I need to concentrate
on rewriting my telenovela.
15
00:00:32,703 --> 00:00:35,037
It's about a sexy maid
who is constantly fending off
16
00:00:35,105 --> 00:00:37,474
the advances of her blond
coworker's husband
17
00:00:37,541 --> 00:00:40,610
who can't keep his rough
gardener hands off her.
18
00:00:43,781 --> 00:00:45,081
I'm not saying
you should take it.
19
00:00:45,149 --> 00:00:46,582
I'm saying you should
think about it.
20
00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:48,550
Uh, I don't want
to take the job, Burt.
21
00:00:48,618 --> 00:00:50,686
Crew chief has to take
to take crap from everyone.
22
00:00:50,754 --> 00:00:53,790
The boss, your coworkers,
the customers.
23
00:00:53,857 --> 00:00:56,192
And you know taking crap
pisses me off.
24
00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:57,293
You just need to relax.
25
00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,495
Close your eyes,
take a deep breath,
26
00:00:59,562 --> 00:01:00,696
and think about
a special place.
27
00:01:00,764 --> 00:01:02,398
I'm not going
to some fantasy place.
28
00:01:02,465 --> 00:01:03,965
I've told you
a million times.
29
00:01:04,033 --> 00:01:06,568
I handle my own stressful
situations my own way.
30
00:01:07,136 --> 00:01:09,475
Did you see
what I just saw?
31
00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:10,806
(Mumbles)
32
00:01:14,593 --> 00:01:17,045
- Delilah's back.
- Surprise!
33
00:01:17,513 --> 00:01:20,226
The rivalry between my mom and
her cousin Delilah started years ago.
34
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:22,882
when Maw Maw let Delilah
treat Mom like a servant.
35
00:01:23,143 --> 00:01:25,420
For years, Delilah tookfull advantage.
36
00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:27,155
You're stupid.
37
00:01:27,223 --> 00:01:29,057
And I hate you.
38
00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:31,095
- Until my mom finally had enough...
- Ginny!
39
00:01:31,226 --> 00:01:32,954
...and figured out
how to stop her visits.
40
00:01:32,954 --> 00:01:34,070
Maw Maw's dead.
41
00:01:36,131 --> 00:01:37,298
Ghost!
42
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:41,402
I cast you out,
foul spirit!
43
00:01:41,470 --> 00:01:42,937
(Moaning)
44
00:01:43,739 --> 00:01:46,441
No? Not buying it?
45
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:49,627
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
46
00:01:49,662 --> 00:01:50,609
Here we go
47
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:53,913
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
48
00:01:56,351 --> 00:01:57,784
I can't believe you two.
49
00:01:57,853 --> 00:02:00,254
Keeping me from my beloved
Delilah just so you two can
50
00:02:00,322 --> 00:02:03,057
keep living in my house,
just leeching off of me.
51
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:06,560
Yes, we live in your house.
Yes, we leech off you.
52
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,495
Yes, I thought I would come up
with an excuse
53
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:09,996
so it would make this
all seem okay
54
00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:12,432
by the end of this sentence,
but, no, I have not.
55
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:16,302
Maw Maw, we do not leech off
of you. We take care of you.
56
00:02:16,371 --> 00:02:19,272
We even got you one of those
custom necklaces so people know
57
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,074
who to call when
you get lost.
58
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,409
Considering what you two did,
it's a miracle
59
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,777
Maw Maw even found me.
60
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,246
I read the wrong number
in my address book,
61
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,515
and I called Delilah
instead of Dr. Delaney,
62
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,117
the euthanasianist.
63
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:34,553
Sometimes I get a pretty
serious case of the Mondays.
64
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:37,790
Well, not anymore, Maw Maw,
'cause you got a new light in your life.
65
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,759
Unlike the darkness
you've been living with.
66
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,794
Things must not be
that sunny in Florida
67
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:44,062
if you could just pick up and
come all the way to Natesville.
68
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:45,865
Actually,
they've been pretty good.
69
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:48,367
I've opened up a chain
of solar-powered tanning beds
70
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,935
called "Sun Tan."
71
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:53,205
What we do is we harness the
power of the sun to tan people.
72
00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:55,941
Damn. I got to hand it to her.
That's pretty revolutionary.
73
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,610
Well, Delilah,
it's been nice catching up,
74
00:02:58,677 --> 00:03:00,045
but you probably want
to beat the traffic
75
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,480
getting back
to the Hell Away from Us.
76
00:03:02,548 --> 00:03:04,516
Oh. (Chuckles)
I'm not leaving.
77
00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:06,751
At least not
until I help Maw Maw
78
00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:10,955
finalize the details
of her reverse mortgage.
79
00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:13,357
Reverse mortgage.
So that would be what?
80
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:14,826
E-gag-trom?
81
00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:17,228
Oh, Burt.
(Grunts)
82
00:03:17,296 --> 00:03:18,963
You handsome simpleton you.
83
00:03:19,031 --> 00:03:21,533
A reverse mortgage is a
financially sound way
84
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,601
for Maw Maw to get money
out of her house now,
85
00:03:23,669 --> 00:03:25,437
so she can live it up
while she's still alive.
86
00:03:25,504 --> 00:03:27,571
Fonzie told me about it on TV.
87
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:29,807
I'm gonna get a nice fat check
every month
88
00:03:29,874 --> 00:03:32,243
while I'm living it up
down in Daytona
89
00:03:32,311 --> 00:03:34,711
with Delilah
and her husband.
90
00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:38,015
What? Maw Maw, you can't
leave us. We love you.
91
00:03:38,083 --> 00:03:41,052
Oh, drop the lovey-dovey act, Ginny.
You two will be just fine.
92
00:03:41,119 --> 00:03:42,953
That's the beauty of
the reverse mortgage.
93
00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:45,155
While Maw Maw gets to travel
and do all the things she wants
94
00:03:45,222 --> 00:03:47,023
to do, you get to stay
in the house
95
00:03:47,091 --> 00:03:48,892
for the life of the mortgage.
Or Maw Maw.
96
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,226
Whichever ends first.
97
00:03:50,294 --> 00:03:53,363
You belong here
with your family, not in some
98
00:03:53,431 --> 00:03:54,731
spring break
swamp town
99
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:57,768
full of nothing but drunk college kids
having casual sex.
100
00:03:57,836 --> 00:03:59,769
Drunk college kids
and casual sex?
101
00:03:59,837 --> 00:04:01,904
What are we waiting for?
Let's go.
102
00:04:05,642 --> 00:04:07,577
Thank you so much for coming.
This is actually
103
00:04:07,644 --> 00:04:09,079
our first time
interviewing babysitters,
104
00:04:09,146 --> 00:04:11,614
but you came
very highly recommended.
105
00:04:11,682 --> 00:04:15,151
You're too kind. It's easy to be
good when you love your work.
106
00:04:15,219 --> 00:04:16,318
What we really need...
107
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:19,622
We don't speak
unless spoken to, child.
108
00:04:20,199 --> 00:04:22,453
We have tickets to
CoverFest this Saturday.
109
00:04:22,613 --> 00:04:24,244
This year it's all
hybrid cover bands.
110
00:04:24,371 --> 00:04:27,597
The headliners are N.W.AC/DC
and Red Hot Chili Vanilli.
111
00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:30,690
(Quietly): It's written in blood.
It's written in blood.
112
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:35,286
You never have to worry about
your child's safety as long as I'm here.
113
00:04:37,349 --> 00:04:40,342
I customized it so there's
no safety to slow me down.
114
00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:44,679
Twins: We'd be happy to play
with Hope forever.
115
00:04:44,747 --> 00:04:46,215
- And ever
- And ever
116
00:04:46,282 --> 00:04:49,417
- and ever, and ever.
- and ever, and ever.
117
00:04:49,485 --> 00:04:50,886
I love kids.
118
00:04:50,953 --> 00:04:53,221
I have four younger siblings
who I basically raised.
119
00:04:53,288 --> 00:04:56,791
I have a degree in Early
Childhood Development
120
00:04:56,859 --> 00:04:59,794
and I'm getting my master's
in Child Psychology.
121
00:04:59,862 --> 00:05:03,331
Wow. You seem...
really qualified.
122
00:05:03,399 --> 00:05:04,833
Pass.
123
00:05:04,901 --> 00:05:05,866
(Crickets chirping)
124
00:05:05,934 --> 00:05:07,535
I'm telling you, Burt.
125
00:05:07,602 --> 00:05:09,570
The reverse mortgage,
126
00:05:09,638 --> 00:05:10,938
moving Maw Maw down to Florida.
127
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,440
I don't like any of this.
128
00:05:12,508 --> 00:05:15,243
Delilah's never looking out
for anyone but herself.
129
00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:16,777
- Virginia, you're too stressed.
- (Sighs)
130
00:05:16,845 --> 00:05:18,479
I've told you,
when you get like this,
131
00:05:18,547 --> 00:05:19,747
you got to do what I do.
132
00:05:19,814 --> 00:05:21,516
I just close my eyes...
133
00:05:21,583 --> 00:05:25,218
and I drift off to a little
tropical paradise in my head
134
00:05:25,286 --> 00:05:28,288
that I like to callBurt Island.
135
00:05:28,356 --> 00:05:31,725
There, I'm a millionairebecause I'm the only one
136
00:05:31,793 --> 00:05:34,161
who knows how to cleanand filter the ocean.
137
00:05:34,728 --> 00:05:37,397
A place where your cinnamontoast Italian hoagies
138
00:05:37,465 --> 00:05:39,466
grow on trees.
139
00:05:39,534 --> 00:05:41,234
And there's a friendly islander
140
00:05:41,302 --> 00:05:43,636
who's just a little bit worsethan me at foosball,
141
00:05:43,704 --> 00:05:45,338
so I always win.
142
00:05:45,406 --> 00:05:47,140
Got you again,
Pupukaka!
143
00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:50,477
And all the women are the mostbeautiful women I've ever seen.
144
00:05:50,545 --> 00:05:52,045
Hi, Virginias.
145
00:05:52,113 --> 00:05:54,247
Virginias:
Hello, Burt.
146
00:05:55,049 --> 00:05:57,516
And aloha to you, Pupukaka.
147
00:05:57,585 --> 00:06:00,753
(Chuckles)
148
00:06:02,355 --> 00:06:04,924
(Chuckles)
And some of you are easy,
149
00:06:04,992 --> 00:06:06,559
some of you are
too good for me.
150
00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:07,727
(Sighs)
Now you try.
151
00:06:07,795 --> 00:06:09,095
You go to Virginia Island.
152
00:06:09,162 --> 00:06:12,098
Okay, fine.
153
00:06:12,165 --> 00:06:14,433
(Sighs)
154
00:06:14,501 --> 00:06:16,635
(Gulls squawking)
155
00:06:16,703 --> 00:06:19,305
Mmm.
156
00:06:20,974 --> 00:06:23,509
Hey, Ginny. I thought being
on a deserted island
157
00:06:23,577 --> 00:06:25,578
was supposed
to make you lose weight.
158
00:06:25,645 --> 00:06:26,579
(Cackles)
159
00:06:26,646 --> 00:06:27,913
(Groans)
160
00:06:27,981 --> 00:06:30,215
God. I can't do it, Burt.
161
00:06:30,282 --> 00:06:32,918
It may work for you, but my head
just won't let me go there.
162
00:06:32,986 --> 00:06:34,886
It just takes practice.
You stick with it.
163
00:06:34,954 --> 00:06:37,555
Here, have something sweet.
Help you calm down.
164
00:06:37,624 --> 00:06:39,390
(Sniffs)
165
00:06:39,458 --> 00:06:41,627
Where'd you get these?
166
00:06:41,694 --> 00:06:43,061
Out of the trash can.
167
00:06:43,129 --> 00:06:45,230
Delilah threw them away,
but they taste fine to me.
168
00:06:45,297 --> 00:06:48,500
Burt... remember
when Jimmy needed braces
169
00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:50,101
and we didn't have any money?
170
00:06:50,169 --> 00:06:51,869
What did we do to get it?
171
00:06:51,937 --> 00:06:53,404
We sold our blood
every Wednesday
172
00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:54,839
for two years straight.
173
00:06:54,906 --> 00:06:57,442
The only good thing
about it was the delicious...
174
00:06:57,510 --> 00:06:58,843
Oh, my God.
175
00:06:58,910 --> 00:07:01,245
These are blood bank cookies.
176
00:07:03,515 --> 00:07:06,617
Aha. Look.
177
00:07:06,685 --> 00:07:08,452
Blood bank recovery juice.
178
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,087
She's selling her blood.
179
00:07:10,155 --> 00:07:12,356
What kind of wealthy
suntan mogul needs
180
00:07:12,423 --> 00:07:13,924
to sell her own blood?
181
00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:16,060
See, I was gonna say Delilah,
but that's too obvious.
182
00:07:16,128 --> 00:07:18,629
Uh... think, think,
think, think, think.
183
00:07:18,696 --> 00:07:19,663
No, it's Delilah.
184
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:20,730
Oh, damn it.
185
00:07:20,798 --> 00:07:23,367
I was really close that time.
186
00:07:24,832 --> 00:07:28,059
CPR training,
president of the nutrition club,
187
00:07:28,222 --> 00:07:31,286
internship at a Danish interlocking
toy block company? You're perfect.
188
00:07:31,386 --> 00:07:33,993
(Groans) You have no idea
how many people we've seen.
189
00:07:34,061 --> 00:07:35,128
(Chuckles)
190
00:07:35,196 --> 00:07:36,196
- You're hired.
- Oh.
191
00:07:36,263 --> 00:07:38,532
That's so cool of you, but...
192
00:07:38,599 --> 00:07:40,434
I got to ask you
a few questions
193
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:41,968
because I only sit
for one family at a time,
194
00:07:42,036 --> 00:07:44,403
and I'm in, like,
really high demand.
195
00:07:44,471 --> 00:07:46,005
But you have to pick us.
196
00:07:46,073 --> 00:07:49,275
Our only other option is a woman
that has two hooks for hands.
197
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:50,376
Oh, I know Claire.
She's awesome.
198
00:07:50,444 --> 00:07:51,510
We went zip-lining together.
199
00:07:51,578 --> 00:07:52,778
- Oh, yeah?
- Okay.
200
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:55,781
I'm texting you
your first question now.
201
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,550
Oh...
202
00:07:58,886 --> 00:08:01,654
Those Daytona spring breakers
203
00:08:01,722 --> 00:08:04,357
have no idea
who they'll be messing with.
204
00:08:04,424 --> 00:08:06,091
Okay, Maw Maw,
one more initial
205
00:08:06,159 --> 00:08:09,161
and you've got yourself
a reverse mortgage. Mmm.
206
00:08:09,229 --> 00:08:10,763
Put the pen down, Maw Maw.
207
00:08:10,831 --> 00:08:12,798
Why don't you ask Delilah here
about how she's broke
208
00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:15,267
and just came here to scam you
out of all your money.
209
00:08:15,335 --> 00:08:18,003
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't need Maw Maw's money.
210
00:08:18,071 --> 00:08:22,341
Oh, really? Then how come
you're selling your blood?
211
00:08:22,408 --> 00:08:24,609
- Oh.
- Oh, we got to quit
212
00:08:24,677 --> 00:08:26,245
ripping people's clothes off
to prove they're liars.
213
00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:29,214
This is like when you thought
the mailman was a woman all over again.
214
00:08:29,282 --> 00:08:31,049
Except this time
215
00:08:31,117 --> 00:08:33,118
I'm... right!
216
00:08:33,186 --> 00:08:35,587
Oh, thank God.
217
00:08:35,654 --> 00:08:38,122
What do you have to say
for yourself now, Delilah?
218
00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:39,791
Suck it, Ginny.
219
00:08:39,859 --> 00:08:40,291
(Shouts)
220
00:08:40,359 --> 00:08:42,260
(Grunting)
221
00:08:44,296 --> 00:08:46,531
(Grunts)
(Delilah shouts)
222
00:08:46,599 --> 00:08:48,700
(Yelling)
223
00:08:50,168 --> 00:08:52,136
(Grunting)
224
00:08:54,539 --> 00:08:55,539
(Yells)
225
00:08:55,607 --> 00:08:56,941
(Choking)
226
00:08:58,043 --> 00:08:59,243
(Grunting)
227
00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:02,280
(Stifled moan)
228
00:09:02,347 --> 00:09:03,247
I can't believe you two!
229
00:09:03,315 --> 00:09:04,648
Here you are,
grown women,
230
00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:05,716
and you're still fighting
231
00:09:05,784 --> 00:09:07,284
like when you were teenagers!
232
00:09:07,351 --> 00:09:09,620
Delilah started it
when she came here trying
233
00:09:09,687 --> 00:09:11,388
to reverse cowgirl
your mortgage!
234
00:09:11,456 --> 00:09:13,557
Oh, I had to!
I got nothing!
235
00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:15,692
It turns out
in the tanning bed industry
236
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,428
you're always
one irregular mole away
237
00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:18,929
from being Yelp'd out
of the business.
238
00:09:18,996 --> 00:09:20,631
(Grunts)
Burt: Well, at least
239
00:09:20,698 --> 00:09:21,698
you've still got your husband.
240
00:09:21,766 --> 00:09:23,333
No, he left me
and re-enlisted.
241
00:09:23,401 --> 00:09:26,536
He said he'd rather go back to
clearing mines in Afghanistan.
242
00:09:26,603 --> 00:09:28,771
That it's easier on his nerves.
243
00:09:28,839 --> 00:09:30,206
Well, I'm done
with this fighting.
244
00:09:30,274 --> 00:09:32,475
You can both stay here,
but the first one of you
245
00:09:32,543 --> 00:09:35,078
who's not nice
to the other is out.
246
00:09:35,146 --> 00:09:36,279
Of the house?
247
00:09:36,347 --> 00:09:37,280
And my will.
248
00:09:37,348 --> 00:09:38,114
(Gasps)
249
00:09:38,182 --> 00:09:41,651
The one who is
nicest longest gets... all of this.
250
00:09:41,718 --> 00:09:44,320
(Grunting)
251
00:09:46,423 --> 00:09:49,224
Now hug it out, bitches.
252
00:09:55,732 --> 00:09:58,900
...and, well, that's
when I realized that
253
00:09:58,969 --> 00:10:01,103
I just really love
this family and...
254
00:10:01,171 --> 00:10:03,505
I wanted to be Hope's
mother forever,
255
00:10:03,573 --> 00:10:05,507
so I adopted her
immediately.
256
00:10:05,575 --> 00:10:08,010
That's a nice story.
So, a minute ago,
257
00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:10,012
you mentioned
you have some licorice?
258
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,114
Yeah, it's, uh...
it's just in the cupboard.
259
00:10:13,182 --> 00:10:17,151
Okay, here's the last question:
red or black?
260
00:10:18,420 --> 00:10:19,488
Red?
261
00:10:19,555 --> 00:10:20,956
Final answer?
262
00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:23,358
Yeah?
263
00:10:23,425 --> 00:10:24,793
Congratulations. I'm hired.
264
00:10:24,861 --> 00:10:26,895
Really? (Chuckles)
That's amazing!
265
00:10:26,963 --> 00:10:29,697
- Mmm!
- All right, so, uh...
266
00:10:29,764 --> 00:10:31,866
I guess we will see
you on Saturday.
267
00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,734
Oh, this Saturday?
I can't do that.
268
00:10:33,802 --> 00:10:35,669
The concert is this Saturday.
That's...
269
00:10:35,737 --> 00:10:37,338
why we wanted you
in the first place.
270
00:10:37,406 --> 00:10:39,773
I'm sorry. I have a history
project that's due on Monday,
271
00:10:39,841 --> 00:10:42,076
and I have to spend
the weekend working on it.
272
00:10:42,144 --> 00:10:42,943
History?
273
00:10:43,012 --> 00:10:44,645
We'll do it for you.
274
00:10:44,713 --> 00:10:45,513
What?
275
00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:47,114
I need this, Jimmy.
276
00:10:47,181 --> 00:10:49,950
I'm sorry. You know how much
I love that little girl,
277
00:10:50,018 --> 00:10:53,821
but I need some adult time alone
with my adult husband
278
00:10:53,889 --> 00:10:55,556
so I can have
adult drinks
279
00:10:55,624 --> 00:10:56,824
(Quietly):
and do the adult things.
280
00:10:56,892 --> 00:10:59,292
So, what are we doing
this project on?
281
00:11:00,629 --> 00:11:04,264
Who wants the last piece of pie?
282
00:11:04,332 --> 00:11:05,565
You take it,
Virginia.
283
00:11:05,633 --> 00:11:08,701
It's obvious
you're a big fan of pie.
284
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:09,903
Yes, I am.
285
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:13,040
I eat it with my
husband all the time.
286
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,211
(Over television):
In local weather,
287
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,681
lots of sunshine coming our way
for the next few days.
288
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,850
Oh, I put some glue
on the remote
289
00:11:23,918 --> 00:11:25,552
because you said
next time you lost it,
290
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:27,486
you would just glue it
to your hand.
291
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:29,656
Oh, was that in jest?
292
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:30,757
Because you might not want
to touch
293
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:33,593
your wallet, keys, or tampons.
294
00:11:33,661 --> 00:11:34,527
(Sighs)
295
00:11:34,595 --> 00:11:37,096
(Sniffs)
296
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,497
Oh, my Lord.
297
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:41,534
Why the heck does my room
smell like a cow's dumper?
298
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:42,768
Oh, I wanted
to brighten up the room
299
00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:44,303
for you
with some flowers.
300
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,471
Don't worry,
301
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,506
they're going
to live a long time.
302
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,209
I used a lot
of fertilizer.
303
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,377
No.
(Groans)
304
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,951
You know, they're not
going to pay you extra
305
00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:00,719
if they can drink
out of the bowl.
306
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:03,622
Sorry, I'd rather be
here than at home.
307
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,057
Thanks to my
cousin Delilah,
308
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:07,525
cleaning toilets is now
the best part of my day.
309
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,660
(Chuckles)
I know where you're at.
310
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:11,229
Try being married
to a guy who decided
311
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:14,299
to become a Cher impersonator
at age 50.
312
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,033
Knock, knock, knock.
313
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:17,569
Both:
Who's there?
314
00:12:17,636 --> 00:12:18,836
Your new crew member.
315
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:23,274
Well, if it isn't
Slumdog Nothingaire.
316
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:24,309
Maw Maw insisted
317
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:28,145
I take a job here
alongside my new best friend.
318
00:12:28,213 --> 00:12:29,346
Oh, my God.
319
00:12:29,414 --> 00:12:31,248
We're gonna be together
24 hours a day.
320
00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:35,987
Virginia Island,
Virginia Island, Virginia Island.
321
00:12:36,788 --> 00:12:39,957
Ah, that's nice.
322
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,294
What?
323
00:12:44,362 --> 00:12:46,530
(Mouthing)
324
00:12:46,598 --> 00:12:48,665
No, no.
325
00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:50,334
No.
326
00:12:51,436 --> 00:12:53,403
I can't get it to work.
327
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:58,160
Maw Maw wants her eggs the way
you were in high school, over easy.
328
00:12:58,228 --> 00:13:01,564
I mean, bent over easy.
(Chuckles)
329
00:13:01,631 --> 00:13:04,432
We're not having eggs,
Delilah, it's dinnertime.
330
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,335
Oh, good, I love your cooking.
331
00:13:06,402 --> 00:13:08,536
It's never rich, like you.
332
00:13:08,604 --> 00:13:10,772
- That's it.
- Oh, Virginia, no, no, no, no!
333
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,509
She wants you to hit her
so she'll get the house.
334
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,246
What's that I hear?
335
00:13:17,313 --> 00:13:18,446
Oh, it's a bird only
found on Virginia Island.
336
00:13:18,514 --> 00:13:20,314
Koo-la-roo, koo-la-roo.
337
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,315
(Exhales)
338
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,217
Now just take it all in.
339
00:13:23,285 --> 00:13:24,986
I'm there serving you
a drink buck naked
340
00:13:25,053 --> 00:13:26,354
just a suggestion.
341
00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:27,955
I don't know what game
you two are playing,
342
00:13:28,023 --> 00:13:31,526
but if Burt's naked, I'm all in.
343
00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:34,128
Oh, God, I can't do
the island thing, okay?
344
00:13:34,196 --> 00:13:35,864
I've never been
a beach person.
345
00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:38,332
Sand, sunscreen,
and brightly colored towels
346
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,600
it just stresses me out.
347
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:42,970
It doesn't have to be an actual island,
just anyplace that relaxes you.
348
00:13:43,038 --> 00:13:45,706
What makes you happier
than anything else?
349
00:13:45,774 --> 00:13:46,807
Okay.
350
00:13:46,875 --> 00:13:47,841
Okay.
351
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,576
Okay, it's working.
352
00:13:49,644 --> 00:13:51,946
- I'm on Virginia Island.
- Yeah,
353
00:13:52,014 --> 00:13:54,981
it's working for me, too,
only I'm on Burt Peninsula.
354
00:13:55,049 --> 00:13:56,450
It's a lot like Florida,
355
00:13:56,518 --> 00:13:59,420
only Burt's naked and doing me
like I owe him money.
356
00:13:59,487 --> 00:14:01,121
Cha-ching.
(Chuckles)
357
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:02,523
Virginia can't
hear you, Delilah,
358
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:03,624
'cause Virginia
Island is surrounded
359
00:14:03,691 --> 00:14:05,759
by a soundproof bitch bubble.
360
00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:07,461
(Doorbell rings)
361
00:14:07,529 --> 00:14:09,796
Sabrina:
Oh, good, you're here.
362
00:14:09,863 --> 00:14:11,697
We can go over
your project together.
363
00:14:11,765 --> 00:14:14,434
So, um, that is your visual aid
and here are your note cards.
364
00:14:14,501 --> 00:14:15,568
I can't do this right now.
365
00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:16,669
What do you mean?
You said you had
366
00:14:16,737 --> 00:14:18,138
to finish your project
by tonight
367
00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:19,672
so you could babysit
for us tomorrow.
368
00:14:19,740 --> 00:14:21,574
I'm sorry, I can't concentrate.
369
00:14:21,642 --> 00:14:23,576
I was going to break up with
my boyfriend on the way over here,
370
00:14:23,644 --> 00:14:27,212
but I lost my nerve and now
he's waiting for me outside.
371
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,649
Okay, yeah, yeah,
we can help you with that.
372
00:14:29,716 --> 00:14:31,484
Jimmy, go break up with him.
373
00:14:31,552 --> 00:14:32,819
- Huh?
- Really?
374
00:14:32,886 --> 00:14:33,886
That would be great.
375
00:14:33,954 --> 00:14:34,821
I don't think that...
376
00:14:34,888 --> 00:14:35,888
- Jimmy.
- Hmm?
377
00:14:35,956 --> 00:14:37,723
I hope I never have
to say this to you
378
00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:39,959
ever again, but I need you
to go outside and break up
379
00:14:40,026 --> 00:14:42,127
with that teenage boy
for the sake of our marriage.
380
00:14:42,195 --> 00:14:44,263
Is he a crier?
381
00:14:44,331 --> 00:14:45,797
A little bit.
382
00:14:45,865 --> 00:14:47,899
I'll do anything.
383
00:14:49,202 --> 00:14:53,005
It's not you,
it's her.
384
00:14:55,175 --> 00:14:57,776
(High-pitched sobbing)
385
00:14:59,211 --> 00:15:00,946
Wow.
386
00:15:01,013 --> 00:15:04,449
You were right, Burt,
that was fantastic.
387
00:15:04,517 --> 00:15:07,085
What me and Burt just
did was fantastic, too.
388
00:15:07,152 --> 00:15:09,554
He twisted me up
like a little, soft pretzel.
389
00:15:09,622 --> 00:15:11,022
Introduced my ankles to my ears.
390
00:15:11,090 --> 00:15:12,256
(Chuckles)
391
00:15:12,324 --> 00:15:13,959
I did not make
any such introductions.
392
00:15:14,026 --> 00:15:17,695
Oh, Delilah, I'm sorry you're
having such a hard time.
393
00:15:17,762 --> 00:15:18,829
I'm not having
a hard time.
394
00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:20,365
Your face is
having a hard time
395
00:15:20,432 --> 00:15:22,467
distinguishing itself
from your behind.
396
00:15:22,534 --> 00:15:23,567
You are ugly,
397
00:15:23,635 --> 00:15:27,038
fat, poor, poor, fat, ugly.
398
00:15:27,106 --> 00:15:28,139
You said that one already.
399
00:15:28,207 --> 00:15:29,374
You live with
your grandma.
400
00:15:29,441 --> 00:15:31,175
This is just getting sad.
401
00:15:31,243 --> 00:15:33,176
No, what's sad is that you
think you have won this house.
402
00:15:33,244 --> 00:15:36,046
You have no idea who you
are messing with, sister.
403
00:15:38,182 --> 00:15:40,050
(Screaming)
404
00:15:40,919 --> 00:15:43,988
(All screaming)
405
00:15:51,462 --> 00:15:56,366
Maw Maw, Virginia
just broke my arm!
406
00:15:56,434 --> 00:16:00,437
(Screams)
407
00:16:04,857 --> 00:16:06,058
Don't worry, Ginny,
408
00:16:06,125 --> 00:16:07,826
no one's pressing
charges here.
409
00:16:07,894 --> 00:16:09,728
Maw Maw,
she did it to herself.
410
00:16:09,795 --> 00:16:11,096
You got to believe me.
411
00:16:11,164 --> 00:16:12,264
Stop lying, Virginia.
412
00:16:12,332 --> 00:16:13,565
I couldn't break my own arm,
413
00:16:13,632 --> 00:16:15,334
and my bones are like
blackboard chalk.
414
00:16:16,069 --> 00:16:17,269
The rules were clear.
415
00:16:17,337 --> 00:16:18,670
Delilah gets
the house.
416
00:16:18,738 --> 00:16:19,738
(Gasps)
What?
417
00:16:19,805 --> 00:16:21,005
Thank you, Maw Maw.
418
00:16:21,073 --> 00:16:22,173
Don't worry, Ginny,
419
00:16:22,241 --> 00:16:23,541
I just want
you to know
420
00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:25,009
that you and Burt
are welcome to live here
421
00:16:25,077 --> 00:16:27,011
as long as you want, assuming
you sleep in Jimmy's room,
422
00:16:27,079 --> 00:16:29,481
pay rent, and live by my rules.
423
00:16:29,548 --> 00:16:31,282
(Sighs)
Another pi?a colada?
424
00:16:31,350 --> 00:16:32,950
Thank you, Virginia
Number Seven.
425
00:16:33,018 --> 00:16:36,153
Need you
on the mainland, Burt.
426
00:16:37,990 --> 00:16:41,859
Oh, man, van living
was much easier
427
00:16:41,927 --> 00:16:43,895
when we were
in our 20s.
428
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,797
(Grunts)
429
00:16:46,865 --> 00:16:48,299
I want to do it, Burt.
430
00:16:48,367 --> 00:16:51,167
Okay, but you're going to
have to do most of the work.
431
00:16:51,235 --> 00:16:52,569
I can barely move.
432
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,505
No, not that.
433
00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,039
I want to take the promotion.
434
00:16:56,107 --> 00:16:57,574
Are you sure?
Yeah,
435
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:59,109
we're too old for you
to be driving me
436
00:16:59,176 --> 00:17:00,911
to work in our house.
437
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,145
Well, I'm proud of you.
438
00:17:02,213 --> 00:17:03,980
You know, this
wouldn't be our house
439
00:17:04,048 --> 00:17:05,883
if we just stayed with
Jimmy and Sabrina.
440
00:17:05,950 --> 00:17:07,183
No way.
441
00:17:07,251 --> 00:17:08,418
It's one thing to mooch
off my grandmother.
442
00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:10,553
I'm not about to mooch
off my own son.
443
00:17:10,621 --> 00:17:12,956
I have pride, Burt.
444
00:17:13,024 --> 00:17:14,157
Car wash is open.
445
00:17:14,225 --> 00:17:16,226
Let's go sneak a shower.
446
00:17:19,230 --> 00:17:22,265
Okay, Ashley, uh, we'll
be home around 1:00.
447
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,366
You guys have fun.
448
00:17:23,434 --> 00:17:25,234
And, Hope,
Ashley's in charge,
449
00:17:25,302 --> 00:17:26,536
so you got to listen
to her, all right?
450
00:17:26,603 --> 00:17:28,871
You got to go to bed
when she tells you to.
451
00:17:28,939 --> 00:17:29,772
Yeah.
452
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,674
Mwah.
453
00:17:31,742 --> 00:17:33,409
- She feels a little bit warm.
- Nah, she's fine.
454
00:17:33,477 --> 00:17:35,645
She's just running around
outside for the last hour.
455
00:17:35,712 --> 00:17:37,112
You're right, you're
totally right.
456
00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:38,748
So, Ashley,
you have our numbers.
457
00:17:38,816 --> 00:17:41,250
Please feel free to call
with absolutely anything.
458
00:17:41,318 --> 00:17:42,251
Don't worry, have fun.
459
00:17:42,319 --> 00:17:44,053
CoverFest!
460
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:46,621
Ooh, you know what?
461
00:17:46,689 --> 00:17:48,890
Maybe I should just show her where
the chewable aspirin is just in case.
462
00:17:48,959 --> 00:17:51,260
Oh, I think after the charts
and the second walk-through,
463
00:17:51,328 --> 00:17:53,595
she knows where more stuff
in our house is than I do.
464
00:17:53,663 --> 00:17:56,265
You're right, I'm
sorry, let's just go
465
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:59,067
because CoverFest only
happens once a year.
466
00:17:59,134 --> 00:18:01,903
CoverFest!
467
00:18:01,971 --> 00:18:03,338
I don't know.
468
00:18:03,405 --> 00:18:04,673
Sabrina, let's not overreact.
469
00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:06,441
When I was a kid, my parents
went to Lollapalooza
470
00:18:06,509 --> 00:18:08,242
even after I swallowed
a jar of pennies.
471
00:18:08,310 --> 00:18:09,511
And I was fine,
472
00:18:09,579 --> 00:18:10,679
although when I pooped,
it sounded
473
00:18:10,746 --> 00:18:12,581
like the jackpot
from a slot machine.
474
00:18:13,648 --> 00:18:14,782
(Sighs)
475
00:18:15,617 --> 00:18:17,551
Yeah, I heard it
as I said it.
476
00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:21,555
Hey, Ashley.
477
00:18:22,524 --> 00:18:24,825
Do you like
Maroon Five for Fighting?
478
00:18:27,395 --> 00:18:28,762
Look who it is.
479
00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:30,531
I guess a week of
living in the van
480
00:18:30,599 --> 00:18:33,266
was enough to force these two
to come crawling back.
481
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:34,502
Don't worry.
482
00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:36,236
We're just here
to pick up some things.
483
00:18:36,304 --> 00:18:37,638
Then we're gonna go look
at apartments.
484
00:18:37,706 --> 00:18:40,040
I hear they have
exposed brick and high ceilings
485
00:18:40,108 --> 00:18:41,408
under the 8th Street Bridge.
486
00:18:41,476 --> 00:18:45,779
For your information, we're
looking for a real apartment.
487
00:18:45,847 --> 00:18:47,814
The kind of apartment you can
afford when you're married
488
00:18:47,882 --> 00:18:50,384
to the new
Knock Knock Knock crew chief.
489
00:18:50,451 --> 00:18:51,318
You actually went
490
00:18:51,386 --> 00:18:52,986
after that promotion?
491
00:18:53,054 --> 00:18:55,055
I thought you were afraid
you couldn't deal with people.
492
00:18:55,123 --> 00:18:57,790
Yeah, after Burt taught me
his trick for taking crap,
493
00:18:57,858 --> 00:18:59,359
I wasn't scared
anymore.
494
00:18:59,427 --> 00:19:01,728
Funny thing is, once I started,
495
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:04,096
I never even neededVirginia Island.
496
00:19:04,164 --> 00:19:05,832
I gave the clientsa cleaning form
497
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:08,768
so we wouldn't miss thingsthey wanted us to do.
498
00:19:11,037 --> 00:19:13,281
And I got Knock Knock Knockto give everyone
499
00:19:13,281 --> 00:19:16,075
an extra 15 minutes at lunchto take care of personal matters.
500
00:19:16,143 --> 00:19:19,745
And then the handsome gardener
turned to the sexy maid
501
00:19:19,812 --> 00:19:22,748
and said,
"Take me, take me now."
502
00:19:22,815 --> 00:19:25,784
(Sighing)
503
00:19:25,852 --> 00:19:27,786
Turns out,
if the clients aren't mad
504
00:19:27,854 --> 00:19:31,357
and the workers aren't mad,
the bosses aren't mad.
505
00:19:31,425 --> 00:19:33,859
So you're going
to keep the job?
506
00:19:33,927 --> 00:19:35,461
Yeah, I'm pretty
good at it
507
00:19:35,529 --> 00:19:37,629
and I actually kind
of like it, too.
508
00:19:37,697 --> 00:19:39,765
Good.
509
00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:41,099
Get out.
What?
510
00:19:41,167 --> 00:19:44,803
I only invited you here
to light a fire under Virginia.
511
00:19:45,438 --> 00:19:47,873
- You planned this?
- Of course.
512
00:19:47,941 --> 00:19:50,341
When you're lucid,
you are scary lucid.
513
00:19:50,409 --> 00:19:51,710
Wait a minute,
so you just
514
00:19:51,778 --> 00:19:54,412
used me so this one
could become a better maid?
515
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,214
Yep, I always knew
she could do it.
516
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,482
Someone just
needed to push her
517
00:19:57,550 --> 00:20:00,051
so she could find out
for herself.
518
00:20:01,053 --> 00:20:03,988
Information I could have used
before I broke my own arm.
519
00:20:05,857 --> 00:20:07,358
Just so you know,
520
00:20:07,426 --> 00:20:10,494
if I catch you getting
lazy again, I'm telling her
521
00:20:10,562 --> 00:20:14,809
about the Nazi gold
Wilfred buried in the yard.
522
00:20:17,524 --> 00:20:18,330
Wow.
523
00:20:18,561 --> 00:20:20,304
Maw Maw's just an eye patch
and a Persian cat away
524
00:20:20,371 --> 00:20:21,639
from being
a supervillain.
525
00:20:21,707 --> 00:20:24,475
I'm glad we take such
good care of her.
526
00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:27,010
Keeps us on
her good side.
527
00:20:27,078 --> 00:20:28,278
So you never told me
528
00:20:28,346 --> 00:20:29,913
how you finally got
Virginia Island to work?
529
00:20:29,981 --> 00:20:34,384
Well, it's not
actually an island.
530
00:20:34,452 --> 00:20:37,621
It's more of a
place where...
531
00:20:37,688 --> 00:20:42,058
you see nothing but the mostbeautiful sky full of stars,
532
00:20:42,126 --> 00:20:44,794
and the only sounds you hearare crickets,
533
00:20:44,862 --> 00:20:46,362
and when you take a breath,
534
00:20:46,430 --> 00:20:49,699
you smellthe most delicious barbecue,
535
00:20:49,767 --> 00:20:51,735
and all my favorite peopleare there
536
00:20:51,802 --> 00:20:54,437
just doing what we always do.
537
00:20:57,108 --> 00:20:59,475
That sounds like our backyard
on a Saturday night.
538
00:20:59,543 --> 00:21:03,545
There is one difference.
539
00:21:08,151 --> 00:21:09,852
Hey, what's wrong with you?
540
00:21:09,919 --> 00:21:12,821
Even in your fantasies you can't
go to a nice restaurant?
541
00:21:12,889 --> 00:21:14,556
Hey, why don't you hand me down
a straw
542
00:21:14,624 --> 00:21:16,625
so I can pole-vault up there
and slap you in the face?
543
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,160
(Chuckles)
No.
544
00:21:18,227 --> 00:21:20,262
Hey, not cool, cuz.
545
00:21:20,329 --> 00:21:21,796
Let me out of here.
546
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:23,698
My voice is bouncing
off the walls.
547
00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:25,400
Is this
what I really sound like?
548
00:21:25,468 --> 00:21:27,135
Aah!
549
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:28,637
(Laughs)
550
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:30,938
(Boat horn blows)
What's a second second?
551
00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:34,939
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
552
00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:39,539
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