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1
00:00:01,893 --> 00:00:04,362
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,596
Here we go
3
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:08,599
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
4
00:00:09,668 --> 00:00:11,202
No, it's not in the checkers.
5
00:00:11,237 --> 00:00:12,470
Maybe it's in the backgammon?
6
00:00:12,504 --> 00:00:14,706
That makes no sense.
Check the Snakes and Ladders.
7
00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,641
I did. It's all
Dad's business receipts.
8
00:00:16,675 --> 00:00:18,710
Well, you must've
put it back in the wrong game,
9
00:00:18,744 --> 00:00:21,246
because I always keep it
in the checkers box.
10
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,714
This might be crazy talk,
11
00:00:22,748 --> 00:00:24,883
but why wouldn't you keep
Hope's birth certificate
12
00:00:24,917 --> 00:00:26,384
in the file cabinet?
13
00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:29,454
That's where we lock up
all the bite-sized board game pieces
14
00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:31,256
so Maw Maw doesn't mistake
'em for treats.
15
00:00:31,290 --> 00:00:32,557
Of course.
16
00:00:32,591 --> 00:00:34,225
Maybe you put it
in the Chinese checkers
17
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:35,393
instead of the regular checkers.
18
00:00:35,427 --> 00:00:36,628
Nope.
19
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,130
Chinese checkers is
where Maw Maw's papers go.
20
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,999
Because, like Maw Maw,
21
00:00:41,033 --> 00:00:43,334
the Chinese checkers game
has lost most of its marbles.
22
00:00:43,369 --> 00:00:45,837
That makes
a frightening amount of sense.
23
00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:47,472
Found it!
24
00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:49,073
That's right! I put it in Clue,
25
00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:51,509
because her mother beat someone
to death with a candlestick.
26
00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:52,911
(Panting)
27
00:00:52,945 --> 00:00:53,945
They're all dead!
28
00:00:53,979 --> 00:00:54,946
They're dead!
29
00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:56,314
It was horrible!
30
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,016
Who's dead?
31
00:00:58,050 --> 00:01:00,418
Besides everyone I have ever loved?
32
00:01:00,452 --> 00:01:01,653
Just take a deep breath, Burt.
33
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:02,954
Start from the beginning.
34
00:01:02,988 --> 00:01:05,423
I was trimming some
bushes at the Ericksons'...
35
00:01:05,457 --> 00:01:07,959
you know, the rich people
with the big house down by the river?
36
00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:10,428
(Imitating electric guitar)
37
00:01:10,462 --> 00:01:12,864
(Whistling)
38
00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:15,667
No!
39
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:18,603
I can't save all of you,
but I can save some of you!
40
00:01:18,637 --> 00:01:21,039
Which ones of you are
women and children?
41
00:01:22,741 --> 00:01:25,143
Ah. You'll have to do, buddy.
42
00:01:25,177 --> 00:01:27,612
One, two, one, two...
43
00:01:27,646 --> 00:01:28,880
(Screams, sobs)
44
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,682
I'm trying to help you!
45
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,384
I'm sure they're
all up in bee heaven,
46
00:01:33,419 --> 00:01:36,154
where the streets are
lined with pollen
47
00:01:36,188 --> 00:01:38,022
and all the little bees
get their wings.
48
00:01:38,057 --> 00:01:40,959
Or their... extra wings, or something.
49
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:43,795
I hate those
black and yellow bastards.
50
00:01:43,829 --> 00:01:44,996
Invading our neighborhood,
51
00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:47,332
scaring the heck out of everybody...
52
00:01:48,367 --> 00:01:49,834
We were talking about bees, right?
53
00:01:50,669 --> 00:01:53,705
I know it's hard, Burt,
but death is a part of life.
54
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:55,807
Oh, you guys don't understand.
55
00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:57,575
Without bees, there's no flowers.
56
00:01:57,609 --> 00:01:58,810
No flowers, no gardeners.
57
00:01:58,844 --> 00:02:00,745
No gardeners... no job.
58
00:02:00,779 --> 00:02:03,414
And one other thing: No bees,
59
00:02:03,449 --> 00:02:05,850
all life on Earth
will cease to exist.
60
00:02:05,884 --> 00:02:07,385
This could be great news.
61
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,320
You're happy about
all the bees dying?
62
00:02:09,355 --> 00:02:11,089
No, that environmental group
that I'm part of,
63
00:02:11,123 --> 00:02:14,525
they think that the kazoo factory has been
dumping chemicals into the river.
64
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,761
And if they hear about
all these bees dying,
65
00:02:16,795 --> 00:02:18,396
I'm sure they're gonna
want to start a protest.
66
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,831
You should definitely do a protest.
67
00:02:19,865 --> 00:02:21,532
Paint signs, chain yourself
to each other,
68
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:22,900
Even if it takes all day
69
00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:25,403
marching around
in the hot, blazing sun.
70
00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,438
God, I'm so glad you're into this.
71
00:02:28,474 --> 00:02:30,408
We should get started.
72
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:32,076
Wait...
73
00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:33,244
I have to go with you?
74
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:34,245
(Door opens)
75
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:35,279
(Moans)
76
00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:38,349
Good for them, with their protest.
77
00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:40,785
I wish we could do something
that would actually work.
78
00:02:40,819 --> 00:02:42,787
We should write a letter
to our senator.
79
00:02:42,821 --> 00:02:45,423
- Do you know who that is?
- No. Do you?
80
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,925
I seem to recall
he has gray hair
81
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,193
and he points with his thumb.
82
00:02:49,228 --> 00:02:50,895
But other than that,
I'm drawing a blank.
83
00:02:50,929 --> 00:02:53,531
We could just go down
to that company and complain.
84
00:02:53,565 --> 00:02:54,866
I don't know, Virginia.
85
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:58,236
What can two little people like us do
against a giant kazoo conglomeration?
86
00:02:58,270 --> 00:02:59,904
We can give 'em
a piece of our minds.
87
00:02:59,938 --> 00:03:01,239
Remember when you went down
88
00:03:01,273 --> 00:03:02,907
to the video store
'cause you wanted to return
89
00:03:02,941 --> 00:03:04,909
Police Academy 5:
Assignment: Miami Beach?
90
00:03:04,943 --> 00:03:06,577
Yeah, they didn't want
that video back,
91
00:03:06,612 --> 00:03:08,212
but I wouldn't
take no for an answer.
92
00:03:08,247 --> 00:03:10,281
But they did take it back.
93
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,717
Even though the video store
turned into an ice cream parlor.
94
00:03:12,751 --> 00:03:14,385
I was so sick of watching that movie.
95
00:03:14,420 --> 00:03:17,088
No, the point is, Burt,
you convinced them.
96
00:03:17,122 --> 00:03:18,256
You're right.
97
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:19,724
If a rag-tag bunch of police recruits
98
00:03:19,758 --> 00:03:21,459
can take down
a ring of jewelry thieves...
99
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,428
In a fifth sequel that's so bad
100
00:03:23,462 --> 00:03:25,396
even Steve Guttenberg
refused to be in it...
101
00:03:25,431 --> 00:03:27,632
Then we could stand up
to a kazoo factory!
102
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,805
All right, just remember, Burt,
be forceful.
103
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:35,740
Ask their name,
look 'em in the eye,
104
00:03:35,774 --> 00:03:36,908
and stick your chest out.
105
00:03:36,942 --> 00:03:39,010
- I hope this works.
- Oh, trust me, it will.
106
00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:40,244
I read it on the back flap of
107
00:03:40,279 --> 00:03:41,646
How to Win Friends
and Influence People.
108
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,249
Excuse me, what's your name?
109
00:03:45,284 --> 00:03:46,951
Kelly.
110
00:03:46,985 --> 00:03:48,286
Well, Kelly,
111
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,821
we have some
serious issues to discuss
112
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,255
with how your company
conducts its business.
113
00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:53,291
Yes, we do, Kelly.
114
00:03:53,325 --> 00:03:55,093
I'm just in Personnel.
115
00:03:55,127 --> 00:03:56,494
You're gonna want to
talk to Mr. Gunderson.
116
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,096
He's the top guy around here.
117
00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,297
Around the corner,
118
00:03:59,331 --> 00:04:00,598
past the second set of elevators.
119
00:04:00,632 --> 00:04:01,599
Okay.
120
00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:04,402
Have a nice day.
121
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,605
Mr. Gunderson...
122
00:04:07,639 --> 00:04:08,840
We need to talk to you about...
123
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,508
Who the hell are you?
124
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,610
Kelly from Personnel sent us.
125
00:04:12,644 --> 00:04:14,612
Right. The new hires.
126
00:04:14,646 --> 00:04:15,980
You're early, I like that.
127
00:04:16,014 --> 00:04:17,682
What fantastic r?sum?s.
128
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,350
Uh... U. Penn?
129
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,818
I pen, I pencil.
130
00:04:20,853 --> 00:04:21,986
Whatever it takes.
131
00:04:22,020 --> 00:04:24,322
I love the Ivy League
sense of humor.
132
00:04:24,356 --> 00:04:26,691
I'm gonna grab your key cards
and we'll get you started.
133
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,960
Thanks.
Glad to be here!
134
00:04:28,994 --> 00:04:30,328
(Whispers): What the hell are you doing?
135
00:04:30,362 --> 00:04:31,696
We can infiltrate the hive.
136
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,698
Burt, we will never pull this off.
137
00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:37,168
I used to clean offices like this.
These people went to college.
138
00:04:37,202 --> 00:04:38,536
We just want to get a little dirt.
139
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,505
I don't want to retire
here and get a golden kazoo.
140
00:04:40,539 --> 00:04:44,242
Here are your key cards, and
welcome to Amalgamated Kazoo.
141
00:04:44,276 --> 00:04:47,245
Thank you.
Amalgamating kazoos has been
142
00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,547
a lifetime dream of mine.
143
00:04:54,553 --> 00:04:56,521
Uh, do you know
if Mr. Gunderson is available?
144
00:04:56,555 --> 00:04:57,989
Oh, you must be the new hires.
145
00:04:58,023 --> 00:04:59,390
Yeah. Hi.
146
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:00,825
I'm Kelly from Personnel.
147
00:05:00,859 --> 00:05:03,861
Uh, those positions
have been filled. I'm sorry.
148
00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,320
Mom and Dad were
inside the kazoo factory
149
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,722
trying to uncover
the buzz about the dead bees.
150
00:05:14,756 --> 00:05:16,057
Virginia: Wow.
151
00:05:16,091 --> 00:05:18,059
All this work for kazoos?
152
00:05:18,093 --> 00:05:21,629
Can you imagine what a
harmonica company must look like?
153
00:05:21,663 --> 00:05:23,064
Time to get to work.
154
00:05:23,098 --> 00:05:25,066
These are the office protocol manuals.
155
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:27,668
Walk with me.
They cover the rules and the regs,
156
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,837
grievance procedures,
sexual harassment,
157
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:32,607
workers comp,
optical, dental and COBRA.
158
00:05:32,641 --> 00:05:36,063
- Oh, snakes!
- Karen Anderson, advertising.
159
00:05:36,699 --> 00:05:38,479
Gary Dilford, product testing.
160
00:05:38,513 --> 00:05:41,315
(Kazoos buzzing)
161
00:05:41,350 --> 00:05:42,984
(Quacks)
162
00:05:43,018 --> 00:05:44,418
Wayne Hill, customer service.
163
00:05:44,453 --> 00:05:47,088
Have you tried
blowing in the other end?
164
00:05:47,122 --> 00:05:49,091
And this is your cubicle.
165
00:05:50,125 --> 00:05:52,426
So, you'll have
until 1300 hours to set up
166
00:05:52,461 --> 00:05:53,928
your voice mail and e-mail accounts,
167
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,363
and I'll see you then.
168
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:59,367
1,300 hours to set up voice mail?
169
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,035
That sounds pretty complicated.
170
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,170
I knew we'd be in over our heads.
171
00:06:03,205 --> 00:06:04,472
We're gonna get caught.
172
00:06:05,507 --> 00:06:06,641
He's gone!
173
00:06:06,675 --> 00:06:08,309
(Clapping, whooping, whistling)
174
00:06:08,343 --> 00:06:09,610
What just happened?
175
00:06:09,645 --> 00:06:12,213
Oh, if we don't look busy
when Gunderson's around,
176
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:13,848
he thinks we're not trying.
177
00:06:13,882 --> 00:06:15,783
I'm, uh, here
to set up your computers.
178
00:06:15,817 --> 00:06:17,018
I'm Candy from I.T.
179
00:06:17,052 --> 00:06:19,153
Hey.
180
00:06:19,187 --> 00:06:21,722
(Quietly): See? I told you
they'd look down on us.
181
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,791
Even the computer lady
thinks we're so stupid
182
00:06:23,825 --> 00:06:25,793
she needs to spell out the word "it".
183
00:06:25,827 --> 00:06:27,662
I'm gonna snoop around
for some dirt.
184
00:06:27,696 --> 00:06:30,298
Just hurry up. The sooner
we get out of here, the better.
185
00:06:42,511 --> 00:06:44,078
(Hinges squeak)
186
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,153
(Beep)
187
00:06:52,187 --> 00:06:54,188
(Copier whirring)
188
00:06:56,758 --> 00:06:57,892
(Beeping)
189
00:06:57,926 --> 00:07:00,261
(Quietly): Oh, no!
190
00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,430
Oh, no!
191
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,699
(Gasping)
192
00:07:12,741 --> 00:07:14,575
(Grunting)
193
00:07:19,114 --> 00:07:20,581
Hey! New guy!
194
00:07:20,615 --> 00:07:22,016
Buy you a drink?
195
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,084
(Chuckles)
196
00:07:23,118 --> 00:07:25,219
- How is your first day going?
- Great.
197
00:07:25,253 --> 00:07:27,455
Except I can't seem
to find the copier room.
198
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:28,522
I've never seen it.
199
00:07:28,557 --> 00:07:30,291
Never been there.
200
00:07:34,262 --> 00:07:37,031
So, I could just name these
files whatever I want, like...
201
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:39,734
"Parcheesi" or "checkers"
or "backgammon"?
202
00:07:39,768 --> 00:07:42,370
Yeah, I guess.
But most people name them, like,
203
00:07:42,404 --> 00:07:45,206
"accounts payable"
or "customer contacts."
204
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,707
Those aren't fun board game names.
205
00:07:46,742 --> 00:07:49,377
It's based
on a system I use at home.
206
00:07:49,411 --> 00:07:53,247
Clever. It's nice to meet someone else
who's smart and hot. (Clicks tongue)
207
00:07:56,651 --> 00:07:57,885
(Gasps): Oh!
208
00:07:57,919 --> 00:08:00,221
(Exhales)
Did you find anything?
209
00:08:00,255 --> 00:08:03,224
Yeah. People around here
love free water.
210
00:08:03,258 --> 00:08:05,760
And there's no way
to put these cups down.
211
00:08:13,935 --> 00:08:16,570
Okay, so, like I said
in the e-mail blast,
212
00:08:16,605 --> 00:08:19,273
it looks like we may
finally have a breakthrough
213
00:08:19,307 --> 00:08:21,976
in our fight to save
the bees of Natesville.
214
00:08:22,010 --> 00:08:23,344
(Low, excited chatter)
215
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,612
Does anybody have any questions?
216
00:08:26,014 --> 00:08:29,483
Does anyone feel like
having their spouse there
217
00:08:29,518 --> 00:08:31,619
would be a distraction?
218
00:08:31,653 --> 00:08:33,654
Others: No. Mm-mm. Nope.
219
00:08:33,688 --> 00:08:34,955
Great.
220
00:08:36,291 --> 00:08:38,192
This is going to be
a peaceful protest.
221
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,594
We will not be threatening
cops or throwing bricks.
222
00:08:40,629 --> 00:08:42,630
We...
223
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,771
Drastic situations call
for drastic measures.
224
00:08:50,806 --> 00:08:53,474
I, for one, am prepared to put on
a bee costume and chant profanity.
225
00:08:53,508 --> 00:08:55,443
I may use the "D" word.
226
00:08:55,477 --> 00:08:57,611
And if pushed, the "H" word.
227
00:08:57,646 --> 00:09:00,781
See, guys, this is exactly
the attitude that we need
228
00:09:00,816 --> 00:09:03,651
if we are going to close down
Amalgamated Kazoo.
229
00:09:03,685 --> 00:09:06,020
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What the hell!
230
00:09:06,054 --> 00:09:09,023
No one ever said a damn thing
about Amalgamated Kazoo!
231
00:09:09,057 --> 00:09:12,460
We can't shut them down.
They make the best kazoos in the world.
232
00:09:12,494 --> 00:09:16,885
Those are the only kazoos
our jazz quartet, Jazzoo, ever uses.
233
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,504
Come on, Barney,
this is very important.
234
00:09:23,538 --> 00:09:24,839
Well, I wouldn't expect someone
235
00:09:24,873 --> 00:09:27,374
who's never made
the wax paper dance to understand.
236
00:09:27,409 --> 00:09:29,310
Yeah.
You can have my kazoo
237
00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:32,346
when you pry it
from my cold, chapped lips.
238
00:09:34,082 --> 00:09:37,518
Does anyone else here have an
unnatural attachment to kazoos?
239
00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:40,654
Where have you guys been all day?
240
00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:42,490
We have been trying to call you.
241
00:09:42,524 --> 00:09:44,725
We accidentally got a job
at the bee-killing place.
242
00:09:44,759 --> 00:09:46,994
What?! You guys are
siding with the enemy?
243
00:09:47,028 --> 00:09:49,597
No, no!
We are deep undercover.
244
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,899
I spent all day learning
how to use the computer.
245
00:09:51,933 --> 00:09:54,335
You know how you were
giving me such a hard time
246
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:55,703
about my board game filing system?
247
00:09:55,737 --> 00:09:56,871
Turns out...
248
00:09:56,905 --> 00:09:59,707
that's exactly how computers work.
249
00:09:59,741 --> 00:10:02,076
Even the "it" girl said I was smart.
250
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:03,611
Oh, Breaking Bad marathon's
about to start.
251
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,679
What, you guys are
just gonna watch TV?
252
00:10:05,714 --> 00:10:07,081
Wh-What about the bees?
253
00:10:07,115 --> 00:10:09,250
This is for the bees.
We have to watch it
254
00:10:09,284 --> 00:10:11,018
to keep up with
the water cooler crowd.
255
00:10:11,052 --> 00:10:13,387
Water cooler's the nerve center
of the whole office.
256
00:10:13,421 --> 00:10:15,189
First they recap last night's cable TV,
257
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:17,057
then they plunge
right into office gossip.
258
00:10:17,092 --> 00:10:19,360
So, our ticket into this elite circle
259
00:10:19,394 --> 00:10:22,530
is knowing what's going on
with this crystal math teacher.
260
00:10:22,564 --> 00:10:24,365
Which one's Walt?
Which one's Jesse?
261
00:10:24,399 --> 00:10:28,369
Walt is the schoolteacher
slash meth cook.
262
00:10:28,403 --> 00:10:30,905
And Jesse is his stoner assistant.
263
00:10:32,774 --> 00:10:34,074
What?
264
00:10:34,109 --> 00:10:36,043
While you guys are
running around town
265
00:10:36,077 --> 00:10:40,414
doing silly crap every week,
I'm watching quality television.
266
00:10:42,417 --> 00:10:43,984
Everybody says the paradigm
267
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,921
is that Walt is
the modern-day Scarface,
268
00:10:46,955 --> 00:10:48,389
but in a deeper sense,
269
00:10:48,423 --> 00:10:53,294
I think he represents
the evil that resides in all of us.
270
00:10:53,328 --> 00:10:55,296
(Laughing): How about...
271
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:57,798
when that ATM
fell on that meth lady?
272
00:10:57,832 --> 00:10:58,933
(Burt laughs)
273
00:10:58,967 --> 00:11:01,902
I was like,
"What? Science, bitch!"
274
00:11:01,937 --> 00:11:03,337
(All laugh)
275
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:04,738
Listen up, everyone.
276
00:11:04,773 --> 00:11:06,840
It's come to my attention
that there are two employees
277
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,409
that have been hiding something from us.
278
00:11:08,443 --> 00:11:11,679
Now, I didn't want to out
them until I had proof from HR,
279
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,348
but Karen and Gary
are getting married!
280
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,083
Gary: Ah!
281
00:11:16,117 --> 00:11:18,786
Thanks, gang.
I've got some other great news...
282
00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:21,689
is that Karen
isn't getting fat. She's pregnant!
283
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,791
Oh-ho-ho.
Yeah. And I am
284
00:11:23,825 --> 00:11:26,961
taking us all out
to Sombrero Junction to celebrate.
285
00:11:26,995 --> 00:11:29,263
Oh, my God, I've always wanted
to go to Sombrero Junction!
286
00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:31,632
Yeah! It's like all the fun
of Mexico without worrying
287
00:11:31,666 --> 00:11:33,133
about getting your head cut off.
288
00:11:33,168 --> 00:11:33,867
(All laugh)
289
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,770
(Laughs)
Just great.
290
00:11:36,805 --> 00:11:38,205
But you know what?
With everyone gone,
291
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,507
it might be the perfect chance
for us to look around.
292
00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:42,343
Yeah, you're right, it would.
293
00:11:42,377 --> 00:11:43,777
If we find what we need tonight,
294
00:11:43,812 --> 00:11:45,279
we don't have to come back tomorrow.
295
00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:47,281
Finding evidence
is the reason we came here.
296
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:49,516
But if they're drinking...
297
00:11:49,551 --> 00:11:52,353
they might loosen up and
spill some company secrets.
298
00:11:52,387 --> 00:11:55,289
And if we go out,
we can buy them shots,
299
00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:56,523
then tomorrow they'll be hung over
300
00:11:56,558 --> 00:11:58,792
and sloppy
with incriminating documents.
301
00:11:58,827 --> 00:12:01,128
We might never get
another chance to go out with them.
302
00:12:01,162 --> 00:12:03,631
I mean, how often do
office employees go to happy hour
303
00:12:03,665 --> 00:12:04,665
at nearby Mexican restaurants?
304
00:12:04,699 --> 00:12:06,133
I've never heard of it.
305
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,968
It's like, God's practically
begging us to go.
306
00:12:08,003 --> 00:12:09,203
It's the responsible thing to do.
307
00:12:09,237 --> 00:12:11,171
- Yeah.
- Hey, wait for us!
308
00:12:12,046 --> 00:12:13,547
(Virginia laughs)
309
00:12:16,150 --> 00:12:17,131
Where were you guys?!
310
00:12:17,181 --> 00:12:19,635
We were supposed
to meet three hours ago to talk about
311
00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:21,121
what evidence
you guys might have found,
312
00:12:21,155 --> 00:12:23,289
and our protest is tomorrow.
313
00:12:23,324 --> 00:12:26,026
And where did you get
those cool hats?
314
00:12:26,060 --> 00:12:29,162
We were at Sombrero Junction
315
00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:33,833
with our professional colleagues
having a business dinner.
316
00:12:33,868 --> 00:12:35,368
Well, you didn't get any information?
317
00:12:35,403 --> 00:12:37,504
Oh, we got some information.
318
00:12:37,538 --> 00:12:40,974
You're not gonna believe
what's going on in that place.
319
00:12:41,008 --> 00:12:42,776
Brad in accounting...
320
00:12:44,078 --> 00:12:45,378
is sleeping with Sarah from H.R.
321
00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:48,481
H.R. obviously stands
for "Home Wrecker"!
322
00:12:48,516 --> 00:12:50,583
Plus Jeff with a "J" steals pens
323
00:12:50,618 --> 00:12:52,719
and Geoff with a "G" hates kazoos.
324
00:12:52,753 --> 00:12:54,220
Who's Geoff with a "G"?
325
00:12:54,255 --> 00:12:55,255
Do you mean Ge-off?
326
00:12:55,289 --> 00:12:56,423
You guys!
327
00:12:56,457 --> 00:12:58,858
You were supposed to go
in there and get the goods
328
00:12:58,893 --> 00:13:01,027
on the company, and instead
all you're coming back with
329
00:13:01,062 --> 00:13:02,162
is drunk-person office gossip.
330
00:13:02,196 --> 00:13:04,164
No!
331
00:13:04,198 --> 00:13:06,232
We came back with
the trust of our coworkers.
332
00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:08,835
So tomorrow, we can go in there
333
00:13:08,869 --> 00:13:11,504
and get them to spill the beans!
334
00:13:11,539 --> 00:13:12,605
I spilled a bean.
335
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,908
They told me the plate was hot.
336
00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:17,077
(Laughs)
I thought they meant spicy!
337
00:13:17,111 --> 00:13:19,412
So you just worry about
your protest tomorrow, okay?
338
00:13:19,447 --> 00:13:20,814
Trust us.
339
00:13:22,383 --> 00:13:25,885
We are gonna take care of
everything from the inside.
340
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,121
We'd probably have
a lot more confidence in you
341
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,023
if you both weren't
wearing flashing sombreros.
342
00:13:30,057 --> 00:13:34,561
Hey! We're immersing ourselves
in a corporate culture, okay?
343
00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:38,131
So tomorrow I'm gonna
learn how to spread sheets
344
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:40,366
while I'm sitting
on an exercise ball.
345
00:13:40,401 --> 00:13:45,205
Oh, Lord, I passed out and
woke up in Tijuana again.
346
00:13:45,239 --> 00:13:49,542
?Donde esta embassy,
por favor? Embassy?
347
00:13:49,577 --> 00:13:51,244
Yee-haw!
348
00:13:52,613 --> 00:13:55,115
Save the bees!
Save the bees!
349
00:13:55,149 --> 00:13:59,052
Murderers!
Environmental terrorists!
350
00:13:59,086 --> 00:14:01,087
- Save the bees!
- This is going really well.
351
00:14:01,122 --> 00:14:03,556
Yeah, all that screaming has to work.
352
00:14:03,591 --> 00:14:05,759
I can't imagine
that they're not annoyed by this.
353
00:14:05,793 --> 00:14:08,294
But you really believe
that overregulating business
354
00:14:08,329 --> 00:14:10,563
won't lead to the destruction of jobs
355
00:14:10,598 --> 00:14:12,932
and the end of capitalism?
356
00:14:12,967 --> 00:14:13,566
Yes.
357
00:14:13,601 --> 00:14:17,270
I'm so sick of you
and your liberal agenda. (Scoffs)
358
00:14:17,304 --> 00:14:18,271
Ooh!
359
00:14:18,305 --> 00:14:19,239
Save the environment!
360
00:14:19,273 --> 00:14:20,240
Fascist pigs!
361
00:14:20,274 --> 00:14:22,075
Hey, get some really good stuff today.
362
00:14:22,109 --> 00:14:23,443
Don't worry, I'm on it.
363
00:14:23,477 --> 00:14:26,646
We're just trying to make
a decent living, you dirty liberals!
364
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,915
Yeah. Yeah, get a job, losers!
365
00:14:28,949 --> 00:14:30,450
(Whispers):
See you at dinner tonight.
366
00:14:30,484 --> 00:14:31,985
(Whispers):
You're destroying the environment.
367
00:14:32,019 --> 00:14:33,319
(Loudly): I love you guys!
368
00:14:33,354 --> 00:14:34,587
Uh, not!
369
00:14:34,622 --> 00:14:36,589
Bee killers!
370
00:14:36,624 --> 00:14:37,991
Can you believe that protest?
371
00:14:38,025 --> 00:14:39,325
What a bunch of loons.
372
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:41,327
Ge-off couldn't even
get out of his car.
373
00:14:41,362 --> 00:14:42,595
I can't figure out why they're here.
374
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:45,932
Maybe because we dump a lot
of toxic waste in the river.
375
00:14:45,966 --> 00:14:48,434
It'd be hilarious
if that killed a ton of bees.
376
00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:50,003
(Chuckling)
377
00:14:52,306 --> 00:14:54,274
Anybody?
378
00:14:54,308 --> 00:14:55,108
Anything?
379
00:14:55,142 --> 00:14:56,509
Nothing?
380
00:14:56,544 --> 00:14:57,644
Hey, Burt.
381
00:14:59,046 --> 00:15:01,347
The "it" girl just taught me
how to do a spreadsheet program
382
00:15:01,382 --> 00:15:03,983
and I Excel at it.
383
00:15:05,386 --> 00:15:06,953
If you understood computers
the way I do,
384
00:15:06,987 --> 00:15:08,121
that would've been hysterical.
385
00:15:08,155 --> 00:15:09,989
Oh, I got it.
386
00:15:10,024 --> 00:15:12,125
(Quietly): Hey, I was just talking
about the toxic waste thing.
387
00:15:12,159 --> 00:15:14,294
It looked like they had no idea
what I was talking about.
388
00:15:14,328 --> 00:15:16,329
It's no hurry. After lunch,
Candy's gonna show me
389
00:15:16,363 --> 00:15:17,730
something called a "right click."
390
00:15:17,765 --> 00:15:20,133
Apparently I've been clicking
wrong this entire time.
391
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:22,602
I'm starting to think Sabrina
might've been wrong about this place.
392
00:15:23,671 --> 00:15:25,638
Oh, good.
393
00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:26,806
I need your help.
394
00:15:26,841 --> 00:15:29,576
Those protesters outside
are making me nervous.
395
00:15:29,610 --> 00:15:31,778
You two shred these, ASAP.
396
00:15:37,585 --> 00:15:40,220
(Whistling)
397
00:15:46,193 --> 00:15:48,561
I think this is the evidence
Sabrina was talking about.
398
00:15:48,596 --> 00:15:50,330
We can't shred this.
399
00:15:50,364 --> 00:15:51,664
How are we gonna get
a whole box out of here?
400
00:15:51,699 --> 00:15:53,666
- Oh...
- Cuckoo, cuckoo.
401
00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:56,169
When you're done with those,
you can start on these.
402
00:15:56,203 --> 00:15:58,037
These are the most sensitive.
403
00:16:00,374 --> 00:16:03,509
(Chanting): Save the bees!
Save the bees!
404
00:16:03,544 --> 00:16:05,011
Sabrina?
405
00:16:05,045 --> 00:16:07,747
Uh, can I not carry
this sign anymore?
406
00:16:07,781 --> 00:16:09,682
Maybe you should
take a turn in the bee suit.
407
00:16:09,717 --> 00:16:10,884
(Buzzing)
408
00:16:10,918 --> 00:16:12,518
What is that noise?
409
00:16:12,553 --> 00:16:15,688
Yeah, it's like a...
like a buzz or a-a humming.
410
00:16:15,723 --> 00:16:18,024
Oh, my God. Jimmy, look.
411
00:16:18,058 --> 00:16:21,861
(Playing "The Battle Hymn
of the Republic ")
412
00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:23,730
Hey, guys, what are you doing?
413
00:16:24,732 --> 00:16:26,532
Look, we have a right to protest.
414
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:28,368
And we have the right
to play sweet music
415
00:16:28,402 --> 00:16:30,603
on American-made kazoos.
416
00:16:30,638 --> 00:16:32,538
Oh, please.
You guys don't want to play music.
417
00:16:32,573 --> 00:16:34,474
You're just trying
to help this company
418
00:16:34,508 --> 00:16:36,943
that's gonna destroy the planet
that we leave our children.
419
00:16:36,977 --> 00:16:38,378
Spoiler alert.
420
00:16:38,412 --> 00:16:40,079
I don't have children.
421
00:16:40,114 --> 00:16:42,715
We're here to protest your protest.
422
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,717
- They can do that?
- Yes.
423
00:16:44,752 --> 00:16:46,052
Stupid free country.
424
00:16:46,086 --> 00:16:48,388
But you know what? We don't
have to make it easy for them.
425
00:16:48,422 --> 00:16:49,956
Give me your sign.
426
00:16:49,990 --> 00:16:52,926
Bees are people, too!
427
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,229
("Battle Hymn of the Republic" continues)
Others: Bees are people, too!
428
00:16:56,263 --> 00:17:00,433
Shove your poison up your kazoo!
429
00:17:01,635 --> 00:17:04,404
- Bees...
Others: Bees are people, too!
430
00:17:05,428 --> 00:17:08,474
Shove your poison up your kazoo!
431
00:17:12,982 --> 00:17:16,785
Yet another useless invoice
that smells like cinnamon.
432
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:19,254
Excuse me for making
a bold deodorant choice.
433
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:21,757
I like it. It's like sleeping
next to a snickerdoodle.
434
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,425
Wait a second.
I think I found something.
435
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:26,428
"Waste disposal procedure.
436
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:28,163
Must be dumped in the..."
437
00:17:28,198 --> 00:17:29,932
We need the second page.
438
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,967
(Mutters)
439
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:43,612
Well, it's not here.
How can it not be here?
440
00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,781
Maybe they have other copies
of it hidden somewhere else.
441
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:46,982
I bet they do.
442
00:17:47,016 --> 00:17:49,618
Candyland.
443
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,820
That's what Candy the "it" girl
calls the backup servers.
444
00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:01,997
See the file path in the footnote?
445
00:18:02,031 --> 00:18:03,632
Tells you where it is
in the network.
446
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:08,337
So I can log in from here
using the VPN.
447
00:18:08,371 --> 00:18:11,807
It's like someone put
the document inside Parcheesi,
448
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,675
which is inside
Snakes and Ladders,
449
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:15,677
which is inside the Internet.
450
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,514
Nothing.
451
00:18:18,548 --> 00:18:20,549
(Groans)
Can't find it anywhere.
452
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:23,385
Well, Virginia, guess it's
back to the drawing board.
453
00:18:23,419 --> 00:18:24,987
That's the bar
next to Sombrero Junction
454
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,388
where the gang hangs out.
455
00:18:26,422 --> 00:18:29,158
Look, if that Gunderson guy had
you shred all those documents
456
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:31,226
I'm sure he deleted all the files, too.
457
00:18:31,261 --> 00:18:35,796
I feel kind of silly thinking we could
make a big corporation stop polluting.
458
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:39,168
Maybe it'll make us feel better
if we throw all that trash in a landfill.
459
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:40,669
I got it!
460
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,004
I've been a maid long enough to know
461
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:44,506
there's two things
powerful people never do:
462
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:48,177
Notice spare change is missing
and take out the trash.
463
00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:50,212
(Keys clacking)
464
00:18:52,248 --> 00:18:53,215
There it is!
465
00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:54,383
Oh!
466
00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:55,751
Oh, my God.
467
00:18:55,785 --> 00:18:58,086
They've been dumping
in the river every time it rains
468
00:18:58,121 --> 00:18:59,588
to cover their tracks.
469
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,025
And there you go.
Your friend Gunderson signed it.
470
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,259
Damn you, Gunderson.
471
00:19:04,294 --> 00:19:05,928
You're gonna be the first one
to betray our race
472
00:19:05,962 --> 00:19:07,196
when the apes take over.
473
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,364
Which is bound to happen
now that the bees are gone.
474
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,466
Well, hey, don't worry.
This is exactly what we need
475
00:19:11,501 --> 00:19:12,734
to close down the factory.
476
00:19:12,769 --> 00:19:14,036
Close down the factory?
477
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,205
Can't we just get 'em
to stop dumping chemicals?
478
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,207
Yeah, we don't want our
friends to lose their jobs.
479
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:21,210
Look, you guys, these people
are knowingly dumping chemicals
480
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:23,579
into a river.
They have to be shut down.
481
00:19:23,613 --> 00:19:24,913
Wait.
482
00:19:24,948 --> 00:19:26,748
What if we found a memo
483
00:19:26,783 --> 00:19:29,952
that said they
didn't do it knowingly?
484
00:19:31,821 --> 00:19:35,123
This is Dave Davidson
with a Channel 3 exclusive.
485
00:19:35,158 --> 00:19:38,760
It's a dirty story
about dirty water.
486
00:19:38,795 --> 00:19:40,729
We are the employees responsible
487
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,965
for dumping toxins
in the Natesville River.
488
00:19:42,999 --> 00:19:46,235
But we didn't know
we were doing anything wrong.
489
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:48,570
The memo said, "Why don't you
just dump the waste
490
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:52,274
in the river?
Semicolon right parentheses."
491
00:19:52,308 --> 00:19:54,276
But we-we were new to office work
492
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:57,579
and hadn't really gotten
down the technical jargon.
493
00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,949
Now if we got that message,
we'd probably "LOL".
494
00:20:00,984 --> 00:20:04,119
We really feel
colon left parentheses.
495
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,289
That means we're sad.
496
00:20:07,323 --> 00:20:10,959
Amalgamated Kazoo has fired
the two employees responsible,
497
00:20:10,994 --> 00:20:13,629
yet no criminal charges were filed
498
00:20:13,663 --> 00:20:16,465
as the state deemed it
an act of idiocy
499
00:20:16,499 --> 00:20:19,001
rather than a crime of malice.
500
00:20:19,035 --> 00:20:22,604
The board of directors also came
down hard on the man responsible
501
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:25,507
for hiring the two idiots
in the first place.
502
00:20:25,541 --> 00:20:27,709
This is Dave Davidson, reporting.
503
00:20:27,744 --> 00:20:31,513
And now back to Sandy Sanderson
with Tuesday's Puppy.
504
00:20:31,547 --> 00:20:32,748
Sandy?
505
00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:36,451
You did it.
506
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:39,621
You guys did what my environmental
group could never do:
507
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:40,622
Something.
508
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,157
It feels kind of good.
509
00:20:42,191 --> 00:20:44,860
On the downside,
we look like idiots on the news.
510
00:20:44,894 --> 00:20:46,662
Everybody looks like idiots
on the news.
511
00:20:46,696 --> 00:20:49,298
Yeah, but in a week some fat kid
will get stuck in a water slide
512
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,666
and everybody will forget
all about you.
513
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:53,035
You're right. That's what
finally got Iraq off the news.
514
00:20:53,069 --> 00:20:55,304
Very impressive
how you planted backdated memos
515
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,805
on a corporate server, Virginia.
516
00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:59,841
Yeah, I guess I'm kind of an
"it" girl now, too.
517
00:20:59,876 --> 00:21:02,177
Maybe later you could help me, uh,
get a picture off the Internet?
518
00:21:02,211 --> 00:21:03,478
Word to the wise:
519
00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:04,813
never let anyone photograph you
520
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,682
while you're yodeling
and juggling cucumbers.
521
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,651
Well, I'm gonna miss
working at that office.
522
00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,820
But we brought the best part home.
523
00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:15,324
(Grunts)
524
00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,693
So, did you guys see
Downton Abbey last night?
525
00:21:18,761 --> 00:21:20,529
That Dowager Countess,
526
00:21:20,563 --> 00:21:23,031
she's spinning a dangerous web.
527
00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:31,450
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00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:36,050
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