All language subtitles for My So-Called Life s01e19 In Dreams Begin Responsibilities

In the dream I keep having
about Jordan Catalano...

I'm trying to catch up with him.

But It's hard, because there's
something wrong with the floor.

Sometimes my father Is there.

Sometimes my great-aunt Gertrude's
funeral kind of gets mixed in with it.

The end of the dream
Is always the same...

I catch up with him.

I yell and scream,
how he hurt and betrayed me.

How I can never forgive him.

He just stands there,
like someone caught in a storm...

who stopped caring how what he gets.

Then I wake up.

The storm of words
stlll pounds through my body.

Hatred can become like food.

It gives you thls energy.
You can live off It.

- I can't discuss this on the phone.
- My bagel burned.

That just reminded me
of my entire dream.

You unplug that first, I told you...

All right, okay, I'll meet you
at the space at noon.

All right. The money guys
are starting to waffle. Cold feet.

- Really.
- Yes. Well, I say good riddance.

If they can't stand the heat,
get out of the restaurant.

Yes, go Dad!

Listen, everyone,
you want to hear what I dreamed?

- Maybe later.
- No, thanks.

Dad, something is
really wrong with that toaster.

- I know. Here, finish my bagel.
- That's okay, I'm not hungry.

I dreamed about Tony Poole.

Seriously, you had a dream
about Rickie Vasquez?

Well, it wasn't, you know,
that type of dream.

We were just dancing...

in this big vegetable garden.

I was wearing this dress
I saw on "The Nanny".

So, how much
do you know about him?

Rickie Vasquez. Nothing.

But, he's best friends
with Rayanne Graff...

and you're friends with her,
aren't you?

I'm not friends with Rayanne Graff.
I'm not!

I can't believe this.

I can't believe you didn't
tell me this, immediately!

I'm telling you now.
Hey, it's a bump in the road.

Excuse me, it's a little more
than a bump in the road...

if our potential investors
want me out of the picture.

They're insecure, okay? It's normal.

Yeah, you should have
mentioned it when it first came up!

- Hello.
- Hi.

Hi. I brought lunch.

That's great. Good.

Let me go out for a while
and get some air.

He's completely right. I should
have told him the second I knew.

I mean, it's unorthodox, you know?
He's never actually worked as a chef.

True.

But all he has to do
is cook for them. That's all.

They'll be eating out of his hand.

Well, better get back to the office,
before they fire me.

You know, it occurred to me
this morning, an old friend of mine...

from high school ended up
in the restaurant business.

- Yes?
- Well, an old boyfriend actually.

I'm pretty sure that he
ended up running a bar and grill.

- Anyway, I'd be happy to contact him.
- Why?

Just, I don't know, maybe it would help
to talk to somebody...

who's been through it.

Well, yes, sure.
I'll talk to anybody.

All right, here's the deal.

Tasting is believing, my cooking
speaks for itself. All right?

I have to do what I do best,
which is cook.

So, I will cook for these money guys
and that will be that. Right?

- Right.
- Right.

Right.

Okay, now once again,
each of the vocabulary words...

preferably spelled correctly...

must be used in a sentence.
Now, anyone...

who would like to read more about
Grecian urns for extra credit...

should speak to me right now.

It's so weird when you see someone
you just dreamed about.

Like It's going to show.

I better go do that extra
credit thing.

Can't believe we have to use
all those words in a sentence.

I mean, not all in
the same sentence, but still.

So, I'm still doing that
tutoring thing. You know?

Yes.

So guess what? There's a term for me.

I'm a rudimentary reader
with low literacy skills.

That kid, Brain,
figured it out from this manual?

Should I check to see If I have
a few more coples? Yes.

I'll be with you in one second, kids.

So, how's everything?
How's Delia Fisher?

Krakow, stop asking me how she is.

You treated her like crap
and she is way over you.

- She likes someone else now.
- Oh yeah, who?

That guy Angela hangs out with,
Rickie Vasquez?

What?

What else?

My band got back together.

We got a new name.
We're Residue now.

- So, I've been writing songs.
- Why are you telling me all this?

I don't know.

You're the one who signed me up
for tutoring, in the first place so...

Forget it.

He had the nerve to talk to you?
I don't believe him.

Chase Face, you're shaking.

I had that dream again last night
where I'm screaming at him?

I just remembered what I dreamed!

Angela Chase, can I put you down
to sell thirty tickets for Our Town?

Gee whiz, Angela.
This is thirty measly tickets!

- Okay. Yes.
- Great.

God, he just wears you down.

Last night, I dreamed that
Rayanne Graff and I were appearing...

in this water ballet together
for charity.

Okay, here's how we do it.

You tell me a story, a true story,
that happened to you.

And I take certain key words from
the story and make flashcards.

I blew it.

- Is this the story or is this just...
- Forget the story.

I can't think about some crappy story.
My life sucks too much.

Yes, how come?

Because she hates me.

And I deserve it.

- You know who I mean, right?
- Yes.

Today, after Katimsky's,
I tried to explain to her...

that I was, you know...

sorry or whatever.

- So, what happened?
- Nothing.

- I didn't know what to say.
- Say you're sorry.

You can go up to any girl and
get her number, yet you're afraid...

- To tell Angela Chase you're sorry?
- So?

- Nothing. It's just ironic.
- Well, so what?

What's "ironic"?

When you realize the component
of weirdness in a situation.

Help me, Brain. Help me figure out
something good to say to Angela.

No. No.

Look, you did
an undefendable thing, okay?

No one can change that.
I mean, you have to live with it.

It's like you created your own prison,
and now you have to exist in it.

That's perfect.
Give me some more stuff like that.

No. No, absolutely not. It's not...

The Phonics manual does not
cover that type of situation.

The Phonics manual?

I cannot be involved.

Whatever you say or don't say
to Angela Chase...

is completely between you and her.

Okay.

Relax. I'll figure it out myself.

- Fine. That's actually fine.
- Good.

You figure out
what you want to say to her...

and I'll do some Calculus,
and we'll just work independently.

Deal.

What have you got so far?

You think I'm unhappy, me?

Well, in my humble opinion, yes.

Don't say, "In my humble opinion".
That's Angela talk.

That's how Angela Chase talks.
What, are you trying to depress me?

For your information, I happen
to be a very happy, up person.

- What are you looking at?
- Nothing.

Ignore her. She's just a
naturally happy, up person.

By the way, I put you down
to sell Our Town tickets.

No, don't put me down, take me off.
I have no free time as it is.

- All right.
- Rickie? Hi.

Hi.

- You're working on Our Town, right?
- Yes. He's the stage manager.

I mean, not the part of the
stage manager, but the actual...

I would really like to get involved.
With the play, I mean.

Okay. We need more people
to sell tickets.

- Great, sign me up.
- Me, too.

Okay, I'll let you guys know where
you can pick them up and everything.

Good. Bye.

- Bye. What? Stop it.
- You know what.

So, Sharon Cherski told me
that Delia has it for you.

Has it for me?

What? That's an expression
people say, right?

- Right?
- Yes.

Tony! I did not!

Camille Cherski gave me your number.

Okay, she got it from Howard Pickett
at the last reunion.

Because, I already told you.
I need your advice.

Okay, me, too. I'll see you Friday.

Oh, God!
Don't sneak up on me like that.

Mom, who's Tony?
Mom, why are you blushing?

Mom, do you realize that your voice
just sounded completely different?

Really?

- Oh, my God, Mom, he's cute.
- I told you so.

Yes, but I can't trust
your judgment on cuteness.

Mom, you went hitchhiking?

No, no, that is a totally fake picture.
That never happened.

And if either of you girls
ever attempt such a thing...

Mom, you really haven't
seen him since high school?

Lord, I haven't even
thought about him in years.

I had a dream about him last night.

I dreamed...

I was taking out the garbage.

And suddenly, I reallze,
there's someone there.

And it's Princess Diana.

Not another Princess Diana dream.

Why, does Mom
dream about her a lot?

Not that often. Anyway.

Anyway, she's all upset,
about the divorce and everything...

and she keeps repeating,
"Princesses just don't get divorced. "

And I say, "I know, I know. "
And then I see him.

Tony. And I think...

"He looks just the same. "

And...

That's all I remember.

So, do you love him
more than you love Dad?

Danielle!

- No, honey, that's okay.
- No, it's a ridiculous question.

That kind of thing
gives me nightmares.

What kind of thing?

That you and Daddy
could get divorced.

Danielle, she's going to see him for
one hour, to talk about restaurants.

Angela.

Well, I mean, a person
can have feelings for someone...

even if they're not, like...

the person any more.

Sweetie, Tony Poole is someone
that I knew long, long ago.

- Long, long ago. Like a fairy tale.
- That's right.

But he's not who
I chose to make my life with.

I chose your dad.

But did you love him?

I'm not sure.

With Tony, it was crazy.

We really did some...

pretty crazy
and wild things back then.

I did! What can I say?

But it's always tempting
to lose yourself...

with someone...

who's maybe lost themselves.

But eventually...

- You want reality.
- That makes sense.

I'm home!

- I called Tony Poole this evening.
- Really?

- Boy, was he shocked.
- Yes, well, I bet.

It was no big deal, believe me.
His wife answered the phone.

Anyway, it turns out that
he was in the restaurant business...

- For like twelve years.
- Where is he now, prison?

He has a Jeep dealership
in Harrisburg.

So, I invited him
to stop by on Friday night.

Just in case he has some
pearls of wisdom to dispense.

- Unless, I mean, is that okay?
- Of course it's okay.

It's probably a good idea
to get other peoples' experiences...

- Who've been there.
- Yes, exactly.

I won't be there, though. I'm cooking
for the investors on Friday night.

She dreamed about Rickie, my Rickie?

So what do you think? I mean...

does he ever, you know, with girls?
Because she is a real sweetie.

But I thought she
craved Brian Krakow.

Come on.
We'll be late for homeroom.

Okay, let me see.
That thing about the prison.

Just beg her forgiveness.

I mean, tell her you're scum,
that you're lower than scum.

That you're not fit to lick her shoes.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to get insulting.

What about that other thing
your parents always say.

My parents are psychiatrists, okay?
You can't go by them.

A... what kind of wish?

Unconscious wish.
To punish you. I mean her.

- Got it.
- Angela, come on!

Angela?

I'm going to be late for homeroom.

What?

I did an undefendable thing.

I created my own prison.

And I have to exist in it.

Maybe I had a...

wish, or whatever.

To punish you.

An unconscious wish.

- You've heard of them, right?
- Yes, I think so.

I can't believe...

what you just said was...

really amazing.

- I know.
- Okay.

- Okay, what?
- Now we can have a serious talk.

- We just did.
- Come on...

you can't hit a person
with something that profound...

and expect that to be
the end of the discussion.

You can't?

I forgot.

I'm late for homeroom.

I was so close yesterday,
but it wasn't enough.

She's, like, starved or something.

It's got to be written down
so I can't screw it up.

Well, so write her a letter.

No. No, I am not writing a
letter to Angela Chase for you.

I can't.

Rickie, it was like a dream.
I mean, you would not believe...

the brilliantly insightful words
that came out of his mouth.

- Go ahead, I'm listening.
- And then...

just as I'm realizing
that there's hope...

that we could actually communicate,
he runs away.

I have never been so
completely and totally...

- Are those the posters?
- Yes!

- Can I take one home to show Amber?
- Sure.

Amber is totally jazzed.

It turns out it's her big dream to
have a daughter in the school play.

Really?

I'd better go.

Get out of my way!

Why does she dislike me?
What have I ever done to her?

So, what's new?

I mean,
is anything new with anybody...

we both know, or anything?

Well, if you must know,
she's in shock.

Once again, something
Jordan Catalano did has left her...

completely and totally mystified.

It was me. I mean...

- I told Jordan what to say.
- What?

I can't defend it. It's undefendable.

Brian, I don't believe this.
You're using Jordan Catalano.

What? He's using me.

Yes, but you're using him, too.

To express your
true feelings towards Angela.

Or whatever.

Oh, my God, you're right.

Careful.

Someone could step on them.

- Thanks.

Delia, come on.

So, don't forget.
Put me down to sell tickets.

Boy, she really likes you.

I can't even believe it.

I mean, it's such
an unfamiliar experience.

I mean, do you realize,
how much easier my life would be...

if I could just like her back?

I mean, Brian,
this could be my chance...

to be straight.

Okay, so, we agreed on the rack
of lamb with green peppercorn sauce.

Come on, come on, it's compatible
with the Sauté de Fois Gras.

- We know we want the Creme Brulee.
- Okay, fine. Lamb.

Listen, I spoke with Alexander.

He's going to come up with some
visual aids to give them...

- Something to picture.
- Great.

So it's the Monsieurs Moneybags,
plus their significant others, plus...

Is Patty coming?

No, no. That's just as well,
makes me less nervous.

Actually, she's having that guy,
Tony, over to the house that night.

You know, the old boyfriend
from high school.

She's going to grill him
about the restaurant business.

I think she's kind of curious.

You know, he meant a lot to her
at a certain time in her life.

- I mean, it's okay, I can handle it.
- Clearly.

No, well, I mean, let's say
they even flirt a little, or whatever.

- I mean, that doesn't mean that...
- Mean, yes, I know...

a person can enjoy
the enjoyment of flirting without...

- Exactly. Without any intention of...
- Necessarily...

mean anything.

- Everything means something, but...
- Right, exactly.

Of course, there's no law
that says you can't act jealous.

What? No, no.
We don't play games like that.

- I don't call that a game.
- What do you call it?

Considerate.

Dear Angela...

I know In the past
I've caused you pain, and I'm sorry.

And I'll always be sorry,
untll the day I dle.

And I hate this pen I'm holding,
because I should be holding you.

I hate thls paper under my hand,
because It Isn't you.

I even hate thls letter,
because It's not the whole truth.

Because the whole truth Is...

so much more
than a letter can even say.

If you want to hate me, go ahead.

If you want to burn thls letter, do It.

You could burn the whole world down.

You could tell me to go to hell...

I'd go, If you wanted me to.

And I'd send you a letter from there.

Sincerely, Jordan Catalano.

- Hey.
- Hi.

What are you reading?

Have you ever just completely
given up on someone...

and then something happens,
and you go, oh, my God.

There's so much more
to this person than I ever dreamed?

Hey, keep it moving.

So, you got this letter
from Jordan Catalano.

It's not just this letter. It's the
most incredible letter I've ever gotten.

Ever. Boy, you must
have really worked hard.

I mean, tutoring him.
I really, I should thank you.

It's obviously made a real difference.

What was your favorite part,
I mean, when you were reading it?

Was there a certain part
that made you...

Brian, I'm sorry.
It's too personal, I mean.

Oh, my God.

I got to go.

I read what you wrote.

- I could hardly...
- Look.

I could hardly believe
how beautiful it was.

Look, I'm not,
I don't want to pretend like...

No, I don't want to pretend, either.

- I'm glad you liked it, but I...
- I didn't like it.

I loved it.

I loved it.

I have all these dreams...

where I know exactly what to say.

And you tell me, you know,
that you forgive me.

Brian.

Brian, if you still want
to sell Our Town tickets...

everyone has to pick them up tonight
at our place, I mean, Mr. Katimsky's.

So they're back together?

Yes. Of course,
she's still going to die someday.

We're all going to die.

Brian? Did you do something,
or something?

Brian, what did you do?

I wrote this letter to her.

Oh, my God,
and she thinks he wrote it?

Brian, you have to tell her.
No, look.

I mean, what
difference does it make?

So, they happen to be together.
So what? So what? I mean...

if you analyze why certain people
end up with certain other people...

it'll make you want to kill yourself.

Tell her.

No, it wouldn't be right.

See, he asked me for help.
I helped him. I can't go back on that.

Darn it, I got a run!

You want to know something
really laughable?

I have no friends.
I mean, Angela Chase.

Forget it, we obviously
cannot discuss that.

Rickie Vasquez...
Totally not my friend.

Tino...
Not dependable.

You're probably thinking, "So what?"
You deserve to have no friends.

I mean, that is what
you're thinking, isn't it?

I have never met anyone
like you, you know?

You will say anything,
and a person can say anything to you.

You're just, like,
non-shockable, or something.

- It's kind of...
- It's refreshing, isn't it?

Yes, it is kind of refreshing.

Refreshing.

So you do have a friend.

I mean, maybe not
the one you want, but...

I screwed up.

The Squared.

- Angela!
- In a minute.

- Here, let me get the door for you.
- I'm going to drop her at Katimsky's.

She's up in the stratosphere today.

If you want me to come,
I could call Tony and cancel.

No, that's fine. Honest.

Well, I'll see you.

Can we accept checks and stuff?

Here's all the information.

- Hey, you made it.
- Hi. Yes.

So, where were you all day,
like I can't guess?

What do you mean,
what can you guess?

Angela, I know all about it.
I know about the letter.

You know about the letter?
How could you know...

Brian Krakow,
the reason for all pain.

These directions don't make sense.

Yes, Mr. Katimsky, these
directions don't make sense.

I know, I'm coming.

You realize that Brian
wrote that letter, right?

Well, yes. I kind of figured that.

Okay, good. I don't feel so bad
for blabbing it then.

I kind of figured you'd figure it out.

Well, yes.

Enough tickets, gee whiz.
Anybody want to go out for pizza?

Yes!

Could I have a ride home?

Sure. Okay, everybody, come on.
Let's blow this pop stand.

- I'll be right down.
- Okay.

I couldn't get my zipper zipped.

Well, let me try.

Delia?

Maybe we should
go somewhere sometime?

Okay.

You know, to a movie or something.

I'd like that.

Because I really think
that we'd be good together.

Okay, but you're gay, right?

- Well, I, you know, I...
- I'm sorry. I didn't...

- No, it's okay.
- That came out so rude.

No, see I try and not to...

no, I don't like...

Yes, I'm gay.

I just don't usually
say it like that.

- How do you usually say it?
- I don't usually say it.

I mean, I've actually
never said it out loud.

I feel kind of honored.

I have to be honest.

I have the biggest crush on you.

Another first.

See, I've pretty much figured it out.

It's partly because, I think,
you're the most fantastic person.

Plus, you're an awesome dancer.

And partly that
Brian Krakow really hurt me.

I mean, I'm sorry. I know
he's a friend of yours and all...

but he is the most self-centered,
low-down dog of all time.

He uses girls
and then tosses them aside.

I guess I'm just sort of in the mood
to have a crush on somebody...

where it can't hurt too much.

Be my guest.

Delia...

if I were attracted to girls...

I'd be attracted to you.

Hi.

Okay. Well, what can I say?
The best laid plans.

You, too. Bye.

More?

I have to say, from everything
that you've told me...

I think it's clear that
you never really meant to hurt her.

It's like, you think you're safe,
or something.

Because you can just...

walk away anytime.

Because you don't need her.

And you don't need anyone.

But the thing you didn't realize is...

you're wrong.

You always wear this much makeup?

I was expecting company tonight.

An old friend. That was he,
just now, on the phone.

Seems that he has
a touch of the flu, or something...

and he took all this decongestant,
and he was afraid to drive.

This was a person who drove
so recklessly when he was 17...

that my parents wanted him dead.

Ironic.

You're right, the lamb was too rich.

Hey, you're pro-butter.
They need to know that up front.

The sauce was overwhelming.

No, the sauce was incredible.
It was a poem. Listen...

I'm sorry, I have to say something.

- Our compliments to the chef.
- Here, here.

- Congratulations.
- I'm very impressed.

Okay, Angela, here we are.

- Bye. Call me.
- Okay.

If that's a guy named Tino,
I'm not here.

Hello?

We're in the restaurant business.
Me included.

Sweetheart, that's great.

What can I say? I'm the best.

So, is he still there?

No.

So, what was it like
seeing him again?

Like old times.

I have to admit,
I'm somewhat jealous.

Really?

Well, I'm really glad.

Me, too.

- Okay. I'll be home soon.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Got any more milk?

I just, I can't believe it.

You always believed it.
I mean, you acted like...

It's just an act.

Don't you know that?

I don't know anything.

We did it.

Yeah, we did it. We did it!

I'm wrecked. I got to get home.

Yes, me, too.
Let's clean up in the morning.

Okay, so, I'll see you.

Right. Bye.

Brian?

Brian, look at me.

That letter I told you about.

Rickie said you wrote it.
And I have to know because...

Know what? There's nothing to know.

Okay, what Rickie probably meant
is that Jordan Catalano asked me...

to proofread it
for grammatical errors.

You proofread a love letter?
Is this like a game to you?

Hardly.

- But you admit that you were involved.
- I'm not admitting anything.

This is a joke, right?

That the two of...

Oh, God.

I can't believe I fell for it.
It's obviously a total lie.

No, I meant every word.

I mean, the person who wrote it
meant every word. Probably.

- Brian?
- I didn't write it.

- But Brian, you said...
- Forget what I said.

Forget this whole conversation!

How?

You liked it, though, right?

It made you happy?

Yes.

Because that's probably all that,
you know, matters.

To who?

To, you know...

the person who wrote it.

Angela.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey, Brain.
- Hi. Hey.

Come on, let's go.

Don't worry,
your mom said it's okay.

- See you, Brain.
- See you.

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