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(Bruce) This is the storyof 10 strangers,
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00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:10,840
one night,and all the stupid,
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00:00:10,850 --> 00:00:13,690
embarrassing,ridiculous things we do...
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00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:16,690
to find love.
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?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17?
?www.addic7ed.com?
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I can't believe those male
models just gave us their booth.
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- Male models are so nice.
- I know.
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00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,200
And it's all calm and peaceful.
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00:00:30,210 --> 00:00:33,500
- Yeah. It's like a spa.
- Mm-hmm.
10
00:00:33,510 --> 00:00:34,770
[Both sigh]
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00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:35,670
Hey!
12
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:36,740
- Aah!
- What's up, ladies?
13
00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:37,270
- Nice booth!
- Whoo!
14
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:38,370
Hi.
15
00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:40,210
Tom from like nine seconds ago.
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- Who?
- Oh, no.
17
00:00:42,380 --> 00:00:43,980
I'm just kidding.
18
00:00:43,990 --> 00:00:45,240
- [Sighs]
- I was just kidding.
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Oh, my God, you scared me so much.
20
00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:48,582
Please don't ever do that again.
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00:00:48,592 --> 00:00:49,860
Oh, my God.
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00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:56,960
No, they don't!
23
00:00:56,970 --> 00:00:59,690
Dogs in England do not say
"pip pip" when they bark.
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00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:01,060
Yes, they do.
25
00:01:01,070 --> 00:01:03,500
And our roosters don't
say "cock-a-doodle-doo."
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00:01:03,510 --> 00:01:06,070
They simply say "good morning."
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[Laughs] I love that.
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I'm so glad I bumped into you tonight
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00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:13,410
because I've been having
a very strange night.
30
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:16,280
Oh, me too. I got stood up earlier.
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- What?
- Yeah.
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You're adorable.
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That'd be like standing up a baby.
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[Laughs]
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Listen, I heard the roof of this place
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has an amazing view.
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I heard that, too.
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But sadly, I've never been up there.
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Would you care to join me?
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Uh, I'd go on my own,
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but that would feel a little... suicidey.
42
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,660
Oh, my God, they're here early tonight!
43
00:01:37,670 --> 00:01:41,900
Hey, Kace... Kacey, where are you going?
44
00:01:41,910 --> 00:01:43,070
What was all that about?
45
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Oh, it's the firemen.
46
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Firehouse is just across the street.
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You know, they come in every night.
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Girls love 'em.
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Hey, they'll let you climb
in the fire trucks sometimes.
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It's fun.
51
00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:53,910
How bizarre.
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00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,995
In England, right, a
fireman isn't that special.
53
00:01:57,005 --> 00:01:58,880
Firemen are huge here in New York.
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No, I understand they're heroes...
55
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:03,520
9/11, Hurricane Sandy,
et cetera, et cetera.
56
00:02:03,530 --> 00:02:05,490
But does that mean we're
just supposed to roll over
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00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,700
and surrender our women to them?
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00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,060
Yeah.
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00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:13,930
Well, that is unacceptable.
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00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:16,640
So, what does a blue
hawaiian even taste like?
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00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:18,240
Uh, it's gross. Yeah.
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00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:19,510
It tastes like...
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00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:20,540
like if you could drink
an airport bathroom,
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00:02:20,550 --> 00:02:21,770
that's what it would taste like.
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00:02:21,780 --> 00:02:23,810
[Both laugh]
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00:02:23,820 --> 00:02:25,110
Um, is it... is it weird
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00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,190
that my friends are just staring at us?
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00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,050
- Uh, yes.
- Yeah.
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00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:33,220
Look at Tommy running
game on this chick, huh?
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00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:35,290
- I'm so proud of our boy.
- Yeah.
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00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,820
Look. He's got your smile.
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[Scoffs] Don't be ridiculous.
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He's not really my boy.
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Oh, my God, he does have my smile. Oh!
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You know, call me crazy,
76
00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:47,187
but Tommy might actually pull
this off tonight... maybe.
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I know. I know. He's doing so well.
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00:02:49,472 --> 00:02:51,192
He finally got rid of
his nervous eye twitch.
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God, we did such...
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Cal.
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00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:57,310
It's the bitch that broke Tom's heart.
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It's Laura!
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Shh.
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00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:01,420
- This is a disaster.
- Mm-hmm.
85
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:02,920
He hasn't seen her since she
called off the engagement.
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00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:04,590
Tom is not ready to see her.
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00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,160
He is gonna ruin everything
he's built here tonight.
88
00:03:07,170 --> 00:03:09,620
Okay, we either got to smuggle
Laura out in a big giant bag
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00:03:09,630 --> 00:03:12,560
or get Tommy out of here, stat.
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00:03:12,570 --> 00:03:14,400
"B." Let's go plan "B."
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00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:15,630
Yeah, good call. I don't even have a bag.
92
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,210
I don't know where I'd get a bag.
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00:03:17,710 --> 00:03:19,730
All right, thanks for your numbers, boys.
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00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:21,900
Maybe we'll call, and maybe we won't.
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00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,070
[Laughs]
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00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,000
Bye-bye.
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00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:26,740
That was amazing.
98
00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:29,440
You two are so good with guys.
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00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:31,540
- Thanks.
- Yeah, we really are.
100
00:03:31,550 --> 00:03:33,619
We've been perfecting our
game since high school, so...
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00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:34,910
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm thinking about making
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00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,950
some big life changes tonight, ladies.
103
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,050
But [Sighs] I have no game.
104
00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:40,850
It's like a medical condition.
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00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:43,690
I-I put myself out there with this guy,
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and then he turned out to be super-sketchy.
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00:03:47,410 --> 00:03:48,970
Do we know her?
108
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:51,010
No, I just... I don't know.
109
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I just feel like I don't have the 411
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on what gets you down in the groove.
111
00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:58,520
And I-I feel like maybe my milkshake
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00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,680
never will bring a boy to the yard,
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00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:03,850
and... may... and I'll never be
able to drop it like it's hot.
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00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:05,490
Maybe you could just come join us,
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00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,260
and we could give you a few pointers.
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00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:09,360
- Really?
- Yeah. Really?
117
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:10,660
And I don't know why,
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but every time I go
through airport security,
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I can't help but take my belt off,
120
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like, really sexy, like...
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- [Hums]
- [Laughs] What?
122
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:17,870
- I know. It's weird.
- And you're...
123
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:18,640
- Hey, man.
- Hey, bud.
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00:04:18,650 --> 00:04:19,940
Hey, how's it going?
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00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:22,100
- Good. Uh, we're really connecting.
- Good, good.
126
00:04:22,110 --> 00:04:23,320
Awesome. Good. We're leaving.
127
00:04:23,337 --> 00:04:24,430
- What?
- Let's go. Get up.
128
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:25,640
- No. What are you doing?
- [Grunts] Sorry.
129
00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:26,780
Hey, what... yeah, what's going on?
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00:04:26,790 --> 00:04:28,050
Um, none of your business, okay?
131
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,350
Why are you guys standing like that?
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00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,150
Me and Calwere standing like that
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00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,450
because we really didn't
want him to see his ex.
134
00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:37,320
Why? Because Tom never
gives up on relationships.
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00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:40,570
It all started when Tom's
dad left him when he was 9.
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00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,540
- [Tires squeal]
- (Young Tom) Bye, dad!
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00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,510
Since then, he has fought
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00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,870
for every relationshiphe's ever had.
139
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:52,010
He never gave up on his father,
even when he should have.
140
00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:54,610
He never gave up on his barber,
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00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:57,250
even when heclearly should have.
142
00:04:57,260 --> 00:04:59,290
And he never gave up on Laura.
143
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,420
Laura?
144
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:03,520
Oh, hey. Did you pick up my dry-cleaning?
145
00:05:03,530 --> 00:05:05,260
Uh, what's going on here?
146
00:05:05,270 --> 00:05:07,190
And, yes, I put it in the hall closet.
147
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,700
This is Kellan, from work.
148
00:05:08,710 --> 00:05:11,300
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
149
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:13,700
Uh, so, what are you guys watching?
150
00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:16,000
"Tron Legacy." It's our favorite movie.
151
00:05:16,010 --> 00:05:17,700
Oh, check out those light cycles.
152
00:05:17,710 --> 00:05:19,370
I know. I love the light cycles.
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00:05:19,380 --> 00:05:20,370
[Both laugh]
154
00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:21,540
I'm... I'm sorry, Laura,
155
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:23,340
but why are you spooning with another man?
156
00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:25,910
We're just friends from
work, dude. Don't get weird.
157
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,550
Tom always gets super-jealous.
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00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,880
[Both laugh] No, no.
159
00:05:28,890 --> 00:05:31,020
Something's wrong with our relationship.
160
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:32,520
H-how can I fix it?
161
00:05:32,530 --> 00:05:36,390
Like I said, Tom never
gave up on relationships
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00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,830
even when he clearly, clearly,
very clearly should have.
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00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,130
How are we standing? What do you mean?
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00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,330
Are you trying to hide
something from me, or...
165
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:45,100
Oh, my God, it's Laura!
166
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,900
Great, Cal. I ask for one human
wall, and that's the effort I get?
167
00:05:47,910 --> 00:05:49,070
- Awesome.
- Don't do that.
168
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:50,240
- I'm gonna go talk to her.
- No! Please don't.
169
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,520
- Please don't do that.
- No, Tom, don't do that.
170
00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:05,530
That's the girl who dumped
you? She's beautiful.
171
00:06:05,542 --> 00:06:07,490
You should see her on the inside.
172
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,230
Hey, Tommy, we found a way out the
back, through the kitchen, okay?
173
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,830
- She'll never see us, so let's roll. Come on.
- Come on. Let's go.
174
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,070
Guys, guys, relax.
175
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,070
I'm just gonna... I'm
just gonna go over there
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00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,540
and say what's in my heart,
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00:06:15,550 --> 00:06:16,840
and then we can all get on with our night.
178
00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:18,970
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, come on!
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00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:21,070
Dude, Tommy, the first
time you run into your ex
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00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,340
after a breakup is an incredibly
traumatic event, okay?
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00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:24,990
You got to rehearse and
practice for months.
182
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,370
You can't just go out there and wing it.
183
00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:28,400
We got to go. She's gonna see us.
184
00:06:28,410 --> 00:06:29,710
Shut up!
185
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,810
What kind of guy runs away
from his ex-girlfriend?
186
00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:33,780
- Oh, I do it all the time.
- Me.
187
00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:35,440
Plus, look at her.
188
00:06:35,450 --> 00:06:37,910
- She's got a cool new hairdo. Her skin looks amazing.
- Mm-hmm.
189
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,650
- This is a battle that Tommy cannot win right now.
- Mnh-mnh.
190
00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:42,350
Please, chicks are all smoke and mirrors.
191
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,190
That's probably not
even her real boyfriend.
192
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,850
Look, that's definitely not her real hair.
193
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:47,420
Trust me, Tom, with a little bit of work,
194
00:06:47,430 --> 00:06:49,060
we can ruin this chick, and it'll be great.
195
00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:50,860
Okay, listen, her hair
is a weave. You're right.
196
00:06:50,870 --> 00:06:52,900
But before the three of us
decide what Tommy's gonna do,
197
00:06:52,910 --> 00:06:54,660
me and this cat got to
do some recon. Let's go.
198
00:06:54,670 --> 00:06:55,860
Why can't I just do it my way?
199
00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:57,280
Tom, you have no say in this whatsoever!
200
00:06:57,290 --> 00:07:00,090
- Because your way is the way a prissy little panda!
- Idiot!
201
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:03,192
Sit down. I'm gonna teach
you how to destroy a woman.
202
00:07:03,202 --> 00:07:03,797
Yep.
203
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,470
Okay, so, bars are filled
with two types of men.
204
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,540
We have creeps and nice guys.
205
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:11,680
Your job is to repel the creeps
206
00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:13,410
- while drawing in the nice guys.
- Mm-hmm.
207
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:15,450
(Jessica) Creeps come in several types.
208
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:18,080
We have hair gel, scary beard,
209
00:07:18,090 --> 00:07:21,820
the watcher, lacrosse,
and thick-framed glasses.
210
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:24,390
And nice guys also come
in different flavors.
211
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,430
You have adorably bad shoes, genuine smile,
212
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,390
the listener, cool job,
213
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,500
Jimmy Fallon, and thick-framed glasses.
214
00:07:32,510 --> 00:07:35,170
- But...
- It's not an exact science.
215
00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:37,889
I kind of like the Jimmy Fallons.
216
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,350
- Yeah, you would.
- [Laughter]
217
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:40,550
Let's go talk to them.
218
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,420
- Whoa, whoa!
- Whoa, whoa. Absolutely not.
219
00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:44,050
A girl can never approach a guy.
220
00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:45,790
Yeah, no, see, guys still think
221
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,992
that girls who approach them are crazy.
222
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,229
Yeah. And there's nothing worse for a girl
223
00:07:50,230 --> 00:07:51,145
than being labeled crazy.
224
00:07:51,147 --> 00:07:52,170
Like her.
225
00:07:53,020 --> 00:07:55,010
Okay, so, if I can't approach guys,
226
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:57,480
then how do I talk to them?
227
00:07:57,490 --> 00:07:59,550
[Laughs] Seriously now?
228
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:00,580
She's so cute.
229
00:08:00,590 --> 00:08:01,920
Okay, so, you just...
230
00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:04,820
- you give them the four-second look.
- Mm-hmm.
231
00:08:04,830 --> 00:08:08,290
You hold eye contact with any
guy for four straight seconds,
232
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,460
and even the dumbest ones will come over.
233
00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:12,300
- Yeah. It's awesome. Go ahead.
- Try it.
234
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,230
One, two, three...
235
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,470
You don't have to count.
236
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,910
Just... just easy breaths.
237
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:26,019
[Sighs]
238
00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:27,680
Okay, you're gonna get us kicked out.
239
00:08:27,690 --> 00:08:30,980
So, there we were, racing
ladder 12 down Broadway.
240
00:08:30,990 --> 00:08:31,950
Shut up.
241
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,480
And I look over to Brock,
242
00:08:33,490 --> 00:08:36,190
and I just knew this would be
a birthday he'd never forget.
243
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,150
- Oh!
- Oh!
244
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:39,390
How does that story end?
245
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,590
Did you get the cat out of the tree?
246
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,290
You got a problem, bro?
247
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:45,090
No, no, um, but neither do you,
248
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:46,930
because according to my friends at Google,
249
00:08:46,940 --> 00:08:49,570
the number of fires has decreased 80%
250
00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,430
over the past 40 years.
251
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:52,700
So humor me.
252
00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:55,300
When was the last time you
guys actually saw a fire?
253
00:08:55,310 --> 00:08:57,340
Don't answer that, Chet.
254
00:08:57,350 --> 00:08:59,440
So you think you could do our job, bro?
255
00:08:59,450 --> 00:09:01,940
Well, I'm not putting out a fire right now,
256
00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:04,310
so, yeah, I'm doing your job as we speak.
257
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,110
(Woman) Wow. He's right.
258
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,220
Firefighters don't do anything.
259
00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:09,820
Hey, I-it's not our fault
260
00:09:09,830 --> 00:09:12,677
- that every building has a sprinkler sys...
- Not now, Chet!
261
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:15,410
Okay, yeah, I'm gonna just go back to work.
262
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:17,636
Way to just take down those firemen.
263
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:18,829
Thank you.
264
00:09:18,830 --> 00:09:20,795
I've got a vicious rant
against the red cross, too,
265
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:21,650
- if you'd like to hear it.
- [Laughs]
266
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,260
Perhaps on the roof?
267
00:09:26,370 --> 00:09:27,660
Are you Bradley?
268
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:29,960
- Hey, I-I recognize...
- Bruce?
269
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,800
- Oh!
- Cal.
270
00:09:31,810 --> 00:09:34,100
- Oh, my God! Laura!
- Oh, my God! Laura!
271
00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:36,500
- What a surprise!
- Huh? Wow!
272
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:37,770
- Cal.
- Hey.
273
00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,737
Hey. Is Tom here?
274
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,320
No. Tom is on a date with a black girl.
275
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,319
Okay.
276
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,950
Okay, I am going to teach you
277
00:09:45,957 --> 00:09:48,240
how to completely destroy your ex.
278
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:50,796
Okay, first, you need to start
with a backhanded compliment
279
00:09:50,797 --> 00:09:54,159
like, "oh, I'm so glad
you're eating again."
280
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,520
- Then, when she finally feels super...
- Wait, wait, wait.
281
00:09:56,535 --> 00:09:58,455
What... what if I don't want to hurt Laura?
282
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:00,419
I don't understand.
283
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:01,740
Well, we just ended so suddenly,
284
00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:03,140
we never got to work on us,
285
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:05,180
and I feel like if you work
hard enough at any relationship,
286
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,150
you can make it work.
287
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,310
No. That's totally wrong.
288
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:08,780
If something is broken, you throw it away.
289
00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:10,120
Like, what do you do if you have
290
00:10:10,130 --> 00:10:11,520
a pair of shoes with a hole in it?
291
00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:14,290
Uh, I take them to my
cobbler over and over again
292
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,100
until they're properly mended.
293
00:10:17,512 --> 00:10:19,020
When it comes to relationships,
294
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:21,020
Maya is the opposite of Tom.
295
00:10:21,030 --> 00:10:23,620
She's ended every relationship
she's ever been in.
296
00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:25,460
Her first boyfriend,Timmy Verdugo,
297
00:10:25,470 --> 00:10:26,790
dumped her in fifth grade.
298
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,790
It was the worst feelingshe'd ever felt.
299
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,700
For Timmy Verdugo, the
worst feeling he'd ever felt
300
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:34,362
came nine seconds later,
when Maya kicked his ass
301
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,100
in front of allof his friends.
302
00:10:36,110 --> 00:10:39,220
To protect herself, Maya
always got out of relationships
303
00:10:39,230 --> 00:10:40,820
at the first sign of trouble.
304
00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:45,380
Sometimes she even enjoyed it.
305
00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:48,010
She even dumped her parents,
306
00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:50,620
legally emancipating
herself when she turned 16.
307
00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:52,720
The older she got,the pickier she became.
308
00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:55,520
She could always find a reason
to break up with someone...
309
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:59,700
bad poetry, crooked teeth,
annoying coffee mugs.
310
00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:03,660
And while shenever got hurt again,
311
00:11:03,670 --> 00:11:07,030
she also found she had no
meaningful relationships left.
312
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,800
When she met Tomearlier in the night,
313
00:11:08,810 --> 00:11:10,800
you'd thinkhe wouldn't stand a chance.
314
00:11:10,810 --> 00:11:12,050
However...
315
00:11:12,930 --> 00:11:15,190
Okay, so tell me about
this guy you just met.
316
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,400
Oh, my gosh.
317
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:18,800
His name was Tom, and he
was a complete train wreck.
318
00:11:18,810 --> 00:11:20,200
- Oh...
- Yeah.
319
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:22,830
But he was the complete opposite
of the guys I normally meet.
320
00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,000
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
321
00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,170
He was like a little kitten.
322
00:11:25,180 --> 00:11:27,110
- Aww! I love kittens!
- Mm. Yeah.
323
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,040
But not like a
rough-and-tumble boy kitten...
324
00:11:29,050 --> 00:11:30,910
like a sad, effeminate little-girl kitten
325
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,640
where even the other kittens are like,
326
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:34,380
"let's hurt that kitten."
327
00:11:34,390 --> 00:11:35,480
- Aww!
- Yeah.
328
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:38,220
But he was really weird, and he was funny.
329
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,280
He was sweet. He was sweet.
330
00:11:40,290 --> 00:11:42,490
- Whoa! Whoa.
- [Laughs] Mm.
331
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,860
It seems like you really like this guy.
332
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:48,130
No, Liv. He was way too emotional.
333
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:49,430
No. No. Don't do that.
334
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,830
You always look for a reason to get out.
335
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,300
Why not just look for a reason to get in?
336
00:11:54,310 --> 00:11:57,400
Oh, my gosh, Liv, he cried... in a bar.
337
00:11:57,410 --> 00:11:59,040
I cry in bars all the time.
338
00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:00,870
And I'm amazed we're still friends.
339
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,140
Okay, but the point is,
340
00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:04,340
just give this guy
another chance, you know?
341
00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:06,540
It's like, I've never seen you
342
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:09,510
not hate somebody so much before.
343
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,600
- Fine.
- Yes.
344
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,430
- But if he cries again, I'm walking away.
- Okay.
345
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:15,470
And then I'm walking back,
346
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,600
punching him in the empty space
347
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:17,900
where his balls are supposed to be,
348
00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:18,700
and walking away again.
349
00:12:18,710 --> 00:12:20,270
That's fair enough.
350
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,510
Okay, sorry.
351
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,410
So how do I know if a relationship is dead
352
00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:24,910
or if it just needs more work?
353
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:26,080
I don't know.
354
00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:27,980
You just... you just... you just feel it,
355
00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:29,480
like if... if you're talking with someone
356
00:12:29,490 --> 00:12:31,949
and you like talking with them like this,
357
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:33,580
then that relationship is good.
358
00:12:33,590 --> 00:12:34,610
It's still alive.
359
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,150
But if you're talking with someone
360
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,350
and all you can think is,
361
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,250
"oh, my gosh, how can I fake a seizure
362
00:12:39,260 --> 00:12:41,250
to get out of this situation right now?"
363
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,120
Then that relationship is dead
and you have to walk away.
364
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:46,590
I've just, like... I've
never ended anything before.
365
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:47,760
I-I'm not an ender.
366
00:12:47,770 --> 00:12:50,630
Oh, well, I am. Yeah. And it's really fun.
367
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,310
(Jessica) Wow, the Jimmy Fallons
368
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,840
still haven't responded
to your four-second look?
369
00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:57,910
Nope. And I'm not even
doing it weird anymore.
370
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:02,650
Okay, you could also try the
look, look away, look back,
371
00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:04,290
also known as the shampoo commercial.
372
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:05,520
Mm.
373
00:13:05,530 --> 00:13:07,260
Or you could give a
suggestive mouth movement,
374
00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:09,060
like...
375
00:13:09,070 --> 00:13:10,860
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and use props...
376
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:13,030
a lipstick, a straw,
377
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,930
a giant sausage, cucumber, candlestick,
378
00:13:15,940 --> 00:13:17,570
curling iron, rolling pin,
379
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:19,570
carrot, parsnip, eggplant, um...
380
00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:20,700
I think we get it...
381
00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:22,910
like objects that look like a penis.
382
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:23,840
Yeah, exactly.
383
00:13:23,850 --> 00:13:24,940
- Yeah.
- Okay.
384
00:13:24,950 --> 00:13:27,010
Okay, I'm gonna do the other one first.
385
00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:29,310
- Shampoo commercial. Go.
- Okay.
386
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:33,290
Look, look away, look back.
387
00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,150
[All gasp] Ooh!
388
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,390
It's perfect.
389
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,660
- Okay, they are definitely coming over.
- Okay.
390
00:13:40,670 --> 00:13:42,070
[Clears throat]
391
00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:47,960
[Gasps] Oh, my gosh!
392
00:13:47,970 --> 00:13:50,170
This is amazing!
393
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:53,400
It's like I'm in a movie about roofs!
394
00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:56,940
Indeed. It almost makes
you forget your problems.
395
00:13:56,950 --> 00:13:59,020
[Door closes]
396
00:14:01,450 --> 00:14:03,750
Almost.
397
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,480
[Door handle rattles]
398
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,880
Okay. And we're leaving now.
399
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,220
Yeah, Laura's doing amazing.
400
00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:12,820
That guy is totally her boyfriend,
401
00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:14,620
he's a surgeon, and he's really nice.
402
00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:15,960
Really nice. Like, nicer than you, dude.
403
00:14:15,970 --> 00:14:17,260
Wow. I'd love to meet him.
404
00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:19,260
Plus, she's lost nine pounds,
405
00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:21,600
got a flirty new lipstick color
that really complements her eyes,
406
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:24,970
- and just got promoted to vice president at work.
- Vice president. Yeah.
407
00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:26,900
Oh, God, she so deserved that.
408
00:14:26,910 --> 00:14:28,780
Okay.
409
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,910
Yeah, you should probably go.
410
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,510
- Really?
- Yeah. You can't win this.
411
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,740
All right, well, it was
really nice meeting you.
412
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,910
And thank you so much for
talking to me for so long.
413
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,320
I'm gonna call you as soon as I get
home just so you know that I got in.
414
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:45,220
- All right, that's enough.
- Let's go. Come on. Let's go. Okay.
415
00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:47,660
[Sighs] Okay, Cal, human wall.
416
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:48,732
Show me what you got this time.
417
00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:50,979
- Man, he's like a foot taller than I am.
- Make no excuses, my friend.
418
00:14:50,980 --> 00:14:53,060
I'm not making excuses.
I'm giving you 110%.
419
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:54,500
[All gasp]
420
00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:55,960
Are you okay?
421
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:58,930
Laura saw me. I'm down. T-Tom is down.
422
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,210
(Bruce) Help her up.
423
00:15:13,820 --> 00:15:15,310
Laura saw me. What do I do?
424
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:16,640
- Okay, okay.
- Be cool. Be cool. I got this.
425
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,580
We're gonna pull the fire alarm,
426
00:15:18,590 --> 00:15:20,510
and then we're gonna blend in with
the crowd as they escape here, okay?
427
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,750
All right, stop it. Whatever these
clowns are saying, you're not doing.
428
00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,250
Now that you've seen her,
you have to talk to her.
429
00:15:24,260 --> 00:15:25,650
- Is that true?
- (Bruce & Cal) Yes.
430
00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:27,750
- Industry standard.
- Thanks.
431
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,220
Okay. All right, it's not
gonna be that bad, right?
432
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,590
Ooh, Tommy, I hate to be crude
because there's a lady present,
433
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,460
but Laura's gonna rip your
heart clean out of your chest
434
00:15:34,470 --> 00:15:36,260
- and eat it right in front of your face.
- Probably.
435
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:38,040
W-why would she do that?
436
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:41,870
Oh, no one's answering.
437
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,900
Why are bars so loud?
438
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:48,080
Let us in, you drunken savages!
439
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,610
Okay, what is up with these nice guys?
440
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,820
I don't know. I don't know, but I am done.
441
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:58,880
(Liv) Wait, Jessica. Wait.
442
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,940
I thought you said never approach guys.
443
00:16:00,950 --> 00:16:01,940
Sometimes you have to break the rules
444
00:16:01,950 --> 00:16:03,070
- because men are dumb.
- Yeah.
445
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,040
Hey, nice guys. What's the deal?
446
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,410
Yeah, our friend Liv here
447
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,440
has been sending you signals
for like half an hour.
448
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:10,240
Why haven't any of you dorks come over?
449
00:16:10,250 --> 00:16:11,380
I don't get it.
450
00:16:11,390 --> 00:16:13,050
You nice guys are always complaining...
451
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:15,420
"why do girls go for the
jerks and the creeps?"
452
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:17,830
Do you want to know why? Yeah?
453
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,600
Because they're the only
ones who have the balls
454
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:20,770
to come over and talk to us.
455
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,370
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. We're not crazy.
456
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:24,010
- You make us crazy.
- Mm.
457
00:16:24,020 --> 00:16:25,540
Yeah, with your messenger bags
458
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:27,240
and your matching brown hair
459
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:29,050
and your amazing relationships
with your parents.
460
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:30,350
Yeah, I am over it.
461
00:16:30,810 --> 00:16:33,930
Do you boys have anything
to say for yourselves?
462
00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:35,970
I'm sorry we didn't respond to you.
463
00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:38,970
We're just here celebrating
my friend's first night out.
464
00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:41,540
His first night out since what?
465
00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:44,790
Since the accident.
466
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:49,150
Oh, my God. I am so sorry.
467
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,280
We didn't want to chase girls tonight.
468
00:16:51,290 --> 00:16:53,320
We just wanted to be there for Clark.
469
00:16:53,330 --> 00:16:57,160
Yes. You're nice guys.
470
00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:58,490
We're gonna go.
471
00:16:58,500 --> 00:16:59,930
Feel better, Clark.
472
00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:01,430
I'm paralyzed.
473
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,367
[Groans]
474
00:17:07,230 --> 00:17:11,662
Really? This was the best
way to get us off the roof?
475
00:17:11,670 --> 00:17:12,520
- Well...
- [Cheers and applause]
476
00:17:12,523 --> 00:17:15,799
You can never be too careful, pal.
477
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:16,985
There was a door.
478
00:17:16,987 --> 00:17:18,660
Yeah, I know.
479
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:20,939
[Indistinct conversations]
480
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,900
Do I have to let go?
481
00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:24,470
Take all the time you need.
482
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,870
Okay. Can I have your number?
483
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,740
Yeah. It's 911.
484
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,140
[Squeals]
485
00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:36,040
Very well, firemen, you win this round.
486
00:17:36,050 --> 00:17:39,350
But remember, your job
could be done by rain.
487
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:42,380
Take care, now.
488
00:17:42,390 --> 00:17:47,020
Okay, remember... keep it
brief. No emotion. No crying.
489
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:49,060
Just crush her self-esteem and get out.
490
00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:51,440
Go.
491
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:57,800
I'm a man
492
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,400
Spelled "M"
493
00:17:59,410 --> 00:18:01,370
"M"
494
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:05,140
"A"
495
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,110
"N"
496
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,210
Whoa
497
00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:12,150
I miss you so much,
Laura. You're so pretty.
498
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,990
- [All groan]
- There it is.
499
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,890
Tom, oh, honey.
500
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:18,260
I think about you every single day.
501
00:18:18,270 --> 00:18:19,390
Do you still think about me?
502
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,800
No, I don't. I'm so sorry.
503
00:18:24,090 --> 00:18:25,550
It's okay.
504
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,420
I just have a really hard
time ending relationships.
505
00:18:28,430 --> 00:18:30,720
Seriously, how many times is
this kid gonna cry tonight, huh?
506
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:33,450
I just always believe
that things can get better
507
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,782
because sometimes people
change in awesome ways,
508
00:18:35,787 --> 00:18:37,596
and what if you gave up on
someone and you missed out
509
00:18:37,597 --> 00:18:38,600
on the best version of them?
510
00:18:41,210 --> 00:18:43,530
That would suck so hard.
511
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:46,280
Typical Tom, making a scene.
512
00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:48,920
[Voice breaking] Thanks,
Laura. You're so nice.
513
00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:50,320
[Sniffles]
514
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,120
And smart and beautiful.
515
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:53,720
No.
516
00:18:53,730 --> 00:18:55,840
And she's great at organizing
trips. You're gonna love that.
517
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,130
That is actually very true.
518
00:18:58,140 --> 00:18:59,800
She is really good at planning trips.
519
00:18:59,810 --> 00:19:01,000
- Okay. All right.
- She is super.
520
00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:02,370
- That's true.
- Super-good, actually.
521
00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:04,500
Tom, don't cry for me. It's embarrassing.
522
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,700
Oh, I'm not crying for you.
523
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,710
I'm crying 'cause our relationship is dead,
524
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:09,970
and that's really sad to me.
525
00:19:09,980 --> 00:19:10,970
What'd he say?
526
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:12,710
What's that, now?
527
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,310
Thanks for being my
girlfriend for eight years.
528
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,610
It was really cool.
529
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:18,650
But I thought we were
still gonna be friends.
530
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:19,450
Say no.
531
00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:20,480
- Say no. Say no.
- Say no.
532
00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:23,250
No, we're not. We're not.
533
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,150
[Laughs]
534
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,720
Goodbye, Laura.
535
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,960
[Smooches]
536
00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:30,770
I'm so glad you're eating again.
537
00:19:36,510 --> 00:19:38,370
Man, we keep saying how
bad Tommy is at this,
538
00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:39,970
but maybe he's better than all of us.
539
00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:42,160
I know. I know. I did it all wrong.
540
00:19:42,170 --> 00:19:43,310
- I got emotional.
- No, no.
541
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,840
You did it... you did
everything just right.
542
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,960
And I really liked
everything that you said.
543
00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:49,910
You used my backhanded compliment.
544
00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:53,080
Do you want to get a drink with me,
545
00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:54,390
without my friends watching?
546
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:57,590
[Chuckles]
547
00:19:57,750 --> 00:19:59,810
Um...
548
00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:02,840
Uh, yeah. Okay.
549
00:20:02,850 --> 00:20:04,090
[Chuckles]
550
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:10,280
Maya swore she'd walk
away if Tom cried again.
551
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:13,250
And she did...only she did it with Tom.
552
00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:14,990
- He's got your walk.
- Don't be ridiculous.
553
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,490
Oh, my God, he does have my walk.
554
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,730
That's... that's kind of disturbing.
555
00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:29,030
- [Gasps]
- Ooh!
556
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,500
- My God.
- You are such an idiot.
557
00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:32,939
Ugh!
558
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:34,360
Hold up. Hold up.
559
00:20:34,370 --> 00:20:36,100
Is this destiny?
560
00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,540
Nope.
561
00:20:38,550 --> 00:20:40,040
No? It seems that way.
562
00:20:40,050 --> 00:20:41,510
This cute little fall,
563
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,180
this clear sexual chemistry we're having.
564
00:20:45,350 --> 00:20:46,880
Can I have my birth control?
565
00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:48,710
- I hope you're using this.
- Mm.
566
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,750
We met at the bar before, remember?
567
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,820
Yeah, you hit on my friend Jessica.
568
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:54,320
You said I had ratty hair.
569
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:56,420
What? That must've been someone
that looks just like me.
570
00:20:56,430 --> 00:20:57,590
I would never... I'm Bruce,
571
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:58,990
and I'm sure Jessica has talked all...
572
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,720
No, it's never gonna happen.
573
00:21:00,730 --> 00:21:03,560
- Whoa!
- Adios.
574
00:21:03,570 --> 00:21:06,330
Brucie like.
575
00:21:06,340 --> 00:21:08,970
Man, I'm sorry we didn't
find you a nice guy.
576
00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:11,270
Oh, please. It's not your fault.
577
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:12,740
I suck at this stuff.
578
00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:14,100
Hey.
579
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,580
I saw your suggestive
mouth movements earlier.
580
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:19,990
Give me a call sometime.
581
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:25,829
Boom!
582
00:21:25,830 --> 00:21:35,830
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583
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:40,430
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