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1
00:00:05.644 --> 00:00:08.378
Wow. We got to get a
better vacuum cleaner.
2
00:00:08.414 --> 00:00:11.381
Got a tree growing right out of
the middle of the living room.
3
00:00:11.417 --> 00:00:14.117
Yeah, it's a good one
this year, Mike, yeah.
4
00:00:14.153 --> 00:00:17.540
And the smell, it's just...
it's-it's like it's hanging
5
00:00:17.890 --> 00:00:19.556
from a rearview mirror.
6
00:00:19.592 --> 00:00:20.958
Don't get too attached to it.
7
00:00:20.993 --> 00:00:23.827
In 30 days we'll be kicking
that baby to the curb.
8
00:00:23.862 --> 00:00:26.763
Hey, guys. Don't forget,
Kyle and I have plans tonight.
9
00:00:26.799 --> 00:00:29.766
You're not gonna help us
decorate the fire hazard?
10
00:00:29.802 --> 00:00:31.468
They are cultured, Mike.
11
00:00:31.503 --> 00:00:34.237
They are going to The
Nutcracker with Kristin and Ryan.
12
00:00:34.273 --> 00:00:35.739
Yeah. I've never been to the ballet.
13
00:00:35.774 --> 00:00:39.443
I can't believe they get
to wear slippers to work.
14
00:00:39.478 --> 00:00:42.179
Well, buckle up. It's three
hours of people dancing,
15
00:00:42.214 --> 00:00:45.315
occasionally interrupted
by people prancing.
16
00:00:46.952 --> 00:00:50.954
So, tonight, tonight'll just
be you and me decorating.
17
00:00:50.990 --> 00:00:52.656
Hmm. You all right with that?
18
00:00:52.691 --> 00:00:53.924
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Definitely.
19
00:00:53.959 --> 00:00:55.492
It'll be like when we were just married,
20
00:00:55.527 --> 00:00:58.328
except our tree won't be a fern.
21
00:00:58.364 --> 00:01:00.163
And we won't make the
star out of the tinfoil
22
00:01:00.199 --> 00:01:01.865
- out of a Jiffy Pop thing.
- Mm.
23
00:01:01.900 --> 00:01:05.936
You, uh, you remember what
we did with the butter?
24
00:01:05.971 --> 00:01:07.938
Okay.
25
00:01:07.973 --> 00:01:10.340
Come on, babe. I'll take you to work.
26
00:01:10.376 --> 00:01:12.420
But don't you want to know
what they did with the butter?
27
00:01:12.770 --> 00:01:14.770
No.
28
00:01:15.180 --> 00:01:17.814
- Have fun, guys.
- Eh.
29
00:01:17.850 --> 00:01:19.282
Do you, uh, you have time to eat?
30
00:01:19.318 --> 00:01:21.284
No. I'll eat at work.
31
00:01:21.320 --> 00:01:23.120
A vending machine breakfast.
32
00:01:23.155 --> 00:01:27.691
Glazed doughnuts and pork rinds
and a emergency rain poncho.
33
00:01:27.726 --> 00:01:29.292
Hmm.
34
00:01:29.328 --> 00:01:31.294
You know what...
35
00:01:31.330 --> 00:01:34.297
I shouldn't give Ed a
Christmas gift this year, right?
36
00:01:34.333 --> 00:01:36.199
That'd be... that'd
be... that'd be stupid.
37
00:01:36.235 --> 00:01:39.236
Well, no, you-you and
Ed never exchange gifts.
38
00:01:39.271 --> 00:01:41.400
Yeah. Yeah.
39
00:01:41.400 --> 00:01:43.173
But, you know, I thought
this year would be different
40
00:01:43.208 --> 00:01:44.408
'cause he retired.
41
00:01:44.443 --> 00:01:47.844
But that's not a good reason.
42
00:01:47.880 --> 00:01:50.247
No, I-I think that's a great reason.
43
00:01:50.282 --> 00:01:52.482
But I have so much on my plate!
44
00:01:52.518 --> 00:01:55.252
I-It feels like you want
me to talk you out of this.
45
00:01:55.287 --> 00:01:57.888
Well, you're not doing
a really good job of it.
46
00:01:57.923 --> 00:01:59.489
Honey, this-this is the first Christmas
47
00:01:59.525 --> 00:02:00.824
that Ed's not at the store.
48
00:02:00.859 --> 00:02:02.993
I-I think you should get
him something special.
49
00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:05.396
Now it's got to be something special.
50
00:02:06.131 --> 00:02:09.132
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com
51
00:02:13.972 --> 00:02:15.439
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey.
52
00:02:15.474 --> 00:02:17.441
Just reminding you I'm
leaving a little early tonight.
53
00:02:17.476 --> 00:02:19.776
That's right. Mom said you're
going to The Nutcracker?
54
00:02:19.812 --> 00:02:22.212
Yay. Three hours of people leaping
55
00:02:22.247 --> 00:02:25.182
interrupted by people prancing.
56
00:02:25.217 --> 00:02:28.385
Sometimes you make me so proud.
57
00:02:28.420 --> 00:02:32.890
Uh, but I finished my personnel
requests for next year.
58
00:02:32.124 --> 00:02:34.525
You know, I could've just
sent that to you in an e-mail.
59
00:02:34.556 --> 00:02:35.125
Thanks.
60
00:02:35.160 --> 00:02:37.728
An e-mail doesn't
keep loggers employed.
61
00:02:37.763 --> 00:02:39.730
Plus, when I hold 'em
in my hand like this,
62
00:02:39.765 --> 00:02:42.566
I feel like I've finished my job.
63
00:02:42.601 --> 00:02:45.969
But I'm not finished yet! Chuck!
64
00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:46.531
What's up?
65
00:02:46.562 --> 00:02:48.638
I'm gonna need those
personnel reports, man.
66
00:02:48.674 --> 00:02:49.906
I got to start making these decisions
67
00:02:49.942 --> 00:02:51.274
before the end of the year.
68
00:02:51.310 --> 00:02:53.276
Oh! I'll have it to you
by the end of the day.
69
00:02:53.312 --> 00:02:55.612
Carol's coming back from, uh,
70
00:02:55.647 --> 00:02:57.547
California for the holidays, and, uh,
71
00:02:57.583 --> 00:02:59.382
I need time to clean up the house.
72
00:02:59.418 --> 00:03:00.751
That's shocking.
73
00:03:00.786 --> 00:03:02.753
What, that a Marine cleans his house?
74
00:03:02.788 --> 00:03:06.890
No, that Carol's coming back to you?
75
00:03:07.693 --> 00:03:09.159
Good one, Baxter,
76
00:03:09.194 --> 00:03:10.927
he said, pretending the cruel joke
77
00:03:10.963 --> 00:03:13.960
didn't trigger his deepest insecurities.
78
00:03:13.132 --> 00:03:14.933
Hey, guys, can you think
of any Christmas gift
79
00:03:14.967 --> 00:03:16.299
that Ed might want?
80
00:03:16.335 --> 00:03:18.735
How about a ticket to The Nutcracker?
81
00:03:18.771 --> 00:03:22.339
Why didn't we just
stop having kids at you?
82
00:03:23.373 --> 00:03:25.130
Whenever I don't know
what to get someone,
83
00:03:25.430 --> 00:03:26.176
I just get 'em a cheesecake.
84
00:03:26.211 --> 00:03:27.577
Everybody likes cheesecake.
85
00:03:27.613 --> 00:03:29.312
And if they don't, they
might regift it to you
86
00:03:29.348 --> 00:03:31.982
and then, hey, free cheesecake.
87
00:03:32.170 --> 00:03:33.917
What's better than a cheesecake
88
00:03:33.952 --> 00:03:35.619
that's been passed around, you know?
89
00:03:35.654 --> 00:03:38.955
With that little tinge of
salmonella in it. Yum, yum.
90
00:03:38.991 --> 00:03:41.358
Not everybody is as good
at giving gifts as you, Dad.
91
00:03:41.393 --> 00:03:42.826
Okay, you always know
what to get people.
92
00:03:42.861 --> 00:03:45.950
Identify the consumer's need
93
00:03:45.130 --> 00:03:47.430
and supply it.
94
00:03:47.466 --> 00:03:48.498
Who said that?
95
00:03:48.534 --> 00:03:49.800
Dad's favorite philosopher,
96
00:03:49.835 --> 00:03:52.350
- himself.
- Oh.
97
00:03:52.700 --> 00:03:53.671
He was thinking of putting it
98
00:03:53.672 --> 00:03:55.772
- at the entrance to Baxterland.
- Ah.
99
00:03:55.808 --> 00:03:57.440
At the corner of Mike Avenue
100
00:03:57.476 --> 00:03:59.442
and Know-It-All Lane.
101
00:03:59.478 --> 00:04:02.450
This know-it-all might
have just figured out
102
00:04:02.800 --> 00:04:04.481
what to get Ed for Christmas.
103
00:04:04.516 --> 00:04:06.950
Um...
104
00:04:06.985 --> 00:04:08.952
when I leave my office,
105
00:04:08.987 --> 00:04:11.888
it's a good idea for everyone
else to leave my office.
106
00:04:11.924 --> 00:04:14.691
- But there's toys.
- But there's toys.
107
00:04:30.742 --> 00:04:32.716
Wow, Mom, you're really
in the Christmas spirit.
108
00:04:32.747 --> 00:04:33.210
Mm!
109
00:04:33.245 --> 00:04:35.645
Well, I'm doing one of my
favorite things in the world.
110
00:04:36.682 --> 00:04:38.682
And decorating the tree.
111
00:04:40.452 --> 00:04:43.553
Ah. Uh, you guys...
you're-you're leaving early.
112
00:04:43.589 --> 00:04:45.655
Oh, yeah, we're gonna
meet at Kristin and Ryan's.
113
00:04:45.691 --> 00:04:48.558
- You have the tickets, babe?
- Yeah. Uh, right here.
114
00:04:48.594 --> 00:04:50.393
Uh-oh.
115
00:04:50.429 --> 00:04:52.729
Says we're in the orchestra.
116
00:04:52.764 --> 00:04:56.833
I haven't played the
tuba since high school.
117
00:04:56.869 --> 00:04:58.602
Oh, Mom...
118
00:04:58.637 --> 00:05:00.437
you don't have to hang
my snowflake ornament
119
00:05:00.472 --> 00:05:01.571
I made in the second grade.
120
00:05:01.607 --> 00:05:03.730
Are you kidding? I love this.
121
00:05:03.108 --> 00:05:05.408
Great, because that was a
test. Where you gonna put it?
122
00:05:05.444 --> 00:05:07.344
Uh...
123
00:05:07.379 --> 00:05:10.800
well, I was thinking of just...
I'm putting it right here?
124
00:05:10.115 --> 00:05:12.282
There? Okay.
125
00:05:12.317 --> 00:05:14.584
Why? You have a better idea?
126
00:05:14.620 --> 00:05:15.719
- Yes, several.
- Okay.
127
00:05:15.754 --> 00:05:18.188
Oh. Uh,
128
00:05:18.223 --> 00:05:20.390
Mandy was always in charge of ornaments.
129
00:05:20.425 --> 00:05:23.226
Yeah, because I'm great
with visual placement.
130
00:05:23.262 --> 00:05:26.429
And I'm really, really tall.
131
00:05:26.465 --> 00:05:28.531
I'll just do one to get you started.
132
00:05:28.567 --> 00:05:29.432
Can I do one?
133
00:05:29.468 --> 00:05:30.467
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
134
00:05:30.502 --> 00:05:31.701
Here, you can have your pick.
135
00:05:31.737 --> 00:05:34.804
They're all wrapped in newspaper.
136
00:05:34.840 --> 00:05:38.141
Oh, this is from way back in January.
137
00:05:38.176 --> 00:05:41.278
Boy, did we miss out
on a furniture sale.
138
00:05:42.581 --> 00:05:44.470
You know what, uh,
139
00:05:44.820 --> 00:05:45.949
this is gonna take me
a little bit of time.
140
00:05:45.984 --> 00:05:48.585
So I'll just text Kristin and
tell them to pick us up here.
141
00:05:48.620 --> 00:05:50.787
Are you sure? Honey, you
know, you don't have to. It...
142
00:05:50.822 --> 00:05:52.289
Mom, if I let you decorate the tree,
143
00:05:52.324 --> 00:05:54.357
it'll take me hours to fix.
144
00:05:55.494 --> 00:05:58.929
No offense. Merry Christmas.
145
00:06:01.700 --> 00:06:04.334
Man, you're still working?
146
00:06:04.369 --> 00:06:06.269
Carol's not gonna like it if
you're late, unless she's...
147
00:06:06.305 --> 00:06:07.904
on California time, dude.
148
00:06:10.943 --> 00:06:13.743
Well, you asked me to get a
job done, so I'll get it done.
149
00:06:13.779 --> 00:06:14.945
And it'll be letter-perfect.
150
00:06:14.980 --> 00:06:17.113
Besides, Carol's still on
151
00:06:17.149 --> 00:06:20.183
Colorado "your ass
better be on time" time.
152
00:06:21.954 --> 00:06:23.920
Hey, Ed. Glad I saw you.
153
00:06:23.956 --> 00:06:25.488
- I-I got something for you.
- Good.
154
00:06:25.524 --> 00:06:28.910
I-I wanted to hand deliver
these Christmas cards.
155
00:06:28.126 --> 00:06:30.930
- Much more personal than the mail.
- Oh.
156
00:06:30.128 --> 00:06:31.361
Not to mention cheaper.
157
00:06:32.798 --> 00:06:35.432
125 employees times 50 cents.
158
00:06:35.467 --> 00:06:36.967
Adds up.
159
00:06:37.200 --> 00:06:38.201
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Very good.
160
00:06:38.236 --> 00:06:39.469
I did the math. Thank you very much.
161
00:06:39.504 --> 00:06:41.204
Come on, give me a
break. Give me a break.
162
00:06:41.239 --> 00:06:43.940
I'm-I'm a retiree on a
fixed income, all right?
163
00:06:43.976 --> 00:06:46.509
On your personal mega yacht.
164
00:06:47.980 --> 00:06:51.648
Listen, what are you
doing here so late anyway, huh?
165
00:06:51.683 --> 00:06:54.617
Don't tell me that Mike
Baxter has gotten behind.
166
00:06:54.653 --> 00:06:56.820
The only thing I'm
behind is Reaganomics.
167
00:06:56.855 --> 00:07:00.557
And you're welcome for
the boom-boom '80s, man.
168
00:07:00.592 --> 00:07:03.660
Still waiting for my
trickle-down over here.
169
00:07:05.263 --> 00:07:06.863
Anyway, thanks for the card.
170
00:07:06.898 --> 00:07:09.299
But I did have extra time to get
something for Christmas for you.
171
00:07:09.334 --> 00:07:10.400
So just wait there a minute.
172
00:07:10.435 --> 00:07:13.203
I-I just have a minute.
Just a minute now here.
173
00:07:13.238 --> 00:07:14.471
I'm tending bar at the VFW.
174
00:07:14.506 --> 00:07:16.720
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
175
00:07:16.108 --> 00:07:18.508
I used to host Military Trivia Night.
176
00:07:18.543 --> 00:07:20.176
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, we had to give it up
177
00:07:20.212 --> 00:07:22.912
because, uh, most of the
answers were "Germany."
178
00:07:24.820 --> 00:07:25.548
- Listen.
- Yeah.
179
00:07:25.584 --> 00:07:27.817
The city says we can
name our access road
180
00:07:27.853 --> 00:07:29.552
- to the store anything we want.
- Uh-huh.
181
00:07:29.588 --> 00:07:32.550
So...
182
00:07:32.900 --> 00:07:34.157
What? Come on.
183
00:07:34.192 --> 00:07:36.559
Ed Alzate Way?
184
00:07:36.595 --> 00:07:38.395
So the road that brings
people to Outdoor Man
185
00:07:38.430 --> 00:07:42.565
now honors the man that brought
Outdoor Man to the people.
186
00:07:42.601 --> 00:07:44.000
I love that road, Mikey.
187
00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:46.603
It's-it's black down the
middle, beige on the sides.
188
00:07:46.638 --> 00:07:48.710
Now, that's a road.
189
00:07:48.106 --> 00:07:49.672
Yeah, well, now the guys
in the loading dock...
190
00:07:49.708 --> 00:07:50.868
- Yeah.
- Won't just say, "Look,
191
00:07:50.876 --> 00:07:52.242
there's a dead raccoon in the road."
192
00:07:52.277 --> 00:07:55.712
They can say, "There's a
dead raccoon on Ed Alzate."
193
00:07:58.754 --> 00:08:00.555
Well, that's... Mikey,
you're the best, buddy.
194
00:08:00.585 --> 00:08:02.952
- Yeah.
- You're-you're terrific.
195
00:08:02.988 --> 00:08:04.387
Chuck, look at this.
196
00:08:04.423 --> 00:08:05.789
I got a street.
197
00:08:05.824 --> 00:08:07.624
- I got a street.
- Yeah. -
198
00:08:07.659 --> 00:08:10.427
Okay, good.
199
00:08:10.462 --> 00:08:13.263
Did he seem a little too happy?
200
00:08:13.298 --> 00:08:15.732
Yep.
201
00:08:15.767 --> 00:08:17.300
So, he hated it.
202
00:08:17.335 --> 00:08:19.436
Yep.
203
00:08:24.477 --> 00:08:26.277
Hey, Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man.
204
00:08:26.313 --> 00:08:28.446
Christmas is just around the corner,
205
00:08:28.481 --> 00:08:30.682
so someone you love
is out there right now
206
00:08:30.717 --> 00:08:33.351
getting you something you
don't need, you don't want,
207
00:08:33.386 --> 00:08:36.554
and you can't return
until they're not looking.
208
00:08:36.590 --> 00:08:38.389
And the kicker for some of you
209
00:08:38.425 --> 00:08:39.958
is they're doing it with your money.
210
00:08:39.993 --> 00:08:41.559
Wow.
211
00:08:41.595 --> 00:08:43.828
Yeah, the biggest challenge
of the holiday season
212
00:08:43.863 --> 00:08:46.231
isn't long lines or
finding a place to park...
213
00:08:46.266 --> 00:08:49.330
it's opening a present and
not having your face say
214
00:08:49.690 --> 00:08:50.702
what you're actually feeling.
215
00:08:50.737 --> 00:08:52.303
See, your face has to say...
216
00:08:52.339 --> 00:08:54.138
"Oh, I really love this."
217
00:08:54.174 --> 00:08:56.140
And what you're really thinking is,
218
00:08:56.176 --> 00:08:58.543
"Really? Really?
219
00:08:58.578 --> 00:09:00.378
Really?"
220
00:09:00.413 --> 00:09:02.880
We all want a present
that knocks our socks off,
221
00:09:02.916 --> 00:09:05.550
but we don't want socks.
222
00:09:05.585 --> 00:09:09.220
Ben Carson said, "Happiness
doesn't result from what we get
223
00:09:09.256 --> 00:09:11.222
but from what we give."
224
00:09:11.258 --> 00:09:13.725
Spoken like someone whose
family gets him lousy gifts.
225
00:09:13.760 --> 00:09:15.493
Right, Ben?
226
00:09:15.528 --> 00:09:18.663
If only there was a retail chain
where you could be confident
227
00:09:18.698 --> 00:09:20.832
they're gonna love
whatever you get them.
228
00:09:20.867 --> 00:09:23.501
Oh, wait, I'm sitting in one.
229
00:09:23.536 --> 00:09:26.104
And in Outdoor Man, if you
don't like your new crossbow,
230
00:09:26.139 --> 00:09:27.171
you can return it.
231
00:09:27.207 --> 00:09:28.673
But you're gonna like it.
232
00:09:28.708 --> 00:09:30.675
Because, unlike the
people buying your gifts,
233
00:09:30.710 --> 00:09:33.411
our crossbows actually
hit their targets.
234
00:09:33.446 --> 00:09:35.680
So, from all of us at Outdoor Man
235
00:09:35.715 --> 00:09:37.682
to all of you looking
for the perfect gift,
236
00:09:37.717 --> 00:09:40.251
happy hunting and merry Christmas.
237
00:09:40.287 --> 00:09:42.553
Baxter out.
238
00:09:45.425 --> 00:09:47.392
Ooh.
239
00:09:47.427 --> 00:09:50.628
It's the box with the stockings, babe.
240
00:09:50.664 --> 00:09:53.197
Uh-oh.
241
00:09:53.233 --> 00:09:55.990
You gonna be okay?
242
00:09:55.135 --> 00:09:56.534
Should I get the tissues?
243
00:09:56.569 --> 00:09:58.202
No, I'm fine.
244
00:09:58.238 --> 00:10:00.438
I think I got it all out
of my system last year.
245
00:10:02.800 --> 00:10:04.242
So what if Mrs. B sewed
my name on a stocking
246
00:10:04.277 --> 00:10:06.644
that welcomed me to the family?
247
00:10:06.680 --> 00:10:08.790
It's no big deal.
248
00:10:09.316 --> 00:10:13.117
It's just a love stocking.
249
00:10:13.153 --> 00:10:15.586
Guys, hey. Hello? Ryan's been honking.
250
00:10:15.622 --> 00:10:19.757
Uh, Kristin, a lady
never responds to a honk.
251
00:10:19.793 --> 00:10:21.993
Ooh! The tree looks great.
252
00:10:22.280 --> 00:10:23.428
Nice balance, Mandy.
253
00:10:23.463 --> 00:10:25.563
Thanks. It's subtle.
254
00:10:25.598 --> 00:10:27.332
The theme is "Christmas Here and Now!"
255
00:10:28.466 --> 00:10:29.906
Hey, Kristin. I thought I heard you.
256
00:10:29.936 --> 00:10:30.902
- Oh, hey, Mom.
- Hi.
257
00:10:30.937 --> 00:10:31.903
Mwah.
258
00:10:31.938 --> 00:10:34.472
Oh, no, Kyle found his stocking.
259
00:10:35.508 --> 00:10:37.775
It's a beauty, Mrs. B.
260
00:10:37.811 --> 00:10:39.100
Well, maybe we should
keep it out all year
261
00:10:39.450 --> 00:10:40.778
so you don't get so overwhelmed.
262
00:10:40.814 --> 00:10:43.815
No, I-I can handle it.
263
00:10:46.186 --> 00:10:47.785
Ryan, I thought we were on our way out.
264
00:10:47.821 --> 00:10:49.420
I know. Boyd has to use the bathroom.
265
00:10:49.456 --> 00:10:52.824
I'll be fast. I won't
even wash my hands.
266
00:10:52.859 --> 00:10:54.492
Ooh, is that hot chocolate?
267
00:10:54.527 --> 00:10:56.494
Uh, yeah. Kyle and Mandy insisted.
268
00:10:56.529 --> 00:10:58.429
I'd make you guys some, but...
269
00:10:58.465 --> 00:11:01.466
- but don't you have to go?
- Uh, we have time. Right, Ryan?
270
00:11:01.501 --> 00:11:03.968
- Uh... okay, yeah. One cup.
- Yeah?
271
00:11:04.300 --> 00:11:06.437
Um, with some marshmallows.
272
00:11:06.473 --> 00:11:08.506
- Yeah. Okay.
- And maybe a little nutmeg.
273
00:11:08.541 --> 00:11:10.975
Actually, you know
what? I'll just make it.
274
00:11:11.100 --> 00:11:14.445
Oh, Mandy, wow, the tree
is really looking great.
275
00:11:14.481 --> 00:11:15.546
Uh...
276
00:11:15.582 --> 00:11:16.948
actually, I wouldn't say great.
277
00:11:16.983 --> 00:11:18.182
I'd say incomplete.
278
00:11:18.218 --> 00:11:19.951
There's no candy canes.
279
00:11:19.986 --> 00:11:22.286
Well, I wasn't going to
do that. That's your job.
280
00:11:22.322 --> 00:11:25.189
Well, I guess I can at least start.
281
00:11:25.225 --> 00:11:27.225
And you're right, it is my job,
282
00:11:27.260 --> 00:11:29.193
because I am great at it.
283
00:11:29.229 --> 00:11:31.129
Cool! Are we all gonna
decorate the tree?
284
00:11:31.164 --> 00:11:34.198
No, no, no. I'm sorry, sweetie.
You probably have to go.
285
00:11:34.234 --> 00:11:36.367
Do we?
286
00:11:36.403 --> 00:11:39.504
I think your dad really
wants to see the ballet.
287
00:11:39.539 --> 00:11:42.306
You know what? I am back there
making the perfect cup of cocoa,
288
00:11:42.342 --> 00:11:44.876
and I realize I'm not even
gonna have time to drink it.
289
00:11:44.911 --> 00:11:47.440
Oh. Maybe you could.
Uh, how would you feel
290
00:11:47.800 --> 00:11:49.414
about staying a little while
and helping with the tree?
291
00:11:49.449 --> 00:11:51.516
Uh... well, we have really good seats,
292
00:11:51.551 --> 00:11:53.818
and, I mean, it's just a tree.
293
00:11:53.853 --> 00:11:55.653
Hey, Ryan, check it out.
294
00:11:55.688 --> 00:11:58.890
It's your stocking.
295
00:11:58.124 --> 00:12:00.124
Oh, boy.
296
00:12:03.430 --> 00:12:05.229
Yeah, there it is.
297
00:12:09.869 --> 00:12:11.335
- Hey, Ed?
- Hmm?
298
00:12:11.371 --> 00:12:13.671
Do you know how to make a cosmopolitan?
299
00:12:13.706 --> 00:12:16.374
Of course, of course, yeah.
300
00:12:16.409 --> 00:12:18.376
I just won't.
301
00:12:18.411 --> 00:12:19.911
Okay.
302
00:12:25.110 --> 00:12:25.971
What are you doing here?
303
00:12:25.976 --> 00:12:27.891
Well, after your little
performance at work,
304
00:12:27.921 --> 00:12:31.355
I thought I'd stop by and
find out why you hated my gift.
305
00:12:31.391 --> 00:12:34.592
I didn't hate it. I loved
it. Best gift I ever got.
306
00:12:34.627 --> 00:12:36.694
And the Oscar goes to anybody else.
307
00:12:36.729 --> 00:12:38.529
Come on, why did you hate it?
308
00:12:38.565 --> 00:12:40.398
All right, all right. I didn't like it.
309
00:12:40.433 --> 00:12:44.101
You know who gets streets
named after them? Dead guys.
310
00:12:44.137 --> 00:12:48.372
This is why I gave it to you
this year and not... next year.
311
00:12:48.408 --> 00:12:50.775
Made me realize that
my career at Outdoor Man
312
00:12:50.810 --> 00:12:52.210
is really over.
313
00:12:52.245 --> 00:12:54.545
You also realize you
could come back to work
314
00:12:54.581 --> 00:12:56.800
anytime you wanted?
315
00:12:56.115 --> 00:12:58.282
When a man wakes up in the morning,
316
00:12:58.318 --> 00:13:00.418
he needs to wake up with a purpose.
317
00:13:00.453 --> 00:13:03.120
You see, I'm not needed at Outdoor Man.
318
00:13:03.156 --> 00:13:05.890
I realize that now, thanks to you.
319
00:13:05.925 --> 00:13:08.893
Doesn't sound like you're very grateful.
320
00:13:08.928 --> 00:13:10.628
I actually am.
321
00:13:10.663 --> 00:13:14.980
I need to look forward,
Mikey, not backwards.
322
00:13:14.133 --> 00:13:16.567
All right, I think I understand.
323
00:13:16.603 --> 00:13:18.402
You know what? I don't
think you do, really.
324
00:13:18.438 --> 00:13:19.837
You know why I tend bar here?
325
00:13:19.873 --> 00:13:22.940
Sure. You don't have to
pay for Sex on the Beach.
326
00:13:22.976 --> 00:13:25.443
Because I like to talk
to the veterans here
327
00:13:25.478 --> 00:13:28.246
who feel the same way
I do. Like Billy there.
328
00:13:28.281 --> 00:13:30.281
Yeah, look at him. He
ran a munitions depot.
329
00:13:30.316 --> 00:13:32.283
Huge warehouse.
330
00:13:32.318 --> 00:13:34.819
Yes, moved ordnance all
over the Middle East. Yeah.
331
00:13:34.854 --> 00:13:37.154
Now he drives an Uber.
332
00:13:37.190 --> 00:13:38.856
Really?
333
00:13:38.892 --> 00:13:40.691
Yeah, just until he finds a place
334
00:13:40.727 --> 00:13:42.693
that can use his unique skills.
335
00:13:42.729 --> 00:13:44.695
We all have hope.
336
00:13:44.731 --> 00:13:47.310
Yep.
337
00:13:47.660 --> 00:13:49.330
- You make a great bartender.
- Yeah.
338
00:13:49.680 --> 00:13:50.968
Listen, if you want to
give me another gift,
339
00:13:51.400 --> 00:13:52.970
I could use a... a new cashmere coat.
340
00:13:53.600 --> 00:13:55.306
You know, I think I'm done giving gifts.
341
00:13:55.341 --> 00:13:57.842
What do I look like, Santa Claus?
342
00:14:05.601 --> 00:14:08.340
- Oh, Kris, what are you doing here?
- Hmm.
343
00:14:08.700 --> 00:14:09.770
Nutcracker started,
what, a half hour ago.
344
00:14:09.805 --> 00:14:12.506
You're gonna miss the "Dance
of the Fairy Nuts," or whatever.
345
00:14:12.541 --> 00:14:14.941
I'm gonna be completely honest with you.
346
00:14:14.977 --> 00:14:17.310
The Nutcracker can kiss my ass.
347
00:14:18.781 --> 00:14:21.248
This kid!
348
00:14:22.718 --> 00:14:24.918
Isn't this great?
Th-The Christmas spirit
349
00:14:24.953 --> 00:14:27.530
burst in here, grabbed
them by their throats
350
00:14:27.890 --> 00:14:29.222
and won't let them leave.
351
00:14:29.258 --> 00:14:31.792
Sounds like a scary Christmas movie.
352
00:14:31.827 --> 00:14:34.628
"This year, Santa doesn't
care who's naughty or nice...
353
00:14:34.663 --> 00:14:36.429
everybody's gettin' it."
354
00:14:38.267 --> 00:14:40.233
Hey, take a look at this Christmas tree.
355
00:14:40.269 --> 00:14:42.602
I made it look fabulous
from every angle.
356
00:14:42.638 --> 00:14:45.705
It's the Beyoncé of Christmas trees.
357
00:14:45.741 --> 00:14:49.750
If you like it, then you
better put a star on it.
358
00:14:50.646 --> 00:14:54.481
Starting to regret putting a ring on it.
359
00:14:54.516 --> 00:14:58.118
Hey, Dad, look how good Kyle's
getting at stringing popcorn.
360
00:14:58.153 --> 00:15:02.322
Yeah, the key I've learned is
making sure you pop it first.
361
00:15:02.357 --> 00:15:04.558
And I made my special
family cocoa recipe.
362
00:15:04.593 --> 00:15:06.226
The secret ingredient is
363
00:15:06.261 --> 00:15:07.894
peppermint schnapps.
364
00:15:07.930 --> 00:15:10.163
Mmm.
365
00:15:10.199 --> 00:15:13.200
Ah, Ryan made mine extra secret.
366
00:15:15.938 --> 00:15:17.671
Is this okay? I know we were planning
367
00:15:17.706 --> 00:15:19.773
on it just being the two of us.
368
00:15:19.808 --> 00:15:22.289
As hard as I try, I just
can't get sick of these kids.
369
00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:22.909
Yeah.
370
00:15:22.945 --> 00:15:24.978
It's just too bad Eve's not here, huh?
371
00:15:25.130 --> 00:15:26.847
Well...
372
00:15:29.318 --> 00:15:31.117
Oh, my God...
373
00:15:31.153 --> 00:15:33.887
Oh, it's Chuck.
374
00:15:36.225 --> 00:15:38.491
- Hi. How are you?
- Hey, everybody.
375
00:15:38.527 --> 00:15:40.994
I got those personnel
requests you wanted.
376
00:15:41.290 --> 00:15:43.530
Thank you, man, good for you.
377
00:15:43.565 --> 00:15:47.500
Boy, you military guys sure get
the job done, don't you? Yes!
378
00:15:47.536 --> 00:15:49.502
Well, you asked a Marine
for a thorough job.
379
00:15:49.538 --> 00:15:51.538
That's like asking the
Pope to go to church.
380
00:15:51.573 --> 00:15:53.974
You know he's gonna
stay for the whole Mass.
381
00:15:54.900 --> 00:15:56.276
I just wish I had more guys like you.
382
00:15:56.311 --> 00:15:58.211
Well, thanks, Baxter.
383
00:15:58.247 --> 00:16:01.281
Someone's getting a
cheesecake. Feel free to regift.
384
00:16:01.316 --> 00:16:02.816
Merry Christmas, everybody.
385
00:16:02.851 --> 00:16:04.284
- Merry Christmas, Chuck.
- Merry Christmas.
386
00:16:04.319 --> 00:16:06.253
- Good-bye.
- Merry Christmas, Chuck.
387
00:16:08.323 --> 00:16:11.625
Hey, honey? I got a little errand to do.
388
00:16:11.660 --> 00:16:13.293
But, honey, the whole family's here.
389
00:16:13.328 --> 00:16:15.729
I know, I got to go to a bar.
390
00:16:23.171 --> 00:16:26.390
Hey. Look, I'm glad I found
you before you took off
391
00:16:26.740 --> 00:16:28.742
- on your trip.
- Yeah?
392
00:16:28.777 --> 00:16:30.644
What's this?
393
00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:35.810
It's a chance for you to give me
a nice gift, you cheap bastard.
394
00:16:35.117 --> 00:16:37.350
Because of the awesome job
I'm doing at Outdoor Man,
395
00:16:37.386 --> 00:16:39.252
we're expanding. These
are personnel reports
396
00:16:39.288 --> 00:16:41.855
from each department.
We're looking for new hires.
397
00:16:41.890 --> 00:16:44.324
Well, thanks for explaining
the business to me.
398
00:16:44.359 --> 00:16:46.893
Let me return the favor by reminding you
399
00:16:46.929 --> 00:16:49.162
that you have a personnel department.
400
00:16:49.197 --> 00:16:53.433
You know exactly the kind of
people I want for these jobs.
401
00:16:53.468 --> 00:16:55.101
So you came here to brag, huh?
402
00:16:55.137 --> 00:16:56.703
You're a piece of work, Mikey.
403
00:16:56.738 --> 00:16:59.406
Listen. I want people
looking for a place
404
00:16:59.441 --> 00:17:02.409
to apply their unique skills.
405
00:17:04.460 --> 00:17:06.746
- You're talking about veterans?
- Mm-hmm.
406
00:17:06.782 --> 00:17:08.748
These people?
407
00:17:08.784 --> 00:17:11.885
And I'm looking for somebody who
knows their specific skill sets,
408
00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:14.287
so they can match them
to the correct position.
409
00:17:14.323 --> 00:17:15.689
Ed...
410
00:17:15.724 --> 00:17:17.724
we need you.
411
00:17:18.961 --> 00:17:21.270
I'd say you're just being nice,
412
00:17:21.630 --> 00:17:24.531
but we both know that's...
that's not your strong suit.
413
00:17:24.566 --> 00:17:26.320
Listen, this isn't just Denver.
414
00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:27.901
I mean, this is all the stores.
415
00:17:27.936 --> 00:17:29.670
We're gonna be doing
a lot of new hires.
416
00:17:29.701 --> 00:17:30.103
Yeah.
417
00:17:30.138 --> 00:17:32.572
Obviously, we'd coordinate
with local VFWs and the VA.
418
00:17:32.607 --> 00:17:35.410
Also, I could reach out
to the discharge offices
419
00:17:35.770 --> 00:17:36.943
- of military bases.
- Yep.
420
00:17:36.979 --> 00:17:38.411
Sounds like a lot of work for a guy
421
00:17:38.447 --> 00:17:41.381
who just started his
career as a bartender.
422
00:17:41.416 --> 00:17:43.116
Department of Labor has
a Veterans' Employment
423
00:17:43.151 --> 00:17:45.151
- and Training site. I'll contact them.
- Mm-hmm.
424
00:17:45.187 --> 00:17:48.880
I like the fact you
still use paper, Mikey.
425
00:17:48.123 --> 00:17:50.490
Well, you know
me... old-fashioned.
426
00:17:50.525 --> 00:17:51.791
Yeah, me, too, pal.
427
00:17:51.827 --> 00:17:54.327
No, I'd like you to
make me an old-fashioned.
428
00:17:54.363 --> 00:17:56.162
Yeah. Please. I've got work to do.
429
00:17:56.198 --> 00:17:58.298
Now, what the hell are you doing here?
430
00:17:58.333 --> 00:18:01.267
Wow. I missed your sunny disposition.
431
00:18:01.303 --> 00:18:04.404
Mikey, they always said
you give the best gifts.
432
00:18:04.439 --> 00:18:06.172
They're right.
433
00:18:10.779 --> 00:18:12.412
We should do this again next year.
434
00:18:12.447 --> 00:18:14.781
It's way more fun than
going to the ballet.
435
00:18:14.816 --> 00:18:16.349
Yeah. I'm a little bummed.
436
00:18:16.385 --> 00:18:18.685
I mean, when will I
ever get another chance
437
00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:22.880
to see The Nutcracker at Christmas?
438
00:18:22.124 --> 00:18:24.424
You know, this might
be the schnapps talking,
439
00:18:24.459 --> 00:18:26.426
- but I love you guys.
- Aw.
440
00:18:26.461 --> 00:18:28.795
Mmm, it's definitely the schnapps.
441
00:18:28.830 --> 00:18:30.163
But me, too!
442
00:18:30.198 --> 00:18:32.132
Cheers, everyone!
443
00:18:32.167 --> 00:18:34.701
Geez, settle down, people.
444
00:18:34.736 --> 00:18:35.316
Hey, Dad.
445
00:18:35.347 --> 00:18:37.667
I don't know what's more
lit, the tree or you people.
446
00:18:39.174 --> 00:18:41.700
Where... where'd you go?
447
00:18:41.430 --> 00:18:43.343
Uh, VFW Hall. Worked
something out with Ed.
448
00:18:43.378 --> 00:18:45.145
Oh. Well, good. I'm glad you're back.
449
00:18:45.180 --> 00:18:47.180
You know, I was excited
about starting a new tradition
450
00:18:47.215 --> 00:18:49.616
with just the two of us,
but I'm glad the kids want
451
00:18:49.651 --> 00:18:51.451
to keep our old family traditions alive.
452
00:18:51.486 --> 00:18:53.453
Well, we have these
traditions, 'cause a lot
453
00:18:53.488 --> 00:18:55.409
of brave men and
women fought for them.
454
00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:55.889
Yeah.
455
00:18:55.924 --> 00:18:58.491
I guess the only thing we
have left to do is to...
456
00:18:58.527 --> 00:18:59.859
put the star on the tree.
457
00:18:59.895 --> 00:19:01.461
Yeah. Eve used to do that,
458
00:19:01.496 --> 00:19:03.696
but I guess I'll do
it, 'cause none of you
459
00:19:03.732 --> 00:19:06.466
should get on a stepladder,
I'll tell you that right now.
460
00:19:06.501 --> 00:19:09.690
Wait, Mom, where is the star?
461
00:19:09.104 --> 00:19:11.304
Well, since your dad and
I were planning on starting
462
00:19:11.339 --> 00:19:13.640
- a new tradition, I-I ordered
a new one... -Mike: What?
463
00:19:13.675 --> 00:19:15.475
And it is being delivered right now.
464
00:19:16.545 --> 00:19:19.179
Who delivers a star that fast?
465
00:19:19.214 --> 00:19:21.981
Ooh, maybe it's Santa.
466
00:19:22.170 --> 00:19:24.584
Oh, I haven't finished my list.
467
00:19:26.188 --> 00:19:28.154
Hey, hey...
468
00:19:28.190 --> 00:19:30.890
Hey, Dad! Merry Christmas!
469
00:19:35.970 --> 00:19:37.163
I thought it was gonna be Chuck.
470
00:19:37.199 --> 00:19:39.566
I was supposed to bring a star.
471
00:19:39.601 --> 00:19:41.734
Hey, you are the star. Come on in.
472
00:19:41.770 --> 00:19:43.436
- Come here! Hi.
- Hi.
473
00:19:43.472 --> 00:19:44.604
Yeah.
474
00:19:44.639 --> 00:19:46.206
How did you do this?
475
00:19:46.241 --> 00:19:48.608
Well, when the kids decided
to stay and help decorate,
476
00:19:48.643 --> 00:19:51.511
I called Eve and-and convinced
her to hop on the bus.
477
00:19:51.546 --> 00:19:53.546
Yeah, which sounded
horrible, so I took an Uber.
478
00:19:53.582 --> 00:19:56.249
Mmm. Wait a minute. You took an Uber?
479
00:19:56.284 --> 00:20:00.860
Yeah. You owe me $111.
480
00:20:00.122 --> 00:20:02.422
Well, it was so worth
it to have you here.
481
00:20:02.457 --> 00:20:05.358
Shouldn't we all get $111?
482
00:20:05.393 --> 00:20:08.461
You know what? This family
loves its traditions.
483
00:20:08.497 --> 00:20:10.296
Yeah. Old-fashioned.
484
00:20:10.332 --> 00:20:12.532
Yeah, yeah, we are
kind of old-fashioned.
485
00:20:12.567 --> 00:20:14.934
No. I'm gonna make an old-fashioned.
486
00:20:26.885 --> 00:20:29.166
You know why that's called
"The Twelve Days of Christmas"?
487
00:20:29.196 --> 00:20:31.397
'Cause that's how long it
takes to sing the damn song.
488
00:20:31.432 --> 00:20:33.980
All right? Guys, we got to think
489
00:20:33.134 --> 00:20:35.334
- of something else.
- Okay, don't anyone go anywhere.
490
00:20:35.369 --> 00:20:38.370
- We have written a new Christmas carol.
- Oh.
491
00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:40.572
It's gonna be a classic.
492
00:20:56.624 --> 00:20:58.590
It was one time.
493
00:21:11.238 --> 00:21:13.739
I love it, I love it. Thank you, guys.
494
00:21:13.774 --> 00:21:16.875
I hope that's not my
only Christmas gift.
495
00:21:16.911 --> 00:21:19.478
Oh, uh, uh, well, we have another. Uh...
496
00:21:19.513 --> 00:21:20.913
- Great.
- Hmm?
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