Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,342 --> 00:00:03,436
Kids, your uncle Barney had been called
a lot of names over the years.
2
00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:04,354
Jerk!
3
00:00:05,575 --> 00:00:06,693
Bastard!
4
00:00:07,794 --> 00:00:08,983
Barack Obama Jr.?!
5
00:00:10,883 --> 00:00:12,844
And yes... We can.
6
00:00:13,473 --> 00:00:16,157
But there's one name none of us
ever expected to hear him called.
7
00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:17,314
Boyfriend.
8
00:00:17,637 --> 00:00:19,540
Barney Stinson is my boyfriend.
9
00:00:19,665 --> 00:00:22,677
I've said it, like, a hundred times
it still sounds weird to say.
10
00:00:22,802 --> 00:00:25,711
Well, anything sounds weird
if you say it a hundred times.
11
00:00:26,387 --> 00:00:27,137
Bowl.
12
00:00:28,072 --> 00:00:28,865
Bowl.
13
00:00:30,462 --> 00:00:31,212
Bowl.
14
00:00:31,992 --> 00:00:33,982
But other than that,
things are good?
15
00:00:34,374 --> 00:00:35,301
I don't know.
16
00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:37,321
I think he's been
single for too long.
17
00:00:37,446 --> 00:00:39,263
The other night,
I wake up at 4:00 a.m.
18
00:00:42,078 --> 00:00:43,278
Are you awake?
19
00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:52,235
This is not a one-night stand.
We're dating. Come back to bed.
20
00:00:58,722 --> 00:01:01,702
That's happened three times.
It's not just that, it's other things.
21
00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:05,540
What's wrong?
22
00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:09,544
It was just one thing after another
at work today, and then...
23
00:01:09,738 --> 00:01:11,686
I found out my aunt's
in the hospital.
24
00:01:11,811 --> 00:01:13,881
I'm just, I'm feeling
so overwhelmed and...
25
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:18,183
What you need to do
is talk through this stuff.
26
00:01:19,009 --> 00:01:19,762
Thanks.
27
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,988
And, once you're off the phone
with Lily,
28
00:01:22,113 --> 00:01:24,596
I'll be down in the bar
ready to have sex.
29
00:01:28,127 --> 00:01:31,315
Look, I'm not the touchy-feely-est
person in the world, but...
30
00:01:31,793 --> 00:01:34,527
- A little more effort would be nice.
- I understand.
31
00:01:34,721 --> 00:01:37,219
I guess, in a lot of ways,
Barney doesn't stack up.
32
00:01:37,344 --> 00:01:39,777
I mean, you've had
some pretty incredible boyfriends.
33
00:01:45,018 --> 00:01:47,206
No, that's not it.
I don't know.
34
00:01:47,839 --> 00:01:50,150
Maybe he just
doesn't have it in him.
35
00:01:50,934 --> 00:01:52,545
Maybe this thing's a big mistake.
36
00:01:55,135 --> 00:01:57,174
- She really said that?
- And she meant it.
37
00:01:57,696 --> 00:02:00,725
Trust me. I dated Robin for a year.
If you don't want to lose her,
38
00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:02,454
you gotta try a little harder.
39
00:02:02,579 --> 00:02:04,849
Be more attentive
to where she is emotionally.
40
00:02:04,974 --> 00:02:06,684
Just... be present.
41
00:02:07,081 --> 00:02:08,625
- Yes, totally.
- Yeah.
42
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:10,699
Only thing, and this is just me...
43
00:02:10,824 --> 00:02:12,720
I like my testicles
attached to my body,
44
00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:15,580
rather than rolling around next
to some eyeliner in Robin's purse.
45
00:02:15,705 --> 00:02:16,635
Stinson out!
46
00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:19,977
But then a funny thing happened.
47
00:02:20,244 --> 00:02:23,803
Over the next couple weeks,
Barney was thoughtful, considerate...
48
00:02:24,447 --> 00:02:25,247
Sweet.
49
00:02:25,708 --> 00:02:27,288
In short, the perfect boyfriend.
50
00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:30,082
Which, to Robin,
meant only one thing.
51
00:02:30,277 --> 00:02:31,876
- He's cheating on me.
- What?!
52
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:34,629
Why else would he buy me flowers?
He's gettin' some on the side.
53
00:02:34,823 --> 00:02:38,257
Come on, Barney's not the type of guy
who would... Go on.
54
00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:40,586
He keeps saying he's working late.
55
00:02:40,711 --> 00:02:42,929
When I call his office,
they say he left hours ago.
56
00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:45,375
- That doesn't prove anything.
- Yes. Proof.
57
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,868
Good word.
I'm glad you brought that up.
58
00:02:48,227 --> 00:02:50,728
Barney's briefcase.
He forgot it here this morning.
59
00:02:51,053 --> 00:02:52,855
And what do you plan
on doing with it?
60
00:02:53,049 --> 00:02:56,859
We... You and I, are going to open it up
and look for evidence.
61
00:02:57,428 --> 00:03:00,134
Ted probably has a sledgehammer
around here somewhere.
62
00:03:00,259 --> 00:03:02,323
Stop! Stop! Eye contact.
63
00:03:03,018 --> 00:03:05,931
Listen to me.
Robin Scherbatsky is many things:
64
00:03:06,193 --> 00:03:07,428
friend, confidant,
65
00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:09,631
occasional guest star
in some confusing dreams
66
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:12,282
that remind me a woman's sexuality
is a moving target.
67
00:03:12,527 --> 00:03:14,961
But she is no crazy,
jealous stalker-bitch.
68
00:03:15,502 --> 00:03:16,454
Let go.
69
00:03:18,828 --> 00:03:20,610
I've been down in the basement
storage area
70
00:03:20,735 --> 00:03:23,086
going through the stuff that
Lily and I left when we moved out.
71
00:03:23,211 --> 00:03:25,346
Sorry. We should've
cleared it out for you much sooner.
72
00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:28,099
- There's a basement storage area?
- You're not upset.
73
00:03:28,293 --> 00:03:30,434
Good.
Baby, guess what I found.
74
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:39,777
- That's great, honey.
- What the hell is that?
75
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:44,045
Marshall got it in college.
He used it as a nightstand for years.
76
00:03:44,476 --> 00:03:47,660
Until we found out that Lily
was allergic to barrel resin.
77
00:03:47,854 --> 00:03:49,434
- Barrel resin?
- Just go with it.
78
00:03:49,559 --> 00:03:52,390
- So you need a hand throwing it out?
- No, I'm not...
79
00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,583
I'm not just going
to throw her out, OK?
80
00:03:54,778 --> 00:03:56,419
Mabel's like family.
81
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,630
So, what are you going
to do with Mabel?
82
00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:02,266
I want to give her away,
to a lucky new owner.
83
00:04:02,391 --> 00:04:04,944
- Do you know anyone?
- Yeah, let me think.
84
00:04:05,069 --> 00:04:06,929
Do I know any rodeo clowns?
85
00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:10,933
That's weird, I do. But even Lenny
wouldn't go near that mess.
86
00:04:11,289 --> 00:04:15,286
He's not going to have the chance,
because I am putting old Mabel
87
00:04:15,607 --> 00:04:16,880
in the Bermuda triangle.
88
00:04:17,737 --> 00:04:20,369
"The Bermuda triangle"
was the name we'd given years earlier
89
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,922
to the curb right
in front of our building.
90
00:04:24,128 --> 00:04:26,890
Whenever we wanted to give
something away, we'd put it right there.
91
00:04:31,773 --> 00:04:33,023
It was uncanny.
92
00:04:34,313 --> 00:04:36,083
This is so exciting.
93
00:04:36,278 --> 00:04:38,762
Right now there's some out there
who has no idea that tonight
94
00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:40,987
they're going home with just...
95
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,049
just the best barrel.
96
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,385
Let's just hope they're not allergic
to barrel resin like Lily here.
97
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:48,220
Be cool, baby. Damn!
98
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,604
- See you, sweetie. Good luck.
- Bye, babe.
99
00:04:53,056 --> 00:04:55,478
- Now, can we please get out of here?
- I'll grab my coat.
100
00:05:02,345 --> 00:05:05,225
- A college notebook?!
- Oh, my god, he's cheating on me
101
00:05:05,350 --> 00:05:06,601
with some college girl.
102
00:05:06,726 --> 00:05:09,158
I knew there was a skank,
but I thought she'd at least be dumb.
103
00:05:11,872 --> 00:05:13,113
"Birthday: July 23.
104
00:05:13,238 --> 00:05:15,277
"Favorite hockey team:
the Vancouver Canucks.
105
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,966
Age: 29, but tells
people that she's 26."
106
00:05:18,594 --> 00:05:20,614
Oh, my god,
these are notes about me.
107
00:05:20,739 --> 00:05:22,755
Or some 29-year-old version of me.
108
00:05:24,701 --> 00:05:28,467
I hope I'm not too late! I want to see
the look of joy on the new owner's face!
109
00:05:33,941 --> 00:05:35,341
She's still there!
110
00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:38,685
Okay Mabel, let's find
you a new home.
111
00:05:39,451 --> 00:05:40,756
Here comes a guy!
112
00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:44,289
He just walked,
walked right on by it.
113
00:05:44,608 --> 00:05:47,812
He's probably rushing home
to get a handcart or something.
114
00:05:47,937 --> 00:05:49,480
Yeah!
Better hurry up, pal.
115
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,771
What are you guys doing with Barney's
secret Robin notebook?
116
00:05:56,558 --> 00:05:58,108
Let me rephrase that.
117
00:05:59,136 --> 00:06:01,956
Did you two ladies lose some weight?
118
00:06:03,050 --> 00:06:04,370
What do you know about this?
119
00:06:05,053 --> 00:06:07,707
Why would Barney have a notebook
full of information about me?
120
00:06:08,828 --> 00:06:09,580
Well...
121
00:06:09,705 --> 00:06:10,668
The truth was...
122
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,458
Barney was taking a
night school class...
123
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:15,369
... taught... by me.
124
00:06:15,678 --> 00:06:18,164
Welcome to Robin 101.
125
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,453
Synchro: ShalimarFox, Titou
126
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,941
.:: La Fabrique ::.
127
00:06:36,078 --> 00:06:38,430
Why is Ted teaching
a class about me?
128
00:06:38,905 --> 00:06:40,849
It all started a few weeks ago.
129
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:44,116
... rather than rolling around next
to some eyeliner in Robin's purse.
130
00:06:44,241 --> 00:06:45,848
Stinson out!
131
00:06:50,449 --> 00:06:51,709
Stinson back in.
132
00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:55,835
Say, hypothetically, I did
133
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,871
want to change who I am to become
a better boyfriend to Robin,
134
00:06:58,996 --> 00:07:00,697
which I do not!
135
00:07:02,099 --> 00:07:04,456
What kind of changes
are we talking about?
136
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:07,334
Why, I mean, there's just so much
you need to know about her.
137
00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:09,434
Okay, for starters,
138
00:07:10,081 --> 00:07:12,464
don't ever cry in front of her.
139
00:07:14,051 --> 00:07:15,551
And whatever you do,
140
00:07:16,274 --> 00:07:18,590
don't cry in front of her
four times.
141
00:07:20,011 --> 00:07:22,038
Hey, guys.
What you talking about?
142
00:07:22,163 --> 00:07:23,350
Fantasy football.
143
00:07:25,572 --> 00:07:27,938
They realized they couldn't talk
about this stuff at the bar,
144
00:07:28,116 --> 00:07:31,144
and since you live with Ted,
they had to find someplace safe.
145
00:07:31,269 --> 00:07:33,243
So... Ted's classroom.
146
00:07:33,799 --> 00:07:35,904
"How to date Robin Scherbatsky."
147
00:07:36,336 --> 00:07:37,288
Lesson one.
148
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:39,516
Now, even though she puts up
a tough exterior,
149
00:07:39,641 --> 00:07:41,660
what Robin really wants,
deep down...
150
00:07:41,838 --> 00:07:44,371
- I'm bored.
- You said you wanted my help.
151
00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:46,623
Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard?
152
00:07:46,898 --> 00:07:49,709
- We did that already.
- No, like, really big boobs.
153
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,192
No. Look, I need this, too.
154
00:07:52,317 --> 00:07:54,838
I've only been a professor a few weeks.
Being up here, it's,
155
00:07:54,963 --> 00:07:57,092
- it's good practice for me.
- Can we've class outside?
156
00:07:58,147 --> 00:08:00,847
What Robin really
wants deep down is...
157
00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,045
- Barney!
- What?
158
00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:05,783
I'm tweeting about you.
159
00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:07,380
You should be flattered.
160
00:08:07,505 --> 00:08:09,980
How do you spell
blah-blah-blah, "H'S" or no?
161
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:13,900
You were just, like, the worst student
in the world, weren't you?
162
00:08:14,322 --> 00:08:16,825
They said I had A, D... something.
163
00:08:16,950 --> 00:08:18,697
Can we have class outside?
164
00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:21,027
Barney, I'm only gonna
say this once,
165
00:08:21,306 --> 00:08:22,617
so listen up.
166
00:08:23,129 --> 00:08:26,734
I love you and I love Robin.
And I want to make this work.
167
00:08:27,101 --> 00:08:29,458
So if you give me
a few weeks of attention,
168
00:08:29,583 --> 00:08:31,919
I could give you
a lifetime of happiness.
169
00:08:32,236 --> 00:08:33,547
Can you do that for me?
170
00:08:33,809 --> 00:08:37,389
Do you think I should get sports
illustrated for 70% off the cover price?
171
00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:38,758
Can we have class outside?
172
00:08:39,701 --> 00:08:42,151
I got to find a way
to reach this kid.
173
00:08:43,062 --> 00:08:44,512
"Class number two."
174
00:08:44,747 --> 00:08:46,507
"Top ten Robin Scherbatsky
175
00:08:46,632 --> 00:08:48,818
facial expressions
and their meaning."
176
00:08:49,411 --> 00:08:51,464
Now, notice the vacant eyes,
177
00:08:51,589 --> 00:08:54,396
the pale, queasy expression,
suggesting nausea.
178
00:08:54,521 --> 00:08:57,133
- What do these mean?
- You guys just had sex?
179
00:08:59,924 --> 00:09:00,867
Wasn't me.
180
00:09:01,393 --> 00:09:04,167
Dude! I worked really hard
on these slides, okay?
181
00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:05,785
Can we just...
182
00:09:06,674 --> 00:09:07,992
This look is hunger.
183
00:09:08,117 --> 00:09:11,251
If you ever see her looking like this,
get some food in her quick,
184
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:13,504
or one of two things will happen.
One:
185
00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,628
weird, out-of-context laughter.
186
00:09:17,188 --> 00:09:18,038
Or two:
187
00:09:18,606 --> 00:09:21,519
spontaneously falling
asleep in strange places.
188
00:09:21,983 --> 00:09:22,844
But...
189
00:09:23,577 --> 00:09:26,806
the most important facial
expression of all?
190
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,604
That's a building.
191
00:09:31,957 --> 00:09:34,596
That's for my class.
The Flatiron building.
192
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:36,493
Fun story about it.
193
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,604
It was designed by Chicago's
Daniel Burnham
194
00:09:38,729 --> 00:09:41,146
in the beaux arts style;
this architectural gem was one...
195
00:09:41,271 --> 00:09:42,548
- Dude!
- Right.
196
00:09:43,311 --> 00:09:46,159
The most important facial
expression of all.
197
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,303
Flared nostril ridges.
198
00:09:56,213 --> 00:09:57,962
Wide, unblinking eyes.
199
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,398
If you ever,
200
00:10:00,591 --> 00:10:02,461
ever see this face, Barney,
201
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:04,304
run.
202
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,213
And don't take a picture of it.
203
00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:08,788
She will punch you.
204
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,159
And you will cry...
205
00:10:12,213 --> 00:10:13,763
for the third time...
206
00:10:15,224 --> 00:10:16,271
that night.
207
00:10:20,747 --> 00:10:22,598
Which brings us
to an important point,
208
00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:25,358
defusing the bomb.
209
00:10:25,911 --> 00:10:27,787
"Defusing the bomb"?
210
00:10:27,912 --> 00:10:29,439
What does that even mean?
211
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:32,323
"Three topics to distract Robin
from being mad at you".
212
00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:34,455
"Distract" me?
That is so condescending.
213
00:10:34,580 --> 00:10:36,619
These guys
are really starting to piss me off!
214
00:10:36,846 --> 00:10:39,370
"Immediately switch the conversation
to one of the following,
215
00:10:40,586 --> 00:10:43,459
"unless you want Robin
to start throwing her shoes".
216
00:10:44,787 --> 00:10:45,787
One:
217
00:10:46,481 --> 00:10:48,539
"Vancouver Canucks
2004 division title."
218
00:10:49,508 --> 00:10:51,972
What?!
That's not distracting.
219
00:10:52,097 --> 00:10:54,978
That's just talking about the story
of a scrappy little underdog team
220
00:10:55,103 --> 00:10:58,066
that prevailed despite
very shaky goaltending and, frankly,
221
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,050
the decling skills of Trevor Linden.
222
00:11:01,472 --> 00:11:02,472
Two:
223
00:11:03,303 --> 00:11:05,439
"Proper gun cleaning
and maintenance".
224
00:11:06,817 --> 00:11:08,484
You have to clean your gun.
225
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,410
My uncle had a filthy old shotgun,
226
00:11:10,535 --> 00:11:12,535
blew his thumbs off
trying to shoot a beaver.
227
00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:14,189
You want to distract someone,
228
00:11:14,314 --> 00:11:16,534
make them watch my uncle
try to eat corn on the cob.
229
00:11:18,097 --> 00:11:19,097
Three:
230
00:11:20,241 --> 00:11:21,543
"Emperor penguins."
231
00:11:22,536 --> 00:11:24,544
Did you know
that before intercourse,
232
00:11:24,669 --> 00:11:27,919
the male and female emperor penguins
bow to each other?
233
00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:29,698
Mr. Penguin.
234
00:11:30,285 --> 00:11:31,435
Mrs. Penguin.
235
00:11:31,913 --> 00:11:34,511
Oh, God,
silly penguins acting all fancy.
236
00:11:36,725 --> 00:11:38,256
What were we talking about?
237
00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:40,015
Looks like we got a taker.
238
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:42,685
Come on, dude.
239
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,599
You know you want to.
240
00:11:44,724 --> 00:11:46,974
A guy like you, beard, no mustache.
241
00:11:47,213 --> 00:11:49,817
You're exactly the kind of guy
who could use a sweet barrel.
242
00:11:50,702 --> 00:11:51,418
Do it.
243
00:11:53,311 --> 00:11:54,911
That's not a fire hydrant!
244
00:11:55,036 --> 00:11:57,017
What...
For shame, sir.
245
00:11:57,142 --> 00:11:58,075
For shame!
246
00:11:58,474 --> 00:12:01,874
I bet you couldn't even grow a mustache
if you wanted to.
247
00:12:02,265 --> 00:12:03,414
Neither can you.
248
00:12:03,641 --> 00:12:05,082
He doesn't know that, baby!
249
00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:09,628
Ted's only teaching Barney
horrible things about me.
250
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:11,264
I don't know.
251
00:12:11,776 --> 00:12:13,757
Check this out.
This is kind of sweet.
252
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,514
Now, we all know Robin's not
what you'd call "touchy-feely."
253
00:12:18,639 --> 00:12:21,514
She doesn't say "I love you"
like a normal person.
254
00:12:21,639 --> 00:12:23,699
Instead, she'll laugh,
255
00:12:23,824 --> 00:12:26,724
shake her head,
give you a little smile and say
256
00:12:26,993 --> 00:12:28,563
"You're an idiot."
257
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,106
"You're an idiot"?
258
00:12:31,202 --> 00:12:33,860
If she tells you you're an idiot,
you're a lucky man.
259
00:12:35,173 --> 00:12:38,365
And if she does say "I love you",
she's already broken up in her mind.
260
00:12:39,657 --> 00:12:41,701
It's nice
that Ted knows you that well.
261
00:12:41,888 --> 00:12:43,787
Too bad,
it's next to a page entitled...
262
00:12:44,202 --> 00:12:47,082
"Robin Scherbatsky's
surprising erogenous zones."
263
00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:49,468
Right knee,
264
00:12:50,852 --> 00:12:51,852
ticklish.
265
00:12:52,774 --> 00:12:54,256
Left knee...
266
00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:56,608
Does lefty like that?
267
00:13:00,209 --> 00:13:01,509
Lefty like that.
268
00:13:02,972 --> 00:13:06,322
I can't believe
I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby.
269
00:13:07,159 --> 00:13:09,759
That's like taking fashion advice
from...
270
00:13:10,135 --> 00:13:11,435
Well, Ted Mosby.
271
00:13:13,214 --> 00:13:14,374
Here's a good one.
272
00:13:14,499 --> 00:13:16,978
"Top five things never to do
around Robin".
273
00:13:18,408 --> 00:13:19,266
Three:
274
00:13:19,391 --> 00:13:22,701
"Never, ever,
play the "Guess who?" game with her."
275
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:23,886
What do you mean?
276
00:13:26,033 --> 00:13:27,039
Guess who?
277
00:13:29,534 --> 00:13:30,959
It's me! It's me! It's me!
278
00:13:31,652 --> 00:13:32,377
Four:
279
00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:35,342
"unless you want to see it
80 times a day, for the next month,
280
00:13:35,467 --> 00:13:38,144
never show Robin a youtube clip
281
00:13:38,361 --> 00:13:40,385
of an animal
playing a musical instrument."
282
00:13:41,408 --> 00:13:42,408
Barney!
283
00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:47,409
- Do you have a problem with this class?
- It's boring as hell
284
00:13:47,534 --> 00:13:49,060
and I'm not learning anything.
285
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:52,606
Maybe the problem is your attitude.
You're not listening to a word I say.
286
00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:55,784
Can you hear this, professor?
287
00:13:55,909 --> 00:13:57,959
Or should I turn it up for you?
288
00:13:58,484 --> 00:14:00,506
It may not have been a thumbs-up,
kids.
289
00:14:02,243 --> 00:14:04,416
So, you think
you're not learning anything?
290
00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:08,351
Pop quiz.
291
00:14:09,484 --> 00:14:12,044
When Robin's PMS-ing,
what chocolate should you get her?
292
00:14:12,169 --> 00:14:14,390
- Trick question. Butterscotch.
- Correct! Why?
293
00:14:14,515 --> 00:14:17,199
Butterscotch is to Canadian women
what chocolate is to American women.
294
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:18,356
Correct!
295
00:14:18,704 --> 00:14:19,921
Robin's dream job?
296
00:14:20,111 --> 00:14:22,469
To become the most successful
female tv journalist.
297
00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:25,096
Correct! And if she achieves that,
will she truly be happy?
298
00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:27,601
Robin's deep-seated need for attention
can be traced
299
00:14:27,726 --> 00:14:29,594
back to her father's
emotional distance,
300
00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:32,135
and no success will ever make up
for what she truly needs,
301
00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:35,523
which is six simple words from her dad:
"Robin, I'm proud of you, eh?".
302
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,587
But I guess you're right.
303
00:14:42,357 --> 00:14:43,933
You haven't learned anything.
304
00:14:45,732 --> 00:14:47,782
Sorry to have wasted your time.
305
00:14:51,053 --> 00:14:52,457
"O captain! My captain!".
306
00:14:58,634 --> 00:15:00,215
How good was dead poet's society?
307
00:15:00,401 --> 00:15:02,634
I know, right?
The end? Tears.
308
00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:06,463
Can I just say
that my deepest need in life
309
00:15:06,588 --> 00:15:08,973
is not to have my father to say
"I am proud of you, eh?".
310
00:15:09,356 --> 00:15:11,976
- Then why are you crying right now?
- I'm not crying.
311
00:15:12,163 --> 00:15:13,144
Sweetie.
312
00:15:13,732 --> 00:15:15,271
Can I get you some butterscotch?
313
00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:16,815
Stop it.
314
00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:22,293
Wait a second.
315
00:15:22,419 --> 00:15:24,906
It says here that the class meets
at 6:15 on Tuesday.
316
00:15:25,169 --> 00:15:26,783
- So?
- That's right now.
317
00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:31,754
Now, as you can see,
well over 50% of the blankets
318
00:15:31,879 --> 00:15:33,623
have been dragged onto her side.
319
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:35,407
Make no mistake.
320
00:15:35,607 --> 00:15:38,679
Robin Scherbatsky is a classic,
321
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:39,857
textbook...
322
00:15:41,081 --> 00:15:42,081
cover hog.
323
00:15:43,857 --> 00:15:45,927
- Any questions?
- I have one.
324
00:15:55,141 --> 00:15:56,354
Flared nostril ridges.
325
00:15:56,787 --> 00:15:58,481
Wide, unblinking eyes.
326
00:16:00,161 --> 00:16:01,161
I got this.
327
00:16:01,286 --> 00:16:03,271
So, emperor penguins,
328
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,237
Crazy!
329
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,533
What do you think you're doing?
330
00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:10,368
Marshall, did you sell us out?
331
00:16:10,763 --> 00:16:12,312
I was vulnerable.
332
00:16:12,784 --> 00:16:15,582
I said good-bye
to a very dear friend today.
333
00:16:15,786 --> 00:16:17,289
Dude, it's a barrel!
334
00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:19,855
You're giving Mabel away?
335
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,463
I have so many questions.
336
00:16:21,662 --> 00:16:24,257
Why would you do this?
What were you thinking?
337
00:16:24,622 --> 00:16:25,943
Who the hell is that guy?
338
00:16:27,363 --> 00:16:30,013
That's Shin-Ya.
He's sort of been auditing the class.
339
00:16:30,418 --> 00:16:31,280
"Auditing"?
340
00:16:31,603 --> 00:16:33,643
I tried to explain
it wasn't a real class,
341
00:16:33,768 --> 00:16:35,467
but I don't think he speaks english.
342
00:16:35,852 --> 00:16:38,531
On the bright side,
he came in handy standing in for you
343
00:16:38,656 --> 00:16:40,267
during the role-playing exercises.
344
00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:44,341
Wait, you did role-playing exercises
where I was played by Shin-Ya?
345
00:16:49,627 --> 00:16:51,278
I can't believe you, Ted.
346
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,739
You actually think
you're kind of an expert on me?
347
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,997
He is an expert.
He's a great teacher!
348
00:16:56,184 --> 00:16:56,998
Kiss ass.
349
00:16:57,377 --> 00:17:00,078
You know, half the stuff
in this notebook is patently wrong.
350
00:17:00,271 --> 00:17:01,811
Really?
Name one wrong thing.
351
00:17:02,076 --> 00:17:04,762
"Robin Scherbatsky's
surprising erogenous zones"?
352
00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:07,083
Let me clear something up for you.
353
00:17:07,951 --> 00:17:09,552
Does lefty like that?
354
00:17:13,411 --> 00:17:15,369
Don't want to leave out righty.
355
00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:18,826
The right one's ticklish, I guess.
356
00:17:20,631 --> 00:17:22,968
But the left one,
I'm glad you're back there.
357
00:17:23,827 --> 00:17:25,405
Because that is just some...
358
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,469
sweet, sweet lovin'.
359
00:17:29,407 --> 00:17:30,256
Noted.
360
00:17:30,909 --> 00:17:32,875
- That was a lie?
- We had just started dating.
361
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,271
I was being nice.
362
00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:36,403
And you.
363
00:17:36,528 --> 00:17:39,352
I got it into my head this week
that you were cheating on me.
364
00:17:39,477 --> 00:17:42,079
I even broke open your briefcase
to look for evidence.
365
00:17:42,271 --> 00:17:45,255
That is a huge violation
of my privacy!
366
00:17:48,979 --> 00:17:49,751
Go on.
367
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:52,980
You know, in a way, I was right.
You cheated.
368
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,890
You can't get crib sheet on dating me.
That's not how it works.
369
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,404
If we can't figure out
how to be with each other
370
00:17:58,529 --> 00:18:00,245
in a real, honest way,
371
00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:02,903
I don't see
the point of even trying.
372
00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:18,635
What do you want?
373
00:18:19,044 --> 00:18:20,081
Look.
374
00:18:20,414 --> 00:18:22,433
All that stuff I told Barney...
375
00:18:22,558 --> 00:18:24,808
It was personal between you and me.
376
00:18:25,351 --> 00:18:26,395
I'm really sorry.
377
00:18:27,793 --> 00:18:29,757
I'm impressed
by how much you remembered.
378
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:32,590
It's funny.
379
00:18:33,384 --> 00:18:35,317
When you date someone,
it's like you're...
380
00:18:35,442 --> 00:18:37,633
taking one long course
in who that person is
381
00:18:37,758 --> 00:18:40,268
and then, when you break up,
all that stuff becomes useless.
382
00:18:41,414 --> 00:18:43,904
It's the emotional equivalent
of an english degree.
383
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,538
I liked the idea
of putting all my Robin Scherbatsky
384
00:18:47,663 --> 00:18:49,372
knowledge to good use, you know?
385
00:18:50,977 --> 00:18:53,077
Since you know me pretty well...
386
00:18:54,226 --> 00:18:56,659
Am I fooling myself
with this whole Barney thing?
387
00:18:57,175 --> 00:18:58,094
I don't know.
388
00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:01,110
I will say this, though.
389
00:19:01,235 --> 00:19:03,985
I've seen Barney work very hard
to get women.
390
00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:07,227
I've seen him work very hard
to get rid of women.
391
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,607
I've never seen him work this hard
to keep one around.
392
00:19:12,191 --> 00:19:14,226
I was going to give him an A.
393
00:19:14,351 --> 00:19:17,221
Well, B+,
Shin-Ya kind of screwed up the curve.
394
00:19:22,766 --> 00:19:26,175
Before you say anything,
I am done with this stupid Robin 101.
395
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,776
Here, I'll get rid of the notebook.
396
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:35,390
But there's...
397
00:19:35,639 --> 00:19:38,003
There's something
that I did want to say to you.
398
00:19:39,126 --> 00:19:41,095
Robin,
I have been with a lot of women,
399
00:19:42,191 --> 00:19:45,257
Blondes, brunettes, redheads.
400
00:19:46,126 --> 00:19:49,770
Big boobs, small boobs,
medium boobs.
401
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:53,566
Some boobs that were big,
but kind of in a bad way.
402
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,689
The point is...
Boobs that pointed in opposite direc...
403
00:19:56,814 --> 00:19:57,904
The point is...
404
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,427
I'm really scared
that you're going to dump me
405
00:20:03,552 --> 00:20:06,102
and that's
why I did this and I'm sorry.
406
00:20:12,163 --> 00:20:13,463
You're an idiot.
407
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:19,926
You know...
408
00:20:20,627 --> 00:20:22,554
That notebook does contain
409
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:23,988
a lot of personal info,
410
00:20:24,113 --> 00:20:25,848
and I think it has my home address.
411
00:20:26,409 --> 00:20:28,009
And your work address.
412
00:20:32,781 --> 00:20:35,632
If you don't want the barrel,
can you sit somewhere else?
413
00:20:35,757 --> 00:20:37,904
'cause you're scaring away
potential takers!
414
00:20:43,316 --> 00:20:45,296
Designed by Chicago's Daniel Burnham
415
00:20:45,421 --> 00:20:47,161
in the beaux arts style,
416
00:20:47,501 --> 00:20:50,389
this architectural gem
was the first of its kind...
417
00:20:50,514 --> 00:20:51,591
Professor Mosby?
418
00:20:52,757 --> 00:20:54,544
That's a woman drinking beer
on the toilet.
419
00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,663
Right.
That...
420
00:20:58,942 --> 00:21:00,711
was Daniel Burnham's wife.
421
00:21:00,836 --> 00:21:03,337
She was a troubled, troubled woman.
422
00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:04,771
We are moving on.
31892
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.