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1
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(cash register rings)
2
00:00:06,537 --> 00:00:07,729
- [Woman Voiceover]
Ground floor, perfumery,
3
00:00:07,729 --> 00:00:09,112
stationary, and leather goods.
4
00:00:09,112 --> 00:00:12,779
Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food.
5
00:00:13,634 --> 00:00:16,467
(soft jazz music)
6
00:00:18,171 --> 00:00:20,710
First floor, telephones,
gents ready made suits.
7
00:00:20,710 --> 00:00:22,662
Shirts, socks.
8
00:00:22,662 --> 00:00:24,995
- There we are and I do hope
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00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:28,343
the hat gives every satisfaction.
10
00:00:28,343 --> 00:00:29,830
- I'm sure it will.
11
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,239
- Anyway, I said to Mr. Rumbold,
12
00:00:32,239 --> 00:00:34,650
I said I don't want to
be stood stuck here.
13
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I want to be considered for advancement.
14
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So he put me down.
15
00:00:38,835 --> 00:00:40,369
- Do you mean he told you to up it?
16
00:00:40,369 --> 00:00:42,713
- No, he put me down on the list.
17
00:00:42,713 --> 00:00:45,663
So if anything comes up
in the executive line,
18
00:00:45,663 --> 00:00:47,812
I'm in line for it.
19
00:00:47,812 --> 00:00:49,954
- If you get promotion, does that mean
20
00:00:49,954 --> 00:00:51,369
I'll get your job?
21
00:00:51,369 --> 00:00:53,405
- Well normally they'd give my job
22
00:00:53,405 --> 00:00:55,394
to somebody of my age.
23
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What's the matter, you
look very depressed?
24
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- I was just thinking, I
might not live that long.
25
00:01:00,213 --> 00:01:02,463
(laughter)
26
00:01:03,299 --> 00:01:04,219
- Are you being served, sir?
27
00:01:04,219 --> 00:01:06,053
Which is a silly question,
28
00:01:06,053 --> 00:01:07,110
because I can see that you're not.
29
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,752
- I'd like a raincoat, please.
30
00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:10,502
- Yes, raincoat rail, Mr. Lucas.
31
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- Raincoat rail coming up.
32
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Gaberdine or plastic, sir?
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- Plastic, please.
34
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- Let me see.
35
00:01:16,757 --> 00:01:18,806
You look like a 44 long to me.
36
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In what color, sir?
37
00:01:19,957 --> 00:01:21,436
- Preferably black.
38
00:01:21,436 --> 00:01:24,760
- Yes you can't go wrong with black.
39
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- One black plastic mac.
40
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- Thank you.
41
00:01:27,173 --> 00:01:28,010
Would you like to slip this on?
42
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- Thank you very much.
43
00:01:29,511 --> 00:01:30,533
- These are very useful.
44
00:01:30,533 --> 00:01:31,573
They roll up very small
45
00:01:31,573 --> 00:01:33,125
and you can carry them in
your little transparent
46
00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:34,437
pixie hood.
47
00:01:34,437 --> 00:01:36,267
(laughter)
48
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- Do you have a mirror?
49
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(laughter)
50
00:01:57,592 --> 00:01:59,592
- Is the color suitable?
51
00:02:01,401 --> 00:02:03,866
- Oh yes, yes the color's perfect.
52
00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:07,493
It is a little noisy, though, isn't it?
53
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:09,990
- You know, we've never
had that complaint before.
54
00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:11,617
Have we?
55
00:02:11,617 --> 00:02:13,024
- No we haven't, Mr. Humphries.
56
00:02:13,024 --> 00:02:15,485
- See, I don't want to
draw attention to myself.
57
00:02:15,485 --> 00:02:18,652
- Perhaps if you did it a bit quicker?
58
00:02:19,614 --> 00:02:22,861
- No, no the speed is rather critical.
59
00:02:22,861 --> 00:02:24,524
- Gabardine will be quieter.
60
00:02:24,524 --> 00:02:27,357
- One side of gaberdine coming up.
61
00:02:28,442 --> 00:02:30,012
- You're probably asking yourself,
62
00:02:30,012 --> 00:02:31,446
now why does this gentleman
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00:02:31,446 --> 00:02:34,958
have such a specific requirement
for a black plastic mac.
64
00:02:34,958 --> 00:02:36,472
- Yes, as a matter of fact
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I was asking myself that
66
00:02:37,772 --> 00:02:40,181
and I told myself it
was none of my business.
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(laughter)
68
00:02:41,599 --> 00:02:42,917
- You see, I work for a big magazine,
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00:02:42,917 --> 00:02:44,712
as a photographer, you know the kind
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00:02:44,712 --> 00:02:46,747
of thing, leaping out on
well known personalities,
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00:02:46,747 --> 00:02:50,138
catching them in an off
guard moment, as it were.
72
00:02:50,138 --> 00:02:51,107
Look, let me show you this.
73
00:02:51,107 --> 00:02:53,101
Now there's a remote control button
74
00:02:53,101 --> 00:02:54,795
goes from here through
the pocket of the coat
75
00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:57,111
and all I have to do is give
76
00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:58,656
to give it the right exposure.
77
00:02:58,656 --> 00:02:59,489
Now watch.
78
00:03:00,843 --> 00:03:03,093
(laughter)
79
00:03:07,369 --> 00:03:10,202
- Would you mind doing that again?
80
00:03:13,847 --> 00:03:17,307
- My friends call me Candid Cameron.
81
00:03:17,307 --> 00:03:20,020
- Well if you wear this, they'll
call you Gaberdine Angus.
82
00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,270
(laughter)
83
00:03:23,172 --> 00:03:24,005
- Oh yes.
84
00:03:25,807 --> 00:03:27,890
Oh that's so much better.
85
00:03:28,856 --> 00:03:31,546
- Mr. Humphries, can you spare a moment?
86
00:03:31,546 --> 00:03:33,630
- Certainly, Captain Peacock.
87
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,585
- What exactly is going on?
88
00:03:35,585 --> 00:03:38,076
- Well this gentleman is
practicing his exposure.
89
00:03:38,076 --> 00:03:40,793
(laughter)
90
00:03:40,793 --> 00:03:42,060
- Well I know it takes all sorts
91
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,438
to make a world but may I suggest
92
00:03:43,438 --> 00:03:46,001
that you and your friend
confine such activities
93
00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:47,834
to your leisure hours?
94
00:03:56,285 --> 00:03:58,173
- The ambulance has just
arrived, Mr. Rumbold
95
00:03:58,173 --> 00:03:59,972
and the stretcher will be
out in a couple of seconds.
96
00:03:59,972 --> 00:04:01,785
- What do you think it is?
97
00:04:01,785 --> 00:04:03,690
- I think it's food poisoning.
98
00:04:03,690 --> 00:04:05,814
- Soon as I noticed rizzo on the executive
99
00:04:05,814 --> 00:04:07,444
dining room menu, I thought to myself,
100
00:04:07,444 --> 00:04:08,972
I hope he didn't make
that out of Wednesday's
101
00:04:08,972 --> 00:04:10,707
shepard pie because it
wasn't all that cooked
102
00:04:10,707 --> 00:04:12,570
when it was (mumbles) on Tuesday.
103
00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:13,834
(laughter)
104
00:04:13,834 --> 00:04:16,015
- They were fish rizzos.
105
00:04:16,015 --> 00:04:18,732
- Ah, that was Monday's cod.
106
00:04:18,732 --> 00:04:21,201
- I think I've got glands
coming up behind my ear.
107
00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:22,417
- That's a good job you mention that,
108
00:04:22,417 --> 00:04:23,730
cause we might never of spotted it.
109
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(laughter)
110
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- Whats going on?
111
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- Ambulance men have gone
into Mr. Rumbold's office.
112
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Oh whatever happening, Mr. Harman?
113
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- Mr. Rumbold's been taken queer.
114
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- Anything I can do?
115
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(laughter)
116
00:04:40,201 --> 00:04:42,456
- Have any idea what caused it?
117
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- Rizzo.
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(laughter)
119
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- I asked you a perfectly civil question.
120
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- In this way, please.
121
00:04:50,446 --> 00:04:51,855
- [Man] Oh here he comes.
122
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Get out of the way, get out of the way.
123
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,817
- Oh I must say.
124
00:04:55,817 --> 00:05:00,797
Oh what a shame, he's just
had his shoes sold a nail.
125
00:05:00,797 --> 00:05:02,592
- I think he's going into a coma.
126
00:05:02,592 --> 00:05:04,840
- Blimey, don't say he had
the trico pudding as well.
127
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,840
- We think it's food poisoning.
128
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,540
- Poor Mr. Rumbold.
129
00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:10,236
- He doesn't look very good, does he?
130
00:05:10,236 --> 00:05:11,781
- I had an uncle who had rizzos once
131
00:05:11,781 --> 00:05:13,487
and he went stiff all over.
132
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- Was that food poisoning?
133
00:05:14,766 --> 00:05:16,349
- No, rigor mortis.
134
00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,187
- May I saw on behalf of the department
135
00:05:19,187 --> 00:05:22,305
how sorry we are all and wish
you a speedy recover, sir?
136
00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:24,210
- If you don't come back,
we'll treat like Nelson.
137
00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:26,300
On the spot in the canteen where you fell,
138
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,217
we'll have brass rizzo.
139
00:05:29,292 --> 00:05:30,320
- Just a moment.
140
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,874
Sir, have you set the machinery in motion
141
00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:33,248
for a replacement?
142
00:05:33,248 --> 00:05:35,062
- That will be up to young Mr. Grace.
143
00:05:35,062 --> 00:05:37,109
- Well perhaps you'll put
in a good for me, sir.
144
00:05:37,109 --> 00:05:39,166
- Oh sir, I would be most happy
145
00:05:39,166 --> 00:05:42,096
to step into your shoes if you wish.
146
00:05:42,096 --> 00:05:43,497
- I think the most suitable person
147
00:05:43,497 --> 00:05:45,488
to take over in my absence would be,
148
00:05:45,488 --> 00:05:47,071
would be, would be.
149
00:05:48,961 --> 00:05:51,042
- He was trying to form a
name beginning with an S.
150
00:05:51,042 --> 00:05:52,391
- What are you talking about?
151
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That was his breath escaping.
152
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(Rumbold panting)
153
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- H, Humphries, it's me.
154
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(laughter)
155
00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:04,263
- He's shaking his head, it's not you.
156
00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:06,432
(mumbling)
157
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:07,936
- Lou, Lou, Lou, Lucas.
158
00:06:07,936 --> 00:06:10,464
He's trying to say Lucas
159
00:06:10,464 --> 00:06:13,575
- No, no he's trying
to say loosen his tie.
160
00:06:13,575 --> 00:06:15,292
Come on, love.
161
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:19,513
This is Mrs. Slocombe, loosening your tie.
162
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,178
Now can you try and point to the one
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00:06:21,178 --> 00:06:23,761
you want to take over from you?
164
00:06:25,674 --> 00:06:27,272
- He's pointing to my leg.
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See it's me.
166
00:06:29,002 --> 00:06:29,974
- No he's passed out.
167
00:06:29,974 --> 00:06:31,313
It's the sedative I've given him.
168
00:06:31,313 --> 00:06:33,275
Come along, bring him along.
169
00:06:33,275 --> 00:06:34,659
- We'll take him down by the service lift.
170
00:06:34,659 --> 00:06:38,142
- Good idea and give him a
short service on the way out.
171
00:06:38,142 --> 00:06:40,453
- Thank you doctor for letting me know.
172
00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:43,013
It was food poisoning.
173
00:06:43,013 --> 00:06:45,861
- Oh he shouldn't of ate that rizzo.
174
00:06:45,861 --> 00:06:48,173
- Fancy anyone ordering
rizzos in our canteen.
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The man's a fool to himself.
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(laughter)
177
00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:55,575
- Well he does put a lot
of strain on you, sir.
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00:06:55,575 --> 00:06:56,710
I mean, you was hoping to go away
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00:06:56,710 --> 00:06:58,020
for the bank holiday.
180
00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:01,360
Will you be able to have it off now, sir?
181
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,988
(laughter)
182
00:07:02,988 --> 00:07:04,083
- What did you say?
183
00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:07,971
- Will you be able to have it off now?
184
00:07:07,971 --> 00:07:09,552
- It's a bit soon after lunch.
185
00:07:09,552 --> 00:07:11,930
(laughter)
186
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Let's do some letters.
187
00:07:14,324 --> 00:07:15,685
- Excuse me, Mr. Grace, sir
188
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,880
but members of the united
(mumbles) department
189
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,706
is here to ask who you require to take
190
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,395
over Mr. Rumbold's office.
191
00:07:21,395 --> 00:07:22,883
- Oh very well.
192
00:07:22,883 --> 00:07:25,100
- Mr. Grace will see you now.
193
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,701
- Any news of our dear colleague, sir?
194
00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:27,920
- Oh he'll be as right as rain
195
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,202
in a couple of weeks.
196
00:07:29,202 --> 00:07:31,930
- Have you any idea who's
going to take over, Mr. Grace?
197
00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:34,355
Bearing in mind that I
have applied for promotion
198
00:07:34,355 --> 00:07:36,168
on a number of occasion.
199
00:07:36,168 --> 00:07:38,037
- And bearing in mind that I have
200
00:07:38,037 --> 00:07:39,621
a lifetime's experience.
201
00:07:39,621 --> 00:07:41,184
- Ah yes, well it's a very important post.
202
00:07:41,184 --> 00:07:43,939
Couldn't have any as old as you.
203
00:07:43,939 --> 00:07:47,093
- With all due deference,
there is a precedent
204
00:07:47,093 --> 00:07:49,378
for someone of great
age holding a position
205
00:07:49,378 --> 00:07:51,272
of authority in this store.
206
00:07:51,272 --> 00:07:53,425
Namely yourself.
207
00:07:53,425 --> 00:07:56,405
- There's a great difference
between you and me.
208
00:07:56,405 --> 00:07:57,404
- In what way?
209
00:07:57,404 --> 00:07:58,836
- I own the place, you don't.
210
00:07:58,836 --> 00:08:01,915
(laughter)
211
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,063
- Well, if you're looking for someone
212
00:08:04,063 --> 00:08:07,052
with drive, tact, ingenuity, class,
213
00:08:07,052 --> 00:08:10,081
and charisma, I know the very person
214
00:08:10,081 --> 00:08:11,869
but he's too modest to mention his name.
215
00:08:11,869 --> 00:08:13,452
So I'll just point.
216
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,093
- I think ladies ought
to be given a chance.
217
00:08:17,093 --> 00:08:18,717
- Yes but you wait til after the bell
218
00:08:18,717 --> 00:08:20,015
and you'll get yours.
219
00:08:20,015 --> 00:08:22,071
(laughter)
220
00:08:22,071 --> 00:08:25,345
Here I've already made some notes.
221
00:08:25,345 --> 00:08:27,095
Captain Peacock, TVF.
222
00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:31,363
That's too valuable on the floor.
223
00:08:31,363 --> 00:08:32,446
Goldberg, PI.
224
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:36,186
- Practically irreplaceable?
225
00:08:36,186 --> 00:08:37,193
- Past it.
226
00:08:37,193 --> 00:08:38,909
(laughter)
227
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,831
But a question mark against Mr. Humphries.
228
00:08:41,831 --> 00:08:44,156
- That's the story of my life.
229
00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:46,459
Ms. Brahms, I see to
remember we've got her down
230
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,345
as a possible.
231
00:08:48,345 --> 00:08:50,574
- No, that on the other list, sir.
232
00:08:50,574 --> 00:08:51,824
- Oh I see yes.
233
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:53,882
Mrs. Slocombe.
234
00:08:53,882 --> 00:08:56,312
Worth trying in a new position.
235
00:08:56,312 --> 00:08:58,888
That sounds like the other list as well.
236
00:08:58,888 --> 00:09:01,138
(laughter)
237
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,716
- If I do get it, I'll throw myself
238
00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:05,957
into it, body and soul.
239
00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:07,478
- Unless you're gonna invest
240
00:09:07,478 --> 00:09:08,802
in a reinforced chair, Mr. Grace,
241
00:09:08,802 --> 00:09:11,054
I'd just settle for the soul.
242
00:09:11,054 --> 00:09:12,435
- I must state here and now
243
00:09:12,435 --> 00:09:14,018
that I would not submit to any arrangement
244
00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:16,220
where by Mrs. Slocombe was over me.
245
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:17,663
- Oh she won't be over you.
246
00:09:17,663 --> 00:09:19,122
- have I got it, have I got it?
247
00:09:19,122 --> 00:09:20,516
- If she has, I shall resign.
248
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:21,665
- She's got it.
249
00:09:21,665 --> 00:09:23,630
- As I was saying, I shall resign myself
250
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,205
to my fate.
251
00:09:25,205 --> 00:09:26,301
(chuckles)
252
00:09:26,301 --> 00:09:27,451
But I trust that I shall still
253
00:09:27,451 --> 00:09:29,009
be in jurisdiction on the floor.
254
00:09:29,009 --> 00:09:30,015
- Done.
255
00:09:30,015 --> 00:09:31,129
- Hey if she's got a promotion,
256
00:09:31,129 --> 00:09:32,738
does that mean I've got her job?
257
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,029
- I would like to point out here and now
258
00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:35,932
that Ms. Brahms does
not have the experience
259
00:09:35,932 --> 00:09:38,414
for such a responsible job and I say that
260
00:09:38,414 --> 00:09:40,683
as head of department.
261
00:09:40,683 --> 00:09:43,686
- Without any jurisdiction on the floor.
262
00:09:43,686 --> 00:09:45,157
- I suggest that you advertise
263
00:09:45,157 --> 00:09:47,157
the vacancy for my post.
264
00:09:48,108 --> 00:09:50,302
- Yes, and get on to
your friend of the tailor
265
00:09:50,302 --> 00:09:52,484
and cutter, Mr. Humphries
and insert an advertisement.
266
00:09:52,484 --> 00:09:55,773
Wanted, crabby old bag
to be dragon in charge
267
00:09:55,773 --> 00:09:57,957
of ladies intimate apparel.
268
00:09:57,957 --> 00:09:59,457
Age indeterminate.
269
00:10:04,173 --> 00:10:05,872
- Thank you so much for being so helpful
270
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,498
and so quick.
271
00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:09,380
- Oh thank you madam, do call again.
272
00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:11,711
- I will, thank you.
273
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,629
- Thank you, miss.
274
00:10:13,629 --> 00:10:15,906
Third sale this morning, Ms. Brahms.
275
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,842
- Well I've got the scope now, haven't I?
276
00:10:17,842 --> 00:10:20,094
I mean I never got a
looking when she was here.
277
00:10:20,094 --> 00:10:22,404
- Your extra supervisors
frills are most becoming.
278
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,444
- Oh thank you, Captain Peacock.
279
00:10:24,444 --> 00:10:27,711
I say, she's a bit late, isn't she?
280
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:31,461
- Well executive staff, or
so called executive staff
281
00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:33,652
are not expected to be in before 9:30.
282
00:10:33,652 --> 00:10:35,735
It is now precisely 9:30.
283
00:10:38,927 --> 00:10:41,280
(cheering)
284
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,613
Good morning, Mrs. Slocombe.
285
00:10:47,366 --> 00:10:51,286
- Oh no, these executive
briefcases are heavy
286
00:10:51,286 --> 00:10:54,865
- Brought your sandwiches
with you, have you?
287
00:10:54,865 --> 00:10:58,095
- Captain Peacock, reprimand
your junior, would you?
288
00:10:58,095 --> 00:11:00,582
- Mr. Lucas, that was very naughty.
289
00:11:00,582 --> 00:11:03,547
(laughter)
290
00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:04,669
- Mrs. Slocombe, for you
291
00:11:04,669 --> 00:11:07,783
to wish you luck, the
first day in your new job.
292
00:11:07,783 --> 00:11:09,948
Nobody deserves it better.
293
00:11:09,948 --> 00:11:12,366
- Oh blue, to match my eyes.
294
00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:14,533
- I thought they were blue
to match her varicose veins.
295
00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:16,874
(laughter)
296
00:11:16,874 --> 00:11:18,562
- Now stay calm, any little problem,
297
00:11:18,562 --> 00:11:20,755
don't hesitate to ask me.
298
00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:22,691
- Mr. Humphries if you're quite finished
299
00:11:22,691 --> 00:11:26,500
crawling would you get
on with your duties?
300
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:27,639
- Captain Peacock, a member of the staff
301
00:11:27,639 --> 00:11:29,957
is having a confab with
a senior executive.
302
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,874
Kindly don't interrupt.
303
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,036
- You're forgetting, Mrs. Slocombe,
304
00:11:34,036 --> 00:11:35,287
that I'm in charge on this floor
305
00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:37,036
and that particular member of the staff
306
00:11:37,036 --> 00:11:38,833
is under my jurisdiction.
307
00:11:38,833 --> 00:11:41,991
- Well Mr. Grace will give
a ruling on that point.
308
00:11:41,991 --> 00:11:43,725
- Well in the meantime,
if you have anything
309
00:11:43,725 --> 00:11:45,980
further to say, Mr. Humphries, say it
310
00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:47,258
and get back to your duties.
311
00:11:47,258 --> 00:11:50,707
- I just wanted to say how
lady like Mrs. Slocombe looks
312
00:11:50,707 --> 00:11:53,900
and how, how nice and restrained she is
313
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,437
considering you're being so aggravating.
314
00:11:56,437 --> 00:11:59,060
(laughter)
315
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:02,569
- When the candidates for
my vacant post arrive,
316
00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:04,777
show them into my office, would you?
317
00:12:04,777 --> 00:12:06,765
- Well personnel have already informed me
318
00:12:06,765 --> 00:12:08,602
that they can't find anyone even remotely
319
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,494
interested in taking your position
320
00:12:10,494 --> 00:12:14,711
at the ridiculously low
wage you were receiving.
321
00:12:14,711 --> 00:12:15,872
- Well they'll just have to pay more then
322
00:12:15,872 --> 00:12:19,091
because Ms. Brahms certainly
isn't experienced enough
323
00:12:19,091 --> 00:12:20,508
to be on her own.
324
00:12:22,487 --> 00:12:23,839
- Oh cheek, did you know I've done
325
00:12:23,839 --> 00:12:25,953
twice as much business as her of a morning
326
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:28,371
and I even haven't had coffee yet.
327
00:12:28,371 --> 00:12:31,624
- Your talents have been noted
and approved, Ms. Brahms.
328
00:12:31,624 --> 00:12:33,827
(laughter)
329
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,399
- You know that was the most terrible
330
00:12:35,399 --> 00:12:37,457
exhibition of sucking up to teacher
331
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,833
I've seen since I was
a kid at kindergarten.
332
00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:43,484
- I always believe in having
friends in high places.
333
00:12:43,484 --> 00:12:44,911
- Is that why you went
on that climbing holiday
334
00:12:44,911 --> 00:12:46,323
with a that steeple jack?
335
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:48,418
(laughter)
336
00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:49,671
- He wasn't a steeple jack,
337
00:12:49,671 --> 00:12:51,889
he was a lumber jack
and we went pot holing.
338
00:12:51,889 --> 00:12:54,434
You know, he saved my life when I damaged
339
00:12:54,434 --> 00:12:56,851
my equipment on a stalagmite?
340
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,308
- Are those the ones that go up?
341
00:13:00,308 --> 00:13:01,448
- Well this one did.
342
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,698
(laughter)
343
00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:08,367
- Oh my own office.
344
00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:11,369
I shall stamp my personality on it.
345
00:13:11,369 --> 00:13:13,877
- Should you require an emergency cupper,
346
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:18,044
there's an electric kettle in
the bottom left hand drawer.
347
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:21,672
- What are you doing, Mr. Harman?
348
00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:23,895
- I'm removing Mr.
Rumbold's executive soap,
349
00:13:23,895 --> 00:13:26,649
face flannel, and towel,
which is mandatory
350
00:13:26,649 --> 00:13:28,742
for the executive cars.
351
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,945
You of course will be supplying your own.
352
00:13:30,945 --> 00:13:32,655
- Will I get a key?
353
00:13:32,655 --> 00:13:34,423
- Oh yeah get a key to the executive car
354
00:13:34,423 --> 00:13:37,423
from Mr. Brancroft theater bookings.
355
00:13:39,972 --> 00:13:41,925
Will you also be requiring Mr. Rumbold's
356
00:13:41,925 --> 00:13:44,309
supplementary supply of merengues?
357
00:13:44,309 --> 00:13:47,065
- Oh yes, they'll come in
nice for afternoon tea.
358
00:13:47,065 --> 00:13:50,697
I wonder, I've just
brought my little camera
359
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,746
and would you mind taking a picture of me
360
00:13:53,746 --> 00:13:55,777
at my executive desk?
361
00:13:55,777 --> 00:13:58,771
- Yes, certainly, Mrs. Slocombe.
362
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,599
Right, oh I can get you,
363
00:14:00,599 --> 00:14:03,555
I can get the executive desk but not both.
364
00:14:03,555 --> 00:14:05,176
Could you sit down?
365
00:14:05,176 --> 00:14:06,868
Hang on a minute, this
is gonna be a very very
366
00:14:06,868 --> 00:14:08,445
historical picture.
367
00:14:08,445 --> 00:14:10,156
I'll get you the moment you sit.
368
00:14:10,156 --> 00:14:11,365
Right?
369
00:14:11,365 --> 00:14:12,198
Right.
370
00:14:12,198 --> 00:14:13,031
(whoopee cushion farts)
371
00:14:13,031 --> 00:14:15,281
(laughter)
372
00:14:16,568 --> 00:14:19,560
There's a note pinned to it.
373
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,727
- I'm sure you'll be a big
noise in Grace Brothers.
374
00:14:25,443 --> 00:14:26,943
Signed, Mr. Lucas.
375
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:33,537
Oh well, one little
practical joke I can overlook
376
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:35,631
but I shall have to tell him
377
00:14:35,631 --> 00:14:37,631
that he's a naughty boy.
378
00:14:38,594 --> 00:14:40,844
(laughter)
379
00:14:46,641 --> 00:14:48,507
- Right, who's with and who's without?
380
00:14:48,507 --> 00:14:49,621
- I'm with.
381
00:14:49,621 --> 00:14:50,454
- I'm with.
382
00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:51,287
- One with, two with.
383
00:14:51,287 --> 00:14:52,404
- thank you.
384
00:14:52,404 --> 00:14:53,237
You're with aren't you?
385
00:14:53,237 --> 00:14:54,747
- No, I've always been without.
386
00:14:54,747 --> 00:14:57,788
(laughter)
387
00:14:57,788 --> 00:15:00,076
- And a glass of hot water
for you, Mr. Goldberg.
388
00:15:00,076 --> 00:15:01,707
- Thank you, thank you.
389
00:15:01,707 --> 00:15:02,998
Oh damn.
390
00:15:02,998 --> 00:15:04,892
I've forgotten my indigestion tablets.
391
00:15:04,892 --> 00:15:06,551
- Well nevermind, just drink the hot water
392
00:15:06,551 --> 00:15:09,755
and we'll hoist the girl
warnings over the counter.
393
00:15:09,755 --> 00:15:11,807
- You know it's not the
same without Mrs. Slocombe.
394
00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:13,057
- No, it isn't.
395
00:15:13,895 --> 00:15:16,165
It's much more pleasant.
396
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,025
- I've got news for you, Mr. Goldberg,
397
00:15:18,025 --> 00:15:19,774
she's managed to persuade Mr. Grace
398
00:15:19,774 --> 00:15:21,964
to cough up for a two
piece made to measure
399
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,071
executive suit and you've got to take
400
00:15:24,071 --> 00:15:25,832
some patterns to her
office at three o'clock.
401
00:15:25,832 --> 00:15:27,076
- Well I'm not going.
402
00:15:27,076 --> 00:15:28,973
I'll send my junior.
403
00:15:28,973 --> 00:15:30,765
- Thank you so much for
the lunch, Mr. Grace.
404
00:15:30,765 --> 00:15:32,725
Perhaps we can continue our discussion
405
00:15:32,725 --> 00:15:34,412
on the effects of television
406
00:15:34,412 --> 00:15:36,287
on the retail trade tomorrow?
407
00:15:36,287 --> 00:15:37,729
- I wasn't talking about that rubbish.
408
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,688
I just said I fancied that bird
409
00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:42,158
who did the Turkish delight ads.
410
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,628
(laughter)
411
00:15:43,628 --> 00:15:45,082
Well good day, everybody.
412
00:15:45,082 --> 00:15:47,137
- [All] Good day, Mr. Grace.
413
00:15:47,137 --> 00:15:48,968
- How's Ms. Brahms getting on?
414
00:15:48,968 --> 00:15:50,608
- Oh very well indeed, sir.
415
00:15:50,608 --> 00:15:52,703
We don't notice Mrs.
Slocombe's absences at all.
416
00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:55,276
In fact, the figures are up.
417
00:15:55,276 --> 00:15:56,795
- Well I'm sure that's only temporary.
418
00:15:56,795 --> 00:16:00,732
Anyway, I think I'll
join my staff for coffee.
419
00:16:00,732 --> 00:16:02,351
I'll see you later, Mr. Grace.
420
00:16:02,351 --> 00:16:03,929
- Good.
421
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:05,552
Well you've all done very well.
422
00:16:05,552 --> 00:16:07,969
- [All] Thank you, Mr. Grace.
423
00:16:10,814 --> 00:16:13,045
- Ms. Brahms, you're sitting in my seat.
424
00:16:13,045 --> 00:16:14,342
- No, I'm not.
425
00:16:14,342 --> 00:16:16,638
This used to be your seat
before you was elevated.
426
00:16:16,638 --> 00:16:19,562
Now I've got your job, I'm sitting here.
427
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,806
- You're getting a bit
above yourself, Ms. Brahms
428
00:16:22,806 --> 00:16:24,860
and what are you doing with those frills?
429
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:27,169
Those are supervisors frills
and you're not entitled
430
00:16:27,169 --> 00:16:29,013
until you're established
431
00:16:29,013 --> 00:16:31,244
and you're only temporary and if you don't
432
00:16:31,244 --> 00:16:33,171
move over, I'll make you take them off.
433
00:16:33,171 --> 00:16:34,247
- You hold your ground.
434
00:16:34,247 --> 00:16:35,320
- and you shut your gob.
435
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,249
(laughter)
436
00:16:38,249 --> 00:16:41,099
- Mrs. Slocombe, I would deem it an honor
437
00:16:41,099 --> 00:16:42,136
if you'd have my seat.
438
00:16:42,136 --> 00:16:43,659
- Oh thank you, Mr. Humphries.
439
00:16:43,659 --> 00:16:45,848
I can see you're going to go a long way.
440
00:16:45,848 --> 00:16:47,931
- On his hands and knees.
441
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,192
- Would you pass the sugar?
442
00:16:58,394 --> 00:17:00,942
Well, what were we all discussing?
443
00:17:00,942 --> 00:17:02,802
- The fact that it is one minute to two.
444
00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:04,741
Time we were all back in the department.
445
00:17:04,741 --> 00:17:06,991
(laughter)
446
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,218
- Would you like my spoon, Mrs. Slocombe?
447
00:17:10,218 --> 00:17:11,944
- Mr. Humphries.
448
00:17:11,944 --> 00:17:14,194
(laughter)
449
00:17:38,201 --> 00:17:40,451
(laughter)
450
00:17:44,769 --> 00:17:46,331
- Hello operator.
451
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,851
Have there been any calls for me?
452
00:17:48,851 --> 00:17:50,268
What none at all?
453
00:17:51,444 --> 00:17:52,277
Oh, I see.
454
00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:55,779
Well if there are any calls for me,
455
00:17:55,779 --> 00:17:59,112
make sure you out them straight through.
456
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:07,133
(laughter)
457
00:18:08,473 --> 00:18:12,640
I must remember to bring a
little cake fork, tomorrow.
458
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,380
Oh how nasty.
459
00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,630
(laughter)
460
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,359
Hello, office equipment.
461
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,660
This is Mrs. Slocombe, head
of gents and ladies apparel.
462
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:43,051
Could you send me up some
green blotting paper please?
463
00:18:43,051 --> 00:18:45,801
I mean this pink mucks so common.
464
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:50,910
You have to supply the
pink until it runs out?
465
00:18:50,910 --> 00:18:52,426
Well when will that be?
466
00:18:52,426 --> 00:18:53,259
1992?
467
00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:58,706
Thank you very much.
468
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,967
(laughter)
469
00:19:25,274 --> 00:19:26,980
Hello, cosmetic.
470
00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,025
Ms. Comlozi please.
471
00:19:29,025 --> 00:19:31,001
Oh hello, Edna love.
472
00:19:31,001 --> 00:19:32,584
It's Mrs. Slocombe.
473
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,299
I don't know if you've heard
474
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,222
but I've just been made head
475
00:19:37,222 --> 00:19:39,472
of men's and ladies apparel
476
00:19:40,477 --> 00:19:41,887
and I was wondering, could you possibly
477
00:19:41,887 --> 00:19:45,357
send up some samples of
cosmetics and toiletries
478
00:19:45,357 --> 00:19:48,357
suitable for the executive washroom?
479
00:19:49,517 --> 00:19:51,823
Oh no, love I couldn't
possibly come down there.
480
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:55,261
I'm rushed off me feet
this new department.
481
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:57,026
Oh thank you.
482
00:19:57,026 --> 00:19:58,443
I'm much obliged.
483
00:20:05,436 --> 00:20:07,686
(laughter)
484
00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:24,718
(humming)
(laughter)
485
00:20:30,883 --> 00:20:32,862
Hello, Ms. Brahms?
486
00:20:32,862 --> 00:20:33,896
- Hello.
487
00:20:33,896 --> 00:20:35,440
- This is Betty, here, dear.
488
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,303
I'm sorry, I was a bit short with you
489
00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:38,766
at the dinner table
490
00:20:38,766 --> 00:20:41,800
but I've been rushed off me feet.
491
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,163
- Well what have you phoned me for?
492
00:20:43,163 --> 00:20:45,838
- Well I missed our little morning chat
493
00:20:45,838 --> 00:20:48,150
and I was wondering if you'd like to pop
494
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,698
in for a cup of tea.
495
00:20:49,698 --> 00:20:51,454
You'll never guess what happened to me
496
00:20:51,454 --> 00:20:52,776
and Mrs. Axelbell last night.
497
00:20:52,776 --> 00:20:54,829
We went to this roller disco.
498
00:20:54,829 --> 00:20:57,036
- I haven't got time now.
499
00:20:57,036 --> 00:20:59,383
I've got a 3,000 pound fur coat customer.
500
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,760
- but I've saved you a merengue.
501
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,950
- And I've got a
crocodile handbag waiting.
502
00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:05,525
- I see.
503
00:21:05,525 --> 00:21:08,721
Have you taken those
frills off your blouse yet?
504
00:21:08,721 --> 00:21:09,722
- No.
505
00:21:09,722 --> 00:21:11,526
- Well see to it.
506
00:21:11,526 --> 00:21:13,280
(laughter)
(knock at door)
507
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,447
Just a moment.
508
00:21:16,431 --> 00:21:17,634
Enter.
509
00:21:17,634 --> 00:21:20,685
Yes, you have my authority
to proceed with that order
510
00:21:20,685 --> 00:21:23,361
but I want delivery in three days
511
00:21:23,361 --> 00:21:24,400
or you can forget it.
512
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,467
I'm sorry, that's my last word.
513
00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:27,925
- She's a tarter, isn't she?
514
00:21:27,925 --> 00:21:29,403
- Especially when there's nobody
515
00:21:29,403 --> 00:21:30,461
on the other end of the phone.
516
00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:32,517
She's still got her finger on the list.
517
00:21:32,517 --> 00:21:35,139
- Well if John Lewis can
make you a better offer,
518
00:21:35,139 --> 00:21:37,065
I suggest you get on with it
519
00:21:37,065 --> 00:21:40,566
but don't come running back to me.
520
00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:43,616
Oh, have you come about the suit?
521
00:21:43,616 --> 00:21:45,363
- Yes, Mrs. Slocombe,
I brought the swatches.
522
00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:48,844
Now may I suggest a
nice 16 ounce (mumbles)
523
00:21:48,844 --> 00:21:49,928
in a charcoal gray?
524
00:21:49,928 --> 00:21:51,152
It's very executive.
525
00:21:51,152 --> 00:21:52,583
- It will go very nicely
with the (mumbles)
526
00:21:52,583 --> 00:21:54,579
rolled umbrella.
527
00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:55,783
- You'll need to the
take the measurements,
528
00:21:55,783 --> 00:21:57,521
Mr. Lucas, there's not need for comment.
529
00:21:57,521 --> 00:21:58,970
- Oh yes I like that
530
00:21:58,970 --> 00:22:01,320
and stripes are very
slimming, aren't they?
531
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:02,456
- Well let's put it this way,
532
00:22:02,456 --> 00:22:03,467
have you ever seen a fat zebra?
533
00:22:03,467 --> 00:22:06,193
(laughter)
534
00:22:06,193 --> 00:22:10,026
- Shall we just try this
one on for the style?
535
00:22:11,054 --> 00:22:13,304
This one's doubled bosomed.
536
00:22:17,429 --> 00:22:19,424
Now what do you think of the effect?
537
00:22:19,424 --> 00:22:21,512
- She looks like Rocky Marciano.
538
00:22:21,512 --> 00:22:23,762
(laughter)
539
00:22:24,948 --> 00:22:28,088
- Will you be adding trousers or a skirt?
540
00:22:28,088 --> 00:22:32,171
- Or black stockings
and thigh length boots?
541
00:22:32,171 --> 00:22:35,072
- We're going to ignore you, Mr. Lucas.
542
00:22:35,072 --> 00:22:36,317
- You know it's a pity
you're going to ignore me
543
00:22:36,317 --> 00:22:37,591
because I can tell you a very good reason
544
00:22:37,591 --> 00:22:39,878
why trousers would suit Mrs. Slocombe.
545
00:22:39,878 --> 00:22:40,888
- And why is that?
546
00:22:40,888 --> 00:22:43,666
- They'll hide your legs.
547
00:22:43,666 --> 00:22:46,104
- One more remark from you and you're out.
548
00:22:46,104 --> 00:22:47,884
- Shall we settle for this then
549
00:22:47,884 --> 00:22:49,108
but in the ladies style?
550
00:22:49,108 --> 00:22:51,091
- Yes, that will do very nicely.
551
00:22:51,091 --> 00:22:52,553
- Measurements, Mr. Lucas.
552
00:22:52,553 --> 00:22:55,886
- Measurements coming up, Mr. Humphries.
553
00:22:58,030 --> 00:23:00,280
(laughter)
554
00:23:02,699 --> 00:23:04,213
Breathe out.
555
00:23:04,213 --> 00:23:05,730
- I am breathed out.
556
00:23:05,730 --> 00:23:08,697
- Why didn't you bring the 60 inch tape?
557
00:23:08,697 --> 00:23:11,833
- Because our stock only goes up to 42.
558
00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:13,781
- We'll have to improvise.
559
00:23:13,781 --> 00:23:15,114
42 and a pencil.
560
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,273
Waist.
561
00:23:20,897 --> 00:23:22,706
- 42 and a rubber.
562
00:23:22,706 --> 00:23:24,037
(laughter)
563
00:23:24,037 --> 00:23:24,870
- Hips.
564
00:23:26,052 --> 00:23:26,885
Oh my god.
565
00:23:32,849 --> 00:23:34,527
Here we are.
566
00:23:34,527 --> 00:23:36,360
42 and the week ending October the 5th.
567
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,668
(laughter)
568
00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:40,098
(knock at door)
569
00:23:40,098 --> 00:23:40,931
- Enter.
570
00:23:43,328 --> 00:23:44,897
- I've brought your samples.
571
00:23:44,897 --> 00:23:46,341
- Oh yes.
572
00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:47,591
Would you excuse me?
573
00:23:47,591 --> 00:23:49,925
I have to choose my
cosmetics and toiletries
574
00:23:49,925 --> 00:23:52,923
for the executive powder room.
575
00:23:52,923 --> 00:23:53,976
- Oh, well we'll be off.
576
00:23:53,976 --> 00:23:57,274
- Oh not you Mr. Humphries,
I value your opinion.
577
00:23:57,274 --> 00:23:59,290
- Tell Captain Peacock
I'll be out in a minute.
578
00:23:59,290 --> 00:24:00,897
- Certainly, I'll tell Captain Peacock
579
00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:02,595
you're helping Mrs.
Slocombe choose her new kit
580
00:24:02,595 --> 00:24:03,595
for the bog.
581
00:24:05,386 --> 00:24:06,990
- Sorry bout that Mrs. Slocombe.
582
00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:08,734
Juniors have no finesse.
583
00:24:08,734 --> 00:24:09,823
- Oh yes.
584
00:24:09,823 --> 00:24:11,656
He's as common as mac.
585
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,340
- Right.
586
00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:28,412
- Oh look at all those soaps.
587
00:24:28,412 --> 00:24:30,162
Can I smell that one?
588
00:24:31,537 --> 00:24:34,714
Oh yes, that's a very strong scent.
589
00:24:34,714 --> 00:24:38,496
- I sell that to Mr. Davies,
head of garden furniture.
590
00:24:38,496 --> 00:24:43,352
- Oh, is he the one that's
always moving his gnomes about?
591
00:24:43,352 --> 00:24:45,002
- That's the one.
592
00:24:45,002 --> 00:24:48,461
- My mother could do with a gnome.
593
00:24:48,461 --> 00:24:50,507
- This has a nice marble finish.
594
00:24:50,507 --> 00:24:52,603
So suitable for the environment.
595
00:24:52,603 --> 00:24:54,635
- Yes, we must consider the environment.
596
00:24:54,635 --> 00:24:55,716
What's the decor?
597
00:24:55,716 --> 00:24:58,871
- Well, sort of red plush and arpic.
598
00:24:58,871 --> 00:25:00,147
(laughter)
599
00:25:00,147 --> 00:25:02,115
- Well now, they started
this end at 50 pence
600
00:25:02,115 --> 00:25:05,959
and they go up at this end to six pounds.
601
00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:07,663
- I'll have this one.
602
00:25:07,663 --> 00:25:09,746
- One carbolic, 50 pence.
603
00:25:10,653 --> 00:25:12,429
(laughter)
604
00:25:12,429 --> 00:25:14,434
Now we come to the hand
towels and flannels.
605
00:25:14,434 --> 00:25:17,395
This is your luxury first quality Turkish.
606
00:25:17,395 --> 00:25:20,888
Modesty priced at eight pounds each.
607
00:25:20,888 --> 00:25:22,888
- It's tough at the top.
608
00:25:24,256 --> 00:25:25,641
- I think that's rather ostentatious.
609
00:25:25,641 --> 00:25:26,807
- Oh agree.
610
00:25:26,807 --> 00:25:30,163
- Alternatively you have your Egyptian,
611
00:25:30,163 --> 00:25:33,154
your Lancashire, your Hong Kong,
612
00:25:33,154 --> 00:25:35,211
or plain disposable.
613
00:25:35,211 --> 00:25:37,356
We have a luxury disposable
made from seaweed
614
00:25:37,356 --> 00:25:39,123
and plastic waste.
615
00:25:39,123 --> 00:25:41,498
Indistinguishable from the Turkish.
616
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,939
- Feels like sandpaper.
617
00:25:43,939 --> 00:25:45,542
- Well yes, I should warn you
618
00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:46,889
don't clean your glasses on them
619
00:25:46,889 --> 00:25:48,210
or you'll get frosted lenses.
620
00:25:48,210 --> 00:25:49,747
(laughter)
621
00:25:49,747 --> 00:25:50,980
- How much?
622
00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:52,717
- One pound a dozen.
623
00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:54,227
- Done.
624
00:25:54,227 --> 00:25:56,540
- Shall you require a ladies razor?
625
00:25:56,540 --> 00:25:58,304
- Yeah, she could shave
the towels with it.
626
00:25:58,304 --> 00:25:59,991
(laughter)
627
00:25:59,991 --> 00:26:01,888
- Certainly not.
628
00:26:01,888 --> 00:26:05,055
- I'll have these put on your account.
629
00:26:06,132 --> 00:26:07,523
Silly old bitch.
630
00:26:07,523 --> 00:26:09,773
(laughter)
631
00:26:10,969 --> 00:26:11,969
- Fancy cat.
632
00:26:13,884 --> 00:26:15,071
- Now then.
633
00:26:15,071 --> 00:26:17,859
What's it like being in charge?
634
00:26:17,859 --> 00:26:20,712
- Well, between you and me it's not all
635
00:26:20,712 --> 00:26:22,435
it's cracked up to be.
636
00:26:22,435 --> 00:26:24,315
There's nothing to do and
there's nobody to talk to
637
00:26:24,315 --> 00:26:26,398
and I miss the customers.
638
00:26:27,439 --> 00:26:28,531
- Well couldn't you come back?
639
00:26:28,531 --> 00:26:30,572
- Oh no, that would be to admit failure
640
00:26:30,572 --> 00:26:31,887
and that stuck up Captain Peacock
641
00:26:31,887 --> 00:26:33,366
could never stop laughing at me
642
00:26:33,366 --> 00:26:35,199
but I do miss you all.
643
00:26:36,243 --> 00:26:37,928
- Well you'll have to
make up your mind quick
644
00:26:37,928 --> 00:26:39,365
because two weeks as management
645
00:26:39,365 --> 00:26:41,263
and you're automatically out the union
646
00:26:41,263 --> 00:26:43,011
then you can't come back.
647
00:26:43,011 --> 00:26:45,324
- Well look, if Ms.
Brahms' figures dropped,
648
00:26:45,324 --> 00:26:47,817
then you could suggest to Captain Peacock
649
00:26:47,817 --> 00:26:49,344
that I'm indispensable.
650
00:26:49,344 --> 00:26:51,337
Then I could return with honor.
651
00:26:51,337 --> 00:26:52,537
- I'll do me best.
652
00:26:52,537 --> 00:26:53,710
(knock at door)
653
00:26:53,710 --> 00:26:54,543
- Enter.
654
00:26:55,741 --> 00:26:56,801
- Excuse me, Mrs. Slocombe.
655
00:26:56,801 --> 00:26:58,302
I have to ask you to authorize acceptance
656
00:26:58,302 --> 00:27:00,135
of a customer's check.
657
00:27:01,922 --> 00:27:03,749
- 3,000 pounds?
658
00:27:03,749 --> 00:27:05,612
What's that for?
659
00:27:05,612 --> 00:27:07,369
- Heres the bill, it's a fur coat
660
00:27:07,369 --> 00:27:09,412
just sold by Ms. Brahms.
661
00:27:09,412 --> 00:27:11,156
- Probably a flash in the pan.
662
00:27:11,156 --> 00:27:12,601
- Would you sign this one too?
663
00:27:12,601 --> 00:27:15,476
A crocodile handbag, 340 pounds.
664
00:27:15,476 --> 00:27:16,488
- Yeah what?
665
00:27:16,488 --> 00:27:18,446
- And that set of aqua
marine costume jewelry
666
00:27:18,446 --> 00:27:20,072
that you said you'd never shift
667
00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:22,953
in a month of Sundays, 239,
668
00:27:22,953 --> 00:27:25,203
making 3,579 pounds in all.
669
00:27:33,137 --> 00:27:33,970
Thank you.
670
00:27:37,391 --> 00:27:39,069
- You know, it's not gonna be easy for me
671
00:27:39,069 --> 00:27:40,615
to convince Captain Peacock
672
00:27:40,615 --> 00:27:43,029
that you're indispensable.
673
00:27:43,029 --> 00:27:44,862
- Well I can't resign.
674
00:27:46,217 --> 00:27:47,050
Slocombe?
675
00:27:47,887 --> 00:27:49,759
- Rumbold here.
676
00:27:49,759 --> 00:27:51,555
- It's Mr. Rumbold.
677
00:27:51,555 --> 00:27:53,805
Just a moment, Mr. Rumbold.
678
00:27:54,724 --> 00:27:57,686
How are you, are you fit to come back?
679
00:27:57,686 --> 00:28:00,787
- [Rumbold] No I shall be at
least another couple of weeks.
680
00:28:00,787 --> 00:28:02,102
- Oh dear.
681
00:28:02,102 --> 00:28:03,860
- Now pay attention.
682
00:28:03,860 --> 00:28:07,294
They've analyzed the
canteen rizzo and it wasn't
683
00:28:07,294 --> 00:28:09,281
that that poisoned me.
684
00:28:09,281 --> 00:28:10,596
- Well what was it then?
685
00:28:10,596 --> 00:28:13,576
- [Rumbold] Well, my
wife made some merengues
686
00:28:13,576 --> 00:28:15,006
and it seems that the cream
687
00:28:15,006 --> 00:28:18,336
in the merengues has acted as host
688
00:28:18,336 --> 00:28:21,110
to a rather unusual bug.
689
00:28:21,110 --> 00:28:24,264
I took three of them to
work, I had one of them.
690
00:28:24,264 --> 00:28:26,439
There are two, there are two merengues
691
00:28:26,439 --> 00:28:30,991
still in the top left
hand drawer of my desk.
692
00:28:30,991 --> 00:28:33,068
Don't touch them yourself.
693
00:28:33,068 --> 00:28:37,273
Get Harman to put on a
pair of rubber gloves
694
00:28:37,273 --> 00:28:39,690
and then tell him immediately
695
00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:43,529
to drop them into a plastic bag
696
00:28:43,529 --> 00:28:46,757
and after that, to throw
them into the furnace.
697
00:28:46,757 --> 00:28:49,007
(laughter)
698
00:28:56,024 --> 00:28:58,142
- Oh such a pity when you had your foot
699
00:28:58,142 --> 00:29:00,355
in the first rung of
the management ladder.
700
00:29:00,355 --> 00:29:02,850
- Does this mean that
I'll have to come back
701
00:29:02,850 --> 00:29:04,623
behind the counter?
702
00:29:04,623 --> 00:29:06,505
- To be realistic, I'm afraid it does.
703
00:29:06,505 --> 00:29:09,782
- it's been no fun here
without you to nag me.
704
00:29:09,782 --> 00:29:12,255
Hurry up and get well and come back.
705
00:29:12,255 --> 00:29:14,134
- Yes but not before Mr. Rumbold.
706
00:29:14,134 --> 00:29:15,897
- How are you feeling, Mrs. Slocombe?
707
00:29:15,897 --> 00:29:17,441
- Well, put it this way.
708
00:29:17,441 --> 00:29:21,024
Me tummy's in turmoil
but me minds at peace
709
00:29:23,708 --> 00:29:24,737
lou, lou, lou.
710
00:29:24,737 --> 00:29:26,685
- Lou, lou, lou, she's
trying to say Lucas.
711
00:29:26,685 --> 00:29:27,690
- No I'm not.
712
00:29:27,690 --> 00:29:29,464
I want to go to the loo.
713
00:29:29,464 --> 00:29:31,223
(laughter)
714
00:29:31,223 --> 00:29:33,473
(applause)
715
00:29:35,885 --> 00:29:39,468
(soft instrumental music)
50075
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