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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:06,908 [ Sighs ] So, the people at Buzzfeed 2 00:00:07,028 --> 00:00:11,044 are abuzz about my article. 3 00:00:11,158 --> 00:00:12,524 I had no idea you were a writer. 4 00:00:12,559 --> 00:00:14,926 Oh, I don't know dick about writing, 5 00:00:14,961 --> 00:00:17,495 but "The top 12 dog haircuts of the '90s" -- 6 00:00:17,531 --> 00:00:19,898 I know many dicks' worth about that. 7 00:00:19,933 --> 00:00:21,833 Hey there, birthday girl! 8 00:00:21,885 --> 00:00:25,170 Hello yourself, Mr. Birthday girl. 9 00:00:25,222 --> 00:00:29,090 This year I bought you not one, but 81 birthday presents. 10 00:00:29,142 --> 00:00:32,010 And I'll give you a hint, it's America�s favorite thing. 11 00:00:32,062 --> 00:00:33,595 81 bald eagles? 12 00:00:33,647 --> 00:00:36,598 No, but remember that one for my birthday. 13 00:00:36,650 --> 00:00:38,983 Happy early birthday, Stan. 14 00:00:39,019 --> 00:00:40,151 [ Eagles caw ] 15 00:00:40,187 --> 00:00:42,237 [ Laughs ] 16 00:00:42,272 --> 00:00:44,272 [ Majestic music plays ] 17 00:00:47,661 --> 00:00:49,911 [ Eagle caws ] 18 00:01:05,462 --> 00:01:08,012 [ Moaning ] 19 00:01:12,462 --> 00:01:13,522 What happened? 20 00:01:13,642 --> 00:01:16,287 You were about to tell me about my birthday present, 21 00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:18,590 then made bird noises, got an erection, 22 00:01:18,625 --> 00:01:20,558 and started tongue-kissing the air. 23 00:01:20,594 --> 00:01:23,361 Right, like I said, I got you 81 presents -- 24 00:01:23,396 --> 00:01:26,030 season tickets to the Washington nationals. 25 00:01:26,066 --> 00:01:28,450 But, Stan, I don't even like baseball. 26 00:01:28,485 --> 00:01:31,569 Oh, your gigantic smile is thanks enough. 27 00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:34,372 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be. 28 00:01:34,407 --> 00:01:37,959 [ Making whooshing noises ] 29 00:01:37,994 --> 00:01:39,911 Now, where were we -- 30 00:01:39,913 --> 00:01:42,630 What?! I was gone two minutes and you invite Hank over? 31 00:01:42,666 --> 00:01:44,499 You've crossed the wrong guy, Hank! 32 00:01:44,551 --> 00:01:47,168 Ugh! [ Groans ] I give! 33 00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:49,471 You're so much stronger than you look, Hank. 34 00:01:52,476 --> 00:01:55,343 Good morning, U.S.A. 35 00:01:55,395 --> 00:01:58,930 I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day 36 00:01:58,932 --> 00:02:01,649 the sun in the sky has a smile on his face 37 00:02:01,685 --> 00:02:05,320 and he's shinin' a salute to the American race 38 00:02:08,358 --> 00:02:11,526 oh, boy, it's swell to say 39 00:02:11,578 --> 00:02:13,945 good -- good morning, U.S.A. 40 00:02:14,253 --> 00:02:22,069 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 41 00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:24,589 I have everything I need to enjoy the game -- 42 00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,991 authentic jersey, glove for foul balls, 43 00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:29,260 and the lyrics to "Y'All Ready For This?" 44 00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:32,230 So I don't forget them like a fool when everyone's singing it. 45 00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:36,668 [ Sighs ] Wonderful. 46 00:02:36,703 --> 00:02:39,053 Yep, seems like you got everything you need, 47 00:02:39,105 --> 00:02:40,722 except a happy wife. 48 00:02:40,774 --> 00:02:43,525 Francine likes baseball. She just doesn't know it yet. 49 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,528 For as long as I can remember, Francine and I have shared 50 00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:49,647 all the same interests -- scotch and cigars with the fellas, 51 00:02:49,649 --> 00:02:52,650 jokin' around with the guys, poker night with the boys. 52 00:02:52,702 --> 00:02:54,619 Oh, and supercharged snowmobiles. 53 00:02:54,654 --> 00:02:56,221 With the boys. 54 00:02:56,256 --> 00:02:57,589 It's not safe to ride alone. 55 00:02:57,624 --> 00:02:59,691 Francine doesn't do any of that stuff. 56 00:02:59,726 --> 00:03:01,659 Don't you see? You're growing apart. 57 00:03:01,711 --> 00:03:05,496 Or...or...we're growing even closer together. 58 00:03:05,498 --> 00:03:07,665 Haven't you heard the phrase "opposites attract"? 59 00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:09,434 Nope. You -- really? 60 00:03:09,469 --> 00:03:12,437 Hmm. I'll need help explaining this. 61 00:03:12,472 --> 00:03:14,172 [ Knocking at door ] 62 00:03:14,174 --> 00:03:17,508 Thanks for coming on such short notice, MC Skat Kat. 63 00:03:17,561 --> 00:03:20,395 No bigs. We gonna do this. You know it. 64 00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:24,449 Baby, seems we never ever agree 65 00:03:24,484 --> 00:03:28,686 you like the movies, and I like TV 66 00:03:28,738 --> 00:03:31,189 I take things seriously -- Right. Got it. 67 00:03:31,241 --> 00:03:32,523 I remember this song. 68 00:03:32,525 --> 00:03:34,742 And I remember this cat, Garfield. 69 00:03:34,778 --> 00:03:37,028 This son of a bitch hates Mondays. 70 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,581 But opposites don't attract. People don't work that way. 71 00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:40,698 He's right. 72 00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:42,584 But, Stan, seriously, 73 00:03:42,619 --> 00:03:45,036 have you heard anything about that janitorial job? 74 00:03:45,038 --> 00:03:46,204 I mean, I'm barely getting by -- 75 00:03:46,256 --> 00:03:47,705 Excellent. Let's hang out soon. 76 00:03:47,707 --> 00:03:50,041 Damn it. Okay. 77 00:03:50,043 --> 00:03:52,460 Opposites don't attract, but samesies do. 78 00:03:52,512 --> 00:03:54,212 What are me and Francine's samesies? 79 00:03:54,264 --> 00:03:55,546 There's got to be something we share! 80 00:03:55,599 --> 00:03:56,798 Uh, Stan, he didn't leave. 81 00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:58,466 He just ducked down in the bushes. 82 00:03:58,518 --> 00:04:00,385 Yeah, how do you think he got here so fast? 83 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,143 Huge cookie time, huge cookie time 84 00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:09,146 I call first bite! I call last bite! 85 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,299 [ Both blowing ] 86 00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:13,050 [ Doorbell rings ] 87 00:04:13,102 --> 00:04:17,021 I got it. Be a doll and keep blowin' on that thing. 88 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,523 We're looking for Burt Jarvis? 89 00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:20,608 Nope, not here. Never heard of him. 90 00:04:20,643 --> 00:04:22,560 Well, this is his address. 91 00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:25,279 We've sent him letters, we've called. 92 00:04:25,315 --> 00:04:27,982 If he ever turns up here, please, 93 00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,134 tell him his people need help. 94 00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:32,203 Everyone's getting sick. 95 00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:33,604 [ Coughs ] 96 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,007 What a story. If we see him, we'll tell him. 97 00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:37,909 [ Sighs ] Roger. 98 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:39,911 What were those sick people talking about? 99 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,545 What? Those two broads? 100 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:44,215 They're clearly hung up on some guy who's not feeling it. 101 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,499 Huge cookie time! 102 00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:48,419 No, Roger, it's huge honesty time. 103 00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:50,388 Okay, okay. 104 00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:54,225 My Burt Jarvis persona ran for -- and won -- 105 00:04:54,260 --> 00:04:56,460 a seat in the Nevada state legislature. 106 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:59,931 You see, in Nevada, senators eat free at casino buffets, 107 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,434 but it does not include drinks, so I abandoned the character. 108 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,504 [ Laughs ] You wouldn't believe all the letters I still get 109 00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:09,240 about "poison water this" and "poison-water that." 110 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:11,325 I mean, who even drinks water anymore? 111 00:05:11,361 --> 00:05:12,944 Grab a Coke zero, am I right? 112 00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:15,112 Roger, those people need Burt Jarvis! 113 00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:16,497 We have to help them! 114 00:05:16,532 --> 00:05:19,283 You just want a free trip to Carson City, don't you? 115 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,519 Carson City. 116 00:05:21,554 --> 00:05:24,455 [ Flourish ] 117 00:05:24,507 --> 00:05:27,508 Wow. 118 00:05:27,543 --> 00:05:29,627 All right, fine. We can go. 119 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:33,264 But since you're in such a hurry... 120 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,498 [ Gulp ] 121 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,968 Ugh! What happened? 122 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,103 I threw up, but the cookie blocked it. 123 00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:41,372 I'm getting hit from every angle here. 124 00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:45,609 Here we are, Francine -- the ballpark. 125 00:05:45,645 --> 00:05:48,045 If you thought parking in the faraway cheap lot 126 00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:50,448 and maneuvering through gang violence was thrilling, 127 00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,033 just wait until the first pitch! 128 00:05:52,068 --> 00:05:54,986 Whatever, Stan. Can we please get something to eat? 129 00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:57,071 Of course! We both share a love of eating! 130 00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,323 So, what can I get you? 131 00:05:59,375 --> 00:06:00,992 I'll have a large spaghetti. 132 00:06:01,044 --> 00:06:02,576 They, uh, they don't have that. 133 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:05,329 Okay, I'll have a medium spaghetti. 134 00:06:05,381 --> 00:06:07,081 Look, how about I get you my favorite snack -- 135 00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,499 a ballpark frank? 136 00:06:08,551 --> 00:06:10,301 I hate hot dogs. 137 00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:13,504 They remind me of uncircumcised penises. 138 00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:16,090 And you know I don't stand for no wormies. 139 00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:18,559 Oh, uh, well, forget about food. 140 00:06:18,594 --> 00:06:20,428 Let's go find a memento to share. 141 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,762 Shouldn't be hard. 142 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:24,482 My personal favorite -- the bobblehead. 143 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:26,233 Ew, creepy. 144 00:06:26,269 --> 00:06:29,587 Their proportions are all wrong, like little Christina Riccis. 145 00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:33,190 How about these gender-neutral pink baseball caps? 146 00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:37,528 Haha! You're hilarious. [ Laughs ] 147 00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,531 [ Indistinct cheering ] 148 00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:42,749 Hey, I know something we agree on. 149 00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:43,869 Hot guys. 150 00:06:43,976 --> 00:06:46,011 Check out Jayson Werth in right field. 151 00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:47,629 He's got ass for days. 152 00:06:47,665 --> 00:06:49,965 I think you're hotter than he is. 153 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,700 Can't we agree on anything?! 154 00:06:51,736 --> 00:06:53,452 Compared to that fresh cut of meat, 155 00:06:53,504 --> 00:06:55,037 I'm a double-scoop of dog shit! 156 00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,234 All right, Steve, I drafted a bill 157 00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,704 proposing drinking water not be poisonous. 158 00:07:01,739 --> 00:07:04,123 Now, let's drop it off and hit the road. 159 00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,125 Well, if it isn't Burt Jarvis! 160 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,293 Lookin' good, old friend. 161 00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:12,264 Say, we got to get you and Carla up to the lake house. 162 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,267 You wouldn't believe the size of the trout this season, 163 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:18,203 and are they a-bitin'. 164 00:07:18,239 --> 00:07:21,306 I hear you've been working on a clean water bill. 165 00:07:21,342 --> 00:07:24,910 Now, this is a nice piece of legislation. 166 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,880 A noble undertaking indeed. 167 00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:31,150 It's a shame no one got to see it. 168 00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:34,820 My best to Carla. 169 00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,239 Did you hear that? I'm gonna get to go fishing! 170 00:07:37,274 --> 00:07:40,893 Roger, you can't just back down! People are counting on you! 171 00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,195 Are you crazy? That was big john tanner, 172 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,764 the most influential politician in Nevada. 173 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,000 Who do you think we're talking about -- Little John Tanner? 174 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,469 One of the least influential politicians in Nevada? 175 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,872 Ahem! I represent the good people of Winnemucca. 176 00:07:56,293 --> 00:07:58,377 So to answer your questions -- 177 00:07:58,379 --> 00:08:01,447 "John from Cincinnati" is my favorite HBO show, 178 00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,949 Lycos is my preferred search engine, 179 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,185 and when it comes to World War II, 180 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:09,354 I got to go with my boys, the axis powers. 181 00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:12,357 Hey, buddy! You and that fascist are on the kiss cam! 182 00:08:12,393 --> 00:08:14,059 Show 'em what you got! 183 00:08:15,446 --> 00:08:18,397 I will show 'em! This is our moment! 184 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,788 [ Smack, both groan ] 185 00:08:28,993 --> 00:08:31,794 Woman: You suck! Man: Don't get a room! 186 00:08:31,829 --> 00:08:34,880 Man: I kiss my sister with more grace. 187 00:08:38,615 --> 00:08:41,015 I thought me and Francine were fine, 188 00:08:41,050 --> 00:08:42,884 but we don't share anything. 189 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:45,620 Hell, we couldn't even share a kiss on the kiss cam. 190 00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:49,840 50,000 fans called B.S. on our whole relationship. 191 00:08:49,876 --> 00:08:52,043 A group that big is never wrong. 192 00:08:52,095 --> 00:08:55,880 That's why it's called "mob mentality," not "mob stupidity." 193 00:08:55,932 --> 00:08:59,934 Just the word "mob" evokes such fairness and justice. 194 00:08:59,969 --> 00:09:02,353 I guess it's really over. 195 00:09:02,388 --> 00:09:03,721 Bad news, Hayley. 196 00:09:03,773 --> 00:09:05,723 Your parents are getting divorced. 197 00:09:05,775 --> 00:09:08,442 Now you're gonna have to buy a second headband 198 00:09:08,478 --> 00:09:09,894 to keep at Stan's apartment. 199 00:09:09,946 --> 00:09:11,979 What is he talking about? I just -- 200 00:09:11,981 --> 00:09:16,067 I realized that Francine and I don't have any common ground. 201 00:09:16,119 --> 00:09:19,070 Dad, every couple has their differences. 202 00:09:19,122 --> 00:09:21,455 Look at me and Jeff. We couldn't be more opposite. 203 00:09:21,491 --> 00:09:24,492 She's right, Mr. S. -- like, my favorite song in the world 204 00:09:24,544 --> 00:09:26,827 is "Bathtub Gin" by Phish live at Red Rocks. 205 00:09:26,879 --> 00:09:30,381 But mine is "Bathtub Gin" by Phish live from Atlantic City. 206 00:09:30,416 --> 00:09:32,833 I'm sure you and Mrs. S. were just having an off day. 207 00:09:32,835 --> 00:09:35,002 But if you want to strengthen your relationship, 208 00:09:35,054 --> 00:09:36,804 that takes time. 209 00:09:36,839 --> 00:09:39,974 It requires open communication, a lot of hard work -- 210 00:09:40,009 --> 00:09:42,059 Jeff�s right! It must have been an off day. 211 00:09:42,095 --> 00:09:43,844 We'll just get back on the kiss cam, 212 00:09:43,846 --> 00:09:45,846 show everybody that me and Francine are fine, 213 00:09:45,848 --> 00:09:47,898 and then everything else will fall into place! 214 00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:50,601 You think you can be on the kiss cam twice? 215 00:09:50,653 --> 00:09:54,021 Why not go for three times? Five? 100 times?! 216 00:09:54,023 --> 00:09:57,575 You kill us all with your arrogance, Stan! 217 00:10:00,530 --> 00:10:02,863 All right, Roger, I'm off to the Hall of Records, 218 00:10:02,915 --> 00:10:05,499 see if I can sniff out who's polluting the water. 219 00:10:05,535 --> 00:10:08,536 Cool. I actually have a full day of campaigning to do. 220 00:10:08,571 --> 00:10:11,372 Elections are coming up, and according to polls, 221 00:10:11,407 --> 00:10:13,841 I'm "mysterious missing and presumed dead." 222 00:10:13,876 --> 00:10:16,794 223 00:10:16,846 --> 00:10:19,380 [ Applause ] 224 00:10:19,382 --> 00:10:21,882 225 00:10:25,772 --> 00:10:27,772 [ Applause ] 226 00:10:30,476 --> 00:10:31,892 [ Gasps ] 227 00:10:36,616 --> 00:10:38,816 [ Applause ] 228 00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:41,152 [ Cheering ] 229 00:10:41,204 --> 00:10:43,738 Stan, how long till this game is over? 230 00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:45,973 Okay, you know how it feels like we've been here forever? 231 00:10:46,009 --> 00:10:49,710 Well, that was only one inning, so nine times forever. 232 00:10:52,648 --> 00:10:54,915 He hasn't even hit our section once. 233 00:10:54,967 --> 00:10:57,001 This guy needs a talking to. 234 00:10:57,053 --> 00:11:00,588 Stan, while you're up, find out what they're saying 235 00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:03,557 after "Da-da-da-da-da-daaaa!" 236 00:11:03,593 --> 00:11:05,226 Is it "shards"? 237 00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,149 [ Cheering ] 238 00:11:12,185 --> 00:11:14,068 Whoa! What was that? 239 00:11:14,103 --> 00:11:17,905 That was a triple play, which means Arby's has to donate 240 00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:19,106 $500 to charity. 241 00:11:19,108 --> 00:11:21,075 Good. I hate that place. 242 00:11:24,781 --> 00:11:28,449 If Tetradual's the one doing the dumping, we'll know soon enough. 243 00:11:28,451 --> 00:11:30,501 Oh, look who finally pipes up. 244 00:11:30,536 --> 00:11:32,036 We've been in the car for 20 minutes 245 00:11:32,088 --> 00:11:33,871 and that's the first thing you've said. 246 00:11:33,923 --> 00:11:36,590 I know. Sorry. Catching up on e-mails from Klaus. 247 00:11:36,626 --> 00:11:38,843 Oh, my god. That guy is out of control, right? 248 00:11:38,878 --> 00:11:40,461 Does he send you like 10 a day? 249 00:11:40,463 --> 00:11:42,963 Yes! And they're all about nothing, like, 250 00:11:42,965 --> 00:11:46,100 "How awesome would it be if we both had Corvettes?" 251 00:11:46,135 --> 00:11:48,936 But if you don't write back, he flips out. 252 00:11:48,971 --> 00:11:50,221 Such a bitch. 253 00:11:50,273 --> 00:11:51,722 There it is! 254 00:11:51,774 --> 00:11:53,607 It doesn't look so bad to me. 255 00:11:53,643 --> 00:11:56,060 They're not gonna be dumping in the open, Roger. 256 00:11:56,112 --> 00:11:57,895 More likely underground spill-off 257 00:11:57,947 --> 00:11:59,814 is slowly polluting the water table. 258 00:11:59,866 --> 00:12:02,533 Whoa! 259 00:12:02,568 --> 00:12:05,035 Got to love that Nevada razzle-dazzle. 260 00:12:05,071 --> 00:12:07,238 Oh, my god! 261 00:12:20,169 --> 00:12:21,886 We've got 'em. 262 00:12:21,921 --> 00:12:23,804 [ Sighs ] I should have seen this coming. 263 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:24,972 Why's that? 264 00:12:25,007 --> 00:12:27,541 Because I'm the CEO of Tetradual. 265 00:12:29,312 --> 00:12:31,212 Uh, excuse me. I was wondering -- 266 00:12:31,247 --> 00:12:33,781 wondering if I'll put you on the kiss cam. 267 00:12:33,816 --> 00:12:36,217 Well, yes. You see -- I know your story. 268 00:12:36,252 --> 00:12:38,786 Johnny Jalopy brings Susie Swiss-Cheese-Shorts 269 00:12:38,821 --> 00:12:41,055 to the ball game, hoping to shine her teeth 270 00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,724 with tongue-polish -- but she's all Nancy no-go, 271 00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:46,227 so you're Gary got-an-idea and you Tommy two-step 272 00:12:46,262 --> 00:12:48,596 to Kenny kiss-cam to grease her wheels. 273 00:12:48,631 --> 00:12:50,598 Stop me if this sounds familiar. 274 00:12:50,633 --> 00:12:53,083 Oh, shit. Are you my boss? 275 00:12:53,119 --> 00:12:55,119 Hey, I recognize you. 276 00:12:55,171 --> 00:12:57,004 You were the biggest misfire of my career! 277 00:12:57,039 --> 00:12:59,006 No, we weren't! And I can prove it. 278 00:12:59,041 --> 00:13:01,675 Just put us back on the Jumbotron, no big deal. 279 00:13:01,711 --> 00:13:04,929 No big deal? Was the moon landing no big deal? 280 00:13:04,964 --> 00:13:07,648 Was "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" no big deal? 281 00:13:07,683 --> 00:13:10,050 Seamlessly blending live-action and animation?! 282 00:13:10,102 --> 00:13:12,052 You know who would disagree with you? 283 00:13:12,104 --> 00:13:13,921 Bob Hoskins. God rest his soul. 284 00:13:13,956 --> 00:13:15,322 So let me ask you this. 285 00:13:15,358 --> 00:13:17,825 Do you speak ill of the dead, sir? 286 00:13:17,860 --> 00:13:19,777 You know what, don't even answer -- you're rambling. 287 00:13:19,812 --> 00:13:21,278 I can't following anything you're saying. 288 00:13:21,314 --> 00:13:23,564 You're going to put us on the Jumbotron, 289 00:13:23,566 --> 00:13:25,566 or you can kiss-cam your ass goodbye. 290 00:13:25,568 --> 00:13:28,068 [ Rapid gunfire ] 291 00:13:29,572 --> 00:13:32,673 Now, is one of you gonna tell me what's going on here? 292 00:13:34,377 --> 00:13:35,709 You can't do this! 293 00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:37,211 What's going on here? 294 00:13:37,246 --> 00:13:40,247 Your husband assaulted an innocent kiss cam operator. 295 00:13:40,249 --> 00:13:42,716 He got himself banned for life. 296 00:13:42,752 --> 00:13:45,085 Come on, Francine, let's go. Unh-unh, I'm staying here. 297 00:13:45,137 --> 00:13:47,188 What?! First, you buy me a gift 298 00:13:47,223 --> 00:13:51,292 that is clearly for yourself, and now you're taking it away? 299 00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:53,027 Forget it, Stan. 300 00:13:53,062 --> 00:13:55,329 Plus, they just opened a spaghetti place 301 00:13:55,364 --> 00:13:58,632 on the club level -- it comes in a helmet. 302 00:14:01,804 --> 00:14:03,604 Let me in right now! 303 00:14:03,656 --> 00:14:04,939 Or what? Or... 304 00:14:04,991 --> 00:14:06,323 Or I'll hurt your feelings! 305 00:14:06,359 --> 00:14:07,359 Beat it, buddy. 306 00:14:07,475 --> 00:14:11,212 You have a terrible body. 307 00:14:11,247 --> 00:14:13,380 Open the gate. 308 00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:14,748 [ Screams ] 309 00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,839 [ Stan crying ] 310 00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,775 Hey, no tears, little man. 311 00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:25,362 [ Blows raspberry ] 312 00:14:25,414 --> 00:14:28,115 [ Laughs ] 313 00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:29,700 There we go. 314 00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:32,252 Now why's my favorite little cowboy 315 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,671 got a case of the upside-down smiles? 316 00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,874 My relationship with Francine is crumbling, 317 00:14:36,926 --> 00:14:38,375 and the only way to save it 318 00:14:38,427 --> 00:14:40,377 is to rock her mouth on the kiss cam. 319 00:14:40,429 --> 00:14:42,296 But I was banned from the stadium 320 00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:45,132 for threatening the cameraman. That's preposterous. 321 00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:49,303 The only reason to ban someone from a stadium is for streaking. 322 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,438 I don't go to the game to be aroused. 323 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,557 Or if you're going to allow streaking, 324 00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:55,692 for heaven's sake, allow masturbating. 325 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,311 Amen, brother. 326 00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,396 I just need a way to get back into that stadium. 327 00:14:59,448 --> 00:15:02,566 Consider all of the CIA at your full disposal. 328 00:15:02,618 --> 00:15:04,151 Oh, thank you, sir. 329 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,320 Maybe I could parachute in from a helicopter, 330 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,238 or scuba dive in from the sewer, or -- 331 00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:11,825 [ laughs ] There's a much easier way to get in, Smith. 332 00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:14,661 333 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,800 [ Bell rings ] 334 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,255 335 00:15:53,836 --> 00:15:58,288 "Mister Johnson has a dog." 336 00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:00,874 "Meester Juanson has a dog." 337 00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,965 [ Camera shutter clicks ] 338 00:16:10,352 --> 00:16:11,718 Don't break down on us. 339 00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:13,854 We need you if we're gonna win the East. 340 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:16,890 341 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,649 I know he hasn't looked the same since the suspension, 342 00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:28,402 but the numbers say Smith could actually be useful 343 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:29,736 against lefties for us. 344 00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:35,993 [ Cheering ] 345 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,669 Right on time. 346 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,262 Sir, I have Stan and Francine in my sights. 347 00:16:56,899 --> 00:17:00,400 Stan, what are you doing here? I thought you were banned. 348 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,403 I am, but there's something in this stadium 349 00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:06,323 just too precious for me to leave behind. 350 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:09,543 [ Hall & Oates' "You Make My Dreams" plays ] 351 00:17:09,578 --> 00:17:10,911 Not them again. 352 00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:13,447 You monsters! 353 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:20,504 What I want, you've got, and it might be hard to handle 354 00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,705 like the flame that burns the candle 355 00:17:21,757 --> 00:17:23,757 Hey! That's my wife! 356 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,592 What? And the only person allowed 357 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,928 to kiss her is me, and the men I select for her on tinder. 358 00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,963 I'm sorry. I meant to kiss my wife. 359 00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:32,382 She's part of this, too? You're both banned! 360 00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:33,800 What the hell's going on?! 361 00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:35,435 You're out of here. 362 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,724 Damn. 363 00:17:40,776 --> 00:17:44,478 You make my dreams 364 00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,480 You on Tinder? 365 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,820 People, this company has brought nothing but pain and suffering 366 00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,490 to our community, and I'm shutting it down. 367 00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,627 You just turned off the receptionist's computer. 368 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,629 Well, not even that -- just the monitor. 369 00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:05,499 Well, sorry for trying to make it look cool for you, Steve. 370 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,584 To actually close this place down, 371 00:18:07,636 --> 00:18:10,804 I have to send like 13 e-mails all saying the same thing 372 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,923 all to cliff in operations. 373 00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:15,509 Yeah, I'm -- I'm bored just saying it. 374 00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,519 I can't take this tension anymore! 375 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,521 [ Tires squeal ] 376 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,940 What are you doing? Look, I know you're mad. 377 00:18:29,992 --> 00:18:32,409 Damn right, I'm mad. Yeah, well, I'm mad, too. 378 00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,077 But mostly I'm sad. 379 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,946 We've grown apart. 380 00:18:35,998 --> 00:18:37,664 And I'm worried about us, Francine. 381 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,583 We don't share anything anymore. 382 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,668 We couldn't even share a good kiss! 383 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,503 What are you talking about? 384 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:47,374 I'm mad because they pulled Martinez after only 80 pitches. 385 00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:49,376 Wait. You were into the game? 386 00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,462 The Nats are only one game back in the wild card, 387 00:18:52,514 --> 00:18:55,382 and Martinez clearly had heat left in his arm! 388 00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:57,384 What, are they saving him for the playoffs? 389 00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:59,102 There's not gonna be any damn playoffs! 390 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,806 Mr. Johnson has a dog! You like baseball! 391 00:19:02,858 --> 00:19:04,524 We do share something! 392 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,943 Of course we share something, Stan. 393 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,112 We're been married for 20 years. 394 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,948 We have? We may not share everything, 395 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,402 but we share the important things -- 396 00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:18,405 a beautiful life, two kids, HPV. 397 00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,407 And that's forever, Stan. 398 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,075 I feel so stupid. 399 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:26,079 Well, at least you didn't pull Martinez after 80 pitches. 400 00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:28,965 Come here. [ Moaning ] 401 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,719 You make my dreams come true, you-hoo, you, you-hoo, hoo 402 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:35,722 Reporter: It is absolute carnage out here on 95. 403 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:38,809 Well, what do we have here? Looks like all this wreckage 404 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,094 and suffering is just collateral damage, 405 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:44,064 because that's a kiss for the ages. 406 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,932 [ Cheering ] 407 00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:50,437 Use that magnificent tongue, Stan! 408 00:19:50,472 --> 00:19:53,940 [ Cheering ] 409 00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,677 I can laugh it in the face 410 00:19:57,713 --> 00:20:00,213 He did it. 411 00:20:00,249 --> 00:20:04,684 He got this stadium hornier than I ever could've imagined. 412 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,673 Oh, yeah. 413 00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,925 Well, 'cause you, ooh-ho, hoo-ooh, ooh-oo 414 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,794 Nice. 415 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:16,596 Team Jarvis, I have good news. 416 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:19,466 We found out Tetradual was tainting the water 417 00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:21,885 and we shut 'em down. Four more years! 418 00:20:21,937 --> 00:20:24,771 Four more years -- Are not happening. 419 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,729 Tetradual was my only campaign contributor, so... 420 00:20:27,849 --> 00:20:30,944 Pack it up. Hyah! 421 00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:32,195 [ Thud ] 422 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,239 Tetradual is gone, but Octodual is 423 00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:44,817 very interested in your re-election campaign. 424 00:20:44,937 --> 00:20:46,499 Why don't we discuss it 425 00:20:46,619 --> 00:20:47,944 at the lake house? 426 00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:49,931 So, Big John, 427 00:20:50,051 --> 00:20:51,635 why do they call you big? 428 00:20:53,971 --> 00:20:55,471 Do you even like me? 429 00:20:56,287 --> 00:21:01,379 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 430 00:21:01,429 --> 00:21:05,979 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32332

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