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1
00:00:01,647 --> 00:00:02,780
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:02,815 --> 00:00:06,250
Good morning, USA!
3
00:00:06,285 --> 00:00:09,887
I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day
4
00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:12,991
The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
5
00:00:13,025 --> 00:00:17,295
And he's shining a salute
to the American race
6
00:00:19,164 --> 00:00:21,455
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
7
00:00:21,575 --> 00:00:26,204
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
8
00:00:26,238 --> 00:00:27,982
(tires screeching)
9
00:00:28,363 --> 00:00:30,197
Ow! Watch it!
Roger!
10
00:00:30,232 --> 00:00:31,666
You know the rules:
11
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,060
If you want to leave the house,
you have to wear a disguise.
12
00:00:34,069 --> 00:00:35,569
I know, but you left so quickly
13
00:00:35,604 --> 00:00:37,872
and my cape was still
in the dryer-- I panicked.
14
00:00:37,906 --> 00:00:40,741
Roger, there's a whole floor
in that CIA building back there
15
00:00:40,776 --> 00:00:42,176
dedicated to looking for you!
16
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,844
Well, then,
they should check J-Date.
17
00:00:43,879 --> 00:00:45,446
I'm listed as Mike Saperstein.
18
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,614
And let me tell ya,
19
00:00:46,648 --> 00:00:48,983
Saps pulls in a ton of J-V.
20
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:52,453
Stay down!
Someone might see you!
21
00:00:52,487 --> 00:00:53,621
(squeaking)
22
00:00:53,655 --> 00:00:55,122
What are you doing down there?!
23
00:00:55,157 --> 00:00:56,757
Pretending I'm
a boa constrictor.
24
00:00:56,792 --> 00:00:57,825
What's going on with you?
25
00:00:57,859 --> 00:00:59,026
Why you being so clingy?
26
00:00:59,061 --> 00:01:00,594
Oh, I don't know,
maybe it's something in the air.
27
00:01:00,629 --> 00:01:01,562
(squeaking)
28
00:01:01,596 --> 00:01:03,364
Your calf is so soft.
29
00:01:03,398 --> 00:01:04,465
(sighs)
30
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:06,467
This isn't how
I imagined middle age.
31
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:10,004
(soothing music playing)
32
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,541
(sighs deeply)
33
00:01:13,575 --> 00:01:15,209
(water splashes gently)
34
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:16,844
(splashing)
35
00:01:16,878 --> 00:01:17,912
(gasps)
36
00:01:17,946 --> 00:01:19,513
Baths are so great,
37
00:01:19,548 --> 00:01:21,382
cause the toilet's right there,
you know?
38
00:01:21,416 --> 00:01:22,583
No stress.
39
00:01:22,617 --> 00:01:24,251
Speaking of...
40
00:01:26,922 --> 00:01:28,990
(humming happily)
41
00:01:29,024 --> 00:01:29,890
(screams)
42
00:01:29,925 --> 00:01:31,092
So, where are we going?
43
00:01:31,126 --> 00:01:32,727
I'm going to school.
44
00:01:32,761 --> 00:01:33,861
Ooh! Sounds fun!
45
00:01:33,895 --> 00:01:35,429
Hey, I bet I can guess
what's in your lunch
46
00:01:35,464 --> 00:01:36,664
just by sitting on it.
47
00:01:36,698 --> 00:01:38,399
(rustling in backpack)
48
00:01:38,433 --> 00:01:40,701
A carrot?
49
00:01:40,736 --> 00:01:42,003
(Roger sobbing)
50
00:01:42,037 --> 00:01:43,504
WOMAN:
Travel down the road
51
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,973
And back again
52
00:01:46,008 --> 00:01:48,075
They're such good friends.
Your heart is true
53
00:01:48,110 --> 00:01:50,111
Such a close bond.
You're a pal and a confidant
54
00:01:50,145 --> 00:01:51,846
Just like you and me,
right, Klaus?
55
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,214
You're smooshing me, bro!
56
00:01:53,248 --> 00:01:56,450
You're smooshing me!
And if you threw a party...
57
00:01:58,987 --> 00:02:00,721
All right, family meeting.
58
00:02:00,756 --> 00:02:01,889
I'm worried about Roger.
59
00:02:01,923 --> 00:02:04,091
Thank you for saying something.
60
00:02:04,126 --> 00:02:06,093
It's like he can't be
by himself anymore.
61
00:02:06,128 --> 00:02:09,263
I know! He even followed me
to school one day.
62
00:02:09,298 --> 00:02:10,564
It was against the rules!
63
00:02:10,599 --> 00:02:13,034
I mean, sure, it made
the children laugh and play.
64
00:02:13,068 --> 00:02:15,870
Yeah, I've been having
an issue with him, too.
65
00:02:15,904 --> 00:02:17,571
Hugs, not drugs.
66
00:02:17,606 --> 00:02:18,806
That's what I say.
67
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,141
I'm also on drugs.
68
00:02:20,175 --> 00:02:21,943
Well, get off!
69
00:02:21,977 --> 00:02:23,210
I need to go to the mall.
70
00:02:23,245 --> 00:02:24,412
Oh! I want to
go to the mall!
71
00:02:24,446 --> 00:02:25,680
Oh, please, let me go with you!
72
00:02:25,714 --> 00:02:26,914
Please, please...!
73
00:02:26,949 --> 00:02:28,783
(sighs)
Fine.
74
00:02:28,817 --> 00:02:31,218
Great! Let's play that game
where we see what stores
75
00:02:31,253 --> 00:02:33,020
let us use their
employee bathroom.
76
00:02:33,055 --> 00:02:35,256
The one spot in the store
all their own
77
00:02:35,290 --> 00:02:36,490
and we take it.
78
00:02:38,994 --> 00:02:41,996
Roger, I'm glad you're not
straddling me anymore,
79
00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:43,831
but you're ruining
your Build-A-Bear.
80
00:02:43,865 --> 00:02:45,900
Hey! If he doesn't like it,
he can say something.
81
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:47,635
That's why I gave him
three mouths.
82
00:02:47,669 --> 00:02:50,371
Well, that's
not why... (laughs)
83
00:02:50,405 --> 00:02:52,073
(sniffs)
Do you smell that?
84
00:02:52,107 --> 00:02:53,341
(scoffs)
85
00:02:53,375 --> 00:02:55,910
It's probably all that
young tail in Forever 21.
86
00:02:55,944 --> 00:02:56,744
No...
87
00:02:56,778 --> 00:02:59,347
(sniffing)
This way.
88
00:02:59,381 --> 00:03:01,449
We have to go this way.
89
00:03:07,322 --> 00:03:09,457
Roger, what's going on?!
90
00:03:09,491 --> 00:03:10,758
I'm not sure.
91
00:03:10,792 --> 00:03:12,693
I just...
sense something.
92
00:03:12,728 --> 00:03:14,028
(sniffing)
This way.
93
00:03:14,062 --> 00:03:15,696
(horns honking)
94
00:03:15,731 --> 00:03:17,965
I got to see where
that guy's going.
95
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:18,966
(tires screeching)
96
00:03:20,836 --> 00:03:22,503
(brakes squeak,
engine shuts off)
97
00:03:22,537 --> 00:03:23,504
(brakes squeak)
98
00:03:23,538 --> 00:03:25,373
This is just a park!
99
00:03:25,407 --> 00:03:27,909
Thanks for wasting my day,
buttholes!
100
00:03:27,943 --> 00:03:30,845
(engine revving,
tires screeching)
101
00:03:30,879 --> 00:03:32,380
MAN: Hey, where's
that squirrel going?
102
00:03:32,414 --> 00:03:35,082
We're in the middle of nowhere!
103
00:03:35,117 --> 00:03:36,617
What are you looking for?
104
00:03:36,652 --> 00:03:38,386
I don't know!
(sniffs)
105
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:39,921
But it's through
that drainage pipe.
106
00:03:39,955 --> 00:03:41,422
I'm not going in there.
107
00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:43,424
But it's my destiny.
108
00:03:43,458 --> 00:03:45,793
Would you deny me
my destiny, Francine?!
109
00:03:48,864 --> 00:03:52,099
Or, I suppose we could just
walk over this tiny hill.
110
00:03:52,134 --> 00:03:54,335
(Francine gasps, coughs)
111
00:03:56,071 --> 00:03:57,138
Welp...
112
00:03:57,172 --> 00:03:59,640
I found that missing runner.
113
00:03:59,675 --> 00:04:00,675
(gasps)
114
00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:03,010
ROGER:
An alien ship!
115
00:04:04,546 --> 00:04:06,280
Of course!
116
00:04:06,315 --> 00:04:07,982
This is why
I've been all worked up!
117
00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:09,150
Hello!
118
00:04:09,184 --> 00:04:11,018
I-Is anyone in there?
119
00:04:18,961 --> 00:04:21,596
Help! I crashed and
I don't have a boyfriend!
120
00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:23,664
(gasps)
Do you know her?
121
00:04:23,699 --> 00:04:25,566
Oh, right, cause all aliens
know each other.
122
00:04:25,601 --> 00:04:27,235
Yeah, racist.
123
00:04:31,465 --> 00:04:33,007
Oh...
124
00:04:33,319 --> 00:04:34,653
(door opens)
125
00:04:34,687 --> 00:04:35,820
Stan...
126
00:04:35,855 --> 00:04:38,123
We have something to show you.
127
00:04:38,157 --> 00:04:40,158
This is...
(hocks a loogie sound)
128
00:04:40,193 --> 00:04:41,960
and...
(hocks a loogie sound)
129
00:04:41,994 --> 00:04:43,195
This is my husband, Stan.
130
00:04:43,229 --> 00:04:44,196
FURRY ALIEN:
Oh, my God.
131
00:04:44,230 --> 00:04:45,497
You have such a beautiful home.
132
00:04:45,531 --> 00:04:46,831
What the hell is that?!
133
00:04:46,866 --> 00:04:48,567
Stan, be nice.
134
00:04:48,601 --> 00:04:50,068
It's an alien.
135
00:04:50,102 --> 00:04:53,772
She's why I've been acting
so weird and needy lately.
136
00:04:53,806 --> 00:04:55,507
She crashed near here
a few days back
137
00:04:55,541 --> 00:04:57,809
and I've been vibing
on her lady pheromones.
138
00:04:57,844 --> 00:04:59,110
I smelled him, too.
139
00:04:59,145 --> 00:05:00,946
I think that's why
I crashed here.
140
00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:02,781
Oh, my God.
I'm so into you.
141
00:05:02,815 --> 00:05:05,584
(both moaning passionately)
142
00:05:05,618 --> 00:05:08,153
Aw, look, Stan...
143
00:05:08,187 --> 00:05:09,387
new love.
144
00:05:09,422 --> 00:05:10,889
Well, good.
Then you'll die happy.
145
00:05:10,923 --> 00:05:11,857
(cocks gun)
(gasps)
146
00:05:11,891 --> 00:05:13,825
No, Stan!
What are you doing?!
147
00:05:13,860 --> 00:05:15,994
It's hard enough having
one alien around, Francine.
148
00:05:16,028 --> 00:05:17,829
I'm sorry, but she's got to go.
149
00:05:17,864 --> 00:05:19,931
Stan, you just got to let
(hocks a loogie sound) stay.
150
00:05:19,966 --> 00:05:22,434
Please, have I ever
asked you for anything?
151
00:05:22,468 --> 00:05:24,236
All you do is ask me for things.
152
00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:25,704
Just the other day,
you told me if I didn't
153
00:05:25,738 --> 00:05:26,738
bring home tomato juice,
154
00:05:26,772 --> 00:05:27,606
you'd kill yourself.
155
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,708
I was down to 24 cans!
156
00:05:29,742 --> 00:05:30,909
Look...
(hocks a loogie sound)
157
00:05:30,943 --> 00:05:33,812
and Roger have
a unique bond, Stan.
158
00:05:33,846 --> 00:05:35,480
Like you and me.
159
00:05:35,515 --> 00:05:36,815
Can't you see that?
160
00:05:36,849 --> 00:05:39,451
Yeah, that's really stupid,
Francine, but...
161
00:05:39,485 --> 00:05:41,653
maybe I am overreacting a bit.
162
00:05:41,687 --> 00:05:43,488
I mean, if the CIA had any intel
163
00:05:43,523 --> 00:05:44,723
about an alien on the loose,
164
00:05:44,757 --> 00:05:45,757
I-I'd know about it.
165
00:05:45,792 --> 00:05:48,260
(dramatic music stinger plays)
166
00:05:48,294 --> 00:05:49,795
Anything yet?
167
00:05:49,829 --> 00:05:50,762
It's definitely an
168
00:05:50,797 --> 00:05:52,664
extraterrestrial
spacecraft, sir.
169
00:05:52,698 --> 00:05:54,232
Or, maybe it's a refrigerator
170
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:55,367
that fell off an airplane.
171
00:05:55,401 --> 00:05:57,102
You think everything's
a refrigerator
172
00:05:57,136 --> 00:05:58,236
that fell off an airplane.
173
00:05:58,271 --> 00:05:59,905
(screaming):
It happens!
174
00:05:59,939 --> 00:06:01,807
No, it's a spacecraft
175
00:06:01,841 --> 00:06:03,909
and it was piloted by...
176
00:06:03,943 --> 00:06:05,210
something...
177
00:06:05,244 --> 00:06:07,045
and we will not rest
178
00:06:07,079 --> 00:06:09,080
until we find that something.
179
00:06:09,115 --> 00:06:10,582
But what if we get tired?
180
00:06:10,616 --> 00:06:11,616
Tired?
181
00:06:11,651 --> 00:06:13,985
Did you know that
P. Diddy only sleeps
182
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:15,320
four hours a night?
183
00:06:15,354 --> 00:06:16,555
Like I've always said,
184
00:06:16,589 --> 00:06:19,191
let's run the CIA Diddy style:
185
00:06:19,225 --> 00:06:21,693
He's up all night
designing sweatpants,
186
00:06:21,727 --> 00:06:23,528
picking colors, textures,
187
00:06:23,563 --> 00:06:25,063
various velours.
188
00:06:25,097 --> 00:06:26,231
Piping here,
189
00:06:26,265 --> 00:06:27,599
double pockets there,
190
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:29,701
his mind is a volcano.
191
00:06:29,735 --> 00:06:30,902
I swear to you, sir,
192
00:06:30,937 --> 00:06:32,838
we will capture
this P. Diddy
193
00:06:32,872 --> 00:06:34,339
and bring him to your feet!
194
00:06:34,373 --> 00:06:36,274
I can't wait!
195
00:06:36,309 --> 00:06:38,777
(crickets chirping)
196
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,647
So...
(hocks a loogie sound)
197
00:06:42,682 --> 00:06:44,649
tell us a little about yourself.
198
00:06:44,684 --> 00:06:47,519
I like long walks
in the blistering suns.
199
00:06:47,553 --> 00:06:49,721
And playing in the
sulfuric rain.
200
00:06:49,756 --> 00:06:52,090
But my favorite
thing to do is...
201
00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:54,493
(whispering)
202
00:06:57,263 --> 00:06:59,064
Um... if you'll excuse me,
203
00:06:59,098 --> 00:07:00,332
I'm gonna take
(hocks a loogie sound)
204
00:07:00,366 --> 00:07:02,768
upstairs and (spitting)
all over her.
205
00:07:02,802 --> 00:07:04,436
(aliens giggling)
206
00:07:04,470 --> 00:07:05,937
(running upstairs)
207
00:07:05,972 --> 00:07:07,239
(door slams shut)
208
00:07:07,273 --> 00:07:08,206
(pounding, both grunting)
209
00:07:08,241 --> 00:07:09,708
(both giggling, grunting)
210
00:07:09,742 --> 00:07:11,176
(alien panting, glass breaks)
211
00:07:11,210 --> 00:07:13,044
(toy squking, both grunting)
212
00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:15,647
(alien screams, whoops)
213
00:07:15,681 --> 00:07:17,883
(primitive animal noises)
214
00:07:17,917 --> 00:07:19,584
(toy squeaking)
215
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:21,686
(alien screaming,
Roger grunting)
216
00:07:21,721 --> 00:07:23,255
(alien whooping)
217
00:07:23,289 --> 00:07:24,489
(alien grunting, Roger grunting)
218
00:07:24,524 --> 00:07:26,291
You know what?
Let's go out to eat.
219
00:07:26,325 --> 00:07:28,260
(Roger grunting, alien yelping)
220
00:07:28,262 --> 00:07:30,662
I feel like I can still hear it.
221
00:07:30,696 --> 00:07:32,030
We are still hearing it, Stan.
222
00:07:32,065 --> 00:07:33,131
(alien yelps)
223
00:07:35,668 --> 00:07:37,836
(yawns)
224
00:07:38,805 --> 00:07:39,805
Oh...
225
00:07:39,839 --> 00:07:41,807
geez, so...
226
00:07:41,841 --> 00:07:43,208
you were in here last night?
227
00:07:43,242 --> 00:07:45,977
I tried to look away,
but I couldn't.
228
00:07:46,012 --> 00:07:48,080
It was so horrible.
229
00:07:48,114 --> 00:07:50,649
Like looking at the ass of God.
230
00:07:50,683 --> 00:07:52,150
Anyway, I hope you
enjoyed the show,
231
00:07:52,185 --> 00:07:53,919
because it won't
be happening again.
232
00:07:53,953 --> 00:07:55,020
I am over her.
233
00:07:55,054 --> 00:07:56,221
You're over her?!
234
00:07:56,255 --> 00:07:58,123
But you seemed perfect
for one another.
235
00:07:58,157 --> 00:07:59,825
Eh, not really.
When we're doing it,
236
00:07:59,859 --> 00:08:01,339
she makes this little
clicking noise--
237
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:02,461
click, click, click--
238
00:08:02,495 --> 00:08:03,495
barely hear myself groaning.
239
00:08:03,529 --> 00:08:04,930
I can't be with
someone like that.
240
00:08:04,964 --> 00:08:07,833
Oh, I see what's happening, bro.
241
00:08:07,867 --> 00:08:10,001
It's the old
hit it and quit it, bro.
242
00:08:10,036 --> 00:08:12,237
She is gonna be devastated, bro.
243
00:08:12,271 --> 00:08:13,905
Oh, please.
She knew the dealio
244
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:15,374
when she hooked up
with the R-Dog.
245
00:08:15,408 --> 00:08:16,541
Wa-Wa-Wait.
246
00:08:16,576 --> 00:08:19,244
She also slept with
Ricky from Walgreens?
247
00:08:19,278 --> 00:08:20,712
No, I'm the R-Dog.
248
00:08:20,747 --> 00:08:21,980
I don't know.
249
00:08:22,014 --> 00:08:23,615
He has a tattoo
that says, "R-Dog"--
250
00:08:23,649 --> 00:08:24,750
I'm the R-Dog!
251
00:08:24,784 --> 00:08:26,885
All right! All right!
You're the R-Dog!
252
00:08:26,919 --> 00:08:29,087
(quietly):
When Ricky's not around.
253
00:08:29,122 --> 00:08:30,722
Anyway, I'm not worried about
(hocks a loogie sound).
254
00:08:30,757 --> 00:08:33,358
She knows things between us
are totally "caj."
255
00:08:33,393 --> 00:08:34,860
Roger's the one.
256
00:08:34,894 --> 00:08:36,128
I finally found the creature
257
00:08:36,162 --> 00:08:37,996
I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.
258
00:08:38,031 --> 00:08:40,032
So romantic!
259
00:08:40,066 --> 00:08:41,066
Mmm.
(smacks lips)
260
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,734
These pancakes are terrific.
261
00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:44,970
Well, breakfast is
the most important meal
262
00:08:45,004 --> 00:08:46,238
of the "fatubeadoop."
263
00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:50,075
I see you started breakfast
without me.
264
00:08:50,109 --> 00:08:53,111
Didn't know this was
motel lobby rules.
265
00:08:53,146 --> 00:08:54,513
Good morning, sexy.
266
00:08:54,547 --> 00:08:56,515
Somebody was a little
hair-puller last night,
267
00:08:56,549 --> 00:08:57,449
wasn't he?
268
00:08:57,483 --> 00:08:58,850
I wasn't so much hair pulling,
269
00:08:58,885 --> 00:09:00,952
as I was just trying to find...
270
00:09:00,987 --> 00:09:02,120
something...
271
00:09:02,155 --> 00:09:03,889
Like, what are the hairs
272
00:09:03,923 --> 00:09:05,057
growing out of?
273
00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:06,692
Like a base.
You know, I don't know,
274
00:09:06,726 --> 00:09:09,328
I just knew I'd know
what it was when I found it.
275
00:09:09,362 --> 00:09:12,631
Oh, Roger, we just love
(hocks a loogie sound)!
276
00:09:12,665 --> 00:09:14,466
Uh, yeah, she's terrific.
277
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:16,101
Plus, she hasn't seen The Wire
278
00:09:16,135 --> 00:09:18,837
and I love to turn people on to
The Wire.
279
00:09:18,871 --> 00:09:21,707
Speaking of turn-ons...
280
00:09:21,741 --> 00:09:23,542
Okay, before
this concrete hardens...
281
00:09:23,576 --> 00:09:25,977
Um, can we have a talk?
282
00:09:26,012 --> 00:09:29,348
So... the thing is...
283
00:09:29,382 --> 00:09:31,383
uh, I've kind of
lived in this attic
284
00:09:31,417 --> 00:09:32,718
for a long time...
285
00:09:32,752 --> 00:09:33,852
by myself--
286
00:09:33,886 --> 00:09:34,686
Stop.
287
00:09:34,721 --> 00:09:35,721
I totally get it.
288
00:09:35,755 --> 00:09:37,356
You don't want me
to move in here
289
00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:38,790
and make your bachelor pad
all girly.
290
00:09:38,825 --> 00:09:40,092
Wait, what?!
291
00:09:40,126 --> 00:09:43,295
But don't worry, the idea is
to make it reflect us.
292
00:09:43,329 --> 00:09:44,596
I mean, as a couple.
293
00:09:44,631 --> 00:09:46,498
I was thinking, pink plaid.
294
00:09:46,532 --> 00:09:47,532
Oh, that's actually perfect,
295
00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:48,667
but about the
"couple" thing--
296
00:09:48,701 --> 00:09:49,768
I know!
297
00:09:49,802 --> 00:09:51,303
I don't want to
spend another minute
298
00:09:51,337 --> 00:09:53,171
on this big blue marble
without you.
299
00:09:53,206 --> 00:09:55,240
I feel exactly the same way,
300
00:09:55,274 --> 00:09:56,141
but the opposite.
301
00:09:56,175 --> 00:09:57,175
We're breaking up.
302
00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:58,644
What?! Why?
303
00:09:58,678 --> 00:10:00,078
'Cause... I'm...
304
00:10:00,113 --> 00:10:01,747
seeing someone else.
305
00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:02,914
(scoffs)
I don't believe you.
306
00:10:02,949 --> 00:10:04,883
(groans):
Uh... wait here.
307
00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:06,652
MAN:
El perro, el perro
308
00:10:06,686 --> 00:10:08,453
No, you're the pi?ata!
309
00:10:08,488 --> 00:10:10,355
I'm gonna poke you with a stick!
310
00:10:10,390 --> 00:10:11,857
(both guffawing)
311
00:10:11,891 --> 00:10:15,093
(woman laughs)
312
00:10:15,128 --> 00:10:16,361
(tires screeching)
313
00:10:17,764 --> 00:10:19,231
You wanted proof:
314
00:10:19,265 --> 00:10:22,034
I got 280 pounds of proof
right here.
315
00:10:22,068 --> 00:10:23,468
And that's not a dig on her.
316
00:10:23,503 --> 00:10:24,836
In her culture, being heavy
317
00:10:24,871 --> 00:10:26,705
is a sign of being rich
or whatever.
318
00:10:26,739 --> 00:10:28,640
Don't tell me, you'd pick her...
319
00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:30,442
over this.
320
00:10:30,476 --> 00:10:32,077
This is too weird,
I'm out of here.
321
00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:33,111
Catalina, wait!
322
00:10:33,146 --> 00:10:34,246
She's leaving, I swear!
323
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,247
(door shuts)
324
00:10:35,281 --> 00:10:36,415
Great. You happy?
325
00:10:36,449 --> 00:10:38,483
She's gone.
My girlfriend is gone.
326
00:10:38,518 --> 00:10:39,918
Roger, we're
supposed to be together.
327
00:10:39,953 --> 00:10:40,919
I just know it.
328
00:10:40,954 --> 00:10:42,321
And if you just
give us a chance,
329
00:10:42,355 --> 00:10:43,288
you'll know it, too.
330
00:10:44,324 --> 00:10:45,691
Yeah.
331
00:10:45,725 --> 00:10:46,525
You know what?
332
00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:47,926
Let's give it another shot.
333
00:10:47,961 --> 00:10:51,430
How about I take you to a
romantic B&B for the weekend?
334
00:10:51,464 --> 00:10:53,899
Oh, Roger, you really mean it?
335
00:10:53,933 --> 00:10:56,635
BARRY MANILOW:
And I'm...
336
00:10:56,669 --> 00:11:02,374
Ready to take a chance again
337
00:11:02,408 --> 00:11:04,910
Ready to put my love
338
00:11:04,944 --> 00:11:06,578
On the line
339
00:11:06,613 --> 00:11:09,815
With you
340
00:11:09,849 --> 00:11:14,219
Been living with
nothing to show for it
341
00:11:14,254 --> 00:11:18,757
You get what you give
when you go for it
342
00:11:18,791 --> 00:11:23,395
And I'm ready to take
a chance again with you...
343
00:11:23,429 --> 00:11:24,563
(song fades out)
344
00:11:24,597 --> 00:11:26,598
(dramatic instrumental
music plays)
345
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:34,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
346
00:11:41,381 --> 00:11:43,181
I'm sorry, son.
347
00:11:48,187 --> 00:11:50,155
(hissing)
348
00:11:52,191 --> 00:11:54,660
Cop killer!
349
00:11:54,694 --> 00:11:57,663
(hissing)
350
00:11:57,697 --> 00:11:59,998
(heart beating)
351
00:12:02,068 --> 00:12:04,069
(heartbeat slows)
352
00:12:07,307 --> 00:12:11,176
(footsteps synchronize
with heartbeat)
353
00:12:14,147 --> 00:12:15,314
(sighs)
354
00:12:15,348 --> 00:12:17,616
(door squeaks open)
355
00:12:25,692 --> 00:12:28,327
(sobbing)
356
00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:32,130
(sniffs)
357
00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:33,599
I don't understand.
358
00:12:33,633 --> 00:12:35,567
I thought you guys...
359
00:12:35,602 --> 00:12:36,969
were good.
360
00:12:37,003 --> 00:12:40,239
(phone ringing)
361
00:12:40,273 --> 00:12:42,207
(sighs)
362
00:12:42,242 --> 00:12:43,308
What is it, Charles?
363
00:12:43,343 --> 00:12:44,776
Sir, I'm sorry for calling.
364
00:12:44,811 --> 00:12:46,211
It's fine, what is it?
365
00:12:46,246 --> 00:12:48,614
The council meeting
has been pushed to Thursday.
366
00:12:48,648 --> 00:12:50,916
And the governor called
to send his condolences
367
00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:52,784
and to say how happy he was
368
00:12:52,819 --> 00:12:54,253
with how you handled
the Marietta case.
369
00:12:54,287 --> 00:12:56,188
Charles, why are you calling?
370
00:12:56,222 --> 00:12:57,422
Um...
371
00:12:57,457 --> 00:12:58,924
well, Wyatt Borden called.
372
00:12:58,958 --> 00:13:01,860
What?! You know I want nothing
to do with that scumbag.
373
00:13:01,895 --> 00:13:04,096
Sir! The election
is in two months
374
00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:06,765
and your campaign
needs some big money.
375
00:13:06,799 --> 00:13:08,734
I don't care!
Wyatt Borden's company
376
00:13:08,768 --> 00:13:10,702
is the worst chemical dumper
in the state!
377
00:13:10,737 --> 00:13:13,105
I'm not gonna protect him
after I become attorney general.
378
00:13:13,139 --> 00:13:16,008
I'd rather lose the election
than get in bed with that devil!
379
00:13:16,042 --> 00:13:18,944
(tires screech, thud,
boy screams)
380
00:13:18,978 --> 00:13:20,078
(car races away,
tires squealing)
381
00:13:20,113 --> 00:13:22,247
BOY: Tommy, help! Somebody help!
Oh, God.
382
00:13:22,282 --> 00:13:23,815
I'll be right down.
383
00:13:23,850 --> 00:13:25,150
(floorboard squeaks)
384
00:13:31,858 --> 00:13:34,893
(boy crying in distance)
385
00:13:34,928 --> 00:13:37,696
BOY (crying):
Somebody help me!
386
00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:39,665
(boy continues crying)
387
00:13:44,103 --> 00:13:45,337
(phone line ringing)
388
00:13:47,674 --> 00:13:48,841
MAN (eerily):
Yes?
389
00:13:48,875 --> 00:13:50,642
Wyatt.
390
00:13:50,677 --> 00:13:52,077
This is Vincent Edmunds.
391
00:13:52,111 --> 00:13:53,479
Mmm...
392
00:13:53,513 --> 00:13:55,481
what a pleasant surprise.
393
00:13:55,515 --> 00:13:58,550
We see big things for you,
young Vincent.
394
00:13:58,585 --> 00:14:00,219
Is that right?
395
00:14:00,253 --> 00:14:01,653
Indeed!
396
00:14:01,688 --> 00:14:02,788
In fact, someday,
397
00:14:02,822 --> 00:14:04,990
I'd rather not call you
Vincent at all,
398
00:14:05,024 --> 00:14:06,558
but rather...
399
00:14:06,593 --> 00:14:09,127
Mr. President.
400
00:14:17,437 --> 00:14:19,071
I know I need a disguise,
401
00:14:19,105 --> 00:14:20,339
but won't it look strange,
402
00:14:20,373 --> 00:14:22,875
you checking into a
romantic B&B with your dog?
403
00:14:22,909 --> 00:14:24,042
Well, if anyone asks,
404
00:14:24,077 --> 00:14:25,944
I'll just explain
that I'm banging my dog.
405
00:14:25,979 --> 00:14:27,713
That should stop the questions.
406
00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:28,947
(laughs):
Oh, Roger,
407
00:14:28,982 --> 00:14:30,616
you have a plan for everything.
408
00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,484
Yes, I do.
409
00:14:36,022 --> 00:14:38,257
We'll be arriving
at the bed and breakfast soon.
410
00:14:38,291 --> 00:14:40,826
I'm just gonna pull over,
so we can stock up on snacks.
411
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:42,227
I love that idea.
412
00:14:42,262 --> 00:14:45,164
We won't need to leave our room
the entire weekend.
413
00:14:45,198 --> 00:14:47,933
Actually, it's one of those
Euorpean-style places,
414
00:14:47,967 --> 00:14:51,170
so we'll be
pooin' down the hall.
415
00:14:55,275 --> 00:14:56,909
(brakes squeak,
engine shuts off)
416
00:15:02,715 --> 00:15:04,049
(phone beeps, line rings)
417
00:15:04,083 --> 00:15:05,651
(phone rings)
418
00:15:05,685 --> 00:15:08,020
This is Raven Talon
Cougar Panther.
419
00:15:08,054 --> 00:15:09,188
Are we a go?
420
00:15:09,222 --> 00:15:10,222
(hillbilly accent):
Sure thing.
421
00:15:10,256 --> 00:15:11,924
I got that alien you folks
been looking for.
422
00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:13,125
Just like I said I would.
423
00:15:13,159 --> 00:15:14,693
I'll drop her
at the bed and breakfast
424
00:15:14,727 --> 00:15:15,694
in ten minutes.
425
00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:16,829
(phone beeps off)
426
00:15:16,863 --> 00:15:19,565
"For a good time, call..."
427
00:15:19,599 --> 00:15:20,566
Well, okay!
428
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:21,834
(keypad beeping)
429
00:15:21,868 --> 00:15:23,001
(line ringing)
430
00:15:23,036 --> 00:15:24,269
(over phone): Hi, it's Roger,
leave me a message.
431
00:15:24,304 --> 00:15:25,404
(voicemail beeps)
432
00:15:25,438 --> 00:15:28,907
Hi. Um, I don't usually
call these things and like,
433
00:15:28,942 --> 00:15:30,809
there's no way
you could know this about me,
434
00:15:30,844 --> 00:15:32,778
but I like always
do the responsible thing.
435
00:15:32,812 --> 00:15:34,880
I'm Mr. Play-It-Safe.
436
00:15:34,914 --> 00:15:36,181
But I just told myself,
437
00:15:36,216 --> 00:15:37,883
"Out of your box, Roger!"
438
00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:39,551
You know, if not now, when?!
439
00:15:39,586 --> 00:15:40,953
It's time to start living,
440
00:15:40,987 --> 00:15:42,521
'cause-'cause this just in:
441
00:15:42,555 --> 00:15:44,189
Nobody ever said
on their deathbed,
442
00:15:44,224 --> 00:15:46,859
"I wish I hadn't called
that truck stop phone number."
443
00:15:46,893 --> 00:15:48,594
Oh, my God,
I feel like I'm rambling.
444
00:15:48,628 --> 00:15:49,862
I-I-I'm rambling,
listen to me!
445
00:15:49,896 --> 00:15:52,197
But anyways,
I'm here at the wall, right now.
446
00:15:52,232 --> 00:15:54,133
Are you within
striking distance or what?
447
00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:56,602
So... I guess, yeah,
give me a call, it'll be fun.
448
00:15:56,636 --> 00:15:57,569
(phone beeps) What did I do?!
449
00:15:57,604 --> 00:15:59,004
What did I do?!
What did I do?!
450
00:15:59,038 --> 00:15:59,772
No, it's fine,
it's fine, it's fine!
451
00:15:59,806 --> 00:16:02,107
(gasps)
Oh, voicemail!
452
00:16:02,142 --> 00:16:04,943
Oh...!
453
00:16:04,978 --> 00:16:07,667
Oh, I am gonna
give it to this guy.
454
00:16:09,981 --> 00:16:11,615
(door bell jingles)
455
00:16:11,649 --> 00:16:13,684
Walk faster, I miss you.
456
00:16:13,718 --> 00:16:17,254
Well, I'm coming
as fast as I can!
457
00:16:17,288 --> 00:16:18,555
(phone ringtone plays)
458
00:16:18,590 --> 00:16:19,723
Mm-yello?
459
00:16:19,757 --> 00:16:22,025
Roger, Bullock got a tip
about your girlfriend.
460
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:24,061
He's assembling a strike force
to capture her.
461
00:16:24,095 --> 00:16:25,762
Whatever you do,
don't leave the house.
462
00:16:25,797 --> 00:16:28,298
Yeah. How important
is that last part?
463
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:30,267
Because not only are we
out of the house...
464
00:16:30,301 --> 00:16:31,768
(gasps)
...and headed to that
465
00:16:31,803 --> 00:16:33,203
bed and breakfast...
(gasps)
466
00:16:33,237 --> 00:16:35,005
...but it was me who
called in the tip to Bullock.
467
00:16:35,039 --> 00:16:35,939
(dramatically gasps)
468
00:16:35,974 --> 00:16:37,608
BULLOCK:
Who's gasping out there?!
469
00:16:37,642 --> 00:16:38,508
Stop it!
470
00:16:38,543 --> 00:16:39,910
You called in the tip?!
471
00:16:39,944 --> 00:16:41,411
Yeah. I tried
to break up with her,
472
00:16:41,446 --> 00:16:42,813
but she wasn't
getting the message.
473
00:16:42,847 --> 00:16:45,549
But Roger, if the CIA gets her,
she'll be dissected!
474
00:16:45,583 --> 00:16:47,618
Only after they finish
interrogating her
475
00:16:47,652 --> 00:16:48,752
and her stories...
476
00:16:48,786 --> 00:16:50,287
never... end.
477
00:16:50,321 --> 00:16:52,189
Yeah. Yeah. And did you
think for a minute
478
00:16:52,223 --> 00:16:53,991
about what's gonna happen
when she blabs about us?!
479
00:16:54,025 --> 00:16:56,360
I did, Stan,
I thought about it for a minute
480
00:16:56,394 --> 00:16:58,295
and then a horn honked,
distracting me.
481
00:16:58,329 --> 00:16:59,930
But that doesn't
change the fact--
482
00:16:59,964 --> 00:17:01,031
(horn honks twice)
483
00:17:01,065 --> 00:17:02,499
To whom am I speaking?!
484
00:17:02,533 --> 00:17:04,835
And to what have I been saying?!
485
00:17:04,869 --> 00:17:06,837
Roger, whatever you do,
don't give her to them.
486
00:17:06,871 --> 00:17:08,772
Right. Right. Got it.
(phone beeps off)
487
00:17:10,975 --> 00:17:12,843
Roger, where are you going?
488
00:17:12,877 --> 00:17:14,511
The bed and breakfast
is the other way.
489
00:17:14,545 --> 00:17:16,246
Yeah, there's been
a change of plans.
490
00:17:16,281 --> 00:17:17,581
What? Why?
491
00:17:17,615 --> 00:17:18,715
Are they overbooked?
492
00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:20,884
No, I'm under-interested.
Listen...
493
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:23,453
(brakes squeak)
494
00:17:23,488 --> 00:17:24,521
...I'm sorry...
495
00:17:24,556 --> 00:17:25,822
but this trip was a mistake.
496
00:17:25,857 --> 00:17:27,724
It's time we go
our separate ways.
497
00:17:27,759 --> 00:17:28,692
What?!
498
00:17:28,726 --> 00:17:29,993
I thought you were
giving us a chance.
499
00:17:30,028 --> 00:17:31,295
Nope!
500
00:17:31,329 --> 00:17:33,330
Now look, you invested
a little time in this, too,
501
00:17:33,364 --> 00:17:35,199
so, how about...
502
00:17:35,233 --> 00:17:37,401
20... $24?
503
00:17:37,435 --> 00:17:38,669
That-that
sound fair to you?
504
00:17:38,703 --> 00:17:40,137
That sounds fair to me.
505
00:17:40,171 --> 00:17:41,705
(crying):
Unbelievable.
506
00:17:41,739 --> 00:17:43,140
(door opens, slams shut)
507
00:17:44,776 --> 00:17:46,543
I think you're a super lady!
508
00:17:46,578 --> 00:17:48,645
Blow it out your ass!
509
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:49,880
(sighs)
I have a feeling
510
00:17:49,914 --> 00:17:51,748
I'm gonna regret
letting that get away;
511
00:17:51,783 --> 00:17:54,351
My favorite fake dog nose.
512
00:17:56,354 --> 00:17:57,821
Weapons armed, men!
513
00:17:57,856 --> 00:17:58,989
(guns clicking)
514
00:17:59,023 --> 00:18:02,226
We should arrive
at the B&B in T-minus...
515
00:18:04,262 --> 00:18:05,729
Wait a tic,
516
00:18:05,763 --> 00:18:08,198
look at that beautiful dog.
517
00:18:08,233 --> 00:18:10,601
Oh... I want a dog!
518
00:18:10,635 --> 00:18:12,102
(wind whooshes)
519
00:18:13,571 --> 00:18:14,538
(gasps)
520
00:18:14,572 --> 00:18:15,739
It's the alien!
521
00:18:15,773 --> 00:18:17,274
Intercept!
522
00:18:23,648 --> 00:18:25,249
Oh, no!
523
00:18:28,953 --> 00:18:30,787
Attagirl, lose 'em in the woods,
524
00:18:30,822 --> 00:18:31,855
you'll be safe there.
525
00:18:33,892 --> 00:18:35,058
(explosions)
526
00:18:35,093 --> 00:18:36,693
(alien screams)
527
00:18:36,728 --> 00:18:38,562
(shrieking)
528
00:18:38,596 --> 00:18:40,230
(sighs)
Ah, crap.
529
00:18:49,607 --> 00:18:52,209
BULLOCK (over P.A.):
Attention, alien creature!
530
00:18:52,243 --> 00:18:55,045
Do you speak English?
531
00:18:55,079 --> 00:18:56,213
Yes!
532
00:18:56,247 --> 00:18:58,348
Really? Wow!
533
00:18:58,383 --> 00:18:59,883
That's weird.
534
00:18:59,918 --> 00:19:02,419
Anyway, prepare to be captured!
535
00:19:02,453 --> 00:19:04,388
Yep, captured.
536
00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:07,257
In a net.
537
00:19:07,292 --> 00:19:09,193
Which we'll launch at you.
538
00:19:10,361 --> 00:19:11,829
With a net gun.
539
00:19:13,331 --> 00:19:15,599
Just takes a minute to warm up.
540
00:19:15,633 --> 00:19:19,002
How the hell am I supposed to
take down a CIA helicopter?
541
00:19:19,037 --> 00:19:21,171
Wait! If I take these twigs,
542
00:19:21,206 --> 00:19:23,440
this small rock
and my bubble gum...
543
00:19:32,383 --> 00:19:34,351
Okay, this'll be simple.
544
00:19:34,385 --> 00:19:36,620
I just have to pretend
I'm Dick Cheney
545
00:19:36,654 --> 00:19:38,655
and that helicopter
is my friend's face.
546
00:19:38,690 --> 00:19:40,524
Not the most timely reference,
547
00:19:40,558 --> 00:19:42,192
but it's not my fault
more current people
548
00:19:42,227 --> 00:19:43,867
aren't shooting their friends
in the face.
549
00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:51,201
BULLOCK:
Don't take...
550
00:19:51,236 --> 00:19:52,736
another step.
551
00:19:52,771 --> 00:19:55,506
(Roger screaming)
552
00:19:55,540 --> 00:19:56,540
No!
553
00:19:56,574 --> 00:19:58,408
Alien stealer!
554
00:19:58,443 --> 00:20:00,778
(motor revving)
555
00:20:00,812 --> 00:20:02,513
You came back for me.
556
00:20:02,547 --> 00:20:04,047
(chuckles)
I knew you loved me.
557
00:20:04,082 --> 00:20:05,949
You know,
people are gonna ask us
558
00:20:05,984 --> 00:20:07,151
why we're back together.
559
00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:09,553
But I just feel like
that's our business, you know?
560
00:20:09,587 --> 00:20:11,955
We don't have to explain
our love to anyone.
561
00:20:11,990 --> 00:20:13,724
They're all
just jealous, anyway--
562
00:20:13,758 --> 00:20:15,359
jealous that we have
the kind of love
563
00:20:15,393 --> 00:20:17,694
that's greater than anything
in the entire galaxy.
564
00:20:40,285 --> 00:20:44,221
And that's how I became
Kim Kardashian.
565
00:20:44,255 --> 00:20:47,391
"And that's how she became
Kim Kardashian."
566
00:20:47,425 --> 00:20:49,526
The end.
567
00:20:49,561 --> 00:21:00,455
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
568
00:21:01,305 --> 00:21:07,266
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569
00:21:07,316 --> 00:21:11,866
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