All language subtitles for 9JKL s01e08 Make Thanksgiving Great Again.eng

Guys, I was just out
walking in the park,

breathing in the crisp autumn air,

- and you know what I realized?
- How alone you are?

I was going to say how excited I am

to be back at home for Thanksgiving.

So, what's our plan for Thursday?

We have a 5:00 reservation
at the Atlantic Grill.

What? We're having
Thanksgiving in a restaurant?

We've gone to a restaurant every year

since you moved to Los Angeles.

Mom said, and I quote, "What's the point

of all that cooking if my
baby isn't here to enjoy it?"

To which I replied,
"Technically, I'm the baby."

Then Mom called me "fresh,"
and took away my pie.

Well, I'm back now,
and I don't want to eat

surrounded by a bunch of strangers.

Darling, I like restaurant Thanksgiving.

I don't have to cook,
clean, or worry about

your father taking his
pants off during the meal.

And I like treating everyone,

and giving Mom and Dad
an annual reminder

that I make more money than you.

What about you, Dad? You used to love

a nice, traditional
Thanksgiving at home.

I did, but then Mommy
explained why I didn't,

and now I don't.

Guys, Thanksgiving is
my favorite holiday,

and I've spent the last ten at
my ex-in-law's country club,

where half the people I met
were introduced as "colonels."

Joshie, it'll be so much
fun at the Atlantic Grill.

I'm gonna have the cod.

Yes, hello, is this the
Atlantic Grill on Third Avenue?

What are you doing? What is he doing?

This is Harold Roberts.

No, it's not!

I'd like to cancel our
Thanksgiving reservation.

- No, hey, stop, look at me, hey, no...
- Sure, you can give it

to someone on the waiting list.

Thank you so much. Bye-bye.

What did you just do?

He stole my identity.

Guys, relax, Thanksgiving at home

is gonna be so much better.

Joshie, I told you,
I'm not up for cooking.

I'll cook.

You don't know how to cook.

I know how, I just never have
the time, because I am...

EVE/JUDY: a working mother

I know, dear.

You should have a float in the parade.

It's Wyatt's first Thanksgiving,
and I'd love to do it.

Wait, Eve, are you sure?

- You don't have to.
- You're so busy.

Are you guys saying that to be nice,

or because you don't think I can do it?

The second one, dear.

I'm doing it, and it's gonna
be the best Thanksgiving

you've ever tasted.

It's gonna be just like it used to be...

The whole family together.

Watching football in our
pajamas, playing charades,

Dad going to town on
that turkey carcass,

and then moaning,
"Why didn't anyone stop me?"

Why doesn't anyone stop me?

And, of course, we'll have Nana come.

- My mother!
- Your mother...

No Thanksgiving would be
complete with out Nana.

Josh, that's a great idea.

But her nursing home is in New Jersey.

It's such a long trip for her.

Nick's working Thanksgiving.

He can pick her up on
his way into the city.

Wonderful.

Eve is cooking, Nana's coming.

I'm gonna go scream my
excitement into a pillow.

? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ?

? Come on, won't you take me home? ?

Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~

Ah.

How's our chef-to-be?

Same as when you came in here
20 minutes ago to check on me.

(CHUCKLING)

Look, I realize sending five e-mails

with all my preferences
may have been overkill,

and if you want to make the
stuffing without mushrooms,

that is totally okay with me.

Although mushrooms are my favorite.

Okay.

And if you don't want to make

both apple and pecan pie,
I totally get it.

But it wouldn't feel like
Thanksgiving without both.

You already said that
in all your e-mails.

Yes! Hey, guys,

you know how I'm always
in the hospital's

"Hot Doctor" calendar for charity?

Yes, it's been your birthday gift to me

for the last three years.

Well, guess what...
They have just chosen me

to be July.

(GASPS) July?!

That's the sexiest month.

Good-bye turtleneck, hello mankini.

The photo shoot is Friday,
so you can reduce

your Thanksgiving servings by one,

as I will now be fasting
for the next three days.

What? You're fasting on Thanksgiving?

That's not in the spirit of the holiday.

I have to... the charity
is for world hunger,

so I'm starving myself in solidarity,

but mostly so I look shredded.

- Touchdown!
- That's what I'm talking about!

Yeah!

(EXHALES, STOMACH GROWLS)

Andrew, is that your stomach?

Yeah, he hasn't eaten in 48 hours.

Dad, that is the sound of
my abs applauding victory.

Okay, up, up, up.

Mom, how come you're
not wearing pajamas?

I'm not wearing pajamas
because you invited Nana,

who has certain expectations
that are impossible to meet.

You know, for a boy who's
always made me proud...

- Yeah?
- That's it.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

My mother's here.

Okay, guys...

here's Nana!

NICK: Hey, hey, hey.

That's not Nana. That is not Nana.

That's not Nana.

It's not?

ALL: No.

We are so sorry.

How did this happen?

Look, man, I just said I was there

to pick up Mrs. Roberts,
and this is who they gave me.

My last name is Robbins.

Then why didn't you say something?

Why did you touch my boob?

Oh, no, no. Uh-uh.

I told you I was reaching
for your seat belt.

No...

- I'll, uh...
- I'll drive her back. Thank you.

In eight hours, when my shift is done.

She's difficult, oh...

I can't believe Nana's not
here for Thanksgiving.

No, what a terrible mistake.

(LAUGHING) Oh, anyone else

in the mood for champagne?

Okay, okay.

Little Thanksgiving snafu,
but these things happen.

Yeah, yeah, you read about
these Thanksgiving kidnappings

all the time.

I'm gonna call the home
and check on my mother.

Again, so sorry.

We will have Shady Pines
send a car to take you back.

Nope, not doing that.

Excuse me?

Come closer, I'll say it again.

- (BLOWS A RASPBERRY)
- Geez!

Oh, my God.

Why would you want to stay?

Got nothing else to do.

But you don't know us,
and we don't know you.

My name is Iris, I don't like people,

and there is a weird smell in here.

Well, my name is Andrew,

and I think that smell is you,
and I'm leaving.

(DOOR OPENS)

Oh-ho, you are not gonna believe

what Josh did this time.

Don't care. It's two
hours till mealtime,

and I have to peel, baste,

dice, and all the other cooking words.

I thought you said you could do it.

I thought I could,
but Thanksgiving is like

the Super Bowl of meals.

I feel like when I'm halfway done,

Beyonc� should come out and sing a song.

If it's so hard, how come my mom

always made it look so easy?

That was wrong,
I shouldn't have said that.

Look at all this stuff.

I can't do this alone. I need help.

You don't need help, you need a miracle.

Wow, I should stop talking.

The nursing home is
sending a van to pick up

Wrong Nana, and my mother is

happily enjoying the buffet.

Ah, wonderful.

You know, Judy,

you seem borderline thrilled

with the mix-up.

Do I?

The last time I saw you so happy

was when Barbara Streisand
made eye contact with you

at her concert.

For a moment, we were one.

The truth is,

I'm a bit relieved not to have to face

a day of criticism from your mother.

Well, you always said that
she was critical of you,

but I don't see it.

Huh.

Huh.

Well, obviously,
your brother got the looks.

What did you get?

Oh, Wrong Nana,

you remarkable curveball to
my perfect Thanksgiving.

You're a real dork, aren't you?

Can we get an ETA on that van?

Shady Pines said they'll be a while.

They also said, "Good luck."

Oh, stop grumbling.

- I told you you're not getting any food!
- (DOOR OPENS)

Someone wanted to say hi.

- Bye.
- (DOOR SHUTS)

Oh, hello. Welcome to our home.

Home is a stretch. This place is as cold

and lifeless as my womb.

Well, which one of you wants

to take me to the crapper?

- Odd.
- Even.

You won, huh?

Yeah, I won. I'm the big winner.

Oh, so, you don't think
your mother is critical?

Here we go.

This is the card she sent me
on my very first Mother's Day.

"Dear Judy, I suppose you're trying."

See, what I'm hearing

is that she sent you a card.

- How thoughtful.
- Uh-huh.

And what about this note she handed me

on our wedding day?

"Judy, you were a beautiful bride."

Mm-mm-mm-mm.

"Please let me know who did your makeup.

She's a miracle worker."

My takeaway is that she
feels close enough to you

to share her opinion.

And my takeaway is that she's
quite close enough to me now

where she is in New Jersey.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Aww.

Look at the two lovebirds
staring into each other's eyes.

Ugh, read a room.

This lady just used our bathroom,

and, uh, I don't want to get into it,

but you owe us two decorative
hand towels and a bathmat.

What do you mean, she's all
mine? Who's "all mine"?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(STAMMERS)

Uh, I can't do this.

I haven't eaten in two days.

My fingers are starting
to look like carrots,

and the carrots are starting
to look like fingers.

Here. I need you to
blanch these green beans.

- What does "blanch" mean?
- I don't know.

That's what it says in the
How to Make Food book.

Oh, it's halftime, bro.

Time to throw that ball.

Anything to get away from this food.

I'm sorry, baby. You deserve better,

but this is what you got.

Package delivery, ha, ha.

No signature required, ha, ha.

Okay, bye.

So you all live here,
next door to each other.

Is it an incest thing?

Or are you just a bunch
of codependent losers?

The second one.

This is what I'm talking about.

Thanksgiving. Football.
Brothers. How great is this?

Dude, we do this, like, once a week.

I know, but this is,
like, a moment of fun

in what has turned out to
be a nightmare of a day.

Mom and Dad are fighting,
you're fasting,

I may be an accomplice to
kidnapping an old lady

who is very unpleasant to deal with.

Well, at least it
couldn't get any worse.

(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)

(SCREAMS)

Is it bad?

- No. Uh-uh. No.
- I don't think so.

They're lying. It's bad.

What?

Oh, my face!

I can't be in the calendar, now.
There's not a mankini

in the world tight enough
to make this okay.

It's too bad.

All you had going for
you were your looks.

Three days of starving for
nothing. Thanks, Josh.

Well, on the bright side,
you can eat Thanksgiving dinner.

I'm not waiting for dinner.

Andrew, no... come on.

Dinner's gonna be ready
in a half an hour.

Ooh, let's order a pizza.

I just told you that my food

was gonna be ready in a half an hour.

I know, dear, that's why
I suggested a pizza.

You complain about having

a critical mother-in-law,
you're a critical mother-in-law.

Wrong Nana, I like you.

Good. Then she can be your second wife.

Don't get your hopes up.

For the love of God, where's the van?

Well, while we're waiting,

anybody in the mood for some charades?

- Give it a rest.
- No, Josh.

No one wants to play your stupid game.

Just like no one wanted to
stay home for Thanksgiving.

If we'd gone to the restaurant,
my eye would be fine.

I'd still be in the calendar,

making the world a sexier
place for 31 days next July.

And I wouldn't have had to
spend all of today cooking.

JUDY: And if you hadn't invited Nana,

Daddy and I wouldn't be fighting.

And we could have kept our issue

buried deep where it belongs.

Okay, well, you know what?

Forget it.

I wanted to have Thanksgiving at home

because I thought it
might actually be nice.

Clearly, I was wrong.

ANDREW: Well, he has some nerve.

Yeah. He was the one who ruined today.

I don't know what's gotten into him.

Whatever it is,
he gets it from your mother.

People like you are the
reason I hate people.

You don't even know us.

I know you are so vain

that you care more about

looking good on some lame calendar

than enjoying your ugly brother's

first Thanksgiving back home.

She's right. Who fasts on Thanksgiving?

Oh, who are you to talk?

You and your husband are so petty,

you've spent the whole day

squabbling over a woman
who... Case closed...

Is the biggest bitch at Shady Pines.

That's my mother.

That's why I didn't say "slut."

But the point is,

all the kid wanted was to have
a nice time with his family.

God knows why.

I just realized something.

That we should've made
more of an effort?

No. The van isn't coming 'cause
they don't want her back.

(DOOR OPENS)

Josh, we're coming out!

Why are you announcing it?

Because it's not a good
idea to startle someone

when they're standing at
the edge of a balcony.

That's how Maureen Dannon

accidentally killed her husband Jerry.

Well, that's what Maureen says,
but I think Jerry wanted to go.

Dude, we're sorry.

Yeah, Joshie, we were all
pretty selfish today.

Well, not me.

I spent the day slaving
away to make your food,

but yes, I agree.

They were monsters.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Thanks, guys.

I guess I just wanted everything
to be the way it was.

Sounds like you wanted The
Beatles to get back together.

What?

People always told John Lennon

they wanted The Beatles
to get back together,

but he thought what they really wanted

was for them to be like they were

back when The Beatles were a band.

Yeah.

I get that, Dad.

I just have so many great memories

from that time before I left for L.A.

Well, now, you can make new memories.

With us.

Well, not just with you.

Hopefully, I'll meet someone,
have a family of my own,

and move out of the building.

Move out?

Judy, step away from the railing.

(CHUCKLES)

(HOOTING) (LAUGHS)

- Monkey!
- Yep.

Adorable monkey.

- (LAUGHTER)
- King Kong.

Uh, Josh. Josh needing attention,

uh, Josh losing the last bit of respect

his brother had for him, um...

(HOOTING)

Uh, Planet of the Apes?

- Yes! Yes!
- Oh! Good one, Judy.

This is really fun.
Not just 'cause I'm winning.

I agree. It's great to
have Thanksgiving at home.

You see?

I guess the dork apple doesn't
fall far from the dork tree.

My turn, creeps!

Okay, Wrong Nana,

you got it.

Take it away.

Okay, movie.

Uh, three words.

First word.

"Sleep." Sleepless in Seattle.

Sleepers.

No, has to be three words.

Maybe it's Frozen?

Three words.

She's really committing to this clue.

(CHUCKLING): Yeah.

Is she okay?

How is this happening?

Uh-oh.

(YELLS)

(SCREAMING)

- God!
- Oh!

Oh, Nana!

Oh, good Lord, can't a
woman fall asleep here

for five seconds without
getting felt up?

So it turns out an Uber to New
Jersey on Thanksgiving costs

only slightly less
than buying a new car.

But still, money well spent.

Would've been better spent if
we'd done it three hours ago.

Mm.

What was that about?

Ah, life's too short
for petty squabbles.

And Wrong Nana made
me realize something.

Your mother could've been a lot worse.

- Turkey is ready.
- Thanksgiving is on.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, well, everybody,
here is Thanksgiving dinner.

It looks gorgeous.

Sure does, babe.

Eve, before we begin,

I would like to say that, uh,

Wrong Nana was right.

I can be a critical mother-in-law.

I would like to try to be less so.

Thank you, Judy.

(EVE SIGHS)

Okay, everybody, dig in.

All right. (LAUGHS)

So what do you think?

I think you have accomplished your goal

of preparing food.

Yes. There is food here.

It's all over the table.

Yeah, way to go, honey.

Why didn't anyone stop me?

Well, I wouldn't say it
was traditional, Josh,

but it was a pretty
great Thanksgiving, huh?

This is exactly what I wanted.

I'm stuffed, and surrounded
by my favorite people.

(DOOR OPENS)

Guess who's back, bitches!

- The Uber driver returned her.
- Yeah.

He said life's too short.

Synced and corrected by johnyd13
~ www.addic7ed.com ~

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