All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S01E22.Parents.Know.Best.A.Selfless.Love.The.Nubile.Nurse.1080p.PMTP.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

Love,

Exciting and new.

Come Aboard,

we're expecting you.

Love,

life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow,

it floats back to you.

The Love Boat,

soon we'll be making another
run.

The Love Boat,

promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,

your mind on a new romance

And love,

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile,

on a friendly shore.

It's Love,

Welcome aboard it's love.

DOC:
Wait'll you see her, guys.

She makes Raquel Welch look like
Don Knotts.

ISAAC:
To you, every woman looks great.

DOC:
There was nothing to it.

I just told the Captain that
sometimes women passengers can
warm up to a nurse easier than a
doctor.

GOPHER:
And sometimes a doctor can warm
up better to a nurse.

ISAAC:
Especially when the nurse was
once a Las Vegas show girl.

DOC:
Oh, you should've seen her,
Isaac.

When Dawn Delaney stood on
stage, you could hear the heavy
breathing, and that was just
from the orchestra.

CAPTAIN:
Good morning, gentlemen.

GOPHER/DOC:
Hi.

GOPHER:
'Morning, sir.

CAPTAIN:
All set to head for the bounding
main?

Oh, there it is again.

DOC:
Captain, it appears you've got
yourself a case of the hiccups.

CAPTAIN:
Oh, thank you, Doctor.

There's nothing like an
instant...diagnosis.

DOC:
Just hold your breath awhile.

They'll go away.

CAPTAIN:
'Hold my breath.'

DOC:
Hm-hmm.

CAPTAIN:
Four years as a med student.

One year as an intern.

Three years as a resident, and
you tell me to hold my breath.

No wonder you need a nurse.

GOPHER:
And if you don't need her, I can
always use her.

DAWN:
Doc!

DOC:
Dawn!

Oh...

DAWN:
Oh, gosh, oh...It's so nice to
see you again.

DOC:
I can't believe it.

Dawn Delaney in the flesh.

DAWN:
Uh-uh.

I used to be in the flesh.

Now I'm in a nurse's uniform.

DOC:
These are my good buddies,
Gopher and Isaac.

Fellas, this is Dawn.

ISAAC:
Hi.

DAWN:
Hi.

ISAAC:
I used to think that sunsets
were perfect, but Dawn is
something else.

DAWN:
Oh...It's a pleasure to meet you
both.

Any friend of Doc's is a friend
of mine.

GOPHER:
Promise?

DOC:
Easy.

Come on, I'm gonna show you the
office and get you squared away.

DAWN:
Okay.

Adam, you were so sweet to
recommend me for this job.

How can I ever repay you?

ISAAC:
Don't worry.

He'll think of something.

MRS. MORRISON:
Oh, Bruce, this is gonna be a
lot of fun.

BRUCE:
I'd rather have root canal.

MRS. MORRISON:
Oh...

MR. MORRISON:
You can't miss.

You've got your choice of a
couple of hundred beautiful
girls.

JULIE:
Hello.

I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise
director.

MRS. MORRISON:
Hello, Julie.

MR. MORRISON:
Hi.

We're the Morrisons, Mister and
Mrs., and our available son,
Bruce.

BRUCE:
Ahh...

JULIE:
Well, hello.

Welcome aboard.

I'm sure you'll have a wonderful
cruise.

Especially you, Bruce.

I just checked in some very
attractive single ladies.

BRUCE:
Oh, well, thank you very much.

But I already have an attractive
single lady.

JULIE:
I'm sorry.

MRS. MORRISON:
Bruce, now you promised you'd
forget about Ginger while you're
here.

BRUCE:
Right.

Give me a list of all the single
girls eighteen to twenty one
with their vital statistics.

JULIE:
Oh, well, I could make it easier
for you and

just have the Captain make a
general announcement from the
bridge, 'Bruce is available.'

BRUCE:
Perfect.

Right up the stairs and to your
right.

MR. MORRISON:
Thanks.

JULIE:
Bye, bye.

GOPHER:
Good day.

I'm Gopher Smith, and I'm your
friendly, neighborhood Assistant
Purser.

DIANA:
Hello.

I'm Diana Lane.

GOPHER: Diana!

Wasn't there a goddess by that
name?

Okay, Diana, you're in Fiesta
Cabin one-thirty-five.

And I want you to know that I'll
do everything within my power,

and I'm not without power,

to make your stay on board
pleasurable, memorable and
exciting.

DIANA:
Are you like this with all the
passengers?

GOPHER:
Oh, mercy no.

Just the goddesses.

DIANA:
Thank you.

But I'm spoken for.

GOPHER:
Boy back home, huh?

DIANA:
Hm-hmm.

GOPHER:
Well, I suggest he seek
professional help, have his head
examined.

Because he's crazy to let
somebody like you out of his
sight.

And it just so happens, I'm
going in the direction of Fiesta
one-thirty-five.

I'll just take you along, it's
part of my duty.

Here's our gift shop...

CAPTAIN:
Dan?

Dan...

DAN:
Merrill...

CAPTAIN:
You look fantastic.

I'm sorry, hiccups.

DAN:
You look ship-shape yourself,
pal.

CAPTAIN:
Yeah, well, it must be the
uniform.

DAN:
Oh, you're a handsome dog, you.

I'd like you to meet Laura
Wakefield, my fiancée.

And I've told her nothing but
bad about you.

LAURA:
That's not true, Captain.

CAPTAIN:
Merrill.

And congratulations.

No wonder you're looking so
well.

So, when's the big day?

DAN:
As soon as you get over the
hiccups.

I'd like you to be best man,
Merrill.

CAPTAIN:
Well, I'd be honored.

LAURA:
This is sort of a combination
wedding and honeymoon.

We've arranged for a Justice of
the Peace to marry us in Cabo
San Lucas.

CAPTAIN:
Well, I can't think of a
more...beautiful place to get
married.

DAN:
Or to a more beautiful gal.

CAPTAIN:
Right.

Now look, I want you to bring me
up to date.

Tell me what's new besides my
hiccups and your engagement
since I saw you last.

DAN:
What can I tell you?

I'm still a...

LAURA:
Listen, you two go ahead and
reminisce and I'm gonna go to
the gift shop.

DAN:
All right.

CAPTAIN:
She's beautiful.

LAURA:
Excuse me.

GARY:
My pleasure.

Oh, since we bumped into each
other, my name's Gary Foster.

LAURA:
Hi.

Laura Wakefield.

GARY:
Miss or Mrs.?

LAURA:
Well it's Miss until we get to
Cabo San Lucas, and then Mrs.

GARY:
I always get into trouble with
ladies with your first name.

LAURA:
Laura?

GARY:
No.

Mrs.

Excuse me.

CAPTAIN:
Well, I'd better get back to
work unless you wanna spend the
next three days in port.

I'll see you, Dan.

DAN:
Right, Merrill.

Nice seeing you.

CAPTAIN:
Bye, bye.

LAURA:
Dan?

Why don't we go check out our
cabin and then go throw confetti
on those poor souls who aren't
sailing with us?

DAN:
I'll tell you what.

Why don't we go down to the
cabin and I'll take this body
and throw it in bed and take a
nap?

LAURA:
Oh, well, that sounds like a
better idea.

You could probably use some
rest.

DAN:
Hey, no, your idea's better
than...I can always take a nap.

How often do you get a chance to
throw confetti at strangers?

GLENDA:
Listen to your father, dear.

Fathers usually know best.

MR. MORRISON:
I think it's working.

MRS. MORRISON:
Of course it's working.

Bruce is having so much fun he
hasn't had time to think of
Ginger.

MR. MORRISON:
Well, I just want him to learn
that there are a lot more fish
in the sea.

And you don't marry the first
girl you fall for.

Oh, dear...

Hi.

DIANA:
Hello.

MR. MORRISON:
I'm Harry Morrison.

This is my child bride, Phyllis.

DIANA:
Nice to meet you.

DIANA:
I'm Diana Lane.

MRS. MORRISON:
Hello, Diana.

Well, are you travelling alone?

DIANA:
Yes, I am.

MRS. MORRISON:
Are you single?

DIANA:
Well...

MR. MORRISON:
Pushy.

DIANA:
Actually, I'm hoping to get
married.

I'm going with someone right
now.

MR. MORRISON:
What is this, an epidemic?

I don't get it.

Why do you kids wanna tie
yourselves down at your age?

DIANA:
I'm twenty-one.

MRS. MORRISON:
Isn't that a coincidence?

Our son Bruce is twenty-two.

MR. MORRISON:
Some coincidence.

MRS. MORRISON:
Tall and very good-looking.

GOPHER:
Listen up.

JULIE:
Hello, everybody.

Guess what?

Gopher and I just found out that
there are a lot of people in
here who don't know each other.

And we figured out a way for
everybody to meet.

GOPHER:
Right you are, Julie.

Rather than make a lot of formal
introductions,

we're gonna give all of you the
opportunity to make some
informal introductions.

Right, Julie?

JULIE:
Right, Gopher.

Okay, if you'd like to help us
out all you have to do to join
in

is we'd like the ladies to take
off a shoe and put it in the
basket.

That's for starters.

GOPHER:
I know it sounds crazy, but who
says you have to be sane to work
on a cruise ship.

Now, now, just shoes.

No feet.

JULIE:
Thank you.

GOPHER:
And no swim fins, guys.

JULIE:
Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Thank you.

LAURA:
Oh, Dan, that sounds like fun.

Come on, let's get a partner.

DAN:
Oh, no, no.

You go on.

You go ahead, enjoy yourself.

LAURA:
Oh, no.

Uh-uh.

I am not gonna play without you.

DAN:
Okay.

Game time.

GOPHER:
Hey, a toss of the shoe from
this man.

JULIE:
Here's another shoe.

Thank you very much.

GOPHER:
Oh, wait just a moment.

Just, just a moment.

JULIE:
Okay, now...excuse me.

The next step is up to the
fellas.

Now what you have to do is you
close your eyes, reach in the
basket and pull out a shoe.

And when you find the owner
that's your partner for the
game, okay?

Right, Gopher?

GOPHER:
Right.

And the object of the game is to
pass this orange to your partner
using just your chin.

Nobody wins, nobody loses.

But as a way of introduction, it
beats shaking hands.

Hey.

Here we go.

All right, guys, listen.

Grab a shoe.

JULIE:
And you guys close your eyes
when you pick, all right?

GOPHER:
How 'bout some of you guys over
here?

One to a customer, guys.

Don't, don't grab two shoes.

BRUCE:
Hello.

MRS. MORRISON:
Uh, Bruce this is Diana Lane.

BRUCE:
Hi.

How are you?

DIANA:
Hi, hi.

I'm fine.

How are you?

BRUCE:
Fine.

MR. MORRISON:
And you don't have to tell her a
thing about yourself.

Your mother's covered all that.

MRS. MORRISON:
Harry.

Bruce, you and Diana have a
great deal in common.

She can't wait to get married
either.

BRUCE:
Uh-oh, I sense a lecture coming.

MR. MORRISON:
Now look, you got a gal and you
got a guy and the two of you
think you wanna get married.

Now that doesn't mean that you
couldn't have dinner and go
dancing tonight and have a real
good time together.

DIANA:
Well, I think I could force
myself into it, if you can.

BRUCE:
All right, it's a date.

DIANA:
Good.

I'll see you all at dinner.

Bye, bye.

BRUCE:
Bye, bye.

MR. MORRISON:
Bye.

GOPHER:
Hey, Diane, aren't you gonna
play the game?

We could be partners.

DIANA:
Oh, oh, I couldn't handle the
excitement.

Besides, I'm true to the boy
back home, remember?

BRUCE:
I'll pick you up at eight.

DIANA:
Perfect.

GOPHER:
What the boy back home doesn't
know can't hurt him.

LAURA:
Now hold still.

Cause if you don't hold still
we'll never win, you know.

GARY:
Oh, listen...

LAURA:
Come on.

GARY:
It's not...oh, no.

It's not whether you win or
lose, it's how you play the
game.

LAURA:
Oh, all right.

Then let's play the game.

Here we go, here we go...

MRS. MARTIN:
Oh, oh...oh, oh, I, I think I'm
hurting my neck.

Would you take the orange from
under my chin, please?

MR. ROSS:
Which one?

MRS. MARTIN:
I've only got one orange.

MR. ROSS:
From which chin?

GLENDA:
Well, the prince tried to find
Cinderella.

She didn't have to look for her
own shoe.

DAN:
Oh, I was waiting for midnight.

GLENDA:
Come on, let's, let's show these
youngsters how, shall we?

JULIE:
There you go.

Have an orange.

GLENDA:
Oh, thank you.

DAN:
Hmm...

GLENDA:
Um...to tell you the truth I
hate these childish games, too.

DAN:
Good.

GLENDA:
But...you can buy me a drink.

DAN:
Great.

ISAAC:
Hey, how come you two aren't
passing the orange?

DAN:
We didn't wanna pass up your
pina coladas.

ISAAC:
Ah, a wise choice, my friend.

Two pina coladas coming up.

GLENDA:
My, how things have changed.

You know, I haven't been on
board a ship since World War II.

I was a singer with the USO.

DAN:
Yeah, we were all young.

GLENDA:
Once.

And romantic.

But then if you're not romantic
when you are young, when can you
be?

Remember those great old songs,
hmm?

Remember this one?

'I'll be seeing you...'

GLENDA/DAN:
'...in all the old familiar
places.

that this heart of mine
embraces...'

LAURA:
Oh, that was fun.

DAN:
Yeah, it looked like it was fun.

Glenda Fairbanks, this is my
fiancée, Laura Wakefield.

Hey, we're a team.

Listen.

DAN/GLENDA:
'I'll be seeing you in all the
old familiar places...'

LAURA:
Donny and Marie.

DAN:
Who?

LAURA:
Never mind.

GLENDA/DAN:
'That this heart of mine
embraces all day through.'

GLENDA/DAN/ISAAC:
'In that small cafe, the park
across the way...'

GLENDA/DAN/ISAAC/CAPTAIN:
'The children's carousel.

The chestnut tree, the wishing
well.'

GOPHER:
Doc?

Okay, right in here Mrs. Martin.

The doctor will take good care
of you.

MRS. MARTIN:
Oh, my neck.

Oh, I'll never be able to eat
soup again.

DAWN:
Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, what happened?

GOPHER:
She was in the orange passing
contest and the orange won.

DAWN:
Doctor's stepped out for a few
minutes, but don't worry, Mrs.

Martin, I'm sure I can help you.

GOPHER:
We better leave that, Miss
Delaney.

I'll go find Doc.

GOPHER:
Oh, Doc, hey a passenger is
injured.

I think her neck maybe broken.

DOC:
What?

GOPHER:
I told the showgirl not to touch
her till you got here.

MRS. MARTIN [VOICE]:
[SCREAMS]

GOPHER:
We're too late.

DOC:
What the heck is Dawn doing to
her?

MRS. MARTIN:
Too late, Doctor.

Your nurse just snapped my neck
back into place.

DAWN:
It was just a simple muscle
spasm.

DOC:
Well, it seems to be all right.

Does it hurt?

MRS. MARTIN:
Not any more.

Thank you.

DAWN:
Oh, anybody could've done it.

GOPHER: Oh, sure.

DOC:
Anybody could've done it if
they'd read the First Aid
manual.

MRS. MARTIN:
Yeah, but she did it.

Thank you.

You're a real life saver.

Thank you.

DAWN:
You didn't mind, did you, Doc?

DOC:
Mind?

Why should I mind?

A good nurse is supposed to fill
in for a doctor.

Listen, why don't you take the
rest of the afternoon off?

DAWN:
I'm supposed to be helping you.

There must be something you
want.

DOC: Well, now that you bring it
up...

DAWN:
Of course, straighten the files.

I'll get right to it.

MR. MORRISON:
...and the doctor says, 'Mrs.

Johnson, I've got good news for
you.' The lady says, 'It's not
Mrs.

Johnson, it's Miss Johnson.'
'Oh, in that case' the doctor
says, 'I've got some bad news
for you.'

DIANA:
Oh, I'm so glad you asked me to
join you.

MRS. MORRISON:
So are we, Diana.

Are you really serious about
getting married?

DIANA:
Oh, absolutely.

As soon as I graduate.

And while my fiancé's in law
school, I'll be working to help
him get through.

MR. MORRISON:
Well, young lady, you seem to
have everything well planned
out.

DIANA:
Thank you.

BRUCE:
Any room in those plans for a
dance?

DIANA:
I think maybe one.

BRUCE:
Excuse us.

MRS. MORRISON:
You know, I like her.

She has her head on straight.

MR. MORRISON:
Yeah, and everything else is in
place, too.

Just like you at her age.

MRS. MORRISON:
What do you mean 'her age'?

I have everything now I had
then.

MR. MORRISON:
Yeah, just in different places.

But I like it, I like it.

GOPHER:
Look at old Doc there.

He's on Cloud Nine.

ISAAC:
Yeah.

If she's an angel of mercy, all
I can say is Lord Have Mercy.

JULIE:
Honestly, don't you guys ever
even consider a girl's
intellect?

Dawn put herself all the way
through nursing school.

I think she has a very fine head
on her shoulders.

GOPHER:
Oh, I wouldn't know about that.

I haven't got up to there yet.

MRS. MARTIN:
Pardon me, if you don't mind.

DOC:
Not at all.

MRS. MARTIN:
Oh, oh, no, please.

I want you to take a look at my
friend.

Mister Ross?

MR. ROSS:
That back of mine.

I don't know what happened.

MRS. MARTIN:
Oh, you tried to boogie.

That's what happened.

Do you think you can help him?

DAWN:
Mister Ross should be attended
to by Doctor Bricker.

DOC:
Absolutely.

MR. ROSS:
Oh, a good night's sleep and
I'll probably be okay.

DOC:
If not, call me in the morning.

MR. ROSS:
Hope I live that long.

CAPTAIN:
Well, well, if it isn't the
famous medical team Bricker
and...

DOC:
Still got the old hiccups,
Captain?

CAPTAIN:
No.

I'm doing my Dean Martin
impression.

Of course I still have the
hiccups.

DAWN:
Pardon me, sir, but I've been
reading about hiccups in one of
the medical journals...

DOC:
Why don't you try breathing into
a paper bag?

Or better yet, gargle with salt
water.

CAPTAIN:
Why don't I just kiss a toad.

DOC:
Uh-uh.

That's for warts.

CAPTAIN:
Oh.

How should I know?

I don't have a medical degree.

DAWN:
There is a new method for curing
hiccups.

The article said that all...

DOC:
Rest your lips.

You'll need them later.

DAWN:
Adam, people are watching us.

DOC:
Oh, good.

Then they'll know doctors play
other games besides golf.

CAPTAIN:
Now why don't they play some
music you can dance to?

Huh?

Do you mind?

LAURA:
Not at all.

CAPTAIN:
Thank you.

GARY:
May I, Captain?

CAPTAIN:
Laura?

LAURA:
I'll see you back at the table.

CAPTAIN:
Well, enjoy yourselves.

Boy, that's some beautiful girl
you got there, Dan.

DAN:
Yeah, young and beautiful.

You know, I wonder if she
wouldn't be better off with
somebody younger.

CAPTAIN:
Oh, come on, Dan, you don't
dance through life.

You love her, don't you?

DAN:
Merrill, in twenty years I'll be
almost seventy.

And she'll still be a young and
beautiful woman.

CAPTAIN:
Hey look, you can get a lot of
happiness out of twenty years.

Do you know how many married
couples, any age, would give
their right arm for one year of
happiness?

Oh, I've gotta go talk to that
band.

If they don't slow that tempo
down they'll be in San Pedro two
days before the ship.

How'd you like to play something
from my generation?

GARY:
You're a great dancer.

LAURA:
Dan's a great teacher.

GLENDA:
They're playing our song.

Come on.

GARY:
You quitting?

LAURA:
Yeah.

I'll take a rain check .

I'll see you later, okay?

GARY:
Yeah.

MR. MORRISON:
Hello, Diana.

Goodbye, Ginger.

MRS. MORRISON:
Hallelujah.

GLENDA:
I knew you'd be light on your
feet.

DAN:
Well you're not bad yourself.

Would you excuse me though,
really I'd, I'd like to dance
with my fiancée.

GLENDA:
Oh, well sure.

Where is she?

DAN:
She was here a moment ago.

GLENDA:
She must have left, so let's not
waste this music, hmm?

DIANA:
Mmm...Bruce, you're one terrific
kisser.

BRUCE:
Well you're not so bad
yourself...Ginger.

LAURA:
Hi.

DAN:
Hi.

I looked for you down on the
floor but you'd gone.

DAN:
Comfortable for you, maybe,
but...it sure makes my blood
pressure go up.

LAURA:
Oh?

Well...

DAN:
Here.

LAURA:
Thank you.

Hey, you know, you really are a
fantastic dancer.

I didn't realize how good though
until I saw you on the floor
with someone else.

DAN:
Well...you looked pretty good
with that young fella, too.

LAURA:
Oh, but that older woman was
incredible.

DAN:
Older woman?

She's younger than I am.

LAURA:
Oh, but you look so young,
darling.

DAN:
That's just the reflection of
you in my eyes.

Hey, what's that?

Hey, that's me.

LAURA:
Yeah.

DAN:
Where did you get that?

LAURA:
Your mother gave it to me.

You know, if I thought a baby of
ours would turn out like that,
I'd lock us in a room forever.

DAN:
Well, I'm getting a little
pooped.

I think I better go turn in.

LAURA:
Well, um...

DAN:
Goodnight.

I'll see you in the morning.

LAURA:
Okay.

DAWN:
Oh, Mister Ross, come in.

MR. ROSS:
The doctor told me to see him
first thing in the morning.

DAWN:
He'll be here soon.

How's your back?

MR. ROSS:
Did you ever get stepped on by
an elephant wearing baseball
spikes?

And that's the way it was before
it got worse.

DAWN:
Come on.

Over here and have a seat, all
right?

MR. ROSS:
Thank you.

DAWN:
I'm sure you won't have to wait
too long.

MR. ROSS:
My back!

DAWN:
Mister Ross, are you all right?

MR. ROSS:
It's better.

My back is better.

Mrs. Martin was right.

You're a genius.

DOC:
Good morning.

Hi, Mister Ross.

Let's have a look at your back.

MR. ROSS:
Oh, you wanna see my back?

Come down to the swimming pool.

I'm gonna be the guy doing
jackknifes into the pool from
the smoke stacks.

DOC:
You cured him?

DAWN:
Believe me, it was nothing.

DOC:
Tell me the truth.

You're a registered witch.

DIANA:
Well I think I should tell them
who I am right now.

BRUCE:
Just give them a little time to
get to know you first, okay?

DIANA:
Bruce, it's, it's deceitful.

I'm going to go tell them.

BRUCE:
No.

Now we gotta stick with our
plan.

DIANA:
I feel guilty.

I don't like fooling nice people
like that.

BRUCE:
We made a deal.

DIANA:
Well, I'm sorry I let you talk
me into it.

BRUCE:
Talk you into it?

I just mentioned the idea.

You jumped at it.

DIANA:
I did not.

BRUCE:
How do you like that?

Twenty-one and your memory's
going.

DIANA:
Not mine, yours.

If you're going to build our
marriage on deceit, maybe we
should think a little more about
getting married.

BRUCE:
Well what does that mean?

DIANA:
It means maybe your parents were
right.

Maybe you're not mature enough
to get married.

BRUCE:
Now listen...

LAURA:
Well ever since we came aboard
and...I don't know, it's been
like...

like he didn't really care for
me anymore.

GARY:
Why would you think that?

LAURA:
Well, he's always dancing with
other people, he's always
talking to other people...

GARY:
You mean the way we are now?

LAURA:
No.

We're talking about him.

That's different.

He spends more time with Glenda
than he does with me.

I almost think he'd rather spend
the time with her anyway.

GARY:
Oh come on, now that's dumb.

LAURA:
I don't think so.

Dumb, is it?

MR. MORRISON:
Hey, if you're planning to jump,
don't forget your snorkel.

BRUCE:
Thanks.

MRS. MORRISON:
Why the long face?

BRUCE:
Oh, it's Diana.

We had an argument.

MR. MORRISON:
I'm sorry, son.

But I'm sure you'll meet someone
new before the day is up.

Well that certainly proves our
point.

I mean if he can be that upset
about a girl he just met
yesterday,

he can't be very much in love
with his Ginger.

MRS. MORRISON:
I wonder what he and Diana
argued about?

MR. MORRISON:
Oh, probably sex.

MRS. MORRISON:
Harry, I swear, sometimes I
think that is all you think
about.

MR. MORRISON:
Count your blessings.

CAPTAIN [VOICE]:
This is the Captain.

Mexican Fiesta night is now
underway in the Acapulco Lounge.

JULIE:
Buenos noche, senor.

Would you like to share a
marguerita?

BRUCE:
Oh, Julie, if you don't mind I'd
rather be alone, okay?

JULIE:
Oh, okay.

BRUCE:
It's nothing personal, really.

JULIE:
It's all right, I'll get over
it.

Don't worry about me.

I'll be fine, I think.

GOPHER:
Hey, I've been looking all over
for you.

How 'bout the two of us go dance
on a hat?

DIANA:
You go, Gopher, I'm not in the
mood.

GOPHER:
Sure.

Adios.

MRS. MORRISON:
He looks miserable.

MR. MORRISON:
So does she.

MRS. MORRISON:
Do you think he could have
actually have fallen in love
with Diana?

They've only known each other
two days.

MR. MORRISON:
Why not?

I flipped for you in just
twenty-four hours.

Of course, you were the most
beautiful girl in the world.

And still are.

MRS. MORRISON:
You know, I think we stuck our
nose into something that was
none of our business.

MR. MORRISON:
Yeah, Bruce and Diana had their
lives all planned out until we
forced them together.

MRS. MORRISON:
Well, it wasn't our fault they
fell in love or had a fight.

MR. MORRISON:
Well not totally our fault.

DAN:
Are you having a good time?

LAURA:
Sure.

Are you?

DAN:
Oh, yes.

Would you like a drink?

LAURA:
No.

Actually, I was...feeling a
little tired and I thought maybe
I'd go to bed early.

DAN:
Uh, yeah, me, too.

I'm tired myself and I'll go to
bed early.

MRS. MORRISON:
I can't stand this anymore.

Come on.

Bruce, we owe you an apology.

BRUCE:
What?

MR. MORRISON:
For conning you into this
cruise.

MRS. MORRISON:
We will never try to influence
you anymore.

MR. MORRISON:
Whatever you wanna do with your
life is none of our business.

BRUCE:
Well...well, I owe you an
apology.

We conned you, too.

MRS. MORRISON:
'We?'

BRUCE:
Ginger and I.

That's her right there.

She's Diana.

Diana is Ginger.

They're one in the same.

MR. MORRISON:
You mean you tried to pull a
fast one on us?

BRUCE:
Yeah, but don't blame her.

I had to talk her into it.

DIANA:
Okay, Bruce, that's it.

I love you and I'm sick of
playing games.

I'm Ginger.

MRS. MORRISON:
Ginger...

DIANA:
Yes, I think what Bruce and I
did was wrong and deceitful,

and I hope someday you'll be
able to forgive us for it.

MR. MORRISON:
Cute kid, but what a
blabbermouth.

DIANA:
And another thing, nothing you
can say will keep us apart,
absolutely nothing.

MRS. MORRISON:
Ginger, will you hold it?

Just hold it.

It's all right.

You have our blessing.

DIANA:
Really?

MRS. MORRISON:
Hm-hmm.

DIANA:
Oh, Bruce...Bruce, did you hear?

BRUCE:
I heard, I heard.

Now will you stop talking long
enough for me to kiss you?

JULIE:
You know that Dawn is really
wonderful.

GOPHER:
Hmm...

JULIE:
Sometimes I just need a woman to
talk to and Dawn has a perfect
bedside manner.

I think she ought to be
nominated for a Nobel Prize for
medicine.

ISAAC:
Well, I guess I was wrong.

I mean, I had her pegged as a
ding-a-ling in white.

GOPHER:
Boy, how lucky can you get?

A body like that and a brain to
match.

ISAAC:
It's not always lucky.

Your body matches your brain.

JULIE:
Oh...Well, I think she seems to
know everything.

DOC:
Uh, talking about Dawn again,
huh?

ALL:
Uh-huh...

DOC:
I'm beginning to think she's
Doctor Schweitzer in drag.

What the...?

What kind of a Mexican outfit is
that?

ISAAC:
Zorro !

DOC:
Zero!

DAWN:
Hi, everybody.

ALL:
Hi.

DAWN:
I hope I'm not too late.

DOC:
No, that's okay, honey.

You were probably performing
emergency brain surgery.

DAWN:
Adam, what's wrong?

DOC:
Oh, nothing.

This is our last night at sea, I
was hoping we could celebrate.

GOPHER:
Oh, that sounds good to me.

JULIE:
Yeah.

What could we do?

DOC:
'We?' Did I say 'we'?

I don't remember saying 'we'.

I don't think I said 'we'.

Did you hear me say 'we'?

We?

We?

Not 'we'.

No, probably not.

GOPHER:
I don't know, Captain, if I were
you, I'd talk to your tailor.

CAPTAIN:
Doc, Doc, you gotta help me.

ISAAC:
Well first of all, I'd lose the
mustache.

GOPHER:
I'd bury it.

CAPTAIN:
I am talking about my hiccups.

DOC:
Well, we've just gotta try some
other remedies.

DAWN:
Pardon me, Captain.

CAPTAIN:
Yes?

DAWN:
Just a little pressure on the
ribs near the diaphragm.

Ole.

CAPTAIN:
Oh, they seem to have
disappeared.

Doc, I've gotta hand it to this
nurse of yours, you're a miracle
worker.

DOC:
Ain't she just.

MALE P.A.VOICE:
Good afternoon.

For those of you who wish to go
ashore, launches will be leaving
for Cabo San Lucas every...

CAPTAIN:
Okay, I'm free.

Let's go.

I just spoke to the Justice of
the Peace in Cabo San Lucas and
he's waiting for us.

Where's Laura?

DAN:
I don't know.

CAPTAIN:
What's going on with you two?

DAN:
I just don't think it's fair to
her, Merrill.

CAPTAIN:
Loving her isn't fair?

DAN:
No, loving somebody is making
them happy and she...

would be happier with people who
are...younger like Gary Foster,
you know...

CAPTAIN:
Dan, the worst mistakes come
from hasty decisions.

DAN:
No, this is not a hasty
decision.

I've been thinking about it for
a couple of days.

CAPTAIN:
Then think about it a little
longer.

DAN:
There's no need to.

How long are we gonna be here in
port?

CAPTAIN:
A few hours.

DAN:
I think I'll pack then and fly
back to Los Angeles.

CAPTAIN:
At least finish the cruise.

DAN:
No.

I want her to be free to enjoy
herself.

You tell her for me, will you?

CAPTAIN:
Dan...

DAN:
After I've gone though.

Thank you, Merrill.

DAN:
Why are you packing?

LAURA:
I...

DAN:
The ship doesn't dock in Los
Angeles till tomorrow afternoon.

LAURA:
Well, I'm, I'm flying back
today.

DAN:
Well why?

LAURA:
I've always wanted you to feel
free and...Well, I, I...feel
like I'm being selfish with you?

DAN:
What do you mean, selfish?

LAURA:
Well you enjoy yourself so much
with other people.

People like, like Glenda.

DAN:
Glenda?

LAURA:
Glenda.

So I'm letting you have your
freedom.

DAN:
Yeah, you're letting me have it,
all right.

Right in the kisser.

LAURA:
Oh, come on.

You were having the best time of
your life without me.

You're singing and dancing...

DAN:
You haven't exactly been locked
up in a cage.

LAURA:
All I ever wanted to be was your
wife.

DAN:
Well, how dare you assume you're
the only person in this cabin
who's in love.

LAURA:
I love you more than you could
possibly ever love me.

DAN:
My age, when I'm seventy...

LAURA:
I know.

When you're seventy, I will be
forty-nine.

And when you're ninety, I will
be seventy.

And when you're a
hundred-and-twenty, I will be a
hundred.

Oh, Dan, do you think our ages
will make any difference then?

We rode the carousel together,
Dan.

And God gave us the brass ring.

And you're throwing it right
back in His face.

DAN:
Oh...I'm sorry.

You're right, you're right.

I promise you one thing.

I will never ever do anything
again to bring a tear to your
eye.

LAURA:
Oh, Dan, I love you so much.

DAN:
I'll tell you another thing.

No matter how old I am, without
you tomorrow I'd be ninety.

DOC:
Just look at these cards.

None of them are up-to-date.

Where are my tongue depressors?

I cannot find my tongue
depressors.

DAWN:
Well they should be here
somewhere, Adam.

DOC:
Doctor.

Doctor Bricker, thank you.

And there are no magazines in my
waiting room.

DAWN:
I threw them out, Doctor.

They were ten years old.

DOC:
You threw out my National
Geographic?

Without asking?

You call yourself a nurse.

DAWN:
I'm sorry, Doctor.

I, I just never realized...

DOC:
That's no excuse.

Look, instead of being Doctor
Delaney, why don't you just try
to concentrate on doing your
job!

DAWN:
But, Adam, I've been trying so
hard...

DOC:
Now wait a minute, Delaney,
don't...Nobody ever said you
weren't trying.

JULIE:
Say, Dawn, I just wanted to
thank you for everything.

DOC:
We were just discussing medical
procedures.

JULIE:
You know, Doc, there's an old
saying...

DOC:
Yeah, I know, I know.

'Physician heal thyself.'

JULIE:
No. Physician, quit being such a
heel!

DAWN:
It's open.

DOC:
Hi, there.

How's it going?

DAWN:
Fine, thank you, Doctor Bricker.

I'm almost packed.

DOC:
Uh, Dawn...I came to apologize
for the way I spoke to you.

DAWN:
You don't have to.

A doctor doesn't have to
apologize to a mere nurse.

DOC:
You can make me feel worse than
that.

DAWN:
I'll just go back to Vegas where
I belong.

DOC:
Okay.

I feel worse.

DAWN:
Let's face it, Doc.

I'm just not cut out for
nursing.

DOC:
You're right.

You should be a doctor.

DAWN:
What?

DOC:
Yeah.

You have a...an instinct for
people.

You'd be great.

DAWN:
Oh...oh, come on, Doc.

DOC:
No, I mean it.

You can do it.

DAWN:
You know, it's funny.

I had a year of Pre-Med.

I was on my way to becoming a
doctor.

DOC:
Well, what stopped you?

DAWN:
Me.

I figured no one would take me
seriously.

You know, once a sex symbol,
always a sex symbol.

DOC:
Yeah.

I know what you mean.

Dawn, c'mere.

Sit down.

Dawn, doctors are certainly not
gods.

All we can do is listen to the
patient and try our best to
help.

And that's exactly what you've
been doing.

DAWN:
I don't know, Doc, it's a big
step.

DOC:
I've got faith in you.

DAWN:
But, even if you were right, I
mean...

how do I know they would take me
back into a medical school?

DOC:
And how do you know they
wouldn't?

Especially if I write a letter
of recommendation to a couple of
deans.

DAWN:
Doc, would you?

How can I ever thank you?

DOC:
You're doing just fine.

And isn't this a lot more fun
than a thank you note?

CAPTAIN:
I...you didn't leave.

DAN:
What?

Leave the most beautiful girl in
the world?

CAPTAIN:
All right.

All right, that's it.

That's it.

Period.

LAURA:
No.

No way, Merrill.

DAN:
No.

Not a chance.

CAPTAIN: But...

DAN:
We found your Justice of the
Peace at Cabo San Lucas before
we sailed and...

we got married.

CAPTAIN:
I'm gonna kiss the bride.

GLENDA:
Goodbye, Captain.

CAPTAIN:
Goodbye.

GLENDA:
I'll be seeing you.

CAPTAIN: 'In all the old
familiar places...'

JULIE: I hope you enjoyed your
cruise.

MRS. MORRISON:
Enjoyed?

I gained four pounds.

MR. MORRISON:
I did better than that.

I gained a daughter.

GOPHER:
Oh, hey, Diana, I'm gonna be off
duty in about an hour,

how about the two of us having
dinner at my place?

DIANA:
Oh, Gopher, I'd love to.

GOPHER:
You would?

DIANA:
But you'll have to ask Bruce.

We're getting married.

GOPHER:
Well how 'bout the boy back home
you were gonna marry?

DIANA:
Bruce is the boy back home.

GOPHER:
Makes sense to me.

CAPTAIN:
Hope you enjoyed yourself.

Goodbye.

DAN:
Merrill, goodbye and thank you
for everything.

You're a good friend.

CAPTAIN:
Well you're not.

I've got a bone to pick with you
two.

I was supposed to be the best
man at your wedding.

LAURA:
We're sorry.

Listen, we'll let you be
godfather to our first child,
okay?

CAPTAIN:
Really?

DAN:
And the second one.

LAURA:
And the third and the fourth and
the...

DAN:
So you can see why you won't be
hearing from me for a while.

MRS. MARTIN:
Pardon me, sir.

I just have to tell you what a
beautiful daughter you have.

DAN:
She's not my daughter...but
don't tell my wife.

DAWN:
Thanks, Isaac.

ISAAC:
Sure.

DAWN:
Oh well, take care everybody.

It was nice meeting you.

JULIE:
It's been a great cruise, Dawn.

Let's keep in touch, okay?

DAWN:
Okay.

DOC:
Excuse me.

DAWN:
That cough, Doc, how long have
you had it?

DOC:
Oh, just...since this morning.

I'm okay.

DAWN:
You better take an antibiotic
and get some bed rest...alone.

DOC:
Whatever you say.

DAWN:
Now, where do I send the bill?

JULIE:
Bye, Dawn.

DOC:
...what did I tell you?

She's a born doctor.

CAPTAIN:
You were right.

DOC:
But I didn't say she was
perfect.