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1
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,873
Bandit, me and Fred've got a question.
2
00:00:58,962 --> 00:01:00,336
What do you and Fred want?
3
00:01:00,421 --> 00:01:02,528
- How come we doing this?
- Why not?
4
00:01:02,564 --> 00:01:05,471
- They said it couldn't be done.
- That's the reason.
5
00:01:05,507 --> 00:01:07,448
That's good with Fred. We're clear.
6
00:01:08,012 --> 00:01:09,127
Ten-four.
7
00:01:09,306 --> 00:01:11,813
I'm Big Enos Burdette.
8
00:01:12,850 --> 00:01:15,008
This is my son, Little Enos.
9
00:01:24,654 --> 00:01:26,813
Hold on to your ass, Fred.
10
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,372
What we're dealing with here...
11
00:01:36,458 --> 00:01:41,056
is a complete lack of respect for the law.
12
00:02:11,952 --> 00:02:18,043
Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice
look like a possum's pecker.
13
00:02:23,172 --> 00:02:24,881
Daddy, look out!
14
00:02:31,387 --> 00:02:35,094
- Daddy?
- Shut up, Junior. I'm thinking.
15
00:02:35,130 --> 00:02:38,421
- What are you thinking about?
- Retiring.
16
00:02:44,776 --> 00:02:46,319
Atten-hut!
17
00:03:11,553 --> 00:03:14,531
You can all sit down now.
18
00:03:17,603 --> 00:03:21,730
I want to thank you
nice ladies and gentlemen...
19
00:03:21,898 --> 00:03:24,436
and my fellow officers...
20
00:03:24,526 --> 00:03:28,476
for coming here this evening
to celebrate the retirement...
21
00:03:28,572 --> 00:03:33,266
of an old friend, Sheriff Buford T. Justice.
22
00:03:33,534 --> 00:03:36,738
I think I can truthfully say...
23
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:39,583
that tonight I feel as if I...
24
00:03:39,668 --> 00:03:42,786
were emerging victoriously...
25
00:03:42,878 --> 00:03:46,212
from a 35-year war.
26
00:03:46,298 --> 00:03:50,092
A war to uphold law and order.
27
00:03:50,128 --> 00:03:51,892
Daddy, I'm bored.
28
00:03:51,929 --> 00:03:54,901
I'm bored hearing about your boredom.
29
00:03:54,952 --> 00:03:57,972
That's why I went to all this trouble.
Now we're going to have fun!
30
00:03:58,009 --> 00:04:00,990
As much fun as putting Ex-Lax
in the Dallas water supply?
31
00:04:01,027 --> 00:04:03,569
Yeah, and then cornering the market
on toilet paper.
32
00:04:03,606 --> 00:04:05,145
More fun than that.
33
00:04:05,234 --> 00:04:09,663
And what fond memories
were brought back...
34
00:04:10,449 --> 00:04:14,695
when I saw those 211s, the 502s...
35
00:04:14,994 --> 00:04:18,694
and the DWls and the APBs...
36
00:04:19,624 --> 00:04:24,838
but most of all, those hot pursuits.
37
00:04:24,875 --> 00:04:27,907
You're going to pee in your pants
watching that county mountie...
38
00:04:27,944 --> 00:04:29,499
hump across six states.
39
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,986
I don't think the Sheriff will
buy your plan, frankly.
40
00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:36,794
Trust me, son. If there's one thing
that egomaniac can't refuse...
41
00:04:36,830 --> 00:04:38,982
it's a public challenge.
42
00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:43,611
BUFORD:... that I have marched through
a wave of crime and criminals...
43
00:04:43,648 --> 00:04:46,974
like crap through a moose.
44
00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:54,787
In the '60s, I chased those pimply-faced,
long-haired hippies.
45
00:04:54,824 --> 00:04:56,354
And I caught them.
46
00:04:56,391 --> 00:04:59,084
- Then in the '70s, I chased-
- The Bandit!
47
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,836
What about The Bandit?
48
00:05:02,251 --> 00:05:05,419
Yeah, Daddy? What about The Bandit?
49
00:05:05,456 --> 00:05:07,758
Sit down, you tick turd!
50
00:05:10,259 --> 00:05:15,389
I chased that boy for over 3,000 miles.
51
00:05:15,514 --> 00:05:17,720
Through 20 states.
52
00:05:17,808 --> 00:05:21,309
- But you didn't catch him.
- So I didn't catch him.
53
00:05:21,396 --> 00:05:25,020
What the hell difference does it make?
But I'll bet-
54
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:27,141
- Okay.
- Okay, what?
55
00:05:27,234 --> 00:05:30,022
- Okay, let's bet.
- What are you talking about?
56
00:05:30,154 --> 00:05:34,400
What we're talking about
is a simple contest, a little race.
57
00:05:34,491 --> 00:05:36,531
And if you win, Sheriff...
58
00:05:36,618 --> 00:05:42,613
we Enoses are going to pony up $250,000.
59
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:46,961
If you lose, you fork over
that silly symbol...
60
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:51,072
you've been shoving in people's faces
all these years.
61
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,693
Your badge.
62
00:05:54,637 --> 00:06:00,643
This badge means more to me
than anything else in the world.
63
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,931
And I'd like nothing more
than anything else in the world...
64
00:06:03,967 --> 00:06:05,603
to run you into the ground.
65
00:06:05,689 --> 00:06:08,844
You and that
excuse for a son,
66
00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:12,160
who looks just like
a flea's pecker.
67
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:17,043
However, I'm going to retire.
68
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:21,090
I'm going down to Florida
and sit in the sun with my son.
69
00:06:21,126 --> 00:06:25,116
Remember, we're talking about
an awful lot of money here.
70
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:28,606
So if you change your mind,
you know where to reach us.
71
00:06:28,643 --> 00:06:31,507
Thanks, but no thanks.
72
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:35,458
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
at this very moment...
73
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:41,277
I proclaim myself retired.
74
00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:04,787
Buford T. Justice
Fearless law of Texas
75
00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:07,876
The man who chased The Bandit
coast to coast
76
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:12,498
Buford T. Justice
Now you've up and left us
77
00:07:12,593 --> 00:07:16,608
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
78
00:07:19,182 --> 00:07:22,945
Some say you're a lunatic
Some say you're a buffoon
79
00:07:22,981 --> 00:07:26,476
Some say you're a fooI
with a gun
80
00:07:26,836 --> 00:07:30,773
Though you stuck to him like glue
81
00:07:30,810 --> 00:07:35,375
Now who'd have thought you'd walk away
before the job was done
82
00:07:39,369 --> 00:07:42,996
The man who chased The Bandit
coast to coast
83
00:07:43,331 --> 00:07:47,079
Buford T. Justice
Now you've up and left us
84
00:07:47,377 --> 00:07:51,677
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
85
00:07:56,511 --> 00:08:00,703
You're a hero to your ego
a legend in your own mind
86
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:04,037
To serve and protect
has been your word
87
00:08:04,228 --> 00:08:08,225
But can you stand to sit it out
when pride is on the line
88
00:08:08,261 --> 00:08:12,542
And "What about The Bandit?"
was the last thing that you heard
89
00:08:12,862 --> 00:08:16,694
You're Buford T. Justice
Fearless law of Texas
90
00:08:16,783 --> 00:08:20,032
Man who chased The Bandit
coast to coast
91
00:08:20,786 --> 00:08:24,734
Buford T. Justice
Now you've up and left us
92
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:28,896
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
93
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:33,374
Just like some old gray race horse,
you've been put to graze
94
00:08:33,411 --> 00:08:37,386
They say you're over the hill now
and you've seen your better days
95
00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:40,670
Like that old race horse,
you still hear that bell
96
00:08:40,706 --> 00:08:45,172
If a hot chase was heaven
Now the good life is hell
97
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:05,620
Well, you took on all those outlaws
and the weirdoes with the hair
98
00:09:05,656 --> 00:09:09,095
You stood for law and order all the way
99
00:09:09,254 --> 00:09:13,351
Now, you're standing on your records
But does anybody care
100
00:09:13,388 --> 00:09:17,803
You're still known as the boob
who let the big one get away
101
00:09:18,137 --> 00:09:22,004
'Cause you're Buford T. Justice,
Fearless law of Texas
102
00:09:22,099 --> 00:09:25,265
The man who chased The Bandit
coast to coast
103
00:09:26,021 --> 00:09:29,720
Buford T. Justice
Now you've up and left us
104
00:09:30,189 --> 00:09:33,726
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
105
00:09:34,738 --> 00:09:38,188
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
106
00:09:39,616 --> 00:09:43,531
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
107
00:09:52,005 --> 00:09:55,955
Junior, retirement is cat shit.
108
00:09:56,051 --> 00:09:58,778
Let's get the Enoses.
109
00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:07,760
Oh, look, Daddy!
110
00:10:07,853 --> 00:10:09,893
The June Taylor Dancers.
111
00:10:19,907 --> 00:10:24,219
- There's our turkey.
- Let's go stuff him!
112
00:10:26,832 --> 00:10:30,118
Daddy, they're taking our picture.
Wet your lips.
113
00:10:30,209 --> 00:10:32,160
Shut up, shit.
114
00:10:32,253 --> 00:10:34,330
Well, welcome, Sheriff.
115
00:10:34,757 --> 00:10:36,880
What the hell's going on?
116
00:10:37,218 --> 00:10:41,517
These are a few of Daddy's closest friends.
Just came to see you off.
117
00:10:41,595 --> 00:10:45,304
Let's cut the crap and get down
to the nitty-gritty.
118
00:10:45,341 --> 00:10:47,581
Well, you're a sporting man, Sheriff.
119
00:10:47,618 --> 00:10:49,932
We're going to bet you $250,000...
120
00:10:50,022 --> 00:10:51,849
against your tin star...
121
00:10:51,941 --> 00:10:54,568
that you can't drive from here in Miami...
122
00:10:54,569 --> 00:10:57,404
to the Enos Ranch
just outside of Austin, Texas...
123
00:10:57,488 --> 00:11:00,022
by 5:30 tomorrow afternoon.
124
00:11:00,074 --> 00:11:03,912
That's only 1,400 miles. What's the catch?
125
00:11:04,035 --> 00:11:05,681
There's the catch.
126
00:11:05,717 --> 00:11:10,474
- Look at that big ugly fish, Daddy.
- Looks like your mama.
127
00:11:12,545 --> 00:11:15,025
Smells like your mama, too.
128
00:11:15,062 --> 00:11:17,413
That's our advertising campaign. Get it?
129
00:11:17,450 --> 00:11:18,296
Fish and chips.
130
00:11:18,384 --> 00:11:22,168
We're opening up fast-food franchises
all over the South.
131
00:11:23,097 --> 00:11:25,594
Get that off the top of my car!
132
00:11:25,631 --> 00:11:28,982
A little respect, Sheriff. That's our logo.
133
00:11:29,186 --> 00:11:31,389
Daddy, what's a logo?
134
00:11:31,397 --> 00:11:33,189
Something like a flounder.
135
00:11:33,358 --> 00:11:36,893
That's in the great tradition
of American advertising.
136
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:40,452
And you got to carry it. Otherwise, no bet.
137
00:11:40,556 --> 00:11:41,888
I get it.
138
00:11:41,924 --> 00:11:46,522
You're trying to humiliate me
so I won't take the bet.
139
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:49,118
Get in the car, Junior.
140
00:11:49,331 --> 00:11:52,369
Now then, Sheriff, be careful
with the badge.
141
00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:56,351
It's going to make a beautiful
belt buckle for me.
142
00:11:56,388 --> 00:11:58,213
If you get my badge...
143
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:03,475
it's going to be
a seven-pointed suppository.
144
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,833
He fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.
145
00:12:21,155 --> 00:12:24,324
- Be careful, Daddy!
- Don't worry, Junior.
146
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:29,062
I know a shortcut.
We'll be out of here in no time.
147
00:12:29,098 --> 00:12:31,958
Daddy, we've been driving around
for two-and-a-half hours...
148
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:35,001
and we're still in downtown Miami.
149
00:12:35,881 --> 00:12:39,742
I'm as confused as a baby raccoon.
150
00:12:39,777 --> 00:12:41,938
I don't know where the hell we are.
151
00:12:41,974 --> 00:12:46,164
- It's right here on the map.
- Get that damn thing out of my face!
152
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,697
I was only trying to help.
153
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:50,601
You want to help? Jump out the window.
154
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:53,121
Turn left here, Daddy.
155
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,171
Look at all these people, Daddy.
156
00:12:57,208 --> 00:13:00,076
Junior, what you got us into now?
157
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,337
Come on, get out the way! We're in a hurry!
158
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,278
I think we've crossed the border.
159
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:11,858
Hey, you want to buy some food
for your fish?
160
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,832
Up yours and that fish.
161
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:20,209
Get the hell out of here.
I know what time it is.
162
00:13:21,739 --> 00:13:24,555
Get back!
163
00:13:24,592 --> 00:13:28,373
You'd think they never saw a car
with a big fish on top.
164
00:13:28,409 --> 00:13:31,580
Ladies, nice ladies.
165
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,660
Could you possibly tell me...
166
00:13:35,696 --> 00:13:38,266
how to get to the Florida Turnpike?
167
00:13:48,538 --> 00:13:52,584
Thank you, nice ladies.
Thank you, you've been very helpful.
168
00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:54,245
You dirty old...
169
00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:56,349
I think she said turn left.
170
00:13:56,386 --> 00:13:58,836
I know she said turn left!
171
00:13:58,873 --> 00:14:03,958
I understand the German language
enough to understand what she told me!
172
00:14:07,975 --> 00:14:11,584
I guess that bought us
about a two-and-a-half minute delay.
173
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:15,635
This is going to be the most fun we ever had
with our pants on.
174
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:28,268
Did you remember to take care
of the gas tank?
175
00:14:28,305 --> 00:14:31,632
Do bears defecate rurally?
176
00:14:41,883 --> 00:14:43,875
- What's the matter, Daddy?
- Gas!
177
00:14:44,177 --> 00:14:46,169
Must be that pizza you had for lunch.
178
00:14:46,262 --> 00:14:49,679
Not my belly, the tank!
Didn't you fill it up?
179
00:14:49,808 --> 00:14:53,757
- Well, I thought-
- You thought? What the hell did you use?
180
00:14:53,811 --> 00:14:57,561
- It has to be pushed!
- We can do that easy, Daddy.
181
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:01,136
What is that "we" crap?
You know I got a double hernia.
182
00:15:01,361 --> 00:15:02,915
You push, I'll steer.
183
00:15:02,952 --> 00:15:05,992
Oh, thank you, Daddy. I knew you'd help me.
184
00:15:11,163 --> 00:15:13,452
He's dumb...
185
00:15:13,541 --> 00:15:15,755
but a loveable shit.
186
00:15:36,355 --> 00:15:38,937
Delays like this are going to kill us.
187
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:43,333
Stopping off for gas,
getting caught in traffic jams.
188
00:15:43,369 --> 00:15:46,180
Everything's against us.
189
00:15:48,118 --> 00:15:50,574
Look out for that car, Daddy!
190
00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:57,536
Where's that fool going?
191
00:15:58,128 --> 00:16:00,255
Daddy, he came awful close.
192
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:03,886
You should never give
a dummy like that a license.
193
00:16:06,511 --> 00:16:11,972
Tell that road-hog Rembrandt
I'm coming around, and to look out!
194
00:16:13,436 --> 00:16:16,555
Hey, road-hog Rembrandt, look-
195
00:16:18,398 --> 00:16:19,561
Out.
196
00:16:21,402 --> 00:16:24,075
We cost them some time there, son.
197
00:16:24,111 --> 00:16:29,075
I wonder how Junior likes life
in the dumb lane.
198
00:16:29,911 --> 00:16:33,048
Daddy, my face is all white.
199
00:16:33,084 --> 00:16:37,243
Well, put a little lipstick on,
I'll drop you off at a gay bar.
200
00:16:41,673 --> 00:16:43,363
What are we stopping for?
201
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:48,394
It's time to take out some insurance,
teach those county mounties a lesson.
202
00:16:48,430 --> 00:16:51,807
I don't get it. I mean, they certainly lost
enough time as it is.
203
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,466
We're winning, ain't we?
204
00:16:53,503 --> 00:16:57,037
We're winning, son,
but winning isn't everything.
205
00:16:57,074 --> 00:17:00,360
- What is?
- Winning dirty, boy.
206
00:17:00,396 --> 00:17:01,482
What's the matter with you?
207
00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:04,528
Sorry, Daddy. I lost my head.
208
00:17:04,563 --> 00:17:08,694
- Shame, Little Enos.
- Ashamed, Daddy.
209
00:17:08,731 --> 00:17:11,252
Look, Daddy, here they come.
210
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,983
They're coming, all right.
211
00:17:24,674 --> 00:17:27,046
They put up a roadblock, Daddy.
212
00:17:27,511 --> 00:17:30,133
Daddy.
They aren't going to stop!
213
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:34,482
Hold on tight. This might be a little bumpy.
214
00:17:57,917 --> 00:18:00,538
This was a brilliant idea.
215
00:18:00,628 --> 00:18:04,653
Don't worry, Son.
I've got something up my sleeve.
216
00:18:04,689 --> 00:18:07,432
I hope it's a chocolate chip cookie, Daddy.
217
00:18:07,469 --> 00:18:11,676
You can dunk my doughnuts
if it ain't a great idea.
218
00:18:13,516 --> 00:18:15,971
It seems to be flooded.
219
00:18:16,059 --> 00:18:18,256
No shit.
220
00:18:19,814 --> 00:18:25,105
Buckle up, Junior, we're going
to make a lot of time now!
221
00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:29,072
This is it, son.
222
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:32,505
I thought from the start
this was a one-man job.
223
00:18:32,542 --> 00:18:36,296
There's only one man I know
that's never let us down.
224
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:39,325
Homogenise my hostility!
Would you be speaking of-
225
00:18:39,417 --> 00:18:42,489
No, I'm not talking
about that egomaniac.
226
00:18:42,526 --> 00:18:45,220
I'm talking about the only one
we can really trust:
227
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,357
The Snowman.
228
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,583
Now get me that phone.
229
00:18:50,496 --> 00:18:52,390
That isn't the phone.
230
00:19:02,024 --> 00:19:04,932
Fred, you don't know what
it means having you here.
231
00:19:04,968 --> 00:19:10,210
You're the ugliest. Look at your eyes.
Your eyes sag, your ears. Look at that.
232
00:19:10,247 --> 00:19:13,492
Eight yards long. Your lips...
And your breath's bad.
233
00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:16,300
The next time I buy them
deodorising dog biscuits...
234
00:19:16,336 --> 00:19:17,493
you're going to eat them!
235
00:19:18,708 --> 00:19:20,236
Hang on.
236
00:19:21,544 --> 00:19:24,837
Mule Barn, you got The Snowman.
How about-
237
00:19:25,088 --> 00:19:29,549
Look, lover boy, I've got $250,000...
238
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:32,316
with your name on it if you help us out.
239
00:19:32,328 --> 00:19:36,640
Two hundred and fifty...
240
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:42,525
You mean, I don't have to drive the truck
or haul nothing but my ass?
241
00:19:42,732 --> 00:19:44,303
I'm going to be The Bandit.
242
00:19:44,339 --> 00:19:47,908
Do I get to wear the hat? The shirt?
243
00:19:48,696 --> 00:19:50,631
And drive the car!
244
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,310
Now, listen!
245
00:19:53,346 --> 00:19:56,224
I think you just got yourself a Bandit. Bye!
246
00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:58,914
I'm going to be The Bandit!
I love it! The Bandit.
247
00:19:58,999 --> 00:20:01,834
Wear the hat, drive the car.
I love it. Give me the car.
248
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,967
All right, Mrs. Fernbush,
let's remember the procedures.
249
00:20:10,004 --> 00:20:13,153
Look both ways before entering
the flow of traffic.
250
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:16,404
Politeness pays, but look both ways.
251
00:20:16,441 --> 00:20:20,948
Give her a little gas,
and let up lightly on the clutch.
252
00:20:38,121 --> 00:20:39,532
Turn right!
253
00:20:49,425 --> 00:20:51,797
What an asshole!
254
00:20:53,013 --> 00:20:56,137
Hold on, Dixie
Bandit's on the road again
255
00:20:56,557 --> 00:20:57,967
Look out!
256
00:21:01,104 --> 00:21:04,188
I'm going to be The Bandit. I'm going to...
257
00:21:05,608 --> 00:21:07,065
Oh, Fred?
258
00:21:07,151 --> 00:21:10,814
I mashed your doghouse, son,
but don't worry. I'll buy you...
259
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:13,677
Fred, I'll buy you
a whole condominium.
260
00:21:13,714 --> 00:21:17,571
Listen, with the money we...
Come here, you.
261
00:21:17,662 --> 00:21:22,452
Now go find your fireplug.
I'm going to go put on my Bandit clothes.
262
00:21:22,488 --> 00:21:26,545
I'm going to be The Bandit.
I'm going to be The Bandit! I love it!
263
00:21:42,855 --> 00:21:45,462
Come on, get after him!
Hey, bubba!
264
00:21:45,498 --> 00:21:48,044
This ain't good, man.
This ain't good at all.
265
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,422
I'm not scared of these crackers.
I'm black and I'm proud.
266
00:21:51,458 --> 00:21:54,655
Three hundred years
of experience tells me...
267
00:21:54,741 --> 00:21:57,895
that you aren't being nothing
but black and loud.
268
00:22:02,833 --> 00:22:06,887
- You better pull over.
- I ain't pulling over for nobody.
269
00:22:59,141 --> 00:23:01,494
We're not making
very good time, Daddy.
270
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:06,161
Well, as soon as I get around Col. Sanders,
all that'll change.
271
00:23:14,282 --> 00:23:18,192
What the hell are those
Klan clowns doing here?
272
00:23:36,011 --> 00:23:39,338
Here's how you
handle the Klan, Junior.
273
00:23:57,972 --> 00:24:00,125
Get out of here, boy!
274
00:24:04,603 --> 00:24:09,516
Lord have mercy!
I must have died and gone to heaven!
275
00:24:10,797 --> 00:24:13,889
What goes around comes around!
276
00:24:14,176 --> 00:24:16,252
You ever join the Klan, Daddy?
277
00:24:16,345 --> 00:24:20,375
No chance. But your mama did.
278
00:24:20,412 --> 00:24:25,273
When she put on her sheet,
she looked like an iceberg with feet.
279
00:24:26,521 --> 00:24:29,936
The lid is what's
going to make the kid.
280
00:24:30,984 --> 00:24:34,532
What do you think, my man?
I'm talking bad, Fred.
281
00:24:34,569 --> 00:24:37,814
I mean, you got your Bandit,
and then you got...
282
00:24:37,908 --> 00:24:40,637
Pray for that Bandit.
How about you, Smokey?
283
00:24:40,661 --> 00:24:42,326
You got them ears on?
284
00:24:44,331 --> 00:24:46,823
Don't look at me like that, Fred.
285
00:24:46,917 --> 00:24:47,997
Fred!
286
00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:51,897
I told you I would love to take you, okay?
But I can't take you.
287
00:24:51,933 --> 00:24:54,483
The Bandit didn't have no dog
in the car with him!
288
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,673
It just wouldn't look right.
289
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,123
But... Look, Fred.
290
00:24:59,348 --> 00:25:02,133
What if you had your opportunity
to be Rin Tin Tin?
291
00:25:02,224 --> 00:25:04,308
You wouldn't say no to that, would you?
292
00:25:04,345 --> 00:25:07,186
No, you wouldn't. I get to be The Bandit.
293
00:25:07,271 --> 00:25:10,022
You want me to have that, don't you?
Sure, you do.
294
00:25:10,107 --> 00:25:13,381
You're my buddy.
Hey, I knew you was going to be lonesome.
295
00:25:13,418 --> 00:25:15,894
I knew I was going to be gone,
so I took care of you.
296
00:25:15,989 --> 00:25:19,149
Now just a minute. Here.
Look here what I got for you, Fred.
297
00:25:19,241 --> 00:25:22,006
I got you somebody
I want you to meet, Fred.
298
00:25:22,042 --> 00:25:23,862
This is Freda.
299
00:25:27,459 --> 00:25:30,321
There we go.
300
00:25:31,213 --> 00:25:35,275
Freda, Fred. Fred, Freda.
301
00:25:35,311 --> 00:25:38,986
And by the power vested in me,
as owner of both of you hounds...
302
00:25:39,022 --> 00:25:41,808
I now pronounce you basset and basset.
303
00:25:41,844 --> 00:25:45,469
Fred, that means you don't have to
half-ass it.
304
00:25:46,228 --> 00:25:47,686
You get it?
305
00:25:48,230 --> 00:25:51,314
Excuse me. Listen. I've got work to do.
306
00:25:51,399 --> 00:25:53,472
You all have to entertain yourself...
307
00:25:53,509 --> 00:25:56,361
but The Bandit is gonna go smoke
some smokies.
308
00:26:14,131 --> 00:26:16,928
I'll tell you what.
You want to see a bandit?
309
00:26:16,964 --> 00:26:20,680
You're looking at a bad bandit.
I'm talking bad.
310
00:26:26,727 --> 00:26:30,227
Never should've put me
in this thing, brother.
311
00:26:32,691 --> 00:26:35,676
Hear that roar of thunder
312
00:26:36,486 --> 00:26:39,489
Hear those tyres scream
313
00:26:39,950 --> 00:26:42,616
He's every boy's hero
314
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,640
Every lady's dream
315
00:26:45,956 --> 00:26:48,570
Flying down the highway
heading west
316
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:49,489
They love me.
317
00:26:49,584 --> 00:26:54,241
In a streak of black lightning
Called the Bandit Express
318
00:26:54,297 --> 00:26:58,508
Look out, The Bandit's comin'
Tyres screamin' engine hummin'
319
00:26:58,545 --> 00:27:00,413
Looks like The Bandit's
on the move
320
00:27:00,450 --> 00:27:02,406
Bandit, if you could see
me now. They love me.
321
00:27:02,430 --> 00:27:05,840
Look out, The Bandit's comin'.. Get
your money and warn the women
322
00:27:05,877 --> 00:27:08,555
Tell those smokeys
all to take a rest
323
00:27:08,854 --> 00:27:13,317
'Cause they'll never get
the Bandit Express
324
00:27:18,696 --> 00:27:20,441
They never learn.
325
00:27:21,033 --> 00:27:24,531
Look out, The Bandit's comin'
Get your money and warn the women
326
00:27:24,618 --> 00:27:27,656
Tell those smokeys all to take a rest
327
00:27:27,693 --> 00:27:31,310
'Cause they'll never get
the Bandit Express
328
00:27:31,669 --> 00:27:36,007
Whoa, they'll never get
the Bandit Express
329
00:27:42,137 --> 00:27:45,640
Junior, I want to tell you
an interesting story.
330
00:27:45,891 --> 00:27:50,778
When the Pilgrim Justices landed
on the shores of Texas...
331
00:27:51,563 --> 00:27:54,839
some of the male members of the family...
332
00:27:54,876 --> 00:27:57,184
became lawmen.
333
00:27:57,487 --> 00:28:01,021
All of the lawmen of the Justices...
334
00:28:01,115 --> 00:28:03,379
had sixth sense.
335
00:28:03,416 --> 00:28:07,800
- That's too bad.
- What's too bad about having sixth sense?
336
00:28:07,892 --> 00:28:10,422
Well, that's not even a dime.
337
00:28:10,918 --> 00:28:13,585
Hi, folks, this is Dusty Trails,
speaking to you live...
338
00:28:13,669 --> 00:28:17,229
from Town's Autorama on the corner
of Second St. and Washington Blvd.
339
00:28:17,266 --> 00:28:19,295
I hope you're enjoying
our million-dollar movie...
340
00:28:19,384 --> 00:28:22,102
and you're going to enjoy hearing
from Skip.
341
00:28:22,139 --> 00:28:23,919
Take it away, Skip!
342
00:28:24,013 --> 00:28:27,287
Thank you, Dusty. Isn't she wonderfuI?
343
00:28:27,309 --> 00:28:30,283
Friends, before
I forget, don't you forget...
344
00:28:30,388 --> 00:28:33,288
to come out here on Sunday
and bring the kids.
345
00:28:33,730 --> 00:28:36,541
'Cause in addition to the best auto values
in town...
346
00:28:36,631 --> 00:28:41,039
we're giving away free oatmeaI cookies
baked by Dusty herself.
347
00:28:41,156 --> 00:28:44,406
Hard to believe somebody
so pretty can cook too, isn't it, friends?
348
00:28:44,492 --> 00:28:46,839
Let's talk about the special of the week.
349
00:28:46,875 --> 00:28:50,073
It's a '76 Mercury Monarch, fully loaded...
350
00:28:50,207 --> 00:28:52,077
but you don't have to be to buy it.
351
00:28:52,113 --> 00:28:56,454
Yes, this low-mileage honey
has got new rubber, factory air...
352
00:28:56,491 --> 00:29:02,121
AMIFM stereo and four brand-new shocks
that I personally installed myself.
353
00:29:02,158 --> 00:29:04,927
Dusty, why don't you tell them
about your cookies...
354
00:29:04,964 --> 00:29:08,295
while I climb up on the hood
and demonstrate?
355
00:29:10,562 --> 00:29:13,894
If you really want to save yourself
a lot of money and grief...
356
00:29:13,931 --> 00:29:16,452
stay as far away from this dump as you can.
357
00:29:16,489 --> 00:29:19,526
See that fool jumping up
on the hood of that car?
358
00:29:19,696 --> 00:29:23,144
That fool wouldn't know a good deal
if someone gave him four aces.
359
00:29:23,180 --> 00:29:27,451
When I moved here, I didn't know a soul,
so I answered his ad for a bookkeeper.
360
00:29:27,488 --> 00:29:30,611
Should've been for a football player,
considering the passes he made at me.
361
00:29:30,706 --> 00:29:33,576
He told me he loved me, needed me,
and was leaving his wife.
362
00:29:33,667 --> 00:29:35,677
The only thing he left was fingerprints.
363
00:29:35,713 --> 00:29:37,933
Hell, he had no intention
of divorcing his wife.
364
00:29:38,026 --> 00:29:41,338
The only intention he had was conning
you people out of a lot of money.
365
00:29:41,425 --> 00:29:44,296
See that special he's jumping on?
It's a special, all right.
366
00:29:44,387 --> 00:29:47,057
Just add three zeroes
when you check out the mileage.
367
00:29:47,093 --> 00:29:48,825
It used to be a taxi!
368
00:29:48,861 --> 00:29:53,403
This gal is taking a walk on Skip Town,
his lies, and his lemons!
369
00:29:53,646 --> 00:29:57,432
Folks, I'm a little irritated. Pardon me.
I hope you enjoy the movie.
370
00:29:57,525 --> 00:29:59,888
But I am leaving. Bye!
371
00:30:00,195 --> 00:30:02,589
Dusty, Skip's going to freak
when he hears that.
372
00:30:02,677 --> 00:30:04,398
That's his problem!
373
00:30:04,430 --> 00:30:06,680
Good luck, kid!
374
00:30:08,329 --> 00:30:12,000
Hold it! Thank you.
375
00:30:13,084 --> 00:30:15,061
I need a ride.
376
00:30:15,250 --> 00:30:17,043
I hope you're going that way.
377
00:30:17,128 --> 00:30:19,943
I sure am. Go straight ahead.
378
00:30:22,301 --> 00:30:24,541
Look, do you mind if I change my clothes?
379
00:30:24,634 --> 00:30:26,843
Change your... What? In here?
380
00:30:26,931 --> 00:30:29,128
Oh, sure. No problem for me.
381
00:30:29,164 --> 00:30:31,388
- Now? In the car?
- Yeah.
382
00:30:31,477 --> 00:30:34,457
You're not going to look.
You're not a peeping Tom, are you?
383
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,062
- I'm not... No!
- Then there's no problem.
384
00:30:38,150 --> 00:30:41,645
No, you've got your peepers
and you've got your non-peepers.
385
00:30:41,681 --> 00:30:46,584
I'm definitely a non-peeper.
But the car's a little weird.
386
00:30:47,242 --> 00:30:51,049
It's very important that
a lawman has sixth sense.
387
00:30:51,086 --> 00:30:53,353
'Cause then he can
anticipate things...
388
00:30:53,389 --> 00:30:55,760
and prevent them from happening.
389
00:30:55,796 --> 00:30:58,601
Even a hound dog has sixth sense.
390
00:30:59,005 --> 00:31:02,593
This is Mother Trucker
in the Hawaiian Tropic, on a smokey watch.
391
00:31:02,634 --> 00:31:06,796
Hey, is that you, Bandit?
Hey, you're looking good.
392
00:31:06,887 --> 00:31:09,888
This is Bandit One calling.
Is that Mama Trucker out there?
393
00:31:09,974 --> 00:31:12,033
Your phone's ringing.
394
00:31:12,185 --> 00:31:14,049
That's a big 10-4, Bandit.
395
00:31:14,085 --> 00:31:16,850
We got smokey on our tail
and he's moving fast.
396
00:31:16,941 --> 00:31:20,523
You better come on in, honey.
Your patch is ready, teddy.
397
00:31:20,611 --> 00:31:23,647
I heard that.
If you're ready, just hold it steady.
398
00:31:23,738 --> 00:31:26,137
I'm coming in.
399
00:31:28,743 --> 00:31:31,589
Cledus, what are we doing under here?
400
00:31:31,625 --> 00:31:33,878
Just getting out of the sun.
401
00:31:34,999 --> 00:31:38,901
Look who just drove by. My.
Want to go fishing?
402
00:31:38,937 --> 00:31:41,127
- I'm game.
- Let's go.
403
00:31:50,642 --> 00:31:55,331
If some crime is going to be committed,
I know it before they start to commit it.
404
00:31:55,417 --> 00:31:57,272
And I can put a stop to it.
405
00:31:57,309 --> 00:31:59,431
If somebody's going to do
something to me...
406
00:31:59,525 --> 00:32:03,052
immediately, I know
they're doing something to me.
407
00:32:03,195 --> 00:32:06,844
That is why you got to have a sixth sense.
408
00:32:07,409 --> 00:32:09,920
I'd rather have a dime.
409
00:32:16,584 --> 00:32:18,443
Hi, boys!
410
00:32:18,878 --> 00:32:20,560
How do.
411
00:32:20,797 --> 00:32:22,207
Bye, boys!
412
00:32:25,051 --> 00:32:28,447
It's The Bandit! Son of a bitch!
413
00:32:28,482 --> 00:32:30,005
And he's got my fish!
414
00:32:30,097 --> 00:32:35,499
As of this instant, Junior,
we're in hot pursuit!
415
00:32:45,508 --> 00:32:50,683
Look who we got down here.
I guess we better chat with the old boy.
416
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:54,486
You take this and just have yourself
a conversation with Buford T.
417
00:32:54,581 --> 00:32:56,484
- Go ahead. Go.
- What do I do?
418
00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:59,208
You just talk in it.
Mash that little thing in and talk.
419
00:32:59,294 --> 00:33:01,980
Hello? Mr. Justice?
420
00:33:02,016 --> 00:33:04,612
How you folks doing down there?
421
00:33:04,648 --> 00:33:07,084
We're doing fine, little lady.
422
00:33:07,121 --> 00:33:11,464
And may I advise you that you're consorting
with a criminal.
423
00:33:11,557 --> 00:33:15,092
So when he goes to the slammer,
you go, too.
424
00:33:15,129 --> 00:33:16,435
Oh, really?
425
00:33:16,519 --> 00:33:20,991
While you're at it,
why don't you take a big dump in your hat!
426
00:33:21,027 --> 00:33:22,925
Hold it! Watch that language.
427
00:33:22,961 --> 00:33:27,358
I happen to have my son in the car.
Over and out.
428
00:33:27,531 --> 00:33:30,613
- Thank you, Daddy.
- Shut up, shit.
429
00:33:43,005 --> 00:33:46,621
Breaker, breaker, El Bandito,
this is Muddy and Sunny.
430
00:33:46,658 --> 00:33:48,501
What's your 20?
What's your story?
431
00:33:48,637 --> 00:33:50,926
You want to get that call?
I'm a little busy.
432
00:33:51,014 --> 00:33:53,912
Yeah. Hello?
433
00:33:53,949 --> 00:33:57,936
Hello, boys!
Yeah, this is the Bandit Mobile calling!
434
00:33:57,973 --> 00:34:01,015
The man here says you're going
to get your shark before dark!
435
00:34:01,107 --> 00:34:04,508
Long as you don't get funny
with the money. - Who's that?
436
00:34:04,526 --> 00:34:08,086
Probably some floozy he picked up
by the side of the road.
437
00:34:08,906 --> 00:34:12,746
Come on, Buford!
Bring it on, brother!
438
00:34:19,291 --> 00:34:23,437
I sure wouldn't mind a romp
in your melon patch.
439
00:34:26,509 --> 00:34:28,832
What the hell was that?
440
00:34:28,926 --> 00:34:32,213
Sorry, honey.
I'll have to get back to you later.
441
00:34:46,989 --> 00:34:51,769
Excuse me, Sheriff. Why don't you just
let me handle this situation here?
442
00:34:51,908 --> 00:34:55,492
Pardon me, young man,
but you happen to be talking to...
443
00:34:55,580 --> 00:34:58,385
Sheriff Buford T. Justice...
444
00:34:58,457 --> 00:35:01,494
and I'm about to apprehend The Bandit.
445
00:35:01,586 --> 00:35:05,639
Cledus, you attract more fuzz
than a fat man's navel.
446
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:13,088
I wouldn't give a rat's ass
if you was J. Edgar Hoover...
447
00:35:13,265 --> 00:35:15,507
and he was Machine Gun Kelly.
448
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:17,392
You're out of your jurisdiction.
449
00:35:17,476 --> 00:35:19,883
I might be out of my jurisdiction...
450
00:35:20,061 --> 00:35:24,716
...but you're out of your league.
Now back off!
451
00:35:25,776 --> 00:35:30,568
I ain't backing off of nothing, Sheriff.
I'm taking charge!
452
00:35:30,990 --> 00:35:33,546
Boy, they're really coming.
453
00:35:33,785 --> 00:35:36,709
I'll tell you what. You just watch. Hang on.
454
00:35:51,574 --> 00:35:54,424
Am I glad I came along on this trip.
455
00:36:43,898 --> 00:36:47,067
I'm surrounded by lunatics.
456
00:36:58,622 --> 00:37:02,366
Sheriff? You might want to
forget about losing me...
457
00:37:02,403 --> 00:37:04,743
'cause I'm here for the duration!
458
00:37:29,236 --> 00:37:30,516
Shit!
459
00:37:51,341 --> 00:37:53,738
Far out!
460
00:37:57,432 --> 00:38:01,823
Bandit? You're in a heap of trouble.
461
00:38:03,187 --> 00:38:04,987
Did you see that, Daddy?
462
00:38:05,023 --> 00:38:09,476
That's what happens when you
lock horns with beautiful Buford.
463
00:38:27,005 --> 00:38:30,583
Breaker for that Sandbox Man.
How about you, Sandbox Man?
464
00:38:30,619 --> 00:38:33,630
The Bandit's ringing your phone, you copy?
465
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,028
Hey, is that you, Bandit?
466
00:38:36,096 --> 00:38:38,645
Looks like you got Smokey on your tail!
467
00:38:38,682 --> 00:38:42,745
Right you are!
He's kicking in my back door! Hello?
468
00:38:42,782 --> 00:38:45,320
Bring him by here! We'll take care of that!
469
00:38:45,356 --> 00:38:49,186
I heard that.
We're bringing it. Bye.
470
00:38:55,032 --> 00:38:58,160
- Come on, Buford!
- He won't give up, will he?
471
00:39:13,342 --> 00:39:15,369
What did I tell you?
472
00:39:16,470 --> 00:39:21,742
You know what happens next, honey?
Were gone. Bye, Buford!
473
00:39:30,443 --> 00:39:34,097
Gee, Daddy, this is just like
being at the beach.
474
00:39:34,614 --> 00:39:37,961
It's a minor complication.
475
00:39:38,202 --> 00:39:43,243
Nothing's going to stop me from catching
that big pile of dragon dump.
476
00:39:43,331 --> 00:39:45,039
And when I do...
477
00:39:45,125 --> 00:39:48,605
I'm going to marinate his walnuts.
478
00:39:49,296 --> 00:39:51,793
Get out and dust off the car.
479
00:39:55,260 --> 00:39:57,756
I don't want to foul up your plans
or anything...
480
00:39:57,845 --> 00:40:00,967
but I didn't get any breakfast this morning
and I'm half-starved.
481
00:40:01,057 --> 00:40:04,593
Why don't we pull in up here
and get us a pound of ground round...
482
00:40:04,687 --> 00:40:06,644
and put it down our neck.
483
00:40:06,729 --> 00:40:08,517
Sounds good.
484
00:40:30,421 --> 00:40:34,494
Listen. I think what we have here
is a skull orchard.
485
00:40:34,531 --> 00:40:37,926
Maybe you ought to stay here
and let me get the cheeseburgers...
486
00:40:38,012 --> 00:40:41,338
'cause I'm not sure
this is a place for ladies. Okay?
487
00:40:43,476 --> 00:40:47,463
Cledus, make those burgers rare.
It'll go quicker.
488
00:40:52,443 --> 00:40:56,539
Nice looking set of wheels.
How are you doing, my man?
489
00:40:56,865 --> 00:40:59,839
Yeah. Question's too hard, I guess.
490
00:41:00,244 --> 00:41:03,681
Rare, Cledus. Make them real rare, okay?
491
00:41:03,704 --> 00:41:06,242
Rare. She wants it rare?
I'm going to get it so rare...
492
00:41:06,332 --> 00:41:08,788
a good vet. could have it on its feet
in 15 minutes.
493
00:41:08,877 --> 00:41:11,083
What do you think?
494
00:41:12,297 --> 00:41:14,668
I didn't mean to wake you up.
495
00:41:20,806 --> 00:41:23,384
So long, cowboy!
496
00:41:30,774 --> 00:41:33,253
Was that with or without onions?
497
00:41:33,289 --> 00:41:35,042
Onions.
498
00:41:35,194 --> 00:41:38,471
With onions. Yeah, with onions.
499
00:41:38,574 --> 00:41:41,147
Be right back. Yes, sir.
500
00:41:46,581 --> 00:41:51,066
We didn't discuss this earlier, but do you
want a large, small, or medium drink?
501
00:41:51,103 --> 00:41:53,703
- Extra large.
- Extra large.
502
00:41:54,089 --> 00:41:55,949
Be right back.
503
00:42:04,182 --> 00:42:06,639
Go get him, Jimmy!
504
00:42:07,519 --> 00:42:10,308
Well, I guess we ruined
your whole day didn't we?
505
00:42:10,399 --> 00:42:13,316
How about some onion rings, honey?
They got-
506
00:42:17,989 --> 00:42:20,277
See? And you remember-
507
00:42:28,144 --> 00:42:32,249
Let that be a lesson to you.
They're sacking them up right now.
508
00:42:32,713 --> 00:42:34,650
- Get him!
- Thank you, my man.
509
00:42:37,029 --> 00:42:38,165
What an animal!
510
00:42:38,322 --> 00:42:39,671
See you.
511
00:42:41,221 --> 00:42:43,760
One cheeseburger for the lady.
512
00:42:45,558 --> 00:42:49,011
Well, all right, my man. Thank you.
513
00:42:49,688 --> 00:42:52,651
Hey, Cledus, you forgot the mustard.
514
00:42:52,858 --> 00:42:57,211
I forgot the mustard.
Women. Sit down.
515
00:42:58,072 --> 00:43:02,387
Me and you gone,
like a big caboose.
516
00:43:02,410 --> 00:43:04,716
See you!
517
00:43:13,545 --> 00:43:16,361
Breaker, breaker, Mr. Bandit.
518
00:43:16,506 --> 00:43:18,914
You might as well give up the ghost.
519
00:43:19,134 --> 00:43:23,806
'Cause I'm staying with you
like stink on a skunk.
520
00:43:23,869 --> 00:43:25,724
Here he comes.
521
00:43:25,808 --> 00:43:27,800
We got him now, Daddy.
522
00:43:31,564 --> 00:43:33,771
Watch out for those eggs!
523
00:43:39,363 --> 00:43:41,736
We almost scrambled some eggs back there.
524
00:43:41,824 --> 00:43:45,074
Well, see,
I was hoping for a Buford omelette.
525
00:43:56,464 --> 00:43:57,910
We lost him.
526
00:43:57,924 --> 00:44:02,545
Talent and pure intelligence
will always triumph over ignorance-
527
00:44:09,143 --> 00:44:11,775
He may be dumb, but he ain't scared.
528
00:44:18,153 --> 00:44:19,980
Oh, dang it!
529
00:44:24,618 --> 00:44:25,945
Not again!
530
00:44:34,962 --> 00:44:38,775
- He's still coming!
- I'm going as fast as I can!
531
00:44:41,135 --> 00:44:43,626
You should've turned right, Daddy.
532
00:44:49,769 --> 00:44:53,277
My flowers!
Look what they did to my flowers.
533
00:45:23,032 --> 00:45:24,250
God!
534
00:45:29,185 --> 00:45:32,974
What the hell are you trying to do,
you homicidal idiot?
535
00:45:33,022 --> 00:45:35,642
Back up and get the hell out of here!
536
00:45:35,732 --> 00:45:38,140
It's kind of a tight alley.
I'm gonna need some help.
537
00:45:38,235 --> 00:45:41,225
- No problem. I'll direct you.
- If you say so.
538
00:45:41,261 --> 00:45:43,438
Okay, back up.
539
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,154
That's it. You're in the clear here.
540
00:45:49,412 --> 00:45:52,039
You're in the clear there.
541
00:45:52,082 --> 00:45:54,455
Keep going. You're in the clear.
542
00:45:56,838 --> 00:45:58,379
Clear on this side.
543
00:45:58,463 --> 00:46:01,002
Clear on that side. Clear on-
544
00:46:01,091 --> 00:46:03,125
- Daddy?
- Shut up!
545
00:46:03,594 --> 00:46:06,596
Clear on this side.
Back it up there.
546
00:46:06,931 --> 00:46:09,261
- But, Daddy!
- Shut up, shit!
547
00:46:09,349 --> 00:46:12,291
You're all clear now. Whip on out.
548
00:46:17,232 --> 00:46:21,568
Now, do you see,
what you did with your "Daddy".
549
00:46:21,863 --> 00:46:24,698
But, Daddy, look!
550
00:46:27,701 --> 00:46:31,388
Hold it!
551
00:46:31,914 --> 00:46:34,452
Just what are you trying to do, nice lady?
552
00:46:34,584 --> 00:46:37,467
I'm about to tow this car to the garage.
553
00:46:37,628 --> 00:46:40,008
And may I inquire why?
554
00:46:40,044 --> 00:46:42,959
It's parked illegally
and creating a fire hazard.
555
00:46:43,050 --> 00:46:45,377
And it's one big piece of crap.
556
00:46:45,471 --> 00:46:50,856
May I say, madam, that
you are talking to Buford T. Justice.
557
00:46:50,893 --> 00:46:54,417
I wouldn't care if you
were Sugar Ray Leonard.
558
00:46:55,147 --> 00:46:57,555
Come on, Charlie, let's pull out.
559
00:46:57,650 --> 00:47:00,373
You woman's lib sumbitch.
560
00:47:02,362 --> 00:47:04,688
Get up there and unhook it.
561
00:47:10,538 --> 00:47:13,709
Unhook it!
I'm putting it in reverse!
562
00:47:13,749 --> 00:47:16,728
It's too heavy, Daddy.
563
00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:24,066
I can't get any traction. Unhook it.
I'm gonna give it all it's got!
564
00:47:30,056 --> 00:47:34,689
- Oh, shit, Charlie! He's getting away.
- No, he's not.
565
00:47:35,146 --> 00:47:37,536
Get that sucker off!
566
00:47:45,490 --> 00:47:48,094
Wait, Daddy! Wait for me!
567
00:47:49,222 --> 00:47:52,073
I'm right behind you.
Don't leave me.
568
00:47:52,329 --> 00:47:54,118
Wait, Daddy.
569
00:47:57,439 --> 00:48:00,373
Wait, Daddy. Wait for me, Daddy.
570
00:48:02,841 --> 00:48:05,000
I'm getting dizzy, Daddy.
571
00:48:08,305 --> 00:48:09,922
Wait, Daddy.
572
00:48:13,184 --> 00:48:16,554
- Look! You were going so fast!
- I'm sorry.
573
00:48:16,646 --> 00:48:19,758
You came around the corner here,
I couldn't get out of the way.
574
00:48:19,774 --> 00:48:23,024
- Young man, how old are you?
- Are you all right, ma'am?
575
00:48:23,110 --> 00:48:24,736
I'm trying to look at my car!
576
00:48:24,821 --> 00:48:26,696
Do you know who my husband is?
577
00:48:26,782 --> 00:48:28,656
Hold it, Daddy.
578
00:48:28,743 --> 00:48:31,195
I think I'm falling.
579
00:49:02,777 --> 00:49:06,790
Well, nice lady, it looks
like we meet again.
580
00:49:06,826 --> 00:49:09,840
Would you please call a tow truck?
581
00:49:10,117 --> 00:49:13,600
Not if you were Sugar Ray Leonard.
582
00:49:13,996 --> 00:49:17,699
Would you look around in that junk
and see if my son's in there?
583
00:49:18,419 --> 00:49:19,995
Here I am, Daddy.
584
00:49:20,086 --> 00:49:23,495
Would you stop playing with your coconuts
and get in the car?
585
00:49:23,506 --> 00:49:24,707
Okay.
586
00:49:37,937 --> 00:49:42,636
Okay, folks, we welcome you
all to the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show.
587
00:49:42,672 --> 00:49:45,147
We're readying the wall of fire right now.
588
00:49:45,237 --> 00:49:47,525
There are thrills and chills galore.
589
00:49:47,614 --> 00:49:50,650
And as the wall of fire is getting ready-
590
00:49:53,078 --> 00:49:55,616
The crowd's really getting
excited at this point.
591
00:49:55,706 --> 00:49:58,374
I don't blame them one bit. Wait a minute!
592
00:49:58,458 --> 00:50:00,450
I think we've got a surprise visitor.
593
00:50:00,543 --> 00:50:04,791
Yes, we've got The Bandit making
a guest appearance here...
594
00:50:04,866 --> 00:50:07,925
at the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show.
595
00:50:10,679 --> 00:50:13,135
- Where are we, Daddy?
- Indianapolis.
596
00:50:13,224 --> 00:50:15,262
How the hell do I know where we are?
597
00:50:23,650 --> 00:50:27,495
- Daddy, I'm scared.
- I know. I can smell it.
598
00:50:27,697 --> 00:50:30,484
And right into a couple of
demolition cars there.
599
00:50:30,575 --> 00:50:33,948
Buford Justice,
coming around behind The Bandit.
600
00:50:39,292 --> 00:50:42,221
The nuthouse must be having a picnic!
601
00:50:43,504 --> 00:50:46,042
- Look out, Daddy.
- Don't tell me to look out!
602
00:50:46,132 --> 00:50:49,336
- Tell them to look out!
- Look out!
603
00:50:49,468 --> 00:50:52,801
Four tough guys out there.
604
00:50:57,644 --> 00:50:59,554
Listen to those people!
605
00:50:59,647 --> 00:51:02,315
They think I did that on purpose.
They love me!
606
00:51:02,398 --> 00:51:04,936
Hi there! Hey, you all!
607
00:51:07,070 --> 00:51:09,792
Cledus. We got to go.
608
00:51:09,828 --> 00:51:12,398
- My people!
- We gotta go. Bye!
609
00:51:12,930 --> 00:51:14,653
Here we go!
610
00:51:22,085 --> 00:51:24,079
What the hell is happening?
611
00:51:24,172 --> 00:51:26,964
Climb out the window, Junior,
and weigh the car down.
612
00:51:27,001 --> 00:51:28,258
Yes, Daddy.
613
00:51:34,848 --> 00:51:38,762
- There's lots of people out here.
- Well, push, Junior, push!
614
00:51:38,852 --> 00:51:39,966
Damn!
615
00:51:40,061 --> 00:51:42,932
I'm trying, Daddy. My foot's stuck.
616
00:51:43,023 --> 00:51:45,348
I'll release it.
617
00:51:46,611 --> 00:51:50,459
You're killing your daddy!
618
00:51:51,658 --> 00:51:54,053
Get back in the damn car!
619
00:51:54,285 --> 00:51:56,009
Yes, Daddy.
620
00:51:56,620 --> 00:51:59,326
They ain't coming down.
I think they-
621
00:52:01,710 --> 00:52:04,621
Tell them to get out of my way!
I'm coming through!
622
00:52:04,658 --> 00:52:08,206
He's getting awful close.
Straighten out.
623
00:52:09,342 --> 00:52:11,917
Daddy, we're going into a big hole.
624
00:52:11,953 --> 00:52:14,216
Hole, hell! That's a cannon!
625
00:52:26,401 --> 00:52:29,191
What the heck is all this?
626
00:52:29,237 --> 00:52:31,276
Well, the bridge is out.
627
00:52:31,614 --> 00:52:34,002
Well, what do you think
The Bandit would do?
628
00:52:34,034 --> 00:52:37,783
He'd just jump it.
See, but The Bandit will jump anything.
629
00:52:37,871 --> 00:52:40,873
Get it? But I ain't interested
in jumping no river...
630
00:52:40,959 --> 00:52:43,199
I wanna go to sleep. I'm tired.
631
00:52:43,293 --> 00:52:46,318
- I saw a motel right down the road.
- Can you find it?
632
00:52:46,354 --> 00:52:48,932
- Sure can.
- We are gone.
633
00:52:55,346 --> 00:52:57,304
Well, good job!
634
00:52:57,391 --> 00:53:01,226
You gotta try and do the same thing
when the sheriff gets here.
635
00:53:01,262 --> 00:53:03,854
That won't be hard, on account
of Sheriff Justice has only got...
636
00:53:03,939 --> 00:53:06,361
a child's portion of intellect.
637
00:53:06,397 --> 00:53:09,912
Come on! This is gonna be
a ton of fun, son.
638
00:53:09,948 --> 00:53:11,730
Pleasure doing business with you!
639
00:53:14,283 --> 00:53:17,386
Okay! Your turn.
640
00:53:20,623 --> 00:53:22,451
I didn't wash the fish.
641
00:53:22,542 --> 00:53:24,415
Left you...
642
00:53:24,627 --> 00:53:26,592
plenty of hot water.
643
00:53:26,670 --> 00:53:28,710
Come on, here.
644
00:53:28,798 --> 00:53:31,544
$250,000 boy!
645
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:33,710
I'll get you to...
646
00:53:35,096 --> 00:53:36,775
Yeah, okay.
647
00:53:40,331 --> 00:53:42,969
I'll buy Fred a...
648
00:53:43,521 --> 00:53:47,764
This is a strange thing.
649
00:53:53,781 --> 00:53:56,070
This is... Oh.
650
00:53:56,243 --> 00:53:58,402
Oh. Well.
651
00:54:05,669 --> 00:54:08,980
- What is it, Daddy?
- There's The Bandit's car.
652
00:54:09,047 --> 00:54:12,444
He probably checked into
the motel with that broad.
653
00:54:12,446 --> 00:54:14,049
And he's got the fish with him.
654
00:54:14,135 --> 00:54:17,635
Now, when he's fooling around
and thinking of other things...
655
00:54:17,723 --> 00:54:21,711
- ...we can snatch the fish.
- Thinking of what other things?
656
00:54:21,837 --> 00:54:25,269
You're getting to me.
Just play with your crayons.
657
00:54:32,863 --> 00:54:37,349
Daddy, we just walked by
a penicillin dispenser.
658
00:54:37,450 --> 00:54:43,074
Yeah. I feel like the guest of honour
at a crabs convention.
659
00:54:45,418 --> 00:54:48,170
I'm on the floor.
660
00:54:49,964 --> 00:54:52,253
I'm on the floor.
661
00:54:55,970 --> 00:54:59,583
You be sure to turn out the lights, now,
when you come in here, right?
662
00:54:59,619 --> 00:55:01,785
- Right.
- Yes, ma'am.
663
00:55:04,853 --> 00:55:06,899
Good night.
664
00:55:10,944 --> 00:55:14,500
What the hell is this, another raid?
I paid the Captain two nights ago!
665
00:55:14,594 --> 00:55:16,135
This isn't a raid.
666
00:55:16,219 --> 00:55:20,774
I'm here on official business.
I'm going to make an investigation.
667
00:55:20,811 --> 00:55:24,259
Now you just go ahead and read
your Gonad Gazette.
668
00:55:27,209 --> 00:55:28,833
And here we are in a motel...
669
00:55:28,919 --> 00:55:31,246
with nothing but a few potted plants
between us...
670
00:55:31,340 --> 00:55:33,814
but I know I don't have to worry one bit.
671
00:55:33,850 --> 00:55:36,150
No, Cledus, I know you're the kind of man...
672
00:55:36,186 --> 00:55:37,339
who has the kind of character...
673
00:55:37,429 --> 00:55:40,684
who does not hop into bed
with just anybody.
674
00:55:42,518 --> 00:55:44,806
Right, Cledus?
675
00:55:56,157 --> 00:55:58,735
Oh, no, you don't!
676
00:56:27,145 --> 00:56:28,890
- Who's in there, Daddy?
- I don't know...
677
00:56:28,982 --> 00:56:31,413
...but it's not Jacques Cousteau.
678
00:56:37,198 --> 00:56:40,845
- What's going on?
- Some kind of union meeting.
679
00:56:48,585 --> 00:56:51,586
Get away from there
before you get a herpes on you.
680
00:56:52,923 --> 00:56:55,674
Daddy. Like you said.
681
00:56:56,343 --> 00:56:58,668
Make a wish.
682
00:56:58,762 --> 00:57:00,172
Yeah!
683
00:57:00,263 --> 00:57:02,041
Oh, geez!
684
00:57:02,808 --> 00:57:04,847
Oh!
685
00:57:07,270 --> 00:57:09,057
Oh, no boys.
686
00:57:09,093 --> 00:57:12,481
- Leave my daughter alone!
- What's the rubber glove for?
687
00:57:12,568 --> 00:57:15,024
You let my daughter alone!
688
00:57:16,655 --> 00:57:21,331
Daddy, there's a fish
that looks exactly like our fish!
689
00:57:23,996 --> 00:57:28,998
That is our fish, you moose twit! Grab it!
690
00:57:36,926 --> 00:57:41,003
Hey, making it with a fish!
691
00:57:41,039 --> 00:57:43,271
Crazy!
692
00:57:46,353 --> 00:57:50,662
Just like the Bible says,
Sodom and Gomorrah.
693
00:57:57,279 --> 00:57:58,979
The Bandit!
694
00:57:59,072 --> 00:58:03,530
We can kill two possums with one rock.
Come on.
695
00:58:18,802 --> 00:58:22,153
- I got you.
- I got you.
696
00:58:22,973 --> 00:58:26,675
Now, wait a minute, ma'am.
What the hell are you doing in there...
697
00:58:26,770 --> 00:58:28,976
all dressed up with a cowboy hat on?
698
00:58:29,062 --> 00:58:32,810
I'm getting all hot and bothered
for the evening, darling.
699
00:58:34,318 --> 00:58:36,643
- Come along with me.
- You got it!
700
00:58:37,238 --> 00:58:41,285
- Give me the key, Junior.
- I left it in the car.
701
00:58:41,617 --> 00:58:46,228
- You left the key in the car?
- If I keep it with me, I might lose it.
702
00:58:46,264 --> 00:58:48,471
We gotta stay hooked up
for a little while longer.
703
00:58:48,507 --> 00:58:50,323
This is getting-
704
00:58:53,151 --> 00:58:55,336
Good heavens.
705
00:58:56,758 --> 00:58:58,341
We can't get out that way.
706
00:58:58,425 --> 00:59:01,259
There must be some other way
out of this joint.
707
00:59:01,304 --> 00:59:03,716
Maybe there's a window in the bathroom.
708
00:59:03,752 --> 00:59:05,121
Let's find out.
709
00:59:07,727 --> 00:59:11,479
- Wait will you! My hat!
- The hell with the hat.
710
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:14,854
Just perfect. Open up
the window a little bit.
711
00:59:19,239 --> 00:59:23,350
- You're pulling my arm off!
- I can't help it, darling!
712
00:59:23,387 --> 00:59:27,483
All right, get on your back.
Turn around and get on your back.
713
00:59:27,623 --> 00:59:29,163
That's it.
714
00:59:29,916 --> 00:59:32,443
Now start to wiggle out.
715
00:59:32,710 --> 00:59:35,416
That's it, wiggle. Keep wiggling.
716
00:59:35,505 --> 00:59:39,333
I can't do it
unless you come with me, darling.
717
00:59:39,550 --> 00:59:42,079
Will you get out of the way?
718
00:59:46,809 --> 00:59:48,847
I can't-
719
00:59:51,596 --> 00:59:53,548
- God!
- Mama's not gonna like this.
720
00:59:53,607 --> 00:59:58,536
Junior! Open the window up
and give me a push!
721
01:00:05,368 --> 01:00:07,611
All clear, Daddy?
722
01:00:07,788 --> 01:00:09,865
Good. Here comes the fish!
723
01:00:16,715 --> 01:00:20,132
Daddy, I think I should
get the key now.
724
01:00:20,169 --> 01:00:21,888
No shit.
725
01:00:22,553 --> 01:00:25,009
Come on,
we gotta get out of here.
726
01:00:25,098 --> 01:00:27,303
Watch out for that guy with the-
727
01:00:27,391 --> 01:00:29,549
Oh, we gotta get out of this!
728
01:00:29,642 --> 01:00:32,209
I'm sorry things didn't turn out
the way we expected.
729
01:00:32,245 --> 01:00:34,810
- Especially you getting the big guy.
- Don't talk to me.
730
01:00:34,899 --> 01:00:36,975
- What's the matter?
- I'm trying to remember his number.
731
01:00:37,110 --> 01:00:40,565
We got to get out of these dresses
and get back to business.
732
01:00:40,602 --> 01:00:44,741
Let's see, was it 555-1414?
733
01:00:45,118 --> 01:00:49,321
- Okay.
- Or 555-4141?
734
01:00:54,375 --> 01:00:59,047
You're killing your daddy!
Get in the damn car!
735
01:00:59,216 --> 01:01:02,756
555-1415?
736
01:01:07,308 --> 01:01:11,044
Just slide it in and come in after it.
737
01:01:14,355 --> 01:01:16,975
Take that fish out of my mouth!
738
01:01:17,985 --> 01:01:20,735
Just slide it- God damn it!
739
01:01:20,820 --> 01:01:23,092
Let me have it!
740
01:01:25,118 --> 01:01:27,111
Now close the door.
741
01:01:33,334 --> 01:01:35,077
Very nice, Junior.
742
01:01:35,210 --> 01:01:37,037
That was very nice.
743
01:01:37,296 --> 01:01:39,917
You know, when this is all over...
744
01:01:40,215 --> 01:01:43,413
I'm gonna buy you a nice lobotomy.
745
01:01:43,761 --> 01:01:44,875
Thank you, Daddy!
746
01:02:00,173 --> 01:02:03,985
Come on, let's give him a taste
of the old Enos devil darts.
747
01:02:05,324 --> 01:02:07,989
These suckers are deadlier than your breath.
748
01:02:08,078 --> 01:02:11,161
Here they come. Get ready.
749
01:02:16,128 --> 01:02:20,119
Done like a true pygmy!
750
01:02:21,758 --> 01:02:24,899
- Great!
- That'll be a 20-minute delay.
751
01:02:24,991 --> 01:02:26,678
Yeah, at least.
752
01:02:31,558 --> 01:02:33,673
I'm really sorry about that fish, Cledus...
753
01:02:33,709 --> 01:02:36,649
but I had no idea there were
fish robbers in the area.
754
01:02:36,686 --> 01:02:40,016
What if The Bandit had lost the fish?
What would he do?
755
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:44,068
- The Bandit would get it back.
- That's what we're gonna do.
756
01:02:44,156 --> 01:02:45,864
It's flat, Daddy.
757
01:02:47,534 --> 01:02:50,344
Flatter than your mama's chest.
758
01:02:54,290 --> 01:02:57,820
- It's flat, too, Daddy.
- I know that, you pig bladder!
759
01:02:58,212 --> 01:03:03,629
Well, let's see if we can find
a nice citizen with a couple of tyres.
760
01:03:09,849 --> 01:03:12,849
What does that look like down there
on top of that car?
761
01:03:12,934 --> 01:03:15,224
Looks like a fish to me.
762
01:03:15,354 --> 01:03:18,731
Told you The Bandit always gets his fish.
763
01:03:23,029 --> 01:03:26,563
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
764
01:03:27,992 --> 01:03:31,576
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
765
01:03:34,499 --> 01:03:36,008
Listen.
766
01:03:37,168 --> 01:03:39,625
I'm going to get the fish
while Buford's gone.
767
01:03:39,713 --> 01:03:43,544
Now, be ready to get out of here real quick.
I'll be right back.
768
01:03:50,473 --> 01:03:53,309
- What did I tell you?
- You got him.
769
01:03:53,393 --> 01:03:55,386
Well, when The Bandit goes fishing...
770
01:03:55,479 --> 01:03:57,100
The Bandit goes fishing.
771
01:03:57,190 --> 01:03:58,563
Put this down in there.
772
01:04:01,944 --> 01:04:04,722
Daddy, our fish is gone!
773
01:04:07,908 --> 01:04:11,526
Well, I guess that yanks my chain.
774
01:04:11,703 --> 01:04:14,258
Junior, it's hopeless.
775
01:04:14,289 --> 01:04:15,618
What do you mean, Daddy?
776
01:04:15,707 --> 01:04:20,229
I can't believe that it
all ends like this...
777
01:04:20,421 --> 01:04:23,161
that this is my last hot pursuit...
778
01:04:23,198 --> 01:04:29,147
all on account of a couple of lousy flat
tyres and a fish that flew the coop.
779
01:04:29,554 --> 01:04:31,928
Is he gonna be shocked. Listen.
780
01:04:32,016 --> 01:04:35,309
I'm saying that it's time
to pee on the fire...
781
01:04:35,413 --> 01:04:39,000
call in the dogs, turn off my siren...
782
01:04:39,190 --> 01:04:41,182
switch off my lights...
783
01:04:41,651 --> 01:04:45,342
and return to my old rocking chair.
784
01:04:45,378 --> 01:04:48,027
Daddy, you mean I won't be...
785
01:04:48,117 --> 01:04:51,152
your little tick turd anymore?
786
01:04:54,705 --> 01:04:58,813
Son, you'll always be my tick turd.
787
01:05:00,545 --> 01:05:02,952
Do you believe that?
788
01:05:06,008 --> 01:05:08,184
I love you, Daddy...
789
01:05:08,429 --> 01:05:11,595
even if you can't catch
the bad guys anymore...
790
01:05:11,974 --> 01:05:16,232
even if you're a total failure
and the laughingstock of Texas...
791
01:05:16,269 --> 01:05:20,474
even if Little Enos is gonna get your badge.
I don't care. I still-
792
01:05:20,565 --> 01:05:23,332
Shut up, you barrel of monkey nuts!
793
01:05:23,401 --> 01:05:28,269
Nobody gets the badge of
Sheriff Buford T. Justice!
794
01:05:30,826 --> 01:05:34,430
- Hi, babycakes!
- The return of Frankenstein.
795
01:05:34,467 --> 01:05:36,778
Daddy, it's The Bandit!
796
01:05:41,837 --> 01:05:43,248
Get in the car, Junior.
797
01:05:43,339 --> 01:05:46,790
I don't need any tyres
to catch that box of manure!
798
01:05:46,884 --> 01:05:49,551
But, Bu, what about me?
799
01:05:49,762 --> 01:05:54,081
I'm interested in pursuit, not party time.
800
01:06:12,369 --> 01:06:16,948
- Bu Baby!
- I told you, you flying flamingo...
801
01:06:17,039 --> 01:06:19,162
...my name is not Bu Baby!
802
01:06:19,249 --> 01:06:21,872
- It's Buford T-
- Shut up!
803
01:06:21,962 --> 01:06:24,998
I got a felon in front of me,
a fool in the family...
804
01:06:25,089 --> 01:06:28,432
and a giant nymphomaniac on the roof.
805
01:06:28,969 --> 01:06:32,684
The burden of it all is dragging my ass.
806
01:06:32,723 --> 01:06:37,709
I love it when you talk dirty, darling!
Oh, baby!
807
01:06:41,230 --> 01:06:43,638
Move it, little dogies.
808
01:06:48,489 --> 01:06:52,568
Daddy, look at all the cattle.
What if we hit one?
809
01:06:52,659 --> 01:06:56,039
He gets to be a Big Mac
ahead of all the others.
810
01:06:56,350 --> 01:06:58,952
Are those real cowboys, Daddy?
811
01:07:00,792 --> 01:07:03,430
Look out for the baby cow, Daddy.
812
01:07:11,845 --> 01:07:16,465
- We gave them a bum steer.
- There's only two hours left.
813
01:07:16,501 --> 01:07:18,680
Come on, we got to
get to the ranch.
814
01:07:18,810 --> 01:07:21,184
- Boy, we're lost now.
- We're not lost!
815
01:07:21,606 --> 01:07:23,765
Well, where are we going?
816
01:07:24,983 --> 01:07:28,484
- Down this road.
- Oh. Okay.
817
01:07:44,464 --> 01:07:47,346
Cledus, looks like "down this road"
was a dead end.
818
01:07:47,383 --> 01:07:51,330
Not if you can drive a boat, it ain't.
Watch this.
819
01:08:05,193 --> 01:08:07,231
You stay here and watch the evidence.
820
01:08:07,319 --> 01:08:11,498
When I grab his ass,
it's gonna be the gravy on my grits.
821
01:08:12,575 --> 01:08:14,532
Oops! I'm sorry, ma'am.
822
01:08:14,619 --> 01:08:16,450
Out of my way!
823
01:08:16,869 --> 01:08:19,195
- Out of my way!
- Hey!
824
01:08:21,917 --> 01:08:26,011
That's what you get for obstructing justice.
825
01:08:27,047 --> 01:08:31,801
- Follow that sumbitch!
- Yes, sir. You're the boss.
826
01:08:32,887 --> 01:08:35,639
My groin!
827
01:08:35,765 --> 01:08:38,361
You're grinding my groin!
828
01:08:39,018 --> 01:08:40,393
Bu Baby!
829
01:08:45,942 --> 01:08:47,649
My baby! Bu!
830
01:08:49,069 --> 01:08:50,314
Bu!
831
01:08:54,118 --> 01:08:55,763
Come on, Buford!
832
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:57,365
Turn right!
833
01:09:00,957 --> 01:09:03,151
I got him now!
834
01:09:10,759 --> 01:09:13,215
Look out! He's a maniac!
835
01:09:18,182 --> 01:09:20,057
Bring it on, brother!
836
01:09:20,394 --> 01:09:23,772
Are you sure you know
what the hell you're doing?
837
01:09:23,814 --> 01:09:27,396
- Shit!
- Sorry about that.
838
01:09:30,194 --> 01:09:31,689
Hi!
839
01:09:32,989 --> 01:09:35,860
- Oh, hi.
- We're having a picnic over there...
840
01:09:36,118 --> 01:09:41,378
- and if you'd like, feel free to join us.
- I'd sure like to. But I can't.
841
01:09:41,539 --> 01:09:45,289
Oh, well, if you change your mind,
just come on over.
842
01:09:45,378 --> 01:09:49,266
See, my daddy said I had to stay
right here and keep an eye on...
843
01:09:49,881 --> 01:09:51,210
things.
844
01:10:03,895 --> 01:10:07,937
Holy shit!
845
01:10:25,961 --> 01:10:29,165
Oh, mama, we gone!
846
01:10:29,463 --> 01:10:32,675
- Nice going, Cledus.
- I'm telling you. Here he comes!
847
01:10:37,139 --> 01:10:39,782
- Follow him!
- This boat won't do that.
848
01:10:39,818 --> 01:10:44,198
Don't argue with the law!
Follow that sumbitch!
849
01:10:44,396 --> 01:10:46,389
Okay, you asked for it.
850
01:10:59,370 --> 01:11:03,568
- What is the world coming to?
- Here, let me help you.
851
01:11:05,834 --> 01:11:08,006
Are you all right?
852
01:11:11,548 --> 01:11:13,566
What's wrong, Sheriff?
853
01:11:13,633 --> 01:11:17,147
I ain't seen anything like that
since I was a little baby.
854
01:11:17,183 --> 01:11:20,220
You wanna stay, Sheriff,
you'll have to take your clothes off.
855
01:11:20,307 --> 01:11:24,414
I don't even take my clothes off
in front of my good wife Wilhelmina.
856
01:11:28,899 --> 01:11:30,845
Give me the good old days...
857
01:11:30,868 --> 01:11:35,486
when a pair of boobs
were a couple of dumb guys.
858
01:11:39,617 --> 01:11:43,700
- Junior.
- Oh, hi. This is a great picnic.
859
01:11:43,737 --> 01:11:47,000
Yeah, but there goes
your daddy, and he's mad.
860
01:11:48,377 --> 01:11:50,038
I gotta go.
861
01:11:51,297 --> 01:11:53,088
My clothes. Thanks.
862
01:11:53,174 --> 01:11:56,921
Col. Enos, they're approaching
in a westerly direction.
863
01:11:59,556 --> 01:12:02,774
They're coming through.
I told you they'd take the short cut.
864
01:12:02,811 --> 01:12:06,803
Daddy, when you plot skulduggery,
you plot skulduggery.
865
01:12:06,840 --> 01:12:10,993
Well, my IQ is a little bigger
than my hat size, Son.
866
01:12:13,944 --> 01:12:15,939
Daddy, there's The Bandit!
867
01:12:16,824 --> 01:12:20,488
Now we're gonna close in on that hog butt!
868
01:12:20,577 --> 01:12:23,067
Col. Enos calling Private Enos.
869
01:12:23,104 --> 01:12:26,177
- Do you read me?
- Yeah, Grandpa. I can hear you.
870
01:12:26,250 --> 01:12:30,033
- All right, are you ready?
- Yes, sir, Col. Grandpa, sir!
871
01:12:31,629 --> 01:12:34,554
Okay, now get set.
872
01:12:34,758 --> 01:12:37,976
Hold it.
873
01:12:38,804 --> 01:12:41,632
Okay, girl, let her rip!
874
01:12:46,479 --> 01:12:50,898
- Daddy, what's all that noise?
- The car's backfiring!
875
01:12:50,900 --> 01:12:54,066
Somebody's shooting off
bombs back there.
876
01:12:56,947 --> 01:12:59,390
- It's them Enos boys.
- Who are they?
877
01:12:59,426 --> 01:13:02,950
They are the inventors of dirty pool.
878
01:13:10,377 --> 01:13:13,018
Get set. Now!
879
01:13:29,981 --> 01:13:32,227
Daddy.
880
01:13:32,859 --> 01:13:35,838
Thunderbutt got through.
881
01:13:35,863 --> 01:13:41,146
- What happened, Daddy?
- I guess we blew another goddamn tyre!
882
01:13:41,410 --> 01:13:43,449
Bring us down, girls.
883
01:13:43,661 --> 01:13:46,215
How could that be?
884
01:13:50,961 --> 01:13:52,853
Man, oh, man!
885
01:13:52,961 --> 01:13:56,606
Holy Buddha,
those suckers are flying!
886
01:13:57,093 --> 01:13:59,493
Yeah, Daddy, I'm not bored anymore.
887
01:13:59,530 --> 01:14:02,748
This is more fun than being
snowed in at a cathouse, you know.
888
01:14:02,785 --> 01:14:07,059
Let's get back to the ranch, Son.
I don't wanna miss how this thing turns out.
889
01:14:09,772 --> 01:14:13,842
Cledus, you're not gonna hit that gate?
890
01:14:13,879 --> 01:14:15,975
That gate is gone.
891
01:14:30,668 --> 01:14:33,918
- Oh!
- Oh, my aching head.
892
01:14:36,673 --> 01:14:39,130
Will you get in the car, Junior?
893
01:14:39,219 --> 01:14:43,523
This is no time
for any of your funny high jinks.
894
01:14:43,638 --> 01:14:48,748
I'm sorry, Daddy.
I must've forgotten the seat belt.
895
01:15:03,367 --> 01:15:06,986
Is it my imagination,
or are you slowing down?
896
01:15:07,288 --> 01:15:08,730
Maybe.
897
01:15:09,207 --> 01:15:11,248
Let me put it to you this way:
898
01:15:11,335 --> 01:15:14,289
What good would
the Road Runner be without the Coyote?
899
01:15:14,379 --> 01:15:17,582
What good would
the fox be without the hound, right?
900
01:15:18,091 --> 01:15:21,449
And can you have a bandit
if you ain't got a smokey?
901
01:15:21,486 --> 01:15:24,552
- Not really.
- Well, now you do.
902
01:15:24,589 --> 01:15:26,184
I'm slowing down.
903
01:15:31,771 --> 01:15:34,408
All right, I got it bumper-to-bumper.
904
01:15:34,444 --> 01:15:38,397
- Hop up there, Junior, and get the fish.
- But, Daddy I'm carrying-
905
01:15:38,488 --> 01:15:40,712
Hop up there and get the fish.
906
01:15:40,748 --> 01:15:44,557
- But, Daddy-
- Get the fish or I'll barbecue your ass!
907
01:15:56,964 --> 01:15:59,086
That's right, Junior.
908
01:16:00,218 --> 01:16:02,257
Just help yourself, son.
909
01:16:02,345 --> 01:16:05,121
Come on, Junior! Come on back!
910
01:16:08,142 --> 01:16:13,264
Junior, you are a brave little tick turd.
911
01:16:13,301 --> 01:16:15,020
Oh, thank you, Daddy!
912
01:16:18,235 --> 01:16:19,980
Way to go, Buford!
913
01:16:35,962 --> 01:16:38,987
Why are you stopping?
We better get out of here.
914
01:16:39,341 --> 01:16:44,633
This show right here
is only costing me $250,000.
915
01:16:44,669 --> 01:16:47,314
Do you mind if I just watch it?
916
01:16:49,934 --> 01:16:52,971
Well. There's your fish.
917
01:16:53,063 --> 01:16:55,815
Sheriff, this is hard for me to say...
918
01:16:55,900 --> 01:16:58,687
but you won it fair and square.
Congratulations.
919
01:16:58,902 --> 01:17:01,394
Give him the money, son.
920
01:17:02,366 --> 01:17:04,521
I'd like to kick your ass.
921
01:17:04,699 --> 01:17:07,988
You can't kick that high, cricket crotch.
922
01:17:09,079 --> 01:17:11,073
I accept this prize...
923
01:17:11,499 --> 01:17:16,959
as a token of another one
of my landmark achievements.
924
01:17:16,995 --> 01:17:20,047
Hold the money, Junior.
And don't let Mama see it...
925
01:17:20,175 --> 01:17:24,011
if you don't wanna sing soprano
for the rest of your life.
926
01:17:24,178 --> 01:17:25,636
Now...
927
01:17:28,809 --> 01:17:31,133
Just that long.
928
01:17:34,604 --> 01:17:38,305
- Oh! He's coming over here.
- I know. I told you.
929
01:17:38,400 --> 01:17:41,153
- Will you hurry up? Will you please hurry.
- It won't crank!
930
01:17:41,238 --> 01:17:43,480
- What do you mean?
- The car won't crank.
931
01:17:43,573 --> 01:17:46,907
Come on, let's get this party started.
Let's have a drink!
932
01:17:46,994 --> 01:17:49,928
We can all exchange clothes.
933
01:17:51,956 --> 01:17:54,448
Would you get away from me, you shit!
934
01:17:54,626 --> 01:17:57,394
I'm making this collar single only.
935
01:17:57,712 --> 01:18:00,084
You're The Bandit.
Tell me what we are going to do.
936
01:18:00,173 --> 01:18:02,795
I am not The Bandit.
The Bandit is The Bandit.
937
01:18:02,884 --> 01:18:05,969
The only man in the world that thinks I'm-
938
01:18:06,388 --> 01:18:08,013
Wait a minute.
939
01:18:08,140 --> 01:18:12,694
Sit back. And don't move a muscle!
940
01:18:22,237 --> 01:18:23,961
I got you.
941
01:18:29,703 --> 01:18:34,745
Hello, Buford.
Well, you caught me with my pants down.
942
01:18:34,750 --> 01:18:38,160
- I did?
- That's a figure of speech.
943
01:18:38,254 --> 01:18:41,256
- I got you!
- Yeah.
944
01:18:41,299 --> 01:18:43,422
It's over for the old Bandit.
945
01:18:43,510 --> 01:18:45,911
- Yeah, you're gone.
- It's gone.
946
01:18:46,512 --> 01:18:48,219
- Buford?
- Yes, sir.
947
01:18:49,994 --> 01:18:52,973
I just wanna say one last
thing to you before you...
948
01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:54,389
haul me off in the cuffs.
949
01:18:54,478 --> 01:18:57,183
- Go right ahead.
- There's a kind of a...
950
01:18:57,273 --> 01:19:00,261
a kindred spirit we have,
you know what I mean?
951
01:19:00,297 --> 01:19:02,622
Yeah. I think I feel the same way.
952
01:19:02,659 --> 01:19:06,004
No, I mean it's special.
I can almost read your thoughts.
953
01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:07,407
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
954
01:19:07,491 --> 01:19:10,693
What am I thinking right now?
955
01:19:10,787 --> 01:19:13,479
You're thinking right now
that possibly you...
956
01:19:13,515 --> 01:19:16,533
No sense sending me off
to prison where I'd lose all my friends...
957
01:19:16,625 --> 01:19:17,706
and everything. I mean...
958
01:19:17,793 --> 01:19:21,019
you could give me a five-second head start
and chase after me-
959
01:19:21,111 --> 01:19:23,579
Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm a law-and-order man.
960
01:19:23,675 --> 01:19:26,345
I got you and I'm gonna keep you.
961
01:19:26,381 --> 01:19:28,928
Yeah, you're right.
I was silly to even think that.
962
01:19:28,964 --> 01:19:31,005
- You're too tough for that.
- That's right.
963
01:19:31,099 --> 01:19:34,750
- I'm upright, straightforward-
- Now that you've...
964
01:19:34,828 --> 01:19:38,385
finally caught The Bandit,
you can really retire.
965
01:19:38,421 --> 01:19:42,770
We can go back to sunny Florida
and you can collect your seashells...
966
01:19:42,903 --> 01:19:44,611
and you can play shuffleboard.
967
01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:49,256
And we can even go back
and see that big funny whale jump again.
968
01:19:49,292 --> 01:19:54,650
But most and best of all, Daddy,
I'll take you fishing with me.
969
01:19:56,083 --> 01:19:59,778
- I'll give you a five-minute head start.
- Bye-bye!
970
01:20:03,007 --> 01:20:07,284
Junior!
971
01:20:12,767 --> 01:20:14,879
What the hell are you doing?
972
01:20:14,915 --> 01:20:19,081
I was trying to stop
The Bandit from getting away, Daddy.
973
01:20:20,024 --> 01:20:24,145
I said it before, and I'll say it again:
974
01:20:24,195 --> 01:20:28,890
There is no way that you
could come from my loins.
975
01:20:29,033 --> 01:20:34,112
And as soon as we get home,
I'm putting a big lump on your mama's head.
976
01:20:34,289 --> 01:20:37,957
Now get in the car. We're on pursuit alert.
977
01:20:41,337 --> 01:20:44,505
Well, Cledus, I'll tell you,
I gotta hand it to you. You did it.
978
01:20:44,591 --> 01:20:46,125
- I did it, didn't I?
- You did it!
979
01:20:46,217 --> 01:20:49,177
I did it! Don't know what
I did, but I did it.
980
01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:53,156
- Hey, do you mind if I tag along?
- What?
981
01:21:00,691 --> 01:21:02,565
Where did they go?
982
01:21:02,652 --> 01:21:04,526
Pumpkin!
983
01:21:05,195 --> 01:21:08,273
Now, I know you didn't
mean to leave me this time.
984
01:21:08,309 --> 01:21:10,736
Madame Godzilla is back.
985
01:21:12,703 --> 01:21:15,490
- Get the hell out of there!
- I wanna come, too!
986
01:21:15,581 --> 01:21:18,416
- There ain't no room!
- Oh, yes, there is!
987
01:21:24,215 --> 01:21:26,550
Wait, Daddy!
988
01:21:29,074 --> 01:21:31,720
Don't leave me!
989
01:21:31,972 --> 01:21:35,155
Wait, Daddy.
990
01:21:35,727 --> 01:21:37,553
Wait for me.
991
01:21:37,644 --> 01:21:39,554
Don't leave me, Daddy!
992
01:21:46,682 --> 01:21:48,312
The outlaw run
993
01:21:50,074 --> 01:21:51,782
Is an endless one
994
01:21:53,828 --> 01:21:55,620
It's a hungry night
995
01:21:57,623 --> 01:21:59,747
Where wrong is right
996
01:22:01,377 --> 01:22:03,750
And the race is done
997
01:22:04,964 --> 01:22:07,088
When the race is won
998
01:22:08,759 --> 01:22:10,752
In the morning sun
999
01:22:11,554 --> 01:22:14,092
Just look into the light
1000
01:22:15,976 --> 01:22:18,134
And I'm behind you now
1001
01:22:19,062 --> 01:22:21,435
With a ticket for the wind
1002
01:22:23,526 --> 01:22:25,648
I'm behind you now
1003
01:22:26,612 --> 01:22:28,853
Baby, you can never win
1004
01:22:31,032 --> 01:22:33,191
I'm behind you now
1005
01:22:34,161 --> 01:22:36,735
And your days are getting thin
1006
01:22:38,872 --> 01:22:40,997
I'm behind you now
1007
01:22:41,711 --> 01:22:44,083
With a ticket for the wind
1008
01:22:57,852 --> 01:22:59,844
And The Bandit's trying
1009
01:23:01,646 --> 01:23:03,770
There's a borderline
1010
01:23:05,442 --> 01:23:07,318
That's already crossed
1011
01:23:09,155 --> 01:23:11,278
When the game is lost
1012
01:23:12,783 --> 01:23:15,110
And the hunter's luck
1013
01:23:16,496 --> 01:23:18,155
Is a single shot
1014
01:23:20,290 --> 01:23:22,199
When the sun is hot
1015
01:23:23,086 --> 01:23:25,459
And the dice are tossed
1016
01:23:27,590 --> 01:23:29,498
I'm behind you now
1017
01:23:30,801 --> 01:23:32,926
With a ticket for the wind
1018
01:23:35,056 --> 01:23:37,049
I'm behind you now
1019
01:23:38,185 --> 01:23:40,225
And you can never win
1020
01:23:42,356 --> 01:23:44,265
I'm behind you now
1021
01:23:45,692 --> 01:23:48,185
And your days are getting thin
1022
01:23:50,405 --> 01:23:52,314
I'm behind you now
1023
01:23:53,241 --> 01:23:55,448
With a ticket for the wind
1024
01:24:24,023 --> 01:24:26,016
I'm behind you now
1025
01:24:27,194 --> 01:24:29,564
With a ticket for the wind
1026
01:24:30,405 --> 01:24:32,694
Yeah, I'm behind you now
1027
01:24:34,200 --> 01:24:36,572
Oh, and you can never win
79789
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