All language subtitles for You.Me.Her.S04E07.There.Will.Be.Poop.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,262 --> 00:00:04,091 Previously on "You Me Her"... 2 00:00:04,178 --> 00:00:05,222 You sound like Mom.Yeah, well, you know Mom was trying to help you 3 00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:06,745 the only way she knew how, right? 4 00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:09,139 Says the guy that she refers to as her only son. 5 00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:12,142 Little Gabe -- on point with his sass game. 6 00:00:12,229 --> 00:00:13,535 [ Laughs ] 7 00:00:13,622 --> 00:00:16,016 Somebody put a full-price offer on this house. 8 00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,887 Helen is gonna do us a landlord solid 9 00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:19,628 and give us 72 hours to match it. 10 00:00:19,715 --> 00:00:21,412 Gabe: Hey, are you the new girl? I-I didn't see you come in. 11 00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,197 Sasha: Off Campus Guy, right?Yeah, New Girl. 12 00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:24,763 Nathan -- He's a wounded bird. 13 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,983 He just needs a friend.You're test-driving him... 14 00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:29,551 Coach Remi! Portland's official poly guru? 15 00:00:29,638 --> 00:00:32,423 If you could be any part of your couple's home, 16 00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:33,990 what would you be and why? 17 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,948 ...front door.Why did you pick the front door? 18 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,603 Because I was closed before I met Jack and Emma. 19 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,344 Turns out I needed two keys... 20 00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:45,088 to open my heart even though it could be broken. 21 00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:46,350 So what are you exactly? 22 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,439 H-He means, like, besides stuck? 23 00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:51,355 [ Xavier & Ophelia's "Every Sunset Has A Story" plays ] 24 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:55,925 ♪♪ 25 00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,971 ♪ A broken heart falls apart 26 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,409 ♪ Two lost souls in the dark 27 00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:03,150 ♪ Find a way to make a change [ Clears throat ] 28 00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:04,977 ♪ It shouldn't be this hard [ Clears throat harder ] 29 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,283 Wakey, wakey. 30 00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:07,937 Hmm. 31 00:01:08,024 --> 00:01:09,721 Hmm. 32 00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,288 I was having the best dream. 33 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:14,204 I was onstage with TLC in the "Waterfalls" video. 34 00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:15,814 Okay, I can't hold it in any longer. 35 00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:16,772 Are you gonna throw up on me? 36 00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,035 No. Oh. 37 00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,037 But we have a surprise for you. 38 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:22,473 You do? Mm-hmm. 39 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:26,216 ♪ 'Cause every sunset has a story ♪ 40 00:01:26,303 --> 00:01:27,609 Okay, so I forgot to ask where.♪ Hey, hey, hey 41 00:01:27,696 --> 00:01:28,784 ♪ It's the beginning or the end ♪ 42 00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,351 Did I mention that I love surprises? 43 00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:32,396 Where is it? Where is it?♪ Hey, hey, hey 44 00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:36,008 What do you think? 45 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,749 Pretty cool, right? 46 00:01:37,836 --> 00:01:40,535 Yeah. 47 00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:41,927 Y-Yeah. D-Definitely. 48 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:44,016 It's that, like, specific kind of cool 49 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,715 that requires an explanation? 50 00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:50,893 Any c-- Any -- Any color you want. 51 00:01:50,980 --> 00:01:52,547 Okay. Yeah. 52 00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,026 Yeah. 53 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,289 Izzy Silva -- 54 00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:56,855 You're the door!Dude? 55 00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:58,248 What?You're the door... 56 00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,945 Yeah....opening up our lives 57 00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:02,383 in the most spectacular and surprising ways. 58 00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:04,167 And we want the whole world to know it. 59 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,082 Yeah. 60 00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,345 Oh, okay. 61 00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:11,827 I love my door. 62 00:02:11,914 --> 00:02:13,568 Yes. I love you. 63 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:20,314 I love my door.Mm. 64 00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:21,706 Well, that's disturbing. 65 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:23,317 Hmm. Oh, geez. Look at these two. 66 00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,884 No shame whatsoever.Aw. Maybe their cable's out. 67 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,799 Hello. I know. 68 00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:31,107 Even there's a baby, ooh! 69 00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:32,761 Okay. We'll go back inside now. Relax. 70 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,371 Yeah, we're gonna go inside and do the sex now! 71 00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,330 So you guys can keep walking. 72 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:41,117 ♪ A second chance 73 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,554 ♪ To change your mind 74 00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:48,080 Behold my door, bitches! 75 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:51,171 [ Chuckles ] 76 00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:59,527 Behold this beautiful morning that we're having. 77 00:03:06,098 --> 00:03:08,492 Cheerio. 78 00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:12,104 Marigold. 79 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,584 Interesting choice. 80 00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:16,108 My Great Aunt Enid used to plant marigolds. 81 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,633 My mother would say, "They're cheap and common, 82 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:19,808 and dig in like weeds." 83 00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:21,592 Oh, my God. She sounds nice. 84 00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:24,204 Definitely not on the long list of HOA-approved colors. 85 00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,205 Ticketable offense? 86 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,381 100%. 87 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:30,384 Dun-dun-dun. 88 00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:31,646 Seemed appropriate. Sorry. 89 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:34,214 Let the mustache twirling resume. 90 00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:40,655 ♪♪ 91 00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:43,266 So they bought you a door. 92 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,789 Mm-hmm. 93 00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:48,140 How, uh, romantic? 94 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,099 It's not just a door, okay? 95 00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:53,494 It's a beautiful bright orange symbol of our love 96 00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,060 and clearly you don't get it so shut up. 97 00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:56,584 Where'd you go? 98 00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:58,977 What? I'm being -- I'm being late. Remember? 99 00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:01,241 You wear those hideous suburbadroid Crocs 100 00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,721 and, uh, I show up late to everything all day? 101 00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:04,983 You're so annoying. 102 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,550 Just come on, you can start it after. 103 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:08,509 Okay. 104 00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,076 Uh, so remind me. 105 00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:14,428 You went to a poly coach 106 00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:16,647 so you could figure out that you are, uh... 107 00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:18,823 what was it? 108 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:20,303 Polymonogamous. 109 00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:21,565 Polymonogamous. 110 00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:23,175 Yes. Right. 111 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,701 Now, does Coach Whatsisballs know that he invented a word 112 00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:28,659 that contradicts itself halfway through? 113 00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,966 Okay. The word sounds stupid at first, 114 00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,533 but it's actually brilliant. 115 00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,056 Like these Crocs.Right. 116 00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:38,190 They're basically Jack and Emma -- left, right. 117 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,280 When I wear them outside of a garden setting, 118 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,456 people are very eager to tell me that I'm doing footwear wrong. 119 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,762 That's why I assigned them to you. 120 00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:46,286 So you'd look stupid. Shut up. 121 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,678 Anyway, here's the thing, 122 00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:50,812 is they start to feel really good, like -- 123 00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:54,946 like my feet have a special secret, but the world insists 124 00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,079 "they don't make sense as an everyday shoe." 125 00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:58,646 So you buckle under the pressure 126 00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:03,041 and you try something a little cooler, a little younger. 127 00:05:03,128 --> 00:05:06,001 Um, and...? 128 00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:08,960 And people say that they make your calves look great 129 00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:10,788 but it's too late, 130 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:13,313 'cause you've already fallen in love with these goofy-ass Crocs. 131 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:17,839 In fact, you feel bad you ever doubted them. 132 00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:20,276 Wow! Right? 133 00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,060 Anyway, today is officially 134 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:25,020 "Inappropriate Day Drinking... Day." 135 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,848 There has to be a better way to say that, right? 136 00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,240 Well, we're gonna have to postpone. 137 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,720 Why?Well, aside from the fact 138 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,461 that I'm a high-school vice principal... 139 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:34,856 Oh, please....uh, and that's never gonna happen, 140 00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:37,728 I have a date. 141 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:38,947 Cool. Yeah. 142 00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:41,428 Cool.Yeah, it is pretty cool. 143 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:45,475 Oh, hold on just a second. 144 00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:48,304 Oh! Uh, speak of the devil. 145 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:52,395 The tall, blonde, gorgeous devil. 146 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,919 Okay. 147 00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:56,617 Yeah. I got to -- I got to take this. 148 00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:59,054 Sure. 149 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,447 So... 150 00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:01,622 Oh. You want me to go. I'm sorry. 151 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:02,884 I'm so sorry. Yeah. 152 00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,364 I'll -- I'll catch up. 153 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,061 So I'll -- I'll see you at lunch? 154 00:06:06,148 --> 00:06:08,759 I've got to rain check 'cause I'm super slammed. 155 00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,457 But, um, later? 156 00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:11,936 Yeah, it's all good.Sorry. 157 00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:14,286 All good. 158 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,332 Hey, you. 159 00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:21,337 Jack: Honey, real-estate shit is always complicated. 160 00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:22,991 Okay? Don't let it ruin our mojo. 161 00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:24,514 Yeah, well, how dare the bank tell us 162 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,168 over an e-mail to find more money, you know? 163 00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:28,126 If they want to ass ram us, they can do it to our faces. 164 00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:29,563 Huh? Hmm. 165 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,129 Well, seems like you and I are gonna have to have 166 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:33,958 a very long discussion about human anatomy. 167 00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:35,917 Over waffles, perhaps? 168 00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,441 With caramel sauce?Okay. 169 00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:41,009 And pickles, please.Wow. 170 00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,489 It's amazing that that doesn't make your list 171 00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:44,099 of things that make you barf. 172 00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:46,188 It's fascinating. 173 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:50,322 Jack, we can't give Izzy a door and then lose the house. 174 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:53,935 I know. And we won't. 175 00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:55,893 Um... What? 176 00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,374 Okay. Well, promise not to be mad. 177 00:06:58,461 --> 00:06:59,854 Uh, your mom is coming to visit. 178 00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:01,246 And she's staying with Gabe. 179 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,335 So? She's visited him lots of times. 180 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,599 Well, and I think that maybe... 181 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,601 you know, possibly... 182 00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:10,560 he may have said something about inviting us all to dinner? 183 00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:12,344 Oh. [ Scoffs ] 184 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,042 So this is what all that clumsy espionage was about? 185 00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:16,174 You and Izzy and Gabe? 186 00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:19,264 Wait, are you suggesting that we ask Jo for money? 187 00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,440 No! 188 00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:21,615 No. 189 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,791 No. Maybe? 190 00:07:23,878 --> 00:07:25,357 No, okay? 191 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,055 There is a zero-point-zero percent chance 192 00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,013 of me asking her for anything ever. 193 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,798 [ Toaster pops ]Well, come on, Jack. 194 00:07:30,885 --> 00:07:32,582 Do you really think it's a coincidence, you know, 195 00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:33,844 that you started thinking of your mom and dad 196 00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:35,585 and how it was after he died... 197 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,761 just as you're about to start a family of your own? 198 00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:39,415 I didn't bleach my hair, wear eyeliner, 199 00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:41,504 and start doing drugs because my dad died. 200 00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,811 I did it to test my mom's love. 201 00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:45,726 And she failed. 202 00:07:45,813 --> 00:07:47,467 Yeah, well, maybe she was angry. 203 00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,643 Maybe tough love was the only love she could give. 204 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:52,602 What would she be angry about? 205 00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,343 Gabe says she has regrets. 206 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:57,346 Did, uh, calling me a faggot make the list? 207 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:02,133 Jack... I'm sorry. 208 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:06,181 ♪♪ 209 00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:07,748 Waffles. Aw. 210 00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:09,314 Caramel sauce and pickles, 211 00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:11,665 together again for the very first time!Mm-hmm. 212 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,318 ♪♪ 213 00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,930 [ Computer rings ] 214 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:21,239 Babe?Dave: [ Skipping ] H-H-Hello? 215 00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:24,895 Dave? Are you there? 216 00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:27,768 Aw, fuck me! 217 00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:29,944 Oh, no, not you guys! 218 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,859 That's -- What? No! 219 00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:34,818 Not to insinuate that any of you are unworthy. 220 00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:37,168 You're all very attractive people, 221 00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:40,650 and I'm sure many people, many people would be honored. 222 00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,173 Please just don't call your lawyers, all right? 223 00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:44,088 Take a beat. 224 00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:46,917 [ Laughs] Oh, I'm so happy that I could amuse you. 225 00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:48,310 We need to fix this. 226 00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:49,572 Oh, like pay them off? 227 00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:51,139 That's a good idea. No, no. 228 00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:54,751 I'm saying we need to fix this you and me 229 00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,753 and this 500-mile gap between us. 230 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,015 Okay? We need to fix that. 231 00:08:58,102 --> 00:08:59,626 I miss you. Really? 232 00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,062 You love me more than fluffy robes, 233 00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:03,630 fresh sheets, and room service? 234 00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,762 Yes. Yes, of course I do. 235 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,851 Come on. Convincing. 236 00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:09,592 I do think we should maybe spring for some nicer sheets. 237 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,202 These thread counts are -- 238 00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:12,508 I'm learning a lot about thread counts here. 239 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,162 How's it going over there? 240 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,599 Oh, well, they've stopped being subtle about, uh, 241 00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:18,340 books two and three, 242 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:21,212 so I kind of had to wing a pitch.Oh, God. 243 00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,258 How drunk did you have to get to decide that was a good idea? 244 00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:25,695 Well, drunk enough that I woke up with 245 00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,610 a dozen cocktail napkins in my pocket 246 00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,177 all with individual words on them, 247 00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,962 like I maybe did like a Bob Dylan type of thing. 248 00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:34,443 Look, this either says "flatulence" or "pestilence." 249 00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,488 And neither is really good for a kids' book. 250 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,753 Actually, the first one could work, you know, like, um, 251 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,407 "Everybody Farts, Even Immigrants"? 252 00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:43,974 You know what, Carmen? 253 00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,454 You really are the wind beneath my sheets. 254 00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:46,890 See, I was still going with the fart thing. 255 00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,152 Yeah. Yeah. 256 00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:49,676 I'm sorry. I'm just really tired 257 00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,416 and I know it's stupid but I think 258 00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:52,983 I've just let this local awards thing get to me and -- 259 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,637 Okay, you know what? You know what? 260 00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:57,640 Tonight, we're gonna have a full cyberdate, okay? 261 00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,903 And it's gonna end in FaceTime sex 262 00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:02,776 because I am the surest thing on the West Coast. 263 00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:05,517 You are an insatiable slut. 264 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,302 [ Both laugh ] Wow. 265 00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:09,391 And I may have a solution to your sequel problem, so -- 266 00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:11,045 Excellent. Tonight, you and me. 267 00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:12,873 No kids. No work. No interruptions. 268 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,918 Just me listening to you about your life 269 00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:18,313 and then we are going to mutually abuse ourselves 270 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:19,619 in front of each other. 271 00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,055 That sounds -- I mean, is that g-- 272 00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:22,491 I'm gonna need a clear "yes." 273 00:10:22,578 --> 00:10:23,927 I mean, I could start now if you want. 274 00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,363 This is usually behind a paywall 275 00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,017 but if you -- you have to say "yes." 276 00:10:27,104 --> 00:10:28,715 Stop it! Will this get you fired, if I -- 277 00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:31,369 Yes, yes, yes! 278 00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,546 [ Sighs ] Okay. 279 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:39,377 $20, $40, $64 and change. 280 00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:41,945 Split the settlement however you like. 281 00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:43,643 That should work. That's plenty. 282 00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:47,559 [ Indistinct conversations ] 283 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,258 Sasha: I find myself kind of liking that shirt for some reason. 284 00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:52,739 Yeah, shirts are cool. I like shirts. 285 00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,915 Maybe it's the feminist allusion. 286 00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:58,266 Yeah. Hashtag Time's Up, bitches. 287 00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:00,485 M-Meaning un-woke dudes. I -- I didn't -- 288 00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:01,661 I didn't mean women. 289 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,097 It's about motherhood. 290 00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,839 Yeah. Moms. So hot. 291 00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:11,888 So are you into all girls or just the ones with children? 292 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,456 Uh, well, I'm pan, which we all know means 293 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,459 that I can love or be attracted to a person of any sex 294 00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:19,330 including but not limited to males, 295 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:20,897 females, transgenders, transexuals, 296 00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,464 hermaphroditous people, androgynous people, 297 00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:24,771 and of course those with a sex-chromosome anomaly. 298 00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:27,338 Wow. So thorough! 299 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:32,300 Why aren't you, uh, seeing anyone? 300 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:37,392 Maybe you're just, um, confused by the expansive pan menu? 301 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:38,393 Yeah. So confused. 302 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:39,568 Yeah. Ca-- Can't sleep. 303 00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:41,788 I'm like, which way do I go? 304 00:11:41,875 --> 00:11:44,834 Dare you to ask out the next human who's into you. 305 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,010 Hey. Sorry to barge in, um... 306 00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:48,620 but that story you shared in last week's 307 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:52,146 Alliance meeting -- it, uh, it just really moved me. 308 00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:53,800 Awesome. 309 00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:57,151 Hey, um, do you want to hang out? 310 00:11:57,238 --> 00:11:59,196 Yeah, sure. You free tonight? 311 00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:01,242 Yeah. Uh, it's a date. I'll text you. 312 00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:03,461 Cool. 313 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,550 Boom. [ Chuckles ] 314 00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:10,860 ♪♪ 315 00:12:10,947 --> 00:12:16,213 ♪♪ 316 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,913 All right, I was undeniably a massive fuck-up as a kid. 317 00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:26,136 I'm getting the instinct that you need to hold 318 00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:27,834 all my calls, Rebecca. 319 00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:29,313 -Yes, Dean Warren. -Thank you. 320 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,793 Sorry. 321 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,839 It's all good. All good. 322 00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,841 Everybody assumed I was on drugs, 323 00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:37,278 and so they started giving me drugs and voilà, 324 00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:38,888 next thing I know, I'm on drugs. 325 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:42,457 And my dad died, my mother was frightened 326 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,938 that Gabe and I wouldn't have a male role model, 327 00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:46,287 so she transformed herself 328 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,985 into the worst possible version of one. 329 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,118 Somewhere along the line, I realized my whole reason 330 00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:54,034 for waking up every day for the rest of my life 331 00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:57,124 would be to help kids like me. 332 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,474 God damn it, I'm good at what I do, okay, 333 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,215 so if you think that this is 334 00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,173 just soft, navel-gazing bullshit, 335 00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,567 well frankly, Mother, I don't give a fuck! 336 00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:14,445 Um, did I just, um --Just call me "Mother"? 337 00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:16,273 Yes. I didn't hear that. 338 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,927 Thank you. Mm-hmm. 339 00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:20,060 You're a good egg, Dean Warren. 340 00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:21,844 Neva. 341 00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:26,544 I want a raise, Neva. 342 00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:28,372 You got it, Jack. 343 00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:29,591 10%? 344 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:30,810 Just like that? 345 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,072 Mm-hmm. 346 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:35,945 Academia -- Never enough money. 347 00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:40,907 We operate under the policy of Let Sleeping Dogs Lie. 348 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:45,085 Your Wellness Program, Doctor, is extraordinary. 349 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:47,087 A raise is long overdue. 350 00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:50,264 Wow, thanks. 351 00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,787 You're welcome. Oh. 352 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,311 And, uh, eat your strangers 353 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:57,097 and don't talk to vegetables. 354 00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:59,055 Right. We can just keep that between us, 355 00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:00,143 right, the Mother thing? 356 00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,101 Yeah. Yeah. 357 00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:06,584 ♪♪ 358 00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:12,068 ♪♪ 359 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:13,635 Ah! Jesus! 360 00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:19,859 Word around campus is that you're quite suddenly pansexual. 361 00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:22,731 More like I've come to terms with it. 362 00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,602 Please tell me that you haven't dragged anyone else 363 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:29,172 into this admittedly adorable play for Sasha's affections. 364 00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:30,652 And choose your words wisely, 365 00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:33,481 like I might already know the answer. 366 00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,178 Maybe I just think Alex is hot 367 00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:38,225 and I want to do all the stuff with him. 368 00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:39,835 Oh, yeah? 369 00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,576 So you're gonna date a dude to prove you're pan 370 00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:43,970 so Sasha thinks you're all woke-sexy. 371 00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,797 I find that highly offensive, Miss -- 372 00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,582 Doctor. Dr. Izzy. 373 00:14:47,669 --> 00:14:49,758 Mm-hmm.Sorry. It's just sounds like those old soaps 374 00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,239 where the 19-year-old dime is also a brain surgeon. 375 00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:54,284 Okay. I think there were compliments baked in there, 376 00:14:54,371 --> 00:14:55,807 so I'm just gonna proceed -- 377 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,113 You're hanging out with someone who digs you 378 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,680 and thinks you might dig him back, 379 00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:01,074 so please just be careful with his feelings. 380 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,340 Hello? Huh? 381 00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,907 You okay there, Dr. Izzy? 382 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:11,475 Just be a decent person, is what I'm saying, okay? 383 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:16,219 He's a human being with feelings, not a car. 384 00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:23,531 ♪♪ 385 00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:24,575 Car? 386 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,621 [ Cellphone rings ] 387 00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,796 Hey. 388 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:28,928 I got the raise. 389 00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,407 Ah! Then we get the house! 390 00:15:30,494 --> 00:15:32,670 Okay. Tell me everything you said, word for word. 391 00:15:32,757 --> 00:15:34,194 Don't leave anything out. 392 00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,196 Well, once you accidentally call your boss "Mother," 393 00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,111 everything else just seems like a detail. 394 00:15:38,198 --> 00:15:40,113 I once ended a phone call with a collection agency 395 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,810 with "I love you." 396 00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,420 And yes, that is the real reason we had to change our number. 397 00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,553 We did it, Em. 398 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:46,728 We're home. 399 00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,208 Yeah. 400 00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:49,731 I love you. 401 00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:51,776 I love you more. 402 00:15:51,863 --> 00:15:58,522 ♪♪ 403 00:15:58,609 --> 00:16:00,263 Yep. 404 00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,616 [ Groans ] 405 00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:08,402 Hey, your date's a hobo bottle? 406 00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,404 Um, canceled. 407 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:13,059 You know, papers to grade. 408 00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:17,802 Hmm. 409 00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:20,980 [ Bottles clink ] 410 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,764 You know, when I assigned you "day drinking," 411 00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:25,288 I meant after school and off campus. 412 00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,464 Then I -- Then I guess this is, like, 413 00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:32,426 super-mega-double badass, right? 414 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,036 Extra credit? 415 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,169 For sure, super badass, yeah, until you get fired 416 00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:38,258 and the new boss wonders how the fuck I got this job. 417 00:16:38,345 --> 00:16:40,521 Hmm. Interesting. 418 00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,305 Are you wondering? 419 00:16:46,962 --> 00:16:48,833 All right, Drunky McDrunkerpants, 420 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,531 let's get you out of here. 421 00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:51,706 Okay? 422 00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:52,881 I'm bringing this. 423 00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:54,752 Mm-hmm. 424 00:16:54,839 --> 00:16:56,363 Okay. Okay. 425 00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,756 Hello, friends. 426 00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:00,106 They're good friends. 427 00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,542 Go. 428 00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:06,068 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 429 00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:07,852 Okay. 430 00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:19,603 [ Ringing ] 431 00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,736 Hey! 432 00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:23,259 Hey, babe. I'm so sorry, 433 00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:24,826 the girls were just impossible tonight and -- 434 00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,088 Carm? Can you hear me? 435 00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:28,090 Yes. Okay, good. 436 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,136 I think my agents brought me here to give me some bad news 437 00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,616 because, fun fact, no one's ever offed themselves 438 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,792 in a lobby bar playing Duran Duran covers. 439 00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:36,838 Couldn't tell them you needed a half-hour with the wife? 440 00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,274 Man: Yo, Dave! Your drink's here! 441 00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:40,363 I knew you would understand! 442 00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:42,148 So, do you have any sequel ideas for me? 443 00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:43,497 I mean, you're the writer in the the family. 444 00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:45,238 Could you help a hubby out? 445 00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:50,765 Sweetheart? 446 00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,462 You know, it feels like we're about to glitch again. 447 00:17:52,549 --> 00:17:54,638 Really? But, uh, you're coming in crystal clear. 448 00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:59,252 A. E. I. O. U. 449 00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:00,818 Are you doing, like, a -- 450 00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:02,385 was that just all the vowel sounds? 451 00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:04,344 Is that supposed to make -- Okay. 452 00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:06,694 So that's your answer then. I see. That's fi-- 453 00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,348 [ Tablet beeps ] 454 00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,263 [ Sighs ] 455 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:13,962 You're on your own, champ. 456 00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,485 Nathan: Oh, man. 457 00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:16,834 Okay. 458 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:20,186 So, you completed the assignment. 459 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:23,972 Please remove those obscene abominations now. 460 00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:26,409 My sweet, sweet Crocs? Unh-unh. 461 00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:29,847 Like I said -- The world may think they look weird, 462 00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:33,329 but to me they're just right. 463 00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:35,853 Hmm. Beep, beep. 464 00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,029 Well, then, I hope you never catch them 465 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,293 blowing your brother on Turkey Day. 466 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,772 You're concerned that my shoes might fellate 467 00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,210 the brother I don't have. 468 00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:45,733 Booze is like LSD to you, huh? 469 00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:47,474 [ Whispering ] Shh. 470 00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:49,954 We're not really talking about shoes. 471 00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:52,043 [ Whispering ] Oh, we're not?No. 472 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,437 Oh, my God.No, it's a meta-floor. 473 00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,657 Mm-hmm. A matador. 474 00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,354 Mini-- Minotaur. 475 00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,877 You're nai-- You're nailing this. 476 00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,836 Yeah, right. Say it for me? 477 00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,359 No, you say it. 478 00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,448 Meta-floor. 479 00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:07,233 Can't say it. Not even close. 480 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,060 No. 481 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,236 What are you looking for? 482 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:11,628 Oh, your balls. 483 00:19:11,715 --> 00:19:13,239 Oh! 484 00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:15,241 Okay, well, I mean, you know, between the two of us, 485 00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:18,679 you are the way bigger wuss. 486 00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:20,985 You let two damaged sociopaths 487 00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:23,684 take a holiday away from you forever. 488 00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:26,426 [ Scoffs ] Oh, that -- that is nothing. 489 00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:28,950 You let a pregnant suburban married couple 490 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,779 take your entire life. 491 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:33,215 I'm just trying to be a good friend 492 00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:34,956 and give it to you straight-up. 493 00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:36,653 We met like three weeks ago, dude. 494 00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,786 You don't know shit. 495 00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,615 That's a shame. 496 00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:43,356 Let's play 20 questions. 497 00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:46,446 Yeah. 498 00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,057 No. 499 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,580 Well, okay. 500 00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:54,018 I'm preternaturally intuitive, so five'll do. 501 00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:55,411 Okay. Yeah. 502 00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:56,630 Do you want to go first, or do I go first? 503 00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:58,153 I'll go first. Here it comes. 504 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,807 Okay. 505 00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:02,723 Um, okay. Mm-hmm. 506 00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:05,465 Close-in suburb or Downtown? 507 00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:07,902 Oh. Pearl District forever. 508 00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:08,990 That was an easy one. 509 00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:10,731 Yeah. Okay. 510 00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:14,778 Block party or authentic bar-bar? 511 00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:19,261 Another round of Rusty Nails for me and the posse I don't got 512 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,916 'cause I thought my wife was my bestie. 513 00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:28,488 Okay. Uh, okay. 514 00:20:28,575 --> 00:20:30,272 Stay up all night. 515 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,275 Are you watching the sun rise or whatever's on Netflix? 516 00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,669 Ooh. Sunrise every time. 517 00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,760 Get rich or change the world. 518 00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:41,675 Change the world. 519 00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,372 No question. 520 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,680 And some day real soon, too. 521 00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:50,161 Let me guess -- you were the weird kid with the frizzy hair 522 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,861 and rainbow braces who demanded fair wages 523 00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:56,907 for the cafeteria staff? 524 00:20:56,994 --> 00:21:00,084 Wow. That is -- That is oddly specific. 525 00:21:00,171 --> 00:21:04,350 You talking about me or you? 526 00:21:04,437 --> 00:21:06,569 Yeah, me too. 527 00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:07,701 Really? Yeah. 528 00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:08,832 Cheers. I was a weirdo. 529 00:21:08,919 --> 00:21:10,443 Boop. 530 00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,183 Okay. Pets? 531 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,708 Oh, yeah. Like, a whole bunch. 532 00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:16,231 Hmm. 533 00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:18,973 Yeah, and I would marry Seb, 'cause I love him 534 00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:23,238 more than anything, not like in a weird way. 535 00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:25,632 Just so you know, I don't think there's an un-weird way 536 00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:28,156 to marry your pets. 537 00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:30,114 Kids? Go. 538 00:21:30,201 --> 00:21:32,943 Two girls and a boy. 539 00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:35,511 You too? 540 00:21:35,598 --> 00:21:37,731 What are your thoughts on pumpkin spice? 541 00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:42,910 You know, I don't know what that smell is 542 00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:45,782 but it is clearly not pumpkin or spice. 543 00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:48,524 Thank you. Right? 544 00:21:48,611 --> 00:21:51,005 Fuck. 545 00:21:51,092 --> 00:21:53,094 Oh, my turn now. 546 00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:54,965 Unh-unh. There's no point. 547 00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,620 Why not? You already gave all my answers. 548 00:21:57,707 --> 00:22:00,057 Well, that's not fair.And you know, you're like -- 549 00:22:00,144 --> 00:22:04,105 like, a nice guy and you're funny 550 00:22:04,192 --> 00:22:06,455 and sometimes you look at me 551 00:22:06,542 --> 00:22:08,718 like you used to draw me as a child. 552 00:22:10,894 --> 00:22:12,896 Have you been cyberstalking me? 553 00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:15,812 Wow, damn, your -- your -- 554 00:22:15,899 --> 00:22:18,424 your crazy totally just ate my drunk. 555 00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:22,210 I'm happy. Mm. 556 00:22:22,297 --> 00:22:23,516 I'm happy. Okay? 557 00:22:23,603 --> 00:22:25,692 Zero second thoughts. 558 00:22:25,779 --> 00:22:27,911 So there's no point in test-driving you 559 00:22:27,998 --> 00:22:29,957 down the road not traveled -- less traveled. 560 00:22:30,044 --> 00:22:31,393 I don't know, whatever. 561 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:32,568 How's -- How's that? 562 00:22:32,655 --> 00:22:34,222 What? 563 00:22:34,309 --> 00:22:38,139 Is that what we're doing? 564 00:22:38,226 --> 00:22:39,836 You know, nothing that's gonna get you in trouble, 565 00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:43,274 but just enough to imagine the alternative? 566 00:22:49,106 --> 00:22:51,370 I... Mm-hmm. 567 00:22:51,457 --> 00:22:53,459 ...would like to deny that. 568 00:22:56,462 --> 00:22:58,377 I'm sorry. 569 00:22:58,464 --> 00:23:00,248 I'm sorry. I'm a dick. 570 00:23:00,335 --> 00:23:02,119 It's -- It's all good. 571 00:23:06,950 --> 00:23:08,604 Do they really love you? 572 00:23:10,737 --> 00:23:13,479 And you really love them? 573 00:23:13,566 --> 00:23:15,263 Yeah. 574 00:23:18,962 --> 00:23:21,878 Look, Izzy, um -- 575 00:23:21,965 --> 00:23:23,489 You're gonna walk me home. 576 00:23:23,576 --> 00:23:24,620 I am? 577 00:23:24,707 --> 00:23:26,622 Yes. 578 00:23:26,709 --> 00:23:28,537 You're gonna be a gentleman 579 00:23:28,624 --> 00:23:30,974 and you're gonna walk me home and you're gonna come in 580 00:23:31,061 --> 00:23:33,063 and you're gonna say hello to Jack and Emma. 581 00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:34,630 Why? Why? 582 00:23:34,717 --> 00:23:37,981 Because we are friends, all of us, nothing to hide. 583 00:23:38,068 --> 00:23:40,984 Nothing to see here, move it along. 584 00:23:41,071 --> 00:23:43,030 Mm. Am I right, friend? 585 00:23:47,817 --> 00:23:49,645 Right, friend. 586 00:23:49,732 --> 00:23:51,299 I'll bring this. 587 00:23:51,386 --> 00:23:55,999 Party bus is on the move. 588 00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:57,479 Okay. Let's do it. 589 00:23:57,566 --> 00:23:59,350 You want to get rid of those, probably. 590 00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,222 Hmm, I don't know. 591 00:24:01,309 --> 00:24:05,313 ♪♪ 592 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,793 Gabriel: Thanks for coming over, bud. 593 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,144 I didn't realize "Queer Eye" would be so moving. 594 00:24:10,231 --> 00:24:12,451 I promise not to tell anybody about the wide-open sobbing 595 00:24:12,538 --> 00:24:15,279 if you, uh, stop calling me "bud." 596 00:24:15,366 --> 00:24:16,498 I get the point. 597 00:24:16,585 --> 00:24:18,065 What? No! I -- 598 00:24:18,152 --> 00:24:19,849 Not every two queers are gonna be into each other. 599 00:24:19,936 --> 00:24:22,504 It's cool, "bud." 600 00:24:22,591 --> 00:24:24,811 Seriously, Gabriel. 601 00:24:24,898 --> 00:24:25,899 It's cool. 602 00:24:25,986 --> 00:24:27,857 Alex, I like you. 603 00:24:27,944 --> 00:24:30,338 I think you're smart and funny. 604 00:24:30,425 --> 00:24:32,035 I just... 605 00:24:32,122 --> 00:24:33,733 I'm trying to figure shit out right now. 606 00:24:33,820 --> 00:24:36,779 Maybe this will help? 607 00:24:40,304 --> 00:24:41,915 Fuck. I totally misread that moment. 608 00:24:42,002 --> 00:24:43,351 I am so sorry. 609 00:24:43,438 --> 00:24:46,441 God damn it, Izzy was right. I -- 610 00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,530 What're you talking about?Alex, look. 611 00:24:48,617 --> 00:24:50,880 You're a lot of things that I'm not. 612 00:24:50,967 --> 00:24:55,189 Like a decent human being. 613 00:24:55,276 --> 00:24:56,712 Into other guys. 614 00:24:56,799 --> 00:24:58,366 Wait. What? I'm straight. 615 00:24:58,453 --> 00:24:59,889 Like, like, weirdly straight. 616 00:24:59,976 --> 00:25:01,151 Then why -- 617 00:25:01,238 --> 00:25:03,153 I thought Sasha would find it cool. 618 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,328 I -- 619 00:25:04,415 --> 00:25:07,767 Look, we can still be friends. 620 00:25:07,854 --> 00:25:09,725 My mother says your dad's a fucking Neanderthal. 621 00:25:09,812 --> 00:25:11,205 Alex, come on. 622 00:25:11,292 --> 00:25:12,423 Like father, like son. 623 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,121 Hmm. 624 00:25:14,208 --> 00:25:22,216 ♪♪ 625 00:25:22,303 --> 00:25:24,958 Both: "HOA Violation. 626 00:25:25,045 --> 00:25:30,877 Marigold isn't on the approved list for exterior doors." 627 00:25:30,964 --> 00:25:32,531 Izzy? 628 00:25:32,618 --> 00:25:34,271 Are you -- Are you okay? 629 00:25:34,358 --> 00:25:37,187 Fuck Lala. 630 00:25:37,274 --> 00:25:39,625 Fuck Hawthorne Heights. 631 00:25:39,712 --> 00:25:42,845 I am so tired of dealing with this bullshit. 632 00:25:42,932 --> 00:25:44,064 Wait here. 633 00:25:44,151 --> 00:25:47,241 It's a -- It's a good idea. 634 00:25:47,328 --> 00:25:51,462 ♪ We both know it's insane 635 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:54,944 ♪ We know it's not right, but we do it the same ♪ 636 00:25:55,031 --> 00:25:58,034 ♪ When you kiss me that way, it's okay ♪ 637 00:25:58,121 --> 00:25:59,514 ♪ I say "Oh, no 638 00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:02,082 [ Knock on window ]♪ What you doin'? 639 00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:03,562 ♪ Oh, no -- 640 00:26:11,265 --> 00:26:14,790 Okay. 641 00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:19,360 This is, uh, a little cliché. 642 00:26:23,016 --> 00:26:25,671 What happened? 643 00:26:25,758 --> 00:26:27,063 I'm not pan. 644 00:26:27,150 --> 00:26:29,022 Or gay. Or bi. 645 00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:31,677 I know. 646 00:26:31,764 --> 00:26:32,895 I fucked up so bad. 647 00:26:32,982 --> 00:26:35,724 You actually went out with Alex? 648 00:26:38,466 --> 00:26:40,381 Yeah, you definitely fucked up. 649 00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:43,906 Um, what were you thinking? 650 00:26:43,993 --> 00:26:45,168 Tell me. 651 00:26:45,255 --> 00:26:47,214 He's right -- I'm such an asshole, 652 00:26:47,301 --> 00:26:49,172 just like my father. 653 00:26:49,259 --> 00:26:50,913 I never should've used him like that. 654 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,611 I never should have dared you. 655 00:26:52,698 --> 00:26:55,048 We're both -- 656 00:26:55,135 --> 00:26:57,703 We're both assholes. 657 00:26:57,790 --> 00:27:00,880 But we're gonna make it right. 658 00:27:00,967 --> 00:27:03,273 I wish I could just go back in time 659 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:06,799 and do what I wanted to do in the first place. 660 00:27:06,886 --> 00:27:08,496 What? 661 00:27:08,583 --> 00:27:16,373 ♪♪ 662 00:27:16,460 --> 00:27:24,207 ♪♪ 663 00:27:24,294 --> 00:27:32,128 ♪♪ 664 00:27:32,215 --> 00:27:34,087 Any sober second thoughts? 665 00:27:34,174 --> 00:27:36,350 Do you see any sober people around here? 666 00:27:36,437 --> 00:27:39,614 'Cause I -- I don't. 667 00:27:39,701 --> 00:27:43,139 Okay. 668 00:27:43,226 --> 00:27:44,532 Okay, on three. 669 00:27:44,619 --> 00:27:46,534 One -- No, this way. 670 00:27:46,621 --> 00:27:49,842 Yeah. One, two, three. 671 00:27:49,929 --> 00:27:53,759 [ Laughing ] 672 00:27:53,846 --> 00:27:56,239 ♪♪ 673 00:27:56,326 --> 00:27:58,415 ♪ I don't care what you think about me ♪ 674 00:27:58,502 --> 00:28:01,201 ♪ And I'm never gonna fit in your society ♪ 675 00:28:01,288 --> 00:28:05,335 ♪♪ 676 00:28:05,422 --> 00:28:07,729 ♪ It's a union jack and we're on the right track ♪ 677 00:28:07,816 --> 00:28:09,209 ♪ Better get yourself together 678 00:28:09,296 --> 00:28:10,776 ♪ 'Cause we're gonna fight back ♪ 679 00:28:10,863 --> 00:28:15,345 ♪♪ 680 00:28:15,432 --> 00:28:17,826 ♪ Stand up, boy, it's a revolution ♪ 681 00:28:17,913 --> 00:28:20,263 ♪ Can't stop me, this is evolution ♪ 682 00:28:20,350 --> 00:28:22,613 ♪ I don't care what you think about me ♪ 683 00:28:22,701 --> 00:28:25,051 ♪ I'm never gonna fit in the society ♪ 684 00:28:25,138 --> 00:28:29,229 ♪ I don't care what you think about me no more ♪ 685 00:28:29,316 --> 00:28:35,365 ♪♪ 686 00:28:35,452 --> 00:28:41,632 ♪♪ 47517

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.