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1
00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:04,004
What if you really are
Mr. Right There in Front of Me?
2
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:05,092
Previously on "You Me Her"...
3
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,050
Andy: Hey.
4
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,095
Can I talk to you privately?
5
00:00:08,138 --> 00:00:09,531
Uhh!
6
00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:10,836
Emma, what the fuck
is going on?
7
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,403
I'm keeping the baby, Kylie.
8
00:00:12,447 --> 00:00:14,144
Fuck you.
9
00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:15,319
I just want you to know
what I said that night...
10
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,973
"It's not me, it's you"?
11
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,366
Yeah. There's nothing wrong
with you.
12
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:20,150
You are perfectly
Nina Martone.
13
00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:21,891
I already work insane hours
at Pinnacle,
14
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:24,415
and if I make partner,
it's gonna be even worse, so...
15
00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:25,808
I was assuming
you were coming home,
16
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:27,114
not coming to get us.
17
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,377
My rate is $40 an hour,
18
00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:31,292
minimum five hours per day,
five days per week.
19
00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,337
We can start looking
at daycares.Thank you.
20
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,297
-Fuck!
-What?
21
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:38,168
[ Sighs ] I forgot
about my meeting
with Sasha and her grandma.
22
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:39,952
It is only a matter of time
before those two
23
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:42,172
gravitate back
to the world that they know.
24
00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:44,479
How long are you gonna live
their life instead of yours own?
25
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:46,959
Hey, the Wilbergs are putting
their place on the market.
26
00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:49,527
-Carmen: You wanna check it out?
-What's the harm in that?
27
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:52,226
-Are you looking for the party?
-I'm looking for my girlfriend.
28
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:53,879
Jack:
God, I love that house.
29
00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:56,839
Dave: What's not to love?
I'd live there.
30
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,365
Well, fuck.
31
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:06,544
[ Holy Wave's "Air Wolf"
playing ]
32
00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:13,116
♪♪
33
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,640
How long do you think
can they keep this up?
34
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:18,556
I hate that I still find
this shit show so damn riveting.
35
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,123
I've surrendered to the shame.
36
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,603
I want to walk away,
37
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:24,258
but my body is just
not listening to my brain.
38
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,521
Well, here they are,
the Trakarskys,
39
00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:28,218
back on the block.
40
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:30,133
No, I-I wouldn't...
Not on the block. We're just...
41
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,526
No, no, no. We're not back
on the block.
42
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:33,005
We were just next door,
visiting...
43
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:35,051
So I didn't just
catch you guys house shopping?
44
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,880
What? No!You're gonna laugh 'cause this
is a real, like, uh...
45
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:40,056
Funny story....you know,
Hawthorne Heights story.
46
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,840
We were at
Helen Wilberg's house.
47
00:01:41,884 --> 00:01:45,017
Turns out she's
a virtuoso baker... [ Chuckles ]
48
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,672
Uh, yeah....who is opening her own shop,
and wanted us...
49
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:50,240
...to try her...cupcakes.
-We test them.
50
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:51,981
-Remember?
-Yes.
51
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:53,504
-Yes.
-Yes, I remember.
52
00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,463
It just happened,
so of course you remember.
53
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:56,899
And it was --
They were delicious, right?Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
54
00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:58,901
Tell her. I mean,
they were like...Mwah.
55
00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:00,598
They were...
It's hard to explain.
56
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,905
-Are you kidding?
-Props for the weird specificity
57
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,254
and going all in with
the "mwah."
58
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,169
But you lie just as bad
as your ex.
59
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,954
Sometimes they're so bad
at lying, it's adorable.
60
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,521
Other times, not so much.
61
00:02:10,565 --> 00:02:12,436
No, seriously,
they were delicious.
62
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,830
Really --Highly inventive use
of the, uh, cranberry
63
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:16,310
and the Brandy.
64
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:17,615
-I was gonna mention that.
-Brandy.
65
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:19,661
Yes. And...Well! Look at...
66
00:02:19,704 --> 00:02:22,359
Oh, my God.
They're selling the house.Babe. Babe. Just...
67
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,274
Why didn't Helen
mention that to us
68
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:26,189
when she was baking
the cupcakes?Just let it go.
69
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,973
Let it go.
70
00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:30,193
So it's official.
71
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,195
Greg Kinnear's weird
little brother knocks you up,
72
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,023
and I'm history?
73
00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:37,679
Okay, that is offensive...
and flattering.
74
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,637
Kylie, I...I don't know
where to start.
75
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,683
I'd recommend starting
like this --
76
00:02:41,726 --> 00:02:43,554
"My name is Emma,
77
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:45,817
"and I'm a tourist
lesbian asshole
78
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,690
who just wasted
five months of your life."
79
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:52,128
Kylie, we created the most
amazing life together...[ Whispers ] Shaun, come on.
80
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:55,392
...and it really almost felt
like it could be real.
81
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:58,395
But if I'm completely honest
with myself,
82
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:01,137
I'm in love with these two.
83
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,532
-And I really hope --
-Oh, stop. Please, just stop.
84
00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:08,057
Way deep down, I knew that you
were just dragging me through
85
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,407
your elaborate mental breakdown.
86
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:13,497
Kylie, you're right.
And I'm really sorry.
87
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:16,196
I didn't just come here
to fight for you, Em.
88
00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:22,158
You becoming managing partner
just stopped being
89
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,334
a "someday" kinda thing,
babe.
90
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:28,295
Carlin's announcing
his retirement andhis successor
91
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:29,774
sooner than expected.
92
00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:31,994
-Like how much sooner?
-Like Tuesday.
93
00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:33,778
The only way you don't get it
is if you're not there.
94
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:41,221
I have no clue why, but I don't
wanna see that happen.
95
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,831
Whoops! [ Chuckles ]
96
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,877
Things just got a little more
complicated, huh?
97
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:54,973
♪♪
98
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,889
So...Andy.
99
00:03:57,933 --> 00:04:00,240
Yep. He's back.
100
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,328
Crazy.
101
00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:04,940
-Bananas.
-All the fruits.
102
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:09,161
[ Rock song playing ]
103
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:13,862
Are you gonna keep seeing him?
Or...
104
00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:17,561
I-I-I don't know.
105
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,520
Well, he did go crazy
over me.
106
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,696
[ Scoffs ]
I mean, he got drunk
107
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:23,480
and then he moved to the woods
for a couple weeks.
108
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:25,482
I could go way crazier
than that.
109
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:29,007
Certifiable, you know.
110
00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:33,360
I'm not an idiot, Neen.
I mean, I...
111
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:35,449
I know
I'm not your dream guy.
112
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,146
That's not true.
113
00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,975
Actually, I had a sex dream
about you.
114
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,672
-Is that right?
-Mm-hmm.
115
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:44,414
Oh, well...do tell.
116
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:46,155
All I remember is, um,
117
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,462
waking up screaming
in a cold sweat.
118
00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:49,767
Yeah, that's called
a nightmare.
119
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:51,508
Oh, right. Sorry.
120
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,857
Yeah... [ Mutters ]
121
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:55,425
♪♪
122
00:04:55,469 --> 00:05:00,300
Whenever I'm with you,
I always end up smiling.
123
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:03,041
And...
124
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:05,217
I'm -- I'm starting to think
125
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:10,179
that maybe that's more
important than it sounds.
126
00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:12,442
That being said,
I need a minute.
127
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,662
Oh. Totally.
I understand.
128
00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,185
Yeah, that -- that's fair.
129
00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:19,841
♪♪
130
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:22,017
-59...
-[ Sighs ]
131
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,888
58...
132
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,760
57...
133
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,718
56...
134
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:34,812
♪♪
135
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,858
[ Lid clatters ]
136
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:39,121
[ Dish thuds ]
137
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,999
Shall we sum up?
138
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:50,306
Uh, could I have
some coffee first?
139
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,395
Okay.
140
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:55,355
So Emma left us to start
a new life in Seattle,
141
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,574
came back, and the three
of us had...
142
00:05:57,618 --> 00:06:00,664
objectively
transcendent sex.
143
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,100
Would you agree?
144
00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:05,016
-Yes, it was very nice sex.
-Agreed.
145
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,409
And then she left again.
146
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,150
Would you like
some strawberries?
147
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:10,195
Yes, please.
148
00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:13,416
Six weeks later, she finds out
she's miraculously pregnant,
149
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:17,420
comes all the way back to
Seattle on the midnight train,
150
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:20,380
and then has an epiphany
that she still loves us
151
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:23,339
and does indeed want
to have a baby.
152
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,429
Okay, just to be clear,
I'm the prick in this story?
153
00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:28,997
Just this chapter.
Seems to rotate.Oh.
154
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,434
And then I catch
the two of you,
155
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,828
blissful and beaming after
checking out a house
156
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:36,134
that is so quintessentially
Hawthorne Heights
157
00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:38,223
it somehow smells
like pumpkin spice
158
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,269
from the fuckin' street.
159
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:41,488
Iz, what's your point?
160
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:44,099
Here it comes.
161
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:47,581
Look at me in the eye.
162
00:06:47,624 --> 00:06:49,191
Have you already made up
your mind
163
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:52,586
about raising that baby
in this loft?
164
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:53,891
Me?
165
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:55,327
Yeah, you.
166
00:06:57,678 --> 00:07:01,508
For the record, I never
voted yes on this place, so...
167
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:02,857
So you hate it?
168
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,467
No, I love it.
Are you kidding me?
169
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,773
I've always dreamt
of living in a...
170
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,732
industrial loft just like this.
-Really?
171
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:09,994
Yeah, and then I got pregnant
172
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:11,648
and realized
there's no way in hell
173
00:07:11,692 --> 00:07:15,652
this brick racquetball court
makes any sense for a baby.
174
00:07:15,696 --> 00:07:18,655
[ Scoffs ]
175
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:20,831
I mean, fuck, you're right.
176
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,616
We'd have to learn
sign language
177
00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:25,227
just to have a conversation
while the gnocchi's sleeping.
178
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:27,011
Here's the thing.
179
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:28,796
If we just -- if you just gave
the Wilberg house a chance,
180
00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:32,060
if you saw the inside of it,
it's, like, it's pretty...
181
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:35,150
Look, guys,
there's no denying
this is complicated,
182
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:37,326
but we'll figure it out,
okay?
183
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,502
Together. We'll figure
it out together.
184
00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:41,199
-Whatever. Fine.
-Like everything else.
185
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:42,462
-Okay?
-Okay?
186
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:44,594
-Bring it in.
-[ Laughs ]
187
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:45,987
-[ Kisses ]
-Okay.
188
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:47,989
Get your big Trakarsky lips
off my face.
189
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:50,121
[ Cellphone chimes, beeps ]
190
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:51,732
What is it?
191
00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:54,038
[ Cellphone thuds ]Just my dad. [ Crunching ]
192
00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:55,692
And...
193
00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:01,089
He keeps trying to
give me the boots
194
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:03,483
he doesn't remember giving me
for my 17th birthday.
195
00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:05,702
Seems like it really means
something to him.
196
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,530
They were Wittner.
197
00:08:09,924 --> 00:08:12,753
Probably super fucking fly,
right?Mm-hmm.
198
00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:16,017
Okay. [ Sighs ]
199
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:19,107
I'll go talk to him.
200
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,457
Enjoy your breakfast.
201
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:28,246
-Bye, babes.
-Bye.
202
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:31,467
[ Front door opens, closes ]
203
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,295
You know what sounds good?
204
00:08:33,338 --> 00:08:35,558
A pineapple
and salmon pizza.
205
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,473
-Ugh.
-Mm-hmm.
206
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,607
-For breakfast?
-Mm-hmm.
207
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,434
♪♪
208
00:08:42,478 --> 00:08:45,568
We really are pregnant, Em.
209
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,918
Yes, we are.
210
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:51,008
[ The Cave Singers'
"Distant Sures" playing ]
211
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,402
♪ So let's take tonight
212
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,970
♪♪
213
00:08:56,013 --> 00:09:00,104
♪ Ooh, my little one
214
00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:01,932
[ Lily coos ]
215
00:09:01,976 --> 00:09:03,543
Hey! There you are!
216
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,546
Our young girls are off to
first day of daycare.
217
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,504
And it's all good.
It's -- it's no big deal.
218
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,810
It's -- it's totally fine.
219
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,376
Are you sure?
220
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,987
Aren't these little backpacks
adorable?
221
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,945
They make these
teensy, tiny, little backpacks
222
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:17,513
to give to parents who rush
their teensy, tiny kids
223
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,950
off to the care
of complete strangers.
224
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,430
Carmen.
225
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:23,127
It just seems like yesterday
that we were
226
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,913
finally wiping the last
of the baby goop off of Lily.
227
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,176
And Callie -- I mean,
she says the "F" word
228
00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,917
better and more frequently
than either of us.
229
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,267
And they're just...
230
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:34,748
super weird in their...
[ Exhales sharply ]
231
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,532
...amazing incredible ways
232
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,142
that nobody else could
possibly understand.
233
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:39,274
And I thought that
you were dropping them off.
234
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:41,319
Why are you wearing pajamas?
235
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:43,670
I was just lying down upstairs,
having a little think --
236
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,715
Oh, Jesus, you were
upstairs masturbating
237
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,587
while I'm down here
losing my shit?
238
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:51,286
No, this time I was literally in
bed, having a think this time.
239
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,201
About?
240
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:54,985
Well, my boss certainly didn't
seem supportive when I said
241
00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:57,553
I wanted to take a month off
to write a children's book.
242
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,294
I didn't know you wanted
to write a children's book.
243
00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:01,122
I don't.
244
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:02,863
I can barely stand to read them,
which is kind of the point.
245
00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:04,299
You know, I don't wanna
be thinking
246
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:05,561
that I should've done more.
247
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,954
I heard that's a thing.
248
00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:08,520
No, Dave... [ Sighs ]
249
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,697
you couldn't be a better father,
trust me.
250
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:14,439
Yeah, but I could be a father
more, and that's what I want.
251
00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:17,312
So while I was upstairs
not masturbating,
252
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:18,922
I called work and said
253
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,403
I'm either taking a month off
or I'm quitting.
254
00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,970
And?
255
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:24,754
Well...
looks like I'll be spending
256
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,626
a month's on sabbatical
257
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:30,630
diligently not writing
a children's book.
258
00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,240
And then what?
259
00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:34,198
I don't know,
260
00:10:34,242 --> 00:10:37,549
and that's
surprisingly exciting.
261
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:39,421
[ Cooing and giggling ]
262
00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:42,859
Whenever I think I know
all there is to know about you,
263
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,645
you show me more.
264
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:47,995
And I love it all.
265
00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:49,692
[ Callie giggling ]
266
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,651
I realize I could've cleaned
myself up a little bit
267
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:53,914
before I came down here
to tell you this exciting news.
268
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,698
But, um, I'm definitely...
269
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,265
I've got sleep crusties,
for sure.
270
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:59,006
I mean, I'm in my jimjams,
for pete's sake.
271
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:02,618
♪ Oh, airborne eyes
272
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,011
Callie: Fuck!
273
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,753
♪ Yeah, will see black storms
274
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,190
Yeah, that's much worse
in this context.
275
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:10,582
I didn't hear anything.
276
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:11,758
Yeah,
I think it was the wind.
277
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,107
[ Callie giggling ]
278
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,283
-Mmm.
-Mmm.
279
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:19,548
♪♪
280
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:22,333
[ Seabirds calling ]
281
00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:27,295
[ Tissue paper crinkling ]
282
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:29,036
If you don't like the color
or, you know, the size is --
283
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:31,473
They're perfect.
284
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,344
They're just boots.
285
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,177
Happy birthday, Peanut.
286
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:55,236
What is it?
287
00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:57,107
Emma's about to get
a huge promotion
288
00:11:57,151 --> 00:12:00,284
at her firm in Seattle.
289
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:03,766
It's, like, her dream job.
The money's crazy.
290
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,290
And we just got back
together,
291
00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,728
but she has to
consider it, right?
292
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:16,387
It's fine. Go -- go ahead.
293
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:19,913
Well, you're right.
She does have to consider it.
294
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:22,306
And she will.
295
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:24,569
And they'll invite you to
Seattle to live in theirhouse
296
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:30,924
with theirbaby
and keep living theirlife.
297
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,882
[ Birds calling ]
298
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:36,364
Any advice or...
299
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,802
Say no.
300
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:42,674
They're not gonna do it, Iz.
301
00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:46,113
This is on you.
302
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:48,811
But I have a confession.
303
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,552
Oh. Oh, God.
304
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:53,033
What else did you do during
your 10-year lost weekend?
305
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,165
[ Laughs ]
306
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:59,300
I have a line on a good job
here in Portland,
307
00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:03,695
so, uh, I'm not
entirely impartial about
308
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:06,742
where you live.
309
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,137
♪♪
310
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:13,705
[ Tissue paper crinkles ]
311
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:17,274
[ Sighs ]
312
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:22,584
I get it. Change is scary.
313
00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:25,326
I mean, this is new for all
of us, right? Myself included.
314
00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:29,983
I mean, stakes are gonna be
part of the process.
315
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:31,854
I shouldn't have raised
my voice.
316
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,638
I shouldn't have yelled.
317
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:36,859
That is a sign of weakness
and not a sign of strength.
318
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:38,992
I can't demand your respect.
319
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:43,779
I have to earn it with calm
and confidence.
320
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:46,173
Also, if you could refrain from
throwing food in Daddy's hair,
321
00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:47,783
that would be really nice,
322
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,089
because a bit of that
went in my eye,
323
00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:51,613
and that is a legitimate
safety hazard.
324
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:54,442
Daddy's head is made of poop.
325
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,444
What? Uh, no.
326
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,489
No, for --
for Lily's sake, honey,
327
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:01,318
Daddy's head is made
of skull and bone
328
00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:03,103
and hair and teeth, right?
329
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:04,452
Not poop. There's no poop.
330
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,062
Callie: Poop!
331
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,977
[ Giggling ]
332
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,196
Say my head's not made of poop!
Say my head's not made of poop!
333
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:10,458
Say it! Say it! Say it!
334
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:17,378
♪♪
335
00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:19,989
[ Hannah speaks indistinctly ]
336
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:22,035
♪♪
337
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:24,951
[ Indistinct conversations,
door closes ]
338
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,430
[ Clenched teeth ]
People are here.
339
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:28,084
-Wasn't expecting people yet.
-Me neither.
340
00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:29,477
They're all looking at us.
What do we do now?
341
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,435
Be calm and be confident.
342
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:32,959
Cool.
And how do I fake that?
343
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:35,048
Uh, talk low, make 'em strain
to listen.
344
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:37,311
[ Lowered voice ] Cool.
So I appreciate
345
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:40,836
you all coming here
on this first day, and, uh --Maybe not.
346
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,751
Good morning, everyone!
347
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,796
Welcome to your first day
at "The Heights"! [ Giggles ]
348
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,842
Hi! I'm, uh...
349
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,800
-Carmen.
-Right. Carmen.
350
00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:52,065
Weird, 'cause it's been my name
since I was born.
Hmm.
351
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:54,806
Anyway, I'm really looking
forward to meeting each of you.
352
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,505
But first, I have to avail...
353
00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:58,680
[ Imitates British accent ]
myself of the facilities,
354
00:14:58,723 --> 00:14:59,986
as it were. [ Laughs ]
355
00:15:00,029 --> 00:15:02,423
[ Normal voice ] I...
356
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:04,773
Oh, I-I have to pee.
357
00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:08,733
Uh...
358
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,735
As do I.
359
00:15:10,779 --> 00:15:12,694
So...just...
360
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,000
Um...
361
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:15,175
[ Indistinct conversations
resume ]
362
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:18,656
[ Sighs ]
363
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,703
What do you need?
Uh, do you want some water?[ Door closes ]
364
00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:22,834
Do you want me to
slap you in the face,
365
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,532
like they do in the movies?
366
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,055
If you don't say "no"
by the time I count to five,
367
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,274
I'm just gonna give you
a good, hard slap.
368
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:28,753
Fuck was I thinking?!
369
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:30,973
I have no clue how to operate
a-a fucking magazine
370
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:34,281
or let alone supervise anybody
over 3 feet tall.
371
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:37,806
Okay, give me your phone.
Your phone.
372
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:43,986
[ Touchscreen clicking ]
373
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:48,121
[ Line rings ]
374
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,513
Darling, what's up?
375
00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:51,472
Oh, there's just a lot
of people out there.
376
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:55,345
Dave, Dave,
I...I did the accent.
377
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:58,479
What do you mean? The --
the not-quite British voice?
378
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:00,611
Ohh, for the love of God! Why?
379
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,048
Because I was losing my shit.
380
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,788
And now I'm hiding
in the bathroom!
381
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,616
It's not an awesome start, Dave.
It's not awesome!
382
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:07,705
You're my Wonder Woman.
383
00:16:07,749 --> 00:16:10,752
You got this. Say it back.
384
00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:13,146
I'm your Wonder Woman.
I got this.
385
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:14,538
Hey, while I have you
on the phone,
386
00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:16,410
do you have any tips
for Callie?
387
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,542
She's formidable, and tickling
is no longer doing the trick.
388
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,370
Uh, yes.
389
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:22,329
She thinks there's a monster
prevention device in the closet
390
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:23,852
that only adults can operate.
391
00:16:23,895 --> 00:16:25,201
Perfect.
392
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:28,161
-Uh, David?
-Yes, Wonder Woman?
393
00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:29,989
[ Voice breaks ]
You're my Wonder Woman.Okay, that's enough.
394
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,339
-I really love you.
-I love you, too, honey.
395
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,297
[ Line disconnects ]Hey, when you come home tonight,
why don't you, uh...Hello?
396
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,952
Hello?
397
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,737
I wish I had one of those.
398
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:48,224
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
399
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:51,053
Ahh. Not bad.
400
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:59,453
♪♪
401
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:01,890
[ Door closes ]
402
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,544
I'll have to call you back.
403
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:05,937
A depressed Muppet
just flopped into my office.
404
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:08,244
That's accurate.
405
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:10,986
Got any new chapters for me?
406
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,119
Nope.
407
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:17,732
Might I recommend one
408
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:21,562
about unicorns that lose
themselves in the throuple
409
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:24,521
and completely neglect
their own lives?
410
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:31,702
[ Sighs ] I spoke to Meredeth
at Directions.
411
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:35,837
They're interested in offering
you a counseling job.
412
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,447
Seriously?
413
00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:39,884
Yeah.
But they have some questions
414
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:42,713
about your "reliability."
415
00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:45,977
[ Galia Arad's "Hope It Was
Worth It" playing ]
416
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,892
What are you doing, kid?
417
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:51,157
♪♪
418
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:55,726
♪ The devil,
he sang his favorite song ♪
419
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:59,165
♪ On my shoulder
420
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:03,125
♪ Carpe diem,
remember you're young ♪
421
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:07,216
♪ Live in the moment
422
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,131
♪ Come on, rock 'n roll [ Door closes ]
423
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,525
♪ He'll never know
424
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,267
♪ And you'll pick up
the pieces tomorrow ♪[ Keys thud ]
425
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:17,313
Jack: Izzy. Hey, you.
426
00:18:17,357 --> 00:18:19,707
Were you guys gonna
leave a note?
427
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:22,536
We're leaving for Seattle
tomorrow at oh-dark thirty.
428
00:18:22,579 --> 00:18:24,277
[ Chuckles ]
429
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,715
I guess Spidey Sense does
skip a generation.
430
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,020
What?
431
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,979
Nothing.
432
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:34,156
-We packed you a bag.
-Yeah.
433
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,464
I've got the biggest decision
of my life to make tomorrow.
434
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,335
But, you know, it's not just
mine to make.
435
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,076
It's all of ours,
the three of us.
436
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,340
And I really want you guys
there with me.
437
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:56,570
[ Bag thuds ]
438
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:59,225
Jack...
439
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:02,010
Emma...
440
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:05,013
I've already made
my decision.
441
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:06,319
What does that mean?
442
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:10,366
I can't just leave my life.
443
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:16,024
Assuming I can convince Meredeth
I'm not a flake,
444
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:22,378
I'm getting a full-time
paying job at Directions.
445
00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:23,684
That's great.
446
00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:25,512
Yeah, congratulations.
447
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:28,515
My best friend is here, and my
dad is looking for a job here.
448
00:19:28,558 --> 00:19:31,257
This is my home.
449
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,041
This is mylife.
450
00:19:35,957 --> 00:19:39,003
Well, if you're not going,
we're not going.
451
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:40,222
-Right.
-So...
452
00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:43,530
No, Em,
you have to consider it.
453
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:46,097
You know I'm right.
454
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:49,318
I want you guys to go
to Seattle.
455
00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:53,931
Think about it, talk about it,
give it a real chance.
456
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:55,890
And I'm gonna be here
when you get back.
457
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,848
So whatever you decide,
458
00:19:57,892 --> 00:20:00,460
I'm not gonna be angry
and I'm not gonna be bitter.
459
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:03,550
♪♪
460
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:05,421
Okay?
461
00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:09,860
♪♪
462
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:12,167
Andy: Doesn't get
any better than this.
463
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,648
Mm, got that right.[ Knock on door ]
464
00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,563
[ Sighs ]
465
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:23,744
[ Laughs ]
466
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:27,356
What the hell?
467
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,967
Okay, hey, remember the part
where I said I need a minute?
468
00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:31,491
Oh, you think --
No, you see,
469
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:33,362
I'm not What's His Name,
the shitty bartender.
470
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:36,060
[ Chuckles ] No.
I'm, uh...
471
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:38,976
I'm What's His Name,
the shitty delivery guy. So...
472
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,500
[ Chuckles ]
473
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:43,764
Wow. Those are... [ Chuckles ]
so beautiful unarranged.
474
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:46,593
Yeah. You know,
it's kind of our thing.
475
00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:48,725
Our niche, if you will.
476
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,206
I think we're earthy and wild.
477
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,903
Doesn't get
any better than this.
478
00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:54,644
What the hell?
479
00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:56,298
Hey, look, uh...
480
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:57,560
You can "take a minute" from me
but not from him?
481
00:20:57,604 --> 00:21:02,435
No, he's not here.
It's...uh...
482
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:05,046
that.
483
00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:06,874
Seriously? Both of you?
484
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:08,310
What the hell is he doing here?
485
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:10,181
You told me to take a beat
but not him?
486
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:13,924
She told you she needs "a beat"?
Told me she needs "a minute."
487
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:16,144
-Mm.
-For what? To choose?
488
00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:17,928
Like, what is this,
a competition?
489
00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:20,583
Uh, no. Not like a --
like a dance-off or something.
490
00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:22,411
But... [ Chuckles ]
491
00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:23,804
Hey, now that I said the word
"dance-off" out loud,
492
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:26,328
let's not entirely discount it,
right?
493
00:21:26,372 --> 00:21:29,984
Sounds hilarious. [ Laughs ]
494
00:21:30,027 --> 00:21:32,029
Come on!
495
00:21:32,073 --> 00:21:36,120
Fine. Whatever. No dance-off.
496
00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:38,427
Those are flowers?[ Bottles clinking,
refrigerator door closes ]
497
00:21:41,648 --> 00:21:47,001
Two suitors remain,
but I hold just a single beer.
498
00:21:47,044 --> 00:21:49,351
Like "The Bachelorette"?
499
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:51,614
Oh, I don't hate it.
I should, but I don't.
500
00:21:51,658 --> 00:21:53,181
I'm in.
501
00:21:53,224 --> 00:21:54,530
[ Laughs ] Just kidding.[ Bottle cap fizzes ]
502
00:21:54,574 --> 00:21:56,663
Beer's for me.
503
00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:00,101
Okay, look, here's the deal --
504
00:22:00,144 --> 00:22:01,320
we're gonna meet back here
tomorrow,
505
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,147
and I'll reveal my choice.
506
00:22:03,191 --> 00:22:06,412
Your choice? After what
this little shit did to you?
507
00:22:06,455 --> 00:22:07,935
Are you seriously telling me
I'm in a neck-and-neck
508
00:22:07,978 --> 00:22:11,373
with fucking Shaun
the Fucking Bartender?
509
00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:13,157
No offense, man.
510
00:22:13,201 --> 00:22:14,855
Well, there's no conceivable way
to take that as inoffensive.
511
00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:16,596
Well, competition
makes me chippy.
512
00:22:16,639 --> 00:22:18,728
For tomorrow,
feel free to flake.
513
00:22:18,772 --> 00:22:20,034
It'll make the decision for me,
you know.
514
00:22:21,209 --> 00:22:22,906
[ Beer sloshes ]
515
00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:28,216
I'll be here.
I'm not gonna flake.
516
00:22:28,259 --> 00:22:29,826
Thank you.
517
00:22:29,870 --> 00:22:33,917
You can just leave them
as well.
518
00:22:33,961 --> 00:22:35,876
You're power trippin',
girlfriend.
519
00:22:35,919 --> 00:22:37,747
Ooh, not your girlfriend.
520
00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:40,228
See you if I see you,
Andrew.
521
00:22:40,271 --> 00:22:42,665
[ Snaps fingers ]Mm.
522
00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:45,712
[ Ryan Dahle's "Windmilling"
playing ]
523
00:22:45,755 --> 00:22:57,158
♪♪
524
00:22:57,201 --> 00:23:01,945
♪♪
525
00:23:01,989 --> 00:23:04,339
We want you to come with us.
You know that, right?
526
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,036
I do.
527
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,734
Will you do us a favor?
528
00:23:07,777 --> 00:23:09,518
Name it.
529
00:23:09,562 --> 00:23:13,435
If it's awesome,
if it's perfect...
530
00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:18,919
You promise
you'll think about it?
531
00:23:18,962 --> 00:23:20,616
You know,
I read an article recently
532
00:23:20,660 --> 00:23:24,533
that nearly half of Seattle's
population is runaway teens.
533
00:23:24,577 --> 00:23:25,795
Really?
534
00:23:25,839 --> 00:23:28,058
Yeah. Strange but true.
535
00:23:29,799 --> 00:23:32,454
Just go.
536
00:23:32,498 --> 00:23:34,891
I'll keep it in mind.
537
00:23:39,330 --> 00:23:42,943
Wait, wait.
538
00:23:42,986 --> 00:23:45,989
Bye, Eji.
539
00:23:46,033 --> 00:23:48,601
♪♪
540
00:23:48,644 --> 00:23:55,651
♪ I could sew some circles
around you ♪
541
00:23:55,695 --> 00:23:59,438
♪ I could shuffle the cards
542
00:23:59,481 --> 00:24:03,790
♪ I tell from the top
543
00:24:03,833 --> 00:24:06,270
♪ I hit the jackpot
544
00:24:06,314 --> 00:24:10,623
Izzy?♪ When I played you
545
00:24:10,666 --> 00:24:14,017
♪ I hit the jackpot
546
00:24:14,061 --> 00:24:18,848
♪ When I played you
547
00:24:18,892 --> 00:24:26,639
♪ Think of all the windmills
just turning from the wind ♪
548
00:24:26,682 --> 00:24:33,254
♪ Think of all the vespers
you could win ♪
549
00:24:33,297 --> 00:24:43,264
♪♪
550
00:24:43,307 --> 00:24:51,881
♪♪
39358
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