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1
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,883
[Clattering]
2
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:11,553
And repairs are complete.
Should we head back in?
3
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:14,056
Wow, would you look at that!
4
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:16,808
[All] Ah!
5
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,811
Captain, we just received a distress call
from the Bakersfield
6
00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:21,897
they're caught
in a temporal causality loop.
7
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,483
Wait a minute.
I'm getting the same distress call again.
8
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,859
Hold on. And now again.
9
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:29,112
Sounds like a time loop, all right.
We'd better hurry. Warp me!
10
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,533
A view like this makes you realize
it doesn't matter what deck you work on.
11
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:33,784
We're all in it together.
12
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,078
[Warp engines revving]
13
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,247
And they left us. They left us.
14
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:40,916
How much oxygen do we have?
A lot? A little? Ballpark?
15
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,211
I'm sure they'll turn back at any second,
and we'll have a good laugh about it.
16
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,295
[Chuckles]
17
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,759
[All shivering]
18
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,846
See, guys? We're laughing! [Nervous laugh]
19
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,423
There we go. Nothing
a little lung rejuvenation won't fix.
20
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:12,841
See? You're fine.
21
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:16,595
Oh, yeah. Act like it's not a big deal
that you left us to die in the void.
22
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,139
This all could've been avoided
if you'd followed protocol
23
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,807
and signed out your magnet boots.
24
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,211
Maybe that wouldn't have mattered
25
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:24,603
since lower decks are
so expendable to you.
26
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:28,231
Ridiculous!
We're all equals on this ship, right?
27
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,442
- Uh, they sleep in a hallway.
- Oh.
28
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,045
I'm not gonna argue with you, Beckett.
29
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:35,113
I have to make impossible
life-and-death decisions every day.
30
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:37,616
Yeah, no kidding!
It's always our life or death.
31
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,076
Ditch the attitude.
32
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,996
A starfleet drill instructor is going
to be testing the crew later today,
33
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,749
and I don't need you messing up our score
34
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,626
because you've got a chip
on your shoulder.
35
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,045
Oh, great!
Yeah, well, I hope one of the drills tests
36
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,547
to see if anyone on the bridge
is a giant piece of...
37
00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:55,842
I heard the drill instructor's pandronian.
38
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,220
You know they can split their bodies
into three parts?
39
00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,347
I thought I was a triple threat.
40
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,473
[Groans]
41
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,116
[Mariner] Drills, what a waste of time.
42
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:05,894
I'd even take real work over this.
Like, fake pretend work.
43
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:09,314
Good morning, cerf/105!
44
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:14,069
This one is shari yn yem, your friendly
starfleet drill administrator.
45
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:17,447
Like many of you,
this one started from the bottom,
46
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:22,452
but with hard work and plenty of drills,
this one is now... at the top!
47
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,579
[Cheering]
48
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:29,584
These simulator holopods are each
programmed with individualized drills,
49
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:33,255
based on situations
other starfleet crews have experienced.
50
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:37,759
Every pod has a certain amount of points
you can earn for doing a good job.
51
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:40,137
Everyone's score is displayed right here,
52
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,014
so you can see how you stack up
against your fellow crew.
53
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,642
Almost seems unfair
to make them compete with us.
54
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,310
Gonna be a piece of cake.
55
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,271
This one will be flipping your ranks.
56
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:52,816
Low-level officers will be given command
of the bridge,
57
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:56,319
while senior officers will be placed
on the lower decks.
58
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,821
Excuse me, what?
59
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,615
Well, there's no better way
to evaluate a crew's readiness
60
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:04,202
than from the bottom up, captain.
Or should I say, ensign?
61
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,621
[Cheering]
62
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,206
[Mariner] Yeah! This rules!
63
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,876
I get to be senior medical officer!
64
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,044
Ooh, baby! I'm chief engineer!
65
00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:15,046
Good day to you, captain boimler.
66
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,507
Good day to you, captain mariner.
67
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:20,343
They actually think they're gonna be able
to handle our jobs?
68
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,053
This is gonna be rich.
69
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,139
All right. Deck 12.
Follow the yellow line.
70
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,515
Move it along, lower decks.
71
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,159
- [Freeman groans]
- [T'Ana] Son of a...
72
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,772
All right! Let's get into it.
73
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,190
I wanna rack up some points early
74
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,276
so I can spend the rest of the day soaking
in my commander's tub.
75
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:37,959
[Computer] ”mirror universe encounter. ”
76
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:41,448
Mirror universe? This is easy.
Yeah. I can pretend to be evil.
77
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,033
[Sinister laugh]
78
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,786
As capfa/n,
you must lnfi/z'raz'e the terran empire
79
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:48,663
and find a way back to your own dimension.
80
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:53,960
[Clears throat]
Long live the empire! I love to hate!
81
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,879
- What up, migleemo?
- [Screeches]
82
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:56,963
Yikes.
83
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,718
[Moans] Nothing makes me hornier
than torturing someone.
84
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,261
I'm horny all the time!
85
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,931
And being horny always gets me
in the mood to torture.
86
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,391
Oh, and you can lose a whole day
to that cycle.
87
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,935
Okay, screw finding an ally.
88
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,394
Let's take over the ship
89
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,272
and see if we can dismantle
the terran empire from the inside.
90
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,484
[Computer] Deviation from mission
parameters results in loss of points.
91
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:21,279
Okay. All right, I get it. Yeah,
you're not exactly rewarding creativity.
92
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,781
Who dareth bump into me?
93
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,282
Oh, I dareth!
94
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,576
I double-dog dareth! [Grunts]
95
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,578
[Groans] Okay, good. Just checking.
96
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:33,625
I need to figure out a way
to impress or kill the captain
97
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,752
so I can get on a more sinister ship.
98
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,129
[Cackling]
99
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,631
Long live the empire!
100
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,132
Long live the... wait.
101
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,134
Did you just salute me
with your left hand?
102
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,845
Our mariner is right-handed!
103
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:49,349
Uh, no. I just... I strained this shoulder
flogging a vulcan!
104
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:51,101
[Shrieks]
105
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,769
- Get her!
- [Yelps]
106
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,522
[Screams] Oh!
107
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,400
[Computer] Fail!
108
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,818
Damn.
109
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:04,406
Don't worry, commander. You'll have
other opportunities to get ahead!
110
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,157
[Chuckles] That's one of my faves.
111
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:07,325
[Groans]
112
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,119
[Computer] ”medical ethics. ”
113
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,495
Chief medical officer.
114
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:15,000
Your mission: Navigate a paralyzed
klingon's request for an honorable death.
115
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,835
Oh! Uh, okay.
116
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:20,547
You must help me kill myself.
I broke my back picking up a peanut.
117
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,258
Well, as head of medical,
I'm not supposed to do any harm.
118
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,093
- [Alarm blares]
- Points deducted
119
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,386
what? Oh!
120
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:30,223
I guess in that case, let's send you
off to sto-vo-kor! [Nervous laugh]
121
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,726
No! You must use my ceremonial blade!
122
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:35,520
Ew! No! It'll be quick
and painless this way.
123
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,605
Points deducted
124
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,773
huh? Wha... I gotta hurt him?
125
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,734
You refuse to honor my culture?
126
00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,360
Oh, no, no, sir. I wanna kill you.
127
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,945
Just give me the knife!
128
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,030
[Screams]
129
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:48,617
Good god! What did you do?
This klingon isn't dead.
130
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,493
[Stammers] I was trying to save him?
131
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,578
What? Come on.
132
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,163
- Come on!
- Faster! Kill me! Kill!
133
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,582
We have to get this warrior
an honorable death. Stat!
134
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,043
Get me 300 cos of any type of poison!
135
00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,169
I have to die!
136
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,005
[Bleep] They have giant hearts,
so many backup organs.
137
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,175
Sir, it's done.
There's nothing else we can do.
138
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:09,429
Damn it! Call it. Time of life, 0900.
139
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,266
- [Tendi] Sorry.
- Faill
140
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,685
[computer beeping]
141
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,649
[Computer] ”old west planet ”
142
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:25,362
as captain, you must survive a lawless
frontier town in earth's 79th century
143
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,031
- but beware, for you are a wanted man...
- Yeah, yeah, I get it.
144
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,617
Trapped in cowboy land.
It's a starfleet classic. Yeehaw.
145
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,702
Just gotta find the saloon.
146
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,829
What?
I haven't even done anything creative.
147
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:35,956
[Horse whinnies]
148
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,666
Oh, we have to ride the horses?
149
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:40,377
Okay. Seems kinda like
a narrow parameter for a drill.
150
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,711
[Whinnies]
151
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,255
Calm down! Horses love me. I'm a Maverick.
152
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:48,301
- [Whinnies]
- [Grunting]
153
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:51,304
- Help! Bad horse! No!
- [Computer] Fail.
154
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,098
- [Computer beeps]
- [Mariner yelping]
155
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,433
Tsk-tsk-tsk. Mm-hmm-hmm.
156
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,645
[Computer] ”the good of the many ”
157
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:03,274
(chief engineer, enter the chamber and
fix the warp core breach to save the shit).
158
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,402
- Okeydokey!
- Sir, the radiation.
159
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,736
You can't go in there!
160
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,906
I have to, son. I'm chief engineer!
161
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,992
Ooh, ooh! That sounds so good!
162
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,745
Ow! Hot. Maybe if...
[Screams] Freaking radiation!
163
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,306
[Computer] Warp core breach imminent.
164
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,058
I know, computer,
but how am I supposed to...
165
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,751
- [Yelps]
- Wow, this really shouldn't be that hard!
166
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,712
Shut up, ensign! Wait, my boot.
167
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,046
Warp core critical
168
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,131
ha-ha!
169
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,299
Come on. Come on.
170
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:29,384
Got it!
171
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,180
{gasps} -[Computer] Fa/I/
172
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:35,265
[groans]
173
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,601
[Computer] ”borg encounter. ”
174
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:40,770
Uh, could you be a little more
specific than that?
175
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,106
- Resist the borg.
- Okay. You know what? That's fine.
176
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,734
I've read literally everything
about the borg. I've got this.
177
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,029
Wow! The detail on this is amazing.
178
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,574
[Robotic voice]
We are borg. Resistance is futile.
179
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,369
[Gasps] Whoa! This is so cool. Oh, sorry.
Please, keep going. Do the thing.
180
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:59,372
We will add your biological
distinctiveness to our own.
181
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,582
You will be assimilated.
182
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:01,875
Can't have that.
183
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,554
All right,
can't adjust the frequency anymore.
184
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,965
Yoink.
185
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,343
Yeah!
186
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,137
[Boimler laughing]
187
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,621
- [Babies babbling]
- [Boimler] Ooh!
188
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,934
- Oh.
- [Babbling continues]
189
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,019
[Grunts]
190
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,605
Oh! An escape sphere.
191
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:24,939
Whoo-hoo!
192
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,900
[Computer] Ll/lission accomplished
193
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:30,111
oh-ho, yeah! That's right.
Boimler's the borg man!
194
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,655
Your score is 79 %.
195
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:36,201
Seventy-nine? No, no.
I can do better than that. Can I restart?
196
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:39,037
If you score below passing,
you will be locked out.
197
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,705
Yeah, yeah. Hit me. Come on. Let's go.
198
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,582
[Borg] We are...
199
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,419
[Panting]
200
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,671
Come on, borg baby.
This time, you're coming with me.
201
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,758
[Grunting] Whoo-hoo!
202
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:53,593
Eighty-three percent.
203
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,220
[Groans] I can do better.
204
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,139
[Groans]
205
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,892
Whoo-hoo!
206
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,019
Eighty-four percent.
207
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,563
Do it again. Hit me!
208
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:07,774
"Naked time"?
209
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,567
As captain, you must save your crew,
210
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:13,613
who are under the influence
of a virus that reduces their inhibitions.
211
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:14,697
Oh, no.
212
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,718
This is that disease that made everyone
fight and have sex all over the place.
213
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,162
Can you resist your own temptations
and save the ship 7
214
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:23,498
come on, girl. Last one. You got this.
215
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:26,334
Wow, everyone's very slick
and sliding around.
216
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,212
Keep your hands to yourselves.
Hey, that's an anus!
217
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,338
[All moaning]
218
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,716
Oh! [Screams]
219
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,386
I can't tell where I end and you begin.
220
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,888
It's naked time!
221
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,642
[Mariner] Fail me! Fail me! Seriously!
Why is this drill still going?
222
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,894
Fail me! Put me back in the western!
223
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,604
[Computer beeping]
224
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:57,115
[Groans] I failed every single drill.
225
00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,577
At least you weren't responsible
for the destruction of a whole ship.
226
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,245
All those life-and-death decisions.
227
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,914
I honestly don't know how
Dr. T'Ana does it every day.
228
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,125
Mmm! Computer, what is this?
229
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,501
[Computer] That is Pesto.
230
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,587
Where's boimler?
He lives for this kind of spread.
231
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,422
Last I heard,
he was still doing his drill.
232
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:16,301
Yeah, right. I bet he bombed out just like
us and he doesn't want to admit it.
233
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:20,805
We got your signal.
234
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,557
- How were you able to...
- Just fly.
235
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,395
- Ninety-four percent.
- Ag a I n.
236
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,498
Your score is already
in the top tenth percentile...
237
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,690
I said again!
238
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,568
[Sighs] It hurts me to say this,
239
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:37,530
but maybe the bridge crew's jobs
are actually harder than we thought.
240
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,115
Yeah, well, I'm sure right now
241
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,160
they're finding out just how hard
it is to do our jobs too.
242
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,537
[Snoring]
243
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:47,457
I almost forgot
how easy being a lower Decker is.
244
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,293
All I did was stand in the back
of a banquet all day.
245
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,838
I just waited in the transporter bay
in case anybody needed to be transported.
246
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,757
Why did we ever rank up, again?
247
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,717
So what if their showers
are a little cramped
248
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,929
or their replicators can only make
one slice of pizza at a time?
249
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:04,432
A small price to pay
for no worries and no responsibilities.
250
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,434
Even these close quarters don't bother me.
251
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,061
[Sighs]
252
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:13,441
[Exhales] Yep, I could get
used to this easy life.
253
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,527
- [Alarm blares]
- [Yelps]
254
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:17,779
[T'Ana] What the [bleep]?
255
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,781
[All groaning]
256
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,771
[Computer] ”klingon encounter. ”
257
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,828
Really? I think I know how
to handle one of those.
258
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:29,082
Ensigns, your mission is
to support your commanders.
259
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,667
[Grunting]
260
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,211
Stop goofing around, ensigns!
The ship's under attack!
261
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,588
- What happened?
- Don't worry about it! Get to work!
262
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,799
These crates aren't
gonna stack themselves.
263
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:42,720
Really? There are klingons on the other
side of the hull, and this is ourjob?
264
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,180
Son of a...
265
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,556
[Grunts]
266
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,601
If they wanted us to stack these,
then why are they shaped like this?
267
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,365
Quick!
Have you seen a o come through here?
268
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,355
- Q is on the ship?
- Forget I said anything!
269
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:56,276
Commander, wait! We're starfleet officers!
We can help you. Just tell us what's...
270
00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:58,987
The jem'hadar? Get to battle stations!
271
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,154
Damn it!
272
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,407
Aha! I got it!
273
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,908
[Rumbling]
274
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:05,910
[Computer] Fail!
275
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:13,251
Now that both sides have been
put through individual tests,
276
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:16,170
your last drill will be a joint exercise.
277
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:20,133
A simulated experience
that uses your real bridge!
278
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:24,637
The true test of a crew is seeing how
you can unite as a single team.
279
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,223
[Mariner] "Steal the cerritos
from spacedock
280
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,517
and use it to save Spock
on the Genesis planet."
281
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,394
- Okay, yeah!
- An oldie but a goody.
282
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:34,605
And just what do you think you're doing,
ensign Freeman?
283
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,107
[Grunts] Force of habit.
284
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:37,650
All right, look alive, people.
285
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,486
Yeoman ransom,
let's get some fresh coffee on deck.
286
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:41,988
Yes, sir.
287
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,365
Ensign Freeman, full thrusters.
Take us out.
288
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,825
Aye, captain.
289
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,327
Ninety seconds to spacedock.
290
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:48,911
[Shaxs groans]
291
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,621
Ensign shaxs, what are you doing?
292
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,707
Requesting permission to stretch, captain.
293
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,418
My back's killing me
from sleeping in those bunks.
294
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:58,713
Oh. It's naked time!
295
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,007
[Gasps] No! Stop that! Stop now!
296
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,250
Geez, what's gotten into you?
297
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:05,053
It's just... it's something
I'm remembering from the drills.
298
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,388
The one where you couldn't even get
on a horse?
299
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:08,723
How do you know about that?
300
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,726
The drills are public, Beckett.
I watched a playback.
301
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:12,810
I'm just saying,
302
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:16,230
two and a half years of lessons
and that's what you had to show for it?
303
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:19,400
[Grunts] Congratulations, ensign.
You've earned yourself a trip to the brig.
304
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,861
- I've never been sent to the brig!
- Well, now ya have!
305
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,197
- On what grounds?
- On my grounds!
306
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,091
This is why you have
so much to learn before...
307
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,284
- Let go of the helm!
- I am speaking...
308
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:30,953
Captain, did you want your coffee
with cream or...
309
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,081
Dang. That's gotta be a record.
310
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:34,165
Actually it is.
311
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:40,004
I can't believe we didn't even make it out
of the spacedock.
312
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:43,591
There's not even a numerical score
for that! Just incomplete.
313
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,177
[Groans] Somehow that feels worse.
314
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:47,460
- I guess I...
- You know, I...
315
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,888
- Oh, you go.
- No, no, no, you.
316
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,682
[Sighs] You know, it's been so long
since I've been an ensign,
317
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:54,268
I forgot how hard it can be
when you're not in the loop.
318
00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:58,022
In a lot of ways,
taking orders is the more challenging job.
319
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,274
That's nice to hear, but ditto.
320
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,068
Commander-level stuff is hard.
321
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:05,822
Just the constant tightrope-walk
of protocol, not worth the Pesto.
322
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,866
Guess the carpet's always grayer
on the other side of the ship.
323
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:09,951
Big-time.
324
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,286
- [People chattering]
- Do they know what "stack" means?
325
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,997
- Dr. T'Ana!
- We're [bleep] stacking for what reason?
326
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,082
[Laughing]
327
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,918
Hold on,
that's what this has all been about!
328
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:22,171
That drills consultant made us suffer
through all of this crap
329
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,757
just so we'd understand
what the other ranks go through.
330
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,342
That's the actual drill here.
331
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,760
Oh! You're right!
332
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:31,639
Where is that tri-bodied little trickster?
I want to shake her hand.
333
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,059
Yo, shari yingo yango!
334
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:36,978
- We figured you out, girl!
- You did?
335
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,856
Yeah, these drills were secretly
about team building.
336
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,400
You came in
to make us appreciate each other more.
337
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,068
And it worked! Thanks to you,
338
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:46,904
the cerritos crew will move fonnard
with greater empathy
339
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:49,490
and a deeper appreciation for each other.
340
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,202
[Laughing]
341
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:57,457
Oh, no,
you won't be moving fonnard at all.
342
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,084
[Cackling]
343
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:05,339
[Cackling]
344
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,592
Uh, what are... what is she laughing about?
345
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,887
Oh, come on.
Your drill scores are well below failing.
346
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,054
Once they're submitted,
347
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:15,892
starfleet command will relegate
and reassign this entire crew.
348
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,435
So, this wasn't about teamwork?
349
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:20,771
[Chuckles] Teamwork?
No, this was about saving my job.
350
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:23,274
The bigger ships always passed my drills
with no problem.
351
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:26,277
It was starting to seem like
we didn't need a drills program at all.
352
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:30,531
This one needed a crew to fall short
to prove the drills were still valuable.
353
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:32,617
And, oh, did I find a crew.
354
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,660
You targeted us for failure?
355
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,954
This is a ship
whose captain left four ensigns
356
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:39,499
on a space walk to answer a distress call.
357
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,167
It was a pretty safe bet.
358
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,378
And of course,
it didn't hurt to goose the drills a bit.
359
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:47,215
Oh, I knew it!
That mirror universe drill was rigged!
360
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,675
They were all rigged! [Laughs]
361
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,303
And those horses?
I would never get trampled by a horse!
362
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,180
Oh, actually, no.
The horses weren't rigged.
363
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,806
I ran out of time. That one's on you.
364
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:56,974
Horses love me! Shut up!
365
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,101
We won't let you get away with this!
366
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,772
Cerritos crew, we've got to do more drills
to get our scores up!
367
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:06,400
It's too late! Once the drills
have been failed, you're locked out.
368
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:09,737
Soon this one will submit
your final scores to starfleet,
369
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,591
- and that will be the end of...
- Wait, shut up! The drills aren't over!
370
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,242
- One's still active.
- What? Which one?
371
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:15,618
- It's boimler!
- How?
372
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,870
That borg drill should've been over
hours ago.
373
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,080
Well, it doesn't matter.
374
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,332
One passing score
will make little difference.
375
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,877
- [Gasps] If the drills aren't finished...
- Our scores aren't final!
376
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,128
Boimler, can you hear me?
377
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:29,632
Hey, mariner, I was just about to close
out this drill. I finally got a perfect...
378
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,985
[Freeman] Don't you finish that drill,
ensign. That's an order.
379
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:35,054
Cap'n! But I beat the borg queen in chess,
and I taught her empathy.
380
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:38,057
Just stay in that drill!
The crew is counting on you.
381
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,860
Yeah, shari bing bang is trying
to screw us,
382
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,770
but she can't until your drill is over.
Just keep borging/
383
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,146
I'm on it.
384
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,898
[Borg] Resistance is futile.
385
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:47,650
[Groans] Man.
386
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,278
You know you've already lost, right?
387
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:52,572
All you're doing
is torturing that young officer.
388
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,865
- He'll be fine. He's one of our best.
- He is?
389
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,117
None of you are the best!
390
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,910
You're on a California-class ship.
391
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,538
Most of the federation
doesn't even know you exist.
392
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,748
The smaller the ship,
the tougher the crew.
393
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,250
Oh, please. Face the truth!
394
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,668
This one's made the drills.
395
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,878
This one's read
all about life on starships.
396
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,965
Exactly. You've read how to work in space.
397
00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:14,093
But have you ever been
in a real life-or-death situation?
398
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:15,261
That doesn't matter!
399
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,387
It's about to.
400
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,973
Captain on deck! Real captain.
401
00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:21,017
Ensign tendi, run a long-range scan
402
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,728
for any potentially hazardous anomalies
in this system.
403
00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:27,607
- Yes, sir. Is this a new drill?
- Oh, no. This is real.
404
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,525
What is that supposed to mean?
405
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,236
All right, let's see.
We've got a tetryon wormhole,
406
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,531
chroniton radiation stream,
ooh, a loner crystalline entity.
407
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,658
A crystalline entity consuming
a rogue planet.
408
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,702
A couple crystalline entities
getting frisky.
409
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,722
Huh. Lots of...
Lots of crystalline entities today.
410
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,706
Must be crystalline entity season
or something.
411
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,668
Ensign, set an intercept course for one
of those crystalline entities, warp four.
412
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:48,753
Aye, aye, captain!
413
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:53,424
"The crystalline entity" is
drill number 89, a classic. Can't wait.
414
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,302
Oh, god! Oh, god! Oh, no!
415
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,762
No, no, no, no, no.
416
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,640
Come on, mariner. Whatever you're
doing up there, hurry! [Gasps]
417
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,141
Borg queen!
418
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,521
[Stammers] How's the empathy?
419
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,482
We were able to assimilate it.
420
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,777
No, no, no, no, no! My score!
421
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:16,739
Captain, we've reached
the crystalline entity.
422
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,867
It appears to be feeding
on unstable nebula radiation.
423
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:22,244
Oh, my! It's bigger than this one thought.
424
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,621
Unstable, huh?
425
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,581
Seems like something
we should investigate.
426
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,957
Shields up. Take us in.
427
00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,961
What, no!
In my drill you're never supposed to...
428
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,086
This isn't a drill.
429
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,591
- [Grunts]
- [Rumbling]
430
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,842
Shields holding, captain,
431
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,970
but I'm reading transphasic energy
within the perimeter.
432
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:42,640
Oh! That's a new one.
Let's get a closer look!
433
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:46,310
No! We don't know the effect of...
[Screams]
434
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,770
Controls are getting choppy.
435
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,749
[Mariner] We're caught
in an electromagnetic resonance belt.
436
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,775
I think we're in trouble!
437
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,819
This is not good!
438
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,071
[Screaming]
439
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,448
[Whimpering]
440
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,705
Mariner, I really need
to get out of here, like, now!
441
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:08,124
- [Blowing]
- Ooh. [Chuckles] Kinda tickles!
442
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,959
A remarkable creature.
443
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,837
Your design very nearly passes as human.
444
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,380
- I am human.
- Oh!
445
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:15,756
Wow.
446
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,009
Then you need to drink more water.
Your skin is a mess.
447
00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:23,848
But still, I think I should add your
biological distinctiveness to our own.
448
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,433
It's kind of our thing.
449
00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:26,559
Are... are you sure?
450
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,811
Because I've got hay fever
and acid reflux.
451
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,564
Adding me might result
in a net negative for the collective.
452
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,774
[Screams]
453
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,025
[Rumbling]
454
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,903
Oh, this one's gonna puke! [Screams]
455
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:41,073
We need to fire a graviton pulse
to punch a hole out.
456
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,825
On my Mark.
457
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,243
Mmm...
458
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,871
Say Mark, say Mark!
What are you waiting for?
459
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,665
Just making sure you're
as scared as you're going to get.
460
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:50,833
You're [bleep] crazy!
461
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,251
- Mark!
- Full impulse!
462
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,920
- [Firing]
- [Yem screaming]
463
00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,511
Mariner, find me something else
dangerous to scan.
464
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:05,389
- I'm in the mood for a black hole.
- Why?
465
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,309
We're gonna keep doing this
until you change our score.
466
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:11,687
There's a black hole feeding on
a temporal rift just three systems over.
467
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,897
Lots of time quakes.
468
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:15,399
Sounds perfect. Maximum warp!
469
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,195
You can't blackmail me
at the expense of your crew!
470
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,197
They do this kind of work every day.
471
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,656
You gonna give us a passing grade?
472
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,743
Or are we just gonna keep
seeking out dangerous situations
473
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,495
for you to see up close?
474
00:21:29,246 --> 00:21:30,748
[Yelps, screams]
475
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:33,459
Stop! Stop! We can't...
476
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,628
[Screams]
477
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,713
Get me out of here! Get me out of here!
478
00:21:39,256 --> 00:21:41,050
Oh, we could do this all day, lady!
479
00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,595
All right! Fine, you win.
480
00:21:44,678 --> 00:21:45,679
You win!
481
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,182
There, it's done. You've passed.
482
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:51,101
- Mr. Rutherford, stop our spin.
- Aye, captain.
483
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:55,815
[Grunts] What?
But the temporal black hole?
484
00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:57,566
Well, that was kind of a lie.
485
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,069
- It's just a regular black hole.
- Yeah. No biggie.
486
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,488
Which you would've known
if you weren't a total fraud.
487
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:05,115
I'll be sure to put that in my report.
488
00:22:05,199 --> 00:22:06,367
[Cheering]
489
00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:08,035
[Groans]
490
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:11,914
Boimler, we did it! Hey, it's all good.
You can exit the drill now.
491
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:12,998
Boimler?
492
00:22:22,466 --> 00:22:24,510
I can hear him shuffling around in there.
493
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:28,305
Mr. Boimler, you can come out now.
You saved the ship.
494
00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:31,183
[Boimler] There is no boimler.
I am excretus of borg.
495
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:32,643
Get him out of there!
496
00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:35,437
[Sighs]
497
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:37,815
Assimilate! I must assimilate! I...
498
00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,150
[Gasping] Where am I?
499
00:22:40,234 --> 00:22:42,319
You're still on the cerritos, Mr. Boimler.
500
00:22:42,403 --> 00:22:44,530
The crew owes you a debt of gratitude.
501
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:47,241
I was assimilated.
They put implants on my...
502
00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:49,952
Ear! Is where they put the implants.
Right in your ear.
503
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,704
Come on, pal. You need a drink.
504
00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:53,831
Did I get my perfect score?
505
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,208
You sure did. 100%!
506
00:22:56,292 --> 00:23:00,004
Hell yeah. Hit me. Hit me again.
507
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:06,176
Shari yn yem is no longer working
for starfleet.
508
00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:10,097
Apparently, she stepped down
because of "on-the-job stress."
509
00:23:10,180 --> 00:23:11,849
Feels good ruining a jerk's career.
510
00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:15,728
Agreed. And there was one thing
she did manage to teach us today.
511
00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:18,105
Oh! New replicator?
512
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:21,567
Let's just say we experienced
what the lower decks have been eating
513
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:23,903
and noticed it could use some improvement.
514
00:23:23,986 --> 00:23:27,615
We updated this one with most
of the senior officer menu codes.
515
00:23:27,698 --> 00:23:28,824
[Shouting] We got Pesto?
516
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:31,827
If you're going to be facing danger
on a daily basis,
517
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,412
might as well get the good stuff.
518
00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,664
Thanks, guys. This is really nice.
519
00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:38,268
Ooh! Does it make the lobster
Mac and cheese with the breaded top?
520
00:23:38,292 --> 00:23:41,503
[Shaxs] Sounds like the one thing
the borg left you with was your appetite.
521
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:42,588
[All laughing]
522
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,590
[Boimler] They took everything that I was.
523
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:43,649
Pew pew. I pew, pew, pew! Pew pewl
524
00:24:45,693 --> 00:24:46,694
chirp.
39138
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