Original subtitles

I really think they make up the weather forecast.

Easing up early evening my arse.

If anything, it's getting worse.

I should probably think about getting you two home.

Maybe just a little longer.

-It is a celebration. -Yeah.

Or a commiseration if it turns out that I've failed.

You won't have failed.

Well, either we go now, or we wait it out.

Oh.

Wait it out.

Think everyone else knows something that we don't know?

I can't remember the last time this place was so dead.

Eh? Where? Here?

-Yeah, just on... -Here?

A spot.

Mm.

Uh, can I settle the bill, June?

Sure.

Those two are hoping for a lock-in.

Here you go.

Why am I paying for Glenn's pints?

Glenn!

You said, "Have a pint on me."

Apint.

Pint, pints. Semantics.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my. That's all we need.

How long you been working for the Russians?

Oh! I am about to shove your phone

where the sun don't shine, comrade.

You got dodgy wiring, June?

June's wiring's fine.

Has your phone signal gone?

-- Yeah.

There's an old emergency generator in the storeroom.

I'll give it a gander.

What's the worst that could happen?

He could blow up the generator,

and we could all die in a massive inferno.

Do we know what's happening?

June, get the radio.

Oh, yeah.

The surprise ferocity of the storm

has resulted in power out across the south side of Dublin

with the loss of several mobile phone masts in the Dalkey region

and a number of rivers bursting their banks.

The Gardai report the Bray Road is impassable

and are advising people to stay where they are

until emergency services clear the debris.

-The bill. We're leaving.

Did you hear the report?

Yeah. We'll take our chances.

So the emergency services are going to be

too busy saving you idiots from yourselves

to drain the damn roads?

I can't even do your bill.

The till's not working.

You can wait a while, friends.

So we have to stay?

Yeah. Seems so.

June, your landline?

Sorry, Harry.

I let it go years ago.

Damn it!

I wanted to call Charlie

and tell him Lola was going to be late.

-Whoa, Glenn! -Whoa, Glenn!

The hero!

Don't know how long she'll stay on.

Looks a bit knackered.

Nasty whiff of petrol off her, too.

-Give him another one. -Oh.

He deserves it.

Thanks, Harry.

Really? Now?

I'm expecting a farmhouse to go flying by any minute.

Oh. I get that reference alright.

Those little bastard flying monkeys

still scare the shit out of me.

There's someone banging.

Ah...

Hello? Is somebody in there?

-Help! -People locked in car boots

is rarely a good thing, Harry.

I'd say we're either looking at a kidnapping

or a game of hide-and-seek gone seriously wrong.

Happened to a cousin of mine in Cardiff.

Nine days he was in there.

On the plus side, he did win the game.

Kidnapping or hide-and-seek?

Knock once for kidnapping,

-twice for...

Kidnapping. I thought so.

My cousin will be pleased. His record still stands.

Just stop about your cousin.

Right you are.

The kidnapper must be inside the pub.

We've got to make sure that Fergus and Lola are safe,

and we've got to get this guy out of here.

I can try and jimmy the boot open.

No, no, then the kidnapper will know.

We mustn't alert him, if we can help it.

I'll be back.

Don't mind me! Bit of a leak!

I've a bit of a leak meself, pal!

You're gonna have to say something to June, Harry.

While he was getting that, June kept on giving me funny looks

and asking me questions

like "Why does Lola have to go upstairs?"

Did Lola go upstairs?

Well, yeah, but she wasn't happy about it.

Bugger!

Come on! One last try!

-Yah! -Ah! Oh!

Alright, let's get him out.

Alright, boy. You're gonna be fine.

-Glenn?

Get me some water.

What's your name?

Max.

Why were you kidnapped?

Masked...

They had a gun.

They hit me.

What's the capital of Peru?

Glenn.

Well, you were all asking questions.

Why would someone want to kidnap you?

My fiancé.

Her family's rich.

Nasty.

I reckon I can sew him up with a needle

and thread, but I may have to intubate.

I'll need a pen and a small knife.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back off there, Dr. Death!

Glenn, can you get to the Garda station and get Charlie?

In this weather?

It's a suicide mission.

Count me in.

I'll be there and back in a jiffy.

Well, it won't be easy.

Don't you worry about me.

I fought a bear once.

I don't think bears are gonna be an issue tonight, Glenn.

Hang in there, buddy. I'm gonna get help.

And the answer was Lima.

I'll be back as ASAP as possible.

Fergus, we're gonna have to find out who did this.

Let's just ask who owns the car.

Why don't we just say, "Hello, there.

Anybody engaged in a spot of kidnapping this evening?"

Oh, use that big brain of yours!

I'll start with the two guys

that are really anxious to leave.

You take Mr. and Mrs. Dull.

What do you mean? The couple in the booth?

Yes, but first we're gonna have

to let June know what's going on. We're gonna need her help.

Got it.

Everybody, can I have your attention, please?

While we wait for the roads to clear, drinks are on the house!

-Alright!

The chef's gone home, but we have crisps and nuts.

Nice one.

Two. Nice.

Crazy, this, isn't it?

I'm Harry, by the way.

Oh, that's a cool name.

I'm Dean.

Whoa, lovely dart!

You should teach my nephew.

We're out here celebrating.

He just finished his junior.

Oh, I never did that.

Actually celebrating meself.

Ooh, do tell.

Well, we...

With a free bar, we don't need that. I'll put it like that.

Do you want to play?

Me? Oh.

Nobody in a 5-mile radius would come out of it alive.

-Right.

So just chatting then, eh?

Yeah.

Food's alright here, isn't it?

Delicious, yeah.

You here with your gran?

Yeah.

Yeah, can't let her out alone.

Old-timers' disease, you know?

I'm Fergus.

Neil. Jessica.

It's our 10th wedding anniversary.

-Oh. -We thought we'd go wild.

-You...

You heading out somewhere else after this then?

Just home.

Oh. Oh, right.

Oh, you'll think we're terribly dull.

I'll let you in on a little secret --

We're going to binge Series 6 of "Grey's Anatomy."

I, uh...better go check on Gran.

That Dean and Willie -- definitely hiding something.

What about the couple you were talking to?

The ones that look like they have a dogging fetish.

Yeah, that, or swingers. I mean, really, really boring swingers.

I'll take the single guy in the corner.

Why don't you go check on Lola

and then try to talk to the woman near the darts?

Oh, so, um...

he's single, then, is he?

Oh, scram, cheeky!

Mm.

Mm...mm.

Alas, it's a sparse library.

Sparser than you think.

The sin of our times.

A choice of popular books or, in this case, fake books.

But forgive me.

I am what they call a literary snob.

Well, some are popular for a reason.

This one?

-It's a take on "King Lear." -Mm.

"Why should a dog, a horse, a rat have life,

and thou no breath at all?"

Hmm. Interesting you picked that quote.

Well, I am a father, and Lear's inability

to accept Cordelia's death affects me.

My daughter means everything to me.

But I digress.

I see you're a fellow reader.

Books are truly the second greatest love of my life.

And the first?

-Mm. -Hmm.

I'm Harry, by the way.

Oh, Bogdan.

So...

you have a beloved daughter.

You know your Shakespeare.

No. No, let me guess -- You are a lawyer.

Ouch. Oh.

In Bulgaria, lawyers are considered worse than the press.

Ah. So what is it that you are in Bulgaria?

I made my fortune selling cheap cosmetic surgery

to stupid foreigners with too much money,

but my brother owns the largest clinic in Sofia

and most of the business, so I started a new venture here.

And now I am tainted in your eyes.

You thought I was a man of the law,

but I'm a mere merchant of vanity.

And you, a lady of natural beauty,

have no time for the needle.

Well, I suppose you came here tonight in your Porsche.

Well, as it happened, I had some business in the bank

and intended to walk home, but the lure of the pub.

Oh.

"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men."

The Porsche is in my garage.

Sloppy. Sloppy.

No, I don't think he was in "EastEnders" before that.

Maybe it was "Neighbours."

Definitely not "Neighbours."

Oh, no, no.

So, you fancy a game once the lads are finished?

You're both too young and too male, love.

Yes!

That's it. Well done.

Not a chance.

-Oh, Glenn!

Did you slip when you out for a cigarette?

-Harry. -Have you had a bloody lobotomy?

Come on. Let's just get you all cleaned up.

-I'm sorry, Harry. -Oh, my goodness.

-Look at the mess of you! -I tried!

Oh, no, no. This is ridiculous.

Come on. Let's get you cleaned up.

Christ, Glenn, what were you thinking?

Why didn't you come back in through the back?

We don't want everyone asking questions.

It was horrible, Harry.

I just had to get back inside.

Well, what happened to your shoes?

I had to abort mission.

Proper trench conditions out there.

I made it across the car park, did a high jump over the wall,

ran a personal best mile through the field.

That's when it all got a bit hairy.

I could've kept going.

My toes, Harry.

My toes!

For your FYI, I've always had very delicate foot skin.

I'm gonna have blisters for days.

It was a big ask, sending Glenn.

What if I go?

Absolutely not.

Yeah. You're right. I should go.

Neither of you are going!

It's not safe!

Glenn just proved that.

Well, is it any safer in here with a kidnapper on the loose?

That's why we have to find out who it is,

but neither of you are going to go out

into the night in this storm.

Harry, we have spoken to every single customer.

We're no closer to knowing who it is.

I'm positive it's those guys playing darts.

Seriously?

I mean, that's a bit easy.

Two working-class lads.

Don't be so anodyne.

They're the only ones behaving remotely suspicious.

Hm. Well, I agree with Fergus.

Of course you do.

Look, I'll quiz them, okay?

They'll be more likely to talk to me.

Ha!

Inverted snobbery.

I meant as a young person.

And ageist to boot!

Look, you could try talking to the one

who's hanging around the darts.

I mean, I thought she was after the rough lads,

but I don't think they're her type, if you get my drift.

And I'll stay up here meditating.

You know, maybe there's some...

some cotton wool I could wrap myself in.

I'm not sure I really like teenagers.

Courtesy of our lovely landlady.

Ah, now.

I'll be hammered.

So what brought you here?

Oh, I'd like to say that boredom is making me nosy,

but I'm actually just nosy.

I was supposed to be meeting somebody.

She didn't show.

Oh! Cow!

-I even bought a new dress. -Oh.

Well, it won't go to waste.

What did you say your name was?

I didn't, uh, but it's Felicity.

-Oh. -Cheers.

Cheers!

Oh! Ha!

You show 'em!

This is my third blind date.

Yeah, the first one claimed she was 30,

but she looked older than my ma.

And then the second was so deep in the closet

her address was Narnia.

Oh, you know, those dating apps?

They're just the work of the devil.

You need to do it the old-fashioned way, you know.

Go to a nice disco, slow set...

Mm...

I wish I was here with me mates.

Had to take my gran out, didn't I?

What? I thought she was your aunt.

I bet she came onto you, as well.

I don't believe that.

You're telling me, man. It's embarrassing.

She's my nan.

Jog on, kid.

Oh, hey, man. Nice puffer jacket.

Yeah, if you ever want another one of those, give me a shout.

Me dad can get his hands on 'em, under-the-counter-like.

Oi.

Who's your dad?

So, lads, see you in a bit.

They used a fence that Malky knows to shift some jewelry.

I think they're dodgy alright,

but they're thieving bastard dodgy,

not kidnapper dodgy.

So I was right. They are up to something.

Damn!

Gonna have to think up a new plan.

Alright. Well, while you do that,

I'm gonna do another circuit of the bar,

see if I can pick up on anything.

I've been watching you.

You're questioning everybody.

I don't know what you're talking about.

W-Wh-- Why would I be doing that?

I think you're trying to find a kidnapper -- same as me.

My future son-in-law, Max, has been kidnapped.

I'm here to pay the ransom.

I'm not sure that I follow what --

We were contacted yesterday

and told not to alert the guards.

I was to come here this evening with the money

in exchange for a set of car keys.

I'm supposed to act natural, but I know the kidnapper is in here,

and I don't know how dangerous he is.

If you're doing what I think you're doing, I need your help.

How do I know you're telling the truth?

Can you follow me into the gentlemen's toilets

in five minutes?

I fear I'm being watched.

Wouldn't be the first time

I've snuck into the gents', believe me.

I kept my side of the bargain.

Problem is, no car keys.

Why hasn't the kidnapper taken the money?

I suspect the storm has thrown his plans, so he waits.

And while he waits, I have no idea where poor Max is.

He could be hurt, or worse.

It will break my little girl's heart.

I gave her my word I would get him back safe and sound.

You should leave the money here. When he comes to get it,

he needs to feel he's still in control.

Yes, you're right.

Come with me.

Max!

Thank God you're safe!

We're all here now, Max.

Bogdan's here to fix you up.

He's in and out. That's a good sign.

If it was a bleed on the brain, he wouldn't wake up.

-You're a cosmetic surgeon. -Yeah.

I have a medical kit in my briefcase.

I'll go and get it.

You're an amazing woman, Harry.

You've no idea how grateful I am.

Drama.

Did anybody go outside when we were with Bogdan?

Nobody. I mean, people have been moving around,

but I've kept my eye on that front door the whole time.

Where's Fergus?

Checking on Lola.

I've no disinfectant, but a bottle of brandy

should do the same trick.

Always does in the movies.

Can we get two more coffees?

Sure. I'll get them.

-- Oh! -- Oh!

I knew that generator was gonna blow.

Everyone, please try to stay where you are.

I don't want people falling.

Eh, I did an electrician's course

while I was on the dole.

-Glenn. -Oh, right, yeah.

Yeah, I'm familiar with that generator.

I'll, uh, go and try and sort her out,

if she hasn't jacked in altogether.

Do you think we should go down?

Nah.

They'll get them back on in a minute.

We'll be fine.

In the dark?

We've got a big problem.

Coffees.

Everything okay? We didn't want to move

-until the lights came back. -Oh.

Just checking the generator stays on this time.

-Do you need some help? -No.

-Oh, no, no. -Um, I mean we're fine.

Yeah.

Oh, shit!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

I got the light on, and they were lying like that.

Give me something. Your sweater.

Come on, Harry. It's my third favorite!

-Glenn!

Max. Is he definitely?

As a doornail, I'm afraid. Poor bugger.

And this fella, well, I've got a feeling

we're gonna need a proper doctor for him.

He's beyond even my expertise.

The kidnappers must be watching us.

And that generator, Harry, it didn't blow.

Someone switched it off on purpose.

Well, anyone could have got to it.

It's just past the toilets.

No, he's trying to confuse us.

He wants to move around unseen.

Stay here with him.

Oh.

The kidnapper has lost it.

He's already taken the money and killed Max,

and if we don't get help soon, Bogdan will die, too.

Fergus, I am so not happy about this,

but I need you to get Charlie.

No way! I'm not leaving you pair here with the murderer!

We'll all go!

Well, what about Bogdan?

And Glenn?

-And June? -I'll go.

I've already said no!

That's just sexist!

You'll let Fergus go and not me?

You've always said that a woman can do anything a man can.

Oh, of course. You're right, Lola.

Oh, God, I was being sexist.

Did we miss something?

Probably.

I'm going to get my dad.

Look, I don't think that that's a good...

My mind's made up. You can't stop me,

so don't even try.

Harry will kill me if you leave!

Someone has to go, and you need to stay here and protect Harry.

I know how to get to the station from here. I'll be fine.

Yeah, but I'll worry about you, Lola.

I want you to be safe.

I just checked. The window to the ladies'

leads out to the car park.

That's how the kidnappers know we got Max,

which means it could be any one of the women here.

-I just assumed. -Harry.

No, we have to get Charlie.

-Lola's gone. -What?

Look, you were worried about her being in here

with a madman, woman, whatever, okay?

Now you just have to worry about her getting her hair wet.

More than bloody getting her hair wet!

What the hell were you thinking?!

There was no stopping her!

Besides, I'm not the boss of her, okay?

She's gone, and we have to stick to the plan.

I suppose she didn't lick this independent streak

off the ground.

You'd better pray to that great sky fairy

that she gets to Charlie safe.

Otherwise, you'll have me and her parents to deal with.

She's tough, Harry, okay?

She'll be fine.

Sorry. Uh, has there been any news about the road?

We really need to leave.

No news.

Sorry. We've got kids at home, so...

She's switched seats.

Who?

How much has Felicity had to drink tonight?

Just two glasses.

Hmm.

I'm gonna need your help again, June.

Bloody free bars! Lethal! Ha!

-Oh!

-My phone! -The kitchen!

There's rags in the pantry.

What the hell?

I know you're not drunk, and I know you weren't napping,

and if you have a gun in there,

you'd better think twice before firing it

because ricochets can be pretty deadly in an enclosed space.

Now maybe you'd better start talking

before the guards get here.

The guards?

Oh, I wish the guards were of some use.

Sorry. What are you on about? A gun?

Why do you think I have a gun?

Well, you're up to something.

You want to know what I've been doing?

Fine. I'll tell you everything.

Well, this isn't how I thought it would go.

Those two little arseholes playing darts

conned my mother out of her life savings.

The guards did nothing because they said there was no proof,

so I decided to get proof.

I've been recording them all night.

How did you know they'd be here?

I've been following them all week.

I arrived at my ma's just as they were leaving that day.

I-I saw their van.

"Tree surgeons." That's what they pretend to be.

And then they diddle old ladies.

Felicity, you're a woman after my own heart.

Did you say that was recording all evening?

Well, I hope I didn't break it.

Uh, actually it seems fine.

I don't like this kip.

Would you relax? It's a free bar.

I wouldn't mind another coffee.

And that's my problem -- I have more of that bloody couple

talking about their dinner and the weather and toilet cisterns

and barely anything of use from those little shits!

Did you just say "toilet cisterns"?

His pulse is very slow.

We need to keep him comfortable until the guards get here.

Gentlemen, I know who the kidnappers are.

What?

Turns out Felicity is my sister from another mister,

as you would say, Fergus.

Yeah, I wouldn't say that.

Neil, I don't like this. We've been here too long.

What choice do we have?

I say we do the swap, leave the keys in the cistern,

-and take our chances. -Are you crazy?

It's blowing something fierce out here.

Dry balls.

Jesus!

Right.

So what do we do now?

I'll tell you what we'll do.

Okay, one dart each.

Whoever's furthest from the bull's-eye takes two shots.

Prepare to get legless, love.

I'm so sorry to disturb you, but could you, um...

help me in the bathroom?

-Yeah. Sure, yeah. -Okay.

-- Oh!

Drink up, pal.

-Yeah! -Go on.

One for second place.

Cheers.

Alright. Again?

Absolutely.

Hey, man, you don't happen to own that Ford

in the car park, do you? I think someone's tried to nick it.

Looks like the boot's been tampered with.

Well, well, well.

Looks like Jessica's packing.

Yeah, so my ma keeps pointing at that blondie newsreader

on the telly, and she's like, "Why don't you just go out

with her?" you know, and I'm like...

There. You're good.

Neil needs you, quickly, in the kitchen.

Neil! Jessica's in trouble.

-What? -Before you get any ideas,

no, I'm not happy to see you, and, yes, this is a gun

in my pocket, or my hand, whatever.

The main thing is, you're coming with us, boyo.

We know you kidnapped Max.

What I want to know is how the ransom exchange became murder,

and where's the money?

We haven't killed anyone.

You will ask yourselves one question.

"Am I feeling jammy?"

Jesus, be careful. It's loaded.

So which one of you slit Max's throat?

Was it you, Jessica?

What are you talking about? We...

We never slit anyone's throat.

It worked, Harry. Pissed as...

-farts. -It's not what you think.

We're professionals. Hired professionals.

Nobody was meant to get hurt, and Neil only hit that guy

because he was putting up a fight, yeah?

Like, we came here to do the swap.

The deal was, the money went in the cistern.

Then we'd exchange it for the car keys.

Go back a bit.

Who hired you?

We don't know. Our boss, Dave,

he's the middleman. He sets up the deals.

25 grand. That's our fee.

He gives us an address, that's all, but the money wasn't there.

25K?

Why did you go out to the car?

He told me someone had broken into the boot.

So if you'd killed Max, you'd already...

Shit, Fergus!

God, I've been so stupid!

Keep an eye on these two, and don't shoot!

Right you are, Harry.

Hang on. Did she say "shoot" or "don't shoot"?

Don't!

Okay.

What?

Oh! I've been a fool.

Bogdan's a plastic surgeon.

He knows exactly where to cut himself

to cause the most amount of blood

without doing any real damage.

Oh, Harry, you idiot!

So, what? He's gone.

Just taken the money and legged it?

I don't know.

I mean, the storm's still raging outside.

Oh, I wonder!

Where are we going now?!

Jesus, June. You don't hang about, do you?

Uh, excuse me for a moment.

"Books are my second love," he said.

Bastard!

I couldn't leave without taking what belongs to me.

Easy, now.

I'll have that gun, thank you.

You think you're faster than a bullet, buddy?

Christ, Glenn, give him the gun.

Otherwise, he's gonna cut her throat.

Not a chance, Harry.

He could kill us all with this.

He'll have to prize it out of my cold, dead...

Shit!

So, Harry, I suspect from your expression

we're no longer friends.

Tell me, dear lady,

how did you figure it out?

The kidnappers never saw that money.

You just placed it for my benefit.

And then you hid it back here in the bar...

when you went for your medical kit, I assume.

The fee was 25K.

The bag you showed me...

Oh, clever girl.

My brother transferred 250K, the rich, fat fool.

He knew my business was in trouble, but would he help?

No.

Then that little gold-digging shit Max came along.

So your problem became your solution.

Fake the kidnap.

The agency fee was 25K,

so you just added a zero to the ransom note

and presumably appealed to your brother's love of his niece.

Did you always intend to kill Max?

Of course.

He was dead the second he laid eyes on my baby,

but this way, I get to kill two birds with one stone.

I would say the kidnappers took the money,

but Max wasn't in the car.

-Shakespeare. Ha. -Excuse me?

Fathers and daughters, that...

That's how I knew.

Très "Merchant of Venice."

Shylock looking for his pound of flesh because he...

he doesn't approve of his daughter's choice

-in love. -Ha! Love!

When did you decide to take all of the money?

When you freed him, dear Harry.

My plan was to put the 25K in the cistern and drive him off,

but when you got him out of that boot,

well, I didn't need to pay a penny.

Well, now, you realize, it's over.

Ha! Far from it!

250K goes a long way,

and I'll have my wife and daughter out of here

before they realize what happened.

Plus, I know a very good plastic surgeon.

Looking for this?

I thought family, or at least sex,

was your first love, but I guess it's money.

I could just shoot you, you know?

Oh. Are you going to shoot everyone here?

Ah. Oh, no, you are a smart man.

Why don't we just let everyone get safe?

And, here, I'll give you the money.

You leave, and you can keep the gun.

No!

Money!

-No! -Ha ha.

Aah!

Oh! Oh, no, Bogdan.

Now it really is over.

Right, 3, 2, 1.

Uh! Oh!

Don't even try it!

I told you it would have the opposite effect, Glenn.

Thank God, Fergus, you brave, brave boy.

-Guards!

Stay where you are!

-Lola made it, then? -Yeah.

Yeah, she made it.

No need to keep apologizing.

Lola told me you had no idea she'd gone,

and her mother, repeatedly.

Right, you can get a cab after you see her, yeah?

I need to get to the station and deal with this Bogdan character.

You will look at those two toe-rags, won't you,

-Dean and Willie? -Vicky's all over it.

Still trying to make amends for banging you up.

A few old ladies have been targeted.

Oh!

Romeo and Juliet.

A fitting end.