All language subtitles for Scott.Pilgrim.vs.The.World.2010.1080p.BluRay.x265-RAR

Scott Pilgrim is
dating a high-schooler?

Really? Is she hot?

How old are you now,
Scott? Like, 28?

I'm not playing your
little games, kids.

So, you've been out of high
school for, like, 13 years.

I'm 22. Twenty-two.

And you're dating a high-school
girl. Not bad, not bad.

Thank you, thank you.

So, did you guys, like,
you know, do it yet?

We have done many things.

We ride the bus together.

And we have meaningful conversations
about how yearbook club went

and about her friends
and, you know, drama.

Have you
even kissed her?

We almost held hands once,
but then she got embarrassed.

Well, aren't you
pleased as punch.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

So, what's her name?

Knives Chau.

She's Chinese.

Wicked.

So, when do we
get to meet her?

Oh, please,
let it be soon.

That's for me.

Hi.
You promise to be good?

Of course I'll be good.

Seriously,
please be good.

Am I normally not?

Hey, Knives, this is Stephen
Stills. He's the talent.

Hey.

Is she gonna
geek out on us?

She'll just sit
in the corner, man.

I mean, I want her
to geek out on us.

She'll geek. She geeks.
She has the capacity to geek.

Okay.

You're good.

Wow.

Here, let me
get your coat.

Hi.

Knives, that's Kim.

Sorry,
what was your name?

Kim.

And you play the drums?

Yes.

That is so awesome.

Knives, that's Young Neil.

Hi.

Hi.

What do you play?

Wow, Zelda, Tetris.

That's kind of
a big question.

Okay, let's start
with Launchpad McQuack.

That's not
the actual title of the...

We are Sex Bob-Omb!

One, two, three, four!

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

Laminate the stasis

Mama, mama serpentine

I got a breathalyzer

And my body's clean

Yeah! Yeah!

Thank you!

Get ready

Yeah

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah!

You guys are so

amazing.

She seems nice.
Yeah.

Yeah, she seems awesome.

Yeah.

Scott, if your life had
a face, I would punch it.

Yeah. Wait, what?

I mean, are you really happy
or are you really evil?

Like, do I have ulterior
motives or something?

I'm offended, Kim.

Wounded, even?

Hurt, Kim.

You? Hurt?

Neil, you were saying
about "she seems awesome. "

Yeah, she seems awesome.

Yeah.

Before you hear some dirty
lies from someone else,

yes, I'm dating
a 17-year-old.

Oh, is he cute?

Does this mean we have
to stop sleeping together?

You see another bed in here?

Yeah. You're totally
my bitch forever.

So, the whole 17-year-old thing,
don't tell too many people.

Hey, you know me.

I mean, don't tell my sister.

You know me.

Who are you texting?

Seventeen years old?
Scandal!

That's not true.
Who told you?

Wallace. Duh.

That gossipy bitch.

You know me.

Wallace!

Who is this
mystery child you date?

Her name's Knives Chau.
She's Chinese.

A 17-year-old Chinese
schoolgirl? You're ridiculous.

It's a Catholic school, too.

With the uniform
and everything?

Yeah. The whole deal.

Oh, my God.
You guys haven't...

No, no, no, no. We haven't
even held hands yet.

I think she hugged me once.

Scott,
why are you doing this?

I don't know. It's just nice,
you know? It's just simple.

It's been over a year
since you got dumped

by She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named.
So...

Are you
legitimately moving on

or is this just
you being insane?

Can I get back
to you on that?

I do not wanna
be here at all.

This school
has boys, too.

I hate you. Even I would think
twice about dating a 17-year-old.

Well, she's only
allowed out

when the sun is up,
so I wouldn’t call it dating.

It's more like...
Playtime?

That doesn't sound so good, either. No.

Scott!

Hey, Knives.

This is my cool, gay
roommate, Wallace Wells.

Hi.
He's gay.

Oh, do you wanna know
who in my class is gay?

Yes, does he wear glasses?

Wallace, you go now. Begone.

You're too good
for him. Run.

Get ready!

Here we go!

Did you know that the original
name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man?

You'd think it was because
he looks like a hockey puck,

but it actually comes from the
Japanese phrase "paku-paku, "

which means, "to flap one's
mouth open and closed. "

They changed it
because they thought that

"Puck-Man" would be
too easy to vandalize.

You know,
people could just scratch off

the "P" and turn it
into an "F" or whatever.

Oh, my God! Like, wow!

Combo!

Yeah. Wow.

Continue?

Nine, eight, seven,
six, five, four,

three...
Oh, I got it.

...two, one.

I don't listen
to that much music.

I mean, I know a lot of kids who play
piano or whatever, but you guys...

You guys rock.

Well, I knew
I personally rocked,

but I never suspected
that we rocked as a unit.

So, thank you, Knives.

I mean, you guys
are gonna be huge.

Well, we're already
pretty big,

but, yeah, I guess
it'd be cool

if cool people started wearing
our T-shirt or whatever.

Cool.
Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, do you have anything
by The Clash at Demonhead?

Have you tried the section
marked "The Clash at Demonhead"?

Thank you, Julie.

Are you coming
to my party Friday,

or will you be
busy babysitting?

Thank you, Julie.

You don't want
to listen to her.

And you definitely don't
want to listen to them.

Oh, I heart them so much.

Yeah, I hearted them, too, until
they signed to a major label,

and the lead singer turned into a
total bitch and ruined my life forever.

But that's just me.

Envy Adams is so cool.
Do you read her blog?

Sorry, you were
saying about me?

I mean, I've never gone
out with anyone so talented.

Go out with
a lot of guys?

No.

Yeah, so, whatever, man.

I've never even
kissed a guy.

Hey,

me, neither.

Here you go.

So, this is
your secret lair?

Yeah, yeah.
Can I come in?

My secret lair
is one of those

"No girls allowed"- type
deals.

Okay.

But do you wanna see the
house where I grew up?

Sure!
Come on.

There you go.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Oh, God.

So alone.

You're not alone.

What?

You're just having
some idiotic dream.

Does that mean
we can make out?

Oh, God!

What is it, Scott?

I had this
totally weird dream.

Oh, God.

What is it,
Other Scott?

Can we skip the dreamtime?
Color me not interested.

But there was this girl.

Girt?

Was this
an Envy-related dream?

We don't use
the E-word in this house.

No, it wasn't her.
It was somebody new.

Yay for that.

Speaking of new,

weren't you supposed to take
your fake high-school girlfriend

to the library
a half-hour ago?

What? It's like 6:00
in the morning.

Shh!

It's weird.

What's weird?

Libraries remind me
of grade school.

That must seem like
a really long time ago.

Yeah, let's talk
about something else.

Do you know that girl?

Scott!
What?

You only played one note
for that entire song.

My hand slipped.

Is your girlfriend
distracting you?

My girlfriend?

I'll be quieter.

Let's do that one again.

Sorry, what are we doing?

I told you, like, 50 times!

We're going
to this party, retard.

Party?
At Julie's.

I thought
you guys split up.

We did, but there might be some
label guys there, so, you know...

Oh, man, this is gonna suck. Suck!

At least it'll give us
something to complain about.

Oh, man!

This sucks!

Sucks!

I'm gonna go pee
due to boredom.

I have to pee.

You know, so I told him
you've got a really good sound,

and I think that you
should market your sound

to deaf people, because... Scott! Hey!

Hey, Comeau.

How about this party? You
getting your drink on here?

No, I don't drink.
This is just Coke Zero.

What do you mean,
you don't drink?

I distinctly remember you being very
drunk off a couple of G-and-T's...

Hey, Comeau,
you know everyone, right?

Yeah, pretty much, I do.

You know this one girl
with hair like this?

Yes, that's Ramona Flowers.

Somebody said she was gonna
be here tonight, actually.

What?
Oh, Scott.

You have the hots for her or
something? I gotta tell you though,

I hear that she's
a little hardcore.

Hey, what's up?

Nothing.

Hey, you know Pac-Man?

I know of him.

Well, Pac-Man was
originally called Puck-Man.

They changed it because...

Not because Pac-Man looks
like a hockey puck.

"Paku-paku" means
"flap your mouth,"

and that they were afraid
people would change...

Scratch out the "P" and
turn it into an "F," like...

Yeah, that's amazing.

Um...

Am I dreaming?

I'll leave you alone
forever now.

Thanks.

Dude!
What?

She's totally real!
Who?

Ramona Flowers.
What?

Dude! What do you know
about Ramona Flowers?

All I know is
that she is American.

American.

Why don't you go talk
to Sandra and Monique?

They know a lot more.

Lady-dudes. What do you
know about Ramona Flowers?

I heard she has
a boyfriend.

Yeah. Some guy
back in New York.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What else?

I heard she kicks
all kinds of ass.

She's on another level.

She has men
dying at her feet.

She's got some
battle scars, dude.

What about Ramona Flowers?

You know her?
Tell me now.

She just moved here.

Got a job at Amazon.
Comes into my work.

Does she really?

Didn't you say she just
broke up with someone?

Did she really?

They had a huge fight,
or whatever.

Did they really?

Yes! But I didn't want Scott
to know that, Stephen.

Yeah, I don't know what
it is about that girl.

Scott, I forbid you
from hitting on Ramona,

even if you haven't had a
real girlfriend in over a year.

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Scott's
mourning period is officially over.

He's totally dating
a high-schooler.

Dating a high-schooler
is the mourning period.

She's got a point.

I thought
you guys broke up.

I don't want you scaring off the
coolest girl at my party, Scott.

We all know you're a total
lady-killer wannabe, jerky-jerk.

That's completely untrue.

That time with Lisa?
That was a misunderstanding.

That time with Hollie? That
wasn't what it looked like.

That time you
dumped Kim for...

Okay. Me and Kim are
all good now, all right?

Whatever! Ramona's out of your
league. Let's just leave it at that.

Besides, I'm not even sure
she did have a big breakup.

She keeps mentioning
some guy named Gideon.

Yeah, I don't know what
it is about that girl.

Forget it, Scott!

Guess who's drunk?

I guess Wallace.

You guess right.

So, that girl
from my dream...

Girl. Okay.

I saw her at the library.

Library. Can I pretend
we're talking about a guy?

And then I'm at this party
and, hey, there she is.

Hey, there he is.

I think she's...

I think he's...

I think she's
the girl of my dreams.

Mmm.

Then you should break up with
your fake high-school girlfriend.

I've never been
so sure about something.

Then you should break up with
your fake high-school girlfriend.

What's that?

You should break up with your
fake high-school girlfriend.

I'm not getting it, friend.

You're thinking of
juggling two chicks?

Not even!

Well, you should break up with
your fake high-school girlfriend.

Wait, who told you?

Wallace. Duh!

He's not even conscious.
Whatever.

You of all people should know
how sucky it is to get cheated on.

Don't you have
a job to do?

You're right. I should send
out a mass text about this. Bye.

Wallace,
how do you do that?

Wallace!

Amazon. ca,
what's the website for that?

"Amazon. ca. "

I have to order
something really cool.

You've got mail.

Dude, this thing
claims I have mail.

It's amazing what we can do
with computers these days.

Dude, now I'm reading it.

So happy for you.

"Dear Mr. Pilgrim, it
has come to my attention

"that we will be
fighting soon.

"My name is Matthew Patel,
and... " Blah, blah, blah...

"Fair warning... Mano y mano...
Seven evil... " Blah, blah.

This is...
This is... This is...

What?

This is boring.

Delete.

Scott,

are you waiting for the
package you just ordered?

Maybe.

It's the weekend. It won't ship
until Monday at the earliest.

You were saying?

Attack hug!
Hey!

Attack hug. That's so cute. So cute.

You don't remember?

You're supposed to meet me at
the bus stop a half-hour ago.

How could I
possibly forget?

Yearbook club
is so boring.

I cannot believe the music
they put on while we work.

That's sucky.

Hannah broke up with Alan
and now she's all into Derek.

But then Tamara claims
she has dibs on Derek.

I tell you.

Bad!

Bad!

Bad!

Bad!

Bad!

Okay. I'm sorry,
that was all me.

Solo round!

Uh-oh.

Nega ninja.

Nega ninja!

I can never get
past that guy.

Don't beat
yourself up about it.

Game over!

Do you want
to keep going?

Continue? Nine, eight,

seven, six, five...
I think...

...four, three...

I think that we should...

...two, one.

Game on, everybody.
Game on.

I got us a show.

Oh, my gosh, when?

Wednesday.

The Rockit. And even
better, it's the T.I.B.B.

Whoa!

The Toronto International
Battle of the Bands?

That's right.

This guy at work was like, "Steve,
you know anybody in a band?"

And I was like,
"I'm in a band. "

And he was like,
"You're in a band?"

And I was like, "Yeah,
I am totally in a band. "

Great story, man.

Is there a prize
or something?

Only a record deal
with G-Man Graves.

Who's that?
You don't know?

Indie producer
of the millennium.

Oh.

If we win, it won't just be
Knives wearing Sex Bob-Omb shirts.

It'll be the cool kids, too.

I promise

I will do everything I can to get
out of the study group and come.

I have to pee.

Oh, my gosh,
who are you battling?

Crash and the Boys.

That one band
with Crash, and those boys?

Yeah, that's the one.

I hate them.

Oh, my gosh,
I hate them, too.

Yeah, they suck.

They suck bad.

Hey!

Hey!

Uh, Scott Pilgrim?

Hi, I was thinking
about asking you out,

but then I realized
how stupid that would be.

So, do you want
to go out sometime?

No, that's okay. You can
just sign for this, all right?

I just woke up, and
you were in my dream.

I dreamt that you were delivering
me this package. Is that weird?

It's not weird at all.

It's not?

No, it's just that you
have this really convenient

subspace highway running through
your head that I like to use.

It's, like,
three miles in 15 seconds.

Right, right.

I forgot you guys
don't have that in Canada.

You don't
remember me, do you?

We met at the party
the other day.

Were you the Pac-Man guy?
No.

Not even.
That was some total ass.

I was the other guy.

You know, you need to sign
for this, whatever this is.

But if I sign for it,
you'll leave.

Yeah, it's how it works.

Okay, well, maybe,

do you wanna hang out sometime?
Get to know each other?

You're the new kid
on the block, right?

I've lived here forever, so there are
reasons for you to hang out with me.

You want me to
hang out with you?

Yeah, if that's cool.

If I say yes, will you sign
for your damn package?

So, yeah, 8:00?

Why are you just
standing there?

Dude, I'm totally
waiting on you.

I'm sorry, I just assumed you
were too cool to be here on time.

Oh, you assumed wrong.

So, how did you
end up in Toronto?

Just needed
to escape, I guess.

Yeah.

I got this job here,
and Gideon had always said

Toronto was one of
the great cities, so...

Is Gideon your boyfriend?

He's a friend.

Was he your boyfriend?

Do you mind if I don't
get into that right now?

It's so not
interesting to me.

So, what about you?
What do you do?

I'm in between jobs
at the moment.

Between what and what?

Well, my last job was a
long story filled with sighs.

I know plenty of those.

Is that why you
left New York?

Pretty much.

It was just time to head
somewhere a little more chilled.

Well, it's certainly
chilled here.

Yeah.

It's chilled, as in cold.

Yeah.

This is ridiculous.
Isn't it, like, April?

I know.

I can barely see you.

This whole thing is
an unmitigated disaster.

I think act of God is a pretty
decent excuse for a lousy date.

So this is a date, eh?

Did I say date?

Slip of the tongue.

Tongue.

Anyway,
night's not over yet.

I think there's a thingy
over here, somewhere.

A thingy?

A door.

Come on.

What kind of tea
do you want?

There's more
than one kind?

We have blueberry, raspberry,
ginseng, Sleepytime,

green tea,
green tea with lemon,

green tea with lemon and
honey, liver disaster,

ginger with honey,
ginger without honey,

vanilla-almond, white
truffle, blueberry-chamomile,

vanilla-walnut,
Constant Comment

and Earl Grey.

Did you make
some of those up?

I think I'll have
Sleepytime.

That sounds good to me.

Let me get you a blanket.

That would
actually be awesome.

Dude, I'm changing.

Sorry. I'm just cold.

Here, does that help?

Yeah, that's very warm.
What is that?

Okay.

Were you just gonna bring
the blanket from your bed?

I guess.

Maybe we should both get
under it, since we're so cold.

What about our tea?

I can

not have tea.

I changed my mind.

Changed it to what?
From what?

I don't wanna have sex with
you, Pilgrim. Not right now.

Okay.

It's not like I'm gonna send you
home in a snowstorm or anything.

You can sleep in my bed.

And I reserve the right to change
my mind about the sex later.

Well, this is nice.
Just this.

It's been, like,
a really long time,

so I think I needed this,
whatever it is,

so thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, so, can this
not be a one-night stand?

For one thing, I didn't even
get any. That was a joke.

What did you
have in mind?

Come to the first round of
this Battle of the Bands thing.

You have a band?

Yeah, we're terrible.
Please, come?

Sure.

Oh! Wait. Can I get
your number?

Wow. Girl number.

See you at the show,
Scott Pilgrim.

Hey, it's tonight. At the...

Hey. You totally came.

Yes. I did totally come.

Please excuse my brother.
He is chronically enfeebled.

I'm Stacey.
Hey.

This is Wallace, his roommate. Hey.

This is my boyfriend, Jimmy.

Hey.

Oh, and this is Knives.

Hey!
Hey!

So, do you like?

Well, I...

Have to go.

Okay, this next band
is from Brampton,

and they are
Crash and the Boys.

God! This is a nightmare.

Is this a nightmare?
Wake up, wake up, wake up!

Once we're on stage,
you'll be fine.

We were just on stage for sound
check, and the sound guy hated us.

It's just nerves.
Pre-show jitters.

People love us, right?

Oh, man, this is bad.

This is so, so bad.

Hey, Jimmy,
do they rock or suck?

They have not
started playing yet.

- That was a test, Jimmy.
- One, two.

You passed.

Okay.

Good evening.

My name is Crash.
These are the Boys.

Is that girl a boy, too?

Yes.

They have a girl drummer?

This song is called I Am So
Sad, I Am So Very Very Sad.

Goes a little
something like this.

So sad!

Thank you.

It's not a race, guys.

All right, this next song
goes out to the guy

who keeps yelling
from the balcony.

It's called
We Hate You, Please Die.

Sweet. Love this one.

I can feel
ya, I can hear ya...

Thank you.

So, how do you know Scott?

He's a friend.

It's hard for me
to keep track sometimes,

because he has
so many friends.

Knives,
how did you meet Scott?

Well...

Oh, no.

This is a nightmare.

We need to play
now and loud.

Okay.

So, I was on the bus
with my mom...

Is that seriously
the end of the story?

Oh, my gosh!

Okay.

They're on!

This next band
is from Toronto.

And, yeah.
Give it up for Sex Bob-Omb.

I heart you,
Sex Bob-Omb!

Scott, are you ready?

Okay. Kim? Are you...

We are Sex Bob-Omb!
One, two, three, four!

I'll take you for a ride

On my garbage truck

Oh, no

I'll take you to the dump

'Cause you're my queen

I'll take you uptown

I'll show you the sites
You know you wanna ride

On my garbage truck

Truck, truck, truck

We'll pass the mansions by

Drive right through
the needle's eye

Oh, my

Oh, no... My...

My, my, my, my

I've got a stereo

You've just got
to turn the knob

And maybe we'll go

As far as we can

I'll be your garbage man

I'll take out your junk

And I'll crush it...

Mr. Pilgrim.

It is I, Matthew Patel.

Consider our fight begun.

What did I do?

What do I do?

Fight!

All right.

All right.

Watch out!
It's that one guy.

Well, well, well,

you're quite the opponent,
Pilgrim.

Who the hell
are you, anyway?

My name is Matthew Patel!

And I'm Ramona's
first evil ex-boyfriend.

Her what?

Anyone need another drink?

Wait. We're fighting
over Ramona?

Didn't you get my e-mail
explaining the situation?

I skimmed it.

Mmm-mmm.

You will pay for
your insolence!

Hey, what's up
with his outfit?

Yeah, is he a pirate?

Are you a pirate?

Pirates are in this year.

You really went out
with this guy?

Yeah.

In the seventh grade.

And?

It was football season
and for some reason,

all the little jocks
wanted me.

Matthew was the only
non-white, non-jock boy in town.

So, the two of us joined
forces and we took 'em all down.

We brawled and scrapped
and fought for hours.

Nothing could beat
Matthew's mystical powers.

We only kissed once.

After a week and a half,
I told him to hit the showers.

Dude, wait.
Mystical powers?

You'll pay for this, Flowers.

If you want to fight me

What?

Ha! You're not the brightest

You won't know what
hit you in the slightest

This guy's good.

Me and my fireballs

My Demon Hipster Chicks

Tell him, Matty.
Tell him, Matty.

I'm talking the talk

Because I know I'm slick

S-L-ick

Fireballs

Take this sucker down

Let us show him
what we're all about

That doesn't even rhyme.

This is impossible.
How can this be?

Open your eyes,
maybe you'll see.

K-O!

Sweet! Coins.

God, is that allowed?

Well, it was nice
meeting you.

Tell your gay friends
I said bye.

Gay friends?

Wallace! Again?

- Get a room, guys!
- Oh, my God!

Oh, man, $2.40? That's not
even enough for the bus home.

I'll lend you
the 35 cents.

Yeah, so, Sex Bob-Omb wins.

Sex Bob-Omb won?

So, what was
all that all about?

I guess

if we're gonna date, you may
have to defeat my seven evil exes.

You have seven
evil ex-boyfriends?

Seven evil exes, yes.

And I have to fight...
Defeat.

Defeat your seven evil exes if
we're going to continue to date?

Pretty much.

So, what you're saying
right now is we are dating?

I guess.

Does that mean
we can make out?

Sure.

Cool.

Aw!

Someone's happy.

Well, someone got to
second base last night.

And someone has
a second date tonight.

Someone's lucky, then.

You know when I say
"someone," I mean "me," right?

I got to second base
last night.

Maybe first-and-a-half.

So, I invited Ramona over for
dinner tonight, so you can't be here.

I don't want you
gaying up the place.

Okay, Scott.

But in return, I have
to issue an ultimatum.

One of your
famous ultimatums?

It may live in infamy.

You have to break up with
Knives, that poor angel, today.

But it's hard.

If you don't, I'm going to
tell Ramona about Knives.

I swear to God, Scott.

What? You...

Hi. Morning.

Hey, Jimmy.
Double standard!

I didn't make up
the gay rulebook.

You got a problem with it...
Stop.

Take it up with
Liberace's ghost.

You're a monster.

Give me the bacon,
and go do your dirt

while I watch
the Lucas Lee marathon.

Who's Lucas Lee?

Oh!

He was this
pretty good skater.

Now he's this
pretty good actor.

He's filming a Winifred Hailey
movie in Toronto right now.

They make movies
in Toronto?

Yes.

I'm stalking him later.

So, this Lucas Lee...

Lucas Lee is not important
to you right now. Get out.

You suck.

Out.

Surprising no one.

Out.

Now, you listen close,
and you listen hard, bucko.

The next click you'll
hear is me hanging up.

The one after that is
me pulling the trigger.

Hey, Knives.

Hey, do you wanna,
like, talk or whatever?

Are you wearing a tan jacket,
like, a spring jacket, and a hoodie?

And a dorky hat?

It's not dorky.
Why are you psychic?

Hey!

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe TCAD's coming to
town. Will you take me to the show?

Yeah, listen...

Hey, I wanted to invite
you over for dinner.

Like, Chinese food?

To meet my parents.
It's my birthday dinner.

I think that's
a really bad idea.

No, it's okay. Why?

I'm too old for you.

No, you're not. My dad is
nine years older than my mom.

Are you even allowed to date
outside your race or whatever?

I don't care. I'm...

I'm in...

Uh...

Listen,

I was thinking

we should break up
or whatever.

Really?

Yeah.

It's not gonna work out.

Oh.

Where's Knives.
Not coming tonight?

No, we broke up.

Hey, check it out, I learned the
bass line from Final Fantasy II.

Scott, you are
the salt of the earth.

Thanks.

I meant scum
of the earth.

Thanks.

You broke up with Knives?

Yeah, but don't worry.

Maybe soon you'll meet
my new-new girlfriend.

New-new.

Okay, from here on out, no girlfriends
or girlfriend talk at practice.

Whether they're old, new, or

New-new.
New-new.

We were lucky to
survive the last round.

It's sudden death now, okay?

Okay.

That's for me. That's
for me. That's for me.

Hey, you're here.

Yes, like you said.

You know your hair?

I know of it.

It's all blue.

I change my hair every week and
a half, dude. Get used to it.

So...

How do you guys
all know each other?

High school, I guess.

What Neil said.

I'm Neil.

Believe it or not, I actually
dated Scott in high school.

Got any embarrassing stories?

Yeah, he's an idiot.

Okay, bye.
See you guys tomorrow.

What about rehearsal?

Neil knows my parts.

I'm Neil.

You doing okay, there?

Yeah, good, good, good.

She changed her hair.

So? It looks nice blue.

Yeah, I know, but she
did it without even making

a big deal of it
or anything.

She's fickle. Impulsive. Spontaneous.

God, what am I gonna do?

Can't believe you're worried
about me gaying up the place.

So, how's dinner
coming along?

Yeah, good, good, good.

Okay, well, I'm gonna
leave you lovebirds to it.

I am heading up to Casa Loma
to stalk my hetero crush.

Don't go!

Will you man the hell up?

You can get to second
and a half base tonight.

You think so?

Well, if you strike out in the next
hour, come find me at the castle.

If I strike out?

Okay, when. See you in 60.

This is actually
really good garlic bread.

Garlic bread is
my favorite food.

I could honestly
eat it for every meal.

Or just eat it all the time
without even stopping.

You'd get fat.

No, why would I get fat?

Bread makes you fat.

Bread makes you fat?

I wrote a song about you.

You did?

Yeah, it goes like this.

Ramona

Ramona

On my mind

Ramona

Can't wait to hear it
when it's finished.

Finished?

Your hair's pretty shaggy.

Oh, God,
I need a haircut, don't I?

What?

No, sorry. I just...

I got a bad haircut right
before me and my big ex broke up,

but that was so long ago
now I can barely remember.

Scott is acutely aware
that his last salon haircut took place

exactly 431 days ago, three
hours before his big breakup.

He's been cutting
his own hair ever since.

So long ago.

Sounds like a bad time.

Bad time? Not really.

It was.

It was a mutual thing.

It wasn't.

I mean, she told me it was mutual.

She dumped him.
It was brutal.

What was her name?

She was Nat,
when I knew her,

but she stopped
liking that name.

Then she stopped liking me.

Your hair is cute.
I like it long.

But it would be cuter
short, wouldn’t it?

What?
What?

Why are you
wearing that hat?

I thought we could go
for a walk.

Tell me we didn't
come out here in the cold

so you could cover
your hair with that hat.

No, no. I just love me
some walking, you know.

Just putting one leg in front
of the other, like this. Walking.

You seem
a little heightened.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I just sort of feel like I'm
on drugs when I'm with you.

Not that I do drugs,
unless you do drugs,

in which case
I do drugs all the time.

Every drug.

Yeah, I don't know.
Just when I'm with you,

things sort of seem
a little brighter.

What is this place?

It's a totally
awesome castle.

They're shooting this
movie here right now.

Okay, everybody, let's
do this. Lots to do, everyone.

Lots to do.

Did you find the guy you were stalking?

I think I'm about
to right now.

Mr. Lee is traveling.

Mr. Lee?

Lucas Lee.

Oh.

Oh?

And roll sound.

I wanna have his
adopted babies.

Here we go.

All right,
on your marks, everyone.

Oh, man, we got to go.

What? Why?

I used to date that clown.

And...

Action.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

The only thing keeping me and her apart

is the two minutes it's
gonna take to kick your ass.

You dated a famous guy?

In ninth grade.
We had drama.

Actually,
it might have been math.

I just remember there
being a lot of drama.

Hey!

He was a snot-nosed little
brat. He just followed me around.

He had snot in his nose?
But he's famous.

Hey! I'm talking to you,
Scott Pilgrim.

He's famous and
he talked to me.

The only thing keeping me and her apart

is the two minutes it's
gonna take to kick your ass.

Can I have your... Can I
have your autograph, please?

What's up?

How's life?
He seems nice.

Boom!

And that's a cut!

Scott, evil ex. Fight.

Let's get ready to go again,
please. Let's get ready to go again.

Hey, hombre.

You really think you can stand a
chance against an A-lister, bro?

Some competish you are.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, I'm not done with you.

Oh!

Looks like
you're seeing double.

He's good, right?

Sometimes I let him do
the wide shots

when I feel like getting
blazed back in my Winnie.

What can I say?

I'm nothing without
my stunt team.

Hey! Ask them how it feels to
always get his sloppy seconds.

How does it...

Hey, I'm gonna get a coffee.
You homies want anything?

No, I just ate.
Negative.

That's actually hilarious.

Ah.

Hilarious.

Mr. Lee!

You're needed back on set.

Prepare...

Prepare to feel the wrath
of the League of Evil Exes.

The League of Evil Axes?

You really don't know
about the League?

The seven evil exes?
Coming to kill you?

Controlling the future
of Ramona's love life?

No.

Oh, well, hey, listen, man.
Don't worry about it.

Really?
Yeah. Let's go get a beer.

That's great...

Boom!

You are a pretty
good actor.

I'm going for
the Oscar this year.

But are you
a pretty good skater?

I'm more than
pretty good, ese.

I have my own skate company.

But can you do
a thingy on that rail?

It's called a grind, bro.

So, can you do
a grindy thingy now?

Are you serious?

There are, like, 200 steps,
and the rails are garbage.

Well, hey,
if it's too hardcore then...

You really think you can goad
me into doing a trick like that?

There are girls watching.

Somebody get me my board.

Hi. Big fan.

Why wouldn’t you be?

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Yes!
He totally bailed.

Ah! I didn't get
his autograph.

No.

And that's
a wrap, everybody.

Hey, where's Ramona.
Is she still here?

No. She totally bailed.

What's the deal? Seriously.

Let's move, people,
the sun is coming up.

Hey, it's me again. Scott. Give
me a call when you get this.

Scott Pilgrim.

What's the deal?
Seriously.

Yep. You said that
last night.

You know what
really sucks, though?

What?

Everything.

Come on, guy.

You can't say you
didn't see this coming.

What?

What did you
think these were?

Kisses?
Seven little kisses?

Seven deadly X's.

Why does everything
have to be so complicated?

If you want something bad,
you have to fight for it.

Step up your game, Scott.

Break out the L-word.

"Lesbian?"

The other L-word.

"Lesbians?"

It's "love," Scott. I
wasn't trying to trick you.

Hey, buddy, look,

if she really is
the girl of your dreams,

then you have to
let her know.

You have to overcome any and all
obstacles that lie in your path.

You can do it. Be with her!
It's your destiny!

Plus, I need you
to move out.

What?
Yeah.

I'm kind of banking
on her calling you back

so I don't have to evict you
and feel all guilty and shit.

I have a feeling
that's for you, guy.

Hey.

Hey, Scott.

Envy?
Oh, shit.

Been a while.

Yeah.

A year, I think.

Approximately.

How are you?

I'm not doing
so good right now.

Oh, that's too bad.
Still breaking hearts?

What? No. I've been... It's
been different. You have no idea.

Probably not. Do you have a girlfriend?

Should I be jealous?

Yes, you should. I have this
totally awesome girlfriend

who calls me all the
time and she's America.

She's American.

What's her name?

I'm not telling you that.
Ramona.

Oh.

What? Do you know her?

What? No.

It sounded like you did.

I got to go. It's been
nice chatting with you.

Wait.

Okay.

Everything does suck.

Or does it? Hello?

Hey, Knives.

What's that?
You're outside?

Is Scott here?

You know what? He just
left.

Really?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Seven deadly X's.

You may have to
defeat my seven evil exes.

It's sudden death now, okay?

She's got some
battle scars, dude.

You can't say you
didn't see this coming.

Dude.

Please.

I'm really not
in the mood for this.

Okay, enough!

You punched me
in the boob!

Prepare to die, obviously.

Look, I've had it today.
Can we not do this right now?

I'd love to
postpone, darling,

but I just cashed
my last rain check.

What's that from?
My brain!

I'm really, really not up
for this. Whatever it is.

Okay, little chicken.
I'll see you later.

But you won't see me,

because next time, I'll be
deadly serious next time.

What?

Never mind!

Man. Someone help me.

Hello.
It's Scott.

What did he do this time?

No, it's Scott.
It's actually me.

What did you do this time?

I didn't do anything. It's
everyone else that's crazy.

Look, I'm having a meltdown or
whatever. Are you still working?

I'm literally
about to leave.

Cool, I'm coming in.

I think I'll make it
a decaf today.

Scott Pilgrim!

What did you do
with my sister?

Sorry, I had to go.

So, what can I ....
get you?

Is there anywhere
you don't work?

They're called jobs. Something a ....
like you wouldn’t know anything about.

And by the way, I can't ....
believe you asked Ramona out

after I specifically told
you not to .... do that.

How are you doing
that with your mouth?

Never .... mind
how I'm doing it!

What do you have to say
for yourself?

Can I get
a caramel macchiato?

You know what, maybe it's high ....
time you took a look in a mirror

before you wreak
havoc on another girl.

Me? Wreak havoc?

And speaking of
which,

I hear the girl that
kicked your heart in the ass

is walking the streets
of Toronto again.

So, I can just get
my coffee over here?

Sorry that got
a little crazy last night.

Yeah, you kind of disappeared.

Yeah, I do that.

Listen, I know I can be
hard to be around sometimes.

I totally understand if you
don't want to hang out anymore.

No, no, I want to hang.

You know, the whole
evil ex-boyfriend thing...

Exes.

It's no biggie.

I know it's early,

but I don't think anything
can get in the way of how I...

Shit!

It's my ex.

A big one?
Mmm-hmm.

Envy.

I'm gonna...

Excuse me.

Your hair is
getting shaggy.

Yeah?

So, that's Ramona.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm jealous.

You're jealous?

I'm allowed.

You left me for
that cocky pretty boy.

You haven't even
seen him.

I know, you left me for
someone I've never even seen.

Maybe you will see him.
We're playing Lee's Palace.

You should
so totally come.

That's so not
going to happen.

Great, you're
so on the list.

Caramel macchiato
for .... Pilgrim.

So, that was Envy.

Uh-huh.

What happened
with the two of you?

Do you mind if we don't
get into it right now?

She wanted to move
to Montreal,

because she missed
her best friend.

This guy, Todd.

And two weeks later, they were
sleeping together, I guess?

Basically.

Dated a Todd once.
Didn't end well, either.

I can see how it sucks. Having
the past come back to haunt you.

Is it wrong that I try
not to think about it?

What do you want
to think about?

How warm
my place is right now.

Oh.

And you didn't bang her?
Are you gay?

I couldn’t stop thinking
about my stupid ex-girlfriend.

Is that
the Uma Thurman movie?

Scott, just because Envy is back
in town doesn't make it not over.

Double negative.
It's tricky.

It's over. Move on.

Word.

Right. I'm not going
to let her toy with me.

From this moment on,

I will think of
Envy Adams no more!

I have distressing news.

Is it news that we suck, because
I really don't think I can take it.

No. The Clash at Demonhead are
doing a secret show tomorrow night

and Envy asked us
to open for them.

I hate you.

A gig is a gig,
is a gig, is a gig.

Maybe you can put
your history aside

until we get through
this thing, for the band.

For the band?
For the band?

Can't we do our...
For the band?

Can't we do our
own secret shows?

All our shows
are secret shows.

We're doing it.
G- Man might be there.

We play the next round
of the battle on Tuesday.

We have to get some buzz
going. We need groundswell.

We need stalkers.

What would you do
if your ex was in a band

and they wanted you
to open for them?

If my ex was in a band?

Mmm-hmm.

Might be a little
awkward, but maybe

it's the grown-up
thing to do.

Yeah. We're all
adults here, right?

Oh, my God!

He's dating
a fat-ass hipster chick!

I hate her stupid guts!

He only likes her because she's
old. She's probably, like, 25!

She's just some fat-ass
white girl, you know?

I think you mentioned
she was fat.

She's got a head start.

I mean, I didn't even know there
was good music until two months ago!

Hey, this really burns.

You should rinse.

When I got this idea, I just
thought, "I have to do it!"

I can't hear
anything you're saying.

Oh, God! I look so

good.

Ramona Flowers
stole my Scott.

But I know
how to get him back.

How?

Come on, come on

Thank you,
we were Sex Bob-Omb.

Yeah!

We have some merch
at the back, so...

Okay, bar? Now?

Level with me.
Did we suck?

I don't know. Did you?

She has to go.
She knows we suck.

Hey, Ramona.

Hey.

What the hell?

Hey.

Hey, Scott.

What the hell?

Look who Knives is
hanging out with.

Who is
that girl again?

Scott dated her.

Briefly, briefly.

How old is she?

I gotta pee on her.

I mean, I gotta pee.
Pee time.

And then it was time

for Toronto to drown
in the sweet sorrow

of The Clash at Demonhead!

Envy! Envy!

That guy on bass...

Oh, yeah

...that's Todd.

I know.

Oh, yeah?

You know?

Oh, yeah!

Oh, no.

Hello, again,
friend of a friend

I knew you well

Our common goal

was waiting for
the world to end

Now that the truth

is just a rule
that you demand

You crack the whip

Shape-shift and trick
the past again

Send you my love on the wire

Lift you up, every time

Everyone

pulls away

from you

That was...
That was devastating.

Oh, my God.
Just, oh, my God.

Yeah, you should see them
live. They're much better live.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

I can't even believe
I'm saying this,

but Envy Adams would like
you all to come backstage.

All of us?

Did I .... stutter?

Wait, how do you know Envy?

Scott dated her.

Hey, Ramona.

Hey, Todd.

It's been awhile.

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm?

I think we should
get out of here.

So, how was the tour? You
guys play with the Pixies?

You're like a superstar now.

Yeah, it's not really
something I can put into words.

Um, Envy...

I read your blog.

So, Scott and Ramona, eh?

What of it?

You guys make a cute couple, you know?

Suit each other.

You're my role model, Envy.

Ramona, I like your outfit.
Affordable?

Envy, I was just gonna say did
you get those jeans in New York?

I'm talking to
Ramona right now.

Ramona lived in New York.

Did she?

I was just there. Played the
Chaos Theatre, for Gideon.

You know him, right?

I've kissed the lips
that kissed you!

Knives!

What?

I'm not afraid
to hit a girl.

I'm a rock star.

Oh, my God!

You punched the highlights
out of her hair.

He punched the highlights
out of her hair!

You are incorrigible.

I don't know
the meaning of the word.

So, you guys doing anything
fun while you're in town?

Fun? In Toronto?

That's it! You cocky cock!

You'll pay for your
crimes against humanity.

My neck.

Your hair.

Didn't you know?

Todd's vegan.

Vegan?

It's not really
that big of a deal.

No kidding.

Anyone can be vegan.

Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe.

Ovo-what?

I partake not in the meat, nor
the breast milk, nor the ovum

of any creature with a face.

Short answer,

being vegan just makes you
better than most people.

Bingo.

Hey, man, question.

I always wondered, how does
not eating dairy products

give you psychic powers?

Okay.

You know how you only use
10% of your brain?

That's because the other 90%
is filled with curds and whey.

Did you learn that
at Vegan Academy?

Go ahead and
get snippy, baby.

If you knew the science, maybe
I'd listen to a word you're saying.

If I peed my pants, would you
pretend I just got wet from the rain?

It's not raining.

Oh.

Then why don't you
give me the Cliff Notes

on how and why you ended
up dating this A-hole.

Is that really
important right now?

Well, if there's a key
element in his backstory

that's gonna help me out in a
critical moment of not dying, yes.

I was only dating Lucas until
the minute Todd walked by.

Guess that's not very nice, but
I used to be, kind of like that.

We hated everyone. We
wrecked stuff. Nobody cared.

He punched a hole
in the moon for me.

It was pretty crazy.

A week and a half later
he told me

his dad was sending him
to Vegan Academy,

so I dumped him.

Have you dumped everyone
you've ever been with?

You've never been
the dumpee?

Look, I've dabbled
in being a bitch.

It's part of the reason
I moved here.

I was really hoping to
just leave it all behind me.

Hey, lovebirds...

We have unfinished business,
I and he.

He and me.

Don't you talk to me
about grammar.

I dislike you, capisce?

Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.

What?

Because you'll be dust
by Monday.

Um...

Because you'll be
pulverized in two seconds.

And the cleaning lady,
she cleans up dust.

She dusts.

So, what's on Monday?

Because it's Friday now. She
has the weekends off, so...

Monday. Right?

Basically, you can't
win this fight.

You're gonna have
to give up this girl,

because Todd's
gonna kill you.

You used to be so nice!

Scott, we're gonna go
to Pizza Pizza for a slice.

Call us when you're done.

He'll be done.
Real soon.

Sounds like someone
wants to get funky.

I can read your thoughts. Your
will is broken. You're through.

What say we drink
to my memory?

Fair trade blend
with soy milk?

I'm sorry,
but that's pathetic.

Dude, I can see
in your mind's eye.

You put half-and-half
into one of those coffees

in an attempt to
make me break vegan edge.

I'll take the one with soy.

Thanks, tool.

Actually, muchacho,
I poured the soy in this cup.

But I thought real hard
about pouring it in that cup.

You know, in my mind's eye or whatever.

What are you talking about?

You just drank
half-and-half, baby.

Freeze! Vegan police!

Vegan police!

Todd Ingram, you're under
arrest for veganity violation,

code number 827,
imbibement of half-and-half.

That's bullroar!

No vegan diet,
no vegan powers!

But it's only
my first offense.

Don't I get three strikes?
I mean...

Take it.

At 12:27 a. m.
on February 1st,

you knowingly
ingested gelato.

Gelato isn't vegan?

It's milk and eggs, bitch.

On April 4th, 7:30 p. m., you
partook a plate of chicken parmesan.

Chicken isn't vegan?

The de-veganizing ray.
Hit him.

Oh, my God!

No. No.

You once were a vegone,

but now you will be gone.

Vegone?

Yeah!
Yeah!

Sorry, I guess.

Sorry?

You just headbutted my
boyfriend so hard he burst.

You kicked my heart in the
ass, so I guess we're even.

Natalie.

Natalie? No one
calls me that anymore.

Maybe they should.

Let's get out of here.

For the record, I am so
pissed off for you, right now.

Shut the .... up, Julie.

Okay.

We're still going to
the after-party, right?

I'm not sure there's
going to be much of a party.

I think a third of the band
just went "poom. "

Yeah, cool bands never go
to their own after-parties.

Just the desperate people trying
to rub elbows with the label guys.

Then why would we... Oh.

Neil, you down?

Scott, you're in, right?

You wanna go?

Well, I kind of
almost died back there.

I'm not saying
I want to go.

Yeah. We can totally go.

I'll do whatever
you want to do.

So, let's go.

We really don't
have to go to this thing.

It'll probably be
a bad scene all around.

No, I'm fine.
It's just...

It's just...
Well...

Have you ever dated someone
that wasn't a total ass?

So far,
you're not a total ass.

But I'm part ass?

If it makes you feel better,
you're the nicest guy I've dated.

Wait, is that good?

It's what I need right now.

But not later?

Scott, I don't have
all the answers, okay?

I'd just like to try and
live in the moment if I can.

I'd just like to live.

Look, I know
Todd was bad news,

but are you saying
Envy wasn't?

We all have baggage.

Well, my baggage doesn't try
and kill me every five minutes.

What did you do to make
your ex-boyfriend so insane?

Exes.
Whatever.

No breakup is painless,
somebody always gets hurt.

What about you and that girl,
Knives? Who broke up with who?

I believe
I broke up with her.

And was she cool with that?

Knives is with Young Neil now.
She's totally cool with it.

You sure about that?

Yeah, she's very mature
for her age.

We had a very
healthy breakup.

We're all peaches and gravy.

No!

What about you and Kim?

Me and Kim?
I can barely remember.

It was high school.
She had freckles.

That's it?

Yeah, it kind of ended.
We changed.

That's really
the whole story?

Okay, fine, I had to fight
a guy to be with her. Okay?

I fought a crazy,
80-foot-tall, purple-suited dude

and I had to fight
96 guys to get to him.

He was flying and shooting
lightning bolts from his eyes, okay?

And I kicked him so hard that he
saw the curvature of the earth.

Does that make
you feel any better?

Well, now you are being a
total ass. Welcome to the club.

I'm sorry.
I'm not usually like this.

Hey, don't worry. I don't even
know what I'm like anymore.

I think this ex-boyfriends
thing is messing with my head.

Exes.
Why do you keep saying that?

The girl from earlier?

Roxy?
You know this girl?

Boy, does she know me.

What is she talking about?

He really doesn't know?

Wait.

Hmm?

You and her?
It was just a phase.

Just a phase?
You had a sexy phase?

It meant nothing. I didn't
think it would count.

It meant nothing?

I was just
a little bi-curious.

Well, honey,

I'm a little bi-furious.

Do that again
and I will end you.

Back off, hasbian.

If Gideon can't have you,
no one can.

The League has spoken.

Well, then Gideon best get
his pretentious ass up here

because I'm about to kick yours
out of the Great White North.

Wallace?
Uh-huh?

This is happening, right?
Oh, yeah.

Kick her in the balls.

I'm sending you
back to Gideon

in a thousand pieces,
you slag!

Ha!

I'd rather be dead
than go back.

He's a creep,
you're a bitch,

and you all deserve
each other.

Give it a rest, Ramona.
This is a League game.

Meaning?

Meaning your precious Scott must
defeat me with his own fists.

I don't think I can hit
a girl. They're soft.

You don't have a choice.

Fight your own battles,
lazy ass!

Lazy ass!

Every Pilgrim reaches
the end of his journey.

Some sooner than others.

Your BF's about to
get F'd in the B.

Her weak point is
the back of her knees.

Wait, how does that work?

Whenever we were making
out I would just...

Okay, enough.

You'll never be
able to do this to her.

So...

Two gin-and-tonics, please?

I thought you didn't drink.

Only on special occasions.
Why? Did you want one?

Guess we really don't know that
much about each other, do we?

Maybe you could just give
me a list of all of your exes

so that I can at least
know who's going to

beat my ass
into the ground next.

Like a handy little laminate or
something? Let me see if I have one.

Maybe we could
exchange our information.

Hey, just out of sheer
curiosity and concern

for my mortal well-being,

is there anyone at this party
that you haven't slept with?

I think we should split.

As in get out of here,
or as in split, split?

I'd hope you could
figure that out.

Or did you miss the part
where I saved your ass?

How could I? I feel like we just
washed our sexy laundry in public.

Dirty laundry.
You're drunk.

I had, like, one drink.

I'm sorry I cared. I don't enjoy all
this, Scott. In fact, I'm sick of it.

I thought you might be
more understanding.

I just...

You're just another evil ex
waiting to happen.

That was harsh.

That was not good.

That was embarrassing.

One more.

P.S. Here's your stupid list.

Matthew Patel, Lucas Lee,
Todd Ingram, Roxy Richter.

Who the hell are
the Katayanagi Twins?

Oh!

You don't know?

The Katayanagi Twins

just happen to be
the next band in the battle.

They are totally bad-ass.

Ramona dated twins?
Apparently.

At the same time?

You know what?

I don't know
and I don't want to know.

Good. Because you know how I feel
about girls blocking the rock.

Good, I play better
when I'm in a bad mood.

If it's gonna be
an issue though,

Young Neil can
fill in for you.

It's not an issue.
You know bands,

I know battles.
We got it covered.

But we'd understand if you
didn't want to take part.

Not only do I
want to take part

I want to take them apart.

Okay, I'm getting tingles.

Whoa!

Okay, we're doomed.
Oh!

That poster needs
more exclamation marks.

Oh, man,
we're gonna get killed.

Come on, we're going
on in five minutes.

Wait, aren't the Katayanagis
going on first?

I think
you're both on first.

Wait, "Amp versus amp"?

We're going on stage
at the same time?

That's impossible.

Okay, my bad.

Your bad is
saying, "My bad. "

We shouldn't even be
here. We shouldn't even be here!

Come on, man! I put my
problems aside for the music.

If I can do that,
we can do anything.

Did you speak
to Ramona, then?

What? No. I haven't seen
her since the other night.

Oh.

She's totally here.

Scott?

Not that I care,

but you should go talk to her
before she's gone.

Thanks, Kim.

And I really don't care.

I didn't mean to
put you through all that.

I only did it because I
love you. You know that.

Okay, gang,
can we do this?

I mean,
we can do this, right?

Right.

Scott?

Scott!

They tore the roof off!

We are Sex Bob-Omb

and we're here to make you think
about death and get sad and stuff!

This is the beginning
of the song.

I'm hearing
voices, animal noises

The crиme de la crиme

The feminine abyss

And reaching my threshold Staring
at the truth 'til I'm blind

My body's stupid

Stereo putrid

Spilling out music

Into raw sewage

Reaching my threshold Staring
at the truth 'til I'm blind

My threshold

Reaching

My threshold

Let's just break
up now and get it over with.

We screwed the pooch in front
of Gideon Graves. We're done!

Gideon's here? Where?

That geeky guy
next to your girlfriend.

That's Gideon?

Gideon is G-Man?

All right, let's do this.

Reaching my threshold

My threshold

We're out.

What are you doing?

Getting a life.

I just came to
see your show.

I have to...

Ramona.

Ramona, I need to
tell you something.

Yeah, I have something
I have to tell you, too.

Great. Listen, I know you
play mysterious and aloof

just to avoid getting hurt.

I know you have reasons for not
wanting to talk about your past.

I want you to know I don't
care about any of that stuff

because
I'm in lesbians with you.

What?

I really, really mean it.

Oh! Okay.

It's your turn. What
did you want to tell me?

That we have to break up.

What?

It's Gideon.

I just can't...

I can't help myself
around him.

That's the bad news.

Hey.

The good news is that I'm
officially loving the Sex-Bombs.

Bob-Omb.
Three-piece rock outfit

with a smoking hot
red-head on drums.

Music to my ear-holes.

You know what?
I'm not even going to wait

to see how you guys
do in the final.

I'm signing you right now
for a three-album contract.

See? I'm not such
a bad guy after all.

You think we're going to sell our
souls to you? Well, guess again.

No, I can't be a part of the
band with this douche in charge.

Ow! Scott.

You got to try and keep
your emotions in check, man.

Don't let what's past
ruin your future.

The people need
to hear us, Scott.

Then you're gonna have to
find someone else to play bass.

Whoops.

Sign, sign, sign,
and we are all set.

Sweetie, shall we?

Oh! Scott.

You know, we really should
be thanking each other.

I mean, if it wasn't for me, Ramona
would never have been with you

but if it wasn't for you she
wouldn’t have gotten back with me,

so I guess
it all shakes out.

Scotty, buddy,

between you and I, the whole
League of Evil Exes thing?

I was in a really dark place
when I put that together, so...

Forgiven?

All right, let's go.

Yes!

This is it, guys.
We are on our way.

I said "lesbians. "

Scott.

Was she really the one?

The what?

I mean, did you really see
a future with this girl?

Like, with jetpacks.

Time heals all wounds,
little brother.

Maybe next time we don't date the
girl with 11 evil ex-boyfriends.

Seven.

That's not that bad.

Hey. Yeah, I know.

It's so pathetic!

Turn off the light!

Presumably, you just saw some guy's junk

and I apologize for that.

Okay.

And he apologizes, too.

Sorry.

Scott,
you know I love you.

But I'm gonna need
my own bed tonight.

It's for sex.

Right.

I may need it for
the rest of the week, too.

Right.

And the year.

I get it.

Maybe you can
move in with Ramona.

She's with Gideon.

Oh, man.

That's probably just because
he's better than you.

Mmm.

Either way,
this fight is over.

Mmm-hmm.

It's for Scott.

It's for you, big guy.

Hello.

Hey, pal.

I just want to say I feel
terrible about earlier.

I don't want
any hard feelings.

So I figured, why not be the
bigger man and just give you a call.

Is Ramona with you?

I don't know.
Are you with me?

Yeah.

Geez, buddy,
it's gonna be all right.

No, I just spilled
hot cocoa on my crotch.

Mmm-hmm.

Listen,
as you know,

I'm opening a new
Chaos Theatre in Toronto.

And the Sex-Bobs are playing
our grand opening tonight.

It would feel really weird for
all of us if you weren't there.

They just did a sound check and
the acoustics in here are amazing!

Yeah?
Maybe I'll see you there.

I hope so, amigo.

I don't want any more
bad blood between exes.

What do you say?

Mmm.

Okay, laters.

What a perfect asshole.

Forget what I said earlier.
Finish him.

Password?

Whatever.

Cool.

Second password?

Cool.

We're not having
no fun We're not having no fun

No. The first album is much
better than the first album.

Fun

No fun

Scott! Let it go.

Don't give him
the satisfaction.

What if I want
the satisfaction?

Scott Pilgrim!

Buddy, welcome to
the Chaos Theatre.

Somebody get this man a
drink. A Coke Zero, right?

I'm not here to drink.

Whoa, I've got
no beef with you.

What if I have
a beef with you?

Are you still mad about the
whole thing with The Guild?

You mean The League?

The Guild, League, whatever.
It's ancient history.

I'll show you how
ancient of history it is!

Wait, wait, wait!

There's no use crying
over spilt Coke, buddy.

The lady made her choice and we're
all just gonna have to move on.

Well, I ain't moving, buddy.

You wanna fight me for her?

Was that not clear?

Was that not clear?

I don't know.

Now, why on earth
would you want to do that?

Because I'm in love with her.

Aw! I think this
deserves a song.

Kimberly!

We are Sex Bob-Omb.

We are here to make money
and sell out and stuff.

One, two, three, four!

Your club sucks,
by the way.

Well, if my cathedral of
cutting-edge taste holds no interest

for your tragically
Canadian sensibilities,

then I shall be forced to grant
you a swift exit from the premises.

And a fast entrance
into hell!

Scott!

Knives?

That's priceless.

You'll pay for
what you did to him.

Listen, Kung Pao Chicken,

your old, old boyfriend
brought this all on himself.

He was warned plenty of
times, but did he listen? No.

I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to her!

What?

You broke the heart
that broke mine.

Get ready to Chau down!

You're kidding, right?

Wow!

I mean, you can't say I don't
know how to put on a show, right?

That's incredible.

What the hell is your deal?

You stole him!

Stole him!

I don't know what
you're talking about.

You liar! Liar!

I didn't steal your boyfriend!
I didn't steal Scott!

I didn't steal anyone!

You steal
my boyfriend!

Wait! Wait!

Can we please stop all this
fighting? Nobody stole anybody.

Knives, I dated you
and then I dated Ramona, okay?

Maybe I forgot to tell
Knives right away.

You cheated on me, Scott?

You cheated on both of us?

You cheated on me
with Knives?

No,

I cheated on Knives
with you.

Is there a difference?

You weren't wronged?

Right?

Game over.

Scotty,

you can cheat on these
ladies all you like.

But you can't cheat

death.

Oh, man.

Sorry.
Dying's got to suck.

You know what sucks?
Getting killed by that guy.

Why him?

It's complicated.

Well, I'm not going anywhere,

so now might be
a good time to get into it.

Truth is, it was me
who was obsessed.

I was crazy about him.
But he ignored me.

I was more alone when we were
together than I ever was on my own.

That's why I had to leave.

And that's when
he started paying attention.

So, why go back?

I can't help myself
around him, Scott,

he just has this way of
getting into my head.

Well, that's
legitimately disappointing.

I really will leave
you alone forever now.

No, he literally has a way
of getting into my head.

That is evil.

I didn't mean for you to
get dragged into this, Scott.

I just wanted
something simple.

I'm sorry
it had to end this way.

Well, I really
fought for you.

Maybe I'm not the one you
should have been fighting for.

What? Wait.

But I feel like
I learned something.

Which would be great
if I wasn't dead.

So alone.

You're not alone.

Right!

Your hair looks stupid.

Second password?

Yeah, I saw it.

It's just the comic book
is better than the movie.

No fun

Scott! Let it go.

Don't worry,
I know what I'm doing.

Stephen,
the new lineup rocks.

You guys sound
way better without me.

Young Neil,
you have learned well.

From this point forward
you will be known as "Neil. "

And, Kim,

I'm sorry about everything.

I'm sorry about me.

Scott Pilgrim!
Hey, buddy!

Save it! You're
pretentious! This club sucks!

I've got beef.
Let's do it.

Wait, wait, wait!

You want to
fight me for her?

No.

I want to fight you for me.

Um...
Kim!

We are Sex Bob-Omb
and we are here to watch

Scott Pilgrim
kick your teeth in!

One! Two! Three! Four!

How's it going back there?

You dick!

Knives?

I know you're in here.
Don't attack...

Scott!

Steal my boyfriend!

Taste my steel!

Enough!

No, Scott.

This fat-ass hurt me
and I will have my revenge!

No, Knives, I hurt you.
I cheated on you.

I cheated on both of you.

I'm really sorry.

And you're not a fat-ass.

She didn't mean that.

So, are we all good?

Never felt better.

Yoo-hoo!

Are we done with
the hugging and learning?

I thought we had
a fight going on here!

You've got a fight,
all right!

Wrong move, baby.

Hey.

You made me
swallow my gum.

It's gonna be in my digestive
tract for seven years.

Yeah, still my girl.

Let's both be girls.

Bad! Bad!

What?

Get ready!

Here we go!

Good! Good! Good!

Combo!

Perfect!

Who do you
think you are, Pilgrim?

You think you're
better than me?

I'll tell you what you are.

A pain in my ass!

You know
how long it took

to get all the evil exes'
contact information

so I could form
this stupid league?

Like, two hours!
Two hours!

You're not cool
enough for Ramona.

You're zero!
You're nothing!

Me? I'm what's hip.

I'm what's happening!

I'm blowing up right now!

You are blowing up.

Right now!

K-O!

Wow!

Yeah, wow.

There goes our deal!

We're still
getting paid, right?

There goes our deal.

Oh! Oh, God!

You two make
a good combo.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Scott Pilgrim.

You can defeat me, Scott,

but can you defeat yourself?

Uh-oh!

Nega Scott.

Nega Scott!

No.

This is something
I have to face.

Myself.

Solo round!

They have this incredible
French toast with bananas on it

and you get bacon
on the side.

I'm liking that.

Let's do it next week.
Yeah, Tuesday.

Yeah, all right. Be good.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey.

What happened?

Nothing, we just shot the shit.
He's just a really nice guy.

We're gonna get
brunch next week.

We actually have
a lot in common.

Your hair,
it's getting really shaggy.

It is?
Yeah.

You should probably
get it cut.

Yeah, you're right.

I should get it cut.

At a salon.

Salon, yeah.
That sounds really nice.

Hey.

You're going?

I should probably disappear.

After all that?

I still need a new life.

I came here to escape, but
the past keeps catching up.

I'm tired of people
getting hurt because of me.

I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna get over it.

I don't mean just you.

I understand.

I should thank you, though.

For what?

For being the nicest guy
I ever dated.

That's kind of sad.

It is kind of sad.

Bye, and stuff.

Yeah. And stuff.

Go, get her.

What?

You've been fighting
for her all along.

But what about you?

I'll be fine.

I'm too cool
for you anyway.

Ciao, Knives.

Go.

Hey.

Hey, mind if I tag along?

You want to come with me?

Yeah, I thought
maybe we could try again.

Continue?
Nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two, one.