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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:18,853 ♪ 2 00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,688 Hey, Hoyle! 3 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,223 Honey! 4 00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,824 Is that the new lemon sarsaparilla soda? 5 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:27,928 Yeah, Mr. Cartwright was just doing a new... 6 00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:31,732 What's wrong? 7 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,201 Myra? 8 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,303 Hoy? 9 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:42,443 ♪ 10 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,845 Quick Draw 11 00:00:47,982 --> 00:00:50,317 Hoyle! Hoyle! 12 00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:51,886 Hoyle, wake up. 13 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,255 Come on, giddy up. 14 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,523 What happened? 15 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:56,590 I don't know, it's like you 16 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,659 caught the vapors or something. 17 00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,194 Like a girl, you know, it was like you were-- 18 00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,428 What do you mean "like a girl"? 19 00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:02,797 Like a girl on her debutante night 20 00:01:02,797 --> 00:01:04,231 or something. 21 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,466 I think men can have the vapors. 22 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,967 Well, how you feeling, little lady? 23 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:12,706 Oh, I think I saw an apparition. 24 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:16,477 I saw my wife, my deceased wife, Myra. 25 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,946 Clear as day right over your shoulder. 26 00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:21,248 Your dead wife appeared behind me? 27 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,284 Yes! She looked straight into my soul 28 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:26,220 and she said, "Hoy..." 29 00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,621 Hoy, like a-hoy? 30 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:28,823 We were married two years, 31 00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:30,457 she never could pronounce my last name. 32 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:31,492 Okay, okay. 33 00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:32,726 This is not good. 34 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:33,861 I think you are losing your mind. 35 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:34,862 I'm telling you, Honey, 36 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,463 I think it's a sign. 37 00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:39,500 I think somehow she came back 38 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,901 from beyond the universe 39 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:45,906 to say, "It's okay, Hoy, it's okay. 40 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,508 You can move on." 41 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,809 That's what you think? 42 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,778 I am hereby 43 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,581 with every fiber of my bone, 44 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:56,550 all of my sinew, everything, 45 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,919 the marrow, inside of my bone, 46 00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,354 if I could take it out 47 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,889 and pour it into a shot glass 48 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,258 and offer it to you as a drink, 49 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:07,528 you would know that every part of me 50 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,998 is asking you for the last time... 51 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:13,334 Honey Shaw... 52 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:17,004 will you marry me? 53 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,240 I will think about it. 54 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,975 ♪ 55 00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,676 All right! 56 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,945 ♪ 57 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:28,349 Oh, yeah! 58 00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:29,884 Wanda, don't you have an appointment? 59 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,318 Oh, I just did. 60 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,519 That one was real quick. 61 00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,355 Just, woo, in and out. 62 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,389 Why don't we all get a room 63 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,891 together, you guys? 64 00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:39,526 Um, get us a room and we'll meet you inside. 65 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:40,861 All right, I'll just... 66 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,930 Yup, all right, yup. 67 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,565 -See you up there. -See you guys in a bit. 68 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,567 Okay. 69 00:02:46,567 --> 00:03:03,717 ♪ 70 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:07,254 -Hi Hoy. -Myra? 71 00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:18,465 ♪ 72 00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:21,735 Still drink the same. 73 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:23,737 I must be going crazy. 74 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,905 Well... 75 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,907 You're dead! 76 00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,375 'Cause I saw you. 77 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,677 I know. 78 00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,545 How is it true? 79 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,481 Myra, or should I say "Belle"? 80 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:36,750 You never told me about your past. 81 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,786 Myra is my birth name. 82 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,621 I didn't lie to you about that. 83 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,490 Your daughter, Pearl, lives here. 84 00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:44,858 I met her. 85 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,760 Ooh, okay. 86 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,529 Ooh. 87 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,765 I have a little bit of a cold. 88 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,835 -Okay. -What happened? 89 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,403 I didn't mean to deceive you, 90 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,638 as you probably have read 91 00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,273 in my dime novels. 92 00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:01,508 I had a little bit of a rough upbringing, 93 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:04,878 but I served my time, Sheriff, 94 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,780 and I moved to Cambridge, 95 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,382 to start clean! 96 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,717 I didn't want to be an outlaw forever. 97 00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:11,585 That's no kind of life for a lady. 98 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,220 Well... 99 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,488 my past caught up with me. 100 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,923 But how did you die, Myra? 101 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,458 How did you die! 102 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:18,525 Or not die? 103 00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:19,793 What happened? 104 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,662 Okay, it was that rainy night in Cambridge. 105 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:22,730 I'll never forget. 106 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,598 In that boarding house. 107 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,903 I got your chamomile tea 108 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,806 so you can rest up, not be up all night 109 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:35,642 with the night terrors. 110 00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:37,444 -Myra... -Yes. 111 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,579 What am I not holding? 112 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:39,613 A baby? 113 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,748 No, not a baby! 114 00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:41,782 -A map! -No! 115 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,250 -A burglar! -No! 116 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,185 -France. -It rhymes with binger baps. 117 00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,654 -Uh, cinder blaps. -No! 118 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,691 I eat it every night before I go to bed! 119 00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,593 -Ginger snaps! -Yes! Yes! 120 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:55,662 -I won! -No, you lost, Myra! 121 00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,464 I need to eat my ginger snaps 122 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,666 so that I can calm down and... 123 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,969 I want my ginger snaps! 124 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,670 Ginger snaps! 125 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:04,938 I want my ginger snaps! 126 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,007 I never, ever acted like that. 127 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,609 -Not once. -Really? 128 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,277 And yes, I do like ginger snaps, 129 00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,445 but I don't go act like 130 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,713 a little baby for it. 131 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:16,383 I just was looking for ginger snaps. 132 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,318 We're out of ginger snaps again. 133 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,686 No. 134 00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:21,355 It's my fault, I should've 135 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,790 gotten some earlier this week. 136 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,291 I was right over there. 137 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,459 Ugh, you know what, 138 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,794 just so I don't have to hear it, 139 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,295 I will be more than happy... 140 00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,696 please let me go get your ginger snaps. 141 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:31,765 I will not let a woman 142 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:34,001 go by herself alone. 143 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,602 I will do it. 144 00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:37,471 This never happened. 145 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,605 Yes, it did, that's exactly 146 00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,007 how it happened. 147 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,341 Okay, maybe sometimes you went to go get it, 148 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,509 but on this night, 149 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,978 I was not going to let you go. 150 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,381 -Okay. -You ordered me to stay. 151 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,782 Fine, okay. 152 00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:49,983 You better stay! 153 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,552 You are gonna stay right here 154 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,787 and I'm gonna go get your ginger snaps. 155 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,390 Myra, I am not comfortable with this. 156 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:57,591 Are you gonna let me tell the story or not? 157 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,926 This is my story! 158 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,394 Fine. 159 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:01,962 So, I go downstairs, 160 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:04,765 and that's when I run into Widow Shumway. 161 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,200 Evening, Widow Shumway. 162 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,501 Oh, Myra, hello. 163 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,902 What a nasty night! 164 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,505 Yes, but I am game, I'm going out there. 165 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,873 I'm going to Wilbur's, to the General Store. 166 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:13,807 I'm going to the General Store. 167 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,309 -Are you? -Yes. 168 00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:16,443 As you can hear, Hoy's very upset. 169 00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:17,711 He's out of ginger snaps. 170 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,279 Oh, I'm happy to pick them up for you. 171 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,814 -Oh, are you sure? -Yes! 172 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,483 At least take my warm 173 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,218 velveteen cloak that Hoy bought. 174 00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,252 That's lovely of you. 175 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:26,520 There you go. 176 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,688 I gave her that beautiful velveteen 177 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:29,223 cloak that you gave me, 178 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,358 and she headed out the door. 179 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:34,828 ♪ 180 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,697 I heard two shots. 181 00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:38,532 I looked outside, 182 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:41,235 out of nowhere just this devil carriage 183 00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,604 just ran over Widow Shumway's skull. 184 00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:46,640 It was just this horrible crushing sound. 185 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,842 I saw Cole Younger. 186 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,310 So I did some quick thinking. 187 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,946 I knew that no one would recognize her. 188 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,682 And that is when I knew... 189 00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:56,917 I had to fake my own death 190 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,552 and just get outta there. 191 00:06:58,552 --> 00:06:59,887 I have just been living for years 192 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,421 in the shadows. 193 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,990 I heard a rumor that a great sheriff 194 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,958 wounded Cole Younger to the point 195 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,393 that he was almost dead, 196 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:08,729 and that's when I saw... 197 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,731 you're the sheriff. 198 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,366 Myra! 199 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:15,502 ♪ 200 00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:16,770 Hoyle, I'm sorry I am late. 201 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,573 I was thinking about your proposal... 202 00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:21,575 Who the hell is this? 203 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:24,945 My dead wife. 204 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:28,549 This is... 205 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,951 my eight o'clock fornication appointment 206 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,755 and possible fiancée. 207 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,657 ♪ 208 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,592 Quick Draw 209 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,964 ♪ 210 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:48,435 Now, this looks delicious! 211 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:51,572 What a feast! 212 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,407 No appetite, Ms. Pearl? 213 00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:55,909 -No. -You always ate like a bird. 214 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,711 Well, this is fun! 215 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,613 Meeting all of Hoy's friends. 216 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,582 Thank you for having this for me, Hoy. 217 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:04,384 Well, Belle, it is my pleasure, 218 00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:07,387 and I do wanna say that I did wash my hands 219 00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,256 before making the greens this time. 220 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,757 That's good news. 221 00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,259 'Cause I don't know about any of you guys, 222 00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:13,560 but I had the backdoor trots 223 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:14,861 for like a week. 224 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,230 Just pew! 225 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,631 And may I say, Ms. Starr, 226 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,299 it's just an honor to have you here. 227 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,535 I have spent a fair time 228 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:22,970 with some corpses, you know. 229 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,471 I do. 230 00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:25,672 And you are by far the most attractive. 231 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,907 Oh, thank you! 232 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,775 That is so kind, thank you Shank. 233 00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,711 So, where have you been for two years? 234 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,779 You know, you "die" 235 00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:35,315 and then now you just show up? 236 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,750 I'm sorry, but Cole Younger 237 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:37,884 was after your mother. 238 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,453 You want her to come and get killed? 239 00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:41,288 So, let me get this straight, Belle. 240 00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:42,489 Mm-hmm. 241 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,358 You faked your own death... 242 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:45,359 That's right. 243 00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:46,660 ...you left your husband 244 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,495 and ran off with Sam Starr? 245 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,497 Well, let's just say when Hoy and I were together, 246 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,965 he was more of an intellectual. 247 00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,567 I needed some man power, 248 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,669 and there might not be a lot of love 249 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,204 between Sam Starr and I, 250 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,805 but we do share one thing in common, 251 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,808 a deep, deep hatred for Cole Younger. 252 00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:02,943 So, we've been hunting him down 253 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,478 for all these years, 254 00:09:04,478 --> 00:09:06,313 and we finally heard he was dying in jail. 255 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,614 Yup, he's in there right now 256 00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:08,782 suffering from wounds. 257 00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,350 But, it doesn't look good. 258 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,985 There's some weird viscous white stuff 259 00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,353 coming out of his ears. 260 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,621 You know what? 261 00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,723 I'm not buying any of your story. 262 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,292 And I don't even think you're still 263 00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:20,460 married to Hoyle, because you're dead. 264 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,596 I married him as Myra Maybelle Shirley, 265 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,930 and we are in love. 266 00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:25,532 I'm just glad I'm back in town. 267 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:27,234 Clearly, he'd gotten a little bit touched 268 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,368 while I'm gone if he would 269 00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,836 spend his time with a whore. 270 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,472 He got a lot touched by this whore, 271 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:33,607 he loved it, 272 00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,208 and he was getting ready to marry me. 273 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,376 Oh, I'd like to see that. 274 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,744 That would be just a laugh riot. 275 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:40,547 Stick around in town and you'll see it. 276 00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,416 Okay, okay, okay. 277 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,717 Ladies, all right. 278 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,719 All right, all right, just a minute. 279 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:52,392 ♪ 280 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,760 Let's okay... 281 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,295 This, no. 282 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,596 No, please. 283 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,798 Belle, please, I beg of you. 284 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,633 Oh my God. 285 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:00,634 Get out of the way, Hoyle. 286 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:01,902 Get out of the way, Hoyle. 287 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,337 You see this blade? 288 00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:04,571 You are gonna sit on it, 289 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,440 slide down it, and spin around 290 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,841 three times 291 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,409 until your vagine looks like 292 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,311 an alligator jaw. 293 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,479 You're like the chupacabra 294 00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,647 on your underpants. 295 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,215 Huh, what's a chupacabra? 296 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,350 It's a mythical beast. 297 00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:17,451 It's kind of half goat 298 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,819 and a vampire in Mexico. 299 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,620 -So it's bad? -Yeah. 300 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,922 Stay low. 301 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,357 Thrust, parry. 302 00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:24,524 Thrust, parry. 303 00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,692 I got a gun, 304 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:26,860 you want me to shoot someone? 305 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,295 Who are you gonna shoot, Eli? 306 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,529 Which woman that I love 307 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:30,731 are you gonna kill? 308 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:31,998 Kick her in the cooter! 309 00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:34,468 Boot to the coot! Boot to the coot! 310 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:35,669 Come on, Honey! 311 00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:36,937 Get her in the face! 312 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,605 Tee out, this is between mother and daughter. 313 00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,374 Really? Your own mother? 314 00:10:40,374 --> 00:10:41,608 Yes, my own mother. 315 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:42,976 Oh, I'm getting you next, girl. 316 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,644 Come on! 317 00:10:44,644 --> 00:11:02,763 ♪ 318 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:03,964 Honey, it's over! 319 00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,732 It's over! It's over! 320 00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,401 It's over! 321 00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:10,303 That's it, thank you for coming, everyone! 322 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,539 ♪ 323 00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:14,608 Feel free to take some pork home with you. 324 00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:17,944 It's over, thank you. 325 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:20,447 Saloon 326 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:26,453 ♪ 327 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,621 Hoyle. 328 00:11:27,621 --> 00:11:29,356 Hey! 329 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,792 ♪ 330 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:35,328 I almost thought you weren't gonna come. 331 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,596 Hey, listen, I'm really sorry 332 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,465 about what happened at your party, 333 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,267 but I just wanted you to know 334 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,468 that she started it, 335 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,937 and I was simply reacting in the moment. 336 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,472 And you know, I-- 337 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,007 I just start seeing red. 338 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,341 -Yeah. -You know? 339 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:49,443 I know you. 340 00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:51,311 I brought your woman thing 341 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,612 that she cut off your-- 342 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,347 Thank you for returning that to me. 343 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,416 Maybe you could sew that onto my skirt 344 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,219 after I give you a thank you freebie 345 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,288 for being so understanding 346 00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,523 about my bad party behavior. 347 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,693 Well, there's something I gotta tell you, Honey. 348 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:09,362 Honey, Belle doesn't want me to continue 349 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,598 our eight o'clock fornications, 350 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:16,503 and more importantly, everything else. 351 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:17,637 Are you really buying 352 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,939 what she's selling, Hoyle? 353 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,775 I have no reason to doubt her! 354 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,176 And more importantly, 355 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,578 and this trumps everything, 356 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:25,912 she's my wife, Honey. 357 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,215 Well, I almost was your wife. 358 00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:31,518 I know, I wish you'd said yes. 359 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,720 Okay, okay. 360 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,889 Well, that... 361 00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:39,326 I guess we have really run our course. 362 00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:41,261 Bye, Honey. 363 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,529 Don't let the door hit you in your ass 364 00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:45,499 on the way out. 365 00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:46,800 Oh, and can you do me a favor? 366 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,401 Can you walk downstairs 367 00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,270 and see if you see Earl 368 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,272 and tell him that I'll be ready early? 369 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,875 ♪ 370 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,810 Okay. 371 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,318 Quick Draw 372 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,390 ♪ 373 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,591 Clay Tidwell! 374 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,660 Please meet Belle Starr, my dead wife. 375 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,429 Belle Starr, please meet Clay Tidwell, 376 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,331 the town homosexual and school teacher. 377 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,733 Oooh! 378 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,635 Homosexuals love me. 379 00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:23,303 What can I do for you, Sheriff? 380 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,639 We need Clay Tidwell, the lawyer. 381 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,740 We have a legal question. 382 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,375 Well, I don't do that anymore. 383 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,443 So, good day, I'm sorry to disappoint you. 384 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,445 Clay, I hate to impose, 385 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,781 but you wouldn't be here 386 00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:36,917 if I didn't testify upon your behalf. 387 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,718 Because after you pulled a gun 388 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,187 and fired upon a law man, 389 00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,590 I think you might owe me a favor or two. 390 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,724 You have one favor. 391 00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:47,360 Sit down, what do you want? 392 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:51,231 Until recently, I thought my wife was dead. 393 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,233 Now she's alive. 394 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,936 Are we still married? 395 00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,337 This is definitely her? 396 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,605 Absolutely. 397 00:13:58,605 --> 00:13:59,906 She has a series of moles 398 00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,474 in a certain constellation. 399 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,610 -Which one? -Sagittarius. 400 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,711 It's right above her right buttock. 401 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,379 I was born in December. 402 00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:09,883 She also has a birthmark of Ireland. 403 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,651 When he stretches it just right, 404 00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:12,852 it...it's amazing, 405 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,321 you could dock a ship using it. 406 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,289 I'm gonna give you an answer now. 407 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,224 She was never dead, she's always been alive, 408 00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:19,292 you never ended the marriage, 409 00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,393 you're still married. 410 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,828 Ohh! 411 00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:24,764 ♪ 412 00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,367 I know that bitch is up to something. 413 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:28,602 You follow her to Hoyle's. 414 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:30,370 I was on her like a... 415 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,006 like a raccoon on... 416 00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,641 on its prey. 417 00:14:34,641 --> 00:14:36,376 Wanders around town. 418 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,411 She doesn't know you, she's gonna know you. 419 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:39,879 She's pretty neat. 420 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,314 She's pretty neat. 421 00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,216 Why are you being so nice to her? 422 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,418 Listen, you just don't blame me 423 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,954 because she came in like a hawk 424 00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,889 and swooped your man up. 425 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,391 You blew it. 426 00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,293 It was the first bad blow 427 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,695 you've ever given. 428 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,797 There is some other complications. 429 00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:00,233 We have yet to consummate the marriage. 430 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,501 Well, that's because I don't wanna 431 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:04,838 be anywhere near a man's nether carriage 432 00:15:04,838 --> 00:15:07,307 that has been ridden by the town whore. 433 00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,541 Case closed. 434 00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:11,645 Well, Honey's vagina is clean. 435 00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:12,946 It's pristine. 436 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,748 You could get two eggs, 437 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:16,216 cook 'em sunny side up, 438 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,351 place the cooler side, the top side 439 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:19,552 on the vagina. 440 00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:20,553 You mean the yolk side? 441 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:21,988 Yeah, the yolk side. 442 00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,423 It'll break the yolk, and then immediately 443 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,924 get down there and slurp it all up 444 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,327 before it runs into the crevices and everything. 445 00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,762 Really had a clear mental picture-- 446 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,563 You could take two pieces of bacon 447 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:31,965 and stick them to her nipples... 448 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,867 -Uh-huh. -So that you could 449 00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,335 turn her into sort of 450 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,670 a breakfast buffet. 451 00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:37,871 Oh, okay. 452 00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:39,239 You know what, you're right! 453 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,507 You're so right, Wanda. 454 00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:42,509 Like, I screwed this up. 455 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,644 I just kinda always thought he would 456 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,312 be hanging around me. 457 00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:48,415 Honey, why don't you get an ale for myself 458 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,216 and a whisky skin for Ashbul. 459 00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,384 Vernon, I don't have time for you. 460 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,887 -Take care of yourself! -Yeah! 461 00:15:53,887 --> 00:15:55,922 You know, there were other problems 462 00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:57,957 that ricocheted off this. 463 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,493 Some damages in the mother and daughter 464 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,328 relationship. 465 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:04,898 And that's why I've invited Pearl. 466 00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:06,366 I thought that we should air out 467 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:07,801 some differences because if-- 468 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:10,737 if I'm gonna be an effective step-father, 469 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,806 I need the communication to flow right threw me. 470 00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,374 In one ear and out the other, 471 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,476 and back and forth, like an ear wig. 472 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,678 Was nothing of suspect that you saw 473 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:19,946 this woman do? 474 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,848 No, I mean, nothing really. 475 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,316 She would write stuff in this 476 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,584 little book every now and then, 477 00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,553 but like, other than that... 478 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:27,921 Hold up, what do you mean 479 00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:30,256 she'd write stuff in a book? 480 00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,358 She just had this little book 481 00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:33,626 she carried around 482 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,195 whenever, like, something struck her 483 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,464 she would write something in it. 484 00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:38,565 Like, something you keep private 485 00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:39,899 to yourself? 486 00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:42,736 Like some sort of depraved woman might do 487 00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:45,238 if she had some sort of evil master plan. 488 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,773 Yeah, maybe. 489 00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:47,907 Honey! 490 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,542 Getting mighty parched. 491 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:51,845 Shank, mighty private convo. 492 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,680 Let the men talk! 493 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,582 Why are we talking about my problems 494 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:56,950 when clearly, the problems are on 495 00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:58,551 the other side over here. 496 00:16:58,551 --> 00:16:59,686 You need me around. 497 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:00,787 I'm gone for two years 498 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:01,921 and you marry the dumbest 499 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,356 bag of rocks in the west! 500 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,491 He doesn't have to talk. 501 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,558 He's a man! 502 00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:06,793 It's a good point. 503 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:09,763 But he does have sublime buttocks. 504 00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,464 He could take two carrots 505 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,932 and put one under each buttock 506 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,534 and walk around and they'll stay put 507 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,935 right under those. 508 00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,303 I would like to see that. 509 00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,705 Me too. 510 00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,874 What about we take that key that I have 511 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,642 to Hoyle's and let ourselves in, 512 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,811 and take a little gander... 513 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,446 at that little private book. 514 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,680 That's... 515 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:28,915 I would be game for that. 516 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,250 If it would make it any easier, 517 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,417 I could get it myself. 518 00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:32,585 I could just... 519 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,887 Ahhh! 520 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,421 Shut up, woman! 521 00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,791 It's us time! 522 00:17:37,791 --> 00:17:41,494 -Cheers. -Cheers. 523 00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:42,929 Let's go. 524 00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:46,199 I just feel like at this point, 525 00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,334 if we can't find any carrots in town, 526 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:49,836 then my apologies, 527 00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,604 but I'm not sure why he's here. 528 00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,273 -Whoa! -Whoa! 529 00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,575 (arguing) 530 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,210 You're married to me! 531 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,678 I agree with her. 532 00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:00,180 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, 533 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,415 stop, stop, stop, stop! 534 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,651 Congratulations, you're a normal family. 535 00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,419 ♪ 536 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,655 -Yay! -Thank you, Cole. 537 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:09,989 Would you mind if we had 538 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,958 just a session just the two of us. 539 00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,293 I would mind, yes. 540 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,627 I have some mother issues. 541 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:18,298 ♪ 542 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,465 Hoyle! 543 00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,401 Caw-caw! 544 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,369 Hoo-hoo! 545 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:24,671 -Okay, we're all clear. -Go. 546 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,340 -Get off my skirt. -Sorry. 547 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:29,609 All right, we're looking for a journal. 548 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,578 Nice place. 549 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,580 Look at all this stuff. 550 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,615 -Honey. -What? 551 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,584 What is this? 552 00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,285 Oh, that's a shuttlecock. 553 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,587 Who's cock? 554 00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,255 Stop looking at the sporting equipment 555 00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,524 and look for a diary. 556 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,892 Oh, this is probably 557 00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:47,760 take you on a nice ride. 558 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,629 I'm looking upstairs. 559 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,798 ♪ 560 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:55,501 Oh, he's got a hamster. 561 00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,604 Oh, hello! 562 00:18:57,604 --> 00:19:00,740 Oh, aren't you cute! 563 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,308 Oh! 564 00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,710 Tinkerbelle. 565 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:04,911 Ow! 566 00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,946 What happened? 567 00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,448 I stubbed my toe. 568 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,582 You shit! 569 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:10,850 You think you're so cute! 570 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,485 I got it, Wanda! 571 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,188 -Get it? -I got it. 572 00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,256 Oh shit. 573 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,891 Time for reading hour. 574 00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:19,459 Here we go. 575 00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:22,462 I'm on fire today. 576 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,598 Tell me your secrets, Belle Starr. 577 00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,868 Oh, "In the bar I told Hoyle..." 578 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:34,841 ♪ 579 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,343 Honey, what the heck are you doing? 580 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,778 Um... 581 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,880 I came to feed Tinkerbelle. 582 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,883 Quick Draw 583 00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,188 It's my diary. 584 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,556 Honey, why don't you just go through 585 00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,392 her intimates drawer and put 'em on your head 586 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,793 and parade 'em around town, 587 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:54,727 'cause that's what you're doing 588 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:55,962 by reading her diary. 589 00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,664 Yeah, you could do that real good! 590 00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:58,932 What, would you like a replay 591 00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:00,366 of the other day? 592 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,601 Ladies, ladies! 593 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,303 Hold on! Quiet! 594 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:04,570 Stop it! 595 00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:07,707 Stop it, stop it, stop it! 596 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,510 My God, look at you! 597 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,945 My whorish girlfriend 598 00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:13,379 and my dead wife 599 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,381 going at each other like coyotes. 600 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:16,716 Stop it! 601 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,418 I'm doing this to protect you, Hoyle. 602 00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:19,752 I know that you're up to no good, 603 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:20,887 Belle Starr. 604 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:21,955 I see the way her eyes dart 605 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,589 left, right, left. 606 00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:27,193 And I am gonna expose you to Hoyle! 607 00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:29,329 Honey, stop, stop that. 608 00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:31,197 "My dreams have come true." 609 00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:32,565 Ding, ding, ding. 610 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,834 "Now that I have been reunited 611 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,536 with the love of my life." 612 00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:37,637 That's sweet. 613 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,905 Okay. 614 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,307 "John Henry is back in my arms again 615 00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:43,476 and while I know I don't deserve it..." 616 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:44,811 Mm-hmm. 617 00:20:44,811 --> 00:20:47,313 "...after all I've put this man through..." 618 00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:48,581 Mm-hmm. 619 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,249 "I don't care. 620 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,453 I will enjoy his kind caress 621 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,521 and the company of his dear friends 622 00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:58,591 as I attempt to make Great Bend my home." 623 00:20:58,591 --> 00:20:59,859 That's you, Wanda. 624 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,728 "I love the people here. 625 00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:04,564 In particular, the charming Wanda 626 00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,366 from the Saloon who seems to be 627 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,468 everywhere that I go." 628 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:09,969 I had so much fun with you. 629 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:12,472 I did too, thank you. 630 00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:23,249 Well, I guess that solves that case. 631 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:28,521 I have appointments to get to. 632 00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:30,390 So, pardon me. 633 00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:55,848 ♪ 634 00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:57,550 Hi, Sam Starr. 635 00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,252 Hi, Belle Starr! 636 00:21:59,252 --> 00:22:00,720 Oh baby! 637 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:04,424 ♪ 638 00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:05,892 I brought you a present! 639 00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:07,427 What you got for me? 640 00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:09,529 I snuck into the records office. 641 00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:11,531 I got a map of Great Bend! 642 00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:14,300 Ooh, you're gonna like this! 643 00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,502 You're doomed Great Bend! 644 00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:18,971 You are doomed, Great Bend! 645 00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:21,774 To be continued... 646 00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:23,476 ♪ 647 00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:25,645 Quick Draw 648 00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,613 Hey gang! 41613

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