All language subtitles for Harley Quinn - S02 E08 - Inner (Para) Demons (1080p - DCU Web-DL)

Mr. President, Jim Gordon,

aka Gotham PD
Commissioner, aka the Commish,

but you can call me Gordo.

Sir, Gotham City
is finally ready to...

[secretary] Please
hold for the President.

Ah!

Sorry, I thought you
were the President.

- No, I'm his secretary.
- Well, yes.

Now that you say it,

it makes sense that the President
wouldn't answer his own phone.

Just that I don't often
hear of a male secretary.

- This is the President.
- Sir, I, on my own,

with no help from
others, definitely

singlehandedly took
out the Injustice League.

Gotham City is ready to
rejoin the United States.

Gordo... Can I call you that?

I'd prefer that.

Gordo, according to my intel, there's
still one supervillain who is running amok.

Harley Quinn.

Uh... she's nothing but
a polyp up my bunghole.

Irritating? Sure.

Uncomfortable? Absolutely.

Horrifying to sexual partners and
often times a deal breaker? Definitely.

But nothing that a doctor-prescribed
cream can't take care of.

- [camera shutter clicks]
- That is...

a lot of specific knowledge
about anal polyps.

You're talking to an expert.

Look, Gordo, Harley Quinn
caused the downfall of Gotham.

She's a menace.

She strikes fear into the
heart of the public psyche.

If she's still out there,
Gotham isn't safe.

Take care of Harley Quinn and
I'll put Gotham back on the map.

I'm coming for you, Quinn.

[theme music playing]

Harls, if we're going to talk
about it, let's just talk about it.

I mean, pssh, if you want
to, I guess I could. Yeah.

That was... crazy, right?

[chuckles] So, crazy.

I've been thinking a
lot, and I think it was...

An impetuous, spur
of the moment thing.

- You know?
- Yes.

It was the adrenaline
of escaping, you know.

I just think it
went to our heads.

- Hundred percent.
- We weren't really thinking.

- You know?
- It's so weird and uncanny

how you just said
everything I was going to say.

I think we just chalk it
up to a crazy moment

where something crazy happened.

You know what I
mean? I mean, that's it.

Totally. Totally! It was so me!

It was Harley Quinn,
always doing crazy things!

Always being impetuous! Hey!

Always kissing people!

- Muah!
- Ugh!

Disgusting! You're not my type.

Harley, are you
sure you're cool, or...

Yes. I swear to you. I'm
cool. I'm just... We are cool.

Ugh, great! I'm just glad
we're on the same page.

I mean, I'm getting
married to Kite Man soon.

- You know, so I gotta focus on that.
- Obvs!

Yeah, I'm super busy, too.

I'm like planning my next
move. So many moves. All...

Almost too many moves.

Wow, look at that. I'm actually
late to a move planning meeting.

Oh, this is so good.

Harley, I'm just glad
we talked about this.

And I would never want anything to
mess up our friendship, you know?

Yes, totally. Yeah,
especially not over some kiss

that, you know, didn't
even mean anything.

[chuckles awkwardly] So,
are you gonna tell Kite Man?

[Kite Man] How could
you do this to me?

Babe, I'm so sorry.

Look, I meant to call for a
reservation and stuff came up.

I said I'm sorry.

Sorry doesn't get us a table at Senor
Mexico's authentic Mexican adobe house,

which is my parents' favorite
brunch spot in all of Gotham.

[object clatters]

-Babe, you all right?
-Yes. I'm... I'm just... It's...

I've got a lot on
my mind right now.

Hey. I'm sorry for putting
so much pressure on you.

It's just the first time
they're meeting you,

and I want them to
love you as much as I do,

because, no pressure,
if they don't love you

they won't approve
of the wedding,

and then they won't
come to the wedding!

Honey, I will make
sure that they love me.

Because parents always love me.

I mean, not my parents
or any other parents.

But the point is for
your parents? Ah!

I'm gonna just blow them away.

God, I love you.

Okay. So, as we all
know, I'm super busy,

I'm a crazy busy,
busiest I've ever been.

The question is, what
am I super busy with?

What's next?

I thought we were gonna
chill out and have fun

after we took the
Injustice League out?

Oh, yeah. We're gonna have fun.

As I become the world's
most feared supervillain!

That's not you.

The gravitas just isn't there.

The gravitas is there!

Harley, first I want to
apologize for these pussies!

I, for one, welcome you
pushing the evil envelope.

This is what I've dreamed of.

If you want to do
some truly evil shit,

then I'm your guy!

What are your thoughts
on killing puppies?

- [both gasp]
- [bike revs]

Harley, I've come to
warn you about my...

- Wait, who are you?
- Um... Batgirl. Anyway...

All right. You know what?

As a community, we
should really get together

and start coming up
with more creative names.

This is bullshit.

Can I just say, I love the stitch
work on your costume, girl.

[laughs] I see you.

Aw, geez, thanks.

Why the hell are you here?

Gordon's coming
to take you down.

You are what stands in the way of
Gotham rejoining the United States.

And I've come here to warn you

because he thinks
you're a villain,

but I know that you're not.

What? I'm bad as hell.

Total villain over here!

Fuck, yeah!

That's the Harley
I've been waiting for.

Own it, girl!

You did kick the Legion
of Doom out of Gotham,

killed Joker, got rid
of the Injustice League.

Those were all heroic things.

This is what we
were just saying.

See? Batgirl gets it.

You want me to melt her mind?

I will melt her mind.

All I'm saying is lay low, and
hopefully this'll all blow over.

No time to lay low!

I was just telling Ivy how
I am a very busy person,

and that's what I am.

So I am going to lay
very high, thank you.

Harley, he won't
stop until he gets you.

You heard about what
he did to Two-Face,

and Two-Face had a
whole mess of goons.

So, what you're saying
is I need an army.

No, that's 100%
not what I was say...

- You tell Commissioner Gor-dumb...
- Nice!

That I am the
baddest bitch in town.

I'm Harley Quinn! I'm impetuous!

I kiss people at random!

- Muah!
- What's happening?

I am a supervillain, and
Gordon better sack up

and prepare for an all-out
war with me and my army.

- Thanks for the heads up.
- No, again,

- that was 100% not what I was saying...
- [door slams]

All right, listen. New plan.

We are gonna defeat Gordon.

We just need an evil army.

Anyone know how we
can get an evil army?

I am rock hard right now!

That's nasty.

Harley, what has
gotten into you?

Ever since you and Ivy emerged from
Bane's pit, you seem unlike yourself.

Yeah, you never said
anything about being a warlord.

Plus, where are we
going to get an army?

Especially since the
goons have unionized.

Nothing happened in the pit, and I
am absolutely being totally like myself.

And no one is getting in my way.

Not even Gordon.

You know what? I think I
know where we can get an army.

But it's some real
deal villain shit.

You got to get your hands
dirty. Are you down to do that?

Bitch, please. I am super down.

This is exactly
what I want to do.

I'm Harley Quinn. I'm impetuous!

I kiss people for no reason.

- Muah!
- [King Shark giggles]

Yeah, you've made that whole
kissing thing really clear, Harley.

Hey, sup. Uh, I don't
really care either way,

but what're the chances
you have a four top?

Four top is
restaurant speak for...

A table, for four
people. Thanks.

My little foodie.

Yeah, it's a
three-hour wait. Sorry.

[groans] Oh, boy!

Um, babe, those
people over there

that look like a country club
fucked a yacht club are waving at us.

Charles dear, over here!

Mother, Father, please meet
the love of my life, Pamela.

You didn't make a reservation.

- Mother, I am so sorry.
- Oh, God.

I had to have the credit card company
concierge read management the riot act

and we still got stuck
here with the hoi polloi.

Our usual booth was taken.

Oh. You know what? Let
me talk to the manager.

Good luck to her, I say.

[couple yell]

Well, look at that. A
booth just opened up.

Pam, I must say,
I like your style.

Well, shall we?

Senorita, can we
get four mimosas

and an order of your
mashed avocado? Gracias.

And if I don't escape my
shackles in five minutes,

I will plunge to my death!

Okay. Where's this
army you're promising?

Well, as you all know,

I have always had a huge
hard-on for world domination.

- Well, that's on brand.
- Just disgusting.

And there is truly only one
foolproof way I've found to get it.

That idiot in the
technicolor dreamcoat

has a device called
a "Mother Box"

that can create a "Boom Tube."

We take the Boom
Tube to Apokolips,

where Darkseid has a whole
shitload of amazing armies.

We kiss Darkseid's ring,

pledge fealty, blah blah blah,

he gives us an army
of flying monkey lizards,

and we take out
Gotham by supper.

Eff, yes!

I'm an eff maybe...

I find that plan to
have many holes.

How would one even
procure a Mother's Box?

[laughs] I am so glad you asked!

Get ready for a BAFTA,

because you're gonna
be playin' a drunk.

A modern Falstaff! Perfect.

Company!

Ah! Oh, villainous,
burp, company

hath been, burp,
the spoil of my...

Shut the fuck up!
I'm the director.

You stumble onstage
and distract security.

You just lost your BAFTA.

[groaning]

Then, while Miracle
is chained up,

I'm gonna go into his mind,

figure out where he
keeps the Mother Box and...

- Too late.
- Hey, you're not allowed onstage.

[audience screaming]

It was just in his
dressing room.

So, hold on to your barf bags!

We're going to Apokolips.

Ha!

There goes my new year's
resolution to not bite my nails

or jump into any
inter-dimensional portals.

[Dr. Psycho laughs]

Whee!

[cheering loudly]

So... So, then I said,
"Did anyone call for kelp?"

And then I wrapped
Aquaman up in...

Can you guess? Kelp.

You are a hoot!

Isn't she, Darryl?

Charles is one
lucky son of a gun.

- Hell yeah, I am.
- Charles! Language!

Well... But, it's kinda
like my catch phrase.

Well, then find a new one!

Yes, ma'am. If you'll excuse me,

I'm just gonna go wash my
hands before we chow down.

[whispers] I love you.

Our son getting married
was a shock in and of itself,

but to find out his fiancee
has actual super powers!

[both] Our grandkids are going
to have superpowers like us!

Oh, you... So you guys
have superpowers?

Oh, sure. I can harness
the power of cold,

and this one has
the old gift of flight.

So, you can imagine
how disappointed we were

when poor Charles
was born... powerless.

Well, he has his kite.

Ugh!

Pamela, we want the
best for our grandkids,

and that is them
having superpowers,

not pretending to have them.

And you're the
answer to our prayers.

Well... [sighs] Good.

[grunts and laughs]

This is gonna be the last
mustache you ever see, Quinn.

Wow, that is a lot of guns.

Or, not enough guns.

Dad, I don't think you
should go up against Harley.

Oh, that old saw.

[sarcastically] Because she's a
girl, and boys against girls is unfair.

Um, no.

Because rumor has it
she's going to have an army.

Thousands of people might die.

You might die.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I
see what you're saying.

Ugh! Thank you!

- I need an army!
- No!

That is 100% not
what I was saying...

Oh, frick!

[Gordon] Citizens of Gotham!

You're here today because
you answered the call.

We have an opportunity

to save our beloved Gotham City

and get back our rightful
place in the United States.

That means clean
water, fresh food,

and overpriced
Internet providers!

[all cheering]

But in order to do that,

we have to take down the
scourge that is Harley Quinn.

- Yes, Harley Quinn.
- [man] All right!

Wait, are you
cheering for Harley,

or cheering for
taking down Harley?

It's gotta be
taking down, right?

[crowd cheering]

[laughs] Okay. Good.

It was just the way I
worded it, it wasn't...

Anyway. I...

For too long we've allowed
villains to run our lives,

and they destroyed
our beautiful city.

Well, I will not let that
stand, and neither will you!

- Who's with me?
- [crowd cheering]

There was a war, vermin.

And I won.

Your future belongs
to Darkseid now.

[all grunting]

[screams]

[all gasp]

I'm giving your BAFTA to him.

[Darkseid] You seek
an army, Harley Quinn?

- Um...
- Are you capable of wielding such power?

Yeah, I...

The power to take away
a people's confusion

and replace it with obedience?

- Yes, I...
- To liberate a people

and give them one clear purpose.

One goal, to die for your will.

Oh, you're done. Okay
yes, totes to all that stuff.

Let me get that army!

Mr. Great and Powerful Darkseid.

I sense a great pain in you.

Nope, no pain. I'm good.

An anger, born from a want.

A want that was not met.

If we could just
move on to the...

Are you trying to fill an empty
hole in your life, Harley Quinn?

What is this guy, my therapist?

There are some holes that not
even an army of Parademons can fill.

Definitely not. All my holes
are filled up to the brim.

Nothing? Really?

Look, I'm just
here for that army.

So, you know, what's
the haps on that?

The dwarf did not tell you?

Okay, I may have come up here at
a different time to ask for an army.

- I didn't mention that?
- No!

And I am a very active listener.

[Darkseid] You must
prove yourself to me.

He was too cowardly to do so.

The task is simple.

Defeat Granny
Goodness in combat,

and I will give
her scepter to you,

which you will use to
command the Parademons.

So, I just gotta beat up an
old lady and I get an army?

- I can do that.
- [loud thudding]

Prepare to die!

[footsteps thudding]

And this is why I got cold feet.

You got this, Quinn.

[grunting]

[both yelling]

Ah!

[grunting]

[gasps] I promised myself
I'd never kill an old person.

I'd let the American
healthcare system do that.

But we need to
get Harley's back.

I fear Darkseid clearly
laid out the rules.

If she doesn't do it herself,
she does not get the army.

Don't worry, she's gonna
do it herself. [cracks knuckles]

You fools!

You thought some little
girl could defeat me?

Now get ready for
some cookies, milk,

and a lifetime of torture
in Granny's dungeon.

[laughs evilly]

Prepare to die.

[laughing evilly]

Yes, still got it!

[groggily] Where
am I? Did I do it?

Yes, Harley Quinn, you
defeated Granny Goodness.

Yeah, you did.

Huzzah! Harley! You are a hero!

It was so smart of her
to play possum like that.

You think she unconsciously
flew through the air, idiots?

Rise, Harley Quinn, commander
of my Parademon army.

Aw! Thanks, D-Train.

Uh, Lord, sir.

All right! Y'all ready
to hand Gordon his ass

and show him once and for all that
Harley Quinn is Gotham's true boss

and the baddest villain of all?

[roaring]

Yes. Yes!

Fuck, yes!

I mean, I did this,
but also fuck, yes!

Boomtube us home, psycho!

I have to be honest, I am very
scared about this whole thing.

As am I. You can't tell,
but I've clayed myself.

[Latin music playing]

Whoa. Babe, you wanna
get frisky right here?

What about the 'rents?

Why do you let your
parents treat you like shit?

What am I supposed to
do? They're my parents.

Let's do this again
next week, Ivy, darling.

Don't worry, I already
made a reservation,

so Charles needn't cloud
his mind with simple tasks.

- [both laugh]
- You know what?

- Fuck you guys.
- Beg your pardon?

Yeah, I said, fuck you.

Because first
of all, I'm the one

who messed up the
goddamn reservation, okay.

Chuck asked me
several times not to forget,

because for some reason
he cares about you two.

And then, he took the heat for
it because he cares about me,

and for some reason,
what you two think about me.

So, yeah! He's a kind,
loving, supportive partner.

And the only miracle here is that
you two ghouls somehow raised him.

And another thing, he's
not lucky to have me,

I'm lucky to have him!

So, fuck off!

Hell! Yeah!

- See you at the wedding?
- [Poison Ivy chuckles]

Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Is that a Boom Tube?

Uh. Sorry, just got excited
and... [chuckles sheepishly]

No baby, not that.

- That!
- Looks like it's over the Dead Mall.

Hang on, wait, which
way... That's east...

No, it is. Oh, my God!

Harley!

Dad, you don't have to do this.

If saving Gotham means I have
to gun down another lady clown,

then so be it.

Wait. What do
you mean another...

[all yelling]

[all grunting]

Oh! Probably be best if you turn
around your merry band of meatbags.

And why the hell
would I do that?

[Dr. Psycho laughs]

Gordo, I have a flying army from
a hell planet under my control.

Well, I made my decision! And I
never back down from my decisions.

It's a terrible quality that has ruined
most of my personal relationships,

so bring it!

It's your funeral, old man.

- Uh-uh, it's yours.
- Don't think so.

Well, I do think so.

Feels like you're
overcompensating for something.

Why is everybody
up my ass about that?

Nothing happened!

This is just my
Wednesday, bitch.

- Not buying it.
- I don't give a shit!

[Dr. Psycho] Fuck, yes!

My God! Gaping
sphincter in the sky.

[Dr. Psycho] I'm coming!

Tanks, now!

[screeches]

Uh-oh.

[screeches]

Ah!

[laughing evilly]

Harley! What the
hell is going on here?

Yeah, while you
were out gettin' brunch,

I was beating up an old lady to get a
Parademon army from another galaxy.

You beat up an old lady?

She was super jacked!

And now I'm gonna
take over all of Gotham!

So what, you really just want kill
thousands of people just because?

Because I'm Harley
fucking Quinn!

I'm always doing crazy things!

Always being
impetuous, you know?

Always kissing people and shit!

This is just my Wednesday.

Yeah. It's actually Thursday.

Anyway, look. You know me,
I mean, I'm ride or die, but...

I mean, is this really
the ride you envisioned?

[screeching]

Uh, not exactly.

What's the endgame?

What do you really want?

What the hell are you doing?

No!

[Harley] The
city's yours, Gordo.

I know what I want,
and it's not this.

We were gonna take over the fucking
world and you're squandering it all!

[screams] Ow! [clanging]

Are you kidding me?

Oh, I should have known
this was too good to be true.

You got no balls, Quinn.

Fuck this!

See you back at home?

No! I'm out of the crew.

I fucking quit. See you never.

This mean I won?

I won! [Laughs triumphantly]

This is why you don't
back down, people!

Look, I can explain the whole
Game of Thrones Khaleesi thing okay.

All... All this has just been
me avoiding something

that I need to talk to you about

and if I don't do it
now, it will be too late.

Look, [sighs] if you
really need to say it, just...

Harley! Cool Parademons.

Hey! Did Ivy tell you
what she just did?

How she's the
coolest, hottest fiancee

a regular guy with superpowers
like me could ever ask for?

Well, I mean, I wasn't just gonna sit
there and watch your parents be assholes

to the man that I want to
spend the rest of my life with.

Mmm!

[metal creaking]

Oh, buddy! Those Parademons
are dry humping a taco truck.

I'm gonna go
snap a pic for Insta.

Ah, man. I love that idiot.

- What were you gonna tell me, Harls?
- Um...

We need to talk about...

What you wanna do for
your bachelorette party!

Really? That's what
you wanted to tell me?

Yeah!