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1
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,390
[Harley] This is bullshit!
2
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:26,425
- This is a kangaroo court.
- [Two-Face] No way.
3
00:00:26,492 --> 00:00:28,361
We got a real judge
and everything.
4
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,129
Hey, Judge, get in here.
5
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,066
[Bane] All rise for me.
6
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,469
- Bane's the judge?
- I promise you'll get a fair shake.
7
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:37,737
I am unbiased.
8
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,807
Well, he's actually
telling the truth,
9
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,442
which is really annoying,
so I took it upon myself
10
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:45,646
to provide you with
Gotham's top litigator.
11
00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:49,415
[grunting]
12
00:00:49,482 --> 00:00:50,612
Oh, we're so fucked.
13
00:00:50,624 --> 00:00:53,219
Let's not judge a lawyer
by the fact he's a bat.
14
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:57,658
The defendants are charged with
the murder of Oswald Cobblepot
15
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,259
and [mumbles] other stuff.
16
00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:01,829
Counselor Man-Bat.
17
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:04,364
How do your clients plead?
18
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:07,867
[clears throat]
19
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,713
[shrieking]
20
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:11,737
Yeah, we're fucked.
21
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,376
[theme music playing]
22
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,813
And then, she bit The
Penguin's nose off.
23
00:01:20,881 --> 00:01:25,451
- [all gasping] - She bit
The Penguin's nose off.
24
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,819
Mm, mm, mm.
25
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,856
Is Harley Quinn
who definitely did that
26
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:31,558
in the courtroom today?
27
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,260
Yeah, that's Harley Quinn.
28
00:01:33,325 --> 00:01:36,530
- [shrieking]
- Does anyone speak bat?
29
00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,564
I want to sustain or overrule,
30
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,500
but it's indecipherable.
31
00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:44,881
For my last witness,
I call... Poison Ivy!
32
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,349
- [all gasping]
- [Two-Face laughs menacingly]
33
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,375
Ooh, and they're friends.
34
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,543
This is going to be saucy.
35
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,176
[chuckles] Yeah.
36
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,890
Ive, blame it all on me,
okay? You had my back
37
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,582
no matter what stupid
messes I've gotten myself into.
38
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,453
For once, let me be the one
who does something for you.
39
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:00,897
You have a whole
life ahead of you,
40
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,899
- I mean, you're engaged.
- But you and I are a team.
41
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,301
Ive, please, I wouldn't
be able to live with myself
42
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:06,393
if you went down for me.
43
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:10,764
You hate people,
is that correct?
44
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,633
- Yes.
- But you don't hate Harley Quinn, do you?
45
00:02:13,699 --> 00:02:16,770
You partnered with
her, your only friend
46
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,348
and helped her plan and execute
47
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,574
the murder of the
Injustice League.
48
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,276
[all murmuring]
49
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,615
Yeah, we did it, okay?
50
00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:31,217
We teamed up to kill
your pathetic asses,
51
00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:34,554
'cause you deserved it and one
day, we're gonna finish the job.
52
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:35,656
- [all gasping]
- Ivy!
53
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,591
[all clamoring]
54
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,725
Your Honor, given the testimony,
55
00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,728
I request that you
find the defendants
56
00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:43,663
guilty on all counts!
57
00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:46,299
- [all gasping]
- [shrieking]
58
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:51,366
I hereby sentence them to life!
59
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,639
In prison, of course.
60
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:56,710
[all gasping]
61
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:58,912
What the hell are we
doing in the sewer?
62
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,681
Smells like shit down here.
63
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,883
Wait. [Sniffs] That's me.
64
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:04,985
My God, I told you three times.
65
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,627
We need to stop Ratcatcher,
66
00:03:06,651 --> 00:03:08,730
he's using the tunnels to
move weapons across Gotham.
67
00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:10,181
Ratcatcher, right.
68
00:03:10,205 --> 00:03:13,225
Living underground, these
criminals have hit rock bottom.
69
00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:14,995
- [metal clangs]
- [exclaiming]
70
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:17,272
- Gordon, are you drunk?
- I have a high tolerance.
71
00:03:17,296 --> 00:03:20,300
And I have a low tolerance
for evasive answers.
72
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,902
[mockingly] "I have a low
tolerance for evasive answers."
73
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:24,837
I know what I'm
doing, all right?
74
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,316
I was putting away scum
while you were filling up
75
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,575
your bat diaper with
stinky bat doodies.
76
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,544
[Ratcatcher mumbling]
77
00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:34,381
- [rats squeaking]
- [moaning]
78
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,248
I've seen this stuff
on the dark web.
79
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:38,985
[sighs] Okay, I'll circle
around and block the exit.
80
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,920
Wait for my signal.
81
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,831
[mutters] Taking orders
from a cheerleader.
82
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,891
[sighs] I used to be
a damn good cop.
83
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,030
Oh! Aah!
84
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,097
- [rats squeaking]
- Huh?
85
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:57,304
Swarm, my children! Swarm!
86
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:59,438
[laughing maniacally]
87
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,307
[screaming] Oh, shit!
88
00:04:01,373 --> 00:04:04,645
Shit, shit, shit! [Gasps]
89
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,748
[exclaims] Get it off! [screams]
90
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,417
- [Batgirl] Oh, come on.
- Thanks.
91
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,752
- [thuds]
- [rat squeaks]
92
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,453
[grunting]
93
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,454
That's not mine.
94
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,862
Why the hell did
you do that, Ive?
95
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,706
Harls, I'm not gonna
let you rot in prison
96
00:04:24,730 --> 00:04:26,834
while I'm kiting around the
world on my honeymoon.
97
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,601
But no one even
knows you're kidnapped,
98
00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:29,903
you could've led the rescue.
99
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,571
Maybe called it a mini-moon.
100
00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:33,940
Come on, we can break
out of Arkham in our sleep.
101
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:35,408
[tires screeching]
102
00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:40,447
Uh, the hell is this?
103
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,206
[Bane] Your new home.
104
00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:44,459
- What the shit are you doing here?
- I'm not just a judge.
105
00:04:44,483 --> 00:04:46,552
I am also a warden.
106
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:51,091
Welcome to he Pena Duro North
Correctional and Rehabilitation facility.
107
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:53,927
Affectionately known as The Pit.
108
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,863
Listen, Bane, we're not
going in your dumb hole.
109
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:58,732
So either free us or kill us.
110
00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,966
[Bane] Okay.
111
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,735
[both screaming]
112
00:05:02,601 --> 00:05:05,338
[Poison Ivy] Oh, shit!
113
00:05:05,404 --> 00:05:06,773
Oh, they'll be fine.
114
00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,875
I set up padding at the bottom.
115
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,677
Just more dramatic, you
know, to see 'em drop like that.
116
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,480
[exclaims]
117
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,516
While I was born in darkness,
118
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:20,721
here at Pena Duro North, we're
bringing people into the light.
119
00:05:20,786 --> 00:05:25,358
We try to cultivate
positive thinking in The Pit.
120
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:30,362
Teach our guests to redirect aggressive
energies like maiming and killing
121
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:32,399
into something more productive.
122
00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:34,843
Holy crap, is that Killer Croc?
123
00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:36,136
See for yourself.
124
00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:38,971
- Waylon.
- Oh, hey, Harley, Ivy.
125
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:41,108
I was working on
a new water color.
126
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,543
I call this one
"Reed in the Water."
127
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,478
His name is Reed and, uh...
128
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:47,915
He's in the water,
yeah, we get it.
129
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:49,548
What the fuck is wrong with you?
130
00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:51,026
I'm working out my shit.
131
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,386
[Bane] There's a
talent show tomorrow
132
00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,988
to showcase what
everyone's been working on.
133
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:58,067
I'd like you both
to participate.
134
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,692
- She'll never do it.
- I won't do it.
135
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:02,528
Here we are, home sweet home.
136
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,730
You're probably
wondering to yourself,
137
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,899
"Hey, Bane, why no door?"
138
00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:09,468
Because where
would you escape to?
139
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,072
You are in a pit!
140
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,108
[clicking tongue]
141
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:16,910
Oh, my, who caused
this catastrophe?
142
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:19,779
In The Pit, your bed
must be made daily.
143
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:23,182
A tidy room is the
key to a tidy mind.
144
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,862
Now, bring it in,
bring it in, my darlings.
145
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,596
- Don't fucking touch me.
- I will murder you.
146
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,855
I will see you two
in painting class.
147
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,798
Winking, I'm winking.
148
00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:34,427
Shit, Harls, I mean, how the
hell are we gonna get out of here?
149
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,715
I don't know, beanstalk us up.
150
00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:37,596
There's no plants!
There's no plants in sight.
151
00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:40,009
Oh, my God, oh, my God, [sighs]
we're gonna be stuck in here forever.
152
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,766
I mean, who's gonna
protect the rainforest?
153
00:06:41,790 --> 00:06:43,646
- Swamp Thing.
- Who'll defend the Great Barrier Reef?
154
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:45,973
- Aquaman.
- Who's gonna write letters to the network
155
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,983
when they're trying to decide whether
they should renew Love It or List It?
156
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,954
- Some loser.
- Yeah, exactly, and Kite Man...
157
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,745
What about Kite Man?
I finally find somebody
158
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,480
that I actually want to marry
159
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,848
and now I can't even do it.
160
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,093
- Fuck!
- Listen, we're gonna escape
161
00:06:58,117 --> 00:06:59,762
and you are gonna
walk down that aisle.
162
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:01,197
You're right.
[exhales] You're right.
163
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,264
We're gonna get out of here.
164
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:03,867
- Hey, girls.
- Oh, shit.
165
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:06,192
Just dropping off some
welcome caps I've knitted.
166
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,810
It gets mighty chilly at night.
167
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,000
Oh, pass the mayo.
168
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:16,036
So, how'd the crime fighting go?
169
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,904
Eh, it's not working
out with Batgirl.
170
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,805
She just doesn't
have what it takes,
171
00:07:19,872 --> 00:07:22,541
I might have to fly solo.
172
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,577
[sighs] Dad, we need to
talk about your drinking.
173
00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:26,146
Ah, it's great, loosens me up.
174
00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:27,947
Um, [sighs], okay,
175
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,483
this is super hard for me,
so I'm just gonna say it.
176
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,685
You are a problematic drinker.
177
00:07:32,752 --> 00:07:35,822
A problematic drinker and
former cop turned vigilante.
178
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,101
A person can be two things,
or did you not know that?
179
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,868
Trust me, Dad, I know.
180
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:42,038
Right now, I'm telling you
you need to clean yourself up.
181
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,639
Gotham needs you at your best.
182
00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:45,865
I'm at my best.
183
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,267
Always have been,
always will be.
184
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,069
If you won't stop
drinking for Gotham,
185
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,502
do it for me.
186
00:07:50,569 --> 00:07:52,105
It hurts me to
see you like this.
187
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,040
[gulps] Ah. Oh, Barbara.
188
00:07:54,108 --> 00:07:55,809
[gunshots]
189
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,778
- Get down!
- Oh, crap!
190
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:02,983
Hey, Gordo, I heard you've
been playing cop again.
191
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,517
Trying to move in
on my weapons sales.
192
00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:08,254
Dent. Ratcatcher's
working for you?
193
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,101
The whole city works
for me, hadn't you heard?
194
00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:14,093
New New Gotham is mine.
195
00:08:15,928 --> 00:08:18,141
Ah, you wanna play rough?
196
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:21,701
I should've killed you back
at the station months ago.
197
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:24,170
And tonight, I fix my mistake.
198
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,305
Barbara, we need to...
199
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,774
Barbara?
200
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,212
I would watch the
light leave their eyes
201
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:36,883
and know that their
last thought was fear.
202
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,220
But now I imagine myself
in the bubble of calm
203
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,990
and the urge to kill goes away.
204
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,758
[all clapping]
205
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:49,196
- Why aren't you clapping?
- Because this is stupid.
206
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:51,798
Look, Bane, we wanna change.
207
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,734
We really do,
but it's just too...
208
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:58,904
depressing in this
very dark, dank pit.
209
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,908
I don't know, maybe if
you transfer us to Arkham...
210
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:06,046
[laughs] Arkham is for
the criminally insane.
211
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,948
The Pit is for the
criminally capable.
212
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,875
[groaning]
213
00:09:10,899 --> 00:09:15,054
But I will let you in on a
little secret to lift your spirits.
214
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,192
Tomorrow's talent show
will have a special guest.
215
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,793
Mr. George Lopez.
216
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:22,296
Can you believe it?
217
00:09:22,363 --> 00:09:25,331
Yeah, he's choppering
down for a ten-minute set.
218
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:29,068
Mostly new material, but
probably some old hits.
219
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:30,336
Okay, this is how we escape.
220
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,014
I sign up for the talent show...
221
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:34,006
- Lopez choppers in.
- We watch his hilarious set.
222
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,243
That pokes fun at the
idiosyncrasies of a Latino family.
223
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,610
Then I do a tight five
that incites a prison riot.
224
00:09:38,677 --> 00:09:40,947
Which pulls the guards
away from the chopper...
225
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,591
Wait, sorry, how is standup
comedy gonna incite a riot?
226
00:09:43,615 --> 00:09:45,361
I tell a bunch of jokes
that piss people off.
227
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:45,667
Nice.
228
00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:47,697
Right? You and me are
getting on that chopper.
229
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,231
We fly out and you're
exchanging "I dos"
230
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,125
- with Kite Man in no time.
- [both whooping]
231
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,960
[Two-Face] Where
are ya hiding, Gordon?
232
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,263
Let's end this real
nice and quick.
233
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,999
I got a dental appointment
in the early a.m.
234
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,268
Lot of gum work, you know?
235
00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:02,836
Do you hear me, Gordon?
236
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,705
I took your station,
I took your city,
237
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:10,121
and now I'm taking your life.
238
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,179
[Gordon] Oh.
239
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,850
[sighs] I'm sorry.
240
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,052
Let's get this
over with, Harvey.
241
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,089
Glad you came to your senses.
242
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,856
Better to go out like a man
243
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,192
rather than begging
like one of those cats
244
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,894
that thinks it's a dog.
245
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,897
- Any last words?
- Tell my daughter...
246
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:35,764
- I love her.
- Tell her yourself.
247
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,273
[grunts]
248
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,409
[screams]
249
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,144
- [thuds]
- [grunts]
250
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,715
You and the bat hussy set me up.
251
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,350
I only brought two goons.
252
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,952
I thought this was
gonna be a two-goon job.
253
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,855
That's on me. I'll be back.
254
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,441
- Why the hell did you do that?
- What?
255
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,292
What'd you save me for?
256
00:10:58,359 --> 00:10:59,936
You know what I am? I'm
dead weight, yesterday's news.
257
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,061
Dime store sushi.
258
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,304
I'll just get in your way again.
259
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,063
Hey. Hey!
260
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,966
Ah, there was a
swig and a half left.
261
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,801
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
262
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,111
Why?
263
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,812
You don't need me,
Gotham doesn't need me.
264
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,182
My own daughter
thinks I'm a joke.
265
00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:13,840
That's not true.
266
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,285
You're a good man, Jim Gordon.
267
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,953
- You inspired me.
- Ha!
268
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,846
Oh, yeah? Says
the girl with bat ears.
269
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,347
Batman's your inspiration.
270
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:23,384
He inspired my costume.
271
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,220
My dad inspired me.
272
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,322
- Barbara?
- That's right.
273
00:11:28,389 --> 00:11:30,123
I'm Batgirl, Dad.
274
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,326
You're the one that's
been protecting Gotham.
275
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,831
That's my girl.
276
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,966
And Killer Croc, he's so ugly.
277
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,769
- How ugly is he?
- He's so ugly that when I met him,
278
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,839
I thought his asshole
was doing the talking.
279
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,283
- [laughs]
- Hey-oh!
280
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,985
Kind of feels like a low
hanging fruit there, but,
281
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,386
it'll probably kill with
these dumb shits.
282
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,879
Harley, I see that
you're doing stand up
283
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,947
after Lopez. [Laughing]
284
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:57,116
Whoa, what is this?
285
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:58,851
You failed to make your bed.
286
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,421
Oh, shit, yeah,
sorry about that.
287
00:12:00,486 --> 00:12:04,191
Sorry doesn't cut it, I
was very clear on the rules.
288
00:12:04,258 --> 00:12:06,125
I cannot play favorites.
289
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:09,995
Harley may not participate
in the talent show.
290
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,298
I'll make my bed,
you weirdo. God.
291
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:15,469
I wish your wave of
enthusiasm had crested earlier.
292
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,304
- Ivy, you have to do my set.
- What? No.
293
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,206
I can't tell jokes in
front of strangers.
294
00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:22,509
Yes, you can, you'll be a riot.
295
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,345
A riot, I need you to start a...
296
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,480
- Stop, yes, I got it.
- Do it, Ivy.
297
00:12:27,548 --> 00:12:31,183
I guess I'm going
up after Lopez.
298
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,385
[Bane] Bold.
299
00:12:34,288 --> 00:12:35,822
[grunts]
300
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,490
This is gonna be
easy to break out of.
301
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:42,557
- There is no door.
- [Bane] But there is a Cheryl.
302
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,166
Ugh, hi, Cheryl, you're really
gonna make me kill you to escape?
303
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,100
Well, you can try.
304
00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:51,937
[grunting] I'm Cheryl.
305
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:53,539
- [sighs]
- [growls]
306
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,041
If she attempts to escape,
307
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:58,110
force her to join
the show choir!
308
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,313
[Bane laughing maniacally]
309
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:01,847
[mic squealing]
310
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:03,883
- Hello. Ah!
- [mic squealing loudly]
311
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,285
And welcome to the first annual.
312
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:09,054
Live from The Pit talent show.
313
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,124
We have a lot of
great acts tonight,
314
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:15,328
but first, who wants to
see some close-up magic?
315
00:13:17,431 --> 00:13:20,942
And then I said, "From now
on, we're home schooling you."
316
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,578
- [audience laughing]
- So whatever we don't know,
317
00:13:22,602 --> 00:13:24,357
- you don't know.
- [all laughing]
318
00:13:24,381 --> 00:13:26,539
Like, when did the Korean
War start? I don't know.
319
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,109
- And neither do you.
- [all laughing]
320
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,379
[laughs heartily]
321
00:13:32,446 --> 00:13:33,879
Okay, that's my time.
322
00:13:33,947 --> 00:13:35,948
Thank you, The Pit. Good night.
323
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,317
[all cheering]
324
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,287
Shit. This plan is so stupid.
325
00:13:43,591 --> 00:13:45,091
You've got this, Ivy.
326
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,159
Cheryl, listen, I'm
getting past you,
327
00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,495
so either I do and you're
alive, or I do and you're not.
328
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,897
What do you say?
329
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,399
[growls]
330
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,369
Oh, Jesus. [Gasps]
331
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,441
Uh... Hello.
332
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,378
Uh, I see Killer Croc is here.
333
00:14:04,445 --> 00:14:06,480
He's so ugly, when we met,
334
00:14:06,547 --> 00:14:08,514
I thought his asshole
was talking to me.
335
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,484
Oh, come on, it's
a skin condition.
336
00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:12,052
Ah, that's below the belt.
337
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:13,395
How about Victor Zsasz, okay?
338
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,988
Oh, boy, here we go.
339
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:16,432
The tally marks on his head
340
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,033
make him look like
a Peanuts character.
341
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:19,592
Oh [sighs], she's no Lopez.
342
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,260
Hey, you just got Ivy'd.
343
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:23,929
- [man] You suck!
- I know, right? I suck.
344
00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:25,932
Blah! Do you guys wanna riot?
345
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,934
Why? This is a safe space.
346
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,138
[helicopter whirring]
347
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,481
Come on, Zsasz, you're not even
348
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,341
like a little pissed
off about that?
349
00:14:34,408 --> 00:14:36,243
You just got Ivy'd. Bleh.
350
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,511
[laughs] Just start
shanking, people.
351
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,548
- People, shank.
- If I could make a constructive criticism.
352
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:44,049
Your joke directed at
me was reference-heavy,
353
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,951
and if might, a bit derivative.
354
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,455
What the shit is this?
This should not be hard,
355
00:14:48,522 --> 00:14:50,691
you guys are
killers, kill each other.
356
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,591
[grunts]
357
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,529
[grunting]
358
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:07,341
[metal clangs]
359
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:13,279
[grunting] I'm getting
to that chopper!
360
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,716
- Shit!
- Shit.
361
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,686
Good night, The Pit.
362
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,419
What a bunch of locos.
363
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,063
[Barbara] And after
I defeated Riddler,
364
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,057
- I knew what I had to do.
- I can't believe it.
365
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,493
I... You were her!
366
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:28,595
And she was you while I was me.
367
00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,062
[laughs] Yeah, I even slipped up
368
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,398
and called you Dad a few times.
369
00:15:31,465 --> 00:15:34,315
But you were
pretty... [sighs] Drunk.
370
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,405
Dad, stop.
371
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:40,740
Are you gonna lend a hand
372
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,143
or is Batgirl too
cool to help her dad
373
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,678
in a montage where we
skip past the hard parts
374
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,255
of beating an alcohol addiction
375
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,749
and cut to the part
where I'm clean?
376
00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:50,916
Get over here.
377
00:15:54,019 --> 00:15:55,322
Welcome back, Dad.
378
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:57,090
You're finally home.
379
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,259
No, there's only one
place that's home.
380
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,729
The Gotham City
Police Department.
381
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,563
But that's Two-Face's lair.
382
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,164
I'm taking it back.
383
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,533
- Wanna know why?
- Why?
384
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,200
'Cause I'm a damn good cop.
385
00:16:25,619 --> 00:16:29,154
So, um, I actually came
on stage to start a riot.
386
00:16:29,221 --> 00:16:31,024
- Huh?
- [Bane] What?
387
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,259
I was gonna use the riot
as a diversion to escape
388
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,629
on George Lopez's helicopter.
389
00:16:35,696 --> 00:16:38,532
Now that I say it out loud, I
realize how stupid it sounds.
390
00:16:38,599 --> 00:16:40,109
- [sighs]
- [all laughing]
391
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,711
I mean, I'm never
getting out of here, right?
392
00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:44,104
[all laughing]
393
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:47,573
My entire life I've been cut
off from my feelings, you know?
394
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,610
I was living in
an emotional pit,
395
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,022
but I liked it that
way, you know.
396
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:57,149
'Cause it was safe and secure, and no
one ever put a knit hat on me, you know?
397
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:59,352
- [all laughing]
- [Ivy chuckling]
398
00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:03,490
I guess that I accepted that being
lonely was, you know, was my thing.
399
00:17:03,557 --> 00:17:05,192
And then something happened.
400
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:08,228
I made friends, I got engaged.
401
00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:09,750
- [all cheering]
- Thank you.
402
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,431
I joined the mile
high Kite club.
403
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,543
- [all whooping]
- Yeah, yeah.
404
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:15,477
I'm going to give you a piece of
advice about sex at 10,000 feet.
405
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:16,670
Don't do it into the wind.
406
00:17:16,737 --> 00:17:18,104
[all laughing]
407
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,381
And I was thinking about it,
408
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,709
I'm like, was I happy?
409
00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:23,485
I was really happy.
410
00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:26,555
You know, it's like, I crawled
out of my emotional pit.
411
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,280
- [all exclaiming]
- [man] Yeah.
412
00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:30,250
And so then, what happens?
413
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,486
- Where did the universe put me?
- [man] The Pit.
414
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:35,121
- [all laughing]
- That's right, The Pit.
415
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,089
And no matter how much
we change down here.
416
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:39,459
No matter how many times
we make our goddamn bed
417
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,327
or pass the talking stick.
418
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,130
We're still stuck in this Pit.
419
00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:47,433
- And with Bane of all people.
- [all laughing]
420
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,736
This guy.
421
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,605
[laughing] I relate.
422
00:17:51,672 --> 00:17:53,539
Wow, she's got a
great point there.
423
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,343
I did all this hard work to
get myself out of one pit
424
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,511
just to end up in another.
425
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,881
Life's just one big pit
426
00:18:00,948 --> 00:18:03,458
that none of us are
ever gonna get out of.
427
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:08,153
One big fucking inescapable pit.
428
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:11,657
And that is where
we are stuck forever.
429
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,394
Damn, Ivy's right.
430
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,128
We gotta get out of The Pit.
431
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,198
- [all clamoring]
- Yeah, come on, guys,
432
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,733
we're a talented group, if we
work together, we can escape.
433
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,836
Also if you don't
chip in, I'll stab you.
434
00:18:24,805 --> 00:18:27,216
That was amazing, you
spoke from your heart,
435
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,718
- you started a riot!
- About 30 seconds too late,
436
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,687
let's face it, George Lopez
is never coming back,
437
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:32,956
I bet they hardly met his quote.
438
00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:35,347
Harley, I really blew it.
439
00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:36,616
Or maybe not.
440
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,890
- [all clamoring]
- [grunting]
441
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,929
- Here's the plan, we go on the roof...
- Blah, blah, blah.
442
00:18:48,996 --> 00:18:50,663
- Daddy's got this.
- [gun cocking]
443
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,332
[grunts] Hey!
444
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,951
[screaming]
445
00:19:06,747 --> 00:19:08,414
[yelling]
446
00:19:10,651 --> 00:19:12,300
[screaming]
447
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,325
- [gunshots]
- You still got this?
448
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,625
[Gordon yelling]
449
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,662
Yeah! Yeah, yeah. All good.
450
00:19:24,999 --> 00:19:27,634
Honey, I'm home.
451
00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:29,336
[siren wailing]
452
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,904
You get a shiv. You get
a shiv. You get a shiv.
453
00:19:35,509 --> 00:19:40,446
[Bane] Hey, Ivy, it's clear you
made a breakthrough in The Pit.
454
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,884
How about you come back
and continue to work on yourself?
455
00:19:43,951 --> 00:19:45,919
Perhaps a vision board?
456
00:19:45,986 --> 00:19:48,689
- I have some inspo.
- Ah, shove it, Bane.
457
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,290
Yeah, don't take credit
for her emotional growth.
458
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:52,893
- [yells]
- [grunts]
459
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,761
Fuck this, I shall rise!
460
00:19:58,999 --> 00:20:00,834
[grunting]
461
00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:02,402
Uh-oh, that's not good.
462
00:20:06,006 --> 00:20:09,605
We're not gonna make it.
463
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,378
Hold on.
464
00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:20,487
No one escapes The Pit!
465
00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:22,388
[grunts]
466
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,826
- [yelling]
- Damn it, Bane.
467
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,760
[both] Shit, shit, shit!
468
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,298
What, are you gonna
write me a ticket?
469
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:34,000
A ticket to hell. [Grunts]
470
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,770
[both grunting]
471
00:20:37,837 --> 00:20:39,772
You still doing okay?
472
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:42,009
- [Gordon] Yep.
- [both grunting]
473
00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:44,978
Ah!
474
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,400
In the soft spot.
475
00:20:56,323 --> 00:20:57,673
[screams]
476
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,365
[groans] What's happening?
477
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:09,732
I'm back. That's what.
478
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:15,009
[Bane grunting]
479
00:21:15,075 --> 00:21:16,910
- [Harley grunting]
- You cannot
480
00:21:16,922 --> 00:21:18,711
run from your problems, Harley.
481
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,682
Hate weighs you down.
482
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:25,019
Only love sets us free.
483
00:21:25,085 --> 00:21:26,987
- [gasps] Ivy.
- No.
484
00:21:27,054 --> 00:21:28,721
- It's okay.
- Don't, don't do this.
485
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,724
Have a good life, get
married, make babies.
486
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:32,992
Name them Harley.
487
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:34,928
- The girls and boys.
- Harley?
488
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,364
See? It totally works.
489
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:38,731
You know I love you.
490
00:21:39,133 --> 00:21:40,482
Bye, Ive.
491
00:21:44,403 --> 00:21:45,604
[grunts]
492
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:51,979
[Bane babbling]
493
00:21:52,046 --> 00:21:54,445
[Bane screaming]
494
00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:03,089
[grunts]
495
00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:07,527
[screaming]
496
00:22:10,529 --> 00:22:11,964
- [panting]
- Hi!
497
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:14,101
- [laughing]
- We did it.
498
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,403
- [sighs]
- [chuckles]
36080
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