All language subtitles for Xena s03e08 the king of assassins.eng

Last chance.

Where's Malkor headed?

You'll just have
to figure that out.

See, Malkor and me,
we're friends till the end.

I personally led his private guard
when we destroyed the army of Limpid.

Not that Limpid had
much of an army.

I've seen better
warriors in a school yard.

Well, school's out. Meet some of
the warriors from Limpid's army.

Your new roomies.

He's heading toward Persiponis.

He's taken the road through the
mountains. He's camping by the lake.

He wears red leather armor, and
he sleeps with his back to the door.

All right. All right. You,
put him in a cell on his own.

If you're telling the
truth, I'll be back.

If not, you rot.

Come on!

? Joxer the Mighty I roam
through the countryside ?

? I never need a place to hide
With Gabby as his sidekick ??

Joxer? Xena. You're here.

Word must be out on me.
There's blood on my hands.

Looks like you've been
pecked by a chicken. Ow!

It was my prize chicken.
That's what he gets for stealing it.

I didn't steal
it, I liberated it.

But I came this close to murder.
Those little beaks are sharp.

I'll pay for the chicken.

Joxer, go into town. Tell
Gabrielle I've gone to Parsipedus.

Xena, it's only
a matter of time.

These hands are lethal weapons, and
there is no telling what they might do.

Joxer, you can barely kill time.

It's just not you. Good boy.

With a few changes,
it could be me.

It could be me.

Do you want subtitles for any video?
-=[ ai.OpenSubtitles.com ]=-

Easy now. Nice and slow.

- Hurry!
- Uh-uh-uh. Patience.

A good thief, like a
good lover, takes his time.

Has patience.
Just get the sword.

You see, the security
system is pressure sensitive.

Wouldn't want to upset the
delicate balance, now would we?

Shut up!

Diamonds and rubies and pearls.

Oh, my.

Well, that wasn't
so bad. Shall we?

What in Tartarus?
Hey, that's my sword!

What was that all about?

He was a warlord. No
one will mourn his death.

Well, that may be, but cold-blooded
murder was not part of the plan.

I don't do murder. You'd
better get used to it.

A good assassin does many. Anyway, stealing
the sword is only one part of my plan.

Does your plan, by chance,
involve any other murders?

Count on it.

In time of ancient gods,

warlords and kings,

a land in turmoil
cried out for a hero.

She was Xena,

a mighty princess
forged in the heat of battle.

The power.

The passion.

The danger.

Her courage will
change the world.

Fish cakes!

Well, I guess I won't
be needing this anymore.

Get ready for Joxer
the Dangerous.

Excuse me. Pardon me. I... You.

Now take it easy. I can explain
everything. Don't get carried away.

- Where?
- Here. Here.

There's your sword. There you
go. I think you got the wrong...

I didn't mean to take it with
me. I'm gonna tell you something.

I've been checking on you, and the word
on the street is that you are the best.

You are the man.

You're just a little
too dangerous for me.

Uh, listen. I think y...

Yeah, I'm...

I am pretty dangerous, aren't I?

So, you're okay with this? Yeah.

No hard feelings? We're
both professionals. No.

- Sure.
- You go your way, and I'll go mine.

Yeah. But first you're gonna
tell me how dangerous I am.

Well, I certainly know that the
people you're hired to take care of...

always manage to go away. Yeah.

And that, uh, just being around
you is very, um, dangerous.

Yeah. As a matter of fact,
"danger" is my middle name.

D-A-N-J...

Three hours, Joxer. I
waited for you for three hours,

with a bunch of
drunken, horny half-wits.

Ow! I've been grabbed more
times than the Golden Fleece.

I was just out
getting new clothes.

You like 'em? Ow!

Oh! Oh! Ow! Gabrielle,
what are you doing?

This man is a killer. I saw
him murder a man last night.

Him? He was in prison
last night for chicken theft.

Well, then who...

But he looked exactly like you.

Same long ferret face, beady
eyes, slack jaw, pasty skin...

Okay, I got it. I got it.

Another man looks like Joxer?

If he's an assassin, it's
probably my brother Jett.

Brother?

You mean to tell me that this guy
is not a cold, calculating assassin?

Him? Let me tell you
what the real Joxer is like.

Dangerous, huh?

You want dangerous?
I'll give you dangerous.

Wait! Now, let's just calm
down and figure this out.

Why is it that you never
mentioned that you had a brother?

'Cause I was embarrassed, okay?

Okay. I guess it would be hard
knowing that your brother is an assassin.

You don't know the half of it.

My whole life's been,
"Jett stole some horses."

"Jett torched a village."
"Jett killed the neighbors."

My parents were so proud.

Whoa, back up. They were proud
of the black sheep of the family?

No, I'm the black sheep.
My father's a warlord.

My mother's a warlord's wife.
My whole family's like that.

But Jett. How do you compete
with an overachiever like that?

We stomp him. Excuse me?

Jett... is going to murder
someone, and we have to stop him.

Who could it be?

He wanted you to steal the
sword, and then kill someone with it.

- Yeah.
- Now wait a minute.

And then frame the owner of the
sword and nobody would be the wiser.

- Sure.
- You follow me?

Not in a million years. The owner
of the sword happens to be dead.

He was some big-shot warlord.
No one's gonna miss him.

- Yeah.
- Still, the murder weapon would be untraceable.

- But who could the target be?
- Jett doesn't work cheaply,

so it's probably a bigwig.

He hires a thief
to steal a weapon,

placing the weapon in
the room before the murder.

It's clever. I know
what we have to do.

I hope it includes Xena, because
it's not going to include me.

Autolycus, you have
to go through with this.

When he makes contact with you, we
will set a trap and catch him in the act.

- Mm-hmm.
- It's a good plan.

Hey, I've been watching
Xena. I know how she thinks.

All right. Let me get this
straight. You want me...

to sneak the murder weapon into
a castle to stop his lunatic brother...

from assassinating someone we
don't even know for no gain whatsoever?

Exactly.

I don't think so. I'm not
as dumb as he looks.

Yeah, I'm not half as d...

Autolycus, an innocent
person is going to die.

No, he isn't, because
he's leaving. Good-bye.

If Jett is not captured, he'll know you
ran out on him and he'll hunt you down.

That's a risk I'll happily take.

It's a chance to do
something really good. Ha!

- And get a big reward.
- She had to say the "R" word.

Come here! Come
here! What's this?

Get outta here!

Hold it right there.

Well, this should
be interesting.

No one with a weapon
gets inside that castle.

Yeah, interesting. Hmm.

The security must be here
because Jett's target has arrived.

Aha. Who could it be?

Mm-hmm.

There's a concept called
personal space. Look into it.

Hey, I'm just trying to
broaden my knowledge.

You might be the king of thieves,
but I am master of mayhem.

There's a lot we can
learn from each other.

Sure. Hey, why don't you start by teaching
me how to disappear without a trace?

Okay. First... Why
exactly is he here?

- He knows Jett.
- No, in a grander sense.

Why is he here?

Here's the plan.
When you get inside,

go to the room Jett
told you to go to.

Leave the sword
where he said to leave it,

and wait for him
to make contact.

What if in the process he
kills the person with the sword...

because he found
it where I put it?

Well, if it were as simple as murder,
he would have done that by now.

Yeah. There has
to be a second part.

- He won't kill right away.
- So, you're saying this is what Xena would do?

Oh, yes, mostly. Probably.

Look. She did the same thing when she had
to sneak a baby into King Gregor's castle.

King Gregor was
killed by a baby?

When you get into the room, drop a rope
outside the window, and we'll climb up.

Right now, just concentrate on
getting that sword past the dog.

Please, after all, you are
dealing with the king of thieves.

You, master of morons, let's go.

Oh!

All right now, Joxer.
Listen to me very carefully.

I know what we're gonna do. We're
gonna get that guard, knock him out,

drag him into the woods, take his
uniform and sneak into the castle, right?

Yeah, something like that.

Hey, you've got strong
hands. Sure, like a killer.

All right, Killer, here. Hold
your hand out like that.

Like that? Like you're gonna
grab something really hard.

Like that. You ready?
Yeah, now grab.

Guard!

Oh, lady. Oh, lady.

Can you believe that? He
was fondling her behind.

- Ow!
- You fondled her behind?

No, I didn't.

It's okay. I'll
take care of him.

You worthless
excuse for a husband!

Come on.

You sure handled
that riffraff pretty well.

Yeah, I'd like to think so.

I think you've got "captain of
the guards" written all over you.

Yeah? It's been a long
time coming. Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'll bet it has. Well, you
keep up the good work, huh?

Yeah, I'll do that.

??

Well.

I do love my work.

This way, Your Highness.

Remove her robe.

Oh, by all means.

Hang this up.

Oh, there's a word
for people like me...

Lucky.

Your bath is ready,
Queen Cleopatra.

Cleopatra?

Oh, I've died and
gone to Olympus.

Cover her.

Almost to the top.

Okay, back to the show.

Get up.

Is there a plan "B"? Yeah.

We let the guards take us prisoner
and throw us into the dungeon.

Oh.

That is the dumbest
idea I have ever h...

Melissa, help
her. That's better.

Gently.

Here we go. Nice and easy.

Oh. Oh. Get out!
Bring her to the bath.

Oh.

Turn around, Cleo.

One moment.

You wish to see
me, my queen? Yes.

I'm impatient, Pontius.

I have been here three days,
and yet no one has come.

The invitations were
only sent out yesterday.

By dusk tomorrow, you'll
have your choice of armies.

I want the best. My
future is riding on this.

Ptolemy is sure to know
where you are by now.

There can be no
reconciliation with my brother.

Ptolemy has stolen my throne.

I am the rightful
ruler of Egypt,

by birth and by the
will of the people.

I intend to have the best
army Greece has to offer.

Sword, right. Right
here. Hide the sword.

Who are you?

Who am I? That's a
very good question.

Under the circumstances, I would
say that is an excellent question.

I don't waste my
time with bad thieves.

Bad thie... I'll have you
know I am the king of...

security for my boss,
who's a great warrior.

Who happens to have more than a
passing interest in your charmed...

your charming offer
to invade Egypt.

Go on. And well,

I check out the security
before my boss goes anywhere.

And, uh, I gotta tell ya,

this place is lacking.

My chief of security is
very good at what he does.

You must just be very
good at what you do.

You don't know
the half of it. Still,

give me one good reason
why I shouldn't call him now.

One reason. One
reason, yes. Well, uh,

you're looking for
the best warrior.

I happen to work for the best.

Surely, you've heard of Xena.

I think I bruised my brain.

Gabrielle, do you
see a bruise here?

It's just a minor setback.
No plan is foolproof.

It depends on the fool.
They're going to question us.

We have to get
our story straight.

I know. Uh, wait. We can tell
them we're circus performers,

and we were just
rehearsing an act.

Where does it hurt?
Right there. Ow!

My name is Pontius, chief
of security for Cleopatra.

Cleopatra?

You were caught trying
to break into the castle.

That is a very serious offense.

Have you ever heard of the
world-famous Rigulian Sister Circus?

Don't listen to her. Look. I know there's
going to be an assassination attempt...

on Queen Cleopatra,
and I'm here to warn you.

Assassination. Alert the guard.

Lock all the gates until
the intruder is found.

No one is allowed in or out.

Hmm, we'd heard that
Ptolemy might try this.

I'm afraid I can't let you
leave the castle right now,

but please stay as
guests of the queen.

Release them.

The man is a genius.

That's the assassin you hired?

First, he manages to
get himself into the castle.

Next, he gives me a legitimate
reason to lock all the doors.

When he kills Cleopatra, Ptolemy's
gonna make me a very wealthy man.

Who's the girl? Oh,
he's a man's man.

The girl is obvious. She's
certainly not here to think.

What were you thinking? There's
no reason for both of us to get the ax.

What's that?

Look. I'm sorry, Gabrielle.
This is for your own protection.

My brother's a killer, and I don't
want you in the way when I stop him.

Joxer!

Thank you, my good
man. Thank you very much.

Now, when Cleopatra
is ready to finish our

little chat, you come
and get me, all right?

Here's a little something
for your troubles.

Anytime. Anytime, indeed.

Well, hello there.

You can call me Auto.

Can I call you Cleo?

So soon? Well, can't
say as I blame her.

You? What took you so long?

Hey, where's Gabrielle?
You know what? Never mind.

You just tell her I've got
everything under control.

Now beat it.

What a loser.

Oh, Jett. Hello, and how
nice to see you again.

Uh, easy on the throat, can you?
I've got this silly little breathing habit.

I barely made it in before
they locked the doors.

Ooh! You know what puts
me in a foul mood, Autolycus?

What? When my
business partners...

run out on me. Is
that what you think?

I'm shocked. You're deceased.

Then what was I doing
in Cleopatra's room, huh?

Just following your
orders. Where's the sword?

In her chambers, right
where you wanted it.

When we got separated, I
thought I'd go ahead with the plan,

because I knew you'd show up.

Good. Wait here
while I kill her.

Sure, I... Ooh! Now?

You mean there isn't a
second part to your plan?

No. Oh, uh, see,
that's a bad idea.

'Cause, uh, security,
well, it's on high alert.

And, uh, there's guards
all through the chambers.

And no one, I mean no
one, gets in to see her.

Autolycus, Cleopatra
will see you now.

Except me.

You're good.

Once you're inside,
dismiss Cleopatra's guards.

That'll be my
signal... to strike. Huh?

You need help.

Ha.

Gabrielle, you have a plan.

Nothing is set in stone.

Flexibility, that's the key.

What would Xena do?

She-ya!

I hope you don't mind.

I find a bath can be quite
relaxing during negotiations.

Unless it distracts you.

Distracts me? Beautiful
woman lying naked in a bathtub?

Where was I?

We were negotiating for
your client's services. Ah, yes.

But I think I should
warn you, Cleopatra,

I drive a hard bargain.

I think you'll find my offer...

quite, um, generous.

No doubt. You certainly
have a lot of assets.

But how will I know what you
have to offer will satisfy me?

Well, let's just say I've
never had any complaints.

Mm. But I'm reluctant
to dive right in.

You see, first I'll
need to know when,

where and how often.

I'll let you know as soon
as you make a firm offer.

Are you firm yet, Autolycus?

I don't know. I haven't
seen your bottom line.

Let's put this deal
to bed, shall we?

Oh, love to.

Guards, leave us.

Guards, leave us. No,
no, wait. They have to stay.

Any business transaction
requires witnesses.

Kinky.

I just cut off the flow
of blood to your limbs.

The numbness is setting in.

Nope, I seem to be
fine. Don't do that.

I didn't want to
resort to violence,

but lives are at stake.

Joxer. Joxer. Joxer.

Joxer. Joxer.

You are so lucky you're
still alive right now.

Don't you ever lock me
in a cell like that again.

Now we have to get this plan back
on track. Have you seen your brother?

No, I haven't, but he must
be around here somewhere.

Well, look. Let's just split up.

Now, if I see him,
I'll come and find you.

I think you can handle your
brother better than I can.

Probably get myself killed.

No, no, he'd never kill you.

Deep down inside,
he's got a heart of gold.

I'm the loser.

Don't say that about yourself.

You are worth a thousand Jetts.

You don't know how long
I've waited for this moment.

All the years of
torment, all the teasing,

it all ends here, my brother.

And you know what? I'm
gonna give you the first move.

But beware... you're
fighting Joxer... the Mighty.

Kinda like looking in
the mirror, eh, Brother?

Been a long time, Joxer.
You got this coming to you.

- No!
- Come here!

You little ugly
excuse for a brother.

Gimme a hug, you ugly runt!

Oh, Jett, don't! Don't!

Oh, not that! Not the finger!

No!

Cut it out! I know
you're after Cleopatra,

and I'm not gonna
let you do it. Make me.

I don't have to. Jinx.

Oh!

You're a riot, Jox. I don't
know how you found out,

but seeing you
sure explains a lot.

Hey, nice clothes. Thanks.

Copycat. Hey, is Jase here too?

Don't mention our brother's
name in public. Oh, yeah.

I forgot. What's that?

What? Oh!

How long has it
been? Five years? Six?

Let me count the assassinations.
That's how I keep track.

Ax murder in
Athens. I'm serious!

Things are different now. I've
seen evil, and I've changed my ways.

Bro, if you saw evil, you'd
have to change your pants.

Look. Xena taught me.
I travel with her now.

Oh, you're friends
with Xena now.

Maybe you taught
Hercules a thing or two.

? Oh, Joxer the tidy He
always plays inside-y ?

? Never hurts the other boys
Even when they steal his toys ??

Remember that one? Well,
at least Mom sang to me.

Hey, who's the cute little blond
who swings the mean stick?

Eh, eh, eh, eh.

You lay one finger on her, and I
will rip you apart with my bare h...

You're not threatening
me, are you, Jox?

No.

Hey, I missed ya. We
should get together.

But for now, don't
get in my way.

Sorry, Brother, I
can't let you do it.

- Ooh!
- Mm.

You do drive a hard bargain.

Consider our
relationship... consummated.

Pleasure doing
business with you, Cleo.

Why, thank you.

Oh, a hot towel.

Well, I could get
used to this in a hurry.

Hey, feels pretty good.

Little lower, sweetie.

Ow!

- Gabrielle?
- Shh.

Have you found Jett? Yes.

He's waiting nearby for the guards to
leave so he can come in and finish the job.

You know, for you information,
there was no second part to his plan.

Why don't we just tell
Cleopatra? No, no, no.

We have Jett right
where we want him.

Now, I have to get to Pontius
without raising suspicion.

I thought you had
it all figured out.

Uh, Cleopatra.

I've got to talk to Pontius
about your security.

I'd like to meet him in my
room. Uh, you, girl, go fetch him.

Yes, milord.

Until later, my sweet.

I could find uses for that man.

Did I just see what
I thought I saw?

Oh, Autolycus. Thank
goodness it's you.

- It's me, Joxer!
- How can I be sure?

I'm hanging from the
wall by my underwear.

Good point.

Oh, ow, ow, ow! Ow!

All right, now listen. Jett is just
waiting for those guards to leave.

Gabrielle's gone to get Pontius.

So, with some luck, he'll
be executed by nightfall,

and I can get back to
negotiating with Cleopatra.

Wait a minute. He might be a
killer, but he's still my brother.

Are you serious? What did you think
was going to happen? A slap on the wrist?

The man is an assassin. Oh, and
you're perfect, Autolycus? Look, look.

I just might be able to
convince him to do good,

like Xena did for me and
like Hercules did for you.

Two things: One, I find it very hard to
believe that this is the improved you.

And two: I am only
in this for the reward.

No, you've got a
good heart, Autolycus.

Well, that may be, but I'd like to keep
it here, beating happily in my chest.

And while Jett is alive,
there is no guarantee of that.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, let's go.

Pontius.

It's me. It's Gabrielle. Don't
let the disguise fool you.

Now look. We have the assassin
cornered. He's near Cleopatra's room.

If we move now,
we can catch him.

Are you sure you
know what he looks like?

Yeah, he looks like the
guy I came here with.

Found him in the
hallway. Did you tell him?

Mm-hmm. This is
what you're looking for.

Guards.

All part of Xena's
plan, I'm sure.

I don't know what tavern you met this girl
in, but she almost blew your entire plan.

What? Right.

Jett, your boss realized I
knew who you were. Jett.

There's no stopping you now.
Why do you keep calling me...

Jett, because you're the
best assassin. Aren't you, Jett?

Oh, oh, yes.

Yes, I am. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Yes, um, it was
you and I all along.

They were just dupes in my plan.

Now nothing can stop us.

Yes, yes, of course.
Lock them in the dungeon.

- Hey!
- Now, assassin, do your job.

It's brother against brother.

Oh, brother.

Well, there's one down.

You just had to tell him
you're the king of thieves.

Yeah, I worked hard
for that title, Princess.

You know, this would
be easy if I had my tools.

At least Joxer
is still out there.

Ah, yes. The rebel
without a clue.

And the girl with a plan. "I've been
watching Xena. This is what Xena would do."

Okay, so I'm not as good as Xena,
but my plan would have worked...

if you had followed it instead
of romancing Cleopatra.

Now you're blaming
me. Oh, that's rich.

You know, once I'd like to see
one of your Xena plans actually work.

I'm going to be resting. Do your
security checks, then leave me.

So, Joxer is the only one
out there trying to find Jett.

I must be missing something. Gabrielle,
why didn't you just go to Cleopatra...

and tell her when you
knew she was the target?

Uh, now, Xena, that's easy for
you to say. You weren't there.

Gabrielle's plan kept Jett off balance
long enough to find a man on the inside.

Right? Yeah, that's right.

Pontius. Pontius. Exactly.

Frankly, I had my doubts
there was a man on the inside,

but fortunately Gabrielle
insisted that we follow her plan.

Good plan. Now,
Gabrielle, you find Joxer.

Autolycus, you find Jett.
I'm going to get to Cleopatra.

Right.

Thank you. You
may be a thief, but...

No, don't say it.

All right, say it. You
have a heart of gold.

Oh. Come on.

Time for blood.

Ah, Cleopatra, we have got to...

What's with the veil?

Oh. Oh, I get it.

Nice veil, Cleopatra.

Uh, Joxer? Jett?

- Joxer.
- Wrong, Jett.

It doesn't matter who you are, because I
didn't put the sword where you told me to.

Oh? Only I know where it is.

Well, maybe you haven't
noticed it's not where you left it.

Ha!

Oh, I hate when I'm outbluffed.

First, I'm gonna kill you,

and then I'm gonna kill her.

Kill her? That's a good one.

Yeah, I'd like to see
you try. Go ahead.

Show 'em what you're
made out of, Cleopatra.

Cleopatra?

Now, where was I?

Oh, yeah... murder.

Ooh!

- Jett.
- Get outta here right now!

Put the sword down, Jett.

There's another way.

No, there isn't. Believe
me, I've considered it.

I don't believe it.

Are you actually
going to fight me?

I have to, Jett.
It's who I am now.

Mom! Where? Oh!

- What?
- Be nice.

Why you...

Told you to be nice.

We have company.

Get them! Yeah! Grab her!

Well, huh? How 'bout some?

Step right up. Step
right up. Take a number.

Here you go.

At least you'll die.

Nobody hurts my
brother, except me.

The local regent has offered
to try Jett here in Miramus,

that is, with your permission.

I owe you my life.

That's not something
I soon forget.

Though I don't understand why
the assassin can't be executed here.

Sadly, execution isn't
recognized here in Miramus.

He'll be imprisoned for life.

Hmm. Are you ever planning
on coming to Egypt, Xena?

If you do, send word.

I'll plan a reception the
world won't soon forget.

Well, was that my
invitation to Egypt?

That was a thank you.

My real kisses are
a bit more... intense.

Get out.

Well, I'm sorry, Jett.

No hard feelings. Hey, I hear they're
sending me to prison in Miramus.

Gimme a chance
to catch up with Dad.

Joxer, you got a
good thing going here.

Don't blow it.

Don't let anyone tell you who
you are or who you could be.

That includes family.

Hey, hang onto that little
blond. She's pretty smart.

What's that?

Well, I guess you're
all just going to be

looking at me a little
bit different now, huh?

Nope.

I think not. Same old same old.

Closed-Captioned By
Captions, Inc. Los Angeles

Watch any video online with Open-SUBTITLES
Free Browser extension: osdb.link/ext

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0