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1
00:00:22,710 --> 00:00:24,170
- Okay, listen up.
2
00:00:24,310 --> 00:00:25,710
Finally,
official department photos are next week.
3
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:27,780
So mark your calendars.
Make your preparations.
4
00:00:27,910 --> 00:00:29,380
- Hey-o.
- Mm.
5
00:00:29,510 --> 00:00:30,780
- We need a week to prepare?
- Well, you might.
6
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,580
But I don't because I'm noyce.
7
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,520
- [chuckles] noyce.
8
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,320
- Hey, this is your first department photo,
probie, hmm?
9
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:38,860
- Yeah.
- It's important.
10
00:00:38,990 --> 00:00:40,190
We do it every few years, and we use it
11
00:00:40,330 --> 00:00:42,060
For all kinds of professional things.
12
00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:44,390
Id cards, press releases,
newspaper articles.
13
00:00:44,530 --> 00:00:46,200
- Cool,
how do I get my picture in the newspaper?
14
00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:47,400
- You die.
- What?
15
00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:49,000
- These are also affectionately known
16
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:50,670
As the "firefighter death photo."
17
00:00:50,670 --> 00:00:52,940
It's the picture they use for your obituary.
18
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:54,810
- So not to be taken lightly
19
00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:56,740
Unless you want to end up
20
00:00:56,740 --> 00:00:58,540
Like captain boris chaffee.
21
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:01,080
Triple chin chaffee.
22
00:01:01,210 --> 00:01:03,750
All: Triple chin chaffee.
23
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:04,880
[laughter]
- there he is.
24
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,280
- He was a revered captain.
25
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,750
He died saving an entire
school bus full of kids.
26
00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:10,020
And he was pretty good-lookin', but...
27
00:01:10,490 --> 00:01:12,150
He did not take picture day seriously.
28
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,560
And this is how he will
always be remembered.
29
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:16,230
- It looks like he's
wearing a necklace of chins.
30
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,960
- I always wondered if that
bus landed on his face.
31
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,360
- All he had to do was hold that chin up.
32
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:21,760
- And grow a mustache for christ's sake.
33
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:22,770
- Come on.
- I mean, come on.
34
00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:24,300
- And close your mouth.
35
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:25,500
- You know, he was actually kind of a dick.
36
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:27,240
- Yeah, with the smelliest feet.
37
00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:29,110
- And he was a close-talker.
- And terrible breath.
38
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:30,510
- Liar.
- Big gambler.
39
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:31,970
- Philanderer.
40
00:01:31,980 --> 00:01:32,980
- Stole a lot of stuff from the station.
41
00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:34,110
- But he did save those kids.
42
00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:35,250
- That's true.
- Yes, yes.
43
00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:37,050
- Yes. May he rest in peace.
44
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,250
Both: Yeah, rest in peace.
- Yeah.
45
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:40,180
- Rest in peace.
- Rest in peace.
46
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,050
[foreigner's "hot blooded"]
47
00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:49,930
♪ ♪
48
00:01:49,930 --> 00:01:52,330
- ♪ well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
49
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,870
♪ check it and see ♪
50
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,400
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
51
00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:01,470
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
52
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,010
- Hey-o.
53
00:02:04,010 --> 00:02:05,680
Who's ready for picture day, huh?
54
00:02:05,810 --> 00:02:07,810
- Yeah, chief, do you want some breakfast?
55
00:02:07,950 --> 00:02:09,280
- Nope, I'm gonna stay lean today
56
00:02:09,410 --> 00:02:10,880
For a good, professional photo.
57
00:02:11,020 --> 00:02:12,280
- It's a good call, chief.
- Oh.
58
00:02:12,420 --> 00:02:13,480
- Oh, boy.
59
00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:14,890
- What's wrong with your shoulder?
60
00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:15,950
- I tweaked it pulling up my comforter.
61
00:02:16,090 --> 00:02:17,290
- What, do you have, like,
62
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:18,560
A weighted blanket or something?
63
00:02:18,690 --> 00:02:19,760
- Nah, just high-quality comforter.
64
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,090
- It's time to switch
65
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:22,290
To the lightweight summer comforter.
66
00:02:22,430 --> 00:02:23,290
- I don't know. I like to sweat.
67
00:02:23,430 --> 00:02:24,430
- If I had a dime...
68
00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:25,430
- Hey, lucy, don't make fun
69
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,360
Of your dad's failing health.
70
00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:30,000
- I'm not failing. Just got a bad shoulder.
71
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:33,640
- [chuckling] okay.
72
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:34,840
- What is happenin' here?
73
00:02:34,970 --> 00:02:36,770
- Who you takin' to the prom,
there, tin tin?
74
00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:38,440
- Okay, settle down.
75
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,840
Probie, this is exactly the
picture day energy I like.
76
00:02:40,980 --> 00:02:42,250
Huh? The hair, the teeth.
77
00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:43,650
Look at him. Perfect.
78
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:45,520
- Yeah, yeah. The kid looks good.
79
00:02:45,650 --> 00:02:47,520
The rest of you could learn
something from the probie
80
00:02:47,650 --> 00:02:49,050
And take some pride in your photo.
81
00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:50,250
- For what?
82
00:02:50,390 --> 00:02:51,250
They always get my lighting wrong,
83
00:02:51,390 --> 00:02:52,660
And my pictures suck.
84
00:02:52,790 --> 00:02:53,990
- What am I supposed to do, wear makeup?
85
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,130
- Do my hair?
86
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:56,860
- Maybe you should do your hair.
87
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,330
Your mother bought you that
nice new blow-dryer online.
88
00:02:58,460 --> 00:02:59,860
- That thing's from europe.
89
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,330
And it doesn't even have the right plugs.
90
00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:02,930
- A little effort would go a long way.
91
00:03:03,070 --> 00:03:05,600
- If you care so much,
where is all your effort, guy?
92
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,270
- This face needs no effort, guy.
93
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,940
- It is very distinguished, cap.
94
00:03:09,070 --> 00:03:10,340
- Thank you, mickleberry.
95
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,010
- Distinguished is just
another word for old.
96
00:03:12,140 --> 00:03:14,280
- Lucy, that's ageism.
- Mm-hmm.
97
00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:15,950
- At least your dad and I care.
98
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,480
Yes, he is over 50
99
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,080
With an uninsurable bmi and shoulder pain.
100
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,620
But the man is foregoing his breakfast
101
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:22,690
For the death photos.
102
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:24,490
That's sacrifice.
103
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:27,690
- Hey! Dingleberry? Who did that?
104
00:03:27,830 --> 00:03:29,160
[both chuckling]
105
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:30,890
Was this you?
- No, it wasn't me.
106
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:32,160
- Was that you?
107
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,630
- No, I don't even know how to sew, chief.
108
00:03:33,770 --> 00:03:35,300
That's crazy.
- All right, listen up.
109
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,830
These photos are gonna be professional.
110
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,770
You're gonna sit up straight.
You're gonna smile.
111
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,900
And don't be the jokester trying to sneak in
112
00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:41,900
Dirty messages.
113
00:03:41,910 --> 00:03:43,040
- Do not be the jokester.
114
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- All right.
- Carry on.
115
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,640
You look good, mickleberry.
116
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- I did do it.
117
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- [chuckles]
- I knew it.
118
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- I knew it.
- I do know how to sew.
119
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:57,520
♪ ♪
120
00:03:57,660 --> 00:04:00,090
- What are you doing?
- Oh, god!
121
00:04:01,260 --> 00:04:02,330
- Are you putting on makeup?
122
00:04:02,460 --> 00:04:05,000
- Wha-- [chuckles]
123
00:04:05,130 --> 00:04:06,260
No.
124
00:04:06,260 --> 00:04:07,460
I mean, yes.
125
00:04:07,470 --> 00:04:09,870
I am putting on makeup,
126
00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:11,400
Uh, to cover my hickeys.
127
00:04:11,540 --> 00:04:13,400
- On your forehead?
- You should see her face.
128
00:04:13,540 --> 00:04:15,010
- Barf.
- Oh, whatever.
129
00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:16,010
When two people love each other,
130
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:17,070
That's what they do.
131
00:04:17,210 --> 00:04:18,070
- Wait, you've never covered up
132
00:04:18,210 --> 00:04:19,540
Hickeys before.
133
00:04:19,540 --> 00:04:21,010
- [gasps] because those are no hickeys.
134
00:04:21,150 --> 00:04:22,350
Those are botox bruises.
135
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,150
- What? No way.
136
00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:26,220
- Yeah, way, I watched four seasons
137
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,680
Of "botox bunnies" on trutv.
138
00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:29,490
I know exactly what I'm looking at.
139
00:04:29,490 --> 00:04:31,820
- Okay, fine. Yes, I got botox.
140
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,220
And it's not the first time.
141
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,430
Only this time, I got triple the ccs.
142
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:36,830
- Doesn't look any different.
143
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,230
- Ah, it hasn't kicked in yet.
144
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,760
But at any given moment,
this face is gonna freeze,
145
00:04:41,770 --> 00:04:43,770
And these worry lines will be blasted
146
00:04:43,770 --> 00:04:45,040
Back to 1986.
147
00:04:45,170 --> 00:04:47,040
You should try it sometime.
- I look just fine.
148
00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:48,370
- Sure you do.
149
00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:50,440
Whatever you do, don't tell your dad.
150
00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:52,240
- Why not?
- Well...
151
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,640
[chuckles] look at this
harley clifford-jones.
152
00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:57,050
He's got rooster throat
but a smooth forehead.
153
00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:58,110
He's not fooling anyone.
154
00:04:58,250 --> 00:04:59,720
- Botox is for dorks.
155
00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:00,850
- I totally agree.
156
00:05:00,990 --> 00:05:02,050
There's nothing more attractive
157
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,050
Than aging gracefully.
158
00:05:03,190 --> 00:05:04,790
- Bullshit, penisi.
159
00:05:04,790 --> 00:05:06,660
Botox is right up your alley.
- That's ridiculous.
160
00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:09,790
- I bet you 5 grand you use
it within the next ten years.
161
00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:11,130
- [chuckles] you're on.
162
00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:12,930
I will never do botox.
163
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:14,730
- Oh, ho.
164
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:16,270
- I am three weeks away
from winning that bet.
165
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,330
And I want that money.
166
00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:18,470
- Why are you risking it
167
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,470
With three weeks to go?
168
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,940
- I've actually been on botox
169
00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:22,340
The last ten years.
170
00:05:22,470 --> 00:05:23,810
In fact,
I was on botox when we made the bet.
171
00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:25,410
- You hypocrite.
- Well...
172
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,280
- You will be splitting this with me, 50-50.
173
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,610
- Bullshit.
174
00:05:28,610 --> 00:05:29,880
- Well, do you want to win 2,500
175
00:05:30,010 --> 00:05:31,750
Or lose 5 grand when I tell my dad?
176
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:34,750
- Oh, you are a rotten little street rat.
177
00:05:34,890 --> 00:05:36,690
Okay, fine. You're on.
178
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,820
But don't you say a word to anybody.
179
00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:41,220
- Nice doing business with you,
you vain asshole.
180
00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:42,560
- Get out of here.
181
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:43,890
♪ ♪
182
00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:45,230
- Goodness gracious.
183
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:46,700
Will you stop with the primping?
184
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:48,770
- Easy for you to say. When you're balding,
185
00:05:48,770 --> 00:05:50,030
All you have to do is shave your head.
186
00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:51,300
- Excuse you?
187
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,040
- This could be my first and last
188
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:53,970
Department photo, granny.
189
00:05:54,110 --> 00:05:55,110
- Yeah, it's about to be.
190
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,770
- [groaning] oh, god.
191
00:05:56,780 --> 00:05:58,510
- Firefighting is a dangerous job.
192
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,640
Chief was right to say,
"take the photo seriously."
193
00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:02,110
Especially when you're as old as he is.
194
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:03,380
- What?
195
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:04,380
- You're constantly cheating death.
196
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,920
- He's right, chief.
197
00:06:06,050 --> 00:06:07,250
You are much closer to death than all of us.
198
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:08,320
- We're the same age.
199
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:09,850
[grunts]
- yeah, but...[sighs]
200
00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:12,390
You're the old same age.
I'm the young same age.
201
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:13,860
My psyche's in a much better place
202
00:06:13,990 --> 00:06:15,390
'cause I don't feel old.
You know why that is?
203
00:06:15,390 --> 00:06:17,530
- I know why.
204
00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:20,730
- It's a little something called
"dostadning."
205
00:06:20,870 --> 00:06:23,330
- Dodadning?
- Dostadning.
206
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:26,140
- Dodesting?
- Dostadning.
207
00:06:26,270 --> 00:06:28,670
- Tostitos?
- It means "death cleaning."
208
00:06:28,810 --> 00:06:31,470
It's a swedish custom my
second wife taught me about.
209
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:32,740
When you get to a certain age,
210
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,480
It's the process of unburdening yourself
211
00:06:34,610 --> 00:06:36,350
Of unnecessary belongings.
212
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,950
- Sounds like european bullshit to me.
213
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,150
- Oh, I read about that.
214
00:06:40,290 --> 00:06:41,550
You get rid of your physical clutter,
215
00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:42,890
And it eliminates your mental clutter.
216
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:44,220
You feel younger.
- That's right, probie.
217
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,560
Even the probie knows.
218
00:06:45,690 --> 00:06:47,090
- This whole thing sounds stupid.
219
00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:49,430
Oh, god, ah.
220
00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:52,360
- Oh, my god.
- Ouch.
221
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:54,560
- I have a delivery for granfield smith
222
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:56,370
From tacoma creative photo.
223
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,770
- Oh, shoot.
224
00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:00,370
- Um... [laughs]
225
00:07:00,510 --> 00:07:03,570
Wow, I asked you to deliver that outside.
226
00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:05,980
- What'd you get, granny?
- Just some body cam stuff.
227
00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:07,880
- Oh, cool, cool, cool.
- [chuckles]
228
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:11,310
♪ ♪
229
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,250
- [groaning] oh, boy.
230
00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:16,920
- You know, you really should
get that shoulder checked out.
231
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,920
- Ah, it's just old age.
232
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,320
I know you're full of false bravado.
233
00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:23,390
But does this old age talk ever bother you?
234
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:26,260
- Nah, I still kick so much ass.
235
00:07:26,260 --> 00:07:27,860
You know, I meant what I said out there.
236
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,070
I have no mental clutter,
237
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,400
And it keeps me feeling young.
238
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:32,400
But you are clutter city.
239
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,200
You can't even let go
of old electric razors.
240
00:07:34,340 --> 00:07:35,610
- Why would I throw away good batteries.
241
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:39,140
- Well, you need a good dostadning.
242
00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:40,480
You gotta declutter yourself.
243
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:41,880
Throw away something you don't want anymore.
244
00:07:42,010 --> 00:07:43,950
- That's rough.
245
00:07:43,950 --> 00:07:46,280
Oh, you know that throw pillow you gave me?
246
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:47,680
- [chuckles] the one where I'm eating
247
00:07:47,690 --> 00:07:49,350
The chicken wings on it? Yeah, yeah.
248
00:07:49,490 --> 00:07:53,090
- This one.
- [laughs]
249
00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:54,220
"sit on this."
250
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,360
Oh, man. That thing is hysterical.
251
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:57,430
- It's pretty funny.
252
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,030
I'm gettin' rid of it.
253
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,100
- Okay.
254
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:02,570
Okay. How'd that feel?
255
00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:03,900
- I feel like I just unbuckled my belt
256
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,770
After a rack of ribs. [chuckles]
257
00:08:06,770 --> 00:08:08,100
You were right. I never liked that pillow.
258
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,640
But you did. So I held onto it.
259
00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:11,570
And, frankly, it was a burden.
- Okay.
260
00:08:11,710 --> 00:08:13,380
- [sighs] but now I feel lighter.
261
00:08:13,510 --> 00:08:15,450
- That's what dostadning is all about.
262
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,910
- Then I'm dostadning -ing-ing-ing.
263
00:08:18,050 --> 00:08:19,380
- Yeah, you are.
264
00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:22,390
- Okay.
- [laughs]
265
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:26,390
[face creaking]
266
00:08:26,390 --> 00:08:32,330
♪ ♪
267
00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:33,830
Lucy.
268
00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,600
- Oh, you look pleased with yourself.
269
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,000
- The botox kicked in
while I was being smug.
270
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,670
Now I'm stuck in "smug face."
- what?
271
00:08:42,810 --> 00:08:45,080
- How the hell am I gonna hide this?
272
00:08:45,210 --> 00:08:47,680
♪ ♪
273
00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:52,950
- I need to avoid terry
until this wears off.
274
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:54,620
- You're gonna avoid him
for the next three months?
275
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,620
You look like the cat
that swallowed the canary.
276
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,360
- You mean the cat that got the cream?
277
00:08:58,490 --> 00:08:59,560
- Don't you dare correct me
278
00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:01,360
With that smug look on your face.
279
00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:03,690
- Hey-o.
- Cover me.
280
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,030
50-50, remember.
- It's 60-40 now.
281
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:08,700
- Such a street rat.
282
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,770
- Eddie,
you look like the cat that caught the mouse.
283
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:12,840
- Gotta run.
- Huh, okay.
284
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:15,910
Ever get the feeling he's too cocky?
285
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,440
- Every single day.
286
00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:19,840
- Lucy...
287
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:22,650
I've decided to do the swedish dostadning.
288
00:09:22,650 --> 00:09:24,180
And in the interest of decluttering,
289
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,050
I've decided to get something off my chest.
290
00:09:26,050 --> 00:09:27,250
- Okay.
291
00:09:27,390 --> 00:09:28,590
- You know how you always asked me
292
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:29,720
Why you didn't have a birthday party
293
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,050
Until you were seven?
294
00:09:31,060 --> 00:09:32,060
- Yes, I recall.
295
00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:33,720
- Well, in 1998,
296
00:09:33,730 --> 00:09:35,530
Ken griffey jr. Led the american league
297
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:36,930
With 55 home runs.
298
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:38,400
On September 25th,
299
00:09:38,530 --> 00:09:40,800
He was going for a career high 56.
300
00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:42,600
And I had the tickets.
- Oh.
301
00:09:42,730 --> 00:09:45,670
- But, unexpectedly,
vicky went into labor with you
302
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,270
And I had to give up those tickets.
303
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:48,740
[chuckles]
304
00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:50,070
That night, when I was in the hospital,
305
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,540
Ken griffey jr. Hit his 56th home run.
306
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,610
And because of your birth, I missed it.
307
00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:55,950
- I think you made the right call
308
00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:57,680
Being there for you daughter--
309
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,480
- And for seven long years,
I held it against you.
310
00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:02,150
It was a very difficult
post-partum time for me.
311
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,820
But now I'm over it.
312
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,760
Whoo. [chuckles]
313
00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:08,290
That feels great. Wow.
314
00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:10,160
[chuckles] okay.
315
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,530
- Are you fucking kidding?
316
00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:15,770
- Excuse me, hey, chief,
did you want to see me or...
317
00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,430
- Oh, yeah. Come on in, sit down.
318
00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:18,900
- Uh, was it just me
319
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,170
Or was it mickleberry and them too?
320
00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:21,770
- Just you.
321
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:24,570
- Um, if this is about all,
like, the protein shake
322
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,040
And everything that was left out,
323
00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:27,510
I think mickleberry
might have got into that.
324
00:10:27,650 --> 00:10:28,850
That might not...
325
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:29,850
- This is not about mickleberry.
326
00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:31,110
This is something else.
327
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,320
As a result of my dostadning,
328
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,520
I've decided to give you
329
00:10:34,650 --> 00:10:36,720
One of my most prized possessions.
330
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,920
My joke collection.
- Why me?
331
00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,790
- Well, I know you have
trouble completing your jokes.
332
00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:43,330
I thought this could help you out.
333
00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:45,060
- I mean, I-- it's not that I have trouble
334
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,930
Completing jokes. It's that, you know,
335
00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:49,270
Sometimes I'm trying to think of,
like, the perfect--
336
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,200
- [chuckles] my joke collection.
337
00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:54,200
- Oh, whoa. [chuckles] cool.
338
00:10:54,210 --> 00:10:56,610
What--it's gotta be, like,
50 popsicle sticks in here.
339
00:10:56,610 --> 00:10:59,080
- Thousands. And I've sucked 'em all.
340
00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:01,140
- Each one has a joke on it?
- Yeah.
341
00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:02,750
My kids didn't want them, so I figured
342
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:04,150
I'd give them to you.
343
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:05,750
- Ah, wait, your kids didn't want these?
344
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,280
- Yeah, weird, right?
345
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:09,490
- So many. Okay, uh...
346
00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:12,090
"what's the hardest thing
about learning to ride a bike?"
347
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:13,620
Both: The pavement!
348
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,230
[both laugh]
349
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,560
- 'cause you're gonna fall
off and hit your head.
350
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,360
- You picked the best one right off the bat.
351
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,030
[laughs]
- oh, that is so funny.
352
00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:24,230
All right--wait, "what kind of a car
353
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,100
Does an egg drive?"
354
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,640
"a yolkswagon."
355
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:31,370
Yolkswagon?
- Yolks-wagon?
356
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:33,310
- "a yo..." [laughs]
357
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,910
Yolkswagon.
- [chuckles]
358
00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:35,980
- Oh, man.
359
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:37,580
- I didn't get it the first time either.
360
00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:39,050
- Wait, do you want me to give you
361
00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:40,520
A handful too and we can,
like, go back and forth?
362
00:11:40,650 --> 00:11:41,580
- No, no, I think that's-- that'll be all.
363
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,590
You're dismissed.
364
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,590
- Ugh, so sticky. [chuckles]
365
00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:48,260
You know what, chief?
366
00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:50,060
I actually was having a
hard time telling jokes.
367
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:51,590
- Don't draw it out. You can go.
368
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,060
- Do you want it open or closed?
369
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,260
- Uh, you can keep it open.
- You got it, chief.
370
00:11:55,270 --> 00:11:56,600
Yeah!
- Yeah.
371
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,870
[sighs]
372
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,200
Dostadning. Dostadning.
373
00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:02,810
Doo-stadning.
374
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:05,480
Dostadning. Wow.
375
00:12:05,610 --> 00:12:10,280
♪ ♪
376
00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:13,350
- This book is so, so sad.
377
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,350
I think I'm gonna cry.
378
00:12:15,490 --> 00:12:16,750
- Hey, anybody know
379
00:12:16,890 --> 00:12:18,160
When the photographer showin' up?
380
00:12:18,290 --> 00:12:19,290
- Don't know, don't care.
381
00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:21,690
- What you lookin' for?
- What?
382
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:23,290
Uh, nothing.
383
00:12:23,290 --> 00:12:25,090
Has anyone seen an
international plug adapter?
384
00:12:25,230 --> 00:12:27,630
- What do you need it for?
- My radio.
385
00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:29,430
- You still have a plug-in radio?
386
00:12:29,570 --> 00:12:31,430
Cool.
- [chuckles]
387
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,640
"because they live in schools."
388
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,110
[snorts] this one gets me every time.
389
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,040
- Ike, those popsicle sticks still look wet.
390
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,510
Please tell me you boiled them.
391
00:12:40,650 --> 00:12:42,710
- Uh, no. I'm not gonna boil them, lucy.
392
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:44,310
'cause that would erase the jokes.
393
00:12:44,450 --> 00:12:46,650
The jokes are printed on here.
You know that, right?
394
00:12:46,650 --> 00:12:48,320
Oh, here's one. Hey, here, I got one.
395
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,590
"what is a cow's favorite
form of entertainment?"
396
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:52,860
- Moo-vies.
397
00:12:52,990 --> 00:12:55,320
- [laughs]
- [laughs sarcastically]
398
00:12:55,330 --> 00:12:57,460
- Hey, man,
what's with that smug look on your face?
399
00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:58,930
It hasn't changed for an hour.
400
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:00,530
- This is the way I always look.
401
00:13:00,670 --> 00:13:02,800
- Hey, cap,
did you get the botox for the picture?
402
00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:04,200
- What? No, probie, be quiet.
403
00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:05,400
- You did. You're frozen.
404
00:13:05,540 --> 00:13:06,540
- Whoops. [chuckles]
405
00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:07,740
- Okay, fine. A little bit.
406
00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:09,070
- Look at you,
407
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:12,410
Mr. "I don't care about the photo.
I don't age."
408
00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:13,940
[scoffs] so disappointing.
409
00:13:13,950 --> 00:13:15,010
- Okay, just keep it quiet.
410
00:13:15,150 --> 00:13:16,750
- Wait, cap, I got one for you.
411
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:19,620
"what goes up but doesn't come down?"
412
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:22,290
"your age." [laughs]
413
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:23,690
It's, like, the perfect one.
414
00:13:23,690 --> 00:13:25,560
Literally the perfect one for this moment.
415
00:13:25,690 --> 00:13:26,690
- [chuckles weakly]
416
00:13:26,830 --> 00:13:28,290
- I feel like the strawberry ones
417
00:13:28,430 --> 00:13:29,760
Are always the funniest.
418
00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:31,490
- Hey, eddie, can I see you in my office?
419
00:13:31,630 --> 00:13:33,700
- Me? Now?
420
00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:35,830
- Yeah, now. Stop being so smug.
421
00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:38,240
- But I'm not being smug.
422
00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:39,570
Oh, boy.
423
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:44,310
♪ ♪
424
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:46,040
- Eddie, sit down.
- Nah, I'ma stand.
425
00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:47,510
- No, please, sit down. Come on.
426
00:13:47,650 --> 00:13:48,850
- No. I'd prefer to stand.
427
00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:51,310
- Please. It's a dostadning thing.
428
00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:52,720
Come on.
- [sighs]
429
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,520
- Sit down, come on.
430
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,120
[exhales heavily]
431
00:13:57,790 --> 00:13:59,320
I didn't think I'd be this nervous.
432
00:13:59,460 --> 00:14:01,790
[chuckles] okay.
433
00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:04,260
In an attempt to get my affairs in order,
434
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,000
Vicky and I have decided that in the event
435
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,130
That something should happen to us,
436
00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:14,200
We would be honored if you
would be the guardian...
437
00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:15,970
Of our daughters.
438
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,710
[exhales]
439
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:22,410
I'm being serious.
440
00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:24,610
- Yeah, no, it's incredible. I'm humbled.
441
00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:25,620
- Do you understand the significance
442
00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:26,620
Of what I'm asking?
443
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,020
- Yeah.
444
00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:29,020
- Then what's with the smug face?
445
00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:30,220
- Mm-mm, I'm not smug.
446
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,020
I'm overjoyed.
- This is overjoyed?
447
00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:35,220
- That's not how I look.
- This is your face.
448
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,830
- That's not how I look.
- Okay, eh?
449
00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:39,760
That's exactly how you look.
450
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,430
[alarm blares]
- mva.
451
00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:43,830
Engine 24 and rescue...
- Oh, gotta roll.
452
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,570
We'll pick this up later.
453
00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:49,310
- What's wrong with you,
you smug piece of shit?
454
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,910
♪ ♪
455
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,640
- Damn it. I need to fix my hair again.
456
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:53,980
The photographer will be here soon.
457
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,910
- Yeah, got time to go to the salon, bro.
458
00:14:56,050 --> 00:14:58,020
[both laugh]
459
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,520
- Hey, hey. Luce, luce, luce.
460
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,990
Hey,
your dad is gonna want to talk to me again.
461
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,860
I cannot accept his dostadning
with my face like this.
462
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,530
- Well, at least your dostadning
463
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:09,860
Was a heartfelt gesture.
464
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:10,990
He told me a baseball game
465
00:15:11,130 --> 00:15:12,460
Was more important than my birth.
466
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,130
- Yeah, he hated you forever for that one.
467
00:15:14,270 --> 00:15:16,470
He used to cry every time
he changed your diapers.
468
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:17,870
On the flip side, though,
469
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,140
He did give me the tickets to that game.
470
00:15:19,270 --> 00:15:20,670
So thank you very much.
471
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,810
- It's 70-30 now.
- What?
472
00:15:22,810 --> 00:15:24,140
I'm so mad right now.
473
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,680
- I actually can't even tell.
474
00:15:25,810 --> 00:15:26,940
- Oh, I am furious.
475
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,610
- Here, let me help.
476
00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:31,550
♪ ♪
477
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,880
Your face feels like clay.
- I know.
478
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,080
- Okay, hold on, here we go.
[face crackling]
479
00:15:35,090 --> 00:15:36,820
Oh, okay. All right.
480
00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:37,950
We're getting a little traction.
481
00:15:38,090 --> 00:15:39,620
- Oh.
- Whoa.
482
00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:42,490
- Okay,
I feel like I felt my expression change.
483
00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:44,090
- Well...
484
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:45,700
Your face is actually dead.
485
00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:47,160
[dramatic chord]
486
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:49,500
- Eddie,
can we continue our conversation, please?
487
00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:50,900
- [sighs]
488
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:55,840
♪ ♪
489
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,970
- Ooh. Hi, ike!
490
00:15:58,110 --> 00:15:59,580
- Oh.
- Hi.
491
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,580
- Hey. How's it going?
492
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,180
Uh, I--sorry.
493
00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:06,380
Uh, guys, this is billie jean,
my neighbor, billie jean.
494
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,050
- It's 3:00.
495
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,520
- Oh, yeah! No, no, no.
496
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,990
I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's 3:00.
497
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,190
That--because, um, billie jean, wanted to,
498
00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:15,390
Have a tour of the fire station.
499
00:16:15,530 --> 00:16:16,790
She's never been to a fire station before.
500
00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:18,400
- Guilty. [both chuckle]
501
00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:19,730
- Okay. Yeah, let's do it.
502
00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:21,000
Um, just right this way.
- Oh, okay.
503
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:24,200
- We can start in here.
- Okay.
504
00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:26,470
- Is billie jean his lover?
- I don't know.
505
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,210
It ain't none of my business.
506
00:16:28,340 --> 00:16:30,740
♪ ♪
507
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:32,140
- [exhales heavily]
508
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,140
I know I sprung a big ask on you before,
509
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,150
And I'm sorry about that.
510
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:38,620
I should have given you time to think.
511
00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:40,350
- No, no. I'm honored, really.
512
00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:42,350
- Well, it's just that we're friends
513
00:16:42,490 --> 00:16:43,850
And, uh...
514
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,560
Am I catching you at a bad time here?
515
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,090
- Mm-mm. Why?
516
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:49,490
- Seems like you don't
care about what I'm saying.
517
00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:51,160
- I do. I totally care.
518
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:53,830
- All right, well,
I'm trying to do a dostadning here,
519
00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:54,900
And it seems like you're refusing
520
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:56,370
My dostadning.
521
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:59,040
- No, I fully support the dostadning.
522
00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:01,300
I'm the one who suggested the dostadning.
523
00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:02,770
- Well,
I'm not gettin' a very supportive vibe.
524
00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:04,570
Do you not care about my kids?
525
00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:06,640
- I do. I love your kids.
526
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:08,040
- You know what, eddie?
527
00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:09,110
Don't be sarcastic about someone's kids.
528
00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:11,310
- I'm not.
- That's it.
529
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,920
My offer is officially rescinded.
530
00:17:13,050 --> 00:17:15,120
- What? No, terry. Don't rescind it.
531
00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:16,790
- Really?
532
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:20,990
You know what, from now on,
we keep our relationship
533
00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:23,060
Strictly professional, you heartless prick.
534
00:17:23,190 --> 00:17:25,730
- Wait, terry. No, don't be mad.
535
00:17:25,860 --> 00:17:27,400
Te--no, terry.
536
00:17:27,530 --> 00:17:28,930
Please come back. Let's talk about it.
537
00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:30,570
I really want to talk about it.
538
00:17:33,270 --> 00:17:34,400
[rock music]
539
00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:36,610
- He didn't just rescind the offer.
540
00:17:36,740 --> 00:17:38,010
He rescinded our friendship.
541
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,940
- I know. I even saw him throw this out.
542
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,810
- His bfff mug.
543
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,150
I gave him this.
544
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,810
It's his second favorite mug.
545
00:17:44,950 --> 00:17:46,080
How am I supposed to make amends
546
00:17:46,220 --> 00:17:47,280
With my face looking like this?
547
00:17:47,290 --> 00:17:48,150
- Tell him the truth.
548
00:17:48,290 --> 00:17:50,350
- To the tune of $5,000?
549
00:17:50,490 --> 00:17:51,490
No, thank you.
550
00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:53,890
This calls for extreme measures.
551
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:55,690
Defib time.
552
00:17:55,830 --> 00:17:56,890
- Oh, my god.
553
00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:59,360
Uncle eddie, no, no, no, no, no.
554
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:01,500
[aed whines] wait, are you kidding?
555
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:04,370
- Electricity reverses muscular paralysis.
556
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,300
I need you to zap the shit out of my face.
557
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,970
- I don't think this is a good idea.
558
00:18:08,110 --> 00:18:09,640
- I put it on the lowest setting.
559
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:10,710
It's gonna be fine.
560
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:11,710
One time I even used these
561
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,110
To wake up your father.
562
00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:14,510
There wasn't any lasting damage, so...
563
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,910
- But there was temporary damage?
564
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,110
- You never wondered why there's a gap
565
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,580
Between you and your sisters?
566
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,180
- You put it on his nuts?
- Yeah, it was hysterical.
567
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,190
We were laughing for days. Let's do this.
568
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,920
- All right. Fuck it.
569
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:27,460
♪ ♪
570
00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:28,990
- Make it count. [aed whines, sizzles]
571
00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:31,660
- Ah!
- [groans]
572
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,330
- Oh. [chuckles]
573
00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:37,100
Okay. That's an improvement-ish.
574
00:18:38,540 --> 00:18:40,870
- And that you would even consider me
575
00:18:41,010 --> 00:18:43,870
To be the guardian of your children
576
00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:45,810
Is an honor.
577
00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:48,680
One I will never take lightly.
578
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:50,810
- Well, you already did.
Then you laughed at me.
579
00:18:50,950 --> 00:18:53,550
- I never laughed.
- First you had your smug face.
580
00:18:53,690 --> 00:18:55,150
Then you looked like you didn't care.
581
00:18:55,150 --> 00:18:56,620
- And do I still look like that?
582
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,220
- You look like you're having a stroke.
583
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:00,960
- That's because my veins
584
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,030
Are clotted with sadness.
585
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:04,430
- What are you doing with your face?
586
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,830
- Nothing.
587
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:09,030
♪ ♪
588
00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:10,970
[face crackles]
589
00:19:10,970 --> 00:19:12,240
- It's hard.
- No, it's not.
590
00:19:12,370 --> 00:19:14,440
- And your forehead's leaking.
- It is?
591
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:17,240
- [gasps] you got the botox.
- No, I didn't.
592
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:18,570
- Your face is pumped
593
00:19:18,580 --> 00:19:20,110
So full of filler you can't emote.
594
00:19:20,250 --> 00:19:21,780
- Fine. I admit it.
595
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:23,510
I did do the botox.
596
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,520
And that's why you can't tell
how much this means to me.
597
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,790
- Well,
I'm happy you didn't dismiss me earlier.
598
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:30,920
But I'm sad you felt the
need to inject your face
599
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,460
And look younger.
600
00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:34,990
But then again,
I'm happy that you owe me 5,000 bucks.
601
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:36,260
[laughs] yes!
602
00:19:36,390 --> 00:19:38,390
- That part makes me pretty sad.
603
00:19:38,530 --> 00:19:40,600
But I am genuinely touched
604
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,930
That you've made me the
guardian of your children.
605
00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:44,130
- [chuckles] well, hold on.
606
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,470
I don't know if I can trust my kid
607
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:46,670
To someone who pumped their face
608
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,140
Full of chemicals for vanity.
609
00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:50,410
- Well, terry, I think the old age thing
610
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:54,080
Affected me the same way it affected you.
611
00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:56,680
- Hmm.
- I'm sorry.
612
00:19:56,810 --> 00:19:58,550
- What, are we hugging?
- Yeah.
613
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,950
- Okay. [grunts]
614
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,490
[sighs] all right.
615
00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:03,890
Okay. [chuckles]
616
00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:07,560
- [sighs]
- ow, my shoulder. [groans]
617
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:08,690
Too hard.
618
00:20:08,830 --> 00:20:10,160
- You know, I would probably cry
619
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:11,900
If my tear ducts weren't paralyzed
620
00:20:12,030 --> 00:20:13,760
With frog poison. [knock at door]
621
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,170
- The photographer's here.
622
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:16,970
- Oh, and I haven't even put my face on.
623
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:18,770
- And I better take my face off.
624
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:20,500
- Yeah. Okay.
625
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,110
$5,000.
626
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,010
[chuckles]
627
00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:26,710
That's a lot of gear, huh?
628
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:28,380
- What's the deal with those sunglasses?
629
00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:29,510
Are they blue-blockers?
630
00:20:29,650 --> 00:20:32,320
- He looks like german bono.
631
00:20:32,450 --> 00:20:34,650
Oh, granny, need some help?
632
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,450
- No, I got it.
- Probie, help him out.
633
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:37,650
- No, no, I'm good.
634
00:20:37,790 --> 00:20:38,990
- Let me just
- no, don't touch--
635
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,990
Leave it alone. Hey! Argh.
636
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:42,460
- Oh, well, well, well.
637
00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:44,190
Granny, what's with the lighting equipment?
638
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:45,730
- Okay, fine.
639
00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:47,330
White photographers from the department
640
00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:49,670
Don't know how to light
black people properly.
641
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,740
So this year I'm gonna
make myself look good.
642
00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:53,200
- You said the picture didn't matter.
643
00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:54,870
- It doesn't.
644
00:20:54,870 --> 00:20:56,610
But black lighting does.
645
00:20:56,740 --> 00:20:58,880
♪ ♪
646
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,540
- Oh, honey,
new hairdo for the picture, huh?
647
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:01,810
Looks great.
648
00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:03,610
[whispering] always tell
them they look great.
649
00:21:03,620 --> 00:21:05,220
- Well,
I tried to use that foreign blow-dryer
650
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,420
Mom got me, and it just kept zapping me.
651
00:21:07,550 --> 00:21:09,220
- You look like simba. I love it.
652
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:11,220
- [growls]
653
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,290
I just wanted to look good.
654
00:21:13,290 --> 00:21:14,490
- Aw, poor baby.
655
00:21:14,630 --> 00:21:16,630
Just so you know, for these pictures,
656
00:21:16,630 --> 00:21:18,160
We wear our hats.
657
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:19,300
- What?
- We do?
658
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:20,700
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
659
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:23,630
- I spent $50 on this hair, chief.
660
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:27,370
♪ ♪
661
00:21:27,510 --> 00:21:30,110
- Hey-o.
- Hey, guys.
662
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,640
- Where'd you get the makeup?
663
00:21:31,780 --> 00:21:33,510
- Okay,
my friend billie jean is a makeup artist.
664
00:21:33,650 --> 00:21:35,910
She did a little...
- I thought she was your lover.
665
00:21:35,910 --> 00:21:37,310
- Uh, no, mickleberry.
666
00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:38,780
Billie jean is not my lover.
667
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,250
She's just a girl
668
00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:41,520
Who happens to be a makeup artist.
669
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,050
- What kind exactly?
670
00:21:43,050 --> 00:21:44,990
- I don't know.
I think, like, lots of kind--
671
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,190
Like, professional kinds.
672
00:21:47,330 --> 00:21:49,790
I think she works at a funeral parlor too.
673
00:21:49,930 --> 00:21:51,530
- Ah, that explains it.
674
00:21:51,530 --> 00:21:53,400
- You know, just because it's a death photo
675
00:21:53,530 --> 00:21:55,530
Doesn't mean you have to look dead.
676
00:21:55,670 --> 00:21:58,600
- Well, I'm glad no one cares
how they look for their photo.
677
00:21:58,740 --> 00:22:01,340
[laughter]
678
00:22:01,340 --> 00:22:04,470
♪ ♪
679
00:22:04,610 --> 00:22:06,110
- Make love to the camera.
680
00:22:07,210 --> 00:22:10,150
[camera shutter snapping]
681
00:22:10,150 --> 00:22:11,820
- There's my girl.
682
00:22:12,950 --> 00:22:14,550
Here you go.
683
00:22:14,550 --> 00:22:16,350
- "they use swine language"?
684
00:22:16,490 --> 00:22:18,350
I don't get it.
685
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:19,420
- Okay, that should be a good one.
686
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,830
- You know what? I like this one.
687
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,490
Thanks.
688
00:22:24,630 --> 00:22:25,830
Please press the lighting board cue
689
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,030
Before you take the picture, all right?
690
00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:28,800
- Yeah.
691
00:22:30,900 --> 00:22:31,840
- [groans]
692
00:22:31,970 --> 00:22:33,770
- Aw, dad.
693
00:22:33,910 --> 00:22:36,310
- Looks sexy, chiefy.
694
00:22:36,310 --> 00:22:42,480
♪ ♪
695
00:22:43,980 --> 00:22:45,580
- Hey, eddie, mark your calendar.
696
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,050
Two tickets, mariners-yankees,
behind home plate
697
00:22:48,190 --> 00:22:49,250
For me and my little buddy.
698
00:22:49,390 --> 00:22:50,250
- Aw.
699
00:22:50,390 --> 00:22:51,590
Oh, me and you, skipper?
700
00:22:51,590 --> 00:22:53,190
- Well, you know, I had 5k to burn,
701
00:22:53,190 --> 00:22:54,790
So I figured what the heck?
- Yeah, you're welcome.
702
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:57,330
- Hey-o. Hey, pictures came in.
703
00:22:57,330 --> 00:22:59,060
- Hey, all right.
- Oh, cool.
704
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,800
- Crystal. Mcconky.
705
00:23:00,930 --> 00:23:02,270
Penisi. Mcconky.
706
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,400
Look at that, in order.
- All right, death photo day.
707
00:23:05,540 --> 00:23:07,400
- This was the best choice?
- Looks good.
708
00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:09,810
- I really can't die
until I take another one.
709
00:23:09,810 --> 00:23:12,610
- At least I'm not too dark. [chuckling]
710
00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:14,010
- That's kind of cool.
711
00:23:14,010 --> 00:23:15,610
I look a little bit sleepy or something.
712
00:23:15,610 --> 00:23:17,350
- [chuckles]
- you look like a dead mime.
713
00:23:17,350 --> 00:23:18,680
- Oh, "what language do pigs speak?"
714
00:23:18,820 --> 00:23:21,950
"swine language." [laughs]
715
00:23:22,890 --> 00:23:24,750
- [laughs] I remember sucking that stick.
716
00:23:24,890 --> 00:23:27,360
- Was it strawberry?
[chuckles] of course it was.
717
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,030
'cause they're always the funniest.
718
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,890
- Hey, at least I look young.
719
00:23:31,030 --> 00:23:32,500
I'm definitely getting botox again.
720
00:23:32,630 --> 00:23:33,630
- Let's see yours.
- Hey, hey, let's see it.
721
00:23:33,770 --> 00:23:34,760
- No.
- Da-da-da-da.
722
00:23:34,770 --> 00:23:36,500
- I just had a bad hair day.
723
00:23:36,630 --> 00:23:37,970
- [laughs]
- whoa.
724
00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:39,570
[all chuckle]
725
00:23:39,570 --> 00:23:40,900
- Is that hair attached
to your hat or something?
726
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,370
- Oh.
727
00:23:42,510 --> 00:23:43,510
- This is actually the best photo
728
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,440
I've ever taken, look at that.
729
00:23:45,580 --> 00:23:46,840
Eh?
- Yeah, chiefy, noyce.
730
00:23:46,980 --> 00:23:48,910
- Aw, dad, you look so handsome.
731
00:23:49,050 --> 00:23:51,580
Look at that. [sighs]
732
00:23:54,390 --> 00:23:56,190
Who's hugh janus?
733
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,850
Hugh janus.
734
00:23:57,860 --> 00:23:59,520
Hugh janus? Hugh jan--
735
00:23:59,660 --> 00:24:01,590
Hugh janus.
- Hugh janus?
736
00:24:01,590 --> 00:24:04,790
- Huge anus? Who did that?
737
00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:06,800
- What, are we hugging?
- Yeah.
738
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,260
- [grunts]
739
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:09,770
[sighs] all right.
740
00:24:11,340 --> 00:24:13,870
[groaning] oh, my shoulder.
741
00:24:13,870 --> 00:24:15,640
Oh, god.
742
00:24:16,270 --> 00:24:17,340
- It was me.
743
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,670
[laughter]
744
00:24:18,810 --> 00:24:19,940
- Eddie!
745
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,350
- He really got you.
746
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:26,950
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