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1
00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:22,827
Excuse me, miss.
There seems to be a mistake.
2
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,663
I ordered the large cappuccino.
3
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,832
Hello!
4
00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:31,085
- Look at the size of this.
- It's a bowl.
5
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,671
It's like Campbell's cup-o-ccino.
6
00:03:34,006 --> 00:03:36,716
My sides. Please.
7
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,848
So Tony...
8
00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:45,684
...what's with your clothes?
9
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,978
What?
10
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:51,106
You look like you're in
Starsky and Hutch.
11
00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:53,942
- I look hip.
- No, no, no.
12
00:03:54,152 --> 00:03:56,945
More like an undercover cop
trying to be.
13
00:03:57,697 --> 00:04:01,492
- I am a cop trying to look hip.
- Can you do me a favour?
14
00:04:01,743 --> 00:04:05,871
When you go to my parents'
don't dress like a 1970s pimp.
15
00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:08,916
My parents are a little eccentric.
16
00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:14,296
This poem is called, "An Apology
To The Aliens Who Abducted Me...
17
00:04:14,547 --> 00:04:17,007
...and Whom I Inflicted
Destruction Upon...
18
00:04:17,217 --> 00:04:20,177
...While Having a Panic Attack
Aboard the Ship."
19
00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,263
Autobiographical.
20
00:04:24,934 --> 00:04:28,102
- What are you gonna do tonight?
- Well...
21
00:04:28,687 --> 00:04:31,439
...I'm gonna do a poem about Sherri.
22
00:04:34,318 --> 00:04:35,944
The "Woman, Woe Man,
Whoa Man" poem.
23
00:04:36,111 --> 00:04:37,278
Yeah.
24
00:04:39,031 --> 00:04:43,201
Tell me again.
Why did you break up with Sherri?
25
00:04:43,452 --> 00:04:46,287
Tony, I told you already,
she's a thief.
26
00:04:46,497 --> 00:04:50,250
- You don't honestly believe that?
- Tony, she's a klepto.
27
00:04:50,501 --> 00:04:54,170
To this day I still don't know
where my cat is.
28
00:04:54,922 --> 00:04:58,216
Charlie, every time
you meet a nice girl...
29
00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:01,886
...you get paranoid and break up.
- That's not true.
30
00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:04,682
- I broke up for good reasons.
- Really?
31
00:05:04,933 --> 00:05:07,518
- Yes.
- What about Jill?
32
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,937
She was in the Mafia.
33
00:05:11,356 --> 00:05:14,525
- She was in the Mafia?
- Yes, the Cosa Nostra.
34
00:05:14,776 --> 00:05:18,988
- I never knew how she made a living.
- She was unemployed.
35
00:05:19,197 --> 00:05:22,157
- She didn't work.
- That's a perfect cover.
36
00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:25,828
All right. What about Pam?
37
00:05:28,874 --> 00:05:30,875
She smelled like soup.
38
00:05:33,587 --> 00:05:37,006
- What does that mean?
- Like beef-vegetable soup.
39
00:05:37,257 --> 00:05:39,425
- Paranoid.
- You weren't there.
40
00:05:39,634 --> 00:05:41,302
- It's all in your head.
- No, no.
41
00:05:41,511 --> 00:05:42,970
- It is.
- No, no.
42
00:05:47,018 --> 00:05:49,561
- I'm up. Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
43
00:05:55,318 --> 00:06:00,739
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it
for our own Mr. Charlie MacKenzie.
44
00:06:15,379 --> 00:06:16,838
Woman
45
00:06:17,089 --> 00:06:18,673
Woe man
46
00:06:18,883 --> 00:06:21,551
Whoa man
47
00:06:22,303 --> 00:06:25,514
She was a thief
You gotta believe
48
00:06:25,724 --> 00:06:28,851
She stole my heart and my cat
49
00:06:29,686 --> 00:06:31,145
Betty
50
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:32,855
Judy
51
00:06:33,065 --> 00:06:36,400
Josie and those hot Pussycats
52
00:06:36,610 --> 00:06:40,112
They make me horny
Saturday morny
53
00:06:40,364 --> 00:06:43,741
Girls of cartoons
Won't leave me in ruins
54
00:06:43,951 --> 00:06:46,994
I want to be Betty's Barney
55
00:06:47,496 --> 00:06:51,749
Hey, Jane, get me off
This crazy thing
56
00:06:52,292 --> 00:06:54,502
Called love
57
00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:57,275
- Hi.
- Hi.
58
00:07:57,484 --> 00:07:58,943
Can I help you?
59
00:07:59,486 --> 00:08:04,907
- Yes, do you have haggis?
- Yes, we do. One?
60
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,701
Yes, please.
61
00:08:06,952 --> 00:08:09,162
My parents are Scottish.
62
00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:16,753
That will be $19.75.
63
00:08:18,547 --> 00:08:20,214
Here you go.
64
00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:23,551
Thank you.
65
00:08:24,845 --> 00:08:28,056
- Will there be anything else?
- No, thanks.
66
00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,144
Thanks.
67
00:09:11,936 --> 00:09:14,020
May, get in here!
68
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,211
All right, May, turn off
the Bay City Rollers!
69
00:09:38,504 --> 00:09:41,131
The soccer game's about to begin!
70
00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:49,889
- Hello.
- Hi!
71
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,644
We're in here, son!
72
00:09:53,895 --> 00:09:56,105
- Charlie.
- How's it going, William?
73
00:09:56,314 --> 00:10:00,067
Give your mother a kiss,
or I'll kick your teeth in.
74
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,194
Hi. Hey!
75
00:10:06,408 --> 00:10:08,409
May. Shut it!
76
00:10:10,328 --> 00:10:12,288
- How you doing, Dad?
- Fine.
77
00:10:12,539 --> 00:10:16,250
- Come on, Charlie.
- Away you go with your mother.
78
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:19,712
Why don't you try one
of her bras on, wee girl?
79
00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:22,131
Flaunt away, you fairy!
80
00:10:22,340 --> 00:10:23,465
Hey, Mom.
81
00:10:24,050 --> 00:10:26,385
I brought you guys a haggis.
82
00:10:26,803 --> 00:10:30,389
That's sweet of you, son.
Thank you.
83
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,311
I haven't seen one of these for years.
84
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,856
Actually, I hate them.
But your father will...
85
00:10:38,858 --> 00:10:44,279
Look. He's giving Tony all that
Lyndon H. LaRouche rubbish again.
86
00:10:44,906 --> 00:10:48,783
It's a known fact, Sonny Jim,
that a secret society...
87
00:10:49,035 --> 00:10:52,996
...of the five wealthiest people,
known as the Pentavirate...
88
00:10:53,206 --> 00:10:57,292
...run everything in the world,
including the newspapers...
89
00:10:57,543 --> 00:11:01,880
...and meet tri-annually at a secret
mansion in Colorado known as...
90
00:11:02,256 --> 00:11:05,675
..."The Meadows."
- Who's in the Pentavirate?
91
00:11:05,968 --> 00:11:09,512
The Queen, the Vatican,
the Gettys, the Rothschilds...
92
00:11:09,722 --> 00:11:12,807
...and Colonel Sanders,
before he went tits-up.
93
00:11:13,684 --> 00:11:17,188
I hated the Colonel,
with his wee beady eyes...
94
00:11:17,439 --> 00:11:22,652
...and that smug look on his face.
"You're gonna buy my chicken."
95
00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:26,030
Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?
96
00:11:26,281 --> 00:11:29,075
He puts addictive chemicals
in chicken...
97
00:11:29,284 --> 00:11:32,203
...making you crave it fortnightly,
smart-ass!
98
00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:34,789
Interesting. Cuckoo.
99
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,073
Charlie, would you like a juice?
100
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,912
Look at what I've bought myself,
a Juice Tiger.
101
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:48,665
- A Juice Tiger?
- Yes, I juice everything now.
102
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,334
I'm on a new diet.
103
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:54,129
I'm on a Weekly World News
Garth Brooks Juice Diet.
104
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,839
Scores!
105
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,468
- Margin, one-nil!
- Magic goal!
106
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,137
Let's have a look at the replay.
107
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,807
William, move your head.
108
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,144
Look at the size of that boy's head.
109
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,897
It's like an orange on a toothpick.
110
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:15,567
- You'll give him a complex.
- That's a huge noggin.
111
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:19,947
It's a virtual planetoid.
Has its own weather system!
112
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,075
Head! Move!
113
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:28,288
- Your Sherri's late.
- Mom...
114
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,582
...Sherri and I broke up.
115
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,293
Not Sherri?
116
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,422
I liked Sherri.
117
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:40,008
I didn't like the other girls
you brought home.
118
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:44,972
- Don't make it any harder for me.
- Why should I make it easier, son?
119
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:49,017
You were good together,
you and Sherri.
120
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:53,564
- I thought you'd marry.
- You know I'm terrified of marriage.
121
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,859
I know that, son. I know that.
122
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:02,114
Maybe it's better not to marry.
Did you read the paper?
123
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:05,033
- No.
- No? Where did I put it?
124
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,203
Stuart! Bring in the paper!
125
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,122
All right, hon!
126
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:13,000
Head! Paper! Now!
127
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,044
Move that melon of yours
if you can.
128
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,590
Hauling that gargantuan
cranium about.
129
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,426
No kidding. His head's like Sputnik.
130
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,012
Spherical, but pointy in parts.
131
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,848
That was offside, wasn't it?
132
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:32,186
He'll be crying himself to sleep
tonight on his huge pillow.
133
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,899
Mom, why do you refer to
Weekly World News...
134
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:41,153
...as "the paper"?
The paper contains facts.
135
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,406
This paper contains facts.
136
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:50,037
And this paper has the eighth-highest
circulation in the whole wide world.
137
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:54,166
Plenty of facts.
"Pregnant Man Gives Birth."
138
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,293
That's a fact.
139
00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:00,088
Here it is, look. Read this.
140
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:04,426
"Mrs. X. The honeymoon murderer."
141
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:10,933
She marries men under fake identities
and then she murders them.
142
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,477
She's murdered three men already.
143
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,980
Victim number one
was a lounge singer.
144
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,776
Victim number two,
a Russian martial arts expert.
145
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,319
No!
146
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:27,699
And she's also killed a plumber
named Ralph Elliot.
147
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:33,622
And her whereabouts are unknown.
148
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,905
Give us a kiss, Tony,
and cheer me up. Good night.
149
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,574
Good night.
150
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:18,375
Wow, you've turned into a sexy
wee bastard. You know that?
151
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,168
Thanks, Mrs. MacKenzie.
152
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,504
- Hasn't he?
- I think so.
153
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:25,591
- Good night, Mom.
- Good night, Charlie.
154
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:30,762
- Good night, Dad.
- Fine, go. You've stayed your hour.
155
00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,232
Yes.
156
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,360
- Morning, Charles.
- Morning, sir.
157
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,282
Are you working on the forms
for the vendor...?
158
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:33,784
Yes, captain.
159
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,745
Tony? Tony?
160
00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:44,586
I don't want to intrude,
but you seem a little down.
161
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:49,257
Well, captain, it's about my job.
162
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:53,762
I'm having doubts about being a cop.
163
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:57,265
It's not like how it is on TV.
164
00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,936
I fill out forms and paperwork
all day.
165
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:06,400
Point well taken, but even though
it's not exciting...
166
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,068
...it's very important.
167
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:11,780
Yeah, but of all my times as a cop,
I've never...
168
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:15,200
I never chased a guy
across a crowded square.
169
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:20,288
I've never hung onto that part of
the helicopter. You know that part?
170
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,249
- You know?
- I know it.
171
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:26,503
I've never hung onto that
or even commandeered a vehicle.
172
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:30,924
- That sounds like a lot of fun.
- That's the other thing.
173
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,592
You're too nice.
174
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,972
- I'm too nice?
- Yes, you're too nice.
175
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:40,267
Why not be like a
Starsky and Hutch captain?
176
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:44,146
Where you haul me in your office
and bawl me out...
177
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:48,775
...because you're tired of defending
me from the commissioner.
178
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:52,654
The truth is, I report to a committee.
179
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:56,783
Some are appointed, elected,
or co-opted biannually.
180
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,035
- It's a quorum, so to speak.
- A quorum?
181
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:03,957
- Yeah.
- I thought I was gonna be Serpico...
182
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,878
...but instead I'm like Fish
from Barney Miller.
183
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,380
Hey, somebody needs a hug.
184
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,841
Captain.
185
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,475
Okay, coming up.
186
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:36,072
- Hi.
- Haggis, right?
187
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,201
Yeah, I'm the guy
who ordered the haggis.
188
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,204
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
189
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:45,540
- Do you like haggis?
- No, it's repellent.
190
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,002
I think Scottish cuisine
is based on a dare.
191
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,379
- I'm next.
- You're next.
192
00:18:51,589 --> 00:18:52,923
Yes, can I help you?
193
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:58,220
I'll tell you how you can help me.
All I want is one New York steak...
194
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:02,098
...a quarter-inch thick.
That's all. No more, no less.
195
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:06,394
- Get it and let me out.
- I'm really busy. Be right back.
196
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,567
- It's busy, hey?
- It's insane today.
197
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:17,364
My dad's a butcher,
and I used to work at his shop.
198
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,575
- I can help you.
- I'd love some help.
199
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,245
- Great, what's your name?
- Charlie.
200
00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,121
- Harriet.
- Hi, Harriet.
201
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,208
- Could you get four porterhouses?
- Okay.
202
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,514
Just kidding.
203
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,141
Hi.
204
00:20:43,326 --> 00:20:45,660
So do you live in New York?
205
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,203
Really?
206
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:52,667
Just tell me if that's too tense.
You guide me. You guide me.
207
00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:01,009
Mom, can you get the school nurse?
208
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,428
Get the school nurse! Help me!
209
00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:06,514
It was an accident in shop.
210
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:11,186
Get me a tourniquet?
Anything.
211
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:25,200
Thanks for helping me out
at the butcher shop.
212
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,370
- You were really nice.
- Oh, I was nice?
213
00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:32,832
"Nice." Evidently you think of me
as a woman friend.
214
00:21:33,042 --> 00:21:36,211
- And what is wrong with being nice?
- Nothing.
215
00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:37,879
- Charlie?
- Yes?
216
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:41,591
- Name a bad thing you've done.
- I've done bad things.
217
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:46,012
Tell me one bad thing you've done,
and it better be evil.
218
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:51,059
- How evil?
- Really evil.
219
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:55,105
So evil that you would
say it was "e-vil."
220
00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:59,067
Like it's the fruits of the Devil.
"E-vil."
221
00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:04,531
For example, how many people
have you brutally murdered?
222
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:09,244
"Brutal" is a very subjective word.
223
00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:14,916
What's brutal to one person might
be reasonable to somebody else.
224
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:35,645
Excuse me.
225
00:22:50,786 --> 00:22:52,787
Do you know Russian?
226
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:56,124
Yeah.
227
00:22:56,542 --> 00:23:00,420
Oh, this hurts. No, this is hard.
228
00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:03,923
Not only are you
extremely good-looking...
229
00:23:04,133 --> 00:23:07,969
...but you're also very smart
and that's no fair.
230
00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:11,139
- That's hard.
- Bright women intimidate you?
231
00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:13,808
No, no. Not at all.
232
00:23:14,477 --> 00:23:17,937
But it's a shame I'm going
to have to destroy you.
233
00:23:24,779 --> 00:23:27,322
- Charlie, come here!
- Nadia...
234
00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:29,074
...I am coming.
235
00:23:34,371 --> 00:23:37,582
Expand, contract, expand.
236
00:23:38,334 --> 00:23:41,336
What do you look for
in a woman you date?
237
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,674
I know everyone always says
sense of humour...
238
00:23:46,967 --> 00:23:49,719
...but I have to go with breast size.
239
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,388
Oh, my God.
240
00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:56,017
Come! Let us dance like
children of the night.
241
00:24:05,402 --> 00:24:09,114
- Here we are.
- Wow, what a great place.
242
00:24:09,824 --> 00:24:12,033
- Some tea?
- Sure.
243
00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:14,536
Well, show yourself around.
244
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:24,629
You know what this place needs?
A large poster of Atlantic City.
245
00:24:26,048 --> 00:24:28,550
Oh, look, you got one!
246
00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:31,678
I used to live there.
I have herbal teas:
247
00:24:31,887 --> 00:24:34,264
Cubby Wubby Womb Room tea...
248
00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:38,017
...and Morning Thunder.
- I'll go with Cubby Wubby.
249
00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:40,395
All right, thanks.
250
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,737
What's this?
251
00:24:57,163 --> 00:25:01,166
I had a friend who was
a martial arts expert and...
252
00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:04,961
- Oh, you had a friend?
- It's a martial arts thing.
253
00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:07,964
I thought it would
look good on the wall.
254
00:25:08,257 --> 00:25:10,258
It does.
255
00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:13,553
You know, Scotland has
its own martial arts.
256
00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:15,388
It's called "fuck you!"
257
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,686
It's mostly head-butting
and kicking people on the ground.
258
00:25:34,074 --> 00:25:37,118
- It's late.
- Not for me.
259
00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:41,080
- Who for, then?
- Who for, then, what?
260
00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:44,626
If not for you,
I wonder who it is late for.
261
00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:48,588
Not me, no.
I like the nightlife.
262
00:25:48,964 --> 00:25:50,215
I like to boogie.
263
00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:53,927
I'll make the tea, then.
264
00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:08,983
You know...
265
00:26:12,821 --> 00:26:14,614
...maybe it is late.
266
00:26:14,949 --> 00:26:18,826
I'll be honest with you.
I had a great time tonight...
267
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:22,789
...and I'd really love to kiss you.
268
00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:28,378
But if I kiss you, we'll end up on
the couch, and if we end up there...
269
00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:32,548
...chances are we'll kiss
in the bedroom...
270
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,969
...and that's the part
I always rush into.
271
00:26:36,178 --> 00:26:40,473
It's not a good idea to rush
into spending the night together.
272
00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:45,311
- I want to spend the night together.
- I have no problem with that.
273
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,773
You're it.
274
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:51,859
Come here!
275
00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:53,861
Oh, no! Oh, God!
276
00:27:02,371 --> 00:27:10,086
Yes.
277
00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:15,341
Ralph!
278
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:19,846
I will. I will.
279
00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:23,016
Wait, not now! Not now!
280
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:25,727
Ralph! Ralph!
281
00:27:27,688 --> 00:27:30,231
Harriet. Harriet.
282
00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:32,608
You were having a dream.
283
00:27:35,029 --> 00:27:37,864
And you kept saying the name
"Ralph."
284
00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:46,581
- Ralph?
- Yeah, you kept saying "Ralph."
285
00:27:52,755 --> 00:27:54,922
She's my friend.
286
00:27:56,467 --> 00:28:05,600
She's your friend. Ralph.
287
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:07,602
Ralph. She.
288
00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:45,973
I'm sorry!
I thought you were somebody else!
289
00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:07,954
Hi.
290
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:13,418
I'm Harriet's friend, Charlie.
You must be Ralph?
291
00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:15,962
I'm Harriet's sister, Rose.
292
00:29:16,547 --> 00:29:20,216
- She gave me a note to give to you.
- Great.
293
00:29:20,467 --> 00:29:23,970
"Dear Charlie,
I didn't want to wake you.
294
00:29:24,304 --> 00:29:28,349
Make yourself at home
and thanks for the...
295
00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:30,935
...hot dog. Harriet."
296
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:35,481
That's a very nice note.
297
00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:41,320
- Let me make you some breakfast.
- I'd love to, but I'm running late.
298
00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:44,073
How do silver-dollar pancakes...
299
00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:48,536
...fresh orange juice, bacon
and Kona coffee sound?
300
00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:50,204
It sounds great.
301
00:29:55,544 --> 00:29:58,963
Sorry. I didn't have
those other things.
302
00:29:59,339 --> 00:30:02,842
That's fine.
That other stuff will kill you.
303
00:30:03,051 --> 00:30:08,222
Whereas Froot Loops are light
and reasonably high in fibre.
304
00:30:09,057 --> 00:30:12,560
- I care for Apple Jacks a great deal.
- Got them.
305
00:30:12,978 --> 00:30:14,061
Good.
306
00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:19,066
So, is this your place?
307
00:30:19,276 --> 00:30:23,112
No, this is our place.
Harriet's and mine.
308
00:30:23,405 --> 00:30:27,241
She sort of comes and goes
but always ends up here.
309
00:30:28,619 --> 00:30:30,244
She didn't speak of me?
310
00:30:31,371 --> 00:30:34,248
No, she didn't speak of you.
311
00:30:34,541 --> 00:30:39,295
She mentioned a martial arts guy, and
there was discussion about Ralph?
312
00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:43,424
Oh, really? She spoke about them?
313
00:30:44,051 --> 00:30:49,430
She talked about the martial arts guy
and kind of shouted "Ralph."
314
00:30:58,565 --> 00:31:02,902
- Well, you know Harriet.
- Actually, I don't.
315
00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:06,781
- But you did have sex with her.
- Hello!
316
00:31:07,950 --> 00:31:09,450
I'm gonna go now.
317
00:31:12,955 --> 00:31:15,915
I won't tell Harriet
that anything happened.
318
00:31:16,083 --> 00:31:18,918
Well, Rose. Rose.
319
00:31:21,296 --> 00:31:23,673
Nothing did happen.
320
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:27,969
Don't worry, Charlie.
Just be careful.
321
00:31:34,142 --> 00:31:36,185
"Just be careful."
322
00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:43,442
I had the greatest night of my life
last night.
323
00:32:09,469 --> 00:32:13,973
- Sounds like you really like her.
- I'm smitten. I'm in deep smit.
324
00:32:14,182 --> 00:32:17,852
She is wonderful.
But we shouldn't talk about it.
325
00:32:18,020 --> 00:32:21,022
I'll start analysing it,
and that's no good.
326
00:32:21,231 --> 00:32:25,026
That is good. You should
just let it happen. Relax.
327
00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:29,363
I am a park ranger,
and I will lead you on the tour.
328
00:32:29,615 --> 00:32:33,868
All the rangers at Alcatraz
were once guards, myself included.
329
00:32:34,119 --> 00:32:37,747
My name is John Johnson,
but everyone calls me Vickie.
330
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,415
Please follow me.
331
00:32:40,375 --> 00:32:43,711
- I love Vickie. He's great.
- He's the best.
332
00:32:44,755 --> 00:32:47,548
This is the main cellblock area.
333
00:32:47,758 --> 00:32:50,843
Home to such famous criminals
as Al Capone...
334
00:32:51,053 --> 00:32:54,055
...Mickey Cohen,
Joseph "Dutch" Cretzer...
335
00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:58,893
...and Robert Stroud,
the famous Birdman of Alcatraz.
336
00:32:59,061 --> 00:33:04,357
This time will be different.
If something happens, I'll let it go.
337
00:33:04,566 --> 00:33:07,568
It's not my business.
For example, Ralph.
338
00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:10,071
She says "Ralph" in her sleep.
So what?
339
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:11,405
Ralph?
340
00:33:11,657 --> 00:33:14,033
This cell's for
solitary confinement...
341
00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:17,286
...that's come to be known
as Times Square.
342
00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:19,955
Make sure everyone gets a look.
343
00:33:22,292 --> 00:33:23,542
So who's Ralph?
344
00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:27,463
I don't know. More importantly,
I don't want to know.
345
00:33:27,714 --> 00:33:29,590
That's good.
346
00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:33,594
Did you and Harriet,
you know, last night?
347
00:33:33,804 --> 00:33:35,221
Okay, dirtbag.
348
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:39,809
All you have to know is that Harriet's
a sweet and loving person.
349
00:33:40,102 --> 00:33:42,937
Well, that's good. That's nice.
350
00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:45,815
- And yes, we did.
- All right!
351
00:33:46,483 --> 00:33:49,610
Close it up, close it up, close it up.
352
00:33:51,947 --> 00:33:56,909
This is something the other
tour guides won't tell you.
353
00:33:57,244 --> 00:34:00,079
In this cellblock,
Machine Gun Kelly...
354
00:34:00,288 --> 00:34:05,000
...had what we call
in the prison system, a bitch.
355
00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:10,631
One night, in a jealous rage, Kelly
took a makeshift knife, or shiv...
356
00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:14,927
...and cut out the bitch's eyes.
357
00:34:15,637 --> 00:34:18,806
- Another thing about Harriet I love...
- No, no.
358
00:34:26,982 --> 00:34:30,484
And as if this wasn't enough
retribution for Kelly...
359
00:34:30,777 --> 00:34:36,115
...the next day he and four
other inmates took turns pissing...
360
00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:40,286
...into the bitch's ocular cavities.
361
00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:46,500
This way to the cafeteria.
362
00:34:47,836 --> 00:34:50,171
Tony, I'm really happy.
363
00:34:50,380 --> 00:34:53,466
Please, don't let me screw
this one up.
364
00:34:53,675 --> 00:34:55,885
- I'll try.
- Alrighty. Thanks.
365
00:34:56,178 --> 00:35:00,806
- That ocular cavity thing was...
- When he mentioned pissing into...
366
00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:04,745
Okay, I got another one.
What's worse?
367
00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:09,208
The cable goes out and you're left
with synchronized swimming...
368
00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:11,210
...or...
369
00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:12,586
Okay.
370
00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:15,589
You're stuck on the Bay Bridge
in traffic...
371
00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:21,053
...and you've just had two strong cups
of coffee and three bran muffins.
372
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:27,434
- No, wait. I have a good one.
- Hello! Hello!
373
00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:30,980
What's worse?
You go to your favourite restaurant...
374
00:36:31,273 --> 00:36:33,774
...order your favourite meal,
take a bite...
375
00:36:33,942 --> 00:36:37,987
...and under the steak
is a scabby Band-Aid.
376
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:39,280
Or...
377
00:36:43,994 --> 00:36:46,245
Or being electrocuted.
378
00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:52,084
And?
379
00:36:52,294 --> 00:36:57,464
That's it. I was electrocuted once.
It was horrible.
380
00:36:57,632 --> 00:37:00,634
- Oh, well, that's...
- That's a crying shame.
381
00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:06,473
Can we get our cheque, please?
Thanks a lot.
382
00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,934
Electrocuted.
383
00:37:09,144 --> 00:37:10,185
That was funny.
384
00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:12,313
- I'll get that.
- No, I got it.
385
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:16,442
- I'll get it. Charlie.
- No, it's mine. No, no, no.
386
00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:20,654
- I got it. I insist.
- No, no, no.
387
00:37:20,906 --> 00:37:22,323
- "No" infinity.
- Come on.
388
00:37:22,616 --> 00:37:27,953
- Negatory, good buddy.
- You're embarrassing me.
389
00:37:28,163 --> 00:37:30,414
- I'll pick up the cheque.
- Okay.
390
00:37:34,628 --> 00:37:36,337
You want to catch a cab?
391
00:37:36,546 --> 00:37:39,673
- I'd like to walk.
- Come on, it's raining.
392
00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:42,718
- I'd like to walk.
- Me too.
393
00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:45,471
- All right. See you later.
- Bye.
394
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,723
Nice meeting you.
395
00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:56,732
- Well, it's officially raining.
- It's just a drizzle.
396
00:37:57,025 --> 00:38:02,363
You know, I love that you wanted
to walk in the rain.
397
00:38:02,822 --> 00:38:05,866
I'm glad you're meeting
my parents tomorrow.
398
00:38:06,159 --> 00:38:07,826
You know what, Charlie?
399
00:38:08,036 --> 00:38:11,664
It's strange,
but I feel really safe with you.
400
00:38:11,873 --> 00:38:15,501
Like in old movies
when people never left each other.
401
00:38:15,710 --> 00:38:18,587
I mean, they stayed together forever.
402
00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:36,397
It's a great house.
403
00:38:36,690 --> 00:38:39,274
They moved in
the day they were married.
404
00:38:39,567 --> 00:38:43,112
I'm throwing them
a 30th wedding anniversary party.
405
00:38:51,121 --> 00:38:53,038
Mom, Dad, we're here.
406
00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:55,082
Stuart!
407
00:39:01,256 --> 00:39:03,382
Charlie!
408
00:39:03,591 --> 00:39:08,595
Is this the wee Harriet?
She's absolutely beautiful.
409
00:39:08,805 --> 00:39:11,765
And you're very, very welcome.
410
00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:14,101
I hope you hold on to this one.
411
00:39:14,269 --> 00:39:17,813
You have the face of a wee angel,
do you know that?
412
00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:22,401
I give! I give!
I'm Charlie's father.
413
00:39:23,069 --> 00:39:26,822
Sorry. I'm sorry.
You surprised me. I'm sorry.
414
00:39:27,115 --> 00:39:31,410
I like this one, Charlie.
She's quite a filly.
415
00:39:31,619 --> 00:39:34,288
Charlie tells me you're a butcher.
416
00:39:34,581 --> 00:39:36,540
Yes, I am a butcher.
417
00:39:36,791 --> 00:39:38,917
Do you link your own sausage?
418
00:39:39,794 --> 00:39:40,794
I do.
419
00:39:41,087 --> 00:39:44,757
- Why don't you put your trousers on?
- Hold your horses.
420
00:39:44,966 --> 00:39:48,302
Head! Pants! Now!
421
00:39:50,346 --> 00:39:52,264
Why don't you come with me?
422
00:39:52,474 --> 00:39:56,143
I have wonderful photos
of when he was a wee baby.
423
00:39:56,436 --> 00:39:59,855
Like one of him shitting
his pants at Niagara Falls.
424
00:40:00,148 --> 00:40:02,483
Come on, don't show her the pictures.
425
00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:07,863
Lighten up, Charlie. You've got
a pickle up your ass again.
426
00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:14,995
I'm going to the washroom, okay?
427
00:40:15,288 --> 00:40:18,499
Evidently, I have a pickle up my ass.
428
00:40:18,708 --> 00:40:23,128
- You'll be okay if I leave you?
- Fine. Don't worry about me.
429
00:40:25,173 --> 00:40:27,299
Make sure there's enough paper.
430
00:40:27,509 --> 00:40:31,095
And Charlie, light a match!
431
00:40:31,304 --> 00:40:34,348
Are you away to crap, again?
432
00:40:40,355 --> 00:40:43,524
What a cute baby Charlie was!
433
00:40:43,733 --> 00:40:47,027
You okay in there?
You didn't fall in there, did you?
434
00:41:31,698 --> 00:41:35,409
I can't believe the resemblance
between you and Charlie.
435
00:41:35,660 --> 00:41:36,743
Thank you.
436
00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:41,790
That's enough about us.
Tell me something about yourself.
437
00:41:42,083 --> 00:41:44,918
Have you always lived
in San Francisco?
438
00:41:46,087 --> 00:41:49,882
No, actually I moved around
quite a bit.
439
00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:07,774
I had a really great time
with your family tonight.
440
00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:13,822
Oh, great.
441
00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:20,287
You know that martial arts
expert friend you had?
442
00:42:26,294 --> 00:42:28,962
Was that here in San Francisco?
443
00:42:30,006 --> 00:42:33,467
No, actually it was Miami.
444
00:42:34,469 --> 00:42:36,970
Your family's really great, Charlie.
445
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:42,226
- When your mother took out...
- Was that before Atlantic City?
446
00:42:42,477 --> 00:42:46,813
It's a period in my life that
I really don't like talking about.
447
00:42:48,858 --> 00:42:50,525
Charlie.
448
00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:54,780
I hated Atlantic City, Charlie.
449
00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:58,659
It's a town full of gamblers
and lounge singers.
450
00:43:12,173 --> 00:43:13,674
Ralph?
451
00:43:13,883 --> 00:43:16,385
No. No.
452
00:43:17,053 --> 00:43:19,513
Oh, Ralph.
453
00:43:25,979 --> 00:43:28,272
Have you heard of this? Mrs. X.
454
00:43:28,481 --> 00:43:30,148
She murders her husbands...
455
00:43:30,316 --> 00:43:33,151
...then changes her identity
and marries again.
456
00:43:33,361 --> 00:43:36,029
I never heard of it. So what?
457
00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:41,034
I think I'm dating Mrs. X.
458
00:43:42,704 --> 00:43:44,496
Charlie.
459
00:43:46,708 --> 00:43:50,294
Two words. Therapy.
460
00:43:52,797 --> 00:43:55,590
She told me she dated
a martial arts expert.
461
00:43:55,883 --> 00:44:00,053
It says that one of the victims
was a martial arts expert.
462
00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:04,558
Last night, she put a move
on my dad and tried to break his neck.
463
00:44:04,809 --> 00:44:08,395
About 1000 people
have tried to break his neck.
464
00:44:08,688 --> 00:44:13,066
If they also say "Ralph" in their
sleep, it's a good start.
465
00:44:13,318 --> 00:44:15,068
Look here, "Ralph Elliot.
466
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:20,032
Plumber from Dallas.
Missing since his honeymoon."
467
00:44:20,241 --> 00:44:23,410
- Charlie, you're just getting scared.
- Yes.
468
00:44:23,619 --> 00:44:25,620
- Harriet could be the one.
- Yes.
469
00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:29,624
You suspect her, because
you're scared you'll marry her.
470
00:44:29,917 --> 00:44:31,543
And to you that's death.
471
00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:34,588
Come on, just read it, okay?
472
00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:40,344
- Read it. For me, just read it?
- Okay.
473
00:44:45,224 --> 00:44:47,768
- "Larry Leonard, the croner..."
- Crooner.
474
00:44:47,935 --> 00:44:49,770
"...made a name for himself...
475
00:44:49,979 --> 00:44:53,857
...being able to sing, in six
languages, 'Only You."'
476
00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:57,069
Does Harriet know
the words to "Only You"?
477
00:44:57,779 --> 00:45:00,155
We haven't reached that critical...
478
00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:03,283
..."do you know the words
to 'Only You"' phase.
479
00:45:03,576 --> 00:45:06,870
- So I'm afraid I'm not much help.
- Charlie!
480
00:45:07,121 --> 00:45:09,247
You gotta move past this!
481
00:45:09,457 --> 00:45:13,752
I'm worried. You're living
according to the Weekly World News.
482
00:45:13,961 --> 00:45:19,424
It's the 8th highest circulating paper
in the world, I'll have you know.
483
00:45:19,801 --> 00:45:21,802
Look, Tony, Mrs. X.
484
00:45:22,011 --> 00:45:24,596
Please, look it up, okay?
485
00:45:24,806 --> 00:45:27,682
For me? Indulge me?
486
00:45:28,893 --> 00:45:30,936
There's no record of deaths.
487
00:45:31,145 --> 00:45:35,941
All three were reported missing,
but so were their wives.
488
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:40,695
No picture of any brides. For
all we know, they just moved away.
489
00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:44,282
That's true.
You're gonna have to realise that.
490
00:45:44,492 --> 00:45:49,329
I would lie to you,
but Kathy always tells the truth.
491
00:45:49,622 --> 00:45:51,164
Understood.
492
00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:52,833
You feel better now?
493
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:56,461
- I guess so.
- Good, good. Come on.
494
00:46:01,634 --> 00:46:05,220
I'm Maureen O'Boyle.
Welcome to A Current Affair.
495
00:46:05,471 --> 00:46:08,682
Tonight: Amy, did she or didn't she?
496
00:46:08,933 --> 00:46:12,144
Then, the reptile
that took Hollywood by storm.
497
00:46:14,814 --> 00:46:19,025
But first, the Justice Department
reports an alarming rise...
498
00:46:19,235 --> 00:46:22,529
...in the number
of poisoning murders.
499
00:46:22,697 --> 00:46:27,200
And that 87 percent of the murders
occur within the family...
500
00:46:27,452 --> 00:46:31,830
...a scourge which seems to be
reaching into every home.
501
00:46:32,039 --> 00:46:35,584
Steve Dunleavy examines
poisoning murders. Steve.
502
00:46:35,877 --> 00:46:39,171
The most common poisonings
occur between couples.
503
00:46:39,380 --> 00:46:43,008
For reasons as varied
as insurance fraud, jealousy...
504
00:46:43,217 --> 00:46:46,219
...and pure psychopathic behaviour.
505
00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:48,388
- Hi.
- Hi. Hi.
506
00:46:51,267 --> 00:46:53,560
I have a surprise for you.
507
00:46:53,728 --> 00:46:54,895
What is it?
508
00:46:55,104 --> 00:46:57,189
It's a health shake.
509
00:46:58,399 --> 00:47:00,734
I made it especially for you.
510
00:47:00,902 --> 00:47:02,277
Try it.
511
00:47:05,406 --> 00:47:07,574
Thank you, no. Thanks.
512
00:47:08,576 --> 00:47:11,745
You'll like it, Charlie.
Just take a sip.
513
00:47:12,038 --> 00:47:16,249
I have kitten breath.
I'm just gonna go brush my teeth.
514
00:47:16,417 --> 00:47:18,627
Why don't you just taste it?
515
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,213
It's got strawberries.
Taste it.
516
00:47:21,422 --> 00:47:23,256
I spent 20 minutes making it.
517
00:47:23,424 --> 00:47:27,719
- One little sip. It wouldn't hurt...
- I'm just gonna go.
518
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,104
Fine. Forget it. Forget it.
519
00:48:21,107 --> 00:48:22,983
I'm sorry.
520
00:48:23,484 --> 00:48:25,277
That's okay.
521
00:48:25,820 --> 00:48:29,489
I'm just sensitive.
522
00:48:29,699 --> 00:48:34,327
I mean, you didn't drink my shake.
So what? Right?
523
00:48:34,495 --> 00:48:38,999
Look, you spent a half an hour on it.
I understand.
524
00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:40,875
- Let's scratch.
- It's depressing.
525
00:48:41,127 --> 00:48:42,502
- Scratch.
- Scratch?
526
00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:43,670
Scratch.
527
00:48:43,838 --> 00:48:46,840
Come on.
Let's do a little scratching.
528
00:48:47,592 --> 00:48:49,676
There you go. Scratching.
529
00:48:49,885 --> 00:48:51,970
- Golden Gate Bridge.
- Golden.
530
00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:55,098
- Presidio. Union Square.
- Got it.
531
00:48:55,349 --> 00:48:56,850
- Little Japan.
- Got it.
532
00:48:57,143 --> 00:48:58,852
Union Square.
533
00:48:59,145 --> 00:49:02,856
- Oakland. Oakland.
- Oakland.
534
00:49:03,107 --> 00:49:05,900
Can you reach around
and get Coit Tower?
535
00:49:06,152 --> 00:49:08,194
- San Andreas Fault.
- Charlie.
536
00:49:08,362 --> 00:49:11,031
You know what I like best about you?
537
00:49:11,324 --> 00:49:15,035
I can tell you anything,
and you don't judge me.
538
00:49:15,202 --> 00:49:20,540
Charlie, have you ever stood
at the edge of a cliff...
539
00:49:20,750 --> 00:49:24,002
...or subway platform with someone...
540
00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:27,839
...and you thought
just for a split second:
541
00:49:28,924 --> 00:49:30,925
What if I pushed him?
542
00:49:31,177 --> 00:49:35,388
I follow the Judeo-Christian
ethic of "Thou shalt not kill."
543
00:49:35,681 --> 00:49:39,392
- But that's just me.
- I'm just making a point...
544
00:49:39,644 --> 00:49:43,229
...of how many times we trust
people with our lives.
545
00:49:43,439 --> 00:49:44,856
I mean, look at us.
546
00:49:45,066 --> 00:49:48,068
Look how vulnerable we are, sleeping.
547
00:49:48,277 --> 00:49:51,863
I could do anything
to you in your sleep.
548
00:49:52,073 --> 00:49:53,448
Like what?
549
00:49:53,699 --> 00:49:55,450
Anything.
550
00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:59,371
You're on your side,
asleep, I could...
551
00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:02,874
...stick a needle in your...
552
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:09,089
Charlie! Jesus!
553
00:50:09,382 --> 00:50:12,926
I'm showing you we have
a good relationship!
554
00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:16,054
I'm sorry, but I have an ear thing.
555
00:50:16,263 --> 00:50:20,392
In an episode of Night Gallery,
this guy gets an earwig.
556
00:50:20,601 --> 00:50:23,770
They said the good news
is, we got the earwig...
557
00:50:23,979 --> 00:50:27,065
...but the bad news
is, it was a female.
558
00:50:27,274 --> 00:50:28,817
- I'm sorry.
- Good night.
559
00:50:29,068 --> 00:50:30,985
- I have an ear thing.
- Good night.
560
00:50:31,278 --> 00:50:33,613
I'm sorry.
561
00:50:33,906 --> 00:50:38,493
- I'm a human blanket.
- Get off. Just, good night.
562
00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:43,957
Well, good night.
563
00:51:07,314 --> 00:51:08,815
Can I help you?
564
00:51:09,108 --> 00:51:11,317
I'd like to place an announcement.
565
00:51:11,610 --> 00:51:14,320
It's my parents' 30th anniversary.
566
00:51:14,530 --> 00:51:16,656
That's $4.50 per word...
567
00:51:16,866 --> 00:51:20,326
...and you've got a choice
of standard or bold.
568
00:51:20,619 --> 00:51:22,996
You having a busy week, Frank?
569
00:51:23,247 --> 00:51:27,500
No, just these two.
It's been dead around here.
570
00:51:29,044 --> 00:51:32,839
I got this tourist,
heart attack on a cable car.
571
00:51:33,132 --> 00:51:36,050
Guy left his heart in San Francisco.
572
00:51:37,636 --> 00:51:39,179
Hey!
573
00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:43,141
That's a real person
you're talking about.
574
00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:45,518
All right, I'm sorry.
575
00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:50,315
There's another one.
San Francisco plumber: Elliot, Ralph.
576
00:51:51,776 --> 00:51:54,027
Disappeared four months ago.
577
00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:56,988
The body was found in a sewer.
578
00:51:57,198 --> 00:52:01,201
Guy takes his job too seriously,
life goes down the drain.
579
00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:07,373
Did they mention his wife?
580
00:52:07,541 --> 00:52:12,378
I know that we're talking
about real people here, so I'm sorry.
581
00:52:12,546 --> 00:52:15,048
Seriously, did they mention the wife?
582
00:52:15,341 --> 00:52:19,886
I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to joke about other people's lives.
583
00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:22,555
I'm serious. Did they mention...?
584
00:52:22,848 --> 00:52:26,100
You win, okay? I'm a bad person.
585
00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:29,395
- Take it easy.
- No, he's saying I'm a shit.
586
00:52:29,605 --> 00:52:31,105
Did they mention the wife?
587
00:52:31,357 --> 00:52:33,024
Did they mention the wife?!
588
00:52:33,234 --> 00:52:37,570
No! They didn't mention the wife!
You happy?
589
00:52:37,863 --> 00:52:41,574
Yes, I'm insensitive!
I'm a very insensitive man!
590
00:52:41,826 --> 00:52:47,205
Stop! Look at the insensitive man!
That's why they pay you!
591
00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:51,751
He was my ride home.
592
00:52:53,963 --> 00:52:55,755
Understood.
593
00:52:58,926 --> 00:53:02,262
Why did you have to
see me so urgently?
594
00:53:02,471 --> 00:53:04,430
You couldn't come to my apartment?
595
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:06,766
It's just safer here.
596
00:53:07,101 --> 00:53:09,477
What? Charlie.
597
00:53:12,356 --> 00:53:14,107
I'm sorry.
598
00:53:14,567 --> 00:53:17,235
I think you're a terrific woman.
599
00:53:18,571 --> 00:53:21,948
I just don't think we should
see each other anymore.
600
00:53:24,952 --> 00:53:27,954
Why? And tell me the truth.
601
00:53:30,291 --> 00:53:33,418
I'm afraid that you're gonna k...
Leave me.
602
00:53:34,128 --> 00:53:36,421
I'm gonna cleave you?
603
00:53:36,922 --> 00:53:39,799
- What does that mean?
- No, leave me.
604
00:53:39,967 --> 00:53:41,801
That you'll reject me.
605
00:53:42,011 --> 00:53:46,139
So I just thought
I'd do a preemptive strike.
606
00:53:46,307 --> 00:53:49,142
So you're rejecting me?
607
00:53:49,977 --> 00:53:52,478
I didn't mean to hurt you.
608
00:53:53,272 --> 00:53:55,607
I never wanted to hurt you.
609
00:53:58,110 --> 00:54:00,194
Don't worry, you haven't.
610
00:54:00,487 --> 00:54:02,655
At least you left early on.
611
00:54:06,452 --> 00:54:09,996
So that's it, then?
612
00:54:14,335 --> 00:54:17,045
Because I gotta get back to work.
613
00:55:00,214 --> 00:55:03,549
Woman
Woe man
614
00:55:03,759 --> 00:55:06,552
Whoa man
615
00:55:06,762 --> 00:55:10,348
We had love not just sex
Is she Mrs. X?
616
00:55:10,557 --> 00:55:14,394
I had to run for my life
617
00:55:23,404 --> 00:55:27,573
Jane, get me off of this crazy thing
618
00:55:27,741 --> 00:55:29,617
Called love
619
00:56:06,113 --> 00:56:07,113
Hello.
620
00:56:07,281 --> 00:56:11,576
Not that it matters,
but I thought you'd like to know...
621
00:56:11,785 --> 00:56:14,245
...somebody admitted
murdering Ralph.
622
00:56:14,455 --> 00:56:16,581
What about the others?
623
00:56:16,790 --> 00:56:18,958
She just confessed to the one.
624
00:56:19,251 --> 00:56:23,087
Anyway, crime to stop. Gotta go.
Catch you later.
625
00:56:44,068 --> 00:56:46,277
- It's me, Charlie.
- Go away.
626
00:56:46,487 --> 00:56:51,199
I gotta talk to you. I made a big
mistake. I'm an idiot.
627
00:56:51,492 --> 00:56:53,493
I'll go into therapy, okay?
628
00:56:53,702 --> 00:56:58,873
I'll go twice a week. I don't know
if insurance will cover it, but...
629
00:57:01,835 --> 00:57:03,127
What is it?
630
00:57:03,796 --> 00:57:05,588
Hi, Charlie.
631
00:57:16,183 --> 00:57:17,850
I don't want to lose you.
632
00:57:18,644 --> 00:57:20,394
You didn't. You rejected me.
633
00:57:20,646 --> 00:57:24,357
Okay, I'm un-rejecting you.
634
00:57:26,819 --> 00:57:30,530
You'll do it again, Charlie.
You'll do it again.
635
00:57:30,864 --> 00:57:33,908
No, I'm not gonna do it again.
636
00:57:36,203 --> 00:57:38,746
Look, I got scared, okay?
637
00:57:39,039 --> 00:57:43,918
Things were going really good
and then I just got scared.
638
00:57:49,591 --> 00:57:51,551
I love you.
639
00:57:53,011 --> 00:57:55,388
I love you too.
640
00:58:00,727 --> 00:58:04,188
But you blew it, Charlie.
You blew it.
641
00:58:27,087 --> 00:58:29,922
Harriet, Harriet
642
00:58:30,174 --> 00:58:34,051
Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis
643
00:58:34,261 --> 00:58:37,680
Beautiful, bemused
644
00:58:37,890 --> 00:58:40,933
Bellicose butcher
645
00:58:41,185 --> 00:58:44,228
Untrusting
646
00:58:44,605 --> 00:58:47,315
Unknowing
647
00:58:47,816 --> 00:58:50,943
Unlovéd
648
00:58:57,951 --> 00:59:00,995
He wants you back
He screams into the night air
649
00:59:01,288 --> 00:59:05,458
Like a fireman going to a window
That has no fire
650
00:59:09,796 --> 00:59:13,132
Except the passion of his heart
651
00:59:13,717 --> 00:59:15,927
I am lonely
652
00:59:16,929 --> 00:59:19,472
It's really hard
653
00:59:20,515 --> 00:59:22,934
This poem sucks
654
01:00:04,184 --> 01:00:06,352
I'm sorry I didn't trust you.
655
01:00:08,021 --> 01:00:11,357
Harriet, somebody's downstairs
to see you.
656
01:00:12,776 --> 01:00:17,655
She'll be down in a moment.
And could you bring the car around?
657
01:00:17,864 --> 01:00:19,865
Thank you so much. Bye-bye.
658
01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:23,703
Charlie, come here.
I want you to meet a friend.
659
01:00:23,912 --> 01:00:25,705
This is Ralph.
660
01:00:26,707 --> 01:00:30,376
Ralph? Ralph? This is Ralph?
661
01:00:30,711 --> 01:00:33,045
- This is Ralph?
- Come on.
662
01:00:37,509 --> 01:00:38,884
This is Charlie.
663
01:00:39,386 --> 01:00:42,680
- Great to meet you.
- No, it's great to meet you.
664
01:00:42,889 --> 01:00:45,599
Yes, I love you so much.
665
01:00:45,851 --> 01:00:47,184
Oh, God!
666
01:00:48,061 --> 01:00:49,937
Charlie.
667
01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:52,398
I'm naked, aren't I?
668
01:00:52,607 --> 01:00:56,902
Yes. Yes, you are naked.
669
01:01:05,412 --> 01:01:09,832
Okay. I was just naked then.
Very nude.
670
01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:16,130
Nice to meet you and call me?
671
01:01:16,381 --> 01:01:18,090
I will.
672
01:01:47,913 --> 01:01:48,996
Shut it!
673
01:01:53,251 --> 01:01:56,462
I'd like to propose a toast.
674
01:01:57,506 --> 01:01:59,799
To my wife, May.
675
01:02:01,468 --> 01:02:05,888
Thirty years ago today,
May and I were married.
676
01:02:06,139 --> 01:02:09,809
Some of you were there.
Some weren't born.
677
01:02:09,976 --> 01:02:12,269
And some of you are now dead!
678
01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:17,817
But we both said, "I do," and we
haven't agreed on a thing since.
679
01:02:19,152 --> 01:02:21,112
That's true.
680
01:02:21,321 --> 01:02:23,656
But I'm glad I married you...
681
01:02:23,907 --> 01:02:27,201
...because it could have been worse.
682
01:02:30,288 --> 01:02:32,331
And besides...
683
01:02:33,208 --> 01:02:35,000
...I still love you.
684
01:02:43,510 --> 01:02:44,552
Thank you.
685
01:02:51,184 --> 01:02:54,478
Tony, would you like to dance?
686
01:02:57,858 --> 01:02:59,692
Let's dance.
687
01:03:06,992 --> 01:03:09,702
It must be a great feeling to have...
688
01:03:11,329 --> 01:03:12,538
You okay?
689
01:03:12,747 --> 01:03:15,791
No, I'm not. Harriet.
690
01:03:18,086 --> 01:03:19,712
Marry me.
691
01:03:21,548 --> 01:03:22,715
No.
692
01:03:25,093 --> 01:03:26,385
Please?
693
01:03:28,013 --> 01:03:29,847
Why not just live together?
694
01:03:30,056 --> 01:03:33,893
We could live together first.
Let's just live together.
695
01:03:34,102 --> 01:03:37,480
Because I love you.
We should get married...
696
01:03:37,731 --> 01:03:41,567
...and spend the next 30 years
of our life together.
697
01:03:41,776 --> 01:03:47,239
I want you to have my children.
And I want you to have your children.
698
01:03:47,407 --> 01:03:51,285
That sounds like an awful
lot of children, but...
699
01:03:53,413 --> 01:03:54,788
I love you.
700
01:03:56,249 --> 01:03:58,083
I need you.
701
01:03:59,252 --> 01:04:02,046
Let's just get married. Okay?
702
01:04:02,506 --> 01:04:04,089
Harriet...
703
01:04:05,008 --> 01:04:06,258
...be my wife.
704
01:04:06,510 --> 01:04:09,929
All right, everyone,
shut your cake hole!
705
01:04:10,555 --> 01:04:15,100
I'd like to make a toast
to my son, Charlie.
706
01:04:15,644 --> 01:04:18,395
Thanks for throwing this great party.
707
01:04:18,897 --> 01:04:22,942
I hope you have the same
great 30 years that we've had.
708
01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:25,402
To Charlie!
709
01:04:31,117 --> 01:04:32,660
Yes.
710
01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:33,953
You will?
711
01:04:34,162 --> 01:04:36,455
Let's get married, Charlie.
712
01:04:43,755 --> 01:04:48,133
Now, Mr. MacKenzie, if you will
take this woman to be your wife...
713
01:04:48,426 --> 01:04:53,097
...through thick and thin,
for better or for worse...
714
01:04:53,306 --> 01:04:54,974
...please say "I do."
715
01:04:55,767 --> 01:04:56,850
I do.
716
01:04:57,143 --> 01:05:01,981
Now, Harriet, if you will take this
man through good times and bad...
717
01:05:02,190 --> 01:05:07,319
...forever and ever as your
husband, please say "I do."
718
01:05:21,626 --> 01:05:22,960
I do.
719
01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:28,215
Now, Charlie,
kiss the beautiful bride.
720
01:05:53,033 --> 01:05:56,118
Let's get pissed!
721
01:06:34,866 --> 01:06:36,742
Hang a solo!
722
01:06:57,263 --> 01:07:01,975
We have a piper who's down.
It's all right, he's just pissed.
723
01:07:02,227 --> 01:07:06,605
We have a piper down.
I repeat, a piper is down.
724
01:07:11,069 --> 01:07:13,237
This is such a great party.
725
01:07:13,571 --> 01:07:15,447
- It is.
- The marriage was beautiful.
726
01:07:15,740 --> 01:07:16,949
- It was.
- It was great.
727
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,576
Yeah. She's great, isn't she?
728
01:07:19,786 --> 01:07:22,121
She's the best. She's incredible.
729
01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:26,208
You've been such a chicken,
and finally, you met the one.
730
01:07:26,459 --> 01:07:28,752
How could you think
she was a killer?
731
01:07:46,479 --> 01:07:51,233
Come here, Charlie.
Come stand by me, Charlie.
732
01:09:04,891 --> 01:09:08,602
Wait till you see this place.
It's called Poets' Corner.
733
01:09:08,895 --> 01:09:11,438
A lot of the Beat
poets used to go there.
734
01:09:19,614 --> 01:09:21,073
You're really quiet.
735
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:24,743
Oh, I'm just thinking.
736
01:09:24,953 --> 01:09:26,912
Oh, okay. Well...
737
01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:31,250
Why don't I do the talking
for you, all right?
738
01:09:31,459 --> 01:09:33,418
Hi, my name is Harriet.
739
01:09:33,711 --> 01:09:37,756
Hi, Harriet. How's it going?
Good, good, I suppose.
740
01:09:37,966 --> 01:09:41,593
I think you're great, Charlie.
Everything you do is art.
741
01:09:41,845 --> 01:09:46,431
You're a sex machine. Get
on the scene with the sex machine.
742
01:09:46,641 --> 01:09:51,436
Thank you very much.
You're the best husband I ever had...
743
01:09:51,646 --> 01:09:53,939
Why did you just say that?
744
01:09:54,566 --> 01:09:55,983
It was a joke.
745
01:09:56,276 --> 01:09:58,443
Why did you say it?
746
01:09:58,736 --> 01:10:00,487
I thought it might be funny.
747
01:10:00,738 --> 01:10:04,449
Nothing, I just think you're
a great person. That's all.
748
01:10:05,577 --> 01:10:06,910
What?
749
01:10:07,453 --> 01:10:11,498
- You're the best.
- No, no, no! Watch out!
750
01:10:20,466 --> 01:10:23,552
I hear you've been working
the Ralph Elliot case.
751
01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:26,388
- Yes, captain.
- Don't "yes" me.
752
01:10:26,764 --> 01:10:28,640
This is strictly homicide.
753
01:10:29,058 --> 01:10:30,309
I got a friend...
754
01:10:30,476 --> 01:10:33,729
We all got these friends.
I'm warning you.
755
01:10:34,147 --> 01:10:38,233
Back off, Italian boy. Keep
away from this. It's too big.
756
01:10:39,235 --> 01:10:40,569
Wait a minute.
757
01:10:40,987 --> 01:10:45,115
Trust me. I know what I'm
talking about. What's the news?
758
01:10:45,325 --> 01:10:48,160
You want to hear news?
Here's the news.
759
01:10:48,494 --> 01:10:51,663
The lady that confessed
to Elliot's murder has...
760
01:10:51,915 --> 01:10:53,457
...confessed to other crimes.
761
01:10:53,666 --> 01:10:54,917
I knew she would.
762
01:10:55,168 --> 01:10:57,628
To the murders of Abraham Lincoln...
763
01:10:57,879 --> 01:11:02,007
...Warren G. Harding and
Julius Caesar. She's a nutcase.
764
01:11:02,300 --> 01:11:04,593
Oh, my God! I gotta go.
765
01:11:06,679 --> 01:11:11,683
Screw this up, and you'll
be writing parking tickets forever.
766
01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:16,355
Captain, I won't let you down.
767
01:11:21,861 --> 01:11:24,112
Good for you. That was better.
768
01:11:24,364 --> 01:11:26,198
- Yeah?
- It was fantastic.
769
01:11:26,449 --> 01:11:28,951
- The beginning felt good.
- It was great.
770
01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:30,619
Too much in the end.
771
01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,204
No, it was terrific.
772
01:11:32,497 --> 01:11:35,499
- I need to save a life.
- I'll work on it.
773
01:11:35,708 --> 01:11:37,542
Work on it, it was terrific.
774
01:11:37,794 --> 01:11:39,628
It was a big improvement.
775
01:11:39,879 --> 01:11:41,171
Thanks.
776
01:12:01,234 --> 01:12:03,485
That is Ralph Elliot's wife.
777
01:12:03,695 --> 01:12:07,155
Of course her hair
was much shorter then.
778
01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:11,451
She's gained weight since then...
779
01:12:11,661 --> 01:12:14,413
...but it's definitely her.
780
01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:18,458
Yeah, that's her. He was
really in love with her...
781
01:12:18,710 --> 01:12:22,671
...but I tell you, she was fun,
and smart. Doll-face too.
782
01:12:38,438 --> 01:12:40,439
Thank you very much. Thank you.
783
01:12:44,277 --> 01:12:45,944
This is really cool.
784
01:12:47,530 --> 01:12:48,780
Hi.
785
01:12:49,449 --> 01:12:52,117
Mr. And Mrs. MacKenzie,
enjoy your honeymoon.
786
01:12:52,368 --> 01:12:55,120
When you leave, it'll be
far too soon.
787
01:12:55,413 --> 01:12:56,705
That's great.
788
01:12:57,582 --> 01:13:01,376
Four nights. Your dinner
reservations are at 9:00.
789
01:13:01,627 --> 01:13:02,627
Sounds great.
790
01:13:02,795 --> 01:13:06,298
Put candles by the bed.
With a storm, we lose power.
791
01:13:06,591 --> 01:13:09,301
That's cool. Did you
hear that? A storm.
792
01:13:09,552 --> 01:13:12,387
A storm. We'll be
snugly inside and...
793
01:13:13,598 --> 01:13:14,723
You okay?
794
01:13:16,893 --> 01:13:21,980
I have a headache.
Excuse me, do you have a drugstore?
795
01:13:22,148 --> 01:13:26,151
- I need aspirin.
- Up the stairs, Mrs. MacKenzie.
796
01:13:28,279 --> 01:13:30,072
Don't move.
797
01:13:34,452 --> 01:13:36,745
- You think she has a headache?
- What?
798
01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:40,582
Nothing. Here's your key.
The Robbie Burns room.
799
01:13:40,833 --> 01:13:42,918
Oh, thanks. Thank you.
800
01:13:49,759 --> 01:13:52,928
- The circuits are down.
- Keep on trying.
801
01:13:53,179 --> 01:13:56,431
Tell the chief I chartered a plane.
802
01:13:58,684 --> 01:14:00,852
- Hey, paisan!
- What?
803
01:14:01,104 --> 01:14:04,940
Screw up, I'll kick your
spaghetti butt back to Milan.
804
01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:06,691
Not now. Not now.
805
01:14:06,943 --> 01:14:10,821
- Too many ethnic slurs?
- It's not paisan, it's paisan.
806
01:14:12,865 --> 01:14:14,533
Hey, paisan.
807
01:14:46,983 --> 01:14:50,402
Hey, listen. How long is it
gonna take us to get there?
808
01:14:50,695 --> 01:14:53,822
It shouldn't take very long.
809
01:14:55,324 --> 01:14:58,076
Actually, I have no concept of time.
810
01:14:59,912 --> 01:15:01,621
Jeez, is this dangerous?
811
01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:06,334
No. Well, there's
chance in everything.
812
01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:10,422
You've done this before, right?
813
01:15:10,715 --> 01:15:14,759
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I do this all the time.
814
01:15:14,927 --> 01:15:17,762
I've never done it at night.
815
01:15:33,070 --> 01:15:35,530
Mr. And Mrs. MacKenzie,
glad to see you.
816
01:15:36,741 --> 01:15:37,782
Follow me.
817
01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:51,880
How do you know
where you're going?
818
01:15:52,089 --> 01:15:53,965
Instruments. Instruments.
819
01:15:54,258 --> 01:15:56,718
Oh, yeah? Yeah? What's that?
820
01:15:57,470 --> 01:16:02,390
That's the artificial horizon, which
is better than the actual horizon.
821
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:09,397
You know, I'm gonna wash my hands.
All right? I love you.
822
01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:35,507
Good evening.
823
01:16:57,238 --> 01:16:58,863
What are you doing? Wake up!
824
01:16:59,156 --> 01:17:03,034
Oh, man, I was having
an amazing dream.
825
01:17:03,327 --> 01:17:06,162
I don't care about
your dream! Land the plane!
826
01:17:08,833 --> 01:17:13,628
I was just born, and I was
eight and a half months premature.
827
01:17:13,879 --> 01:17:16,548
- The doctors were freaking out.
- Shut up.
828
01:17:16,841 --> 01:17:19,050
Did I already tell you this dream?
829
01:17:21,387 --> 01:17:25,390
Can I have your attention?
I have a few announcements.
830
01:17:25,641 --> 01:17:28,476
Celebrating their 25th
anniversary tonight...
831
01:17:28,769 --> 01:17:31,271
...Mr. And Mrs. Seymour Levenstein.
832
01:17:31,522 --> 01:17:33,732
How about a hand for them?
833
01:17:34,567 --> 01:17:36,026
Thank you, thank you.
834
01:17:36,319 --> 01:17:39,195
Twenty-five years ago,
they were here.
835
01:17:39,405 --> 01:17:43,658
Speaking of new couples,
Charlie and Harriet MacKenzie.
836
01:17:43,909 --> 01:17:47,495
- They look great.
- There's a phone call for you.
837
01:17:47,872 --> 01:17:49,205
It is quite urgent.
838
01:17:49,415 --> 01:17:53,877
Oh, thank you. Sorry. Hello.
839
01:17:54,086 --> 01:17:57,881
- Charlie, you okay?
- Couldn't be better.
840
01:17:58,090 --> 01:18:01,426
Charlie, listen to me.
Harriet is Mrs. X.
841
01:18:01,886 --> 01:18:04,721
She killed Ralph and those
two other guys. I got a picture.
842
01:18:05,014 --> 01:18:08,099
It checked out. It's her, Charlie.
She's the murderer.
843
01:18:08,267 --> 01:18:10,643
I called the police.
It'll take a while.
844
01:18:11,187 --> 01:18:13,021
Just stay where you are.
845
01:18:14,857 --> 01:18:16,149
Charlie?
846
01:18:16,359 --> 01:18:19,319
Hold on one second.
What should I do?
847
01:18:19,570 --> 01:18:21,696
When the time comes,
you'll know.
848
01:18:21,947 --> 01:18:24,115
Thanks, thank you.
849
01:18:26,952 --> 01:18:28,745
Hello, hello, hello?!
850
01:18:29,997 --> 01:18:33,208
Charlie? Charlie?!
851
01:18:33,459 --> 01:18:35,085
- Hello!
- What happened?
852
01:18:35,336 --> 01:18:37,962
The phone died!
I was talking, and it died.
853
01:18:38,255 --> 01:18:42,092
It's common. It will be out until
tomorrow. Have a nice meal.
854
01:18:42,676 --> 01:18:43,968
What happened?
855
01:18:44,220 --> 01:18:46,846
Nothing. The phone lines went dead.
856
01:18:47,098 --> 01:18:49,349
We wish a long and beautiful life.
857
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:53,436
We want to play your song,
The Platters, "Only You."
858
01:18:55,606 --> 01:18:59,818
You can't go. You have
to wait for the wedding dance.
859
01:19:00,069 --> 01:19:02,529
We got a lot of traditions here.
860
01:19:09,829 --> 01:19:14,541
Stop! Excuse me. I'm with the
San Francisco Police Department.
861
01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:17,877
I would like to
commandeer this vehicle.
862
01:19:20,005 --> 01:19:21,047
No.
863
01:19:21,298 --> 01:19:22,674
What do you mean, "no"?
864
01:19:22,883 --> 01:19:27,595
I know you don't have the right
to commandeer my vehicle.
865
01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:30,640
Please, can I
commandeer this vehicle?
866
01:19:32,435 --> 01:19:33,476
No.
867
01:19:34,603 --> 01:19:37,564
You're not gonna bend
on this thing, are you?
868
01:19:39,316 --> 01:19:40,358
No.
869
01:19:44,655 --> 01:19:46,281
- Please.
- Go ahead.
870
01:19:46,532 --> 01:19:48,783
No, I don't want to. Charlie.
871
01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:53,037
Charlie?
872
01:20:00,754 --> 01:20:02,380
Charlie!
873
01:20:02,965 --> 01:20:04,883
Help me! I've married a...
874
01:20:06,510 --> 01:20:10,722
...wonderful person who I love
and adore. Who I want...
875
01:20:10,973 --> 01:20:13,183
They've had enough of this crowd.
876
01:20:13,434 --> 01:20:15,518
They have better things to do.
877
01:20:15,728 --> 01:20:18,480
Let's put them
in the honeymoon chair.
878
01:20:23,444 --> 01:20:26,696
- We did it on our honeymoon.
- It's just fun.
879
01:20:28,991 --> 01:20:31,534
No, I haven't had my dessert yet.
880
01:20:34,121 --> 01:20:36,748
To the room! To the room!
881
01:20:50,846 --> 01:20:52,472
Have a good night.
882
01:20:54,308 --> 01:20:55,934
Stay for a nightcap?
883
01:20:56,393 --> 01:20:58,269
No. You two want to be alone.
884
01:20:58,479 --> 01:21:01,314
No, really. Stay for a nightcap.
885
01:21:01,565 --> 01:21:03,233
I really shouldn't.
886
01:21:05,319 --> 01:21:07,529
Stay for a nightcap!
887
01:21:16,705 --> 01:21:21,459
Charlie, there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
888
01:21:22,378 --> 01:21:23,586
Harriet, I, I...
889
01:21:24,338 --> 01:21:28,883
Charlie, I've been married before.
890
01:21:29,218 --> 01:21:33,429
- Harriet, I already know that.
- You know about my husbands?
891
01:21:33,681 --> 01:21:35,306
Yes.
892
01:21:36,141 --> 01:21:38,560
- Stay away from me!
- What are you doing?
893
01:21:38,769 --> 01:21:40,728
Come on. Stay away from me.
894
01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:43,898
You don't understand.
Give me the axe!
895
01:21:45,192 --> 01:21:46,943
- Don't go!
- Get off me!
896
01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:49,529
- Charlie! Don't go!
- Get off!
897
01:21:49,697 --> 01:21:52,031
Wait. Charlie.
898
01:21:52,408 --> 01:21:54,158
Charlie!
899
01:22:01,875 --> 01:22:04,586
Would you mind not doing that?
900
01:22:04,837 --> 01:22:06,296
This bothers you?
901
01:22:06,547 --> 01:22:10,633
No, it's one of my favourite things.
902
01:22:14,805 --> 01:22:18,391
Don't go! Charlie! Charlie!
903
01:22:19,685 --> 01:22:21,728
Charlie.
904
01:22:23,147 --> 01:22:27,150
Hello? Hello? Hello?!
905
01:22:31,405 --> 01:22:35,074
"Dear Harriet. I just can't
handle the commitment.
906
01:22:36,285 --> 01:22:40,038
It's too hard. I'm leaving you.
907
01:22:40,247 --> 01:22:43,499
Love, Charlie"?
I didn't write this.
908
01:22:44,668 --> 01:22:46,419
What the fuck?!
909
01:22:46,712 --> 01:22:48,087
Rose!
910
01:22:48,297 --> 01:22:50,715
What's happening?!
Charlie, open the door!
911
01:22:50,966 --> 01:22:53,051
- Rose tried to kill me.
- What?
912
01:22:53,302 --> 01:22:56,137
Shut up! I wrote this note!
913
01:22:56,388 --> 01:22:58,514
You're not to be here when...
914
01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:01,893
...this note has been
placed on the desk!
915
01:23:02,144 --> 01:23:06,230
Do you understand me? You
took her away from me, Charlie.
916
01:23:06,440 --> 01:23:07,690
Like all the rest.
917
01:23:07,983 --> 01:23:09,567
I have had it!
918
01:23:10,819 --> 01:23:15,448
You are going to die.
919
01:23:18,827 --> 01:23:20,411
Would you mind waiting?
920
01:23:20,663 --> 01:23:23,539
I may need you to
help if I make an arrest.
921
01:23:23,957 --> 01:23:25,416
I'll need a ride...
922
01:23:25,626 --> 01:23:27,794
Shucks. Thank you.
923
01:23:29,755 --> 01:23:33,883
What are you doing?!
Charlie, be careful.
924
01:23:42,101 --> 01:23:43,726
Run, Charlie!
925
01:23:44,353 --> 01:23:48,272
Stop it! Stop this, Rose!
Help!
926
01:23:48,774 --> 01:23:50,900
Somebody! Help!
927
01:23:53,862 --> 01:23:55,238
Charlie!
928
01:23:59,451 --> 01:24:03,079
Is that you? Help! Hurry.
929
01:24:15,843 --> 01:24:18,928
Hurry! I'm in here!
Who is it?!
930
01:24:19,513 --> 01:24:23,975
Help! Who's there? Who's there?
Charlie?! Charlie, help!
931
01:24:24,143 --> 01:24:28,438
I'm in the closet. Come here.
Tony! Open the closet.
932
01:24:30,899 --> 01:24:37,071
Charlie!
933
01:24:40,159 --> 01:24:41,534
Where are you going?
934
01:24:41,785 --> 01:24:45,329
We gotta go on the roof.
Charlie and Rose are on the roof.
935
01:24:45,539 --> 01:24:46,748
Charlie's on the roof!
936
01:24:46,999 --> 01:24:48,958
- What're you doing?
- Shut up!
937
01:25:31,668 --> 01:25:34,086
Let's just take this down a notch.
938
01:25:36,173 --> 01:25:40,134
What you're saying is that
Rose killed your husbands...
939
01:25:40,385 --> 01:25:43,346
...forged notes to make you
think they left?
940
01:25:43,597 --> 01:25:48,559
Yes. Listen, that's them
up on the roof. Listen!
941
01:25:49,812 --> 01:25:51,979
You don't get it, do you?
942
01:25:54,358 --> 01:25:58,402
We can talk here, or we can
talk about it downtown.
943
01:26:24,847 --> 01:26:26,472
Charlie!
944
01:26:53,625 --> 01:26:56,836
- Charlie!
- Harriet!
945
01:26:58,297 --> 01:27:00,756
- Charlie, I'm coming up!
- Hang on!
946
01:27:02,718 --> 01:27:04,302
Charlie.
947
01:27:16,315 --> 01:27:18,190
Charlie, be careful!
948
01:27:51,475 --> 01:27:52,516
Rose!
949
01:28:07,991 --> 01:28:11,118
San Francisco police!
I got you!
950
01:28:11,745 --> 01:28:13,913
I got her, Charlie. I got her!
951
01:28:15,958 --> 01:28:19,001
- Don't let me fall!
- Okay, Rose. Come on, we're going in.
952
01:28:19,169 --> 01:28:20,670
Oh, sorry.
953
01:28:40,607 --> 01:28:43,025
Rose, jailbird
954
01:28:44,861 --> 01:28:48,739
Happy in her cage
No longer full of rage
955
01:28:48,991 --> 01:28:50,449
She roosts
956
01:28:56,456 --> 01:29:00,126
Harriet, sweet Harriet
957
01:29:00,627 --> 01:29:02,128
You acted cuckoo
958
01:29:02,379 --> 01:29:06,173
'Cause you thought I would leave you
Sweet bird
959
01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:15,599
Harriet, sweet Harriet
960
01:29:17,227 --> 01:29:22,023
So knowing, so trusting
961
01:29:22,858 --> 01:29:25,276
So lovéd
67047
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