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1
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,899
Close up, that man.
2
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:39,899
You've got no sense of formation.
3
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:44,199
Foggy, with all those holes in his
garments, where would he keep it?
4
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,759
He never thinks of things like that,
just opens his great gob.
5
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:51,519
Did you hear that?
Our great national heritage,
the English language,
6
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,840
tripping off his tongue
like silvery bells.
7
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:59,459
His command of
his native syllables surpassed
only by the glory of his dress.
8
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,419
You'd think he'd have tidied
himself up a bit on a Saturday.
9
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:06,000
I saw that man in
the second-hand store take
one look at him and turn white.
10
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,839
Look at that!
11
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:33,379
Yes, I've lost all confidence
in the British vegetable.
12
00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:37,299
That started out as
an English cabbage and finishes up
as a Brussels sprout.
13
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,179
That's true.
14
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,699
Where do you keep your sugar?
15
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,299
It's in the cupboard there.
16
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:45,279
Don't put that on the ironing! Ah!
17
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,699
Now, stick it in the dustbin,
would you, Foggy?
18
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:49,100
It's just outside the door.
19
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:55,559
He must have noticed me
in the market,
20
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:59,599
sneering contemptuously as we passed
all them vegetable stalls.
21
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:03,380
Yeah, that fella nearly threw us out
when you squeezed his King Edwards.
22
00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:08,739
Put like that, I can see why.
23
00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:12,719
If you were to ask me,
I'd say chemical fertiliser.
24
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:18,079
Oh, well, if you're going
to take that attitude,
manure to thee an' all.
25
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,719
Yes, manure,
that's precisely my point.
26
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:25,639
Pointed manure,
now there's a dangerous novelty
in the wrong hands.
27
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:28,859
That's the sort of thing that some
idiot would be willing to die for.
28
00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:33,239
Yeah, the deterioration of
the British vegetable, exactly.
29
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,959
And my theory is muck.
30
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,219
I'm not surprised.
31
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:41,179
As a nation, we do not use good old
farmyard muck in the way we used to.
32
00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:46,239
Well, not for spreading on the land,
maybe, but there's still a good deal
of bull... Ah, ah, ah...
33
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,199
Well, there's still a good deal
of it about generally.
34
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:54,939
That is Western civilisation's
biggest post-war growth industry.
35
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:58,000
How long is it since
you had a satisfactory carrot?
36
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,899
Mind your own business.
37
00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:08,079
Very wise. It's not the sort of
thing you want noising abroad.
38
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,779
I know how long it is
since I had one. Me too.
39
00:03:10,780 --> 00:03:13,480
But you lose the urge
as you get older.
40
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,279
Lewis Bickerdyke. You what?
41
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,139
Lewis Bickerdyke.
42
00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:23,259
Who the hell's Lewis Bickerdyke?
43
00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:26,279
Lewis Bickerdyke,
I don't remember Lewis Bickerdyke.
44
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,879
Well, you ought to,
his name crops up often enough.
45
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,979
I mean, we've just used it 14 times.
46
00:03:31,980 --> 00:03:33,919
There's a Bickerdyke in Netherthong.
47
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:36,539
No, that's there Tom.
Goes in the Red Bear.
48
00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:38,860
Likes to warm his hands
on the barmaid.
49
00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:44,799
Personally, I prefer
rather quieter public houses, where
the only game allowed is dominoes.
50
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:49,219
Oh, give over, there's only
four can play dominoes.
51
00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:53,159
There's any number can have
a good game with the barmaid.
52
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:58,399
I often find difficulty
remembering what the other
fella's got in his hands.
53
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,039
What about this Bickerdyke?
54
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,239
Lewis, lives up Ormond Street,
works in Brewitt's Ironmongers.
55
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,879
Oh, I know him, the little twerp.
56
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,819
Undersized and cocky, would have
made a good light infantryman.
57
00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:15,759
Give over, he would make
a good pimple for a bad complexion.
58
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,859
But we'll agree that Lewis
is short and objectionable.
59
00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:20,999
He gets on my wick!
60
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,639
I'm not asking you to marry him,
just to consider him as a source
of fresh vegetables.
61
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,259
He's got more rattle
than Rafferty's shed.
62
00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:31,259
Those sort of people can be handled,
given the right leadership.
63
00:04:31,260 --> 00:04:34,059
There's only one way to handle him,
and that's by the nose.
64
00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:36,939
I get a distinct impression
that you really don't like him.
65
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:38,759
Don't like him?!
66
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,779
The last time I went into Brewitt's
Ironmongers, he come up to serve me.
67
00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:47,719
Well, when I say he come up
to serve me, I had to lean over
the counter to see if he was there.
68
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:53,099
Otherwise, you get this
sort of funny little cocky voice
coming from God knows where.
69
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:57,360
And it's a very weird feeling
to find yourself talking
to a plank of mahogany.
70
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,699
He's not that small.
71
00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:05,539
How the hell which you know
from up there, you great lump?
72
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:08,619
Well, why had you gone
into Brewitt's Ironmongers?
73
00:05:08,620 --> 00:05:12,239
Drunk, and mistook it for
the Ministry of Social Security.
74
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,939
I'd gone in there
to buy some hinges for me ferrets.
75
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,839
Your ferrets have hinges?
76
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:20,059
You mean you can
open them in the middle?
77
00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:22,759
I was building them a box,
you wet neck.
78
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,719
I bet that was a structure
of rare architectural beauty.
79
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,499
Watch it, Dewhurst,
I'm not too bad with my hands.
80
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:32,159
As Nora Batty's only
too ready to testify.
81
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:37,139
Anyway, he comes up all cocky like,
and he says, "What's tha want?"
82
00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,859
As though my custom
wasn't welcome in the shop.
83
00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:42,179
How unthinkable!
84
00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:47,559
That a busy store could fail to
welcome that among its customers?
85
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:51,200
I can just see it standing there,
steaming quietly on a wet day.
86
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,919
Shut your cakehole!
87
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:59,139
Get on, then. I'm trying to.
It's Gertrude here.
88
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:05,480
Anyway, I drew myself up all formal
like and I let Bickerdyke have it.
89
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:12,640
What? This.
90
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,239
What the devil's that? That's me
proud look, that's me shriveller.
91
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:19,240
Do it again.
92
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,840
Fancy seeing that in an Ironmongers!
93
00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:28,979
And I let him have it,
full steam, the little twit.
94
00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:30,739
Your shriveller?
95
00:06:30,740 --> 00:06:33,319
My shriveller. And then what?
96
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,780
And then he dropped a couple
of bath taps right on me toe.
97
00:06:37,780 --> 00:06:39,319
They went blue.
98
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:40,979
I should think they did go blue.
99
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:44,479
Almost anything'd go blue after
being in contact with your feet.
100
00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:48,239
Not the taps,
it was me toes that went blue.
101
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,399
Well, I think that's marvellous.
Marvellous?
102
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:55,099
Certainly - it's a testimonial
to the power of your shriveller.
103
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,819
Is it? Yes, of course it is.
Look what happened.
104
00:06:57,820 --> 00:07:03,339
I mean, you gave him your shriveller
and he lost all power of his grip.
105
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,940
Bath taps fell from
his stricken fingers.
106
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:18,119
Do you like it better that way
or this way? This way's nice.
107
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,539
Don't encourage him,
he's daft enough.
108
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,919
You should be interested,
as a military man.
109
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,679
In what? In his shriveller.
110
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:29,479
The very idea of being interested in
his shriveller fills me with a cold
feeling at the pit of my stomach.
111
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,940
Well, if you're going to
ignore the defence application.
112
00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:35,979
What defence application?
113
00:07:35,980 --> 00:07:37,440
Well, it's simple...
114
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,180
You never know who's listening.
115
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,379
If his shriveller can bring down
bath taps, think what would happen
116
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:51,399
if we stuck him up
on the Air Ministry roof
117
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,640
and allowed him to point it
at an enemy aircraft.
118
00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,280
Do you think I should
leave my body to medical science?
119
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,079
Yes. And as quickly as possible.
120
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,679
Come on, the shops will be shut.
121
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,099
Well, I didn't mean
as quickly as that.
122
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,819
He'll be home by now.
123
00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:13,859
Who'll be home by now? Bickerdyke.
124
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:17,279
What the hell do we want to go and
see that little prawn Bickerdyke for?
125
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,619
If we're going to
buy a few vegetables, eh?
126
00:08:19,620 --> 00:08:21,979
I mean, he's always
winning the local shows.
127
00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:24,460
He's the vegetable wizard, isn't he?
128
00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:40,839
Huh... It gives you
that warm feeling.
129
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,939
Big-headed little twit.
130
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:45,739
Trying to kid on he's got
something worth having.
131
00:08:45,740 --> 00:08:48,719
Well, it's not Mrs Bickerdyke,
I've seen her.
132
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,939
Can't blame the man for taking
a few simple security measures.
133
00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:54,979
It's all cobblers.
134
00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:56,779
He's just a flash, that's all.
135
00:08:56,780 --> 00:09:01,440
The next thing, he'll be trying
to kid us he's got a moat and
a flipping drawbridge.
136
00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:06,400
En garde!
137
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:11,520
En garde, Varlet!
Don't you call me Violet.
138
00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:21,000
All for one and one for nothing.
139
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,840
Don't... You'll put me eye out.
140
00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:33,160
Oh... ta, monsieur.
141
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,760
That man. I order you to lay down
your arms.
142
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:46,480
No, Have at me! Will you stop that?
143
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:52,499
And beware, monsieur,
I am the Phantom.
144
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:55,899
I will very likely slice
thee up the codpiece.
145
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:57,739
Stop messing about!
146
00:09:57,740 --> 00:10:00,880
Enough, monsieur, I am le shagged.
147
00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:07,919
Trust and honour is satisfied.
148
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,759
Where do I find me hanky?
149
00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,719
I want to never again
to do that in public.
150
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,019
I'm trying to find me hanky!
151
00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:18,779
I mean the fooling
and about, not that.
152
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:22,119
Well, on second thoughts,
scrub that too. I've got it.
153
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:27,079
I can understand you keeping
that in your boot, but why fish for
it through your trouser pocket?
154
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,499
I've got a hole in me lining.
155
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:34,239
The whole performance
looks revolting. Smarten yourself
up a bit if we're going in there.
156
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,879
Going in there?
It's what we came for, isn't it?
157
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:41,499
Yes, I know, but
that was before I realised he
lived behind the Iron Curtain.
158
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:44,719
But it stands to
reason, if the man is in
159
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:48,999
competitive vegetable growing,
that he's going to take a few
security measures.
160
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:52,039
A few? I just hope his
warheads aren't nuclear.
161
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,119
Gets on my wick.
162
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,999
Naturally, the man has to guard his
secrets from his competitors, but
163
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,039
we don't fall into that
category, do we?
164
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:04,039
You sure? Of course I'm sure.
165
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:08,979
You're just a customer in
search of a few genuinely
nutritious vegetables, right?
166
00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:11,539
Right. No-one's interested in
your exhibits
167
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:16,559
so just present
yourself carefully, you never
know who might come to the door.
168
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:19,739
Listen, we've only come
to buy a few vegetables.
169
00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:21,939
We don't have to wear evening dress.
170
00:11:21,940 --> 00:11:24,699
I've just had an idea. What?
171
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:28,139
Well, you know I said I
couldn't make do with tinned stuff?
172
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:32,040
Well,
why don't we go home and make do...
173
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:35,600
..with tinned stuff? That man.
About turn.
174
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,059
All that's necessary
is for us to walk up
175
00:11:40,060 --> 00:11:43,379
his path with an air of confidence
in our own right to be there.
176
00:11:43,380 --> 00:11:45,779
Le Crikey, as the French might say.
177
00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:48,099
Le chuffing 'eck.
178
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,419
It says Beware Of The Dog, Foggy!
179
00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:53,119
Of course it says Beware Of The Dog.
180
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,519
It always says Beware Of The Dog.
181
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:59,040
You put a notice up like that,
you don't need an actual dog.
182
00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:17,960
Well, come on then.
183
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,200
Get down!
184
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:57,440
Mind where you put your leg.
185
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,840
Get down, Fang. GET DOWN!
186
00:13:12,504 --> 00:13:14,443
Damned inhospitable little man.
187
00:13:14,444 --> 00:13:16,423
I told thee he'd get on my wick.
188
00:13:16,424 --> 00:13:20,863
I haven't had so much fun
since my leg went septic.
189
00:13:20,864 --> 00:13:24,403
Look, will you get dressed?
I'm just checking for damage.
190
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:27,563
If that gate had
been an inch higher,
I think you'd both be...
191
00:13:27,564 --> 00:13:29,544
..checking for damage.
192
00:13:30,364 --> 00:13:36,363
Can we be quiet? Don't distract me.
I'm sitting here trying to
force myself to remain calm
193
00:13:36,364 --> 00:13:40,824
while every trained nerve in
me body is screaming for vengeance.
194
00:13:43,044 --> 00:13:46,043
Is the nerve saying anything
about buying another round?
195
00:13:46,044 --> 00:13:50,723
I want you to promise to keep an
eye on me. Don't let me go back
there in a blood fury.
196
00:13:50,724 --> 00:13:55,363
I promised never to lose control,
never again to let these...
197
00:13:55,364 --> 00:14:00,083
..kill ever again It's tha
feet that wants to keep control of.
198
00:14:00,084 --> 00:14:04,703
That could be very nasty, Foggy. Just
when you think you've got
control of your hands,
199
00:14:04,704 --> 00:14:07,543
you feel your feet stealing round
somebody's throat.
200
00:14:07,544 --> 00:14:10,203
They won't,
they leap into your pocket!
201
00:14:10,204 --> 00:14:15,323
If your jacket wasn't so baggy it
wouldn't get in people's way. Like a
Harris tweed telephone kiosk.
202
00:14:15,324 --> 00:14:19,243
I should think so when we're
both wearing it for the
same cross country run!
203
00:14:19,244 --> 00:14:21,163
That's all you want
in an emergency.
204
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:24,563
Some stupid, great,
twog to put his leg in your pocket!
205
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:28,983
That's no pleasure to me.
He wouldn't stop to let
me take it out, you know.
206
00:14:28,984 --> 00:14:33,323
Stop! Tha were going like
the pony express! I thought,
207
00:14:33,324 --> 00:14:37,183
"God, if I fall down now he'll
trample me to death."
208
00:14:37,184 --> 00:14:41,043
Did anyone see what
kind of dog it was? Nasty.
209
00:14:41,044 --> 00:14:42,803
No, no I mean the breed.
210
00:14:42,804 --> 00:14:47,423
No, I think if I'd had
a moment's warning I
could have been ready for it.
211
00:14:47,424 --> 00:14:51,923
I couldn't tell you the breed
but it had 300 teeth, I noticed that.
212
00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:57,483
What does tha mean, "Ready for it?"
It's sometimes possible
to quell a savage beast
213
00:14:57,484 --> 00:15:00,003
by sheer force of personality.
214
00:15:00,004 --> 00:15:02,643
300 teeth and that
was just at the front.
215
00:15:02,644 --> 00:15:04,663
Tha what?
216
00:15:04,664 --> 00:15:11,104
First of all you have to catch its
eye, then you stare it down
without blinking.
217
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:17,163
Dominate it.
Why didn't you dominate it?
218
00:15:17,164 --> 00:15:20,583
It came too fast.
Yeah, and it went too fast, an' all.
219
00:15:20,584 --> 00:15:24,843
Zee-zoom! One lollop of them
gangly legs straight into me pocket.
220
00:15:24,844 --> 00:15:26,743
Cold, wet nose,
221
00:15:26,744 --> 00:15:33,764
angry, little eyes and whiskers
going grey around the muzzle
and his dog didn't look much better.
222
00:15:46,764 --> 00:15:53,803
Well, I'm firmly of
the opinion there will be life
somewhere in other parts. Cobblers!
223
00:15:53,804 --> 00:15:57,943
It's very
itchy having life in other parts.
224
00:15:57,944 --> 00:16:02,183
Of the Universe... It's all conkers.
225
00:16:02,184 --> 00:16:06,323
That's what we need more scientific
discussion of that standard.
226
00:16:06,324 --> 00:16:08,843
There's nowt on Mars.
227
00:16:08,844 --> 00:16:12,663
Very well, let's assume
there is no life on Mars.
228
00:16:12,664 --> 00:16:18,183
It's looks so desolate and eerie
on those pictures.
229
00:16:18,184 --> 00:16:21,523
I couldn't help thinking of
British Leyland.
230
00:16:21,524 --> 00:16:25,983
No life on Mars but what about the
other millions of possibilities?
231
00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,743
There in't that many.
232
00:16:27,744 --> 00:16:31,444
What do you mean there isn't that
many, there's the whole of infinity.
233
00:16:33,664 --> 00:16:37,083
I don't believe in infinity.
234
00:16:37,084 --> 00:16:41,183
That's what I like to see
rugged independence.
235
00:16:41,184 --> 00:16:44,243
How can you not believe in infinity?
236
00:16:44,244 --> 00:16:47,983
It's easy.
But you don't know what it means.
237
00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:50,423
You know, le infinity.
238
00:16:50,424 --> 00:16:52,563
Oh, non, oui monsieur.
239
00:16:52,564 --> 00:16:56,883
No prompting
let's see what he makes of it.
240
00:16:56,884 --> 00:17:00,564
Well, come on, Einstein, let's be
hearing your definition of infinity.
241
00:17:03,804 --> 00:17:07,883
It means the sky's got no lid on it.
I like it.
242
00:17:07,884 --> 00:17:09,883
Got no lid on it.
243
00:17:09,884 --> 00:17:14,263
No matter how far I goes up,
tha can't hit tha head on the roof.
244
00:17:14,264 --> 00:17:18,823
That's fairly close, Foggy.
And you don't believe in it? No.
245
00:17:18,824 --> 00:17:20,383
You think there is a lid on it?
246
00:17:20,384 --> 00:17:25,303
King Street fisheries have got two
mirrors facing each other and when
247
00:17:25,304 --> 00:17:28,503
tha walks in tha can see thaself
reflecting hundreds of times.
248
00:17:28,504 --> 00:17:30,343
You vain little devil!
249
00:17:30,344 --> 00:17:34,803
No wonder there's
always a queue - it's Valentino
here stuck in front of a mirror.
250
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:40,383
I can see thaself hundreds of
times, it goes on and on and on...
251
00:17:40,384 --> 00:17:42,283
We've noticed.
252
00:17:42,284 --> 00:17:49,283
Getting smaller,
disappearing into the distance until
it seems tha goes on forever.
253
00:17:49,284 --> 00:17:54,603
Now some clever twog might
think he's in infinity when he
looks in that mirror. Right?
254
00:17:54,604 --> 00:18:00,584
When all the time he's in some
tatty, little chip shop! Cor!
255
00:18:36,644 --> 00:18:39,704
A giant, plastic carrot!
256
00:18:41,504 --> 00:18:42,764
What?
257
00:18:43,864 --> 00:18:47,723
You can't just steal somebody's
giant, plastic carrot.
258
00:18:47,724 --> 00:18:49,463
We can if we're quick!
259
00:18:49,464 --> 00:18:52,903
Nobody's stealing it, we'd just
be borrowing it for an hour.
260
00:18:52,904 --> 00:18:54,464
Yeah, but suppose...
261
00:18:59,544 --> 00:19:02,403
Suppose they miss it?
262
00:19:02,404 --> 00:19:07,263
Tomorrow is Sunday,
the warehouse is gonna be empty now
how are they gonna miss it?
263
00:19:07,264 --> 00:19:09,723
You don't think the
staff of that organisation
264
00:19:09,724 --> 00:19:13,523
are gonna spend the Sabbath fretting
about their giant, plastic carrot.
265
00:19:13,524 --> 00:19:17,283
Let's stop rabbiting
and go and get it. Sit down!
266
00:19:17,284 --> 00:19:22,483
If we're going to do it,
this operation will have to be
conducted with military precision.
267
00:19:22,484 --> 00:19:28,863
Here we go, listen, Adolf.
All we're going to do
is borrow somebody's plastic carrot.
268
00:19:28,864 --> 00:19:32,323
We're not going to invade Russia!
Will you keep your voice down.
269
00:19:32,324 --> 00:19:36,383
The first thing we'll have to
do is institute
a few security precautions.
270
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:41,664
I'd just love to see
Bickerdyke's face when he sees
we're growing bigger veg than he is.
271
00:19:42,904 --> 00:19:45,143
We'll pretend we haven't noticed it.
Yeah!
272
00:19:45,144 --> 00:19:48,163
I'll give him one of me shrivellers.
273
00:19:48,164 --> 00:19:54,363
We'll stagger past his place
and he'll see us struggling under
the weight of this enormous carrot.
274
00:19:54,364 --> 00:19:57,683
Will you stop
mentioning the word, "carrot."
275
00:19:57,684 --> 00:20:01,443
We shall have to give the target a
code name in case we're overheard.
276
00:20:01,444 --> 00:20:03,564
Eh-up, Foggy's off again.
277
00:20:08,044 --> 00:20:09,564
We'll call it Operation...
278
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,384
Greedy little goblin!
279
00:20:16,724 --> 00:20:19,684
Here's to Operation
Greedy Little Goblin.
280
00:20:40,904 --> 00:20:44,043
Right, off you go. Why me?!
281
00:20:44,044 --> 00:20:46,044
Just unhook it.
282
00:20:47,944 --> 00:20:49,304
Oh...
283
00:20:52,664 --> 00:20:55,224
I can't reach it! It's that high.
Oh, oh...
284
00:20:56,964 --> 00:20:58,843
Oh...
285
00:20:58,844 --> 00:21:01,183
Shut up,
we're just taking all the weight.
286
00:21:01,184 --> 00:21:03,303
Get me down! Get me down!
287
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:04,764
Go on.
288
00:21:07,044 --> 00:21:10,024
Just unhook it and you'll come down.
289
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:14,243
Do you want a peppermint.
Ah... Get me down!
290
00:21:14,244 --> 00:21:16,363
Get me down! I'm slipping.
291
00:21:16,364 --> 00:21:20,304
I'm slipping. I'm slipping. Argh...
292
00:21:22,924 --> 00:21:26,463
Oh... Oh... Oh...
293
00:21:26,464 --> 00:21:27,944
Oh, oh, oh.
294
00:21:30,284 --> 00:21:31,323
Oh...
295
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:34,723
Make less noise - we're
supposed to be doing this quietly.
296
00:21:34,724 --> 00:21:39,204
It's all right for you! You haven't
had your cobblers scraped across
a giant carrot.
297
00:21:40,204 --> 00:21:41,824
Morning, vicar.
298
00:21:45,244 --> 00:21:48,163
Just rescuing a wounded
chaffinch, vicar.
299
00:21:48,164 --> 00:21:49,764
Bless you, my son.
300
00:21:53,304 --> 00:21:56,083
How can you lie to the
clergy like that?
301
00:21:56,084 --> 00:22:00,923
It's fairly easy. If they're C of E,
they tend to believe anything.
302
00:22:00,924 --> 00:22:04,223
Baptists, on the other hand,
are a whole lot tougher.
303
00:22:04,224 --> 00:22:06,263
I'm coming down.
304
00:22:06,264 --> 00:22:08,963
I'm coming down.
305
00:22:08,964 --> 00:22:10,963
Oh... Ow...
306
00:22:10,964 --> 00:22:13,483
Don't come down till
you've unhooked it.
307
00:22:13,484 --> 00:22:15,623
Watch out. No... Argh... Let go.
308
00:22:15,624 --> 00:22:20,464
Argh... I know I can... Oh, ah...
309
00:22:23,884 --> 00:22:27,263
You dozy pillocks!
Will you get me down!
310
00:22:27,264 --> 00:22:29,143
Will you be quiet.
311
00:22:29,144 --> 00:22:31,463
That's right,
show him how to be quiet.
312
00:22:31,464 --> 00:22:34,664
I'm falling out me wellies!
313
00:22:41,544 --> 00:22:44,223
Me welly, I want me other welly.
314
00:22:44,224 --> 00:22:46,483
The blood were rushing to my head.
315
00:22:46,484 --> 00:22:49,324
I can understand its desire
to get away from your feet!
316
00:22:54,604 --> 00:22:56,704
Get off! I lost one of me wellies!
317
00:23:02,344 --> 00:23:04,003
No, I can't reach it.
318
00:23:04,004 --> 00:23:06,384
Go on, then, a bit further.
319
00:23:10,404 --> 00:23:12,123
Your hand's above the hook.
320
00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:13,604
Ah...
321
00:23:27,124 --> 00:23:29,444
Here you are,
he's your stick you'll need it.
322
00:25:07,564 --> 00:25:09,004
Excuse us.
323
00:25:25,044 --> 00:25:28,443
There's nothing like a bit of
exercise to give you a good thirst.
324
00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:31,883
There must be easier
ways of doing it, though.
325
00:25:31,884 --> 00:25:35,883
Come away from that bar!
You've had more than enough.
326
00:25:35,884 --> 00:25:37,344
You can hardly walk!
327
00:25:40,704 --> 00:25:43,383
Hello, Wally's
pigeon's won another race.
328
00:25:43,384 --> 00:25:48,024
We come in here to ring for a
taxi not to get you a drink!
329
00:25:50,404 --> 00:25:52,643
Have you got a telephone?
330
00:25:52,644 --> 00:25:54,523
Yes, love, along the corridor.
331
00:25:54,524 --> 00:25:57,183
Ta, love.
Hey-up, Wally. Hey, Wall! OK, Wall.
332
00:25:57,184 --> 00:25:58,644
Oh, hello...
333
00:26:06,124 --> 00:26:09,563
Pull up a floor and sit down, Wally.
334
00:26:09,564 --> 00:26:12,803
Don't anyone breathe
on him, he'll fall over.
335
00:26:12,804 --> 00:26:16,023
Hello, Foggy.
336
00:26:16,024 --> 00:26:19,063
No, I can't understand anyone
who can't hold his liquor.
337
00:26:19,064 --> 00:26:22,403
I dunno, I reckon he's
carrying a fair load now.
338
00:26:22,404 --> 00:26:24,323
Excuse me...
339
00:26:24,324 --> 00:26:26,584
There's a carrot on the phone.
340
00:26:38,484 --> 00:26:42,264
Come on.
Excuse us, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry about this, folks.
341
00:26:48,544 --> 00:26:51,064
Ta-ra, Wally.
Ta-ra, Wally, all the best.
342
00:27:06,364 --> 00:27:08,363
Oh, me back.
343
00:27:08,364 --> 00:27:10,743
I can just see the headlines.
344
00:27:10,744 --> 00:27:13,144
"Men crushed by carrot."
345
00:28:01,004 --> 00:28:04,044
Ribbentrop came
through here in 1938.
346
00:28:05,624 --> 00:28:07,723
Rubbish!
347
00:28:07,724 --> 00:28:11,383
I'm telling you
I saw Ribbentrop coming down
348
00:28:11,384 --> 00:28:15,543
Arnold Street in
a big, old Mercedes.
Course, he weren't in uniform.
349
00:28:15,544 --> 00:28:17,463
Absolute twaddle.
350
00:28:17,464 --> 00:28:24,003
I was there on the pavement learning
how to drive Marigold Watkins.
I remember it distinctly.
351
00:28:24,004 --> 00:28:27,103
Well, you would with
Marigold Watkins.
352
00:28:27,104 --> 00:28:30,583
"Hello, Marigold", I said.
"That were Ribbentrop in that car."
353
00:28:30,584 --> 00:28:34,583
I've never heard such rubbish.
What would Ribbentrop
be doing around here?
354
00:28:34,584 --> 00:28:36,484
About 20mph!
30274
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