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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,350 --> 00:00:01,829 Heidi, you don't have to be here. 2 00:00:01,830 --> 00:00:02,983 It's Saturday night. 3 00:00:02,984 --> 00:00:04,525 Shouldn't you be out with your friends 4 00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:06,679 fidgeting each other's spinners? 5 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:07,695 That's an old one. 6 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:12,069 Now we just like listening to people whisper things. 7 00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:14,140 And besides, I like being here with you. 8 00:00:14,170 --> 00:00:17,373 And now, the BcBillan you just can't kill. 9 00:00:18,626 --> 00:00:20,415 Oh, my goodness. 10 00:00:20,416 --> 00:00:22,295 So many beautiful faces tonight. 11 00:00:22,296 --> 00:00:25,890 So kind of you all to be here for this concert 12 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:29,629 to benefit my dead or jailed family members. 13 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:32,720 My beloved brothers were poisoned, 14 00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:36,475 uh, by my cunt of a sister right there on the end. 15 00:00:36,476 --> 00:00:38,388 Oh, no, no. 16 00:00:38,389 --> 00:00:39,975 Don't feel bad for me, guys. 17 00:00:39,976 --> 00:00:41,853 It's a pretty good diet, really. 18 00:00:41,854 --> 00:00:43,550 ♪ Just don't eat anything ♪ 19 00:00:43,570 --> 00:00:45,153 ♪ Because you might get poisoned ♪ 20 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:50,735 Mmm. 21 00:00:50,736 --> 00:00:52,032 But seriously, though, 22 00:00:52,033 --> 00:00:54,680 I was never allowed to write any of our songs 23 00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,705 because of those cocksuckers right there. 24 00:00:56,706 --> 00:01:00,122 But, uh, I'm the only one left, so I had no choice. 25 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:02,753 We've got "Short Straw." 26 00:01:02,754 --> 00:01:04,668 Brave. 27 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,595 Here we go! 28 00:01:13,596 --> 00:01:17,515 ♪ I picked the short straw ♪ ♪ The bruisiest apple ♪ 29 00:01:17,516 --> 00:01:20,603 ♪ The grocery cart ♪ ♪ With the fucked-up wheel ♪ 30 00:01:20,604 --> 00:01:24,395 ♪ I got that short-ass straw ♪ ♪ That looks like a toothpick ♪ 31 00:01:24,396 --> 00:01:29,573 ♪ The puniest boobs ♪ ♪ In the whole damn field ♪ 32 00:01:29,574 --> 00:01:30,823 ♪ Short straw ♪ 33 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:35,859 That's right, people. I got that short straw. 34 00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:37,743 And by "short straw," I mean "stripper pole." 35 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:40,517 Oh. 36 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,291 Thanks for putting it in, Gene. Wink. 37 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,794 ♪ Short straw ♪ 38 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,778 All right, spin me. Spin me. 39 00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:55,407 I lost feeling down there hours ago. 40 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,895 Ah! She's dead. 41 00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:13,992 Oh, dear. 42 00:02:13,993 --> 00:02:16,699 She's as dead as a goldfish on a couch. 43 00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:19,832 You know what? 44 00:02:19,833 --> 00:02:22,536 Branda couldn't have been the murderer this time. She's in jail. 45 00:02:22,537 --> 00:02:25,916 The good news is that Branda is not the murderer. 46 00:02:26,964 --> 00:02:29,965 The bad news is that Branda 47 00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:32,505 is the murdered! 48 00:02:32,506 --> 00:02:34,919 - No. - What in the hot fudge? 49 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,594 How did you know Branda was in there? 50 00:02:36,595 --> 00:02:37,845 I figured it out. 51 00:02:37,846 --> 00:02:41,095 Because I stan the BcBillan family so much. 52 00:02:41,096 --> 00:02:44,185 And I thank my niece for teaching me the word "stan." 53 00:02:44,186 --> 00:02:45,769 My aunt's my best friend. 54 00:02:47,830 --> 00:02:49,900 Don't know why I said that. Why not? 55 00:02:49,930 --> 00:02:51,817 There are many things about me that are not perfect. 56 00:02:51,818 --> 00:02:52,905 Liar! 57 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:56,033 I have irregular pubic borders, I have butter-soft nails, 58 00:02:56,034 --> 00:02:57,865 and I have a fourth nipple. 59 00:02:57,866 --> 00:02:59,075 Stuff of nightmares. 60 00:02:59,076 --> 00:03:02,873 But I do have perfect pitch and that piano was off-key. 61 00:03:02,874 --> 00:03:04,069 We didn't notice it 62 00:03:04,070 --> 00:03:08,120 because Broda was actually the most talented musically in the family. 63 00:03:08,126 --> 00:03:09,963 But she didn't get a chance to show it. 64 00:03:09,964 --> 00:03:13,029 She was adjusting to the off-key accompaniment. 65 00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:15,674 - Let me explain this further. - Why don't you sing it? 66 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,678 You know I can't do that. 67 00:03:19,679 --> 00:03:20,845 Don't be afraid. 68 00:03:20,846 --> 00:03:22,433 Who wants to hear her sing? 69 00:03:22,434 --> 00:03:24,500 Abigail. 70 00:03:24,516 --> 00:03:27,225 Abigail. 71 00:03:27,226 --> 00:03:29,300 Abigail. 72 00:03:29,316 --> 00:03:30,605 Abigail. 73 00:03:30,606 --> 00:03:34,065 When I was in my 20s, a moth flew into my windpipe, 74 00:03:34,066 --> 00:03:36,736 and ever since then, I'm terrified to sing in public. 75 00:03:36,737 --> 00:03:39,865 Singing in public, my greatest fear. 76 00:03:39,866 --> 00:03:41,575 Think, Abigail. 77 00:03:41,576 --> 00:03:44,933 How would you write yourself out of this? 78 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:51,876 Mrs. Mapleworth stood center stage in front of 2 million people 79 00:03:51,877 --> 00:03:55,129 at the International Arena of Europe. 80 00:03:55,130 --> 00:03:59,480 ♪ I'm not afraid anymore ♪ 81 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:04,225 ♪ I've kicked down that scaredy-cat door ♪ 82 00:04:04,226 --> 00:04:06,475 ♪ Hey, world ♪ 83 00:04:06,476 --> 00:04:10,065 ♪ Hear me ♪ 84 00:04:10,066 --> 00:04:14,485 ♪ Roar ♪ 85 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,075 You can do it, Aunt Abigail. 86 00:04:28,294 --> 00:04:32,167 _ 87 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,580 _ 88 00:04:34,610 --> 00:04:37,300 _ 89 00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:40,759 _ 90 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,219 I just don't understand why she has to sing it, 91 00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:45,643 you know what I'm saying? It's not even an actual song. 92 00:04:45,644 --> 00:04:48,017 She's just giving us dry information on the case. 93 00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:51,100 _ 94 00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:54,080 _ 95 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:56,280 _ 96 00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:59,155 Stop half-singing. It's unnatural. 97 00:04:59,156 --> 00:05:01,993 You should be afraid to sing in public! 98 00:05:01,994 --> 00:05:04,406 What is happening right now? 99 00:05:04,407 --> 00:05:05,700 Oh, now it's a duet. 100 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,290 _ 101 00:05:08,310 --> 00:05:10,860 _ 102 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,459 - _ - ♪ Best voice, best voice ♪ 103 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:14,479 Thank the Lord. 104 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,440 _ 105 00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:21,000 _ 106 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:24,700 _ 107 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:31,290 _ 108 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:38,734 _ 109 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,865 I'm clapping for all of us because that was amazing. 110 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,913 But wait, who killed Broda? 111 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,819 - Oh. So... - Enough with the damn singing! 112 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:52,329 - Who did it?! - Death by splits. 113 00:05:52,330 --> 00:05:54,958 She died of a broken vulva. 114 00:05:55,714 --> 00:06:00,633 Fun fact, did you know the heart and the vulva are the same organ? 115 00:06:00,634 --> 00:06:02,505 It's the longest organ in the body. 116 00:06:02,506 --> 00:06:06,867 No, actually, sorry. That's not true. I was premed at Princeton. 117 00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:09,183 Just... 118 00:06:09,184 --> 00:06:12,515 Actually, no, I didn't go to classes so it might be. 119 00:06:12,516 --> 00:06:13,519 Either or. 120 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,130 _ 121 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:16,605 _ 122 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,949 All this crying has made me chafe my lips. 123 00:06:19,950 --> 00:06:22,070 Do you have any lip salve? 124 00:06:22,074 --> 00:06:23,278 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 125 00:06:23,284 --> 00:06:26,742 I'm sorry, Aunt Abigail. I know it was your favorite band. 126 00:06:26,743 --> 00:06:29,589 I'll make you a playlist of some of the bands I like 127 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,995 and maybe you'll like them too. 128 00:06:31,996 --> 00:06:33,539 That's very kind of you. 129 00:06:33,544 --> 00:06:35,665 - Real talk? - Mm-hm. 130 00:06:35,666 --> 00:06:38,213 - You look like a clown whore. - Oh. 131 00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:40,465 Well, that's not the first time I've heard that. 132 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:44,379 I used to have a lucrative job as a circus prostitute. 133 00:06:44,380 --> 00:06:46,299 And I was always paid under the table, 134 00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:47,676 where the BJs happened. 135 00:06:47,677 --> 00:06:50,059 Oh, God. I miss BJs. 136 00:06:50,060 --> 00:06:51,555 Just kidding. 137 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:52,891 Oh, excuse me. 138 00:06:56,020 --> 00:06:59,315 Well, Heidi, even though they resented each other... 139 00:06:59,316 --> 00:07:01,565 - And murdered each other. - Oh, that's true. 140 00:07:01,566 --> 00:07:03,275 They were still a family. 141 00:07:03,276 --> 00:07:05,905 They stuck together till the end. 142 00:07:05,906 --> 00:07:07,365 Oh. 143 00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:10,540 Yeah. 144 00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:29,263 You'll love this band, Aunt Abigail. 145 00:07:29,264 --> 00:07:31,095 They're loud and filthy, 146 00:07:31,096 --> 00:07:34,353 just like you, you disgusting creature. 147 00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,559 I'm actually not staying, dear. 148 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,020 I thought you'd enjoy this concert 149 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,606 with a couple of new school friends. 150 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:44,485 - Oh. They look like total weirdos. - Hi! 151 00:07:44,486 --> 00:07:46,365 Yep. 152 00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,530 Thank you. I feel seen. 153 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:54,119 - What's up, my bitches? - Hey. 154 00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:57,206 Oh, no. 155 00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:05,715 Abigail! 156 00:08:05,716 --> 00:08:07,593 Gilbert. 157 00:08:07,594 --> 00:08:09,013 Ah. 158 00:08:09,014 --> 00:08:10,845 Lovely night for a stroll. 159 00:08:10,846 --> 00:08:13,805 May I escort you home? 160 00:08:13,806 --> 00:08:16,140 Yes, of course. 161 00:08:16,141 --> 00:08:17,765 Isn't this pleasant? 162 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,153 Abigail, watch out! 163 00:08:27,170 --> 00:08:31,270 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.MY-SUBS.com -- 11274

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