All language subtitles for High Maintenance s01e02 Museebat.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,116 --> 00:00:04,900 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com -- 2 00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:10,429 - Girl: Here it is. - (groaning) 3 00:00:10,531 --> 00:00:14,200 - Oh! That is disgusting! - That is some ratchet shit. 4 00:00:14,302 --> 00:00:16,235 - Oh, my God. - That looks like a gnarled root. 5 00:00:16,337 --> 00:00:18,437 - (laughter) - You have to rethink premed 6 00:00:18,539 --> 00:00:21,841 if you can't handle looking at an erect penis! 7 00:00:21,943 --> 00:00:24,710 - Erect? What kind of doctor are you trying to be? - Let me see. 8 00:00:24,812 --> 00:00:28,614 Oh, that is so gross. Why? Why would anybody wanna look at that? 9 00:00:28,716 --> 00:00:30,916 No! That's what he sent her after she broke up with him. 10 00:00:30,952 --> 00:00:32,429 - She broke up with him? - That's aggro. 11 00:00:32,453 --> 00:00:33,986 - She broke up with him? - Yeah. 12 00:00:34,088 --> 00:00:35,688 She was gonna get weed for me from him. 13 00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:37,489 Oh, that is not gonna happen anymore. 14 00:00:37,592 --> 00:00:40,726 - How do you even study stoned? - I don't know. I'm a genius? 15 00:00:40,828 --> 00:00:42,773 - Oh, she's a genius. - That's what we were missing. 16 00:00:42,797 --> 00:00:44,730 It doesn't mess anything up, so just let me... 17 00:00:44,832 --> 00:00:46,899 - You do you, girl. - You live your life. 18 00:00:47,001 --> 00:00:49,201 I need to pick up my cousin from her youth group thing, 19 00:00:49,303 --> 00:00:51,014 - so I gotta go. - I gotta go too. I'll walk with you. 20 00:00:51,038 --> 00:00:53,460 - Okay, sounds good. Bye, girl. - All: Bye! 21 00:00:53,908 --> 00:00:55,674 Why does Chantal have that picture? 22 00:00:55,776 --> 00:00:58,611 I was wondering the same thing. She's keeping that dick pic. 23 00:00:58,713 --> 00:01:00,880 Here. 24 00:01:00,982 --> 00:01:04,149 - It's okay, I guess. - You don't know anything. 25 00:01:05,987 --> 00:01:07,419 Go pick whatever you want, okay? 26 00:01:07,521 --> 00:01:09,154 - And get me a drink, yeah? - Yeah! 27 00:01:09,257 --> 00:01:10,222 You can choose. 28 00:01:10,324 --> 00:01:12,258 Um, can I have a pack of those guys over there? 29 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,226 - Can I see your ID? - Yeah. 30 00:01:21,502 --> 00:01:24,103 You need to be 21 to buy cigarettes. 31 00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:26,538 Really? Oh, well, I'm from Texas. 32 00:01:26,641 --> 00:01:29,241 You only have to be 18 there, so... 33 00:01:29,343 --> 00:01:34,880 Can you make an exception for me just this once, please? 34 00:01:34,982 --> 00:01:36,815 - You don't look that tall. - I am that tall. 35 00:01:36,918 --> 00:01:39,096 - But you don't look that! - The half is very important. 36 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,226 I am five-three and a half. 37 00:01:40,251 --> 00:01:42,011 Well, well, you may be five-three, but... 38 00:01:42,089 --> 00:01:43,355 - No, I don't think so. - Baba! 39 00:01:43,457 --> 00:01:44,504 Hey. 40 00:01:44,765 --> 00:01:46,451 _ 41 00:01:46,452 --> 00:01:47,376 _ 42 00:01:47,428 --> 00:01:48,576 _ 43 00:01:48,577 --> 00:01:50,937 I have a lot of work, though. My biology professor hates us. 44 00:01:51,271 --> 00:01:52,140 _ 45 00:01:52,142 --> 00:01:53,902 - You can handle it. - How were your classes? 46 00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:56,535 Same as always. It looks like my students hate me. 47 00:01:56,637 --> 00:01:58,938 - I got a 98 on my Mandarin. - Very good. Very good. 48 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,373 - _ - (mother speaking on phone) 49 00:02:01,475 --> 00:02:03,008 Eesha: I'm sorry. I got busy earlier, 50 00:02:03,110 --> 00:02:05,550 and then I had to pick up Nasim from the masjid, so I'm sorry. 51 00:02:05,646 --> 00:02:09,615 Yeah, we're walking up the stairs with him right now. 52 00:02:10,157 --> 00:02:11,451 _ 53 00:02:12,086 --> 00:02:13,819 Faruq khaloo says hi. 54 00:02:13,921 --> 00:02:15,425 There's this fish lab I need a little bit of help on. 55 00:02:15,449 --> 00:02:17,034 I'll help you with the fish lab. 56 00:02:17,058 --> 00:02:18,891 - Sorry. - What's that smell, baba? 57 00:02:18,993 --> 00:02:22,061 That smell? _ Okay? 58 00:02:22,163 --> 00:02:24,296 Every time you get that smell, you walk the other way. 59 00:02:24,398 --> 00:02:26,158 Well, I smell it in the hallway all the time. 60 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,623 - So good, now you know... - (mother speaks on phone) 61 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,083 Sorry. 62 00:02:29,097 --> 00:02:29,697 _ 63 00:02:29,698 --> 00:02:30,765 Just pass it over. 64 00:02:32,340 --> 00:02:35,754 - Beta, you can remove the head thing. We're home. - I like it, though. 65 00:02:36,147 --> 00:02:37,444 _ 66 00:02:37,445 --> 00:02:39,047 _ 67 00:02:39,048 --> 00:02:40,831 _ 68 00:02:41,983 --> 00:02:45,517 We talked, like, God, twice already today. 69 00:02:45,619 --> 00:02:47,739 She really needs something better to do with her time. 70 00:02:47,894 --> 00:02:49,109 _ 71 00:02:49,457 --> 00:02:50,723 It's a matter of adjustment. 72 00:02:50,825 --> 00:02:52,945 I'm sure we'll be the same when Nasim goes to college. 73 00:02:52,994 --> 00:02:55,305 Maybe I can go to Texas A&M and live with Khaloo and Khala? 74 00:02:55,329 --> 00:02:58,998 Oh, they'd actually love that. You'd be their dream daughter, Nasim. 75 00:02:59,071 --> 00:03:01,973 _ 76 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:02,676 _ 77 00:03:02,677 --> 00:03:03,802 Harvard. 78 00:03:03,904 --> 00:03:06,350 Oh, so does that mean you're gonna actually let her live in the dorms? 79 00:03:06,374 --> 00:03:08,014 This is all a little bit too far off, huh? 80 00:03:08,109 --> 00:03:12,111 - Let's just enjoy the tacos. - Can we have pasanday gosht? Like naanni's? 81 00:03:12,370 --> 00:03:14,401 _ 82 00:03:15,845 --> 00:03:17,845 Eesha (whispering): Nasim. 83 00:03:25,255 --> 00:03:27,989 Nasim, are you awake? 84 00:03:33,696 --> 00:03:36,831 ? ? 85 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,079 (phone chimes) 86 00:04:13,636 --> 00:04:18,005 ? ? 87 00:04:33,556 --> 00:04:36,524 _ 88 00:04:36,626 --> 00:04:39,694 I was with friends who smoke, kahloojee. It wasn't me. 89 00:04:41,264 --> 00:04:44,765 Can we just please agree that I'm not stupid? 90 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:47,535 (speaks Urdu) 91 00:04:47,637 --> 00:04:49,637 Don't worry, I'm not going to tell your mother. 92 00:04:50,114 --> 00:04:51,227 _ 93 00:04:51,228 --> 00:04:53,168 _ 94 00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:54,632 _ 95 00:04:54,633 --> 00:04:56,212 _ 96 00:04:56,412 --> 00:04:59,680 But don't bring that filthy shit around my kids or in my house. 97 00:04:59,782 --> 00:05:00,881 (speaks Urdu) 98 00:05:13,329 --> 00:05:16,831 (whispering) 99 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:36,684 Man (on TV): Dealing with Heidi. How was the club? 100 00:05:36,786 --> 00:05:38,586 - I did "Hot in Here." - You didn't! 101 00:05:38,688 --> 00:05:41,322 - Woman: I did. - Man: Talent show style? 102 00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:45,593 (TV plays indistinctly) 103 00:05:45,695 --> 00:05:49,897 ? Whenever you're ready ? 104 00:05:49,999 --> 00:05:53,267 - (clears throat) - It's not over yet. 105 00:05:54,055 --> 00:05:55,852 _ 106 00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:57,371 Good night, gundai. 107 00:05:57,767 --> 00:06:00,053 _ 108 00:06:00,576 --> 00:06:02,309 He's so ridiculous. 109 00:06:03,746 --> 00:06:05,279 Are you going to be up for a while? 110 00:06:05,381 --> 00:06:08,582 I'm probably gonna be up for a couple more hours. 111 00:06:08,685 --> 00:06:10,562 Can you turn off the lights before you go to bed? 112 00:06:10,586 --> 00:06:11,786 - Yeah, of course. - Okay. 113 00:06:12,174 --> 00:06:13,515 _ 114 00:06:13,856 --> 00:06:18,392 - (muffled voices murmuring) - (floorboards creaking) 115 00:06:18,494 --> 00:06:21,896 (muffled music thumping) 116 00:07:07,143 --> 00:07:11,004 _ 117 00:07:11,005 --> 00:07:12,703 _ 118 00:07:14,037 --> 00:07:16,122 _ 119 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,483 _ 120 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,187 - Okay. - Are you sure you don't want to come with us? 121 00:07:20,289 --> 00:07:22,156 They're offering them at the student union, 122 00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:24,658 so I'm gonna get 'em there 'cause I have a lot of work to do. 123 00:07:25,247 --> 00:07:26,795 _ 124 00:07:27,762 --> 00:07:28,440 _ 125 00:07:28,464 --> 00:07:30,698 - Or else you're gonna burn out. - I will. 126 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,377 But first can you help me with this please? 127 00:07:32,401 --> 00:07:33,968 Yeah, of course. 128 00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:36,570 Don't forget you said you'd make pasanday gosht tonight! 129 00:07:36,672 --> 00:07:40,708 Okay, Nasim. I'll see. Let me put my shoes on. 130 00:07:40,810 --> 00:07:43,711 Okay. Mohammed! Zishan! 131 00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,176 _ 132 00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:49,984 Fight Zone. You guys want some help? 133 00:07:50,086 --> 00:07:52,586 - Yeah. - Yeah, sure. Yeah, no problem. 134 00:07:52,688 --> 00:07:54,255 - Ready? - Yeah. 135 00:07:54,357 --> 00:07:56,924 Oh, here we go. 136 00:07:58,294 --> 00:08:01,228 - (sighs) - Wow. I really thought I was much stronger... 137 00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:05,866 (laughs) than I actually am. Watch out, boys. 138 00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:08,736 Ah! There you go. 139 00:08:08,838 --> 00:08:10,905 - Thank you. - No problem. Have a good one. 140 00:08:11,007 --> 00:08:13,719 I started defrosting some lamb. Can you take it out of the refrigerator, 141 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,777 - and we can put it in the rice? - Okay. 142 00:08:28,357 --> 00:08:31,492 - Hey, what's up? - Woman: Come in. He's here. 143 00:08:58,387 --> 00:09:00,354 - (muffled voices) - (door opens) 144 00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,723 The Guy: Thank you. 145 00:09:04,327 --> 00:09:07,328 Oh, my God. 146 00:09:07,430 --> 00:09:08,696 Hey. 147 00:09:09,999 --> 00:09:11,298 Hey. 148 00:09:13,903 --> 00:09:16,537 Hey, um, can I buy some? 149 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,406 What do you mean? 150 00:09:20,443 --> 00:09:21,475 You know what I mean. 151 00:09:21,577 --> 00:09:23,010 No, I don't know what you mean. 152 00:09:23,112 --> 00:09:26,013 Um, I mean, I live right there. I can smell it. 153 00:09:26,115 --> 00:09:27,748 Um... 154 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,654 Did I see you downstairs with your mom just now? 155 00:09:33,756 --> 00:09:36,257 - Yeah, that's my aunt. - Okay. 156 00:09:36,359 --> 00:09:38,025 Um, sorry. No, I can't. 157 00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:39,927 Come on, dude! What's the deal? I have money. 158 00:09:40,029 --> 00:09:43,063 - I don't sell to kids, man. - I'm not a kid. I'm in college. 159 00:09:43,429 --> 00:09:45,796 - Well, get weed at college then. - I can't. 160 00:09:45,899 --> 00:09:47,932 It's complicated. I lost my connect. 161 00:09:48,034 --> 00:09:50,468 I get it, but I have this system where people give me 162 00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:53,404 a referral of other people, and that's how you get weed from me. 163 00:09:53,506 --> 00:09:56,474 So I'm sorry, I can't help you today. 164 00:09:56,576 --> 00:10:00,711 - I can't go bending the rules. - (sighs) Okay. 165 00:10:00,813 --> 00:10:03,381 Maybe ask your neighbors? 166 00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:24,001 ? ? 167 00:10:52,799 --> 00:10:57,568 ? ? 168 00:11:31,337 --> 00:11:33,070 Eesha! What are you doing? 169 00:11:33,172 --> 00:11:35,640 - My mom's home. She's looking for you. - What time is it? 170 00:11:35,742 --> 00:11:37,608 - 4:30. - Shit! 171 00:11:40,713 --> 00:11:41,912 _ 172 00:11:42,015 --> 00:11:45,160 Kunza: It would have tasted better if there was lamb in it. 173 00:11:45,161 --> 00:11:45,972 _ 174 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:48,919 Yes, but we also have a niece who can't follow simple directions. 175 00:11:49,022 --> 00:11:50,314 Khala, I'm sorry. I forgot. 176 00:11:50,339 --> 00:11:52,347 You okay, beta? You look a little tired. 177 00:11:52,425 --> 00:11:55,326 Yeah, I'm okay. I've just had a long week. I'll be fine. 178 00:11:55,428 --> 00:11:59,530 - Maybe you shouldn't go to Rabia's tonight. - No, seriously. I'm fine. 179 00:11:59,632 --> 00:12:01,999 ? Young Falcs make that beat drop ? 180 00:12:02,101 --> 00:12:04,235 ? Ooohwee, y'all slackin' ? 181 00:12:04,337 --> 00:12:06,804 ? Came to the show and the scene got crackin' ? 182 00:12:06,906 --> 00:12:08,773 ? Young Falcs made the beat drop ? 183 00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:11,676 ? And the girls got low and the buns got clappin' nonstop ? 184 00:12:11,778 --> 00:12:13,577 ? Like, ooohwee, y'all slackin' ? 185 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,747 ? Came to the show and the scene got crackin' off top ? 186 00:12:16,849 --> 00:12:18,382 ? Falcons made the beat drop ? 187 00:12:18,484 --> 00:12:21,752 ? And the girls got low and the buns got clappin' nonstop ? 188 00:12:21,854 --> 00:12:23,321 ? Ooohwee, y'all ratchet ? 189 00:12:23,423 --> 00:12:26,290 ? Came to the show and the scene got crackin' off top ? 190 00:12:26,392 --> 00:12:28,292 ? 'Cause if I'm in the spot not rappin' ? 191 00:12:28,394 --> 00:12:30,861 ? I be with the squad boss mackin', mackin' ? 192 00:12:30,963 --> 00:12:33,531 ? I be with the squad boss mackin', mackin' ? 193 00:12:33,633 --> 00:12:35,466 ? I be with the squad boss mackin' ? 194 00:12:45,645 --> 00:12:47,778 (sighs) Oh man. 195 00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:15,373 Shit. 196 00:13:25,985 --> 00:13:28,386 (door unlocks) 197 00:13:39,899 --> 00:13:41,270 _ 198 00:13:41,567 --> 00:13:42,833 Huh? 199 00:13:42,935 --> 00:13:44,602 (woman speaking on phone) 200 00:13:44,704 --> 00:13:46,470 Your ami is trying to get in touch with you. 201 00:13:46,572 --> 00:13:48,639 I'm sorry, I left my phone. 202 00:13:48,741 --> 00:13:50,775 You left something on the roof. 203 00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:52,489 _ 204 00:13:52,712 --> 00:13:55,780 (mother speaking on phone) 205 00:14:26,746 --> 00:14:30,181 Man: So the ultrasound showed no signs of cancer, 206 00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:32,283 but you did test positive for chlamydia, 207 00:14:32,385 --> 00:14:34,785 so that's likely what's causing your discomfort. 208 00:14:34,887 --> 00:14:37,788 Now, on the plus side, chlamydia is very treatable. 209 00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:39,990 I'm gonna write you a prescription for doxycycline. 210 00:14:40,092 --> 00:14:43,594 You're going to need to refrain from sex for at least one week 211 00:14:43,696 --> 00:14:48,098 until both you and your partner are treated, all right? 212 00:14:48,201 --> 00:14:49,834 Yeah. 213 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:04,114 God! Nobody's answering their phone or their emails this week. 214 00:15:04,217 --> 00:15:07,618 - I'm still waiting for a response from guess who? - Hmm? 215 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:11,489 - Miwa. - Ugh, Miwa. 216 00:15:11,591 --> 00:15:13,824 Well, you know, maybe she took off for the long weekend 217 00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:16,760 and got into a robbery at the convenience store. 218 00:15:16,863 --> 00:15:20,764 911? This is Miwa. I'm at the Wawa. 219 00:15:20,867 --> 00:15:24,301 (laughs) How do you know about Wawa? 220 00:15:24,403 --> 00:15:26,370 The Wawa? There's a Wawa near where, uh, 221 00:15:26,472 --> 00:15:29,073 Becky's parents have their lake house. 222 00:15:29,175 --> 00:15:30,641 - Okay. Okay. Yes. - Wawa. 223 00:15:30,743 --> 00:15:33,444 I've been working on that Miwa-Wawa gag for ages. 224 00:15:33,546 --> 00:15:36,280 - Didn't think that would get a laugh. - (chuckles) 225 00:15:36,382 --> 00:15:41,652 A bit of niche, regional humor. Are you not entertained? 226 00:15:41,754 --> 00:15:45,656 I am very entertained by you. 227 00:15:49,595 --> 00:15:51,629 Oh, if you guys don't have any plans this weekend, 228 00:15:51,731 --> 00:15:53,697 you should come by Leo's birthday party Saturday. 229 00:15:53,799 --> 00:15:56,901 - Oh! That'd be great. - Yeah? Uh, no pressure. 230 00:15:57,003 --> 00:15:59,670 - Yeah. Is it a late one? Should we get us a sitter? - Oh, yeah. 231 00:15:59,772 --> 00:16:02,351 - Definitely get a sitter. - Um, well, let me check in with the boss. 232 00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,475 See if she's made any plans that I don't know about. 233 00:16:04,577 --> 00:16:08,245 It's a Moroccan theme. So, if you want, you can dress in that, you know, style. 234 00:16:08,347 --> 00:16:11,348 Oh, hello! You could have opened with that. I'm all over that. 235 00:16:11,450 --> 00:16:13,450 - (phone rings) - A-ha, speak of the devil. 236 00:16:13,553 --> 00:16:14,718 Hi, honey. 237 00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:17,021 Hey, are you with, uh, Colon right now? 238 00:16:17,123 --> 00:16:19,456 - It's Colin. - Leo: Well, there's only one L. 239 00:16:19,559 --> 00:16:21,659 Okay. Yeah, you're good at spelling. 240 00:16:21,761 --> 00:16:25,796 Can you ask him if the weed guy that we all use also has E? 241 00:16:25,898 --> 00:16:28,198 Yeah. Oh, hey. Um, he wants to know, 242 00:16:28,301 --> 00:16:31,368 do you if the, uh, weed guy sells E? 243 00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:34,305 I... hmm... I think he's just a weed guy. 244 00:16:34,407 --> 00:16:36,507 Oh, he thinks he's just a weed guy. 245 00:16:36,609 --> 00:16:39,009 Oh, no, man. I haven't sold E since college, 246 00:16:39,111 --> 00:16:41,712 but, uh, I sell mushrooms. They're fun. 247 00:16:41,814 --> 00:16:43,948 I'm doing them tomorrow for my birthday actually. 248 00:16:44,050 --> 00:16:45,861 Uh, I don't think we're really a 'shrooms crowd. 249 00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:48,752 Oh, did you hear that? It's his birthday too. 250 00:16:48,854 --> 00:16:51,221 - A couple of Scorpios. - Oh, really? 251 00:16:51,324 --> 00:16:53,524 - What year? Whoa. - Uh, '84. 252 00:16:53,626 --> 00:16:55,759 (gasps) Holy shit! You're a baby. 253 00:16:55,861 --> 00:16:58,862 - Oh, no. I don't think so. - This is really quite the beard. 254 00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:01,532 - Can I grab it? - Uh... 255 00:17:01,634 --> 00:17:04,535 Uh, well, yeah. Go for it. 256 00:17:04,637 --> 00:17:08,539 (gasps) It feels like pubic hair. 257 00:17:08,641 --> 00:17:12,109 Y... yeah, I guess it does. Thanks. 258 00:17:12,211 --> 00:17:14,011 - Is that weird? - No, it's not weird. 259 00:17:14,113 --> 00:17:17,915 I was actually thinking, yeah, that is what my pubic hair feels like, so... 260 00:17:18,017 --> 00:17:20,517 Was that weird? I just ate a pot cookie about an hour ago, 261 00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:24,154 so I think it's kicking in, if I can be honest. 262 00:17:24,256 --> 00:17:27,858 My... Weed nuts. Thoughts? 263 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,495 Um, you know, I actually don't do a lot of cooking, 264 00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:34,798 but the main rule with edibles is just don't eat too much. 265 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:38,268 Hey, if you get off work early tomorrow and you don't have any plans, 266 00:17:38,371 --> 00:17:40,804 you should come by and celebrate your birthday with us. 267 00:17:40,906 --> 00:17:43,774 Oh, that's very nice. Thank you. Yeah, maybe... 268 00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:45,876 Yeah. Bring your wife. 269 00:17:45,978 --> 00:17:49,179 Oh, yeah. Um, yeah. 270 00:17:49,281 --> 00:17:52,383 Maybe I will. I work till, like, 11:30 usually, so... 271 00:17:52,485 --> 00:17:53,917 That's okay. We go late. 272 00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:55,853 Okay. 273 00:17:55,955 --> 00:17:58,889 Well, then have a good time. Maybe I'll see you. 274 00:17:58,991 --> 00:18:00,924 - Don't eat too many nuts. - Got it. 275 00:18:01,027 --> 00:18:03,160 Happy birthday. Later, guys! Thanks for the invite. 276 00:18:03,262 --> 00:18:06,330 - Same to you. - (grinder whirring) 277 00:18:07,566 --> 00:18:10,501 What the fuck, Gi? Why did you do that? 278 00:18:10,603 --> 00:18:14,405 - What? - He doesn't want to hang with us on his birthday. 279 00:18:14,507 --> 00:18:17,427 - Oh, you don't know that. - Well, you have to think about everybody else. 280 00:18:17,476 --> 00:18:19,054 They don't know him. He... We don't know him. 281 00:18:19,078 --> 00:18:21,145 Nobody knows Colin and Becky. They're coming. 282 00:18:21,247 --> 00:18:24,214 - What? Why the fuck... - (scoffs, sighs) 283 00:18:24,316 --> 00:18:26,884 - ...did you invite them to my birthday? - Oh, God, Leo. 284 00:18:26,986 --> 00:18:30,254 Leo, Colin is actually my friend. 285 00:18:30,356 --> 00:18:33,257 I know that, and I am cool with that, 286 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:35,025 but I just think you should ask me... 287 00:18:35,127 --> 00:18:37,161 What the fuck is your problem? 288 00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:42,066 (sighs, mutters) 289 00:18:42,168 --> 00:18:44,902 Gigi: Jesus Christ. Then change. 290 00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:48,038 I mean, don't dress up. Dress up. Wear normal clothes. 291 00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:49,573 Who the fuck cares, Leo? 292 00:18:49,675 --> 00:18:52,176 I'm not going to be some contrary asshole in street wear 293 00:18:52,278 --> 00:18:55,079 - just because it's my birthday. - Street wear? 294 00:18:55,181 --> 00:18:57,614 You think you're not an asshole when it's not your birthday? 295 00:18:57,717 --> 00:18:59,528 - Nice double negative. - Yeah, nice shitty attitude. 296 00:18:59,552 --> 00:19:03,187 Don't you do this! This is so fucked right now! 297 00:19:03,289 --> 00:19:05,422 (sighs) 298 00:19:05,524 --> 00:19:07,524 Fuck it. I... Goddamn it. I'm gonna cancel. 299 00:19:07,626 --> 00:19:09,927 I'm gonna email everybody, and I'm gonna tell them 300 00:19:10,029 --> 00:19:12,930 it's over, that we're sick. I wouldn't be wrong, would I? 301 00:19:13,032 --> 00:19:16,100 Yeah. Oh, now you want to tell people we've got the clap? 302 00:19:16,202 --> 00:19:18,802 The clap is gonorrhea. Get your shit straight. 303 00:19:18,904 --> 00:19:21,238 Well, I'm glad I spent $150 on this fucking cake then, 304 00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:23,027 in addition to everything else you see laid 305 00:19:23,052 --> 00:19:24,753 - before you. - I didn't ask you to do anything. 306 00:19:24,777 --> 00:19:26,321 Would it kill you to notice my throw pillows? 307 00:19:26,345 --> 00:19:27,789 Excuse me for living halfway to a hundred. 308 00:19:27,813 --> 00:19:28,890 - Oh, okay. - You know what? 309 00:19:28,914 --> 00:19:29,847 (doorbell buzzes) 310 00:19:29,949 --> 00:19:32,616 Who... Fifteen minutes early to a party? 311 00:19:32,718 --> 00:19:34,718 Who fucking does this? I hate this. 312 00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:37,254 - Hello? - Colin (on intercom): Hey! It's Colin and Becky! 313 00:19:37,356 --> 00:19:40,891 - Sorry we're a bit early. - Oh, that's okay! Come on up! 314 00:19:40,993 --> 00:19:42,092 I'm changing into pants! 315 00:19:42,194 --> 00:19:43,727 Man: No, I'm telling you, 316 00:19:43,829 --> 00:19:45,295 if you had told me ten years ago 317 00:19:45,397 --> 00:19:48,465 that a one bedroom shithole in Greenpoint 318 00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:50,807 would go for two million dollars, I would have, you know, 319 00:19:50,870 --> 00:19:53,070 I would have bought a couple of one bedroom shitholes 320 00:19:53,172 --> 00:19:55,172 - in Greenpoint, you know? - You were smart to buy 321 00:19:55,274 --> 00:19:57,586 - what you did when you did. - Can we stop talking about real estate? 322 00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:59,788 - It is seriously so boring. - I know no one wants to talk about it, 323 00:19:59,812 --> 00:20:01,923 - but he's on the spectrum, right? - Nobody wants to say anything. 324 00:20:01,947 --> 00:20:03,725 - Okay, right. - But why don't they just get him tested? 325 00:20:03,749 --> 00:20:04,982 They're afraid of the results. 326 00:20:05,084 --> 00:20:06,361 I'm just worried about my daughter. 327 00:20:06,385 --> 00:20:07,929 Wish she'd stop wetting the fucking bed. 328 00:20:07,953 --> 00:20:09,273 She's in the fifth fucking grade. 329 00:20:09,321 --> 00:20:11,421 - Oh, that's a beautiful tunic. - It's a jalaba. 330 00:20:11,524 --> 00:20:13,423 - Oh! - I got it in Morocco last winter. 331 00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:16,059 I'm dying to go to Morocco, but every time we get a break, 332 00:20:16,162 --> 00:20:18,228 - we have to go visit Colin's family. - It's great. 333 00:20:18,330 --> 00:20:19,696 - Mm. - They have amazing textiles. 334 00:20:19,799 --> 00:20:21,565 - Yeah, I know. - I went nuts buying fabric. 335 00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:24,201 Why don't you get Rachel Comey to send you over there? 336 00:20:24,303 --> 00:20:26,224 Oh, well, I wish she would, but I think 337 00:20:26,249 --> 00:20:28,362 it's more likely she's gonna send me to LA. 338 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,608 - We're opening a store. - Oh, no, no, no. That's not fun. 339 00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:34,945 Well, I kind of like LA. I've lived here my whole life, 340 00:20:35,047 --> 00:20:37,047 - so at some point... - No, no, no, no, no, no. 341 00:20:37,149 --> 00:20:40,117 You're not taking my Colin way from me. We just got financing! 342 00:20:40,219 --> 00:20:43,654 Well, uh... I was just telling her about LA. Just a nascent idea. 343 00:20:43,756 --> 00:20:45,856 It's not. Can I, um, top anyone off? 344 00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:48,826 - I'm good. - I love this. 345 00:20:48,928 --> 00:20:51,161 - Oh, this? Thank you. - God. 346 00:20:51,263 --> 00:20:52,830 - You know where I got this? - Where? 347 00:20:52,932 --> 00:20:55,292 You know where we were scouting the other day, off Atlantic? 348 00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:56,878 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I went back there. 349 00:20:56,902 --> 00:20:58,513 - You didn't go back. - Mm-hm. It was awesome. 350 00:20:58,537 --> 00:21:00,370 And, uh, then I made the gross mistake 351 00:21:00,472 --> 00:21:02,284 of going downstairs and having that Yemenite food 352 00:21:02,308 --> 00:21:04,174 - that you said looked dodgy. - No, you didn't. 353 00:21:04,276 --> 00:21:06,876 - I had food poisoning for what, like, two days? - Two days, yeah. 354 00:21:06,946 --> 00:21:09,279 Fuck! I hoped you stiffed them on the tip. 355 00:21:09,381 --> 00:21:12,916 In Boulder, we go out to the movies, 356 00:21:13,018 --> 00:21:15,652 and then afterwards, we go out to, like, a pot club. 357 00:21:15,754 --> 00:21:18,499 You just fill a pint glass with weed smoke, 358 00:21:18,524 --> 00:21:20,581 - and you do it like a beer. - What? 359 00:21:20,659 --> 00:21:23,660 - Amazing. - That's un-fucking-believable. 360 00:21:23,762 --> 00:21:25,162 (laughing) 361 00:21:25,264 --> 00:21:28,198 - Colin: Totally. - Gigi: Thank God. At least that. 362 00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,434 (laughs) I am gonna stiff you on that tip. 363 00:21:30,536 --> 00:21:33,403 - Do not want to present that one... - (doorbell buzzes) 364 00:21:33,505 --> 00:21:37,107 - Who's that, honey? - Gigi: I think that's the belly dancer. 365 00:21:37,209 --> 00:21:40,344 You got a dancer? You're too much, Gigi. 366 00:21:40,446 --> 00:21:44,081 You should see the cake! That photo! Oh, my God, it's hysterical. 367 00:21:44,183 --> 00:21:46,450 - How do you come up with this stuff? - She's a producer. 368 00:21:46,552 --> 00:21:48,051 That's what she... Holy shit. 369 00:21:48,153 --> 00:21:51,264 You sure it's not the weed guy taking us up on your invitation? 370 00:21:51,265 --> 00:21:53,168 Wait, you guys invited him? Oh, I think he's so sexy. 371 00:21:53,192 --> 00:21:55,003 Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks that? 372 00:21:55,027 --> 00:21:56,504 He totally looks like a young John Malkovich. 373 00:21:56,528 --> 00:21:58,506 - Like, like, the, the... "The Killing Fields." - Yes! 374 00:21:58,530 --> 00:22:01,798 ? ? 375 00:22:01,901 --> 00:22:03,433 Yeah! 376 00:22:13,379 --> 00:22:17,114 (laughter) 377 00:22:18,984 --> 00:22:22,619 (indistinct chatter, laughter) 378 00:22:22,721 --> 00:22:25,622 Get down. I missed my calling. 379 00:22:30,229 --> 00:22:34,932 There he is. Great party, man. Thanks for having us. 380 00:22:35,034 --> 00:22:40,437 - Having a good time? - Yeah, great. Thank you. 381 00:22:40,539 --> 00:22:42,205 Although I am pretty fucking baked. 382 00:22:42,308 --> 00:22:45,008 I've been eating these almonds all day long. 383 00:22:45,110 --> 00:22:47,577 Back they go. 384 00:22:49,848 --> 00:22:51,782 Is it sexual? 385 00:22:52,952 --> 00:22:54,818 - Sorry, what? - The women's clothes. 386 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,088 - Does it get you off sexually? - Oh, no, no, no, no. 387 00:22:58,190 --> 00:23:00,490 No, it's... it's more of how I express myself. 388 00:23:00,592 --> 00:23:03,060 I've been like this since I can remember. 389 00:23:04,863 --> 00:23:05,696 Oh. 390 00:23:05,798 --> 00:23:09,633 ? ? 391 00:23:12,271 --> 00:23:15,172 (laughter) 392 00:23:17,242 --> 00:23:20,377 Do you happen to have chlamydia? 393 00:23:20,479 --> 00:23:22,079 Sorry, what? 394 00:23:22,181 --> 00:23:23,792 Oh, I'm not trying to start shit with you. 395 00:23:23,816 --> 00:23:25,560 It'd just be really helpful to know if you've had 396 00:23:25,584 --> 00:23:28,819 - unprotected sex with Gigi. - What? N... no! 397 00:23:28,921 --> 00:23:32,255 - Did you happen to have protected sex? - No! 398 00:23:32,358 --> 00:23:33,623 - You're sure? - Yes! Sorry. 399 00:23:33,726 --> 00:23:37,427 Um, where is this coming from? 400 00:23:37,529 --> 00:23:39,963 Never mind. 401 00:23:40,899 --> 00:23:43,500 Cheers. Cheers. 402 00:23:47,139 --> 00:23:50,007 Hey, can you take a quick break? 403 00:23:50,109 --> 00:23:51,441 - No! - What? 404 00:23:51,543 --> 00:23:53,176 - Man: Boo! - Woman: Leo! 405 00:23:53,278 --> 00:23:55,645 Hey. Hold on a second. Guys. Hold on, everybody. 406 00:23:55,748 --> 00:23:59,783 I just... I just... We need to talk for a quick second. 407 00:23:59,885 --> 00:24:01,718 Um... 408 00:24:04,056 --> 00:24:06,323 So it seems that some us 409 00:24:06,425 --> 00:24:08,725 in this room have been a little sloppy lately. 410 00:24:08,827 --> 00:24:10,994 - Man: Oh, yeah! I'm the one! - (laughter) 411 00:24:11,096 --> 00:24:14,064 - (laughs) Sloppy! Sloppy! - Leo: Guys, please. 412 00:24:14,166 --> 00:24:17,067 This is really shitty, um... 413 00:24:17,169 --> 00:24:19,903 (groans) I'm just gonna say it. 414 00:24:20,005 --> 00:24:24,007 Uh, I just tested positive for chlamydia, 415 00:24:24,109 --> 00:24:26,676 and we are not proud of it. 416 00:24:26,779 --> 00:24:30,047 And it was killing us to keep it from you guys. 417 00:24:30,149 --> 00:24:33,383 - Um, okay, uh... - Woman: What? 418 00:24:33,485 --> 00:24:36,753 We've been fucking around with other people for a while now. 419 00:24:36,855 --> 00:24:39,856 And we just think you should all get tested, 420 00:24:39,958 --> 00:24:43,593 and, you know, suffice it to say, we probably shouldn't play tonight. 421 00:24:43,695 --> 00:24:46,296 What? This is... This is fucked up! 422 00:24:46,398 --> 00:24:47,864 Man: It doesn't make any sense! 423 00:24:47,966 --> 00:24:49,406 Why wouldn't you get tested earlier? 424 00:24:49,468 --> 00:24:50,667 It's not like you guys! 425 00:24:50,769 --> 00:24:52,702 I think it was those two backpackers, you know, 426 00:24:52,805 --> 00:24:54,845 the Brazilian backpackers, they were, they seemed... 427 00:24:54,873 --> 00:24:56,418 Are you trying to trick me into a threesome? 428 00:24:56,442 --> 00:24:57,752 - No! - I would've mentioned that! 429 00:24:57,776 --> 00:24:59,242 How many backpackers did you... 430 00:24:59,344 --> 00:25:01,222 - Backpackers are dirty. - They're dirty, dirty, dirty. 431 00:25:01,246 --> 00:25:04,714 And you tell everyone at the party that maybe they have chlamydia? 432 00:25:04,817 --> 00:25:06,937 - Is that like the party gift? - You can't just leave! 433 00:25:07,019 --> 00:25:09,019 Yes, I can! Put Grandma on the phone. 434 00:25:09,121 --> 00:25:12,889 Honey, why won't you go to sleep? I'm at work. 435 00:25:12,991 --> 00:25:15,992 Sorry, excuse me. Do you mind if I just get my coat? 436 00:25:16,095 --> 00:25:17,639 There's still other stuff we can do, right? 437 00:25:17,663 --> 00:25:19,329 We can still do some heavy petting. 438 00:25:19,431 --> 00:25:23,233 We can do juj... Oh! Look! Got my new tassels! 439 00:25:23,335 --> 00:25:26,736 Deb, we didn't haul our asses to Brooklyn for some dry humping 440 00:25:26,839 --> 00:25:29,639 and some fucking stale pita chips. 441 00:25:29,741 --> 00:25:31,041 - Fuck you guys. - Deb: Mike! 442 00:25:31,143 --> 00:25:33,677 Were you just planning on not telling us? 443 00:25:33,779 --> 00:25:36,880 Honestly, you know, I thought if we all already had it 444 00:25:36,982 --> 00:25:40,650 that we could play, you know, and then we could tomorrow 445 00:25:40,752 --> 00:25:43,220 start taking antibiotics and get better together. 446 00:25:43,322 --> 00:25:46,323 - Wow. - Get better together? Are you fucking serious, Leo? 447 00:25:46,425 --> 00:25:49,926 Hey, that is so irresponsible. And that's not how it works, you idiot. 448 00:25:50,028 --> 00:25:52,028 Oh, come on. Relax. You know, listen. 449 00:25:52,131 --> 00:25:53,975 There is some logic to what he's saying. I mean... 450 00:25:53,999 --> 00:25:56,010 - What are you talking about? - I wouldn't get carried away, 451 00:25:56,034 --> 00:25:57,701 but there is some sense to it. 452 00:25:57,803 --> 00:26:01,404 Okay. You know what? Maybe we're just the first to realize it. 453 00:26:01,507 --> 00:26:04,841 But how... how do you all know that we didn't get it from you guys? 454 00:26:04,943 --> 00:26:07,210 - Oh, I can tell you why. You know why? - No, no. 455 00:26:07,312 --> 00:26:09,246 Because Deb and I, we follow the rules. 456 00:26:09,348 --> 00:26:11,081 - Rule followers. Rule followers. - Right? 457 00:26:11,183 --> 00:26:13,617 We follow the fucking rules! 458 00:26:13,719 --> 00:26:15,552 All right, if we're fucking being honest here. 459 00:26:15,654 --> 00:26:17,954 When... before Steve and I split up, 460 00:26:18,056 --> 00:26:20,435 and we said we were going to put his mother in a home in Madison, 461 00:26:20,459 --> 00:26:22,893 we actually went to Vieques and we played with another group. 462 00:26:22,995 --> 00:26:24,594 - Renee! - Wow. 463 00:26:24,696 --> 00:26:28,098 - I knew it! You were too tan! - You were too tan for winter! 464 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,233 I know! I fucking just had to say it. 465 00:26:30,335 --> 00:26:33,136 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! You knew? - I had to tell someone. 466 00:26:33,238 --> 00:26:35,839 I pride myself on being a very discrete person. Okay? 467 00:26:35,941 --> 00:26:38,608 If... if a friend asks me to keep a secret, 468 00:26:38,710 --> 00:26:40,977 - I have to honor that! - Wait, that is fucked up! 469 00:26:41,079 --> 00:26:42,624 - You see this? - How is that fucked up? 470 00:26:42,648 --> 00:26:44,915 - Come on! - Look, we were trying to save our marriage 471 00:26:45,017 --> 00:26:47,017 and, you know, we used protection, 472 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,052 for the most part, we were pretty drunk. 473 00:26:49,154 --> 00:26:51,366 I feel like, you know, I'm feeling really shitty about it. 474 00:26:51,390 --> 00:26:53,957 It just proves that no one is perfect. 475 00:26:54,059 --> 00:26:57,761 I can't believe what I'm hearing. Who the fuck are you all? Huh? 476 00:26:57,863 --> 00:26:59,707 - Oh, it's chlamydia. - I don't even know you anymore. 477 00:26:59,731 --> 00:27:04,000 - You take a Z-Pak, you're fine. - I feel... I feel so betrayed. 478 00:27:04,102 --> 00:27:08,038 - It's like a fucking opera. - No! I'm sorry, Deb. It's true. 479 00:27:08,140 --> 00:27:10,285 I bought you a cock ring for your birthday, motherfucker. 480 00:27:10,309 --> 00:27:14,711 - Happy birthday. - Hey, look. Maybe this is just a wake-up call, 481 00:27:14,813 --> 00:27:18,181 and we just need to set new boundaries, okay? 482 00:27:18,283 --> 00:27:20,483 Is that why you invited Victor/Victoria to our party? 483 00:27:20,586 --> 00:27:23,687 - Woman: Whoa. - Don't call him that! 484 00:27:23,789 --> 00:27:25,333 - Deb: It's not nice! - He's wearing a dress. 485 00:27:25,357 --> 00:27:27,157 No one's actually fucking out there. 486 00:27:27,259 --> 00:27:28,736 No, but it sounds like they're about to. 487 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,995 - Colin? Becky? - Can I get your Wi-Fi? 488 00:27:32,097 --> 00:27:33,530 Sorry. We'll just be one sec. 489 00:27:33,632 --> 00:27:36,099 Woman: I thought people liked tapping. 490 00:27:36,201 --> 00:27:37,550 Tapping would be great. Slapping is a 491 00:27:37,574 --> 00:27:39,180 - little excessive. - It's a little harsh, right? 492 00:27:39,204 --> 00:27:42,672 - You know, it's just a sensitive body part. - I don't do that! 493 00:27:42,774 --> 00:27:44,241 You do do it. You do. 494 00:27:44,343 --> 00:27:46,423 There's our tight-ass fucking neighbor 495 00:27:46,478 --> 00:27:47,944 right on fucking schedule. 496 00:27:48,046 --> 00:27:50,413 Guys, please keep your voices down. 497 00:27:50,515 --> 00:27:55,785 I thought we were going to a fucking party, not an asshat convention. 498 00:27:55,887 --> 00:27:58,127 - I need to talk to your husband! - It's not a good time. 499 00:27:58,156 --> 00:28:00,023 - We're entertaining right now. - No, no! 500 00:28:00,125 --> 00:28:02,592 Listen! The music is not even on! 501 00:28:02,694 --> 00:28:05,562 Not about the music! You people bring drugs into the building! 502 00:28:05,664 --> 00:28:09,733 - What? What are you talking about? - I show you now. 503 00:28:09,835 --> 00:28:11,801 Here. This. This. 504 00:28:11,903 --> 00:28:14,371 Sorry, thanks for the great party. 505 00:28:14,473 --> 00:28:17,307 Sitter emergency. Sorry. Hi. 506 00:28:18,977 --> 00:28:20,710 (stammers) 507 00:28:20,812 --> 00:28:24,314 (laughs) This is pot! This isn't drugs. 508 00:28:24,416 --> 00:28:25,448 Huh? 509 00:28:30,455 --> 00:28:32,815 ? ? 510 00:28:32,816 --> 00:28:37,354 - Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com -- 511 00:28:37,404 --> 00:28:41,954 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40381

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