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1
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:44,859
I always think, if you're looking
for somewhere to feel
really underprivileged,
2
00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:48,659
you can't go far wrong
with a railways parcels office.
3
00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:51,699
Billy Butterwick had
a cousin on the railway once.
4
00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:55,079
She said she wouldn't
tell her mum, but she did.
5
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,879
You shouldn't
laugh at your own jokes.
6
00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:01,239
What sort of idiot laughs at his own
jokes. Old Billy, he loved a joke.
7
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,739
He said a bloke was no good
without a sense of humour.
8
00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:06,440
Well, he certainly needed one.
I saw his cousin.
9
00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:12,420
♪ Happy birthday to somebody... ♪
10
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:18,020
Hey, I just...
11
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:24,239
That's done it. I shall feel
totally rejected all day now.
12
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:28,099
All right, come on, let's
be 'aving you! Come on! Hey up!
13
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:29,720
Oi, you in there!
14
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:35,479
We told him.
"Don't bang on the door," we said.
15
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:39,859
"It upsets the biological
clocks of railwaymen."
16
00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:41,459
"Yes, there'll be a railways
person along in a minute,"
17
00:01:41,460 --> 00:01:44,360
we said. "After all, this is
the age of the high-speed train."
18
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,639
Should tha be smoking in 'ere?
19
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,799
Smoking is allowed in 'ere.
20
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,420
Oh, lend us a fag.
21
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,339
It's me last one.
22
00:01:58,340 --> 00:02:01,999
Oh, dear, the last one.
23
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:07,219
Are they going to take thee
out and shoot thee... for bad
time-keeping, you great big...
24
00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:11,439
No, don't antagonise our railway
person now we've found one.
25
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:15,859
Why don't you buy some? He gave
his last one to a wounded railwayman
26
00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:20,419
before they carried him off on a
stretcher... in the wrong direction.
27
00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:22,339
Funny.
28
00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:25,519
Very funny.
29
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,620
Yes, I, er... I believe you
have a parcel for Dewhurst.
30
00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:34,819
There's no train stops at Dewhurst.
31
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,999
No, Dewhurst. That's my name!
32
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,919
I'm expecting a parcel.
33
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:43,260
How do you spell it?
P-A-R-C-E-L. Parcel.
34
00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:48,439
How do you spell Dewhurst?
35
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,700
Oh. D-E-W-H-U-R-S-T.
How do you spell it?
36
00:02:56,060 --> 00:02:58,259
It's not in the book.
37
00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:01,539
It was sent by passenger train last
night to be collected this morning.
38
00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:03,699
It's not in the book.
39
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:07,719
Yes, well, I can live with it
not being in the book as long as
it's in that pile over there.
40
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:12,839
If it was in that pile over there,
it'd be in this book. Oh, God.
41
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,080
Eddie!
42
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,539
What? Tell 'em.
43
00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:24,959
Every parcel that comes in
this office goes in this book.
44
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,259
Yeah. Right? Right.
45
00:03:27,260 --> 00:03:30,819
So everything in that pile there
is in this book.
46
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,640
Right? Wrong.
47
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,099
Wrong?
48
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,799
Well, not that pile.
49
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,360
I ain't done that pile yet.
50
00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:43,620
Oh, well.
51
00:03:45,180 --> 00:03:48,179
He ain't done that pile yet.
52
00:03:48,180 --> 00:03:50,900
What name again? Dewhurst!
53
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,179
D-E-W-H-U-R-S-T?
54
00:03:56,180 --> 00:03:58,299
That's right.
This'll be yours, then.
55
00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:00,739
Very probably.
D'you mean you're not sure?
56
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,580
Of course I'm sure.
57
00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:06,239
Well, look, you can see it's mine.
58
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,700
It's mine...
59
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:14,799
All right, all right.
Then I'll put it... in the book.
60
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:19,419
It's not as big as I
thought it was going to be.
61
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,819
Maybe it's folded up.
62
00:04:21,820 --> 00:04:27,159
Yes, well, of course it's folded.
They wouldn't send a flag unfolded.
A flag?
63
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,779
Yes, well, I'm a patriot, you see,
and I have a plan for putting
64
00:04:30,780 --> 00:04:34,299
the perfect finishing touch to the
great British countryside.
65
00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:37,059
You're going to paint it white.
66
00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:39,119
What? No, no, of course I'm not...
67
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:44,979
No, I'm going to mount this,
you see, on a very, very tall
flagpole on a suitable promontory.
68
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,740
What flag? The Union Jack.
69
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:49,440
What union?
70
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,079
Shall we open it, then?
Oh, aye, yeah.
71
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,540
No, come here, give it to me!
72
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:05,440
Look at him. He's like a honeymooner
with his gloves on. Give it 'ere!
73
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,879
My God, he's going to eat it.
74
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,119
Maybe he's only going
to eat the string.
75
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,939
Well, you've seen him.
He eats everything.
76
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,519
I-I think he's only
going to eat the string.
77
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,539
He's got a great set of
teeth for a man his age.
78
00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:23,360
Aye, I wish I'd brought 'em with me!
79
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,799
Well, it puts you in mind of
primitive man at his breakfast.
80
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,539
I wonder what they used to
have for breakfast, primitive man.
81
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:34,319
Something that went snap,
crackle and shriek?
82
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:38,119
Oh, come on, we'll take it home
and get a knife. Come on... Get off!
83
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:39,939
Come on, I don't want it all soggy.
84
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:44,059
You're supposed to raise and
lower a flag, not wring it out.
Come on, give it to me...
85
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:47,419
Ow! It's caught in me teeth! Agh!
Come on!
86
00:05:47,420 --> 00:05:51,079
Don't pull it, you!
Look, I'll... Ah!
87
00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:55,219
I want none of that sort
of language, not even through
a brown paper parcel.
88
00:05:55,220 --> 00:06:02,300
Er, is it fast in your upper teeth
or in your lo-wer teeth?
89
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:08,079
What are you shouting for? I'm not
deaf! No, no, what am I thinking?
90
00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:12,399
Listen... Ohh! Oh, I'm not
going to look into his mouth.
91
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,679
I'll help where I can,
but I won't look in his mouth.
92
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:18,039
Can you twist your
head round this way? Argh! Ow!
93
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,639
Oh, this is just the way
I love to spend a morning.
94
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:25,659
You can see it's caught in his
bottom teeth, so if we lift
the whole parcel... Argh!
95
00:06:25,660 --> 00:06:29,599
Argh, where are you going, where
are you going? Say "ah". A-a-ah!
96
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:33,419
A-a-ah. Ah, there we are, then.
97
00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:35,039
Oh, stop making that racket.
98
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,279
It's out now. Oh, dear!
99
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:40,279
That nearly pulled my fangs out.
100
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,879
Hey, have a look at my gums,
see if they're all right.
101
00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,519
Oh, close your mouth before
British Rail send a train through.
102
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:49,019
If anyone would like
to hold this parcel with
its length of soggy string...
103
00:06:49,020 --> 00:06:51,539
Oh, no... Give it 'ere!
104
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:54,599
I'll tear it apart with me bare
hands. Like you do your sandwiches.
105
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,259
I see. Come on, let's get it open.
106
00:06:56,260 --> 00:06:58,479
Get a knife. Get out!
107
00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:00,599
I wouldn't have walked home
with him. Not like that.
108
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,239
It was very embarrassing.
People would've stared.
109
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,919
They don't expect to see anyone
110
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,079
with his own tame lunatic performing
in the streets these days, do they?
111
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,919
They might've thrown pennies.
112
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,139
It's no good, I can't do it. 'Ere.
113
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,620
All right...
114
00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:18,420
Well, now what?
It's caught in me flies!
115
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:22,459
Good grief, man!
It's fast in me zip!
116
00:07:22,460 --> 00:07:24,819
Well, you're on your own
in that emergency.
117
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:28,719
Look, somebody... somebody get
hold of the parcel. Which somebody?
118
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,559
Well, I'm not going
to touch the damn thing.
119
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,619
And we thought we had trouble when
it was only caught in his teeth.
120
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,139
Don't you dare tear the paper.
121
00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:41,539
That's no place to be
unfurling your country's flag.
122
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,399
All right, then, you hold it.
123
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,180
Go on, get hold of it! Go on.
124
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,699
Oh, all right, then.
125
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:52,340
Hold still while I pull it gently.
126
00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:58,240
My God!
127
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:02,320
You've lost some weight
lately, haven't you?
128
00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:07,919
Aye, I never had these trousers
made for me. They were second-hand.
129
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,580
It looks more like a second front!
Ah, give it 'ere.
130
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:17,339
No, it's no good. We'll have to go
round Sid's cafe and borrow a knife.
131
00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:20,340
Could this be why the Americans
eat everything with a fork?
132
00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:48,399
This way, gentlemen,
and up the stairs.
133
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,159
Mind how you go.
The room's all ready for you.
134
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:56,799
You'll find every facility...
just across the landing.
135
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,479
Did you put them clean towels in?
136
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,719
I put clean towels in. How many?
What do you mean "how many"?
137
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,939
Oh, my God, you never counted them.
Go up and count them now.
138
00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:05,039
..This way, gentlemen... Go on!
139
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,739
There's no strangers allowed
during the ceremony.
140
00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:10,559
Straight up the stairs, gentlemen.
141
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,959
That's right.
142
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,799
Oi! Not you lot!
143
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,819
♪ There'll be a welcome
in the 'illside... ♪
144
00:09:17,820 --> 00:09:20,099
Will you keep your voice down?!
145
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:23,519
We have a private party upstairs.
146
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,439
What's that?
147
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,460
Oh, that? That's a Union Jack.
148
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:33,079
Of course, it's wrapped up in a
parcel at the moment. A Union Jack!
149
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:36,539
Aye, tha know, it's a flag
for hanging on a pole.
150
00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:39,279
Well, why is it hanging... there?
151
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,779
Don't answer that question.
152
00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:44,039
Well, me hands was cold, you see.
153
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,139
Make him get rid of it.
154
00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:48,219
Look, if this is some sort
of a joke, we don't need it.
155
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:50,419
Not today of all days. It's no joke.
156
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:53,279
No, and it's taken the
crease out of my trousers!
157
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:57,279
Oh, come on, Sid, lend us a
knife and I'll go across to the
gent's and fix me zip.
158
00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:59,159
Here. And be quick about it.
159
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,240
Aye. Watch where you're putting
that flag. And the knife.
160
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,219
Where's he gone? Where's who gone?
161
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:12,119
Who do you think? We've only
got Robin Hood and Maid Marian.
162
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,699
Where's Little John?
163
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,539
Oh, my God, he's not gone upstairs!
164
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,519
You'll have to go and fetch him!
He's not up there.
165
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,759
And while you're up there,
count them towels! Stop worrying.
166
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,479
He just popped out for a second.
Are you sure?
167
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,859
With trousers like his
he's often popping out for a second!
168
00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:30,239
We'd like two cups of delicious
tea, Sid, but I expect we shall
have to put up with the usual.
169
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,919
Listen, I can drink it.
170
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:35,419
But do you like it? What
kind of an unfair question's that?
171
00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:37,659
I don't want any
arguments this morning.
172
00:10:37,660 --> 00:10:41,339
I want some good behaviour down
here. Do I make myself clear?
173
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:45,439
It would be unwise at this
juncture to incur the
displeasure of the management.
174
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,459
This could become a regular booking.
175
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:50,999
I mean, they have to meet
somewhere once a fortnight,
and it might as well be here.
176
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:55,639
Who has to meet somewhere
once a fortnight? The Bullocks.
177
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,879
The Noble and Ancient Order
of Bullocks. Ah, come on!
178
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:02,879
It's true. You've heard of the Buffs,
the Lions, the Elks...
179
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,839
Well, we've got the Bullocks.
180
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,759
Soup, sweet and cold buffet.
181
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:12,719
To be served in a private room
where they can first perform
their ancient secret ceremonies.
182
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:17,279
What kind of ceremonies?
Short ones, I hope, if they
want their soup keeping warm.
183
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,979
Secret ones. Nobody ever sees their
ceremonies unless they're a Bullock.
184
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,359
I was talking to their First Horn.
Their what?
185
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,859
Their First Horn.
186
00:11:24,860 --> 00:11:26,639
He's a senior officer at the lodge.
187
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:30,319
He told me their ceremonies
are shrouded in mystery.
188
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,399
He thinks they go back
to time immemorial.
189
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,599
Like when they first
began the Humber Bridge(?)
190
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,359
It's an excuse, if you ask me,
to keep the women out.
191
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,779
Well, there you are, you see.
Nobody's all bad! Hey!
192
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:44,759
Well, I mean,
how did you get them here?
193
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,379
Well, there's no need
to look so surprised.
194
00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:51,579
We are a competitive
catering establishment.
195
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:54,139
Nobody actually hijacked them.
196
00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:56,479
I see you had to lock
the door to keep them in!
197
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,519
That was to keep you lot out.
198
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,299
You mean you just looked up and
there they were - 28 Bullocks?
199
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:05,339
They're in between premises
owing to redevelopment.
200
00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:07,319
They made a lovely job
of the room, though.
201
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,459
It's all decked out with
wall hangings and banners.
202
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:14,619
Their First Horn, he comes down
with two of his acolytes and
he supervises every detail.
203
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:17,399
Yeah, and then stops off at
the pub for an hour with you.
204
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:22,179
We were only finalising arrangements.
Leaving me with 28 cold buffets.
205
00:12:22,180 --> 00:12:24,319
Yeah, but what exactly do they do?
206
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,399
Well, they band together for mutual
brotherhood and charitable purposes.
207
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,339
They get plastered two nights a week
and have a lunch once a fortnight.
208
00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:35,279
And, unofficially,
their First Horn confided in me
209
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:38,820
that they are something of a
power in racing-pigeon circles.
210
00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:47,679
Fancy that! From time immemorial.
211
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,979
It gets you right here.
212
00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:53,139
You don't want too much of that
on your upstairs lino, do you?
213
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,459
Ah, it's nothing.
They've gone quiet again.
214
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:57,519
It's not disturbing anybody.
215
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,699
What, 28 cold buffets
dancing on your ceiling?
216
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:03,339
Well, they never said
a word about dancing.
217
00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:05,319
We've no licence for dancing.
218
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,060
It's not dancing.
219
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:12,319
Oh!
It's not dancing. That's not dancing.
220
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:16,239
They're just banding together
for mutual brotherhood
and charitable purposes.
221
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,819
You'll have to go
up and have a word.
222
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:19,519
It's not dancing.
You can't interrupt.
223
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,299
It's all part of the ceremony.
224
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:25,799
Oh, look! No wonder they're a
power in racing-pigeon circles.
225
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,360
Hey up! Where have you been?
I've been upstairs with the Bullocks.
226
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:36,019
Yeah, I went round the back. Hey,
I think they're a load of daisies.
227
00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:40,900
They keep walking about and jumping
in front of each other, like this.
228
00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:44,640
Who's a pretty Bullock, then? Moo!
229
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,440
Who's a pretty Bullock, then? Moo!
230
00:13:53,860 --> 00:13:57,840
Oh, congratulations, Ivy. That's a
lovely buffet you've got
up there. I've had three helpings.
231
00:14:05,543 --> 00:14:07,982
Tha's going to breeze up
to this boat
232
00:14:07,983 --> 00:14:12,542
and ask this fella,
a complete stranger,
if you can borrow his flag pole?
233
00:14:12,543 --> 00:14:14,982
It's not his flag pole.
It belongs to the sea cadets.
234
00:14:14,983 --> 00:14:17,262
They've been disbanded.
They don't need it.
235
00:14:17,263 --> 00:14:19,322
What are you asking him for, then?
236
00:14:19,323 --> 00:14:22,042
Because he used to be
in charge of the sea cadets.
237
00:14:22,043 --> 00:14:26,022
Till they were all found drunk
in charge of a minesweeper.
238
00:14:26,023 --> 00:14:29,802
Does Foggy know this fella, then?
239
00:14:29,803 --> 00:14:32,442
We're not complete strangers.
240
00:14:32,443 --> 00:14:36,243
We're both professionals,
former fighting men.
241
00:14:40,243 --> 00:14:45,222
We've both known the
loneliness of command,
been in charge of a destroyer.
242
00:14:45,223 --> 00:14:47,902
Me as a Corporal Sign Writer.
243
00:14:47,903 --> 00:14:52,323
Corporal Sign Writer!
244
00:14:58,543 --> 00:15:00,682
Deputation to see the Commodore!
245
00:15:00,683 --> 00:15:02,763
Permission to come aboard, SIR!
246
00:15:07,063 --> 00:15:09,002
Deputation to see the Commodore.
247
00:15:09,003 --> 00:15:10,763
Permission to come aboard, SIR!
248
00:15:19,143 --> 00:15:21,702
Me other shoe!
249
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:23,603
Don't panic, don't panic.
250
00:15:26,243 --> 00:15:28,682
Got your foot
in the wrong trouser leg!
251
00:15:28,683 --> 00:15:33,682
You said we were safe here. Nobody
ever comes here.
252
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:37,522
Nobody ever does come here.
Who are they?
253
00:15:37,523 --> 00:15:39,443
How the devil should I know?
254
00:15:41,063 --> 00:15:46,022
Listen, Foggy, I'm not absolutely
convinced that we timed this right.
255
00:15:46,023 --> 00:15:48,062
Well, we can't leave now.
He's seen us.
256
00:15:48,063 --> 00:15:51,682
I don't think he'd mind.
I honestly don't think he'd mind.
257
00:15:51,683 --> 00:15:56,782
This bird's got a guilty conscience
and she's got a mole on her left...
258
00:15:56,783 --> 00:15:58,243
Keep your voice down!
259
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,663
Find out what they want.
260
00:16:04,623 --> 00:16:06,862
Ooh. Sorry.
261
00:16:06,863 --> 00:16:08,462
Er, what is it you want?
262
00:16:08,463 --> 00:16:11,122
It's about your flag pole.
263
00:16:11,123 --> 00:16:13,102
Oh, God,
264
00:16:13,103 --> 00:16:15,602
what can they mean?
265
00:16:15,603 --> 00:16:18,223
Be with you in a twinky.
266
00:16:19,803 --> 00:16:22,622
Rather caught us on the... hop,
you might say.
267
00:16:22,623 --> 00:16:28,802
Just teaching the young lady a few
knots. Very sporting type, really.
268
00:16:28,803 --> 00:16:31,242
Likes nothing more than
messing about in boats.
269
00:16:31,243 --> 00:16:34,743
My God, it's a splendid day!
270
00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:43,942
Listen, can you pull on that rope
thing near the front end there?
Yes, that's the chappie.
271
00:16:43,943 --> 00:16:47,162
Now haul me a twinky nearer and
then I can step ashore
272
00:16:47,163 --> 00:16:49,702
without any
of this acrobatic nonsense.
273
00:16:49,703 --> 00:16:51,722
People fall in, you know.
274
00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:53,542
Damned wet.
275
00:16:53,543 --> 00:16:55,943
Yes, that's more like it.
276
00:17:00,903 --> 00:17:02,982
Oh, no, I've got a better idea.
277
00:17:02,983 --> 00:17:06,702
Why don't you all come aboard,
then we can all have a drinky,
278
00:17:06,703 --> 00:17:08,742
and a bit less of this fresh air.
279
00:17:08,743 --> 00:17:11,163
That's very civil of you... sir.
280
00:17:16,663 --> 00:17:18,883
By Jove, he's nimble for his age.
281
00:17:20,463 --> 00:17:22,942
By the looks of this bird downstairs,
282
00:17:22,943 --> 00:17:25,522
you must be pretty nimble
an' all, eh?
283
00:17:25,523 --> 00:17:28,422
It's not called downstairs.
It's called below deck.
284
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,703
I know what it's called.
285
00:17:33,223 --> 00:17:36,042
Uncouth, lower-deck type, sir.
286
00:17:36,043 --> 00:17:43,142
Leave him with me. Hey, now
I know how you lost your hair.
287
00:17:43,143 --> 00:17:46,022
I see. Something of a rustic wit.
288
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,042
Certainly dressed for the part.
289
00:17:48,043 --> 00:17:50,122
Looks terribly thirsty, eh?
290
00:17:50,123 --> 00:17:52,782
Well, come along, come along.
291
00:17:52,783 --> 00:17:54,003
Come along!
292
00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:02,623
Excuse me.
293
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:08,523
Ah... E-Excuse me!
294
00:18:13,183 --> 00:18:17,703
You're getting a bit close, Cleggy.
Is tha thinkin' of buying it?
295
00:18:18,863 --> 00:18:20,882
I see.
296
00:18:20,883 --> 00:18:24,343
Something of a rustic wit.
Argh! A-a-argh!
297
00:18:26,343 --> 00:18:30,122
Stay where you are! Hold on!
298
00:18:30,123 --> 00:18:32,242
Stay where you are!
299
00:18:32,243 --> 00:18:34,442
Keep your feet still.
300
00:18:34,443 --> 00:18:36,903
Are you coming? Yes. Hold on.
301
00:18:58,503 --> 00:19:01,703
Move aside! Let the Commodore see.
302
00:19:04,203 --> 00:19:07,302
He's a creeper. But very devout.
303
00:19:07,303 --> 00:19:09,963
He's got a real flair for it.
304
00:19:13,603 --> 00:19:17,302
Now then, Commodore...
Oh, slightly to starboard.
305
00:19:17,303 --> 00:19:19,783
It's the biggest hill over there.
306
00:19:21,603 --> 00:19:24,742
You're going to plant
the flag way up there?
307
00:19:24,743 --> 00:19:27,362
All the way up there.
308
00:19:27,363 --> 00:19:31,362
It'll bring a touch of pride and
splendour to the entire valley.
309
00:19:31,363 --> 00:19:34,702
"That's Foggy's flag
up there," they'll say.
310
00:19:34,703 --> 00:19:36,962
Damn fine idea.
311
00:19:36,963 --> 00:19:41,342
When I say "damn fine idea", I don't
want you thinking I'm going to help
312
00:19:41,343 --> 00:19:45,022
you climb the damn thing, but that
apart, I'm with you all the way.
313
00:19:45,023 --> 00:19:49,042
I lay my flag pole
unreservedly at your service.
314
00:19:49,043 --> 00:19:51,362
Thank you, Commodore.
You won't regret this.
315
00:19:51,363 --> 00:19:54,242
I'll cherish that flag
pole like my own.
316
00:19:54,243 --> 00:19:55,962
Got a flag, have you?
317
00:19:55,963 --> 00:19:58,802
Oh, a beauty, yes.
Spanking brand-new one.
318
00:19:58,803 --> 00:20:03,643
Jolly good. In my opinion,
this calls for a little drinky.
319
00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:09,202
Oh, after you, Commodore.
It's all right.
320
00:20:09,203 --> 00:20:11,062
I've got mine.
321
00:20:11,063 --> 00:20:16,063
If a chap has two hips,
he ought to have two hip flasks.
That's what I always say.
322
00:20:20,363 --> 00:20:22,482
I think I've pulled a muscle.
323
00:20:22,483 --> 00:20:28,782
What tha needs is an hour's
vigorous massage from the skilled
fingertips of Nora Batty.
324
00:20:28,783 --> 00:20:31,342
She does a massage?
325
00:20:31,343 --> 00:20:33,242
Don't suppose so.
326
00:20:33,243 --> 00:20:39,422
Still, it's not an unpleasant thought
to toy with while sitting in the back
of a Rolls-Royce smoking a dog end.
327
00:20:39,423 --> 00:20:43,302
Must be a bit like
falling under a rotovator.
328
00:20:43,303 --> 00:20:45,522
Still, I'll say this much for Nora.
329
00:20:45,523 --> 00:20:47,363
She's very skilled
at being horrible.
330
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:51,602
She has a flair for it.
331
00:20:51,603 --> 00:20:56,422
I wonder if swallows
ever pull a muscle. Why?
332
00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:59,582
Well, they can't always
be darting about lyrically.
333
00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:03,722
Maybe those that we see on
telephone wires are feeling stiff.
334
00:21:03,723 --> 00:21:06,522
We think that they're resting,
but maybe there's some poor
335
00:21:06,523 --> 00:21:10,183
little devil up there thinking,
"I'm gonna fall, I'm gonna fall!"
336
00:21:12,703 --> 00:21:14,303
Put your foot down.
337
00:21:18,563 --> 00:21:21,522
The Commodore's expressed a wish
to see the flag being raised.
338
00:21:21,523 --> 00:21:23,942
Get the feel of the thing, what?
339
00:21:23,943 --> 00:21:28,063
You'll be up there in a twinky. Get
those Bullocks chappies to help you.
340
00:21:29,863 --> 00:21:32,942
He's very kindly offered
to let you take the car.
341
00:21:32,943 --> 00:21:35,842
Yes, take the car, take the car.
342
00:21:35,843 --> 00:21:38,882
So you can go and fetch the flag,
then drive over to yonder hill
343
00:21:38,883 --> 00:21:42,882
and stroll up to the top with the
pole and raise the jolly old flag.
344
00:21:42,883 --> 00:21:46,142
Yes, the Commodore and I will
stay here, see what it looks like.
345
00:21:46,143 --> 00:21:48,262
Well, off you go.
You know where I want it.
346
00:21:48,263 --> 00:21:50,563
I knows exactly where tha wants it!
347
00:22:37,743 --> 00:22:40,262
I'm home, Nora!
348
00:22:40,263 --> 00:22:44,102
I got a lift from Sid's cafe,
in a Rolls-Royce.
349
00:22:44,103 --> 00:22:46,442
A Silver Shroud. Cloud.
350
00:22:46,443 --> 00:22:50,082
We're off up the 'ill
to raise a flag.
351
00:22:50,083 --> 00:22:52,122
Don't stand there on ceremony.
352
00:22:52,123 --> 00:22:56,222
Come in. You're a fine one
to talk about ceremony, Wally.
353
00:22:56,223 --> 00:22:58,602
I didn't know that
you'd joined the Bullocks.
354
00:22:58,603 --> 00:23:00,122
Only recently.
355
00:23:00,123 --> 00:23:03,402
You have to if you want to get
anywhere in racing-pigeon circles.
356
00:23:03,403 --> 00:23:05,082
Well, we can't stop, Wally.
357
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:09,602
We've got to climb the north face of
Foggy's Fantasy, show him the flag.
358
00:23:09,603 --> 00:23:14,022
Hey, stop just a minute. I want to
show you these pigeon photographs.
359
00:23:14,023 --> 00:23:19,422
Just a minute, Wally. If you don't
mind, I'd like to take your missus
for a spin in a Silver Cloud Shroud.
360
00:23:19,423 --> 00:23:23,462
I don't mind if you take her
for a spin in a tumble dryer!
361
00:23:23,463 --> 00:23:26,522
Hey, come on.
Make yourself at home and sit down.
362
00:23:26,523 --> 00:23:29,102
Hey, look at that,
that's class that.
363
00:23:29,103 --> 00:23:31,482
Hey. Hey, look at that eye.
364
00:23:31,483 --> 00:23:36,902
You can see all the courage and all
the game little soul in that eye.
365
00:23:36,903 --> 00:23:41,022
Aye, it'd go well in a pie, Wally,
with a few tatties.
366
00:23:41,023 --> 00:23:45,583
Listen, how come you're not out in
Argentina with the rest of the SS?
367
00:23:47,143 --> 00:23:49,282
Wally, as a casual observer,
368
00:23:49,283 --> 00:23:53,062
it appears that your wife
is standing on the table.
369
00:23:53,063 --> 00:23:55,962
No offence, Wally. Tha knows me.
370
00:23:55,963 --> 00:24:00,123
I fancy ferrets and horse flesh
and... and her up there on the table.
371
00:24:01,743 --> 00:24:05,082
But you show me anything
with feathers on it
and I'm out of me depth.
372
00:24:05,083 --> 00:24:09,842
Certain kinds of compulsively
curious idiots might be
inclined to come straight out
373
00:24:09,843 --> 00:24:13,402
with it and ask her, why is
she standing on the table?
374
00:24:13,403 --> 00:24:18,282
Compo, your education's
been sadly neglected.
375
00:24:18,283 --> 00:24:22,042
If you can't feel a pang of pure
heartbreak at the sight
376
00:24:22,043 --> 00:24:25,202
of anything
as bonnie and vulnerable as this.
377
00:24:25,203 --> 00:24:28,222
And what time do you call this?!
378
00:24:28,223 --> 00:24:30,362
I come straight home
from the Bullocks
379
00:24:30,363 --> 00:24:35,902
without as much as a detour for a
pint... or a pair of forbidden lips.
380
00:24:35,903 --> 00:24:40,762
They brought me home in a beautiful
motor, with real hide leather seats,
381
00:24:40,763 --> 00:24:43,722
and lovely little vanity
mirrors wherever you looked.
382
00:24:43,723 --> 00:24:45,882
Who did? We did. It's outside, Nora.
383
00:24:45,883 --> 00:24:47,782
Get your pinny off
and come for a spin.
384
00:24:47,783 --> 00:24:50,282
Unless you'd rather
stay there on the table.
385
00:24:50,283 --> 00:24:52,442
I'm not going in no motor with him!
386
00:24:52,443 --> 00:24:57,682
I don't know how you can stand there
and contemplate me going in a motor
with him, until you can get him
387
00:24:57,683 --> 00:25:03,142
shaved and a decent suit on,
and something else on his feet
besides them damn wellies.
388
00:25:03,143 --> 00:25:05,922
We've got no time for that, Nora.
389
00:25:05,923 --> 00:25:08,242
Have tha got a bit of
shopping tha wants to do?
390
00:25:08,243 --> 00:25:12,442
We could drive you down to the
supermarket in reclining seats.
391
00:25:12,443 --> 00:25:15,742
I knew he wouldn't be in here two
minutes before he's talking filth!
392
00:25:15,743 --> 00:25:19,262
I'm not driving round no
supermarket. All them trolleys.
393
00:25:19,263 --> 00:25:24,142
No, you don't have to drive
us inside! You are a daft...
394
00:25:24,143 --> 00:25:26,942
Hey! He's staring at me legs.
395
00:25:26,943 --> 00:25:29,362
He's staring at me legs!
396
00:25:29,363 --> 00:25:33,042
If you're gonna stand on
a table, people are bound
to stare at your legs.
397
00:25:33,043 --> 00:25:37,542
He doesn't. He stares at
pigeon photographs. Well, go on.
398
00:25:37,543 --> 00:25:39,122
Turn your backs, all of you.
399
00:25:39,123 --> 00:25:41,082
Go on, turn round!
400
00:25:41,083 --> 00:25:43,962
Hey, wouldn't it
be simpler if you just come down?
401
00:25:43,963 --> 00:25:47,082
I'm not steppin' off this table
till you've found that mouse.
402
00:25:47,083 --> 00:25:49,282
It's behind that chair!
403
00:25:49,283 --> 00:25:52,963
Don't you like 'em either?
Not if they're too big.
404
00:25:54,063 --> 00:25:56,742
She's always seeing mice.
405
00:25:56,743 --> 00:25:59,942
How big was it? Like that?
Oh, much bigger than that.
406
00:25:59,943 --> 00:26:02,063
Oh, no, I can't stand that!
407
00:26:03,603 --> 00:26:06,602
Watch what you're doing! Get off!
408
00:26:06,603 --> 00:26:08,363
Give over!
409
00:26:10,603 --> 00:26:12,882
I suppose you think that's funny!
410
00:26:12,883 --> 00:26:16,063
By 'eck, when you're roused,
you look just like Joan Crawford.
411
00:26:17,963 --> 00:26:22,402
It's no good you looking for a mouse
with eyesight as bad as that.
412
00:26:22,403 --> 00:26:27,143
Well, if it's got bad eyesight,
Wally, don't hurt it if you find it.
413
00:26:31,143 --> 00:26:34,342
Well-drilled little team
you've got there, Dewhurst.
414
00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:39,102
Yes, it's taken time, but I... I
flatter myself that, if I tell them
415
00:26:39,103 --> 00:26:42,763
to climb that hill, they will climb
that hill without a murmur.
416
00:26:45,643 --> 00:26:47,442
Damn fine job you've done there.
417
00:26:47,443 --> 00:26:49,862
Went at it like weasels.
418
00:26:49,863 --> 00:26:52,002
It's a dream I've had.
419
00:26:52,003 --> 00:26:55,103
Big moment for you, is it?
I know how you feel.
420
00:26:56,143 --> 00:26:58,362
It's been almost an obsession.
421
00:26:58,363 --> 00:27:03,882
Quite. I felt just the same
about the landlady at The Feathers.
422
00:27:03,883 --> 00:27:08,742
Well, you know how hard
it is to force your vision
on a cynical world.
423
00:27:08,743 --> 00:27:10,723
Oh, indeed, sport.
424
00:27:12,303 --> 00:27:13,863
Well, there she goes.
425
00:27:17,063 --> 00:27:18,883
My flag.
426
00:27:20,883 --> 00:27:24,482
"That's Foggy's flag,"
they'll say in years to come.
427
00:27:24,483 --> 00:27:29,382
That brave display will stir the
pride of future generations.
428
00:27:29,383 --> 00:27:32,342
England awake,
429
00:27:32,343 --> 00:27:35,743
wider still and wider shall...
430
00:27:38,703 --> 00:27:40,603
What are they doing?
431
00:27:45,643 --> 00:27:48,063
Seems to be sagging a twinky.
432
00:27:49,203 --> 00:27:50,243
Get it up!
433
00:27:54,643 --> 00:27:55,743
Ooh...
434
00:27:57,683 --> 00:27:59,262
Well... don't just abandon it.
435
00:27:59,263 --> 00:28:01,343
Get it up! Get it up!
36554
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