All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S12E25.A.Letter.About.Harriet.1080p.WEB-DL.AMZN.H.264.DDP.2.0_track3_[eng]

[theme music]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie, here's Harriet,
here's David, and here's Rick.

Here they are, America's
favorite family, the Nelsons.

Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you
by your gas company,

with pipeline companies and
gas appliance and equipment

manufacturers who help
you and your family

live modern for less with gas.

- That's what we
do at our house.

[pleasant music]

Oh, hi, Joe.

- Now, listen carefully, Oz.

Has Harriet seen that paper yet?

- No, I don't think so.

- Boy, are you lucky.

Here, give me that.

- What the heck are
you trying to do?

- Will you give it to me?

I want to get rid of it
before Harriet sees it.

- Well, I haven't
read it myself yet.

- OK, I'm just trying to
do you a favor, that's all.

- Hi, Joe.

- Oh, hi, Harriet.

- Who else is here?

- Well, nobody.

- You mean you two were
making all that noise?

- Oh, don't look at me.

I think Joe's blown his stack.

Came barging in here and
tried to steal my newspaper.

- OK, you'll be sorry.
- [laughs]

[knocking]

- Oh, hi.

- There you are,
you big chicken.

Thanks for trapping
him, Harriet.

- I didn't do a thing.

- All right, so you
found me, but I'm not

going to write any mushy
letter to the editor.

- Mushy letter?

- Yeah, "Why I Love My Wife."

- There, you admit it.

You do love me.

- Well, suppose I do.

That's not the sort of
thing you write in a letter

and publish in some silly
column in a newspaper.

It's something you say to
your wife privately, softly,

and tenderly.

- Yes, once every 25 years!

- I wish I had some idea what
you two were talking about.

- Yeah, me too.

- You mean you didn't
read about the contest?

- No, I haven't seen the paper.
- What contest?

- Oz, don't ask.

- Oh, it's on the Woman's page.

Here, I'll show you.

See?

"Why I Love My Wife."

- Oh, yeah.

- You ask me, it's
pretty ridiculous.

- Well, nobody's asking you.

- I think it's a wonderful idea.

- Well, now everybody
knows about it except me.

Isn't anybody going
to let me in on it?

- Oz, don't ask.

- You stay out of this, Joe.

- I'm trying to, and I'm trying
to keep Oz out of it, too.

- Come on, Joe.

Look, what is it?
- Well, it's just as Clara says.

All the husbands are
invited to write a letter

about why I love my wife.

- And print it in
the paper here.

- Yes, of course.

- And the winning
couples are going

to have their pictures
in there and everything.

- And they're going
to be presented

with a beautiful plaque.

- [laughs] I can hardly wait.

- Now are you satisfied?

- Why didn't you stop me?

- How?

- I don't see anything
to laugh about.

- Oh, come on, Harriet.

It's the corniest
thing I ever heard of.

You don't think
anybody's actually

going to write in, do you?
- Well, of course.

And I don't think
it's corny at all.

- Me, either.
- Well, I do.

It's just like Joe says.

When a man loves his wife,
he tells it to her privately.

He doesn't write
it in a newspaper.

- Well, why not?

You read enough junk
about unhappy marriages.

I should think it'd
be a pleasant relief

to read about some happy
marriages for a change.

- Yeah, but that's
not the subject.

It's "Why I Love My Wife."

Did you ever hear of
anything so ridiculous?

- Who's ridiculous?

- Honey!
You're losing.

You know that, don't you?

- What else?
- Come on.

How about some ice cream?
- Good thinking.

Come on, Oz.

- Aren't they a
barrel of laughs?

- You must admit, they
have a point, though.

How would you like to
write a letter about why

you love your husband?

- Not right now, I wouldn't.

- Are they following us?

- Uh, not yet.

- Boy, talk about
your booby traps.

- Yeah, well, the newspaper's
trying to build up

a little circulation.

Though I must admit, it's going
to shake up a few households.

- You think they'll get
anybody to write in?

I mean, actual people?

- Oh, probably a
few guilty husbands

who are trying to
square themselves.

- [laughs] Well,
don't look at me.

- Besides, I wouldn't
worry about it.

The girls weren't
pressing too much.

- Oh, I don't know.

Clara was coming
on pretty strong

before we left the house.

- She's probably
just putting you on.

You know, just looking
for a little reassurance

that you love her.

- Are you kidding?

Why does she need reassurance?

- OK.

When was the last time
you said, I love you?

[music playing]

- Well, let's see.

- See what I mean?

- Well, she knows I love her.

Haven't I stayed married
to her all these years?

- [laughs] Now that's
a nice way to put it.

- Well, I didn't
mean it that way.

I mean, I love her,
but I don't see

why I have to put it in
writing just to make her happy.

- Well, uh, I--

I know what you
mean, but I'm just

trying to look at it
from their point of view.

Who was it said, "Man's love is
of man's life a thing a part.

Just woman's whole existence."

- Are you trying to
tell me something, Oz?

- Like what?

- Well, like for
instance, you want

to write one of these letters?

- Well, no, not
necessarily, but after all,

we are married to a couple
of pretty nice girls there.

And I-- I do think it'd
make them happy if we did.

- You know, Oz, if
I didn't know you

so well, I'd swear
you were drunk.

- Come on, Joe.

Who are you kidding?

Probably be a lot of fun.

At the risk of sounding
immodest, I must admit,

I used to write some
pretty good love letters.

Of course, I never mailed any,
except that one to Clara Bow.

- I wrote some pretty
good ones myself.

And poetry, too.

Of course, that was
a little while ago.

- Well, then it's a cinch.

We'll just have to update
the same old baloney.

- It might be a
lot of fun at that.

- I'll say this much.
It'll really surprise the girls.

They're sure we
turned them down cold.

- Yeah.

Do you have any paper
and pencils out here?

- Yeah, I think so.

- OK, fellas, we've got
you all set up in the den.

- What?

- You have your
choice of weapons.

Pens, pencils, or typewriters.

- Well, we fooled them again.

Harriet, is this supposed
to be 25 words or less?

- It can be any length you like.

- Oh.

- Nice try.

[pleasant music]

- Uh, how do you
spell "vivacious"?

- Let's see.

V-I-V-A-C-I-O-U-S. Vivacious.

- Oh, is that about me?

- No, Oz is writing that.

- Well, what's the matter,
don't you think I'm vivacious?

- Well, of course, you are.

- Then write it down.

- He's already taken it.

You don't want me to
be a copycat, do you?

- Well, I think you ought
to write something down.

You haven't written
anything yet.

- Well, I can't
think of anything.

I mean, I can't think
of how to start.

- Well, I'll give you a hint.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
who's the fairest one of all?"

- Walt Disney.

- Joe.

- How you doing?

- Uh, no peeking now.

I haven't finished yet.

- I just thought I might
give you a little help.

- Uh, would you girls
mind removing yourselves?

You're making us nervous.

- Well, how can Joe be nervous?

He hasn't even
written anything yet.

- Well, I'm writing
something right now.

[SLOWLY] "My wife
makes me nervous."

- Oh.

Come on, Harriet.

- Harriet.

- I was just leaving.

- [QUIETLY] "Why
I love my wife."

I think it always helps
to-- to write the title down

first and underline it.

- Let's see.

I've got cards, spades,
and a little casino.

- OK.

[laughter from other room]

- I wonder what
that's all about.

- I don't know.

Was it Joe or Ozzie?

- Sounded like
both of them to me.

[laughter from other room]

- I think you're right.

- Well, they're not supposed
to be writing anything funny.

[laughter from other room]

I don't know about you,
but I'm going in there

and find out what's going on.

- I'm with you.

- The girls.

- OK, you guys.

What's going on in here?

- Yeah, you're supposed to be
writing something sentimental.

- Well, we are.

- Well, what about all
those gales of laughter?

And what are you
hiding there, Joe?

- Nothing!
- You are too.

Now, let me see.

- No, Joe was just indicating he
thought you were a living doll.

Isn't that right?
- That's right.

- I can imagine.

Now come on, let me see it.

- OK, see for yourself.

- Promise you won't laugh now.

- I promise.

[pleasant music]

I'd better take him home.

- Oh, Clara.

- Come on, Lord Byron.

You've had it.

- I'll compare notes
with you later, Oz.

- OK.

And if you think of
anything good you can't use,

let me know.
- I'll do that.

- But don't wait up.

- Oh, come on.

I thought of lots of nice
things about you tonight,

but somehow they
seem to slip away

when I start to put
them down on paper.

- Good night, Harriet.
- Good night, dear.

- Good night, Ozzie.
- Good night, Joe.

- Good night.
- Night, Joe.

[sigh] Well, back to work.

- Oh, you really don't have to
write that letter, you know.

- Oh, I-- I know, but I--

I'd kind of like to.

It's-- it's like a challenge.

[laughs] No, I-- you
know what I mean.

I-- I've started and I'd, uh,
kind of like to finish it.

"She's the perfect
combination of all the things

a man could want in a wife.

She's thoughtful.

She's considerate.

Not only that,
she's a good cook.

With a good sense of humor."

[sucking]

[pop]

"She's a good sport.

And she's very romantic."

Well, I may be exaggerating
a little there.

- Hi, Pop.
- Hi, Pop.

- Oh, hi, fellas.

What brings you guys over here?
- Well, we just went bowling.

We thought we'd stop
by and say hello.

- Oh, it's-- it's
good to see you.

- Mom says you're writing the
great American love letter.

- Well, I'm afraid it's
a far cry from that.

- Mind if I take a look at it?

- No, have a laugh for yourself.

- How'd you get
trapped into that?

- Oh, it's, uh-- it's
kind of a long story.

I guess you might say it started
when I first met your mother.

Oh, thanks, Dave.

- Let me see it.

- Something seems to
be missing, though.

I mean, just putting down a list
of things doesn't necessarily

tell why you love somebody.

It's more than that.

It's a feeling of
warmth and tenderness,

a realization that
you need each other

and that you're a
part of each other.

- Gee, that sounds great, Pop.
Why don't you put that down?

- Yeah, that'd go right
where you left off here.

- Oh, [laughs] well, I--

I don't know.

I-- I don't think it really
matters to your mother

if I mail it in or not.

I just thought it'd make her
happy if I made the effort.

- It seems kind of a shame to
write it and then not turn it

in.
- Yeah.

- Well, of course, Joe
Randolph is writing one,

too, and if he sends
his in and I don't, I'm

in a lot of trouble.

If it weren't for that, I'd
just write it and throw it away

and forget the whole thing.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Joe.

- Say, how does this sound?

"How do I love thee?

Let me count the ways."

- Sounds like Elizabeth
Barrett Browning.

- Well, look, if you promise
not to send yours in,

I'll promise not
to send mine in.

- OK, you got a deal.

Don't double cross me, now.

OK.

Bye.

Oh, I just solved my problem.

- You mean about the letter?

- Yeah, I'm going to send it
in, right from the wastebasket.

- That's a shame, Pop.

- Oh, it's pretty silly.

- Well, it's up to you.

We'd better get going.

- Oh, are you leaving so soon?

- Yeah, I guess we better.

- Did you finish your letter?

- Well, more or less.

I decided not to mail it.

- You did?

- Well, you said
you didn't care.

- Oh.

Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?
- Good night, Pop.

- Well, good night, Rick.
- Good night Mom.

- Good night, dear.
- Good night, Mom.

- Good night, dear.

- And, uh, good luck,
Pop, whatever you do.

[music playing]

[laughter]

- Now look, we're definitely
not sending in those letters,

right?
- You mean to the contest?

- Yeah.

- I threw mine in
the wastebasket.

- Well, I just
wanted to make sure.

I better get back to the office.

- Ah, don't forget these.

- Oh, sorry, Oz.

Only one of them is mine.

- Oh!

Well, I tried.

- Pardon, is anyone
sitting here?

- Not right now.

- Would you mind if I sat down?

- Please do.

I'll be leaving
in just a minute.

Can I help you with anything?

- No, I think I can
handle it, thanks.

- I'll take that.

- Oh, thank you.

Is it usually this
crowded in here?

- Well, I, uh,
really don't know.

I don't eat here very often.

Sure is crowded today,
though, isn't it?

- Yeah, I was lucky.

I was afraid I wasn't going to
get a table, and I'm in a hurry

too.

- Well, if you'd like me to
help you eat any of that,

just let me know.

- I think I can
manage it, thanks.

- Do you see Sally anywhere?

- Not yet.

She should be along any minute.

- How long does it take
to drive around the block?

- Well, maybe we
just missed her.

She'll be right along.

[car horn]

- Oh my goodness.
- What's the matter?

- Uh, nothing.

Where is Sally?

- What is it?

- Well, I don't think
you better look in there.

- In where?

- In there, in that restaurant.

- I don't see anything.

- It's Ozzie sitting
with a blonde.

But don't look.

- Oh, yeah, it is
Ozzie, isn't it?

- I wonder who she is.

- I don't know.

I don't recognize her.

- Seems to me I've seen
her someplace before.

Why don't we just
walk in and say hello?

That'd satisfy your curiosity.

- Oh, there's Sally.

- Well, what about Ozzie?

- Come on, Clara, she's
holding up traffic.

- Hello, Ozzie!

Gee, maybe I
shouldn't have waved.

He ducked out of sight.

Harriet?

- Thank you.

- Running along.

Well, it's nice to
have talked to you.

- Oh, thank you.
Same here.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- I know you don't want to
talk about this anymore,

but I'm sure I've seen
that girl someplace before.

At least her picture.

- What girl?

- The one Ozzie had lunch with.

- Oh.

Well, I'm sure he wasn't
trying to hide from anybody.

After all, it was the cafeteria
and they were sitting next

to the window.

- Harriet, you're ruining
a perfectly good story.

- This is about what it
is, too, a good story.

- Aren't you even a teeny
bit curious about who it is?

- Of course, I am.

- Well, I must say you're
playing it pretty cool.

- Well, probably because I
know he'll come right home

and tell me all about it.

- He will?

- Oh, sure.

He always feels guilty when
he runs into a pretty girl,

and he figures the best
thing to do is come right out

and tell the truth.

- Some men'll never learn.

I have to run along.

If you want to stay at my
house tonight, you let me know.

- OK.

[laughs] Bye bye.

Well, hi, dear.

- Hi.

- Well, how was your day?

- Fine.

Oh, boy.

Something sure smells good.

- Lamb stew.

- Oh.

And homemade biscuits.

- I hope you're hungry.

- [laughs] I sure am.

- Sometimes when
you've had a big lunch

you're not hungry at dinnertime.

- Oh, [laughs] not
me, I'm always hungry.

- Did you have
lunch alone today?

- Uh, no, with Joe.

- Joe who?

- Joe Randolph.

- Oh.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

- Well, what'd he say?

- [QUIETLY] Nothing yet.

- Didn't he say who he
was having lunch with?

- Well, yeah.

- Who was it?

- Joe?

- Joe who?

- Joe, your husband Joe.

- Are you kidding?

Joe hasn't worn his
hair like that in years.

- I didn't think so.

- Well, I happen
to know who it was,

and you have nothing
to worry about.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, I think I
recognize the blonde.

- Oh, who was it?

- She's the one who
started all the trouble.

- You mean at the
New Year's Eve party?

- No, no, no, with the contest.

She's the feature editor
of the Woman's page.

- Are you sure?

- Well, there's a
picture of a blonde

at the head of the column
and it looks just like her.

Besides, it makes
sense, doesn't it?

- In what way?

- Well, Ozzie's letter
won the contest,

so they had lunch
together to talk it over.

- But he and Joe
made an agreement

not to send their letters in.

- But he did anyway, because
he's a sweet, devoted, loving

husband.

- You know, come to think of
it, that is just like Ozzie

to surprise me like that.

- You sure are lucky, Harriet.

That's all I can say.

Well, I'll talk to you later.

Joe just came in.

I've got a few
nasty things I want

to say to him before I forget.

- OK.

Goodbye.

- Uh, Harriet?

- Yeah?

- Is, uh-- is dinner
just about ready?

- Yeah, just about.

- Is something the matter?

- No, no.

On the contrary,
everything's fine.

Just fine.

- Hi, Joe.

Come on in.

- Fine traitor you
turned out to be.

- What are you talking about?

- You know darn well
what I'm talking about.

All I've heard since I got
home is, "Why can't you

be thoughtful and romantic like
Ozzie, instead of a no good bum

like you are, you no good bum?"

- What is this?

- [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Don't try to pull that--

[NORMAL VOICE] I mean, don't
try to pull that innocent stuff

on me.

You sent that letter into the
paper after you promised you

wouldn't.

- I did-- come on outside
before Harriet hears this.

- [exhale]

- This is ridiculous.

Now, look.

I don't know what the
heck you're talking about,

and I didn't send the letter in.

- Then how come you had
lunch with the editor?

- I had lunch with
you, and you know it.

- What about that good-looking
blonde who sat down with you

after you rushed me off?

No wonder you were
trying to get rid of me.

- Listen, you left and she
came along and asked if she

could sit down at my table.

The cafeteria was crowded.

- You don't have to give
me that phony story.

She was the editor of the
Woman's page, and you know it.

- The editor of
the Woman's page?

- That's right.
Clara recognized her.

She and Harriet were
downtown shopping

and they saw you
through the window.

- I never saw the girl
before in my life.

She's an absolute stranger.

- Then how come you
invited her to lunch?

- I didn't.

She sat down at my
table, I told you!

- She did?

- Yes!

- And you didn't
enter the contest?

- No!

Evidently, this is more
important to the girls

than I thought.

- Yeah.

Now Clara's mad at me
because I didn't enter.

- When Harriet finds...

Oh, this is awful.

Hey, when does the contest end?

- I don't know, but
they're supposed

to announce the winners in
tomorrow morning's paper.

- Well, then maybe I still
have time to get my letter in.

You still have it?

- Well, I think I
remember what I put down.

- Hey!

Maybe I ought to
turn mine in, too.

Now, how did that go?

Oh, yes.

"How do I love thee?

- Let me count the ways."

- Yes, I'll get my stuff.

- Oh, hello.

May I help you, gentlemen?

- Yes, we're looking for the
editor of the Woman's page.

- You're talking to her.

- Oh, uh, you?

- Yes, is there something wrong?

- Uh, no, I--

I thought I had lunch with you
today, but I guess I didn't.

- No, not that I recall.

I guess the picture at
the top of the column

must have fooled you.

It was taken about 20 years
ago when I was a blonde.

- This isn't the girl, huh?

- I guess it isn't.

- Well, that's Clara for you.

Always making mistakes.

She called me Henry
till we were engaged.

- Is there anything I can
do for you, gentlemen?

- Uh, yes.

We'd like to enter these
letters in the contest.

"Why I Love My Wife."

- Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

That contest closed at noon.

- Gee, you mean we
can't enter these?

- I'm afraid not.

- Gee, and I wrote
this out in longhand.

"How do I love Clara?

Let me enumerate
the various ways."

- Uh, Joe.

- I'm awfully sorry, gentlemen.

I'm afraid it's out of my hands.

- Well, maybe I could get
this in some other section

of the paper.

- Well, I don't think it would
go under the Sports section,

and we've discontinued
our Lonely Hearts column.

- Oh.

Well, uh, we'll go quietly.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Ozzie, the paper's here.

- Oh.

Now, now, wait a second.

Before you open that, there's
something I want to explain.

- I know.

You were one of the
contest winners.

- No, I'm not.
- Here.

- No, it's not there.
It's in the Personals.

- It's right here
on the Woman's page.

- It is?

- See?

Ozzie Nelson, one of
the contest winners.

- Well, how is this possible?

I didn't send my letter in.
- I know.

The boys did.

David called me this morning.

- The boys?

- Yes, they liked your letter
so much that they sent it in.

Ricky fished it out
of the wastebasket.

I think it's wonderful.

- Well, so do I.

- You know, I think I have
a pretty special husband.

- Well, I don't know about that,
but [laughs] you sure deserve

one.

- Now, what was this you wanted
to tell me about the Personals?

- Oh, well, uh, I knew
you were expecting

to see something special in
the paper this morning, so--

well, [laughs] it's kind
of silly, but, uh, here's

a little bonus.

- "No matter who wins the
contest, I love my wife more.

- Signed, Eizzo."

That's "Ozzie"
spelled backwards.

- [laughs]

- Pretty silly.

- I think it's just beautiful.

You know, I like this even
better than the letter.

- Oh, well, thanks.

Joe put one in, too.

He didn't want to
spend the money,

so he just put "Me too, Joe
Randolph" right under mine.

- I don't see it.

[playful music]

- Oh, this is awful.

They put it in the wrong place.

"Not responsible
for my wife's debts.

Signed, Leo Benson."

- "Me, too.

Joe Randolph."

- Hide me.

- Upstairs!

- OK, where is he?

I know he's here.

I can smell his shaving cream.

- Uh, he went that way.

[dramatic music]

[laughter]

Poor Joe.

He sure can get
himself in trouble.

- I know.

I just happened to think,
if you were having lunch

with the editor of
the Woman's page,

how come you didn't know
you were one of the contest

winners?
- Oh, no, no.

That blonde wasn't the editor.

- She wasn't?

- No.

No, she was just a girl who...

Uh...

Let's look at this again.

"Why I love my wife
by Ozzie Nelson."

I know she's putting me on,
but why take any chances?

[theme music]

- Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you
by your gas company--

- Which helps you live
modern for less with gas.

- That's what we Nelsons do.

[theme music]

- The National Safety Council
says a really good driver never

takes anything for granted.

He expects the unexpected and
is prepared to react fast.

Quick thinking in a
pinch is a life saver,

so don't take a
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when you're at the wheel.

Overconfidence can dull
the sharpest reflexes.

Many of the 37,000 people
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might still be alive if good
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Drive as though your
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It does, and so do
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Live up to the rules.

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Watch for warning signs,
obey posted speed limits.

For your own protection, insist
on strict law enforcement.

When traffic laws are
obeyed, deaths go down.