All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S12E20.The.Uniforms.1080p.WEB-DL.AMZN.H.264.DDP.2.0_track3_[eng]

[theme music]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Rick.

Here they are, America's
favorite family, the Nelsons.

[cheerful music]

- Hey, got anything
good to eat around here?

- If we have, you'll find it.

- Oh, come on.

Don't be such a grouch
just because I won

a couple of bucks for a change.

- I don't see how you ever
lose with that phony handicap

of yours.

- Didn't somebody say something
about a chocolate cake?

- Don't tell me the
girls ate it all.

- OK, girls.

Who swiped the cake?

- Yeah, who swiped the cake?

What's the matter?

- [WHISPERING] There's some
guy in there with a uniform on.

- [WHISPERING] A policeman?

- [WHISPERING] Looks
more like a Navy officer.

- Oh, hi, fellas.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- This is Captain Larkin.

This is my husband
and Mr. Randolph.

- How do you do?
- How do you do, sir?

- How are you?

- How do you do?

- He's the captain
of a real ship.

- Well, good for you.

- And those are the best kind.

[chuckling]

- If we ever take a
cruise on his ship,

we can sit at his table.

- Oh, that's nice.

- He's sailing to the
Mediterranean next month.

Does that give you
any ideas, honey?

- Yeah.

How about spaghetti and
meatballs for dinner?

- Don't worry, gentlemen.

I'm not here to book passengers.

- Captain Larkin is here
to make final arrangements

for their dance next week.

- They're renting
the Women's Club.

Isn't that nice?
- Oh, yeah.

It seems to me I heard
something about that.

I didn't realize it
was a Navy affair.

- Well, there'll
be some maritime

and military personnel there.

We get together
about once a year.

- In a different place?

- Well, we try to
spread it around.

Last year, it was in Tangiers.

- Oh.

Well, I imagine they have
quite an interesting Women's

Club there.

[chuckling]

- Well, I don't know about that.

We have the party aboard ship.

- Well, if there's anything
more we can do to help out,

please let us know.

- No, I think we've
covered everything.

Thank you.
You've been very kind.

And thanks again for the cake.
It was just great.

- Oh, here.

Why don't you take the
rest of it with you?

- Oh, no thanks, really.

- Oh, go ahead.

If you don't eat it,
our husbands will.

And they're both
too fat as it is.

- Oh, I wouldn't say that.

- Here, I'll just put
this napkin over it,

and you can leave the
plate at the Women's Club.

- Well, this is
awfully nice of you.

I must admit, I don't get
homemade cake too often.

- I didn't think so.

- Say, here's an idea.

Maybe you folks would
like to come to the dance.

I'd be delighted to
have you as my guests.

- Oh.
- Oh.

That'd be wonderful.

- It would, wouldn't it, dear?

- Oh.

Oh. [STUTTERING]
Yeah, very nice.

- We'd just love to go.

- Good.

I'm sure we'll
have a lot of fun.

I'll be in touch with you during
the week, anyway, Mrs. Nelson.

- All right, Captain.
- Good day, gentlemen.

See you Saturday, if not before.
- Bye.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Oh, isn't it exciting?

I was afraid he was going
to leave without asking us.

- Oh, wouldn't that
have been a shame?

- You're awful.

Well, you do want
to go, don't you?

- Well, to be
honest with you, it

doesn't sound like the most
exciting event of the season.

- Well, you could have said no.

- Well, not with the man
standing right there.

It would've been
too embarrassing.

- Well, I'm sure you'll
have a good time.

- Oh, of course you will.

We all will.

Isn't he a fascinating man?

- Oh, thank you.

- Not you, you old grouch.

- What?

- I was talking
about Captain Larkin.

- Well, I thought his
uniform was very interesting.

- Yeah, a little too much
padding in the shoulders,

perhaps.

- Come on, fellas.

- Isn't it amazing how girls
will always fall for uniform?

- What else?

- What is this guy
captain of, anyway?

A ferry boat?

- Yeah, something like that.

- He's the skipper
of a big ocean liner.

- Oh, is that all?

I thought he was
an admiral at least

with all that gold braid on him.

- Yeah, and all the
scrambled eggs on his hat.

- You guys are just jealous.

- Well, what do you expect?

- Why, just because we said
a few nice things about him?

- No, because you gave
him our chocolate cake.

- It's obvious we're not
appreciated around here.

- I'm afraid you're right.

Let's go down and get
a couple of malts.

- OK, I'll treat you.

- Oh, that'll be the day.

- You know, the more
you think about it,

you've got to give that guy
a lot of credit, though.

- You mean the captain?

- Yeah.

After all, it takes
plenty of nerve

to walk around in broad
daylight all dressed up

in a fancy outfit like that.

- I'd say it was pretty shrewd.

Sure made a good
impression on the girls.

- Yeah.

Those guys don't usually
wear their uniforms

when they're off duty, do they?

- Gee, I don't know.

He probably figured it was
part of a strategic maneuver--

Operation Buttering up the
Women's Club Committee.

- Hiya, Mr. Randolph.
Hiya, Mr. Nelson.

- Hey, Wally.
- Hi there, Wally.

You see?
We're surrounded.

- What do you mean?

- Well, every place you look,
you see a guy with a uniform.

- At least he doesn't have
any scrambled eggs up there

on his cap.

- No, he's got a
little vegetable soup

and some gravy on
his jacket there.

- [laughs] That's in case the
boss comes in, and he'll think

I'm working.

What'll you have?

- Oh, I guess I'll have
a chocolate malt. Milk.

How about you?
- Sounds good to me.

- OK, so two chocolate malts.

- You know, we'll probably
be the only guys there

who aren't in uniform.

- You mean at the
dance Saturday?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I guess
maybe you're right,

although that might
work in reverse.

- What do you mean?

- The officers' wives must
get pretty sick and tired

of looking at
uniforms all day long.

Might be a welcome relief to see
a couple of slobs for a change.

- Yeah, you've
got a point there.

- Hey, wait a minute.

If the wives are so
impressed by a uniform,

why don't we rent a couple?

- Wear that to the dance?

You must be kidding.

- Oh, I don't mean
wear them to the dance.

I mean just put them on
and make the girls think

we're going to wear them.

- Oh, yeah.

At least that'd show them
how silly the idea is.

- Well, that wasn't
exactly what I had in mind.

I was figuring that
maybe they might think

we looked a little romantic.

- Oh.

[laughs] Only thing, though--

supposing they happen to
really like us in the uniforms?

- We'll just have to enlist.

- Yes, gentlemen.

May I help you?

- We'd like to rent
a couple of costumes.

- Well, you came
to the right place.

Going to a masquerade party?

- No, not exactly.

- Just a little joke we're
going to play on the wives.

- Oh, I see.

Well, what sort of outfits
did you have in mind?

- Oh, something
military, perhaps.

- Well, we have a
couple of Foreign Legion

outfits and some British
cavalry uniforms.

- How about a captain's uniform?

You know, the captain of a ship?

- Yeah, I think we may
have a few of those.

How about that?

- Yeah, that's very nice.

- Yeah, that'd be
fine for you, Joe.

- Well, don't you have them with
the boards on the shoulders?

- Oh, yes.

Those will fasten right on here.

Now, how about you?

- Oh, uh, that's for
a captain, you say?

- Mm-hmm.

- Do you have an
admiral's uniform?

- Yeah, I think we
may have one of those.

Excuse me.

- Just a second, Oz.

It was my idea.

I should be the admiral.

- Well, it was your idea
to get the costumes,

but it was my idea
to be an admiral.

- Yeah, we've got two
admiral's uniforms here.

- Oh, good.

I'll try them on,
see which one fits.

- [SPUTTERING] Wait a second.

Let's each wear one.

- No, no, no.

Then we'd be dressed alike.

That'd spoil all the fun.
- Let's see.

They have two stripes.

Well, just put an
extra stripe on mine.

- No, no, no.

Just a second.

- Then we won't
be dressed alike.

[mischievous music]

- Well, OK.

- You can try them on in
that little room right

back that way.

- Uh, Joe?

- Hey, not bad.

Not bad at all.

- Yeah, I think they
look pretty nice.

- I don't know.

There still seems to
be something missing.

- Yes, your chest
slipped way down here.

- Whaddaya mean?

- Oh, that's a little better.

- Yeah, but it still
doesn't quite get it.

Hey, what's this?

- Well, that's not
exactly regulation.

I think the last time it was
used was for an operetta.

- Well, yeah.

That's more like it.

What do you think, Oz?

- Yeah?

I don't know.

Why don't you try it on?

[mischievous music]

- And the hat goes with it.

- Oh, thanks.

Yeah, that's more like it.

How's it look, Oz?

Oz?

- I beg your pardon?

- Hey, that looks great.

- Oh, thanks.

Here.

- Oh, thank you.

- How about some of
these, gentlemen?

- Oh, boy.

I'll take one of
these, one of these.

[whimsical music]

- [chuckles] May I
have the next dance?

[fanciful music]

- Oh, here's a nice one.

[military music]

- Yeah, that's more like it.

- [laughs]

- Yeah, that'll be fine.

No, really. it'd be
no trouble at all.

OK, I'll see you later.

Bye-bye.

- Who's that?
- Oh, that was Clara.

She wants me to help her do
her hair for the dance tonight.

I told her I'd
get dressed first,

and then I'd go on
over and help her.

- Oh, well, that'll
work out just fine.

Don't worry about me, I
won't be home for dinner.

I'll get something
to eat downtown.

- Hey, wait a minute.
Where are you going?

- Joe and I thought we'd
go down bowling for a while

this afternoon.

- But you'll never get
back in time for the party.

You've got to get
dressed and everything.

- What difference
does that make?

We'll be a little late.

- Well, Clara and I promised
to get down there early

and show them where
everything is.

- Well, I'll tell you what.

If we're not home on time,
you go ahead without us.

And we'll come along
later if we feel up to it.

- Never mind.

You be back here at 8
o'clock ready to go.

- Well, I'll think about it.

[mischievous music]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Oh, hi, Oz.

No, it's OK.

She's not here.

- [WHISPERING] Uh, look,
I'll be right over.

We'll go down and
pick up the uniforms.

Yeah, in front of your house.

Oh, and Joe?

Bring your bowling
ball with you.

I told Harriet we
were going bowling.

- Oh, great.

We're really off
to a good start.

I told Clara we were going
down to get the car washed.

- [WHISPERING] Oh.

Well, don't worry about it.

I'll see you in a
couple of minutes.

OK.

[mischievous music]

- You don't think we're
overdoing it, do you?

- Oh, no.

There's no such
thing as overdoing it

as long as you're in good taste.

- I was just afraid we might
look a little too Ivy League.

- Oh.

Well, shall we go downstairs?

The girls will be
back any minute.

- Downstairs?!

- Oh, I'm sorry, Admiral.

Shall we go below, sir?

- Aye-aye, sir.

- I'll be walking
ahead of you, so you

will be careful with that
sword, won't you, sir?

[military music]

- So what do you
think we ought to do?

Stand here and yell
"Surprise!" when they come in?

- [WHISPERING] Well,
that's not very original.

Hey, here's an idea.

Why don't we go around
to the side of the house

and hide until they come in, and
then we make a grand entrance?

- By your barnacle, sir,
I think you've got it.

- [WHISPERING] Aye-aye, sir.

- Full speed ahead to the
quarter deck crow's nest.

- I hope the fellas are here.

- Well, they better be.

Joe's not even dressed yet.

- Ozzy?

- Joe?

- Ozzy?

- Joe?

You don't think they really
went bowling at the car wash,

do you?

- Oh, I have a feeling
they're up to something.

- [WHISPERING] Hey,
they just came in.

- [WHISPERING] Oh, great.

- [WHISPERING] Wait
till they see us.

- Hey, wait a second.

How do I look?

- [WHISPERING] Attention!

Great.

- Oh, thanks, Oz, so do you.

Well, charge to the
mizzenmast folk's hall.

- [WHISPERING] Captain Larkin.
- Yeah.

What's he doing here?
- I don't know.

Great.
We can't go in there now.

- Well, why not?

- Well, it'll look like
we're making fun of him.

- We are.

- Well, yeah, but not
right in front of him.

Be too embarrassing.

- Well, what are
we gonna do now?

- He probably won't
stay very long.

We'll just wait till he goes.

Well, we can watch him
through the window.

- I hope you didn't mind
my suggesting we all

ride over together.
- Oh, no.

I'm glad you did.

I imagine we'll be the
only outsiders there.

- Well, you and the
Gekua of Barobia.

- I beg your pardon?

- General Babashar,
the guest of honor.

- Oh.

- I'm sure you'll
have a nice time.

- Oh, I'm sure we will.

- That is, we will have if
our husbands ever show up.

- Oh, aren't they here?

- Well, no, but we're
expecting them any minute.

Won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

- He's sitting down.

- Yeah.

Come to think of it,
he sent the cab away.

I'll bet his figuring on
going to the dance with us.

- Well, now what, mastermind?

- What are you talking about?

This was your idea
in the first place.

- Well, you seemed to be getting
a pretty big kick out of it

a little while ago, dressed up
like an overstuffed drum major.

- There's no sense of our
standing out here arguing

about it.
Let's do something.

- Like what?

Well, first of
all, let's get out

of these ridiculous outfits.

- Our clothes are
up in your bedroom.

- Well?

- Well, how do we get upstairs
without them seeing us?

We have to walk right past them.

- Why don't we go
over your house?

You can lend me
one of your suits.

- How do we get in?

- Well, you have
a key, don't you?

- My keys are in my
pants up in your bedroom.

- Yeah.

Wait a second.

I think we have a ladder
out in the garage.

Come on.

[mischievous music]

- Oh, great.

Just what I was afraid of.

- What?

- Don't you people
believe in fresh air?

- Well, this used to
be the boys' room.

They don't live here anymore.

- Oh, well, break the window.

- Are you kidding?

- Come on.
Let's get down from here.

I'm getting dizzy.

- Fine thing,
you're getting dizzy

and you're wearing the
Distinguished Flying Cross.

[fanciful music]

- Now what do we do?

- I don't know.

Why don't we get the
ladder back in the garage?

[fanciful music]

Hey, here they come!

Get in the garage!

Behind the station wagon!

[fanciful music]

- Awful sorry to put
you to all this trouble.

Are you sure it wouldn't
be better if I took a cab?

- Oh, no.
That's all right.

I left a note so they'll
know where we are.

- Which is more than
we can say about them.

- Would you like me to drive?

- Oh, thank you.

[cheerful music]

- Thank you.

- Before I forget,
here are the keys.

- Oh, thank you.

[fanciful music]

- That was a brilliant idea.

Let's hide in the back
of the station wagon.

- Well, I thought she was
going to take the other car.

Now what do we do?

We go home and get out
of these monkey suits.

- How do we do that?

You saw him give
Harriet the keys.

- Well, let's go in and get 'em.

- Dressed like this?

- Well, you know, if we were
dressed in sensible uniforms,

we could go in there and pass
ourselves off as officers.

- Couldn't pass
ourselves off as anything

except a couple of nuts.

- Oh, dear.

- You should have saluted him.

- How about that?

I just picked up
my first salute.

- He saluted me, too, you know.

- Well, what do we do now?

- I don't know.

I thought you were
in charge here.

- Eyes left.

[military music]

- You know, I'm
getting to like this.

- Can't be too sure, though.

It kinda looked like
a firing squad to me.

Hey, we're in luck.

We can take that cab.
- Well, how do we pay for it?

- Well, we've got
some money at home.

And Harriet always leaves the
key under the front doormat.

- OK.

- Well, I'll let the
people get out first.

- Captain.

- Right foot.

- Yes, sir.

- I believe you just
passed the guest of honor.

- I'm sorry, sir, but I
didn't recognize the uniforms.

- Well, I can't say
that I blame you.

I didn't even know
Barobia had a navy.

Get over there right away.

I think they're waiting
for their escort.

And Captain, take them
around to the side entrance

so they can join
the color guard.

- Yes, sir.

Column left, hut.

Column left, hut.

- Uh-oh.

Here comes that
firing squad again.

We'll be saluting
them all night.

- Well, why don't we just make
believe we don't see them?

- Left foot.

Right foot.

Right face.

Present hut.

- Admiral Babashay.

- Oh.

- Admiral Babashay, with
the general's compliments,

we'd like to escort you inside.

Order, column.

Left face.

Gentlemen, if you please.

Please.

- Forward, hut.

Column left, hut.

- Better demand a blindfold.

[fanciful music]

- Yeah, keep the change.

- Thank you, Admiral.

- Let's get out of
these ridiculous outfits

and get back to the dance.

- You really think
we ought to go back?

- Well, you know the girls will
think we met with an accident.

- That's what I mean.

We'll meet with an accident
as soon as they see us.

- What do you think
we ought to do?

- I have some very fine
uniforms in the Foreign Legion.

- Let's forget about uniforms
for a while, shall we?

[knocking]

- Do you want to
see who that is?

- You know darn well who it is.

- All right.

Where have you been?

And it better be good.

- Oh.

- You realize you promised to
take us to a dance tonight?

- Well, of course I do.

And if I tell you what
happened, you won't believe it.

- Try me.

- Well, believe it or not,
we've already been to the dance.

- Not only that, we've
been out in the bushes.

We've been up on the roof.

And we made a daring escape
from a military escort.

- Now, stop trying to be funny.

- I still say it
was a firing squad.

- Well, if you were at the
dance, why didn't you come in?

- Well, we didn't want
to look ridiculous.

You know, all
dressed up like this.

- Dressed up?

You look like a
couple of bums to me.

- Well, you see, we rented
these uniforms just as a gag.

- We weren't going to
wear them to the dance.

We were just going to
play a joke on you.

- They really look pretty silly.

- Yeah.

A lot of people have
said that girls always

fall for a uniform.

[chuckles] Why don't you girls
turn your backs for a minute

and we'll put them on
and see what you think?

- And don't turn around
till we yell "Surprise!"

- Surprise.

- I can hardly wait.

[mischievous music]

- Surprise!

[laughing]

- What do you think?

- I think they look pretty cute.

- Oh, we do not.

- We do so.

- Yeah, I guess we do at that.

Well, should we
change our clothes

and get back to the dance?

- Oh, I don't know.

It really didn't
look like much fun.

- Let's face it.

It was pretty dull.

- Well, what about
Captain Larkin?

- He was pretty dull, too.

- Besides, don't
worry about him.

He was having a good time with
a bunch of his old shipmates.

- He didn't even know we'd left.

- Hey, I've got an idea.

If we hurry, we can make
the late show at the movies.

- The movies?

Dressed like this?

- Well, have you forgotten?

These girls are counting
on dancing tonight

with a couple of handsome
young men in uniform.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Oz.

Of course.

[fanciful music]

- So it is a bit of a thrill
dancing with a man in uniform.

- Oh, I don't know.

- Oh, come on now.

You can't fool me.

I can feel those little
shivers going through you.

- Well, would you mind
holding me not quite so tight?

- Oh, I'm taking
your breath away?

- Well, sort of.

It's those medals.

They're cold as ice.

- Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you
by your gas company--

- Which helps you live
modern for less with gas.

- That's what we Nelsons do.

[theme music]