All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S12E14.David.and.the.Mermaid.1080p.WEB-DL.AMZN.H.264.DDP.2.0_track3_[eng]

[theme music]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

Here's Rick.

And also starring in tonight's
episode, here's June.

Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you
by your gas company,

with pipeline companies and
gas appliance and equipment

manufacturers who help
you and your family

live modern for less with gas.

- That's what we
do at our house.

[music playing]

- Hey, what about a door prize?

That usually attracts
a lot of attention.

- Yeah, they could
give away a speedboat.

- Where are they going
to get a speedboat?

- Gee, Pop, I can't
think of everything.

- You guys are a lot of help.

- Did I hear somebody
call for help?

- Oh, hi, Wally.
- Hi, Wally.

- It looks like a
gathering of the clan here.

What's the problem?

- Well, we're trying to think
up a few ideas to liven up

the Women's Club dance.

- Well, you ask
a silly question.

- No, it's a fact.

We got roped into it.

- The dance is next
Saturday night.

You got any ideas?

- Oh, yeah, Ginger was
telling me about that.

She wants me to take her.

- They're trying to
get something that'll

appeal to the younger crowd.

- Well, that
shouldn't be too hard.

Let's see.

You start out with
this huge buffet

featuring all kinds of seafood.

Well, fresh shrimp cocktail,
steamed Pismo clams, Blue Point

oysters, eastern lobster
broiled to perfection,

barbecued trout,
fillet of Dover sole.

And for a main attraction, you
could have an eating contest

between me and anybody.

- Yeah, uh, maybe we could
get a boat someplace.

- Yeah, a fishing
boat, and we'll fill it

full of shrimp cocktail, steamed
Pismo clams, Blue Point--

- OK, we get the message.

Uh, Jack, one hamburger
for Wally, please.

- Oh, with a little
tartar sauce on the side.

- Well, how about it, you guys?

Anybody got any ideas?

- Does it have to have
something to do with the ocean?

- Well, it's supposed
to be a nautical theme.

- Hey, here's a beautiful idea.

Now, if you could get something
like this for a door prize--

- What's that?

- Uh, "Miss Diane
Morgan gives us

a preview of what to expect
on the beaches next season."

- What else does it say?

- Uh, 36, 24, 35.

- Where does it say that?

- Well, it doesn't,
but that'd be my guess.

What's yours?

- Come on, will you?

We promised them we'd
come up with an idea.

- Well, that's what
I'm trying to tell you.

You said this was a dance
with a seafaring theme, right?

- That's right.

- OK, then all you have to do
is get in touch with this, uh,

Diane Morgan, have her
dress up like a mermaid,

throw a little seaweed
on her and have

her swim around in the pond.

- Hey, you know something?

That's not a bad idea.
- What are you talking about?

It's a great idea.

I know I'd buy a
ticket, and you guys

know what a cheapskate I am.

- I think he's right.

- About what?

- Well, I was talking
about the mermaid,

but now that you mentioned it--

- Never mind.

- Well, it sounds good to me.

What do you think, Pop?

- What'd you say?

- He agrees.

- [laughs]

- Hi, honey.

- Well, hi, how'd you make out?
Did you guys decide on anything?

- Well, this may come as quite a
surprise but believe it or not,

we did.

- Well, good for you.

- Uh, maybe you better
reserve judgment

until you hear about the idea.

- I'm sure it's a good one.

What did you decide on?

- Well, uh, the more
I think about it,

it might be a
little impractical.

- Oh, I'm sure it is,
but let's hear it anyway.

- Well, we kind of thought
since the affair was

going to have a nautical
motif so to speak,

that it might be fun to have
an attractive girl dressed

as a mermaid.

It's probably not
a very good idea.

- Well, sure it is.

I think it sounds great.

- You do?

- Well, yeah, of
course, I won't be

able to do much dancing dressed
up in that mermaid outfit.

- Oh.

Well, yeah, you'd make
a beautiful mermaid.

Only thing, though--
- Only thing, though, what?

- Well, I-- I guess we kind
of figured it would be better

to have a single girl.

Not that there's anything
wrong with being married.

- Well, who do you have in mind?

- Well, we saw this girl's
picture in the paper.

I think her name
is Diane Morgan.

- In tonight's paper?

- Uh, yeah.

You can't miss her.

She's wearing a swimsuit.

- Oh, yeah.

- I believe she's 36, 24, 35.

- Where does it say that?

- Oh, I guess that was
just Wally's guess.

What do you think?

- I'd say 32, 28, 42.

- No, I mean about the idea.

You know, she puts on
a mermaid's costume

and swims around the pond?

- Oh, yeah.

Well, I think it sounds great.

- If you really don't
think so, tell me now.

I mean, before I call her.

- You're going to call her?

- Well, yeah, I
guess I was elected.

See, Pop said he's a little too
old to be playing these games,

and Rick said he was
a little too young.

- Just what sort of games
are you going to be playing?

- Oh, no games.

That was just a
figure of speech.

I'm just going to call
the girl and find out

if she can make it.

It-- it couldn't be that you're
a little jealous, could it?

- Of course not.

I just want you to
raise your right hand

and swear you didn't
volunteer for the job.

- Scout's honor.

- Wrong hand.

- Oh.

Sorry.

- That's better.

[phone ringing]

- What can I do for you?

- Well, you had a
picture in today's paper

of a girl in a bathing suit.

They gave her name
as Diane Morgan.

Well, I'd like to find
out if there's any way I

could get in touch with her.

- [laughs] I see what you mean.

- No, it's nothing personal.

See, I'm calling for
the Woman's Club.

- Oh, I'm sorry, madam.

It's a little noisy here.

- No, I'm not a woman.

I'm just trying to
get in touch with her

to see if she'd like to appear
at the Woman's Club dance.

Uh, my wife is on the committee.

Do you have a phone number
where I could reach her?

- Yeah, I think I have
it here someplace.

Ah, here it is, uh, Diane
Morgan Hobart 20799.

- 20799.

Thanks a lot.

- That's OK.

And lots of luck.

- Bye.

- Did you get her number?

- Uh, yeah.

- Good for you.

- Uh, June?

- Yeah?

- Do you think it might be
better if you called her?

- Why me?

- Oh, I don't know.

I just thought
maybe you'd rather.

- Heck no.

It'll be interesting to see
how your technique has held up.

- Thanks a lot.

[dialing phone]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- Uh, hello?

Is this Diane Morgan?

- Yes, it is.

- Uh, well.

- Go on.

- Uh, my name is David Morgan--

uh, David Nelson.

I saw your picture
in the paper today.

Hello?

Oh, I thought we'd
been disconnected.

Anyway, they're having a dance
at the Woman's Club a week

from tonight, and we
wondered whether you'd

be interested in
making an appearance.

- Oh, well, I don't know.

Uh, you say it's at
the Woman's Club?

- Uh, that's right.

It's the beginning
of their charity

drive for the scholarship fund.

It'll be a very nice affair,
and the newspapers always

give us a lot of publicity.

- Uh, is that this
coming Saturday night?

- Uh, yes, that's right.

- Well, uh, I think I
might be able to make it.

- Oh, good.

Oh, there's one thing, though.

The dance has kind of
a nautical theme to it.

What's that?

No, nautical.

Anyway, we were wondering if
you could come as a mermaid.

They have a little pond,
and the water will be warm.

- Oh, gee, that sounds like fun.

- Oh, great.

- Only thing, though, what
do I do about a costume?

- Oh, gee, I hadn't
thought about that.

- Oh, I could probably rent one.

- Oh, that would be fine.

Naturally, we will
reimburse you.

- Oh, and there's
just one other thing.

My car's in the shop, and I
don't have any transportation.

Do you suppose someone could
come out and pick me up?

- Oh, sure.

- Oh, good.
Do you have a pencil?

I'll give you my address.

- Oh, OK, go ahead.

Uh, 3824 Forest Glen Avenue.

OK, got it.

We'll pick you up
about 8 o'clock.

That's right, David Nelson.

OK.

Bye and thanks a lot.

- What do you mean we're
going to pick her up?

- Oh, her car is getting
fixed or something.

It's OK, isn't it?

- Well, I suppose so.

I won't be able to go with you.

- Why not?

- Well, I'm on the
reception committee,

and I have to get
there early and be

at the door with your mom.

- Oh, good.

- What do you mean good?

- I mean, good that you'll
be helping Mom at the door.

- Well, how am I going
to get to the dance?

- Oh, I'll drop you
off first and then

go out and pick up the girl.

It won't take me long.

- Forest Glen Avenue, that's
practically in the next county.

It'll take you forever.

- Yeah, how about that?

Well, some days you just
can't lose for winning.

[music playing]

- Harriet, where
do you want these?

- I'll take them.

Oh, you can put that in
the water if you want.

- Have a nice swim,
little fellow.

Well, if that's all you got
for me, I'll see you later.

- No, hey, wait a minute.

The chairs have to be set up.

The big rug needs to
be taken out back.

We need a table out in
the entry hall and--

Well, that'll keep
you busy for a while.

- Boy, you're not kidding.
- Hi.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi, June.

Hi, Dave.
Here, I'll take those.

- Thanks, Mom.

- Uh, Dave, you're just
in time to help out

with a few little chores
your mother's assigned me.

- Oh, I'd love to, Pop, but I've
got a little job to do myself.

- Oh, some job.

He has to go out and
pick up the mermaid.

- Oh, evidently you
haven't seen her picture.

- Yes, I have.

- And you're sending him out on
a mission like that all alone?

- Please, Pop, you'll
spoil all the fun.

- Well, you better hurry
up before I change my mind.

- Well, I guess I know
when I'm not wanted.

See you later.
- OK.

- Oh, bye, honey.

Boy, that wasn't much of a kiss.

- Well, that was
just half a kiss.

And if you're back
in 20 minutes,

you'll get the other half.

[music playing]

[doorbell]

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Are you Mr. Nelson?
- Yes, I am.

- I'm Diane's mother.
Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I had a little trouble
finding your house.

- Oh, that's all right.

We're having a little
trouble ourselves.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

I'm Dave Nelson.
- Yes, I know.

I hope you'll forgive
me if I don't stand up.

- Oh, that's OK.

Gee, that looks great.

- Well, I'm glad you think so.

I may be wearing it
the rest of my life.

- Uh, what do you mean?

- Well, I was just
trying the outfit on.

When I went to take it off,
the darn zipper got stuck.

- Oh, gee.

- We've tried everything.

We can't budge it.

- Well, maybe you'd like
to try your luck at it.

- Uh, uh--

- If you just get
it started, we can

take care of the rest of it.

- Oh, well, OK.

Well, it's, uh, stuck all right.

- I'm afraid I'm not much help.

I can't even get at it.

- Well, I don't know what else
to do, unless we just rip it.

- We thought of that, too,
but then I wouldn't be able

get it back on.

- Well, uh, why don't you
just leave it like that

until after the dance?

- Well, the only thing is
how am I going to get there?

Unless maybe you carry me.

- Oh, yeah.

It does present a
bit of a problem.

- Oh, now wait a minute,
I'm not that heavy.

- Oh, I didn't mean that.

You're just right.

I mean, I'm sure
I can manage it.

[exhales]

[music playing]

- Thank you.

[phone ringing]

Good evening.

- Hello?

Dave?

- Oh, yeah, uh, hi, honey.

- Hi, where are you?

- Oh, I'm out at Diane's house.

Diane Morgan.

- Oh, I thought you'd
be back here by now.

- Well, it was a little
further out than I thought.

Besides, we've run into
a little problem here.

- What's the matter?

- Well, we can't
get her costume off.

- What do you mean
you can't get it off?

- Well, see, there's a zipper
in the back, and it got stuck.

- Oh.

- She tried the costume on.

And actually her mother
is here with her,

and the zipper got stuck,
and now she can't get it off.

It was stuck when I got here.

- Well, where is she now?

- Oh, she's right here.

She's lying on the couch.

Hello?

Uh, June?

Oh, well, I just wanted you
to know what was going on.

That is, there's
nothing going on.

I mean, I just thought I
had better call and explain.

- Well, are you leaving soon?

- Yeah, as soon as I
load her into the car.

- Load her into the car?

- Well, she can't walk
with this costume.

You know, the fishtail and all.

I'm going to have to carry her.

June?

- Yeah?

- Oh, yeah, we'll get there
just as soon as we can.

- OK.

- You understand though, Junie?

- Oh, yeah, sure, just hurry up.

Practically everybody's here.

- Oh, OK, I will.

Uh, bye.

- Bye.

- I take it that was Dave.

- Yeah, they're just leaving.

- Any trouble?

- Well, I guess that depends
on how you look at it.

- Are you sure you don't
want me to help you?

- Oh, that's OK.
I think we can manage.

- Goodnight.
- Night.

- Goodnight, dear.

Have fun.

Watch out for sharks.

- OK.

[laughs]

- Let's see now.

- Here, maybe I can help you.

- Thanks.

- This is quite an
engineering problem.

- Yeah.

[starts car]

Yeah, it's a flat, all right.

- Oh, no.

Will we be late?

- I'm afraid so, a little bit.

- Oh, gee, that's too bad.

Have you got a spare?

- Oh, yeah, in the trunk.

Could you hand me the keys?

First flat I've had
in about five years.

- Gee, that's a shame.

[music playing]

- Hi, June.
- Hi, June.

- Hi, Wally.
Hi, Ginger.

- Hey, it looks like you've
got quite a crowd here tonight.

- Leave that alone.

- Oh, say, did Dave and
the mermaid show up yet?

- Uh, no, not yet.

But they should be
here any minute now.

- Oh, well, I'll be happy
to go pick them up for you.

[laughs]

- If you don't
hurry up, I'm going

to make you buy the tickets.

- OK, OK.

- Hi, Ginger.

Hi, Wally.

- Hi, Mrs. Nelson.

- Any sign of Dave yet?

- No, not yet.

- Well, they'll probably
be along any minute.

- Well, I hope so.

Here I am at the
dance by myself,

and he's riding around
with some mermaid.

- You know, it sounds pretty
funny when you say it out loud.

- Don't make me laugh now, Mom.

I think I want to be
mad when he shows up.

- Well, they probably ran into
some of that Saturday night

traffic.

He's not really
very late, is he?

- 34 minutes and 23 seconds.

- No sign of Dave yet, huh?

- No, not yet.

- Well, I'm sure he'll
be along any minute now.

- Yeah, I hope so.

I can't figure out what's
taking him so long.

- Well, it's too
bad you can't dance.

The music's really very good.

- Yeah, I only stepped on
her feet two or three times

and kicked her in
the ankle once.

[laughs]

Oh, uh, would you like to dance
with a nice elderly gentleman?

- No, but I'd like
to dance with you.

- My pleasure.

[laughs]

- Thanks, Mom.

- All finished so soon?

- Yep.

Do you see where I put my coat?

- It's not in here.

- Oh, I think I put
it in the trunk.

Oh, great.

- What's the matter?

- I put my keys in my
coat and locked them

in the back of the car.

- Oh, no.

Well, now what are
we going to do?

- Well, I may just sit down
by the side of the road

here and cry.

- [laughs] I mean, after that.

- Well, I guess the
only thing we can do

is try to get to a phone.

- Well, how are you
going to do that?

- Well, there must
be a gas station

or a restaurant or something
down the road here someplace.

You OK?

- Yes.

[music playing]

[car approaching]

- Thanks a lot.

- That's all right.

Wait until I tell the wife.
She'll never believe it.

- I'm not sure I
believe it myself.

[music playing]

- I must be getting
awfully heavy.

- Oh, no, that's OK.

- Uh, why don't you just
lean me up against the booth?

- Oh, I think I can
manage all right.

Here we go.

- Hello, David?

- Oh, hi, honey.

- Where are you?

- Oh, we're just outside a
little tavern on a county road.

- A tavern?
What are you doing at a tavern?

I'm here at the dance
waiting for you.

- I know it, honey, but
we had a little trouble.

We got a flat tire.

- Well, you had a spare.

- Well, yes, I know, but I
changed the tire and then I--

well, I locked the
keys in the trunk.

- You what?

- Oh, I locked the keys
in the trunk by mistake.

And then we got a ride
in this fish truck,

and he dropped us off
at the tavern here.

And this is the first
chance I've had to call you.

- That's right.

Honest, it's exactly
what happened.

- Who's that?

- That's Diane, uh,
the mermaid, you know.

- You mean, she's in the
phone booth with you?

- Well, yeah, there's no
place to put her down.

- You mean, you're
still holding her?

- Well, yeah, see,
she can't stand up

on account of her tail.

I told you that.

Anyway, honey, do you have
your keys to the car with you?

- I think so.

Yes, I do.

- Well, good.

Will you give them
to Pop and ask

him to drive out here
and pick us up, please?

- OK, where are you?

- Uh, I can't see the
name of this place.

- Oh, it's The Love Nest.

- Uh, honey, look, tell Pop
it's about eight miles south

on the county road.

He can't miss it.

It's the only place with
a guy standing out front

holding a mermaid.

Uh, June?

Honey?

- OK, I'll tell him.

- OK, bye.

My father will be right
out to pick us up.

- Oh, good.

[music playing]

- Do you want to
wait here in the car?

I'll make sure I
got the right keys.

- OK.

- [QUIETLY] Was
June pretty upset?

- [QUIETLY] Well,
I must admit, I've

seen her in a happier
mood on occasions.

- I can't blame her.

It really wasn't
my fault, though.

- Oh, I know that.

It's just a shame this girl
isn't a little less attractive.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Maybe you could drive
her the rest of the way.

- You mean, and carry her
into the Woman's Club?

- Yeah, you can do it, Pop.

She's really not very heavy.

- Well, that's not the point.

It's going to look
awful strange.

There are a lot of people there.

- Yeah, but it's going to look
even worse if I carry her in.

Don't forget, I'm married.

- I think I am, too.

- Yeah, but that's different.

You've had a lot of experience
explaining things like this.

- [laughs] You must be kidding.

- Oh, come on, Pop.

- Well, OK, go ahead.

- Thanks a lot.

[starts car]

- See you down there.

[music playing]

[chatter]

- Any sign of the mermaid?

- No, not yet.

Frankly, I'm a little more
concerned about her escort.

- I think my friend
here is on the verge

of demanding a refund.

- Oh, I'm sure they'll
be along any minute.

- OK, if you say
so, Mrs. Nelson.

But if you ask me,
there's something fishy

going on around here.

[laughs]

- Come on, fatso, you're
beginning to flounder.

- Oh.
- We'll see you later.

- OK.

[music playing]

- Oh, where are they?

- Oh, I'm sure they're
hurrying as fast as they can.

- Imagine locking the keys
of your car in the trunk.

- Hi, honey.

- Well, it's about time.

- I'm sorry I'm late.

- Where's your friend?

I thought the two of
you were glued together.

- She's driving in with Pop.

- Now whose idea was that?

- It was mine.

Honest, Mom.

- Uh, yeah, well, I'll
take your word for it.

- Come on, let's dance.

I'll explain the
whole thing to you.

- It's been so long, I'm
not sure I remember how.

- Would you excuse us, Mom?

- Yes, dear.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Yeah, where are you?

- Uh, well, I--

I know this is hard to believe,
but we've run out of gas.

- You haven't?

- Yes, we have.

- Yes, we really have.

- Who is that?

- Uh, that was the mermaid.

See, I-- I can't put
her down because there's

no place to hold her.

Hello?

Uh, Harriet?

Hello?

[music playing]

[applause]

[drum roll]

- Attention, everybody.

Attention, please.

May I have your
attention, everybody?

Would you all come down
to the bandstand, please?

[chatter]

Oh, thank you.

Well, here she is, folks.

It was kind of a stormy trip,
but she finally made it.

Miss Diane Morgan,
Neptune's daughter, queen

of the mermaids.

[applause]

- Thank you.

I'm delighted to be here.

And I'm sorry we were
so late, but we really

had some fabulous
adventures along the way.

[laughs] I'd like
to tell you more,

but, well, mermaids
are like daisies.

They never tell.

[laughter]

Anyway, I do want to thank
my two handsome escorts.

I don't know what I would
have done without them.

I'd like to give
them each a big kiss.

- A big kiss?

- A big kiss?

[cheering]

[laughter]

- I'll have a dozen
of those in glossy.

- Oh, very funny.

- Now the queen of the mermaids
will be carried to her throne.

Would you make a path for me?

- Oh!

[music playing]

- I hope she can swim.

[chatter]

- Just a moment, folks,
while we shift gears.

[laughter]

- You know, they really seem
to be enjoying themselves.

- Yes, just a little too much.

You know, if we're lucky, they
may all fall in the water.

- Odd that you should say that.

[music playing]

[applause]

[music playing]

- Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you
by your gas company--

- Which helps you live
modern for less with gas.

- That's what we Nelsons do.

[music playing]