All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S12E13.Rick.Makes.a.Loan.1080p.WEB-DL.AMZN.H.264.DDP.2.0_track3_[eng]

[audio logo]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie, here's Harriet,
here's David, and here's Rick.

Here they are, America's
favorite family, the Nelsons.

[music playing]

[knock]

- Oh, hi, Wally.

- Oh, hi, Rick.

I was just wondering how the
finances are coming along?

- Pretty good.

What can I do for you?
- Can I talk to you a minute?

- Yeah, but just for a minute.
I've got a class.

Would you put this in the safe?

- Yes, sir.

- What's on your mind?

- Well, I've got a
small financial matter

I'd like to discuss with you.

- I'd like to help you out, but
I've only got a couple of bucks

myself.

- No, no, this isn't
friend of friend.

It's fraternity
brother to treasurer.

- Go ahead.

- Well, I was just
walking across the campus

when all of a sudden
an interesting thought

occurred to me.

Do you realize that the
backbone of our American economy

is the ability of the
little man to borrow money?

- Correct me if I'm wrong, but
what you're leading up to is

you'd like to borrow some money
from the fraternity treasury,

right?

- Oh, well, that's the
blunt way of putting it.

- I didn't know you were
allowed to borrow money

from the treasury.

It doesn't say anything
about it in the bylaws.

- Pledge, what do you
know about the bylaws?

- Well, I think he's right.

- Now, just a second.

It's part of our great American
system of jurisprudence

that nothing is illegal unless
there's a law against it.

So if there's no mention
of it in the bylaws,

it's ipso facto allowable.

In fact, I seem to recall
several precedents.

- Well, why don't we talk
about it a little later.

I've got a class in
about five minutes.

- Oh, good, I'll walk
over there with you.

We can talk about it on the way.

- That's what I was afraid of.

[laughter]
- Gee, thanks.

Well, I know for a fact Charlie
borrowed $5 last June just

before the prom.

And Bruce got a couple of
dollas from the last treasurer.

And what about Eddie Benson?

He borrowed $10 the
day he got married.

- Well, that all happened
before I was treasurer.

If it's been done
before, I guess it's OK.

- Actually, this
sort of thing is

in the best American tradition.

We give millions in
lend-lease to other nations.

Why can't the
fraternity help out

a brother who happens to be
temporarily in need of funds?

- Look, I said OK.

- You mean, OK, I can borrow
some money from the treasury?

[laughter]

- OK, I've got to get to class.

- Yes, sir, Mr. Treasurer.

And thank you, sir.

[laughter]

Just one thing, how am I
going to get the money?

I mean, I need it right
now, like five minutes ago.

- Well, if Lynn is still
in my room, tell him

I said it's OK to
give it to you.

- Oh, gee, thanks, Rick!
I sure appreciate this.

- Oh, and Wally?
- Yeah.

- Be sure to give
him a receipt for it.

- OK, I will and thanks again!

- Oh, Rick?
- Oh, hi, Lynn.

- Hey, I've been
looking for you.

- What's your problem?

- Well, did you tell
Wally it was OK for me

to give him some money
from the treasury?

- Yeah, it's OK.

Did you get a receipt for it?

- Yeah, I put it in the safe.

- Well, I wouldn't
worry about it.

I'm sure he'll pay
it back eventually.

- I hope so.

It's just that $100 seems
like such a lot of money.

- $100?!

- I thought you
just said it was OK.

- Well, yeah, but
I thought he just

wanted to borrow $5 or $10.

I mean, we only have $103
in the whole treasury.

- We've only got $3 now.

We loaned the $100 to Wally!
[laughter]

- Yeah.

- And so you didn't
know he wanted $100?

- No, I just assumed--

Look, why don't we just
keep this between you and me

until we get it
straightened out.

I mean, there's no sense
in worrying the other guys

about it.
- Whatever you say.

- Not that there's
anything wrong.

- Oh, no, sir, I understand.

I won't say a word.

I don't want to be
arrested either.

[laughter]

- See you later at the house.

[music playing]

Hey, have you guys seen Wally?
- Not since this morning.

What did you want him for?

- Oh, it's not important.

- Oh, Wally.
- Oh, hi, Rick.

- Can I talk to
you for a minute?

- Oh, you mean about the loan?
- You loaned Wally some money?

- You must be getting
soft in the head.

- He owed me $5 for two years.

- Well, now, just
a second, you guys.

This wasn't a personal loan.

- I'd like to talk to you
privately, if you don't mind.

- OK, you don't need to shout.

What's the matter?

- You know darn well
what's the matter.

Now, what's the idea of taking
$100 out of the treasury?

- I didn't take it.
You gave it to me.

I mean, you OK'd the loan.

- Well, yeah, but not for $100.

Now, come on, hand it over.

- Well, I haven't got it.

- You mean you spent
it already? $100?

- Of course not, I
haven't spent it.

I've invested it.

And I promise you'll get it
back by the end of the week.

Maybe even sooner, if I'm lucky.

- Look, Wally, if you bet
that money on a horse,

you're going to get kicked
out of the fraternity.

- I wouldn't do a
thing like that.

- What'd you do with it?

- Well, in keeping
with the best tradition

of the American system
of free enterprise,

I've gone into
business for myself.

- What kind of business?

- Confidentially,
this is a gold mine.

- A gold mine!

[laughter]

- Not a gold mine gold mine.

Come on outside, I'll show you.

[music playing]

How do you like it?

- What do you mean
how do I like it?

What is it?
- It's a catering wagon.

Wally's Wagon Number One,
the first of a whole fleet.

- You mean, you
spent $100 for this?

- Yeah!

And a franchise to operate
any place on the campus.

- Operate?

- Well, not operate operate.

I'm going to sell food.

I'll keep the sandwiches here,
the hard boiled eggs here,

the cookies in here, the
milk and beverages in there.

I've got it all figured out.

- Where'd you get
this thing anyway?

- Oh, the Betas sold it to me.

They had it buried over
there in their basement.

They didn't even
realize what they had.

- Well, they know
what they've got now.

They've got our $100.

[laughter]

- Rick, I don't
think you realize

the full potential of this.

The way I see it, there are 15
fraternities and 12 sororities

on campus, with an average
of 25.6 students living in.

Now, every house has
a locked refrigerator

during study hours.

That means there will be
691.2 hungry students who

will be waiting to hear, [honks]
[SHOUTING] "Wally's Wagon,

come and get it!

Eat now, study later!"

[laughter]

What do you think?

- I think I'll
resign as treasurer.

- Oh, Rick, the trouble with
you is you worry too much.

I got to get going,
I'll see you later.

[music playing]

- Let me get this straight now.

You say, you didn't ask him
how much you wanted to borrow?

- Do you have to put
it that way, Pop?

Makes me sound so stupid.

The thing is, what do I do now?

- Well, of course,
there's always

a chance he'll surprise
you and make good on it.

- Yeah, but I've got to make a
treasurer's report this Friday.

How am I going to list
this on the books?

It's a little large
for miscellaneous.

- Well, you got him to sign a
note or something, didn't you?

- Yeah, he signed
an IOU for $100.

- Well, at least you can
show that to the members.

- Yeah, except that,
unfortunately, his IOUs

aren't taken very seriously.

There are too many of
them floating around.

- Well, I still think
you ought to give him

the benefit of the doubt.

After all, it's really not a
bad idea, selling sandwiches

around the campus.

And if there's one thing
he knows about, it's food.

[laughter]

- That's for sure.

- And he's got a
lot of enthusiasm.

Who knows, he may
make a go of it.

- I sure hope you're right.

- Hey, you, guys we're ready!

- OK!

- Well, now, let's see.

Mrs. Nelson, you stand
at the head of the line

and butter the bread.

And Mr. Nelson, you take care
of the mustard and relish.

Rick, you stand here
and put them in the box.

And I'll take care of
the ham and baloney.

- That figures.

[laughter]

- I guess that
just about does it.

Oh, you better put
those over here.

I got this stuff all
scientifically balanced.

[music playing]

Well, here I go.

Wish me luck.

- OK, good luck.

- Maybe you better
give me a push.

- Here you go.

[rattling]

[horns]

[crash]

[laughter]

[music playing]

[laughter]

- I guess I didn't
quite make the turn.

[laughter]

[music playing]

Wally's Wagon, come and get it!

- What's all the racket about?

What's going on down there?

- Oh, hi, girls,
it's Wally's Wagon!

Sandwiches, cookies, cakes,
milk, come and get it!

- Not tonight, we're
having a birthday party.

We've got ice cream
and cake up here.

We'd like to invite you to join
us, but you know the rules.

- Oh, that's OK.

Are you sure you wouldn't like
a couple of baloney sandwiches?

They go awfully
good with ice cream.

- Oh, no, thank you.

- Come around again
some other time.

- OK!

[music playing]

[laughter]

Wally's Wagon, come and get it!

- Hey, what's this?
- Oh, hiya, girls!

It's your new
campus food service.

Sandwiches, cakes,
cookies, milk, fruit,

anything your little
tummies desire.

- What kind of
sandwiches do you have?

- Oh, ham, and
cheese, and baloney.

- Oh, they sure look good.

Only thing is, I'm afraid
I don't have any money.

- Gee, I don't either.

- Oh, well, that's OK.

Your credit's good.
You can pay me tomorrow night.

- You sure it'll
be all right now?

- Oh, sure.

- Well, I'll have a ham
sandwich and a carton of milk.

[music playing]

- Here you are.

- What'll you have, honey?

- I wouldn't be able to
pay you until next week.

- Oh, that's OK.
Any time.

- I'll have a cheese sandwich.

And could you give me some
cookies, a carton of milk

and an apple, please.

- Hey, I think I'll
have an apple, too.

- OK!

Here you are.
- Thank you.

- Yeah, thanks a lot.

- We'll be seeing you!
- Be sure and tell your friends.

- Oh, we will.

- Hi, Wally.

- Oh, hi, Rick.

Did you see all
the sales I made?

- Well, I saw you giving
all that stuff away.

- No, no, I wasn't
giving it away.

I was just extending
a little credit.

After all, credit buying is the
basis of our American economy.

- I realize that.

- Oh, pardon me, I think I
see a couple of customers.

Can I help you, girls?

- Yes, we just heard about you.

This is a wonderful idea.

I'll have a ham
sandwich and some milk.

And I'll pay you next week.

- Oh, that's OK.
[laughter]

- I'll have a ham
sandwich and an apple.

And I don't have
any money with me.

[laughter]

- Your credit is good.

And if the apple is
no good, your credit

will be cheerfully refunded.

[laughter]

Be sure and keep track
of what you take, girls.

[music playing]

- Now, remember, no more credit.

- I don't know what
you're complaining about.

We're practically sold out.

- You mean handed out.

That is the ones
you haven't eaten.

- There's nothing wrong with
giving out a few samples.

It's just good advertising.

[honk] Wally's Wagon, chow down!

[laughter]

Don't tell me you're
against advertising.

That's what makes
our American economy

the greatest in the world.

- Look, will you stop making
me sound unpatriotic every time

I make a suggestion?

[laughter]

- Well, well, look who's here.

- OK, fellas, come and get it.

- I think I'll
have some cookies.

- Oh, they're delicious.

- And a cheese sandwich.

- I'm going to have
three hams on rye,

and some milk, and an apple.

- OK, fellas, let's see
the color of your money.

- I'll pay you tomorrow.

- Oh, nothing doing, positively
no credit and no checks cashed.

- Who needs credit?

- Hey, wait a minute,
this is only a dime.

That comes to $2.10.

You still owe me $2.00.

- That makes us even.

Here's your IOU for $2.

It's dated last June.
- Oh, now, wait a minute--

- Thanks, Wally.
- That's a great idea.

He owes me $1.75.

- This guy owes me $5.

- Now, wait a minute,
fellas, just a second.

Don't just stand there, Rick!

- Yeah, OK you owe me $1.50.

[laughter]

- That's not what I meant!

Now, fellas, now hold it fellas.

We are not giving these away!

[laughter]

[music playing]

[applause]

- Hi, Jack.
- Hi, Rick.

- Have you seen Wally?

- No, I haven't.

Say, I understand he's been
giving me a little competition.

- Well, not enough for
you to get worried about.

- Well, only thing, though,
if he makes a go at this,

I'll be losing one of my
best non-paying customers.

- That's the way it goes.

- Oh, hi, Rick.
- Oh, hi, Wally.

Hey, can I talk to
you for a minute?

- Sure, step into my office.

- How'd you do last night?
- Just a second.

- What are you going to have?

- I don't know, what about you?

- Well, I think I'll
have a ham and cheese.

- Yeah, me too.

[crinkle]

- Uh, Kent?

- Oh, hi, Wally.

- Here's two ham and
cheese sandwiches.

- What's this?

- At half price, fresh
from Wally's Wagon,

only $0.20 a piece.

- Well, that's $0.40.

- That's right.

- Tell you what, I'll give you
a quarter for the two of them.

- OK, it's a deal,
but no refunds.

[laughter]
- What the heck are you doing?

- Well, I got a couple
of sandwiches left.

No harm in trying to sell them.

How about a peanut
butter and jelly?

Only $0.10.

- $0.10?

- OK, a nickel.
[laughter]

- You're not going to
make any money that way.

Besides it's unethical.

It's not fair to Jack.

- Well, I gotta get rid
of before they get stale.

- In other words, business
was bad last night.

- Well, I wouldn't say that.

I move quite a bit
of merchandise.

- Well, yeah, but did
you make any money?

- Well, let's put it this way.

I created a tremendous
amount of goodwill.

- That's all right,
but it doesn't

help you pay back the $100.

- Uh, Dick?

How about a salami on rye?

- What?

- Weren't you going
to have a sandwich?

- No, I was going to
have pie a la mode.

- Here's the pie, all you have
to do is order the ice cream.

[laughter]

Thank you, call again.

[laughter]

- Hey, cut out this penny ante
stuff and get down to business.

Now, how much money did you
actually make last night?

- Well, not counting
my own IOUs I got back,

and deducting all my
expenses, it comes to $5.

- You only made $5?

- No, I only lost $5.

- If I don't get that money
back in the treasury by Friday,

I'm in a lot of trouble.

- Well, you ought to be careful
about who you make loans to.

[laughter]

- That's for sure.

- Hey, Danny, how about
a couple of sandwiches?

I got a Swiss cheese on rye,
or a cream cheese and olive.

- No thanks.

- Look, you got to do
something about this.

Well, can't you sell
a business to somebody

like the Betas sold it to you?

- Will you stop
worrying about it?

Tonight's going to be different.

I got a lot of new ideas.

- Hey, mack, you
got a ham on rye?

- Yeah, sure.
[laughter]

- Oh, hey, Jack.

- Goodbye, Wally.

- There may be an
explanation for all this!

- Forget it.

- All I can say is
this is a fine way

to treat a fellow restaurateur.

[laughter]

Have a sandwich.

- Thanks!

- How is it?

- Mm, delicious, what's in it?

- Oh, well, ham, and cheese,
and lettuce, a little pimento,

and chopped egg, and mayonnaise.

- Mm.

- That'll be $0.20.

$0.10?

OK, Jack, I'm leaving!

[laughter]

[music playing]

[laughter]

[rattling]

[laughter]

Oh, I tried, Rick, honest.

But nothing seems to work.

- Well, how much did you
lose on the balloons?

- $14 plus a basket
of sandwiches.

And I got a nasty call
from the Air Force.

[laughter]

There must be some way to
get some more customers.

- Well, look, why don't you
give them a little entertainment

with the sandwiches?

That's what the old medicine
men used to do to draw crowds.

- Well, I don't know,
nothing sounds good anymore.

- Hiya, guys.

- Oh, hiya, Dave, just
the guy I'm looking for.

Can you loan me $100?

- $100?!

- I can see you're not
entirely receptive to the idea.

[laughter]
Well, I'll see you guys later.

- What are you doing over here?

- June had to go
to a shower, so I

thought I'd come by
and get a free meal.

- Why don't you stay
around for the meeting?

I may need a good lawyer.

- What's the trouble?

- It's a small matter of $100.

- Oh, yeah, Pop
told me about that.

I didn't realize we had an
embezzler in the family.

- Well, not me.

Wally's the one
that's got the $100.

- Well, yeah, but you're the one
who took it from the treasury

and gave it to him.

The rest of the guys
know about this?

- Well, not yet.

But they're going to
find out tonight when

I give the treasurer's report.

- Well, I'll try to get you
off with a light sentence.

- Like what?

- Oh, like being
tarred and feathered

and drummed out
of the fraternity.

[laughter]
- Thanks a lot.

- Well, I'm going to
get something to eat.

I'll see you at the meeting.
- OK.

[music playing]

That leaves a grand total,
that is cash on hand, $3.

- [TOGETHER] $3?

- What happened to
the $100 we had?

- [TOGETHER] Yeah!

- Now, wait a second, you
guys, that can be very easily

explained.

- [evil laughter] Hiya, fellas!

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Hey, that looks
like our money.

- It is!
- Where did you get it?

- Rick gave it to me.

- I didn't give it to him.

I just loaned it to him.

- Everybody knows
that the same thing!

[evil laugh]

[laughter]

- All right, fellas,
guilty or not guilty?

- [TOGETHER] Guilty!

[gavel]

- Will the prisoner
approach the bench?

You've been found guilty
by a jury of your peers,

and I sentence you to
20 years of hard labor.

- But, David, I'm
your own brother!

- Well, you can't win 'em all.

[laughter]

[evil laugh]
- [CHANTING] Guilty!

Guilty!
- Hiya, fellas!

- Guilty!
Guilty!

- Now, wait a second--
- Guilty!

- Guilty!
[evil laugh]

- Guilty!
- Now wait a second, you guys!

- Guilty!
- Guilty or not guilty?

- Guilty!
Guilty!

Guilty!

- [SINGING] If I--

[laughter]

--were an angel, over these
prison walls I would fly.

I'd fly to the arms
of my true love.

And never no more would I cry.

[music playing]

- Are there any
additions or corrections?

Then the minutes stand approved.

[gavel]

OK, let's have the
treasurer's report.

- I move that we dispense with
the treasurer's report tonight.

It's pretty dull anyway.

- I second the motion.
Now, all those in favor?

- Now, wait a second,
that's out of order.

Now, we've got some
expenses coming up.

We ought to know how much
money we've got to work with.

- Yeah, let's have the report.

- Well, some of the members
aren't here tonight.

Has anybody seen Wally?

- Well, he never comes
to the meetings anyway.

Come on, Rick, let's
have the report.

- Well, OK, expenses for
the month ending the 13th,

$4.75 for office supplies.

$13.54--

- Never mind that stuff.

We trust you.

- Yeah, just tell us
how much we've got left.

- Well--

- Just a second, Rick.

Oh, Rick!

I don't mean to
imply that you're not

an extremely capable treasurer.

But you seem to have
overlooked something.

- What's this?

- Oh, just file it
under "obligations

miraculously fulfilled."

[laughter]
- Is this for real?

- Yeah, sure!

- Look, Wally, there's
a meeting going on here.

Will you sit down
and keep quiet?

- OK, OK, I know
when I'm not wanted.

- How about it, Rick, how
much money have we got?

- Well, I'm happy to announce we
now have a grand total of $103!

[applause]

- I move we have a
dance this Saturday.

- Yeah, I second it!

[applause]

[gavel]

- Order!
- I can't believe it!

- Isn't it great?

- How come this check
is signed by the Betas?

- In a manner of speaking,
I gave them the business.

That is, I sold
them the business.

- You sold it back to the Betas?
- Yeah!

- Well, how did you do that?
- It was easier than I thought.

They figured it couldn't miss
once I told him your idea.

- My idea?
What are you talking about?

- To have a little
entertainment to draw crowds.

You know, like the old
medicine men used to do.

Remember, you suggested that.

- Oh, yeah, well, I'm
glad they went for it.

- Oh, they sure did.

They thought it was great.

[laughs] By the way,
they're waiting for you.

- For me?

- Well, yeah, you're
the entertainment.

They wouldn't have
it any other way.

[laughter]

- Oh, well then
I guess I'll just

have to tell the fellas
the check's no good.

- OK, where's my guitar?

- Oh, I got it--

[laughter]

- [SINGING] There's no ring
of shining gold so strong

that it can hold a heart
when it longs to be free.

The lips are cold, darling,
that once said yes to me.

The tender glow is gone, I know.

You're free to go.

[cheering]

[applause]

- Boy, that was
just great, Rick.

- Thanks, Wally.
Sure hope the Betas enjoyed it.

- Oh, I'm sure they did.

And they'll probably enjoy
the second show, too.

- Second show?

Now, wait a second, how many
times do I have to sing,

anyway?

- Well, just till
they make enough money

to cover that check.

[laughter]

- OK, everybody step
up to the Beta Wagon.

You can't go wrong.
What'll you have, girls?

- Oh, I don't know.
What are you going to have?

- Cookies and milk.
- Cookies and milk.

- I'll have a cheese sandwich.

- All right, step
right up, folks,

we've got three kinds of pie:
apple, cherry, and Beta Theta.

[laughs]

[laughter]

- Wally, we bought this
back from you, remember?

- OK, I was just
trying to be helpful.

[applause]

[music playing]

- [SINGING] Hey, there,
little Miss Tease,

you got me weak in
the knees, wondering

if you really care for me.

Well, you don't say no.

You don't say yes.

You always make me guess.

Will you put my heart at
ease, Little Miss Tease.

There's a cold,
cold wind at night

and I long to hold you tight.

So come and warm my
heart, I beg you, please.

Well, please be true.

Say that you long
to hold me, too.

My lips are going to
freeze, Little Miss Tease.

Well, one day you're
so mad about me.

And I'm a happy guy.

The next day, you
get along without me.

Please tell me, why, why.

[women shouting]

Hey, there, Little Miss Tease,
you got me weak in the knees.

I'm so mixed up
and full of misery.

Well, don't say no.

Please, say yes.

Give our love a test.

I only wanna please,
Little Miss Tease.

- Hi, may I help you?

- Yes.

- Ham on rye.

- Thanks.

- I'll have an apple
and two cookies.

- Apple and two cookies.

- [SINGING] Well, one day
you're so mad about me,

and I'm a happy guy.

Next day, you get
along without me.

Please tell me why, why?

[women shouting]

Hey, there, Little Miss Tease,
you got me weak in the knees.

I'm so mixed up
and full of misery.

Well, don't say no.

Please say yes.

Give our love a test.

I only wanna please,
Little Miss Tease.

I only wanna please,
Little Miss Tease.

[applause]

[women screaming]

[music playing]

- Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you
by your gas company.

- Which helps you live
modern for less gas.

- That's what we Nelsons do.

[music playing]