All language subtitles for S05E06 - Here We Go Into The Wild Blue Yonder

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:36,320 We used to roll Eileen Watkins down this hill. 2 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,480 You couldn't afford marbles, 3 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:41,400 that's very sad. 4 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,780 Eileen Watkins... 5 00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:49,120 what did she look like? Very dusty and covered in bits of grass. 6 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,860 I mean, before you rolled her down the hill? 7 00:00:51,860 --> 00:00:53,660 Terrible! 8 00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:58,580 I mean, it wasn't as though we was particular when we was lads. 9 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,360 But, cor, she had a face that... 10 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,420 Well, it just, sort of, went with rolling downhill. 11 00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:07,900 They've practically died out, these old customs. 12 00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:11,220 I mean, who goes Eileen Watkins rolling these days? 13 00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:17,160 Of course, I didn't move in the same intellectual circles as you and Chunky Rumbelow, 14 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,440 so I don't remember Eileen Watkins. 15 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,900 You must remember Eileen Watkins! 16 00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:25,400 She looked like King Farouk. 17 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:30,620 I don't suppose that King Farouk could really have been Eileen Watkins all the time? 18 00:01:30,620 --> 00:01:33,120 Eileen Watkins went to live at Mablethorpe. 19 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,560 I'm not surprised if you kept rolling her down hills. 20 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:40,100 It wasn't me so much, it were Chunky. 21 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,780 She were in love with Chunky Rumbelow. 22 00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:45,680 My God, that was made in heaven, wasn't it? 23 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,560 Did he ever learn to speak? 24 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:49,340 Chunky could speak. 25 00:01:49,340 --> 00:01:52,220 Of course, I only met him a few times. 26 00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:56,100 He spent the best part of an afternoon once kneeling on my chest, 27 00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:59,260 stuffing sheep droppings up my nostrils. 28 00:01:59,260 --> 00:02:01,360 Hey, Hey! 29 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,700 That sounds like old Chunky. 30 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:06,500 He had hundreds of uses for sheep droppings. 31 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:09,860 The funny thing was, I never had a cold all that winter. 32 00:02:09,860 --> 00:02:13,840 COMPO SIGHS They were good days. 33 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,060 Oh, delicious(!) 34 00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:19,260 You don't get scabs on your knees like you used to. 35 00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:24,540 That playground was hard, and the flesh of 1930 36 00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:29,640 was softer than many pictures of the period would have us believe. 37 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,720 The school uniform, I remember, 38 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:35,040 was short trousers and the school scab on your knee. 39 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,480 I sometimes think we'd have been a lot taller 40 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,380 if they hadn't worn so much of us out on that playground. 41 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,240 COMPO YAWNS 42 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:47,900 I'm glad you yawned, 43 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:50,820 it reminded me I must remember to put my dustbin out. 44 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,320 Do you know what I'd like to do? 45 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,240 What I'd really like to do... 46 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,520 is to jump out of an aeroplane. 47 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,760 Well, don't let us stop you. 48 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,820 With a parachute! 49 00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:06,960 Oh, that's right, go on, spoil it. 50 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,140 I've never been up in an aeroplane. 51 00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:11,840 Well it's no good waiting for one up there, you know. 52 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:15,060 They don't stop when you put your hand out, like a bus. 53 00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:17,700 What do clouds remind you of? 54 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,520 A cup of tea and a meat pie at Sid's caff. 55 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,820 Yeah, me too. 56 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,180 I'd like to try hang-gliding. 57 00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:32,440 By the neck, I trust. 58 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,660 Chocks away! 59 00:03:36,740 --> 00:03:40,200 Look, it must be Eileen Watkins. 60 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,900 THEY CHUCKLE 61 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,360 Are you sure you can mend a microwave? 62 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,820 Listen, while these engineers are charging all that much for a visit, 63 00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:00,240 I can mend your microwave. 64 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,940 Oh, well, if you say so. 65 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,840 Do you know what's worrying me? 66 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,740 No, but I bet I'm going to find out. 67 00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:17,020 It's your expression, it's not the expression of a man who knows what he's doing with a microwave. 68 00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:20,040 You've got that stubborn, but basically baffled look 69 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,900 I remember so well from the day you made such a pig's ear 70 00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:24,220 of my new washing machine. 71 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,000 How do, Sid? Oh, about the same, Wally. 72 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,820 You could hold the door, 73 00:04:30,820 --> 00:04:33,720 it's customary for a man to hold the door. 74 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,760 That'll be the day around here. 75 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:40,600 I know, but what can you do except giving them a reminder? 76 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,400 Go steady! Steady? 77 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,180 I married you, didn't I? How steady can you get? 78 00:04:45,180 --> 00:04:47,660 I can hardly be accused of being reckless. 79 00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:50,760 Well, find us a table. 80 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:56,920 Find you one, the place is full of them, you can't miss them. 81 00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,180 Escort me to a table. 82 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:01,720 How about this one? 83 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,300 It's too near the door. 84 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,760 Well, give us a clue, then. Give us a clue! 85 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,840 Don't leave everything to me, you're supposed to be taking me out. 86 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:18,760 You should look around the room, select the best table and escort me to a chair. 87 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,740 Ahem. 88 00:05:28,580 --> 00:05:31,800 He's taking you out, is he? Your birthday, is it, love? 89 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,120 No, it's no special occasion, 90 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,460 I'm just determined he's going to take me out more, aren't you? 91 00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:41,040 I'm...going to take her out more. 92 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,840 Otherwise, life just keeps passing you by. 93 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,960 Otherwise, life just keeps passing her by. 94 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,600 Oh, I thought when I saw you wearing that hat it was something serious. 95 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:55,300 No. We don't get a lot of customers in that model of hat. 96 00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,560 I can see why. 97 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,520 But I thought I'd bring him here 98 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,180 until I've got his manners polished up a bit, 99 00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:05,020 then we can move up to something less...basic. 100 00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:06,920 You'll be wanting the menu, then. 101 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,220 Yes, and a jug of water. 102 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,360 What do you recommend? 103 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,200 A new hat. 104 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,120 No, thank you, 105 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,220 you served us that last time. 106 00:06:20,220 --> 00:06:23,880 Well, I've never seen you leave anything on your plate, especially a tip. 107 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,480 I'll give you a tip - 108 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,960 no more remarks about my hat. 109 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,740 As long as you keep wearing it, it gets all the bad publicity it needs. 110 00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:34,080 How do you get away with insulting customers? 111 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,540 It's not as if your food's good. There's nothing wrong with my food. 112 00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:42,960 Your pastry's not light enough. Oh, what a wicked thing to say! 113 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:46,760 Well, you didn't think about that when you were talking about my hat. 114 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,460 No, but a hat's a hat. There's always something stupid about a hat, 115 00:06:50,460 --> 00:06:52,900 that's what you pay for. That's true. 116 00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:57,980 But it's deeply wounding when people point the finger of scorn at your pastry. 117 00:06:57,980 --> 00:07:00,580 Well, when you're making pastry commercially, 118 00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:04,760 you can't expect it to be as good as a woman can make it in her own home. 119 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,220 I wouldn't care if I didn't try. 120 00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:11,900 Look, what fat are you using? 121 00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:14,880 Do you think that's it? Ooh, nearly every time. 122 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,560 It's not as if I skimp on it, it's what I use at home. 123 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:18,780 Come and have a look. 124 00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:22,100 In my experience, it's nearly all down to fat. Do you think? 125 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,200 Here, mind you behave yourself! 126 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,440 Here, there's nowt to it. 127 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,520 It's never as easy as it looks. 128 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,340 Look, all tha' needs is a big enough kite. 129 00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:36,760 Tha' runs downhill with it, jumps in the air, and there you are. 130 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,740 Seriously injured. 131 00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:41,820 Flying! Hang-gliding! 132 00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:46,900 You haven't got the first grasp of aerodynamics, not to mention rent-paying. 133 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:49,120 Why, you'd never get it off the ground. 134 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,560 Hang-gliding is a young man's activity. 135 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:55,220 That's what they said about extra-marital relations. 136 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,120 That's a right bit of wire, is that. Aye. 137 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,720 It's not just your fuse, isn't that. 138 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,600 No, it's not just a fuse. 139 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,880 You've got to know what you're doing to fiddle with stuff like that. 140 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,300 You know, I'm glad you're bringing your missus out more. 141 00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:15,760 I'd sooner be fiddling with something like this. 142 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,600 Me too, if I could get on with it. 143 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,880 Hey, have you thought of putting this wire in here? 144 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,620 Keep your fingers out, will you? Pass me that little bent bit there. 145 00:08:25,620 --> 00:08:27,480 Now look what you've done! 146 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,860 You've dropped a piece. 147 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,820 Leave things alone, will you? 148 00:08:33,820 --> 00:08:36,200 Come round here and help me pick these bits up. 149 00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,923 COMPO: I know what I'm doing. 150 00:08:45,723 --> 00:08:50,083 You can come out now, Sid, the food inspector's gone. 151 00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:51,683 Hey, Norm! 152 00:08:51,683 --> 00:08:54,703 Why has Sid got Wally on the floor behind the counter? 153 00:08:54,703 --> 00:08:57,123 Maybe because there's no room on the shelf. 154 00:08:58,403 --> 00:09:02,443 BANG Ooh! Ooh, that was nasty! 155 00:09:02,443 --> 00:09:06,343 Oh, the things you can do to your moving parts. 156 00:09:06,343 --> 00:09:09,603 Not in a restaurant, you can't. 157 00:09:09,603 --> 00:09:11,983 Look, will you stop rotating your kneecap? 158 00:09:11,983 --> 00:09:13,683 I gave it a hell of a crack! 159 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:18,583 If one thing goes straight to my cringing reflex, it's someone rotating their kneecap. 160 00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:20,503 That, and cracking their knuckles. 161 00:09:20,503 --> 00:09:22,583 Eating red-hot chips going... 162 00:09:24,743 --> 00:09:27,683 It makes you shudder, and people whose sauce-bottle tops 163 00:09:27,683 --> 00:09:30,483 look as though they've got bunches of raisins on them. 164 00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:32,783 Wally's good with his hands, 165 00:09:32,783 --> 00:09:34,403 he built that pigeon loft. 166 00:09:34,403 --> 00:09:36,643 Hey, Wally, could you build me a big kite? 167 00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:39,483 Now, if you're persisting with this ridiculous idea, 168 00:09:39,483 --> 00:09:40,903 you're going to finish up... 169 00:09:42,803 --> 00:09:44,603 Can you build a big kite, Wally? 170 00:09:44,603 --> 00:09:46,603 What sort of big kite? 171 00:09:46,603 --> 00:09:49,783 Well, like a sort of flying pigeon loft, 172 00:09:49,783 --> 00:09:51,983 for hang-gliding purposes. 173 00:09:51,983 --> 00:09:54,423 Hang-gliding? Who's going hang-gliding? 174 00:09:54,423 --> 00:09:56,383 Me! 175 00:10:02,723 --> 00:10:05,943 I'll be back in a minute, I'm just putting this in my microwave. 176 00:10:11,683 --> 00:10:14,703 He's a great big clever dick, ain't he? 177 00:10:14,703 --> 00:10:17,743 I thought he was supposed to put meat pies in the microwave. 178 00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,023 I mean, who eats hot bent wire? 179 00:10:22,023 --> 00:10:24,603 He's mending the microwave. 180 00:10:24,603 --> 00:10:27,923 Well, there's only an idiot would tamper with a microwave, 181 00:10:27,923 --> 00:10:30,163 is he qualified? For an idiot, he is. 182 00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,983 They've hurt his rotten feelings. 183 00:10:31,983 --> 00:10:34,123 Get off! 184 00:10:34,123 --> 00:10:37,583 Anyway, I don't see what's so funny about me going hang-gliding. 185 00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:41,043 The last of the suicide pilots, 186 00:10:41,043 --> 00:10:44,303 Mikimoto strikes again! 187 00:10:44,303 --> 00:10:46,903 "There he goes," they'll say, "the Flying Welly!" 188 00:10:47,023 --> 00:10:50,043 Hold still a minute. What are you doing? Get off! 189 00:10:50,043 --> 00:10:51,503 No, no! 190 00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:57,763 Ah-so! 191 00:10:59,183 --> 00:11:01,523 And ah-so to you lot, and all! 192 00:11:04,983 --> 00:11:06,703 No, don't take them off. No, no. 193 00:11:06,703 --> 00:11:09,883 They've transformed you, that pair of glasses have. 194 00:11:09,883 --> 00:11:13,943 I bet they have, I can't flaming see. 195 00:11:13,943 --> 00:11:17,203 Look at that blink. Did you see that blink? 196 00:11:17,203 --> 00:11:20,503 Do it again. What? You know, the... 197 00:11:21,363 --> 00:11:22,603 The... 198 00:11:22,603 --> 00:11:25,283 What the hell's he...? No, don't come too close. 199 00:11:25,283 --> 00:11:27,803 I'm not looking in your eyes if you come too close. 200 00:11:27,803 --> 00:11:29,963 I can't stand that red one. 201 00:11:29,963 --> 00:11:34,383 I'll watch the red one, I'm having a bad day anyway. 202 00:11:34,383 --> 00:11:36,823 Ready when you are, then, Compo-san! 203 00:11:36,823 --> 00:11:39,163 Give it to us full face, the blink. 204 00:11:39,163 --> 00:11:41,803 Wait a minute, wait a minute! 205 00:11:41,803 --> 00:11:44,283 I've got to cycle myself up for this, tha' knows. 206 00:11:44,283 --> 00:11:45,823 It's blinking difficult. 207 00:11:45,823 --> 00:11:47,823 Oh, dear. 208 00:11:47,823 --> 00:11:49,463 Right now, let's see. 209 00:11:49,463 --> 00:11:51,143 What do you want? 210 00:11:51,143 --> 00:11:55,463 Do you want the super blink or the economy pack? We'll leave it to you. 211 00:11:55,463 --> 00:11:57,263 Oh, dear. Decisions, decisions. 212 00:11:57,263 --> 00:12:00,343 Come on, get on with it! All right, here it comes, here it comes! 213 00:12:00,343 --> 00:12:02,863 The super-duper blink, stand by! 214 00:12:06,383 --> 00:12:08,123 Did you see that? 215 00:12:08,123 --> 00:12:11,523 That was like a blink, you don't see blinks like that anymore. 216 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:15,303 When you see that red eye magnified behind his glasses, 217 00:12:15,303 --> 00:12:18,443 it looks like a fire in a spaghetti factory. 218 00:12:18,443 --> 00:12:21,783 Oh, dear. These glasses, they give my eyeballs a hernia. 219 00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:24,763 No, keep them on, because you see, 220 00:12:24,763 --> 00:12:27,083 that wasn't a Yorkshire blink. 221 00:12:27,083 --> 00:12:29,883 It wasn't? No, turn your chair round. Right. 222 00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,083 Here we go, let's try this. 223 00:12:33,843 --> 00:12:35,623 Now, hold. 224 00:12:40,483 --> 00:12:44,503 Little fella, him big kamikaze! 225 00:12:44,503 --> 00:12:47,423 Ah, where's my joystick? Don't you dare answer that! 226 00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:53,063 It's totally Oriental, it's pure Japanese. 227 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:56,803 It's incredible how Japanese those glasses make you look. 228 00:12:56,803 --> 00:13:00,963 Hey, I'll bet your father was Japanese. 229 00:13:00,963 --> 00:13:04,043 Get away! He was nimble enough on his feet. 230 00:13:04,043 --> 00:13:07,343 He was away before you ever got a good look at him. In fact, 231 00:13:07,343 --> 00:13:10,503 he was away before even your mother got a good look at him. 232 00:13:10,503 --> 00:13:13,063 Japanese? With a name like Wythenshawe? 233 00:13:13,063 --> 00:13:16,563 Well, there you are, you see. Damn cunning, these Orientals. 234 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,183 That's right, you think about it, 235 00:13:19,183 --> 00:13:22,383 it gives you an air of real...illegitimacy. 236 00:13:22,383 --> 00:13:24,623 That's true, and I'm fond of rice pudding. 237 00:13:24,623 --> 00:13:26,723 How Japanese can you get? 238 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:30,863 Look how foreign you've always found the English language. Wait a minute. 239 00:13:30,863 --> 00:13:35,123 I can't be Japanese, my mam said my dad came from Chesterfield. 240 00:13:35,123 --> 00:13:36,883 Well, that's it, then. Is it? 241 00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:41,263 It certainly is, I mean, it's practically a Japanese colony is Chesterfield, 242 00:13:41,263 --> 00:13:43,043 look at that church steeple. 243 00:13:43,043 --> 00:13:50,583 They do say that the Japanese are very gifted in the trickier practices of the marriage bed. 244 00:13:52,803 --> 00:13:56,123 Where've you been picking up bits of information like that? 245 00:13:56,123 --> 00:14:01,583 There must have been radical changes in the editorial policy of the Pigeon Fanciers' Gazette. 246 00:14:01,583 --> 00:14:06,223 Hey, Norm. What did he say us Japanese are gifted at? 247 00:14:06,223 --> 00:14:09,363 The trickier practices of the marriage bed. 248 00:14:09,363 --> 00:14:11,943 All that means round this part of the world 249 00:14:11,943 --> 00:14:15,663 is knowing how to secure more than your share of the eiderdown. Cha! 250 00:14:15,663 --> 00:14:20,483 Da-da! Haa-haa! All right, chippy-san-man! 251 00:14:20,483 --> 00:14:25,523 Three honourable gentlemen want big plate old Japanese delicacy, 252 00:14:25,523 --> 00:14:27,363 sweet and sour mushy pea. 253 00:14:28,463 --> 00:14:29,843 BANG! 254 00:14:29,843 --> 00:14:31,743 ELECTRICAL BUZZING 255 00:14:31,743 --> 00:14:34,143 NORA: Oh! Oh! 256 00:14:36,183 --> 00:14:42,583 IVY: Well, now you've mended that, I suggest for an encore you put the blasted fire out! 257 00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:44,523 SID: It's only a bit of smoke. 258 00:14:44,523 --> 00:14:49,743 Ha! What is this vision that has come from Sid's klitchen? 259 00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:53,463 Oh, my God! If it's not the rheumatics, it's him. 260 00:14:53,463 --> 00:14:55,343 Ha! 261 00:14:55,343 --> 00:14:57,083 It's Joan Crawford! 262 00:14:59,543 --> 00:15:01,483 Keep away! No, no! 263 00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:04,523 'Tis not Joan Crawford. 'Tis Nola Batty. 264 00:15:04,523 --> 00:15:07,923 In sheer-silk nylon clinkly stocking. 265 00:15:07,923 --> 00:15:10,403 And velly funny hat. 266 00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:12,863 Are you going to sit there and let him insult me? 267 00:15:12,863 --> 00:15:15,863 I'm not tangling with no Japanese. 268 00:15:15,863 --> 00:15:18,843 What's he doing?! What's he doing? 269 00:15:18,843 --> 00:15:23,963 There's no telling once he's gone bushido, Nora, distract him with a flick of your fan. 270 00:15:23,963 --> 00:15:25,523 Cha! 271 00:15:26,743 --> 00:15:29,903 Pey! Pey! 272 00:15:29,903 --> 00:15:32,303 Pow! Oh! 273 00:15:33,403 --> 00:15:38,643 Well, if he wants to tackle my missus, he's bound to have the nerve for hang-gliding. 274 00:15:38,643 --> 00:15:40,283 Oooh! 275 00:15:41,583 --> 00:15:43,823 Ah, so! 276 00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:53,143 Oh, Lord! 277 00:15:53,143 --> 00:15:55,663 Don't look down! Don't look down! 278 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:59,643 What's thou brought us up here for? 279 00:15:59,643 --> 00:16:04,163 Training, training. If you're going to start hang-gliding, 280 00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,763 we've got to start training you for heights. Ah! 281 00:16:07,763 --> 00:16:09,803 I'm not jumping off here! 282 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:13,043 Come back, that man! Don't make any sudden movements, Compo. 283 00:16:13,043 --> 00:16:14,743 Hold my hand, hold my hand! 284 00:16:14,743 --> 00:16:16,523 Don't let go of him, Clegg. 285 00:16:16,523 --> 00:16:19,763 Hold on to him. I am holding on, I'm holding on to everything! 286 00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:21,923 No! Get your hands of my neck! 287 00:16:21,923 --> 00:16:24,763 Stop thinking of yourself all the time! 288 00:16:24,763 --> 00:16:29,903 Get out of it! It's all right for thee, it's me he wants to jump off! 289 00:16:29,903 --> 00:16:33,383 Don't be ridiculous, I don't want you to jump. 290 00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,663 Well, when I say, "I don't want you to jump," 291 00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:37,843 I mean, if you insist, who am I to interfere? 292 00:16:39,383 --> 00:16:42,723 Norm, let go. I have let go! 293 00:16:42,723 --> 00:16:46,163 Then what you got that vice-like grip on my arm for? 294 00:16:46,163 --> 00:16:48,083 If you're going to split hairs... 295 00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:50,323 We don't want to hurt you. 296 00:16:50,323 --> 00:16:52,783 Oh, no, knocker chops? 297 00:16:52,783 --> 00:16:54,703 Not till I hit bottom! 298 00:16:54,703 --> 00:16:57,723 We just want to get you accustomed to heights, 299 00:16:57,723 --> 00:17:00,183 give you the feel of a bit of altitude. 300 00:17:00,183 --> 00:17:01,903 A bit?! 301 00:17:01,903 --> 00:17:05,483 Did you hear that, Norm, a bit? Look at it! Look! 302 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:10,023 Thanks for the invitation, but I'd rather keep my eyes closed! 303 00:17:10,023 --> 00:17:12,463 Just come over here to the edge and look down. 304 00:17:12,463 --> 00:17:14,883 It really is rather a splendid view. 305 00:17:14,883 --> 00:17:17,743 And you've got to admire the workmanship 306 00:17:17,743 --> 00:17:19,843 that went into a thing like this. 307 00:17:19,843 --> 00:17:24,763 The vision of the Victorian builders, their confidence. 308 00:17:24,763 --> 00:17:26,903 Where's it all gone, eh? 309 00:17:26,903 --> 00:17:30,203 Where has it all gone? 310 00:17:30,203 --> 00:17:33,243 Where the hell have those two gone? 311 00:17:33,243 --> 00:17:34,703 Come back here! 312 00:17:42,663 --> 00:17:44,943 Ah! I thought you'd find your way here. 313 00:17:44,943 --> 00:17:46,983 Our intrepid birdman(!) 314 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,663 Here, get your face round that. 315 00:17:48,663 --> 00:17:50,703 Yes, a fine flyer you're going to be. 316 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,403 It's terrible seeing grown men turn white. 317 00:17:53,403 --> 00:17:55,663 It's your round next. 318 00:17:55,663 --> 00:17:58,003 It's terrible seeing grown men turn white. 319 00:17:58,003 --> 00:17:59,523 COMPO CACKLES 320 00:17:59,523 --> 00:18:02,403 Yes, my popularity doesn't come out of a purse, you know? 321 00:18:02,403 --> 00:18:05,883 It couldn't get out with all the locks and chains you've got on it. 322 00:18:05,883 --> 00:18:07,843 Foggy's saving up for his old age. 323 00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:10,843 Though I don't know why cos you get it for free. 324 00:18:10,843 --> 00:18:13,583 Oh, if it's for free he'll be there! 325 00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,863 Are you suggesting I don't stand my corner? 326 00:18:15,863 --> 00:18:17,923 That's all you do, just stand. 327 00:18:17,923 --> 00:18:23,623 I've never met anybody with such an ability to avoid paying for a round. 328 00:18:23,623 --> 00:18:26,883 I resent that. Listen, people come for miles 329 00:18:26,883 --> 00:18:30,363 just to study his technique of the empty glass. 330 00:18:30,363 --> 00:18:32,623 Beautiful. What technique? 331 00:18:32,623 --> 00:18:34,223 Making it last. 332 00:18:34,223 --> 00:18:36,463 Well, I don't drink as fast as you. 333 00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:38,863 Well, nobody drinks as fast as him, 334 00:18:38,863 --> 00:18:41,683 he's got a throat like a flush lavatory. 335 00:18:41,683 --> 00:18:45,523 In times of drought I wonder they don't make him put a brick in it. 336 00:18:45,523 --> 00:18:50,603 It's true, he can sink a drop, but then he learnt at the hands of a master. Who was that? 337 00:18:50,603 --> 00:18:54,003 That big bird that you used to go bat-hunting with. 338 00:18:54,003 --> 00:18:56,103 Oh, aye, Slack Edna. 339 00:18:57,143 --> 00:18:59,483 Bat-hunting?! Aye. 340 00:18:59,483 --> 00:19:02,203 What kind of a person goes bat-hunting? 341 00:19:02,203 --> 00:19:04,003 Big drinkers, usually. 342 00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:07,083 She were a demon of a drinker, were Edna. 343 00:19:07,083 --> 00:19:09,203 But strangely unreliable at dominoes. 344 00:19:09,203 --> 00:19:11,483 Well, none of us is perfect. 345 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:13,403 But why did she go bat-hunting? 346 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:17,403 For bats, you stupid prong! 347 00:19:17,403 --> 00:19:19,023 What, flying bats? 348 00:19:19,023 --> 00:19:21,623 Of course flying bats, they're no damn good to you 349 00:19:21,623 --> 00:19:24,423 if they're running round your feet, are they? 350 00:19:24,423 --> 00:19:28,463 Well what damn good are they if they're flying? Look, she wanted their wings. 351 00:19:28,463 --> 00:19:32,243 She had this idea to make bat-skin handbags and things like that. 352 00:19:32,243 --> 00:19:35,843 Luxury bat-skin wear, I like it. 353 00:19:35,843 --> 00:19:39,383 Yeah, that could have caught on. Edna, the bat-skin millionaire. 354 00:19:39,383 --> 00:19:41,043 Then why didn't it catch on? 355 00:19:41,043 --> 00:19:42,903 She didn't catch any. 356 00:19:42,903 --> 00:19:44,883 Why not? 357 00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:47,003 Have you ever tried to catch a bat? 358 00:19:47,003 --> 00:19:48,623 Sad, really. 359 00:19:48,623 --> 00:19:52,023 In the long summer evenings when the pubs turned out, 360 00:19:52,023 --> 00:19:55,623 she could be seen swaying, ghost-like in the churchyard, 361 00:19:55,623 --> 00:19:58,763 counting the little handbags fluttering past her head. 362 00:19:58,763 --> 00:20:01,743 Which leads us naturally to the next question, Foggy. 363 00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:03,283 Are you going to get a round in 364 00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:06,203 or are we just going to stand here all day talking bats? 365 00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:08,243 All right, all right. 366 00:20:08,243 --> 00:20:09,783 I'll buy the next round. 367 00:20:09,783 --> 00:20:11,803 You'll do what?! 368 00:20:11,803 --> 00:20:13,903 I said, "I'll buy the next round." 369 00:20:13,903 --> 00:20:15,923 Good on you, mate! 370 00:20:18,423 --> 00:20:23,143 Hey, Foggy! I'll have a whisky this time! Oh, it's generous of you, Foggy! 371 00:20:23,143 --> 00:20:25,603 Happy birthday, Foggy! Happy birthday, Foggy! 372 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:30,383 # Happy birthday to you, 373 00:20:30,383 --> 00:20:33,263 # Happy birthday, dear Foggy 374 00:20:33,263 --> 00:20:36,183 # Happy birthday to you. # 375 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:49,243 THROATY LAUGHTER 376 00:20:50,663 --> 00:20:52,763 I didn't think it was all that amusing. 377 00:20:52,763 --> 00:20:55,823 Relax, foggy. Enjoy your birthday. 378 00:20:55,823 --> 00:20:58,123 I wouldn't mind so much if it was my birthday. 379 00:20:58,123 --> 00:21:00,803 Oh, yes, you would. Don't lie. Go on, cheer up. 380 00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:04,183 Think of all the pleasure you've given to all them thirsty blokes. 381 00:21:04,183 --> 00:21:05,843 Yes, that's another thing - 382 00:21:05,843 --> 00:21:08,023 what are they doing in a pub at lunchtime? 383 00:21:08,023 --> 00:21:10,903 Why aren't they working? Bone idle? 384 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:13,083 # Happy birthday to you 385 00:21:13,083 --> 00:21:15,463 # Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you 386 00:21:15,463 --> 00:21:18,823 # Happy birthday, dear Foggy Happy birthday, dear Foggy 387 00:21:18,823 --> 00:21:22,263 # Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you. # 388 00:21:22,263 --> 00:21:24,143 Are you going to lie there all day? 389 00:21:24,143 --> 00:21:26,103 I'd like to, with Nora Batty. 390 00:21:26,103 --> 00:21:28,603 Wouldn't you rather have measles? 391 00:21:28,603 --> 00:21:31,383 Do you know, Norm, I think I'm in love with Nora Batty. 392 00:21:31,383 --> 00:21:33,283 That must be thrilling for her. 393 00:21:33,283 --> 00:21:36,503 It's like being adopted by a death watch beetle. 394 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:40,083 She makes me tinkle all over. 395 00:21:40,083 --> 00:21:41,903 I think he means tingle. 396 00:21:41,903 --> 00:21:44,123 That's it, Norm, tinkle all over. 397 00:21:44,123 --> 00:21:45,723 Rubbish! 398 00:21:45,723 --> 00:21:47,403 Well, all right, then. 399 00:21:47,403 --> 00:21:51,963 Not all over, mainly in the region of my... 400 00:21:53,543 --> 00:21:55,483 ..elbow. 401 00:21:55,483 --> 00:22:00,143 The elbow? A seat of very powerful emotions, is the elbow. 402 00:22:00,143 --> 00:22:01,943 The elbow? 403 00:22:01,943 --> 00:22:04,023 In Yorkshire, anyway. 404 00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:07,203 God knows what weird areas 405 00:22:07,203 --> 00:22:09,603 the passions could be sited in down south. 406 00:22:09,603 --> 00:22:12,923 You get down as far as Luton and I shudder to think 407 00:22:12,923 --> 00:22:16,723 what they might be including among their erotic zones. 408 00:22:16,723 --> 00:22:21,383 Yes, well I fail to see what possible connection the elbow has with powerful emotions. 409 00:22:21,383 --> 00:22:25,103 Has thou ever tried cracking it on the corner of a table? 410 00:22:25,103 --> 00:22:27,023 Come on, both of you, get up. 411 00:22:27,023 --> 00:22:29,523 Up, come on, up! The Fuhrer has spoken! 412 00:22:31,323 --> 00:22:33,763 Come on, that man. 413 00:22:33,763 --> 00:22:36,583 Pick up the stride, pick up the stride. 414 00:22:36,583 --> 00:22:39,303 Knees up, hup, hup-hup, hup-hup. 415 00:22:39,303 --> 00:22:42,183 I can't get them up any higher, they're fixed to my legs! 416 00:22:42,183 --> 00:22:45,963 How do you expect to go hang-gliding if you're not fit? 417 00:22:45,963 --> 00:22:49,203 Listen, you just have to hang on, you don't have to peddle it! 418 00:22:49,203 --> 00:22:52,603 I haven't had so much fun since I broke my ankle. 419 00:22:52,603 --> 00:22:55,323 Just proves my point, you're out of condition. 420 00:22:55,323 --> 00:22:59,083 He may be out of condition, I've never been in condition. 421 00:22:59,083 --> 00:23:01,923 It's too late to start now. 422 00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:05,503 I have seen more stamina in a rubber duck. 423 00:23:05,503 --> 00:23:07,183 Why did the rubber duck? 424 00:23:07,183 --> 00:23:10,383 Because he saw the zip fly! 425 00:23:12,163 --> 00:23:15,703 Ah, it's the simple things in life you miss first, 426 00:23:15,703 --> 00:23:17,903 like breathing for instance. 427 00:23:17,903 --> 00:23:19,963 I could soon knock you into shape. 428 00:23:19,963 --> 00:23:22,003 I wish he hadn't said knock. 429 00:23:22,003 --> 00:23:24,603 I do wish he hadn't said knock. 430 00:23:24,603 --> 00:23:29,763 Ah, but what sort of shape does he want to knock us into, eh? 431 00:23:29,763 --> 00:23:34,343 I hope he doesn't want to think we want to be the same shape as him. 432 00:23:34,343 --> 00:23:38,243 You can scoff. You weren't so chirpy up there on the viaduct. 433 00:23:38,243 --> 00:23:41,623 Lost your taste for the wild blue yonder then, didn't you? 434 00:23:41,623 --> 00:23:43,803 You can't stand heights. 435 00:23:43,803 --> 00:23:46,603 Well, I'm not used to viaducts. 436 00:23:46,603 --> 00:23:49,043 Well, who do you think is used to viaducts? 437 00:23:49,043 --> 00:23:54,423 You don't think people go sneaking around after dark getting practice in at viaducts, do you? 438 00:23:54,423 --> 00:23:56,103 I like it - 439 00:23:56,103 --> 00:24:00,023 unlawful nocturnal knowledge of a viaduct. 440 00:24:00,023 --> 00:24:02,043 Makes you shudder, doesn't it? 441 00:24:02,043 --> 00:24:06,163 I can stand ordinary heights as well as thee. I'll match thee any day. 442 00:24:06,163 --> 00:24:09,623 Is that a challenge? Listen, before this goes any further... 443 00:24:09,623 --> 00:24:12,483 Ah, He's all gob. 444 00:24:12,483 --> 00:24:18,163 Let me get this straight, are you challenging me to a duel to see who can climb the highest? 445 00:24:18,163 --> 00:24:19,943 I am. 446 00:24:19,943 --> 00:24:25,643 Oh, dear. If it's a duel tha' wants, it's a duel tha' shall have. 447 00:24:25,643 --> 00:24:28,883 Listen, why don't we sit down and talk about this? 448 00:24:30,423 --> 00:24:33,263 Choose your weapons. 449 00:24:33,263 --> 00:24:34,723 A tree. 450 00:24:37,063 --> 00:24:42,703 A tree? Yes, we'll each choose a tree about the same size and see who can climb the highest. 451 00:24:42,703 --> 00:24:44,163 Done! 452 00:24:50,323 --> 00:24:51,863 I'll take this one. 453 00:24:51,863 --> 00:24:53,843 I'll take this one. 454 00:24:53,843 --> 00:24:55,043 When you've had enough 455 00:24:55,043 --> 00:24:56,303 just climb down again. 456 00:24:56,303 --> 00:24:57,943 Don't worry, I'll be climbing 457 00:24:57,943 --> 00:24:59,323 when you've packed it in. 458 00:24:59,323 --> 00:25:01,503 We'll see about that. 459 00:25:01,503 --> 00:25:06,103 Right, off we go, then. Right. 460 00:25:06,103 --> 00:25:08,723 Right. 461 00:25:08,723 --> 00:25:10,263 Right. Right! 462 00:25:12,183 --> 00:25:14,583 Right. 463 00:25:31,003 --> 00:25:33,303 (Hey, Norm. Give us a leg up.) 464 00:25:33,303 --> 00:25:36,043 Slight technical hitch, 465 00:25:36,043 --> 00:25:38,803 if you could just see us onto the first branch, Clegg. 466 00:25:44,343 --> 00:25:47,303 Are you quite sure about this? 467 00:25:47,303 --> 00:25:50,723 Oh, absolutely, yes. I mean... You see... 468 00:25:50,723 --> 00:25:54,363 If you could just bend down there, you see... 469 00:25:54,363 --> 00:25:57,163 then I can... Walk all over my back? 470 00:25:57,163 --> 00:25:59,863 I'm sorry about that, but... You know. 471 00:26:00,663 --> 00:26:02,183 Ah! 472 00:26:07,083 --> 00:26:09,583 It's very civil of you, you know, Clegg. 473 00:26:09,583 --> 00:26:12,583 Do you want me to take my wellies off? 474 00:26:12,583 --> 00:26:16,463 Don't you dare. I'm not having your feet running loose every which way. 475 00:26:16,463 --> 00:26:18,643 OK. 476 00:26:22,403 --> 00:26:25,243 Well, come on, get hold of my welly, then! Eurgh! 477 00:26:25,243 --> 00:26:27,723 Eurgh! 478 00:26:32,783 --> 00:26:35,003 How's he doing? 479 00:26:35,003 --> 00:26:41,703 Has he packed in, yet? Here, they don't call me Tarzan for nothing. 480 00:26:41,703 --> 00:26:45,903 As far as I can judge, you're both about equally... 481 00:26:45,903 --> 00:26:47,163 crackers. 482 00:26:50,863 --> 00:26:53,003 Doesn't he know I'm in my element, here? 483 00:26:53,003 --> 00:26:56,083 We used to do this all the time on snipers courses. 484 00:26:56,083 --> 00:26:57,743 You're a fool. 485 00:26:57,743 --> 00:27:00,463 CRACKING AND RUSTLING Oh! 486 00:27:03,783 --> 00:27:09,443 I seem... I seem to have got my braces caught... 487 00:27:09,443 --> 00:27:11,923 COMPO LAUGHS Look at him! 488 00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:13,703 Braces caught in the... 489 00:27:15,603 --> 00:27:18,103 The dozy buttock! 490 00:27:18,103 --> 00:27:20,083 He's got caught! 491 00:27:23,923 --> 00:27:29,063 Cleggy! I've got this branch, it's passed right through the hole in my trousers! 492 00:27:29,063 --> 00:27:33,363 I'll be all right, I'll be all right in a minute, you see, when I... 493 00:27:33,363 --> 00:27:35,643 WHISTLING 494 00:27:42,523 --> 00:27:46,263 Oh, yeah. Fire brigade, please. 495 00:28:11,783 --> 00:28:14,743 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 39117

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