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1
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,620
Eurgh, yuk.
2
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,260
What's up with thee?
3
00:00:39,260 --> 00:00:43,940
Oh, look,
Foggy's found some bird droppings.
4
00:00:43,940 --> 00:00:46,900
It couldn't happen to a nicer fella!
5
00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:49,940
Shut up. Where is it?
6
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:54,940
Well, right now it's oozing
between the second and third
fingers of my right hand.
7
00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:56,920
I want you to promise me, Foggy,
8
00:00:56,920 --> 00:01:01,940
when we get to the caff
this morning, you'll let
somebody else pass the buns.
9
00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:04,160
It looks like a woodpigeon's.
10
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,700
It would damn well have to do
it right where I put my hand.
11
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:09,460
Don't wipe it down my jacket.
12
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:12,800
Maybe it just looked like he
was wiping it on your jacket.
13
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,900
It's an impression you can
easily get when somebody's...
14
00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:17,260
There he goes again!
15
00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:19,600
..wiping his hand down your jacket.
16
00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,060
Uggh... groan.
17
00:01:26,660 --> 00:01:29,060
Aargh...
18
00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:31,500
how far is it to the ground?
19
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,720
About 18 inches.
20
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,720
Oh, God, I'll never make it.
21
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,600
Aaaaaargh.
22
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:45,200
Well, I've heard of no head for
heights, but you've got no legs,
arms, or eyes for it.
23
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,100
I like it on the ground.
24
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:53,540
I really like
being here on the ground.
25
00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:56,820
Aw, look at me jacket.
26
00:01:56,820 --> 00:01:58,360
What are you griping about?
27
00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,940
Just look at me jacket!
28
00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:01,680
Precisely, just look at it.
29
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:06,360
I've never seen anything that
nature intended more for wiping
bird droppings on than that.
30
00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:11,540
What you pulling a face for?
31
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,380
Bit of that won't hurt thee.
32
00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:16,800
No? I notice the pigeon
soon got rid of it.
33
00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:23,160
It's the only thing that
worries me about going to heaven...
34
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:26,560
..would I ever get used
to the height?
35
00:02:31,820 --> 00:02:34,500
That looked like Sid from the caff.
36
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:37,200
What, sneaking about with a bedroll?
37
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,780
Well, anything's an improvement
on his SAUSAGE rolls.
38
00:02:40,780 --> 00:02:43,980
If that were Sid, he's up to no good.
39
00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:46,060
Phwoar, the lucky beggar!
40
00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:48,000
Let's not jump to conclusions,
41
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,760
there's probably some
perfectly reasonable explanation.
42
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,220
He's having it off with a bird.
43
00:02:54,220 --> 00:02:58,900
There you are then,
I told you there'd be some
reasonable explanation.
44
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,260
Let's not start spreading gossip.
45
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:05,200
I mean I don't approve of
this sort of thing but his secret
is safe with us.
46
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:09,720
We're not women to be
tittle-tattling about this
sort of scandalous thing.
47
00:03:11,340 --> 00:03:15,000
It'll be that big dozy
bus conductress he's
always talking about.
48
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:19,420
I must say, in circumstances
like these, my suspicions tend
49
00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:24,300
spontaneously towards her behind
the bacon counter at the Co-op.
50
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:29,300
It's just like Sid, he's never happy
unless he's getting his divvy.
51
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:32,500
I've seen the way he looks
at that bus conductress
52
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:38,320
like a stamp collector with
a Penny Black, just dying to lick
her and stick her in his album.
53
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:42,400
He wants to watch her, she hit
me once with her ticket machine.
54
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,860
Only because she hadn't
got anything heavier.
55
00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:53,660
He's not here.
56
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,800
And she's looking for someone.
She's looking for Sid!
57
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:10,020
Yes, look, if she starts asking you
questions, you've got to be very
careful here not to drop him in it.
58
00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:12,080
Wouldn't it be rotten
to drop him in it?
59
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,500
Nasty. Unthinkable.
60
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,800
Hey, I wonder if he can take a joke.
61
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:22,940
Three teas?
62
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:25,920
A-and three of your
delicious buns, please.
63
00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:34,480
HE HUMS
64
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,380
What are you looking at me for?
65
00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:41,780
THEY WHISTLE
66
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,700
You're up to something, aren't you?
67
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,200
THEY HUM AND WHISTLE
68
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,080
Look at me when I'm talking to you!
69
00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:54,660
Make up tha mind, tha were
just complaining cos we
were looking at thee.
70
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:56,500
What's going on?
71
00:04:56,500 --> 00:05:00,280
Well, I'm trying to rub some
feeling back where I was struck
72
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:03,680
with a spoon, and he's busy
suppressing a scream of agony.
73
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,640
My compliments, madam,
on your skill with the spoon.
74
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,460
You are acting very shifty.
75
00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,180
Shifty?
76
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,380
Us? Never.
77
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,600
Who's gonna pay?
He is. He is. He is.
78
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,980
Come on, whose turn is it? His.
79
00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:21,500
His. His. Hup! Yes, erm...
80
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:26,060
three teas please, Ivy,
and three buns... is it?
81
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,540
42p.
82
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,840
I don't know how he dare go
messing about with other women.
83
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,760
She'll kill him.
84
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,860
A man has to do what a man has to do.
85
00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:52,400
"Lecherous husband
murdered with spoon."
86
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,180
Hello, where's your bun?
87
00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:56,620
He's eaten it. Already?
88
00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:59,660
It went like a ball down a drain.
89
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,600
They're dead easy, her buns...
90
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:05,980
and somebody else must be dead easy
when she goes to meet a bloke
91
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:09,020
in broad daylight
carrying a bedding roll.
92
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:12,080
# Keep your voice down,
with a dee-diddle, um-dum dee. #
93
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:16,100
I mean, there's confidence for you,
a bedding roll...
94
00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:19,200
and all I ever had all my life
was a very large handkerchief.
95
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,500
Have a bun. Have a bun.
96
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:26,100
Never mind "have a bun",
what's this about a bedding roll?
97
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,960
Clang. Oh!
98
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:33,540
Tha's looking very tasty, Ivy,
how do you keep that complexion?
99
00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:36,340
No, not the spoon, Ivy,
not the spoon!
100
00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:40,660
Who have you seen with a bedding
roll, and where was he, the swine?
101
00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:42,480
Who have we seen with a bedding...
102
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,660
ooow!
103
00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:46,880
Maybe we caught a glimpse.
104
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,500
Yes, just the faintest
movement in the trees. Trees?
105
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,900
Whatever was he doing in the trees?
106
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:55,420
When I say "trees",
I don't mean trees, I mean...
107
00:06:55,420 --> 00:06:57,680
what's she going to
do with that spoon?
108
00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,920
It could have been anybody. Anybody.
109
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,500
Just this figure, flitting away.
110
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:05,080
Hello, we said, there goes anybody.
111
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,320
It was him, wasn't it?
112
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:12,580
Me own husband, heading for
the trees with a bedding roll,
113
00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:16,340
which he swore he'd only use for
approved recreational purposes.
114
00:07:16,340 --> 00:07:19,940
It was undoubtedly
just what he was doing.
115
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,180
I know what he was doing.
116
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:25,900
He is your husband, Ivy,
you ought to trust him more.
117
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:27,680
Oh-ho, give me one good reason.
118
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:31,780
Can I have time to think about that?
I mean there must be something.
119
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:35,100
It's just the call of
the wide-open spaces, Ivy.
120
00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:37,600
Men have this thing. I know.
121
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,140
It's what they're always trying
to do with it that irritates me.
122
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:44,580
Not Sid! No, not Sid. Never.
123
00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:45,980
You just sit there and lie.
124
00:07:45,980 --> 00:07:48,780
Naturally. He's our mate.
125
00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:50,800
You can't trust him.
126
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,380
Well, you can, Ivy, if you
look on the bright side.
127
00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:55,520
Bright side? What bright side?
128
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,460
Well, you've got one great natural
advantage, which should give you
129
00:07:59,460 --> 00:08:02,780
confidence in him, and that is that
Sid is basically, when you get
130
00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:06,520
right down to it, fundamentally
a genuine horrible-looking mess.
131
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,620
That is quite true.
I mean, who's going to want him?
132
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:13,240
His ears are too big.
And what about that haircut?
133
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:14,800
What idiot cuts it like that?
134
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,440
I do. Oh!
135
00:08:18,020 --> 00:08:20,420
It's beautifully styled, Ivy.
136
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:23,780
He's got not personality,
you see, not an ounce of charm.
137
00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:27,320
There you are, you see, Ivy.
Count your blessings.
138
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:33,180
It's true. The fool,
he'd be hopeless as a hippy.
139
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,180
He's not cut out for it.
140
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:38,780
He goes all to pieces if
he doesn't get good gravy.
141
00:08:38,780 --> 00:08:42,500
What's this about a hippy?
Who said he wants to be a hippy?
142
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,040
Not Sid, never.
143
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,520
I've seen the restlessness
coming over him.
144
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,880
I've tried to talk him out of it.
I keep hitting him.
145
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,260
Has he told you
he wants to be a hippy?
146
00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:54,360
Oh, no, no, he never
tells me anything.
147
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,400
He just goes about sneakily,
he's at that dangerous age.
148
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,880
Why dangerous?
Because I'm going to kill him.
149
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,060
Naaa...
Sid would never want to be a hippy.
150
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:07,160
Then why would he
take a bedding roll?
151
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,900
Why does he keep sneaking
out into the countryside?
152
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:13,420
There's some perfectly
ordinary explanation.
153
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,520
Like what? He's chasing some bird.
154
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:22,260
WAILING
155
00:09:22,260 --> 00:09:25,920
Very tactfully put. That's cheered
her up a treat, that has.
156
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:30,060
Well, I thought it was
better than letting her know
he was going to be a hippy.
157
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:32,340
No, it isn't.
158
00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:38,320
If he were going out and collecting
wild flowers or picking mushrooms,
that might be better than...
159
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,000
being a hippy.
160
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,240
Well, it's funny you
should say that, Ivy,
161
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,560
cos we were only thinking this
morning in the trees, weren't we?
162
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:49,080
We said, hello there goes Sid with
his bedding roll, off to collect
163
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:52,400
some wild flowers or maybe pick...
pick... pick some mushrooms?
164
00:09:54,500 --> 00:09:58,800
Don't worry, Ivy, please don't cry.
165
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,380
You've still got me. Come, my love.
166
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:05,820
I will give you a little so-lace.
167
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:07,540
Well, he has his uses, you see.
168
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,880
It's the old training
beginning to pay off.
169
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,640
He's developing a few manners.
170
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,460
Do you know when I first took
him in hand he was no more
171
00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:17,540
than an uncouth little scruff,
but with the right tuition
172
00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:19,860
he's becoming quite
a couth little scruff.
173
00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:22,020
SCREAMING
174
00:10:22,020 --> 00:10:25,360
Aaaargh! You little devil.
175
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:30,000
I was just trying to cheer
her up by showing that she's
still attractive to men.
176
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,860
What did she hit you with?
177
00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:34,320
I dunno, but it were worth it.
178
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,760
Come on, let's get you out of here.
179
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:41,140
Hey, Norm,
I think I'm in love with Ivy.
180
00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:49,309
I think Ivy is extremely handy
on the spoon. Aye.
181
00:10:49,309 --> 00:10:51,849
Old Sid must be bruised all over.
182
00:10:51,849 --> 00:10:56,649
When you keep colliding with Ivy
like that, it must be a bit like
being knocked down by a tram.
183
00:10:56,649 --> 00:11:00,689
It is. Ahhh, but it's lovely!
184
00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:04,309
You know, I can't imagine anyone
volunteering to tangle with Ivy.
185
00:11:04,309 --> 00:11:08,629
Tha's got no soul.
186
00:11:08,629 --> 00:11:11,989
He hasn't got any romance
in his body at all.
187
00:11:11,989 --> 00:11:16,409
Ah, but he has got a knife with
attachments for opening cans.
188
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,589
Romance? I think it's
disgusting, a chap your age.
189
00:11:19,589 --> 00:11:24,849
Ey up. Just because I happen to have
passed the first flush of youth...
190
00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:27,549
wahaaa... a man is
as old as he feels.
191
00:11:27,549 --> 00:11:29,449
How old do you feel?
192
00:11:29,449 --> 00:11:31,129
As old as they'll let me.
193
00:11:33,429 --> 00:11:35,949
Oh, that Ivy, she's a powerful lass.
194
00:11:35,949 --> 00:11:41,829
Urgh. Still, after a couple more
pints I'll be fighting fit.
195
00:11:41,829 --> 00:11:46,829
Do you think you could settle
for just one more pint and
being sort of moderately fit?
196
00:11:46,829 --> 00:11:50,229
Oh, very well, Norm, if you insist.
197
00:11:53,749 --> 00:11:56,909
Hast tha ever been in love, Foggy?
198
00:11:56,909 --> 00:11:58,489
Mind your own business.
199
00:12:00,089 --> 00:12:03,189
Ey tha's nowt to be ashamed of.
I'm not ashamed.
200
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:06,669
I just don't wish to discuss my
personal affairs in this...
201
00:12:06,669 --> 00:12:10,129
cheap drinking establishment. Cheap?
202
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:14,129
Argh, you wait till you
go up to buy your round.
203
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,089
I wonder if Cleggy's
ever been in love?
204
00:12:18,089 --> 00:12:19,829
Well, he was married, wasn't he?
205
00:12:19,829 --> 00:12:24,829
Oh, aye, but that's always a
major snag to your love life.
206
00:12:24,829 --> 00:12:26,929
What sort of birds
to you like, Foggy?
207
00:12:26,929 --> 00:12:30,789
Are you absolutely sure you'll
want another round after this?
208
00:12:30,789 --> 00:12:33,309
Oh, pfft, he really is a cheapskate.
209
00:12:33,309 --> 00:12:35,569
Mmmm. Well, you don't
really mean it, you know.
210
00:12:35,569 --> 00:12:38,629
You've enough excitement
for one morning. Excitement?
211
00:12:38,629 --> 00:12:40,669
What are you talking about?
212
00:12:40,669 --> 00:12:43,209
My nerves are as steady as a rock!
213
00:12:44,209 --> 00:12:46,229
God, you're shaking like a leaf.
214
00:12:46,229 --> 00:12:50,129
Ah, yes, but then he is leading
a life of sin and dissipation.
215
00:12:50,129 --> 00:12:51,609
Only since I left school.
216
00:12:52,669 --> 00:12:55,229
Norm, when your missus were alive,
217
00:12:55,229 --> 00:12:58,329
did you ever go off pussyfooting
it with another woman?
218
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:04,189
Don't ask questions of that...
indelicate nature.
219
00:13:04,189 --> 00:13:08,169
Well, the Army doctors used to.
220
00:13:08,169 --> 00:13:12,289
They were always enquiring about
my love life when I went sick.
221
00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:15,869
Yes, well, medical men have
their reasons for asking.
222
00:13:15,869 --> 00:13:18,569
Not when you go sick with flat feet.
223
00:13:19,829 --> 00:13:22,709
No, no, they was fishing.
224
00:13:22,709 --> 00:13:25,489
They wanted to know
about me and Brunhilde.
225
00:13:25,489 --> 00:13:27,689
Brunhilde?
226
00:13:27,689 --> 00:13:30,569
What? Where? Where?
227
00:13:30,569 --> 00:13:33,649
No, I mean, who was Brunhilde?
228
00:13:33,649 --> 00:13:36,869
Oh 'eck, I thought for a minute
he meant she was here.
229
00:13:36,869 --> 00:13:39,989
Why have you gone white?
Well, nearly white.
230
00:13:39,989 --> 00:13:43,609
Come on, tell us about it,
who was this fabulous Brunhilde?
231
00:13:43,609 --> 00:13:46,129
He does pick some weird
names to go out with.
232
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:49,169
I've been out with
weirder names than that.
233
00:13:49,169 --> 00:13:52,649
Yeah, what was the strangest
name you've ever been out with?
234
00:13:52,649 --> 00:13:53,969
Cyril.
235
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,729
Why were the Army doctors
interested in you and Brunhilde?
236
00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:03,769
It wasn't only the Army
doctors, it was the whole camp.
237
00:14:03,769 --> 00:14:08,169
You see, Brunhilde was this great
big ATS bird, and nobody else would
238
00:14:08,169 --> 00:14:12,189
go out with her because she had
this reputation for brutality.
239
00:14:12,189 --> 00:14:13,489
Here we go.
240
00:14:13,489 --> 00:14:15,209
No, no, it's the truth.
241
00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:18,469
It's the truth, I'm telling thee.
But I knew how to handle her.
242
00:14:18,469 --> 00:14:20,689
With this whip and chair.
243
00:14:20,689 --> 00:14:23,569
Hah, but they wanted to know
about Brunhilde, you see,
244
00:14:23,569 --> 00:14:26,769
because she had this big pin-up
of a fella hanging over her bed.
245
00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:31,849
Well, I imagine a lot of ATS girls
had pin-up pictures over their beds.
246
00:14:31,849 --> 00:14:34,629
Of Hitler?
247
00:14:34,629 --> 00:14:37,069
God, he is a liar.
248
00:14:37,069 --> 00:14:40,049
Ey up, there's Brunhilde!
Hello, my love.
249
00:14:42,129 --> 00:14:45,389
What are you talking about,
you stupid lunatic!
250
00:14:46,289 --> 00:14:48,869
Isn't it nice,
she still remembers him.
251
00:14:48,869 --> 00:14:52,209
This is Brunhilde Mark 2.
252
00:14:54,449 --> 00:14:56,909
Come and sit down, love,
and have a drink.
253
00:14:56,909 --> 00:14:59,689
Well, sit down somewhere.
254
00:14:59,689 --> 00:15:02,669
All right, I'll have just one.
255
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,149
Just one.
256
00:15:08,229 --> 00:15:13,629
But if you're planning on getting
me tipsy so I don't know what
I'm doing, you can forget it.
257
00:15:13,629 --> 00:15:14,909
Forget it.
258
00:15:14,909 --> 00:15:16,669
I have forgotten it.
259
00:15:16,669 --> 00:15:18,969
I'll have a brandy and ginger ale.
260
00:15:23,769 --> 00:15:25,669
Well, go on, you invited her.
261
00:15:25,669 --> 00:15:29,189
I tell you what, we'll go 50/50.
I'll buy the ginger ale.
262
00:15:32,909 --> 00:15:37,789
We'll be with thee in a minute, Nora,
once he's got the combination.
263
00:15:43,449 --> 00:15:46,349
Goes it? Oh, great.
264
00:15:49,189 --> 00:15:50,809
Smacky.
265
00:15:50,809 --> 00:15:53,529
Oh, yeah. Oh, wow, yeah.
266
00:15:55,869 --> 00:16:01,649
Yeah. I wonder how he's getting on
with the brandy and ginger ale,
I think I'll go and see.
267
00:16:01,649 --> 00:16:03,109
Norm?
268
00:16:11,369 --> 00:16:13,949
I think I'll come up with thee, Norm.
269
00:16:18,009 --> 00:16:20,069
What did you invite her for?
270
00:16:20,069 --> 00:16:21,989
How did I know she
were going to stay?
271
00:16:21,989 --> 00:16:24,389
She usually gallops
off when she sees me.
272
00:16:24,389 --> 00:16:26,729
Maybe she's starting
to appreciate you.
273
00:16:26,729 --> 00:16:29,469
Norman, you could have a point.
274
00:16:29,469 --> 00:16:33,369
Well, look, as soon as she's
got that down her throat,
get rid of her. How?
275
00:16:33,369 --> 00:16:37,549
Well, you'll would think of
something if you have to stand
a brandy and ginger ale.
276
00:16:37,549 --> 00:16:40,069
Oh, aye, I'd think of
something, I can tell you.
277
00:16:40,069 --> 00:16:43,469
There you are, my little
chickadee, there's your brandy.
278
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:55,229
Who does she think can afford
to get her tipsy till she
doesn't know what she's doing?
279
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:57,329
Do something. Do something!
280
00:16:57,329 --> 00:17:02,089
What? Oh, well, erm,
nice to see thee, Nora.
281
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:05,229
I've got to be
on my way now, I'm afraid.
282
00:17:05,229 --> 00:17:07,389
You see, I'm breaking
in this new bookie.
283
00:17:07,389 --> 00:17:11,369
Have you seen my Wally?
284
00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:12,889
What does she mean?
285
00:17:12,889 --> 00:17:14,369
I mean me husband!
286
00:17:14,369 --> 00:17:16,849
Have you lost him? That's a lie.
287
00:17:16,849 --> 00:17:18,629
Why should I have lost him?
288
00:17:18,629 --> 00:17:21,009
He'll have gone off
somewhere, that's all.
289
00:17:21,009 --> 00:17:23,389
He'll come back, won't he? Argh!
290
00:17:23,389 --> 00:17:24,969
They always come back.
291
00:17:24,969 --> 00:17:27,249
Ha-ha. Not today, Nora, not today.
292
00:17:27,249 --> 00:17:29,289
She's squeezing my hand.
293
00:17:29,289 --> 00:17:30,889
Pull her off. Pull her off.
294
00:17:30,889 --> 00:17:34,409
Well, she's not hurting you.
She's just upset, that's all.
295
00:17:34,409 --> 00:17:37,309
That's a lie. Who's upset?
Why should I be upset?
296
00:17:37,309 --> 00:17:39,409
It's going numb. Nora!
297
00:17:39,409 --> 00:17:43,049
Hold my hand, Cleggy goes to
pieces if he's grabbed by a woman.
298
00:17:43,049 --> 00:17:44,829
A man can get a nasty bite.
299
00:17:44,829 --> 00:17:46,829
No, let's approach this logically.
300
00:17:46,829 --> 00:17:49,109
Now when did you
last see your Wally?
301
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:52,049
It wasn't the last.
I shall see him again.
302
00:17:52,049 --> 00:17:55,569
I know I shall see him again.
It's not the end of the world
303
00:17:55,569 --> 00:17:58,189
because your husband goes
off with a bedding roll.
304
00:18:00,849 --> 00:18:04,969
Is it? Ah! Ah! She's done it again.
She's done it again.
305
00:18:04,969 --> 00:18:08,409
Nora! Nora, dear.
Don't distress yourself.
306
00:18:08,409 --> 00:18:12,529
No, no, no. No, no, no. Wally
would never abandon his pigeons.
307
00:18:12,529 --> 00:18:16,169
If there's anything we can do.
308
00:18:16,169 --> 00:18:19,529
Well... I'll have another
brandy and ginger ale.
309
00:18:28,349 --> 00:18:32,609
I think we owe it to those two
abandoned wives to find out
what's going on round here.
310
00:18:32,609 --> 00:18:34,129
You're quite right, Foggy.
311
00:18:34,129 --> 00:18:36,269
I'm feeling dead nosey, too.
312
00:18:38,929 --> 00:18:40,969
Where is he? Oooh!
313
00:18:40,969 --> 00:18:42,749
HE LAUGHS
314
00:18:46,249 --> 00:18:48,509
You know, I think I am
in love with Nora Batty.
315
00:18:57,209 --> 00:18:59,409
We saw him about here,
316
00:18:59,409 --> 00:19:01,129
and he went in that direction.
317
00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:13,489
Just watch me.
318
00:19:13,489 --> 00:19:15,109
You just watch me.
319
00:19:15,109 --> 00:19:18,189
I'm willing to take advantage
of every bit of natural cover.
320
00:19:26,889 --> 00:19:30,509
Look. Foggy's already
found something.
321
00:19:30,509 --> 00:19:33,549
That's a damn silly place
to let cattle wander.
322
00:19:34,969 --> 00:19:38,149
So that's what they mean when
they say, get your knees brown.
323
00:19:44,189 --> 00:19:46,389
Wood smoke.
324
00:19:46,389 --> 00:19:48,969
Oh, I though it were aftershave.
325
00:19:52,689 --> 00:19:54,889
Old habits die hard.
326
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,949
He's probably doing
a bit of cooking.
327
00:19:58,589 --> 00:20:00,689
For the little people of the forest.
328
00:20:00,689 --> 00:20:02,349
Ah, fairy chips.
329
00:20:08,769 --> 00:20:10,869
There's no-one here.
330
00:20:12,489 --> 00:20:14,489
There's no-one here. What? What?
331
00:20:14,489 --> 00:20:16,649
What do we do now?
332
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,749
What do we do now?
333
00:20:18,749 --> 00:20:20,809
We wait, right here.
334
00:20:20,809 --> 00:20:23,089
Well, we've got them
trapped, haven't we?
335
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:26,429
You see, wherever they are they've
got to come back to the fire,
336
00:20:26,429 --> 00:20:28,749
and we'll be waiting. Right here.
337
00:20:35,029 --> 00:20:37,509
What would happen
if the sun went out?
338
00:20:37,509 --> 00:20:40,509
There'd be a big rush
on gas heaters.
339
00:20:40,509 --> 00:20:42,809
It's not going to go out.
340
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:45,589
You can't be sure, it might.
341
00:20:45,589 --> 00:20:46,969
Like the power stations.
342
00:20:46,969 --> 00:20:52,209
So that's why he's been a scruff
all his life, no point in caring
if the sun's gonna go out.
343
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,149
Well, it might!
344
00:20:54,149 --> 00:20:56,669
How the dickens can the sun go out?
345
00:20:56,669 --> 00:21:01,109
Suppose God went...pfft!
346
00:21:01,109 --> 00:21:04,009
Happy birthday to us.
347
00:21:05,649 --> 00:21:07,709
I thought you didn't believe in God.
348
00:21:07,709 --> 00:21:11,349
Listen, with the kind of luck
I've been having
on the gee-gees lately,
349
00:21:11,349 --> 00:21:14,929
I believe in somebody who might
just think it's funny to go...pfft!
350
00:21:14,929 --> 00:21:18,929
Get off home. Don't be hanging
around my campfire, get off home!
351
00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:20,349
Is that you, Sid?
352
00:21:20,349 --> 00:21:22,549
Get off home.
353
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:26,309
Well, that's a nice attitude to
take to three regular customers.
354
00:21:26,309 --> 00:21:29,529
You can take hint, can't
you, when you're not wanted?
355
00:21:29,529 --> 00:21:35,209
Sid, we've been eating your food
for years, we couldn't have had
a bigger hint than that.
356
00:21:35,209 --> 00:21:36,989
A quid.
357
00:21:36,989 --> 00:21:39,029
Don't be ridiculous.
358
00:21:39,029 --> 00:21:40,609
Thirty bob.
359
00:21:40,609 --> 00:21:42,449
Durs't tha mean thirty bob each?
360
00:21:42,449 --> 00:21:46,389
Oh, shut up. We're not being a
party to any attempt at bribery.
361
00:21:46,389 --> 00:21:51,389
I tell thee what, Sid, for two quid
we'll go, and for three we'll drag
Foggy with us.
362
00:21:52,709 --> 00:21:57,629
I'm staying here. Eurgh,
he's got no flair for commerce.
363
00:21:57,629 --> 00:22:01,009
Oh, yes, but then he's had
his trouser knee in cow dung.
364
00:22:01,009 --> 00:22:03,509
Now that's bound
to unsettle your judgment.
365
00:22:03,509 --> 00:22:05,909
Listen, we're all mates, aren't we?
366
00:22:05,909 --> 00:22:07,789
Laa dee daaah. Laa dee daaah.
367
00:22:07,789 --> 00:22:11,289
Let us come and get our clothes on.
368
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:14,429
Clothes? Clothes?
369
00:22:14,429 --> 00:22:16,689
Ah, look!
370
00:22:16,689 --> 00:22:18,409
Wha-hey!
371
00:22:18,409 --> 00:22:20,529
My god, they have gone hippy.
372
00:22:20,529 --> 00:22:24,069
Hey! No wonder he offered us money.
373
00:22:24,069 --> 00:22:28,389
I bet them stinging nettles have
got him right up to his false teeth.
374
00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:33,389
How's he going to get home in that
condition if the sun goes out?
375
00:22:33,389 --> 00:22:37,469
Just throw our clothes over
here, there's a good mate.
376
00:22:37,469 --> 00:22:42,249
I tell you what we'll do,
we'll turn our backs and you
can come and get your clothes.
377
00:22:43,669 --> 00:22:46,149
We won't look. Are you sure?
378
00:22:46,149 --> 00:22:48,509
Of course we're sure.
You're not to look.
379
00:22:48,509 --> 00:22:50,309
No. Get on with it then, man.
380
00:22:54,009 --> 00:22:56,649
All right. I-I-I'm coming first.
381
00:22:56,649 --> 00:22:59,529
There won't be anything to see.
You've not got to laugh.
382
00:22:59,529 --> 00:23:03,229
As if we'd laugh.
I mean who's gonna laugh?
383
00:23:03,229 --> 00:23:05,589
The very idea. I'm coming.
384
00:23:05,589 --> 00:23:08,149
TOGETHER: Get on with it!
385
00:23:09,709 --> 00:23:13,609
Ey up! He's got bells on it.
386
00:23:16,369 --> 00:23:21,489
Really! Let's give him the benefit
of the doubt, they could be earrings.
387
00:23:21,489 --> 00:23:23,129
We said we wouldn't look.
388
00:23:23,129 --> 00:23:25,289
Agreed. Agreed.
389
00:23:34,829 --> 00:23:37,829
It's the kid!
390
00:23:37,829 --> 00:23:41,769
Is tha other suit at
the cleaners then, Sid?
391
00:23:41,769 --> 00:23:45,109
Pay no attention to them, Sid.
You really look quite...
392
00:23:45,109 --> 00:23:50,129
would you look at that hat?
393
00:23:50,129 --> 00:23:54,429
You said you wouldn't laugh.
394
00:23:58,609 --> 00:24:01,929
# He's got legs
that jingle-jangle jingle. #
395
00:24:01,929 --> 00:24:04,049
I knew folk would
think it was hilarious.
396
00:24:04,049 --> 00:24:06,269
They could be right.
397
00:24:07,869 --> 00:24:11,189
A man's gotta do
what man's gotta do.
398
00:24:11,189 --> 00:24:16,269
Is there much doing in stagecoach
and rodeo circles in this
neck of the wood, Sid?
399
00:24:16,269 --> 00:24:17,969
We're doing it for charity.
400
00:24:17,969 --> 00:24:21,649
Little Miss Charity,
the rancher's daughter,
401
00:24:21,649 --> 00:24:25,869
I bet she's been kidnapped
by these desperados. Mmm.
402
00:24:25,869 --> 00:24:31,109
And all the townsfolk got together
and elected Sid to form a posse.
403
00:24:31,109 --> 00:24:33,949
I mean, just look at the size
of him round the gun belt.
404
00:24:33,949 --> 00:24:36,089
That's a flaming posse.
405
00:24:36,089 --> 00:24:37,409
Watch it, short house.
406
00:24:38,569 --> 00:24:42,209
I suppose it'll be him who's been
rustling all those damned cattle
407
00:24:42,209 --> 00:24:45,509
and treading them where people
are bound to put their knees.
408
00:24:45,509 --> 00:24:49,069
Put your flamin' hands down.
You can't do anything round here
409
00:24:49,069 --> 00:24:52,389
without your mates die laughing.
That's why we're not doing it
410
00:24:52,389 --> 00:24:57,229
for our vicar, but for him at Little
Middlethong. What's tha doin' over
at Little Middlethong,
411
00:24:57,229 --> 00:25:01,129
robbing the Yorkshire Penny Bank?
We ought to warn the sheriff.
412
00:25:01,129 --> 00:25:03,889
Yeah, who is the sheriff
at Little Middlethong?
413
00:25:03,889 --> 00:25:08,049
Yeah, who is the head
honcho down there, hombre?
414
00:25:08,049 --> 00:25:11,369
That'd be her that runs the
Red Lion, she's tough enough.
415
00:25:11,369 --> 00:25:14,389
And look at the room she's
got for pinning a star on.
416
00:25:14,389 --> 00:25:20,549
Sid, will you kindly tell us what
a pie and mushy peas merchant is
doing in this hot tamale's outfit?
417
00:25:20,549 --> 00:25:23,389
If you must know,
we're part of a pageant.
418
00:25:23,389 --> 00:25:26,729
Heh, which part? We're giving
a fast-draw exhibition.
419
00:25:26,729 --> 00:25:29,289
I've been doing that
to Nora Batty for years.
420
00:25:29,289 --> 00:25:33,429
Fast-draw, gun twirling exhibition.
Ah well, of course, naturally, yes,
421
00:25:33,429 --> 00:25:37,809
it goes without saying, I mean,
what else would a bunch
of Yorkshire lads be doing?
422
00:25:37,809 --> 00:25:42,569
That. And we're also staging other
associated scenes of the prairie.
423
00:25:42,569 --> 00:25:46,229
You might as well come
out, the rest of you.
424
00:25:46,229 --> 00:25:48,989
Have they gone?
No, they haven't gone.
425
00:25:55,869 --> 00:25:58,029
Ey up, it's Wally Batty!
426
00:25:58,029 --> 00:26:02,769
Not Wild Wally Batty?
Howdy, old-timer.
427
00:26:02,769 --> 00:26:04,469
Press off!
428
00:26:06,909 --> 00:26:09,929
I knew it'd be a disaster.
Rubbish. They're only jealous.
429
00:26:09,929 --> 00:26:13,989
Every red-blooded male's got
a secret desire to get dressed up
like this.
430
00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:16,549
Well, them three in the trees
have had enough.
431
00:26:16,549 --> 00:26:21,109
You've got a strike on
your hands there, Tex.
432
00:26:25,949 --> 00:26:28,989
Come back, you three.
Where do you think you're goin'?
433
00:26:28,989 --> 00:26:31,909
You can't pack it in now,
we've got an audience waiting.
434
00:26:31,909 --> 00:26:35,509
Now look what you've done,
you've made me lose half my pageant.
435
00:26:35,509 --> 00:26:39,149
What's the vicar gonna say?
Reach for the sky? You what?
436
00:26:39,149 --> 00:26:41,389
Well, it's what he's
all about, isn't it?
437
00:26:48,429 --> 00:26:53,609
Hello. How nice of you to have come.
Are there any more of you? Oh, ho-ho.
438
00:27:04,529 --> 00:27:07,329
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon, Vicar.
439
00:27:08,729 --> 00:27:14,729
Me Big Chief Corporal Sign Writer.
Oh, yes. Very good.
440
00:27:14,729 --> 00:27:17,589
Ah, good afternoon!
441
00:27:23,029 --> 00:27:26,889
Me Mrs Chief Corporal Sign Writer.
442
00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:32,409
Ah! Ha-ha-ha.
443
00:27:32,409 --> 00:27:34,249
Good afternoon.
444
00:27:38,769 --> 00:27:41,389
Me Little Gaping Fly.
445
00:27:41,389 --> 00:27:45,129
He speak with forked tongue,
him Big Gaping Fly.
446
00:27:46,709 --> 00:27:50,129
Tomahawks.
447
00:27:50,129 --> 00:27:52,409
Moccasins to you, too.
448
00:28:29,689 --> 00:28:32,749
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
449
00:28:32,749 --> 00:28:35,729
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
36575
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