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1
00:00:38,140 --> 00:00:41,980
I don't dislike the smell of crisp,
warm linen.
2
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:49,900
I don't know whether to throw my
money away on Neptune's Lad at 12-1
3
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:54,400
or play safe and throw it all
away on the second favourite.
4
00:00:55,480 --> 00:01:01,560
Ironing is one of the few housewifely
skills I find I can take to.
5
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,020
Has thee ironed my tie, yet?
6
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:05,460
No, I'll do it next. Ta.
7
00:01:05,460 --> 00:01:08,240
It worries me a bit
that I've started to like ironing
8
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:12,420
because I'm terrified
that it means that I'm tampering
with me hormone balance
9
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:15,540
and I'm going to start
coming out in long eyelashes.
10
00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:23,280
Just give it a quick run-over.
11
00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:27,820
It looks as though
it has been run over.
12
00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:30,460
There's a lot of wear in that tie.
13
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,620
It's amazing what wear
there is in a tie.
14
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,180
Him from Stackpole Street
hung himself with a tie.
15
00:01:47,180 --> 00:01:49,600
So that's where you got it!
16
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,700
You might have undone the knot.
17
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:55,480
No. I bought that brand new
down the market to go
with a brown suit I had.
18
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,820
When have you ever had a suit
that went with anything brand new?
19
00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:01,100
I have not always been scruffy.
20
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,620
Well, you have mostly.
21
00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:04,960
Oh, aye, mostly.
22
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:09,400
I used to put the glamour
on sometimes for a bird,
but it didn't get me anywhere.
23
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:16,020
Why? It took me 52 weeks to
pay for the suit and the bird
only stayed a fortnight.
24
00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:17,700
She stayed a fortnight?
25
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,220
Aye.
WHISTLING
26
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,820
Look at that dozy pillock.
What's he supposed to be?
27
00:02:30,380 --> 00:02:32,480
Looks like a taxi driver.
28
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,640
A taxi driver,
with a whistle and a flag?!
29
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,900
A lion tamer.
30
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,220
For deaf lions.
31
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,600
A lollipop man!
32
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,780
That's what he is.
BOTH: A lollipop man!
33
00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:46,860
Get on your feet. Come on,
it's train time. Train time?
34
00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:50,760
Wake up that man.
We're in time for the grand opening
if you get your skates on.
35
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,120
What grand opening?
36
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:56,260
I nearly missed it.
I had no idea it was happening
until I ran into Arnold Watts.
37
00:02:56,260 --> 00:03:00,900
You ran into Arnold Watts?
I'm telling you.
I told you he was a taxi driver.
38
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:02,060
I ran into him on foot.
39
00:03:02,060 --> 00:03:08,060
You can't win with taxi drivers.
They miss you with a vehicle, they
get out and trample you to death.
40
00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:11,480
Stopped to pass the time of day
and he told me all about it.
41
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,560
So, will you kindly unplug your iron
and let's be on our way.
42
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,380
Told you all about what?
43
00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:17,680
About the grand opening.
44
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,280
I rushed back home
for my railway memorabilia,
45
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,100
then I dashed straight round here.
46
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:23,380
Come on. We'll be late.
47
00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:25,220
Where tha dragging us off to now?
48
00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:26,780
To a piece of history.
49
00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:31,120
Eh, you've not been going
out with Mrs Alsop again?
50
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,660
I've never been out with Mrs Alsop.
51
00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:34,880
I should think not.
52
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:39,020
Even Mr Alsop, God rest him,
rarely went out with Mrs Alsop.
53
00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:41,900
This is a piece of our heritage
I'm taking you to.
54
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:48,020
The Steam Preservation's
re-opening of the old railway line
from Keighley to Oxenhope.
55
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:52,400
Here, with real engines,
you lucky little man!
Steam, do you hear me? Steam!
56
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,960
I can't. I haven't got a spout.
57
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,680
That's not our impression. Come on.
I can't. He's ironing me tie!
58
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:01,720
He's finished your tie.
Give him his tie.
59
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,220
Oh, no, that's smashing. Ta.
60
00:04:05,220 --> 00:04:06,740
I think so, with all modesty.
61
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:19,480
Come on, that man.
We're nearly there.
62
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:24,440
Nearly where? That's the trouble
with the age of steam, Foggy.
63
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,860
People had to walk nearly everywhere.
64
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:29,840
Dear, oh, dear! You ask them
to walk a couple of miles...
65
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:32,640
Eh up, streaky. We ain't
all got legs like a giraffe.
66
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,740
Get a move on.
67
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:36,960
Just cos you can crop your food
way up in the trees,
68
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,640
that don't mean to say
we're all built like it.
69
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:41,440
He's got a point, Foggy.
70
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,520
I'm well aware he's got a point.
71
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:47,300
In those damn trousers, it's the
biggest wonder we can't all see it.
72
00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,040
What's wrong with me trousers?
73
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:52,660
They put railway engines
in smarter sheds than those.
74
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:57,400
10 miles by your legs
has got to be 15 by these.
75
00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,300
We haven't done
anywhere near 10 miles.
76
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:06,220
These legs are more your kilometre
size. God, I've gone metric.
77
00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:10,640
I defy anybody to tell me
what's wrong with my trousers.
78
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,220
Hey!
79
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,620
WHISTLING
80
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,700
Listen.
81
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:31,800
What? I heard a whistle.
82
00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:34,840
From his trousers?
83
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:39,000
No, not from his trousers.
A railway-engine whistle.
84
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,500
I promised you a treat.
85
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,420
Oh, aye. It's been a real treat!
86
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:48,240
Come and look, have a look.
87
00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:50,940
Oh, yeah.
88
00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:53,080
Marvellous.
89
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,120
Well worth walking miles to see
a bit of old railway line.
90
00:05:57,700 --> 00:05:59,800
It's been restored. Oh, great.
91
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,880
A bit of old restored railway line.
92
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,260
Don't tell me
this lunatic has brought us
93
00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:06,200
all this way
just to look at this!
94
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,000
You haven't seen anything yet.
95
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,400
My feelings exactly.
96
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,420
There's more to come.
97
00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:14,520
More than this old railway line?
98
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:18,680
Steady, Foggy. You keep
pouring on the excitement like this,
99
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,440
it's more
than flesh and blood can stand.
100
00:06:23,020 --> 00:06:26,940
I bring you to a piece of history
and all you can do is show contempt.
101
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:29,600
I wouldn't say that's all we can do.
102
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,240
He can whistle through his trousers.
103
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,240
She's coming.
104
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,320
They must be testing her.
105
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,320
What a stroke of luck! Oh, fab!
106
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,800
Were going to see a buffer train!
107
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,780
Yes, you are.
And you'll be grateful.
108
00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:57,880
You are about to see a steam engine.
109
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,400
A steam engine!
110
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,000
Lovingly restored.
111
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,680
The official re-opening of the line
and we can be part of it.
112
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,560
We can be among the passengers
on this first historic journey.
113
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,960
As long as we don't have to walk.
114
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,200
This is a big occasion.
115
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,140
That's why I would have liked you
to get dressed up a bit.
116
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:20,360
However, if you stick close to me,
I think we'll be all right.
117
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:21,680
I'm wearing my LNER cap.
118
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:25,940
What's the matter with you? Can't
you work up a bit of enthusiasm?
119
00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:28,960
Can't you feel your spine
tingling with pride?
120
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,960
I can feel the ache in my
spine from all that walking.
121
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:36,880
Mine's in me knee. I can
feel me knee stiff with pride.
122
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,560
Have you no regard
for the poetry of steam?
123
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,660
You see, round that bend
is a pretty little village
124
00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:46,220
and the cutest railway station
you've ever seen.
125
00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:49,720
Don't tell me there's nothing stirs
inside you at the thought of it.
126
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,880
Will there be a pub?
127
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,320
WHISTLING
128
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,180
Here she comes!
129
00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:01,300
Oh, look at this!
130
00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,800
What a stroke of luck
to be on the bridge
131
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,880
at the time they're giving her
a test run.
132
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,720
Oh, isn't she beautiful?
133
00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:14,360
That's not diesel. No, look at that.
134
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,900
That's steam.
135
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,120
Here we are to see it!
136
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,600
A grandstand view!
137
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,280
THEY COUGH AND SPLUTTER
138
00:08:49,660 --> 00:08:52,100
You stupid great...
139
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:54,080
WHISTLING DROWNS OUT VOICE
140
00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:57,920
That's not diesel.
141
00:09:04,340 --> 00:09:07,740
There'll be a pub in the village.
We can get clean in the washroom.
142
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:17,240
Well, it's made a really
nice start to the day.
143
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,020
Aye, and I hope
I don't meet anybody I know.
144
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:24,600
Perhaps there'll be a tap in here?
145
00:09:26,820 --> 00:09:31,000
A tap? Don't tell me
this place is licensed?
146
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,680
I don't mean room a taproom,
I mean tap water.
147
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,160
Oh, heck.
148
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,180
Right, come on, then.
149
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,160
Let's have a look.
150
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,140
Oh, yes.
151
00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:47,600
A filthy old hut.
152
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,580
Clever old Foggy's
found a filthy old hut.
153
00:09:52,580 --> 00:09:55,220
It's not just a filthy old hut.
154
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:59,300
No, it's falling to pieces as well.
Rubbish!
155
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,680
That's what it reminds me of,
rubbish.
156
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,920
They were built to last,
were these.
157
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:09,360
Get off! I have built better sheds
than this for my ferrets.
158
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,200
This is a right bog-hole.
159
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:15,020
There is a tap.
We can get cleaned up.
160
00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:18,080
You don't really think
that's going to work, do you?
161
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:22,580
The only thing round here
that I'm convinced is
never going to work is you.
162
00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:28,240
Got some filthy old water.
163
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,440
And a filthy old butler's sink.
What do you know about butling?
164
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:35,620
Our Ada used to wait at table.
165
00:10:35,620 --> 00:10:38,000
Which is more than you've ever done.
166
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,120
Haven't seen anyone so quick
off the mark to scoff as him.
167
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,420
There doesn't seem to be a towel.
168
00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:46,200
Oh, I am sorry about that.
169
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,660
And I apologise also for the absence
of bath salts and aftershave.
170
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,100
Aren't you going to wash?
171
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,700
Oh, no!
172
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,040
It's bad for my skin.
173
00:10:55,340 --> 00:10:58,540
No, anyway,
I have a feeling that washing today
174
00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:00,560
is going to be a waste of time.
175
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,680
He won't be told.
176
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:04,020
That's what they said about
my Uncle Arthur.
177
00:11:04,020 --> 00:11:08,380
When? Before he left for
South Africa to make his fortune.
178
00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:09,560
What happened?
179
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:13,360
He got as far as Southampton
and was knocked down by a tram.
180
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,780
Ended up marrying
the driver's sister.
181
00:11:15,780 --> 00:11:17,820
Why the driver's sister?
182
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,020
I suppose the driver
was already married.
183
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,580
You know, Foggy not only goes
filthy old train-spotting,
184
00:11:25,580 --> 00:11:29,600
he also goes filthy old
hut-spotting as well.
185
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,100
Look! Ahhh!
186
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,860
You know,
for the genuine enthusiast,
187
00:11:35,860 --> 00:11:39,540
there's something tremendously
atmospheric about places like this.
188
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:41,540
Yeah, I thought I smelt something.
189
00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:44,900
Smells like rat pee to me.
190
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,400
It's called nostalgia.
191
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,380
Is it? Oh well,
something must have nipped in,
192
00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:51,780
nostalgia-ed and nipped out again.
193
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:54,680
At least we hope
it's nipped out again.
194
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,380
It's sad to see the place
in this condition.
195
00:11:57,380 --> 00:12:02,840
What are you talking about?
Old railway sheds were always
in this condition. Tat.
196
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,200
Listen to who's
talking about being tat.
197
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,820
They were built in this condition.
He could be right, Foggy.
198
00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:11,040
Who builds places in this condition?
199
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,280
Your local authorities, mostly.
200
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,240
It's called "progress".
201
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,180
Used to take years to build a slum.
202
00:12:20,180 --> 00:12:24,380
Nowadays, they're building them
practically ready to wear.
203
00:12:24,380 --> 00:12:28,100
You know, we could spend our
weekends restoring all this.
204
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,460
Oh, I can't wait!
205
00:12:29,460 --> 00:12:31,360
Sounds irresistible, doesn't it?
206
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:35,620
Oh, he really knows how
to grab a fella's imagination.
207
00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:39,180
I suppose you'd just let it
fall down. Who's going to miss it?
208
00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:41,060
What about future generations?
209
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,540
HE LAUGHS
210
00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:45,500
I bet, in the past few years,
211
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:50,520
this old sofa's had a great deal
to do with future generations!
212
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,260
By the feel of them springs,
213
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:56,140
I reckon there's been a few
railway enthusiasts through here.
214
00:12:57,340 --> 00:13:00,180
Come off that! Come off it!
215
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:04,060
Get off it!
You can scoff if you like.
216
00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:06,220
There's nothing I'd like better
217
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:09,060
than to come here
for a few hours every week
218
00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:14,520
and just lie on this sofa with a
railway timetable and a flask of tea
219
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,720
and listen to the trains go by.
220
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,780
Oh, luxury.
221
00:13:20,540 --> 00:13:21,980
WHISTLING
222
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:24,440
She's coming back!
223
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:28,880
Talk about atmosphere,
We're in for a treat now!
224
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,660
No, I can't resist another look.
225
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:35,400
Come on.
226
00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:38,940
Oh, luxury!
227
00:13:52,780 --> 00:13:56,060
This is going to be one of those
magical days
228
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:59,180
we shall long keep
trying not to remember.
229
00:13:59,180 --> 00:14:02,360
Foggy has spotted
another old filthy train.
230
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:03,980
Come on, sunshine.
231
00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:06,340
Back to the draining board.
Oh, no. Not a wash!
232
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:11,034
Look at that little gem.
233
00:14:12,854 --> 00:14:17,954
Look at what? I can't see
anything for this railway engine!
234
00:14:19,534 --> 00:14:21,754
I mean the railway engine!
235
00:14:21,754 --> 00:14:24,754
Gee, I brought you out here
because now is a good time for us
236
00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:26,414
to look over this little marvel,
237
00:14:26,414 --> 00:14:30,054
while everyone else is inside at
the auction of railway miscellanea.
238
00:14:30,054 --> 00:14:32,474
Oh, great(!)
239
00:14:33,694 --> 00:14:37,914
Really sets the pulse racing, doesn't
it? Looking at railway engines.
240
00:14:37,914 --> 00:14:40,194
You'll not get near this
little beauty
241
00:14:40,194 --> 00:14:42,394
when all that mob
comes pouring out.
242
00:14:42,394 --> 00:14:44,474
Oh, Norm! Just imagine.
243
00:14:44,474 --> 00:14:47,954
We'll not get near
that little beauty
244
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:51,034
when the mob come pouring out.
245
00:14:51,034 --> 00:14:53,414
Can you smell her?
246
00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:57,394
Warm oil and steam.
247
00:14:58,994 --> 00:15:02,174
Oh, if they could only bottle that,
they'd make a fortune.
248
00:15:05,854 --> 00:15:07,894
There'd be shoals of middle-aged men
249
00:15:07,894 --> 00:15:11,314
dabbing it behind their ears before
they went out on a Saturday...
250
00:15:19,974 --> 00:15:24,034
Congratulations, Foggy,
on a superb backward flip.
251
00:15:24,034 --> 00:15:27,474
Come down, that man.
What are you doing up there?
252
00:15:27,474 --> 00:15:28,654
He's doing all right.
253
00:15:28,654 --> 00:15:30,414
How did you that steam to come out?
254
00:15:30,414 --> 00:15:32,414
Oh, it were easy.
I just pulled this!
255
00:15:35,494 --> 00:15:36,894
SILENCE
256
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,734
Oh, no. It couldn't have been that.
257
00:15:38,734 --> 00:15:40,434
Maybe it was this. Hang on.
258
00:15:40,434 --> 00:15:42,654
Will you let those levers alone
before...
259
00:15:49,154 --> 00:15:50,394
Where's he going?
260
00:15:53,314 --> 00:15:54,454
Do something!
261
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,054
INAUDIBLE SPEECH
262
00:15:57,054 --> 00:16:01,014
He'll get the hang of it.
He'll bring it back.
263
00:16:01,014 --> 00:16:02,774
He'll never get the hang of it.
264
00:16:02,774 --> 00:16:06,194
He hasn't got the hang of
paying for his television yet.
265
00:16:06,194 --> 00:16:09,434
Well, that's the last
we've seen of him in one piece.
266
00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:12,254
Oh, my God. He owes me money.
267
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:15,214
I don't care about the money.
268
00:16:15,214 --> 00:16:17,054
You do care about the money!
269
00:16:17,054 --> 00:16:18,614
Yes, I do care about the money.
270
00:16:18,614 --> 00:16:21,634
I mean, what kind of a world is it
if nobody cares about money?
271
00:16:25,974 --> 00:16:29,454
What the hell are you doing there?
I jumped, you dozy dollop!
272
00:16:29,454 --> 00:16:32,094
You didn't think
I was going to stay on there?
273
00:16:32,094 --> 00:16:35,154
Well, who's driving? Nobody.
274
00:16:35,154 --> 00:16:37,454
My God, we've got a runaway train.
275
00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:40,574
Don't just stand there.
Come on. We've got to catch it!
276
00:17:15,254 --> 00:17:18,574
Go on, then.
Get back up there and stop it.
277
00:17:18,574 --> 00:17:20,354
Eh up! Why me?
278
00:17:20,354 --> 00:17:23,174
Listen to him. "Why me?" indeed!
279
00:17:23,174 --> 00:17:26,694
Because you're the little herbert
that started it on its way.
280
00:17:26,694 --> 00:17:30,074
It's entirely your fault we're
in this embarrassing situation.
281
00:17:30,074 --> 00:17:31,974
Will somebody kindly get up there?
282
00:17:31,974 --> 00:17:36,734
Or how long are you planning to
take this engine for a walk?
283
00:17:36,734 --> 00:17:38,454
I can't get on when it's moving!
284
00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:40,774
It's because it's moving,
you little fool,
285
00:17:40,774 --> 00:17:42,434
that you've got to get up there!
286
00:17:42,434 --> 00:17:46,074
We've got to get this engine back
before anybody notices it's missing.
287
00:17:46,074 --> 00:17:47,154
On the other hand,
288
00:17:47,154 --> 00:17:50,214
we could always deny
any knowledge of a railway engine.
289
00:17:50,214 --> 00:17:52,474
Hey, that sounds reasonable!
290
00:17:52,474 --> 00:17:55,994
Or, if we got a move on,
and walked in front for a bit,
291
00:17:55,994 --> 00:17:59,234
we could always say
that it followed us.
292
00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:01,894
Go on. Jump. We're right behind you.
293
00:18:01,894 --> 00:18:04,734
I'm not jumping up there
while it's moving!
294
00:18:04,734 --> 00:18:06,434
Let's look at it logically.
295
00:18:06,434 --> 00:18:09,494
What's the worst that
can happen if you miss?
296
00:18:09,494 --> 00:18:11,594
You fall back and we catch you.
297
00:18:11,994 --> 00:18:16,154
There you are, you see!
On the other hand, you fall
under the engine and, er...
298
00:18:17,594 --> 00:18:19,134
Yuck!
299
00:18:19,134 --> 00:18:20,594
Only the good die young.
300
00:18:20,594 --> 00:18:22,254
Does he look the kind of person
301
00:18:22,254 --> 00:18:25,074
that's going to fall
underneath a railway engine?
302
00:18:25,074 --> 00:18:28,174
Go on. Jump up. Grab that handle.
303
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:31,974
You heard him.
Supposing I fall under!
304
00:18:31,974 --> 00:18:34,074
Who's going to
notice the difference?
305
00:18:34,074 --> 00:18:35,514
Ever since I've known you,
306
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:39,174
you've looked as though you've
just fallen under a railway engine.
307
00:18:39,174 --> 00:18:41,714
All right.
Stand back, everybody. Stand back.
308
00:18:43,014 --> 00:18:44,254
Good lad.
309
00:18:44,254 --> 00:18:47,614
Now, when we're ready to go,
I'll count to three.
310
00:18:47,614 --> 00:18:50,714
You can do it! Get on with it,
while I'm still cycled up for it!
311
00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:55,454
Does he want us to carry his hat
or his loose leg or anything?
312
00:18:55,454 --> 00:18:56,794
Oh, shut up.
313
00:18:56,794 --> 00:19:00,274
Here we go, then. One, two, three!
314
00:19:10,294 --> 00:19:15,074
It's no good. I can't do it.
COMPO SPLUTTERS
315
00:19:15,074 --> 00:19:17,874
It's no good.
316
00:19:17,874 --> 00:19:20,154
I couldn't reach.
317
00:19:20,154 --> 00:19:21,914
You didn't try!
318
00:19:23,554 --> 00:19:25,094
Do you think I've upset him?
319
00:19:25,094 --> 00:19:26,854
Maybe it was something you said.
320
00:19:26,854 --> 00:19:31,414
All right. He needs a little help.
321
00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:32,874
Come on!
322
00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:40,114
Oh!
323
00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:45,874
It's where I'm going
that I'm worried about!
324
00:19:47,314 --> 00:19:50,394
Stop struggling!
You're disturbing my concentration.
325
00:19:50,394 --> 00:19:53,974
It's not doing my concentration
much good, either.
326
00:19:53,974 --> 00:19:57,274
I never thought I'd be doing this.
327
00:19:57,274 --> 00:20:00,534
You hear about vandals
throwing things at railway engines.
328
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:04,754
You wouldn't find a vandal throwing
anything like this, though,
would you?
329
00:20:05,814 --> 00:20:08,094
It's no good, Foggy.
It's too dangerous.
330
00:20:08,094 --> 00:20:12,214
What's life without
the spice of danger? Longer!
331
00:20:12,214 --> 00:20:16,054
Come on. Bear up, that man.
How far can you fall?
332
00:20:16,054 --> 00:20:18,034
All the flaming way!
333
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:23,694
Here she comes.
334
00:20:23,694 --> 00:20:28,994
One, two, three. What?
335
00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:31,874
Three! Oh!
336
00:20:50,654 --> 00:20:52,394
Who missed his train, then?
337
00:21:02,574 --> 00:21:06,134
I've heard of running a railroad,
but this is ridiculous!
338
00:21:06,134 --> 00:21:07,814
BELL RINGS
339
00:21:07,814 --> 00:21:10,094
I think it's slowing down.
340
00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:11,114
I know how it feels!
341
00:21:12,134 --> 00:21:14,774
You're going up a gradient.
342
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:18,574
Sweet rosy old gradient!
343
00:21:18,574 --> 00:21:21,374
COMPO GRUNTS
Come on, that's the way, get on.
344
00:21:21,374 --> 00:21:23,294
Get on. Grab hold of that.
345
00:21:23,294 --> 00:21:25,294
That's it. Go on. Get up.
346
00:21:25,294 --> 00:21:28,174
Here, mind where you're
putting your hands! Up you go!
347
00:21:28,174 --> 00:21:30,174
COMPO GRUNTS
348
00:21:33,374 --> 00:21:34,914
Got you.
349
00:21:51,974 --> 00:21:53,634
Now, which one do we pull?
350
00:21:53,634 --> 00:21:55,014
How about none?
351
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:59,234
That's a good idea. I think so.
Especially as we've stopped.
352
00:22:02,114 --> 00:22:05,214
What are you talking about?
We've got get this thing back.
353
00:22:05,214 --> 00:22:07,554
Couldn't we wrap it up and post it?
354
00:22:07,554 --> 00:22:10,854
We could send it by rail.
355
00:22:10,854 --> 00:22:15,394
Look, they're waiting for this back
down the line. This is a big day.
356
00:22:15,394 --> 00:22:18,694
Aye. And it's been a big day
for me and all.
357
00:22:18,694 --> 00:22:21,854
I've been dropped off a bridge,
thrown at a railway engine...
358
00:22:21,854 --> 00:22:24,154
Proper little Pearl White.
359
00:22:25,694 --> 00:22:29,234
There are people waiting for this
at the next station down the line.
360
00:22:29,234 --> 00:22:31,674
The mayor is going to
be there with a band.
361
00:22:31,674 --> 00:22:34,814
The first thing to do is to
get some more coal on the fire.
362
00:22:36,414 --> 00:22:39,554
Right. Who's going to be stoker?
Guess.
363
00:22:39,554 --> 00:22:40,974
Well done, that man.
364
00:22:40,974 --> 00:22:43,034
Right, well, stand by.
365
00:22:43,034 --> 00:22:45,754
You know, before destiny
called me to be a soldier,
366
00:22:45,754 --> 00:22:49,094
I rather fancied myself as
the controls of the Flying Scotsman.
367
00:22:49,094 --> 00:22:55,314
Listen, Foggy, if you don't mind me
saying so, I think Walking Scotsman
would be quite fast enough.
368
00:22:56,374 --> 00:22:57,614
WHISTLING
369
00:22:57,614 --> 00:23:00,114
Oh, you dozy buttock!
370
00:23:00,114 --> 00:23:02,354
Now we know where the hooter is.
371
00:23:51,174 --> 00:23:56,434
Listen, Foggy, I could be wrong,
but if you want a layman's opinion,
372
00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:59,014
it seems to me that
we're going backwards.
373
00:23:59,014 --> 00:24:01,714
Of course we're going backwards.
374
00:24:01,714 --> 00:24:05,594
You don't do a three-point turn
in this sort of thing, you know.
375
00:24:05,594 --> 00:24:07,474
Who's looking where we're going?
376
00:24:07,474 --> 00:24:09,914
Nobody's looking where we're going.
377
00:24:09,914 --> 00:24:12,634
Great, great(!)
We know where we're going.
378
00:24:12,634 --> 00:24:15,314
We're taking this thing
back to where it came from.
379
00:24:17,954 --> 00:24:22,054
Ooh! You be careful what
you're doing with that shovel.
380
00:24:22,054 --> 00:24:24,294
I'm stoking the firebox!
381
00:24:24,294 --> 00:24:26,434
Well, you'll not find it there!
382
00:24:30,594 --> 00:24:34,674
Yes, well... You know, I think
I'm getting the hang of this.
383
00:24:34,674 --> 00:24:36,934
WHISTLING
384
00:24:36,934 --> 00:24:40,574
All right. You know where the
whistle is. What about the brake?!
385
00:24:40,574 --> 00:24:42,694
Don't you worry about the brake.
386
00:24:42,694 --> 00:24:45,214
Don't you let him talk
you out of it, Compo.
387
00:24:45,214 --> 00:24:47,414
You carry on worrying
about the brake.
388
00:24:47,414 --> 00:24:51,814
Nothing to it. When the time
comes, you simply pull...
389
00:24:51,814 --> 00:24:53,954
Well, one of these.
390
00:25:03,474 --> 00:25:07,034
Oh, my God.
Now, don't start to panic. Panic?
391
00:25:07,034 --> 00:25:08,754
When have you ever seen me panic?
392
00:25:11,954 --> 00:25:12,994
Oh, my God!
393
00:25:24,134 --> 00:25:25,794
WHISTLING
394
00:25:49,254 --> 00:25:52,134
Friendly crowd.
395
00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:54,654
Nice of them to wave,
under the circumstances.
396
00:26:08,474 --> 00:26:10,434
MUSIC:
Theme from Last Of The Summer Wine.
397
00:26:14,814 --> 00:26:17,074
WHISTLING
398
00:26:54,814 --> 00:26:57,474
BAND GRADUALLY STOPS PLAYING
399
00:27:18,134 --> 00:27:21,474
MUSIC:
Theme from Last Of The Summer Wine.
400
00:28:27,674 --> 00:28:30,614
I'm glad that's all over. Me too.
401
00:28:30,614 --> 00:28:34,194
Going to be a long time before
a go near another steam engine.
402
00:28:34,194 --> 00:28:36,794
ENGINE PUFFS
403
00:29:06,794 --> 00:29:09,794
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
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