All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S12E08.Wallys.Pen.Pal.1080p.WEB-DL.AMZN.H.264.DDP.2.0_track3_[eng]

[music playing]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

[music playing]

Here's Harriet.

[music playing]

Here's David.

[music playing]

And here's Rick.

[music playing]

Here they are, America's
favorite family, the Nelsons.

[music playing]

- Hi.

Harriet and I are
just going to take

it easy on this particular show
and let the second generation

take over.

- The story really
doesn't involve us,

so Ozzie and I are just
going to lean back and join

you folks as viewers.

The family acting chores
are taken care of by Rick,

and Dave directs
this one, doesn't he?

- Yeah, he sure does.

It's called "Wally's Pen Pal,"
and I think you'll enjoy it.

- It's a real good show.

[music playing]

- Hi, Jack.

- Hi, Rick.

[music playing]

Hey, that's not for you, I hope.

- No, it's for Wally.
Did he come in yet?

- Yeah.

He's sitting right over
there in the first booth.

- Oh yeah.

Would you bring over
a chocolate malt?

- Sure.
Coming right up.

[music playing]

- Hi, lover boy.

- Oh hi, Rick.

Hey, you got a letter for me.
- Yeah.

Sure smells good, doesn't it?
- Yeah.

It's from Gloria.
- Yeah.

I noticed her name
on the envelope.

You're still getting
letters from her, huh?

- Yeah, every once in a while.

The poor girl can't help it.

She's crazy about me.

[music playing]

- Have you told Ginger about
this poor crazy mixed-up kid?

- Are you kidding?

You think I want two
black eyes, a broken nose,

and a possible skull fracture?

[laughter] Why do you ask?

- She just came in.
- Oh, great.

[laughter]
- Hi, Ginger.

- Hi, Rick.
- Oh, hi, honey.

- Hi, fatso.
- Sit down.

- Thank you.

- Would you like a malt?
- Yeah.

Sounds good.

- Would you bring another
straw, please, Jack?

- Big spender.

Say, I understand you're
having a little party

over at your fraternity
tomorrow night.

- Yeah, we are.

- Well, aren't you
going to invite me?

- Of course, honey, but
give me a chance, will you?

After all, it's not
until tomorrow night.

- Here you are, folks.

- Thanks, Jack.

- You know, sometimes I get
the feeling you don't trust me.

- Of course I do, sweetie.

And what's in that letter?

- What letter?

- The one you're hiding
in your notebook.

- Oh.

[laughter] Oh, that.

Oh.

Um, would you believe it if I
told you it was a phone bill?

- No, I wouldn't.

[laughter]

- It's a letter from a pen pal.

- A pen pal?

- Yes.

The silliest thing.

You see, this girl and I
started writing to each other

when we were in
junior high school.

And now, I still get a letter
from her every once in a while.

- How come this is the first
time I've heard about it?

- Well, I just didn't
think it was important.

In fact, I've never
even met the girl.

I'd offer to let you
read this, but I know

you're not the snoopy type.

- Who says so?

- Besides, I haven't
even read it myself yet.

- What difference
does that make?

- Well, as I say, I've
never even met the girl.

In fact, I probably
never will meet her.

- At least, not until 1:30
tomorrow at the airport.

- What's this?

- Don't "what's this" me.

So that's why you didn't
invite me to the party.

Well, have a nice time with
your pen pal, lover boy.

I hope she's 6' 2"
and weighs 300 pounds.

[laughter]

- But, honey!

- Forget it.

[music playing]

- How do you like that?

That's what I get for
telling the truth.

- Well, you can't really blame
her for being a little upset.

- Yeah, but did she
have to drink my malt?

[laughter]

- Here, be my guest.

- Oh, thanks.

- Now, what was this about the
girl meeting at the airport

tomorrow?
- Yeah.

She's got an hour
layover between planes.

She wants me to meet her
and maybe have lunch.

- Well, then what's
Ginger so upset about?

The girl's just going to
be in town for an hour.

- I guess she didn't
read that part.

- Well, she just left.

Maybe you can catch
her and explain it.

- Are you kidding?
Let her suffer.

Besides, she'll
come running back.

- Hey, Wally?
- Yeah.

- Got a message for
you from Ginger.

- There, you see?

What did I tell you?

- Just two little words.
- No.

No.

You mean three little
words, don't you?

- No, two.

"Drop dead."

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Uh, Rick?

- Holy smokes, what are
you all dressed up for?

- I got to meet
somebody at the airport.

Rick--

- That's a pretty
jazzy-looking coat.

- Yeah.

It looks like
somebody shot a couch.

[laughter]

- Rick, I got to see you.

- Oh, wait a second.

- Yeah, but this is urgent.

- OK, what is it?

- Well--
- Go ahead.

You're among friends.

- Besides, we won't listen.

- Well, about three
years ago, Gloria

sent me a picture of herself and
asked me to send her one of me.

She's a very attractive
girl, incidentally.

- OK, what's your problem?

- Well, at the time, I
didn't have any particularly

flattering pictures of myself,
so I sent her a picture of you.

- Me?

- Hey, you know something?

You're a lot smarter
than I thought.

[laughter]

- Wait a second, you mean
you sent her a picture of me?

- Well, don't worry, I
signed my name to it.

- Well, thanks a lot.

- Well, after all, I want
to make a good impression

on the girl.

And in those days,
I just happened

to be a little overweight.
- In those days?

- Come on, you guys aren't
supposed to be listening.

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

Fellas, stop
listening, will you?

- Well, anyway, I have
this snapshot of you

and it just seemed to fit
better in that thin envelope.

[laughter]

OK, so I made a little mistake.

- Little mistake?

What are you going to
do when she sees you?

- Well, that's what I
want to talk to you about.

I thought maybe I could borrow
one of your sport coats.

After all, I do look a little
bit like you, don't you think?

- Wait a minute.

Hey, maybe there is
a slight similarity.

- There is?
- Well, sure.

- Yeah.

I think I see what you mean.

- Gee, I just can't see it.
- Quiet, please.

Don't be so disrespectful.
- Yes.

[laughter]

Let's see.

Suck in your cheeks.

That's good.

Let's do something
about that bay window.

- Oh.

[laughter]

You got to warn me when
you're going to do that.

- Come on, Wally.
We're really try to help you.

- OK, OK.

- Yeah.
That's better.

- It's too bad he isn't
a little bit taller.

- Oh, that's easy to fix.

- Yeah.

- Up you go.

[music playing]

[laughter]

- I can't go around with
books under my feet.

- We'll get you some lifts.
I know what it is.

His hair's all wrong.
- I'll fix that.

What about his shoulders?

- What shoulders?

- That's what I mean.

Just needs a little padding.

[music playing]

- And while we're at it,
we're going to do something

about those eyebrows.

Hey, this ought to do it.

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Well, what do you think?

- You want my honest opinion?

- Yeah, sure.

- It's hopeless.

[laughter]

- Good luck, old boy.
- Yeah, you're going to need it.

- Now, wait a minute, you guys.

Come back here.

Fine bunch of friends they are.

- Well, it's your own
fault. You had no right

to send her my picture
in the first place.

- Well, I realize that now.

Hey, I just had a great idea.

- Oh, no you don't.
- Wait a minute.

You haven't even heard it yet.

- Well, I could tell by
that look in your eye

you want me to take your place.
And you can forget it.

I'm a married man.

- Well, what's that
got to do with it?

You won't be going down
there as you, Rick Nelson.

You'll be going as
me, Wally Plumstead,

and he's not married.
- Forget it.

- Yeah, but I'll go with you.

I'll go as Rick
Nelson, your friend.

You are my best
friend, aren't you?

- Of course I am, but there's
a limit to everything.

- Look, I'm not asking you to
go out on a date with a girl.

We'll just meet
her at the airport,

buy her a sandwich or something,
put her on the next plane,

and nobody's the wiser.

- I don't know why I let you
talk me into these things.

- Oh, thanks a lot, Rick.

You're a real pal.

- A little soft
in the head, too.

Wait a second, didn't
you say something

about buying lunch out there?

Who's going to
pick up the check?

- Listen, when Wally
Plumstead invites someone

to have lunch with him, Wally
Plumstead picks up the check,

and you're Wally Plumstead.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Flight 14 now
arriving at gate 3.

- Hey, that's her plane.

Now, what's her father's name?
- Walter.

- That's right.
Now, what's her sister's name?

- She doesn't have a sister.

She's got a little brother
named George who spills

ice cream all over everything.

- What about her hobbies?

- Well, she likes crossword
puzzles, water skiing, tennis,

and dancing.
- Right.

Now, what about my hobbies?

- Well, let's see, motorcycle
racing, Bronco busting,

and parachute jumping.

- Wait you forgot
thermonuclear physics.

- Yeah, on purpose.
- Well, never mind.

I only mentioned it once anyway.

Now, let's review
this once more.

- Come on, Wally.

I've been over this
about 50 times.

I know it backwards.
- No, you don't.

You see, you just
called me Wally.

- Look, I promise you I
won't make any mistakes.

Pull yourself together.

- OK, OK.

I'm fine.

Boy, I sure
appreciate this, Rick.

- Stop calling me Rick.
- Oh, yeah.

I mean Wally.
Oh gosh.

Here she comes.

Wally?
- Oh.

Hi, Gloria.

- Isn't this exciting?

I can't believe we're really
meeting after all these years.

- Yeah.

65 letters, 12 notes, 4
birthday cards, 3 valentines.

- Right.

Oh, excuse me.

- That's a good friend
of mine, Rick Nelson.

He knows all about us.
- Well, hi, Rick.

It's nice to know you.
- Oh, thank you.

Rick's told me all about you--

That is, Wally.

- Oh, thank you.

It's awfully nice of you
to come all the way down

here and meet me.
- Oh, it's my pleasure.

I've been looking forward to it.

- Yeah, me too.

- It isn't every day I get
met by the student body

president, who also happens to
be captain of the football team

and editor of the school paper.

- Oh, yeah.

[laughter]

Would you like to
have some lunch?

- Oh, no thanks.

They served his
lunch on the plane.

- Gee, it's too bad you
have to take off so soon.

We're having a little party
down at the fraternity tonight,

and I know I'd love to--

Wally here would
love to take you.

- Yeah, I sure would.

- Gosh, you fellas
are way ahead of me.

- What do you mean?

- Well, I have a little
surprise for you.

- A surprise?
- Yes.

It seems there's an old
friend of my mother's

who lives in town
here, and she just

insists that I stop
by and see her.

- Oh, you think we'll have
time to drive you over there

before your plane leaves?
- Yeah.

We'd love to drive you over.

- Oh, I have plenty of time.

You see, she's invited
me to stay overnight.

- Overnight?
- Tonight?

- Yeah.

[laughter]

- Gee.

- So I'd just love to go
to the party with you.

It sounds like fun.

- Well yeah.

It sounds great.

- Come on.

We better get my luggage.

- Flight 7 for Mexico City
now boarding at gate 2.

[laughter]

[music playing]

[clapping]

- Look, I'm a married
man now, and I

have no intention of taking
this girl to the dance.

- But it's only for one night.

Come on, Wally.
Please?

- I'm not Wally.

- I'm sorry.

It's just coming
so naturally now.

[laughter]
- Well, forget it.

Look, I met this
girl at the plane.

I bluffed my way from
skydiving to wild boar

hunting with bow and arrow.

I drove her over to her
mother's friend's house,

and that's all I'm going
to do and that's final.

- You mean, you don't think
she's an attractive girl?

- Well, of course she is.

That just makes it even worse.

- Look, I'll bet
if you call Kris

and explain the whole situation
to her, she'd say go ahead.

- Well, why don't you take her?
She's your pen pal.

- Well, you know darn
well I can't do that.

She thinks you're
Wally, and I must

say you gave a beautiful
performance at the airport.

- Well look, just
tell her the truth.

Tell her you sent my picture
as a harmless little joke.

She'll understand.
She seems like a real nice girl.

- Oh, she is.

- Well, then tell her.

After all, it's not just
the picture she likes.

It's the guy who's been
writing the letters.

- You really think so?

- Well, it makes
sense, doesn't it?

Come on.

There's the phone booth
and I got the dime.

Call her up right now
before you change your mind.

- OK, give me a chance to figure
out what I'm going to say,

will you?

Hi.

This is Wally.

No that'd be too confusing.

Hi.

This is Rick, but not the
Rick you think is Rick.

It's the Wally
you think is Rick.

[laughter]

- It's better if you just
tell it to her straight

without the jokes.

- You sure you
wouldn't like to--

- Positive.
[laughter]

- I'll think of something.

Let me have the
number, will you?

- Well, I'm glad
you reminded me.

I might have gone home with it.

[music playing]

- Hello.

May I speak to Gloria, please?

Thank you.

I guess you're right.

This is probably the
best way out of it.

Gloria?

Hi, this is-- uh.

This is Rick Nelson,
you know Wally's friend?

- Wally.

[laughter]

Wally.

[music playing]

- Well, it's all settled.

- Look, without going into
detail, just tell me one thing,

am I involved?

- Absolutely not.

- Good, that's all
I wanted to know.

- Just a second, not so fast.

As I say, you're not involved
in this, but Rick Nelson is.

Rick Nelson is taking
her to the party.

- Oh, no I'm not.

- Not you, me.

She still thinks I'm
you and you're me,

and I arranged to take her to
the party because you're sick.

[laughter]

That is, Wally's sick.

- That's for sure.

Sicker than you think.

- Look, why didn't you
just tell her the truth?

- Well, the way I figure she's
only going to be in town one

night, and as long as
she still thinks I'm you

and you're me, why confuse her?

- Well, in the
first place, you'll

never get away with it,
not at your own fraternity.

- Oh, yeah?

The guys will back me up.

They better.

I owe 'em all money.
[laughter]

- So what if she
changes her mind

and wants to go to the
dance with you after all?

- Well, then she's
just out of luck.

She already turned me down.

Say, there's just one thing.

If you're supposed to be
sick and you showed up,

it would ruin the whole thing.

- Are you kidding?

Believe me, you have
my word, Rick old boy.

Wally Plumstead will
not be at the dance.

- Now you're talking.

[laughter]

[music playing]

OK, you guys.
Here we come.

- OK.

Do we have to go
through this again?

- Well, we might
as well humor him.

- Hi, Kent.
- Hi, Rick.

- Oh, that's good.

Kent McQuarter, I'd like
you to meet Gloria Stevens.

- It's certainly a pleasure to
make your acquaintance, Miss

Stevens.

You sure are a
lucky girl to have

a swell guy like Rick pinch
hit for Wally, who is sick.

[laughter]

[clapping]

- Maybe you better
forget the speech.

Why don't you just say hello?

- Or better still, just wave.

[music playing]

- Hi there, Fred.
Enjoying the party?

- Oh, hi, Rick.
I sure am.

Thank you very much.

Aren't you going
to introduce me?

- Oh, sure.
Fred, this is Gloria.

- Charmed I'm sure.
May I kiss your hand?

- Oh, please.

My nails have just been buffed.
- Oh.

Sorry.
[laughter]

Have you met Geraldine?

She's my date for this evening.

- Good evening.

[laughter]

- I sure can't say much for the
date you guys brought along.

[laughter]
- Hi.

- Hi, Wally.

- No, no, no.

I'm not Wally.
I'm Rick.

Rick Nelson.

- You're Rick?

Well, who's he?

- Gloria Stevens.
[laughter]

- Gloria Stevens?

- Never mind her.

Geraldine will
explain it to you.

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Hi, Rick.

- Oh, hi, Dink.

- Hi, Rick.

- Hi, Kent.

- It's a wonderful party.

- Oh, thanks.

I'm glad you're enjoying it.

- It's too bad
about Wally, though.

I sure hope he feels better.

You sure and tell him I was
asking for him, won't you?

- Oh yes, of course.

[clapping]

- When you see
Wally, call him Rick.

- But what happens
if I see Rick?

- We'll all run.

[laughter]
- Hi, Rick.

- Hi, Margie.
Hi, Fred.

- Oh.
Hi, Rick.

- Have you met Gloria,
Gloria Stevens?

This is Margie and Fred.
- Hi.

- Hi.

- Phone call for Rick Nelson.

Will Rick Nelson please
come to the phone?

- Rick?
- Where?

[laughter]

Oh yes, of course.

Excuse me, please.

- May I get you something?

- Not right now, thanks.

It's a real good
party, isn't it?

- Oh yes.
I'm having a wonderful time.

- Good.

- Hello?

- Is this Rick Nelson?

- Who wants to know?

- Rick Nelson.
[laughter]

- Oh.
Hi, buddy.

What's up?

- Well, I was just
wondering how it was going.

Am I having any
fun at the dance?

- Oh, yeah.

You're having a ball.
[laughter]

- How do you know
Wally Plumstead?

- Oh sure.
We're all fraternity brothers.

- Oh Fred?
- Oh.

Hi, Betty.

- Pardon me, do
you happen to know

is Rick Nelson here tonight?

- Oh, well, yeah.

- Oh, great.
Do you think he'll think for us?

- Oh.
Gee, I don't know, Betty.

I don't think he's
feeling very well.

- Well, he seemed fine to me.
Does he sing?

- Oh, sure.
He sings great.

- Come on.

Let's spread the word so
he can't turn us down.

- Hey, just a second, girls.
- What's the matter?

- Oh, nothing.
- Everything.

Excuse me.
[laughter]

- Yeah.

Everybody's calling me
"Rick" and everything.

It's really working well.

Look, I'd better
get back to Gloria.

I don't want any of these
wolves moving in on me.

- OK.
Good luck.

- OK, and thanks for everything.
- Hey, Wally.

- Don't call me Wally, I'm Rick.

- I think you're going to
want to be Wally again.

- What are you talking about?

- The word is spreading
around that Rick's

going to sing tonight.

- You mean here at the dance?
- Where else?

- Oh, no!

Did you hear that, Rick?
- Don't call me Rick, I'm Wally.

- Careful.
Here comes Gloria.

- Oh, what am I going to do?
You know I can't sing.

- Rick?
- Oh, hi.

- You didn't tell
me you could sing.

- Well, I can't.

- Oh, come on now.

Don't be so modest.

Everybody says you
sing just great.

I'll tell the girls.

- Just a second.

Get him over here, will you?
- What do I tell him?

- Tell him the
situation is desperate.

Tell him anything.

Just get him over here.
- Come on.

Everybody's waiting.

- Yeah, but I don't have
my music or anything.

Gloria?
[laughter]

- This is Fred.
- Oh.

Hi, Fred.

- Hey, did you
hear what happened?

- Well, I got the general idea.
You think I better come over?

- Yeah.
Listen, I'll meet you outside.

Oh, and bring your guitar.

[music playing]

- Hurry up, will you?

- I thought we were
trying to stall.

- It's all set now.

- OK.

[drumroll]

Attention, everybody.

May I have your
attention, please?

We have a special
surprise for you tonight.

Rick Nelson is going
to sing for us.

[clapping]

- Oh, thank you.

Thank you.
- Here you are, Rick.

You forgot your guitar.

- Thanks.

[clapping]

OK, fellas.

How about "Have I Told You
Lately That I Love You."

- What key?

- Oh, same old key.

[music playing]

- [SINGING] Have I told
you lately that I love you?

Would you tell you
once again somehow?

Have I told you lately
that I love you?

Well darling, I'm
telling you now.

[laughter]

[music playing]

[SINGING] Have I
told you lately when

I'm sleeping every dream
I dream about is you?

- Hey, what's going on here?
- Shhhh.

[music playing]

[SINGING] Have I told
you lately I love you.

[laughter]

[music playing]

[SINGING] Well, darling,
I'm telling you now.

This heart of mine would break.

[sneezing]

[SINGING] If you
should leave me.

[laughter]

[SINGING] Without
out you anyhow.

[laughter]

[SINGING] Here have I told--

[laughter]

[music playing]

[clapping]

- Well, it sure has been
an interesting evening.

A little confusing
and pretty nutty,

but it's been a lot of fun.

- Are you sure you're not mad?

- Oh, are you kidding?

I wouldn't have missed
it for the world.

And don't forget now, you
promise to send me a picture,

a real one of you I mean.

- Oh, don't worry.

I will just as soon as I get
one that does me justice.

[laughter]
- Goodnight, Wally.

Thanks for a wonderful evening.

[music playing]

- Thank you.

- Goodnight, Rick.

- Oh, goodnight, Gloria.

- I'll mail your
picture back to you.

No, don't do that.

Just burn it and
scatter the ashes.

[laughter]

- Goodnight.

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- Oh, hi, Rick.

- Oh, hi, Wally.

- I didn't wake
anybody up, did I?

- No, I just got in
and Kris is asleep.

- I just wanted to
thank you once again.

Boy, you really have been
a lifesaver for me today.

- Oh, that's OK.

I'm glad everything seemed
to turn out all right.

- Rick?

- Yeah.

- I hate to ask you this.

You've done me so
many favors already.

- Go ahead.

- Well, there's just one
little situation that still

needs to be straightened out.
- What's that?

- Ginger.

- You mean you haven't told
her anything about this?

- Well, not yet,
but you know Ginger.

She's a good kid.

I'm sure you can
explain it to her.

- Look, you explain
it to her yourself.

Don't forget she was pretty
mad when she stomped out

of the malt shop.
- Well, what do you suggest?

- I suggest you put on a face
mask and a bulletproof vest

and go over there and tell
her exactly what happened.

- You mean tonight?
- Why not?

The sooner you get it
over with the better.

- Well, for one thing,
everybody's asleep over there

now.

The lights are all out
and the doors are locked

and the phones are shut off.
- Hey.

I just got a great idea.

- Yeah, and I know I'm
not going to like it just

by the way you said it.
- No, listen.

I'll meet you right outside the
sorority house in 10 minutes.

And bring my guitar with you.
- Your guitar?

- Yeah.
I'll see you in 10 minutes.

- Rick?

Rick?

[music playing]

You do think this is a
good idea, don't you?

- Sure.

You know how girls are.

They love things like this.

It's very romantic.

- Well, OK.

- Which is her window?

- That one right there.

Now don't pitch it too high.

- OK, you ready?

- Yeah.

Go ahead.

- [SINGING] Have I told do
you lately that I love you?

Could I tell you again somehow?

Have I told you lately love
you, love you, love you?

I--

Hey, she loves me
and she forgives me.

I love you, honey.

Do you love me?

- You know I do sweetie.

Where are you?

I can't see you very well.

- Right here, sugar plum.

Can you see me now?

- Stay right there.

I want to throw you a flower.

- She wants to
throw me a flower.

[music playing]

[laughter]

- And here's some
water to go with it.

[laughter]

[clapping]

[music playing]

- [SINGING] I will gather
stars out of the blue for you.

Yes, baby, for you.

I'll make a string of pearls
out of the dew for you.

Yes, baby, for you.

Over the highway and over the
street, carpets of clover I'll

lay at your feet.

Oh well, there's nothing in this
world I wouldn't do for you.

Yes, baby, for you.

Over the highway and over the
street, carpets of clover I'll

lay at your feet.

Oh, well there's nothing in this
world I wouldn't do for you.

Yes, baby, for you.

Oh, I wouldn't do.

Yes, baby, for you.

Oh, I would do.

Yes, baby, for you.

[cheering]

[music playing]

- Tonight's Adventures
of "Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by the dairy
farmer members of the American

Dairy Association.

- You never outgrow your
need for milk's vitality.

- Join us in a glass now.

[music playing]