All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S11E23.The.Womens.Club.Bazaar.1080p.WEB-DL.AMZN.H.264.DDP.2.0_track3_[eng]

[music playing]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Ricky.

[music playing]

Here they are, America's
favorite family, the Nelsons.

[music playing]

- Oh, hi, girls.

- Hi, Mrs. Nelson.
- Come on in.

- Thank you.

My mother said to
give these to you.

- Oh, thank you, dear.
Are these the pot holders?

- Yes, ma'am, for the bazaar.

- Oh, they're lovely.

Tell your mother
they're very nice.

I'm sure we'll sell
these right away.

- I made a couple,
too, but my mother

said she wanted to keep those.

- Oh, well, I think
these will be enough.

- Mrs. Nelson?

- Yes, dear?

- Are you making
cookies for the bazaar?

- Well, not this
year, but I have some

here if you'd like some.

- Oh, gee, thanks.

- Yeah, me, too.

- There you are.

Help yourself.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
I'll see you at the bazaar.

- OK
- OK.

- Bye.

- Be sure to tell your
mother I said thank you.

- OK.
- Bye.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- What's that, a meeting
of the ladies auxiliary?

- Just about.

We were talking
about the bazaar.

- Oh, are these the neckties
you've knitted for it?

Very nice.
- Thanks.

They're pot holders and you
just bought yourself three.

[laughter]

- I imagine you gals will do
all right this year, as usual.

- Well, I hope so.

- Anybody home?

- Oh, hi, Clara.

Come on in and sit down.

- I can only stay a minute.

I just stopped by to drop
off this yarn for you.

- Oh, thank you, dear.
- Hi, Clara.

- Hi, Oz.

- Well, what are you making
for the bazaar this year?

- I'm glad you asked me.

Not a darn thing.

[laughter]

- Come on, now, that's
not the proper attitude.

- Well, it is as far
as I'm concerned.

I worked my fingers
to the bone last year,

and I didn't sell one thing.

- Oh, I'm sure you must have
sold a couple of those...

Let's see, you made the--

- Sequined coat hangers.

- Oh, yeah.

Well, didn't we
buy one of those?

- Nobody did.

- Well, I'm sure I have a couple
of them upstairs in my closet.

- Joe gave them to
you for your birthday.

- Oh.

Well, you see, somebody
got some of them.

- But nobody bought any.

- Well, why don't you try
something else this year?

- No, thank you.

I have no intention of
flopping two years in a row.

- Oh, come on, Clara, you
ought to do something.

- Well, I just can't think
of anything I could do.

- Well, why don't you go
down to the hobby shop

and look around down there?
I bet you could find something.

- Are you kidding?

I could never put one of those
model airplanes together.

[laughter]

- They've got lots of
other things down there.

- How about sandpainting?

That looks like fun.

They usually turn
out pretty nice.

- Well, I just don't think
I have the patience--

waiting around for low tide...

[laughter]

- How about ceramics?

- Well, now, wait a minute,
that might not be a bad idea.

You know, I hate
to brag, but I used

to make the best mud
pies on our block.

[laughter]

- You're probably a natural.

- Hi, everybody.

- Hi, honey.

- Oh, hi, Joe.

- I hate to sound like an
unreasonable husband, dear,

but when are you going to
get home and start dinner?

- As soon as I go down
and get some clay.

- For dinner?
[laughter]

- No, for the Women's Club I'm
going to make some ashtrays.

- Some what?
- Oh, never mind.

I got to go.

I want to get to the hobby
shop before it closes.

- Now, just a second.
What about dinner?

- I'll be right back.

Besides, I'm not hungry.

I'll see you later.

[laughter]

- Joe, why don't you
stay here for dinner?

- Oh, no, thanks, Harriet.

She'll be back.

But what's this about ashtrays?

- Well, I think she's going
to make some for the bazaar.

- Whose idea was this?

[music playing]

[laughter]

- I guess maybe I suggested it.

- Well, thanks a lot, old pal.

I just spent the
whole week talking her

into not making anything.

- What's the idea of that?

- You mean you don't
remember those coat

hangers from last year?

- Oh, well, they don't
look too bad once you

get the coats over them.

- Besides, that was
probably just a bad choice.

I'm sure she'll do
better with the ashtrays.

- Well, let's hope so.

Meanwhile, I better get home
and start defrosting our dinner.

[laughter]

- OK.
Good bye.

- See you, Joe.

- Bye, Joe.

- Good bye.

- Well, there's
one thing for sure.

We're going to get an ashtray.

- Not necessarily.

If they don't turn out
well, we won't buy any.

- Either way we get one.

If they turn out well,
we'll have to buy one.

If they don't, they'll give
me one for my birthday.

[laughter]

- Hey, Oz.

- Oh, hi, Joe.

- Hi.

- Where have you and
Clara been hiding?

- Oh, we've been around.

- How's she making
out with the ceramics?

- That's what I want
to talk to you about.

Would you mind
following me, please?

- Following you, what for?

- Would you mind, please?

- I'd like to say
hello to Harriet first.

- It'll just take a
couple of minutes.

- OK.

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

OK, very funny.

Now, what's the gag?

- You'll see.

You were just asking
about Clara's ceramics.

- Oh, these are--

- Ashtrays.

[laughter]

- All right.

- Only because I told you.

- And you say Clara made these?

- With her own little thumbs.

[laughter]

- They're not so bad.

- Would you buy one?

- Well, that's not
a fair question.

I don't smoke.
- Stop avoiding the issue.

You know as well
as I do, nobody's

going to buy any of this junk.

- OK, so nobody buys it,
what's the big tragedy?

- Oh, that's easy
for you to say,

but I happen to be
married to Clara.

And you know darn well
she'll find some way

to blame this on me.

- You think she's
different than other wives?

That's one of the
blessings of married life.

- Oh, come on, Oz, stop
changing the subject.

- What do you want
me to do about it?

- Oh, gee, thanks,
Oz, would you?

[laughter]

- Would I what?

- I have a wonderful idea.

- I don't like it.

- You haven't even heard it yet.

[laughter]

- OK, what do you want me to do?

- Well, suppose you
saw these ashtrays,

and you liked them
so much, you decided

to buy them all right now.

- Buy these?

- Yeah, before anybody else
gets a chance to see them.

I'll reimburse you for them.

And that way, Clara
will be happy,

the Girls Club
will get the money,

and nobody will be the wiser.

- And you will reimburse me?

- Of course, I will.

Now look, we'll bring
them over after dinner

and show them to
you as if you're

seeing them for the first time.

- And if you should happen
to drop a couple of them

on the way over, don't
feel too bad about it.

[laughter]

- Hold on, you've got to
be enthusiastic about it.

- Oh, don't worry, I will.

Why, Clara!

You made these?

[laughter]

Boy, these are-- well, don't
worry, I'll think of something.

[laughter]

[music playing]

- Now, I want your
honest opinion.

- Well--

- Wait a minute.

Remember, they're the
first ones I've ever made.

- Well, yeah, uh--

well--

- Just a second.

I want to get another
angle on this.

- Oh, for goodness sake's,
Clara, will you please let

Oz finish?

Can't you see he's
trying to tell you

how much he likes them?

He thinks they're great.

He doesn't believe that
you actually made them.

Go ahead, say it, Oz.

[laughter]

- Well, as-- as Joe says, I
can't believe you actually made

them.

- Honest to goodness?

- Oh, cross his heart.

[laughter]

- You certainly have some
original designs there.

- Yes, they are unusual.

Did you notice the
rosebuds I painted?

- Oh, that's one of the
first things I noticed.

- Those are the plums.

These are the rosebuds.

- Oh, oh, oh, yes, that's
right, the rose colored--

the plum-colored roses.

These are very nice.

- I'm certainly
glad you like them.

I can't wait to show
them at the bazaar.

- Well, I think somebody
will have something

to say about that,
won't you, Oz?

- Oh, oh!

Look, Clara, what would
you say if I offered

to buy them all right now?

- You mean you like
them that much?

- Well, I think they're
the best you've ever made.

- Oh, thank you.

- Well, what do you say?

- Well, why don't you wait
and buy them at the bazaar?

- Yes--

- Because he
doesn't want anybody

to see them and get a
chance to buy them first.

- And-- and-- and
buy them first.

[laughter]

- What a sweet thing to say.

- Well, how about it?

Is it a deal?

- Well, I don't even know
how much to ask for them.

- Well, how about $20.

- $20?

- $20?

- Oh, I think that's too much.

- That's ridiculous.

- Well, look at all the
trouble you went to.

Besides, I don't want to take
advantage of our friendship.

Come on, hurry up before I--
before you change your mind.

[laughter]

- Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe it.

Can you, Joe?

- No, I can't.

Can I see you for a minute, Oz?

- Yeah.

- Harriet, good news!

- $20?!

- That's right, let's have it.

- Are you kidding?

They're worth
about $0.35 apiece.

- Joe, give me the $20.

- I'll give you a 5 bucks
for the whole lot of 'em.

- Look, we made a deal.

You said you'd reimburse me
for whatever I gave Clara.

And I gave her--

- OK!

[laughter]

Naturally, I don't happen
to have the cash on me.

- I'll take a check.

- I don't have a checkbook.

- I'll get you a counter check.
[laughter]

- Just a second.

I guess maybe I do have
the cash, after all.

- I thought you would.

- Somehow I get the
feeling you don't trust me.

- $20, Joe.

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

Oh, good morning, Joe.

- Good morning, Oz.

- Would you care to join
me in a glass of milk,

or a cookie, or something?

- No, thank you.
- I haven't seen you.

Where have you been?
- Never mind that.

Would you mind accompanying
me over to my garage?

- Well, OK.

[music playing]

- Let's go.

[music playing]

- Look Joe, if I
overplayed my hand a little

and Clara made a
few extra ashtrays,

I'll be very happy to
take them off your hands.

[music playing]

My gosh, what's this?

- Ashtrays, Oz.

Mass production.

[laughter]

[applause]

[music playing]

- I've never seen so
many ashtrays in my life.

She must have been working
them on day and night.

- I guess that's the
reason I haven't seen her

in the last couple of days.

- And you didn't know
anything about it?

- No, I would have
told you if I had.

I guess she wanted
them to be a surprise.

- They're a surprise, all right.

More like a
frightening experience.

- Oh, they can't be that bad.

- Oh, no?

Wait 'til you see them.

You can judge for yourself.

I told Joe I'd help him cart
them over to the Women's Club.

- Oh, don't forget you
promised to help us

with the decorations.

- Yeah, I have stopped off
to the sporting goods store

first, though, and pick up
some golf balls for tomorrow.

- Well, the bazaar is tomorrow.

You can't play golf.

- I don't know.

Personally, I think Joe would do
just about anything to get away

from those ashtrays.

[laughter]

Well, I'll see you
at the Women's Club.

- OK, bye-bye.

[music playing]

- Hey, be careful there.

- Oh, hi, Doc.
- Hi, Doc.

- Oh, good.

I might have known.

- Sorry to nudge
you, Doc, old boy.

- Yeah.

Did we break any of 'em, Oz?

- No, I'm afraid not.

- Oh, doggone it.

- Well, what goes on here?

What are all these?

- Rumor has it that
they're ashtrays.

[laughter]

- You're kidding.

- I'm afraid not.

Clara made them to
sell at the bazaar.

- Well, that's a switch.

I thought she'd still be
trying to push those fancy coat

hangers.

- Oh, no, that was last year.

Hey, these don't look too bad.

- They don't?

- As a matter of fact,
these might be just

what I'm looking for.

[laughter]

- You must be kidding.
- No.

I admit the workmanship
is a little primitive,

but I kind of like 'em.

- Well, say, this
is very interesting.

Would you like to buy a couple?

- No, I'd like to
buy all of them.

- All of them?
- Wait a second, Oz.

Let's hear what the
man has to offer.

- How much you want for them?

- Well, let me see.

I really don't know
how much to ask.

- I'll give you $2.

- A piece?

- Oh, you must be kidding.

I'll give you $2 for
the whole lot of them.

- C'mon-- c'mon, Doc, Clara
put in an awful lot of work

on these.

You don't expect me
to give them away.

- A couple of minutes ago,
you were trying to break them.

- Well, that was different.

There's at least $8
worth of clay in these.

- OK, 8 bucks.

- 8 bucks?!

What about all the work
Clara put in on them?

Not to mention
the time involved.

And talent.

- OK, $8.50.

- Sold.

[laughter]

- Here you are, Mr. Randolph.

- Oh, thanks.

Here you go.

- Thank you.

- What do you suppose Doc wanted
with all those ashtrays, Oz?

- I don't know.

Maybe he's going to open
up a string of offices.

[laughter]

Who cares?

- You mean Doc Williams?

- Yeah, we saw him outside
just a few minutes ago.

- Say, did he show
you his new shotgun?

- No, did you just sell him one?

- Yes, about five minutes ago.

He's going to have to wait
a little while, though,

before he tries it out.

- Oh, what's the trouble?

- Oh, unfortunately, we're
all out of clay pigeons.

But I expect some
more in a week or so.

- Did you say clay pigeons?

- Yes, you know, they're
round and made out of clay.

Oh, pardon me.

- How do you like that?

Doc bought all of Clara's
ashtrays to use as targets,

to shoot at and blow them up.

- I guess so.

- Well, he can't do that.

That's awful.

- Well, we were trying
to break him ourselves

just a few minutes ago.

- Well, yeah, but that was
going to be accidental.

This is murder.

[laughter]

- C'mon, Joe.

- Well, it will be murder
if Clara finds out about it.

[laughter]

Do you happen to know
where Doc Williams is

going to do his shooting?

- Well, I recommended
Big Rock Canyon.

- Oh, thank you.
C'mon, Oz, let's hurry up.

Maybe we can stop him.
- Now, wait a second.

We promised the girls we'd
go up to the Women's Club

and help them put
up the decorations.

- I know, but we can't let Doc
shoot up all those ashtrays.

- Well, I'll phone Rick.

Maybe he'll go
over and help them.

[music playing]

- Mr. Randolph?
- Yeah.

- I couldn't help
overhearing just now.

Did you say your wife
made some clay pigeons?

- Well, I really don't know.

- Because I might be
interested in buying some.

- All right, well thank you.

I'll let you know.

- Rick?

Look, Rick, would you mind
pinch-hitting for Mr. Randolph

and me down at the Women's Club?

We were supposed to help your
mother with the decorations.

- Oh, well, yeah, I guess so.

You can't make it, huh?

- No, there's kind
of a mix up here.

See, I've got to rush
out to Big Rock Canyon.

Doc Williams is out there
shooting up Clara's ashtrays,

using them for clay pigeons.

- Look, I guess we must
have a bad connection here.

[laughter]

Anyway, I'll put
down the Women's Club

and see what I can do.
- OK, thanks, Rick.

I'll see you later.

- Come on, Oz, hurry up.

[music playing]

- He must be around
here someplace.

That's his car.

[gun shot]

- Don't shoot, Doc!

[laughter]

Don't shoot, Doc!

[music playing]

No, Doc, don't shoot!

Don't shoot!

Doc!

- Oh, hi, fellas.

- Why didn't you
tell me you were

going to use Clara's
ashtrays for targets?

- Well, frankly, I didn't
think you'd like the idea.

You might get mad.

- Well, I am, but
not half as mad

as Clara is going to be
if she finds out about it.

- Well, gee, I'm sorry, Joe.

But I bought them
and paid for them.

Hey, Oz, I'm having
a little trouble

fitting these things
into the trap.

Would you mind throwing
a couple up for me?

- You keep out of this, Oz.

Nobody's going to shoot
down Clara's ashtrays.

- They're not Clara's anymore.
They're mine.

I paid for them.

- OK, I'll buy them back.

- OK, if you insist.

That'll be $20.
- $20?

[laughter]

You only paid me $8.50 for them.

- Well what about my
transportation costs?

I hauled them all away up here.

- Oh, come on, Doc.

You want to break
up my marriage?

[laughter]

- OK, take them for $8.50.

- Oh, gee, thanks, Doc.

[laughter]

- That sure is a
nice looking gun.

- Oh, yeah, that's
a beauty, isn't it?

- And a good feel to it.

[music playing]

Do you mind if I take a shot?

- No, go ahead, if you can
find something to shoot at.

It's not much fun just
shooting at the mountains.

- Uh, Joe?

- Nothing doing, Oz.

- Oh, come on, just one shot.

- Nothin' doin'.

- Oh, come on, Joe.

How about this one?

This has got a
chip in it already?

- Well, OK, but just this one.

- Ready, Oz?

[music playing]

Let her go.

[music playing]

[gun shot]

Hey, great shot, Oz.

- Well, how can you
miss with this gun?

Why, it sure is a beauty.

- Oh, doggone it, I must have
picked up the wrong ashtray.

This is the one
with a chip in it.

Here throw it up
for me, will you Oz?

- Now, just a second, you guys.

- Oh, come on, Joe,
what's the difference?

- It's my turn.

[laughter]

- [laughs] Go
ahead, throw it, Oz.

[music playing]

[gun shot]

[music playing]

- Harriet, where
do you want these?

- Oh, why don't you put them
in there by the pastry table.

- OK.

[music playing]

- Harriet, look at this
apron, isn't it beautiful?

- Oh, it's lovely.

- Henrietta Clark made it.

And did you see this
jewelry Mrs. Cady made?

- Yes, I saw it.

- Say, Harriet, could
I ask you a question.

- Sure.

- What do you really
think of my ashtrays?

- Oh, well--

- No, don't answer that.

If you'd made them and you asked
me that question, I'd just die.

- Oh, Clara, they
aren't that bad.

- Yes, they are.

Who am I trying to kid?

Nobody's going to
buy any of these.

Big help I am into this club.

- Hi, Mrs. Nelson.
Hi, Mrs. Randolph.

- Hello, dear.
- Hello, girls.

- Did you make any money yet?

- Well, no, not
yet, but the bazaar

doesn't open till tomorrow.

- Oh, look, isn't that pretty?

- Oh, thank you, dear.

I made it.

- What is it?

- It's an ashtray.

- And you made it?

- That's right.
- Do you have any more of them?

- I sure do.

- They'd be perfect
for our clubhouse.

- They sure would.

- See, we have kind of a
little play house out in back

and they'd be
perfect for dishes.

- Well, I'll give you
a whole bunch of them

if you really want them.

- Oh, gee, that sounds great.

Thanks a lot.

- Yeah, let's go tell the girls.
Bye.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- That certainly was
nice of you, Clara.

- Well, it all worked out
pretty well after all.

My problem was I thought
they were ashtrays.

Now that I know they're dishes,
they don't look too bad.

[laughter]

- Well, you made
the girls happy,

and that's what we're here for.

- Hi, Mom, Mrs. Randolph.

- Hello, Rick.
- Hello, dear.

What are you doing here?

- Well, I'm pitch hitting
for Pop and Mr. Randolph.

- Oh, yeah, what
happened to them?

- Oh, they went up
to Big Rock Canyon.

- Big Rock Canyon, what for?
- I don't know.

They said something
about shooting ashtrays

with a shotgun.

- My ashtrays with a shotgun?!

[laughter]

- Let her go.

[music playing]

[gun shot]

- [laughs]

- Boy, this sure
was a good idea.

[music playing]

- Let her go.

[gun shot]

[music playing]

- Let her go.

[gun shot]

[music playing]

- Doc, how many we got left?

- Oh, about half a dozen.

- It's your turn, Joe.

- Oh, thanks, Oz.

Throw up the funny looking one.

- Are you kidding?

They're both funny looking.

- [laughs] I mean
the yellow one.

[laughs]

- All set?

- Let her go.

- Joe!

- Oh!

[laughter]

[music playing]

[laughter]

[music playing]

[laughter]

- I don't know what
I'm doing here.

- Well, me either.

- I was going to play golf.

- Come on, come on, keep moving.

- I don't think
that gun is loaded.

- How would you
like to find out?

[laughter]

- OK, pass me some
more clay, Doc.

[music playing]

- Recess, fellas.

- Well, it's about time.

- And besides, you
have some visitors.

- Well, how 'bout that?

It's visitors day.

[laughter]

- Come on in, girls.

- Oh, hi, girls.
- Hi, girls.

- Hi.
- We have some good news, girls.

Your dishes are almost finished.

- Of course, they have
to dry and be fired.

- That's what we
came to tell you.

- Yeah, what's that?

- We don't need them anymore.

[laughter]

- How come?

- Well, my mother found
a whole set of old dishes

up in the attic and
she gave them to us.

[music playing]

- Oh, child.

Well, what about all these?

- You can have
them for your club.

[laughter]
Bye.

- Good bye.
- Good bye.

- Good bye, girls.

Well, that's just a
fine thing, after we

went to all this trouble.

- Yeah, and if you
don't mind my saying so,

I think my sugar bowl
is a masterpiece.

- Not to mention my gravy boat.

- We ought to put
these to some use.

- Oh, I agree.

Don't you, Clara?

- Oh, I certainly do.

[gun shot]

That's it, Harriet!

A solid smash.

Try another one.

And no throwing that
silly-looking gravy boat.

That's all mine.

[laughter]

[applause]

[MUSIC PLAYING - RICKY NELSON,
"YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE"]

- [SINGING] The kisses
that you used to give

are the sweet, sweet
kisses I relive.

You don't love me
anymore and I can tell.

I can tell.

Another boy has made you change.

When I'm around,
you're acting strange.

You don't love me
anymore and I can tell.

I can tell.

Maybe you can't bring
yourself to tell me of him

after thinking about the
love we used to share.

When you're holding me, I
know you're thinking of him.

No, you don't love me
anymore and I can tell.

[cheering]

- Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by U.S. Keds,
America's favorite family shoe.

Look for the blue label to be
sure they're genuine U.S. Keds.

[music playing]

- Good things happen
when you give.

Chances are you'd
like to know exactly

what did happen when you gave.

The answer is plenty.

For example, your
contribution helps

support the Great American
Red Cross Nursing Service.

Red Cross nurses
give helpful courses

in care of the sick and injured.

Your gift keeps Red Cross
volunteer nurses ready and able

to answer every emergency
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This is one of the reasons why
they say good things happen

when you give.

It's the Red Cross's way of
saying thank you, America,

for making it all possible.