All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S11E16.Roadside.Courtesy.1080p.WEB-DL.AMZN.H.264.DDP.2.0_track3_[eng]

[music playing]

- "Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's
favorite family, the Nelsons.

[happy music]

- Oh, Harriet!

Wouldn't this make
a lovely lamp?

- Yeah, I guess
you would at that.

- You could put an electric
cord through it, and a brass

fixture, and a
cute little shade.

- You mean like this?

- Yes.

Well, no, not exactly like that.

- Oh, say, look at that
lovely old candle snuffer.

- Isn't that darling?

- That'd make a
nice paperweight.

- Well, here we are, ladies.

- Oh, thanks.

- Oh, thank you, Mr. Foster.

- Uh, what did you
decide about the table?

- Well, it's too
wide for a bench.

It's too big for breadboard.

I'm afraid I wouldn't
know what to do with it.

- Might make a nice table.

[laughter]

- Well, I'll think about it.

- Well, is there
anything else you

ladies might be interested in?

- Oh, lots of things,
but we can't afford them.

- In fact, I think we'd
better get back to town.

- Yes, Joe and Ozzie will
be wondering where we are.

- Well, come back and
see us again, ladies.

- Thank you, we will.

You have some
lovely things here.

- Thank you.

[music playing]

- Go ahead, buy it.

- Oh, I don't think so.

I'd better check
with Ozzie before I

bring a thing like this home.

- Yeah, I know what you mean.

That's the way I
feel about the table.

I guess we're just chicken.

[laughter]

- Goodbye, Mr. Foster.

- Goodbye, ladies.

- Oh, Clara, look at this
cute little potbellied stove.

- Yes.

Say, that reminds me.

Joe said he wants to
eat early tonight.

- Oh, that's right.

Tonight's their bowling
night, isn't it?

- Yes.

Honestly, look at us.

Here we are rushing home to
feed our husbands, just so they

can go out and leave us.

- Do you think they're worth it?

- Well, I guess so.

- I hate to admit it,
but we've got a couple

of pretty nice guys there.

- Well, you know, sometimes
I get so mad at Joe.

And then he'll do something
sweet and thoughtful

like, well, like just--

Well, like just the other--

Hmm, let's see.

Well, like one time just
before we were married.

- Come on, let's go.

[car starts]
- Oh, hey.

Wait a minute.

Do we need any gas
before we start?

It's a long trip back to town.

- Oh, no, that's one thing
Joe is very good about.

He always makes sure there's
plenty of gas in the car.

You see, I knew
there was something

he was thoughtful about.

[happy music]

How about that?

We're out of gas.

- It sure looks
like it, doesn't it?

- Darn that Joe.

He was supposed to
put gas in this car.

- Well, he didn't know we were
going to drive all the way out

here.

- That's just what he'd
say, always making excuses.

Darn that Joe, anyway.

- Somebody must be
talking about me.

My ear's burning.

Did I hurt anybody's
feelings out

at the golf club this afternoon?

- Only mine when you hit
that ball up against a tree

and it bounced
back on the green.

- That was my famous
ricochet shot.

I do it all the time.

- Well, cut it out.

- Hi Pop, Mr. Randolph.
- Hi Rick.

- Hi, Rick.

Where's your mother?

- Well, she and Mrs. Randolph
left just after you did.

- Oh.
Where'd they go?

- Well, I think
they went looking

for antiques at that place
she mentioned this morning.

- Hey, that's pretty far out
in the country, isn't it?

- Yeah.

I hope they don't try
to buy the store out.

- I don't think so.

They're pretty good about that.

Clara usually consults me on
anything that costs over $2.98.

- I don't think they
like us very much.

Here we have two days a
week to spend with them

and they take off this
afternoon and go antiquing.

- Yeah.

If we hadn't gone
out to play golf,

we would have been
left all alone today.

- We're pretty lucky guys.

We're married to a couple
of real nice gals there.

- Yeah.

I guess you're right.

- Hey, I just got an idea.

How interested are you
in going bowling tonight?

- Oh, I don't know.

What's on your mind?

- Well, I was just thinking.

The girls will probably
be pretty tired

when they get home.

You know, a long drive and all.

Why don't we forget
about the bowling

and take them out to dinner
tonight, surprise 'em?

- Yeah, that's a good idea.

You know, come to
think of it, they're

married to a couple
of pretty nice guys.

- [laughs]

- Here's the manual.

- Well, I don't think
that'll do us much good.

- Well, it might tell you what
to do when you run out of gas.

- It probably says, "Walk
to the nearest gas station."

- Well, where is the
nearest gas station?

- I don't know.

I haven't seen one since
we left the antique shop.

- Oh, Harriet!

There must be one
nearer than that.

That was almost 5 miles back.

- Well, we've got
to do something.

We can't just sit here.

- Oh, here comes a car.

[goofy music]

- And there it goes.

- He didn't even stop!

Some gentleman.

- Well, he probably didn't
realize we were in trouble.

- Well, I was standing here
holding the instruction manual.

- Well, we're either going
to have to flag somebody

down or start walking.

- Start walking in
these high heels?

- Oh.

Here comes another car.

[happy music]

- I thought you were
going to flag him down.

- No, I felt kind of funny
waving at a strange car.

- I know what you mean.

- Maybe we ought to make it
look more like we're in trouble.

- Well, we could
put the hood up.

That'd make it look
like we're in trouble.

- Yeah, that sounds good.

[goofy music]

- How do you open
these darn things?

- I think there's something
on the dashboard here.

- No, I got it.

- Oh, hurry up.

Here comes a car.

[dramatic music]

Too late.

- Well, he was going
too fast to stop anyway.

- Here comes another one.

[sirens blaring]

- Your move, Oz.

I wonder where the girls are.

- I know.

They should have
been home long ago.

- Yeah.
Your move.

- I just moved.
- Oh?

Where'd you move?
- Here to here.

Wait, wait a minute.
That's a mistake.

- [laughs] Too late, you
took your finger off.

- I'm tired of this.

Let's quit.

- You weren't tired
a little while ago.

- Well, I was winning then.

[laughter]

[car honks]

- I think they just drove in.

- No, that's a couple
of the neighbors.

Where the heck are
the girls, anyway?

- You got me.

And they know it's
our bowling night.

- Only thing though, we're
not going bowling tonight.

We were taking them out
to dinner, remember?

- Yeah.

You think when we're nice enough
to ask them out to dinner,

the least they could
do is get home on time.

- Well, they don't
know about it.

We haven't asked them yet.

- Yeah.

And we may not.

- I'm hungry.

- Yeah, me, too.

You don't suppose
they parked somewhere,

afraid to come home with
all that stuff they bought?

- No, they're probably out
someplace hiring a truck.

They don't have room enough
in the car for all the stuff.

[goofy music]

- He didn't even look at us.

- Oh, here comes another one.

Now, wave.

[dramatic music]

- Oh.

No wonder they didn't stop.

- I guess we better
start walking.

- Oh, Harriet, no.

- Well, I'll tell you what.

You wait in the car.

And I'll go back to
the antique shop, OK?

- Well, OK.

Harriet?

- What?

- Do you suppose there are
any wild animals around here?

- Oh, I don't think so.

I saw a cow down the road.

- That's wild enough.

I'm going with you.

- Boy, we could have worn
better shoes for hiking.

- You're not kidding.

My feet are killing me.

- I'm tired.

- Darn that Joe.

It's all his fault.
How much farther

have we got to go anyway?

- I think it's up there
around the next bend.

- What bend?

- That's a good question

[goofy music]

- Harriet, do you
see what I see?

- Yeah.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

- Don't let him get away.

- [whistles]

- I'm still hungry.

- Oh, there's plenty
more ice cream up there.

There's some more cake.
- Oh, no.

I don't want any
more of that stuff.

It'll fill me up and
I won't be so mad.

And when Clara gets here,
I want to be darn mad.

- Like you said, they know
it's our bowling night.

- And as far as I'm concerned,
we are going bowling.

- You sure you don't
want some more cake?

- Well, maybe just
a little piece.

- You don't think they
had car trouble, do you?

- I don't see how.

The car's in perfect shape.

No, they just got busy rummaging
through some of that junk

and lost all track of the time.

- I can't understand it.

They should have
been here long ago.

- How long should it take
them to drive down from there?

- Well, an hour at the most.

There's no traffic on
those country roads.

- What's the name of
this place, anyway?

- Uh, Pumpkin Hollow.

You think I ought
to phone up there?

- That's a good idea.

- I'll call information,
see if I can get the number.

- [sighs]

- Well, hello there, ladies.

- Hi.

We ran out of gas.

- Ran out of gas?

- In the car, not the bike.

- [laughs] Oh, I see.

- We're parked about
5 miles down the road.

- Oh, what a shame.
[phone rings]

Oh, excuse me.

I'd better get that.

Why don't you come in
and rest for a while?

- Yeah, that's a good idea.

I'm pretty tired.

- Me, too.

And I was a passenger
most of the way.

- I think we better
call the fellas.

They'll be wondering
what happened to us.

- Yeah, I guess you're right.

- Hello?

- Hello.

I'm trying to get in touch with
Mrs. Nelson or Mrs. Randolph.

I understand they were
supposed to be shopping there

this afternoon.
- Yes, they're right here.

Just a minute.

It's for you, Mrs. Randolph.

- Oh, thank you.

- How do you like that
they're still there?

- You're kidding.

- No, the man said
they were right there.

- They haven't left yet?

- Obviously.

- How do you like that?

Here we are, worrying
ourselves sick.

And they couldn't care less.

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Clara, just a second.

It's Clara.

- Hello?

- Uh, hi Joe.

We've run into a
little difficulty here.

- What happened?

Couldn't you get all the
stuff you bought into the car?

- What?

- For gosh sake's Clara,
this is our bowling night.

We're sitting here like a couple
of dopes waiting for dinner,

and you're browsing around some
antique shop 50 miles away.

- We are not browsing around.

- Well, goofing around
or whatever you're doing.

Don't you realize
what time it is?

Clara?

Clara?

All right, she hung up on me.

- Great.

- Well, what do we do now?

- Why don't we treat
ourselves to dinner out?

- Why not?
It'll serve them right.

- Shall we?

- Why not, it'll
serve 'em right.

The candle snuffer
and the clock.

- OK, Mrs. Nelson.

- And I'll take that antique
chair and this picture--

without the hat--
and the table...

- Well, I'm glad you
ladies came back.

[applause]

[happy music]

- Ozzie?
Joe?

Are they here?

- I guess not.

- Well, they were here.

- Hi, Mom, Mrs. Randolph.

- Oh, hi Rick.
- Hi Rick.

- Is your father here?

- No, he and Mr. Randolph
went out to dinner.

- Went out to dinner?

How do you like that?

- Well, didn't they
say anything about us?

- Well, yeah.

They said quite a few things.

- Never mind.

I get the picture.

- They sure got a nerve,
getting mad at us.

- We're the ones that
ought to be mad at them.

- We are.

Why didn't they listen
to our explanation?

- Gee, I-- I really don't know.

- It wasn't our fault
we ran out of gas.

It was Joe's.

- You ran out of gas?

- Yeah, about 5 miles
from the gas station.

We had to borrow a bicycle
and ride all the way back

to the antique shop.

- And not one single man
would stop to help us.

- Gee, that's a shame.

- Darn, bumpy road.

My feet are killing me!

- Well, we might as
well get something

to eat if there's anything left.

- To heck with that!

They're out on the town.

Why don't we go out and
get something to eat?

We might as well have some fun.

- It's OK with me.

In fact, I think they're having
a buffet at the Women's Club

tonight.

- Oh, well, that doesn't
sound very exciting.

- Well, it's better
doing the dishes.

- Would you excuse me?
I've got a date.

- OK, dear.
Bye.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

[soft music]

- Well, shall we go?

What do we do with all the
rest of the stuff we bought?

Shall we leave it in the car?

- Let's just stack up the
middle of the living room

so they'll see it the
minute they walk in.

- Either that or hide it and
surprise them with it later.

- Darn that Joe.

- How about some
dessert, gentlemen?

- Not me, thanks.

- We had our dessert
before dinner.

- Oh, that sounds interesting.

I'll have to try that sometime.

- As far as the
girls are concerned,

we had dinner at
the Paradise Club.

- What else?

And we had a front row
table for the floor show.

- That's right.

And a couple of very
attractive hostesses

made a big play for us.

- Naturally.

- You're going to
tell your wives that?

- Probably not.

- You had me a little
worried there for a minute.

I'd hate to lose a
couple of good customers.

- Come on, Oz.

We'd better get going.

- Well, what's your hurry?

The alleys stay open all night.

Besides, I've changed my mind.

I think I'll have a chocolate
malt. How about you?

- OK.

I'll have a root beer float.

- Did you get that, Jack?

- Coming right up.

- Hi Pop, Mr. Randolph.
- Hi Rick.

- Oh, hi Rick.

- Gee, I'm glad I
caught up with you.

- Well, what's the matter?

- Well, Mom and Mrs.
Randolph just got home.

- Well, they finally made it.

Maybe we ought to send them
a little welcome home note.

- I suppose they had a dozen
excuses for being late.

- No, just one.

They ran out of gas.

[goofy music]

- Oh.

Gee, that's a shame.

- They were still at the antique
place when we called out there.

- Well, they had to go
back there to get the gas.

It was about 5 miles.

- Oh, great.
- Well, don't look at me.

You were the one who phoned.

- What do you mean?

You were the one who
shouted at Clara.

You didn't even give
her a chance to explain.

- Well, it was your phone.

- Anyway, we'll straighten
it out when we see them.

- They said they were going
over to the Women's Club.

- Did they um, seem
a little upset?

- I would say yes.

- At us?

- At the whole human race.

Or at least the
male portion of it.

- Well, why was that?

- Well, as I understand
it, several men

drove past and
didn't offer to help.

- Oh.

Well, did you tell
them where we were?

- Well, no.
I didn't know for sure.

Besides, I figured I'd
better stay out of it.

I've got to pick up my date.
Good luck.

- Oh, thanks.
Thanks, Rick.

- Thanks, Rick.

- Well, what do we do now?

- Well, I guess we'd better
get him some flowers or candy.

- Oh, no.

We've got to think of
something a little more

original than that.

- Well, what else can we do?

Just go home and
apologize, I suppose.

- Oh, no.
No, Oz.

That's the first rule.

Never apologize when you're
wrong; only when you're right.

- OK, Counselor.

What do you suggest?

- Well, they both have
a good sense of humor.

If we could only do
something to make them laugh.

You can't be mad at somebody
while you're laughing.

- Well, I-- I'm for that.

But how do we do it?

There's not much you can do
to make me laugh right now.

- Wait a second.

I think I've got it.

What really made
them mad was not us,

but the fact that nobody
would stop and pick them up.

- Pick them up?

- You know what I
mean, help them out.

- Go ahead.

- Well, suppose they run out
of gas again and we show up

and rescue them.

- That's going to
start them laughing?

- Oh, it might if we
pull it off as a gag

and show up with
flowers and candy.

- Well, that's fine,
but when do you suppose

they'll run out of gas again?

- As soon as we siphon
the gas out of their tank.

- OK, what do we do?

- Well, first, we
take the gas cap off

and then we go to
work with the siphon.

- Shh, not so loud.

- There's nobody around.

- Suppose some of the
women come out of the club.

- Are you kidding?

They'll eat for two hours and
then talk for two hours more.

- Let's hurry up.

Or better still, why don't
we forget the whole thing?

- Oh, come on, Oz.

You thought it was pretty
funny a little while ago.

- Well, I just hope Harriet
and Clara think it's funny.

- Well, let's put it this way.

It's worth a try.

[goofy music]

- Why me?

- Because you had a chocolate
malt and I had a root beer

float.

And root beer and
gasoline don't mix.

[laughter]

- OK.

[dramatic music]

- What's the matter now?

- I just don't like the
idea of siphoning gas out

of somebody's car.

- It's my car.

[goofy music]

- [gags]

- Nice going, Oz.

- Look, I got news for you.

It doesn't go with a
chocolate malted milk either.

- [laughs]

- How much of this stuff
do we take out of there?

- Well, we've got
to take it all out.

Then put back just
enough so they'll

get a few blocks
before they run out.

- You realize, don't you,
if we were teenagers,

we'd be juvenile delinquents?

- Don't worry about it.

It's my car, my gas,
and your siphon.

So relax, will you?

Somebody's coming.

- Good evening, gentlemen.

- Oh, [laughs] good evening.

- Shame on you fellas.

- Uh, I-- I beg your pardon?

- Ducking out on the
lecture like that.

[laughter]
- Oh, oh!

Are they having a
lecture in there?

- Oh, yes.
And with slides.

And they're pretty
smart about it, too.

They're not serving dessert
until after the lecture.

- Oh.

[laughs] Say, that
is pretty smart.

- And wasn't that
potato salad awful?

- Oh, yeah.

- Uh, I-- I was lucky.

I didn't have any.

- Say, do either of you
happen to have a light?

- I think maybe I do.
- No, no.

No, no.

We don't have any
matches or any lighters

or anything of that sort, right?

- What's the big idea?

- Uh.

[laughs] Uh, we're siphoning
gas out of the car, here.

- Siphoning gas?
- Now, don't get the wrong idea.

It's my gas.

This is my car.

- We're just playing a
little joke on our wives.

- Yeah.
They're going to run out of gas.

And we're going to show
up and fill it up again.

- With candy and flowers.

- Oh, not the gas tank.
- No, no.

But we're going to show
up with candy and flowers.

We were just playing
a little joke on them.

[laughs]

- Well, good for you.

Well, uh, I'd better
be running along.

Have fun.

- Oh, thank you very much.

[laughs]

[goofy music]

- I don't think he has
much of a sense of humor.

- Ah.

Well, let's get back to work.

- Where are the forks, Harriet?

- I got them right here.

- Boy, these cupcakes
sure look good.

- They're for after
the lecture, Clara.

- I know.

I know.

- I'm afraid we've
got a problem, girls.

- What's the matter?

- The coffee urn is still
over at Henrietta's house.

- Well, can't you go get it?
- No.

She doesn't have a car here.

And neither do I. My
husband's picking us up later.

- Oh.

Well, you can use my
car, if you'd like.

- Oh, thank you, Clara.

Wonderful.
- I'll go with you.

- All right.

- It's the red convertible,
parked a little bit sideways.

- I know.

- I can still taste
that gasoline.

Do you want to get me a couple
more of those chocolates?

- Look, the candy's
for the girls.

- They'll never
know the difference.

I've been taking them
off the bottom layer.

Hey, they just got into the car.
Let's go.

- Don't follow them too close.

We don't want them to see us.

[cool jazz music]

- What's the matter?

- I don't know.

[engine starting]

Oh, no.

I think we're out of gas.

- How about that?

It worked perfectly.
- Careful now.

Don't let them see us.

- Where are you going?

- Well, maybe she has an extra
can of gas in the back here.

- Are you kidding?

- Well, it doesn't
do any harm to look.

[goofy music]

- Surprise!

- Hi, dear.

[screaming]

- Ah, that feels better.

Be careful of that
bump on my head.

- Well, you mashers
had quite an evening.

- Clara, please.

Oh!

- Trying to hand you girls
a little laugh, that's all.

- Well, you accomplished
that, all right.

- I hope they understood, those
two women, whoever they are.

- Well, they're both
new in the club.

- They probably thought it
was part of the initiation.

- I think the candy
and flowers helped,

what there was left of them.

- Well, after all this,
are we off the hook?

- What do you think, Harriet?

- Well, it doesn't seem to
be much left to do to them.

- Now that that's settled,
how about bringing out

the stuff you girls are hiding?

- What stuff?

- Oh, come on now.

The stuff you bought
at the antique shop.

- Oh, we really
didn't get very much.

- Of course not.

- You get the stuff in
the car in the garage,

and I'll get the things from
the bedroom and the hall closet.

- The big things
are being delivered.

- Well, that didn't
work out too badly.

- No.

- As I always say, there's
nothing like a happy ending.

[laughter]

[applause]

- [SINGING] It's been
so long, so very long.

I wonder what did I do wrong?

I've been so sad
and blue since you

said, baby we're all through.

If you leave me in this mood, I
fear I'm bound to come unglued.

Oh, to hold you
in my arms again.

I'll be so lonely until then.

Well, maybe I've
been a bad boy, baby.

Yes, and I told
my share of lies.

But baby, please
forgive me 'cause it's

so hard to realize you may
be gone, never to return.

Oh, what a bitter
lesson to learn.

There's only one
thing left to do.

Baby, say so long to you.

Baby, say so long to you.

So long.

[applause]

- Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by the
American Dairy Association,

representing the dairy
farmers in your area.

- Be sure to keep an extra
supply of milk on hand

for the weekend.

[happy music]