All language subtitles for The.Adventures.of.Ozzie.and.Harriet.S11E07.The.Womans.Club.Play.1080p.WEB-DL.AMZN.H.264.DDP.2.0_track3_[eng]

[music playing]

- "The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet," starring

the entire Nelson family.

Here's Ozzie.

Here's Harriet.

Here's David.

And here's Ricky.

Here they are, America's
favorite family, the Nelsons.

Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

is brought to you by the
American Dairy Association,

representing the dairy
farmers in your area.

- Remember, drink three glasses
of fresh whole milk every day.

[upbeat music]

- Whenever Rick and
his gang come over

to the house for
a party, we know

they always want
us to have plenty

of good, cold milk on hand.

- [laughs]

- Boy, those kids you
have a lot of vitality.

- No wonder, they
all drink milk.

- Oh.

[laughs]

[ON TV] - This is about a
12-foot putt he's got here.

It's uphill and breaks
a little to the left.

This could mean the match.

He lines it up carefully.

- Ozzie--
- Sh.

[WHISPERING] He's putting.

- [WHISPERING] Oh, I'm sorry.

[ON TV] - It looks good.

All the way...
All the way...

He made it!

- [laughs]

[applause on tv]

[turns tv off]

Oh, thank you.

- Hey, hands off.

Those are for the
committee meeting.

- What committee meeting?
- For the play.

The girls will be
here any minute.

- Now, wait a second.

Now, what play are
you talking about?

- The Woman's Club play we're
putting on for the kids.

- Well, you just put on a dance
for them a couple of weeks ago.

- Yes, it's all part
of our winter program.

- Oh.

Well, I suppose it
keeps them busy,

keeps them out of mischief.

- That's our main
reason for doing it.

- No, I'm talking
about the women.

- So am I.
- Oh.

[laughter]

Well, I must admit, you
gals have a lot of energy.

- Well, these things
are a lot of fun.

The kids seem to enjoy them.

- You're not in
charge of it, I hope.

- Oh, not me alone.

There are four of us.

- Four of you girls
in charge of one play?

- Yes.

- Well, I don't know why
you're going to all the trouble

to straighten things
up around here.

The place will be in shambles
by the time the evening is over.

- Oh, believe me, it wasn't
my idea to have four bosses.

But there wasn't anything
else we could do.

- Why don't you
just select one girl

and have her in
charge of things?

- We didn't want to
hurt anybody's feelings.

- Well, that's great, but
how are you ever going

to get anything done?

- Oh, I don't think
it's that bad.

After all, we've already
arranged this meeting.

- Well, yeah, I must
admit, that's a start.

It would have been nice
to have warned me, though,

so I could have gone
bowling or something.

Have you selected a play yet?

- No, we haven't decided.

That's what the meeting's for.

- Oh.

Well, I'll tell you what,
if it gets past midnight,

just call me, and I'll
throw some blankets down.

[laughs]

[musical interlude]

- Well, how about
"Little Red Riding Hood"?

- Don't you think that's
been done too much?

- It really has.

And besides, it's
not long enough.

- Oh, I know, how about
"Beauty and the Beast"?

- That'd be kind of difficult
to cast, wouldn't it?

- Well, you know, Doris Wilson
won a beauty contest last year.

She'd be perfect for
the part of the beauty.

- Well, who would you suggest
for the part of the beast?

And after you've selected
her, how would you tell her?

- I see what you mean.

- Well, so far we've mentioned
every fairy tale in the book.

- Now all we have to
do is agree on one.

That may take some time.

- Well, I guess Ozzie's right.

He said we should have had one
person in charge of everything.

- That's what Joe said.

- Well, as far as I'm concerned,
anything you girls decide

will be fine with me.
- Me, too.

- Me, too.

- Me, too.

Well, at least we're
agreed on one thing:

nobody wants to take
the responsibility.

[laughter]

- Well, this looks
like a happy meeting.

- Hi, Ozzie.
- Hi, Ozzie.

- Hi, Ozzie.
- Hi, Oz.

- You girls get
everything settled?

- No, I'm afraid not.

- Not exactly.

- Let me put that another way.

Did you get anything settled?

[laughs]

- Not exactly.

- Well, if you don't mind
my making a suggestion,

don't you think it
might simplify things

if one person were
put in charge?

For instance, when we put on
the pageant at the men's club

every year, the rest of the
committee makes suggestions,

but the chairman makes
all the final decisions.

- Oh, that sounds
like a wonderful idea.

Let's put a man in charge.

- No, no, no, no, wait a second.

I don't mean to put
a man in charge.

- Why not?

I think it's a wonderful idea.

Then if anything
goes wrong, the girls

won't get mad at each other.

They could just get mad at him.

- Yeah, I like that.

- Me, too.

- I make a motion we put
Ozzie in charge of the play.

- No, no, no--
- All those in favor, say aye.

- No, no, no, no--
- Aye.

- Aye.

- Aye.
- Aye.

- Wait a second.

Look, girls, after all, this
is a Women's Club project.

- Oh, come on, dear.

Please, you'd really
be helping us out.

[musical interlude]

- Well--

- Please.

- Well, look, if
I take the job--

and I'm not saying I will--

it's with a definite
understanding

that I'm in complete charge.

Whatever I say, goes.

- Of course, that's the
only way we'd have it.

- Well--

- I'd like to make an
amendment to the motion.

If Ozzie agrees to take the
job, we all give him a big kiss.

- That did it!

Line up, girls.

I'm all puckered up!

[laughter]

- I know, I can hardly
believe it myself.

- How in the heck did
you ever get roped

into a thing like that, Pop?

- Here you are, Mr. Nelson.

It's on the house.

You're the bravest man I know.
- Oh.

[laughs]

- Well, all I can say is I hope
your dad knows what he's doing.

[laughs]

- Here, read this.

And you won't even help
me with the dishes.

- Oh, shut up!

- Fi-fo-fum.

Oh, hi Joe.
- Hi, Oz.

- Come on in.

- Thank you.

- What the heck is that?

- Well, this is a little good
luck token from the Men's Club.

The boys figured
you might need it.

- Oh, that's very touching.

- I thought you might like it.

- Yeah, it smells like a horse.
- Naturally.

You don't suppose we'd go out
and buy a new one, do you?

- [laughs] Well, this
are all very funny,

but you guys are making a
big deal out of nothing.

For your information,
the girls and I

have reached a completely
satisfactory working

arrangement.

- Oh, well, I'm glad
to hear that, Oz.

I was beginning to get a
little worried about you.

- That's right, I'm in
complete charge of everything

with absolutely no
interference from anybody.

So far, it's worked
out just beautifully.

- Oh, yes, I know.

Clara told me.

Thank you.

I understand the first
meeting is tomorrow night.

- That's right.

And I don't anticipate
any trouble from anybody.

- Good for you, Oz.

I admire your spirit.

What play are you
going to put on?

- "Jack and the Beanstalk."

- Oh, sounds good.

Fee-fo-fi-fum, I smell the
blood of an Englishman.

[laughs]

- Hey, now-- now--
wait a second.

You just solved my
first casting problem.

You can play the
part of the giant.

Wear boots with lifts
in them, of course.

[laughter]

- Oh, no, no, no-- you're not
suckering me in anything like

this.

- Well, no, that's
not the point.

See, I like the
play, but there might

be a little problem
when it comes

to casting one of the women
in the part of the giant.

- That shouldn't be any
problem for you, Oz.

After all, you're
in complete charge.

- Well, sure, but what's
that got to do with it?

- All you have to do is
go up to the girl who

looks like she
fits the part best

and say, "OK, tubby, you're it."

[laughs] Good luck, Oz.

- You play the
part of the giant.

I'll see you at the
first rehearsal.

[musical interlude]

- Fee-fi-fo-fum!

- Well, how's the
impresario doing?

- Oh, pretty good, thanks.

Oh, I decided not to do
"Jack and the Beanstalk."

- Oh, how come?

- Well, in the first place,
there aren't enough good parts.

And then it might be a little
tough making a beanstalk.

- [laughs] And
laying a golden egg.

- [laughs]

- What did you decide on?

- "Cinderella."

- Oh, that's good.

- Yeah, I think so.

It has some romance to it,
and some interesting costumes.

Then I think the
scene at the ball

will give us a little
gaiety and action.

- You've really been
putting in some work here.

- Yeah, I was just trying to
get everything laid out so it

wouldn't be a lot of
last-minute confusion.

I've got a few sketches
here for the sets.

That's a plan for a
paper-mache pumpkin.

There's a rehearsal schedule.

Here's a list of the
sets and all the props.

The costumes are listed here
and the suggested lighting

and the music cues.

Of course, you'll keep this
stuff as simple as possible.

- You really got
this thing organized.

- Well, you gals asked me
to take charge of things,

so that's what I'm doing.
[laughs]

- Well, don't you think you've
done enough work for tonight?

You must be tired.

- Oh, gee, no, I've
got a lot to do yet.

Don't forget the meeting
is tomorrow night.

Oh, would you do me a favor?

Would you read a few
of these speeches

so I can hear how they sound?

- [READING] "Fairy godmother--

Now, Cinderella you
may go to the ball.

But remember, if you stay out
one instant after midnight,

your carriage will become a
pumpkin, your coachman a rat,

your horse as mice, and
your footmen lizards,

while you yourself will
be the little cinder wench

you were an hour ago."

That sounds good.

Ozzie?

Ozzie?

Rick--

- What's the matter?

- Will you help me get Prince
Charming under the covers here?

[musical interlude]

- Hi, Harriet, Oz.
- Oh, hi, Joe.

- Oh, hi, Joe.
What are you doing here?

- I just dropped Clara off.

- Excuse me.

I think I'll go on
into the meeting room.

- Harriet, tell the girls to
be sure and stand at attention

when Oz comes in.

[chuckles]
- [chuckles] OK.

- All right.

- Oh, Oz, look, about
the part of the giant,

it isn't that I mind playing it.

I'm afraid I might
louse up the whole play.

I'm sure I'd get stage fright
if I saw all those people

out there staring at me.

I'd forget my lines
and ruin everything.

You understand, don't you?

- Don't worry about it.

We're not going to do
"Jack and the Beanstalk."

I've decided on "Cinderella."

- Oh, really?

Well, now, look,
you might just be

able to talk me into
playing Prince Charming,

if you twisted my arm a little.

- [laughs] Pardon
me for laughing.

Something strikes me funny.

Well, we'll-- we'll
think about it.

- What's so funny about that?

[musical interlude]

[bump]

Oh!

Ladies, I'm so sorry.

[chatter]

- Ladies...

Girls...

Ladies...

Girls...

[clapping]

Thank you.

This won't take too long.

I think I have everything
pretty well organized.

- Oh, wonderful.

- I suppose you're
wondering what

play we're going to put on.
- Yes.

- Yes.
What?

- Well, after due
consideration, I finally

decided on "Cinderella."

- Oh.

- Oh, that's one
of my favorites!

- Mine, too.

- I think it has all the
elements we were looking for.

It's traditional.

It's a pleasant play.

And it has a happy ending.

- Oh, and I love that part where
the Prince kisses Cinderella

and she wakes up.

- Oh, Clara, that's
"Sleeping Beauty."

- You know, now
that you mention it,

that might even be
better than "Cinderella."

- Uh--
- It'd be more exciting, too.

- And, you know, I just
remembered something.

The Blue Bell Players
put on "Cinderella"

about two years ago.

- Oh, well, I saw that.
- Uh-- uh-- girls--

- That was just terrible.
It was awful.

- Well, Ozzie has some very
interesting ideas for it.

- Yeah, I have some
sketches I've made here.

- Pardon me, doesn't "Sleeping
Beauty" have a dragon in it?

- No, but it has an old witch.
- Oh!

- The children would love it.
It's real scary.

- Uh-- ladies--
- Oh, why don't we do it then?

- Oh, they'd love that.

- And Mary could
write the script.

- Oh!
- Yeah!

- Well-- uh-- uh-- well--
no--

- No, [chuckles] I
don't think I could.

- You did a wonderful
job writing up

that recipe for the club paper.
- Oh, yeah?

- Well-- that-- that--

- Oh, and she wrote
me the funniest letter

from Yellowstone Park.
- Oh, did you like it?

- Oh, come on,
Mary, you can do it.

- Of course, you could.

- Oh, sure.

- [chuckles] Well, I've
always wanted to write a play.

- Well, you can!

All those in favor of--
- Uh-- girls--

- --having Mary write the script
for "Sleeping Beauty," say aye.

- Aye.

- Aye.

- Aye.

- Aye.
- Aye.

- Well, now that's settled,
let's go get something to eat.

[musical interlude]

- That's my own fault. I
should have known better.

I guess I'll never learn.

- Oh, it wasn't that bad.

You can't expect a bunch of
women to agree with you 100%.

After all, they only
made one change.

- Well, yeah, but that one
change changes everything--

from "Cinderella" to
"Sleeping Beauty."

- Well, they kept
all your other ideas.

- What other ideas?

- Well, they liked your
rehearsal schedule.

- Oh, that's great.

- And they all thought
your sketch of the pumpkin

was wonderful.

- Well, that's fine.

That'll come in handy if they
have a dance next Halloween.

- Oh, hi, Mom. hi, Pop.
- Oh, hi, Rick.

- Oh, hi, Rick.
- How'd it go tonight?

- Oh, just fine, thanks.

- Not so good.

- There seems to be a slight
difference of opinion.

- Well, your father's
unhappy about a few things,

but it'll work itself out.

- Oh, Wally and I were
looking around the attic

of the fraternity
house this afternoon,

and we found some
material for the scenery.

- Oh, gee, that's great.
Thanks a lot.

- That's wonderful, Rick.

- Oh, we'll take it over
the Women's Club for you.

When do you need it?

- Well, tomorrow
night will be fine.

We're having a little
work party over there.

- You mean the women are
going to build the scenery?

- Well, yeah.

- I'll bring over some
first aid equipment, too.

- [laughs]

- Can you build a set
without the script?

- Oh, sure.

Everybody knows
"Sleeping Beauty."

We can start on the
room in the castle.

[phone rings]

Oh.

Hello?
- Mr. Nelson?

- [ON PHONE] Yes?

- This is Mary, Mary Snyder.

- Oh, oh, yes, Mrs. Snyder.

- [ON PHONE] Oh, I hope
you weren't asleep.

- No, no, we just got in.

- Oh, good.

[chuckles] Well, I'm just
so excited at the prospect

of writing the script that
I thought I'd call and get

your opinion on a few things.

- Oh, well, I appreciate that.

I do feel a certain
responsibility,

since the committee asked me
to take over the production.

- Oh, yes, I can
understand that.

Now, first of all, you
don't want me to stick

to the original story, do you?

- Well, [chuckles] pretty much.

I mean, it's a classic
in its own way.

- Well, I'll just put
in a few surprises

to keep the children interested.

Oh, and what about music?

Don't you think we ought
to add a couple of songs

to sort of pep it up?

- Well, I think that'd
change the whole character

of the thing.

- You do, really?

Oh, I thought it
might be interesting.

Well, look, why don't I just
go ahead and write the script?

And then when it's finished,
you can take a look at it

and make whatever changes
you think are necessary.

And don't be afraid
to criticize.

We want this show
to be the best ever.

- Oh, well, yes, of course.

- [ON PHONE] Well, I don't
want to keep you up too late.

Oh, and I just want you to know
how much we girls appreciate

your taking charge
of things for us.

[ON PHONE] I don't know
what we'd do without you.

- Uh-- uh-- oh--
- Well, good night, Mr. Nelson.

I'll see you tomorrow night.

- OK.

Goodnight.

- What did she say?

- Well, I--

I don't really know.

Well, let's go up to bed.

I'm tired.

[hammering]

- Do you think this chair will
be all right for the king's

throne?

- Oh, yeah, that looks fine.

I think it could
stand a coat of paint.

- Oh, what color
should we paint it?

- How about white?

- Oh, I think white's
too conspicuous.

- I don't think so.

- Well, I'll leave
that up to you girls.

Mrs. Gallagher, here, let
me help you with that.

[musical interlude]

There we are.

- Thank you.

- Ozzie--

- Yeah?

- How long is 18 inches?

- Oh, it's about like this.

- Thank you.

- We can use this.

- Who's that?

- Me.

- Oh.

Hey, that's pretty funny.

- Yeah, I thought it was
funny, too, till I found out

I couldn't get it off.

[cork pop]

Oh, thank you.

- Mr. Nelson?

- Yeah?

- Here's the script,
all finished.

- Oh, good.

- I hope you like it.

I thought it turned
out pretty well myself.

- Well, why don't we just sit
down and take a look at it?

- Oh, OK.

I think I better warn
you, I made a few changes

in the story.

I thought it might
be a good idea

to sort of bring it up to date.

- Well, now, what's this?

It says here, the
first scene takes place

in the emergency ward
of the city hospital.

- That's one of
the changes I made.

Well, you know how popular
those medical shows are.

- Well, I know, but what
about "Sleeping Beauty"?

- Oh!

Well, she's in the ward with
encephalitis lethargica.

That's sleeping sickness.

You see, she's a princess
from the Atlantic City beauty

contest, and her
prince turns out

to be one of the
interns at the hospital.

Now, it starts out with a
voice over the intercom--

"Calling Dr. Prince.

Calling Dr. Prince."

- Well, don't you think
that changes the story too

drastically?

I mean, if it all takes
place in the hospital?

- Oh, well, it doesn't all
take place in the hospital.

Look over here on page five.

Now, this is the big scene.

It's the nurses dance,
a real swingin' affair.

You know, everybody having
fun, twisting like crazy.

[SINGING] Up a lazy river
by the old mill run.

A lazy, lazy river
in the noonday sun.

Now, all of a sudden,
young Dr. Prince walks over

and he shouts out,
"Stop the music!"

Now, this is a very
dramatic moment.

He points to the
guitar player, and he

says, "That man has smallpox.

We're going to have to vaccinate
everybody at the dance."

Now, ol' Dr. King, the
chief of staff, walks over,

and he says, "I hope you know
what you're doing, Dr. Prince.

What makes you so sure
this man has smallpox?"

- He questions the diagnosis.

- Right.

The Prince says, "Look at the
big red spots on his face."

Why, he might even
have large pox."

Large pox-- I tried to
inject a little humor here.

- I see.

- And ol Dr. King
says, "It looks to me

like a simple case
of acne vulgaris."

And young Dr. Prince says, "I
say, vaccinate everybody here.

Nurse, start with Dr. King."

[sigh] Well, how do
you like it so far?

- Oh, well, it's very good.

I mean, I can see what
you're driving at.

But don't you think this might
be a little too sophisticated

for the children?

- Oh, don't be silly.

The kids will love it.

- Well-- well, I think my wife
wants to speak to me about

something.

Excuse me.

[musical interlude]

- Oh, thank you.

- Harriet--

- What?

- She's changed the whole thing!

- Who's changed
what whole thing?

- Mary-- uh-- uh-- uh--

She made a medical
show out of it.

She's changed the whole story.

- Oh, really?

- It's ridiculous.

Prince Charming
is now Dr. Prince.

- Well, at least
the name's the same.

- I know, but it
changes the whole play.

- Did Mary bring the script yet?

- That's what we're
talking about.

- Well, we've got to
start learning our lines.

We haven't got much
time, you know.

- Oh-- what part
have you got, Clara?

- I don't know.

Somebody said Mrs. Peabody
is playing Sleeping Beauty.

- Mrs. Peabody?

Well, that's ridiculous.

- Well, that's not true, is it?

- I haven't done any casting.

My big problem right
now is the script.

- What about the script?

You mean you don't like it?

- Well, it certainly
doesn't bear any resemblance

to "Sleeping Beauty."

- But you haven't even
seen the best part.

- In the first place, why
aren't we doing "Cinderella"?

I've got all the plans made.

I've got the script written.

- Ozzie, don't you think the
king's throne should be gold?

- I think it ought to be purple.

That's the royal color.

- Well, it doesn't make
any difference anyway.

It's going to be a hospital.
- A hospital?!

- Well, who's going
to be Sleeping Beauty?

- I am.

At least that's what
Mrs. Peabody told me.

- What's Mrs. Peabody
got to do with it?

- Well, I think the
children would much rather

see "Puss in Boots."

- In a hospital?
- Why not?

- What's a hospital
got to do with it?

- Well, we better start going--

[arguing]

- Girls, girls, girls,
ladies, girls, please.

I quit.

[musical interlude]

- Does anybody know who's
going to play the princess?

- Everybody loves
"Puss in Boots."

- He didn't even
read the best part.

- What's Mrs. Peabody
got to do with it?

[arguing]

- Oh, come on, Pop.

Mom's waiting.

The play starts in
about 15 minutes.

- OK.

I must admit, I'm not exactly
looking forward to this.

- Why not?

- Well, I feel kind of funny
about walking out on 'em like

that.

If this thing turns out to be
a big mess, it'll be my fault.

- Well, that's not
the way to look at it.

It'll be fine.
- Well, I don't know.

You know how quiet
your mother's been.

They're probably still
pretty sore at me down there.

I don't know why she
insisted I go anyway.

I'll probably be the
only husband there.

- Well, you can sit by the door.

And if things get too rough,
you can just walk out again.

- Or run.
[laughs]

- That's the way, Pop.

Keep smiling.

[musical interlude]

- Good afternoon.

Hi.

- Hi, Janet.
- Hi.

- Have a nice time.

- Oh, thank you.

Hey, you've got a
good crowd here.

- We sure have.

- Well, what's this?

- What's the matter?

- Well, this program
is for the wrong show.

This is for "Cinderella."

- Yes, I know it.

- And they've got my
name listed as being

in charge of production.

What happened?

- Well, after everybody
calmed down the other night,

they came to the conclusion
that the only way we'd ever

get the play on would be to
follow the plan you worked out

in the first place.

- [laughs] You're kidding.

- No.

We used your ideas for the
costume and the scenery

and the lighting.

We even used your script.

So we figured you're
entitled to some credit.

[laughter]

- Well, why didn't you tell me?

- Well, we figured you'd
done enough work already.

And besides, we wanted
it to be a surprise.

- Gee, it certainly is.
- Oh, hey, Harriet.

Oz, can I speak--
- Hi.

- --to you for a minute?

- Oh, pardon me.

Joe, what are you doing here?

- I'm in the play.

- Oh, they finally
roped you into it, huh?

Yeah, I'm one of the horses
that pulls the carriage.

- Well, [laughs] good for you.

- Look, Oz, we
haven't got much time.

We need your help.

- Well, what do
you want me to do?

- Doc Williams was called
over to the hospital,

and we need you to
fill in his spot.

- Well, I don't know the lines.

I don't know what
to do or anything.

- Oz, don't worry about it.

All you have to do is follow me.

- Well, what do you
mean, follow you?

- Well, you see, there are
two of us inside the horse.

I'm playing the horse's head.

[musical interlude]

- Uh-- Joe-- uh--

Joe--

[applause]

- Thank you, boys and girls.

You've really been a
wonderful audience.

- They certainly have.

- And now we have a
little surprise for you.

I'm probably prejudiced, but I
think you're going to enjoy it.

Would you like to
tell them about it?

- I sure would.

It's a wonderful surprise.

Who do you think is
going to sing for us?

- Ricky!

- Right.

And here he is--

Ricky Nelson!

[applause]

[MUSIC - RICKY NELSON, "MY ONE
DESIRE"]

- [SINGING] I want
to walk with you,

talk with you all about love
'cause there's no greater time

than tonight when I get
you under the stars above.

Put your lips to mine with
your kiss of fire, oh, yeah.

Just to be with you, baby,
tonight is my one desire.

I want a date with you, would be
great with you, baby, tonight.

When I get you in my arms
tonight, everything's

going to turn out right.

Put your lips to mine with
your kiss of fire, oh, yeah.

Just to be with you, baby,
tonight is my one desire.

Come on, everybody.

Let's twist now.

[SINGING] All the
times I've wasted,

baby, be my steady date.

I want to make up for lost time
tonight, and I just can't wait.

Put your lips to mine with
your kiss of fire, oh, yeah.

Just to be with you, baby,
tonight is my one desire.

Just to be with you, baby,
tonight is my one desire.

Just to be with you, baby,
tonight is my one desire.

[applause]

- Tonight's "Adventures
of Ozzie and Harriet"

was brought to you by the
American Dairy Association,

representing the dairy
farmers in your area.

- Be sure to keep an extra
supply of milk on hand

for the weekend.

[upbeat music]