All language subtitles for American.Dad.S20E03.Viced.Principal.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track4_[eng]

(THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING)

(FIRE ALARM BLARING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

There's our distraction.

- (MOANING)
- INMATE: Finally!

- Whoa.
- Hey, it's not supposed to distract us.

Oh, my God! We did it! We're free!

That tunnel you burrowed was crazy.
We were up and down and up and down.

That's 'cause I modeled it on that game
Chutes and Ladders.

- Ah, that game's impossible.
- Let's get out of here.

The convicts are armed and dangerous,
but whatever.

Let's get to the only escape
anyone cares about.

An adorable baby giraffe
snuck out of the zoo.

ALL: Aw!

(BABY VOICE) If you see
the wittle giraffe around town,

pwease contact the zoo immediatewy.

That poor little baby.

I'll tell you what I won't be doing
if I see it. Contacting the zoo.

I'd show that giraffe
the night of its life

before it's hauled back
to captivity forever.

That actually makes sense.

- Yeah, screw the zoo.
- Yeah.

Great. We all agree.
Now, you know what else would be great?

A theme song.

- Right, right, right.
- I don't know.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

(SINGING) Good morning, USA

I got a feeling
That it's gonna be a wonderful day

The sun in the sky
Has a smile on his face

And he's shining a salute
To the American race

Oh, boy, it's swell to say

Good morning, USA

Argh!

Good morning, USA

I love Spirit Week.

I'm literally bursting
with school pride.

At least I hope that's what this is.

(SCREECHES)

What better way to honor our school
than a Teachers Hall of Fame?

Show everyone the greats

who made Pearl Bailey
the amazing school it is today.

On premium library real estate, no less.

How'd you lock that up, Stevie baby?

The library has extra space

'cause Principal Lewis
destroyed most of the books

when he and his buddies
were playing flamethrower tag.

Rest in peace, buddies.

We're close. Let's test it out.

I'm Mr. D'Angelo.

I was the first teacher to say,

"Talk amongst yourselves"
and leave for the rest of the day.

If I know our peers,
they're gonna love this.

Spirit Week, bitches!

(ALL YELLING)

Isosceles. (DISTORTS)

Can you believe I'm just now discovering

the magic of mixing
Mentos and Diet Coke together?

I'm testing out recipes for a badass
foam show on the football field.

- Our robots are ruined.
- (SCOFFS)

You wanna see ruined robots,
let me have 'em for the night.

Spirit Week!

(SIGHS) This is gonna take
forever to fix.

What's the point, Steve?

As long as that madman Lewis
is in charge, this school is screwed.

He ruins everything.

Sorry, Steve. I'm out, too.

All this Spirit Week talk
is just too scary for me.

Reminds me of ghosts.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Damn it!

Hey, where'd your friends go?

Please sit. I've got a lot to explain.

You're the lawyer
for all the school bus drivers, right?

No, I'm a kid,
here to file a formal complaint

against Principal Lewis.

Ah, yes. Yes, a kid.
You realize how serious this is?

I do. But I love Pearl Bailey.

And Principal Lewis
is a destructive menace

who doesn't care about the school.

He ruined my Spirit Week project,

he hired his cousin Dale
as a school nurse,

and all he does is smoke cigarettes.

Plus, Lewis taught a group of crows to
attack anyone with a rolling backpack.

Legally, I can't admit fault
of any kind,

as you know,
being a kid lawyer and all.

Well, you have to do something.
This is a formal complaint.

Fine. I'll open an investigation.

Hey, before I get into
this school bus fiasco,

let me ask you something.

What's the fastest
you'd feel comfortable

being thrown from a school bus?

I'm looking for a number over 70.

No, reach higher, Jeff!
I need the big, juicy ones.

You guys want my apple salsa
to be good, right?

We do.

Just grab the big, juicy ones, Jeff!

No! Higher, Jeff! The big, juicy ones!

(KLAUS YELLING
IN UNINTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE)

(SPEAKING IN UNINTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE)

(SPEAKING IN UNINTELLIGIBLE LANGUAGE)

Was it worth it, Jeff?
Disrespecting me to pet a giraffe?

I'll bet you guys never had to sneak in
at night to avoid an insane principal.

Yeah. You legends were probably
too busy to come in at night anyway.

VIP-ing your way around town.
Banging everything with a heartbeat.

MAN: Would you just come on?

Gotta hide for a second.

(SMOOCHING)

Yeah. Here they are.

The blueprints to the school.

Not really sure
why late-night copy machine repairmen

would need these, but... (GROANS)

Perfect. These'll show us
the structural points

where we need to plant the dynamite
to blow this school to smithereens.

- (GASPS)
- (GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

Clean.

(GRUNTS)

All right, we got the blueprints,
but we still have a huge problem.

Where are we gonna unroll them?

How about the table
by them robots, boss?

Good eye.

You know, one day, humans are going
to only sex each other through robots.

How do you know that?

Because my aunt used to say it
whenever we went to Chuck E. Cheese.

Okay, let's hit here, here and here.

And we'll start with the boiler room.

Come on. Let's get started.

(SINGING) I'm gonna take my class
to the old classroom...

Oh, my God. They work! Shit.

I'm gonna take my class...

One of the robots
is making a break for it.

That's a kid.
Toad-Button, you go after him!

We'll start planting the bombs.

Thank goodness I wore
my brand-new Skerchers SuperSpeeders.

ANNOUNCER: That's right, Dadders!

Steve wears the brand-new Skerchers
SuperSpeeders by Skerchers Sneakers!

Now with real rubber.

(YELPS)

If you're gonna kill me,

pass along my funeral requests
to my friend Snot.

Tell him,
"Open casket, eyes wide, huge smile."

- Oh, thank God, it's you.
- You're too kind, Steve.

I wish everyone was as happy
to have me around as you.

I guess someone
formally complained about me.

The superintendent wants to meet with me
in the morning. I'm as good as gone.

Just grabbing my most important stuff

in case I'm not allowed
back on the premises.

Gosh, that's terrible
about the investigation.

Did I say investigation?

Some guys broke in
and they're going to blow up the school.

Let 'em. Screw this place!
Oh, man, I love it here.

This will be a great talk for later.
They're looking for me. We gotta go.

It's not fair.

I just finally fund-raised enough money
to trick out my office.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

You loving these hydraulics?

(GUN FIRING)

You didn't mention
the guys with bombs had guns, too.

Bullets are my kryptonite. Follow me.

You're lucky you're with me.

- No one knows the school like I do.
- I should call the police.

Damn! No service down here.

Oh, God forbid a kid goes
five minutes without his phone.

I'm trying to save the school!

I can't believe my fate's
in your crazy-ass hands.

They're so crazy, they just might work.

Hey, they worked!

- So, how pimp is this place?
- It's great. Where's the exit?

Nowhere.

We kick back and wait it out here
until this blows over.

"Wait it out"?

What if they find us?
And what about the school blowing up?

We're fine. This is my panic room,
and it's bomb-proof.

Designed it myself.
Even built the fireplace.

Brick.

Just relax, Smith.
Can I get you a drink?

Are you a brandy kid?

Oh, hey.
You mind taking your shoes off?

You destroyed the library with foam,

and you want me to take off my shoes?

This is such bullshit.
Look at all the work you did down here.

But you can't be bothered
to care about the actual school.

Smith, I do my job better than anybody.

And whoever reported me
to the superintendent

got it as wrong as you.

- (RUSTLING)
- Ahhh!

- Toad-Button found us.
- Did you say "Toad-Button"?

Yeah. What a stupid name.

Well, could be cute on the right guy.
Is this who was chasing you?

That's him! Damn. He's aged very well.

Everything always works out
for the bad boys.

I should have known they'd be back.

Of course they're your former students.

You've been terrorizing kids
for 30 years.

(SIGHS) Man, '94 was a hell of a class.
Those kids could dress.

(BANGING)

This place is bomb-proof, huh?

What do we do?

Ah, people got so hammered at that prom.
At least I did.

The chimney's our only way out!

Yes, into the Christmas tunnel.

The gym?

Dang. I got something in my eye.
Do you see anything?

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(DEVICES BEEPING)

Why would you build a chimney
into another room?

I only had this many bricks.

This is why all our gym teachers
have lung disease.

Well, no one seemed to mind
when it smoked out all the pigeons!

Yep, those are Toad-Button's buddies.

It's beautiful they stayed in touch.
But how are we getting out of here?

Don't worry. There's gotta be
something in my bag that can help us.

Useful, useful, useful,
but not for this.

A cord? I don't remember packing a...

Did you hear something?

I've heard that
the dry cleaning business

will eat you alive

- if you don't have the right mentor.
- Hmm. I'm not sure that's what it was.

But maybe.

We can get out there.

Okay. That's the last of the explosives.

Now we just wait until
that bastard Lewis

shows up in the morning

so he can watch it happen.

Are you flirting with me, Smith?

No. I'm flirting with death.

And it sounds like they're here
because of you.

That's why I'm here.

Play it cool.

We are six non-giraffes
looking for a place to eat.

Right this way.

(SPEAKING UNINTELLIGIBLY)

(SINGING UNINTELLIGIBLY)

(GASPS)

(SCREECHING)

We should go.

My brother-in-law is upset
because he prefers

the Stevie Wonder version
of Happy Birthday.

We'll obviously be paying for
none of this and taking it all to go.

And toss a couple
of White Russians in here.

Ah, it feels so good
to talk at full volume again.

(SINGING) La, la, la

Shut up! We're almost home-free.

Just got to figure out how to get down.

I got us covered.

Wow, two inflatable Grim Reapers
made the cut.

- Grims.
- What?

Grims Reaper.
It's the same as brothers-in-law.

"I have two Grims Reaper."

I'm sorry to nitpick. That's just
one of my biggest pets peeve.

Okay. So what now?

Climb on.
I'll puncture it and it'll deflate,

sinking you down to the ground,
where you can run to safety.

That's actually a great idea.

Wait. Just me?

This is where we part ways, Smith.

I'm their principal, and I can get
through to them before it's too late.

But you're not their principal anymore.

Being a principal
is like being a murderer, Smith.

You carry that label forever.

Forget about them. They hate you.

So? I saved you, didn't I?

And you're the one who reported me
to the superintendent.

You knew that,
and you've still been helping me?

Of course I have. I'm your principal.

And whether you approve of my style
or not, I take my role very seriously.

Now I've got students to get through to.

Ah! Toad-Button. You startled me.

Nice to see you again, Principal Lewis.

Hey.

Principal Lewis, I've decided
that I can't leave you here alone.

You know, I see you're a big fan
of pistol whipping.

But you know what knocks me out?
Be-bop jazz.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

We thought we were gonna have to wait
until morning for you to show up.

But I should have known
you'd be here working late.

I wasn't working, I swear.
Those days are behind me.

I can vouch for that.

Yeah, right.

Now you're gonna watch us
destroy your precious school,

just like you destroyed our lives.

Guys, you can't.
If you do something this big

and leave two eyewitnesses,
you're gonna get caught.

Then maybe we don't leave any witnesses.

(SHUDDERS)

Look, I know I ruined your lives,
but let me help you now.

I got a guy in Mexico
who can set you up with new identities.

Plus, he works at the Hilton pool.

You can swim, get some sun.
Those amazing rolled-up towels.

Don't listen, boss.

He'll say anything
to save his beloved school.

I'm sorry. Beloved school, working late?

Are we talking about
the same Principal Lewis?

This guy disbanded the school chorus

because he was afraid
the singing might "attract Sasquatches."

I don't know
what he's been up to recently, kid.

We've been in jail.

But how about we tell you
our experience with Lewis?

Okay. So, back in the early '90s...

Sorry, Toadie.
I know I said "we," but I got this.

So, back when we were in school...

TOAD-BUTTON: Was it not the early '90s?
I feel like that helps.

JERRY: Yes, okay.

Back in the early '90s,
we used to struggle as students,

but Lewis saw our potential

and was determined
to get the most out of us.

Aw, Jerry, give me a hug.

I'm obviously not finished!

But no matter how well we did,

nothing was ever good enough
for this guy.

Eventually, we couldn't
take it anymore and snapped.

We dropped out,
started getting into trouble

-and wound up in jail.
- (CAMERA FLASHES)

- All because of him.
- In the early '90s.

(SIGHS)

That's right, Steve.

I used to try to get
the most out of my students.

I used to be a bad principal.

I don't follow.

You see, the problem was,
I was acting like a strict parent

when all these kids already had parents.

- Actually, I lost both my parents.
- It was just too much pressure.

What they needed was a friend.

It's not princi-parent, it's princi-pal.

So I became the most fun pal I could be.

And yes, over the years, that may have
drifted into (BLEEP) up uncle territory,

but the results speak for themselves.

The only time kids go to jail anymore
is when they're there visiting me.

Wow.

So all this time
I thought you were nuts,

I was right.

It was a car accident,
in case anybody's interested.

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(CHEERING)

You know what's ironic?

We were doing all this for the giraffe,

but I think he showed us
the night of our lives.

OTHERS: Mmm-hmm.

Wow! A giraffe!
Looks like y'all had a crazy night.

Yeah. But I guess he has
to go back to the zoo now.

Wait. I might have an idea
that'll keep him out of the zoo forever.

Please, you gotta believe me.
I'm not a baby giraffe.

I'm a human man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You and every
other animal in the zoo.

Don't worry, babe. We'll be back.
I got an annual pass.

Guys, if you want to destroy the school,
just leave this man in charge.

He will eventually do it, I guarantee.
And your hands will be clean.

Enough stalling.

Any last requests
before your school goes sky-high?

How about we raise a final toast
to old Pearl Bailey?

With what beverage?

With the champagne of colas.

Diet Coke!

He's trying to kill himself
before we blow up the school.

That's enough!

Stop!

(BURPS)

- Ugh! Gross!
- Ugh!

This is just sad.

Please blow up the school.
We deserve it at this point.

Sorry. I meant to do this.

Um...

Is he flirting with me?

(BURPS)

There is no way he meant to do that.

(LAUGHING)

He may not be perfect,
but he really does care.

I know his old students
tried to blow up the school,

but his current students just complain.

I think he's moving
in the right direction here.

Thanks, Steve.

I guess it's kind of like
Steinbeck says.

"Now that I'm not asking you
to be perfect, you can be good."

See, he knows Steinbeck.

Of course I know Sherm Steinbeck.

You're not gonna find
a better amateur dentist than that guy.

All right. We'll let Mr. Lewis off
with a warning.

So what happened
to those convicts, anyway?

Back to prison, I assume?

You know, as their principal,
I just didn't think

more prison time
was the answer for those kids.

Here are the passports
for your new identities.

Hop in.
I already picked up my other client,

so next stop's Mexico.