All language subtitles for American.Dad.S20E01.Fellow.Traveler.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track4_[eng]

(DIGITAL BEEPING)

SHIP COMPUTER: Planet crust,
59.6% silica.

ROGER: Again with the silica.

It's always silica.

SHIP COMPUTER: Scan complete.

Minimal resources detected.
Planet has low potential.

Looks like my decision's made for me.

Navigation, set course for home.

(CREATURE SQUEALS)

What the...

(RUMBLING)

(ROARS)

(ROGER SCREAMING)

(CHUCKLES)

Aah!

(ROGER SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(SCREAMING)

(COUGHING)

SHIP COMPUTER: Fuel core not found.
Switching to reserve power.

Reserve power sufficient
for orbital launch.

That's good news.

SHIP COMPUTER: Reserve power
depleted by orbital launch calculations.

(SHIP POWERS DOWN)

That's bad design.

(SIGHS)

I gotta find that fuel core.

(WOLF HOWLING)

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Can't let the inhabitants see me.

Shit.

Salutations, fellow traveler.

Well, you don't look like
you're from around here.

You must be a hobo!

A poor hobo,
wandering the desert like an Israelite.

I'm Freddy Underwood, Bible salesman
and good Samaritan,

and you're coming with me.

- I don't want to.
- I insist!

So, you're taking me prisoner?

I'm taking you for a hot meal.

So, you're gonna eat me, then?

(LAUGHS) I don't eat hobos.

Not since the Great Depression.

(LAUGHING)

(WHISTLING)

MAN ON RADIO: ...as reports come in of a
large crash somewhere in the desert

of what some are saying
was an unidentified flying object.

(RADIO TURNS OFF)

I'm not much for news,
unless it's the Good News.

Used to be a preacher.
Preached the Good Book.

Then, something happened.

Now I sell the Good Book!

Don't believe in it anymore,

because of what happened.

And here we are!

Grandma Macadoo's boarding house.

You're gonna like her.

- She's a warm, earthy woman.
- (DOOR OPENS)

But saltier than Lot's wife.

I got a hungry one for you,
young Miss Macadoo.

Little guy with long arms, huh?

I dropped a dirty sex book

on the far side of my clawfoot tub.

If you can reach it, I'll give you
a big plate of chipped beef.

Ah, he's running away.

Grandma, this jackrabbit's head's
all mushy.

Ew, gross. (GRUNTS)

(DISTORTED) Can I make
his head all mushy?

(SNIFFS)

(ROARS)

(SNIFFS)

(GROWLS)

(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, good! I'm up!

Rip Van Winkle rises!

I need to go.

Suit yourself.

(STOMACH GROWLING)

Ha-ha! Someone smells that chipped beef.

Chipped beef again?

What did you think you
were getting, Luis? A salad?

None for me, please. Watching my figure.

Screen stars have to stay trim.

I'm Roslyn Jenkins,
not that you know the name yet.

(CHUCKLES) I'm in New Mexico
for a brief respite,

then I'm off to be a young ingenue
for Metro Goldwyn and Mayer.

You've been here nine years.

You're 60, right?

I'm not 60!

It's this damn dry air.

Uncle Cosworth, you're joining us?

Soon as I get this old girl loaded.

Uncle Cosworth is one of the
last living Civil War veterans.

He liked shooting so much,
he fought for both sides.

Clifton! Put your little club down
and eat something.

You know, I heard on the radio

that some people think they saw
a Martian spaceship last night.

You listen to my radio,
you pay me a nickel!

I'll tell you something.

As a crop duster...

I'm a crop duster.

I spend a lot of time in the air,

and I've seen my fair share of things
in the sky that I cannot explain.

Once, I saw what appeared
to be a blackbird,

but it had the body of a mouse.

And it was nighttime!

Sounds like a bat to me, friend.

A what?

(CHUCKLES)

I also fought in the
Spanish-American War in 1898.

Tremendous war.

I don't know what it was about,

but I'm sure we were the good guys.

Luis, you don't know when that airplane
is gonna drop like a stone!

You need to be at peace with
the big, bearded man in the clouds.

You need a Bible.

But you don't believe in the Bible.

Some big, bearded man in the clouds?

I'm not an idiot!

But you can't afford to take chances.

And I'd believe the Bible
if I could, trust that.

But I can't.

I'm locked out of the Gates.

Because of all of those hobos I ate.

(LAUGHING)

And if you make new chipped beef
inside the old chipped beef,

you never have to wash the pot!
(CHUCKLES)

But do I make my debut
in comedy or tragedy?

I mean, I can do both equal...

Clifton! It's dead already!

GRANDMA MACADOO: All done.

I suppose that means
you'll be hitting the road?

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Evening, madam. I'm with the OSS.

Wait, sorry. The CIA.

They just changed the name on us.

I'm Agent Avery Bullock.

Wait! Sorry. Avery Bullock, Sr.

I just had a son,
and he changed my name on me!

Hello, citizens.

I'm sure you've all heard about a crash

that happened last night,

and maybe you've even heard
it was a UFO.

(CHUCKLES) A UFO, can you imagine?

Do you want to know what it really was?

A weather balloon.

A common, everyday,
you've-seen-it-a-thousand-times

weather balloon.

What is a weather balloon?

It's a type of balloon.

If it was just a balloon,
why is the OSS here?

Why is the CIA here?

What's that thing you're carrying?

It's a tool for capturing
weather balloons.

Now that I've answered
all your questions,

flawlessly,

I have a question.

Have you seen any
suspicious characters around?

Suspicious how?

Just suspicious.

Not an alien or anything,

but maybe gray or green skin,

maybe tentacles.

Assistance in finding someone like that
would be greatly appreciated.

And any resistance would be
greatly unappreciated.

Mister, I know for a fact
that every one of us

has seen a suspicious character.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

In the mirror! (LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Well, I leave you
to your joyless laughter.

Is it only six of you for dinner?

You better believe it.

Then why are there seven plates?

- (GASPS)
- (BASIN CLATTERING)

(WHIMPERING)

BULLOCK: Do I hear
the frightened whimpering

of a nasty little
weather balloon in there?

(DOOR CREAKING)

(DOOR CREAKING)

Well, this didn't work...

I beg your pardon, madam.

Wait, you think I'm a woman?

But I look ridiculous.

I've seen more fetching women, sure,

but you're no more homely
than your very homely twin sister

I saw out in the dining room.

Because I look
just like Grandma Macadoo.

Get out of my way!

Chipped beef! Chipped beef!

(ALL GASPING)

What in the twinly name
of Jacob and Esau?

I'm back from the bathroom, everybody.

Me. Grandma Macadoo's sister.

Grandma Macadoo?

Why did you all say there were
only six of you here?

Oh, no!

They couldn't hear you over the sound
of your stomach smelling chipped beef.

I'll get you a bowl.

The secret to chipped beef
is the creaminess,

and the secret to my creaminess
is horse milk.

Sure, horse milk tastes like grass
and smells like a horse,

and cow milk is way better
in every way imaginable,

but I don't have a cow
and I do have a horse.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Or I did, before I chipped it up
and beefed it.

It's like I'm looking in the mirror.

Hobo? That's you, right?

Somehow?

(ALL GASPING)

One of the greatest acting performances
I've ever seen!

You simply became Grandma Macadoo.

What makes my disguise
so effective on humans?

Well, it's time I came clean
about what I am.

- A big ol' alien...
- Whoa, whoa.

- Stop talking!
- No, no! Not our business!

Let me explain something
to you, magical hobo.

We all came to the middle
of nowhere for a reason.

We don't talk about the past

or who poisoned what daddy where,

or why the well water went smelly.

And don't ask me about
stealing my airplane,

which doomed my squadron.

I'm always joking about what I did,

but it really actually truly happened!

I did it. I ate 'em.

Can you, uh, do me?

Like you did Granny?

I used to preach the Good Book,
now I sell it!

(ALL GASPING)

Ah, do me!

I'm a fresh young thing

and my gorgeous little face
looks like a river map.

I wanna become a star
by sitting here in the corner!

- (ALL LAUGHING)
- Hey!

It was brother against brother,

which was tough because
I didn't have a brother.

So, I had to shoot my sister.

(CACKLING)

I like to fart a big load of dust
onto some crops,

then go to town and pay a man and a lady

to watch me have sex with my plane.

Boy, this magical hobo was
listening to everything I said.

Can you become anyone else?

I don't know anyone else.

What if we went into town,
met some other people?

It's the Green Chile Festival.

I should get going, actually.

I have to find my spaceship's fuel core.

- La-la-la-la-la.
- Try this.

Trust me.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Town. Chiles. Now.

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHS)

What's that?

"Tent revival"?

Is there something in there
I can put inside me,

or put myself inside, or maybe,

I don't know, rub on myself?

PREACHER: I was there in the field,

a man of clay,

my heart and mind still mired

in the frantic decadence
and sin of this modern life.

"Green chile this" and "peep show" that.

When out of the sky,

it fell.

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

It exploded into the ground

and I went to it.

My mind was made clear.

My heart became full with the Lord.

My hair became very easy to comb.

My teeth fell out
and landed on the ground

with a pretty little pitter-pat.

And a voice whispered and I knew,

I understood,

that it was a sacred piece

of Heaven's Wall!

- (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- I must touch it!

- (GUNSHOT)
- (AUDIENCE GASPS)

Only I may touch the relic.

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

Now, we have all heard tell
of an alien in our midst.

But I say to you this,

it is not an alien that has come to us,

but an angel!

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh...

Lord, thank you for this sacred chunk.

Let no man sunder me
from my godly chunk.

Ta-da!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's me! It's me!
The angel! I'm here for that.

(HISSES)

You don't look like an angel.

Where are your wings?

I tuck 'em into my robes
when I'm not flying.

Where's your halo?

Also tucked.

Most of these things are for flying only

and it's immediate tuck-time on landing.

MAN: Looks like she's wearing
a piece of the tent.

Can we see you fly?

I'd rather not.

Maybe I'll just shoot you, to be safe.

I saw him fly.

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

It was the most beautiful thing
I ever saw!

It brought tears to these Southern eyes.

And as I looked upon that flying angel,

I said to myself, "Be strong, Roslyn!

"Because whether it was
poison or not, Daddy is gone.

"And if you just sit on your tuffet,

"you'll never get to brush your hair
at the pink vanity of..."

All right, that's plenty.

I'm the angel, is the main takeaway,

and I'm here for that piece
of our beautiful wall.

There's a big hole near the Gate

and sinners are wiggling through.

Saint Peter's Gate?

- Yup.
- It is an angel!

I saw him fly, too!

I think I saw him eat a big cheeseburger

across the street!

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

MAN: Hallelujah!

Well, I guess I should be going,

but God thanks you for your assistance.

WOMAN: Will we get into Heaven for this?

Boy, you guys sure are
excited about Heaven.

What's it like?

- It's nice.
- (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

It's very nice.

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

Yeah, there's like the wall

and the Gate, obviously.
I already mentioned those.

WOMAN: What's inside the wall?

Oh, it's got everything. There's a tent,
just like this and, um...

Oh, they've got green chiles.

As above, so below!

ROGER: Who wants a kiss
from a real angel?

Form a line.

Kiss line canceled.

Everyone, link arms and form
a Heaven's Wall here on Earth

with your bodies.

You should see a doctor.

Tell him God said,
"Radiation poisoning."

Aaah!

Looks like someone was hoping
to get back to Heaven,

but I'm afraid I'm going
to have to take you

someplace south of that.

You're a clever one, gray man.

But I'm a clever gray man, too.

I realized you were no angel.

Because I didn't have the wings.

Ha! I didn't know for sure until
you just confirmed it.

And now, I'm taking you to a
new secret facility in Nevada.

It's called Area 51. State of the art.

Makes Area 50 look like Area 49.

Will I like it there?

Oh, you'll love it!

Unless you don't like
being dissected alive,

in which case, you'll hate it.

What's that? A weather balloon?

No, it's a friend.

I can't see anything

with all this safe
and harmless crop dust.

What the...

Great plan, gang.

I mean, I almost died, but good plan.

Good, not great.

Now, where's our getaway car?

Okay, this plan sucks, gang.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

- (GASPS)
- This is all the getaway we need.

I'm going to get you, alien scum.

Where is it? I know it's one of you.

We'll never tell.

And you can't take all of us.

I'm taking all of you.

A-kaza-kaza-wha?

I don't know
which one of you is the alien.

I mean, I feel pretty confident
it's one of the twins,

but I'm taking you all
to Area 51 anyway.

Uncle Cosworth, do something!

One Bull Run Special coming up.

Okay, that's not happening.

I can't let you take them.

It's me.

I'm the one you want.

Don't say anything mean about my body.

- (ALL CHEERING)
- Hallelujah!

I cracked that man.

I daddied him.

Clifton, I can't believe you were

hiding behind that cactus
the whole time,

especially since you're
also standing right there.

(ALL SCREAMING)

COSWORTH: Great mother of pearl!

Kill me. Do it.

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

I wronged you.

I killed your...

I want to say, little lover?

Was it a sex friend?

(SHRIEKING)

It was your young.

I was afraid of that.

But before you righteously murder me,
can I say something?

You and me are a lot alike.

Fellow travelers.

Strangers on a strange planet.

A strange planet full of strange humans.

They do weird stuff.

Like clapping.

They enjoy a thing,

so they gather to look at the thing
and slap their hands together.

Big, loud, slappy clomps.

Dumb. In a way, the computer was right.

This planet has low potential.

But then I got to thinking
about the green chile pepper,

full of high quantities of capsaicin,
which is a poison.

But what you can't tell

from your scanning tripod on the moon

is that this poison is also
really spicy and flavorful.

Get where I'm going with this?

Huh?

The people.

They're like the green chile peppers.

The things inside them
that they think are poison,

their dark secrets
and their troubled pasts,

just make them spicy and flavorful.

I told you we were a lot alike.

He's waking up. That's my cue!

- (SCREAMING)
- (LAUGHS)

Tell everyone what you saw
here today, if you want.

Who would ever believe you?

(LAUGHING)

(ALIEN SPEAKING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

He...

he didn't say goodbye.

To keep you safe, my friends.

I don't want you to know too much.

Do you think he was the alien

the government was looking for?

Hmm. Maybe they don't know enough.

NARRATOR: And so, Roger sets off
to travel this new world,

seeking only his pleasure and amusement,

perhaps righting a wrong, if he has time

and it's not a big hassle.

All the while being pursued
by an intelligence agent,

his smart-alecky bald son,

and a vengeful shape-shifting alien
who seeks to destroy him.

His date with destiny
and the Smith family

still decades in front of him,

he is The Fellow Traveler.

And these are his stories.