All language subtitles for American.Dad.S20E01.Fellow.Traveler.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track4_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,046 (DIGITAL BEEPING) 2 00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:08,383 SHIP COMPUTER: Planet crust, 59.6% silica. 3 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:10,093 ROGER: Again with the silica. 4 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,720 It's always silica. 5 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,138 SHIP COMPUTER: Scan complete. 6 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:16,683 Minimal resources detected. Planet has low potential. 7 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,893 Looks like my decision's made for me. 8 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,062 Navigation, set course for home. 9 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:23,690 (CREATURE SQUEALS) 10 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:25,483 What the... 11 00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:26,568 (RUMBLING) 12 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,071 (ROARS) 13 00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,698 (ROGER SCREAMING) 14 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:38,329 (CHUCKLES) 15 00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:39,414 Aah! 16 00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,624 (ROGER SCREAMING) 17 00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,964 (SCREAMING CONTINUES) 18 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,387 (SCREAMING) 19 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,285 (COUGHING) 20 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,331 {\an8}SHIP COMPUTER: Fuel core not found. Switching to reserve power. 21 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:24,000 {\an8}Reserve power sufficient for orbital launch. 22 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,085 {\an8}That's good news. 23 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,004 {\an8}SHIP COMPUTER: Reserve power depleted by orbital launch calculations. 24 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,380 {\an8}(SHIP POWERS DOWN) 25 00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:31,466 That's bad design. 26 00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:33,384 (SIGHS) 27 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,053 I gotta find that fuel core. 28 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,639 (WOLF HOWLING) 29 00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,685 (VEHICLE APPROACHING) 30 00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,106 Can't let the inhabitants see me. 31 00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:48,733 Shit. 32 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,652 Salutations, fellow traveler. 33 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:54,197 {\an8}Well, you don't look like you're from around here. 34 00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,574 {\an8}You must be a hobo! 35 00:01:56,574 --> 00:02:00,411 {\an8}A poor hobo, wandering the desert like an Israelite. 36 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:04,374 {\an8}I'm Freddy Underwood, Bible salesman and good Samaritan, 37 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,543 {\an8}and you're coming with me. 38 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,545 {\an8}- I don't want to. - I insist! 39 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,965 {\an8}So, you're taking me prisoner? 40 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,509 {\an8}I'm taking you for a hot meal. 41 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,511 {\an8}So, you're gonna eat me, then? 42 00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:18,763 {\an8}(LAUGHS) I don't eat hobos. 43 00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:20,723 {\an8}Not since the Great Depression. 44 00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,267 {\an8}(LAUGHING) 45 00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:24,644 {\an8}(WHISTLING) 46 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:28,398 {\an8}MAN ON RADIO: ...as reports come in of a large crash somewhere in the desert 47 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:32,861 {\an8}of what some are saying was an unidentified flying object. 48 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:34,821 {\an8}(RADIO TURNS OFF) 49 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,701 {\an8}I'm not much for news, unless it's the Good News. 50 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,662 {\an8}Used to be a preacher. Preached the Good Book. 51 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,706 Then, something happened. 52 00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,457 Now I sell the Good Book! 53 00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:48,293 {\an8}Don't believe in it anymore, 54 00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,128 {\an8}because of what happened. 55 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,756 {\an8}And here we are! 56 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,759 {\an8}Grandma Macadoo's boarding house. 57 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:57,969 {\an8}You're gonna like her. 58 00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,263 {\an8}- She's a warm, earthy woman. - (DOOR OPENS) 59 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:02,307 {\an8}But saltier than Lot's wife. 60 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:06,311 {\an8}I got a hungry one for you, young Miss Macadoo. 61 00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,688 {\an8}Little guy with long arms, huh? 62 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,356 {\an8}I dropped a dirty sex book 63 00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:12,442 {\an8}on the far side of my clawfoot tub. 64 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:15,987 {\an8}If you can reach it, I'll give you a big plate of chipped beef. 65 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,698 {\an8}Ah, he's running away. 66 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:22,702 {\an8}Grandma, this jackrabbit's head's all mushy. 67 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,537 Ew, gross. (GRUNTS) 68 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,083 (DISTORTED) Can I make his head all mushy? 69 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,008 (SNIFFS) 70 00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,178 (ROARS) 71 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,514 (SNIFFS) 72 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:48,436 (GROWLS) 73 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,525 (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) 74 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,027 Oh, good! I'm up! 75 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,371 Rip Van Winkle rises! 76 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,456 I need to go. 77 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:09,749 Suit yourself. 78 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,501 (STOMACH GROWLING) 79 00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:14,921 Ha-ha! Someone smells that chipped beef. 80 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,339 Chipped beef again? 81 00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,175 What did you think you were getting, Luis? A salad? 82 00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:22,762 None for me, please. Watching my figure. 83 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,973 Screen stars have to stay trim. 84 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,850 I'm Roslyn Jenkins, not that you know the name yet. 85 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,645 (CHUCKLES) I'm in New Mexico for a brief respite, 86 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:34,774 then I'm off to be a young ingenue for Metro Goldwyn and Mayer. 87 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,859 You've been here nine years. 88 00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:38,319 You're 60, right? 89 00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:39,737 I'm not 60! 90 00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:42,323 It's this damn dry air. 91 00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,575 Uncle Cosworth, you're joining us? 92 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,829 Soon as I get this old girl loaded. 93 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:51,207 Uncle Cosworth is one of the last living Civil War veterans. 94 00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:53,710 He liked shooting so much, he fought for both sides. 95 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,713 Clifton! Put your little club down and eat something. 96 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,759 You know, I heard on the radio 97 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:05,722 that some people think they saw a Martian spaceship last night. 98 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:08,266 You listen to my radio, you pay me a nickel! 99 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,684 I'll tell you something. 100 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,935 As a crop duster... 101 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,020 I'm a crop duster. 102 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,771 I spend a lot of time in the air, 103 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:17,358 and I've seen my fair share of things in the sky that I cannot explain. 104 00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:19,444 Once, I saw what appeared to be a blackbird, 105 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,612 but it had the body of a mouse. 106 00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,448 And it was nighttime! 107 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,825 Sounds like a bat to me, friend. 108 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,076 A what? 109 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,494 (CHUCKLES) 110 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:33,333 I also fought in the Spanish-American War in 1898. 111 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,376 Tremendous war. 112 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,712 I don't know what it was about, 113 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:40,631 but I'm sure we were the good guys. 114 00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:45,011 Luis, you don't know when that airplane is gonna drop like a stone! 115 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,264 You need to be at peace with the big, bearded man in the clouds. 116 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:50,183 You need a Bible. 117 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,226 But you don't believe in the Bible. 118 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,312 Some big, bearded man in the clouds? 119 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,189 I'm not an idiot! 120 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,316 But you can't afford to take chances. 121 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:01,110 And I'd believe the Bible if I could, trust that. 122 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,236 But I can't. 123 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:04,155 I'm locked out of the Gates. 124 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,074 Because of all of those hobos I ate. 125 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,910 (LAUGHING) 126 00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:12,872 And if you make new chipped beef inside the old chipped beef, 127 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,166 you never have to wash the pot! (CHUCKLES) 128 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:19,462 But do I make my debut in comedy or tragedy? 129 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,589 I mean, I can do both equal... 130 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:24,008 Clifton! It's dead already! 131 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:25,843 GRANDMA MACADOO: All done. 132 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,597 I suppose that means you'll be hitting the road? 133 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,224 (VEHICLE APPROACHING) 134 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:37,939 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 135 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,069 Evening, madam. I'm with the OSS. 136 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,613 Wait, sorry. The CIA. 137 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,824 They just changed the name on us. 138 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,617 I'm Agent Avery Bullock. 139 00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:52,870 Wait! Sorry. Avery Bullock, Sr. 140 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,748 I just had a son, and he changed my name on me! 141 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,542 Hello, citizens. 142 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,794 I'm sure you've all heard about a crash 143 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,170 that happened last night, 144 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:04,090 and maybe you've even heard it was a UFO. 145 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:07,677 (CHUCKLES) A UFO, can you imagine? 146 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,887 Do you want to know what it really was? 147 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:11,472 A weather balloon. 148 00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:14,642 A common, everyday, you've-seen-it-a-thousand-times 149 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:15,810 weather balloon. 150 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,062 What is a weather balloon? 151 00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:19,772 It's a type of balloon. 152 00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:24,235 If it was just a balloon, why is the OSS here? 153 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,362 Why is the CIA here? 154 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:29,031 What's that thing you're carrying? 155 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,451 It's a tool for capturing weather balloons. 156 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,703 Now that I've answered all your questions, 157 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:34,912 flawlessly, 158 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:36,581 I have a question. 159 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,917 Have you seen any suspicious characters around? 160 00:07:39,917 --> 00:07:41,461 Suspicious how? 161 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,171 Just suspicious. 162 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,589 Not an alien or anything, 163 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,716 but maybe gray or green skin, 164 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,384 maybe tentacles. 165 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:52,346 Assistance in finding someone like that would be greatly appreciated. 166 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:57,268 And any resistance would be greatly unappreciated. 167 00:07:57,268 --> 00:08:00,855 Mister, I know for a fact that every one of us 168 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,773 has seen a suspicious character. 169 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,901 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 170 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,278 In the mirror! (LAUGHING) 171 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,446 (ALL LAUGHING) 172 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,949 Well, I leave you to your joyless laughter. 173 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,328 Is it only six of you for dinner? 174 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,996 You better believe it. 175 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:20,166 Then why are there seven plates? 176 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:21,959 - (GASPS) - (BASIN CLATTERING) 177 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,213 (WHIMPERING) 178 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,215 BULLOCK: Do I hear the frightened whimpering 179 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,675 of a nasty little weather balloon in there? 180 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,929 (DOOR CREAKING) 181 00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:38,893 (DOOR CREAKING) 182 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,317 Well, this didn't work... 183 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:48,277 I beg your pardon, madam. 184 00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:49,862 Wait, you think I'm a woman? 185 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,280 But I look ridiculous. 186 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,741 I've seen more fetching women, sure, 187 00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:57,203 but you're no more homely than your very homely twin sister 188 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,829 I saw out in the dining room. 189 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:02,291 Because I look just like Grandma Macadoo. 190 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,417 Get out of my way! 191 00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:04,877 Chipped beef! Chipped beef! 192 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,045 (ALL GASPING) 193 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,880 What in the twinly name of Jacob and Esau? 194 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,132 I'm back from the bathroom, everybody. 195 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:13,094 Me. Grandma Macadoo's sister. 196 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,846 Grandma Macadoo? 197 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,891 Why did you all say there were only six of you here? 198 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:19,976 Oh, no! 199 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,813 They couldn't hear you over the sound of your stomach smelling chipped beef. 200 00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,022 I'll get you a bowl. 201 00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:27,525 The secret to chipped beef is the creaminess, 202 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,695 and the secret to my creaminess is horse milk. 203 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:33,948 Sure, horse milk tastes like grass and smells like a horse, 204 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:36,867 and cow milk is way better in every way imaginable, 205 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,537 but I don't have a cow and I do have a horse. 206 00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,289 (TIRES SQUEALING) 207 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,041 Or I did, before I chipped it up and beefed it. 208 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,379 It's like I'm looking in the mirror. 209 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,506 Hobo? That's you, right? 210 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,049 Somehow? 211 00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:53,384 (ALL GASPING) 212 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:57,346 One of the greatest acting performances I've ever seen! 213 00:09:57,346 --> 00:10:00,391 You simply became Grandma Macadoo. 214 00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,436 What makes my disguise so effective on humans? 215 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:07,815 Well, it's time I came clean about what I am. 216 00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,191 - A big ol' alien... - Whoa, whoa. 217 00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:11,027 - Stop talking! - No, no! Not our business! 218 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,821 Let me explain something to you, magical hobo. 219 00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,699 We all came to the middle of nowhere for a reason. 220 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,826 We don't talk about the past 221 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,287 or who poisoned what daddy where, 222 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,956 or why the well water went smelly. 223 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,125 And don't ask me about stealing my airplane, 224 00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:27,918 which doomed my squadron. 225 00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:29,754 I'm always joking about what I did, 226 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,672 but it really actually truly happened! 227 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,341 I did it. I ate 'em. 228 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,217 Can you, uh, do me? 229 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,385 Like you did Granny? 230 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,388 I used to preach the Good Book, now I sell it! 231 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,556 (ALL GASPING) 232 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,099 Ah, do me! 233 00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,976 I'm a fresh young thing 234 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,437 and my gorgeous little face looks like a river map. 235 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:49,315 I wanna become a star by sitting here in the corner! 236 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,025 - (ALL LAUGHING) - Hey! 237 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,235 It was brother against brother, 238 00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:55,738 which was tough because I didn't have a brother. 239 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,490 So, I had to shoot my sister. 240 00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,326 (CACKLING) 241 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,996 I like to fart a big load of dust onto some crops, 242 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,332 then go to town and pay a man and a lady 243 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,501 to watch me have sex with my plane. 244 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,587 Boy, this magical hobo was listening to everything I said. 245 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:13,255 Can you become anyone else? 246 00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:14,757 I don't know anyone else. 247 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:17,593 What if we went into town, met some other people? 248 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,220 It's the Green Chile Festival. 249 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,263 I should get going, actually. 250 00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:23,182 I have to find my spaceship's fuel core. 251 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,142 - La-la-la-la-la. - Try this. 252 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,227 Trust me. 253 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:29,897 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 254 00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,149 Town. Chiles. Now. 255 00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,026 (UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) 256 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,102 (LAUGHS) 257 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:11,689 What's that? 258 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,733 {\an8}"Tent revival"? 259 00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:16,402 Is there something in there I can put inside me, 260 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,071 or put myself inside, or maybe, 261 00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:20,948 I don't know, rub on myself? 262 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,367 PREACHER: I was there in the field, 263 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,411 a man of clay, 264 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,413 my heart and mind still mired 265 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:31,125 in the frantic decadence and sin of this modern life. 266 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:35,045 "Green chile this" and "peep show" that. 267 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:38,257 When out of the sky, 268 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,217 it fell. 269 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:41,802 (AUDIENCE GASPING) 270 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:44,555 It exploded into the ground 271 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,766 and I went to it. 272 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,518 My mind was made clear. 273 00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:52,563 My heart became full with the Lord. 274 00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:56,358 My hair became very easy to comb. 275 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:59,028 My teeth fell out and landed on the ground 276 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,280 with a pretty little pitter-pat. 277 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,741 And a voice whispered and I knew, 278 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,367 I understood, 279 00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,995 that it was a sacred piece 280 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:10,539 of Heaven's Wall! 281 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:12,208 - (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) - I must touch it! 282 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,126 - (GUNSHOT) - (AUDIENCE GASPS) 283 00:13:15,002 --> 00:13:18,005 Only I may touch the relic. 284 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:19,715 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) 285 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:23,469 Now, we have all heard tell of an alien in our midst. 286 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,262 But I say to you this, 287 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:28,474 it is not an alien that has come to us, 288 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,185 but an angel! 289 00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:32,853 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) 290 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,564 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 291 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,779 Oh... 292 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:45,324 Lord, thank you for this sacred chunk. 293 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:49,829 Let no man sunder me from my godly chunk. 294 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,913 Ta-da! 295 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:55,084 Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's me! It's me! The angel! I'm here for that. 296 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,168 (HISSES) 297 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,963 You don't look like an angel. 298 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,382 Where are your wings? 299 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:04,176 I tuck 'em into my robes when I'm not flying. 300 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:05,302 Where's your halo? 301 00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:06,387 Also tucked. 302 00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,389 Most of these things are for flying only 303 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,516 and it's immediate tuck-time on landing. 304 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,810 MAN: Looks like she's wearing a piece of the tent. 305 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,020 Can we see you fly? 306 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,105 I'd rather not. 307 00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,732 Maybe I'll just shoot you, to be safe. 308 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:20,734 I saw him fly. 309 00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:21,819 (AUDIENCE GASPS) 310 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:25,072 It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw! 311 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:27,533 It brought tears to these Southern eyes. 312 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,952 And as I looked upon that flying angel, 313 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,955 I said to myself, "Be strong, Roslyn! 314 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:36,625 "Because whether it was poison or not, Daddy is gone. 315 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:39,128 "And if you just sit on your tuffet, 316 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:42,214 "you'll never get to brush your hair at the pink vanity of..." 317 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,549 All right, that's plenty. 318 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,551 I'm the angel, is the main takeaway, 319 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,220 and I'm here for that piece of our beautiful wall. 320 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,389 There's a big hole near the Gate 321 00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,558 and sinners are wiggling through. 322 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,476 Saint Peter's Gate? 323 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,688 - Yup. - It is an angel! 324 00:14:57,688 --> 00:14:59,648 I saw him fly, too! 325 00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:01,734 I think I saw him eat a big cheeseburger 326 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:02,902 across the street! 327 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,069 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) 328 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,154 MAN: Hallelujah! 329 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,657 Well, I guess I should be going, 330 00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:11,035 but God thanks you for your assistance. 331 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,454 WOMAN: Will we get into Heaven for this? 332 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,706 Boy, you guys sure are excited about Heaven. 333 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,333 What's it like? 334 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:20,044 - It's nice. - (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) 335 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,712 It's very nice. 336 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,589 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) 337 00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,925 Yeah, there's like the wall 338 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,094 and the Gate, obviously. I already mentioned those. 339 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,013 WOMAN: What's inside the wall? 340 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:35,184 Oh, it's got everything. There's a tent, just like this and, um... 341 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,019 Oh, they've got green chiles. 342 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:40,147 As above, so below! 343 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,775 ROGER: Who wants a kiss from a real angel? 344 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:43,859 Form a line. 345 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:46,570 Kiss line canceled. 346 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:49,573 Everyone, link arms and form a Heaven's Wall here on Earth 347 00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:50,658 with your bodies. 348 00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:53,035 You should see a doctor. 349 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,204 Tell him God said, "Radiation poisoning." 350 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,623 Aaah! 351 00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,292 Looks like someone was hoping to get back to Heaven, 352 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,878 but I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you 353 00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:06,548 someplace south of that. 354 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,057 You're a clever one, gray man. 355 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,226 But I'm a clever gray man, too. 356 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:19,770 I realized you were no angel. 357 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,939 Because I didn't have the wings. 358 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:25,693 Ha! I didn't know for sure until you just confirmed it. 359 00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:30,114 And now, I'm taking you to a new secret facility in Nevada. 360 00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,158 It's called Area 51. State of the art. 361 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,744 Makes Area 50 look like Area 49. 362 00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:36,954 Will I like it there? 363 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,455 Oh, you'll love it! 364 00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,916 Unless you don't like being dissected alive, 365 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:42,710 in which case, you'll hate it. 366 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,378 What's that? A weather balloon? 367 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,507 No, it's a friend. 368 00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,136 I can't see anything 369 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,347 with all this safe and harmless crop dust. 370 00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,017 What the... 371 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:02,938 Great plan, gang. 372 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,191 I mean, I almost died, but good plan. 373 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,276 Good, not great. 374 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,819 Now, where's our getaway car? 375 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:13,574 Okay, this plan sucks, gang. 376 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:15,784 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 377 00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:19,163 - (GASPS) - This is all the getaway we need. 378 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,166 I'm going to get you, alien scum. 379 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,793 Where is it? I know it's one of you. 380 00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,128 We'll never tell. 381 00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,088 And you can't take all of us. 382 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,298 I'm taking all of you. 383 00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,799 A-kaza-kaza-wha? 384 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,010 I don't know which one of you is the alien. 385 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:36,555 I mean, I feel pretty confident it's one of the twins, 386 00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:39,725 but I'm taking you all to Area 51 anyway. 387 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,351 Uncle Cosworth, do something! 388 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:44,772 One Bull Run Special coming up. 389 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,191 Okay, that's not happening. 390 00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,485 I can't let you take them. 391 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:50,569 It's me. 392 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:51,737 I'm the one you want. 393 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,740 Don't say anything mean about my body. 394 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,536 - (ALL CHEERING) - Hallelujah! 395 00:17:59,536 --> 00:18:01,538 I cracked that man. 396 00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:03,082 I daddied him. 397 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,917 Clifton, I can't believe you were 398 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,419 hiding behind that cactus the whole time, 399 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,588 especially since you're also standing right there. 400 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:13,884 (ALL SCREAMING) 401 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,427 COSWORTH: Great mother of pearl! 402 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:17,846 Kill me. Do it. 403 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:19,348 (GROWLS SOFTLY) 404 00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,308 I wronged you. 405 00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:22,518 I killed your... 406 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,019 I want to say, little lover? 407 00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:25,646 Was it a sex friend? 408 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,981 (SHRIEKING) 409 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,858 It was your young. 410 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,151 I was afraid of that. 411 00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:34,238 But before you righteously murder me, can I say something? 412 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:36,448 You and me are a lot alike. 413 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,741 Fellow travelers. 414 00:18:37,741 --> 00:18:39,576 Strangers on a strange planet. 415 00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:42,246 A strange planet full of strange humans. 416 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,580 They do weird stuff. 417 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:44,873 Like clapping. 418 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,208 They enjoy a thing, 419 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:49,628 so they gather to look at the thing and slap their hands together. 420 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,255 Big, loud, slappy clomps. 421 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:54,341 Dumb. In a way, the computer was right. 422 00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,426 This planet has low potential. 423 00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:59,263 But then I got to thinking about the green chile pepper, 424 00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:03,350 full of high quantities of capsaicin, which is a poison. 425 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,601 But what you can't tell 426 00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,895 from your scanning tripod on the moon 427 00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:10,607 is that this poison is also really spicy and flavorful. 428 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,192 Get where I'm going with this? 429 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:13,318 Huh? 430 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:14,528 The people. 431 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,572 They're like the green chile peppers. 432 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,491 The things inside them that they think are poison, 433 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,869 their dark secrets and their troubled pasts, 434 00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:24,496 just make them spicy and flavorful. 435 00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:30,127 I told you we were a lot alike. 436 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:33,380 He's waking up. That's my cue! 437 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,384 - (SCREAMING) - (LAUGHS) 438 00:19:40,971 --> 00:19:44,099 Tell everyone what you saw here today, if you want. 439 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,602 Who would ever believe you? 440 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,770 (LAUGHING) 441 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,942 {\an8}(ALIEN SPEAKING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE) 442 00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,281 He... 443 00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:01,366 he didn't say goodbye. 444 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,702 To keep you safe, my friends. 445 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,495 I don't want you to know too much. 446 00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:07,539 Do you think he was the alien 447 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:09,499 the government was looking for? 448 00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:11,460 Hmm. Maybe they don't know enough. 449 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:34,858 NARRATOR: And so, Roger sets off to travel this new world, 450 00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,778 seeking only his pleasure and amusement, 451 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,988 {\an8}perhaps righting a wrong, if he has time 452 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:41,490 {\an8}and it's not a big hassle. 453 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:45,744 {\an8}All the while being pursued by an intelligence agent, 454 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,955 {\an8}his smart-alecky bald son, 455 00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:51,625 {\an8}and a vengeful shape-shifting alien who seeks to destroy him. 456 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,711 {\an8}His date with destiny and the Smith family 457 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,505 {\an8}still decades in front of him, 458 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,258 {\an8}he is The Fellow Traveler. 459 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,927 {\an8}And these are his stories. 32928

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