Original subtitles

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL FILM

DEAR ANU AND

You can write later if your hand is hurting.

Will you stop that!

Ms. Nayan…

Let me write in peace.

I'll write at my own pace.

Thank you.

How lovely!

-Put a black dot for the evil eye. -Anu…

Wow! Looking gorgeous.

Thank you. Easy there.

I'm sorry I'm late. The meeting dragged on.

If you wouldn't have come on time…

How wouldn't I? Have I ever missed your performance?

The audience is great today.

-Hey, Anu… -Mom…

What?

Wasn't it I who decided to quit smoking during your pregnancy?

So, trust me, I won't.

There's no harm in just holding it. You've become the moral police.

-Seriously-- -Okay, relax.

Ma'am, you're on in five minutes.

I know. Let me breathe, will you?

Okay, ma'am. Sorry.

Seat Raghav and Masha in the audience.

-Okay. -Thank you.

Okay. Have a good performance.

All the best. Come.

MAYA PRESENTS - ODISHA MAHOTSAV SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY ANURADHA APTE

Thank you so much, Apoorva.

And now, it's the moment we have all been waiting for.

A performance by one of the most famous Bollywood actresses

everyone's favorite, Anuradha Apte.

Anuradha Apte has been awarded

with the Padma Shri for her excellence in Odissi.

I was just wondering…

Is there some living left to do?

No.

Perhaps only dying's left to do.

No, Ms. Nayan.

That was not pleasant to the ears.

Talking about death doesn't suit you.

Okay, I will change my words for you.

Is there anything left to live for?

Yes.

The glass isn't empty yet.

Yes. This suits you.

Speaking of alcohol suits me?

Yes.

But you wouldn't know of the joys of a drink!

To teach you to drink is what's left to do.

Ms. Nayan!

Rani!

Just explain to them that it's an emergency.

And as soon as I find out, I'll give them another date. Okay?

And you don't call me. Instead, I'll call you.

Okay? Please.

-It's not coming out. -Let it be.

Okay, bye, Shantanu.

Just leave it, okay?

Yes, Deepak. Grandma got a brain stroke.

We've admitted her at the Silver Cloud Hospital.

No, we had to stop the show midway.

Fuck! Asshole! Fucker, can't you see? Are those eyes or buttons?

He can't hear you through the glass.

He can see, can't he?

-That's the whole point of driving. -Relax.

No, please don't give it to your mom. You take care of her. Okay. Bye.

Give, I'll try that again.

-It's okay. -Okay, fine.

Oh, God.

Parking is full.

Do these journalists smell tragedies from afar?

-Bloody vultures. -Listen, please ignore them and calm down.

I'll be as calm as Buddha.

Is that Milan?

How did this asshole get here?

He's the one who got Grandma to the hospital.

He's the one who called Shantanu.

Come.

You go ahead. I'll park the car, handle the formalities and come.

Okay.

Ma'am, your mother is in a coma. How do you feel about it?

If your mother was in a coma, would you have liked it?

No, but your relationship with your mother isn't great.

So what?

She's my mother.

Please, let us go.

Mr. Upadhyay told us that Ms. Nayantara's biography will be controversial.

Your comments?

When you read my autobiography, you will understand what controversial truly means.

-Are you writing an autobiography? -Ma'am, photo please.

"Please?" Is this a red carpet? It's a hospital. You people are inhumane.

So, that was Anuradha Apte, one of Bollywood's notorious actresses.

Her first movie, Dil kii Dhadkan, was a hit.

Controversy queen Anuradha

came to the hospital in a fancy dress to see her ailing mother.

Her mother's in a coma. She's here after hearing the news.

Mr. Milan, could you tell us something about Ms. Nayantara?

Ms. Nayan won the Sahitya Akademi Award for her first novel Nirabhra.

A National Award winning movie called Nayi Raah was based on that.

You'll get to know of all her achievements in her biography.

What about her personal life and her relationship with Ms. Anu?

Yes. Her biography contains

many facts and anecdotes about her personal life and relationships.

Do one thing.

Give her this injection and tell me how she's feeling in half an hour.

-Hello, Ms. Anuradha. -Doctor! Anu, please.

I'm Dr. Mayekar.

I've done Ms. Nayan's initial check-up.

She's in a coma, but there's nothing to worry about.

She's in a coma and it's nothing to worry about?

Ma'am, I mean, I don't see any other complications.

-No-- -She will be fine, right?

We'll observe her for the next 72 hours. We have to do a few tests.

I have spoken to the press. So, you don't have to worry about that.

Thank you, Doctor.

May we see her?

What the fuck?

It is not allowed actually.

You may see her from outside the room.

Sister, from outside the room. Only one minute.

-Okay? Thank you. -Okay, sir.

Thanks.

Please come.

Never seen Grandma this helpless before.

She doesn't want to be burnt.

What?

Ms. Nayan didn't want the body-burning ritual after her death. She told me--

Hey, you body-burning ass! Who asked you? First of all, let me tell you…

It is not "burn." It is "cremate."

If you don't know English, then don't try speaking it, asshole.

Secondly, she's not dead yet. Ready to cremate her, fucking idiot!

Yes, Raghav.

Wait at the reception. We're coming.

Yes, Deepak, I'm just leaving the hospital. No, I'll tell you at home.

I had to leave for an emergency in the middle of the show.

Do you think I had the time to change my outfit and make it to the hospital?

Anu, relax. You know how journalism is nowadays.

How can you expect them to be sensitive?

They're a bunch of assholes, I swear.

Now they're playing the same clip again.

They're always spouting nonsense,

but how can they call an Odissi outfit a fancy dress?

I mean, like, do they even know anything about culture?

Then the Twitter trolls started.

-This isn't new to you. Just ignore them. -God.

-Yeah. Tell me. -Listen, I was thinking--

This asshole is here today as well.

Who?

That Milan! Who else? Fucker!

-Okay, don't get angry. -Yeah.

-What? -Anu?

Ma'am, smoking isn't allowed here.

-Did I light it up? -No.

-Then? -Sorry.

Are you smoking, Anu?

No! Please don't start.

Okay, listen. I'll catch up with you later.

Okay. Fine.

Bye.

Where are you taking her?

Shut up!

Ms. Nayan was right about you.

What did she say?

That you're very rude.

That's a compliment.

And stonyhearted.

I'm stonyhearted? Who was ready to cremate her yesterday?

Waiting for her to die, no?

So the copyrights of her books go to you.

I know that she's left the copyrights to you.

-How can you talk such drivel? -What?

I mean, what you are saying is wrong.

What I'm saying is absolutely right. That's why you were so scared.

Fucking gold digger.

You're wrong. I'm not like that.

Then what are you like?

-I worship her. She's my idol. -Right.

I'm the biggest admirer of her writings.

You won't understand that relationship or her writings.

You have no respect for her.

Ms. Nayan and I… we are wired similarly.

Wired similarly, eh? Now that wire's been cut. She's in a coma.

Now roam around haplessly, without a wire.

Wireless.

Ma'am, sir, silence please.

-There's a patient here. -Can she hear us?

She's in a fucking coma.

Fuck!

Robindro?

It's been so long since we last met.

How are you?

How do I look?

What are you doing here?

I wanted some peace. Milan's face really irritates me.

Nayan's student?

Nayan's fucking tail.

Hey, come on…

But is there any peace here?

All the chaos is here.

Block it right there.

Come on, try it.

I guess your trick is working a little bit.

See.

You can become a saint or a guru. You'll earn millions. I'm telling you.

Oh, no.

What will I do with millions?

I can't take money with me when I die, can I?

Also, money doesn't guarantee happiness.

I've seen many sad millionaires.

You aren't human-like anymore.

You're almost saint-like.

Nothing like that.

Anyway, how is Nayan?

She's great. She's in a coma.

Silent zone. Perfect.

It's a good thing that she's breathing on her own.

Actually it's a better idea that you've taken this private room.

You will have complete privacy here.

Yeah, that's true.

Another thing is, in these cases…

we can't really predict…

when a patient will come out of a coma.

-Hope you understand. -Yeah.

I'll take your leave.

If you need anything, you can always call me.

Hare Krishna.

I don't like evenings.

I hate twilight.

The time to light the evening lamps.

Salutations to the light Of the auspicious lamp

For good health and wealth

May evil intentions be vanquished

We bow before the sacred flame

We light a lamp to the Gods That which illuminates the holy basil

My salutations to all the Gods

Come, now let's switch on all the lights in the house.

Wait… let me do that.

Stay aside. Wait.

It's time to light the evening lamps, but she has kept her room in darkness.

All she thinks of is her writing and nothing else.

As if she's writing the Bhagavad Gita.

Nayan, switch on the light!

Hey, Nandi Bull…

Do you have any bad news for these children?

Have you come to make trouble for these children?

He says, "No!"

Will you bless these children for their school work?

Will these children have a bright future?

Come on, Anu.

Dad?

Nayan!

Mom, there's a fly on your face, and you can't flick it away.

How will Nayan recognize you if you talk to her in such an adorable voice?

You're calling her "Mom" and not even arguing with her.

Where do I argue? In fact, I don't even talk.

And has she ever spoken nicely to us?

Now look at her. She's sleeping peacefully in a coma.

I mean, nobody would think

she is capable of the fucking nonsense that she's put us through.

Let it go, Anu.

What can she do about it now?

Also, we can't really rewind our life and live it again.

That's true.

But you can say sorry.

Just one apology.

"Sorry, Anu, for fucking up your life."

"Sorry, Robindro, I ruined your life."

-She could do that at least. -We've not had it that bad.

How can you say that? She made my life hell.

This is not the end, Anu.

The Lord gives us many opportunities to apologize to each other.

We will be reborn many times to pay our debts.

We die and are reborn. It's a cycle.

Please. One life with Nayan is enough.

I don't want to meet her in my next life.

Then forgive her.

Or else you'll have no choice but to be reborn again.

"Choice"?

When did we ever have a choice?

Did we get to choose our parents before we were born?

In our childhood, did anyone ask us what we wanted?

We never had a choice.

We don't have a choice.

Choice.

Choosing.

This is what it's all about.

We elders take decisions for children. Where do they have a choice?

Yes.

So in my autobiography,

I want to give them an opportunity to blame me all they want.

Our memory is very selective.

PREFACE

Isn't it?

Our memory hides our faults…

and makes the good in us seem larger than life.

Yes.

To know the truth about oneself,

it's important to know the viewpoint of one's significant other.

I wish I could write my autobiography with my own hands.

There'd be no need for this recording then.

The way I wrote… so fast.

Just a paper, pen and ink.

My imagination had no limit.

Nayan, Ravi wants milk.

Mom, you write. I'll give it.

Of course. Your mother has no hands, right?

She's too busy writing, after all.

Come. How was your day?

Great.

Did you take your pills?

Yes, I did.

What's up, kiddo?

Hi, Anu. Where's Mom?

Where do you think? It's been three hours…

She's writing!

Even if I were dying, she'd say, "Mother, don't die now."

-"Let me finish this writing first." -Mother, patience!

As if those flowers will change anything.

I don't want flowers. I want peace at home.

Fine, tomorrow I'll bring a kilo of peace with the flowers.

Is this all a joke to you?

Don't you get that I want peace in this house?

I come home tired from work, no one has offered me a glass of water…

All you both do is complain about your problems, I'm sick of all this…

That's right!

You don't have answers, so you just walk away!

Vinayak?

He bought such nice flowers. Can't you even talk to him properly?

Very beautiful.

-Congratulations, Nayan. -Thank you.

What can I say about your writing?

She's the topic of conversation at every literary conference.

That's amazing, Nayan.

Thank you.

Never let the ink in your pen dry up.

-Cheers. -Keep writing.

-Cheers. -Thank you.

Okay. I'll be right back.

Vimal, the guests love your sago patty. Please make some more.

Yes, as soon as I finish with these coriander patties.

Your pseudo intellectual friends are having fun, aren't they?

Mom, not today, please.

Let's not do a song and dance in front of the guests.

"Song and dance"?

You think I'm some cheap performer?

Mother, let it go… Not today, please.

Why should I let it go?

Your wife is celebrated by outsiders…

but her house is in a mess.

Your wife can't cook, she doesn't do anything in the house.

Why should I praise her?

All she does is write!

Even if one of her children is dying, she won't stop writing.

Please.

Nayan.

I can't live without my writing.

Who's asking you to give up writing? Don't stop writing.

You married me because you fell in love with my writing, didn't you?

Of course, I respect you as a writer even now.

But you can't convince your mother that I need to write.

I can't live here.

I can't bear this prison anymore.

Nayan, listen.

Let's move out of here.

We'll live and breathe free someplace else.

Are you out of your mind?

You know I can't leave my mother. I'm her only son.

You're my only husband and Anu and Robindro's only father…

You've forgotten that?

Just a minute… Anu and Robindro are happy here.

And what about me?

My happiness is not important to you?

Let's go, Anu.

Nayan!

-Dad? -Anu…

Nayan!

She was sitting in front of me. I was interviewing her.

I don't know, all of a sudden, she… I was shocked.

Meeting with the director at 6:00 p.m.,

meeting with the production house at 7:00 p.m.

Movie screening at 9:00 p.m.

As you can see, my mother is in the hospital.

You'll have to reschedule all this for after three days.

-After three days. Okay. -I'll tell you later. Thank you.

Hello, dear.

-Hello. -She'll be fine very soon.

God bless you and your family.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That was crazy.

I don't know so many of Nayan's friends.

I know everyone.

Okay, listen, all of you leave.

Visiting hours are over.

I'll stay with Mom.

Nayan. I will stay with Nayan.

-Anu, you can go if you want. -No, I'll stay--

Can I stay?

Why would you stay?

Yeah, if Nayan dies at midnight, how can you miss that moment?

You will take her to be cremated immediately.

What drivel is this?

I can't ever think like that.

I won't be able to make it tomorrow. I'm going to meet Dad and Aunt Kumud.

They're not your dad and Aunt Kumud.

Okay. Your dad and Aunt Kumud.

Why are you asserting your right over them?

You didn't even try meeting your father all these years.

If I don't assert my right, who else will? You? You bloody fucker!

-Listen… -Raghav…

You're crossing your limits.

Be in your limits! Or else we'll ban you from coming here.

You have ruined our peace of mind. Who are you to interfere in our lives?

I want to meet Grandpa and Kumud Grandma.

I've never met them.

I don't think that's a good idea--

Nobody fucking cares about your opinion here.

Masha will go with you tomorrow.

And if you fuck with me after this…

I promise you, I will never let you meet Nayan. I'll cut off all the wires.

Please forgive me.

Okay, now… you can go.

Don't you both want to meet Grandpa?

-No. -No.

Okay.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Visiting time is over. Only two people are allowed.

Yes, we're leaving.

-Take care of yourself. Okay? -Bye.

After I left Vinayak's house, it wasn't easy for us.

I still had someone who had my back.

Vimal.

The poor soul's no more.

Ours was an unconventional family in a very conservative society.

There were the two of us and our two kids.

But by "the two of us," I mean Vimal and I.

And our two kids were Anu and Robindro.

There was peace in the house. No quarrel, no arguments.

The sad part is that Vinayak never tried to find out how the kids were doing.

So I changed my kids' names at their school.

I believed that since I gave birth to them,

and I was raising them all by myself,

and their father's contribution was nothing beyond some sperm,

why shouldn't they be known by my surname?

What right did the school have, not to allow it?

It was my personal matter.

That was revolutionary for that era, right?

Yes, of course.

-It was 1986. -Yes.

When the school refused, I took it to court.

I fought the case for ten years.

I faced a lot of criticism for it.

I had challenged an ancient tradition of a patriarchal society, after all.

It was bound to happen.

Class, quiet!

-Anuradha… -Anuradha…

-Nayantara… -Nayantara…

-Apte. -Apte.

Class, quiet!

Your mother and father are divorced, no?

-Divorce? -Miss, what is divorce?

You go and ask your mother and father.

Class!

Or ask her.

Anuradha, your surname is "Apte" and your father's "Joshi"? Why is that?

Don't know, Miss.

I can't hear you. Louder.

Don't know, Miss.

Class!

Hey… What is divorce?

Hey, Joshi…

Not Joshi… Apte.

And then the peace in our home was shattered, because of me.

I invited a storm called Vikramaditya into my life.

You must have heard of Vikramaditya, right?

Yes, he's a renowned photographer.

He clicked some really good pictures of me at a writer's conference.

And then he followed me around like a crazy lover.

I really liked his work.

Due to his mad obsession…

I began seeing myself from a different perspective.

I fell in love with myself.

I had never experienced passion with Vinayak.

Vikram made me experience emotions that I had never felt before.

Didn't the ride take forever?

And that taxi driver was staring so much.

What could he do but stare at someone so beautiful?

Anu, I'm your friend.

Come here. Listen, we won't tell anyone. I promise.

Anu, this is our big secret.

Anu?

Anu?

Anu.

Don't touch me.

You okay, Anu?

You okay? Are you all right?

Actually…

I overslept, you know? And…

It's noon already--

Hey, just relax. Sit down.

You needed to rest.

So it's okay.

Yeah, I know, but… for Nayan, I have to go--

Nayan is fine. She's sleeping, I mean… She's exactly the way she was.

She's fine.

I've spoken to Robindro.

What's wrong?

Is something the matter? Did you have a nightmare or something?

I think I just…

I just can't breathe…

I just can't breathe…

Okay, relax.

Here you go. Take it. I got it for you.

You're trying to quit, right?

It might be the withdrawal, anxiety or nightmares of some kind…

Why are you so nice?

I'm not that nice for you to…

Coffee?

-Yes, please. -Super.

Dhiru, coffee for madam the way she likes it.

Right away.

Masha, can you show it to me? One moment.

Sister-in-law took Anu and Ravi away…

and after that…

Mother passed away. I mean…

She went to her heavenly abode.

Anu and Robindro never visited again after that? Not even once?

Anu?

She's Masha, brother.

Anu's daughter, she's not Anu.

It's okay.

Anu, who's that?

He's a writer, Grandpa.

Writer?

Nayan?

Careful…

Where do you want to go, brother?

Where do you want to go?

Come, be careful.

Slowly.

Easy. Easy.

Sit, sit.

Hey, you two haven't eaten anything?

Have some. Please offer it to him as well.

-No. Thank you. -Have some.

No formalities.

Have some.

These are so good. They're very delicious.

I'll finish the whole lot.

Yes, you must.

This is nothing.

Mom used to make very delicious laadoos.

Your great grandmother.

Better than these?

Much, much better than these.

Have, no?

Please eat.

-They're great. Just delicious. -Tasty, right?

Anu and Ravi loved Mom's laadoos.

Those were golden days.

But an evil eye befell us.

And now…

My brother doesn't remember anything.

It's good he doesn't remember.

We must leave now. We have to go to the hospital.

Do you have to go?

Yes.

Come.

Thank you, Grandma Kumud.

I'll see you.

Listen, Masha. Next time, come with your husband.

Yes.

Her husband is our grandson-in-law, you know?

Yes.

-It's his house too, right? -Yes, of course.

You come, too.

-I'll see you. -Okay.

Thank you.

-You must visit again. -Yes, I will for sure.

Come back soon.

It's so good.

Wow!

This is a fucking one-hour orgasm.

Dad thought…

Your dad thought Masha was you.

He was continuously addressing her as Anu.

Yes, he actually kept referring to me as you.

And your Aunt Kumud kept referring to you as "Ravi."

Anyways, it's time for my prayers. I'll leave now.

You were here all night.

-Thank you. -Bye.

-Bye. -See you.

Hare Krishna.

Mr. Robindro, when can you spare time for the biography?

Autobiography. Nayan will write it herself when she gets better.

Yes, autobiography.

When can we meet?

We have already met.

No, I mean, when are you free?

Ms. Nayan wanted you to give your inputs in her autobiography.

What do you want to know?

Have a seat.

That's okay.

Let's start from the beginning.

The Lord's universe doesn't have a beginning or an end.

-That's true. -Yeah.

Let's start with a memorable childhood moment?

When you were younger…

All moments are memorable.

The good and the bad.

Everything is precious.

Because everything is written by Him.

That's true.

But isn't this escapism?

If everything is already decided, why should we do anything?

So…

Our purpose is to keep doing what we have to.

The life we're living, is it easy?

Yes? No?

-No. -No.

But we're still living our lives. We aren't running away, are we?

Then how is it escapism?

It's an acceptance that everything's been written by Him.

Our present is written by Him.

What happened in the past was meant to happen

and what will happen in the future, it's bound to happen.

So to sum it up…

Our body is just a medium to help our souls reach Him.

Our life is just a pilgrimage.

Hare Krishna.

-Anything else? -No.

-You sure? -Yes.

Bye.

Anu, I have to leave too.

If you should need me, call me.

I'll come here right away. Take care.

-See you, bye. -Bye.

Bye.

I should leave too.

My mother-in-law called me a thousand times, but I didn't answer.

Do I have to stay alone with this asshole?

-He's very creepy. -He's okay, you know?

He asked me a lot of questions.

At Dad's house?

No, on our way here. In the car.

-Masha, you're just… -For Grandma.

I couldn't say no.

-Bye. -Bye.

Bye, Milan.

Bye.

Ms. Nayan really wanted you and Robindro to be interviewed for the autobiography.

Your point of view meant a lot to Ms. Nayan.

-You should-- -Shut up!

Why do you get so irritated with me?

Fuck, do you want me to worship you?

Why do you use such abusive language with me?

Can't you simply call them "cuss words"?

"Abusive language." Fucking drama king!

You just did it again.

Where?

The "F" word…

"Fuck"?

Fuck isn't a cuss word. I use it for good things too.

Imagine you're in front of the Taj Mahal.

You're a writer, go ahead. Close your eyes and imagine.

That you're in front of the Taj Mahal.

And just say, "Love."

Love.

Hear that?

Sounds like an overripe banana.

Now close your eyes and say, "Fuck."

Go ahead.

Fuck.

See? Wasn't that fun?

In life too, fuck is much better than love.

And you've neither experienced love nor fuck.

I have…

So Mr. Wireless Upadhyay,

unless I call you "fucker," don't assume that it's a cuss word.

Fucker!

My decisions had the biggest impact on Anu and Robindro.

Us elders take decisions for our children. Where do they have a choice?

Yes.

So in my autobiography,

I want to give them an opportunity to blame me all they want.

Our memory is very selective, isn't it?

Your side of the story is very important to Ms. Nayan.

So, Ms. Anu, your story in your own words.

Will you talk about it?

No.

Why? What are you so scared about?

Scared?

You should be scared, and she too.

Because if I start talking,

your literary goddess here will be left humiliated.

I promise you, it will not be pretty.

Why do you hate her so much?

She's done so much to give you a good life.

She doesn't deserve so much hate, Ms. Anu.

You fucker, what the fuck do you know about my life?

Have you ever been in my shoes?

Did your mother get married to an asshole when you were 14 years old?

That fucking asshole didn't lose a single opportunity to sexually harass me.

And the great Nayantara Apte let it happen.

I was not safe in my own house only because of her.

Did your mother do anything like that to you?

And if she had, would you have worshipped her?

Ms. Nayan didn't know that you were getting harassed.

She hasn't been able to forgive herself for this.

Listen to what she had to say for yourself.

Unbelievable!

Was she in a coma then too?

It was happening right under her nose.

How could she not fucking see?

That animal…

kept harassing… my daughter right under my nose.

He kept troubling her.

And I didn't have a clue.

I really trusted Vikram…

and I couldn't ever imagine that…

he would sexually molest Anu.

I feel disgusted with myself.

How could I be so blind?

Why didn't I see Vikram's true colors?

Anu?

Mom!

Why are you scared? It's our little game.

Nobody is home.

Yeah. We're good friends. We're going to be really good friends.

Don't worry, it's going to be our secret.

What's going on over here?

You should ask her.

Who's my special friend now?

Hey.

What's going on with her?

Nothing at all.

She requires some time.

I'm worried about her.

Don't worry, there's nothing to worry about. I'll manage.

You know me, I'm irresistible.

Dad, we want to live with you…

We don't want to live here anymore.

Nayan won't like it.

Besides, who will look after you? Now that your grandma is gone.

Aunt Vimal will stay with us.

We are coming there.

Listen, you can come here for a few days, but…

But we want to come forever.

That is not possible.

Dad doesn't love us.

We are never going to talk to him again.

-Promise? -Promise.

You shouldn't say things like this.

No, Aunt Vimal, I don't want to live here.

Aren't you a good girl?

Please, I can't stay here.

Please, I don't want to stay here.

Anu!

-Anu! Hold her hand. -Okay.

Anu…

Anu?

Come out, my child.

I want to talk to you.

Come out, please! Anu…

I'm an artist. I won't take random jobs for money.

-One moment. -What is it?

Why did you have to buy lenses?

How will I find good work if I don't upgrade?

Anu, where are you going?

Robindro.

Rob…

Anu?

Why didn't you knock?

I did.

You didn't hear.

You were writing?

Yes, my autobiography.

Now I will write the truth. About you.

After many years,

Anu openly spoke about her dark phase in an interview for a magazine.

She… named Vikram there.

But it was too late then.

I couldn't do anything about it.

Vikram and I were divorced by then.

But then I understood…

why Anu hates me so much.

Some years passed and my second novel was published.

Kaai, that was your first novel in Hindi, right?

Yes. And I also worked on its English translation.

It was called The Moss.

KAAI

The Moss. And Kaai was awarded the State Literary Award too.

Yes.

That same year, Anu started working in films.

DIL KII DHADKAN

And in the midst of all this,

Anu fell in love with a Russian boy called Dmitri.

I rented a flat for them.

But it was hard to find them a rented apartment at that time.

Because they weren't married,

people couldn't comprehend the concept of a live-in relationship.

It was impossible for them.

Anu never spoke to me much.

Most of our communication was through Vimal.

But Dmitri and I shared a good relationship.

I've never met my father.

He and Mom met at some film festival

where Mom's film was shown… in the House of Soviet Culture.

They liked each other and started living together.

Mom got pregnant and I'm the result.

Mr. Dmitri used to drink and beat up Ms. Anu.

Ms. Nayan told me about it.

Yes. I've heard that…

But Mom is a tigress when it comes to me.

She will go to any extent to protect me.

Bloody bitch!

Anu, stop!

What are you doing! She's pregnant! Have you gone mad?

You hit my baby!

This man is crazy! Anu…

How dare you touch me?

No, it's enough, you fucking asshole!

And if I ever see you next to me or my baby again, I'll fucking kill you!

-Anu-- -Asshole!

What happened?

What's all this?

Dandekar, who lives downstairs, had called.

He said Anu created a ruckus again today.

I was busy in an event, and he kept calling me.

And then Dmitri arrived with a bleeding forehead.

What exactly happened here?

This… this is what happened. Look at this.

This is what your precious Dmitri did to me.

Your daughter, you bloody bitch!

Anu.

What do you mean by, "Anu"?

I'm eight months pregnant,

Dmitri hit me and you're concerned about him?

No, I'm concerned about--

No, you're not!

You're not concerned about me, okay?

Did you ask even once, "How is Anu?"

You asked? Dmitri! Dandekar!

I could hear everything. You never asked about me.

No, that's not true, child…

You don't care about me, you don't care about anyone.

And I hate you. You're a sick woman!

She is your mother.

She's not! Is this how a mother is supposed to be? Like her?

You ruined my life,

you ruined Robindro's life, you ruined Dad's life!

I hate you. Me and my baby are fine.

We don't need you, okay?

We don't need you. Get lost! Get out of here!

I don't need you!

Anu, please calm down… Control your anger.

Stress is bad for the baby.

Please calm down…

That's it. After she threw me out of the house, she stopped talking to me.

I became Nayan instead of Mom.

Both my kids disowned me as a mother.

Both of them still call me "Nayan" and not "Mom."

Even Mr. Robindro? Why?

Robindro loves Anu unconditionally.

Whatever Anu tells Robindro, he always agrees with her.

My kids love each other so much,

but there's such a huge chasm between them and me.

Sometimes, I think, I wish they were characters I'd written.

I would have molded them in any way I wished.

Then they would love me.

I wish I could wipe away

the bitterness of my personal relationships.

Are you okay?

Yes, I'm all right.

And Nayan is all right too.

Thank God. I was worried, you know?

You just take care of Grandpa.

He's fine.

Excuse me, madam.

Can you help me a bit?

-The other nurse hasn't come in today. -Mom?

Sorry.

Hello, Mom?

I'll call you back, okay?

Yes, okay. Sure.

Come…

Please come.

Just hold on over here.

Here.

You just have to hold here. Her back needs sponging.

Just hold on like that.

Very good.

Poor coma patients, they can't do anything by themselves.

So I give them a really good sponging.

They can develop bed sores if sponging is not done right.

But none of my patients have had any bed sores until now.

It's done.

Very good. You can let go now, no problem.

Very good.

Thank you, madam.

Mom.

What are you staring at?

No, I was just looking…

There's nobody else here.

Nayan is here. You can look at her.

Ms. Nayan and I used to talk so much.

Did you say something?

No. I was saying how I used to talk to Ms. Nayan so much.

Time used to just fly.

Sometimes we'd talk the whole day.

It had become a habit.

Now I don't know what to do with all this time.

How did you meet Nayan?

I've done my PhD in Indian Feminist Literature,

specializing in female writers.

Fuck! You're a doctor?

Doctor of Philosophy. PhD.

I didn't know what PhD stood for.

This autobiography keeps me busy.

And that's also why I'm associated with her.

But why are you recording it?

Why isn't Nayan writing it herself?

Don't you know that Ms. Nayan cannot write?

What do you mean?

She has arthritis.

Her fingers hurt, for many years now.

She can write with great difficulty now.

Fuck! She actually can't write?

No. You didn't…

My God. Must be devastating for her.

I would die if I weren't able to dance.

No, don't say that. That's why I record everything.

I don't want to miss out on a single thing that she says.

Ms. Anu, without you and Robindro,

this autobiography would be incomplete.

No, it will not be written without both of you.

I will talk…

to Nayan, when she recovers. Not to you.

At least you'll talk to her if not to me.

Much obliged.

What, "Much obliged"? Can't you just say, "Thank you"?

No, I mean… Thank you.

Or I might just reveal everything in my controversial autobiography.

Come, asshole. I'll buy you some coffee.

Please have a seat. I'll get it.

Are you sure?

Yes.

-I'll be over there. -Okay.

One tea and a coffee.

Thank you.

It's so noisy.

Doesn't seem like a hospital canteen.

And you're so calm amidst this chaos?

It's all right here. Block it. That's it.

That was deep.

Do you often go out like this?

I mean, do you go out alone?

Ms. Anu, Ms. Nayan said that you had stopped talking to her.

Then how did you resume talking?

Because of Raina.

In my… and even Robindro's life.

He brought us some stability.

I met Raina the day Masha was born.

Hello.

I'm Raina.

Bhaskar Raina. Who doesn't know you?

May I?

Are your hands clean?

Look. No paint stains on my hands. They're clean. Just like my heart.

Come to me, baby.

How sweet.

She's adorable.

It's time to feed Masha.

Masha?

Masha Allah!

That's a beautiful name.

Hold her.

When you get discharged from the hospital, you have to come home with Masha.

Vimal.

Raina was like a father figure to me and Robindro.

If we'd met Raina in our childhood,

then we'd have a better and easier childhood.

I was glad that Masha spent her childhood with him.

Yeah…

My baby girl.

-Grandpa. -Yes?

We started staying together after ages, at Raina's house.

-Not like this. Like this. -I'm sorry.

Raina…

Robindro and I loved Raina.

He was lovable.

-I loved it. -This is my son.

Raina introduced us to a completely different world.

He used to take us to music recitals,

art exhibitions, and dance recitals.

Then one day he took us to watch Guru Kelucharan Mohapatra's Odissi dance.

He danced so well that…

You know, our minds were completely blown.

That one performance changed our lives.

Robindro found his Lord Krishna,

and I became a lover of Krishna, like Radha.

Actually more than anything else, I fell in love with the dance. Odissi.

Ladies, smile.

MRA PRESENTS RISING TALENTS

Yeah, I really owe Raina a lot.

If he hadn't come into my life, none of this would have happened.

If Mr. Raina hadn't come into Ms. Nayan's life, then…

That's true.

But their relationship didn't last long.

They had an "open relationship." Whatever the fuck that means.

I felt like Mom wanted to marry Raina.

But Raina wasn't interested in marriage.

He had a lot of other muses in his life.

However open their relationship was,

Nayan didn't like that.

She had truly met her match.

Mom became Dad. And Karma is a fucking bitch.

What did Ms. Nayan think of your Odissi dance?

What did Nayan think? I don't know…

I can say Nayan does think.

But not about others.

She is…

She definitely thinks about her characters.

She's very cerebral, you know?

How do I explain it? She is…

Abhanga.

Slightly weird. She's a genius, so she has to be weird.

And my Masha is… Samabhanga.

Completely balanced.

And I'm…

weird, skewed…

crazy, but sexy…

Tribhanga.

Ms. Anu, didn't you ever feel like getting married?

Marriage is nonsense. Don't get married.

I call it societal terrorism.

You know, monogamy is injurious to health.

Mom was fiercely protective of me.

Actually, you'll be surprised…

She never permitted her boyfriends to stay over at our house.

Never.

She always said that we didn't need any man in our house.

I've had many men in my life.

The whole world knows about it.

And I'm not a man hater.

But staying with one man for my entire life

seems like stupidity to me.

I mean, you know, like tissues.

You don't fucking wipe your nose and keep the tissue

regardless of however satisfying the experience was. Right?

You're Ms. Nayan's granddaughter and Ms. Anu's daughter.

Yet you've married into a very conservative joint family.

What were Ms. Anu and Ms. Nayan's thoughts about your marriage?

Mom has always been supportive of me.

She's happy with whatever makes me happy.

In fact, Mom likes my family.

Grandma, not so much.

My family is very typical, you know?

Women cover their heads in my family.

Hi.

Come on. Come.

Go inside.

Masha and Deepak love each other.

They want to get married.

I know you have a lot of questions regarding Masha's father.

Masha's father was a Russian.

Her father was a Russian. Not from around here.

We were divorced even before she was born.

Masha has never met her father.

And my daughter is very adorable, smart, kind-hearted…

She's a wonderful daughter.

Please, don't go by what all you read about me, because…

They always write absurd things about me in the press.

And if you want dowry, then…

I'm gonna have to find myself a rich boyfriend

because I'm a little short on funds right now.

All we want is your daughter.

Nothing more.

God bless you.

And we lived happily ever after.

Grandfather-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law,

Deepak's uncles, brothers, elder sister-in-law,

younger sister-in-law, Deepak, his cousins and their children.

And Baby Mehta will be with us soon.

Masha has chosen her family,

and I respect her freedom of choice.

But staying away from her family is my choice.

I'm happy with my audacious life.

I breathe freely, without any oppression.

Cheers.

It's so strange that Ms. Nayan was an atheist.

I mean, she is…

And both of you are believers?

I believe in the concept of…

God is omnipresent.

I'm not sure of atheism or believers…

but I love my Krishna.

I'm a Baha'i.

What is that?

Baha'is respect all the religions in the world.

They believe that humanity is the biggest religion in the world.

What are you doing?

It's a video call.

Mother-in-law calls me from Deepak's phone sometimes.

Jai Shree Krishna, Mother-in-law.

Dear, Grandpa was asking for you.

Okay, Mother-in-law. I'm leaving in a bit.

Dear, you should not go out in your state.

Mother-in-law, I'm in the hospital.

If anything happens, it's the safest place.

But the family cares about their grandson, right?

Hello, Ms. Vandana.

Hello, Jai Shree Krishna.

How is Grandpa?

He's fine. Please come visit sometime.

Yes, of course. Once Mom gets better…

Jai Shree Krishna.

This is Milan. He's helping us out with Mom's autobiography.

-Hello. -Hello.

Please don't worry about Masha.

I'll make sure she reaches home safely.

Okay.

Give my regards to Grandpa.

-Okay. Jai Shree Krishna. -Jai Shree Krishna.

They don't like me coming here everyday to see Grandma.

For fuck's sake, why? She's your grandma.

They think that seeing a patient during pregnancy is depressing.

That it will affect the baby negatively.

And they've decided the gender of the baby already, right?

Ms. Vandana kept saying, "My grandson."

Did you do the gender determination test?

Did you?

I didn't have a choice, Mom.

My sisters-in-law have daughters. So…

They didn't want to take a risk.

"Risk"?

A daughter's birth is a risk?

Her, mine, and your birth was a risk?

This is fucking unbelievable, Masha. How did you let this happen?

-Did Deepak pressurize you to do this too? -No, there was no pressure.

And Deepak doesn't have a say in front of them.

Sometimes, in families, you don't have a choice.

What you do with your body is not your choice?

And if it was a girl, would you have aborted her?

No!

They would've asked you to and you would have.

Because sometimes in families like this you don't have a choice.

No, that wouldn't have happened. We'd decided that if it was a baby girl,

we'd convince them after the test.

But we didn't have to do that, because it's a baby boy.

We were lucky.

"Lucky"?

This is fucking nonsense.

What has happened to you, Masha? Are you a puppet?

What kind of a family is this?

Abort if it's a baby girl?

It's illegal.

It's not like that, Mom.

-They're very kind and loving people. -Really?

Mom, I'm happy that my baby will get a stable and normal family.

Meaning?

I mean, at least my child will have a father.

I had a father. Did it make any difference?

Of course, it did.

At least you had a father.

You weren't an illegitimate child.

You weren't illegitimate either.

I knew that, Mom.

But the whole world thought otherwise.

Daughter of an unmarried mother who'd never seen her father.

Everyone used to call me illegitimate.

Who called you that?

And had you told me, I'd have done something about it.

It was happening right in front of you.

I can't believe you never even realized it.

Anyway, I don't want to talk about it.

What do you think…

that I wouldn't have killed them all if you'd told me?

How many people would you have killed?

Everyone used to laugh at me.

They looked at me with scorn.

Didn't you ever realize I hated going to school?

I hated PTM the most.

Because you would come there with your latest boyfriend every time.

One day, my class teacher asked me in front of everyone,

"How much does your mother charge?"

I wanted to kill myself.

I don't want my children to face the same thing I did.

You never told me any of this, not once…

You never complained.

Would I have got a normal family if I had complained?

I didn't have a choice.

Fuck!

I'm sorry, Mom.

I didn't mean it that way.

I know it came out all wrong. I'm sorry.

No, baby.

I'm sorry. Okay?

I'm sorry for fucking up your life.

No, Mom, please.

Let me say it before it's too late. I'm sorry.

I just want to say that whether it's your grandma or I…

We have made some fucked up choices, I know.

But they were all our choices.

Nobody imposed their choices on us.

But I'm neither you nor grandma.

I know. That's why I worry about you a lot.

You won't understand,

but I have seen hundreds of so-called normal families like yours.

They will put you on a pedestal,

and keep imposing their appalling, regressive mentality on you.

I know these grandfather-grandfarter types.

-"Grandfarter"? -Yeah. Really.

And despite all these tests, if you have a baby girl, that'd be fun.

He and Vandana will be checking her, saying,

"There should've been something in between the legs."

"Right, Grandpa?" Oops!

What happened to you?

I was confused whether to stay or leave.

We're fine.

Can I take a picture of you both with Ms. Nayan, if you don't mind?

Three generations.

Four. Did you forget Baby Mehta?

He's talking about three generations of women.

I'm done with this, okay?

I want her to come out of this fucking coma soon, now.

Did you hear that?

You've rested enough.

I have a lot to talk to you about.

What did I just hear? Am I dreaming?

Drama queen!

Let's see happy faces.

Can't you just say, "Smile"?

Okay.

Smile.

Anu, look who's here.

You've grown.

Nayan likes jasmine.

-And… how are you? -Grandpa!

This is Milan. He's helping out with Mom's autobiography.

DEAR ANU AND

My dearest Anu and Robindro,

for the first time in my life, I'm out of words.

Where do I start? What do I say?

I wish I could live my life again.

I would set everything right.

But that's not possible now.

I can just apologize…

and hope that you forgive me.

I took all the decisions for you in your childhood.

But I want you to decide…

what to do with my body and legacy.

This is your decision. Both of yours.

I always wanted you to have a happy life.

I wanted you to be surrounded by people

who'd give you all the love that I couldn't give you.

How do I make you believe…

that I love you the most.

Will you believe me? Believe me please!

Your Mom.

Mr. Milan is here.

I'll just be back in two minutes.

Mr. Upadhyay! Long time!

Where were you all these days?

Wish you a happy birthday.

You remembered?

I haven't forgotten anything.

Come, join us.

No, I'm fine here.

I've brought something for you.

A book?

Don't you know that I don't read books?

You'll read this for sure.

TRIBHANGA

I brought the first copy for you.

I was caught up with this.

Thank you.

That was very thoughtful of you.

You will read it, right?

Yes, I will have to.

I miss you.

I mean, I miss our long conversations.

I'd gotten used to that.

I miss Ms. Nayan the most.

Every time I try to forget her, I miss her even more.

Me too.

I don't have anyone to blame or complain about now.

Fuck!

Asshole learned to say "Fuck"?

Heard this word after such a long time.

It feels great.

This has all the recordings of Ms. Nayan and the rest of you.

Everything is in this.

Happy birthday once again.

Read the autobiography and give your honest critique.

I will give you my honest critique.

But you know what that means, right?

If I don't like it, you'll be showered with "abusive language."

You can simply say "cuss words."

Fucker!

You will like it.

I'll take your leave.

If you need help in writing your autobiography, do remember me.

I'll remember you just like that.

And I'm not writing my autobiography.

Never was.

This one's more than enough.

TRIBHANGA NAYANTARA APTE