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1
00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:14,500
It all began on New Year's Day
2
00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:17,792
in my thirty-second year
of being single.
3
00:00:19,083 --> 00:00:21,458
Once again,
I found myself on my own,
4
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:25,708
and going to my mother's
annual turkey curry buffet.
5
00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:27,309
Every year,
she tries to fix me up
6
00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:29,708
with some bushy-haired,
middle-aged bore,
7
00:00:29,750 --> 00:00:32,958
and I feared this year
would be no exception.
8
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,833
There you are, dumpling.
9
00:00:34,875 --> 00:00:36,500
My mum...
10
00:00:36,542 --> 00:00:37,917
A strange creature from the time
11
00:00:37,958 --> 00:00:39,292
when pickles on tooth picks
12
00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:40,851
were still the height
of sophistication.
13
00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,500
Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget.
14
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,667
Third drawer from the top, Una.
15
00:00:44,708 --> 00:00:46,643
Under the mini gherkins.
16
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:50,875
By the way, the Darcys are here.
They brought Mark with them.
17
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,500
Ah, here we go.
18
00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:53,917
You remember Mark.
19
00:00:53,958 --> 00:00:55,625
You used to play
in his paddling pool.
20
00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:57,476
He's a barrister. Very well off.
21
00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:59,542
No, I don't remember.
22
00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:01,500
He's divorced, apparently.
23
00:01:01,542 --> 00:01:04,000
His wife was Japanese.
Very cruel race.
24
00:01:04,042 --> 00:01:05,708
Now, what are you
going to put on?
25
00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:06,875
This.
26
00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:08,792
Oh, don't be silly, Bridget.
27
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:09,976
You'll never get a boyfriend
28
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,960
if you look like you've
wandered out of Auschwitz.
29
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,000
Now, run upstairs.
30
00:01:13,042 --> 00:01:14,976
I've laid out something
lovely on your bed.
31
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,083
Tsk.
32
00:01:18,292 --> 00:01:22,059
You're just too good to be true.
33
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,500
Can't take my eyes off of you.
34
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:28,893
Great. I was wearing a carpet.
35
00:01:28,917 --> 00:01:30,750
There she is.
36
00:01:30,792 --> 00:01:34,750
My little Bridget.
37
00:01:34,792 --> 00:01:37,292
Hi, Uncle Geoffrey. Ha ha.
38
00:01:37,333 --> 00:01:38,625
- Hmm. Had a drink?
- No.
39
00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:39,917
No? Come on, then.
40
00:01:39,958 --> 00:01:41,667
Actually, not my uncle.
41
00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:43,458
Someone who insists
I call him uncle
42
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:44,833
while he gropes my ass,
43
00:01:44,875 --> 00:01:47,958
and asks me the question
dreaded by all Singletons.
44
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,042
So... how's your love life?
45
00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:53,292
Super. Thanks, Uncle G.
46
00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:55,309
Still no fellow, then, eh?
I don't know.
47
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,833
You career girls.
Can't put it off forever.
48
00:01:57,875 --> 00:01:59,750
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
49
00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:02,333
- Hello, Dad.
- Hello, darling.
50
00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:03,917
How's it going?
51
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,542
Torture.
52
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,500
Your mother is trying to
fix you up with some divorcee.
53
00:02:08,542 --> 00:02:09,917
Uhh.
54
00:02:09,958 --> 00:02:13,042
Human-rights barrister.
Pretty nasty beast, apparently.
55
00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:16,500
Hoo. Ding-dong.
56
00:02:16,542 --> 00:02:19,375
Maybe this time
Mum had got it right.
57
00:02:19,417 --> 00:02:22,726
Come on. Why don't we see
if Mark fancies a gherkin?
58
00:02:22,750 --> 00:02:24,750
Good luck.
59
00:02:24,833 --> 00:02:26,333
Mark?
60
00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:29,042
Maybe this was
the mysterious Mr. Right...
61
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,875
I'd been waiting
my whole life to meet.
62
00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:35,000
You remember Bridget.
63
00:02:35,042 --> 00:02:36,792
Maybe not.
64
00:02:36,833 --> 00:02:38,583
She's used to
run around your lawn
65
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,792
with no clothes on, remember?
66
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,875
Uh, no, not as such.
67
00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:45,809
Come and look
at your gravy, Pam.
68
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,708
I think it's going
to need sieving.
69
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,934
Of course it doesn't
need sieving.
70
00:02:48,958 --> 00:02:50,708
Just stir it, Una.
71
00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:53,958
Yes, of course.
I'll be right there.
72
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,958
Sorry. Lumpy gravy calls.
73
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,458
Let me love you.
74
00:03:00,958 --> 00:03:03,917
- So... ha.
- So.
75
00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:07,125
You staying at your parents'
for New Year?
76
00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:08,667
- Yes.
- Mmm.
77
00:03:08,708 --> 00:03:10,083
- You?
- Oh, no, no, no.
78
00:03:10,292 --> 00:03:12,292
I was in London
at a party last night,
79
00:03:12,333 --> 00:03:14,625
so I'm afraid
I'm a bit hung over.
80
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:16,601
Wish I could be lying
with my head in the toilet...
81
00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:18,083
Like all normal people.
82
00:03:20,083 --> 00:03:22,792
New Year's resolution...
Drink less.
83
00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:25,792
Oh, and quit smoking. Mmm. Ha.
84
00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:28,500
- Oh.
- Oh. Ha.
85
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,917
And keep New Year's resolutions.
86
00:03:32,708 --> 00:03:35,643
Oh. And, uh
87
00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:38,625
stop talking total nonsense
to strangers.
88
00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:40,934
In fact, stop talking,
full stop.
89
00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:44,542
Yes, well,
perhaps it's time to eat.
90
00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:45,542
Mmm.
91
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:47,393
I need you, baby.
92
00:03:47,417 --> 00:03:48,417
Apparently
93
00:03:49,333 --> 00:03:50,476
she lives just 'round
the corner from you.
94
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:53,042
Mother, I do not need
a blind date.
95
00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,708
Particularly not with some
verbally incontinent spinster
96
00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,559
who smokes like a chimney,
drinks like a fish,
97
00:03:57,583 --> 00:03:59,625
and dresses like her mother.
98
00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:04,000
Yummy.
99
00:04:04,042 --> 00:04:05,893
Turkey curry.
100
00:04:05,917 --> 00:04:07,792
My favorite.
101
00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:10,667
And that was it. Right there.
102
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,625
Right there.
That was the moment.
103
00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:19,042
I suddenly realized that unless
some thing changed soon...
104
00:04:19,083 --> 00:04:21,708
I was going to live a life
where my major relationship
105
00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,625
was with a bottle of wine,
106
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:26,833
and I'd finally die
fat and alone,
107
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:30,643
and be found three weeks later,
half-eaten by wild dogs.
108
00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:33,333
Or I was about to
turn into Glenn Close
109
00:04:33,375 --> 00:04:34,792
in "Fatal Attraction."
110
00:04:36,417 --> 00:04:42,667
All by myself.
111
00:04:42,708 --> 00:04:44,625
Don't wanna be.
112
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:48,976
All by myself.
113
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,000
Anymore.
114
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,625
You have no messages.
115
00:05:20,917 --> 00:05:22,833
When I was young.
116
00:05:24,417 --> 00:05:27,792
I never needed anyone.
117
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:34,083
And making' love
was just for fun.
118
00:05:36,417 --> 00:05:38,958
Those days are gone.
119
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:49,333
All by myself.
120
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,083
Don't wanna be.
121
00:05:52,292 --> 00:05:56,667
All by myself.
122
00:05:56,708 --> 00:06:01,667
Anymore.
123
00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:05,559
Ohh.
124
00:06:05,583 --> 00:06:07,583
Ohh.
125
00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:08,708
Oh-oh-oh.
126
00:06:17,917 --> 00:06:23,375
All by myself.
127
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:27,542
Don't wanna live...
128
00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:29,625
And so I made a major decision.
129
00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:31,059
I had to make sure
that next year...
130
00:06:31,083 --> 00:06:34,375
I wouldn't end up shit-faced
and listening to sad FM
131
00:06:34,417 --> 00:06:36,833
easy-listening
for the over-thirties.
132
00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:39,792
I decided to take
control of my life,
133
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,333
and start a diary
134
00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:44,042
to tell the truth
about Bridget Jones
135
00:06:44,083 --> 00:06:45,417
the whole truth.
136
00:06:46,833 --> 00:06:48,958
Resolution number one... ohh...
137
00:06:49,833 --> 00:06:50,768
Obviously will I lose
twenty pounds.
138
00:06:50,792 --> 00:06:51,708
Number two
139
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:54,292
always put last night's panties
in the laundry basket.
140
00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:55,708
Equally important
141
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:58,375
will find nice sensible
boyfriend to go out with,
142
00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,417
and not continue to form
romantic attachments
143
00:07:00,458 --> 00:07:01,958
to any of the following
144
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,375
alcoholics, workaholics,
commitment-phobics
145
00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:05,726
peepingtoms, megalomaniacs
146
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,667
emotional fuck wits,
or perverts.
147
00:07:07,708 --> 00:07:10,375
And especially
will not fantasize
148
00:07:10,417 --> 00:07:14,958
about a particular person
who embodies all these things.
149
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,042
What you want.
150
00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:20,375
Baby, I got.
151
00:07:20,417 --> 00:07:22,083
What you need.
152
00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:23,708
Do you know I got it?
153
00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:27,083
Unfortunately, he
just happens to be my boss...
154
00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:29,375
Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Cleaver.
155
00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:31,268
And for various
slightly unfair reasons
156
00:07:31,292 --> 00:07:33,542
relating to this year's
Christmas party...
157
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:37,417
I suspect he does not
fantasize about me.
158
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,583
BRIDGET, DRUNK, SINGING: Oh.
159
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:43,750
Can't live.
160
00:07:43,792 --> 00:07:47,458
If living is without you
161
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:52,042
I can't live.
162
00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:53,708
Can't give anymore.
163
00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:56,292
Or maybe I'm wrong.
164
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:57,458
Huh?
165
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:07,917
Ah.
166
00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:10,292
Happy New Year, Mr. Fitzherbert.
167
00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:11,667
Happy New Year, Brenda.
168
00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:14,375
Mr. Fitzherbert...
Tits Pervert, more like.
169
00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:16,297
Daniel's boss who stares
freely at my breasts
170
00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:19,083
with no idea who I am
or what I do.
171
00:08:19,292 --> 00:08:21,458
Morning. I need that
"Kafka's Motor bike" release
172
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,667
by 11:00.
173
00:08:22,708 --> 00:08:25,333
Perpetua... slightly senior,
174
00:08:25,375 --> 00:08:27,375
and therefore thinks
she's in charge of me.
175
00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,583
Most of the time...
176
00:08:28,625 --> 00:08:31,292
I just want to staple things
to her head.
177
00:08:32,542 --> 00:08:33,708
Publicity.
178
00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:35,667
All I asked... I only asked
179
00:08:35,708 --> 00:08:38,458
if he wanted to come on
a mini-break to Paris...
180
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,417
Daily call from Jude.
Best friend.
181
00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:42,417
Head of investment
at Brightlings Bank
182
00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:44,000
who spends most of her time
183
00:08:44,042 --> 00:08:46,893
trapped in the lady's toilet,
crying over fuck wit boyfriend.
184
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,542
I'm too needy.
185
00:08:48,583 --> 00:08:50,083
Am I codependent?
186
00:08:50,292 --> 00:08:51,667
No, you're not.
187
00:08:51,708 --> 00:08:53,792
It's not you. You're lovely.
188
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,750
It's Vile Richard.
189
00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:58,708
Ugh. He's just a big knob head
with no knob.
190
00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:05,042
Is some people's
opinion of Kafka,
191
00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:07,000
but they couldn't be more wrong.
192
00:09:07,042 --> 00:09:08,542
This book is a searing vision
193
00:09:08,583 --> 00:09:10,708
of the wounds our century
has inflicted on...
194
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,601
On traditional masculinity.
195
00:09:12,625 --> 00:09:15,667
It's positively Vonnegut-esque.
196
00:09:15,708 --> 00:09:17,667
Thank you for calling,
Professor Leavis.
197
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,726
Guest list for launch party.
198
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:22,958
Ah.
199
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:27,893
Was that... F.R. Leavis?
200
00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:30,393
Mm-hmm.
201
00:09:30,417 --> 00:09:31,625
Wow.
202
00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:32,958
Huh.
203
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,708
The F.R. Leavis
204
00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:37,458
who wrote "Mass Civilization
and Minority Culture"?
205
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:39,000
Mm-hmm.
206
00:09:39,042 --> 00:09:42,750
The F.R. Leavis
who died in 1978?
207
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,583
Amazing.
208
00:09:50,292 --> 00:09:52,042
Emergency summit
with urban family,
209
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:54,500
for coherent discussion
of career crisis.
210
00:09:54,542 --> 00:09:56,792
Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of them.
211
00:09:56,833 --> 00:09:58,875
Tell them they can stick
fucking Leavis
212
00:09:58,958 --> 00:10:00,750
up their fucking asses.
213
00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:03,333
Good, good.
That's very useful, very useful.
214
00:10:03,458 --> 00:10:04,893
Shazzer... journalist...
215
00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:06,750
I likes to say "fuck" a lot.
216
00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:09,375
And, Jude, what would you do
if one of your assistants
217
00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:11,625
made a harmless
little mistake like that?
218
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:13,000
I'd fire you, Bridge.
219
00:10:13,042 --> 00:10:14,750
Excellent.
220
00:10:14,792 --> 00:10:17,000
Is that Cleaver chap
still as cute as ever?
221
00:10:17,042 --> 00:10:18,458
Oh, God, yes.
222
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,434
Then I think
a well-timed blow job's
223
00:10:20,458 --> 00:10:21,583
probably the best answer.
224
00:10:21,625 --> 00:10:22,958
- Ohh.
- Oh, you love it.
225
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,292
Are you that chap
that sang that song?
226
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,042
Yes. Yes, I am.
227
00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:28,750
Tom... Eighties pop icon
228
00:10:28,792 --> 00:10:30,875
who only wrote one hit record
229
00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:32,875
then retired because
he found that one record
230
00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:34,375
was quite enough
to get him laid,
231
00:10:34,417 --> 00:10:35,875
for the whole of the Nineties.
232
00:10:35,917 --> 00:10:38,542
- Great song.
- Thank you so much.
233
00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:39,934
Total poof, of course.
234
00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:41,934
- More vodka?
- No.
235
00:10:41,958 --> 00:10:44,893
Yes. Fill her up, God damn it.
236
00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:46,542
At least
now I'm in my thirties...
237
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:47,750
I can hold my drink.
238
00:10:48,958 --> 00:10:51,667
Ohh! Whoops.
239
00:10:51,708 --> 00:10:54,958
- Mind the step.
- She's fine. Drive on.
240
00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:59,583
Apparently
F.R. Leavis is coming.
241
00:11:01,583 --> 00:11:03,583
Afternoon, Bridget.
242
00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:06,750
What do you mean
you're going on holiday?
243
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:09,708
Well, what about Julia?
244
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:14,958
Does she have to go
to the funeral?
245
00:11:39,292 --> 00:11:41,875
Listen, we got
a little problem...
246
00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:46,792
The only problem is the kitchen.
247
00:11:46,833 --> 00:11:48,750
Quite frankly,
there isn't room...
248
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,875
Message Mr. Cleaver.
249
00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:54,458
Am appalled by message.
250
00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:58,500
Skirt is demonstrably
neither sick nor absent.
251
00:11:58,542 --> 00:12:01,583
Appalled by management's
blatantly size-ist attitude
252
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:02,833
to skirt.
253
00:12:02,875 --> 00:12:06,542
Suggest management sick,
not skirt!
254
00:12:06,583 --> 00:12:08,559
That's quite ridiculous.
255
00:12:08,583 --> 00:12:10,750
Ooh. Oh, I see.
256
00:12:10,792 --> 00:12:12,500
Hang on. Hang on.
257
00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:22,083
Right. Yeah.
258
00:12:22,292 --> 00:12:24,042
No, I understand that.
259
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:25,833
I understand that perfectly.
260
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:33,792
Very bad start to the year.
261
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:35,667
Have been seduced by informality
262
00:12:35,708 --> 00:12:38,958
of messaging medium into
flirting with office scoundrel.
263
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:43,458
Will persevere with resolution
to find a nice sensible man.
264
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:47,292
Will put a stop to flirting...
first thing tomorrow.
265
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,750
Good plan.
266
00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:57,542
Don't get me wrong.
267
00:12:57,625 --> 00:12:58,875
If walking past office
268
00:12:58,917 --> 00:13:00,768
was attempt to demonstrate
presence of skirt
269
00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:03,042
can only say that it
has failed parlously.
270
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,625
Cleave.
271
00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:07,750
Shut up, please.
I'm very busy and important.
272
00:13:07,792 --> 00:13:10,583
P.S. How dare you
sexually harass me
273
00:13:10,625 --> 00:13:12,917
in this impertinent manner.
274
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,393
Message Jones.
275
00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:15,684
Mortified to have
caused offense.
276
00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:18,083
Will avoid all
non-P.C. overtones in future.
277
00:13:18,292 --> 00:13:19,750
Deeply apologetic.
278
00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:22,458
P.S. Like your tits in that top.
279
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:25,833
I'm thinking
about the fire works.
280
00:13:25,875 --> 00:13:27,917
Mustn't read
too much into it, no.
281
00:13:27,958 --> 00:13:29,750
Dum lum dee dum.
282
00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:32,542
Dum dum dee dum,
dum dum dee dum dum.
283
00:13:32,583 --> 00:13:33,833
And it all began, of course
284
00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:35,792
with some very
irresponsible e-mailing
285
00:13:35,833 --> 00:13:38,042
over Bridget's
non-existent skirt.
286
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:41,708
If I split like light refracted.
287
00:13:43,417 --> 00:13:46,000
I'm only off to wander
288
00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:50,393
Daniel.
The New York office for you.
289
00:13:50,417 --> 00:13:53,292
Yeah, tell them
I'll get back to them.
290
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,375
Once in a while.
291
00:14:04,708 --> 00:14:06,375
Daniel.
292
00:14:06,417 --> 00:14:07,583
Jones...
293
00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:09,708
- Evening, Kenneth.
- Good evening, Daniel.
294
00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:15,458
If you've got a moment...
295
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:16,893
I'd like a word
before you leave tonight.
296
00:14:16,917 --> 00:14:18,458
Yes, certainly.
297
00:14:21,625 --> 00:14:23,792
- I'll see you in a sec.
- Excellent.
298
00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:25,375
- And, Brenda...
- Yes?
299
00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:26,958
At the "Kafka's Motor bike"
thing...
300
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000
I thought it might be fun
if you introduce me
301
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,393
before I introduce him.
302
00:14:30,417 --> 00:14:32,375
Add a lovely sense of occasion.
303
00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:36,000
Certainly, sir.
304
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,875
Hmm.
305
00:14:37,917 --> 00:14:40,500
Tch. Brenda, listen.
306
00:14:40,542 --> 00:14:42,083
What are you doing tonight?
307
00:14:42,292 --> 00:14:43,726
Actually, I'm busy.
308
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:47,583
All right. Well, that's a shame.
I just, uh
309
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,059
well, I thought it might
be a charitable thing
310
00:14:49,083 --> 00:14:50,500
to take your skirt out
for dinner,
311
00:14:50,542 --> 00:14:51,684
and try and fatten it up a bit.
312
00:14:51,708 --> 00:14:54,375
- Hmm.
- Maybe you can come, too.
313
00:14:54,417 --> 00:14:56,542
What about tomorrow?
314
00:14:56,583 --> 00:14:58,625
No. Tomorrow's the launch.
315
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,417
Ah, yes, of course.
316
00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:02,500
Possibly the worst book
ever published.
317
00:15:02,542 --> 00:15:07,292
Well, in the end, that's not
the ad line we've gone for.
318
00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:08,875
Next night?
319
00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:10,375
Let's see, shall we?
320
00:15:11,583 --> 00:15:12,934
Good night, Daniel.
321
00:15:12,958 --> 00:15:15,458
Right. No pressure, Bridge,
322
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:19,042
but your whole future happiness
now depends on how you behave
323
00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:20,792
on this one social occasion.
324
00:15:20,833 --> 00:15:22,583
Right. What should I do?
325
00:15:22,625 --> 00:15:24,458
First, look gorgeous.
326
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:36,000
Ohh!
327
00:15:36,042 --> 00:15:39,042
Ow! Gooh!
328
00:15:39,292 --> 00:15:43,667
Two... then totally ignore Daniel
and suck up to famous authors.
329
00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:45,375
Salman.
330
00:15:45,417 --> 00:15:47,333
Salman. Salman.
331
00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:49,625
Circulate.
332
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:51,750
Oozing intelligence.
333
00:15:51,792 --> 00:15:53,875
Isn't it terrible
about Chechnya?
334
00:15:53,917 --> 00:15:56,583
Isn't it terrible
about Chechnya?
335
00:15:56,625 --> 00:15:58,000
Chech-nya!
336
00:15:58,042 --> 00:15:59,750
Introduce people
with thoughtful details,
337
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,917
such as, "Sheila..."
338
00:16:01,958 --> 00:16:04,458
"This is Daniel.
Daniel, this is Sheila."
339
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,417
"Sheila enjoys horse-riding
and comes from New Zealand."
340
00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:09,542
"Daniel enjoys publishing
and comes..."
341
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:10,750
All over your face?
342
00:16:10,792 --> 00:16:11,917
Exactly.
343
00:16:11,958 --> 00:16:13,458
Excuse me.
344
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,809
I'm terribly sorry
to interrupt you
345
00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:17,708
when you're having dinner.
It's just that...
346
00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:20,559
Yes. Yes, it was me.
347
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:22,833
Yes. Nine years ago.
348
00:16:22,875 --> 00:16:24,750
No current plans
to record anything else.
349
00:16:24,792 --> 00:16:26,042
Thank you so much.
350
00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:27,875
Oh, it's just that, ahem
351
00:16:27,917 --> 00:16:31,083
your... your chair
is on my wife's coat.
352
00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:34,542
Your... your chair on the...
353
00:16:34,583 --> 00:16:36,583
Of course it is.
Of course it is.
354
00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:38,292
Thank you so much. Thank you.
355
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:40,708
Hmm. Major dilemma.
356
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:42,500
If actually do,
by some terrible chance
357
00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:44,042
end up inflagrante
358
00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:47,542
surely these would be most
attractive at crucial moment.
359
00:16:47,583 --> 00:16:49,750
However, chances of
reaching crucial moment
360
00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:52,268
greatly increase
by wearing these.
361
00:16:52,292 --> 00:16:54,417
Scary stomach-holding-in
panties.
362
00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:56,917
Very popular with grannies
the world over.
363
00:16:56,958 --> 00:17:00,583
Ha. Tricky. Very tricky.
364
00:17:16,042 --> 00:17:17,583
Ladies and gentlemen
365
00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:20,417
welcome to the launch
of "Kafka's Motor bike"...
366
00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:21,833
"The Greatest Book
of Our Tiime,"
367
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,667
and here to introduce it
is Mr. Tits Pervert.
368
00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:27,667
Ooh, Fitzherbert,
Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert.
369
00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:32,750
OK, circulate,
oozing intelligence.
370
00:17:32,792 --> 00:17:36,083
Ignore Daniel, and be fabulous
with everyone else.
371
00:17:36,292 --> 00:17:40,042
I am the intellectual equal
of everyone else here.
372
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:41,351
Ooh.
373
00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:43,625
It's like a whole theory
of short fiction,
374
00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:45,417
and of the novella, you know?
375
00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:46,667
And, of course, the problem
376
00:17:46,708 --> 00:17:48,458
with Martin's definition
of the novella
377
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,980
is that it really
only applies to him.
378
00:17:52,792 --> 00:17:54,875
That doesn't sound like Martin.
379
00:17:54,917 --> 00:17:57,083
Not.
380
00:17:57,292 --> 00:17:59,500
I could be wrong.
What do you think?
381
00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:03,917
Uh... do you know
382
00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:09,792
where the toilets are, huh?
383
00:18:09,833 --> 00:18:13,583
Stay calm. Can't get any worse.
384
00:18:16,542 --> 00:18:18,708
What are you doing here?
385
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:21,958
I've been asking myself
the same question.
386
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,042
I came with a colleague.
387
00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:25,458
So how are you?
388
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,417
Well, apart from being
very disappointed
389
00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:30,542
not to see my favorite
reindeer jumper again...
390
00:18:30,583 --> 00:18:31,875
I'm well.
391
00:18:31,917 --> 00:18:33,667
Anyone going to introduce me?
392
00:18:33,708 --> 00:18:37,042
Ah, introduce people
with thoughtful details.
393
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,750
Perpetua. Ha.
394
00:18:38,792 --> 00:18:40,583
This is Mark Darcy.
395
00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:42,708
Mark's a prematurely
middle-aged prick
396
00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,542
with a cruel-raced ex-wife.
397
00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:45,917
Perpetua's a fat-ass old bag
398
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,875
who spends her time
bossing me around.
399
00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:51,417
Maybe not.
400
00:18:51,458 --> 00:18:52,750
Anyone going to introduce me?
401
00:18:52,792 --> 00:18:55,309
Ah, Perpetua.
402
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:57,375
Uh, this is Mark Darcy.
403
00:18:57,417 --> 00:18:59,375
Mark's a top barrister.
404
00:18:59,417 --> 00:19:01,625
Oh, he comes from
Garth and Underwood.
405
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:03,625
Perpetua is one
of my work colleagues.
406
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:06,333
Why, Mark, I know you
by reputation, of course.
407
00:19:08,417 --> 00:19:09,917
Ah, Natasha.
408
00:19:09,958 --> 00:19:12,583
This is Bridget Jones.
Bridget, this is Natasha.
409
00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:15,875
Natasha is a top attorney
and specializes in family law.
410
00:19:15,917 --> 00:19:17,292
Bridget works in publishing,
411
00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:19,750
and used to play naked
in my paddling pool.
412
00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:23,542
- How odd.
- Ha ha.
413
00:19:23,583 --> 00:19:25,458
Perpetua,
how's the house hunt going?
414
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:27,042
Disaster.
415
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,375
I oughtn't go into it with you.
416
00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:33,375
By the by, that man is gorgeous.
417
00:19:33,417 --> 00:19:34,792
Ah, yes, Mark.
418
00:19:34,833 --> 00:19:37,083
Just give me time. Give me time.
419
00:19:38,583 --> 00:19:40,875
"You've written
as earing vision..."
420
00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:42,583
Can you remember
the rest of this?
421
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:44,000
"Of the wounds our century
422
00:19:44,042 --> 00:19:46,601
"has inflicted on
traditional masculinity.
423
00:19:46,625 --> 00:19:48,583
"Positively Vonnegut-esgue."
Obviously.
424
00:19:50,708 --> 00:19:52,726
Listen, you don't know where
the loos are here, do you?
425
00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:54,708
Uh, yes. In the hallway.
426
00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:55,875
Thanks.
427
00:20:00,042 --> 00:20:01,333
One, two.
428
00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,667
Ladies and gentlemen.
429
00:20:06,708 --> 00:20:08,542
I...
430
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,792
L-ladies and...
431
00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:14,625
I...
432
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:15,792
Oi!
433
00:20:15,833 --> 00:20:17,292
Oi!
434
00:20:19,292 --> 00:20:20,792
Sorry. The, uh
435
00:20:20,833 --> 00:20:24,333
mike's not...
work... working. Ahem.
436
00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:26,875
Ladies and gentlemen
437
00:20:26,958 --> 00:20:32,458
welcome to the launch
of "Kafka's Motor bike"...
438
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:35,500
"The Greatest Book of Our Time."
439
00:20:39,417 --> 00:20:43,917
Obviously except for
your books, Mr. Rushdie
440
00:20:43,958 --> 00:20:47,542
which are also very good.
441
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:52,500
And Lord Archer
442
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:55,667
yours aren't bad, either.
443
00:20:55,708 --> 00:20:57,083
Anyway
444
00:20:57,292 --> 00:20:59,542
uh, what I mean is, uh
445
00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:01,667
welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
446
00:21:01,708 --> 00:21:04,643
Thank you for coming
to the launch of
447
00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:08,601
one of the top thirty
books of our time.
448
00:21:08,625 --> 00:21:11,708
Anyway, at least.
449
00:21:11,750 --> 00:21:15,000
And here to introduce it, ha
450
00:21:15,042 --> 00:21:16,708
properly, ha ha
451
00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:19,417
is, uh, the man
we all call, uh...
452
00:21:19,458 --> 00:21:21,667
Tits Pervert.
453
00:21:21,708 --> 00:21:22,875
Mr...
454
00:21:22,917 --> 00:21:24,000
Tits Pervert!
455
00:21:24,042 --> 00:21:25,792
Mr...
456
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:28,500
Tits Pervert.
457
00:21:28,542 --> 00:21:30,393
Fitzherbert, uh
458
00:21:30,417 --> 00:21:32,000
because
459
00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:35,583
that is his name.
460
00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:37,875
Mr. Fitzherbert.
461
00:21:39,042 --> 00:21:40,542
Thank you.
462
00:21:45,083 --> 00:21:46,792
Thank you, Brenda.
463
00:21:48,667 --> 00:21:50,708
Just switch this on.
464
00:21:54,875 --> 00:21:56,458
So how autobiographical
465
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:57,958
is your work, Salman?
466
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,375
You know, it's an amazing thing
467
00:21:59,417 --> 00:22:01,333
nobody's ever asked me
that question.
468
00:22:01,375 --> 00:22:02,917
Excuse me.
469
00:22:02,958 --> 00:22:05,625
Jones. Sod 'em all.
470
00:22:05,667 --> 00:22:08,000
It was a brilliant
471
00:22:08,042 --> 00:22:13,393
post-modernist masterpiece of
oratorical fireworks, really.
472
00:22:13,417 --> 00:22:14,583
Uhh.
473
00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,375
You're looking very sexy, Jones.
474
00:22:16,417 --> 00:22:18,393
I think I'm gonna have to
take you out to dinner now
475
00:22:18,417 --> 00:22:20,583
whether you like it or not, OK?
476
00:22:20,625 --> 00:22:21,792
Come on, get your stuff.
477
00:22:29,458 --> 00:22:31,667
So how do you feel about
this whole situation
478
00:22:31,708 --> 00:22:33,542
in Chechnya?
Isn't it a nightmare?
479
00:22:33,583 --> 00:22:34,958
I couldn't give a fuck, Jones.
480
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,875
Now, look, how do you
know Arsey Darcy?
481
00:22:38,917 --> 00:22:41,833
Apparently, I used
to run 'round naked
482
00:22:41,875 --> 00:22:43,333
in his paddling pool.
483
00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:45,583
I bet you did, you dirty bitch.
484
00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:47,708
What about you?
485
00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:49,375
Same. Yeah.
486
00:22:50,792 --> 00:22:54,042
No, no, I was best man
at his wedding.
487
00:22:54,083 --> 00:22:55,792
Um, knew him from Cambridge.
488
00:22:55,833 --> 00:22:57,042
He was a mate.
489
00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:59,083
And then what?
490
00:22:59,292 --> 00:23:02,500
And then, uh... nothing.
491
00:23:02,542 --> 00:23:05,042
You don't need to protect him.
He's no friend of mine.
492
00:23:05,083 --> 00:23:07,625
Well, um, then
493
00:23:07,667 --> 00:23:09,833
many years later...
494
00:23:09,875 --> 00:23:13,375
I made the somewhat
catastrophic mistake
495
00:23:13,417 --> 00:23:17,792
of introducing him
to my fiancee.
496
00:23:21,083 --> 00:23:22,708
And, um...
497
00:23:25,417 --> 00:23:29,333
I couldn't say, in all honesty,
I've ever quite forgiven him.
498
00:23:29,375 --> 00:23:31,750
God, so
499
00:23:31,792 --> 00:23:34,792
he's a nasty bastard.
500
00:23:34,833 --> 00:23:36,583
And a dull bastard.
501
00:23:36,625 --> 00:23:38,833
Yes. Yes, I think that's fair.
502
00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:41,768
Anyway, fuck him. Listen,
don't let him ruin our evening.
503
00:23:41,792 --> 00:23:43,542
Why don't you have
some more wine,
504
00:23:43,583 --> 00:23:45,476
and tell me more about
practicing French-kissing
505
00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:46,643
with the other girls at school
506
00:23:46,667 --> 00:23:47,768
because that's
a very good story.
507
00:23:47,792 --> 00:23:50,500
- It wasn't French-kissing.
- Don't care. Make it up.
508
00:23:50,542 --> 00:23:52,434
That's an order, Jones.
509
00:23:52,458 --> 00:23:55,083
So, um, how about
a drink at my place?
510
00:23:55,292 --> 00:23:57,583
Totally innocent,
no funny business
511
00:23:57,625 --> 00:23:59,583
just full sex.
512
00:24:00,667 --> 00:24:02,333
No, no, no.
513
00:24:02,375 --> 00:24:04,458
I should get a taxi.
514
00:24:04,500 --> 00:24:07,667
But thank you
for the lovely dinner.
515
00:24:09,792 --> 00:24:12,875
It's a pleasure, Jones.
516
00:24:17,042 --> 00:24:19,917
Oh, love.
517
00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,958
Love, love.
518
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,958
Oh.
519
00:24:26,625 --> 00:24:29,375
Ooh.
520
00:24:29,417 --> 00:24:31,375
You're alone.
521
00:24:31,417 --> 00:24:33,458
All the time.
522
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:36,750
Does it ever puzzle you.
523
00:24:36,792 --> 00:24:40,500
Have you asked why you seem.
524
00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:42,875
To falling love.
525
00:24:42,917 --> 00:24:45,042
And out again.
526
00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:48,875
Do you really ever love.
527
00:24:48,917 --> 00:24:50,542
Or just pretend.
528
00:24:50,583 --> 00:24:52,059
Oh, baby.
529
00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:55,059
Why fool yourself?
530
00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:58,750
Don't be afraid to help yourself.
531
00:24:58,792 --> 00:25:01,750
Now these are very
silly little boots, Jones.
532
00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:05,375
And this is a very
silly little dress.
533
00:25:05,417 --> 00:25:07,042
And, um
534
00:25:07,083 --> 00:25:09,601
these are, uh
535
00:25:09,625 --> 00:25:12,458
fuck me,
absolutely enormous panties.
536
00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:14,083
Jesus. Fuck.
537
00:25:14,292 --> 00:25:16,292
No, no, don't apologize.
I like them.
538
00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:18,875
Hello, Mummy.
539
00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:22,083
Love
540
00:25:22,292 --> 00:25:23,643
I'm sorry, I have to have
another look.
541
00:25:23,667 --> 00:25:25,458
- They're too good to be true.
- No.
542
00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:26,601
There's nothing to be
embarrassed about.
543
00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:28,018
I'm wearing something
quite similar myself.
544
00:25:28,042 --> 00:25:31,625
- Here, I'll show you.
- No. No.
545
00:25:31,667 --> 00:25:33,083
This time decide.
546
00:25:33,292 --> 00:25:36,750
That you will open up.
547
00:25:36,792 --> 00:25:39,268
Let it in.
548
00:25:39,292 --> 00:25:42,083
There's no shame in sharin' love.
549
00:25:42,292 --> 00:25:45,875
You feel within.
550
00:25:45,917 --> 00:25:48,583
So jump right in.
551
00:25:48,625 --> 00:25:51,375
Head over heels.
552
00:25:51,417 --> 00:25:53,417
And fall right in.
553
00:25:53,500 --> 00:25:54,708
Ha. Huh.
554
00:25:54,750 --> 00:25:56,000
That was fantastic.
555
00:25:56,042 --> 00:25:58,042
Ohh. Mmm.
556
00:25:58,083 --> 00:25:59,601
Ay, ay.
557
00:25:59,625 --> 00:26:01,417
Ohh. Daniel.
558
00:26:01,458 --> 00:26:02,583
Yeah?
559
00:26:02,625 --> 00:26:05,083
What happens at the office?
560
00:26:05,333 --> 00:26:07,083
Oh. Well,
I'm glad you asked that.
561
00:26:07,292 --> 00:26:09,917
You see,
it's a publishing house.
562
00:26:09,958 --> 00:26:11,934
So that means that people
write things for us,
563
00:26:11,958 --> 00:26:13,583
and then we print out
all the pages,
564
00:26:13,667 --> 00:26:14,875
and fasten them together,
565
00:26:14,917 --> 00:26:16,792
and make them into what
we call a book, Jones.
566
00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:21,333
No, do you think
people will notice?
567
00:26:21,375 --> 00:26:22,542
Notice what?
568
00:26:22,583 --> 00:26:25,708
Us. Working together,
sleeping together.
569
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:26,917
Hang on a minute, Jones.
570
00:26:26,958 --> 00:26:30,292
Just slow down.
It started on Tuesday,
571
00:26:30,333 --> 00:26:31,875
and now it's Thursday.
572
00:26:31,917 --> 00:26:33,917
It's not exactly
573
00:26:33,958 --> 00:26:36,750
um, a long-term relationship,
is it?
574
00:26:36,792 --> 00:26:40,375
You're very bad.
575
00:26:45,750 --> 00:26:46,875
Ohh.
576
00:26:48,042 --> 00:26:50,583
Mmm.
577
00:26:50,625 --> 00:26:52,583
Bridget Jones,
want on sex goddess
578
00:26:52,625 --> 00:26:56,458
with a very bad man
between her thighs.
579
00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:58,708
Mum. Hi.
580
00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:00,875
It's the truth
universally acknowledged
581
00:27:00,917 --> 00:27:04,542
that the moment one area
of your life starts going OK
582
00:27:04,583 --> 00:27:08,667
another part of it falls
spectacularly to pieces.
583
00:27:08,708 --> 00:27:10,833
Ah, anyone else want
to have it off?
584
00:27:10,875 --> 00:27:12,708
Ha ha. Don't be shy, madame.
585
00:27:12,750 --> 00:27:19,667
French. Have it oeuf. Ha ha!
With the wise crack egg peeler.
586
00:27:19,708 --> 00:27:22,583
Now, nice firm grip.
587
00:27:23,917 --> 00:27:26,726
Put it in the hole. And
588
00:27:26,750 --> 00:27:29,292
up, down, up, down.
589
00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:31,333
And off it comes in your hand.
590
00:27:32,625 --> 00:27:37,083
Oh! Mind the over-spray. Sorry.
591
00:27:38,750 --> 00:27:40,684
Darling, if I came in
with my knickers on my head
592
00:27:40,708 --> 00:27:42,083
he wouldn't notice.
593
00:27:42,292 --> 00:27:44,625
I spent thirty-five years
cleaning his house
594
00:27:44,667 --> 00:27:46,875
washing his clothes,
bringing up his children.
595
00:27:46,917 --> 00:27:49,083
I'm your child, too.
596
00:27:49,292 --> 00:27:50,601
To be honest, darling,
having children
597
00:27:50,625 --> 00:27:52,417
isn't all it's cracked up to be.
598
00:27:52,458 --> 00:27:54,917
Given my chance again,
I'm not sure I'd have any.
599
00:27:54,958 --> 00:27:57,333
And now it's
the winter of my life,
600
00:27:57,375 --> 00:27:59,625
and I haven't actually
got anything of my own.
601
00:27:59,667 --> 00:28:03,375
I've got no power,
no real career
602
00:28:03,417 --> 00:28:05,625
no... no sex life.
603
00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:07,500
I've got no life at all.
604
00:28:07,542 --> 00:28:09,542
I'm like the grasshopper
who sang all summer.
605
00:28:09,625 --> 00:28:11,333
I'm like Germaine sodding Geer.
606
00:28:11,375 --> 00:28:12,792
Greer.
607
00:28:12,833 --> 00:28:16,458
Well, anyway, I'm not having it.
And I've been talent spotted.
608
00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:19,292
Julian thinks
I've got great potential.
609
00:28:19,333 --> 00:28:20,583
Who's Julian?
610
00:28:20,625 --> 00:28:22,542
From the Home Shopping Channel.
611
00:28:22,583 --> 00:28:24,583
Comes into the store
to have his colors done.
612
00:28:24,667 --> 00:28:26,375
Potential for what?
613
00:28:26,417 --> 00:28:28,833
As a demonstrator
on his cable show.
614
00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:30,542
You know, his assistant.
615
00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,875
Apparently, it's the highest-
rated show on the channel.
616
00:28:32,917 --> 00:28:34,292
Well, apart from the one
617
00:28:34,333 --> 00:28:36,434
where the fat people
beat up their relatives.
618
00:28:36,458 --> 00:28:38,000
Ooh! I must wiz.
619
00:28:38,042 --> 00:28:41,375
- Have you heard from Mark Darcy?
- Goodbye, Mum.
620
00:28:43,917 --> 00:28:45,500
Mrs.
621
00:28:45,542 --> 00:28:48,875
Mrs. Jones
622
00:28:50,042 --> 00:28:51,583
Julian.
623
00:28:54,833 --> 00:28:57,417
Sorry to keep you waiting.
624
00:28:57,458 --> 00:29:02,893
Goin' on and on and on and on.
625
00:29:02,917 --> 00:29:07,333
And a few weeks later,
it got lots worse.
626
00:29:07,375 --> 00:29:08,917
Hello!
627
00:29:08,958 --> 00:29:10,393
Look at this.
628
00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:12,708
Paying off
this heart-shaped pendant.
629
00:29:12,750 --> 00:29:15,708
One of my own personal
recommendations
630
00:29:15,750 --> 00:29:18,583
is this absolutely stunning
631
00:29:18,625 --> 00:29:21,042
matching necklace
and earring set.
632
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:26,708
The earrings measuring
just over a centimeter
633
00:29:26,792 --> 00:29:30,917
in genuine diamond with
two pairs in lap is lazuli
634
00:29:30,958 --> 00:29:33,917
in a lovely mock-gold finish.
635
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,917
The exact replica
of those worn at Wimbledon
636
00:29:36,958 --> 00:29:41,083
in 1993 by Her Royal Highness
the Duchess of Kent.
637
00:29:43,292 --> 00:29:45,583
Well.
638
00:29:45,625 --> 00:29:47,708
Has she actually moved out then?
639
00:29:47,792 --> 00:29:51,625
Apparently, she and this
tangerine-tinted buffoon
640
00:29:51,667 --> 00:29:52,875
are suddenly an item.
641
00:29:52,917 --> 00:29:55,917
Half our friends have had them
around to bloody dinner.
642
00:29:55,958 --> 00:29:58,542
She's even
taking Jaundice Julian
643
00:29:58,583 --> 00:30:00,375
to Una Alconbury's
Tarts and Vicars party.
644
00:30:00,417 --> 00:30:02,875
That's not the Pamela I knew.
That's cruel.
645
00:30:02,917 --> 00:30:07,667
Well, still,
could be a golden opportunity.
646
00:30:07,708 --> 00:30:11,792
If you spent the entire party
flirting with other women
647
00:30:11,833 --> 00:30:13,792
it would drive Mum
wild with jealousy.
648
00:30:13,833 --> 00:30:14,958
What?
649
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,792
That's how I got my man.
650
00:30:16,833 --> 00:30:20,292
Have you got a boyfriend?
A real one?
651
00:30:20,333 --> 00:30:23,750
I have, Father. I have.
652
00:30:23,833 --> 00:30:26,750
And he's perfect.
653
00:30:45,292 --> 00:30:49,417
Hurrah.
Am no longer tragic spinster,
654
00:30:49,458 --> 00:30:52,917
but proper girlfriend
of bonafide a sex god,
655
00:30:52,958 --> 00:30:55,042
so committed that he's taking me
656
00:30:55,083 --> 00:30:58,833
on a full-blown mini-break
holiday weekend.
657
00:30:58,875 --> 00:31:00,351
Just promise me
we don't have to sit
658
00:31:00,375 --> 00:31:02,917
in any little boats and read
poncey poetry to each other.
659
00:31:02,958 --> 00:31:05,292
He's also protecting
me at Uncle Geoffrey's
660
00:31:05,333 --> 00:31:07,667
hideous Tarts and Vicars
fancy dress party.
661
00:31:07,708 --> 00:31:09,601
This can't be just shagging.
662
00:31:09,625 --> 00:31:11,833
A mini-break means true love.
663
00:31:13,708 --> 00:31:16,333
Suddenly feel like
screen goddess
664
00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:19,375
in manner of Grace Kelly.
665
00:31:20,917 --> 00:31:24,917
Though perhaps ever so slightly
less elegant under pressure.
666
00:31:29,083 --> 00:31:32,708
It's very quiet here, isn't it?
Are we the only guests, or...
667
00:31:32,750 --> 00:31:34,667
We have a wedding this weekend.
668
00:31:34,708 --> 00:31:37,375
I believe there are just
four of you not involved.
669
00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:39,542
Oh. Hmm.
670
00:31:39,583 --> 00:31:42,375
You do the boats,
I'll do the tea.
671
00:31:43,583 --> 00:31:44,792
Oh, Jesus.
672
00:31:44,833 --> 00:31:47,500
- Hello there.
- Hi.
673
00:31:47,542 --> 00:31:49,583
Well, well.
674
00:31:49,625 --> 00:31:52,667
I take it you're also heading
for the Alconbury's rockery.
675
00:31:52,708 --> 00:31:54,083
Yes, that's right.
676
00:31:54,292 --> 00:31:57,625
I brought Natasha.
Get a bit of work done.
677
00:31:57,667 --> 00:32:00,667
Thought I might make it
a not entirely wasted weekend.
678
00:32:00,708 --> 00:32:02,542
How interesting.
679
00:32:02,583 --> 00:32:04,000
What a gripping life
you do lead.
680
00:32:04,042 --> 00:32:07,042
I'll see you
upstairs in a second.
681
00:32:21,708 --> 00:32:23,542
Hmm. Well, the weakness
of their case...
682
00:32:23,583 --> 00:32:26,393
Lies in the deposition
they made on August 30.
683
00:32:26,417 --> 00:32:27,875
Season of mist
684
00:32:27,917 --> 00:32:29,750
and
685
00:32:29,792 --> 00:32:31,583
mellow fruitlessness.
686
00:32:31,625 --> 00:32:33,458
Oh, fuck me, I love Keats.
687
00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:34,917
Have you heard this one?
688
00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:37,042
"There was a young woman
from Ealing"
689
00:32:37,083 --> 00:32:39,958
"who had a peculiar feeling."
690
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,792
"She lay on her back
and opened her crack,"
691
00:32:42,833 --> 00:32:44,542
"and pissed
all over the ceiling."
692
00:32:44,583 --> 00:32:45,708
Oh, bollocks.
693
00:32:45,750 --> 00:32:47,750
What've you done?
694
00:32:47,792 --> 00:32:50,667
- I'm boarding you, Bridge.
- Don't you dare!
695
00:32:50,708 --> 00:32:53,542
- I'm king of the world!
- No!
696
00:32:53,583 --> 00:32:55,792
Fuck me. Uhh!
697
00:32:55,833 --> 00:32:57,458
Aah!
698
00:33:00,333 --> 00:33:02,000
Oh, piss and bollocks.
699
00:33:02,042 --> 00:33:03,792
You stupid ass.
700
00:33:06,375 --> 00:33:08,042
Bollocks.
701
00:33:08,083 --> 00:33:09,625
All right.
702
00:33:09,667 --> 00:33:11,601
Aah! No!
703
00:33:11,625 --> 00:33:13,083
So childish.
704
00:33:13,292 --> 00:33:15,333
Aah! No!
705
00:33:15,375 --> 00:33:16,792
Yes.
706
00:33:16,833 --> 00:33:19,000
Hey, Darce, come on in!
707
00:33:19,042 --> 00:33:20,875
The water's lovely!
708
00:33:20,917 --> 00:33:22,542
Come on, you're working
too hard, mate.
709
00:33:22,583 --> 00:33:23,750
Ha ha!
710
00:33:25,333 --> 00:33:28,268
- Daniel.
- Yes, Bridget?
711
00:33:28,292 --> 00:33:29,851
That thing you just did
is actually illegal
712
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,042
in several countries.
713
00:33:31,083 --> 00:33:32,917
Well, that is, of course,
the major reason...
714
00:33:32,958 --> 00:33:35,083
I'm so thrilled to be
living in Britain today.
715
00:33:35,292 --> 00:33:37,500
Yes. I can't understand
716
00:33:37,542 --> 00:33:39,542
why the Prime Minister
doesn't mention it more
717
00:33:39,625 --> 00:33:40,875
in his speeches.
718
00:33:40,917 --> 00:33:42,833
You should write
to him about it.
719
00:33:42,875 --> 00:33:44,083
I intend to.
720
00:33:47,458 --> 00:33:49,583
Daniel.
721
00:33:49,625 --> 00:33:50,708
Bridget.
722
00:33:50,750 --> 00:33:53,875
- Do you love me?
- Shut up, or I'll do it again.
723
00:33:56,042 --> 00:33:57,583
Do you love me?
724
00:33:57,625 --> 00:33:59,292
Right. You asked for it.
725
00:33:59,333 --> 00:34:02,583
And over we go.
726
00:34:02,625 --> 00:34:04,018
I'm going to give you
something to bite on.
727
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:05,667
Here.
728
00:34:05,708 --> 00:34:08,083
OK? Pop this in your mouth,
darling.
729
00:34:10,458 --> 00:34:11,583
You're begging for it.
730
00:34:12,875 --> 00:34:14,542
Stop it.
731
00:34:17,583 --> 00:34:19,042
No, no.
732
00:34:26,792 --> 00:34:27,917
Hmm.
733
00:34:27,958 --> 00:34:33,393
I got to go back to town.
A meeting's come up.
734
00:34:33,417 --> 00:34:34,875
On a Sunday?
735
00:34:34,917 --> 00:34:36,393
No. The meeting's
first thing tomorrow.
736
00:34:36,417 --> 00:34:38,375
I've got to work
on some figures.
737
00:34:38,417 --> 00:34:43,292
We could just pop
into the party for a minute.
738
00:34:43,333 --> 00:34:44,875
Bridget, I'm really sorry.
739
00:34:44,917 --> 00:34:48,458
I just can't do it.
I've got to head back.
740
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:49,958
Listen, Daniel
741
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,417
if you've changed your mind,
you could just say so
742
00:34:53,458 --> 00:34:55,792
because, honestly, I don't see
what could be so important.
743
00:34:55,833 --> 00:34:58,083
No, well, you wouldn't,
would you?
744
00:34:58,292 --> 00:34:59,976
Because you don't have
the faintest bloody idea
745
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,292
of just how much trouble
the company's in.
746
00:35:03,333 --> 00:35:04,750
You swan in in your short skirt,
747
00:35:04,792 --> 00:35:06,708
and your sexy
see-through blouse,
748
00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:08,417
and fanny around
with press releases.
749
00:35:08,458 --> 00:35:09,893
You know, this is
the Americans flying in
750
00:35:09,917 --> 00:35:11,601
because they're thinking
of shutting us down,
751
00:35:11,625 --> 00:35:12,958
for fuck's sake.
752
00:35:15,917 --> 00:35:17,583
Sorry.
753
00:35:19,583 --> 00:35:21,417
I'm sorry, Bridge.
I know I'm being a prat.
754
00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:31,333
Look, I'm going
to arrange a lovely car
755
00:35:31,375 --> 00:35:33,059
to come and pick you up
and take you back
756
00:35:33,083 --> 00:35:34,667
to London after the party, OK?
757
00:35:34,708 --> 00:35:36,792
If you have to travel alone,
travel in style.
758
00:35:36,833 --> 00:35:38,875
Hmm.
759
00:35:38,917 --> 00:35:40,875
And, um...
760
00:35:40,917 --> 00:35:42,792
I also think it's very important
761
00:35:42,833 --> 00:35:46,042
that you win
this costume competition.
762
00:35:47,667 --> 00:35:48,875
Good.
763
00:35:48,917 --> 00:35:50,500
Good start.
764
00:35:52,417 --> 00:35:55,000
Now, then, Miss Jones,
where does this go?
765
00:35:58,333 --> 00:36:01,292
Oh, well, here we go.
766
00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:02,833
Trying hard
to fight off a vision
767
00:36:02,875 --> 00:36:06,042
of Mum and Auntie Una
in fishnet tights.
768
00:36:06,083 --> 00:36:09,625
Seems unnatural, wrong even,
for 60-year-olds to dress up
769
00:36:09,667 --> 00:36:12,500
as prostitutes and priests
on a Sunday afternoon.
770
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,667
Fly me to the moon.
771
00:36:17,708 --> 00:36:19,708
Oh, holy Jesus.
772
00:36:21,083 --> 00:36:22,750
Bridget.
773
00:36:22,792 --> 00:36:25,000
Where are all the other
Tarts and Vicars?
774
00:36:25,125 --> 00:36:26,559
Oh, dear.
Didn't Geoffrey call you?
775
00:36:26,583 --> 00:36:28,583
Didn't you telephone
Colin and Bridget?
776
00:36:28,625 --> 00:36:30,500
How's my little Bridget?
777
00:36:30,542 --> 00:36:31,667
Bop, bop.
778
00:36:31,708 --> 00:36:33,059
Oh.
779
00:36:33,083 --> 00:36:34,375
Geoffrey.
780
00:36:34,417 --> 00:36:36,417
So, where's this chap
of yours, then, eh?
781
00:36:36,458 --> 00:36:38,042
Ah, yes, well,
he had to work, so...
782
00:36:38,083 --> 00:36:40,042
Ha! A likely tale.
783
00:36:40,292 --> 00:36:41,875
Off they run. Whee!
784
00:36:43,750 --> 00:36:45,500
You are all I long for.
785
00:36:45,542 --> 00:36:48,750
Bizarre what some men
find attractive.
786
00:36:48,792 --> 00:36:50,875
Oh, God.
787
00:36:50,917 --> 00:36:53,417
Darling! Geoffrey!
788
00:36:53,458 --> 00:36:55,042
What on earth are you wearing?
789
00:36:55,083 --> 00:36:57,042
You look like
a common prostitute.
790
00:36:57,083 --> 00:36:58,875
Yes, well, that was,
actually, the point.
791
00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:00,083
Say hi to Julian.
792
00:37:00,292 --> 00:37:02,333
Hello, Julian.
793
00:37:02,375 --> 00:37:03,542
My dear
794
00:37:03,583 --> 00:37:05,667
you and your mother
could be sisters.
795
00:37:07,458 --> 00:37:09,042
And what a lovely bracelet.
796
00:37:09,083 --> 00:37:10,792
It's what I call
an all-arounder...
797
00:37:10,833 --> 00:37:13,792
The sort of thing one can wear
with anything to any occasion.
798
00:37:13,833 --> 00:37:15,542
Oh.
799
00:37:15,583 --> 00:37:17,417
Have you spoken to my dad?
800
00:37:17,458 --> 00:37:20,042
Yes. He's behaving
most bizarrely.
801
00:37:20,083 --> 00:37:21,643
I think he was actually
trying to flirt
802
00:37:21,667 --> 00:37:24,042
with Penny Husbands-Bosworth,
poor thing.
803
00:37:24,083 --> 00:37:25,542
She was very frightened.
804
00:37:25,583 --> 00:37:27,417
She's only just had
her ovaries done.
805
00:37:32,500 --> 00:37:33,893
I don't know what
you ever saw in him.
806
00:37:33,917 --> 00:37:36,000
Shh. Bad man.
807
00:37:43,708 --> 00:37:45,500
Heh heh.
808
00:37:45,542 --> 00:37:47,542
Didn't tell you, either.
809
00:37:50,458 --> 00:37:52,708
No. I didn't spend as much
as Bernard, thank God.
810
00:37:57,625 --> 00:37:58,750
Oh.
811
00:37:59,958 --> 00:38:01,393
I'm sorry, Dad.
812
00:38:01,417 --> 00:38:03,542
The way she looked at me.
813
00:38:04,625 --> 00:38:06,559
Well, she loves you, really.
814
00:38:06,583 --> 00:38:08,750
You love each other.
815
00:38:08,792 --> 00:38:10,083
This is only a temporary glitch.
816
00:38:10,292 --> 00:38:11,934
Is it?
817
00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:14,292
I don't know.
818
00:38:14,333 --> 00:38:16,333
I don't know.
819
00:38:19,625 --> 00:38:21,583
Ah, Bridget, there you are.
820
00:38:21,625 --> 00:38:22,893
Don't worry.
You're not the only one.
821
00:38:22,917 --> 00:38:25,542
This is Penny. Geoffrey didn't
get in touch with her, either.
822
00:38:25,583 --> 00:38:26,750
I'm sorry?
823
00:38:26,792 --> 00:38:28,643
I was just saying Geoffrey
didn't contact you, either
824
00:38:28,667 --> 00:38:30,226
to tell you that
the Tarts and Vicars concept
825
00:38:30,250 --> 00:38:31,542
had gone out of the window.
826
00:38:31,583 --> 00:38:33,458
Oh, yes, he did.
827
00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:34,708
Oh, right.
828
00:38:34,750 --> 00:38:36,417
Lovely dress.
829
00:38:36,458 --> 00:38:38,000
Very exotic.
830
00:38:41,583 --> 00:38:43,434
What a shame you couldn't
bring your boyfriend, Bridget.
831
00:38:43,458 --> 00:38:44,792
What's his name? David? Darren?
832
00:38:44,833 --> 00:38:46,333
Daniel Cleaver.
833
00:38:46,375 --> 00:38:48,083
Oh. Is he a friend
of yours, Mark?
834
00:38:48,292 --> 00:38:49,542
Absolutely not.
835
00:38:49,583 --> 00:38:51,917
I hope he's good enough
for our little Bridget.
836
00:38:51,958 --> 00:38:55,000
I think I can say with
total confidence absolutely not.
837
00:38:55,042 --> 00:38:56,917
Well, I'm sure he'd say
the same about you
838
00:38:56,958 --> 00:38:58,667
given your past behavior.
839
00:38:58,708 --> 00:39:00,042
Sorry?
840
00:39:00,083 --> 00:39:01,708
I think you know what I mean.
841
00:39:01,750 --> 00:39:02,875
Mark.
842
00:39:17,625 --> 00:39:18,917
Hmm. Looks like Auntie Shirley
843
00:39:18,958 --> 00:39:21,750
didn't get the message, either.
844
00:39:29,917 --> 00:39:31,083
Hi.
845
00:39:31,292 --> 00:39:35,542
I really, really wanted
to see a friendly face.
846
00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:37,333
Oh, now, listen,
I'll tell you what.
847
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:40,268
I have an idea.
Let me finish this
848
00:39:40,292 --> 00:39:41,851
while you go home,
have a long hot bath,
849
00:39:41,875 --> 00:39:45,458
and I'll call round,
and we'll have dinner later, OK?
850
00:39:48,375 --> 00:39:50,042
Is there someone here?
851
00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:52,375
Not that I'm aware of.
852
00:39:52,417 --> 00:39:54,333
Unless that Bosnian family
has moved in again.
853
00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:55,542
Bastards.
854
00:40:07,667 --> 00:40:09,667
Oh.
855
00:40:09,708 --> 00:40:11,500
I'm sorry.
856
00:40:11,542 --> 00:40:12,792
Sorry.
857
00:40:15,417 --> 00:40:16,750
I'm going mad.
858
00:40:16,792 --> 00:40:19,000
Listen, I am feeling
really bad, actually.
859
00:40:19,042 --> 00:40:21,000
- I should've been there today.
- No, I'm sorry.
860
00:40:21,042 --> 00:40:22,375
No, no, I'm sorry,
861
00:40:22,417 --> 00:40:24,393
but at least I got
a hell of a lot of work done.
862
00:40:24,417 --> 00:40:26,393
Just give me one more hour, OK?
863
00:40:26,417 --> 00:40:28,042
Fine. That's fine.
864
00:40:28,083 --> 00:40:30,583
I will go home and de-bunny.
865
00:40:31,958 --> 00:40:33,458
Oh,
866
00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:37,750
and you know last night
when I said that I loved you?
867
00:40:37,792 --> 00:40:39,000
Mm-hmm.
868
00:40:39,042 --> 00:40:40,583
I didn't mean it.
869
00:40:40,625 --> 00:40:41,625
I was being ironic.
870
00:40:41,667 --> 00:40:45,500
Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know.
871
00:40:45,542 --> 00:40:46,917
All right.
872
00:40:49,500 --> 00:40:51,500
- Thank you, madam.
- Mmm.
873
00:41:02,667 --> 00:41:05,708
Bridge.
874
00:41:05,750 --> 00:41:07,042
Bridget.
875
00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:27,500
This is Lara from
the New York office.
876
00:41:27,542 --> 00:41:29,625
Lara, this is Bridget.
877
00:41:29,667 --> 00:41:31,458
Hey, there.
878
00:41:34,375 --> 00:41:37,333
I thought you said she was thin.
879
00:42:27,583 --> 00:42:29,625
I was hoping that you
would want to be a part of it.
880
00:42:32,458 --> 00:42:34,083
This is totally insane.
881
00:42:34,292 --> 00:42:37,083
I'm 36 years old. It may be
my last chance to have a child.
882
00:42:37,292 --> 00:42:38,458
Alex.
883
00:42:41,625 --> 00:42:43,958
Aah!
884
00:42:54,833 --> 00:42:59,375
The male penetrates
the female and leaves.
885
00:42:59,458 --> 00:43:02,417
Coitus is brief and perfunctory,
886
00:43:02,458 --> 00:43:03,667
and the female...
887
00:43:07,083 --> 00:43:09,042
That's wonderful.
888
00:43:09,292 --> 00:43:10,792
Well, I don't think it's bad.
889
00:43:15,708 --> 00:43:16,875
Right.
890
00:43:32,417 --> 00:43:34,792
We've had very good response
891
00:43:34,833 --> 00:43:36,958
to the Teddy Knows Best
teaser campaign
892
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,625
and had various
local radio bits for...
893
00:43:39,667 --> 00:43:41,042
Look, Bridge, stop that.
894
00:43:41,292 --> 00:43:44,583
I feel... terrible.
895
00:43:44,625 --> 00:43:46,583
The thing is
896
00:43:46,625 --> 00:43:48,625
with Lara and me
897
00:43:48,667 --> 00:43:51,000
well, you know...
898
00:43:51,042 --> 00:43:52,500
No. You'll have to fill me in.
899
00:43:52,583 --> 00:43:54,458
Well, the truth is
900
00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:57,000
the truth is, we're the same,
Bridge, you and me.
901
00:43:57,042 --> 00:43:59,000
You know? We're two people
of a certain age
902
00:43:59,083 --> 00:44:02,708
looking for the moment to commit
and finding it really hard.
903
00:44:02,750 --> 00:44:04,018
And I just think that in the end
904
00:44:04,042 --> 00:44:07,333
it's got to be
something extraordinary
905
00:44:07,375 --> 00:44:09,875
something which makes us
go that extra mile.
906
00:44:09,917 --> 00:44:11,083
And I think...
907
00:44:11,292 --> 00:44:13,417
Lara and...
908
00:44:13,500 --> 00:44:15,708
I don't know,
being American and all
909
00:44:15,750 --> 00:44:20,750
it has something to do
with confidence and being so
910
00:44:20,792 --> 00:44:24,333
well, young, you know?
911
00:44:28,417 --> 00:44:31,667
Well, we've... become very close.
912
00:44:31,708 --> 00:44:35,292
Well, you've only just met her.
She flew in yesterday.
913
00:44:35,333 --> 00:44:36,708
Uh...
914
00:44:38,958 --> 00:44:40,292
Oh.
915
00:44:41,625 --> 00:44:43,542
Silly Bridget.
916
00:44:43,583 --> 00:44:45,667
You haven't only just met her.
917
00:44:45,708 --> 00:44:47,042
No.
918
00:44:47,083 --> 00:44:49,375
No. I got to know her
pretty well
919
00:44:49,417 --> 00:44:51,625
when we were
in the New York office together.
920
00:44:53,083 --> 00:44:54,500
Oh.
921
00:44:54,542 --> 00:44:56,500
Oh, fuck.
922
00:44:56,542 --> 00:45:00,875
There's no easy way
to say this, but, um...
923
00:45:00,917 --> 00:45:05,833
I wanted you to be the first
to know that
924
00:45:05,875 --> 00:45:07,833
we're engaged.
925
00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:29,292
At times like this
926
00:45:29,333 --> 00:45:32,917
continuing with one's life
seems impossible,
927
00:45:32,958 --> 00:45:35,726
and eating the entire
contents of one's fridge
928
00:45:35,750 --> 00:45:38,042
seems inevitable.
929
00:45:38,083 --> 00:45:40,667
I have two choices...
930
00:45:40,708 --> 00:45:44,667
To give up and accept permanent
state of spinster hood,
931
00:45:44,708 --> 00:45:48,625
and eventual eating by dogs...
or not.
932
00:45:49,833 --> 00:45:51,333
And this time, I choose not.
933
00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:53,083
I will not be defeated
934
00:45:53,292 --> 00:45:56,875
by a bad man
and an American stick insect.
935
00:45:56,917 --> 00:45:59,958
Instead, I choose vodka,
936
00:46:01,417 --> 00:46:02,792
and ChakaKhan.
937
00:46:15,042 --> 00:46:17,875
I'm every woman.
938
00:46:17,917 --> 00:46:21,000
It's all in me.
939
00:46:21,042 --> 00:46:23,625
Anything you want done, baby
940
00:46:23,667 --> 00:46:25,542
I'll do it naturally.
941
00:46:26,708 --> 00:46:29,708
Mmm
942
00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:32,833
I'm every woman.
943
00:46:32,875 --> 00:46:36,000
It's all in me
944
00:46:36,042 --> 00:46:38,375
I can be the most right now.
945
00:46:38,417 --> 00:46:39,792
Every girl from A to Z.
946
00:46:39,833 --> 00:46:42,750
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
947
00:46:42,792 --> 00:46:44,000
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
948
00:46:44,042 --> 00:46:45,333
Whoa.
949
00:46:45,375 --> 00:46:47,042
Ahh.
950
00:46:47,083 --> 00:46:48,417
Ohh!
951
00:46:48,458 --> 00:46:49,976
I can cast a spell.
952
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:51,434
Fuck.
953
00:46:51,458 --> 00:46:52,893
Of secrets you can't tell.
954
00:46:52,917 --> 00:46:55,292
Mix a special groove.
955
00:46:55,333 --> 00:46:57,583
Put fire inside of you.
956
00:46:57,625 --> 00:46:59,708
Any time you feel danger...
957
00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:01,726
Why do you want
to be in television?
958
00:47:01,750 --> 00:47:05,708
Well, I've realized that
I've become deeply committed
959
00:47:05,750 --> 00:47:07,542
to communicating to the public
960
00:47:07,583 --> 00:47:10,000
the up-to-the-moment
and in-depth news
961
00:47:10,042 --> 00:47:11,917
both political and ecological.
962
00:47:11,958 --> 00:47:14,500
What do you think of
the El Nio phenomenon?
963
00:47:14,542 --> 00:47:17,333
Um... it's ab lip.
964
00:47:17,375 --> 00:47:20,375
I think, basically,
Latin music is on its way out.
965
00:47:21,917 --> 00:47:23,476
So, why do you want
to work in television?
966
00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:25,583
Because I'm
passionately committed
967
00:47:25,625 --> 00:47:27,500
to communicating with children.
968
00:47:27,542 --> 00:47:28,792
They are the future.
969
00:47:28,833 --> 00:47:30,768
Do you have any children
of your own?
970
00:47:30,792 --> 00:47:32,417
Oh, Christ, no. Yuck!
971
00:47:34,458 --> 00:47:35,542
Ah.
972
00:47:35,583 --> 00:47:36,875
Sorry.
973
00:47:36,917 --> 00:47:39,500
So, why do you want
to work in television?
974
00:47:39,542 --> 00:47:42,917
I've got to leave my current job
because I've shagged my boss.
975
00:47:42,958 --> 00:47:44,792
Fair enough. Start on Monday.
976
00:47:44,833 --> 00:47:46,375
We'll see how we go.
977
00:47:46,417 --> 00:47:47,792
Oh, and
978
00:47:47,833 --> 00:47:49,583
incidentally
979
00:47:49,625 --> 00:47:51,000
at "Sit Up, Britain"
980
00:47:51,042 --> 00:47:53,958
no one ever gets sacked
for shagging the boss.
981
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,792
That's a matter of principle.
982
00:48:00,375 --> 00:48:01,875
Oh, Bridget.
983
00:48:01,917 --> 00:48:03,667
Come on, it's...
984
00:48:03,708 --> 00:48:05,309
I mean, I know it's been
awkward as ass,
985
00:48:05,333 --> 00:48:06,750
but there's no need to leave.
986
00:48:06,792 --> 00:48:08,768
No, actually, there is.
987
00:48:08,792 --> 00:48:11,625
I've been offered
a job in television.
988
00:48:11,667 --> 00:48:13,042
Television?
989
00:48:13,292 --> 00:48:16,500
Mmm. And they want me
to start straight away.
990
00:48:16,542 --> 00:48:20,434
So I've got to leave
in about, ooh, three minutes,
991
00:48:20,458 --> 00:48:22,458
so, um...
992
00:48:24,417 --> 00:48:27,417
Whoa. Just hold it
right there, Miss Jones.
993
00:48:27,458 --> 00:48:28,667
I'm sorry to inform you,
994
00:48:28,708 --> 00:48:30,667
but I think you'll find
that by contract
995
00:48:30,750 --> 00:48:32,792
you're expected to give
at least six weeks notice.
996
00:48:32,833 --> 00:48:34,500
Ah, yes, well...
997
00:48:34,542 --> 00:48:36,768
I thought with the company being
in so much trouble and all
998
00:48:36,792 --> 00:48:38,042
you wouldn't really miss
999
00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:40,667
the person who waltzes in
in a see-through top,
1000
00:48:40,708 --> 00:48:42,958
and fannies about
with the press releases.
1001
00:48:44,583 --> 00:48:45,917
Bridget.
1002
00:48:45,958 --> 00:48:48,958
I want to hear this,
because if she gives one inch...
1003
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,684
I'm going to fire
her bony little bottom anyway,
1004
00:48:50,708 --> 00:48:53,333
for being totally spineless.
1005
00:48:53,375 --> 00:48:54,601
What?
1006
00:48:54,625 --> 00:48:57,875
Well, I just think
you should know that, um
1007
00:48:57,917 --> 00:49:00,768
there are lots of prospects
here for a talented person.
1008
00:49:00,792 --> 00:49:01,976
Just give me a minute,
will you, Simon? Thanks.
1009
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:03,583
Right-o, boss man.
1010
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:09,083
Lots of prospects
for a person who
1011
00:49:09,292 --> 00:49:11,000
you know, perhaps
for personal reasons
1012
00:49:11,042 --> 00:49:14,917
has been slightly
overlooked professionally.
1013
00:49:14,958 --> 00:49:17,917
Thank you, Daniel.
That is very good to know,
1014
00:49:17,958 --> 00:49:19,333
but if staying here
1015
00:49:19,375 --> 00:49:21,833
means working
within 10 yards of you
1016
00:49:21,875 --> 00:49:25,726
frankly, I'd rather have a job
wiping Saddam Hussein's ass.
1017
00:49:25,750 --> 00:49:27,375
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
1018
00:49:27,417 --> 00:49:29,500
Find out what it means to me.
1019
00:49:29,542 --> 00:49:31,458
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
1020
00:49:31,500 --> 00:49:32,917
Takin' care of T.C.B.
1021
00:49:32,958 --> 00:49:34,667
Sock it to me, sock it to me.
1022
00:49:34,708 --> 00:49:36,559
Sock it to me, sock it to me.
1023
00:49:36,583 --> 00:49:38,542
Well, bye, everyone.
1024
00:49:38,583 --> 00:49:40,542
Just a little bit.
1025
00:49:40,583 --> 00:49:41,833
Just a little bit
1026
00:49:41,875 --> 00:49:43,417
I get tired.
1027
00:49:43,458 --> 00:49:45,042
But keep on tryin'
1028
00:49:45,083 --> 00:49:46,750
You're runnin' out of fools.
1029
00:49:47,917 --> 00:49:49,375
Oh, just sod off.
1030
00:49:49,542 --> 00:49:51,833
Hello and welcome
to "Sit Up, Britain."
1031
00:49:51,875 --> 00:49:55,083
OK, everybody,
it is bonfire night,
1032
00:49:55,292 --> 00:49:56,917
and we are on fire.
1033
00:49:56,958 --> 00:49:58,875
We have live fire station feeds
1034
00:49:58,917 --> 00:50:03,375
from Newcastle, Swansea,
Sheffield, and Lewisham
1035
00:50:03,417 --> 00:50:05,083
just poised for tragedy.
1036
00:50:05,292 --> 00:50:07,500
Bridget Jones, where are you?
1037
00:50:09,417 --> 00:50:10,583
I'm here, Richard.
1038
00:50:10,625 --> 00:50:12,750
Put on some more makeup.
I want you on-camera.
1039
00:50:12,792 --> 00:50:13,917
But...
1040
00:50:13,958 --> 00:50:15,893
I'm thinking... mini skirt.
1041
00:50:15,917 --> 00:50:17,518
I'm thinking fireman's helmet.
1042
00:50:17,542 --> 00:50:19,417
I want you pointing a hose.
1043
00:50:19,458 --> 00:50:20,768
I want you
sliding down the pole,
1044
00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:22,351
and then go straight
into the interview.
1045
00:50:22,375 --> 00:50:24,625
Great.
1046
00:50:24,667 --> 00:50:26,375
I'll do it.
1047
00:50:28,625 --> 00:50:30,059
No problem. Fine. Right.
1048
00:50:30,083 --> 00:50:31,601
So, you drop into shot,
1049
00:50:31,625 --> 00:50:32,809
and then interview
Chief Fireman Bevan.
1050
00:50:32,833 --> 00:50:34,625
Yep, yep, yep.
1051
00:50:34,667 --> 00:50:35,917
Go, go. Go, go. Go!
1052
00:50:35,958 --> 00:50:37,542
Go?
1053
00:50:37,625 --> 00:50:40,792
Oh, no.
We're going to Newcastle first.
1054
00:50:40,833 --> 00:50:42,417
Stop!
1055
00:50:42,458 --> 00:50:43,792
Climb back up.
1056
00:50:43,833 --> 00:50:45,000
On you in thirty seconds.
1057
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:46,750
OK.
1058
00:50:48,958 --> 00:50:51,542
Neville, what
the fuck is going on?
1059
00:50:51,583 --> 00:50:52,851
She's supposed to be
sliding down the pole
1060
00:50:52,875 --> 00:50:55,042
- not climbing up it.
- Go, go, go, go, go!
1061
00:50:55,083 --> 00:50:56,542
Oh, OK.
1062
00:50:57,583 --> 00:50:59,750
- Oh!
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
1063
00:50:59,792 --> 00:51:02,333
Uhh! Uhh!
1064
00:51:02,375 --> 00:51:03,393
OK, we're out of time.
We're out of time.
1065
00:51:03,417 --> 00:51:04,809
Just wind 'erupt.
1066
00:51:04,833 --> 00:51:08,083
Well, that seems to be
about all we've got time for
1067
00:51:08,292 --> 00:51:09,958
down here in Lewisham.
1068
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,792
Uh, Chief Officer Bevan,
thank you very much.
1069
00:51:13,833 --> 00:51:15,625
Excellent fire station.
1070
00:51:15,667 --> 00:51:17,583
Uh, and now
1071
00:51:17,625 --> 00:51:19,917
back to the studio.
1072
00:51:19,958 --> 00:51:21,583
Whoo!
1073
00:51:21,625 --> 00:51:23,500
Whoo!
1074
00:51:23,542 --> 00:51:25,542
Whoo!
1075
00:51:25,583 --> 00:51:26,875
Whoo!
1076
00:51:26,917 --> 00:51:29,583
Excellent.
Am national laughing stock.
1077
00:51:29,625 --> 00:51:31,833
Have bottom the size of Brazil.
1078
00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:33,458
Am daughter of broken home,
1079
00:51:33,500 --> 00:51:35,000
and rubbish at everything and
1080
00:51:35,083 --> 00:51:36,375
oh, God.
1081
00:51:36,417 --> 00:51:39,042
I'm having dinner
with Magda and Jeremy.
1082
00:51:39,083 --> 00:51:41,934
The only thing worse
than as mug married couple...
1083
00:51:41,958 --> 00:51:44,875
Lots of smug married couples.
1084
00:51:44,917 --> 00:51:47,542
Right, everyone.
This is Bridget.
1085
00:51:48,917 --> 00:51:50,542
Bridge, this is Hugo and Jane.
1086
00:51:50,583 --> 00:51:52,059
And, obviously,
you know, of course...
1087
00:51:52,083 --> 00:51:53,500
Cosmo and Woney.
1088
00:51:53,542 --> 00:51:54,750
- Hi, Bridge.
- Hi, Bridge.
1089
00:51:54,792 --> 00:51:57,375
This is
Alistair and Henrietta...
1090
00:51:57,417 --> 00:51:58,625
Julia and Michael...
1091
00:51:58,667 --> 00:51:59,750
Joanne and Paul,
1092
00:51:59,792 --> 00:52:01,601
and Jeremy's partners
from chambers.
1093
00:52:01,625 --> 00:52:04,458
This is Natasha Glenville
and Mark Darcy.
1094
00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:05,625
Hi, there.
1095
00:52:05,667 --> 00:52:07,042
Hello.
1096
00:52:07,083 --> 00:52:09,042
Not in your bunny girl
outfit today?
1097
00:52:09,083 --> 00:52:10,417
No.
1098
00:52:10,458 --> 00:52:15,059
We bunnies only wear our tails
on very special occasions.
1099
00:52:15,083 --> 00:52:17,417
- Sit yourself down.
- Right.
1100
00:52:20,542 --> 00:52:23,583
Hey, Bridge,
how's your love life?
1101
00:52:23,667 --> 00:52:25,000
Oh...
1102
00:52:25,042 --> 00:52:27,458
Still going out
with that publishing chap pie?
1103
00:52:27,500 --> 00:52:29,792
Uh, no, no.
1104
00:52:29,833 --> 00:52:31,083
Terribly brill.
1105
00:52:31,292 --> 00:52:33,958
Never dip your nib
in the office ink.
1106
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,500
Right.
1107
00:52:35,542 --> 00:52:36,750
You really ought to hurry up,
1108
00:52:36,792 --> 00:52:39,375
and get sprugged up,
you know, old girl?
1109
00:52:39,417 --> 00:52:42,917
Time's a-running out. Tick-tock.
1110
00:52:42,958 --> 00:52:44,958
Yes, yes.
1111
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,417
Uh, tell me, is it
one in four marriages
1112
00:52:47,458 --> 00:52:49,417
that ends in divorce now
or one in three?
1113
00:52:49,458 --> 00:52:50,750
One in three.
1114
00:52:51,750 --> 00:52:53,042
Seriously, though.
1115
00:52:53,083 --> 00:52:56,917
Offices full of single girls
in their thirties...
1116
00:52:56,958 --> 00:52:58,875
Fine physical specimens,
1117
00:52:58,917 --> 00:53:02,042
but they just can't seem
to hold down a chap.
1118
00:53:02,083 --> 00:53:03,559
Yes. Why is it
1119
00:53:03,583 --> 00:53:05,559
there are so many unmarried
women in their thirties
1120
00:53:05,583 --> 00:53:06,708
these days, Bridget?
1121
00:53:12,750 --> 00:53:14,917
Oh, I don't know.
1122
00:53:14,958 --> 00:53:18,000
Suppose it doesn't help
that underneath our clothes
1123
00:53:18,042 --> 00:53:20,583
our entire bodies
are covered in scales.
1124
00:53:33,500 --> 00:53:34,667
I very much enjoyed
1125
00:53:34,708 --> 00:53:38,601
your Lewis ham fire report,
by the way.
1126
00:53:38,625 --> 00:53:40,083
Thank you.
1127
00:53:43,667 --> 00:53:45,684
I just
1128
00:53:45,708 --> 00:53:47,375
yeah, well.
1129
00:53:48,917 --> 00:53:50,375
So.
1130
00:53:51,417 --> 00:53:52,726
It didn't work out
with Daniel Cleaver?
1131
00:53:52,750 --> 00:53:54,875
No, it didn't.
1132
00:53:56,417 --> 00:53:57,708
I'm delighted to hear it.
1133
00:53:59,292 --> 00:54:02,458
Look, are you and Cosmo
in this together?
1134
00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:04,059
I mean, you seem
to go out of your way
1135
00:54:04,083 --> 00:54:06,375
to try to make me feel
like a complete idiot
1136
00:54:06,417 --> 00:54:11,292
every time I see you,
and you really needn't bother.
1137
00:54:11,333 --> 00:54:15,667
I already feel like an idiot
most of the time anyway...
1138
00:54:15,708 --> 00:54:18,458
With or without
a fireman's pole.
1139
00:54:20,958 --> 00:54:22,458
That'll be my taxi.
1140
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,917
Good night.
1141
00:54:24,958 --> 00:54:26,393
Look, um...
1142
00:54:26,417 --> 00:54:29,417
I'm sorry if I've been...
1143
00:54:29,458 --> 00:54:30,708
What?
1144
00:54:30,750 --> 00:54:34,625
I don't think
you're an idiot at all.
1145
00:54:34,667 --> 00:54:38,667
I mean, there are elements
of the ridiculous about you.
1146
00:54:38,708 --> 00:54:40,934
Your mother's
pretty interesting.
1147
00:54:40,958 --> 00:54:42,292
And you really are
1148
00:54:42,333 --> 00:54:44,333
an appallingly bad
public speaker.
1149
00:54:44,375 --> 00:54:46,625
And you tend to let
whatever's in your head
1150
00:54:46,667 --> 00:54:47,917
come out of your mouth
1151
00:54:47,958 --> 00:54:51,333
without much consideration
of the consequences.
1152
00:54:51,375 --> 00:54:54,667
I realize that when I met you
at the turkey curry buffet
1153
00:54:54,708 --> 00:54:59,542
that I was unforgivably rude
and wearing a reindeer jumper
1154
00:54:59,583 --> 00:55:01,833
that my mother had
given me the day before.
1155
00:55:03,083 --> 00:55:05,083
But the thing is, um
1156
00:55:05,292 --> 00:55:09,833
what I'm trying to say
very inarticulately is
1157
00:55:11,292 --> 00:55:12,917
that, um
1158
00:55:12,958 --> 00:55:14,667
in fact
1159
00:55:14,708 --> 00:55:17,917
perhaps, despite appearances...
1160
00:55:17,958 --> 00:55:20,708
I like you very much.
1161
00:55:20,750 --> 00:55:23,958
Ah. Apart from the smoking
and the drinking,
1162
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,833
and the vulgar mother
and the verbal diarrhea.
1163
00:55:26,875 --> 00:55:30,792
No. I like you very much...
Just as you are.
1164
00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:36,083
Mark, we really are making
progress on the case in here.
1165
00:55:36,292 --> 00:55:40,083
Jeremy's had
the most brilliant idea.
1166
00:55:40,292 --> 00:55:41,875
Right.
1167
00:55:41,917 --> 00:55:43,333
Right.
1168
00:55:45,917 --> 00:55:48,083
I must go, because
1169
00:55:49,833 --> 00:55:51,833
well
1170
00:55:51,917 --> 00:55:53,583
bye.
1171
00:55:53,667 --> 00:55:56,917
Someone exactly like you.
1172
00:56:00,958 --> 00:56:05,542
I've been travelin'
all around the world.
1173
00:56:05,667 --> 00:56:08,500
Just as you are?
1174
00:56:08,542 --> 00:56:10,000
Not thinner? Not cleverer?
1175
00:56:10,083 --> 00:56:13,333
Not with slightly bigger breasts
and a slightly smaller nose?
1176
00:56:13,375 --> 00:56:14,875
Someone like you.
1177
00:56:14,917 --> 00:56:16,393
Mm-mmm.
1178
00:56:16,417 --> 00:56:19,458
To make it all worth while.
1179
00:56:19,500 --> 00:56:21,583
Well
1180
00:56:21,625 --> 00:56:23,042
fuck me.
1181
00:56:23,083 --> 00:56:24,750
Keep me satisfied.
1182
00:56:24,792 --> 00:56:27,000
Someone exactly like you.
1183
00:56:27,042 --> 00:56:28,792
But this is someone you hate,
right?
1184
00:56:28,833 --> 00:56:30,708
Mmm. Mmm.
1185
00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:32,875
Yes, yes. I hate him.
1186
00:56:36,500 --> 00:56:39,375
I've been traveling a hard road
1187
00:56:39,417 --> 00:56:43,625
November 9. Weight... 138 pounds.
1188
00:56:43,667 --> 00:56:45,458
Cigarettes... three.
1189
00:56:45,500 --> 00:56:47,708
Birthday... thirty-three.
1190
00:56:48,958 --> 00:56:51,542
OK, Bridget, see if you can
get it right this time.
1191
00:56:51,583 --> 00:56:54,750
The verdict in the Aghani-Heaney
case is expected today.
1192
00:56:54,792 --> 00:56:55,750
Get yourself down
to the high court.
1193
00:56:55,792 --> 00:56:59,375
I want a hard headed interview.
1194
00:56:59,417 --> 00:57:01,268
You do know
the Aghani-Heaney case?
1195
00:57:01,292 --> 00:57:04,292
Yes, of course.
1196
00:57:04,333 --> 00:57:06,417
Big case
1197
00:57:06,458 --> 00:57:09,667
featuring someone
called Aghanihini.
1198
00:57:09,708 --> 00:57:13,625
Or two people called
Kafir Aghani and Eleanor Heaney.
1199
00:57:13,667 --> 00:57:16,393
That's the one.
1200
00:57:16,417 --> 00:57:19,500
She's a British aid worker.
He's a Kurdish freedom fighter.
1201
00:57:19,542 --> 00:57:21,458
The government
want to extradite him home
1202
00:57:21,500 --> 00:57:23,083
where he'll certainly
be executed.
1203
00:57:23,292 --> 00:57:24,542
She's married to him,
1204
00:57:24,583 --> 00:57:26,393
and they fought for five years
to keep him here.
1205
00:57:26,417 --> 00:57:27,750
Today is the decision.
1206
00:57:27,792 --> 00:57:29,333
Oh, that's exciting.
1207
00:57:29,375 --> 00:57:33,042
Yes, it is...
so what are you waiting for?
1208
00:57:33,083 --> 00:57:36,393
Am suddenly
hard-headed journalist
1209
00:57:36,417 --> 00:57:39,500
ruthlessly committed to
promoting justice and liberty.
1210
00:57:39,542 --> 00:57:41,750
Nothing can distract me
from my dedication
1211
00:57:41,792 --> 00:57:43,792
to the pursuit of truth.
1212
00:57:43,833 --> 00:57:46,333
Well, almost nothing.
1213
00:57:46,417 --> 00:57:49,458
Right. I'll just pop
to the shop for some ciggies.
1214
00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:53,625
14 p for the Polos
and packet of Wheat Crunchies.
1215
00:57:53,667 --> 00:57:54,875
Packet of Embassy, please.
1216
00:57:54,917 --> 00:57:56,667
I'm sorry. I'm not quite fin...
1217
00:57:56,708 --> 00:57:58,583
Good afternoon.
1218
00:58:00,792 --> 00:58:01,917
Hi.
1219
00:58:03,042 --> 00:58:04,958
You like me just the way I am.
1220
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:06,458
Sorry?
1221
00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:08,708
Nothing.
1222
00:58:08,750 --> 00:58:10,917
Bridget,
we've fucked up utterly.
1223
00:58:10,958 --> 00:58:13,667
Eleanor Heaney and Kafir Aghani
have come and gone.
1224
00:58:13,708 --> 00:58:17,000
Oh, God. I'll be sacked.
1225
00:58:17,042 --> 00:58:18,375
Did the others get interviews?
1226
00:58:18,417 --> 00:58:20,393
I don't know.
I was having a slash.
1227
00:58:20,417 --> 00:58:22,042
Actually, nobody got interviews.
1228
00:58:22,083 --> 00:58:23,375
How do you know?
1229
00:58:23,417 --> 00:58:24,559
Because I was defending him,
1230
00:58:24,583 --> 00:58:26,708
and I told him
not to give any interviews.
1231
00:58:27,750 --> 00:58:29,708
Look...
1232
00:58:29,750 --> 00:58:31,958
I have a plan.
1233
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:33,625
And action.
1234
00:58:35,625 --> 00:58:38,917
Mr. Darcy,
you were defending Mr. Aghani.
1235
00:58:38,958 --> 00:58:41,042
You must be delighted.
1236
00:58:41,083 --> 00:58:43,708
Yes, well, Kafir Aghani
has spent his entire life
1237
00:58:43,750 --> 00:58:45,059
defending the basic human rights
1238
00:58:45,083 --> 00:58:46,792
of his own people,
and today's verdict
1239
00:58:46,833 --> 00:58:48,768
has been the result
of five years of struggle
1240
00:58:48,792 --> 00:58:50,726
by this woman, Eleanor Heaney
1241
00:58:50,750 --> 00:58:54,292
to save the man she loves
from an extradition order
1242
00:58:54,333 --> 00:58:57,875
that would've been tant amount
to a death sentence.
1243
00:58:57,917 --> 00:58:59,375
Right.
1244
00:58:59,417 --> 00:59:02,393
And, Eleanor, over to you.
1245
00:59:02,417 --> 00:59:05,500
Did you fancy Kafir
the first time that you saw him?
1246
00:59:08,375 --> 00:59:11,417
This has been Bridget Jones
for "Sit Up, Britain"
1247
00:59:11,458 --> 00:59:15,958
with, let's face it,
a bit of a crush now, actually.
1248
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:17,500
Good afternoon.
1249
00:59:17,542 --> 00:59:21,583
Bridget Jones...
Already a legend.
1250
00:59:21,792 --> 00:59:23,583
I feel fantastic, bombastic.
1251
00:59:23,625 --> 00:59:25,708
Ecstatically astounded.
1252
00:59:25,750 --> 00:59:28,875
Got a girl
who can really use her brain
1253
00:59:28,917 --> 00:59:31,417
I feel surrounded, confounded.
1254
00:59:31,458 --> 00:59:33,917
Emotionally dumbfounded.
1255
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:37,958
Oh, joy.
I am broadcasting genius.
1256
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:41,375
Celebrating by cooking birthday
feast for close friends.
1257
00:59:41,417 --> 00:59:42,917
Have sneaking suspicion
1258
00:59:42,958 --> 00:59:45,833
am also something of a genius
in the kitchen as well.
1259
00:59:45,875 --> 00:59:50,542
Tie flavor-enhancing leek
and celery together with string.
1260
00:59:50,583 --> 00:59:51,934
Right.
1261
00:59:51,958 --> 00:59:53,333
String.
1262
00:59:53,375 --> 00:59:54,875
String, string, string.
1263
00:59:54,917 --> 00:59:56,893
Perfect.
1264
00:59:56,917 --> 00:59:58,500
I don't think so.
1265
01:00:00,583 --> 01:00:04,458
Finely slice oranges
and grate zest.
1266
01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:06,458
Why don't you leave it there?
1267
01:00:06,500 --> 01:00:09,417
I feel fantastic,
bombastic, ecstatic...
1268
01:00:09,458 --> 01:00:10,750
Aah! Oh, bugger!
1269
01:00:10,792 --> 01:00:11,792
Oh, bugger, bugger!
1270
01:00:13,375 --> 01:00:15,708
I feel surrounded, confounded.
1271
01:00:15,750 --> 01:00:16,875
Emotionally dumbfounded.
1272
01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:19,000
Where the fuck
is the fucking tuna?
1273
01:00:19,042 --> 01:00:21,792
Oh, this is Bridget Jones
for "Sit Up, Britain"
1274
01:00:21,833 --> 01:00:23,333
searching for tuna.
1275
01:00:27,792 --> 01:00:28,769
Bridget Jones.
1276
01:00:28,793 --> 01:00:30,375
Hello, darling.
1277
01:00:30,458 --> 01:00:31,625
Hi, Mum.
1278
01:00:31,667 --> 01:00:34,667
I just wanted a bit of a chat.
1279
01:00:34,750 --> 01:00:37,083
Ouch!
Careful, you ham-fisted cunt!
1280
01:00:37,292 --> 01:00:39,417
The thing is, darling, I'm...
1281
01:00:39,458 --> 01:00:40,976
Between you and me,
I'm not entirely sure
1282
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:42,958
that Julian
isn't a bit of a shit.
1283
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:43,977
Yes, well, you know, Mum...
1284
01:00:44,001 --> 01:00:45,958
I haven't really
got time right now.
1285
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,708
Oh, I...
1286
01:00:47,750 --> 01:00:50,542
I can't deny the sex
is still very surprising.
1287
01:00:50,583 --> 01:00:52,583
You know, the other night,
quite unexpectedly...
1288
01:00:52,625 --> 01:00:54,792
I was just dozing off,
and I felt this huge...
1289
01:00:54,833 --> 01:00:56,417
Bye, Mum.
1290
01:00:57,875 --> 01:00:58,875
Ecch.
1291
01:01:00,083 --> 01:01:01,042
Oh.
1292
01:01:01,083 --> 01:01:03,333
Who can be calling now?
1293
01:01:04,917 --> 01:01:06,042
Oh.
1294
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:11,000
The door was open.
1295
01:01:11,042 --> 01:01:13,583
I came to congratulate
1296
01:01:13,667 --> 01:01:17,042
the new face
of British current affairs.
1297
01:01:19,083 --> 01:01:21,458
Huh.
1298
01:01:21,500 --> 01:01:25,958
But I see I may have come
at a bad time.
1299
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:27,833
How's it look?
1300
01:01:27,875 --> 01:01:30,875
Great. It's, um... blue.
1301
01:01:30,917 --> 01:01:32,750
Blue?
1302
01:01:32,792 --> 01:01:34,333
No, but blue is good.
1303
01:01:34,375 --> 01:01:36,583
If you ask me,
there isn't enough blue food.
1304
01:01:36,625 --> 01:01:39,625
Oh, shit.
It must've been the string.
1305
01:01:39,667 --> 01:01:41,375
Oh, it's string soup?
1306
01:01:42,625 --> 01:01:44,500
Oh, God. They're going
to be here any minute.
1307
01:01:44,542 --> 01:01:46,268
Well, don't worry. I'm sure
they've come to see you,
1308
01:01:46,292 --> 01:01:50,333
and not orange parfait
in sugar cages.
1309
01:01:50,375 --> 01:01:51,625
Have a drink.
1310
01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:52,833
Yes.
1311
01:01:56,833 --> 01:01:57,833
Happy birthday.
1312
01:01:57,875 --> 01:01:59,042
Thank you.
1313
01:02:02,292 --> 01:02:04,708
Did I really run round
your lawn naked?
1314
01:02:04,750 --> 01:02:06,417
Oh, yes.
1315
01:02:06,458 --> 01:02:08,083
You were four, and I was eight.
1316
01:02:08,292 --> 01:02:11,750
Well, that's a pretty
big age difference.
1317
01:02:12,792 --> 01:02:14,333
It's quite pervy, really.
1318
01:02:14,375 --> 01:02:16,458
Yes, I like to think so.
1319
01:02:20,083 --> 01:02:22,750
What are we going
to do about this dinner, then?
1320
01:02:24,917 --> 01:02:29,875
We can have blue soup to start,
orange pudding to end, and
1321
01:02:29,917 --> 01:02:30,976
well, for main course, we have
1322
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:33,708
uh, congealed green gunge.
1323
01:02:33,750 --> 01:02:37,792
- That is caper berry gravy.
- Oh, yes. Yeah.
1324
01:02:37,833 --> 01:02:39,792
- Do you have eggs?
- Yes.
1325
01:02:39,833 --> 01:02:40,792
Right.
1326
01:02:40,833 --> 01:02:42,417
- Omelet it is, then.
- Ah.
1327
01:02:42,458 --> 01:02:43,875
With caper berry gravy.
1328
01:02:47,792 --> 01:02:52,292
You wouldn't by any chance
have any beet root cubes?
1329
01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:55,333
A mini-gherkin, stuffed olive?
1330
01:02:55,375 --> 01:02:57,917
No, Pam, and besides, I'm busy.
1331
01:02:57,958 --> 01:03:00,000
The gravy needs sieving.
1332
01:03:00,083 --> 01:03:01,917
Surely not. Just stir it, Una.
1333
01:03:06,583 --> 01:03:08,934
In the dark
1334
01:03:08,958 --> 01:03:10,958
I can hear.
1335
01:03:12,083 --> 01:03:14,375
Happy, happy birthday!
1336
01:03:14,417 --> 01:03:16,792
Hey, TV queen.
1337
01:03:16,833 --> 01:03:20,833
Hey, Bridge,
you looked fantastic.
1338
01:03:23,458 --> 01:03:24,500
Hello.
1339
01:03:24,583 --> 01:03:25,792
Hello.
1340
01:03:25,833 --> 01:03:27,083
Are you joining us?
1341
01:03:27,292 --> 01:03:29,601
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
1342
01:03:29,625 --> 01:03:31,083
What did you say?
1343
01:03:31,292 --> 01:03:34,583
It's OK.
1344
01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:38,458
Mmm, mmm.
1345
01:03:38,500 --> 01:03:40,292
Did you miss me?
1346
01:03:48,792 --> 01:03:49,769
Excellent.
1347
01:03:49,793 --> 01:03:50,833
Mmm. Yeah.
1348
01:03:50,875 --> 01:03:52,792
Delicious.
1349
01:03:52,833 --> 01:03:54,083
Really special.
1350
01:03:54,292 --> 01:03:55,917
It's really... really very good.
1351
01:03:55,958 --> 01:03:57,750
Really. It's very nice.
1352
01:04:00,417 --> 01:04:01,458
Say...
1353
01:04:01,500 --> 01:04:02,792
Mmm.
1354
01:04:02,833 --> 01:04:04,333
Mark,
why did your wife leave you?
1355
01:04:04,417 --> 01:04:06,375
Mmm. Eat up.
1356
01:04:06,417 --> 01:04:08,875
Eat up.
Two more lovely courses to go.
1357
01:04:10,333 --> 01:04:13,417
Make it mine.
1358
01:04:13,458 --> 01:04:15,500
They can talk.
1359
01:04:15,542 --> 01:04:16,750
Mmm, delicious.
1360
01:04:18,292 --> 01:04:20,452
I have to say, this really is
the most incredible shit.
1361
01:04:24,292 --> 01:04:26,292
This is the worst of the three.
1362
01:04:26,333 --> 01:04:28,083
It does actually
remind me of something.
1363
01:04:28,292 --> 01:04:29,083
It tastes like...
1364
01:04:29,292 --> 01:04:30,750
Marmalade.
1365
01:04:30,792 --> 01:04:32,417
Well done, Bridge.
1366
01:04:32,458 --> 01:04:35,542
Four hours of careful cooking
and a feast of blue soup
1367
01:04:35,583 --> 01:04:37,042
omelet, and marmalade.
1368
01:04:37,083 --> 01:04:38,083
Thank you.
1369
01:04:38,292 --> 01:04:39,601
I think that deserves a toast,
don't you?
1370
01:04:39,625 --> 01:04:40,750
To Bridget
1371
01:04:40,792 --> 01:04:43,958
who cannot cook, but who we love
1372
01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:45,458
just as she is.
1373
01:04:47,292 --> 01:04:48,542
To Bridget
1374
01:04:48,583 --> 01:04:51,042
just as she is.
1375
01:04:51,083 --> 01:04:53,042
Did you miss me?
1376
01:04:54,333 --> 01:04:56,292
Did you miss me?
1377
01:04:59,792 --> 01:05:01,333
I'll go.
1378
01:05:11,958 --> 01:05:13,292
Who?
1379
01:05:14,500 --> 01:05:17,708
Ah. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
1380
01:05:17,750 --> 01:05:21,542
I'm obviously interrupting a...
1381
01:05:21,583 --> 01:05:23,875
Darcy.
1382
01:05:23,917 --> 01:05:26,375
What brings you here?
1383
01:05:26,417 --> 01:05:28,893
Oh, right. Yeah.
1384
01:05:28,917 --> 01:05:30,333
I should've guessed,
shouldn't I?
1385
01:05:30,375 --> 01:05:33,351
Hi. I'm Tom. It's really good
to meet you at last.
1386
01:05:33,375 --> 01:05:36,333
Yeah, listen,
I just came to, uh...
1387
01:05:36,375 --> 01:05:38,542
I thought
you might be on your own.
1388
01:05:38,583 --> 01:05:40,708
Huh. What an idiot.
1389
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:45,042
Excuse me.
1390
01:05:52,500 --> 01:05:54,458
I've been going crazy.
1391
01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:56,542
I can't stop thinking about you,
1392
01:05:56,583 --> 01:05:59,667
and thinking
what a fucking idiot I've been.
1393
01:05:59,708 --> 01:06:02,333
Christ, is that blue soup?
1394
01:06:02,375 --> 01:06:04,042
Yes.
1395
01:06:04,083 --> 01:06:06,042
That Sunday in the country...
1396
01:06:08,417 --> 01:06:10,292
Come outside.
1397
01:06:11,750 --> 01:06:14,625
It was all just going so fast...
1398
01:06:14,667 --> 01:06:18,042
The hotel and that weekend,
meeting your parents.
1399
01:06:18,083 --> 01:06:20,292
I just panicked.
1400
01:06:20,333 --> 01:06:21,958
You know me. I'm...
1401
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:23,833
I'm a terrible disaster
1402
01:06:23,875 --> 01:06:26,750
with a posh voice
and a bad character.
1403
01:06:26,792 --> 01:06:28,351
You're the only one
who can save me, Bridge.
1404
01:06:28,375 --> 01:06:30,417
I need you. Without you,
twenty years from now...
1405
01:06:30,458 --> 01:06:34,893
I'll be in some seedy bar
with some seedy blonde.
1406
01:06:34,917 --> 01:06:36,958
Well, what about Lara?
1407
01:06:37,000 --> 01:06:40,083
Oh, over, over.
Totally fucking finito.
1408
01:06:40,292 --> 01:06:41,875
Dumped me.
1409
01:06:41,917 --> 01:06:45,875
She realized
that I hadn't got over you.
1410
01:06:45,917 --> 01:06:47,893
I know you're thinking
1411
01:06:47,917 --> 01:06:50,917
it's just a sex thing,
but I promise you
1412
01:06:50,958 --> 01:06:53,875
whenever I see that skimpy
little skirt on TV...
1413
01:06:53,917 --> 01:06:55,375
I just close my eyes and listen
1414
01:06:55,417 --> 01:06:57,750
to all the intelligent things
you've said.
1415
01:06:57,792 --> 01:07:00,792
I was thrilled that little
Kurdish bloke was set free.
1416
01:07:02,458 --> 01:07:03,708
Bridge...
1417
01:07:04,958 --> 01:07:07,542
I missed you a lot.
1418
01:07:10,625 --> 01:07:11,583
Oh, God.
1419
01:07:11,625 --> 01:07:13,333
I'm going now. Bye.
1420
01:07:14,417 --> 01:07:15,893
Mark, stay. We...
1421
01:07:15,917 --> 01:07:17,375
No, I don't think I will.
1422
01:07:17,417 --> 01:07:20,667
Well, listen,
don't leave on my behalf.
1423
01:07:20,708 --> 01:07:25,875
I think it's time you and I
put this past behind us.
1424
01:07:25,917 --> 01:07:27,417
At least stay
for a birthday drink
1425
01:07:27,458 --> 01:07:28,875
with me and Bridge, huh?
1426
01:07:28,917 --> 01:07:31,000
Good-bye, Bridget.
1427
01:07:32,833 --> 01:07:34,375
Mark.
1428
01:07:40,042 --> 01:07:41,042
Why are you here?
1429
01:07:41,083 --> 01:07:43,500
Bridge...
1430
01:07:43,542 --> 01:07:46,042
I just told you why I'm here.
1431
01:07:46,083 --> 01:07:49,083
Why was
Mark "Wanker" Darcy here?
1432
01:07:49,292 --> 01:07:52,000
Oh, bloody hell.
Wait a minute. He's back.
1433
01:07:52,042 --> 01:07:53,458
All right, Cleaver, outside.
1434
01:07:53,500 --> 01:07:55,042
I'm sorry?
1435
01:07:55,083 --> 01:07:56,667
Outside?
1436
01:07:56,750 --> 01:08:00,500
Uh, should I bring
my dueling pistols or my sword?
1437
01:08:03,917 --> 01:08:05,292
All right. Hang on.
1438
01:08:14,583 --> 01:08:15,958
I should've done this years ago.
1439
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:18,083
Done what?
1440
01:08:18,292 --> 01:08:19,269
This.
1441
01:08:19,293 --> 01:08:21,458
Ooh! Fuck!
1442
01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:23,375
Fuck me, that hurt!
1443
01:08:23,417 --> 01:08:25,292
Ahh!
1444
01:08:25,333 --> 01:08:26,559
What the fuck
do you think you're doing?
1445
01:08:26,583 --> 01:08:27,917
- This.
- Aah!
1446
01:08:27,958 --> 01:08:30,434
Aah! Oh, Christ, not again.
1447
01:08:30,458 --> 01:08:31,458
Uhh!
1448
01:08:33,542 --> 01:08:34,667
Fight!
1449
01:08:34,708 --> 01:08:36,583
What?
1450
01:08:36,625 --> 01:08:38,583
Well, quick!
1451
01:08:38,625 --> 01:08:39,934
It's a real fight!
1452
01:08:39,958 --> 01:08:41,583
It's a fight!
1453
01:08:43,417 --> 01:08:44,726
All right, all right, all right.
1454
01:08:44,750 --> 01:08:46,042
I give up. I give up.
1455
01:08:46,083 --> 01:08:47,833
Just give me a moment,
all right? Just...
1456
01:08:47,875 --> 01:08:51,917
Let me get a moment's
break here, OK?
1457
01:08:52,958 --> 01:08:54,875
Cheat!
1458
01:08:54,917 --> 01:08:56,500
Cheat! Cheat!
1459
01:09:04,625 --> 01:09:06,625
I should've knew it!
1460
01:09:18,833 --> 01:09:20,667
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
1461
01:09:20,708 --> 01:09:22,000
Whose side are we on?
1462
01:09:22,042 --> 01:09:23,333
Mark's, obviously.
1463
01:09:23,375 --> 01:09:25,309
He's never dumped Bridget
for some naked American.
1464
01:09:25,333 --> 01:09:27,333
And he said he liked her
just the way she is.
1465
01:09:27,375 --> 01:09:29,135
Yeah, but he also shagged
Daniel's fiancee,
1466
01:09:29,292 --> 01:09:30,083
and left him broken hearted.
1467
01:09:30,292 --> 01:09:32,625
Good point.
It's a very hard one to call.
1468
01:09:32,667 --> 01:09:35,375
It's raining men.
1469
01:09:35,417 --> 01:09:38,500
Hallelujah, it's raining men.
1470
01:09:38,542 --> 01:09:39,917
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
1471
01:09:39,958 --> 01:09:41,458
Oh, yes!
1472
01:09:44,083 --> 01:09:45,583
Mark!
1473
01:09:45,625 --> 01:09:47,059
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, all right?
1474
01:09:47,083 --> 01:09:48,625
Ohh! Ohh!
1475
01:09:48,667 --> 01:09:50,625
Aah!
1476
01:09:50,667 --> 01:09:52,042
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
1477
01:09:52,083 --> 01:09:53,667
I really am sorry.
1478
01:09:53,708 --> 01:09:54,667
I... I will pay.
1479
01:09:54,708 --> 01:09:56,333
Had enough, Darcy?
1480
01:09:56,375 --> 01:09:58,958
Not quite,
if that's all right by you.
1481
01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:01,375
Oh! You broke my bloody jaw!
1482
01:10:01,417 --> 01:10:04,667
Happy birthday to you.
1483
01:10:04,708 --> 01:10:08,375
Happy birthday to you.
1484
01:10:08,417 --> 01:10:12,917
Happy birthday,
dear what's-his-name.
1485
01:10:12,958 --> 01:10:17,958
Happy birthday to you.
1486
01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:21,500
It's raining men.
1487
01:10:21,583 --> 01:10:23,875
Hallelujah, it's raining men.
1488
01:10:23,917 --> 01:10:26,500
- Uh...
- Ohh...
1489
01:10:26,542 --> 01:10:27,875
- Uhh.
- Uhh.
1490
01:10:31,292 --> 01:10:33,417
Jesus.
1491
01:10:33,458 --> 01:10:34,583
Uhh.
1492
01:10:39,375 --> 01:10:40,625
All right.
1493
01:10:40,667 --> 01:10:42,667
- All right?
- Enough.
1494
01:10:42,750 --> 01:10:44,542
Enough.
1495
01:10:44,583 --> 01:10:45,583
Enough.
1496
01:10:45,625 --> 01:10:47,083
Wanker.
1497
01:11:00,833 --> 01:11:02,708
What is your problem?
1498
01:11:02,750 --> 01:11:04,542
- My problem?
- Yes.
1499
01:11:04,583 --> 01:11:08,417
You give the impression
of being all moral and noble,
1500
01:11:08,458 --> 01:11:09,875
and normal,
1501
01:11:09,917 --> 01:11:11,917
and helpful in the kitchen,
1502
01:11:11,958 --> 01:11:14,083
but you're just as bad
as the rest of them.
1503
01:11:14,292 --> 01:11:16,333
Well, I can see
that I've been laboring
1504
01:11:16,417 --> 01:11:18,917
under a misapprehension.
1505
01:11:18,958 --> 01:11:23,583
A very, very foolish mistake.
Forgive me.
1506
01:11:37,792 --> 01:11:40,042
Uhh.
1507
01:11:43,750 --> 01:11:46,542
Let's go back upstairs.
1508
01:11:46,583 --> 01:11:48,000
Come on.
1509
01:11:50,958 --> 01:11:53,042
We belong together, Jones.
1510
01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:56,417
Me, you.
1511
01:11:57,625 --> 01:11:59,500
Poor little skirt.
1512
01:12:01,625 --> 01:12:03,667
Right.
1513
01:12:03,708 --> 01:12:07,625
If I can't make it with you...
1514
01:12:07,667 --> 01:12:10,458
I can't make it with anyone.
1515
01:12:12,792 --> 01:12:13,958
Um...
1516
01:12:19,958 --> 01:12:24,333
That's not a good enough offer
for me.
1517
01:12:24,375 --> 01:12:26,292
I'm not willing
to gamble my whole life
1518
01:12:26,333 --> 01:12:28,000
on someone who's
1519
01:12:28,042 --> 01:12:31,000
well, not quite sure.
1520
01:12:32,500 --> 01:12:34,458
It's like you said.
1521
01:12:34,500 --> 01:12:37,917
I'm still looking for something
1522
01:12:37,958 --> 01:12:40,042
more extraordinary than that.
1523
01:12:59,375 --> 01:13:01,083
Ding dong, merrily on high
1524
01:13:01,292 --> 01:13:03,333
December 25.
1525
01:13:03,417 --> 01:13:06,458
Weight... 140 pounds...
1526
01:13:06,500 --> 01:13:08,083
Plus forty-two mince pies.
1527
01:13:08,292 --> 01:13:11,518
Alcohol units...
1528
01:13:11,542 --> 01:13:12,583
Oh, thousands.
1529
01:13:12,625 --> 01:13:14,375
Bugger off!
1530
01:13:14,417 --> 01:13:16,083
Come on, kids.
1531
01:13:17,917 --> 01:13:20,792
This baroque carriage clock
1532
01:13:20,833 --> 01:13:23,417
is a particular festive
favorite of mine
1533
01:13:23,458 --> 01:13:26,417
incorporating
the Hallelujah Chorus
1534
01:13:26,458 --> 01:13:27,875
from Handel's "Messiah"
1535
01:13:27,958 --> 01:13:30,667
every hour on the hour.
1536
01:13:30,708 --> 01:13:31,750
I don't understand it.
1537
01:13:31,792 --> 01:13:33,625
The man's actually
turned red now.
1538
01:13:33,667 --> 01:13:35,583
Merry Christmas, Pamela.
1539
01:13:41,583 --> 01:13:42,833
Well...
1540
01:13:42,875 --> 01:13:45,042
I'm going to Bedfordshire.
1541
01:13:52,083 --> 01:13:53,083
Night, night.
1542
01:13:53,125 --> 01:13:54,583
Night, night.
1543
01:14:08,625 --> 01:14:10,417
The thing is
1544
01:14:11,542 --> 01:14:14,500
well, close up,
he was almost purple.
1545
01:14:15,958 --> 01:14:19,542
You were such
a lovely normal color.
1546
01:14:19,625 --> 01:14:23,458
He had a filthy temper.
1547
01:14:23,500 --> 01:14:25,726
And, well,
the jewelry is fabulous,
1548
01:14:25,750 --> 01:14:28,708
and really very
reasonably priced and...
1549
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:33,000
I thought I might ask if
1550
01:14:35,042 --> 01:14:37,000
we could have another go.
1551
01:14:38,583 --> 01:14:40,393
I mean, obviously,
with some effort on your part
1552
01:14:40,417 --> 01:14:42,500
to pay a bit more attention
to me.
1553
01:14:42,542 --> 01:14:45,500
I do realize
what I'm like sometimes.
1554
01:14:45,583 --> 01:14:46,809
It doesn't help
that you and Bridget
1555
01:14:46,833 --> 01:14:48,625
have your lovely
grownup club of two,
1556
01:14:48,667 --> 01:14:50,000
and always saying...
1557
01:14:50,042 --> 01:14:52,500
"What's silly old Mummy
gone and done this time?"
1558
01:14:52,542 --> 01:14:55,875
You used to be mad about me.
1559
01:14:55,917 --> 01:14:57,750
You couldn't get enough of me.
1560
01:15:01,667 --> 01:15:03,375
What do you think?
1561
01:15:06,792 --> 01:15:08,708
I don't know, Pam.
1562
01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:13,583
I just don't know now.
1563
01:15:15,917 --> 01:15:17,583
It's been very hard.
1564
01:15:17,625 --> 01:15:20,542
Oh, Colin.
1565
01:15:24,417 --> 01:15:26,958
I'm joking, you daft cow.
1566
01:15:28,042 --> 01:15:29,042
Oh!
1567
01:15:31,583 --> 01:15:34,375
Pam,
I just don't work without you.
1568
01:15:37,292 --> 01:15:39,833
Awful.
1569
01:15:43,542 --> 01:15:46,500
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
1570
01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:48,708
Get back up those stairs,
young lady.
1571
01:15:48,750 --> 01:15:49,958
Get dressed.
1572
01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:51,375
What for?
1573
01:15:51,417 --> 01:15:53,375
The Darcys' ruby wedding party.
1574
01:15:53,417 --> 01:15:54,750
What for, indeed.
1575
01:15:54,792 --> 01:15:57,458
Mark will be there...
Still divorced.
1576
01:15:57,500 --> 01:16:00,958
He's also still deranged.
I'm not going.
1577
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,875
Poor Mark. It's always
a bad time of year for him.
1578
01:16:03,917 --> 01:16:06,037
You know, his Japanese wife
left him on Christmas Day.
1579
01:16:06,083 --> 01:16:07,375
Cruel race.
1580
01:16:07,417 --> 01:16:08,625
Yes, but I'm not quite sure
1581
01:16:08,667 --> 01:16:10,750
he didn't deserve it, actually.
1582
01:16:10,792 --> 01:16:12,643
She ran off with his best friend
from Cambridge.
1583
01:16:12,667 --> 01:16:15,042
Total scoundrel, apparently.
1584
01:16:15,083 --> 01:16:16,583
Best man at his wedding.
1585
01:16:16,625 --> 01:16:18,708
Christmas Eve, Mark
comes home early from work
1586
01:16:18,750 --> 01:16:21,917
finds the pair of them
in a most unorthodox position...
1587
01:16:21,958 --> 01:16:24,375
Stark naked, a tit like rabbits.
1588
01:16:29,375 --> 01:16:31,667
Just give me five minutes.
1589
01:16:31,708 --> 01:16:32,851
Ain't no mountain high enough.
1590
01:16:32,875 --> 01:16:34,083
Oh, ho.
1591
01:16:34,292 --> 01:16:35,500
Ain't no valley low enough.
1592
01:16:35,542 --> 01:16:36,750
Whoo.
1593
01:16:36,792 --> 01:16:38,750
Ain't no river wide enough.
1594
01:16:38,792 --> 01:16:41,750
Stop. Stop the car.
Stop the car.
1595
01:16:41,792 --> 01:16:43,958
Dad, get out. Too slow!
1596
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:45,059
Ain't no valley low enough.
1597
01:16:45,083 --> 01:16:46,542
Say it again.
1598
01:16:46,583 --> 01:16:47,833
Ain't no river wide enough.
1599
01:16:47,875 --> 01:16:50,458
Hey, to keep me from you.
1600
01:16:50,500 --> 01:16:52,333
Dad, get in.
1601
01:16:52,375 --> 01:16:53,500
- Hurry.
- What's your hurry?
1602
01:16:55,583 --> 01:16:57,792
Not too fast.
1603
01:16:57,833 --> 01:17:00,958
Keep me from you.
1604
01:17:07,083 --> 01:17:09,375
A bit snowy, isn't it?
1605
01:17:09,417 --> 01:17:10,917
Ain't no mountain high enough.
1606
01:17:10,958 --> 01:17:12,351
Oh, ho.
1607
01:17:12,375 --> 01:17:13,875
Ain't no valley low enough.
1608
01:17:13,917 --> 01:17:15,333
Whoo.
1609
01:17:15,375 --> 01:17:17,333
Ain't no river wide enough.
1610
01:17:17,375 --> 01:17:19,625
To keep me from you.
1611
01:17:19,667 --> 01:17:21,393
Ain't no mountain high enough.
1612
01:17:21,417 --> 01:17:23,750
Ow, ain't no valley low enough.
1613
01:17:23,792 --> 01:17:25,042
Say it again.
1614
01:17:25,083 --> 01:17:26,458
Ain't no river wide enough.
1615
01:17:26,500 --> 01:17:28,958
Hey, to keep me from you.
1616
01:17:29,000 --> 01:17:31,292
Sorry. One moment.
1617
01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:35,458
Thank you for inviting me.
1618
01:17:35,500 --> 01:17:38,417
I didn't.
It must've been my parents.
1619
01:17:42,958 --> 01:17:43,958
So...
1620
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:46,042
So.
1621
01:17:47,583 --> 01:17:48,667
Hello, Bridget.
1622
01:17:48,708 --> 01:17:50,333
Didn't know you were coming.
1623
01:17:50,375 --> 01:17:54,333
Mark, your father
wants to begin A.S.A.P.
1624
01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:55,875
Oh, does he? Right.
1625
01:17:55,917 --> 01:17:57,292
Well, uh...
1626
01:17:57,333 --> 01:17:59,458
Come on, Mark.
Be helpful, please.
1627
01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:01,292
The caterers
have totally screwed up.
1628
01:18:01,333 --> 01:18:02,726
Does nothing work
outside of London?
1629
01:18:02,750 --> 01:18:04,542
Hmm? Apparently not.
1630
01:18:05,958 --> 01:18:07,542
Well, I'd better...
1631
01:18:09,458 --> 01:18:11,583
Listen, uh...
1632
01:18:11,625 --> 01:18:15,708
I owe you an apology
about Daniel.
1633
01:18:17,458 --> 01:18:19,750
He said that you ran off
with his fiancee,
1634
01:18:19,792 --> 01:18:22,417
and left him broken hearted,
he said.
1635
01:18:22,458 --> 01:18:23,750
Ah.
1636
01:18:24,750 --> 01:18:25,976
No, it was the other way around.
1637
01:18:26,000 --> 01:18:29,500
It was my wife
1638
01:18:30,750 --> 01:18:32,292
my heart.
1639
01:18:33,833 --> 01:18:35,875
Sorry.
1640
01:18:35,917 --> 01:18:39,625
That's why you always acted
so strangely around him,
1641
01:18:39,667 --> 01:18:44,333
and beat him to a pulp,
quite rightly.
1642
01:18:44,458 --> 01:18:45,708
Well done.
1643
01:18:46,750 --> 01:18:47,875
Well, um...
1644
01:18:47,917 --> 01:18:50,042
Can we just, um
1645
01:18:50,083 --> 01:18:52,750
pop out there,
1646
01:18:52,792 --> 01:18:54,333
for a moment?
1647
01:18:56,750 --> 01:18:58,667
Quite delightful,
isn't it, my dear?
1648
01:19:00,583 --> 01:19:02,083
OK.
1649
01:19:03,917 --> 01:19:07,792
I just have something
that I want to say.
1650
01:19:07,833 --> 01:19:09,375
Um...
1651
01:19:09,458 --> 01:19:11,667
You once said that you
liked me just as I am,
1652
01:19:11,708 --> 01:19:16,625
and I just wanted to say...
like wise.
1653
01:19:16,667 --> 01:19:18,625
I mean
1654
01:19:18,667 --> 01:19:20,792
there are stupid things
your mum buys you.
1655
01:19:20,833 --> 01:19:22,458
Tonight's another classic.
1656
01:19:22,500 --> 01:19:25,000
You're haughty, and you
always say the wrong thing
1657
01:19:25,042 --> 01:19:26,708
in every situation.
1658
01:19:26,792 --> 01:19:29,958
And I seriously believe
that you should
1659
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:32,042
rethink the length
of your side burns.
1660
01:19:33,875 --> 01:19:36,542
But you're a nice man
1661
01:19:36,583 --> 01:19:37,708
and...
1662
01:19:39,792 --> 01:19:41,333
I like you.
1663
01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:46,458
So if you wanted
to pop by sometime
1664
01:19:46,500 --> 01:19:47,875
that might be nice.
1665
01:19:51,417 --> 01:19:53,542
More than nice.
1666
01:19:55,792 --> 01:19:56,833
Right.
1667
01:19:58,792 --> 01:19:59,917
Crikey.
1668
01:20:02,833 --> 01:20:04,708
Ladies and gentlemen
1669
01:20:04,750 --> 01:20:08,417
could I have your attention
for a moment, please?
1670
01:20:08,458 --> 01:20:09,875
Excuse me.
1671
01:20:13,417 --> 01:20:14,833
Of course.
1672
01:20:14,875 --> 01:20:17,583
Wife and companion Geraldine.
1673
01:20:17,625 --> 01:20:22,667
A toast to her,
my... my wonderful wife Geraldine.
1674
01:20:22,708 --> 01:20:24,893
To Geraldine.
1675
01:20:24,917 --> 01:20:26,667
And we, in turn
1676
01:20:26,708 --> 01:20:29,583
have been blessed
with our son, Mark.
1677
01:20:29,625 --> 01:20:30,833
He's always made us proud,
1678
01:20:30,875 --> 01:20:33,542
and we couldn't be
prouder of him
1679
01:20:33,583 --> 01:20:34,726
than on this particular day
1680
01:20:34,750 --> 01:20:37,375
because I'm thrilled to announce
1681
01:20:37,417 --> 01:20:39,708
he has just been invited
to be a senior partner
1682
01:20:39,750 --> 01:20:41,833
in the firm of Abbott
and Abbott in New York.
1683
01:20:46,417 --> 01:20:47,917
He also, incidentally
1684
01:20:47,958 --> 01:20:50,042
takes with him his
brilliant partner in law...
1685
01:20:50,083 --> 01:20:52,042
Natasha.
1686
01:20:52,083 --> 01:20:54,083
And, well, I don't
think they'll mind
1687
01:20:54,292 --> 01:20:55,875
since we're amongst friends
1688
01:20:55,917 --> 01:21:00,500
if I say that someday
this remarkably clever girl
1689
01:21:00,542 --> 01:21:03,875
is going to be
something-else-in-law as well.
1690
01:21:09,708 --> 01:21:11,500
I begged him
not to say anything.
1691
01:21:11,542 --> 01:21:12,917
So I ask you now
1692
01:21:12,958 --> 01:21:15,042
to charge your glasses
once again
1693
01:21:15,083 --> 01:21:17,667
to Markandhis Natasha.
1694
01:21:17,750 --> 01:21:20,042
To Mark and his Natasha.
1695
01:21:20,083 --> 01:21:22,708
No! No!
1696
01:21:26,792 --> 01:21:29,518
It's just that
1697
01:21:29,542 --> 01:21:31,958
it's such a terrible pity
1698
01:21:34,542 --> 01:21:37,833
f-for England
1699
01:21:37,875 --> 01:21:39,625
to lose
1700
01:21:39,667 --> 01:21:42,042
such a great legal brain.
1701
01:21:42,083 --> 01:21:44,083
- Is she pissed?
- What?
1702
01:21:44,292 --> 01:21:47,333
F-for the people of England...
1703
01:21:48,958 --> 01:21:50,500
I like me and you
1704
01:21:50,542 --> 01:21:54,708
to lose one of our top people.
1705
01:21:54,750 --> 01:21:55,792
Uh.
1706
01:21:56,792 --> 01:22:00,333
Just top person, really.
1707
01:22:03,042 --> 01:22:04,583
Ahem.
1708
01:22:05,917 --> 01:22:08,792
Well... better dash.
1709
01:22:08,833 --> 01:22:12,226
I've got another party to go to.
1710
01:22:12,250 --> 01:22:14,958
It's single people.
1711
01:22:15,000 --> 01:22:17,750
Mainly... poofs.
1712
01:22:21,083 --> 01:22:22,917
Bye.
1713
01:22:37,708 --> 01:22:41,000
Knew the sight.
1714
01:22:41,042 --> 01:22:43,559
Wasn't right
1715
01:22:43,583 --> 01:22:45,875
I was stupid.
1716
01:22:45,917 --> 01:22:48,542
For a while.
1717
01:22:48,583 --> 01:22:51,083
Swept away.
1718
01:22:51,292 --> 01:22:54,059
By you.
1719
01:22:54,083 --> 01:22:56,708
And now I feel.
1720
01:22:56,750 --> 01:22:59,375
Like a fool.
1721
01:23:01,042 --> 01:23:03,667
So confused.
1722
01:23:03,708 --> 01:23:06,375
My heart's bruised.
1723
01:23:06,417 --> 01:23:09,917
Was I ever loved by you?
1724
01:23:09,958 --> 01:23:12,417
Out of reach.
1725
01:23:12,458 --> 01:23:15,333
So far
1726
01:23:15,375 --> 01:23:20,542
I never had your heart.
1727
01:23:20,583 --> 01:23:23,042
Out of reach.
1728
01:23:23,083 --> 01:23:25,667
Couldn't see.
1729
01:23:25,708 --> 01:23:31,042
We were never meant to be.
1730
01:23:31,083 --> 01:23:33,667
Catch myself.
1731
01:23:33,708 --> 01:23:36,417
From the spell
1732
01:23:36,458 --> 01:23:41,583
I could drown if I stay here.
1733
01:23:41,625 --> 01:23:43,708
Keepin' busy.
1734
01:23:43,750 --> 01:23:44,875
Every day.
1735
01:23:46,958 --> 01:23:50,542
I know I will be OK.
1736
01:23:50,583 --> 01:23:51,542
Yes?
1737
01:23:51,583 --> 01:23:53,625
Hi, it's us!
1738
01:23:53,667 --> 01:23:56,000
Oh.
1739
01:23:56,042 --> 01:23:57,958
Great. Come on up.
1740
01:23:59,958 --> 01:24:02,000
Have we got the most
fantastic surprise for you.
1741
01:24:02,083 --> 01:24:03,518
Oh, no.
You're not going to sing.
1742
01:24:03,542 --> 01:24:05,917
Not that fantastic, sadly, no,
but still pretty good.
1743
01:24:05,958 --> 01:24:07,643
We've decided we're taking you
to Paris for the weekend.
1744
01:24:07,667 --> 01:24:10,583
Forget everything... particularly,
forget about Mark Darcy.
1745
01:24:10,625 --> 01:24:12,750
I can't believe you said
what you said you said.
1746
01:24:12,792 --> 01:24:14,059
I know.
1747
01:24:14,083 --> 01:24:16,542
There goes my invite
to the Darcys' next year.
1748
01:24:16,583 --> 01:24:18,309
If he didn't leap over
the family heirlooms,
1749
01:24:18,333 --> 01:24:19,768
and whip you up in his arms,
then sod him.
1750
01:24:19,792 --> 01:24:24,375
Yes. He's clearly
the most dreadful cold fish.
1751
01:24:24,417 --> 01:24:25,917
Exactly.
1752
01:24:25,958 --> 01:24:27,059
I mean, there's been
all these bloody hints,
1753
01:24:27,083 --> 01:24:28,833
and stuff,
but has he ever actually
1754
01:24:28,875 --> 01:24:30,601
stuck his fucking tongue
down your fucking throat?
1755
01:24:30,625 --> 01:24:32,667
No. Not once.
1756
01:24:32,708 --> 01:24:34,059
I think we should pack,
shouldn't we?
1757
01:24:34,083 --> 01:24:35,667
Passport, Bridget. And pants.
1758
01:24:35,708 --> 01:24:37,083
Yep, pants.
1759
01:24:37,292 --> 01:24:38,500
Hurry up, Bridge!
1760
01:24:38,542 --> 01:24:40,375
We're freezing our bollocks off
out here!
1761
01:24:40,417 --> 01:24:42,583
Yeah. Just the keys.
1762
01:24:43,625 --> 01:24:45,375
I'm stuck! Oh!
1763
01:24:49,333 --> 01:24:50,833
Come the fuck on, Bridget.
1764
01:24:52,500 --> 01:24:53,542
Close the door.
1765
01:24:53,583 --> 01:24:54,875
Bridget?
1766
01:24:54,917 --> 01:24:56,875
Stop being so bossy.
1767
01:24:58,458 --> 01:25:00,500
What are you doing here?
1768
01:25:00,542 --> 01:25:02,684
I just wanted to know
if you were available,
1769
01:25:02,708 --> 01:25:04,018
for barmitzvahs and christenings
1770
01:25:04,042 --> 01:25:06,083
as well as ruby weddings.
1771
01:25:06,292 --> 01:25:07,684
Excellent speech.
1772
01:25:07,708 --> 01:25:09,792
I thought
that you were in America.
1773
01:25:09,833 --> 01:25:13,333
Well, yes, I was, but, um...
1774
01:25:13,375 --> 01:25:15,875
I realized I'd forgotten
something back home.
1775
01:25:17,083 --> 01:25:18,333
Which was?
1776
01:25:19,458 --> 01:25:23,292
Well, I realized
I'd forgotten to, um
1777
01:25:24,542 --> 01:25:25,875
kiss you good-bye. Do you mind?
1778
01:25:28,458 --> 01:25:29,583
Um.
1779
01:25:29,625 --> 01:25:31,375
Not really, no.
1780
01:25:34,875 --> 01:25:36,542
So.
1781
01:25:36,583 --> 01:25:39,333
You're not going
to America, then?
1782
01:25:39,375 --> 01:25:40,893
- No.
- No.
1783
01:25:40,917 --> 01:25:41,917
- Not.
- Oh, oh.
1784
01:25:41,958 --> 01:25:44,042
You're staying here?
1785
01:25:44,083 --> 01:25:46,042
So it would seem.
1786
01:25:47,083 --> 01:25:49,542
Aah!
1787
01:25:51,583 --> 01:25:52,667
Go, Bridget!
1788
01:25:52,708 --> 01:25:53,708
Friends of yours?
1789
01:25:55,542 --> 01:25:58,667
No. I've never seen them
before in my life.
1790
01:25:58,708 --> 01:26:00,667
Look, are you coming
to fucking Paris or not?
1791
01:26:02,417 --> 01:26:03,375
Not.
1792
01:26:03,417 --> 01:26:05,500
- No fucking room anyway.
- No.
1793
01:26:05,542 --> 01:26:07,875
Maybe we should just go upstairs
for a minute.
1794
01:26:07,917 --> 01:26:10,000
Yes. Very good idea.
1795
01:26:10,042 --> 01:26:12,500
No. Come on, let's go. No.
1796
01:26:12,542 --> 01:26:15,042
Of course she's not coming.
1797
01:26:15,083 --> 01:26:16,750
Close it down.
1798
01:26:20,500 --> 01:26:22,125
Uh.
1799
01:26:22,250 --> 01:26:23,684
Give me just a minute.
1800
01:26:23,708 --> 01:26:26,458
Um... keep yourself busy.
Read something.
1801
01:26:26,500 --> 01:26:29,434
Lots of very
high-quality magazines
1802
01:26:29,458 --> 01:26:33,417
with helpful fashion
and romance tips.
1803
01:26:34,417 --> 01:26:36,875
I'll be right with you.
1804
01:26:42,958 --> 01:26:48,292
Definitely an occasion
for genuinely tiny knickers.
1805
01:27:18,375 --> 01:27:19,583
Right.
1806
01:27:24,583 --> 01:27:25,875
Right.
1807
01:27:32,542 --> 01:27:33,519
Mark?
1808
01:27:33,543 --> 01:27:35,542
Mark?
1809
01:27:39,792 --> 01:27:41,684
Mark!
1810
01:27:41,708 --> 01:27:43,458
Mark!
1811
01:27:48,708 --> 01:27:49,708
Oh.
1812
01:27:51,833 --> 01:27:53,875
Oh, shit.
1813
01:28:00,292 --> 01:28:01,917
Double shit.
1814
01:28:11,583 --> 01:28:13,083
Bollocks!
1815
01:28:13,292 --> 01:28:14,708
Oh, God.
1816
01:28:20,292 --> 01:28:22,833
Ooh! Wish me luck!
1817
01:28:22,875 --> 01:28:25,333
Good luck, crazy girl!
1818
01:28:25,375 --> 01:28:26,708
Ain't no mountain high enough.
1819
01:28:26,750 --> 01:28:28,684
- Oh, ho.
- Ain't no valley low enough.
1820
01:28:28,708 --> 01:28:31,417
- Ooh.
- Ain't no river wide enough.
1821
01:28:31,458 --> 01:28:34,667
Oh - To keep me from you.
1822
01:28:34,708 --> 01:28:36,518
Ain't no mountain high enough.
1823
01:28:36,542 --> 01:28:38,708
Ow, ain't no valley low enough.
1824
01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:40,684
Say it again,
ain't no river wide enough.
1825
01:28:40,708 --> 01:28:44,333
Hey, to keep me from you.
1826
01:28:44,375 --> 01:28:48,375
Ain't no mountain high enough.
1827
01:28:48,458 --> 01:28:50,417
Nothing can keep me
1828
01:28:50,458 --> 01:28:51,684
Mark?
1829
01:28:51,708 --> 01:28:53,583
Keep me from you.
1830
01:28:56,083 --> 01:28:57,458
Mark!
1831
01:28:59,625 --> 01:29:01,750
Oh, damn.
1832
01:29:03,292 --> 01:29:04,583
Ain't no mountain high enough.
1833
01:29:04,625 --> 01:29:07,042
No, ain't no valley low enough
1834
01:29:07,292 --> 01:29:09,750
I am so sorry.
1835
01:29:09,792 --> 01:29:11,083
I'm so sorry.
1836
01:29:11,292 --> 01:29:12,958
I didn't mean it.
1837
01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:14,583
I mean, I meant it,
1838
01:29:14,625 --> 01:29:19,750
but I was so stupid
that I didn't mean what I meant.
1839
01:29:22,958 --> 01:29:25,375
Oh, for Christ's sakes.
1840
01:29:28,042 --> 01:29:30,042
It's only a diary.
1841
01:29:31,458 --> 01:29:34,750
Everyone knows diaries
are just full of crap.
1842
01:29:38,417 --> 01:29:39,917
I know that.
1843
01:29:39,958 --> 01:29:42,292
I was just buying you a new one.
1844
01:29:42,333 --> 01:29:43,833
Time to make a new start,
perhaps.
1845
01:30:01,458 --> 01:30:02,738
I've been searchin' a long time.
1846
01:30:05,917 --> 01:30:10,333
For someone exactly like you.
1847
01:30:13,875 --> 01:30:17,833
I've been traveling
all around the world.
1848
01:30:20,583 --> 01:30:22,417
Waitin' for you.
1849
01:30:22,458 --> 01:30:23,708
To come through.
1850
01:30:25,500 --> 01:30:28,625
Someone like you.
1851
01:30:28,667 --> 01:30:29,625
Will make it all worth while.
1852
01:30:29,667 --> 01:30:31,042
Wait a minute.
1853
01:30:32,125 --> 01:30:34,708
Nice boys don't kiss like that.
1854
01:30:34,750 --> 01:30:36,292
Oh, yes, they fucking do.
1855
01:30:36,333 --> 01:30:37,667
Keep me satisfied.
1856
01:30:37,708 --> 01:30:41,542
Someone exactly like you.
1857
01:30:45,042 --> 01:30:48,042
Someone exactly like you.
1858
01:30:51,875 --> 01:30:55,500
Someone exactly like you.
1859
01:30:59,917 --> 01:31:02,375
The best is yet to come.
1860
01:31:05,542 --> 01:31:08,542
The best is yet to come.
1861
01:31:22,875 --> 01:31:26,458
Have you met Miss Jones?
1862
01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:30,042
Someone said as we shook hands.
1863
01:31:30,083 --> 01:31:33,958
She was just Miss Jones.
1864
01:31:34,000 --> 01:31:36,708
To me.
1865
01:31:38,542 --> 01:31:41,500
And now I've met Miss Jones.
1866
01:31:42,792 --> 01:31:45,518
And we'll keep on meeting.
1867
01:31:45,542 --> 01:31:48,518
Till we're done.
1868
01:31:48,542 --> 01:31:50,917
Miss Jones and I.
1869
01:31:53,375 --> 01:31:54,708
Whoa, fellas.
1870
01:32:23,542 --> 01:32:25,667
And all at once
1871
01:32:25,750 --> 01:32:27,583
I lost my breath.
1872
01:32:27,625 --> 01:32:29,667
And all at once.
1873
01:32:29,708 --> 01:32:31,667
Was scared to death.
1874
01:32:31,708 --> 01:32:33,458
And all at once
1875
01:32:33,500 --> 01:32:36,601
I owned the earth.
1876
01:32:36,625 --> 01:32:38,792
And sky.
1877
01:32:40,875 --> 01:32:44,958
Now I've met Miss Jones.
1878
01:32:45,000 --> 01:32:48,083
And we'll keep on meeting.
1879
01:32:48,292 --> 01:32:51,292
Till we're done.
1880
01:32:51,333 --> 01:32:53,708
Miss Jones and I.
1881
01:32:55,333 --> 01:32:57,667
Miss Jones and I.
1882
01:32:59,083 --> 01:33:06,833
Miss Jones and I.
1883
01:33:10,583 --> 01:33:12,333
How!
1884
01:33:12,375 --> 01:33:15,750
I didn't
mean to hurt your feelings.
1885
01:33:15,792 --> 01:33:18,042
It was so careless of me.
1886
01:33:20,000 --> 01:33:23,333
I guess I've gone and done it.
1887
01:33:23,375 --> 01:33:25,583
It's just a matter of time.
1888
01:33:27,000 --> 01:33:28,750
Nothing I can do.
1889
01:33:28,792 --> 01:33:31,018
But tell you I'm sorry.
1890
01:33:31,042 --> 01:33:38,083
And that's the hardest part
of all.
1891
01:33:38,292 --> 01:33:45,833
'Cause your love's
the killin' kind.
1892
01:33:45,875 --> 01:33:53,833
Your love's the killin' kind.
1893
01:33:53,875 --> 01:33:56,000
Yeah
1894
01:33:56,042 --> 01:33:58,583
I'd rather walk on glass.
1895
01:33:58,625 --> 01:34:03,792
Than see tear drops in your eyes.
1896
01:34:03,833 --> 01:34:06,083
And I'd fall to pieces.
1897
01:34:06,292 --> 01:34:08,000
Just to hold you.
1898
01:34:08,042 --> 01:34:10,667
The best thing in my life.
1899
01:34:10,708 --> 01:34:14,833
And it's just luck
I get to love you.
1900
01:34:14,875 --> 01:34:18,500
You're the one thing
that's right.
1901
01:34:18,542 --> 01:34:22,500
You're the light
in my hell's darkness.
1902
01:34:22,542 --> 01:34:30,000
'Cause your love's
the killin' kind.
1903
01:34:30,042 --> 01:34:37,917
Your love's the killin' kind.
1904
01:34:37,958 --> 01:34:39,667
Oh, yeah.
1905
01:34:41,500 --> 01:34:43,500
I just might cry now.
1906
01:34:43,542 --> 01:34:45,000
Lie.
1907
01:34:45,042 --> 01:34:47,292
Lay down and die now.
1908
01:34:48,750 --> 01:34:50,958
You've done it to me.
1909
01:34:52,458 --> 01:34:56,833
You're puttin' me under
1910
01:34:56,875 --> 01:34:59,333
I close my eyes at night.
1911
01:34:59,375 --> 01:35:01,559
Sittin' under sky
1912
01:35:01,583 --> 01:35:04,750
I love you and all is pleasures.
1913
01:35:04,792 --> 01:35:06,583
Baby, feels so right.
1914
01:35:06,625 --> 01:35:11,583
My arms won't be
of any use at all.
1915
01:35:11,625 --> 01:35:15,958
If I can't hold you.
1916
01:35:16,000 --> 01:35:23,684
'Cause your love's
the killin' kind.
1917
01:35:23,708 --> 01:35:27,667
Your love's the killin' kind.
1918
01:35:36,083 --> 01:35:39,833
Not of this earth.
1919
01:35:41,625 --> 01:35:44,958
You've changed places
with the sun.
1920
01:35:47,583 --> 01:35:50,375
I know that you're the one.
1921
01:35:52,792 --> 01:35:55,458
I love what we've become.
1922
01:35:57,750 --> 01:36:01,875
Not of this earth.
1923
01:36:03,375 --> 01:36:06,583
Not surprised we're unashamed.
1924
01:36:08,625 --> 01:36:11,792
She's gonna have
to change her name.
1925
01:36:14,333 --> 01:36:16,833
Then we'll know
they'll be the same.
1926
01:36:19,375 --> 01:36:23,750
She's not of this earth.
1927
01:36:23,792 --> 01:36:29,500
And I believe
we've seen the worst.
1928
01:36:29,542 --> 01:36:33,375
If I ever leave this world.
1929
01:36:34,875 --> 01:36:36,958
You will have a song to sing.
1930
01:36:37,000 --> 01:36:40,500
So you know what you're worth
129792
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