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1
00:00:07,207 --> 00:00:08,640
Hey, Dad.
2
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,910
Kids, I've made the
most incredible discovery.
3
00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:15,046
What, that I can't see
Sportscenter through you?
4
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:16,982
No. This. I stumbled upon
5
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:20,486
a little slice of heaven
called the Dollar Store.
6
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,221
Guess how much I paid for this.
7
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,034
I don't know. How much?
8
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,223
A dollar!
9
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:26,492
Wow!
10
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,962
Not sure you needed
Jhericurl, though.
11
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,831
For a dollar, how
could I not need it?
12
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,477
I'm telling you, Douglas,
you should go there.
13
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,267
The prices are unbeatable.
14
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:37,903
Hmm... unless you go down
15
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,671
to the 99 Cents Store.
16
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,105
The what?
17
00:00:41,174 --> 00:00:43,185
The 99 Cents Store. It's
exactly like the Dollar Store,
18
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,169
only everything's
a penny cheaper.
19
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,215
Those bastards saw
me coming a mile away!
20
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,521
That was fun.
21
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:59,992
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
22
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,594
♪ My back is gettin' tight ♪
23
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,503
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪
24
00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:07,298
♪ On the Queensboro
bridge tonight ♪
25
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:12,971
♪ But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
26
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,608
♪ Is cash my check and
drive right home to you ♪
27
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,879
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life ♪
28
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:24,950
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
29
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:36,995
OK, boys, breakfast is served.
30
00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:40,164
I thought you were
goin' to Dunkin' Donuts.
31
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:41,500
Change in plans.
32
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:44,669
Ling Gardens is now open 24/7.
33
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,550
OK, just because a restaurant
is open 24-hours-a-day,
34
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:49,018
doesn't mean you
have to eat there
35
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,675
24-hours-a-day.
36
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:53,645
That's exactly what it means.
37
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,179
Oh, how sad it that?
38
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:57,026
All those loaders going after
39
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:58,628
the one open driver spot.
40
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:01,253
Look at 'em filling
out their applications.
41
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,088
They're adorable.
42
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,023
You just want to
squeeze 'em, you know?
43
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:09,294
I wish I could keep a tiny
little loader at home as a pet.
44
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:10,996
My kids would love that.
45
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:12,230
And Sanchez...
46
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,111
I don't even think his
feet can reach the pedals.
47
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,534
Watch this.
48
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:17,836
Hey, Sanchez,
49
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:19,950
what'd you say your favorite
kind of bagel was again?
50
00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:21,039
The plain.
51
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,040
Was it sesame?
52
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,809
The plain. The plain!
53
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,760
Hey, look. Your cousin Danny's
54
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:31,894
grabbing' an application.
55
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,518
Doug: Oh, crap!
56
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,519
What?
57
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,520
Now he's gonna be all over me
58
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,589
to help him out
59
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:38,890
and write him a letter
of recommendation.
60
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:39,959
Hey, buddy.
61
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,871
Hey, where the heck
is all the soy sauce?!
62
00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,473
This is crazy. I gotta go back.
63
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,807
There's soy sauce right here.
64
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:45,875
Yeah, I know, I know.
That's what I'm saying.
65
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,732
There's too much. I
gotta bring some back.
66
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,282
I don't know, we
exchanged numbers,
67
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:54,739
but he hasn't called me.
68
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,519
Maybe I should
just give him a call.
69
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,475
Don't you dare!
70
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:58,977
If this Tito fellow can't see
71
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,111
how special you are,
72
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,112
then he's not worth it.
73
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,048
I guess.
74
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,049
You're smart, successful,
75
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,461
and other than
being a little light
76
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:06,485
in the bazoom,
77
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,587
very attractive.
78
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:11,823
OK, now you've got me blushing.
79
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:12,824
You know, Arthur,
80
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,236
at first you were
just this person
81
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:15,972
that I walked, but I gotta say,
82
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,273
now you've become so much more.
83
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:19,998
You've become
kind of like family.
84
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,767
Now you've got me blushing.
85
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,382
Well, I better go. Cupcake's
sending up warning signals.
86
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:26,304
Oh, yes.
87
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,573
That certainly was Cupcake.
88
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:29,752
Bye.
89
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,343
Good-bye.
90
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,915
I was just paid a
wonderful compliment.
91
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:38,961
Holly said I was
like family to her.
92
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:41,286
Wow. She have a basement?
93
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:47,359
Don't worry,
Douglas, I love it here.
94
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:52,197
Hey. Hey.
95
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,599
Listen, the wind is
blowing our trash can
96
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:55,678
down the middle of the street.
97
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:56,702
I know. I saw it.
98
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,570
Those things get
rolling pretty good, huh?
99
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,313
Hello. Oh, hey, Danny.
100
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,992
I'm not here!
101
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:11,849
Uh, no, he's not here.
102
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,452
He's um...
103
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,353
out jogging.
104
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,858
He's at Jack in the Box.
105
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:23,995
Yeah.
106
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:26,098
Oh, that's great, Danny.
107
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,300
I'm sure you'll get it.
108
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:29,368
Yeah, yeah.
109
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,746
He'll be happy
to do that for you.
110
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,370
OK, honey. Bye-bye.
111
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,640
What is your problem?
112
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,687
Did you just say to him I'd
write a letter of recommendation?
113
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:39,478
Yeah. Why is that
such a big deal?
114
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,191
Beca... he only
wants to be a driver
115
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,447
'cause I'm a driver!
116
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,249
He's copying me again.
117
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:45,484
Copying you?
118
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,897
Yeah. When we were kids,
I got a Reggie Jackson mitt.
119
00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:49,721
2 weeks later, he got one.
120
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,034
When I dropped
out of junior college,
121
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,058
he dropped out
of junior college.
122
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:56,206
Then just last month, I went
on that juice diet... he did.
123
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:59,297
Did he gain 10 pounds on it?
124
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,611
Look, you know what? There's
no point in even discussing this,
125
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:02,867
because the bottom line is
126
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,602
Danny's not right for this job.
127
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:05,770
Oh, why's that?
128
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:06,849
Because when it
comes to driving,
129
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,740
he just doesn't have... it.
130
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:12,777
OK, and by "it," do you
mean a driver's license?
131
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:17,015
Uh, excuse me, it's
a class "C" license.
132
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:18,894
And don't knock it.
It's paid for slightly less
133
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:20,418
than 1/2 of all of this.
134
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:23,688
Just be a good guy and
write the letter for your cousin.
135
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,034
Here...
136
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,691
Unbelievable.
137
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:32,030
Does "dumb-ass" have a hyphen?
138
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:34,466
Give it to me.
139
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:37,836
All right,
140
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:39,715
I'd like to introduce
the newest driver
141
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:42,107
to the IPS family,
Danny Heffernan.
142
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:45,276
You're now a member
of an elite force, son.
143
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,079
With great honor comes
great responsibility.
144
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,680
Make us proud.
145
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,082
All right, next item.
146
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,628
One of you pinheads
broke my stapler.
147
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:53,517
Until further notice,
148
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:54,797
my stapler is off-limits.
149
00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:56,766
That's it. Hit the
streets, everybody.
150
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:59,670
Heffernan, show
your cousin the ropes.
151
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,875
Hey, thanks a lot for
writin' that letter, buddy.
152
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,432
So, what's the dealio?
153
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,600
Am I gettin' a good truck?
154
00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:10,235
What's my route?
Where am I goin'?
155
00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:11,881
You know what?
Your first delivery
156
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:14,239
is to Shut It Up Industries.
157
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:17,853
You're not a loader anymore.
158
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,322
You're a driver. Act like one.
159
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,579
Right.
160
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,514
All right, here she is.
161
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,826
So, what's the
first thing you do
162
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,095
when you get in in the morning?
163
00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:26,451
Uh, perimeter check.
164
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,853
Tire pressure, door
gates, and fluid levels.
165
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,257
Oh, boy.
166
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:33,958
What? That's what
it says in the manual.
167
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:37,629
I know what it says
in the manual, OK?
168
00:06:37,697 --> 00:06:38,630
I'm here to teach you
169
00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:41,600
what's not in the
manual. All right?
170
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,028
Do you hear that? Come here.
171
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,111
You know what that is?
172
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:57,649
Uh... We Will Rock You?
173
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,188
No. Listen!
174
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,903
You got a rivet missing.
175
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,626
Mm-hmm. Hey, can
I have the keys now,
176
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:09,627
or are you just gonna...
177
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:10,795
The keys.
178
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,575
He wants the keys.
He wants the keys.
179
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,499
You just don't get it, do you?
180
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:16,946
You know, this job is a lot more
181
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,930
than just driving a truck.
182
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,805
What else is it?
183
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,285
Customer relations!
184
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,419
You know, when I first started,
185
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,154
there was this
lady, Mrs. Janowski.
186
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,922
She would hardly
open the door for me.
187
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,591
Now she bakes me sugar cookies
188
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,981
in all different shapes.
189
00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,061
You know, your stars,
your squares, your hearts.
190
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,586
OK, now that you've
explained to me what a shape is,
191
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,187
can I hit the road, or...
192
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,490
Are you questioning
my training methods?
193
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,892
No. No, no, no.
194
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,728
Tap the truck, get
a cookie. Got it!
195
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,842
You know what? I knew making
you a driver was a big mistake.
196
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:50,001
Mistake? Why'd you write
that letter of recommendation?
197
00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:51,636
I didn't. Carrie did.
198
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:52,905
What? Yeah.
199
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:54,884
The truth is, I don't think
you can handle this job.
200
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,486
It's driving and walking.
201
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,510
Get over yourself.
202
00:07:58,578 --> 00:08:02,113
OK, if it's so easy, hotshot,
203
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,359
why don't you take
my route today,
204
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,715
and I'll take the trainee route?
205
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:06,529
I'll talk to O'Boyle right
now and make that happen
206
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:07,553
if you want me to.
207
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,254
Fine. OK. Here you go.
208
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,855
Welcome to zone 8.
209
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,390
Or as you'll be calling it,
210
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,959
"I can't do it."
211
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:22,278
Hey, Arthur, you
were right about Tito.
212
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,234
He called me last night
213
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,813
begging me to go
out with him again.
214
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:25,848
Well, if there's
one thing I know,
215
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,705
it's how to get a man.
216
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,551
OK, Arthur, ready for your walk?
217
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:30,575
You betcha.
218
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,121
Oh, I got you a little something
219
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,545
just to say thanks
for being so nice.
220
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,547
Well, what is this?
221
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,784
"World's greatest grandfather."
222
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,931
You know, you're like
a grandfather to me.
223
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,088
A grandfather?!
224
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,157
Why don't you just
kick me in the marbles?!
225
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,971
What? Why are you mad?
226
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:50,594
Because I'm not
like a grandfather.
227
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,130
I'm like a father to you.
228
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,476
I didn't mean to say that
you were old or anything.
229
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,866
It has nothing to do with age.
230
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,068
It's about stature.
231
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,269
What?!
232
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,371
Grandfathers are a dime a dozen.
233
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,573
That's why everyone
get's 2 of them.
234
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,076
Fathers are the real McCoy.
235
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,578
They're the wind
beneath your wings.
236
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:10,281
If you can't see
that I'm your wind,
237
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,816
then you're dead to me!
238
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,361
Oh... got too rough
for you out there, huh?
239
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,363
You quit in the
middle of the day.
240
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:28,366
What's the matter, the
packages too heavy?
241
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,936
You couldn't see over
the steewing wheel?
242
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:34,716
Yeah, you were right, Doug.
243
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,208
I couldn't do your
route as fast as you.
244
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,710
I could only do it
46 minutes faster
245
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:41,612
than you've ever done it.
246
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,080
Heh heh heh heh.
247
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:45,850
Ooh, hear that tappin'?
248
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:49,120
That's the sound of this
loader dustin' your ass!
249
00:09:49,188 --> 00:09:50,321
That's gotta hurt!
250
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,376
Think of it this way.
251
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,412
What would you
rather be, a piano,
252
00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:04,035
or a grand piano?
253
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,571
A canyon, or a Grand Canyon?
254
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,674
An ole opry, or a
Grand Ole Opry?
255
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:12,510
I ain't buyin' your soap, lady.
256
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:13,756
Arthur, Arthur, listen.
257
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,425
I'm sorry that the
trophy hurt your feelings.
258
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,259
Just give it to me
and I'll take it back.
259
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,850
Why, you want to swap it out
260
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,985
for a "world's best
fourth cousin" trophy?
261
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:23,132
No, Arthur, I just want
to get this over with
262
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,867
so we can go on our walk.
263
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:25,968
Well, it's not gonna be over
264
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,492
until you admit what's obvious
265
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:28,693
to everyone else!
266
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,206
Fine. Fine. You're
like a father to me.
267
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,430
You are exactly
like a father to me!
268
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,366
I am?
269
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:35,500
Yes.
270
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:36,668
Come here.
271
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:40,972
Feels good, doesn't it?
272
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,275
That's it, let it out.
273
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,055
Hey, babe.
274
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:51,783
You!
275
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,851
What's the matter with...
276
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,130
Aa-aa-aah! Doug...
277
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,434
Aaa-eee-aah!
278
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,426
What is going on with you?
279
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,572
You just had to help
280
00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:04,407
your precious little
Danny, didn't you?
281
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,308
Why? What happened? Did
he screw up or something?
282
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,399
No, he did great.
283
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,311
He did my route faster
than I've ever done it.
284
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,702
He did better than you?
285
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,904
I don't know why
you're so shocked.
286
00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:13,904
According to your letter,
287
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:15,518
he's "infinitely talented."
288
00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:17,442
Oh, come on, I had
to write something.
289
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,478
I couldn't say he
was a stumpy loser.
290
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:21,479
I can't believe this.
291
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,226
Well, what's the
big deal anyway?
292
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,482
It was his first day.
293
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:25,717
I got smoked by a rookie.
294
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,719
I'm a disgrace to my shorts!
295
00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:28,787
You know what?
296
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,955
Give these to someone
who deserves 'em.
297
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,568
I gotta be honest with you.
298
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,426
I don't think anyone
deserves these.
299
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,607
Doug, come on. Don't
get down on yourself.
300
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,209
You're a great driver.
301
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,733
No, I'm not. Yes, you are.
302
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,379
No, I'm not! You can't
be great at something
303
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,269
if you're not as good
as a stumpy loser.
304
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,906
Unless it's a
stumpy loser contest.
305
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:51,442
It's OK, baby. Really.
306
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,077
No, it's not. Look...
307
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,714
God... if he can just waltz
in there on his first day
308
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:59,383
and do better than me, then...
309
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,252
what does it all mean? I mean...
310
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:04,155
why do we even
bother gettin' up?
311
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,436
Well, you have other
things in your life
312
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:07,759
other than driving.
313
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,327
Like what?
314
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,830
Well... you have me...
315
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,366
and your health... sort of.
316
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:18,770
You know what it is?
317
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,505
It's like...
318
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:23,508
I... I take pride in my work.
319
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,410
Before today, I really thought
320
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,756
I brought something
special to the job.
321
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:30,281
Something that nobody
else but me could bring.
322
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,016
Really?
323
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,417
Yeah.
324
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:36,354
You know, sometimes
at the end of the day,
325
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,689
you know, after I
had a great run...
326
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:42,360
I actually thought God
put me on this earth
327
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,496
to get people their packages.
328
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,965
Really?
329
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,033
Yes!
330
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:49,000
Doug, I'm sorry.
331
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,279
Don't take this the wrong way,
332
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,915
but maybe you're
expecting a little too much
333
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:56,007
out of your truck driving job.
334
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,520
I mean, I don't get any
fulfillment from my job.
335
00:12:58,544 --> 00:12:59,477
What about last week?
336
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:00,985
You said you had
a great day at work.
337
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:01,980
Oh, I wore some tight pants
338
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,815
and got some good feedback.
339
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,398
I wouldn't suggest that for you.
340
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:10,622
Look, come...
341
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,468
Honey, I... I don't
know what to say.
342
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,170
I mean, we're not
doctors, you know.
343
00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,172
We're not saving
lives with what we do.
344
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:18,841
We have jobs, you know?
345
00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:21,733
We punch in, we cash our checks,
346
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,736
and then we come
home to each other.
347
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,638
And that should be enough, OK?
348
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:28,987
I'm gonna go change.
349
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,361
Woman: Oh, Johnny...
350
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:40,785
my sister Linda...
351
00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:43,588
Woman: Big money! Big money!
352
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:46,090
Man: Unemployed?
Need a job quick?
353
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:48,359
Well, become a truck driver.
354
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:50,395
No education, no problem.
355
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:53,597
No experience, no problem.
356
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:57,101
If you can sit down,
you can be a driver.
357
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,385
Don't worry, guys,
we'll get going
358
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,587
as soon as we pick up Arthur.
359
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:05,743
Arthur?
360
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,524
Right here, darling.
361
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,314
What's going on?
362
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,862
You told me once you
never learned to ride a bike,
363
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,886
and I intend to teach you.
364
00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:17,722
Oh, Arthur, that's sweet,
but you really don't need...
365
00:14:17,791 --> 00:14:19,935
Am I like a father
to you or not?!
366
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,704
You're like a father to me.
You're like a father to me.
367
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:23,205
Well, climb aboard. OK.
368
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:26,664
Now, I've set up a
series of cones for you
369
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:27,831
in the alley.
370
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,501
You'll notice the degree
of difficulty increases
371
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,337
as you approach
Queens Boulevard.
372
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:38,609
Godspeed!
373
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:45,049
Hi.
374
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,751
Hey, man.
375
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,720
What are you doing?
376
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,088
I'm reading a book.
377
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,125
OK...
378
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,062
you know what?
379
00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,630
Let me ask you something.
380
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:04,468
Do you like our jobs here?
381
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,270
I mean, are you
proud of what you do?
382
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,940
I drive boxes around Queens.
383
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:13,878
I know, but when you do it well,
384
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,180
do you think you're making
some small difference
385
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:17,849
in the world?
386
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,185
I drive boxes...
387
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,621
around Queens.
388
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,089
Then why are you here?
389
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,457
What do you even do this for?
390
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,004
Uh, paycheck, benefits,
391
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,138
I don't know how to farm...
392
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,996
I mean, what are you
looking for, player?
393
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,198
You know what? Forget it,
man. Go back to your book.
394
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:40,238
What?
395
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:41,705
Oh, yeah,
396
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,786
little change in
the schedule there.
397
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,510
Uh, you... you gave
Danny my route.
398
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,158
Well, I gotta go with
the hot hand, Doug.
399
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,659
You just drive the trainee route
400
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:51,860
a few more weeks, huh?
401
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:54,185
And tell Palmer
stop with the readin'.
402
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:55,553
It's creepin' me out.
403
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,159
Hey, you know, there are
2 unwritten rules at IPS.
404
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:02,493
Eyes forward at the urinal,
405
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,595
and you never steal
another guy's route.
406
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,164
And you broke 'em both.
407
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,844
I didn't steal your route, OK?
408
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,579
And at the urinal, again,
409
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,723
I thought I saw a
quarter next to your foot!
410
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,408
You are so out of line on this!
411
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,554
How am I out of line?
412
00:16:18,578 --> 00:16:20,189
Best drivers get
the best routes.
413
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,289
You taught me that.
414
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:22,880
Oh... so now you think
415
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,159
you're a better driver than me?
416
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,328
Look, I don't want
to fight, all right?
417
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,263
I just want to have
some of Mrs. Janowski's
418
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:30,354
fresh-baked sugar cookies
419
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,401
on my first day.
420
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,458
That's it, man.
421
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,960
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
422
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:40,063
You two have a problem,
you settle it the IPS way.
423
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:43,567
Tonight, Old Dugan Road.
- 00 sharp.
424
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:44,747
Oh, yeah!
425
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,081
That's what I'm talking about.
426
00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,706
Uh, actually, I got an
allergist thing at 7:30.
427
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:49,974
I might be a little late.
428
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:54,845
All right. Tonight. Old Dugan Road.
- 00-ish!
429
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:15,967
Hey, did you, uh...
430
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,112
You soup me up under there?
431
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,081
Oh, no. I couldn't
figure out how.
432
00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:21,265
But you're good on wiper fluid.
433
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,114
Good luck, brother.
434
00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:33,685
Doug.
435
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,819
What are you doing here?
436
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:35,820
I called the depot
437
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,066
and they told me
what was going on.
438
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,930
Carrie, you're not
stopping me. I'm doing this.
439
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:40,135
I didn't come to stop you, OK?
440
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,239
I just came to give you this.
441
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:44,929
A packet of tartar sauce?
442
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,509
Yeah. You brought it home
443
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,277
from your first lunch break
444
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,268
of your first day at IPS.
445
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,770
Remember back when
you used to eat fish?
446
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:56,373
Oh, yeah. Captain
Eddie's tartar sauce.
447
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,802
Yeah. You asked me to keep it because
of the fortune on the back. Read it.
448
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:04,282
"The most important
thing in life is drive."
449
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,561
Yeah. Remember you
said it was like a sign
450
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,264
that you were meant to do this?
451
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,799
And, you know what?
You were right, Doug.
452
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:11,055
Your job is important.
453
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,925
I'm just sorry I didn't
see that sooner.
454
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,693
Are those my isotoners?
455
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,828
I couldn't find mine.
456
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,330
OK, let's get going, guys.
457
00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:22,177
All right. Hey, good
luck. Good luck.
458
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:23,134
All right, now, listen.
459
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:25,636
You kick that stumpy
loser's ass! OK?
460
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:28,306
Hi, Danny.
461
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,247
Go on the drop!
462
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,737
Danny: No... no!
463
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:08,105
Having some problems there, ace?
464
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:09,573
No, no. I'm fine.
465
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,411
You ain't gonna
start it like that.
466
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,023
I... I know what I'm doing.
467
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:18,316
Stop pumping the
gas! It's fuel injection.
468
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,484
It floods if you pump it.
You should know that!
469
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:21,629
Stop yelling at me!
470
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,187
Well, you're doing it wrong.
471
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,856
You're right. Damn it!
472
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:29,293
Aw... I can't do this.
473
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:30,861
You win.
474
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:31,940
You're the better driver.
475
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,541
You're always been
the better driver.
476
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,711
What are you talking about?
You beat me at my own route.
477
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,635
Aw, I cheated, OK?
478
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:40,971
I started early and
worked through lunch.
479
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,140
I didn't even deliver
all my packages.
480
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:44,653
Your truck was empty
when you brought it back.
481
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,611
Yeah, well, my apartment's not.
482
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:47,944
What?!
483
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,446
It's just...
484
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:51,849
you've always been better
than me at everything.
485
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,518
Just once I wanted to
beat you at something.
486
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,220
But I'm just a stupid loader,
487
00:20:57,289 --> 00:20:58,500
and that's all I'll ever be.
488
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,924
Oh, stop your cryin', would you?
489
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,294
You're a driver for the
International Parcel Service!
490
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:05,863
Have some pride, man.
491
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:09,200
Now open the choke
and put it in neutral.
492
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,467
I can't.
493
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,002
Do it!
494
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:17,407
There. Now turn
the ignition key,
495
00:21:17,476 --> 00:21:19,843
and just tap the accelerator.
496
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,446
All right.
497
00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:24,448
Now put it in reverse.
498
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:25,883
OK.
499
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,864
Why'd I put it in reverse.
500
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,887
'Cause now you're
goin' backwards, friend.
501
00:21:39,832 --> 00:21:41,832
Arthur, look. I'm doing it!
502
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:43,200
I'm doing it!
503
00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:45,002
Very good, honey.
34754
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