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1
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,205
Hey, honey.
2
00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:08,751
Hey, what do you got? What
do you got? What do you got?
3
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:10,420
Hang on. You got my
arm in there. Hang on!
4
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:11,455
Would you relax?
5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,544
I'm sorry. I get excited
6
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:13,912
when the grocery bags arrive.
7
00:00:13,980 --> 00:00:16,215
It's like Christmas, only...
8
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:19,150
I don't have to
get you anything.
9
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,131
Yeah, well, there's a
box of Tide in the car.
10
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,287
Can you go get that?
11
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:25,423
Not unless it's cherry flavored.
12
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:26,925
Oh, here it is,
13
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,261
underneath the broccoli.
14
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,096
Cool Ranch Doritos.
15
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,431
"Now zestier."
16
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,765
I'm glad they warned me.
17
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,034
Honey, honey...
18
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,513
Honey, wait. Why don't
you just try an apple?
19
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:38,636
Oh, come on, all right?
20
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,939
You buy 'em, they sit
there, you throw 'em out.
21
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:43,141
Let's stop the dance.
22
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,322
Come on. You know how
you're always telling me
23
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,779
you can't breathe and
your heart feels bad?
24
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,080
This can help.
25
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,117
All right, fine. I don't care...
26
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,619
Is that a whole salami?
27
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:54,697
Focus... Focus, Doug.
28
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:55,654
Focus.
29
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,788
All right. All right.
30
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:57,857
What's the big deal?
31
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,525
It doesn't matter.
32
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:01,827
Not bad.
33
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,306
See? What did I tell you?
34
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,730
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
35
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,467
I ate the sticker!
36
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:15,440
This is why I don't eat apples!
37
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:17,876
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
38
00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:21,479
♪ My back is gettin' tight ♪
39
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,427
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic ♪
40
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:26,284
♪ On the Queensboro
Bridge tonight ♪
41
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:31,890
♪ But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
42
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,760
♪ Is cash my check and
drive right home to you ♪
43
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,142
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life ♪
44
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:43,568
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
45
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:01,320
What's goin' on?
46
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,427
And the Holy Spirit. Amen.
47
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,263
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
48
00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:12,764
It has been...
49
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,732
since my last confession.
50
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,434
I'm sorry, how long?
51
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,571
14 years.
52
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,572
Whoa.
53
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:21,807
Yeah.
54
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,153
Yeah, yeah. You
know, I was gonna
55
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,642
come in sooner, but I just...
56
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,145
I figured you were a
very busy guy, and...
57
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,781
all I had was repeat
offenses, and...
58
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,783
I just... I wanted to wait
until I had something
59
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,019
that really... would
blow your collar off.
60
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,654
And do you?
61
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,289
Oh, yeah.
62
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:40,626
Carrie: You almost
ready there, chief?
63
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:41,760
Just about.
64
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,509
Is that how you're
gonna wear your tie?
65
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,301
It took me, like, 30
tries. It looks fine.
66
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:52,804
It looks fine if
you're Oliver Hardy.
67
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:53,905
Fix it, OK?
68
00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:55,651
And button up your
shirt all the way.
69
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,810
Have you met my neck?
70
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:02,580
Well, listen... I want you to
act like a grown-up tonight, OK?
71
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:03,782
Yeah, yeah.
72
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,783
That means none
of your funny noises
73
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:07,485
during the ceremony.
74
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,088
Hey, if somebody bends
over during a quiet patch,
75
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:11,656
it's open season.
76
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,258
Doug, I'm serious.
77
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,093
This wedding is special to me.
78
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,442
Special. Please.
79
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:17,496
It is!
80
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,930
I set Jake and Samantha up.
81
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:20,599
I mean, I saw these two people,
82
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,101
I knew they would be perfect
for each other, and they were.
83
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,269
They're soul mates.
84
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,982
Get ahold of
yourself, would you?
85
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,650
I mean, you set
her up with 26 guys,
86
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:30,586
you finally found one who didn't
try to push her out of his moving car.
87
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,177
It wasn't that many guys.
88
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:34,824
Are you kidding me? There
was Steve, my cousin Danny,
89
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,726
the guy you met
online at Waldbaum's...
90
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,283
All right, so it took a while.
91
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,563
She's my friend. I wanted to make
sure she found somebody great.
92
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,165
You always say
how annoying she is.
93
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,955
Exactly. She's my
annoying friend.
94
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,324
OK? You have a
garage full of them.
95
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,594
Hopefully now she'll spend less
time being my annoying friend
96
00:03:49,662 --> 00:03:51,663
and more time being
his annoying wife.
97
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,477
OK, how about this? No
tie, unbuttoned down to here
98
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,802
like a Bee Gee.
99
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,071
Nancy Wilson: ♪ The
best is yet to come ♪
100
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:05,076
♪ And, babe, won't it be fine? ♪
101
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:07,279
♪ The best is yet to come ♪
102
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:10,915
♪ On the day you're mine ♪
103
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,362
♪ Come the day you're mine... ♪
104
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,651
What could be better
105
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,686
than dancing with
my handsome son?
106
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,967
OK. Keep the hands
10:00 and 2:00, Mom.
107
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,257
That's it.
108
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,738
All right, folks, let's get
this party started, now.
109
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,540
Who wants to shake
their groove thang?
110
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:26,998
Whoo!
111
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,202
Come on, Dougie!
112
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,753
Uh... I think I left my
groove thang on the table,
113
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,320
and I'm pretty sure
you don't have one,
114
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,444
so I...
115
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:40,445
Aw, come on,
116
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,158
don't be such a negative Nelly.
117
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,160
Uh, Spence, my mom
wants to dance with you.
118
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,550
Oh, sweet!
119
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:49,995
Say cheese!
120
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:50,956
Cut it out.
121
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,623
Ooh, that's a good one.
122
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:53,937
What's goin' on?
123
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,939
They put all these disposable
cameras on the tables
124
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,628
for us to take pictures.
125
00:04:57,697 --> 00:04:59,108
Say, "I was dumped
by the bride."
126
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,398
Shut up!
127
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,599
I loved her.
128
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,612
Guy, you went out with
her for, like, a month.
129
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,903
You don't know what we had!
130
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,638
That's the money shot.
131
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:09,974
Hour 4 of wedding.
132
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,443
Kill me.
133
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,845
Help me out here and wing
those candies at him. Come on.
134
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:14,946
OK.
135
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,784
Doug. Doug.
136
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,064
Why are you throwing
candy at his head?
137
00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:24,289
It's a wedding.
138
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,291
Hey, guys!
139
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,160
We're married!
140
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,728
Yes, you are!
141
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:32,164
You guys having fun?
142
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,565
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
143
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:35,845
You know what? I almost wore
that exact same dress tonight.
144
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,869
How awkward would
that have been?
145
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,304
Awkward or sexy.
146
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,187
Oh, you guys, thank you so much
147
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,855
for throwing that
brunch tomorrow.
148
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:46,811
Oh, no problem.
149
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,812
Just my way
150
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,359
of sending you off in style.
151
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:52,128
Now that you're married, we're
probably not gonna talk as much...
152
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,362
Sure we will. No, we won't!
153
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:54,419
No, we won't.
154
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:55,520
But, um...
155
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,589
we'll always have a bond,
156
00:05:57,657 --> 00:05:59,657
an unspoken bond.
157
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,426
Oh, that's true.
158
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,095
And thanks to you,
I've got my husband
159
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,030
and my best friend.
160
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,632
P-uke!
161
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,469
You had to invite him.
162
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,438
I was just trying to be nice.
163
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,550
OK, great. Whatever.
164
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:16,508
Excuse us.
165
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,277
Hey, guys!
166
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,346
We're married!
167
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:23,848
OK.
168
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:24,916
They saw us,
169
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,784
she danced with
her clearly gay father.
170
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,186
Can we leave?
171
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:30,500
No. We have to stay
at least another hour.
172
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,790
I have a toast to make.
173
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,124
Another hour?
174
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:35,360
Nothing good ever
happens when we dress up.
175
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,842
I have to go. Samantha
has to pee again
176
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,966
and I'm in charge
of lifting her dress.
177
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,395
Great. She gets to have fun.
178
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,475
Oh, boy.
179
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,121
You didn't happen to bring
180
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,690
a deck of cards or a
television set, did you?
181
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:55,714
No.
182
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:00,797
Can we work with
this at all... top hat?
183
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,253
What, like, burn it
184
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:05,423
with some Jake and
Samantha matches?
185
00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:06,424
Hey, look.
186
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,626
Abrathumb Lincoln.
187
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:14,032
You know, we put these
things out at our wedding, too.
188
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,600
You know what some guy did?
189
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,836
He went to the bathroom
and took a picture of his ass.
190
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,645
Who?
191
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:28,980
I have no idea,
192
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,948
but when we got
those pictures back,
193
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:32,851
it was pretty damn funny.
194
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:36,181
Give me that.
195
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,297
Hey.
196
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,798
Hey, thanks again
197
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:49,578
for throwing us this brunch.
198
00:07:49,602 --> 00:07:50,913
Oh, no problem.
Are you having fun?
199
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,615
So much fun. And look at Jake.
200
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,472
Isn't he adorable?
201
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,809
Yes. Very adorable.
202
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:00,197
No, seriously. Look at him.
203
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,084
OK, I'm gonna take a break now.
204
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,486
All right? You save my spot.
205
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,355
OK, I'll save your spot.
206
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,093
Oh...
207
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:17,162
Oh, I'm sorry.
208
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,364
How are you doing?
209
00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,299
Oh, hello. We haven't met.
210
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:23,201
I'm Jake's Aunt Flora.
211
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,748
Oh, I'm Deacon Palmer.
I know Jake from softball.
212
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:26,772
Oh, how wonderful.
213
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:39,184
Well, it's been nice
visiting with you.
214
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,986
You, too.
215
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,133
So Jamaica... That's a
nice place to honeymoon.
216
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,657
You been?
217
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,159
Me? No. I don't leave America.
218
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,660
How long's the flight?
219
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,495
It's about 3 hours.
220
00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,997
Oh, that's not too bad.
221
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,478
You watch a movie,
maybe a little mile-high club,
222
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,313
next think you
know, you're landing.
223
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:58,870
What's a mile-high club?
224
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,706
It's a... It's a card game.
225
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,088
Actually, we just got the
disposable cameras developed,
226
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:09,514
so we'll kill a little time going
through all those pictures.
227
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,949
Oh, that should be fun.
228
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,618
You got 'em back already?
229
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:14,886
Let's look at them now.
230
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,554
What? No. No, no, no.
231
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:17,934
Yeah, we should. Honey!
232
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,268
Break out the pictures.
233
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,436
No, no, that's all right.
234
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,503
They're upstairs in my purse.
235
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:22,460
I like cookies. Cookies!
236
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:23,840
Come on, let's get some cookies.
237
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,296
I'll be right back!
238
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,443
My God, she's getting the
pictures. What am I gonna do?
239
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,879
Relax, man. No one's
gonna know it's your behind.
240
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,803
OK, it's not my be-hind,
241
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,804
it was my be-front.
242
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:36,974
What?
243
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,679
I went the other way.
I wanted to mix it up.
244
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:44,670
Oh, man.
245
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,150
My mother's sitting right there.
246
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:47,384
Samantha: Here we go!
247
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:50,488
Doug: Hey, let me see.
What have we got here?
248
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:51,822
I got, uh...
249
00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:54,125
No, no, no, no! Get off!
250
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,893
No. Jeez.
251
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,503
Oh, look at this.
252
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,672
The flower girl.
253
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,007
Doug, isn't she precious?
254
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,716
Oh, yeah, she's priceless.
255
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,580
Oh, my God!
256
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,250
What is with my hair?
257
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,422
Flora: Oh, my!
258
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,358
It's a picture of a man's...
259
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,593
Oh, my.
260
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:35,933
And it's wearing
a little top hat.
261
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,109
Let me see that.
262
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,412
Oh, Mommy, please, go blind now!
263
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,617
This is sick.
264
00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:55,320
It's like a car wreck.
265
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,254
I can't look away.
266
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,757
Give me those.
267
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:03,528
Who would do
something like this?
268
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,196
I know who did it.
269
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,197
It was Danny.
270
00:11:06,265 --> 00:11:07,198
What?
271
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,199
Yeah.
272
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,467
The picture on the roll
273
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:10,635
before this last one...
274
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:12,970
Danny. Danny. Danny.
275
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:13,971
Danny!
276
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,840
I didn't... I didn't do that.
277
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,541
Carrie: OK... coffee
278
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:22,047
and slightly burnt
cinnamon buns are served.
279
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,129
What's going on? What happened?
280
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:29,098
Danny thought it'd be
funny to take a picture of...
281
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,989
I'm telling you, it's not me!
282
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:34,325
I told you we shouldn't have
invited him. Drunken idiot.
283
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,372
Well, maybe it's not him, Jake.
284
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,761
Oh, yeah, stick up for him...
285
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,308
I am not sticking up for him!
286
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,965
We'll talk about this later.
287
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,738
Guy, that is messed up.
288
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,621
Doug, I've been hearing
people's sins for 20 years,
289
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:06,791
but this one's
pretty disturbing.
290
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:10,194
Don't people confess
murders to you?
291
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,363
Still...
292
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,300
Well, it gets worse.
293
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:21,506
Nice going, you
picture-taking moron.
294
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,918
I just got off the
phone with Samantha.
295
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,308
Her and Jake had a huge fight.
296
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,478
You know that they're not
going on their honeymoon?
297
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,012
They may break up over this.
298
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,692
For the millionth
time, I didn't do it!
299
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,360
I would never do
something like this.
300
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:32,817
Doug, back me up.
301
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,864
Certainly. It doesn't seem
like something you would do.
302
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:38,656
Although you were pretty
hammered and angry at the wedding.
303
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:40,658
Now that I think of it,
304
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,371
I do remember you
grabbing a camera.
305
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:43,494
Really?
306
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,930
Yeah. You ran off
saying something like...
307
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,332
"I'll show them," or...
308
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,101
"I'll get them."
309
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:52,336
Something like that.
310
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:53,938
Oh, my God.
311
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,706
Maybe I did do it.
312
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,775
Oh, yeah? It's all coming
back to you now, is it?
313
00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,355
You know, Dan, let
me tell you something.
314
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,778
When everybody
called you a loser,
315
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,491
I was the only one who
stuck up for you, OK?
316
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,948
But do you know
what I'm realizing?
317
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:04,949
They were right.
318
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:05,950
Your ex-wife,
319
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,284
the guys at I.P.S.,
320
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,620
your grandmother...
321
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,388
They were right on the money.
322
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:13,624
I gotta go.
323
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:14,892
Oh, where you gonna go?
324
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,894
You gonna go moon a bar mitzvah?
325
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,129
Idiots.
326
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,199
It's amazing.
327
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,534
What's that?
328
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:27,071
How a simple photograph
can wreak such havoc.
329
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:38,816
Will you stop staring at that?
330
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:39,984
I can't help it.
331
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:41,352
Something about this
332
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:42,953
just doesn't add up.
333
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,156
Mm. What do you mean?
334
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,424
I got a gut,
335
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,926
and that gut tells
me that this schvantz
336
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,662
doesn't belong to the
man they think it does.
337
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,484
Hey, I forgot my deodorant.
338
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,788
Can I use yours?
339
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:03,874
Afraid not.
340
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:06,110
Unfortunately, I have
just enough for me.
341
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,329
What's your problem, man?
342
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,030
You've been
acting pissy all day.
343
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:16,621
You know damn well
what my problem is.
344
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:17,833
No, I don't.
345
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,323
You made me take that picture.
346
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:20,392
What?
347
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,459
Yeah. I had no concept
348
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:22,671
of novelty wedding photographs
349
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,962
till you showed up.
350
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,990
I was just telling a story
351
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,176
to fill the dead air.
352
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,178
You're the one who said,
"Give me the camera."
353
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,247
And that little top
hat? That was all you.
354
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:34,138
Excuse me for
classin' it up a little.
355
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,852
What's the big deal, anyway?
356
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:38,421
Danny's the one who got
blamed. You're off the hook.
357
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,811
Look, I feel guilty, OK,
358
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,480
that Jake and Samantha are
not even speaking to each other,
359
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,881
and everybody hates Danny.
360
00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:45,216
So come clean, man.
361
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:46,217
I can't.
362
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:47,685
Then everybody will hate me.
363
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:48,721
Spence: Hey.
364
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,655
Next time you guys
leave the steam room,
365
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,089
you want to let me know?
366
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,926
I've been talking to
myself for, like, half an hour.
367
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:56,327
Sorry.
368
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,096
Oh, God. Arthur.
369
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,142
What are you doing here?
370
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,599
I was right.
371
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,968
It wasn't Danny in the picture.
372
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:04,969
Yes, it was.
373
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,504
He... said he did it.
374
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,939
The kid's been framed.
375
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:11,009
Framed like a $4.00
paint-by-numbers,
376
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,978
and by someone
very close to him.
377
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,180
Isn't that so...
378
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:17,415
Spence?
379
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:23,621
Bravo, son.
380
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,122
You're exonerated...
381
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:27,458
with flying colors.
382
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:35,300
It's very sweet of you
to drive me to the airport.
383
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:38,569
Well, you're...
You're too old to hitch.
384
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:39,570
So you, uh,
385
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:41,805
you had a good trip, right?
386
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,308
How could I have a good trip?
387
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:46,411
Your cousin ruined the whole
wedding with that awful picture.
388
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:49,780
You know, Danny
never had any sense.
389
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,327
Give him a break, all right?
390
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,128
I'm sure he feels
really bad, you know?
391
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:55,564
And I bet if he had to do it over
again, he wouldn't have done it.
392
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,299
Well, it'd be great if he
could go back in time.
393
00:15:57,323 --> 00:15:58,756
Does he have a time machine?
394
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,091
No. No.
395
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:03,094
He doesn't have the sense
to have a time machine.
396
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:04,762
I'll tell you what
the problem is.
397
00:16:04,831 --> 00:16:07,164
Every Sunday when Danny
should have been in church,
398
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,766
you know what he was doing?
399
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,435
He was watching The
Three Stooges on television.
400
00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:13,437
You don't get yourself
on the right path
401
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:15,772
watching grown men
poke each other in the eye.
402
00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:17,320
Could we just drop this, Ma?
403
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,488
I mean, we're taking a
beautiful trip to the airport...
404
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,779
Look, Marriott.
405
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:24,282
I can't stop thinking
about that picture.
406
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,482
Ugh.
407
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:28,852
That image is
burned into my brain.
408
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:30,154
No.
409
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,900
No, no, no. It's not burned.
410
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,691
I see it when I close my eyes.
411
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,171
Don't close 'em. You
just keep them open.
412
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:38,796
I thank God that you're
a good boy, Douglas.
413
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:41,064
I thank God.
414
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,904
Anyway, so I just dropped
her off at the airport,
415
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,572
and here I am.
416
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,074
Uh-huh.
417
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,742
So what are we looking at here?
418
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,445
10 Hail Marys? A dozen
Our Fathers? What you got?
419
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,081
Well, Doug, what I
think you should be doing
420
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:59,083
is confessing to the
people you've hurt.
421
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:02,063
That's the only way you'll be
able to make peace with God.
422
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:04,088
Right.
423
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,923
It's just... D-D-Did
you hear the part
424
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:09,961
about the picture being
burnt into my mother's brain?
425
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,263
Well, nobody said
this would be easy.
426
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:14,865
I just think that's
what you need to do.
427
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:17,034
OK. Um, can I get
a second opinion?
428
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,670
Could you, like, tag out and
get Father Biskup in here?
429
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,273
Doug, you can hide
430
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:23,941
from the truth,
431
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:25,810
but you can't hide from God.
432
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:28,946
How about 60 Hail Marys? 60.
433
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,448
And a new pair of Nikes for you.
434
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:31,882
What are you, like an 11?
435
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,218
Doug...
436
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,499
What are you doing?
437
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,493
Just to the right of the top hat
438
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,496
I've discovered a small
piece of the trouser label.
439
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,632
I think it may break
this case wide open!
440
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:50,300
Give me that.
441
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:53,004
Who are you trying to protect?
442
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,506
Hey, I'm making a
pile for the dry cleaners.
443
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,774
You got anything?
444
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,242
Uh, no.
445
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,311
But I do want to tell you...
446
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,313
I can't believe all this wedding
crap that got in your pockets.
447
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:04,915
I mean, look at this.
448
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,963
Matches, mints. You went a
little crazy with the yarmulkes here.
449
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:10,420
Oh, look. One of
the little top hats.
450
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:11,922
Good evening, governor.
451
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,259
Those hats are funny, huh?
452
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,594
Yeah.
453
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,782
Kind of make you want to do
something wacky, you know?
454
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,364
They do.
455
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,766
That's, uh, probably
456
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:26,270
where my head was at when I...
457
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:27,771
uh...
458
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,641
When I took the picture.
459
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,008
What?
460
00:18:32,077 --> 00:18:33,678
The picture. The bad picture.
461
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,513
The picture everybody's
talking about. I took it.
462
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,160
Wait a minute. That was you?
463
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:41,218
What would make you
do something like that?
464
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,786
I was bored to tears, Carrie!
465
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,622
I begged you to let
me leave that wedding!
466
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:48,959
And you let Danny
take all the blame for it?
467
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:50,728
The crowd seemed
to be going that way
468
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,330
and I jumped on board.
469
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,231
Doug, you're just...
470
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,332
You're just evil.
471
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:57,668
I mean, do you realize
what you did to Danny?
472
00:18:57,736 --> 00:19:00,004
Do you realize you may have
broken up a marriage here?
473
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,783
I'm aware of that,
OK? I feel bad.
474
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,106
It's just a stupid thing
475
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:04,241
that spun out of control.
476
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,954
Well, you gotta tell
everybody the truth.
477
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,356
I can't! You have to.
478
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,790
Carrie, my mother's
seen the picture, OK?
479
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,348
It's burnt into her brain!
480
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:12,816
Is that the picture?
481
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:13,962
Yeah. You've never seen it?
482
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:14,986
No.
483
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,756
You know what?
484
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:19,757
Um...
485
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:20,758
maybe you're right.
486
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,171
Maybe we should
just let this thing go.
487
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:23,794
Really? Yeah.
488
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,229
Yeah, because, you know,
489
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,109
people already think
Danny's a screwup.
490
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,477
One more thing ain't gonna
make or break that, right?
491
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,901
And if Jake and Samantha
492
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,736
could break up over
something this stupid,
493
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,305
then they weren't gonna
make it anyway. You know?
494
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:37,285
What... What's going on here?
495
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:38,475
Nothing.
496
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:39,810
Just a second ago
497
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:42,357
you said I had to tell
the truth and that I'm evil.
498
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:43,647
No, I mean "evil,"
499
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,582
like devilish, you
know, naughty.
500
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:47,318
Adorable. You know?
501
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:48,752
You're embarrassed of it.
502
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,789
You don't want people
to know that's me!
503
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,658
Well... Well, hon, it's
not your best picture.
504
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:55,659
You know?
505
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:56,927
I don't...
506
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,929
I don't know if it was the angle
507
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,597
or the lighting. It just...
508
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:02,599
This... This picture
does not represent
509
00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:04,801
what I know to be the truth.
510
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,337
That is a very nice picture.
511
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,173
Nice? It's a mug shot.
512
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:11,722
Yeah. People always
wear top hats in mug shots.
513
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,111
Doug, take my word for it, OK?
514
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,280
This picture doesn't
do you justice.
515
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:19,116
Now, a lot of my friends
from work saw it at the brunch,
516
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:21,618
and I don't think we need
to advertise that this is you.
517
00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:22,786
Oh.
518
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,667
I'm telling. I'm
telling the world!
519
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,189
I wouldn't do
that if I were you.
520
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:27,525
I'm doin' it.
521
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:28,859
Doug, OK, how about this?
522
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,360
We take a new picture, OK?
523
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,362
I mean, people only
saw it for a second.
524
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:33,842
They would never
know the difference.
525
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,710
We could get great lighting,
you know, good camera...
526
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,534
Give me that!
527
00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:40,170
Can we just
airbrush it a little?
528
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,977
So, anyway, I want
to apologize again
529
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,912
to Jake and Samantha.
530
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:51,126
Hopefully now that you know
the truth about this picture,
531
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,483
you'll get back on the road
532
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,186
to a long, happy life together.
533
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,588
Sorry, also, to my cousin Danny,
534
00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:00,491
who I "framed."
535
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:05,129
Enjoy that new
bowling ball, buddy.
536
00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:06,797
I also want to apologize
537
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:09,099
to anybody else I've offended...
538
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:11,334
and to the community at large.
539
00:21:11,403 --> 00:21:13,270
Now, back to the picture.
540
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:16,139
Who likes what they
see? Show of hands.
541
00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:20,677
Doug: Come on. Don't be shy.
542
00:21:29,922 --> 00:21:31,221
Excuse me.
543
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,101
Don't you work with my
daughter Carrie Heffernan
544
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,125
at the law firm?
545
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:35,892
Carrie? Yes, I do.
546
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,506
So you must have been at
the wedding last weekend.
547
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:39,095
I sure was.
548
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:45,369
You're free to go, sir.
37348
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