All language subtitles for Cheers S11E26E27E28 1080p BluRay x264-BORDURE

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Good evening, gentlemen.

What mindless divertissement occupies
your waning attention spans tonight?

It's the National Cable Ace Awards

given for excellence
in all facets of cable programming.

I stand corrected.

Are you watching
for any particular category?

Yes, the most impressive display
of female flesh in a tight-fitting dress.

- You're watching for cleavage.
- Living for cleavage.

Stunning supermodel Kim Alexis
is listed as a presenter.

Ah, Kim Alexis.

How often her lovely form
has graced the pages

of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

And how often some youngster slipped
underneath the blankets with a flashlight

and look at the same issue

while their mother pounds
on the door and says,

"It's past your bedtime, Clifford."

Or whatever the lad's name happens to be.

Hey, Dr. Crane,
tomorrow's the big day.

I'm getting sworn in
in Boston City Council.

Oh, yes. The beginning
of your political career.

It started out as a small joke
and turned into an enormous one.

Yeah, and listen, I was wondering

if maybe you could help me out
with the speech I'm giving.

Of course I'll take a look at it, Woody.

Where is it?

Well, I, you know,
I was just wondering

if maybe you could write it for me.

All right. I'll be your speechwriter.

Woody, what ideas
would you like to incorporate?

Okay, it looks like I'm going
to need one more favor.

Welcome to Cheers.
Can I take your order, handsome?

Can I be your order, handsome?

Cutty Sark, neat, please.

Okay, would you like that in a glass,
or shall I pour it over myself

and let you lick it off?

Come on, Carla,
this happens to be my guy.

I can fix that in ten minutes.

Five if I use jumper cables
and a wet towel.

Listen to me. "My guy."

Boy, that feels good to say.

My guy.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, Rebecca, listen.
There's something really important

I've been wanting
to ask you all night,

but I guess I'm just too nervous.

Well, you know, I'm a plumber,
and I'm not very good with words...

- Why don't we just forget it?
- No! No, no, no!

Why don't you just
sit here and relax, and you think

about that question you want to pop?

I'll get us some champagne

so that we can
celebrate the answer.

And our next presenters are...

Salman Rushdie and Dr. Ruth.

Sleepy time down south, huh?

- Hey, everybody.
- Hey, Sam.

Sam, come here. You're just
the guy I want to talk to.

Where have you been?

The sex compulsion therapy group thing.

Yeah, we're all real proud
of you with that.

- How's that thing going?
- Slow, but painful.

Anyway, this week I'm not going

to think about sex at all
or even hear about it

or talk about anything remotely sexual.

Sam, it's about my love life.

Yeah, that should be safe.

Listen, I think the most important
thing in my life is about to happen.

Don is going to propose to me.

But he's having
a little bit of a hard time.

He's sort of shy.
So he can't really spit it out,

so I'm going to coax him along
by giving him a little champagne.

Do you think that's a good idea?

That's the best idea
I've ever heard.

Listen, let me buy the champagne,

the best stuff I got.

The best stuff.
Which is the best stuff?

It's the bottle
with The Flintstones on it.

What you watching there, guys?

Cable Ace Awards, Sammy.

We're breathlessly
awaiting the appearance

of stunning supermodel Kim Alexis.

- She the one with the great...
- Yeah.

See ya.

- Ah, poor Sammy.
- Breaks my heart.

First the man has to give up
drinking and now women.

Yeah, boy, there is no way in hell

Clifford C. Clavin could
ever give up babes.

I'd explode.

I know where you're coming from.

You got to understand, Don.
I've always been at a disadvantage.

You see, I was born
with only one erogenous zone.

And unfortunately,
it covers my entire body.

That's why I've had
to work extra hard

to get to where I am today.

Frankly, Carla, I don't think
I could satisfy you.

I'm not sure the men
of Desert Storm could satisfy you.

Carla, will you excuse us?

Don and I are in the middle
of a very important conversation.

- So are we.
- Carla, shoo.

Okay, I'll leave you alone
with your handsome plumber.

Don...

You...

You said that you had something
that you wanted to ask me?

Well...

Rebecca, we've only known
each other a very short time,

but in that time, I've come
to care for you very deeply.

And I've been happier
with you than anyone else,

and I don't want
that happiness to ever end.

Rebecca...

...will you m-m-marry me?

Oh, Don...

Of course I won't.

What?

That was a mistake.
Ask me again.

Will you marry me?

No!

What the hell is happening?

- Rebecca, are you okay?
- Yeah. Don't... Hold it.

Just sit there one second.

Rebecca, will you marry me?

Oh, I love you so much, Don.
Of course I'll marry you.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Okay, Don. Ask me quick.

Rebecca, will you marry me?

Never!

- I don't know what's happening!
- Well, I do!

You obviously don't feel about me
the way I feel about you.

See you around, Rebecca.

Nice knowing you.

Rebecca.

- Rebecca, are you all right?
- Yes, thank you.

Oh, God.

I just let the man I love
walk right out of my life.

Oh, please, Frasier, go get him.

All right. I'll go. Of course.

Wait! Wait a minute.

Maybe I said "no'
because deep down inside I know

that we haven't known
each other long enough.

Yet if he walks out now,

I may never see him
for the rest of my life.

Come on, girl. Take a chance.

All right, go! Go, go, go, go!

No! Hold it!

No! I mean, maybe I know
this isn't the right thing to do

deep down inside.

Wait a minute. I've got it.

I'm just going to do nothing,

absolutely nothing.
I'm just going to sit down here

and pretend like
the whole thing was a dream.

Run, Don! Run!

Run like the wind!

Norm, new category.

This may be the end
of our long dark night.

And now to present the award
for best writing in a movie or miniseries,

here are supermodel Kim Alexis

and Hall of Fame player
and coach, Mike Ditka.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You know, Coach, I was wondering
which one of us has had

the most coverage
in Sports illustrated?

No contest, Kim.
That would be me.

You mean because you've had
so many great years

on the gridiron as being
both a player and a coach, right?

No. I mean because
when I've seen you

in the magazine, you've had
very little coverage at all.

Oh, you.

I think it's unfair.

I think they should do an issue
featuring swimsuits for men.

Great idea.

The only thing is,
the ladies have to model the suits.

Coach, you're incorrigible.

I don't write it. I just say it.

Shall we present the nominees
for best writing of a movie or miniseries?

- Why not?
- Okay.

The nominees are
Jerry Burger, Tulsa Farewell.

Diane Chambers,
The Heart Held Hostage.

Rhonda Kizowski,
A Dream of Gladiolas.

Wait a minute.

Did you hear that?
Do my ears deceive me?

What's the matter, Dr. Crane?

I thought I heard
Diane Chambers' name

in that list of nominees.

Robert Vanderveer
and Kenneth Montoya

for Tristan and Isolde
Get a Place in Jersey.

And the winner is...

Diane Chambers.
The Heart Held Hostage.

Can it be? Is it really her?

Thank you, all,

and thank you, cable television,
for allowing those of us

who eschew the pap and pabulum
of commercial television

to sing, to dance, to write, and to listen
to the whispers of our muses,

although sometimes
the voices of Calliope, Clio,

Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene,

Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia,

and Urania are too soft to be heard.

Forgive me, gals,
if I forgot someone.

God, is it her.

Thanks to my parents
for conceiving and bearing me...

Although both wanted a boy,

locked as were so many
of their generation in masculine primacy.

Anyhow, where to begin?

Guess we better go tell Sammy

the romance of his life
is on national TV.

She was once the romance of my life,
too, Norm, or are you forgetting?

She dropped you like a bad habit.

Sorry I didn't bring that up.

Thanks to the Amazon Rain Forest

for providing me and you,
ladies and gentlemen,

with 40% of our oxygen.

The devastation must end.

Woody, I want you
to look at the television

and tell me what you see.

The television isn't even on.

I just must be having
one of my little spells.

Thanks to you, Sylvia Plath.

Whoa, this is a doozie!

Let me say this.

Your tragic story
will be my next project.

Hey, Woody, lock up
for me, will you?

I'm gonna take off. Oh, Lord,

I tell you, that Kim Alexis is hot.

Look to her right.

Thank you, Dr. Wendell Branch...

Oh, my God.

...for believing in and inspiring
a gangly college freshman

in creative writing.

It was Dr. Wendell Burgoyne
who was my creative writing teacher.

My entire script was written
on recycled paper.

You have to be taught to hate.

So, local girl makes good.

Ah, well, here's to Diane
and her success.

I'm going to do you one better there.

I think I'm going to send her
a telegram of congratulations, you know?

That's kind of a classy thing to do.

Hold it. Wait a minute.

Why would you be sending
a telegram to my hallucination?

Unless it's not a hallucination.

- What are you talking about?
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Yes, it is. As a matter of fact,

this whole thing is part
of the hallucination.

Yeah.

I must've been in a car accident.

I'm probably in a hospital right now,
hooked up to a bunch of machines,

barely clinging to life.

- Yes. That's probably true.
- What a relief!

Cheers.

Hello, Sam.

Well, hello there.

Thanks for the lovely telegram.

How did you find me?

Frasier has a colleague

who's kind of a shrink
to the stars in LA.

Oh, well, I'd hardly
call myself a star.

Well, I didn't say you were.

Well, I didn't say you did.

Yeah. Anyway, you know,

he knew somebody
who knew somebody

who knew somebody
who kind of heard of you.

I'm sorry I haven't been in touch.

I've been terribly busy.

Well, there's no need to apologize.

Life's been great for you.
It's been great for me, too.

Oh, really, Sam?
ls life okay for you?

Okay? Are you kidding me?
It couldn't be better, you know...

Business is great, family's great,
hair's thicker than ever.

Family? You're married?

Well, you didn't think
I was going to wait around for you

for the rest of my life, did you?

I didn't say that.

I didn't say you did.

Oh, yeah, yeah, great gal.

Great kids, too, you know.
They sure grow up fast, don't they?

What about you, Diane? You...

You got children?

I have three.

Well, we have four.

That's... that's one more
than you, I guess.

Yes, well, anyway,
he's a wonderful man.

You'd like Reed.

Well, if you're ever in Boston,

make sure you bring him
over to the bar.

Well, you know, actually,

I have been meaning
to come back to Boston.

I've been invited to speak
at almost all my alma maters.

I was afraid of running into... problems,

but maybe we will come back,
now that we've been invited.

I'll have to check Reed's schedule.

Yes, you do that. Yes.

Sure hope you can make it.

Thank you. I hope so, too.

Well...

Bye, Diane.

Bye.

Sammy,

why did you invite her here

when you're lying
about being married?

You kidding me?
She'll never show up here.

And besides, she's the one
who's lying about being married.

How do you know?

Because I know the woman.
I know she's lying.

Fortunately, I also know
that she knows that I know she's lying,

which is why she'll never dare
show her face in Boston.

She's coming.

How's it going, Cliff ie?

I'm in no mood to talk.

Ah, guys, thanks for cheering
me up with your humor.

Okay, I'll tell you
what's bothering me.

Oh, please, dear God,

let this be a story
about the post office.

There's this guy
down at work, Marty Furman.

Don't you people
know from sarcasm?

There's a supervisor position
going on in my department.

Marty's the guy who's in charge
of deciding who gets it.

Wouldn't you know
every flunky and his cousin

is kissing up to him
like there's no tomorrow.

Why does this bother you so much, Cliff?

Because I rightfully deserve that job,

but I'm not gonna stoop
to their level. No, sirree Bob.

Everything I've gotten in my life,
I've gotten on merit.

That explains your meteoric rise.

"I believe I was elected
to the City Council

as an agent of change,

and I fully intend
to live up to that pledge.

I will make change."

No, change "change" to "a change."

What?

No, see, in here you make change.

There you make a change,
so just make the change.

Change "make change"
to "make a change."

Oh, just change it!

Well, I think I see why
Dr. Crane never cures anybody.

I couldn't help but overhear
your little speech there, Wood.

It was very interesting
what you said about cronyism.

You're going to have
to be strong, though.

A lot of people are gonna
put a lot of pressure on you...

imagine an old pal
who's been out of work,

a real good friend
who hasn't worked in years.

The guy could be fully trained as,

I don't know,

let's say an accountant.

But now...

...he spends all his time in a bar

running up a tab
that he'll never be able to pay off.

You could probably help
that poor soul, Woody,

pull a few strings down at City Hall
and get the guy a job, but you...

...you wouldn't do that, would you?

Because you're a man of honor
and principle and integrity.

I'll see what I can do, Mr. Peterson.

I'll need 500 a week and a car.

- Did Don call?
- No. I'm sorry, sweetheart.

What a loser I am.

I should form a club of losers.
That's something I could win...

President of the losers club.

Sweetheart, you look like
you slept in that dress.

I did.

I may wear it for the rest of my life.

Who'd care?

In a couple of days, we all will.

This is the dress that I...

...lost my guy in.

If you hear a scream and a thud...

...just keep drinking.

I don't think I'll get
any work out of her today.

She doesn't do anything, anyway.

And she doesn't start that till noon.

Hello, everyone.

Nice to see you, too, Carla.

Diane...

What are you doing here?

You invited me, remember?

Carla, relax.

We're just here for a visit.

We?

Yes, I'm with my husband Reed.
He's parking the car.

I wanted to bring the children,
but they're in school.

Oh, great.

How... how great that is.

Sam, Reed and I would love
to take you to lunch.

Is your wife about?

Yes, yes, she's about.

I'll just get my wife, Rebecca.

Yes, my wife Rebecca.

Excuse me a second.

Woody?

One, two...

Rebecca, sweetheart,
you have to be my wife.

Okay.

Oh, now, sure,
I can say "yes" to you.

Because you mean about as much
to me as a rat's patootie.

Listen, honey,
I want you to understand.

See, I lied to Diane.

You remember Diane?
Well, she's back.

Anyway, I told her I was married
cause I knew she'd never show up.

But she's here with her husband,
so you got to be my wife just for once.

- I don't know, Sam.
- Oh, please, please, please.

I'll owe you a big one. Please?

All right.

After losing the only man I ever loved,
lunch should hit the spot.

Thank you. Thank you, sweetheart.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You're such a friend...
and you're such a mess.

Tell you what, why don't we
fix you up a little, then...

...then we'll fix you up a lot.

I'm sorry, Diane.

I got a little carried away
when I first saw you.

I'm all right now.

Lovely to see you.

Thank you.

When will you be leaving?

- Hello, Woody.
- Well, hi, Miss Chambers.

What's new in your life?

Oh, well, you know, I got married,
and I'm going to have a kid.

Wonderful.

Yeah. Also, I just got elected
to the Boston City Council.

How nice.

And I'm next in line
for the throne of England.

Really? Well, maybe
we'll work together someday.

We'll hammer out
a treaty or something.

Hello, Diane.

Hello, Frasier.

- You're looking well.
- I'm feeling well.

I'm happily married
with a bright young son

and a successful practice.

But what's most important,
and I just realized it this moment,

is I'm over you.

I'm glad.

There's absolutely
nothing here anymore.

I'm over you.

You could be a total stranger,
for all I'm feeling.

You could be ugly
and gnarled and toothless,

without that shining hair,
those dancing eyes,

these graceful, supple limbs.

Thank God I'm free.

Frasier, you're hurting me.

Well, you never hurt me, did you?

Anyway...

Good to see you!

Norman, Clifford!

You're exactly the way
I remembered you.

Well...

Looks can be deceiving there, Diane.

Our lives have changed
in innumerable ways.

How so?

Well,

if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Diane?

Come on, come on!

Diane, I'd like you to...

I'd like you to meet my wife, Rebecca.

- Hello, Rebecca.
- Hello.

So...

You're Mrs. Sam Malone.

Pretty nice, huh?

She's a real pig today compared to
what she usually looks like.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

So, Sam, Rebecca,
this is my Reed.

Reed Manchester.

Hi, Sam. How you doing?

Nice to meet you.

Well...

Awkward silences
always make me hungry.

Yeah, me, too.

Why don't we go up
to Melville's for lunch?

Oh, Melville's, of course!

That's perfect.

So, Sam, Diane tells me

you used to be
a relief pitcher for the Sox.

- Yes, that's right.
- So what was your best pitch?

My best pitch... gee, that'd be,
"Say, baby, what's your sign?"

Miss Chambers' husband
seemed like a nice guy.

She'll make him pay for it.

If she's left him
a shred of manhood,

it's only because she's waiting
for the right moment to flick it away

like the last shriveled pea on her plate.

Thank God I'm over her.

Hit me, Woody.

Four fingers of the meanest swill you got.

And all my life I've wanted to be
a documentary filmmaker.

That certainly is interesting.

So, Rebecca, tell us about yourself.

Sam never mentioned what you do.

He didn't?

Well, it never came up.

Well...

I am a...

...corporate attorney...

...with the firm Emerson...

...Lake and Palmer.

That sounds familiar.

Yeah, they're a pretty famous group.

Listen...

What I specialize in there is...

...is product liability cases.

That was good.

I mean, is good,
because it's a good job she has.

And you still find time
to raise four small children?

Oh, they're not so small.

Sam Jr. is five,

and then Darby's four,

and Newton's three, and then...

...little two-year-old
Chelsea, she's one.

Well, here's to marriage and children
and the dawn of a great new friendship.

Don?

Why did you have to mention Don?

She... she's very sentimental.

You see, we met at dawn,
and it's her favorite time of day.

Now come on, sweetheart,
sit up there and dry those tears of joy.

Rebecca...

I got to talk to you.

I've been up all night
thinking about this.

I'm miserable without you.
You got to marry me.

You got to marry me and this time
I won't take no for an answer.

I love you.

Hi, Sam. How you doing?

I will marry you!

I said "yes"! I did it!

Oh, Don, thank God
you came back for me!

Oh, Sam, you don't mind, do you?

No.

- Have a good day, Sam.
- You, too.

She's interesting.

All right, all right, I admit it.
I'm not married. I lied.

I don't know why I did it.
It was a stupid thing.

Well, Sam, you'll find
someone eventually.

Don't do that.

Don't feel sorry for me.
I hate that worse than anything.

Listen, Sam...

Diane told me
about your past together.

Maybe this... public humiliation
is the clean break you needed.

Maybe now you can
get on with your life.

You see why I love him?

Okay, you want to tell me
just what the hell this is all about?

- Who are you?
- He's...

He's a friend.

Oh, now I'm a friend!
Gee, I'm honored!

Tell me, friend, why did you leave
our place in Malibu yesterday

without so much
as a word of explanation?

You made me track you
down across country

just like some sort of a gumshoe.

After seven years together,
I think I deserve better.

Is he the reason you left me, Reed?

God, no!

Look, I...

I'm just doing a favor for Diane.

You're very good
at explaining things,

only this time you're
not quite good enough.

Wait, please!

Kevin, wait!

I... I'm sorry, Diane.

Muffin, come back!

So then what happened?

So the next thing we know,

Diane turns up here
with her husband

and asks to meet Sam's wife.

Holy moly.

Then Sam goes back there,
grabs our fair Rebecca,

introduces her as Mrs. Malone,

then they toddle on
up there to Melville's for lunch.

Man, oh, man, oh, man!

This ought to be very interesting

because Rebecca's been
a total gibbering idiot

ever since Don dumped her.

Damn it all.

Everything neat happens
when I'm not here.

I always miss everything!

Oh, Don!

You put me down,
you big crazy thing!

You're going to throw out
your big muscular back!

I'm never letting you go again, Rebecca.

Oh, Woody!

Rebecca will be gone
the rest of the evening.

I hope you can do
without her, because I can't.

We're going out to make love
in the swan boats in the public gardens.

Couldn't you just eat us alive?

Kevin! Kevin!

I was pretending
to be Diane's husband

to fool her old boyfriend.

She's helping me write
a Tales From the Crypt!

- It's that simple!
- Very imaginative story.

Reed, I've put up
with your astronaut,

your anchorman,
and your all-pro quarterback,

but this is it. I'm leaving.

Please, just give me
one last chance!

I missed something, didn't I?

We're pathetic.

How so?

Sam...

You just spent the afternoon
pretending to be married

to a woman who's
the emotional equivalent

of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

and who's desperately
in love with another man.

Yeah, well, at least
I didn't fly across the country

to make an ass out of myself.

Why bother when you do it
so brilliantly right here?

The only reason
why I went through all of this

is so you wouldn't get the wrong idea.

And what idea was that?

That my life was empty.

That without you I'm lost
and alone with nothing to live for.

That's why you came here,
right, to see something like that?

I came back on a quest for the truth.

And you just brought along
your one-man Warren Commission there.

You want the truth?
I'm going to tell you the truth.

My life is so full it's unbelievable.

- Well, tell me about it.
- Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry, sister.

You don't walk
out of here for six years,

then waltz back in
and expect to hear my story.

You know, I don't tell
about my very rich

and full life with just anybody.

That's exactly as I feared.
You're angry at me for leaving you.

I don't have time to be angry, honey.

Too much to do.

When I went away
to finish my novel,

I promised to come back to you
in six months, and I meant to...

But...

Well, once the book was finished,
the publishers didn't want it.

I never figured out why exactly.

But then my agent suggested
that I trim a couple of thousand pages...

...and make it a screenplay.

Could we hurry this along, please?
My schedule's a real bear.

I didn't want to come back
until I was successful, Sam.

But six months became a year...

...and by then I'd waited too long.

Oh, what are we doing?

Maybe this is for the best.

I mean, you and I
just don't work together.

Yeah, we had great sex, you know...

A couple times there we had
to perform CPR on each other,

but, you know, other than that,

we're a total mismatch.

I think we proved that
again today, don't you?

I guess we did.

If it makes you feel any better,
I don't have a full life.

I have my career, some associates,

no family,

a few friends,

and, of course, my muse.

Even Reed is just my dog groomer.

Sometimes I feel a little lonely,
but that's the life I chose for myself.

So...

- Good-bye, Sam.
- Yeah.

Oh, this is silly.

Bye.

Wait, hold on a second. Listen...

Before you run out of here,

can you do me
one little favor, please?

This isn't what you used
to mean by "favor," is it?

Come here, come on. Sit down.

Please.

You know, it's just that they...

They have this great dessert here,

but you have to order it for two.

What kind of dessert is it?

Well, they start with ice cream.

I love ice cream.

No, this is the best ice cream.

It's sweet...

Rich, creamy...

What do they do to it?

They cover it with lots and lots
of thick raspberry sauce, all over.

All over?

They can't stop themselves.

It sounds so sinful.

There's more.

More?

What more could they do?

Well, they heat up
the raspberry sauce.

How hot do they get it?

How hot would you like it?

Can I interest you folks in dessert?

- Just the check, please.
- Quickly.

Ladies and gentlemen,
our new City Councilman, Woody Boyd.

Thank you.

You know, I want you all to know

that at City Hall
I may be a councilman,

but around here
I'm just your old pal,

the honorable Mr. Boyd.

That's very funny, Woody.

Of course, we all know you're joking,

but the truth be told,
we all see you in a different light now.

You've taken on a certain dignity

and weight with this office,
and you will be treated accordingly.

Well, thank you, Dr. Crane.

Lonesome Cowpie, I'm dry over here.

Right away, sir.

Well, Kelly, you must be
very proud of your husband.

Oh, yes, I certainly am, Dr. Crane.

The City of Boston has lots of problems.

I can't imagine what they might be,

but I know Woody's
the man to solve them.

I hope you're right.

After all, we have to make
the town a safe place

for little Woody Jr.
to be driven through

on his way to private school.

An inspiring thought.

Yes, sir, I will.
I'll see you in the morning.

Thank you very much, sir. Thank you.

Well, everybody, congratulate me.
I am now employed by the City of Boston.

Hey, all right!

And I have this man to thank for it.

Oh, hey, no problem, Mr. Peterson.
I know you're going to work very hard.

Yeah, of course, Wood.

Hey, this kind of
makes you my boss, huh?

Oh, yeah, in a way, but you know,

deep down and above all
and through everything else,

- we're friends.
- Of course.

No man ever had a better one.

I feel the same way.

- Pals.
- compadres.

- I may be late tomorrow.
- I wouldn't recommend it, Peterson.

Hey, everybody, guess what.

We got married!

We just ran off
to the Justice of the Peace

before we could change our minds.

We're a little bit crazy, aren't we?

She's a whole lot crazy
and I'm not at all.

That averages out to just a little.

Well done, Don!

You've grabbed yourself a real...

a really... a totally...

You got Rebecca!

Say, Don, here, have a seat.
Let me get you a drink.

Thanks, Doc.

Sweetheart, I'll just be over here.

Okay, hubby.

Don't you stop loving me!

I married a plumber!

I'm the wife of a plumber!

We're gonna have a whole
bunch of little plumbers!

And the horrible part
is he's too good for me.

Gee, Miss Howe...
I mean, Mrs. Santry, I...

And my name's Mrs. Santry!

I think Don's going
to make a great husband.

Well, of course he is, Woody.

I just have a little case
of wedding day jitters.

I know that I love Don
with all my heart,

and until he finds out

how screwed up I am
and he dumps me,

we are gonna have
the most wonderful marriage!

Well, hear, hear, huh?

Say good-bye
to the old Cliff Clavin.

Good-bye!

And say hello
to the new Cliff Clavin,

the new Assistant Supervisor
of subdistrict "A," grid "L"!

Good-bye!

This I'm here for.

So, Cliff ie, I guess buying
all those gifts really paid off.

Yeah, yeah, Norm.

You know, well,
I was forced into it.

I mean, everybody else was doing it.

There's no shame in kissing up

as long as it's an honest
display of affection

for those in authority.

I guess a box of steaks and a ham radio

is really a small price to pay
for this kind of advancement.

Yeah, well, I had to up the ante a bit.

I'm putting on a family room on his house.

But I can hold my head up high.
You see, he's gotta furnish it himself.

Yeah, you see, once that pool table
is delivered, I'm out.

Hey, wait a minute.
Where's Sammy?

Hey, Woody, was he at the swearing in?

I didn't see him.

Oh, no!

Has anyone seen Sam since yesterday,

when he was upstairs
with Miss Robin Deadbreast?

Oh, no. Man, I slipped up!

I let down my guard!
Anything that happens now is my fault.

What was I thinking?

Carla, for God's sake, relax.

I mean, just look around you.
Woody's got a new position,

Norm's got a job,
Cliff's got a promotion,

Rebecca's got a husband.

I mean, this is the best day
in the history of Cheers.

Nothing could go wrong today.

Hey, everybody.

Diane and I are together again.

Did you hear what I said?
I said we're... we're a couple.

As a matter of fact,
we're getting married.

Congratulations.

Fellas, I just said we're getting married.

I think a little reaction's
in order, don't you think?

I knew it.

I knew it the minute, the second...
I laid eyes on her, all those years ago,

that it was the worst moment of my life.

I knew that she was gonna
ruin everything someday!

This is it.

Hey, Carla, don't you think
it's time to give that up?

Never.

Carla...

I wasn't going to tell you this,
but maybe you should hear it.

The screenplay for which
I was so extravagantly honored

was based on your life.

You were my inspiration.

- Really?
- Yes.

It's the story of a resilient,
hard working mother,

bucking all odds
to raise her six children.

Six? I got eight.

Good God! You breed like a fly!

Well, this movie, people liked it?

They loved it, Carla.

People were inspired
by the plight of my heroine.

Yeah? Well, what happens to me?
I mean, you know, to her, in the end.

Well, out of the despair
and frustration of her unmanageable life,

she goes berserk and...

...takes out a few people with an Uzi.

That cost me the Humanitas Award.

Diane, you know, I've said

a lot of horrible and hateful things
to you over the years...

Well, if I said something nice now,

would you get all yucky?

You have my word I won't.

Well, Diane, I...

Nah.

Life's too short.

So, Sam...

You and Diane are
back together, just like that,

after six years of separation.

Six years of growing
and evolving and...

...self-discovery,

deciding what we want from life
and realizing we don't have it.

Yeah, besides, last night,
we both discovered we still like...

...the same desserts.

Anyway, what the hell?

I've always wanted
to live in California.

- What, Sam?
- What?

You're leaving us, Sam?

Well, yeah, Woody.
Yeah, I am, you know?

It's time for me to move on,
you know, face new challenges,

and Diane said she'd get me a job
at the juice bar in her health club.

Oh, well, I had no idea
you had such exciting prospects.

By all means, go for it, Sam.
Here's kiwi in your eye.

Sammy... California?!

Riots, smog, earthquakes?

Don't make me laugh, now.
There's no earthquakes in California.

- There aren't?
- No, there's never been any!

See, what they tell us are earthquakes
are actually sonic booms

caused by a project that's been
funded by the US government.

You see, what they're doing is
they're creating a huge cavity,

a tunnel, if you will,
right to the center of the Earth,

where they're gonna build a giant computer
to control the planet's rotation.

Can I... can I be the only one
that's heard of this?

You know, Cliff,

electro-shock therapy only sounds scary.

Let me bring in a color brochure.
It features Babar.

Can I get one?

I'll bring in a boxful!

Can we just get back
on the subject here?

Sam is leaving us, okay?

So, Sam, what are you
going to do about the bar?

I thought I'd let Rebecca
run it for a while.

Then afterwards,
I'll sell what's left for kindling.

Oh, come on, you guys.
Lighten up. That's a joke.

Sam, can I ask you a question?

And I mean this as a caring,
supportive friend.

Have you lost your freaking mind?!

- What are you talking about?
- The two of you had a relationship

whose best moments were
full of anguish and self-loathing.

After ten hours with this woman,

you want to give up your life,
your livelihood,

and move with her to California?

Hey, you want to get off my case, fellas?

I think you're turning on me

cause I just want
to get my life going here.

I mean, look at me. What have I got?

No family, no future,
nothing to look forward to.

Sammy, I can't believe
this is happening.

Yeah, I can't either, Carla.

After all the cheerleading
I've done for you guys,

even when I knew
you were making mistakes.

So you want us
to return the favor?

Yes. Yes, I do.

And I'm not making a mistake.

Sammy...

...what's going to happen to us?

Come on, you guys.
I mean, all you fellas do

is just sit there
and watch the world go by.

You don't need me for that.

Come on. I want to get off the bench.
I want to get in the game.

You're just going to desert us?

You're going to just
walk out like a traitor?

A traitor?

I need more than this.

You know, you should need more than this.

I am not your mother.

This is not your home.

This is ridiculous. Come on.

Let's get out of here.
We got a plane to catch.

Thank you very much
for all your best wishes, fellas,

and for making it clear
that I'm doing the right thing.

Come on, sweetheart.

I'm sorry, everyone.

This is the best for Sam, believe me.

I gave that man
the best years of my life.

Yeah.

We'll get along without him.

Sure.

Life goes on.

Oh, Sam, you're not still thinking

about what those people said
at the bar, are you?

No. Don't be silly.
Furthest thing from my mind.

Does bug you, though, doesn't it?

The way they thought
we didn't know what we're doing.

I mean, we know, right?

Damn right we know.

Good evening, folks.
This is Captain McGovern.

I'm going to ask
the flight attendants

to prepare for departure now,
if they would, please.

As soon as we get clearance
from the tower, we'll be taking off.

Ah, Sam.

In a moment, we'll be off.

Isn't this the perfect beginning
for our lives together?

Taking flight.

Speeding down the runway side by side,
until we lift from the ground,

leaving far beneath us
the tedium of ordinary life

to soar into the bright, unlimited future.

You ever hear
of the mile-high club?

Oh, Sam, naughty, naughty.

They give you bonus points for it.

Well, folks, this is
your captain again.

I'm sorry. We're going to be delayed
here on the tarmac for a bit.

We're having a minor problem
with our electrical system.

We'll need some time
to check it out.

Oh, by the way, Sam, you might want
to take advantage of this delay

to reconsider what you're doing.

Are you really in love
with this woman,

or are you trying to love her

because you're afraid
of ending up alone?

Think about it.

Did... did you just hear that?

What?

What the captain said to me.

To you?

He said they were having trouble
with the electrical system.

Why do you think
he was talking to you personally?

Oh, boy.

Oh, Sam.

Ah, this is going to be so great.

You're going to love Los Angeles.

I won't pretend it's
a modern-day Athens, but...

At least you'll feel free there,

feel free to explore your own...

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your flight attendant.

On behalf of your flight crew,
I'd like to apologize for this delay.

We'll be coming around the cabin

to make sure you have
everything you need.

And for God's sake, Diane,
you're a bright, alluring woman

with a great deal to offer mankind.

Will this man stimulate
your gift or be an anchor,

pulling you to the bottom
of the sea of mediocrity?

A fair question.

I'm sorry... what is?

Nothing.

These seats are
a little tight, aren't they?

Yeah. Yeah.

Boy, you know, it's been a long time
since I've flown first class.

I guess I remember it
being more comfortable.

Yeah. So do I.

I guess I remember life
being more comfortable.

Oh, man.

We should have flown
another airline, you know?

Well, it's too late for that.

Doesn't make any sense to rethink
a decision that's already made.

Yeah, you're absolutely right.
A commitment is a commitment.

We wouldn't want
to change things if we could.

I'm sorry, folks,

but I'm afraid we're going
to be returning to the terminal.

We'll have you disembark

and arrange for you to take
an alternate flight.

Maybe we're being a little overcautious,

but we don't want to make a mistake
about something this important. Sorry.

Hey.

- You know...
- Yes.

I think we both know.

Night, ladies! Thanks again!

Do you believe those three?

In here every night,
trying to trap guys.

Yeah.

You'll never see any wife of mine
showing her face in some bar.

Yeah. She'd make
more money in a sideshow.

Sam, what are you doing here?

Well, we changed our minds.

I'm not going to LA.

Well, where's Diane?

Probably over Kansas by now.

The important thing is,
we came to our senses.

- I knew you would, Sam.
- Yeah.

What do you got there, Sam?

Something I've been holding
onto for a while, Woody.

Thought maybe
it was time to open it up.

Oh, my. A box of fine Cuban cigars.

Sammy, I assume you realize
those are illegal in this country.

- Shut up, Cliff.
- Aye, aye.

I was hoping you guys would join me
in a smoke session tonight, you know,

kind of a welcome home party.

Cliff ie, what do you say?

I'd love to, Sammy,
but jeez, it's getting late.

I'd better beg off.

Oh. All right.

- How about you, Norm?
- Can't, Sammy.

I came to the conclusion
I've wasted too much time in this bar...

Like, a couple of decades.

Gonna go home to Vera.

- Vera?
- My wife.

Sam, you remember her?
That is her name, isn't it?

I'll see you.

Well, Carla, what do you say?

My shift's over.
Got to get home to the kids.

Appreciate the thought.
Maybe another time.

Doc, help me out here, man.

You want a fine cigar?

I'd love to, Sam,
but Lilith just called.

She wants me
to bring home Chinese tonight. I...

I hope she meant the food.

She's been really weird lately,
and, you know, well...

Woody, wait a minute,
what about you?

Oh, can't, Sam.
I got to leave right away.

- Why?
- Carla's my ride.

I'll give you a lift.

What's going on here?
Why is everyone leaving?

Come on. It's not like this is our home.

Oh, man.

Gotcha!

Pull out those smokes, Sam.
Let's fumigate the place.

Oh, you guys.

Diane called us with the bad news.
So we thought we'd come cheer you up.

Oh, man, I thought it was
something I had said earlier

that might've upset you.

No, Sam, you got to go a lot farther
than that to insult us, huh?

Besides, we knew that you were
going through a lot of trouble lately.

We're here for you, Sammy,
as long as you need us.

All except for Peterson,
who has to get up in the morning.

You really know
how to sink a party, don't you?

Here's your bus schedule.

When are you up for reelection?

Oh, can you believe it?

I forgot our plane tickets.

Oh, oh, oh, Sam.
I'm glad you're here.

Listen, I wanted to tell you.
I really, really like Diane,

and I know you guys are going
to have a wonderful life together.

Diane and I are finished, honey.

Ding dong. Saved by the bell.

Well, I'm off on my honeymoon.

Good-bye, you guys.

Oh, I just wanted to tell you,
the days that I had here at Cheers,

they were the best days of my life.

Really?

What are you saying?

You're not gonna come back
and see us anymore?

I will, every now and then,
you know, but I'm married now.

I can't just hang out
in a bar all day long.

I mean, I have my place
in the community.

Hey, by the way, did I tell you?

Don got a job offer
with the sewer department.

Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Can you believe that?

I shoot for Donald Trump,
and I end up with Ed Norton.

But you did good, Rebecca.

I did, didn't I?

Bye!

See ya, Trixie.

You know, Sam,
you really scared us there before.

When you walked out of here today,

I thought it was the last
we'd ever see of you.

Yeah. I'm sorry
about blowing up like that.

I hope you understand
where that was coming from.

That's all right, Sammy. We understand.

I mean, here you are,
washed-up ballplayer,

alcohol problem...

Sex problem...

Lost your one true love...

- Twice.
- No apology necessary.

Well...

Yeah, who was I kidding, coming in here

and telling you guys
you don't have lives?

I guess I was really...

...talking about myself.

God, the irony.

- The irony.
- The irony.

- The irony.
- The irony.

One by one, I seem to be losing my...

...thrills and...

...tingles, you know?

I keep asking myself,
what is the point to life?

That's a tough question.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, I got the answer.

Somehow I knew you would.

Comfortable shoes.

- Shoes?
- Yeah.

If you're not wearing
comfortable shoes, life is just chaos.

The greatest accomplishments
in history have been made

by men wearing accommodating shoes.

Well, Frasier, tell me, who do you think
is the greatest thinker in all mankind?

I don't know, Aristotle?

There you go, sandals.

Perhaps the most
comfortable shoe there is.

You hardly even know
you have them on.

I mean, Confucius... thongs.

Einstein, loose loafers.

I'll tell you what the point of life is.

Having kids.

Creating life.

Sure, it's disappointing and painful,
heartbreaking at times.

Sure, they can drive you crazy
and make you think

you just can't get
through another day.

Where was I going with this?

You know, some would say
that the search for meaning

is a waste of time,

that all human life
is just a cosmic accident,

an arbitrary conglomeration
of molecules evolved by chance...

...into an organism with a brainstem...

...condemning it to ponder futilely
the reason behind it all.

I know Dr. Crane is just trying
to keep the conversation lively, but...

All I know is my life
would've been nothing

if it weren't for all of you.

You people are as dear to me
as my own family.

More so, in fact.

Really, Woody?

Yeah, well, for one thing,
none of you call me Huckleberry.

I hate being called Huckleberry.

That's your nickname, Woody?

No. Woody is.

Well...

I hate to get all mushy,
but... I got to say it.

I feel pretty lucky
to have the friends I do.

No one wants to be
the first to say it,

but I'm not ashamed to admit...

...what I think we're all feeling...

...that time goes by so fast,

people move in and out of your life.

You must never miss
an opportunity to tell these people

how much they mean to you.

Well, I...

I...

I...

I...

I keep coming back
to that shoe thing.

That's Vera.

- That's Lilith.
- Probably Kelly.

- Could be Ma.
- My kids.

Say, wait, don't answer it.

Just let whoever it is
think that we're on our way.

Which is exactly
where we should be.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Hey, thanks for the Perfecto, Sammy.

Yeah. Thanks for staying, guys.

Same to you.

Wouldn't be the same
without you, Sam.

Yeah.

Whatever guy followed you, Sam,
has some pretty big shoes to fill.

Did you hear that?

Thus it all returns to footwear.

Thank you, guys.

I still keep thinking though,

I want some kind
of change in my life.

You know something? I hate change.

I mean, you know,
every day you wake up,

something's changed.
Everything's just changing so fast.

I like things to stay
the way they are, you know?

I like things you can count on.

You know, you just gave me
something to think about, Woody.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sam.
I hate it when somebody does that to me.

Bye, Woody.

Good night, Sam.

Sammy, I didn't want
to say this in front of the others,

but you know what I think
the most important thing in life is?

Is love.

You want to know what I love?

Beer, Norm?

Yeah. I'll have a quick one.

No, Sammy, I love that stool.

If there's a heaven,
I don't want to go there

unless my stool is waiting for me.

I'll tell you what,
even God better not be on it.

He wouldn't dare.

I don't think it matters
what you love, Sammy.

It could be a person,
it could be a thing,

as long as you love it
totally, completely...

...without judgment.

You know what I think?

I think you ought to go home
and wake up Vera with a big kiss

and then do what comes naturally.

Wake her up so she can watch me
eat a bucket of buffalo wings?

Yeah, well... maybe not.

Well, I'm off.

But, Sammy, can I let you in
on a little secret?

Sure.

I knew you'd come back.

You did?

You could never be unfaithful
to your one true love.

You always come back to her.

Who is that?

Think about it, Sam.

Boy, I tell ya...

I'm the luckiest
son of a bitch on earth.

Sorry. We're closed.