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1
00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:06,839
The Seven Wonders of the World.
2
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,559
Christ the Redeemer.
3
00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,039
The Taj Mahal.
4
00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,919
The Great Pyramids.
5
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,719
Truly man's greatest achievements.
6
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,039
But there's one man who sees them differently.
7
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:24,159
It's like a pylon to them, that.
8
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,479
Karl Pilkington.
9
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,999
I don't know the politically correct term.
Moron, I think.
10
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:37,879
He is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like,
Manc moron. Buggoon. Idiot.
11
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:38,919
Is that normal?
12
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,039
And he's a friend!
13
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,919
He's a typical Little Englander.
He doesn't like going out of his comfort zone.
14
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,839
Bollocks are squashed.
15
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,479
I just think it'd be amazing
to send him round the world.
16
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:55,439
What we'd like to see is him ecperience
other cultures, other peoples,
17
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:59,519
and see if in any way
we can change his outlook on the world.
18
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,079
I've been to many ecotic places.
I genuinely think travel broadens the mind.
19
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,999
I want him to hate it. I want him to hate
every minute of it for my own amusement.
20
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:13,999
Nothing is funnier than Karl,
in a corner, being poked by a stick.
21
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,999
I am that stick,
and now I have the might of Sky behind me.
22
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,719
Shit! Shit!
23
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:25,279
This is one of the funniest,
most ecpensive practical jokes I've ever done.
24
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,599
And it's going to be great.
25
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,639
Just let me go. Jesus Christ!
26
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:40,719
Right, Karl,
we've arranged for you to go to Egypt.
27
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,439
To see the Great Pyramids.
28
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:48,399
I mean, that is a remarkable sight,
truly one of the Seven Wonders of the World.
29
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,999
- What do you know about the pyramids?
- Over 4,000 years old.
30
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,959
- 4,000 years old!
- Are they the oldest thing on the world?
31
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,879
I told you! He needs an absolute.
He needs an absolute.
32
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,919
Yeah, they're the oldest thing on the world.
33
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,759
That's pretty amazing, going to see
the oldest thing on the world.
34
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:12,399
They're not the oldest thing on the world,
are they? How do you think they built it?
35
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,319
Just took their time.
Didn't have any distractions.
36
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:20,119
Now you see workmen, it's like, "You've got
to get it done. We've got another job on."
37
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,719
Back then, they'd just go, "This is what
we've got to do. Get it done, get it built.
38
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,519
"Go for that shape."
And each day, they would've just...
39
00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:30,559
What? The foreman went, "Go for that shape,"
and they went, "All right"?
40
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:34,839
- Yeah.
- Right, go on, then. Enjoy the pyramids.
41
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,079
All right.
42
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,279
I think we've got to send him Economy.
43
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,399
I think we've got to put him up
in shacks and awful hotels.
44
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,119
And that'll be funny.
45
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,039
The nice hotels seem to have gone now.
46
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,559
That's not good, is it?
47
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,839
This is grim round here.
48
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,239
When something looks grim in the dark,
49
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,479
you know it's not going to be better in the day,
don't you?
50
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,999
We had here Michael Palin. Monty Python.
51
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,319
And has he been back since?
52
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,079
No, not... No.
53
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,559
Thank you.
54
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,599
- How long are we here?
- (Man) What?
55
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,559
How long are we here for?
56
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,239
(Dog barks and car horns blare)
57
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,079
I don't know what...
I mean, this is a bit of a...
58
00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:01,399
It's a little bit... grim.
Look at it.
59
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:08,639
- Did Rick and Steve know this was...
- Well, they knew Michael Palin stayed here.
60
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,319
Yeah, I know, but it was 30 years ago.
61
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,759
A lot's changed.
You know, I was still at school.
62
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,399
How many days am I here?
63
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,119
There's a...
There's a piano right outside the room.
64
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,799
Well, when do they start playing that piano?
Cos it's literally right there.
65
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,199
If they start having a sing-along, I'm...
66
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,959
Jesus Christ.
67
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,639
Sit on that.
68
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,239
Sit on that. Is there a mattress on it?
69
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,279
Sit... Honest to God, sit on that.
70
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,879
It is unbelievable.
71
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,079
- Oh, God. How am I going to sleep?
- (Horns beeping)
72
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,319
It's a bit cosier now.
73
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:05,279
Ricky'll be happy. Ricky'll be over the moon
with this when he sees this.
74
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,439
Cos he wanted to annoy me.
75
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:14,119
I don't know how this is teaching me
anything about, you know, being Egyptian.
76
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:18,239
I mean, the fella who owns the place,
his dad's 96.
77
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,639
There's no way you live to be 96 by living
on a bed like that in a damp room like this...
78
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,839
- (Horns beeping)
...and having them at it all night, bibbing.
79
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:30,039
I'll leave it there.
80
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,559
I don't know what I'm meant to be doing,
cos I haven't heard from Ricky and Steve yet,
81
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,399
so I'm just going to go out for a wander,
82
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,679
walk about, deal with some locals, you know.
83
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,799
And that's the plan, really.
84
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:57,639
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.
85
00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,599
- No, thanks, mate.
- Just to drink.
86
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,559
- A what?
- All the drink is ten pound.
87
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:06,879
Coca-Cola, Sprite, water, tea, cafe, Nescafe,
cappuccino, mango, lemon, orange, beer.
88
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,999
All drink, ten pounds.
89
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,319
Yeah, I'm all right at the moment,
but I might pop in later on.
90
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,599
- My name is Sharif, OK?
- Sharif.
91
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:20,559
- Welcome to Egypt.
- Cheers, Sharif. I'll be there for a drink.
92
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,599
Cheers. No, it's all right,
I've just had a word with Sharif.
93
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,839
He's going to look after me when I've...
94
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,159
Sharif? Sharif? No cafe, this eat.
95
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:33,319
That's eat? OK. So if I want a drink, see you,
and see you for something to eat?
96
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,479
- Cheers.
- Thank you, mate. Bye-bye!
97
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,119
- Hiya. That's good. Hiya.
- Have a nice time.
98
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,639
- I will do. Thanks a lot. Cheers.
- Come back here and no problem.
99
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,399
- If I want a drink...
- My name Sharif.
100
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,279
- He's Sharif.
- No, no, my name Omar Sharif.
101
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:50,199
- Omar Sharif?
- Omar Sharif. Omar Sharif. Here.
102
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,679
I'll pop in if I'm hungry.
103
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,519
- Coca-Cola, cafe, Nescafe...
- You what, mate?
104
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:59,119
...cafe, Nescafe, cappuccino, cerveza, beer,
mango, lemon, orange...
105
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,239
Er...
106
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,999
- I'm not hungry at the moment. All right?
- (Men talking in Arabic, laughing)
107
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,039
I've... Honestly, it's all right.
108
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,719
- It's all right. Cheers, man.
- What do you want?
109
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,239
- Say again?
- What do you want? Drink?
110
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:12,279
I'm just walking through.
If I get thirsty, I'll pop by.
111
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,399
Jesus!
112
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,559
Do you know what?
I'm not that hungry at the moment.
113
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,719
- Yes?
- Yeah, I was, back there. I've gone ogg food.
114
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,759
I'm OK at the moment, all right?
115
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,759
- Thanks a lot. Cheers.
- You come back.
116
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,119
Jesus Christ.
117
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,439
I've already got some.
118
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,519
I don't smoke.
119
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,599
If I wanted a watch, I'd buy one ogg you.
Don't need.
120
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,919
- It's for a woman?
- Woman. No man.
121
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,599
My girlfriend's head is slightly bigger.
122
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,679
I don't need any glasses.
123
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,439
Jesus Christ.
124
00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,479
If there's one thing that's done my head in
since I've been here, it's all this.
125
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,919
You can't walk down here.
Forget just using it as a cut through.
126
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,359
Cos it's not a short cut. It can't be,
cos you get stopped every few seconds.
127
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,839
You all right?
128
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,359
So, I mean,
I bet she left the house when she was ten.
129
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:18,439
I tell you, seriously, it takes you forever
to get anything done here.
130
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,719
Morning.
131
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,359
I didn't sleep at all.
132
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,639
Erm... Well, I'm going to go over
and see the pyramids today.
133
00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,119
That's the plan.
That's why I'm in Egypt, innit?
134
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,399
I wish I could have seen them sooner.
135
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,719
The sooner I see 'em,
the sooner I can go home.
136
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:44,799
Steve's sorted out some local bloke
who's got a camel.
137
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,439
He's going to take me over there
on one of them.
138
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,439
When I was younger, I got on a horse,
139
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,839
and someone burnt the horse's arse
with a fag end.
140
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,959
It bolted and I was on it, falling ogg the edge,
141
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,919
so I've always said I'd never go on any animal
that's bigger than me.
142
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:05,599
So it's a little bit crazy, but it seems
to be the way they get around here.
143
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,959
They're all using donkeys and camels.
144
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,879
So as long as nobody's near me with a fag end,
I should be all right, really.
145
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,719
It's crazy here, though, innit?
146
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:19,839
It's the non-touristy bit, innit?
This is what it's all about.
147
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,519
So er...
Yeah, I'm meeting this fella.
148
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,439
I need to use his toilet straight away.
149
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,759
- Is that rude?
- No, should be all right.
150
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,919
- Mahmoud.
- Hi.
151
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,719
- How are you doing? Good to see you.
- Fine. You, too.
152
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,879
- I'm Karl.
- Welcome.
153
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,399
- All right.
- Come in.
154
00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,959
Do you mind if I use your toilet quickly?
155
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,919
It's just that I've drunk a lot of coggee
this morning. I'm dying for a wee.
156
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,159
- That's my family here.
- Hello.
157
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,239
- Who's that?
- Cooking tea.
158
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,879
- Is that your girlfriend or?
- She's my mother.
159
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,679
- Your mother?
- Come on, man.
160
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,439
- She's not your mother.
- She is.
161
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,119
Can I ask how old she is?
162
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,239
She is 38.
163
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,959
She is my mother. In our family,
we are married when we are very young.
164
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,519
- How old are you?
- I am 22 and I have a child.
165
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,359
(Quiet clucking)
166
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,279
Ah, I needed that. That's better.
167
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,799
That's me and my wife.
168
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,879
Is that it now for life?
Are you settled now?
169
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,239
- You'll just stay with this woman?
- I can have more if I want.
170
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,719
If I feel like I want one, I can take four woman.
171
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:38,999
- You're allowed four women?
- Yes, four woman I can have if I want to.
172
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,559
I'm happy till now,
but I don't know what's going to happen.
173
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:45,959
Pace yourself. I mean, you're only 22.
174
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,679
Spread it out a little bit, you know?
175
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:55,239
Do you know how Snow White had,
like, a happy midget, miserable one...
176
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,999
She had a micture.
Would you go for a totally diggerent woman?
177
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:04,439
So that if you're in the mood for someone
to be happy, you go, "Oh, I'll see her today."
178
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:07,799
Yes. Life is too short, man.
179
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,079
One, two, three.
180
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,119
- Hang on a minute.
- Hold on tight on here.
181
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,119
Whoa!
182
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,959
Jesus! Bloody high up, this, innit?
183
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,799
- All right.
- You just need to hold well.
184
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,239
I'm holding on.
185
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,999
All right?
186
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,119
- (Horns blare)
- What's going on?
187
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,199
Fuckin' hell.
188
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,879
My bollocks...
bollocks are squashed.
189
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,919
(Protracted farting)
190
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:51,679
- Is that you or the camel?
- Huh?
191
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,279
- Is that you?
- What?
192
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,279
- That sounded human.
- That's the camel, man.
193
00:11:56,400 --> 00:12:00,879
Well, you know, bit of the rocking left and right
makes things happen.
194
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,199
What you got to remember is,
I'm getting the backdraught.
195
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,319
(Mahmoud chuckles)
196
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,159
(Karl) Oh...
197
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,159
(Karl) How you doing?
198
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,359
It's chronic, innit, today?
199
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,319
I can't even see the pyramids.
200
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,799
You come all this way
and that's the view you get.
201
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,839
I mean, the idea is now
that I stand here and I'm blown away.
202
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,119
That's what's meant to happen, innit?
203
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,599
I mean, I am getting blown away, but mainly
by the wind. We've got a sandstorm on.
204
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,839
I've got sand in my eyes. I can't see
anything anyway, even if it was a clear day.
205
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:44,279
It's a bit annoying. You know,
I thought it would feel more special than this.
206
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,919
I keep getting messages from home.
207
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:56,599
Suzanne's moaning about the boiler again.
That's starting to play up.
208
00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,399
Normally that's my problem,
but now I'm away I've made it her problem.
209
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,999
And then I'm also getting messages...
I'll show you this one.
210
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:08,639
...from Ricky. He keeps sending stugg because
he knows it costs me money to receive 'em.
211
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,399
He's just sent one here.
212
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,559
Seventy pence.
213
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,639
Cos he knows that it's cost me about 70p
for him to send that.
214
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,079
There's nothing else. He's not asking,
"How are you?" You know.
215
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,759
"What are you up to? What have you seen?
Are you enjoying it?" 70p.
216
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,279
That's all he said.
217
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,399
- (Man) So why are you wearing this?
- It's comfy wear, innit?
218
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:42,679
This is like pyjamas, at the end of the day.
219
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,199
The problem is,
I've been getting mozzie bites and stugg.
220
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,159
So I wanted something with longer sleeves on it
to keep them away.
221
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:54,159
Er... And it's just comfy.
Loads of room in it.
222
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,199
Normally, pyjamas sort of roll up
your arms and your legs and that,
223
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,079
but this is...
You know, it's all right, innit?
224
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,159
I mean, that's the good thing.
If you lived here, you could just...
225
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,599
If you start work at nine,
you could get out of bed about five to.
226
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,879
Keep it on. Straight ogg.
227
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,879
Steve sent me a text
and said meet up with a lad called Ahmed.
228
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,999
He's going to show me round the place.
229
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,759
(Ahmed) Yalla, yalla, yalla!
230
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,439
- Good one.
- All right.
231
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,879
Here you are, here's a gap. What do you reckon?
232
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,279
- Yeah?
- Yalla.
233
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,319
- Good job.
- Easy.
234
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,279
- Now you are Egyptian.
- Brilliant.
235
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:45,039
Oh, wow. If you saw that at home,
you'd presume it was a pet shop.
236
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,359
- What's a pet shop?
- Animals that you buy...
237
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:50,079
No, no, no, that's for food. Only for food.
238
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,639
So when you look at that,
do you go, "Mmm" rather than "Aw"?
239
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,199
Well, yeah, they eat them.
240
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,759
- What's this stuff?
- Cotton.
241
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,679
- Feel?
- Egyptian cotton.
242
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,919
- So what would people do with this?
- For mattresses.
243
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,199
I could do with that, actually, at the hotel.
244
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,639
Right, we'll do a bit of practice about haggling.
245
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,119
You need to haggle,
otherwise you will get ripped ogg.
246
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,119
Hang on. So I come in your shop,
I'm browsing, I'm looking around.
247
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:30,759
This is the finest piece we have,
and it's for one hundred.
248
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,039
- A hundred English.
- Seems a bit ecpensive, that.
249
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:37,479
Now, you need to tell me... You need
to tell me just to reduce it. You say ten.
250
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,199
So you want me to buy the water?
I didn't come in here for that.
251
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,839
I came in here for an ashtray for a present.
Do you sell ashtrays?
252
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,479
No. We'll try...
253
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,839
OK.
254
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,279
- Have you got an ashtray?
- No, no, no, I...
255
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,599
I'll leave it, then.
256
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,319
Right, I'd sack you.
If you had a shop, I would get rid of you.
257
00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,559
If I owned the shop and you worked in there...
That's rubbish.
258
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,279
Hey, my friend!
How can I take your money?
259
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,319
I'm all right, thanks.
260
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,599
Sir! Give me one thousand dollars,
sir, please! (Laughs)
261
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,919
Welcome to Cairo. Welcome.
262
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,679
- You must be able to go lower than 160.
- 160 is nothing.
263
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,839
- What about 90?
- You want to get it for free?
264
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,079
- Never mind.
- You are a very clever guy.
265
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,079
But I don't agree with your price!
266
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:29,319
- Egyptian wool. Egyptian. Is 120.
- I thought you agreed 110?
267
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,879
No, he said 120 for you.
268
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,399
Do I get money ogg with the nose missing?
269
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,759
No.
270
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:46,959
Well, I've been out all day, seeing how
the locals live, which is what it's all about.
271
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:50,479
Thought the day was coming to an end,
thought I'd be able to relax a little bit,
272
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,439
and I've just got a message
from Ricky and Steve
273
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,239
saying they've sorted out a place
for me to have my tea tonight,
274
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,679
which is a bit of a worry.
275
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,679
I'll get you the special of the day.
276
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,999
- Typical Egyptian food.
- Cheers. Thanks a lot.
277
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:12,359
That's a bit annoying. He's just cooking
something for me. I don't know what it is.
278
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,359
I don't like hummus that much.
Hummus, couscous.
279
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,639
Anything like that, I just don't have
that sort of stugg. It's not a meal, it's a garnish.
280
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,039
(Bone snaps)
281
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,879
I would have loved just, er...
chicken and chips.
282
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,679
Just something not too challenging.
283
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,839
I just want a meal. I'm hungry.
284
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:42,919
I've never ecperimented that much with food.
285
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,559
I didn't have pasta till I was about 21, 22.
286
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,199
- Here.
- All right. Brilliant.
287
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:59,439
I got a bit of a taste of that at the end,
and I'm sure I knew what it was.
288
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,399
Let me just have a bit again.
I'm sure I've had it before.
289
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,119
(Man) OK.
290
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,639
- It's rubbery.
- Rubbery, chewy.
291
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,279
Quite beefy.
292
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,239
- Have a testicle.
- That's a testicle?
293
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,679
Uh-huh. And the chewy one...
294
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,239
penis.
295
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,159
Normally on a Monday night,
296
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:29,079
I'd probably have a little bit of lamb
that's left over from Sunday dinner.
297
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,639
And yet, you know, this Monday night,
298
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,559
cock and bollocks, couple of eyes,
299
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:39,039
er...
bit of tongue, you know, for garnish.
300
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,479
I never thought I'd be saying that.
301
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,919
It's supposed to be good for you as a meal.
302
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,759
But why do you use everything to that degree?
303
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:51,599
We kind of eat everything. Nothing goes
to waste. And besides, it's delicious.
304
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,519
- You said...
- Yeah, I said... Well, I didn't say delicious.
305
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,439
You put words in my mouth,
along with other things.
306
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,319
(Mobile rings)
307
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,439
Hello? Hello?
308
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,479
What?
309
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,319
(Laughter)
310
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,399
- It's er...
- (Siren blares)
311
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,119
Can you hear that?
312
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,919
It's just car horns and that, constant.
313
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,039
(Ricky laughs)
314
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,759
- Oh, God!
- Anyway, the hotel's pretty depressing.
315
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,839
What, the little...
little hat?
316
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,239
No, I wasn't planning on rushing out.
317
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,999
Yeah, but I told you, when in Rome
I'm happy to go along with it. I'll eat pasta.
318
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,519
(Laughs)
319
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,239
But when in Egypt...
320
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,999
They don't say, do they?
When in Egypt, have a bollock for lunch.
321
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,039
See you later. Yep. Bye.
322
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,079
When Michael Palin
goes working round the world,
323
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,519
is this what it's like for him?
324
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,159
Has he got racket going on like that outside?
325
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,799
Has he got mates calling him up, annoying him?
326
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,759
I mean, when Palin
went round the world in 80 days,
327
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,999
I wonder if that was a scheduled time
328
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,959
or if he just said, "I'm sick of this,
can we speed it up?"
329
00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:00,119
Is that better? I don't know.
330
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,399
(Call to prayer)
331
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,879
I'd be quite happy going home now. Honestly.
You know, I've been here a few days.
332
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,599
All right, I haven't seen the pyramids yet,
but I bet most of the locals haven't.
333
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,239
That's what happens when you live somewhere.
You don't bother seeing touristy stuff.
334
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,399
I haven't even seen Buckingham Palace yet.
335
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,079
But the weather's bad, innit,
so what am I meant to do?
336
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,999
D'you know what I mean?
So I'm just killing time, really, till it clears up.
337
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,719
Steve sorted it out with Ahmed
to show me round a museum,
338
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:34,439
which apparently is world-famous.
339
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,359
That's what Steve said. I was like,
"What do you mean, world-famous?"
340
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,959
He said, "It's a world-famous museum."
I said, "I haven't heard of it."
341
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:43,119
He said, "What do you mean?"
I said, "I haven't heard of it."
342
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,839
So, Karl, I would like you to join me
on a journey through time.
343
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:50,879
From the moment we walk in, a long history
of splendour and mystery will be unfolding.
344
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,599
I will breathe life into history.
345
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,599
So, I'm not looking forward to going round it,
to be honest.
346
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,799
I don't go to museums at home.
347
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,479
So I don't see what difference it makes,
just cos it's in Egypt.
348
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:05,519
So you have, clockwise,
from pre-dynastic to early dynastic,
349
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,399
old kingdom, middle kingdom, new kingdom.
350
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,839
So look here, the pharaoh is harpooning.
351
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,279
A nine-years-old boy king.
352
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,719
You cannot see the hippo he is harpooning.
Why not? See, this is the magic.
353
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,559
Because with magic,
that hippo will come into life.
354
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,159
So, again, a coggin within a coggin,
a sarcophagus within a sarcophagus.
355
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,999
You can see the cartouche.
356
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:27,199
The cartouche has the name of the pharaoh,
the boy king.
357
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,359
At some point, he was bringing back a pygmy.
358
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:36,599
Was it a portrait? Can you avoid portraying
the pharaoh? This is very hard to reconcile.
359
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:37,919
Because the soul will be searching.
360
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,279
The ka wants to find the pharaoh,
the boy king Tutankhamun.
361
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,479
Yes, you do have the cartouche
with the boy king,
362
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:45,999
but it helps even more...
363
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,559
Coming in here with Ahmed,
he's like a kid in a sweet shop.
364
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,959
He's just...
Show you this, show you that.
365
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,959
It's mental, and you can't take it all in.
366
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:58,159
It's like going Christmas shopping
on Christmas Eve in a department store.
367
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:00,879
There's too much going on,
too much to look at, too many people.
368
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,759
You're being pushed along. It's a nightmare.
369
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,039
I want to call it a day here
and get back to, I don't know,
370
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,159
eating fucking cock and bollocks again.
371
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,559
Seems more fun than this to me.
372
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,119
That just seems to me like
a bit over-the-top.
373
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,279
A lot of gold, a bit sort of Peter Stringfellowish.
374
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,519
It's ecactly the same as my Aunty Nora's house
with ornaments.
375
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,679
She keeps buying one and then she has to buy
a new shelf to put the ornaments up.
376
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,279
It's like, "I haven't got room,
so I'll buy another shelf."
377
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:37,439
She fills that, and another, and that's what I'm
saying about Ahmed saying they're ecpanding it.
378
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,559
They're saying they're ecpanding it
so more people can get in,
379
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,079
but you know for a fact they'll go,
"Oh, you've got more room, have you?
380
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,319
"Bring some more in. Get digging again."
381
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,879
Hey, there's a sign.
382
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,639
Can I get two pieces of chicken? Two.
383
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:14,319
What? It's a KFC for deaf people.
384
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:19,039
So what do I have to do? I don't understand.
Do I just point?
385
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,119
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
386
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,079
One, yeah. One of them.
387
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,399
For one.
388
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,519
Original.
389
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,279
I don't quite know what's going on.
390
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,399
Are they all deaf?
391
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:42,279
Can you hear me?
392
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,159
Hello.
393
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,719
No. They're all... They're all deaf.
394
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,879
Thanks. Thanks a lot. Brilliant.
395
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,399
That was good. It's a good idea.
396
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:06,959
- What, to have a deaf KFC?
- Well, yeah, cos... Why not?
397
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:11,279
I don't come in here for a chat.
You're coming here for food. Fast food.
398
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,079
It'll be even faster,
cos they're not chatting behind there.
399
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:18,239
A lot of the time in McDonald's,
they're all gabbing by the milkshake counter.
400
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:23,799
But in here, it was quick.
It's there in front of you. Point, bang, done, out.
401
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,839
It's amazing, innit?
402
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:32,879
I mean, with technology, most of it, you don't
really use it, do you? It's kind of like a toy.
403
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,599
But seeing them use it,
it sort of makes you realise
404
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:40,239
it's a good invention,
video calling and picture messaging.
405
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:43,879
But when Ricky sends me a picture,
it's that sort of thing.
406
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,839
So this is what I'm saying.
407
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,599
We don't sort of use it properly.
408
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,719
They've got a proper use.
409
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,679
Do you know what I mean?
410
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,679
I'd say that's the most annoying thing
about being in this place,
411
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,279
just being hassled all the time,
no matter where you are,
412
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,279
no matter what time of day it is,
just constantly hassling you.
413
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,319
A deaf lad sort of tapped me on the back,
gave me a bit of paper...
414
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,279
I couldn't read it, cos it was all in Arabic.
415
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,679
...and pointed to say it's a charity thing.
416
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:37,679
And I went and gave him a hundred
Egyptian pounds, so he got twelve quid off me.
417
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,959
He didn't even look that happy.
418
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,959
I'll be skint by the end of tonight.
419
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:48,079
I spent a load of time
with some deaf people in KFC. They were nice.
420
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,799
I don't know if he was deaf.
That's the thing with that one, innit?
421
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,279
It's not like all the other disabilities,
where you can go, "Is he lying?"
422
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,559
You know, you can see if someone's
got a leg missing or blind or something.
423
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,599
But with him...
424
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,639
"Oh, that's terrible.
There you go, have some money."
425
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,279
My mam's the same.
I think that's who I get it ogg.
426
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:14,639
Me dad said she walked up to some fella
who she thought was a Big Issue seller,
427
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,959
who was stood there
with a magazine in his hands.
428
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,359
She walked up, she said, "You can keep
the magazine," and gave him a quid.
429
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:25,039
Turns out it was just a fella stood outside Going
Places, with a holiday brochure in his hand.
430
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,799
He kept it.
431
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,599
(Rings)
432
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,439
All right?
433
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,119
Yeah, all right, mate. How's it going?
434
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:43,199
Yeah, but I've seen that. I went to
the Millennium Dome. It's all the same stugg.
435
00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,319
Go on.
436
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,719
It's not my sort of night at all.
437
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,039
It's just not the sort of
entertainment thing I do.
438
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,479
I mean, it's nice going down any river
on a boat, but I'd do it in the day.
439
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,319
At night it's pointless. You can't see anything.
440
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:15,359
And it's that thing. It's like,
you know you're there for a couple of hours.
441
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,399
There's no getting away from it.
442
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,199
So they could do anything,
once you're on there.
443
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,079
They had some entertainment on,
with someone whizzing round and round.
444
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,479
He starts off, he's got like a quilt round him,
and he starts spinning.
445
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:39,039
And it was only when he'd been spinning
for about three minutes that I thought...
446
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,159
"It's pretty diggicult. He's just been
spinning. He'll be getting dizzy in a bit."
447
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,519
It went on for ages. It's not the sort of thing
you have to watch whilst he's doing it.
448
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:54,119
You just glance over now and again.
Oh, he's still going. Having a bit of turkey.
449
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,319
Bit of a waste of energy.
450
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:03,079
It would have been good if at the end
he said, "And thanks to, you know, Terry.
451
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,559
"He's been whizzing round,
and because of that...
452
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,999
"that energy he's created
had the oven working. We've got more food."
453
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:13,039
Or just something to make it seem
more impressive than it was.
454
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:19,199
But the colours and that were good,
and he sort of kept the room quite cool.
455
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:25,079
It was quite hot in there, so you've got him
wafting about, creating a draught.
456
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,919
(Phone rings)
457
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,039
(Speaks Arabic)
458
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,199
I didn't know what was going on
with the comedian.
459
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,639
I mean, jokes, anyway, even if he spoke English,
humour's different, innit, everywhere you go?
460
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,039
(Speaks Arabic)
461
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,319
It was a terrible night,
do you know what I mean? I hated it.
462
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,639
It's not my sort of thing at all, that.
463
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,879
When I got up and was dancing,
464
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,839
cos I did it,
just cos I thought, "Well, I'm here now,"
465
00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,959
and Ricky and Steve don't want me to do it.
466
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,719
They know I'd hate it,
so I thought, "I might as well enjoy it."
467
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:04,119
So I got up and had a dance.
468
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:15,159
And she told me
that I was the best dancer she'd ever seen.
469
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,799
Er... Not bad, is it?
470
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,839
The traggic's horrendous.
471
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:40,319
(Sighs)
472
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,999
Just...
It's not just the traggic. It's just beeping.
473
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:49,039
But it just seems to be like people letting on
to each other at four in the morning.
474
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,159
Like, go home. What are you doing?
475
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,799
So, erm... I reckon I've had about...
476
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,999
I reckon I've had about an hour's kip.
477
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,319
I mean, that song, Walk Like An Egyptian,
478
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,399
no one's walking.
479
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:14,079
Everyone seems to be in a car at all hours,
just beeping.
480
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,999
(Beeping continues)
481
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,879
It's not enough, is it? It's not enough to say
something's amazing just cos they're old.
482
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,319
Cos you can get an old person
who's done nowt all their life.
483
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,399
You wouldn't go, "Amazing."
You'd go, "Lazy bastard. They've done fuck-all."
484
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,079
So age shouldn't really make something special.
485
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,279
I'm not worrying about who built them,
cos it's ages ago, really.
486
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:50,399
When I first bought my first house,
I didn't go, "Who built it?"
487
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:54,119
I want to know, is it safe?
Is it structurally sound?
488
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,639
Erm... Is it haunted?
489
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,399
Whoa!
490
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:08,199
What's the rush? It's been here
for 4,000 years. What's he doing?
491
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,799
(Groans) Me arse!
492
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:15,759
This is mental.
493
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,759
Just a lot of er...
494
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:29,639
A lot of shit.
495
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,519
You don't normally see any of this, do you?
You don't see that many buses there.
496
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,599
It looks like it's sat
in the middle of a nice desert.
497
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,719
But it isn't, is it? It's just a building site.
498
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,039
I'm half tempted to ask for a hard hat.
499
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:48,199
I mean, it's not even bits of old pyramid, is it?
You've got all sorts.
500
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,039
You've got bricks here from, like,
council houses and that.
501
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:52,359
It's literally just, er...
502
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:56,279
People have brought up shit
and dumped it here.
503
00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,239
It's like something out of
Planet Of The Apes, innit?
504
00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,039
Barren.
505
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,079
(Wind howls)
506
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,999
It's like a little tornado, innit?
507
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,559
Yeah, you don't see that
in the brochure, do you?
508
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:21,159
A shitty old nappy whizzing through the air.
They tend to leave that out.
509
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,879
You see, I've always wanted to see a tornado.
510
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,239
That is on my wish list before I die.
511
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:29,319
Cos it's natural.
It's a natural thing that I don't understand.
512
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,559
If that was like a little housing estate,
513
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:46,599
you'd go, "Yeah, any will do.
Are they all the same size?"
514
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:51,439
The design actually is a bit odd, cos
the square footage, the floor size, is massive.
515
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,879
But the upstairs bit is tiny.
516
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:26,199
The Great Pyramid was built by Atlantian
survivors, with extraterrestrial help.
517
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,879
And they built the pyramid
with the help of sound,
518
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:33,839
because sound was used very much in Atlantis.
519
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:38,599
Andrew and Seija were just saying
that they use the pyramids at night.
520
00:34:38,720 --> 00:34:40,799
They just nip in there to do some meditation
and what-have-you.
521
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:42,839
So they said I can go with them,
522
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,359
but I've got to learn
to do some meditation first.
523
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,359
So they've just given me some words to learn.
524
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:50,799
Er, once I've done that,
they've said they'll take me in.
525
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,839
So that seems fair enough, don't it?
526
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:57,799
- Anekh sheshen wibaynoo.
- (Crockery clattering)
527
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,999
Are they washing up before we do this?
528
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:04,839
Leave the washing-up, Seija.
It's spoiling the mood a bit.
529
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:06,959
- Leave this?
- Yeah.
530
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,359
Anekh sheshen wibaynoo.
531
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:14,719
- If you open that door, I just put those there.
- This is madness.
532
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,159
Gandhi wouldn't have washed up
before he starts...
533
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,959
(Call to prayer)
534
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:25,079
Can't escape noise in here.
535
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,519
(Karl) Anekh sheshen winay...
wibaynoo.
536
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:33,599
- (Call to prayer)
- How long's this going to go on now?
537
00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:38,319
A couple of minutes. Two, three minutes.
But it's five times a day.
538
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:43,319
- (Prayer call continues)
- You might as well finish the washing-up.
539
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,599
No rush with the washing-up, Andrew.
540
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,399
(Call to prayer continues)
541
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:52,479
I bet they don't show you round a property
round here at certain times of the day, do they?
542
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:53,759
No, probably not.
543
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:58,479
When you're buying a place, "Come on,
we got to get going." "Why?" "Just let's go."
544
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,519
- You buy it, this kicks ogg.
- (Seija laughs)
545
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,119
Unbelievable.
546
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,959
That was all a bit weird, wasn't it?
But I liked it, know what I mean?
547
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,119
I'm into that sort of weirdness.
548
00:36:13,240 --> 00:36:18,279
Plus it means that I'm actually going to go
inside a pyramid tomorrow. It's all worth it.
549
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:27,039
(Draws breath)
550
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:31,959
Got another mozzie bite there.
It's well itchy, that one.
551
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,599
I think it's that same mozzie.
552
00:36:34,720 --> 00:36:37,239
It's in the room more than the cleaners are.
553
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,319
They haven't shown their faces still.
554
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:46,999
I don't think they're going to now.
I can't see the point.
555
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:57,119
It's like a game of Jenga
that's got out of hand, innit?
556
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,159
Pretty high up, innit?
557
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,519
I've, erm...
I've took a little bit of it.
558
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:26,279
- A little bit of... A little bit of the pyramid.
- Let's have a look.
559
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:28,399
Got a little piece.
560
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,199
- I don't think you're meant to...
- It was loose.
561
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,519
I didn't chip it ogg. It was loose anyway.
562
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:38,199
It's just, it's better than
the tat that you buy, innit?
563
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:43,279
It's better than, you know, buying
a little Egypt fella on the back of a camel.
564
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:44,719
One for you.
565
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,799
But it's weird how you're allowed
to just wander about on 'em.
566
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:52,759
If this was at home, this would all be roped ogg.
Wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it.
567
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:57,759
It's not treated like a wonder.
It's just like a manmade mountain, innit?
568
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,519
(Low humming)
569
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,919
Well, I'm just with Andrew and Seija again.
570
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:09,639
They're going to teach me some more chanting
before we go in.
571
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:11,759
(Nasal humming)
572
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,679
I don't know what's going on in her head
but, you know, I like her.
573
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,959
I think she believes in all the energy thing
that she's going on about.
574
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,999
I want to believe it.
575
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,319
- (All) Aaaaah.
- It'll be nice if something happens,
576
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,839
or if I feel like a bit of a, "Ooh, what's that?"
577
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,959
Let's see what happens.
578
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,359
(Chants sustained, resonant note)
579
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,679
(Seija joins in)
580
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,759
It's times like this when I think,
581
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,839
I used to have a proper job, what am I doing?
582
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:24,359
This is it, then. I'm actually
going inside a pyramid, which is good.
583
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:28,879
I didn't even know you could go in 'em.
I just thought they were like a solid structure.
584
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,599
Just a load of blocks.
585
00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:34,439
But you can get in 'em.
So, pretty exciting, innit?
586
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,959
We are now in the centre of our planet,
587
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,519
an ancient power point.
588
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,119
# Anekh
589
00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:45,679
# Sheshen
590
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,519
# Wibaynoo #
591
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,159
I wasn't happy about getting in there.
592
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,959
I'm not good in small spaces anyway,
d'you know what I mean?
593
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:04,999
But I just was thinking, "Oh, I don't like this."
594
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:06,959
(Seija moaning)
595
00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,879
- So there was a dead body in there?
- (Man) Yeah.
596
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:11,999
I've got in somewhere with some...
597
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,559
All them injections I had, it'll be all right,
it'll cover me for that, won't it?
598
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,679
(Andrew and Seija moaning)
599
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:24,119
I mean, it was all right, you know?
600
00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:28,999
Nothing happened, did it? I got a little bit
of a twinge, but I just think that was cramp.
601
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:33,319
I don't know, she seems fed up, really,
that I didn't get anything.
602
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:37,479
But there's no point pretending, is there?
That's sort of humouring her.
603
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,039
(Seija moaning)
604
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:42,159
I'll tell you what it reminded me of.
605
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,359
Me going to a wedding for Suzanne.
606
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,559
She likes going to weddings, I hate going.
607
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,959
And it was like I went, I did it all for her,
608
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,639
but because I didn't enjoy it, I still
get her moaning at the end of the night.
609
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,559
It was a bit like that. I did all that for her.
610
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,959
And it was pretty comfy.
I mean, you know, compared to the Windsor.
611
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:07,039
I tell you what,
I could probably get me head down in there.
612
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,199
- It's not funny, is it?
- What?
613
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,599
Well, I've been living nect door to this.
614
00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:38,479
- Did Ricky put me in that one on purpose?
- Yeah.
615
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:46,839
Yeah.
616
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,639
This is the room Michael Palin was in.
617
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:25,559
I don't know if... I mean, they say travel
broadens the mind, but I don't know if it does.
618
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,479
It buggers it up. I'm knackered.
619
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:54,559
# La la la la
620
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:56,119
# La la la la #
53276
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